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1
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:09,977
[BEEPING]
2
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,145
WHAT'S WITH THE BEEPER?
3
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,480
OH, I JUST GOT IT.
4
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,981
MY PARENTS AREN'T
GETTING ANY YOUNGER,
5
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:17,118
AND I FEEL A LITTLE SAFER
KNOWING THAT THEY CAN REACH ME.
6
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,519
JUST BEING A GOOD DAUGHTER.
7
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:21,021
IF ANYTHING,
I AM A GOOD DAUGHTER.
8
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,256
AREN'T YOU GONNA
CALL BACK?
9
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,229
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
10
00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:31,632
OH, NINA, GOOD.
11
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,267
I NEED MY GRADE REPORTS
BY TOMORROW MORNING,
12
00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:37,004
OR THE REGISTRAR
IS GONNA USE MY ASS
AS A TETHERBALL.
13
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:40,808
I GOTTA RUN.
I LEFT THE REPORTS
ON YOUR COMPUTER.
14
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:43,244
I DON'T SEE THEM.
15
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:46,114
THEY'RE ON YOUR COMPUTER.
16
00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,849
NINA, DON'T
JERK ME AROUND.
17
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,051
I THINK WHAT SHE MEANS
IS THAT THE GRADES
18
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:54,288
MIGHT ACTUALLY
BE THE COMPUTER.
19
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,923
YES, MOM, I KNOW.
20
00:00:55,956 --> 00:01:00,261
3 FOR A DOLLAR
IS A GREAT PRICE
FOR CRENSHAW MELONS.
21
00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:04,098
YOU KNOW, I GOT THIS BEEPER
FOR EMERGENCIES.
22
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,933
YEAH, I KNOW THEY'RE
GONNA GO FAST.
23
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:08,102
I'LL JUST HAVE TO RISK IT.
24
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,204
GOOD-BYE.
25
00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:12,940
HOW AM I GONNA GET
MY GRADES OUT OF THIS?
26
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,108
THEY'RE NOT
ON THE DISK?
27
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:17,278
THE DISK?
28
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,913
OH, MY GOD.
29
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:23,951
YOU KNOW, IN 3 YEARS,
I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU
USE YOUR COMPUTER.
30
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:26,420
IT'S YOUR DIRTY
LITTLE SECRET, ISN'T IT?
31
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:30,924
YOU'RE A PHYSICS PROFESSOR
WHO'S COMPUTER ILLITERATE.
32
00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:33,994
I AM NOT.
33
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,629
BUT IF YOU
EVER NEED MY HELP,
34
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:38,366
I...AN ANTHROPOLOGY
PROFESSOR,
35
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:39,933
WILL TEACH YOU...
36
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:42,636
A PHYSICS PROFESSOR...
37
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,506
HOW TO OPEN A FILE
WITH YOUR MOUSE.
38
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,574
HA HA HA!
39
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:54,748
COMPUTER, ACTIVATE NOW.
40
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,254
OH.
41
00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:02,256
OH HO, SILLY ME.
42
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:03,624
IT'S JAPANESE.
43
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,125
[CLEARS THROAT]
44
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:08,162
IMA KUMPUTA HAJIMATE!
45
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,100
INTERESTING HAIR.
46
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:48,669
NO, I THINK
THAT'S A HAT.
47
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,971
NO, I DON'T THINK
A COW WOULD WEAR A HAT.
48
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,675
WHY DON'T YOU GUYS
JUST GET A NEW TV?
49
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,348
WHA...
50
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:01,515
NEW TV?
51
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:05,286
CAN WE--
CAN WE DO THAT?
52
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,186
YEAH.
53
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,021
MY GOD,
THAT'S BRILLIANT!
54
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,023
THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND.
55
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:10,791
HARRY.
56
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:11,959
OHHH!
57
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:14,262
OHHH! IT'S BLUE!
58
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,829
IT'S BLUE!
59
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,699
OH, MY GOD.
WE'RE PREGNANT!
60
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,270
I AM THE MAN!
61
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:24,372
HARRY!
