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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Subs by kinglouisxx
for www.MY-SUBS.com
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So, Darlene, you gonna
quit working at the cafeteria
3
00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:10,093
now that Mark's not going back
to Stephen A. Douglas?
4
00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:11,470
Oh, as soon as possible.
5
00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:13,764
School's on break, so I had to replace
6
00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:17,768
all the students on work study
with convicts on work release.
7
00:00:17,893 --> 00:00:19,269
One of them was a meth cook,
8
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:21,313
so guess who's gonna
be the new sous chef?
9
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:24,983
You're not the only one
looking to make a change.
10
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,443
I think addiction counseling
11
00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:28,320
might be a little
too close to home for me.
12
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:31,114
Yeah, that was so stressful.
You had a breakdown.
13
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,407
You know, you should take it easy.
14
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:36,119
Like, right now,
you should probably fold.
15
00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:38,413
You're not gonna win this
with a pair of 2s.
16
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,831
- Hey.
- Ooh.
17
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:41,833
I want to stay
in women's issues, though,
18
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:43,710
so I put myself up for an internship
19
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,087
at the Illinois Center for Women.
20
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:48,382
As someone who's dealt with
women's issues his entire life,
21
00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:50,968
why the hell would you want to do that?
22
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:53,262
To catch the psychological problems
23
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,056
of young women early
and get them support
24
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,600
so they don't end up like...
25
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,811
- us.
- Mm.
26
00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:06,191
Do they treat gambling
and emotional eating?
27
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,442
I raise.
28
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:12,447
You know, I feel so sorry
for people like that.
29
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,574
Is this pizza making you guys happy?
30
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,119
It's making me so happy.
31
00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:19,204
Hey.
32
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:20,497
I'm not gonna have time for dinner,
33
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:21,999
so is it okay if I grab a slice?
34
00:01:22,124 --> 00:01:24,167
Don't they let you take
a break between jobs?
35
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:27,004
No, and I think I'm gonna
need to take a third job
36
00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:28,213
to make my tuition.
37
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:29,923
Any ideas?
38
00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:33,885
Why don't you
take things off of high shelves
39
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,679
and hand them to smaller people?
40
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,097
No, no, no, no.
41
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:41,226
What if you put stars
on top of Christmas trees?
42
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:42,269
Okay, I get it.
43
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:44,229
I'm the one tall person you guys know.
44
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:45,814
Okay, I'm out.
45
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,816
I'm not doing anything at all tomorrow.
46
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,818
Anybody want to hang out?
47
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:53,530
No? Well, your loss.
48
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,240
I'm gonna drive around
49
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:58,285
and look for one of those
Trader Joe's mini-tote bags
50
00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:01,121
that are going on eBay
for like a thousand bucks.
51
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:04,458
Okay, could we just focus
on the game, please?
52
00:02:04,574 --> 00:02:09,270
The raise is to you, Becky, and it is...
53
00:02:09,395 --> 00:02:11,168
- $200.
- What?
54
00:02:11,286 --> 00:02:14,843
The whole pot is 40¢
and a half-eaten candy cane.
55
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:18,138
Well, I got to get some more
money to pay the bills somehow.
56
00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:21,683
You know, gas, water, electric,
groceries, everything is up.
57
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,019
I'll see your 200 and raise you
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00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,772
a million gazillion dollars.
59
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:29,316
Okay, fine.
Then it's $200 to you, Harris.
60
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:31,360
You live with me, too,
so it's only fair.
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00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,320
I think I can help with costs.
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00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:34,488
I'm moving out.
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00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:36,156
Fold.
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00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,074
Wait, what?
65
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,992
Wow, bombshell.
66
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:41,286
Also, me too.
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00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,834
Hey, what do you mean you're moving out?
68
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:50,212
Well, I just applied for a one-bedroom.
69
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,047
I'm making enough at the Lunch Box now,
70
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,299
and I want to know what
it's like to finally be able
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00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:58,011
to smoke weed in the comfort
of my own home.
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00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,388
My car was really starting to smell
73
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,640
like Snoop Dogg's tour bus.
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00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,850
I thought you stopped smoking weed.
75
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:04,851
Eh.
76
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,854
What's your excuse?
77
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:11,191
You're not living
in a Cheech and Chong movie.
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00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,567
Tyler and I have been talking about
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00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,486
all of us moving in together.
