Original subtitles

What's up?

With you?

Where are you?

I'm starving.

They know

I'm not coming.

What do you mean you're not coming?

Where are you?

I'm at home.

You don't know

what's going on.

I know you were looking forward to

tonight.

I can't do this anymore.

You're taking the piss.

No. I'm not.

Tonight was your idea.

You broke the fucking table.

I'm sorry.

Fuck you now.

I can't believe this.

You know that piece of shit?

You know that.

Oh, don't say that.

Please don't say that.

It's over 20 minutes.

Eat in these bloody breadsticks.

I know, I know.

I'm sorry.

Stop saying you're fucking

sorry.

I tell you what.

No, no, no.

This is on me, okay?

I'll ask Johnny.

Put it on my tab.

So they can look after me, I think.

That's very kind of you.

Thank you.

I really am sorry.

Yeah,

yeah.

Started by a fucking

waiter.

No, you tell me

that you put this

down on him.

Did you not spend.

Yeah. Don't tell us

she's coming.

No no no no no no.

No, no, you're all right.

No I wasn't.

Oh, it's our London night.

No, no. You're right.

You're wrong.

Stop.

I'll just go ahead

and get some more. Go and get some

money. Go get some more.

I don't go and get some more dishes.

I might pop up.

Now, don't leave me on my own with

her. What do you want me to do?

You get up there.

She's got the drink.

She's got my drink.

Punk! What do you want? Me?

Calm down.

Calm.

Come.

Don't.

Behave yourself.

All right.

If you can get.

Some

information.

So

should be.

Yes.

All of them.

Oh, look, it.

Stinks in there, for fuck's

sake.

So.

Shall I buy you a balloon?

A present?

Yeah.

Yeah. All right.

Which one do you want?

Square one.

Square for a square.

It says happy birthday on it.

Yeah.

And it's not your birthday till

January.

Every day is my birthday.

How much are your balloons, please?

Small ones for pound.

Big ones. £2.

Okay, we'll take a big

one. And this lovely

fella and this place.

You like Italian?

Yeah.

Yes.

It's fine. It's great.

It's good.

I'm very, very pleased about that.

Everything all right?

Yeah.

Just got a lot going

on.

Okay. Smartest for you.

You got kids?

No.

Well, it all looks very nice.

You've done a wonderful spread.

Thank you.

You know, you're more than welcome

to stay.

It's plenty of food.

I'd love a glass of wine.

Thanks, Tony.

All right. Okay.

I read a lot.

I love a bit of red.

Unicorn cake.

Yeah.

Kitch, go fucking bonkers for cake.

Oh,

yeah.

They.

Ow ow ow

ow ow

ow ow.

Well, you're being.

Mean to call for a refund.

I told you,

I've been

at the beach, been drinking

cocktails, been reading

my book.

Ow ow ow ow ow ow

ow. You do really well.

Nearly finished.

Now, what do you think my favourite

cocktail was, then

flaming might.

I found this bar

called the Lemon Tree.

Oh, I can't tell you

how many we've put away in the last

two weeks.

It was obscene.

What have you got there?

Give me that. No, no,

you don't want that. Give me that.

Fine.

Now I'm going to count to three.

One.

Two.

Three.

Here we are.

We did it.

Good job.

Now, before I move on to the other

leg, I'm gonna have to go and get a

tissue, because I've got the

post-holiday sniffles.

And when I get back, I'm gonna move

you into your chair, okay?

You're my mum.

You're right darling.

Well, you doing there?

Do you mean

which bay? Although he was coming.

Oh. That's nice.

Very charming.

Where is he?

Kathy and Pete aren't coming

today.

Pete's not very well, remember?

Oh, and it's my turn today.

I'm going to put him over here.

Brighten up the room a bit, okay?

However, it

should mean. What am I wearing?

You saw it.

You love this jacket.

How about it? For years?

I don't like it. Took it off.

What are you, the fashion police?

Take it off, for God's sake.

Offend you that much?

There you go.

Oh, done.

Okay.

I start again with

lovely flowers.

Mum.

Cathy. Given that

she did

well, they're very nice.

I was paying.

He's not going to be able to come

save for a bit, mum.

All right.

So.

Come in.

Would you mind taking your shoes.

Off and just popping them on.

The rack for me?

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh!

P o

sisters here.

Well.

You got a dry mouth.

You pass me that water, please.

Oh.

No. All of it.

Thank you.

Okay.

I think.

See you. Got you something.

Look. Pink.

Yeah, I got

you this magazine.

Nothing filthy.

That's brilliant.

That's great.

Thank you.

I'll look nicer.

Does your hair loss not.

Thanks.

So I'll try something

a bit different.

Oh, lovely.

Does she get home?

She does.

But he built his

it all ours.

To having an extension done next

door.

Oh, I.

Won't be a patch on ours.

What do you think, sir?

You have a CV?

It's beautiful.

My photos are

nice.

Where we like it.

Oh, yes.

Pass me.

The tissues.

So.

Oh, okay.

Oh.

In there. There they

go. Done.

Okay.

Oh.

You.

Oh.

