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1
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,176
YOU WANTED
TO SEE ME, DICK?
2
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,643
OH, MARY, THANK GOD.
3
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,279
I WANTED TO SHOW YOU
THAT IF YOU MIX UP
THE LETTERS
4
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:12,046
IN YOUR LAST NAME,
5
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,482
IT SPELLS "LAB RIGHT."
6
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:19,420
OK.
7
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:21,021
BUT WHAT WAS THE EMERGENCY
8
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,190
THAT COULDN'T WAIT
ANOTHER SECOND,
9
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,992
THAT MADE ME
GET OFF THE PHONE
WITH THE CHANCELLOR?
10
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:28,529
"LAB RIGHT."
11
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:31,165
DICK, LOOK.
SOMETHING WEIRD
IS GOING ON AT WORK.
12
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:33,634
DOUG'S GONNA MAKE ME
PAY TAXES.
13
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,936
EVERYONE PAYS TAXES,
HARRY.
14
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:38,206
IT IS OUR DUTY, NAY,
OUR PRIVILEGE
15
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,774
TO PAY TAXES
WHEN WE PURCHASE GOODS,
16
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:43,477
SUCH AS CHOCOLATES
AND COMBS.
17
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,579
THAT'S VERY NOBLE
OF YOU, DICK,
IN FEBRUARY.
18
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:48,416
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU SAY
IN APRIL WHEN YOU HAVE
TO FILE YOUR RETURN.
19
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:49,583
MY RETURN?
20
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,152
YOUR TAX RETURN.
21
00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:54,288
OH. MY TAX RETURN.
22
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,656
THE ONE YOU FILE
EVERY YEAR.
23
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,091
OH, THAT. YES.
24
00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:58,892
WELL, NINA DOES
ALL MY FILING.
25
00:00:58,926 --> 00:00:59,827
UH, NINA!
26
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:00,394
WHAT?
27
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:01,895
UH, BRING ME MY RETURN.
28
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:02,963
YOUR RETURN?
29
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,698
MY RETURN. MY RETURN.
30
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:05,933
YOU SEE WHAT
I HAVE TO DEAL WITH?
31
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,235
MY RETURN!
32
00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:13,841
ALL RIGHT. FORM 1040.
33
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:15,476
FIRST NAME: DICK.
34
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,379
LAST NAME: SOLOMON.
35
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:21,014
AND MARY SAID THIS WOULD
BE COMPLICATED.
36
00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:24,017
DICK, THIS IS SO BORING.
WHY ARE WE DOING IT?
37
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:26,354
BECAUSE, SALLY,
THIS IS WHAT HUMANS DO.
38
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,522
IT'S LIKE THEIR
NATIONAL PASTIME.
39
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:30,758
AND YOU DON'T WANT US
TO STAND OUT.
40
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,726
HEY. YOU KNOW
WHAT WOULD BE FUNNY?
41
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,529
WHERE IT SAYS SEX,
WRITE "FREQUENTLY."
42
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,433
THEY DON'T ASK
FOR YOUR SEX HERE.
43
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,169
WELL, IF THERE'S ANYPLACE
YOU CAN INDICATE
44
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:44,172
THAT YOU LIKE TO HAVE
FREQUENT SEX, I THINK
IT'S WORTH DOING.
45
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,342
"FARM INCOME OR LOSS."
46
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:51,712
SO DID OUR FARM
SHOW A PROFIT LAST YEAR?
47
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,547
NO. WHERE IS
SCHEDULE F?
48
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:54,748
WAIT, WAIT. WE DIDN'T
HAVE A FARM LAST YEAR.
49
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,049
WE LOST THE FARM!
50
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:58,419
NO!
51
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,654
LINE 14.
"OTHER GAINS OR LOSSES."
52
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:01,455
I GAINED 2 POUNDS.
53
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:02,656
I LOST MY VIRGINITY.
54
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:05,259
HEY.
55
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:06,294
THERE'S
YOUR OPPORTUNITY
56
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:09,197
FOR THAT
FREQUENT SEX THING
GOING TO THROW IN.
57
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,899
"ENTER ITEMIZED DEDUCTIONS
FROM PAGE 3, SCHEDULE C,
LINE 2,
58
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:15,603
TO THE EXTENT THEY ARE
ALLOWABLE ON SCHEDULE A,
FORM 1040-NR."
59
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:18,239
"ENTER THE LARGER
OF YOUR ITEMIZED
DEDUCTIONS
60
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:24,011
FROM LINE 28
OR STANDARD DEDUCTION
SHOWN ON THE LEFT."