80
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,363
He has to get out of his house ASAP
81
00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:17,989
because his mom isn't comfortable
82
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:19,241
with our relationship.
83
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,993
She keeps calling me the other woman.
84
00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:24,371
Okay, so then what this is really about
85
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,540
is your desperation to hang on to Tyler,
86
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:29,251
so you're gonna live with him
way before you're ready.
87
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,877
Who says I'm not ready?
88
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,212
This is the exact same thing
89
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,756
you did with Mark in Minnesota, right?
90
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,342
You rushed into that situation
without thinking it through,
91
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:40,387
then you're like,
"Oh, no, I'm stranded here."
92
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,098
I was a teenager then.
I'm a grown woman now.
93
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,433
Yeah, and you got a kid.
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00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,309
You're not even thinking about
how this might affect her.
95
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:49,062
So you're trying to use my
daughter to get what you want?
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00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,439
Go to hell.
97
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,691
Well, I think somebody's
got to look out for her.
98
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,609
The only thing you're looking out for
99
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:58,947
is money, you greedy little gargoyle.
100
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,242
Don't you have a Gothic church
to perch on somewhere?
101
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,289
6x13 - Less Money, More Problems
102
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:27,934
"The Conners" is recorded
in front of a live studio audience.
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00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,144
Hey, Grandpa,
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00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,770
do you have time to teach me
how to drive a truck?
105
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:33,857
No, not right now.
Jackie's on the 5-yard line.
106
00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,776
Oh!
107
00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:40,822
You kids are really lucky
you're getting your ball back.
108
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:44,034
Now, stay out of my yard.
109
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,674
Hey, what are you asking Dan for anyway?
110
00:04:46,770 --> 00:04:48,689
I'm the one who used
to be a truck driver.
111
00:04:48,776 --> 00:04:51,917
And now that the statute
of limitations has run out,
112
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,252
I can get back behind the wheel
anytime I want.
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00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,296
Except for in, uh...
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00:04:56,421 --> 00:05:00,175
except not Kentucky and, um, Alaska.
115
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,511
What a shame.
116
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:06,556
I only need to drive
in Kentucky and Alaska.
117
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,308
It'd be great if you could teach me.
118
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,936
I have to drive a tow truck tonight.
119
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,480
I got a job with a repo company.
120
00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:16,358
No way am I gonna help you
repo somebody's car.
121
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,600
Please, Grandpa,
122
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:19,528
this is the only night job
where I can make enough money
123
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,071
to afford the University of Chicago.
124
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,365
It doesn't matter. It's too dangerous.
125
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:27,077
I caught some guy
repo-ing my truck one time.
126
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:28,495
It was 4th of July
127
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,331
and I hit him in the head
with a bottle rocket.
128
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:35,377
I didn't know he was wearing hairspray.
129
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,337
He's not gonna
be the one taking the heat.
130
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:40,632
I've seen plenty
of these shady repo operations.
131
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:43,385
Mark is obviously the decoy.
132
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,637
They like to use bland young boys
133
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:50,100
to distract the car owners with
the good news of Jesus Christ.
134
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,519
They hired me because
Illinois law requires
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00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:54,479
the computer system of any repo-ed car
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00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,356
to be cleared of personal data.
137
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:57,524
A guy I met at school,
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00:05:57,649 --> 00:06:00,193
the Raven, taught me how to do it.
139
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:05,532
I feel so much better knowing
you were trained by the Raven.
140
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:09,369
You don't understand.
I have to make this money now.
141
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,704
I just found out the university is only
142
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:12,539
gonna hold my spot for a year.
143
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:14,207
Damn.
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00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:15,375
All right, well, it looks like
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00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,085
I'm coming with you to keep you safe.
146
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,797
And I'm coming along
to keep you both safe.
147
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:26,386
I am legally allowed
to carry a taser again.
148
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,388
Just practicing my aim
149
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:31,891
and a Girl Scout comes out of nowhere.
150
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,396
I had to buy a lot of Thin Mints
151
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:39,441
to make that go away, I tell ya.
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00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,697
- Hey.
- Hey.
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00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,867
So Becky losing her mind
turned out good for you.
154
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,452
Just 50 extra bucks a month
155
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:51,995
and you can have the big bedroom.
156
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,580
I thought it was 200.
