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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,308 --> 00:00:08,642 Greg Gumbel: WELCOME BACK TO SAN DIEGO, EVERYONE, 2 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,211 THE SITE OF SUPER BOWL XXXII, 3 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:12,980 WON BY THE DENVER BRONCOS 31-24. 4 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,882 TERRELL DAVIS, THE MOST VALUABLE-- 5 00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:16,517 RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! 6 00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,052 THE BIG WOMEN ARE ANGRY! 7 00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:20,054 SAVE YOURSELVES WHILE THERE'S STILL TIME! 8 00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:21,422 SECURITY! I NEED SECURITY! 9 00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:22,723 NO, I'M TRYING TO WARN YOU! 10 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:23,957 THEY'RE ALREADY HERE! 11 00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:25,759 THEY'RE READY TO TAKE OVER! 12 00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,195 Dick: HOW DID IT HAPPEN? 13 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:29,430 IT BEGAN SO INNOCENTLY. 14 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,532 IT WAS A DAY LIKE ANY OTHER. 15 00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,101 I CAN STILL REMEMBER. 16 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,903 I WAS TEACHING A CLASS IN PHYSICS. 17 00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,271 HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG, 18 00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:40,441 JANUARY 12, EARTH YEAR 1998. 19 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:41,509 THERE ARE SOME NEW STUDENTS 20 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,544 IN MY CLASS TODAY. 21 00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:44,845 I USUALLY DON'T ALLOW STUDENTS 22 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,514 TO JOIN MY CLASS MID-SEMESTER, 23 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,216 BUT I MADE AN EXCEPTION THIS TIME 24 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:51,219 BECAUSE THEY WALKED IN AND SAT DOWN. 25 00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:55,756 KEPLER'S THIRD LAW STATES WHAT? CLASS? 26 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:58,792 UH, BODY IN MOTION TENDS TO... 27 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:01,462 STAY IN MOTION. 28 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:04,165 NO, NO. BUG, I'M LOOKING FOR A PLANETARY LAW. 29 00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,499 YEAH, PLANETS, YOU KNOW, 30 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:07,735 HEAVENLY BODIES? 31 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:10,138 KEPLER'S THIRD LAW. ANYBODY. 32 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:15,176 THE SQUARE OF A PLANET'S PERIOD OF ORBIT 33 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:17,811 IS PROPORTIONAL TO THE CUBE OF ITS AVERAGE DISTANCE 34 00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:19,079 FROM THE SUN. 35 00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:22,650 TH-TH-THAT--THAT'S VERY GOOD, UH... 36 00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,017 GABRIELLA. 37 00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:25,186 GABRIELLA. 38 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,588 [BELL RINGS] 39 00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:32,860 SO, UH, YOU WANT TO ORBIT AROUND MY PLANET? 40 00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,162 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 41 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:35,729 YES, I DO, AND... 42 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,231 YES, I WOULD. 43 00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:38,532 YOU WOULD? 44 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,568 ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 45 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,069 ABSOLUTELY. 46 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,772 OHHHH! 47 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,006 DR. SOLOMON? 48 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,742 GABRIELLA, IT WAS A PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU IN CLASS. 49 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,512 I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT SCIENCE, 50 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,415 BUT YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD TEACHER. 51 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,351 OH, SURE, THAT'S WHAT I DO. 52 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:02,756 HI. WHO'S UNDER THE DRYER? 53 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:05,493 FAST EDDIE'S APPLIANCE REPAIR. 54 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,060 MAKE SURE YOU GET THE GUARANTEE. 55 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,496 OK. 56 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:09,397 SO, UH, EDDIE, 57 00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,064 YOU WANT A SODA OR SOMETHING? 58 00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,033 YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT NOT BE TOO COLD. 59 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,469 I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE REFRIGERATOR. 60 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,514 YOU'RE NOT EDDIE. 61 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,449 NO. EDDIE GAVE ME THE SHOP. 62 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,117 WHY? 63 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,486 BECAUSE I ASKED FOR IT. 64 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,888 REASONABLE. 65 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,190 SO, UH, 66 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:37,691 WOULD YOU LIKE A SODA? 67 00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,260 THANKS. 