Original subtitles

- Do you have to sit there

and block the entrance to the building?

It's the only entrance to the building.

The architect who conceived this building

long before your mother was born designed a doorway

where people could come in and out.

In New York, there's parks all around us.

With your young legs,

you could be there in a hop, skip, and a jump.

But no, you prefer to sit there with your mangy dog.

- He's not mangy.

- He's mangy, he's dirty.

- Please don't say that, Mr. Schweitzer.

Really, I don't appreciate it.

- I and the 92 residents of this building

don't appreciate you sitting here,

cutting this filthy dog's toenails

or whatever you do with him.

- I live here too.

- You know the name of the architect

who designed this building that you like to sit in front of

blocking the doorways,

getting attention for you and your dog?

- That's not why I brush him here.

He's old.

- He's old? I'm old!

You just move him a little bit.

Let me show you.

You take him like this and you move-

- Stop it.

Don't touch him. - I'm not touching him.

I'm not touching him.

It's pathetic.

Hey!

What are you, crazy?

You don't ride a bicycle on the sidewalk.

The sidewalk is for walking.

Buses, trucks, bicycles.

Anything with wheels except shopping carts. In the street!

I'll bet you don't even know who invented your bicycle.

That's the trouble with kids today.

They don't care.

They only wanna know what's in it for me? For me.

That's it, what's in it for me?

- Malissa, why do you wear that hat even in the summer?

- Because it's fun.

It's from Montana.

Might start selling them nationwide.

Makes people smile.

Could you imagine if you had the power

to make people smile nationwide?

You're smiling, aren't you?

- Well yeah, I suppose I am.

- And were you smiling

before you saw me in my hat?

- Well, let me think about that now.

- No, you weren't.

When I saw you, you were frowning.

You looked up, took one look at me

in my Montana hat and smiled

then gave me these stupid things.

I gotta be honest, doc.

It's not that different.

- It's clearer with them on, though, Malissa. Admit that.

- You don't think my diet has anything to do with it?

- Nothing.

- I'm a vegan, you know. - I hear ya.

- Pretty intense diet. - I gotcha.

No effect.

- No animal products of any kind,

not even bacon or steak.

- I understand.

Got nothing to do with you eyes starting to go bad.

- I'm not sold.

- Malissa, why do you have to go and do that?

Malissa, at least keep them a while before you decide.

- Put your foot on the glasses like you stomped on 'em, doc.

Come on now.

- Oh, I can't do that.

- Oh, doc.

- Oh.

- Gorgeous.

Yeah, oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah.

- I'm ready for you now, Malissa.

And I got some lunch for your mama. How's she doing?

- Pretty good, doc.

- You're killing two birds with one stone?

- Yeah, why not?

I thought I'd get my tweeter checked out while I was at it.

Can't hurt.

- I didn't need to know that. - See ya, doc.

- Yeah.

Mama. How you feelin'?

Doctor Simon bought you lunch for today.

He told me he's got a little crush on you.

Wants to come by and see you.

- No doctors.

- Ah, got a new tape from China.

You wanna hear?

Ooh, that looks yummy.

Yeah.

Doesn't that sound cool?

It's from a gal I wrote to in Beijing

who sent me a tape from a restaurant there in China.

Don't you just love listening?

Imagining everything?

Chinese people

in their Chinese outfits, eating all their Chinese food.

What?

Wo-chi-ba?

Wochiba?

Wochiba.

I wonder what that means.

I'll have some more wochiba, please.

Go wochiba yourself, you bastard.

What do you think, mama?

Eat your lunch, mama.

Still hear it from my room, right?

- Oh, that's nice, Rocky.

What is it?

- My mom.

- Your mother?

- Yeah.

It's not nice to make joke pictures of our mothers, Rocky.

- It's not a joke.

- It looks like an egg with hair and a TV set to me.

Is that nice?

Is that what your mother really looks like?

- Outstanding.

You're an extremely talented artist,

but I feel you probably get that quite a bit

in your life, don't you, kiddo?

And it's a uh, it's a computer,

not a TV set, Mrs. Trouchet.

But I could see how you might get that

a little confused if you didn't...

Look at it clearly.

Have a nice night.

- Hey dad, let's shave off all the hair we have.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- All right.

- No, I mean for real.

- For real?

- Yeah.

- Why? - 'Cause it'll be fun.

- Well I know it'll be fun, of course it's gonna be fun.

What, do you think I was born yesterday?

- I wanna look like Michael Jordan.

- How about this?