62
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:27,107
I JUST HAS
A BLUE ICY POP.
63
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,610
OHH.
64
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,913
WELL, THAT DOESN'T MEAN
THAT I'M NOT THE MAN.
65
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,181
HONEY, YOU
WILL BE THE MAN.
66
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,316
WE'RE GOING
TO A SPECIALIST
67
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,951
TO MAKE SURE
ALL SYSTEMS ARE GO.
68
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,587
THAT'S RIGHT.
69
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,554
THAT'S RIGHT.
70
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:41,589
OK, THAT'S MY CUE.
71
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,457
YEAH, ME, TOO.
72
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:46,126
GET IT...
AND GET IT. HA!
73
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:48,028
TOMMY, AREN'T YOU
GONNA GO WITH
YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
74
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:51,799
NO, I WAS JUST GONNA
STAY HERE AND WATCH.
75
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:55,603
THIS IS GROWN-UP STUFF.
GET OUT OF HERE!
76
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,371
GET IT, HA!
GET IT!
77
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:04,412
DICK, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
78
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:08,949
I-I'M JUST, UH,
WORKING ON MY COMPUTER.
79
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:09,783
IT'S NOT EVEN ON.
80
00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:10,584
YES, IT IS.
81
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:11,352
NO, IT'S NOT.
82
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:14,788
YEAH, I-IT'S JUST, UH,
WARMING UP.
83
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:17,925
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW
TO USE A COMPUTER!
84
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,126
SHUT UP!
85
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:22,930
OH, HE HAS NO IDEA!
86
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:24,698
I AM A SUPERIOR BEING.
87
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,467
I CAME TO EARTH
ON A SPACESHIP
88
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,802
THAT COULD FIT
IN MY PANTS.
89
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,238
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
WITH TECHNOLOGY SO BACKWARDS
90
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,106
IT CAN'T EVEN READ
YOUR THOUGHT WAVES?
91
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:38,946
MISS...
92
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,981
YOU HAVE A VERY
RARE CONDITION
93
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,150
WHICH CAN ONLY
BE CURED
94
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,718
BY GETTIN' NAKED.
95
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,822
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
96
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:51,325
HARRY, THIS IS
SERIOUS BUSINESS.
97
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:54,828
I GOTTA BE SURE THAT
EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.
98
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:57,398
HI, I'M DR. HOWARD.
99
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,099
I UNDERSTAND YOU'VE BEEN TRYING
TO GET PREGNANT.
100
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,668
OH, BOY,
WE SURE HAVE.
101
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,571
FOR A WHOLE MONTH.
102
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:06,474
IT'S BEEN THE
GREATEST MONTH
OF MY LIFE.
103
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:09,042
WELL, A MONTH, THAT'S
A LITTLE EARLY TO PANIC.
104
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:09,910
BUT...
105
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:13,280
IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING
ANYTHING ELSE.
106
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,348
WELL,
107
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,049
IF IT'LL GIVE YOU
SOME PEACE OF MIND,
108
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,218
WE CAN HAVE
A LITTLE LOOK-SEE.
109
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:22,523
SEE, THE REPRODUCTIVE
SYSTEM IS A VERY COMPLEX
PIECE OF MACHINERY.
110
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,057
OK.
111
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:26,126
YOU SEE THIS, HARRY?
THIS IS YOUR URETHRA.
112
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,595
OH!
113
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,798
WHERE DID YOU GET
THAT PICTURE?!
114
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:35,536
IT'S NOT REALLY YOURS.
115
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:36,937
PROBABLY SOME...
116
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:40,007
FANCY MALE MODEL,
ISN'T IT?
117
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:40,874
SURE.
118
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:46,146
HELLO.
MAY I HELP YOU?
119
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,849
YES. I AM QUITE LIVID!
120
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,084
I PURCHASED THIS COMPUTER
HERE 2 WEEKS AGO,
121
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:54,655
AND I CAN'T DO
ANYTHING WITH IT.
IT'S BROKEN.
122
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:58,291
WE HAVEN'T SOLD
THIS MACHINE HERE
FOR 6 YEARS.