61
00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:26,146
MY LEFT OR ITS LEFT?
62
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:30,551
"SEE PAGE 30 TO FIND
YOUR STANDARD DEDUCTION
63
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:35,189
"IF YOU CHECKED ANY BOX
ON LINE 35-A OR 35-B
64
00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:38,926
OR IF SOMEONE
CAN CLAIM YOU
AS A DEPENDENT."
65
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:48,101
I'M TELLING YOU,
THERE IS NO SCHEDULE P!
66
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,003
THERE HAS TO BE, DAMN IT!
67
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:51,239
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS!
68
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:52,806
I'M A SUPERIOR BEING.
69
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,309
I CAN CALCULATE
THE DECAYING ORBIT
OF A DYING MOON
70
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:56,510
TO WITHIN 1/10 OF AN INCH.
71
00:02:56,544 --> 00:03:00,281
WHY CAN'T I CALCULATE
THE SUBTOTAL OF LINE 59-A?
72
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,650
WHY CAN'T I FIND
LINE 59-A?
73
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,319
WHERE THE HELL
IS LINE 59-A?!
74
00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:06,720
I CAN'T TAKE THIS
ANYMORE!
75
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,756
I HATE IT! I HATE IT!
76
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,824
I HATE IT! I HATE IT!
77
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,534
OH, HERE IT IS.
78
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,270
EVERYBODY JUST SETTLE DOWN.
79
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:04,111
OK, YOU ADD LINES 41
THROUGH 47.
80
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,079
OH, YES, MARY.
81
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,482
YOU ARE THE SEXIEST
ACCOUNTANT IN TOWN.
82
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:09,650
YEAH.
83
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:10,951
JUST A MINUTE, DICK.
I'M NOT QUITE DONE.
84
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,120
OH, THAT'S IT MARY.
CRUNCH THOSE NUMBERS.
85
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,623
CRUNCH 'EM GOOD.
86
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:18,025
SO YOU SUBTRACT LINE 64
87
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,259
FROM 56...
88
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,629
YES. NOW DEDUCT MY PANTS.
89
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,999
DICK, I THINK
YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO
KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.
90
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,067
WHY IS THAT?
91
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,170
BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO
LOSE YOUR SHIRT.
92
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:31,038
AND SO ARE YOU.
93
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:35,343
YOU OWE $9,500!
94
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:36,810
WHAT?!
95
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,579
YOU BITCH!
96
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,784
YOU DIDN'T PAY ANY TAXES.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
97
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,486
WELL, I CERTAINLY
DIDN'T EXPECT MY GIRLFRIEND
98
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,755
TO WEAR MY ASS
AS A SNOWSHOE!
99
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,862
$9,500?
100
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:55,896
OH, MY GOD!
101
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:58,231
YOU GUYS,
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
102
00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:00,834
LOOK AT ALL THESE RECEIPTS
FROM ALL THESE MEALS.
103
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:03,136
IF WE'D ONLY
TALKED ABOUT BUSINESS
DURING SOME OF THEM,
104
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,539
WE COULD WRITE OFF
ALL THIS MONEY
AS DEDUCTIONS.
105
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,547
WHO SAYS WE DIDN'T...
106
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:16,316
TALK ABOUT BUSINESS?
107
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:18,819
YES.
108
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,087
'CAUSE THAT'S
THE ONLY REASON
109
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,889
WE EVER GO OUT
TO EAT, ANYWAY,
RIGHT,
110
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,323
IS TO TALK...
111
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:26,560
ABOUT...BUSINESS.
112
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:28,261
BUSINESS.
113
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,432
OK, I MUST TUNE OUT,
114
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:34,735
BECAUSE I NEVER
HEAR US TALKING
ABOUT BUSINESS.
115
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:38,639
YES.
116
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,708
WE CAN LIE
117
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:45,212
ON OUR TAXES.
118
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:46,780
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT NO HUMAN
119
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:49,282
HAS EVER
THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE.
120
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:51,585
OK, WAIT A
SECOND, YOU GUYS.
WHAT IF WE GET CAUGHT?
121
00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:53,454
HOW CAN WE GET CAUGHT?
122
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,188
ALL THOSE OTHER DOPES
OUT THERE
123
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:58,225
ARE TELLING THE TRUTH
ABOUT THEIR TAXES.
124
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,594
THEY'RE JUST GOING
TO ASSUME THAT...