How about we braid our hair in cornrows,

that way we can look like Allen Iverson?

I mean, Mike is retired.

- Yeah, but he is forever and always

will be Mike, not Allen.

There's no I wanna be like Allen.

- You don't have to convince me, dude.

You're preaching to the choir.

I'm a Mike fan all the way,

I just figured you kids liked the new Turks.

- And I suppose you think I prefer Britney to the Beatles?

- Oh, I wouldn't go that far.

I know you're a Norwegian Wood guy.

- Well, thanks for giving me some credit, I...

- May I make a suggestion? - Sure.

- What if we get bald wigs?

That way we could look like Michael,

and we get to still keep our hair.

- Okay.

They look dumb.

- Yeah.

- Not real at all.

- You're right.

- We have no choice.

- You first or me? - Me.

- Get the newspaper.

Get a lot!

You ready? - Oh yeah.

- He's so weird. He's bald.

- You look like a baseball.

- This is way better.

- Way.

Have a good day.

We wanted to look like Mike, if only for a day.

- If this is illegal, and I certainly hope it is,

believe you me, the authorities are going to hear about it.

- What authorities, Mrs. Trouchet?

The Vermont hair cutting authorities?

- Child services.

- If the small dreams can't come true,

how's he ever going to believe the big ones can?

- Hi, welcome to Taco Bell.

My name's Sarah, how can I help you today?

Breakfast burrito?

- Hey John, a bunch of us are going to go out

and celebrate Nancy's bir- - No thank you, Bob.

- John.

- What?

- Nothin'.

- There's about a 10 minute delay

getting out of town on the I-10 tonight.

Transfer's clear, so you'll want to take that route instead.

- Hello?

- Hello, David.

It's John.

- Hello, John. Are you?

- Fine, thanks. And you?

- Very well, thanks.

Hold on, I'll get him for you?

- How's he doing?

- Fabulously.

- Great, thanks.

- Hold on a second.

William, your dad's on the phone.

- Hey, don't be on the phone too long.

Bed in 10 minutes.

- Dad?

- Hey William.

How you doin'?

- When do I visit you again?

- Not for another three months, son.

At Christmas.

- Why so long?

- Because you're there in school in New York

with mommy and David and daddy has to work here in Tucson,

but you'll get on a plane and come out here for Christmas.

Okay?

- Okay.

David took me to a Yankee game.

They won and three foul balls came really close to us.

I brought my glove but I couldn't catch any.

- But remember when we saw the Diamondbacks

beat the Yankees in the World Series?

Diamondbacks are still your favorite team, right?

- No, I like the Yankees now.

Derek Jeter is my favorite player.

- Okay.

William, daddy has to go now,

but he loves you and misses you.

Okay?

- Okay, bye, daddy. I love you.

- Daddy loves you, too.

- Bye.

- Bye.

♪ Stood by the window and watched the old church ♪

♪ Burn for a second time

♪ The light from the fire made it glow like an angel ♪

♪ As she pulled him aside

♪ And they lay on the bed

♪ There were shouts all around

♪ They could shut the whole war out ♪

♪ But the squeak of the springs ♪

♪ And tomorrow's dreams

♪ And the beating of their hearts ♪

♪ He would lay down his arms for her ♪

♪ She would forgive his brother's crimes ♪

♪ If for one moment they would let them pass ♪

♪ Let them pass

♪ Let them pass up on the bridge ♪

- How long have you been playing here now?

- Forever it seems.

God, I don't know.

- 10 years.

I've been listening to you before

I go to work every morning for 10 years now.

- Oh thank you.

- And New York is right there.

- Why would I want to go there?

This is Astoria.

- Bye.

♪ I look like a freshman

♪ I still have a roommate

♪ I even moved to Brooklyn

♪ I still need a roommate

♪ I bet you didn't know

♪ I don't make much for this show ♪

♪ And when I go home

♪ I still have a roommate

♪ I cook on a hot plate

♪ Unless I order pizza

♪ You should see the boxes

♪ This was my dream

- Sorry I'm late, Dudley.

♪ Since I was 17

- So, any guys?

- No.

- No, there are none in the picture,

no, there are some in the picture

and you just don't like them,

or no you don't want any in the picture?

- Look, I got more important things on my plate

like music and waitressing.

- You can honestly stand there and tell me

that you don't want to have a relationship

in your life right now?

- I want to focus on my music.

Like it'd be great to have more than 10 people

see me that come up from the subway.

- Jody, there's more to life than music.