To Pete on his final ride.

Away.

Thank you, gentlemen.

You can't do that in here

now.

Please stop doing that.

I'm going to faint.

Okay, I'll take it.

I don't like it.

It stinks.

It's very inconsiderate.

Yeah, but Katherine, just shut it.

All right, just for a minute.

Just for one minute.

I'm at my little brother's funeral,

so I wanted to vape.

I'd like something for their

comfort. All right.

So. Right.

Do.

You want something to eat?

I'll try and eat some

food. For me to go and

get you something.

Yeah.

Let em. Fuck sake!

Yeah.

No.

You're right.

I

mean, he was my baby

brother.

So. Right?

Yeah.

I'm very sorry.

You are.

Also there. I'm wrong.

We all have enough

glasses.

You're like the fucking Terminator.

Okay.

Take them off.

Well.

Go take them off.

I'm good.

Go on, let me say.

No, that.

Very nice.

It's not, you know, my breath.

I'll put themselves with you.

So stand for me in service to

really experiment with Pete.

One of the best.

Yeah.

It was always very clever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Only the best.

Yeah.

Don't go for a ride

right now.

Yeah?

Why not?

Sorry, boss.

I know.

All right.

Let's see if we're all right.

I just say I'm so sorry.

You're reading about before?

Yeah.

Couple of times.

Years ago, I loved it.

Yeah.

There's nothing like it.

The the, Chinese

of a proverb about life.

And it's something like, you can

live life one of two ways.

You can either live it like Ward,

or you can live it like water, you

know. Remain.

We're going for.

A ride a lot.

Yeah. Tell me about the Chinese.

They're so.

Fun. So can you come back inside?

Well, no.

Well.

No. We're going for a ride.

Okay.

There. Take that.

Thank you.

You're not going to go for a ride

now, what do you think of this song,

though?

But. Well, you need to come back

inside and help with your mom.

So come here.

You.

All right.

So you did it.

Yeah.

So what have we done today,

Terry?

Well we have been shopping.

And we got some very nice things.

Yeah. What do we get me.

Well I bought a watch.

Yeah.

Really lovely.

Very smart.

Very smart.

And the trainers.

Yeah.

Very snazzy.

You look good in them.

Should we say how much they cost.

£100.

The problem.

And how do we make.

A summit we need to discuss.

Okay.

No, I think it's important to share.

You know what first attracted you to

me?

Where I saw,

you know, very approachable.

How come?

I know?

It was just something

about you that appealed to me.

What about me?

What was it about me?

You just seemed so kind when

we first started messaging.

Now, all of us having fun.

Yeah. Enjoying the higher quality

life.

Yeah, absolutely.

Of. Of critical.

Oh, yeah.

Get to enjoy beautiful things

with a beautiful person.

Oh, that's

very sweet, Terry.

It's not sexual, though, is it?

It's about enjoying that higher

quality lifestyle.

That's why, isn't it?

Oh, yeah.

They have, the creeps

in there.

Yeah, but boundaries are super

important, aren't they?

Yeah.

Less is

more to us in order, I suppose.

Yeah, exactly.

Here's to us.

Hmhm to us.

011.

And.

I.

Yeah, right.

Crazy dream.

Him about.

Lost me home in an accident.

I'll tell.

I'm.

On the bike.

Oh.

So the construction site was

this weird.

Since Oracle Hmhm.

You hungry?

Well.

I've got some stuff.

Pasta and ice

cream.

It sounds good.

For a drink.

Yeah, sure.

Thank you.

Something.

You.

And so

for me to say.

Is indeed.

Are you all right?

Just give me a second.

Oh, God. Anyway,

I'll tell you to.

Folk.

I don't know why this is happening.

Oh, God.

Don't worry about it.

Do you want some ice cream?

It's chocolate.

Hi guys.

It's Anthony here.

So I'm on my way to my

cosmetic enhancement appointment.

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago.

I'm doing it for preventative

reasons.

So if you get it done younger, it is

more effective.

Also, I do work in the visual

industry, so I think it makes a lot

of sense to me to have it done.

I wish I had it done.

I'm just trying to vlog here.

Okay.

So a lot of people have been, you

know, criticising me for doing this.

I want to say to those people, go

fuck yourself.

You know, it's my faith and I'm

going to do what I want with it.

I okay.

Okay. And obviously, just so you

guys know, I'm not

amazing with needles, so this might

be quite stressful.

Okay.

All right. I know what they're

doing.

Not. I know they do, Terry.

Sorry.

Okay, so I just want you to take

nice, deep breaths, and you're going

to feel that first one coming up

now.

You're with me, Terry.

I'm here.

Doing really well.

And I think you.

Terry.

Terry,

can you see any different?

Yes. Quite

a dramatic change, isn't it?

Well, I mean, I think it's mostly

just right at the moment.

It takes from what I know,

it takes 3 to 4 weeks for it to

properly settle in.

So I'm going to check in with you

guys then, when I look.

12.

Oh, no.

We? Obviously not. Actually.

Terry.

Okay. Stop now.

Stop.

Terry.

It is. Look.

Oh, hey.