68 00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:41,729 I LIKE IT WHEN MEN GIVE ME THINGS. 69 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,065 ME, TOO. 70 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:50,103 SOMETIMES THE BARBER GIVES ME A LOLLIPOP. 71 00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:53,073 DID YOU GO TO THE BARBER TODAY? 72 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:55,142 NO. 73 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,845 DID YOU? 74 00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,080 YES. 75 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,596 Dick: HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG, JANUARY 14. 76 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:18,031 FOR SOME REASON, THE MEN OF RUTHERFORD, OHIO, 77 00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:21,068 ARE IN THE BEST SPIRITS I'VE EVER SEEN. 78 00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:21,902 AS FOR ME, 79 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:24,438 I'M GETTING TO KNOW GABRIELLA BETTER. 80 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:39,320 DICK, DON'T YOU FIND IT JUST A LITTLE BIT ODD 81 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:42,723 THAT A WOMAN THAT GORGEOUS LIKES YOU? 82 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,825 YOU WOULDN'T THINK IT WAS ODD IF I WERE MICK JAGGER. 83 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:47,261 YEAH, BUT MICK JAGGER'S NOT A SMALL-TOWN COLLEGE PROFESSOR. 84 00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:49,697 EXACTLY. AND YET HE STILL GETS WOMEN. 85 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,132 NEXT TIME, TRY THINKING BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH. 86 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,667 DICK, SALLY, 87 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:55,836 I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET CHLOE. 88 00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:56,804 Dick: HI. 89 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,171 HELLO. 90 00:03:58,205 --> 00:03:59,139 I'M EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL, 91 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:02,776 AND I'M TOMMY'S NEW GIRLFRIEND. 92 00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,278 WAIT, IS THAT TRUE, TOMMY? 93 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,513 YES. 94 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,415 AND YES. 95 00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:11,619 A WOMAN LIKE THAT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AVAILABLE 96 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:12,786 TO A HIGH SCHOOL KID. 97 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,989 THAT'S WHY WE GOT HIM A SUBSCRIPTION TO PLAYBOY. 98 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,291 AND NOW WE CAN CANCEL IT. 99 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,359 BA-BAM! 100 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,660 SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? 101 00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,429 LET'S SEE. OH, I KNOW. 102 00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,096 ENJOY THE HELL OUT OF IT. 103 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,965 AS YOU WERE, LIEUTENANT. 104 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,105 SO... 105 00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:32,873 HOW ARE THINGS? 106 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,175 AH, SAME OLD, SAME OLD. 107 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,176 YOU? 108 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,911 CAN'T COMPLAIN. 109 00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:40,781 YES! YES! 110 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,354 Dick: HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG, JANUARY 15. 111 00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,590 GABRIELLA HAS GIVEN ME A PHOTO OF HER. 112 00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,024 I'M TRYING TO DETERMINE WHICH ANGLE 113 00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:27,695 WILL BE MOST VISIBLE TO DR. ALBRIGHT TO BEST MOCK HER 114 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:31,264 FOR HAVING BROKEN UP WITH ME. 115 00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:33,266 I THINK THAT THEY SHOULD JUST TURN THE CLASS 116 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,301 INTO A SEMINAR. 117 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,104 WHAT'S THAT, YOU SAY? WHO IS THIS A PICTURE OF? 118 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,138 WHAT? 119 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,173 WELL, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO NOSY, 120 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:41,174 I'LL TELL YOU. 121 00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:42,142 IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE-- 122 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,911 DR. ALBRIGHT! DR. ALBRIGHT, LOOK! 123 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:44,545 WHAT IS IT? 124 00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:46,046 TICKETS TO THE SUPER BOWL! 125 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,214 WHERE DID THESE COME FROM? 126 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:49,550 FRANK LEGGETT, CLASS OF '94. 127 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,384 OH, MY GOD. 128 00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:53,554 HIS TEAM IS PLAYING IN THE SUPER BOWL. 129 00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:56,023 EEEEE! 130 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,566 WHY WOULD HE SEND YOU THE TICKETS? 131 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,801 OH, UH, FRANK WAS HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE 132 00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:09,903 MAINTAINING HIS ACADEMIC ELIGIBILITY. 133 00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:12,673 I JUST GAVE HIM A LITTLE HELP AND GUIDANCE. 