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1
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,873
[SLURPING]
2
00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:15,216
NICE! NICE!
NICE!
3
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:17,251
I'M NOT GOING
TO LIE TO YOU FELLAS.
4
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:19,853
DON LIKES THE LADIES.
5
00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:21,155
IN ADDITION
TO LIKING 'EM,
6
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:24,292
DO YOU EVER
GET THE COURAGE
TO TALK TO ONE?
7
00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:25,859
NOT REALLY.
8
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,628
FORTUNATELY,
THE GOOD LORD CREATED
9
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:31,399
A NICE LITTLE ICEBREAKER
CALLED JAYWALKING TICKETS.
10
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:34,335
YOU KNOW,
I JUST REALIZED
11
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,170
SOMETHING
ABOUT THESE LADIES.
12
00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:38,206
NOT ONE OF THEM
IS MARY ALBRIGHT,
13
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,408
AND YET I'M
INCREDIBLY TURNED ON
BY THEM.
14
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,842
OH. WELL,
GOOD FOR YOU, DICK.
15
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:42,810
I DON'T KNOW
WHETHER TO KISS THEM
16
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:46,347
OR GET ON MY KNEES
AND BARK LIKE A DOG.
17
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,581
WELL,
AS A POLICE OFFICER,
18
00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:51,652
I MUST TELL YOU
THAT EACH APPROACH
HAS ITS STRENGTHS.
19
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:54,955
[EVERYONE SLURPING]
20
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:57,158
NICE! NICE!
NICE!
21
00:00:58,326 --> 00:00:59,026
HEY...
22
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,961
LOOK...
23
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,563
I DROPPED MY WALLET.
24
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:03,331
YOU DON'T HAVE
A WALLET.
25
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,633
HEY!
I FOUND A WALLET.
26
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,768
OOH! AND IT'S GOT
200 BUCKS IN IT.
27
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,203
OOH, IT'S
YOUR LUCKY DAY.
28
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:10,971
WELL, SHOULDN'T WE
RETURN IT?
YEAH.
29
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:15,409
SURE. THAT'S...
KIND OF WHAT I WAS...
30
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:19,012
[EVERYONE SLURPING]
31
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:22,283
NICE!
NICE!
32
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:22,983
[WOOF WOOF]
33
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,718
[WOOF WOOF WOOF
WOOF WOOF]
34
00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:28,356
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS,
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
35
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,424
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC
36
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,123
MARY! NINA!
HEY, MARY!
37
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,625
GOOD MORNING,
DR. SOLOMON.
38
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,994
OH! THE MOST AMAZING
THING HAPPENED TO ME.
39
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:10,631
I TOLD YOU,
THE SUPERMARKET DOOR
OPENS FOR EVERYBODY.
40
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:11,332
NO!
41
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:12,233
NO! NO!
42
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,001
NO. I WAS OUT
WITH THE BOYS,
43
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:16,837
AND I ACTUALLY NOTICED
OTHER WOMEN!
44
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,939
THE SKINNY ONES
HAD BEAUTIFUL CHEEKBONES,
45
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,908
AND THE MORE AMPLE ONES--
46
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,211
WELL, LET'S JUST SAY,
47
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,413
BABY GOT BACK!
48
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,650
THAT'S FASCINATING.
49
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:32,520
OH, DID YOU SEE ANY
WITH BIG GAZONGAS?
50
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:34,855
SOME.
51
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:35,889
THE POINT IS,
52
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:38,192
UP UNTIL NOW,
THE SIGHT OF A WOMAN
OTHER THAN YOU
53
00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:42,330
HELD THE SAME APPEAL
TO ME AS, SAY,
A PLATE OF EGGS.
54
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:46,066
NUTRITIOUS, YES,
BUT ULTIMATELY
WAY TOO GASSY.
55
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:47,835
NOW ALL THAT'S CHANGED.
56
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:48,969
IT HAS?
MM-HMM.
57
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:49,937
I FINALLY
FEEL READY
58
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,772
TO GO ON
MY FIRST NEW DATE.
59
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,407
WOMEN OF RUTHERFORD,
60
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:58,679
LOOK OUT!
61
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,114
SALLY, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN
THE LOOK ON THIS GUY'S FACE
62
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,516
WHEN WE RETURNED HIS WALLET.
63
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:06,720
IT WAS THE MOST
SATISFYING EXPERIENCE
OF MY LIFE.