125
00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:02,996
WE ARE, TOO.
126
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:03,597
HEY,
CHECK THIS OUT.
127
00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:04,498
YOU CAN GET
A DEDUCTION
128
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:05,966
FOR HAVING
A HOME BUSINESS.
129
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,367
REALLY?
130
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,235
THEN IT'S A GOOD THING
131
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:12,205
THAT YOU RUN ONE HERE,
SALLY.
132
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,207
YES, DICK,
133
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,977
IT SURE IS.
134
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,078
IS THIS THE BUSINESS
135
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:21,014
THAT I NEVER
HEAR YOU GUYS
TALKING ABOUT?
136
00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:23,984
OH, AND LOOK AT THIS.
137
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:27,488
HERE'S A RECEIPT
FOR $14.99.
138
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:29,356
OR IS IT...
139
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:35,162
$114.99?
140
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,364
OR IS IT...
141
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:41,101
$1,114.99?
142
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,636
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
YOU THINK THEY'LL
BUY THAT?
143
00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:46,139
I MEAN,
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
FOR A PENCIL SHARPENER.
144
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:48,241
SIMPLE.
145
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:51,945
WE JUST CROSS OUT
"PENCIL SHARPENER"...
146
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:55,015
AND WRITE IN...
147
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:58,452
"AIRPLANE."
148
00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,187
IT'S BRILLIANT!
149
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,358
WELL...
150
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,294
HERE IS OUR HOME BUSINESS.
151
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:08,161
THANKS, DUBIE.
152
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,197
WHAT, WE'RE SELLING CHAIRS?
153
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,332
NO, HON.
IT'S A SALON CHAIR.
154
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,535
WE PUT UP A SIGN,
TAKE A FEW PICTURES.
155
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:16,003
ANYBODY ASKS,
156
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,671
IT WAS A FAILED
HOME BUSINESS.
157
00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:19,439
DEDUCTION CITY.
158
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:21,875
YOU KNOW,
THERE'S A FUNNY STORY
ABOUT HOW I GOT THAT CHAIR.
159
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:25,045
HEARD IT!
HEARD IT!
160
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,481
I GOT YOUR SIGN, SALLY.
161
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:29,950
GREAT! IT LOOKS LIKE
A REAL BUSINESS.
162
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,985
YOU PUT IT UP
OUTSIDE, OK?
163
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,587
OK, EVERYBODY,
I'VE GOT IT.
164
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:35,388
I PLAYED WITH
THE NUMBERS A BIT,
165
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:38,391
ENTERED A FEW HARMLESS
CLERICAL MISTAKES,
AND GUESS WHAT.
166
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:39,727
THE GOVERNMENT NOW OWES US
167
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,830
$375,000!
168
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:43,764
OH, YEAH!
169
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,098
Tommy:
WHO NEEDS ED McMAHON?
170
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,267
WE'VE GOT UNCLE SAM!
171
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,302
THIS IS REALLY
WORKING OUT GREAT FOR US.
172
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:51,238
IF WE KEEP DOING
OUR TAXES LIKE THIS,
173
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:54,107
IN A FEW YEARS,
WE'LL BE MILLIONAIRES.
174
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,176
YOU KNOW, I ONCE
HAD A MILLIONAIRE--
175
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,711
HEARD IT!
HEARD IT!
HEARD IT!
176
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,212
EXCUSE ME.
177
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:03,717
IS THIS SALLY'S
ACTUAL SALON?
178
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:06,453
UH, YEAH.
179
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,289
WELL, GOOD!
I COULD REALLY
USE A CUT.
180
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,196
OH, OK, I GUESS. SURE.
181
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,482
Mary: GO ON.
GIVE IT TO HIM.
182
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,650
WHY SHOULD I?
183
00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:37,618
WELL, YOU'RE MY ASSISTANT.
184
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:38,686
NOW GIVE IT TO HIM.
185
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:40,854
YOU GIVE IT TO HIM.
YOU'RE SLEEPING
WITH HIM.
186
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:42,055
WELL, YOU CAN
SLEEP WITH HIM.
187
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:43,456
YOU'RE NUTS.
I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.
188
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,425
NO, JUST GIVE IT!
JUST GIVE--
189
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,460
CAN I PLAY?
190
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,296
UNLESS THE RULES
ARE VERY COMPLICATED.
191
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:52,399
THEN I'LL JUST
SIT IT OUT.
192
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,400
YOU GOT A LETTER.