134 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,842 "YOUR CLASSES WERE SO EASY. 135 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,310 THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME COAST." 136 00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,213 HE WAS A BRILLIANT STUDENT. 137 00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,950 HE SPELLED EASY WITH A "Z." 138 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,051 OH, WHO CARES! 139 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:27,387 I HAVE 2 TICKETS TO THE SUPER BOWL! 140 00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,757 SO, UH, WHO ARE YOU GONNA TAKE? 141 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,759 OH. 142 00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,927 OHH, UM... 143 00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:37,030 OH, I'M SORRY, I'VE KNOWN NINA LONGER. 144 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:37,931 AAHHHH! 145 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:40,834 SAN DIEGO, HERE I COME! 146 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,405 WOOOO! 147 00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:52,813 VIDEOTAPE FOR MASHA. 148 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,815 TAKE 8. 149 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:15,068 WHO'S YOUR DADDY? 150 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:19,139 YOU'RE MY LITTLE SCHMOO-SCHMOO. 151 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,240 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? 152 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,543 OH, UH, MAKING A TAPE FOR MASHA. 153 00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:23,677 IN CASE SHE NEEDS A HARRY FIX 154 00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:26,113 IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. 155 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,582 THAT'S SO SWEET. 156 00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,185 SALLY, LOOK. 157 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,788 CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR FOR GABRIELLA. 158 00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:36,189 WHAT'S CAVIAR? 159 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,190 RUSSIAN FISH EGGS. 160 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,358 VERY EXPENSIVE. 161 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,426 YEAH, I KNOW. 162 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,361 YOU AND TOMMY HAVE SPENT A FORTUNE ON THESE WOMEN. 163 00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:44,131 LOOK, $700 FOR A NECKLACE, $400 FOR EARRINGS. 164 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,734 HEY, GUYS, LOOK WHAT I BOUGHT FOR CHLOE. 165 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,435 HOW MUCH DID THAT COST? 166 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,002 $50. 167 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,137 $50? 168 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,840 A MONTH FOR THE NEXT 16 YEARS. 169 00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:54,675 ONE SECOND, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 170 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:55,943 CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME 171 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,145 WHY RUTHERFORD, OHIO, 172 00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,147 IS SUDDENLY BRIMMING OVER WITH BEAUTIFUL WOMEN 173 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,983 JUST DYING TO DATE LOSERS? 174 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,184 WELL, I'M BETTING IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO 175 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,620 WITH EL NIÑO. 176 00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:16,664 HELLO, DON. 177 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:18,699 YEAH, HI, SALLY. 178 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,802 I SAID, "HELLO, DON." 179 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,304 YEAH, I HEARD YOU. 180 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,245 CAN I BUY YOU A COFFEE? 181 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:35,916 WAIT A SECOND. WAIT, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN HAVE ME? 182 00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:39,352 LOOK AROUND. TIMES HAVE CHANGED. 183 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,322 I'M GOING TO THE LADIES ROOM. 184 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,693 ANYBODY CARE TO JOIN ME? 185 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,605 A SUCKER? THIS IS IT? 186 00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,807 I'M TRYING. HE'S NOT RESPONDING RIGHT. 187 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,075 WELL, TRY HARDER. 188 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,410 LADIES, 189 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:09,382 WE WILL NOT REST UNTIL WE HAVE ACHIEVED THE TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION. 190 00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:11,885 EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT DID YOU SAY-- 191 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,189 OH, I'M SILLY. 192 00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:17,524 I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU. 193 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,861 YOU WEREN'T AT THE SCHOOL OR-- OH, HELLO. 194 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:24,698 WHY DOES YOUR WIFE ALWAYS BOTHER US? 195 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:27,434 NO, I'M NOT HIS WIFE. I'M HIS SISTER, AND, UH, RIGHT NOW, 196 00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,670 WE REALLY NEED TO HAVE A LITTLE BROTHER/SISTER CHAT. 197 00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:30,871 SALLY, ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME 198 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:34,174 YOU CAN SAY IN FRONT OF GABRIELLA. 