64
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:09,357
WHAT KIND OF REWARD
DID YOU GET?
65
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,392
REWARD?
66
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:14,728
YEAH. YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE SOMETHING
TO SHOW HIS APPRECIATION.
67
00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:18,399
WE GOT NOTHING.
68
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,402
HE UNAPPRECIATED US.
69
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:22,636
THAT TOOL!
70
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,372
GUYARR!
71
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:28,141
OK, DICK, I RECOMMEND
YOU START WITH
THE SELF-HELP SECTION.
72
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:30,678
NOW THE WOMEN THERE
ARE NUTTY,
BUT VULNERABLE.
73
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:31,745
ENOUGH SAID.
74
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:32,946
SALLY...
75
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,882
LET'S SAVOR
THESE LAST MOMENTS
76
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,517
BEFORE I MEET
MY NEW GIRLFRIEND,
77
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,751
BECAUSE WHEN I DO,
78
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,086
I'M NOT GOING TO SHOW
ANY INTEREST IN YOU
79
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:42,723
OR THE REST OF THE FAMILY
EVER AGAIN.
80
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,725
THAT SADDENS ME.
81
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,629
HELLO, I'VE...
82
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:51,399
HAD SEX BEFORE.
I KNOW HOW TO DO IT.
83
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,903
SHE OBVIOUSLY
DOESN'T SPEAK A WORD
OF ENGLISH.
84
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,538
HI,
I'M DICK SOLOMON.
85
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,006
I'M TIGHT
WITH THE MONEY,
86
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,842
BUT NEVER
WITH THE LOVIN'.
87
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,244
IT'S GOING DOWN.
HOW SAD.
88
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:08,449
DICK, I THINK YOU NEED TO BE
A LITTLE MORE CASUAL, OK?
UM...
89
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,217
WATCH.
90
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,319
HI.
91
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:12,219
HI.
92
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,321
WANT TO GET
SOME COFFEE?
93
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:13,821
NO.
94
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,889
SEE? IT'S EASY.
95
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:16,990
YOU GOT TO BE
DOING SOMETHING WRONG,
96
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,327
'CAUSE I CAN PRACTICALLY GRUNT
AND THEY'RE INTERESTED.
97
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,127
GRUNT?
98
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,929
YEAH. HERE, WATCH.
99
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:24,765
HUHH!
100
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,266
WANT TO GET
A CUP OF COFFEE?
101
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,935
NO.
102
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,572
HUHH!
103
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:40,047
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN
WHY I STRUCK OUT LAST NIGHT
104
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,416
WHEN ALL SALLY HAD TO DO
WAS GRUNT?
105
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:43,384
I DON'T KNOW, DICK.
106
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,819
COULD BE THE BOOBS.
107
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:48,722
THEY ARE TERRIFIC.
108
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,624
YOU'RE SO LUCKY
TO BE THE WOMAN.
109
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:52,526
OH, HEY, MEN ARE WEIRD,
YOU KNOW.
110
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:53,694
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE NICE
TO THEM AT ALL,
111
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:56,063
AND THEY'RE PRACTICALLY
GROVELING AT YOUR FEET.
112
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,197
HELLO, SALLY.
113
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,198
WATCH THIS.
114
00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,867
HEY, DON, THAT'S
A TERRIBLE HAIRCUT.
115
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:02,069
UH-HUH.
YOU WANT TO GO WITH ME
TO THE POLICEMEN'S BALL?
116
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:04,171
SEE?
I'M JUST KIDDING.
117
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,006
I SEE. YOU WANT
TO GO WITH ME TO
THE POLICEMEN'S BALL?
118
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,742
NO.
119
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:09,877
LOOK, IF YOU'LL JUST
WALK IN WITH ME,
120
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:10,744
I'LL BUY YOUR TICKET,
121
00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:13,313
AND I'LL GIVE YOU
25 BUCKS IN CASH.
122
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:13,614
OK.
123
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,982
HEE HEE.
124
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,651
I'D BUY A TICKET,
125
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:21,989
BUT "MR. GENUINE COWHIDE"
DIDN'T GIVE ME NO REWARD.
126
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,624
WE GOT STIFFED.
127
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:24,592
HOW ABOUT YOU, DICK?
128
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:25,893
WILL THERE BE LADIES?
129
00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:28,195
HOW DOES A ROOMFUL OF
DRUNKEN METER MAIDS SOUND?