123
00:05:58,325 --> 00:06:01,962
FINE, FINE.
I'LL JUST TAKE
STORE CREDIT, THEN.
124
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:06,199
THIS IS STAMPED
"PROPERTY OF
PENDLETON UNIVERSITY."
125
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:07,868
YOU HAVE SOLD ME
STOLEN GOODS?
126
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,903
HOW DARE YOU!
127
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:13,407
YOU DID NOT BUY
THIS COMPUTER HERE.
128
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:14,575
YOU ARE LYING.
129
00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:15,976
YOU ARE A LIAR.
130
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:21,749
I THOUGHT THE CUSTOMER
WAS ALWAYS RIGHT.
131
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:23,684
THAT'S SO CLEAR.
132
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,620
YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE
WHERE THIS GUY ENDS
AND THIS GUY STARTS.
133
00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:28,188
OH, WHOA, THIS ONE'S
EVEN BETTER.
134
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,657
OH, YEAH!
135
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,859
BUT IT PALES
IN COMPARISON
TO THIS...
136
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,661
MASTERPIECE!
137
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:34,327
TOMMY.
138
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:38,265
HUH?
139
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:40,734
SWEET MOTHER!
140
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,771
Both: THERE'S A PICTURE
IN THAT PICTURE!
141
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,642
OH, MY GOD,
IT'S SO LITTLE.
142
00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:51,812
I COULD JUST SIT DOWN
AND REST IT RIGHT HERE
ON MY, UH...
143
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:55,182
UH, THIGH SHELF.
144
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:57,050
UH, NOW, ALL YOU DO
TO CLEAR THE SCREEN--
145
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,552
THAT MUCH I KNOW.
146
00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:00,654
I HAVE SOMETHING
SIMILAR TO THIS AT HOME.
147
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,031
OK, YOU GUYS.
148
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,265
CHECK IT OUT.
149
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:16,069
4-HEAD VHS
AUTO-TRACKING DELICIOUSNESS.
150
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:19,039
525 LINES
OF RESOLUTION.
151
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:21,875
OOH, YEAH!
152
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,043
HOWEVER, IT SAYS HERE
153
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:27,515
THAT THIS VCR
ONLY HAS 250 LINES.
154
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,316
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
155
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,251
NOTHING.
156
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,020
A-ARE YOU SAYING
THAT THESE COLORS
157
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,555
COULD BE
MORE VIBRANT?
158
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:35,856
THIS LOOKS GOOD TO ME.
159
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,759
I AM SAYING, TOMMY,
THAT IF WE WENT DIGITAL,
160
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:42,730
WE'D GET THE MOST
OUT OF OUR BITCHIN' TV.
161
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:45,432
SO IT WOULD REALLY
BE A WASTE OF MONEY
NOT TO.
162
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,936
THIS REALLY LOOKS FINE.
163
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:49,903
IT'S HORRIBLE!
164
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,139
PACK IT UP.
THIS PIECE OF CRAP'S
GOING BACK.
165
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:07,020
GRRRRRR!
166
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:09,189
HARRY, CUT IT OUT.
167
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,058
I GOTTA FIND OUT
IF I'M OVULATING.
168
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,872
OK.
169
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:26,707
NOW WE CAN BEGIN.
170
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:27,808
OH. OK.
171
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:30,978
GRRRRR!
172
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,113
YOU KNOW WHAT?
173
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:34,548
GET AWAY FROM THAT TV.
174
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:35,282
WHY?
175
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:36,917
THE ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELD
176
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,219
CAN WREAK HAVOC
ON YOUR SWIM TEAM.
177
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,588
OHH!
178
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,826
ALL RIGHT, HARRY.
179
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,227
TAKE OFF THE ROBE.
180
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,929
TAKE IT OFF?
181
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,264
TAKE OFF THE ROBE.
182
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:55,969
ALL RIGHT.
183
00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:59,640
OH, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
184
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:00,774
WHAT?
185
00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:01,975
WHY ARE YOU WEARING
SUCH CONSTRICTIVE UNDERPANTS?