193
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:54,201
REALLY?
194
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,502
FROM THE I.R.S.
195
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,738
OH, GREAT!
196
00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,940
IT'S PROBABLY MY CHECK.
197
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,009
I TOOK A SECOND PASS
ON MY RETURN,
198
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,244
AND IT TURNS OUT
I DON'T OWE ANYTHING.
199
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:05,813
IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
A CHECK.
200
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,147
IT CAN'T BE
A BIRTHDAY CARD.
201
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,382
MY BIRTHDAY
ISN'T FOR MONTHS, AND--
202
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:12,352
"NOTICE OF AUDIT"?
203
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,154
WHAT'S AN AUDIT?
204
00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:16,323
YOU ARE SO SCREWED.
205
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,762
MARY, SHE'S SCARING ME.
206
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,631
DICK, SIT DOWN.
WE HAVE TO TALK.
207
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:25,265
CAN'T IT WAIT
TILL AFTER MY AUDIT?
208
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,234
EVERYTHING
IS GONNA BE FINE.
209
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,268
YOU JUST HAVE TO
TELL THE TRUTH.
210
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,303
IT'S NOT AS IF
YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO HIDE, RIGHT?
211
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:33,173
HIDE? NO.
I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
WHY WOULD I HIDE?
212
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,374
THAT'S GOOD,
213
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,744
BECAUSE THEY'RE GONNA
BE ALL OVER YOU.
214
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:40,247
THEY'RE GONNA DIG
INTO EVERY ASPECT
OF YOUR LIFE.
215
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,483
FIND OUT EVERYTHING
ABOUT YOU.
216
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:44,885
EVERYTHING?
217
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,687
THEY CAN BE
PRETTY BRUTAL.
218
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,088
OH...THAT'S INTERESTING.
219
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,823
N-NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
220
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:52,893
I--I--I HAVE TO, UH,
NNNNNNNN...
221
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,294
YAAH!
222
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:00,734
OK, NELLIE,
223
00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:02,102
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO
IS WE'RE JUST GONNA
224
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,136
GIVE YOU
A LITTLE BANGS
225
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,673
TO COVER UP
THESE TINY LITTLE
WORRY LINES.
226
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,240
THEN WE'RE GONNA
EVENTUALLY
227
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:10,377
GRADUATE THE SIDES IN
LIKE THAT.
228
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,012
HOW'S THAT SOUND TO YA?
229
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:12,746
I DON'T KNOW.
230
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,748
OH, TRUST US, DARLING.
231
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,449
WE'RE JUST TRYING
TO GIVE YOU
A LITTLE SHAPE.
232
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:19,319
I MEAN, YOU HAVE
A LOVELY NECK HERE
AND NO ONE CAN SEE IT.
233
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:22,756
OK, LET'S GET YOU
WASHED.
234
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,057
MR. HARRY!
235
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:25,659
OK, HOLD ON, DOLL.
236
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:28,595
I ONLY GOT 2 HANDS.
237
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,731
COME ON.
238
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,701
THAT'S THE STUFF.
239
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,468
THERE YOU GO.
240
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:36,469
FAMILY MEETING!
241
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:37,938
FAMILY MEETING!
242
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:44,544
WHO IS THIS?
243
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:45,713
OH, THAT'S MY 4:00.
244
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,580
YOU CAN GO SIT IN
THE CHAIR, HON. TOMMY.
245
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:48,749
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME MINERAL WATER
246
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:49,616
WHILE YOU'RE WAITING?
247
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,884
WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO RUN ALONG,
DEAR?
248
00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:52,185
UM, WHERE SHOULD I GO--
249
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:55,155
GET OUT!
250
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,056
OK, LISTEN UP.
251
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,825
I'VE GOT
HORRIBLE NEWS.
252
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,659
WE'RE BEING AUDITED
BY THE I.R.S.
253
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,629
WHAT? DOES THAT MEAN
WE DON'T GET THE $375,000?
254
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,531
IT'S WORSE. AGENTS
OF THE GOVERNMENT
255
00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:07,034
ARE GONNA
GO THROUGH OUR LIVES
WITH A FINE-TOOTH COMB.
256
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:09,636
EVERY DETAIL OF OUR PAST
EXAMINED UNDER
A MICROSCOPE,
257
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,371
FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS!
258
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,640
SO? WE'VE ONLY
BEEN ON THE PLANET
FOR 3.
259
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,508
THAT'S
THE WHOLE PROBLEM.