130
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,162
VERY PROMISING.
131
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:32,132
HEE HEE. YEAH.
132
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,402
[MUSIC PLAYS]
133
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,743
I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU.
134
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:46,013
FOR A LARGER WOMAN,
YOU HARDLY SWEAT AT ALL.
135
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,218
HEY, JACKASS,
WANT TO DANCE?
136
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,820
SURE.
137
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:58,459
SHE LOOKS NICE.
138
00:05:58,492 --> 00:05:59,326
HELLO.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO--
139
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,795
NO.
140
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:04,131
Bandleader: OK, MEN,
THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE
BEEN WAITING FOR.
141
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,533
IT'S A LINEUP.
142
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:08,201
THIS NEXT ONE
IS LADIES' CHOICE.
143
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,038
COME ON, LADIES,
144
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,873
CHOOSE YOUR PARTNERS.
145
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,509
[MUSIC BEGINS]
146
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:33,827
DICK, HAVE I TOLD YOU
THAT I'VE BEEN IN THERAPY
FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS?
147
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,496
NO. IS IT HELPING?
148
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,798
NOT RIGHT NOW IT ISN'T.
149
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:39,733
WELL, DON, AT LEAST
WE HAVE EACH OTHER.
150
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,469
YEAH.
151
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:42,069
DANCE?
152
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:42,770
OH, YES!
153
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:43,704
NOT YOU.
154
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,639
LATER, DICK!
155
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:56,450
HI.
156
00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:57,751
HI.
157
00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:58,786
YOU'RE ON MY COAT.
158
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,153
OH.
159
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:11,098
WELL, UH, YOU COULD PUT
AN AD IN THE PERSONALS.
160
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:14,334
YOU JUST DESCRIBE YOURSELF
AND THE KIND OF WOMAN
YOU WANT TO MEET.
161
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:15,736
OK. HERE, UH,
162
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,004
TAKE THIS DOWN.
163
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:20,340
UH, DESPERATE, LONELY
WHITE GUY...
164
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,676
SEEKS
ACCLAIMED BEAUTY QUEEN.
165
00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:24,678
RUNNERS-UP
NEED NOT APPLY.
166
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,347
YOU TAKE
THE RUNNERS-UP...
167
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:30,751
JUST NO "MISS CONGENIALITY."
168
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,452
HERE...
169
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:33,921
HOW ABOUT THIS?
170
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,956
"IF YOU BELIEVE
IN MIRACLES,
171
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,058
"LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT,
AND BREAKFAST IN BED,
172
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:40,460
CONTACT ME FOR
ADVENTURES IN TRUTH."
173
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,429
[GASPS]
174
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,132
WHAT A WONDERFUL LINE!
LET'S PRINT IT!
175
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:55,242
YEAH? WHAT'S UP?
176
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,777
IT'S US.
177
00:07:58,546 --> 00:08:00,047
THE GUYS WHO RETURNED
YOUR WALLET.
178
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,082
RIGHT. WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU?
179
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,151
WELL, UH,
WE WERE JUST WONDERING
180
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:08,421
HOW YOU AND YOUR WALLET
WERE DOING.
181
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:09,389
GREAT.
182
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,224
SO THEN IT'S, UH,
WORKING OUT?
183
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:12,425
HAVING YOUR WALLET
BACK AND ALL?
184
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:13,426
YEAH.
185
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:14,261
AND, UH, TELL ME,
186
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,395
WHEN YOU DID GET
YOUR WALLET BACK,
187
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,430
DID YOU FEEL
A HUGE SENSE OF...
188
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,131
RELIEF?
189
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,800
MAYBE EVEN,
OH, I DON'T KNOW,
190
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,869
SAY...GRATITUDE?
191
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,170
I SURE DID.
THANKS, GUYS.
192
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:26,139
OH, THERE GOES MY PHONE.
I GOTTA GO. BYE.
193
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:31,144
I DIDN'T HEAR
HIS PHONE RINGING.
194
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,847
THAT GUY IS GOOD.
195
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:39,319
OH, GOOD NEWS, DICK.
196
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,754
YOUR AD
IS GETTING RESPONSES.
197
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:41,855
OOH.
HOW--HOW MANY?
198
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,224
5, BUT 3 OF THEM
WERE HANGUPS.
199
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:47,060
OK. UM, "SUCCESSFUL,
SELF-MADE BUSINESSWOMAN.