157
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,625
Oh, no, Becky's really the
big water and energy waster.
158
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,585
I mean, a bath every day
for Beverly Rose?
159
00:06:58,710 --> 00:06:59,753
She's seven.
160
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,087
She's just gonna run outside
161
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:03,923
and start playing
with a dead squirrel again.
162
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,592
Yeah, I still don't think
163
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:09,095
we need to wait for Ben
to come back to pick that up.
164
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,930
It doesn't matter anyways.
165
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,932
I just found out that
they won't rent to me
166
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,809
unless I have a cosigner.
167
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,028
That's a shame.
168
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,990
Although there is another
place that will accept me.
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00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,193
How would you feel about me living
170
00:07:30,310 --> 00:07:32,568
by the old abandoned amusement park?
171
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,828
I heard singing coming
from the funhouse,
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00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,581
so I wouldn't be alone.
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00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,583
Harris, I can't cosign for you.
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00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,460
We don't know when Ben's gonna start
175
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,128
bringing in money from the new magazine
176
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:44,089
and if you fall behind on rent,
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00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,758
I'm on the hook,
and then I can't help Mark.
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00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:49,094
It's just a bad time.
179
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:53,014
When is a good time?
You're always helping Mark.
180
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,934
Look, this is a very
special opportunity for him
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00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,686
that is happening right now.
182
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,188
Just be patient
and I'm sure in the future,
183
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,065
I will be in a position to help you.
184
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,702
I'm sure in the future,
I'll be in a position to help you, too.
185
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,862
But I'm gonna buy
an above-ground swimming pool
186
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,015
instead of your heart medication.
187
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,450
Well, this is a good step.
188
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:15,161
At least you're acknowledging
that I have a heart.
189
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,458
How's it going?
190
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:21,960
Erasing the data now.
191
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:24,212
Oh, man, my cop training
192
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,340
really helping me put together
a profile of this deadbeat.
193
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:30,093
This little spoon? Cooking dope.
194
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,554
Cheerio's and Fruit Loops
all over the place?
195
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,181
Munchies from smoking the ganj.
196
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,435
Pacifier and diaper?
197
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,396
A kinky hooker was involved.
198
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,150
This is so easy.
199
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,360
Every time one of these losers
buys a car they can't afford,
200
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,404
I get one step closer
to paying my tuition.
201
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,614
Hey, what the hell are you doing?
202
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:52,741
Get away from my car!
203
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,784
Hold it, hold it.
We're just doing our jobs.
204
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,411
You can get your car out of impound
205
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,620
when you catch up on your payments.
206
00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:00,123
I'm charging the taser.
Keep her talking.
207
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:01,541
Oh, God.
208
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,626
My ex was supposed
to be making the payments.
209
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,545
Yeah, yeah, look, we have to do this,
210
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:06,963
so just stay back and nobody gets hurt.
211
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,549
They didn't give
me a battery for this thing.
212
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:12,510
So when I throw it at her, you rush her.
213
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:15,263
Please, please, please
don't take my car.
214
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,932
I need it to drive to work and
get my daughter to preschool.
215
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,601
Oh, you got a kid?
216
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,060
Who are you fooling?
217
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:25,565
I found your dope spoon
and your sweet cereal munchies
218
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,484
and your diaper
219
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:28,610
and your pacifier.
220
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,570
Oh, she's got a kid.
221
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:35,700
Look, can't you cut me
a break just this one time?
222
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:39,579
I promise I will make sure
that they get a payment.
223
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:42,499
- Dan?
- Yeah.
224
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:45,418
I mean, what are we doing here?
225
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,128
No amount of money is worth this.
226
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,546
We're not taking her car.
227
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:49,839
Yeah, I can't do this.
228
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,926
Uh, look, we're not gonna take your car,
229
00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:55,970
but they'll probably send
somebody else over to get it.
230
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:59,516
The best thing you can do is
park a couple of blocks away.
231
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:02,185
And another thing I've seen people do
232
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:06,523
is you get, like, a 6-foot python.
233
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:07,690
You put that in the car.
234
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,943
But whatever you do,
and this is important,
235
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,779
you remember you take it out
before you put the kid in
236
00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:15,490
because there's nothing worse
than finding a python
237
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:19,410
with a kid-shaped lump
in your back seat.
238
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,751
You did the right thing.