You're right. Oh, no.

I doing right.

Hey. I'm all right.

Hey, man, you

ain't doing good.

Oh, I think so.

Good, good

good good.

Ow! 0000.

You don't. Oh, fuck you.

Mister.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Give over.

Oh.

So we're.

Cool.

Hey.

So let

me go, dad!

Hello?

I see.

You're right.

He's okay.

Just excited to see his body.

Well, well, well, we'll see you

later then, And check it out.

Hello?

But.

Ow ow.

Ow ow

ow.

Ow

ow

ow. She kill me for smoking in

there.

Oh. What?

What?

He's. Mom.

Oh!

Is that her?

Oh.

Yes.

She looks like you.

You reckon?

Yeah.

So so. But when you wrote me for

Lord. Oh, God.

When my daddy

called me until

it was this funny at the

time.

It's about.

2 or 3 weeks

after my mom passed and.

I was making a delivery

by my line.

Would cross that.

Stuff off me or

herself to take a piss.

I started walking in.

The further I walked in it.

I loved it.

Oh, were you right?

It's fucking peaceful in us.

What's.

It's completely my own.

Go on.

I walked into this clearing.

I just stood for a moment.

Go on. Continue.

So.

Not to call me close of.

I.

Stood in these woods.

Looking at the birds and the bees

and the trees and that.

Oh.

Then they called me.

And he said I'm a bullet.

Never get in the woods.

I don't feel accepted by the trees.

What were they all.

Oh.

I I've been back

now.

Oh.

I didn't think about going back.

Oh.

Oh I think maybe stuck

a one off thing for

me.

What was that.

Oh

I said dogs, people

walking on about dogs.

I've got one.

Two.

Ready?

Three.

Four dogs.

Fuck off!

What have you.

Gotten from them?

I stole them.

Oh!

Shut up!

Oh, you get between

500 and 1000

metro.

These absolute bullshit

show is that

you're not to repeat this to fucking

anyone. You hear me?

I'm a bit scared.

Give me space.

Just. Just a quick look.

Right. Come on, come on.

The only two that know about it,

right? Oh, come on, all we to sound

good. Come on.

How about that?

Oh.

Ow ow

ow ow

ow

ow.

Really appreciate you coming to see

me.

Lovely. I mean, you in.

Oh.

Oh, I love you, God.

Let's get me booties with you, pal.

You know. Go, man.

Yeah. Then, darling.

See you tomorrow.

Leave me alone.

Oh!

Hey, where the fuck

are you?

As you mean.

I think we're outside and you know

Pete. Well, you.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

You want just what you fucking

forgot?

I haven't. Where are you?

Oh.

Oh, guys, you know, but.

I don't know.

What the fuck do they need? The go.

Oh, no.

I'm really sorry if you're.

Fuck, but you can't

fucking move on.

Are you fucking off?

Okay, I'm on my way.

I need it.

Fuck you.

So so

so so we saw this one.

We've got to go now.

Well, look at the road.

Oh.

What time.

Is it? So thirsty.

Oh.

The letter.

Oh!

We've got to leave now.

We don't want to come now.

You okay?

Getting back to Slade's,

No.

Oh, really? Sorry.

I've got to leave now.

Why?

I'll explain later.

Look, I said.

I'm really sorry.

Okay. I'll see you later.

Three hours. One.

Three hours. You kept us waiting.

Hey, talking freezing out here.

Well, thank you very much.

I should have been with the girls an

hour and a half ago.

I messaged you last week.

What do you plan to do for lunch?

He's found something.

Fixing it.

How could you be that selfish?

You don't think about anyone but

yourself. Do you want.

Come here.

Yeah.

Take this. Thank you.

Now we've got everything.

Yes.

Yes. Hang on a second, Val.

Love you. Bye.

I should be in a certain Jacuzzi by

now. Yeah, well, it doesn't matter

in 15. I'll do it in 45.

Sorry, son.

What the fuck, Ronald?

I mean, Jesus.

I'm sorry, I just forgot.

That makes me feel amazing.

What's up?

Where are you?

So smoothie maker.

Mum got it. Me? Where were you?

Awful.

What do you mean, what for? For

breakfast. For the morning.

Three hours later on those

smoothies.

Are you?

Yes.

I don't want smoothies.

Is really unhealthy.

A smoothie is unhealthy.

A green smoothie.

Well, what colour is it?

Fruit or a vegetable?

It's natural.

And you're fine because the fibre

ameliorates the damage done

by the fruit. So soon?

The glucose, if you have it light

like this, can cause an insulin

spike.

Well, ultimately, I'm still going to

have one.

So yeah, I've won,

I've won and enjoy.

I'm not questioning that.

I'm just telling you they're not

good for science, so

I don't care about your feelings.

Well, clearly.

You're not gonna ask me how I am.

So listen. Now, I.

Only ask me that because I

asked you to.

Yeah, well, you said it now, so I

can only say. I can only say

retrospectively.

Now. Cancer?

Yeah, obviously. But it still sucks

that I had to ask.

Also, no saying.

Do you want me to ask?

Because now I am asking.