200
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:50,097
ENJOYS CLASSICAL MUSIC,
LONG WALKS, AND THE ARTS."
201
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,331
OH, I LOVE THE ARTS!
202
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,333
"PASSIONS INCLUDE KARATE
AND REVENGE."
203
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:53,901
YES!
204
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,669
NO.
THAT'S A RED FLAG.
205
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:59,239
OK. SO THE SECOND ONE
IS, "YOUR WORDS
OPENED MY HEART.
206
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,307
"IF YOU WANT
TO HEAR MORE,
207
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:02,442
"MEET ME
AT JOHNNY FOAM'S
TONIGHT AT 8:00.
208
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:05,212
"I'LL BE WEARING
A WHITE CARNATION.
YOU WEAR ONE, TOO.
209
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:06,146
MUST HAVE JOB."
210
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:07,815
I HAVE A JOB! OH!
211
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:09,316
THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
212
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:12,552
WHAT A SPECTACULAR STORY
THIS WILL MAKE
FOR OUR GRANDCHILDREN!
213
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,225
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME COFFEE?
214
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:21,228
THAT'S SWEET OF YOU
TO OFFER, BUT I
ALREADY HAVE A DATE.
215
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:25,799
HELLO, MARY.
216
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,334
OH, HELLO, DICK.
217
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:28,468
I'D ASK YOU
TO SIT DOWN...
218
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,671
BUT I'M
MEETING SOMEONE.
219
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:34,107
[WHISPERING]
So am I.
220
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,011
OH, NO!
221
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:38,779
OH, NO!
222
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,013
UGHHH!
223
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:42,750
MARY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
ANSWERING A PERSONAL AD?
224
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:45,619
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT
ONLY TWISTED WEIRDOES
PLACE THOSE THINGS?
225
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:48,255
WELL, I DO NOW!
226
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,923
OK...
227
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,058
HERE'S THE DEAL:
228
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,860
WE SPEAK OF THIS...
229
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:53,961
TO NO ONE!
230
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:56,163
I DON'T EVEN WANT
TO SPEAK OF THIS
TO YOU!
231
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,631
OHHH! UGHHH!
232
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:00,868
UH, MISS,
233
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,535
DO YOU STILL WANT
TO HAVE THAT CUP
OF COFFEE WITH ME?
234
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,304
I'M THE WAITRESS.
235
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,472
I KNOW.
236
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,641
[SOBBING]
237
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,781
HEY.
238
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,315
WHAT'S WITH
THE NERD KIT?
239
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:18,018
WELL, SINCE I'M DESTINED
TO BE ALONE
THE REST OF MY LIFE,
240
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,253
I--I THOUGHT I NEEDED
SOMETHING TO KEEP ME BUSY,
241
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,855
SO I STOPPED BY
THE HOBBY SHOP.
242
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,056
OHH! CHOO-CHOOS!
243
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:24,692
HANDS OFF!
244
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:25,793
YOU CAN ONLY PLAY WITH THEM
245
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,227
WHEN YOU'VE COMPLETELY
LOST THE ABILITY
246
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,429
TO ATTRACT
THE OPPOSITE SEX.
247
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,398
I'M GOING TO GO SEE
A MOVIE.
248
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,567
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
249
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,872
HELLO?
250
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:39,940
WHO?
251
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,141
PAUL?
252
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,876
OH. YEAH,
YOU CAN COME OVER.
253
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:46,213
I DON'T KNOW
IF I'LL BE HERE. WHATEVER.
254
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,414
THAT SHOULD BE INTERESTING.
255
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:48,515
WHO'S PAUL?
256
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,684
SOME BOZO I MET AT
THE POLICEMEN'S BALL.
257
00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:51,919
HE'S COMING OVER
TOMORROW.
258
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,153
WELL,
IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM,
259
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,688
WHY ARE YOU LETTING HIM
COME OVER?
260
00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:55,555
RESEARCH.
261
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:56,489
I WANT TO SEE
IF THERE'S ANY LIMIT
262
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:57,991
TO THE ABUSE
A MAN WILL TAKE
ON THIS PLANET
263
00:10:58,025 --> 00:11:00,560
BEFORE HE FINALLY TELLS ME
TO GO TO HELL.
264
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:04,064
AH, THAT'S DIFFERENT.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
JUST BEING MEAN.