And I love your music and would love to have

more than 10 people in the subway hear you play,

but I think that you bury your head in the sand

and use it to hide the fact that you're lonely

and scared and there's a huge void in your life.

- I'm so not lonely, wise yoga.

- Fine. Then come to a party with me tonight.

- Where?

- It's at a bar.

My friend David's throwing it.

He's an artist and so there'll be lots of interesting people

and many single men there.

- Where is it?

- In Manhattan.

- I'm not going. - Oh, Jody.

- I told you.

I know it's a weird thing, but it's my thing

and I'm not going to Manhattan until I get a gig.

- That's like saying you won't go out on a first date

unless it's your wedding day.

- I'm not into courtship.

- Yeah, no shit.

- It just sets you up to get fucked over,

and I can't afford it.

And you can get fucked over.

I mean, you have the normal heart and you can cry,

get dumped and you'll get over it eventually.

But me, I got to be careful.

I got the bad ticker.

- So what are you saying, you're going to die

if you get heartbroken?

- Yeah, I could.

- The doctor said that?

- Look, I know my body and I also think it's really lame

and I always get really offended

when people think if someone doesn't want

to have a relationship that they think

somehow they're hiding some insecurity or they're afraid.

Well it's not true.

- If it's by choice, that's one thing,

but I'm not seeing that.

- Well it's by choice, believe me.

- Fine.

- I'm out of spoons and forks.

- What happens when you run out of knives?

God.

- Just eat.

- Do you need any help, sir?

- Thank you, kind lass.

- How far are you going?

- I'm going very far.

I'm walking to Spuyten Duyvil.

You know where Spuyten Duyvil is?

- No, I'm sorry.

- Do you know anything that's not on MTV?

- Excuse me?

- Do you know who Jerry Lewis is?

- Who?

- Excuse me, but I'm getting a little nauseous.

- Jerry Lewis invented everything that's funny on MTV!

Jim Carrey?

Bah bah bah bah.

Jerry Lewis.

That Adam Sandler that you think about

when you go to bed at night?

Ah bah bah.

Jerry Lewis.

They don't know who Jerry Lewis is.

- Hello?

- Morris?

- Herb?

- Herb.

- Morris.

- Listen, I'm coming right over.

I'll be there in two hours.

- You're coming over now?

- Are you still living at 125th Street and Broadway?

Next to the Cotton Club?

- You lunatic, you.

Cotton Club closed up 20 years ago.

It's a McDonald's now.

- Well what's the difference?

- So what the hell is in your crazy mind now, Schweitzer?

- You've got some coffee or something, you good for nothing?

- Let me get this straight,

you're going to walk to Spuyten Duyvil?

- The northern most tip of our fair island.

- I know where it is.

- Where the Hudson River splits off

and branches into the east river.

The Bronx on one side of the famous bridge,

on the other side, Manhattan Island.

The majestic cliffs of the Palisades on one side

and the old Hudson Harlem train line on the other.

- I know, Herb.

I swam there as a kid.

- A movable revolving boat and train bridge,

connecting two landmasses.

A gateway to the free world.

- And you're going to walk there because of a pact

you made with Arnie Finkelstein

of the 75th Street Finkelstein's?

- Just like we did when I was a young man.

Arnie Finkelstein of the 75th Street Finkelstein's and I,

we used to pack a paper bag lunch

and we would run seven miles through the woods.

There weren't very many buildings then.

- Herb, it was 1930, not 1730.

Of course there were buildings.

- Much less buildings. Will you give me that?

Fort Tryon Park was much bigger then.

It ran all the way down to Harlem,

creating much more woodlands.

And we'd swim until dark and then jump on a train back.

Arnie and I always vowed that we would do it

one more time before we died.

At least now I can honor his memory

and do it for the both of us one more time.

- Should I get the Marigold sisters down here to celebrate?

- Are they still alive?

- Alive and frisky as ever.

- Hello my golden shiksas.

- Got the Scrabble.

- And I have the sangria.

- Ole!

- Wochiba.

- Dates back to the 18th century.

- Bye, mama.

I'll be back in a while and I'll fix you lunch.

- How's it look?

- Spectacular.

- You made those yourself, you say?

- Yes ma'am, may I make you one?

- Oh, no thank you, dear.

That ship's sailed already.

Unfortunately it was called the Titanic.

- Okay, then.

Well, Wochiba.

That means goodbye and I love you in Beijing, China.

- Really?

Wochiba.

- Perfect.

- Bye, Malissa.

- Wochiba.

- I don't know about all that.