260
00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:17,044
THE MORE THEY PROBE
INTO OUR PAST,
261
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,246
THE MORE
THEY'LL FIND OUT
WE DON'T HAVE ONE!
262
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:23,416
BECAUSE WE'RE ALIENS.
263
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,552
THAT IS THE CONCLUSION
THEY WILL DRAW.
264
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,687
[EXASPERATED MUTTERING]
265
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,689
NOW, WE'VE ALL GOT TO HAVE
DETAILED EXPLANATIONS
266
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:32,392
FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS:
WHERE WE'VE BEEN,
WHAT WE'VE DONE,
267
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,526
AND THE DOCUMENTATION
TO PROVE IT.
268
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,964
OH, I DID THAT,
LIKE 3 YEARS AGO.
269
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:37,630
YOU DID?
270
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:39,399
YEAH. COMPLETE
AND AIRTIGHT.
271
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:43,670
I GAVE THEM TO YOU GUYS.
WHAT'D YOU DO WITH THEM?
272
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:48,341
[ALL MAKING EXCUSES AT ONCE]
273
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,509
I'M SORRY.
274
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,477
THAT'S JUST GREAT.
275
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:51,211
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
276
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,612
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY
I BOTHER!
277
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,714
YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE
TO GO AND DO IT AGAIN.
278
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:57,417
WE NEED FOOLPROOF
BACKGROUNDS BY TOMORROW.
NOW GET CRACKING!
279
00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,120
OH, AND, SALLY?
BUMP YOUR 4:00.
280
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:03,090
I'M NOT GONNA BATTLE
FACELESS AND HOSTILE
GOVERNMENT FORCES
281
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:05,258
WITH THIS UNSIGHTLY
FUZZ ON MY NECK.
282
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,468
OH, HELLO, MARY.
283
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:18,138
I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT HOW LONG
I'VE KNOWN YOU.
284
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:21,274
10 LONG YEARS.
285
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:23,710
IT'S MORE LIKE 3 YEARS.
286
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,779
WELL, THEN YOU'D BE
COMFORTABLE SAYING
287
00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:27,848
7 LONG YEARS.
288
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,950
NO, IT'S 3 YEARS, DICK.
289
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,084
SO I CAN SAFELY QUOTE YOU
290
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:32,085
AS SAYING
THAT YOU'VE KNOWN ME
291
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,855
FOR 6 GOOD,
VERIFIABLE YEARS, THEN?
292
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,756
3.
293
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,926
FAIR ENOUGH.
294
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:41,494
BUT YOU ARE QUITE FAMILIAR
WITH WHAT I WAS DOING
295
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:42,996
IN THE 3 YEARS
PRIOR TO THAT?
296
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:45,532
YOU NEVER TOLD ME
ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE
297
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,034
BEFORE YOU STARTED
WORKING HERE.
298
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,870
YOU HEM, YOU HAW,
YOU RUSH IN,
YOU RUSH OUT.
299
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:52,339
OH, LET'S NOT FORGET
THE SPONTANEOUS
LARYNGITIS.
300
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,041
THAT WAS GOING AROUND.
301
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,542
HOW ABOUT THE TRUTH, DICK?
302
00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:57,244
TOMMY'S COMING UP WITH
THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW,
303
00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,280
BUT IN THE MEANTIME...
304
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,882
I'M GOING TO NEED YOU
TO PLAY BALL.
305
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:04,217
OH, NO. YOU'RE NOT
GONNA DRAG ME INTO THIS.
306
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,854
DRAG YOU INTO THIS?
THIS WHOLE THING
IS YOUR FAULT!
307
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:09,522
IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE FILED
MY DAMN TAX RETURN
308
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,291
IN THE FIRST PLACE!
309
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,260
WELL, IF YOU HADN'T
FUDGED WITH MY NUMBERS,
310
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,527
YOU WOULDN'T BE IN
THIS SITUATION.
311
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:17,397
JUST REMEMBER THIS.
IF I GO DOWN,
YOU'RE COMING DOWN WITH ME!
312
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:20,533
I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL,
MARY ALBRIGHT!
313
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:29,476
OK, THAT LAST BIT
WAS A LITTLE HARSH.
314
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:33,046
BUT IT'S BEEN BUILDING UP
FOR 8 LONG YEARS.
315
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,614
3.
316
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:35,815
DAMN!
317
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:38,818
HOW'S THAT FEEL?
318
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:39,786
OH--OH, THAT'S HOT.
319
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,922
GOOD. GOOD, GOOD.