265
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,699
NOT THIS TIME.
266
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,056
HEY, RICK, UM...
267
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,324
DID YOU BY ANY CHANCE
SEE A WALLET
ANYWHERE AROUND HERE?
268
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,826
OH, YEAH.
269
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,928
OH, GOD,
THANK YOU!
270
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:38,265
AND NOW WHAT BETTER WAY
TO EXPRESS MY THANKS
THAN, UH,
271
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:41,802
WITH AN ALWAYS-WELCOME
CASH REWARD.
272
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,536
THANKS.
273
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,975
ONCE AGAIN, I'M
A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.
274
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,413
HELLO, SALLY.
275
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:54,314
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE ON DUTY.
276
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:55,482
I AM, BUT DICK ASKED ME
TO PICK UP
277
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:58,752
SOME LITTLE PLASTIC MEN
AT THE HOBBY SHOP.
278
00:11:58,786 --> 00:11:59,753
HE SAID IT WAS URGENT.
279
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:02,255
OH, DON,
I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT HIM.
280
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:04,057
NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT.
281
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,826
HE NEEDS A CHICK, SALLY...
282
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:06,860
AND FAST.
283
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,095
COULD YOU FIX HIM UP,
DON?
284
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:11,231
WELL, I DON'T
KNOW ANYONE, BUT...
285
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:14,301
MAYBE B.B. DOES.
286
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,903
B.B., DON?
287
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:17,670
B.B., BABY.
288
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,709
I...MET HER AT
THE POLICEMEN'S BALL.
289
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,878
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
290
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:25,813
[TOOT TOOT]
291
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,381
I GOT THE STUFF, DICK.
WHAT'S THE EMERGENCY?
292
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,783
WHAT'S THE EMERGENCY?!
293
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,718
I'VE GOT A COMMUTER LINE
DUE AT 6:13
294
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:35,188
AND NO ONE'S THERE TO
BOARD THE TRAIN!
295
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,724
OH, NO!
THE ERIE-LACKAWANNA'S
RIGHT ON TIME!
296
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,159
HERE, DON, HAND ME
THOSE COMMUTERS!
297
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,727
OK...
298
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,263
OK, JUNIOR, YOU HOLD
THE VICAR'S HAND NOW.
299
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:44,932
PORTER! PORTER!
300
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:47,400
OH, GOOD. WE MADE IT.
301
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,937
UH...DICK,
302
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,538
WHY DON'T WE TAKE
A LITTLE BREATHER
303
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:52,772
AND GET
A COUPLE OF DRINKS?
304
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:53,907
OH, WHEN?
305
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:57,344
I GOT TO GLUE
THE ORANGE ROOF
ON MY HOWARD JOHNSON'S.
306
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:58,879
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND,
BUT, YOU KNOW,
307
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,513
MAYBE THINGS WILL
SLOW DOWN A BIT.
308
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,082
OH. NOT LIKELY.
309
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:02,983
*
*
310
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:03,783
ALL ABOARD!
311
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:05,318
NEXT STOP WHITE PLAINS!
312
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,854
CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOO...
313
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:08,488
*
*
314
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,061
DR. SOLOMON,
THIS ARRIVED IN THE MAIL.
315
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,162
OH, GOOD.
316
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,898
MY HOSPITAL'S HERE.
317
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:21,468
YOUR TINY LITTLE DOCTORS
WILL BE SO RELIEVED.
318
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:24,504
HMM. I GUESS.
319
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,339
DICK,
WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU?
320
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,141
WELL, NOBODY LIKES ME.
321
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,243
OH, I FIND THAT
HARD TO BELIEVE.
322
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:31,211
YOU DO?
323
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:32,479
WELL, SURE.
324
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,814
OH, OK,
SO WE BROKE UP,
325
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:38,385
BUT--BUT I SAW
SOMETHING IN YOU ONCE.
326
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:42,555
SURELY SOMEONE ELSE
WILL SEE THAT, TOO.
327
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,024
REALLY?
328
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,058
THAT MEANS A LOT,
329
00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:48,628
COMING FROM SOMEONE
WHO'S PRETTY GREAT
HERSELF.
330
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,297
WELL, I MEANT IT.
331
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,731
I MEANT IT, TOO.
332
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:54,267
THANK YOU.
333
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:55,268
YOU WANT TO DO IT?
334
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:57,070
NO!
335
00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:59,139
I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.