And you saying that I'm only asking

because I have been prompted.

How do you think I am?

Well, I think they have us with.

Ascertaining that would be to say

this sentence is ready.

Go on.

How are you?

How do you think I am?

How long do we have to commit to

this circle?

How do you think I am due to the

given circumstances of today?

I think in turmoil.

Why do you think I'm in turmoil?

Well, because you.

Understand what I'm leading to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think you're upset because it kept

you working for three hours.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's actually all I needed.

Yeah.

So you do.

You are aware of the situation?

Yeah, I am.

There was a clue, though, to be fair

to me, there was a clue because.

But an hour ago, I said I'm sorry.

What do you think? That's just like.

I think that's all I've got

to say.

How much work you put em.

On that don't know what to say.

Well, not saying you're sorry and

then actually acting sorry as well.

I don't what acting sorry would

be. You mean contrition?

What do you mean, acting?

Sorry. We're sitting here.

I'm not being confrontational.

I'm not punishing.

You have said I'm sorry, so be on

that. What?

I don't know. I like people at nice.

After them. Sorry if you done

something wrong. Not right, then you

know.

In what way am I not

acting nice?

We just sitting there ignoring man.

You've been listening to your phone.

I was waiting for you to ask me how

I am

done.

Says Inferno for all eternity.

Yeah. Feels like.

It. Yeah.

I'm sorry I

kept you waiting in the cold.

Anthony.

Okay. Thank you.

You getting a bath?

Three four. Kebab one.

No onions. You shot.

Sorry, I don't got any sauce.

I sort.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Didn't have to make me breakfast.

I'm so sorry.

It's not a full breakfast.

This is great.

About so peacefully.

You know you.

You're welcome here anytime you want

to come. You know, if you want to

get away from London,

I'd be great to come back.

Home after running fish out for

another trip. Sarah.

Well, you could.

You could come on your own.

On the train.

I mean, there was always there.

These are nice plates.

Yeah, nice ones though.

Yeah.

And mum's got a nice crockery and.

Yeah.

I love all our little knickknacks.

Yeah. She's always accumulating lots

of lovely things.

So what are you going to do?

Sell it.

Well. This place.

Yeah.

No, no, no,

I didn't think about selling it

after she passed for

an estate agent. Handsome

kid and all this.

Jillian is there.

How you valued

it. He says in its current state,

it's worth hundred and £20,000 less

than if it was up to full spec up

its current state.

Don't fucking state this place as a

palace, you wanker.

This is what you want, did you?

Then he said, I put some flooring

down. I said what laminate?

He said no, no, no.

Engineered.

Engineered flow.

You should get rid of the architrave.

People don't like it anymore.

Declutter.

People moving in. They want to see

space.

I don't want to see a life lived.

I do want to say love on the walls.

I want fancy radiators.

Decking outside.

Egg shaped barbecue

made a ceramic

driveway.

Now couples I want to fucking oh

car porch anymore.

No no no no, that's my the plastic

that's bad for the fucking environment.

Coffees, lattes,

macchiato. What the fuck's all that

about?

I went to a coffee.

Shop the other day.

There's a new one.

In the old time

I went house. I kind of want coffee.

Please. I knew she was going to

start. She went,

I saw milk. You want.

What's up?

I just want. I just want normal

milk. Allowable milk from a cow.

And she gives me that look.

Like I'm the fucking mad one

coming here to destroy all this.

No, I'm not leaving mama's.

Stay in. I'm going to protect it.

Like coming, governor, that ripple

this out.

There's not just four walls.

So it's not just the things are in

it. This is what it represents.

This is a this is a small

snippet. It's a it's

a microcosm of England,

a forgotten England.

I'll do everything I can to protect

you from that bunch of fucking

[Unrecognized].

Okay. And, Susan.

Lovely to have you back there.

What are you getting back, then?

Yeah. Don't worry about me.

Well.

Well, well, safe journey then.

Tell Ron I call him next

week or something. Yeah.

All right, we'll do.

Thanks, Gordon.

Hello.

Hello, Ron.

He's in the box at the moment.

Oh. That's cool.

Oh, it's so

cool.

So who's this?

It's Anthony. Ronald San.

Yo, Ronald.

Sorry stuff.

Yeah. His baby boy.

That's. Yeah.

Some.

Okay.

Which, you know, meant to.

No, no it didn't.

I've been saying for 15 months.

Oh, my God, that is

hilarious.

He never mentioned he had a

girlfriend.

I didn't mean to look back.

Oh, no, this is not amazing

news. The cat is out.

Will you tell him I called then?

Yeah, absolutely.

God, I'm so glad I picked

up because he's completely changed

my weekend. I thought it was going

to be, like, the most boring weekend

in the world.

Well, I don't.

Want to pay for it to not take my

wine.

I don't know, really.

I'm mortified.

I like Thai.

Oh.

Oh, my God, I love

Thai.

It's so fresh, isn't it?

Like we are still having Thai.

How could. He was fine.

Yeah, yeah, like a bit of spice.

Okay, so come hang with me on my.

Ronald's come over for spicy

Thai. You know, the three of us

would just have a really close one.