186
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:05,178
WELL, DICK WAS DONE
WITH THEM.
187
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,147
HARRY, YOU KNOW,
YOU ARE NOT HELPING
THE CAUSE.
188
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,683
YOU'VE GOT TO GET
WITH THE PROGRAM.
189
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:10,217
TAKE 'EM OFF.
190
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:10,951
WHAT?
191
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,086
TAKE 'EM OFF NOW.
TAKE 'EM OFF.
192
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,655
IF IT'S ALL
THE SAME TO YOU,
193
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,523
I THINK I'LL JUST
LEAVE THEM ON.
194
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,157
[SOBBING]
195
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,626
HARRY!
196
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,930
OK, CONFIGURE
MODEM FILE.
197
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:24,431
WHERE'S
THE MODEM FILE?
198
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,532
GO TO YOUR CONTROL PANEL.
199
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,934
MY WHAT?
200
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,636
YOUR CONTROL PANEL
ON YOUR DESKTOP.
201
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:29,603
WHERE?
202
00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:31,371
ON YOUR COMPUTER'S
DESKTOP.
203
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,540
THAT'S NOT A DESKTOP.
THIS IS A DESKTOP.
204
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,843
THAT'S A SCREEN.
205
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,845
NO, NO, NO.
QUIT THIS.
206
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:38,812
COMMAND...
207
00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:41,615
THAT'S CONTROL.
HIT COMMAND. COMMAND!
208
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,684
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO, DICK!
209
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,385
AAAAHHHHH!
210
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:47,955
THERE.
211
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,657
[BEEPER BEEPS]
212
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:50,824
OH, GREAT.
213
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:55,162
DON'T TELL ME, MANGOS
ARE 3 FOR A DOLLAR.
214
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,097
I'M GONNA GO USE
YOUR PHONE.
215
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,266
[MUTTERING TO HERSELF]
I'M SO SMART.
GET HER A BEEPER.
216
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:02,636
GOOD DAUGHTER.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
217
00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,738
NOW, THIS
IS HIGH QUALITY.
218
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:05,939
OH, YEAH!
219
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,975
DVDs, BABY!
220
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,343
DIGITAL VIDEO...
221
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,512
DYNAMITE.
222
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:13,413
THIS RESOLUTION
IS PERFECT.
223
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,216
OH, THE COLORS
ARE SO ALIVE.
224
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,118
IT'S LEPRECHAUN 2.
225
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,252
WHOA, WHOA,
CHECK THIS OUT.
226
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,587
THERE'S A BONUS
AUDIO TRACK
227
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,489
WHERE YOU CAN HEAR
THE DIRECTOR'S COMMENTS.
228
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,992
THE DIRECTOR OF
LEPRECHAUN 2.
229
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,193
OOH, AND LOOK,
230
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:29,830
AT THE END YOU CAN SEE
THE ORIGINAL TRAILERS
FOR THE MOVIE.
231
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:34,634
YOU'RE PAYING TO
WATCH THE COMMERCIALS
FOR LEPRECHAUN 2!
232
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:37,004
DIGITALLY REMASTERED.
233
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:41,174
THE RESOLUTION OF
THIS DVD IS SO GOOD...
234
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:45,478
IT'S ALMOST A SHAME
TO WATCH THEM
ON A SMALLISH TV.
235
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:47,614
IT'S LIKE LOOKIN'
AT THE MONA LISA
236
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:51,184
WHILE SOMEONE'S JABBING
A STICK IN YOUR EYE.
237
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:52,652
IS IT THAT BAD?
238
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:56,790
WE NEED A NEW TV!
239
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,959
PACK IT UP.
THIS PIECE OF CRAP
IS GOIN' BACK.
240
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,830
NOTHING.
241
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:03,697
I'VE DONE
EVERYTHING YOU ASK,
242
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:06,066
AND WHAT DO I GET?
NOTHING!
243
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:06,834
THAT'S IT!
244
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,001
BON VOYAGE.
245
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,103
IT'S OUT TO THE LANDFILL
WITH YOU!