336
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,577
HAVE A GOOD TIME,
SALLY.
337
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:05,645
I HOPE SHE LIKES YOU.
338
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,379
THANKS.
339
00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:07,547
I HOPE HE TELLS YOU
TO PISS OFF.
340
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:10,583
I'VE GOT
MY FINGERS CROSSED.
341
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:11,351
SALLY?
342
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:14,621
YEAH, I'M UP HERE,
GENIUS.
343
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:15,622
THROW THOSE
OVER THERE,
WOULD YOU?
344
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,490
OK.
345
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:18,725
I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY,
'CAUSE I MADE DINNER.
346
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:19,726
OH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.
347
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:20,760
WELL, ACTUALLY,
348
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,262
YOU SHOULD TASTE IT FIRST
BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING.
349
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,696
BRING IT OUT.
I'M STARVING.
350
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:26,733
OK. ACTUALLY, I WAS HOPING
YOU'D SCRUB THE STAINS
OUT OF MY CARPET FIRST.
351
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,201
OK, AND THEN DINNER?
352
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:28,936
AND THEN LAUNDRY.
353
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:30,971
OH. SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.
354
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,440
Don: SO--SO--SO...
355
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,642
I'M READING
THE MIRANDA RIGHTS
TO THIS GIRL
356
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,911
WHOSE NAME ACTUALLY
TURNS OUT TO BE...
MIRANDA!
357
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:39,479
HA HA HA HA!
358
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,114
HA HA HA HA!
359
00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:43,050
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
360
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:49,389
ANYTHING...
361
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,257
ANYTHING
FUNNY LIKE THAT
362
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:52,625
EVER HAPPEN
TO YOU, DICK?
363
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,794
[SILENCE]
364
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,763
NO.
365
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,431
WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT!
WE'RE OUT OF JICAMA.
366
00:14:58,465 --> 00:14:59,933
WE NEED TO GET
SOME JICAMA.
367
00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:01,468
COME ON, DICK,
LET'S GET SOME JICAMA.
368
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,403
JICAMA.
LET'S GET SOME JICAMA.
369
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:05,805
WHICH ONE
IS JICAMA?
370
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,941
I DON'T KNOW!
371
00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:09,909
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
372
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,178
I'M THROWING YOU
SLOW BALLS,
373
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:14,247
AND YOU'RE--YOU'RE DOING
YOUR RAIN MAN IMPRESSION.
374
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,449
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY TO WOMEN.
375
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:17,584
IF YOU GET IN TROUBLE
376
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:20,487
YOU JUST TAKE
A SIP OF YOUR DRINK.
A SIP OF YOUR DRINK.
377
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,389
I'LL NOTICE, AND OLD DONNIE
WILL COME TO THE RESCUE.
378
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,890
OK.
379
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,426
Don: AH...
380
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:27,894
SO, UH, DICK,
381
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,896
CELIA TELLS ME THAT
SHE FINDS PHYSICS
382
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,631
TO BE A
FASCINATING SUBJECT.
383
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,666
OH, YES!
384
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,371
FETA! OH,
WE'RE OUT OF FETA!
385
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:39,206
WE NEED TO GET
SOME FETA.
386
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:41,441
LET'S GET SOME FETA.
387
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:44,978
WHICH ONE IS FETA?
388
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:47,914
I DON'T KNOW!
389
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,116
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
390
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,783
LOOK,
YOU HUNG ME OUT
TO DRY THERE.
391
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,385
HUNG YOU OUT TO DRY?
YOU'RE A PHYSICS PROFESSOR.
392
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:53,820
I JUST GET SO NERVOUS!
393
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:54,721
YOU'RE NERVOUS?
394
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:58,058
I GOT PEN STAINS
THE SIZE OF DINNER PLATES!
395
00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:00,860
LOOK, I'M JUST STARTING OUT
HERE WITH B.B., YOU KNOW?
396
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,129
YOU GOT TO HELP ME OUT,
OK?
397
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:04,231
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY.
ALL RIGHT.
398
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,072
SO, DICK, UM...
399
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,606
DO YOU HAVE ANY...
400
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,075
HOBBIES?
401
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:15,608
HOBBIES?
402
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:16,543
HOBBIES?
NO, NO--
403
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,710
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I DO!
404
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:18,745
CROUTONS!
405
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,647
COME ON!
406
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,184
THERE HE IS.