320
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:43,090
NO!
321
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,791
IT IS THE TRUTH,
I AM TELLING YOU.
322
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,726
OH, I'VE GOT ANOTHER
CLIENT--TOP-SECRET--
323
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,596
I CANNOT TELL YOU
WHO IT IS.
324
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,965
BUT SHE'S HAD
HER NOSE DONE 3 TIMES,
325
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:54,734
AND SHE'S STILL NOT HAPPY.
326
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,469
IS IT MAGGIE WRIGHT?
327
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,605
YEAH.
328
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,640
BUT I TOLD HER,
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
329
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,575
I THINK SHE LOOKS LIKE
A WITCH.
330
00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:05,712
OHH! YOU!
331
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,214
HARRY, SALLY,
CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A MINUTE?
332
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,216
OH, SORRY, HON,
WE'RE COMPLETELY BOOKED.
333
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,884
YEAH. MAYBE WE CAN
FIT YOU IN TOMORROW AROUND--
334
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,185
NOW!
335
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:13,820
NOW!
336
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,257
OK. I GOT YOUR NEW
BIOGRAPHIES DONE.
337
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,259
YOU HAVE TO HAVE THEM
MEMORIZED BY TOMORROW.
338
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,928
ALL RIGHT, SALLY.
339
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:24,631
FROM 1992 TO 1994
YOU WERE AN UNPAID DOCENT
340
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:29,569
AT THE MUSEUM
OF CHIPPEWA HERITAGE.
341
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,871
NO, NO, NO, NO.
342
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,606
IN A COMA?
343
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:36,643
MM...
344
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:39,279
NO, NO, NO, NO, MISS THING.
I DON'T THINK SO.
345
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,050
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I JUST SPENT 2 DAYS
346
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,651
DOCUMENTING AND FALSIFYING
THESE COVERS,
347
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:47,154
BUT YOU GO IN THERE TOMORROW
AND SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT!
348
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,122
IT'S YOUR ALIEN AUTOPSY, OK?
349
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:57,464
ALL RIGHT, LET'S FOCUS
AND GO OVER IT ONCE AGAIN.
350
00:14:57,497 --> 00:15:00,567
BEFORE WE MOVED HERE
ON JANUARY 9, 1996,
351
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,602
WHERE DID WE LIVE...SALLY?
352
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:07,540
2740 VERNON PLACE,
STEWART, FLORIDA, SIR!
353
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,277
AND FLORIDA WOULD BE
ON WHAT, NEPTUNE?
354
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:11,544
NO! EARTH, SIR!
355
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,280
THAT'S GOOD.
356
00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:15,682
AND DURING OUR TIME
IN FLORIDA, WAS I EVER
GAINFULLY EMPLOYED?
357
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:17,484
NO, YOU WERE NOT!
SO HOW DID WE LIVE?
358
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:18,585
BY OUR WITS, SIR!
359
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:19,886
GOOD.
360
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:24,557
OH, BY THE WAY, ARE WE
FROM A DISTANT GALAXY? YOU.
361
00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:34,534
NO...
362
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,403
ARE YOU SURE?
363
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,739
[MOUTHING SILENTLY]
364
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:40,807
YES, SIR!
365
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,942
OK.
366
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:44,311
NOW LET'S GO OVER
OUR RETURN.
367
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:47,314
YOU, YOUNG MAN.
HOW COULD THIS FAMILY
HAVE LIVED FOR 3 YEARS
368
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,681
WITH NO VISIBLE INCOME?
369
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:50,017
HOW MANY CANS?
WE COLLECTED CANS.
370
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,219
123,450 CANS.
371
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,486
AND YOU DIDN'T
REPORT THAT INCOME?
372
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,588
THE INCOME WAS $6,217,
373
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,624
WHICH FALLS WELL BELOW
FEDERAL LIMITS FOR FILING.
374
00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:58,591
YOUR NUMBERS
DON'T ADD UP!
375
00:15:58,625 --> 00:15:59,993
WE TURNED IN
30% OF THOSE CANS
376
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:02,429
IN MICHIGAN
WHERE IT'S 5 CENTS
A CAN, SIR!
377
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:10,837
OH, YEAH?
378
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,172
IN MICHIGAN, EH?
379
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:15,542
WHERE I WAS IN A COMA!
380
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,548
SIR!
381
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,420
NOW, MR. SOLOMON,
382
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:31,091
THERE ARE SOME
IRREGULARITIES HERE
ON YOUR TAX RETURN.