That girl sure knows a lot about a lot of things.

It's sad about her mama.

- Yeah, well, seeing Malissa every day of her life

has rotted that woman's insides.

- Hey Malissa. - How you doing today, baby?

- What you got there?

Another deposit?

I can take it in for you. - You don't mind?

- No.

- Where's this one going? - London, England.

- The Conductor Master of the Islington Street Station?

What on earth is that?

- He's gonna record the train for me over there.

The tube, they call it.

- And you just write people letters

and send them the tape and they send it back to you?

- Ask and you shall receive.

If people know you have love in your heart,

they give you just about anything.

- Malissa?

Malissa.

- Hello, Mr. Richards.

- Good afternoon.

How are you?

- Fine, but I've got to run.

- Uh huh.

How's your mother?

- She's great. Never better.

- You know, I was wondering maybe you might

want to come by my office some afternoon.

- Why?

- We could talk. - Talk about what?

- You know...

Talk about anything that comes up.

Maybe y'all need some help.

- Oh we're fine.

Always have been, always will be.

- Okay.

Because if there's anything you all need-

- No, thank you.

- I need all available units

to respond to an assault in progress

at 112 Stanton Street, Woodsborough.

All available units respond to 112 Stanton Street.

I have an assault in progress

at 112 Stanton Street, Woodsborough.

All units available respond to 112 Stanton.

- Hi, how you doin'?

- Oh, Malissa. How are you?

- Never better. - Good.

- Hey Frank did you catch the guy's name?

- Hollander.

Ellis Hollander.

- Thank you, darlin'.

- He's so weird and bald.

- Looks like a baseball.

- Is it true your mother's an egg?

- Yeah, so is yours.

- What are you talking about?

- Your mom came from an egg,

it's just that she grew into a regular mom

before she had you.

Mine stayed an egg.

- She didn't grow into the regular mom before she had you?

- No.

- Are you sure about all of this?

- Antwon, I like you. I always have.

Your mother was an egg.

- Nice haircut.

- My dog.

- Pound out.

- Pound out.

- Trendsetter.

- Who's that for?

- Vicki Walters.

What are you smiling for?

- Nothin'. You goin' over there now?

- I don't know. - Let's go, come on.

- What are you smiling for, bud?

What are you smiling for, huh? Huh?

- Slowly, slowly!

Stop!

Hey.

- How's it going? - What took you guys so long?

- Oh, god, with this truck,

we're lucky we made it at all.

- Hey, I heard there were

some pro basketball players in town.

I made some lentil soup.

You guys want to stay for dinner?

- Oh no thanks Vicki. - No, thanks.

- Well how about some chocolate chip cookies then?

- I might wanna stay for those.

- No, I don't think you will, little man.

- Dad!

- Come on. You know the rules, Rock.

- Yeah, always be a father, never any fun,

no learning of spontaneous skills.

- Oh you don't know what spontaneous skills mean?

I'll show you.

This is spontaneous.

You go here and then you go there

and then you go over there.

Wanna do the wood? - Yeah.

- All right, come on.

Now get the thing out.

Okay Rock, stand right next to the door.

Tilt it up.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Slow.

- Are you sure you don't wanna stay for dinner?

- Oh, no, thanks, Vick.

I'd love to, but I've got to get the kid back.

- Okay.

Yeah.

- All right, strike one.

You see the...

- Dad, what did you mean last night

when you said we have to get the kid back?

- What are you talkin' about?

- Last night at Vicki's, since we couldn't have dinner,

you said you really have to get the kid back.

- Oh, I just meant that I'd missed you,

I hadn't seen you all day

and I wanted to spend time with you.

- But what if I don't want to spend time with you?

- Well that would make me very sad.

- So what would you do?

Sit around and then cry all day because you're so sad?

- Well, yeah, I just might now that you mention it.

Maybe I will.

- Come on, dad, really.

I mean, when I grow up,

I'm not going to have all day to sit around

and hang out with you, okay?

I'm going to have to go to work and get married.

- Well, not necessarily.

I mean, unless we get rich pretty quick here,

you're probably going to have to work,

but you only have to get married if you want to.

- I want to.

- You sure about that?

- Yeah.

- You might change your mind

after hanging around with those girls a little bit.

- Why you hate girls?

- Don't say that, Rocky. I don't hate girls at all.

- You don't like Vicki.

- Sure I do. I like Vicki very much.

- You never want to go out with her.

- I don't like her that way.

- You don't like any girls that way.

- That's right, kiddo. Not for now.

- Why not?