407
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:25,385
HERE'S THE PLAN.
408
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:28,621
YOU TAKE A BITE OF BISCOTTI
AND ACT LIKE YOU'RE CHOKING,
409
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,890
AND WHEN HE COMES OVER
TO GIVE YOU
THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER,
410
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:34,527
I'LL PICK HIS POCKET.
411
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:38,031
AND THIS TIME,
WE DON'T GIVE IT BACK
TILL WE GET A REWARD.
412
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:40,633
JUST, UH,
WAIT FOR ME TO GET
OVER TO THE COUNTER.
413
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:48,808
[GASPING]
414
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,743
[GASP]
415
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:55,915
[SPLUTTERING]
416
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,585
[CHOKING]
417
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:00,653
[CALLING OUT]
418
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:01,854
MISS, YOU DON'T--
419
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:03,323
NO, YOU DON'T...
420
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,067
YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!
421
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:16,536
JUST SITTING HERE
WHILE THIS MAN WAS CHOKING!
422
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:20,140
I WAS CHOKING!
423
00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:22,409
WHAT HAVE I GOT TO DO
TO GET YOU TWO GUYS
OFF MY BACK?
424
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:25,145
WELL, HOW ABOUT COUGHING UP
A REWARD, TIGHTWAD?
425
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,479
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
426
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:29,015
HERE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
YOUR THOUGHTFUL DEED.
427
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,817
PLEASE.
PLEASE HAVE $20.
428
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:32,152
ACTUALLY...
429
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:36,656
THANK YOU,
BUT WE CAN'T
ACCEPT THIS.
430
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:39,926
YEAH. GOODNESS IS
ITS OWN REWARD.
431
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,828
WHATEVER.
432
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,833
THAT WAS
A CLASSY MOVE THERE,
NOT TAKING THE MONEY.
433
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,501
YEAH. MOST GUYS
WOULD HAVE TAKEN
THE MONEY.
434
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,103
WELL, MOST GUYS
DON'T HAVE CLASS.
435
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:51,804
I FEEL WARM INSIDE.
436
00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:57,677
NICE!
NICE!
437
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:02,949
SALLY, YOU PUT
THE CHICKEN IN THE OVEN,
LIKE, A MINUTE AGO.
438
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:04,851
I DON'T THINK IT'S DONE.
439
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:07,620
YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO EAT IT?
440
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:12,325
YES, OF COURSE.
441
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,761
MMM-MMM!
442
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:17,497
OK, WELL, GOOD,
'CAUSE I HAVE A SURPRISE
FOR YOU.
443
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:18,298
YEAH.
444
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:19,466
YOU REMEMBER
WHEN I SAID
445
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:22,935
THAT I HAVE
A CHEST OF DRAWERS
FILLED WITH LINGERIE?
446
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:24,737
OH, YEAH.
447
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:25,972
WELL, I WAS WONDERING
448
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,574
IF YOU WOULD MIND
LIFTING IT UP
449
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:30,510
AND HAULING IT
TO THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE HOUSE...
450
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,579
AND BACK.
451
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,281
RIGHT NOW.
452
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:35,715
UH...
453
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:36,649
NO PROBLEM.
454
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:39,552
HA HA HA--OH, GOSH.
455
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:42,255
GOD, I'M SO HOT,
I KILLED HIM.
456
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:45,758
LATELY, I'VE BEEN
SPENDING A LOT OF TIME
457
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:46,993
FOOLING AROUND
WITH MODELS--
458
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:48,428
[TAPPING CUP]
DICK...
459
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,029
DON THINKS I SHOULDN'T
TALK ABOUT IT.
460
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:52,399
HE THINKS MODELS
ARE DUMB.
461
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:56,002
BUT, ACTUALLY,
MOST OF THEM ARE
VERY EXCITING AND FUN.
462
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:59,239
WHY IS IT THE FANTASY
OF EVERY LOSER
TO DATE MODELS?
463
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:00,907
DATE? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
464
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,742
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
465
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,645
MODEL TRAINS.
466
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:06,913
OH, MY GO--
467
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:07,714
I'M SO--
468
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:08,715
I--I--I--
469
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:09,849
I THOUGHT
YOU MEANT MODELS.
470
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,918
YOU KNOW...WOMEN.
471
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,152
OH, MODELS!
472
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,355
TALL, LEGGY MODELS!
473
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,389
NO! NO!