239
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,379
I'm stupid for thinking that I can make
240
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:33,633
enough money to go to a school
like the University of Chicago.
241
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,385
Things have a way of working out
242
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:38,680
that you can't see when
you're in the thick of it.
243
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,640
Stop telling me I can do this.
244
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:43,434
It's obvious I can't.
245
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,520
Maybe I'm not supposed to go to college.
246
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,646
Just let it go.
247
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,648
I saw a picture of her daughter.
248
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:49,816
No snake's gonna be able
249
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:53,736
to get their mouth around
that bowling ball head.
250
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,033
Can we talk?
251
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:00,702
We can do it by the light of my phone
252
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:04,038
if you don't want to pay
for the overhead light.
253
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:06,040
I'm not an unreasonable person.
254
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:07,250
We can talk.
255
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,881
Here's $200.
256
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,674
I don't want you to think
I was taking advantage
257
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,676
while I was living here.
258
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,094
I don't want your money.
259
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,859
You don't have to prove to me
you're not greedy.
260
00:11:19,953 --> 00:11:22,849
I know you're greedy. It's okay.
261
00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:24,267
No, that's not the point.
262
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,602
What is the point?
263
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:26,603
Tyler?
264
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,855
Sure, it's about Tyler.
265
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:32,275
Everything's about Tyler.
266
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,253
Are you trying to be ironic?
267
00:11:34,370 --> 00:11:35,695
You said it was about Tyler.
268
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,998
Well, it's about a lot of things. God.
269
00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:39,282
Can you tell me the things
270
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:41,784
that are neither Tyler nor the money?
271
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:43,774
Why do I have to do
all the telling around here?
272
00:11:43,891 --> 00:11:45,993
Why don't you tell for once?
273
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,916
You're losing your mind.
274
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,459
I don't know what you're talking about.
275
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:53,755
Oh, well, that says it all right there.
276
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,550
If an ambulance pulls up
to the house, don't ask.
277
00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,928
Just get in.
278
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:04,098
Don't go in the kitchen.
Becky's being weird.
279
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:07,060
Where have you guys been?
280
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:11,314
Dan and I have never been to a rave,
281
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:14,067
and we asked Mark to take us.
282
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:16,611
And...
283
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,154
we're all on acid,
284
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:22,784
so don't ask us any more questions.
285
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:31,250
I didn't want her to worry,
and you went right to drugs.
286
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:33,086
I took a job repo-ing cars,
287
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,129
but I couldn't go through with it.
288
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:38,007
Why are you doing crazy,
dangerous things?
289
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,632
Well, crazy and dangerous
is what pays good money.
290
00:12:40,741 --> 00:12:43,645
I only have a year. I had to try.
291
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:47,837
Look, I know how important
this is to you,
292
00:12:47,939 --> 00:12:50,979
but I don't want you risking your life.
293
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,606
Okay, I'm gonna keep
working at the cafeteria
294
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:56,734
just in case you go back
to Stephen A. Douglas.
295
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,695
I am not going back to SAD.
296
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,113
I know how much you hate that job.
297
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:02,115
I don't want you doing that
for me anymore.
298
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,617
Well, no, I... I really like the kids
299
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:09,372
and I like looking up their
slang when I get home at night.
300
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:11,833
Mark, you can't do this on your own.
301
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,835
I'm gonna get a job to help you out.
302
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,629
All I've been doing since
the hardware store burnt down
303
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:20,133
is sitting around
trying new peanut butters.
304
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,385
I... I can get a job, too.
305
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:25,346
I mean, yesterday,
I played checkers for two hours
306
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:28,057
at McDonald's with this Armenian guy,
307
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:29,517
and he's damn good.
308
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,477
But I just...
309
00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:33,896
I need more.
310
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:36,756
But you guys worked your whole lives,
so you could retire.
311
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:38,151
You're not going back to work
because of me.
312
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:41,696
Son, this family has
struggled for generations.
313
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,322
If we've ever had the opportunity
314
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:45,408
to break that cycle,
you're the one to do it.
315
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:46,909
And it's not just about you.
316
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:49,996
It's all about all the Conners
to come after you.
317
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:53,958
They're gonna come after you for money.
318
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:57,503
They're gonna come after you for houses.
319
00:13:57,628 --> 00:14:00,757
Listen, Mark, we all love you.