Okay. We're on a cold.

Night, Helen.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

And I've got your number now,

so I'll text John.

We can make.

What? Tomorrow?

Tomorrow? Yeah.

Speak sense.

Say.

Speak.

Send spy.

Exciting.

Bye.

Reynolds.

Yeah.

I just got off the phone, said.

You kept her quiet, didn't you?

Ronald.

Yeah.

We're going to see something fun

with you this weekend.

She sounds so nice.

Fun.

Ron.

Hey.

All right.

I'm gonna go to Anthony.

Hello.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, my God, you are so pretty.

And that when you walked in.

Oh my God.

I'm sorry, but genuinely.

One of the reasons.

That your hair even.

It's just such a nice colour.

Oh my God, look at you.

And you are so lucky, by the way.

Jesus.

So, shopping.

Yeah.

Yeah. So the aim of today

is basically, I just wanted to get a

couple of nice pieces for my Ronald.

And I love sort of like, vintage

shopping.

I mean, I really like, obviously

what you're wearing.

I just thought we could elevate the

outfit even more.

He's just very grey, do you think?

Yeah.

Could do with a bit of colour.

Yeah, it's not all bad.

They were both blessed with very

high cheekbones.

Can you say.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

You see.

What do you think about this?

Yeah. Let's have a look.

It's nice.

I love that.

Oh my God. Literally.

Come and have a look at this room.

What do you think?

You want that, then?

This is so nice.

Anthony. You want that?

Do you like it?

Yeah. It's lovely.

Do you want that, then?

What's great about it is that you

can wear it like that.

Or you can go like.

Like traditional.

Say you look like a snow queen in

this. You know that?

Yeah. I don't think it's certainly.

But we'll get that and we can go.

Yeah.

When I. But this is about you today,

though. Not even one old.

If we get you one thing, I'd be so

happy.

Smart, Petrus, it'd be nice.

You totally like those tragic

trousers and whatever that is, you

know? Yeah.

Okay, so we buy me some trousers, we

buy these shoes, we buy that jacket,

we can leave. Yeah.

What size.

Here? And 34.

And then we can go. Yeah.

Jesus. Yes.

And then we can leave out of that.

What's he like?

Well.

I'll bet.

Oh. Thank him.

I can guess your star sign.

Yeah, if I sign on you.

I care that I can get that.

Oh no

time because I was genuinely going

to suggest Scorpio.

no I was going to get Scorpio.

All right.

I know, but that makes sense though

because I'm on a Wraith,

a fire signs. That makes sense that

we are signing compatible.

Scorpios a water sign.

And is it?

Scorpio is water.

Aries is fire.

Yeah, I know that.

Because we're the sexy one.

Yeah, we're the sexy ones.

No you're not.

We're

very good in very.

Very fire sign.

We are so sexy.

It's what we're known for.

Oh, my God, that I'm not.

Interested.

In Chyna.

Well, who the fuck is that?

Oh, it's Jonathan Cain's wizard.

He's an astrologer.

Oh, come on.

I always do, though,

when someone take this away from me.

Too bad, because I

like a horse.

Constant rain.

I'm like that too.

Terrible.

You know, the Napoleonic Wars, when

the French soldiers went over to

fight in Russia, they slept in the

dead bodies of the horses

I quite saw.

How do I ride off.

Inside the dead bodies of the

horses?

Just discussed.

I'm not quite.

Well. We used in the heat of the

organs that keep them warm.

You know so much about this

guy.

You forget your little, connection

thing out show.

So you up.

You know, Matlock comes down,

he finds all this really old stuff

back down by the Thames.

You told me you were going to show

me that.

Tell me what. I've got something

that will interest you.

Oh.

It is though isn't it.

Oh yes. Yes. Super clever.

Very clever.

He knows tons about like just stuff.

Yeah. You don't want to go on about

it all the time. Murder.

Yeah. No.

Oh that's a bit boring.

Yeah.

Some of it. Yeah.

I mean that's a fucking museum to

see.

Yeah.

Okay.

Can I touch.

It? Yeah. Touch it, touch it.

Oh, I just have a raw

alien brain.

So what do you think that is?

Alien brain?

I don't know, is it a rock?

Oh, it's not rock.

That is coral.

Oh.

I don't know. The Tate Britain

used to be Millbank Prison.

But I thought coral was meant to be

kind of home.

There's a there's about.

There were the river steps used to

be. And that's where they ship

people up to Australia.

So, so this,

this would have been ballast

control.

It's like it's like time travel

in it.

Better not get sold on it then.

That's where all my lot went to

Australia.

What? Why?

Criminals.

Mania.

Oh my God. I would absolutely

hate to go to prison.

I mean, obviously, I wouldn't go

anyway.

But it's all silent.

It's like without that

peak toxic masculinity, isn't it?

I don't think you'd have much of a

chance in that.

Oh my God. Now, can you imagine

that toxic masculinity is a proper

thing, though? Yeah.

When I was a little girl, I

wanted to be a boy.

Did you know?

And you still feel that way now?

Sometimes, though, in and out of it.

Still it.