383
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,625
I MUST SAY,
I WAS SURPRISED
384
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,027
BY SOME OF THESE NUMBERS--
385
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:36,296
WELL, THEN,
LET'S GO OVER THEM,
MR. GINDEK.
386
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,365
I'VE GOT NOTHING
TO HIDE.
387
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,500
ME NEITHER.
388
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,835
NOR I.
389
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:43,836
WE'RE READY TO TALK.
390
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,272
YEAH.
391
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:46,139
YES.
392
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,940
NOW, HERE ON SCHEDULE E--
393
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,842
SCHEDULE E.
394
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:50,877
YEAH, I REMEMBER
THE FIRST TIME
395
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,246
I SAW SCHEDULE E.
396
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,082
IT WAS AROUND 1992.
397
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:55,948
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?
398
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:58,818
OH, YEAH.
OH, INCREDIBLE.
WHAT A DAY.
399
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,520
I WAS, UH,
RIGHT HERE ON EARTH,
400
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:03,390
AS CARBON BASED
AS THE NEXT GUY.
401
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:08,461
YOU CLAIM A $16,000--
402
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:10,163
OH, GOSH!
403
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:13,266
YOU GUYS REMEMBER
MARCH 20, 1994?
404
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,134
LIKE IT WAS
YESTERDAY.
405
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,069
REMEMBER
THAT STEAKHOUSE
WE WENT TO?
406
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:17,270
OHH, YES.
407
00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:20,240
I HAD THE PORTERHOUSE--
NO, NO, NO--
408
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:21,208
I HAD THE FLANK.
409
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:22,509
NO, DICK.
I HAD THE FLANK.
410
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,743
ARE YOU SURE?
'CAUSE I'M ALMOST
POSITIVE I HAD THE FLANK.
411
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,312
NO, 'CAUSE I ALWAYS
GET THE FLANK.
412
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,814
[ARGUING]
413
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,282
MAYBE YOU BOTH
HAD THE FLANK!
414
00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:33,120
YES.
415
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,522
THERE'S NO LAW
AGAINST...
416
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,925
2 PEOPLE HAVING
THE FLANK.
417
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,193
THERE'S CERTAINLY
NOTHING...
418
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,229
ALIEN ABOUT IT.
419
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,296
HA HA HA HA!
420
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:44,864
THE--HE--
421
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:45,932
HA HA HA HA!
422
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,268
I'VE JUST...
GOT TO GRAB SOMETHING
OFF THE PRINTER.
423
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:57,677
OH, MY GOD!
DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS?
424
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:58,411
HE DEFINITELY KNOWS!
425
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:01,013
IT WAS YOU
WITH THE FLANK STEAK!
426
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:02,882
THIS IS WHAT
WE'RE GONNA DO.
427
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,352
WHEN HE COMES BACK IN,
I BREAK HIS NECK.
428
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:06,453
THEN WE MAKE OUR ESCAPE,
429
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:08,821
AND I SNAP EVERYONE'S NECK
FROM HERE TILL WE GET HOME.
430
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:13,693
THERE'S NO WAY
THEY'LL CATCH US!
431
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,163
LET'S CALL THAT PLAN B.
432
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:19,366
QUICK, LET'S BUY SOME TIME
BY BARRICADING THE DOOR.
433
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:20,800
JUST PUSH THE DESK
OVER AGAINST THE DOOR.
434
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:24,337
THAT'S RIGHT. PUSH IT.
435
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:25,905
I CAN'T SEE HIM.
436
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:34,981
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
437
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:39,719
UH...
438
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:40,987
IT...
439
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:45,325
IT JUST--
IT JUST SLID RIGHT OVER.
440
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:49,095
DO YOUR REALIZE
THIS WHOLE FLOOR
IS SLANTED?
441
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,398
LOOK, I THINK I SEE
WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO,
442
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:54,901
AND...FRANKLY,
IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.
443
00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:55,735
ALL RIGHT!
444
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:58,371
IT'S TIME TO COME CLEAN.
445
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:01,874
THE REASON WHY WE HAVEN'T
BEEN FILING RETURNS IS...
446
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:02,842
WE WERE KIDNAPPED.
447
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:03,976
THAT'S RIGHT!
448
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,278
YEAH! YEAH!
449
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:09,148
AND THEY SAID
IF WE FILED OUR TAXES...
450
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:11,651
THEY'D KILL US!
451
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,686
OH, REALLY?
452
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:14,621
NO!