320
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:03,926
I mean, we want to do this for you.
321
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:07,889
No, I'm tired of being a burden.
322
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:11,392
I don't want anybody
sacrificing anything for me.
323
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:15,063
Okay? Just get on with your lives.
324
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,857
Or go and get lives
and then get on with them.
325
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,407
Hey, Raven.
326
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,951
It's the Raven.
327
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,870
But I'll let it slide. Come on in.
328
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,499
I'm glad you finally came around.
329
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:37,126
Doing that repo thing
is a waste of time.
330
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:39,045
This is where the real money's made.
331
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,089
That's Lloyd over there.
He goes by the Falcon.
332
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,965
- Hey, Falcon.
- Hey!
333
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:45,927
Never talk to the Falcon.
334
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,763
Okay, so what kind of hacking
will I be doing exactly?
335
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,473
You know how you get
a ton of annoying emails
336
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,225
from dodgy businesses
you've never heard of
337
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,143
that's trying to sell you stuff?
338
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:56,062
That's us.
339
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,649
So how do you make money at that?
340
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:03,069
Those businesses hire us to
hack into big corporate systems
341
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,363
and borrow their email lists.
342
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:07,949
I think there's a word for
borrowing without permission.
343
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,367
It's called stealing.
344
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,577
But where else are you
supposed to make this kind of money?
345
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:15,414
Nowhere, I guess.
That's... that's why I'm here.
346
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,291
The best thing to do
is concentrate on the fact
347
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:18,668
that we're helping people
348
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,920
who want to buy $800 sneakers
for 20 bucks.
349
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:25,258
Wow, those only cost you $20?
350
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:30,304
Oh, that's so cute.
You've never seen nice things.
351
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:31,514
These are real.
352
00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,474
You see the Falcon's sunglasses?
353
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,434
They cost more than your dad's car.
354
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,645
I haven't seen my dad in years.
355
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:43,151
Make enough money doing this,
and he'll come right back.
356
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,443
All right, I'm in.
357
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,279
Well, if you're gonna be one of us,
358
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:48,072
you got to have a bird alias.
359
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:53,411
What you thinking, the Falcon?
360
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:54,745
The Stork.
361
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:55,830
Is it the long legs?
362
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,999
Hey.
363
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,543
Never question the Falcon.
364
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,839
Congratulate me.
365
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,424
I got a job coding.
366
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,009
It's a Fortune 500 company.
367
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,136
They have offices in eight cities.
368
00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:13,139
Oh, my God, that's amazing.
369
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:15,099
What do they do?
370
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,185
Marketing research.
371
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,936
It's an AdTech company.
372
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:22,231
They use algorithms to reconfigure data.
373
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:25,151
Sounds neat.
374
00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:26,319
Doesn't it?
375
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:29,030
Oh, Grandpa, I got a job
where the money is so good,
376
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,781
you and Aunt Jackie
don't need to get a job,
377
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:31,908
and Mom can quit SAD.
378
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,034
That's fantastic.
379
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:36,495
I know. It's almost too good to be true.
380
00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:39,624
But it's not. It is true.
381
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,918
I'm happy for the kid.
382
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,920
But I'm still gonna get another job.
383
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:46,214
What, you don't have faith
that he can make it work?
384
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,632
You never know what's gonna happen.
385
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:50,343
Companies downsize. There's layoffs.
386
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,178
Plus, since...
387
00:16:52,303 --> 00:16:55,473
I ran out of peanut butters,
I'm bored senseless.
388
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,308
I fed pigeons yesterday.
389
00:16:57,433 --> 00:17:00,394
I spent the whole day
with a bunch of flying rats.
390
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:04,357
And we're meeting up again on Thursday.
391
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:06,025
Did you come over here to tell me that?
392
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,819
Because that's the kind of thing
you can just shoot over in a text.
393
00:17:08,907 --> 00:17:09,915
Nope.
394
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,156
I talked to Becky earlier.
395
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,201
She said you've been acting irrational.
396
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:19,330
Oh, yeah, if it's irrational
to try to keep your sister
397
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,332
from moving out
with some guy she hardly knows,
398
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,292
then yes, I am irrational.
399
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,505
Let's consider
a different perspective on this
400
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:29,757
just for a moment, shall we?
401
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,884
I think you're full of crap.