What was I going to be called if I

was to go?

What was it.

Out?

I wanted to call you Joan.

Oh my God.

Joan.

Gotten caught up on a boy.

I can't see you. This is John.

John?

No. Can you imagine?

I've got.

This.

Oh!

Oh!

I just can't say good night.

Oh, no.

You're right.

I'm so much fun with you tonight.

Not unless I feel like your family

on my day.

Oh.

It's lovely.

Seriously, though.

It's been so nice.

Yeah.

And fun.

Yeah.

Anyways.

Anyways. Yeah.

Later.

Scorpio.

Sexy.

Later.

Sexy, sexy.

Good night. Darling, I'm not

sexy.

Say.

It's wonderful. Entertaining.

I'd love it. I say

a coat.

I didn't like it first.

Actually, I quite like on myself.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. It's nice. That cut.

Will you read?

Pagan Britain by Ronald Hutton.

Oh.

What's it about?

It's a study of British religion

from the Palaeolithic to the Middle

Ages.

Right.

So it's a thriller thing.

Hey guys it's Anthony here.

Back with another midnight musing.

And this is like

the biggest one I've ever done.

Like huge news, huge news

in my life.

And I'm speaking quietly as you can

hear kids in

the next room.

Is my new stepmom.

That? What the fuck?

And this is like, this is like,

double huge because I've never

met or even known if my

dad's even had a girlfriend before.

I'm already obsessed with her.

Like when we first met was the

weirdest thing.

I got this proper, like, instinct

that she was standing next to me

and my friends always telling me

that I'm really good at reading

people.

Like, I know I have to meet in

someone straight away if

we're going to get along. And and I

just knew that we were going to get

along.

She's so my type of person

and she's so fun as well.

I've got that not proper anxiety

because as I said, they

are literally next door

and I do not want to hear them,

you know, I mean, unless like,

I mean, realistically, if I got a

baby brother or sister out of it.

Oh.

Oh my gosh.

Can you imagine how exciting that

would be? That would be like proper

gasp.

But it's also like.

I don't I it's

one of those things where like,

you can still get a family like you

and I.

It just shows that even if you've

had a tough childhood or something

like that, you can still get a

family together.

There's no expiry date on

getting a family.

And I just think that, like.

So beautiful.

But. Yeah, I just want to check in.

I'm a step son.

What the fuck?

And remember, guys.

Stay golden.

Stay dreaming.

Stay beautiful.

All right.

Oh, shit.

Sorry.

So. Right.

I'm so sorry I woke you up.

You work it out?

No, I'm just.

Working on a routine.

So if we get that thing where you,

like, wake up in the morning, get

that, like creativity

overflow.

No.

No, I. Well, yeah.

Anyway, I just thought I'd carry

on working on this routine idea.

What is it, a dance routine?

I don't think I've been working on

Good Dancer.

Yeah.

What is it? There's one to tell you.

Nothing.

Oh, no. You didn't tell me.

Go ahead. Yeah. I want a happy dance

in my whole life.

Here you go.

You should come.

That's us.

That's destiny.

That's sweet.

You know, just trying to do our bit.

What's a charity?

How are we still working that out at

the moment?

Oh, right.

Do you mind if I carry on

some time up at the

moment? Be sure to jump back in.

Yeah. No, no, no, I'll get out your

way. Oh, God.

No, don't be silly. Stay put.

Yeah.

I got stuck in mud.

I'll show you what's to

come.

Sure.

All of you know how to

breathe.

Your skin is getting.

Come up in your.

Anyway, that's

as far as I've got with it.

I thought.

Sorry

I cut off.

But I just wasn't expecting

you.

Yeah. Nice.

I think this is this

way.

I'm not laughing.

Oh, laugh. Honestly, I just wasn't

expecting it.

It was fantastic.

It was great.

Jesus fucking Christ!

Oh.

Oh, I'm

sorry.

I'm not laughing at you, darling.

I'm not laughing at any.

Oh.

Oh, oh.

Bubbles.

That methane is it?

Yeah. Because you're bubbly, aren't

you?

So, bubbles.

Yeah.

All right. I'm all right with that.

What's that?

What do you mean.

Big daddy?

We have that. You.

It's what people doing wrong.

It's just a bit of fun.

It's a nickname.

Yeah. Come on, you're up first.

Yeah.

I know it's a nickname.

I don't want to take that down.

Well, I can't, it's locked into the

computer system.

Yes, you can take it down.

No, I can't, it's in the computer.

Come on. Fun.

Let's just play. Jesus.

I'm not Big Daddy.

Yes, you are, Big Daddy.

Come on. You're up first.

Don't do that under the.

Don't you ever do that to me.

Okay.

You alright with your back, darling?

Yep.

Go, Big daddy.

That's my son.

That's my darling.

Come on then. Golden Globes.

With bubbles.

Golden bow.

Show us what you got.

If you see me, Big daddy.

Come on then.

I see. Do you want to use

this? It basically just helps guide

it down.

What is it?

Which is helpful if you're a

beginner. Oh okay.

So I'm not a beginner.

I've been told loads of times.

Have you?