453
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,055
UH, NO.
454
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,258
TO BE HONEST,
WE WERE IN THE WITNESS
PROTECTION PROGRAM,
455
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:20,260
AND THEY WERE VERY BAD
ABOUT FORWARDING OUR MAIL.
456
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,063
I DON'T THINK SO.
457
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:27,166
OK. HOW ABOUT THIS?
458
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,268
WE'VE SPEND THE LAST 4 YEARS
459
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:31,404
LIVING IN
THE CANADIAN ROCKIES
WITH A PACK OF WOLVES!
460
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:32,272
A PACK OF WOLVES.
461
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:36,008
YES. I WAS THE ALPHA DOG.
462
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:38,378
MR. SOLOMON,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST COOPERATE?
463
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:41,348
YOU'RE ONLY MAKING THINGS
HARDER.
464
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,482
ALL RIGHT.
465
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:48,555
ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE CAUGHT US.
466
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:52,559
WE ARE ALIENS.
467
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:56,329
WE CAME HERE FROM
A BARRED SPIRAL GALAXY...
468
00:19:56,363 --> 00:20:00,199
IN THE CEPHEUS DRACO
BORDER TERRITORY...
469
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:03,603
IN ORDER TO STUDY
YOUR SPECIES.
470
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:07,674
I ONLY ASK THAT YOU
TAKE INTO ACCOUNT
OUR GOOD INTENTIONS
471
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:12,379
BEFORE YOU CALL IN
YOUR SCIENTISTS...
472
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,247
TO DISSECT US.
473
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,987
SORRY, FOLKS.
I'VE HEARD THAT ONE
BEFORE, TOO.
474
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:30,297
MR. SOLOMON,
YOU OWE $16,143
IN BACK TAXES.
475
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:31,998
YAY!
YES!
YES!
476
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,202
MR. GINDEK!
AAH!
MR. GINDEK!
477
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,169
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!
478
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,241
WELL, WE STILL HAVE
A LOT TO LEARN.
479
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:44,010
COULD YOU IMAGINE
A REAL HUMAN BEING
480
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,978
AFRAID OF
A TAX AUDIT?
481
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:47,447
HA HA! I KNOW.
482
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,215
ALTHOUGH I DO FEEL
A LITTLE MORE HUMAN
483
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:52,552
NOW THAT WE'VE BEEN
REAMED BY THE I.R.S.
484
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,186
I THINK "REAMED"
IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.
485
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:56,923
YEAH. WE'RE PAYING TAXES
FOR YEARS WE WEREN'T
EVEN ON THE PLANET.
486
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,626
YEAH, WELL, LUCKILY,
MY BUSINESS IS BOOMING.
487
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,662
HEY, MR. HARRY,
HOW MANY APPOINTMENTS
FOR TOMORROW?
488
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:05,097
LET'S SEE. UH...
489
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:06,899
NONE.
490
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:07,967
WHAT?!
491
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,269
IN ALL FAIRNESS, SALLY,
YOU HAVE TERRIBLE HAIRCUTS.
492
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:12,305
OH, RIGHT. I FORGOT.
493
00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:13,172
HEY, BY THE WAY,
494
00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:14,941
DID YOU GUYS SEE
DUBCEK'S FACE
495
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,310
WHEN SHE CAME OUT
OF THE DRYER?
496
00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:26,986
ERRR!
IS THIS
WHAT I PAID FOR?
497
00:21:27,019 --> 00:21:30,022
SALLY, I HAD NO IDEA
YOU'D GONE
TO BEAUTY SCHOOL.
498
00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:31,524
OH, SURE.
499
00:21:31,558 --> 00:21:34,961
BACK IN '92--
REMEMBER '92, TOMMY?
500
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:37,930
SURE. 1992.
THE YEAR WE DANCED
501
00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:39,332
TO THE MUSIC
OF VANILLA ICE,
502
00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:41,634
AND SCENT OF A WOMAN
INTRODUCED AMERICA
503
00:21:41,668 --> 00:21:44,170
TO A YOUNG HEARTTHROB
NAMED CHRIS O'DONNELL.
504
00:21:44,203 --> 00:21:46,305
OH, HOW'S THAT FEEL?
OW!
505
00:21:46,339 --> 00:21:46,906
IT HURT.
506
00:21:46,939 --> 00:21:47,940
OH, GOOD. GOOD.
507
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:50,677
OW! OW! OW!
508
00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:53,112
OW! OW! OW!
34579
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