- Because I love you and I just want

to be able to be with you.

- But why do most families have a dad

that loves his kids and wants to hang out with them

but also as his wife and wants to go out with her too?

- Well, it's not always really

how it looks from the outside.

What's that mean?

- That means that a lot of families pretend

to be happier than they really are.

- So what are you pretending then?

- I'm not pretending about anything.

That's why our family is the way it is.

I wanted to have you and I couldn't meet any woman

that I loved enough to do my wife

and that I wanted to have kids with,

so I went on the internet, got an egg and ka-pow.

The Rock-master.

- Well, what if I said I wanted a real mom?

- Do you feel like you don't have a real mom?

- It's not a feeling. It's a fact.

I don't have a real mom.

And a little sister might be nice, too.

- How long have you felt like that?

- Always, sort of.

- Do the kids at school say anything?

- Come on, dad, really.

I have them wrapped around my finger. They love me.

- So you just wanted to bring this up

completely out of the blue?

Just no special reason?

- Nothing more special than wanting

a mom to go with my dad.

Hey dad, the mail's here.

Hi.

- Hey, Barbara, how are you doing?

- Electric bill, phone bill, credit card.

Who's Allison Lee?

- Where does it say that?

- On the letter to Mr. Sam Blue and Ms. Allison Lee.

- She's an old friend of mine.

- What's the Mani Lani?

- Oh, that's a resort I took her to once on an island.

- Why'd they send you a letter from there?

- I guess they want me to come back.

- Why was it addressed to her, too?

- Well, she used to get her mail here.

- Why'd she stop?

- She moved back to New York.

- Where you're from.

- That's right.

- Why'd she move?

- It's a long story, kiddo.

- I got nothin' but time.

- You got nothin' but homework.

Go inside, I'll be in in a second.

- When's the last time you saw her?

- Long time ago, buddy. Come on.

- Maybe she could be my mom.

- You wouldn't want her.

Yankees suck.

Yankees suck.

Yankees suck.

Yankees suck.

Yankees suck.

- Dad, I'm awake.

- What? - I can hear you

whispering in my ear.

- I'm not whispering anything.

- Do you really think subliminal mind control

is the way to develop a healthy, free thinking child?

- I don't know about any of that.

All I know is if you have a healthy hatred of the Yankees,

I'll have done my job.

- Did Allison hate the Yankees?

- Listen, kiddo.

Now, you know that I love talking about

anything in the world, right,

and I always want you to feel comfortable

about talking about anything,

but sometimes you're going to bring up something

that I don't want to talk about

and I need you to respect that, okay?

- Okay.

- Because sometimes people want to keep things private

for really good reasons.

- And sometimes for bad reasons?

- Yeah, that's true, sometimes for bad reasons,

but that's up to a person to decide for themselves.

And Alison is like that for me, okay?

I don't ever want to talk about her again.

- Okay.

- And also, you know how you've been saying

that you want a real mom and maybe even

a little brother and sister and stuff?

- Yeah.

- That's not something to joke about, okay?

If you really feel like that, then let's talk about it,

but don't joke about that, okay?

- Okay.

- You know that I love you more

than anything in the world, right?

- Do you love me more than you hate the Yankees?

- No, no, I don't love you that much.

I'm kidding. Of course I do.

I love you so much more than I hate the Yankees,

it's not even funny.

And you hate the Yankees too, right?

- Right.

- But you honestly do. You're not just saying that?

You despise them?

- I despise the Yankees, father, with all my heart.

- Again, it's all freewill hatred, right?

It's not from daddy's subliminal

mind control conditioning tricks, right?

- Right. All freewill thinking.

No mind control tricks.

I hate Yankees. Must destroy Derek Jeter.

- Oh, why, why would you say that?

I can't believe you just said that name here.

- Dad, I'm sorry. - La la la la la.

- Dad, I totally forgot. - La la la la la.

What are you thinking? - Dad, I'm sorry.

- No, no talking. No.

The child doesn't talk now after he says

that name in our house.

Now we're going to have

to roach bomb the entire house, again.

- No, dad, please. - Get the,

where's the roach bomb? - Please, no roach bomb.

Just do the seance. - Seance?

- Mm-hm. - All right.

One, two, three.

Spirits of baseball, Yankee haters, too.

We need to get the stench of the Derek Jeter, little boy's mouth

out of this crazy zoo.

If you don't take it away now, I'll be blue.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh.

Oh. - Out of the floor

of our house.

Amen. - Amen.

I love you, kid.