199 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:35,909 OK, UM... 200 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:40,147 YOU KNOW THOSE HEMORRHOID SUPPOSITORIES YOU ALWAYS BUY-- 201 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,750 ALL RIGHT, IN THE KITCHEN! IN THE KITCHEN! 202 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:46,820 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, MY PERFECTLY SYMMETRICAL LITTLE SNOWFLAKE. 203 00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:48,822 MMM... [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] 204 00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:51,024 Sally: DICK! 205 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,660 HURRY UP! I MISS MY GABY. 206 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:55,195 I THINK I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT'S GOING ON. 207 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:58,065 THESE WOMEN ARE PART OF SOME STRANGE ORGANIZED COVEN. 208 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,133 THEIR GOAL IS TO DOMINATE THE WORLD. 209 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:02,469 I HEARD THEM, DICK. THEY'RE DANGEROUS. 210 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:05,739 YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT SIZZLING SIBERIAN SEX KITTEN IN THERE 211 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:06,740 DOESN'T REALLY LOVE ME? 212 00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:07,941 NO. 213 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:10,043 BUT IS ONLY USING ME IN A PLOT TO DOMINATE THE WHOLE WORLD? 214 00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:11,311 YES! 215 00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,380 HA HA HA HA HA! 216 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:16,183 THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I'VE EVER HEARD. 217 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:17,718 SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND. 218 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,252 Gabriella: DICK! 219 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:23,390 [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] 220 00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:26,559 WELL, I GUESS IT'S UP TO ME TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS. 221 00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:31,965 AND IF I HAVE TO SMASH DICK'S FANTASY AND LEAVE HIM A BLUBBERING IDIOT, 222 00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:35,102 THEN ALL THE BETTER. 223 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:40,473 THAT... 224 00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,142 AND THAT. 225 00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,411 OOH! 226 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,479 AND THIS. 227 00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,280 I'M GONNA TRY IT ON. 228 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,448 OOH, I'LL HELP. 229 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,483 NO, YOU DON'T, BAD BOY. 230 00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:54,621 WHY DON'T YOU GO TAKE A MARKETING SURVEY OR SOMETHING. 231 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:55,723 WHAT? 232 00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:58,025 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE A MARKETING SURVEY? 233 00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,827 OK. 234 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,698 EXCUSE ME, I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND MY SIZE. 235 00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:05,432 AND THAT WOULD BE? 236 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:06,499 AN 8. 237 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:07,534 YOU HAVE 2s AND 4s, 238 00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:10,670 AND A COUPLE OF ZEROS. 239 00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:15,375 WELL, I'M SORRY, MISS, BUT WE DON'T REALLY CARRY THE PLUS SIZES. 240 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,011 SINCE WHEN DID 8 BECOME A PLUS SIZE? 241 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,246 IN THE CLOTHING BUSINESS, 242 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,815 WE HAVE TO CATER TO THE DEMANDS OF THE BUYER. 243 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,650 WELL, I'VE BEEN SHOPPING HERE A LONG TIME, 244 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,086 AND I DEMAND SERVICE. 245 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:30,758 YOU KNOW, HON, IT'S REALLY UNATTRACTIVE WHEN A HEAVY GAL YELLS. 246 00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,794 SO, WOULD YOU BUY THIS PRODUCT? 247 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,163 IN A HEARTBEAT. 248 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,130 HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY FOR THIS PRODUCT? 249 00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,165 SO, WOULD YOU GIVE UP ALL THAT YOU HOLD DEAR 250 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:41,168 AND DEVOTE YOUR LIFE TO OBTAINING THIS PRODUCT? 251 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,170 SURE. 252 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,704 WHAT IS THIS PRODUCT? 253 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:47,274 I HAVE NO IDEA. 254 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,980 WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME? 255 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:56,149 OOH, WELL, I SEE SOMEONE WHO'S SWEET, 256 00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:57,851 FUN TO BE WITH, 257 00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:01,889 MAYBE A LITTLE INSECURE, BUT... 258 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,758 I LIKE THAT ABOUT YOU. 259 00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,559 DON'T YOU THINK I'M BEAUTIFUL? 