Yeah, I.

Don't need that.

Oh.

She's not using it.

She said no, I'm not.

I'm just giving it.

She said.

No I'm.

Not. It's totally free.

You hear?

Ron, it's not that you're not

using it.

What is your problem?

I need to stop.

You. Understand?

Okay.

He'll just go. So.

Maybe get.

Right over there if you need it in

Expo.

Hey, guys.

Anthony here.

I genuinely like.

I don't even I don't

even know, like, where to start I

like.

I can't. I'm just going to say it

because otherwise I'll cop out or

something and I promise myself it's.

It's basically my stepmom is a

fucking psycho.

And I feel so stupid for, like,

the stuff that I was saying, like

the last midnight musings

of so genuinely excited,

like my dad to have a new girlfriend

and for that to be like proper love

in his life.

I cannot believe how much she

manipulated me,

and I think that is such a good word

for it. She is perhaps the most

manipulative woman I've

ever met. She's the definition

of a bitch.

You know, you know, when lights fail

to get that poop from your eyes.

And I just suddenly decided that

I sent shivers down my spine.

The fact that she managed to get me

in that mind run round.

Had it all been gone.

What the fuck's that all about?

Ron.

Wrong.

Give it up for blue

eyes.

So, particular mention goes to

Kaylee, who's dancing on a swollen

ankle this evening.

What a trooper.

Okay, so we now

come to the final showcase of the

night.

As some of you know,

this one is particularly close to my

heart.

Now, all of the acts you've seen

tonight are home-grown.

But this one, I literally grew

myself.

Now, I have watched this lot work

bloody hard over the last four

years, and not only have they

turned into fabulous dancers,

but into wonderful human

beings.

The real future

of what we do.

It is my great honour to introduce

to you my very

own electric

dance.

Hey, the

Dennis is on the merchandise table.

After the show, 5% goes to charity.

Six.

This.

In this case.

I'm going to

make the mistake.

You need to

take for granted.

So I think.

It's very likely.

I think this

is going to fall

over.

It might be great if.

The New York.

Mom, why don't you go?

I want to run.

Nice of you to come back and see it.

I'll come at all, for that matter.

Anthony, your dad's here.

So, isn't it?

Yeah.

I'm Anthony's mum.

I just wanted to have a quick

yellow.

Hi, Ronald.

Hi, Ron.

United.

And this is the rest of the gang.

I just wanted to say.

But it is not acceptable

in any way, shape or form

for you to mock

and make fun of my son

and his talent.

Yeah, okay.

You better run out.

Hello. What do you think, then?

It's really good, Anthony.

Well, I mean, you could find a bit

more abusive.

Are you in show business?

Of course I'm not.

Then why.

Don't you leave the expert

opinions to.

Someone who does not?

42 years.

I said you could sound a bit more

impressive on this.

Sound effusive?

Effusive is just a manifestation

of enthusiastic means.

Sound enthusiastic?

Okay, well, whatever.

I know presently, that's what.

That's all. Why? It's extra large.

Why don't you take this and you go

on in there and you tell my son what

a fantastic job is done tonight.

Hear me?

Yeah.

Good.

Enjoy the rest of your.

So we're.

All right.

Hello, Anthony.

Well done. Guys, that was brilliant.

Fantastic.

Let

us.

Start.

Thank you.

You're right.

Yeah.

Look at you

setting your jacket.

Yeah.

Got it the other day.

Very.

Pikachu. Very cold.

Now, I'm saying it's my third

day.

I'm

sorry. Vulnerable. What the fuck are

you doing to me?

This is like. Okay.

What are you doing?

Fuck! Do you think this is, like, a

normal thing to do in front of my

friends?

Okay, Anthony.

That's enough.

No, I'm sorry too, but look at him.

It's freaky as fuck.

Just standing there in silence with

his helmet on.

Like.

Yeah, like. Can you respond, please?

Ronald's.

Ronald's.

Ronald's.

Ronald's.

Ronald.

I don't know, Ronald,

I know.

Stop fucking laughing at me,

Anthony.

If I say.

Oh.

You just see that

you.

No, Anthony, you can keep your poxy

shirt.

I was going to apologise to you

tonight. Even after that fucking

video.

You fucking stalking me online or

something?

You know what, twinkle toes?

Your mommy might not tell you the

truth, but I will.

The gloves are off.

Oh my God.

What the fuck?

You know that little performance you

gave out there?

It was even more embarrassing than

the last time.

Embarrassing? I didn't know where to

look. I was nearly pitying myself.

It was tragic because you were so

drunk. You were telling the truth.

Anthony, you

ain't got no talent.

None of you.

You're all fucking embarrassing.

And you are too old.

Talentless. Talentless.

Talentless. You ain't going nowhere

cause you ain't got the X factor.

It's like it's not even on TV

anymore.

The only way you're going to make

any money at this industry is at

Barry fucking Manilow

lookalike.

Oh, my God, go fuck yourself.

Fucking Barry Manilow.

Can you look him up?

Did you call

me? No, I just called.

Well, who is it, then?

Oh, fucking kidding me.