402
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,220
What's going on?
403
00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:37,723
I don't know. It's just all too much.
404
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:38,849
It's like...
405
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,351
the hardware store is gone.
406
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,062
Ben's off starting some crazy magazine.
407
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:46,315
I have no idea where I'm gonna work.
408
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,192
Becky and Harris are leaving.
409
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,819
I mean, why are they doing that to me?
410
00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:52,571
They're not doing that to you.
411
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:55,116
They're just ready to leave.
412
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,910
Why don't you want them to?
413
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,036
I don't know.
414
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:01,747
I mean, I guess when Mom died, I...
415
00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:05,126
I felt like I was supposed
to take care of the family.
416
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:08,587
I felt like the family needed me.
417
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:11,924
I think I need the family.
418
00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:15,886
God.
419
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,139
I knew I loved Harris. She's my kid.
420
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:21,642
But Becky? Ugh, bleh.
421
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,769
Look, when you get older,
422
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,272
you want to spend
as much time as you can
423
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:28,524
with the people you love.
424
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,736
This new Darlene is a mushy pile of hugs
425
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:33,571
and kisses for her family.
426
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:35,906
Besides, you're still
gonna be there for her,
427
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:38,534
but you just have
to constantly drop in on them
428
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:42,913
with lame excuses like I do with you.
429
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:45,291
Okay. Thanks, Dad.
430
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,251
You may un-hug me now.
431
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,294
I can't.
432
00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:51,630
Your love is like a tractor beam.
433
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:54,175
Keep squeezing. She's still moving.
434
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,385
Once she's limp, you're done.
435
00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:01,098
You're right. How can I not love that?
436
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:08,105
Sorry I survived the hug,
but I've got good news.
437
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:13,069
I am gonna cosign for you,
you know, because I love you.
438
00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:14,236
Are you serious?
439
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:16,822
- Yes.
- Thank you, Mom.
440
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,616
Maybe I'm being overly sentimental,
441
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:23,621
but I'm gonna give you 10% off
any sandwich at the Lunch Box.
442
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:26,957
Monday through Thursday
before 11:00 or after 5:00.
443
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,168
Avocado's still extra.
444
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,628
Uh, I'm a vegan.
445
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:33,547
I'll die without avocado.
But yeah, you know, your call.
446
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:42,973
Hey, Mom just gave me a hug
and told me she loved me.
447
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,892
Be careful.
448
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,395
Hey, I'm just passing through.
449
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,772
Let's not do something
we'll both regret.
450
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:52,316
Sit the hell down and let me be nice.
451
00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,991
I'm sorry for what I said about Tyler.
452
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,993
I care about you and that's why
453
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:07,164
I tried to destroy
your last chance at love.
454
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:08,207
I guess I just wasn't ready
455
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:10,334
for you and Beverly Rose to move out.
456
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:13,295
But I actually do think that
you should live with Tyler.
457
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,214
Okay.
458
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,842
But you did say a few things
that made sense.
459
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,218
Really? I did?
460
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:22,388
Because when I thought back
on it, I was kind of mystified.
461
00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:24,014
As much as I want to live with him,
462
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:26,267
I don't want to be stranded
out there with Beverly Rose
463
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,352
if it doesn't work out.
464
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:31,522
What if Tyler moves in here?
465
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,649
Really? You would do that?
466
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:35,192
Yeah.
467
00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:37,361
I think it would be good for us to have
468
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:40,406
kind of a test run on living together.
469
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:41,574
And you won't end up
470
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:42,867
a lonely old woman wandering the halls
471
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:45,578
with lipstick smeared across your face.
472
00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,163
I'm not gonna be lonely.
473
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:50,249
Once the magazine is set up,
Ben's gonna come back.
474
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:52,960
Aw, you still think that?
475
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:58,674
Excuse me, the Falcon?
476
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,885
I... I know I'm not supposed
to talk to you,
477
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,220
so I'll just talk
and you don't have to respond.
478
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:09,560
So my family, they've made me,
like, this golden child,
479
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:12,271
and I'm supposed to save
future generations of Conners,
480
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:13,731
and it's so much pressure.
481
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:14,773
And I...
482
00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:19,487
Gotcha, no personal talk.
483
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,322
What kind of stuff are
you interested in?
484
00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:27,536
Cat videos? Me, too!
36146
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