246
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:13,106
Computer: WELCOME.
247
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:14,507
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
248
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,109
YOU HAVE MAIL.
249
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:18,879
I DO?
250
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:23,316
NO, MOM, I DON'T HAVE
GRANDMA'S RECIPE
FOR APPLE PAN DOWDY.
251
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:26,219
LOOK, EVERY TIME
THIS BEEPER GOES OFF,
I THINK YOU'RE DEAD,
252
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,621
AND I'M STARTING
TO GET DISAPPOINTED.
253
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:34,094
NO, MOM, I'M KIDDING.
I'M KIDDING.
254
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:37,164
BYE.
255
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:40,000
THE HELL I AM!
256
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:40,901
OH, MY GOD.
257
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:43,336
ART, SCIENCE,
PHILOSOPHY.
258
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,237
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
259
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,338
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, DICK?
260
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:48,842
I-I'M ON-LINE!
261
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:49,943
DO YOU KNOW WHAT
THEY CALL THIS?
262
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:51,378
THE WORLD WIDE WEB.
263
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,246
THE ENTIRE PLANET
IS AT MY FINGERTIPS.
264
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:54,381
HMM, GOOD FOR YOU.
265
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:55,749
GOOD FOR ALL OF US.
266
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,350
WE'VE SPENT
ALL THIS TIME
267
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:58,651
TRYING TO GET CLOSER
TO HUMANITY,
268
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,954
AND NOW WE HAVE
INSTANT ACCESS
269
00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:03,090
TO EVERY CULTURE
ON EARTH!
270
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:05,525
EXCEPT THE FRENCH.
271
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,295
AH! THERE THEY ARE!
272
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,363
LUCKY US.
273
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:14,267
[SINGING FRENCH
NATIONAL ANTHEM]
274
00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:17,037
YOU KNOW, DICK, IF WE'RE
GONNA MAKE IT TO DINNER,
WE BETTER GO NOW.
275
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,772
EVERY PLACE IS GONNA
BE CLOSED IN AN HOUR.
276
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,974
I'M SORRY, MARY.
I--I CAN'T LEAVE NOW.
277
00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:21,741
WHY?
278
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,844
I HAVE A WHOLE WORLD
TO EXPLORE.
279
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,846
AND IN 15 MINUTES,
THERE'S AN ON-LINE CHAT
280
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:26,780
WITH JENNIFER
LOVE HEWITT,
281
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:29,049
AND NO WAY
AM I MISSING THAT!
282
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,892
[1812 OVERTURE PLAYS]
283
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:42,896
MMM!
284
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,431
NOW, THIS
IS A TELEVISION!
285
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,066
OH, GOD.
286
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,600
LOOK HOW BIG
EVERYTHING IS.
287
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:51,304
THAT VIOLIN
LOOKS LIKE A CELLO.
288
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,673
NO, THAT IS A CELLO.
289
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:54,908
OH, I WAS WONDERING
WHY THAT DUDE
290
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:58,411
WAS PLAYING THE VIOLIN
BETWEEN HIS LEGS.
291
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,080
COME ON, HARRY.
WE'RE GONNA BE LATE
FOR THE CLINIC.
292
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,315
I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO THE STUPID CLINIC.
293
00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:03,650
HARRY,
294
00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:04,852
FACE IT,
YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.
295
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,954
I AM NOT IMPOTENT.
296
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,359
HELLO, ALISSA.
297
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:15,028
HOW'S SCHOOL?
298
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:15,462
GOOD.
299
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,629
THAT'S GREAT.
300
00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:17,630
YEAH.
301
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:24,404
THAT BY UTILIZING
A VISCOUS BARRIER,
302
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:27,908
WE MINIMIZE BONDING
BETWEEN ANY 2 SUBSTANCES.
303
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,977
NOW, YOU
UNDERSTAND FRICTION,
304
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,378
AND I...
305
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:32,880
HAVE A NICE OMELET.
306
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:41,989
ANY QUESTIONS?
307
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:45,392
UM...