260 00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:09,429 WELL, SURE YOU'RE CUTE, 261 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:14,101 EVEN WITH THE MOLE. 262 00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:17,004 WELL, THEN, DON'T YOU WANT TO GIVE ME ANYTHING? 263 00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:18,839 OH, OF COURSE I DO. 264 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:21,975 I WANT TO GIVE YOU THE MOUNTAINS AND THE RIVER 265 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:23,610 AND THE TREES. 266 00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:26,980 WELL, I GUESS I WAS JUST HOPING FOR SOMETHING MORE LIKE... 267 00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:29,116 EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE JEWELRY. 268 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:30,383 HMM? 269 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,385 OK. 270 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:36,323 I WAS KEEPING THIS FOR A SURPRISE, BUT... 271 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:40,060 I HAD THE BARBER TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE TOP. 272 00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,830 JUST FOR YOU. 273 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,301 SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FAILURE. 274 00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,370 OOH, WHY? 275 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:53,706 HARRY, I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 276 00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:56,209 I'M NOT FROM AROUND HERE. 277 00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:01,748 I'M NOT FROM AROUND HERE, EITHER. 278 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,217 I'M NOT LIKE OTHER WOMEN. 279 00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:07,354 I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GUYS. 280 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,889 I CAN'T TELL YOU WHY. 281 00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:11,992 I CAN'T TELL YOU WHY, EITHER. 282 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:14,928 WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON. 283 00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:17,330 WE DO. 284 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,642 Sally: LIEUTENANT'S LOG. 285 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,744 YES, I HAVE ONE, TOO. 286 00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:34,948 THE COFFEE SHOP IS LOUSY WITH THESE LEGGY PREDATORS. 287 00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:38,418 I MUST GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS, AT ANY COST. 288 00:13:58,906 --> 00:14:00,640 PREPARE FOR CONTACT 289 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,642 WITH PRELL. 290 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,644 [STATIC] 291 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:08,481 [TUNING RADIO] 292 00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,985 LADIES, WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY FROM VENUS. 293 00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:13,420 I WOULD LIKE TO COMMEND YOU ALL 294 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:16,723 ON YOUR HARD WORK AND DEDICATION... 295 00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:19,126 IN HEELS, I MIGHT ADD. 296 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,995 WHY DID YOU CHOOSE RUTHERFORD, OHIO? 297 00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:22,963 MMM. 298 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:26,466 BECAUSE IT IS SO DELIGHTFULLY AVERAGE, 299 00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:28,735 A PETRI DISH OF THE MUNDANE. 300 00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:31,138 DOES THE EXPERIMENT GO WELL? 301 00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:35,475 EVERY MAN TESTED SCORED 100% ON THE WEAKNESS SCALE. 302 00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:36,743 EXCELLENT! 303 00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:41,748 NOW IT'S TIME FOR US TO MOVE WEST TOWARDS OUR FINAL DESTINATION: 304 00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,650 AREA 32. 305 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,818 [TOILET FLUSHES] 306 00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:48,188 SEARCH THE STALLS! 307 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,158 EXCUSE ME. 308 00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:52,192 WHY WERE YOU HIDING IN THERE? 309 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,093 I WASN'T HIDING. 310 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,996 THEN WHY WEREN'T YOUR FEET VISIBLE? 311 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,198 THIS IS PRETTY EMBARRASSING, BUT, UM... 312 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:03,003 SOMETIMES I JAM MY FEET AGAINST THE STALL DOOR, 313 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:05,672 YOU KNOW, FOR LEVERAGE. 314 00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:09,909 I HAVEN'T BEEN EATING ENOUGH GRAINS LATELY SO IT'S BEEN--WAAAA! 315 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:10,643 YOU'RE LYING. 316 00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,112 YEAH, I'M LYING. 317 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:14,081 IT'S BECAUSE I WANT TO JOIN YOU. 318 00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:14,881 JOIN US? 319 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,116 HMM. 320 00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:19,186 YOU'VE GOT SPLIT ENDS. 321 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,921 NO, SHE'S TALL ENOUGH, 322 00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:24,524 SHE'S GOT THE BONE STRUCTURE. 323 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,259 PERHAPS WE CAN USE HER, 324 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:30,530 THAT IS, IF SHE CAN ENDURE OUR MAKEOVER. 