474
00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:17,557
HA HA HA HA!
475
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,125
NO, I WAS TALKING
ABOUT--
476
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,227
HA HA HA HA!
477
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:23,563
DICK WITH BEAUTIFUL MODELS.
THAT'S A FUNNY ONE.
478
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,598
YEAH. IF I WAS
HANGING AROUND WITH MODELS,
479
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:28,435
WHY WOULD I
BE HERE TONIGHT?
480
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:32,705
OH, I--I AM SO SORRY.
481
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:33,940
THAT CAME OUT ALL WRONG.
482
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:37,277
YOU SEE, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHY I'M SUCH A LOSER!
483
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,478
I'M NOT SUAVE...
484
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,747
WITH ALL THE SLICK LINES
AND THE RIGHT THINGS TO SAY.
485
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,849
I'M LUCKY TO BE HERE
WITH ANYBODY,
486
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:45,117
ESPECIALLY WITH WOMEN
AS NICE AS THE TWO OF YOU.
487
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:46,853
OH, YOU'RE NOT THAT BAD.
488
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:47,954
NO, REALLY, I--I'M SORRY.
489
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:50,323
I HAVE RUINED
YOUR WHOLE EVENING.
490
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,592
I'VE JUST COME OUT OF
A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN
491
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,160
THAT I GAVE
MY HEART AND SOUL TO,
492
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,829
AND I-I-I-I'M JUST NOT
VERY GOOD AT THIS.
493
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,865
OH!
OH!
494
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:04,103
OH, NO, YOU'RE DOING
JUST FINE.
495
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,171
I AM?
496
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:05,672
HE IS?
497
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:08,107
YES.
498
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,876
YOU KNOW,
I'M NOT SUAVE.
499
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,678
OH, DON.
500
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,046
I'M NOT. I'M
KIND OF A LOSER.
501
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,815
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
502
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:19,118
I'M...TOO SHY
AND SENSITIVE AND...
503
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,453
I GOT
THIS TERRIBLE RASH.
504
00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:22,489
PICKLED BEETS!
505
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:28,728
DICK...
506
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,963
THAT CELIA WOMAN
CALLED FOR YOU
AGAIN.
507
00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:32,599
OH,
I'M NOT SURPRISED.
508
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:35,835
I'VE DISCOVERED
THE MOST POWERFUL
APHRODISIAC THERE IS.
509
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,103
WHAT,
SELF-CONFIDENCE?
510
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:39,672
NO. SELF-LOATHING.
511
00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:42,174
WELL, I THOUGHT IT WAS
2 TICKETS TO AN
EDDIE MONEY CONCERT
512
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:45,144
AND A BOTTLE OF
JAEGERMEISTER.
513
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,146
NO. NO.
AS I SEE IT,
514
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:49,382
WOMEN DON'T WANT
A FINISHED PRODUCT.
515
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:51,451
THEY CRAVE
A FIXER-UPPER.
516
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:52,985
THAT IS SO WEIRD.
YOU KNOW,
517
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:55,355
WOMEN DON'T WANT MEN
WHO ARE PERFECT,
518
00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:57,724
BUT ALL MEN
WANT A WOMAN WHO IS.
519
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,327
WELL, PAUL FOUND
A PERFECT WOMAN AND IT
ALMOST KILLED HIM.
520
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,694
OH, THANKS, SWEETIE.
521
00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:03,630
YOU KNOW, HE CALLED...
FROM THE HOSPITAL.
522
00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:04,063
HMM.
523
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,498
WHAT A NICE GUY.
524
00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:06,766
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
525
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:09,235
MY PERFECT WOMAN
ISN'T PERFECT AT ALL.
526
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,570
SHE COULD BE SHORTISH,
527
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:11,904
SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC,
528
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,139
PERHAPS A BIT BITTER,
529
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:14,641
SOMEONE LIKE...
530
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:15,575
OH, I DON'T KNOW--
531
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:16,609
MARY ALBRIGHT.
532
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,445
OH, GOD!
533
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:21,481
IT'S JUST
AN EXAMPLE.
534
00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:31,023
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS,
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
535
00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:32,392
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC
536
00:21:32,425 --> 00:21:34,861
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.
537
00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:37,664
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS
PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
538
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:42,635
URGGH!
539
00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:45,505
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
540
00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:54,213
IT WAS BROKEN
WHEN I GOT HERE.
35763
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