308
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,227
WHY ARE YOU
ON A COMPUTER?
309
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:52,099
MY ACTUAL PRESENCE
IS NO LONGER NECESSARY
310
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:53,133
IN THE LEARNING PROCESS.
311
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,202
THIS IS MY NEW LIVE WEBCAM
312
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:58,238
AT WWW.PLANETSOLOMON.COM.
313
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,273
IT'S ON ME 24 HOURS A DAY.
314
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:03,510
NOW, ANYBODY CAN LOG ON.
315
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,312
YOU CAN WATCH ME DO
ALMOST EVERYTHING,
316
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,248
AND, UH, FOR A SMALL FEE...
317
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,917
EVERYTHING.
318
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:15,923
NOW, WHAT I'D
LIKE TO DO NOW
319
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,824
IS TAKE
AN AGGRESSIVE APPROACH
320
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:21,995
BY RUNNING AN EXTENSIVE
BATTERY OF TESTS ON YOU, HARRY.
321
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:22,963
DOES THAT SOUND GOOD?
322
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,832
IT DOESN'T SOUND GREAT.
323
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,968
YOU JUST RELAX.
324
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,971
DRINK THIS SOLUTION,
AND I'LL BE BACK
IN A MINUTE FOR THE X-RAY.
325
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:33,140
LOOK AT THAT.
IT'S JUST KOOL-AID.
326
00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:35,675
KOOL-AID WITH
RADIOACTIVE TRACERS.
327
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:41,314
HARRY, LISTEN TO ME.
WE'RE GONNA
GET THROUGH THIS.
328
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:42,983
YOU KNOW
THAT DR. HOWARD?
329
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:44,851
HE'S GOT THIS
LITTLE TINY CAMERA
330
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:49,089
THAT HE CAN SEND
STRAIGHT UP YOUR--
331
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,358
OK, THAT'S IT!
332
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:56,063
NO MORE SPECIALISTS,
333
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,864
NO MORE EQUIPMENT,
334
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,133
AND NO MORE
RADIOACTIVE KOOL-AID.
335
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:02,235
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
336
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,871
NOW YOU LISTEN
TO ME, BABY.
337
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,806
THIS ISN'T
ABOUT DOCTORS
338
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,175
OR MEDICINE.
339
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,909
IT'S ABOUT
YOU AND ME, BABY--
340
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,044
2 PEOPLE IN LOVE.
341
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:11,811
YOU'RE HURTING ME.
342
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:15,182
YEAH!
343
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,284
NOW, IF WE'RE GONNA
MAKE A BABY,
344
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:20,053
WE'RE GONNA DO IT
THE NATURAL WAY.
345
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,788
OH, HARRY.
346
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:24,824
VICKI, I SUGGEST
YOU JOIN ME
347
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,594
UP HERE ON THIS
BUTCHER PAPER RIGHT NOW.
348
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:32,799
YEAH!
349
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:35,235
AND GET IT,
AND GET IT...
350
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,871
YOU SEE, ALISSA,
THE PROBLEM
WASN'T THE TV.
351
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:41,908
THE PROBLEM WAS
WE DIDN'T HAVE
DOLBY 6-SPEAKER
352
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,343
DIGITAL
SURROUND-SOUND.
353
00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:47,514
STUPID!
354
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,316
BUT NOW...
355
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:52,252
WE HAVE EVERYTHING.
356
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,420
OK.
357
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,022
HOLD ON.
358
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,157
[ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT
THEME PLAYS]
359
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:58,091
OK.
360
00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,493
WE'RE AT
30% VOLUME.
361
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:01,928
[MUSIC LOUDER]
362
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,497
40%.
363
00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:06,733
50%.
364
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:07,600
AHHH!
365
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,069
STOP IT!
366
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,570
WHOOOOOAAA!
367
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:13,540
I FEEL LIKE I'M WATCHING
ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT
368
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,808
AT CARNEGIE FREAKIN' HALL.
369
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:18,645
AWESOOOOMMME!
370
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,481
TURN IT DOWN!