325 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:41,241 [BALALAIKA PLAYS] [SINGING IN RUSSIAN] 326 00:15:58,325 --> 00:15:59,692 * LA LA LA LA LA 327 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:01,128 * LA LA LA LA LA 328 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:02,462 * LA LA LA LA LA 329 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,730 * LA LA LA LA LA 330 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,032 RRRRRRRRRRR! 331 00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,399 OY! OY! OY! OY! 332 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:07,400 * LA LA LA LA LA 333 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,503 * LA LA LA LA LA-- 334 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,639 UM, I JUST NEED TO GET SOMETHING FROM MY ROOM. 335 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:13,806 YOU MIND IF I GO ALONE? 336 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,609 NOT AT ALL. GREAT. 337 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,745 OOH, MASHA! 338 00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,213 HELLO, HARRY. 339 00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,182 I DIDN'T COME TO SEE YOU. 340 00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,917 I CAME TO TAKE YOUR SISTER... SHOPPING. 341 00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,186 MMM. 342 00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:27,620 LOOK, I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE THINGS. 343 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,390 AND SO, UM... 344 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:33,526 I MADE YOU SOMETHING. 345 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,996 NOT REAL GOLD, MACARONI. 346 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:40,633 I SPRAY PAINTED IT. 347 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:44,271 THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY NO MARKET VALUE. 348 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,073 AND YET... 349 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,874 I'M TOUCHED. 350 00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:51,978 YOU'RE EITHER REALLY CHEAP, 351 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,780 OR REALLY DEEP. 352 00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:57,550 I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT I AM BOTH. 353 00:16:57,584 --> 00:17:00,887 I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I WANT TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING, TOO. 354 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,656 OH, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO. 355 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,102 I HAVE TO GO NOW, HARRY. 356 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,404 GOOD-BYE. 357 00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:25,978 OK, LADIES, LET'S GO! 358 00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:27,247 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! WHY ARE YOU LEAVING? 359 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:31,151 OH, I'M SORRY, DICK, BUT I'VE GOT SOME BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF. 360 00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,285 OUCH! 361 00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:34,020 WAIT, SALLY, YOU CAN'T GO. YOU HAVE TO MAKE US DINNER. 362 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,123 UH, YOU HAVE TO BUY YOUR OWN DINNER. 363 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,990 UM, HERE'S A GROCERY LIST. 364 00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:39,526 IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ IT 365 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,694 SO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO BUY. LET'S MOVE! 366 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:45,031 EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY, IT'S A GOOD READ, THAT GROCERY LIST. 367 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,833 I HEARD YOU, MISS PRONUNCIATION. 368 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:50,069 Sally: THE LIST, DICK! READ THE LIST! 369 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,272 WELL, SHALL WE GO GROCERY SHOPPING? 370 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,607 NO, NO, THAT'S SALLY'S JOB. 371 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:57,877 NO, I THINK THE MOST PRUDENT THING FOR US TO DO NOW 372 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:03,150 IS JUST TO, UM, SIT HERE AND WAIT FOR THE GIRLS TO COME BACK. 373 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:09,889 Dick: HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG, JANUARY 18th. 374 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:14,294 LIKE LOCUSTS, THEY CAME EN MASSE WITHOUT WARNING. 375 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:18,097 THEN, IN A CLOUD OF SPARKLY POWDER AND PERFUME... 376 00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:20,066 [SIGHS] [SIGHS] [SIGHS] 377 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,469 THEY WERE GONE. 378 00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,204 HEY, GUYS. 379 00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:25,172 I WAS JUST WONDERING, HAVE ANY OF YOU-- 380 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:27,073 NO, WE HAVEN'T SEEN KIRSTA AROUND. 381 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,175 WILL YOU GIVE IT A REST? 382 00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,677 YOU DON'T HEAR ME WHINING ON AND ON ABOUT GABRIELLA. 383 00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,345 ONLY 24 HOURS A DAY. 384 00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:34,714 MMM, PLEASE, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU LOST MASHA. 385 00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:36,183 MASHA, MASHA, MASHA. 386 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:36,783 WHY I OUGHT TO-- 387 00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,118 HEY, HEY, HEY! 388 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,722 WHY DON'T WE STOP KIDDING OURSELVES? 389 00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,791 WE KNEW IT COULDN'T LAST FOREVER. 