No, honestly, you don't look

anything like that at all.

Don't you?

I thought she said Gary Barlow

babes.

Honestly, don't worry about

that. Come here. Come.

And.

I'm not a huge fan of the nibbles.

That's heavy sort, guys.

So you got these, like, tempura

prawns, but they're just, like,

very soggy.

Not especially soggy.

An hour and.

A half ago were like.

What are you drinking?

Well, let me get you on.

Oh, it's all right.

You.

Just about something,

you know?

You not.

Not tonight.

Back in the 70.

Has the faith Terry

Jones.

You know what's.

Hey, whoa whoa whoa.

Not tonight.

Not tonight. Why?

Because you've got trainers.

Are all.

Trainers.

Fucking.

Traders.

Okay. My colleague Giles is

in there right now, but he's wearing

fucking trainers.

Why are you being like.

He's being so weird, Terry.

So what do you do?

No, you fuck up.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah. I really get a lot out of

working with the kids, you know?

Oh.

That's nice.

I got you something.

What, are you going to be nice now?

What is that?

It's a present.

Probably good.

What is that?

That is an amber

leopard.

Sorry. What's happening?

Hey!

Don't fucking touch me,

okay? No!

No!

Don't touch

me!

You got two kids.

Now.

Yeah. Not me.

I don't get.

It. Well, what don't you get?

This is some pixelated

image of the monkey taka you

downloaded from the internet.

I bought.

A tiger. It's a leopard.

And I've adopted this.

So that we can protect.

It.

Mum.

Yeah, yeah, we can actually make as

much as we can.

Sounds nice.

These fucking trainers.

Right?

Have a look.

All right. They are

worth fucking more than

you fucking pricks earned in a

night.

Okay, Terry, honestly, if you like

it so much, then please keep it,

because that is the definition

of anti-climactic.

This is nice.

Yeah. Hey, I had a really

nice time.

Okay, so you need to get out of my

way, and you need to listen.

Okay, listen.

And understand.

Okay. My fucking colleague.

So my colleagues.

Hi. So please leave a message and

I'll get back to you.

Oh.

Well, sir,

please can.

I see

a list of words like.

Some pointers.

On the door?

Just corrupted my double.

Hurt him.

I need you, so please.

Come home.

From.

Well.

Let's go.

Look, this. This, this.

What's going on? Darling is scaring

me.

It's okay, they said.

We're doing that. This is what it

sounds like.

This is.

How about if.

Not? Listen.

Okay. Well.

Let me fix you a nice cup of tea.

No, stay with me.

I'm not angry with you and just need

you with me.

That's enough.

That's a super.

Fucking wrong with me.

All I.

I'm not fucking all right.

Also, soon with someone

who focuses in some way.

Just like it's going to the punches.

Who?

Sir. With me,

please.

Okay.

Fucking sick of this.

Sick of all this.

You filming me all the time?

You give me a fucking rest.

I mean, it's my literal jobs.

Absolutely. No.

Look, your job.

It's my job.

You got a clue what a job is.

You never put a day in your life,

okay? You don't know what it's like

getting up every morning.

I'm up at 5 a.m.

on into that. I'm texting people.

I'm getting out there, making things

happen, doing deals.

Yeah, I've got a clue what it takes.

You know, I worked really hard,

actually.

My fucking phone never

stops.

And I'm doing this seven days a week

just so I can pay for your bags

of fucking landfill

bullshit.

All this.

Stuff. Okay, well, you know what?

I'm sorry if, like, you don't.

Love sandwiches, you haven't even

fucking opened.

I've got three bags of this stuff

still unopened.

Why are you being like this?

What? You're doing this for you

silly funky blog

blog.

Is this the fucking 90s or

something?

Give me that fun.

I pay for this phone?

Give it to me.

No! Fuck off!

Terry!

Give me the phone.

No!

Fucking me! Give me the fucking

phone!

No! Give me now!

Please just stop.

I'm getting more tired.

Can you get off me?

You go get your fucking dad!

He.

He.

He.

He.

This is the gist.

Hi.

Hi.

What the fuck's going on?

A.

It means nothing to you.

The fuck.

Is this.

Going.

To fuck you?

I'm not fucking shofar.

Oh, I make all your dreams come

true.

What I had today, I.

Dunno the fuck you all, but get

lost.

Yet. Why a single living father?

You're right.

Come and sit with me.

Come on.

Don't ever let a bloke treat you

like that.

No matter what you've done.

I'm just embarrassed.

So so

so dramatic.

Like it's not embarrassing.

Is.

Basically.

It's like this guy.

You don't have to tell me if you

don't want to have.

You're going to tell my dad?

No.

Why would I?

You've got a fucking awful taste

in men.

Said you.

Hey. So. Right.

Kannapolis.

Connie.

Look at you.

So slim and beautiful.

You don't know what you got, do you?

It was more than that.

I know.

You going to stay?

Yeah.

Sexy.

Later.

Wow.

One.

Two.

You.

Oh

oh.

Oh.

Oh.

000.

You.

Know.

To.

Who?

You.

Oh

oh.

000.

You.

You.

You.