371
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,849
HOW LOUD DO YOU
NEED TO HEAR
372
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:26,286
THAT IT'S MARY
STEENBURGEN'S BIRTHDAY?
373
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,254
LOUDER?
374
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,355
WE DID IT.
375
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:30,823
WE HAVE THE ULTIMATE
HOME THEATER SYSTEM!
376
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:32,425
YEAH!
YEAH!
377
00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:35,362
HA!
378
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,164
EXCUSE ME, HOW MUCH
DID ALL OF THIS COST?
379
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,866
HOW MUCH DID IT COST?
380
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,034
NO MONEY DOWN, BABY.
381
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,170
THAT'S HOW MUCH
IT COST.
382
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,537
HOW MUCH WILL IT COST?
383
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:47,307
NO PAYMENTS TILL
THE FOURTH OF JULY.
384
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,775
UH-HUH!
385
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,210
THEN HOW MUCH
WILL IT COST?
386
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:05,325
$45,000.
387
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,059
PACK IT UP.
388
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,161
THIS PIECE OF CRAP'S
GOING BACK.
389
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,664
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
390
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:12,965
Sally: DICK.
391
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:16,069
WE'RE GOING TO THE
TASTE OF RUTHERFORD'S
STREET FESTIVAL.
392
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:16,869
YOU COMING?
393
00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:18,305
COMING?
394
00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:19,772
I'M ALREADY THERE.
395
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,241
THERE'S A LIVE
VIDEO STREAM
396
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,309
FROM THE ROOF OF THE BANK.
397
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:24,977
IT LOOKS LIKE THE CHILI BOOTH
IS THE PLACE TO BE.
398
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:30,517
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
399
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,818
Tommy: DICK, WE'RE
GOING TO A MOVIE.
400
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:35,688
DON'T BOTHER ME.
I'M PERFORMING
VIRTUAL SURGERY.
401
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:36,956
FINE.
402
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,092
OH! LOOK WHAT
YOU MADE ME DO.
403
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:40,227
SUCTION!
404
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,030
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
405
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,532
Mary: DICK,
ARE YOU IN THERE?
406
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,635
JUST SLIDE THE PIZZA
UNDER THE DOOR, PLEASE.
407
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:53,473
OH, MY GOD, DICK!
408
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:56,376
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
TO WORK IN 3 DAYS.
409
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,179
YOUR FAMILY
IS SO CONCERNED
THEY CALLED ME.
410
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:01,281
THEY NEVER DO THAT.
411
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:03,350
AHH, MY FAMILY.
412
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:08,321
YES. SALLY, HARRY,
AND THE LITTLE ONE.
413
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:09,789
HOW ARE THEY?
414
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:12,959
AGAIN,
THEY'RE CONCERNED.
415
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:17,497
DICK...I THINK YOU NEED
A LITTLE FRESH AIR.
416
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,732
I'M GOING TO
TAKE YOU OUTSIDE.
417
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:23,035
I CAN'T ALLOW THAT
TO HAPPEN, MARY.
418
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:24,537
GET UP!
419
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,640
OW!
420
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:30,443
WHOO!
421
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:34,547
YOU'VE MADE ME
SO ANGRY, MARY.
422
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:36,082
OH, GO TO HELL!
423
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:39,952
OH...
424
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,087
SO BRIGHT.
425
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:52,465
WHAT THE--
426
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,301
HEY, MISTER,
THAT'S MY FRISBEE.
427
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:55,968
ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
428
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:57,437
ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
429
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,571
YEAH.
430
00:18:58,605 --> 00:18:59,906
I'D ALMOST FORGOTTEN.
431
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,409
THERE ARE REAL PEOPLE
ON THIS PLANET.
432
00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:04,076
CAN I HAVE MY FRISBEE?
433
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:05,545
GO LONG, YOUNG MAN.
434
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,046
GO LONG!
435
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,448
[GLASS BREAKS]
436
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,883
NICE THROW, YA FREAK!
437
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:12,385
WHAT AN ENCHANTING BOY.
438
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,539
THERE IT IS, HARRY.