390 00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,593 THE THING I MOST REGRET IS 391 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:50,029 I DIDN'T TAKE ANY PICTURES OF GABRIELLA AND ME. 392 00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:51,264 NOW NO ONE'S GOING TO BELIEVE ME 393 00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:54,201 WHEN I TELL THEM I SLEPT WITH HER. 394 00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:55,001 YOU DIDN'T. 395 00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:58,037 YOU SEE, IT'S STARTED ALREADY! 396 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,311 JUST AS I SUSPECTED, SHE'S A WINTER. 397 00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:06,846 OH, I ALWAYS THOUGHT I LOOKED BEST IN WARMER TONES. 398 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,147 OH, YOU WERE WRONG. 399 00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:11,951 SHE HAS COMBINATION SKIN AND A DRY T-ZONE. 400 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,720 WE MUST EXFOLIATE. 401 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:16,189 UH, UH, COULDN'T WE JUST MOISTURIZE ME? 402 00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:17,424 DO YOU WANT TO BE ONE OF US OR NOT? 403 00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,392 YES, YES! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! 404 00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:21,594 I NEED THE FIDO BENT. 405 00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:24,197 2000? 3000. 406 00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,801 NOW, OPEN! 407 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,438 UHH! AAH! 408 00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,008 WHOA, LOOK, HARRY. 409 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,143 IT'S MASHA'S COMPACT. 410 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,480 OOH, LET ME HOLD IT. 411 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:44,884 OOH, I CAN STILL FEEL THE HEAT FROM HER SLENDER FINGERS. 412 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,386 [STATIC] 413 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:49,456 Prell: HELLO? COME IN, SASSOON, THIS IS PRELL. 414 00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:52,225 WHAT WAS THAT? SHE WAS HOT. 415 00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:53,059 [STATIC] 416 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:55,662 Prell: HEY, WHO IS THAT? 417 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,264 OH, MY GOD! 418 00:19:57,297 --> 00:20:00,199 DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS IS? 419 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:05,772 IT'S A MULTIPHASE MICRO TRANSMITTER AND ROSE-PINK BLUSH IN ONE! 420 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:09,208 THIS PLANET DOESN'T HAVE THAT TECHNOLOGY. 421 00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:12,512 HOLY COW! WE WEREN'T JUST DATING LEGGY BABES. 422 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:16,649 WE WERE DATING LEGGY BABES FROM BEYOND. 423 00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:18,150 OH, MY GOD! 424 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,919 WE'RE ALIENS OURSELVES AND THEY FOOLED US. 425 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,288 WHAT CHANCE DO REGULAR HUMANS HAVE? 426 00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:22,154 WHERE'S THAT SHOPPING LIST? 427 00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:23,823 OH, WHOA! WAIT A SECOND! WAIT. 428 00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:26,359 I THINK I PUT IT IN THE TRASH. 429 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:28,395 OH, WAIT, HERE IT IS. 430 00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,629 OH, NO! 431 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:30,630 WHAT? 432 00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:33,966 NONE OF THE GROCERIES WE NEED ARE ON THIS LIST. 433 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,604 NO, IT'S JUST SOME LONG, INVOLVED MESSAGE ABOUT SALLY INFILTRATING THEIR GROUP 434 00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:39,005 AND HEADING TO CALIFORNIA. 435 00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:40,573 OH. OH. 436 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,542 OHH! OHH! OHH! 437 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:43,543 SHE WAS ASKING FOR OUR HELP, 438 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,211 AND WE WEREN'T THERE FOR HER. 439 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,113 OH, WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING TO HER NOW. 440 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,214 WE WERE SITTING ON OUR DUFFS 441 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:51,551 WHILE SHE'S SINGLE-HANDEDLY TRYING TO SAVE EARTH! 442 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:56,289 EARTH. MAYBE IT ISN'T THE BIGGEST PLANET IN THE GALAXY, 443 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:59,125 OR THE ROUNDEST... 444 00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:01,027 BUT I'VE COME TO THINK OF IT AS HOME. 445 00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:03,363 I WAS GONNA RETIRE HERE, 446 00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:06,132 YOU KNOW, IN BOCA. 447 00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:09,502 POOR MASHA, IN THEIR CLUTCHES. 448 00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:11,037 SHE'S ONE OF THEM, YOU IDIOT! 449 00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:13,406 WE'VE GOT TO SAVE EARTH, AND WE'VE GOTTA SAVE SALLY! 450 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,342 LET'S GO! 451 00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:16,809 WAIT! 452 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:19,679 WHAT IF WE RUN INTO ONE OF THOSE CUNNING, MANIPULATIVE WOMEN? 453 00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:22,449 YOU'RE RIGHT. EVERYONE GRAB A COMB AND A DINNER JACKET. 454 00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:24,317 LET'S GO! 30863

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