439
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,207
WE HAD THAT ONE.
440
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,079
SWEET MOTHER!
441
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:42,782
THERE'S A PICTURE
IN THE PICTURE!
442
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,253
LOOK, EVERYBODY!
443
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:48,955
I'M ALIVE!
444
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:49,756
OHH!
445
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,057
IT'S WONDERFUL.
446
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,792
PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.
447
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,527
OHH!
448
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:56,429
I LOVE YOU ALL!
449
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:57,930
THIS IS AMAZING.
450
00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,799
I CAN SMELL YOU.
451
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:00,867
DICK!
452
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:01,734
DICK, YOU'RE OUT.
453
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,670
SALLY, HARRY, TOMMY.
454
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,339
OHH!
OHH!
OHH!
455
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,407
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
456
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,875
CAN I HELP YOU?
457
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:12,044
I'M RETURNING $60,000
WORTH OF MERCHANDISE
458
00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:13,145
TO YOU...
459
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:16,215
MY BROTHER!
460
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:18,318
I'M ON LUNCH.
461
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,253
SALLY, I'VE MADE
SUCH A MISTAKE.
462
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,821
I THOUGHT
ALL THIS TECHNOLOGY
463
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,156
WOULD HELP ME
WRAP MY ARMS
AROUND HUMANKIND.
464
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:25,592
BUT I WAS WRONG.
465
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,727
ALL IT GAVE ME
WAS A RAGING CASE
466
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,996
OF CARPAL TUNNEL
SYNDROME.
467
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:32,832
SO WHAT ABOUT
BEING CONNECTED
TO THE WORLD WIDE WEB?
468
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,501
I WASN'T CONNECTED
TO ANYTHING.
469
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,168
I WAS SEPARATED.
470
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:38,805
AND THAT'S NOT
WHAT WE CAME
TO THIS PLANET FOR.
471
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,840
THAT'S WHAT
TECHNOLOGY DOES.
472
00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:42,108
TECHNOLOGY IS EVIL!
473
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:43,843
DICK, JUST BECAUSE
YOU WENT NUTS,
474
00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:46,313
THAT DOESN'T MEAN
THAT ALL TECHNOLOGY
IS EVIL.
475
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:47,480
OF COURSE IT DOES.
476
00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:48,781
WHAT ABOUT, UH...
477
00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,350
MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY?
478
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:52,285
MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY
IS OK.
479
00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:54,287
OK, UH, WHAT ABOUT
THE COMPUTERS
480
00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:56,489
THAT MAKE SURE
AIRPLANES DON'T CRASH?
481
00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:58,558
THOSE I LIKE.
BUT THAT'S IT.
482
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,327
WELL, WHAT ABOUT
THE MACHINE
483
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,629
THAT PUTS
THE CREAMY FILLING
IN THE CUPCAKES?
484
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:03,863
HARRY, NO!
485
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,732
I'VE ALREADY
DRAWN THE LINE.
486
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,469
OH...WHO AM I KIDDING?
487
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:14,040
I'M NOT GONNA
MANUALLY INJECT CREAM
INTO MY OWN CUPCAKES.
488
00:21:14,073 --> 00:21:16,776
THAT WOULD'VE
BEEN CRAZY.
489
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:17,644
CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?
490
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:18,478
YES!
491
00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:27,554
I AM QUITE LIVID!
492
00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:29,088
IT'S BEAUTIFUL
OUT HERE, ISN'T IT?
493
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,357
YES, IT IS.
494
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:32,492
THIS IS THE WAY
IT SHOULD BE, MARY.
495
00:21:32,525 --> 00:21:35,895
JUST YOU AND ME
AND THE STARS
AND THE TREES
496
00:21:35,928 --> 00:21:37,630
AND NOTHING COMING
BETWEEN US.
497
00:21:37,664 --> 00:21:38,531
[BEEPER BEEPS]
498
00:21:38,565 --> 00:21:42,134
OH, GREAT!
HOW DO I TURN
THIS THING OFF?
499
00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:44,471
HERE, LET ME SEE THAT.
32298
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