- Love you too, dad.

- All right, go brush your teeth and jump in bed.

- Okay. - I'll be up in a second.

Hello?

- Hi Sam, it's Doctor...

- Oh. Hi, doctor.

- Specialist in New York...

- Yeah?

- Sooner...

- Okay, okay. So what does that mean?

- I don't want to speculate.

Just make an appointment, okay?

- Okay.

- Just do it. - All right.

I'll see you then.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

- Get it!

- Good job.

- Go ahead, Alan. Apologize to Mr. McCabe.

- I'm sorry, Mr. McCabe.

- That's okay, son.

Accidents happen.

- I'll replace it for you, John,

but I have to go to work.

Is it okay if I do this tomorrow?

- Don't worry about it, Fred.

I don't have anything going on today.

I can run down to the store.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

No problem.

- Wow, terrific.

Hey, I'll reimburse you for it.

- That'll be fine. - Thank you.

And you, this is coming out of your allowance.

- I know.

- Hi.

- Yes, can I help you, sir?

- I need to replace a glass.

- Glen, did that 36 inch glass come in this week?

- Yeah, it's in the rack.

- I'll be just a moment, sir.

- Thank you.

- Can I help you, sir?

- Yes.

I'd like to buy a handgun.

- Okay, sure. I can help you with that.

Are you a resident of Arizona?

- Yes, I am.

- And what are you purchasing the gun for, sir?

- What do you mean?

- Well for what purpose are you purchasing it for, sir?

- Um, do I need to...

Is that required?

- No, it's just that if you were

in law enforcement, for example,

it would be a different waiting period

than if you were an ordinary guy.

You see what I mean?

- Oh, uh huh. I'm just an ordinary person.

I'm an accountant.

- Okay, it'll be three days after you fill out some forms.

- Is there any way I can just buy a gun right now?

- Oh, sure.

You can have one of these rifles, a shotgun.

You can walk out of the store with it right now.

- So I can buy any of those?

- Yes, sir.

- What's the difference between the rifles and the shotguns?

- Well, what are you going to use the gun for sir?

I mean, are you going to hunt with it?

Home protection?

- Home protection.

- Well then you can't beat a shotgun.

The sound of it is unmistakable.

Scares them off as soon as they hear it,

and you can't miss within 20 feet.

Whatever you're aiming at it,

you'll blow the shit out of it

and everything else around it.

- Ah.

Arizona has come from behind

to win the game with an incredible drive...

- Send this first om out to all the people in the world

who need some help tonight.

Good thought, kind intention.

Some love.

Om.

- Om.

- Gently open your eyes.

Everyone come to the front of your mat in Samasthiti.

- So Jody, no palpitations, no flutters, nothing?

- No, it seems to be working good.

- Are you exercising regularly?

- Exercising regularly.

- Yoga?

- Yeah. I'm keeping up with it.

- How about running?

- I'm running.

- Slow and steady or wind sprints?

- Wind sprints.

- Why do you do that?

- I like to feel it beat hard and fast, I guess.

- How long have you had your pacemaker?

- God, eight years?

- Patients with a long QT syndrome,

if they go from zero to 60 in a wind sprint,

the unit can sense that as an arrhythmia and it could fire.

You really don't want that to happen.

- Well, I'll try to be more careful.

Really.

Um, let me ask you a question.

I know this sounds weird,

but let's say something happened to my heart,

but not a physical thing, but more of an emotional thing.

You know what I'm trying to say?

So that wouldn't be that...

I should stay away.

That wouldn't be a good thing. Would it?

- You know, Jody, without your pacemaker, you would die.

- Right.

- But without a broken heart, you'll never live.

- Oh, Dr. Fisher.

- You know, forgive me for my lay opinion,

but you really need to watch out

for jumping into things and going at full speed.

You need to learn to live in the middle of life

like most of us do.

I'd really like you to think about upgrading your pacemaker.

- All right.

Okay.

- And really, you really need to not do the wind sprints.

- Well we'll talk next month maybe?

- You got a deal.

- Okay.

- Jody, it's me.

I'm on my cell phone. Call me.

You have the number. I love you and, um, come.

Okay, bye.

♪ I have a friend who swears she saw Jesus ♪

♪ Hovering above her lonely bed ♪

♪ She said it changed her life forever ♪

♪ Whatever works, I said

♪ I sit at home changing channels ♪

♪ It's so hard to concentrate

♪ I laugh at her but I'm pretty sure ♪

♪ She's having a better day

♪ So I will lay on the highway

♪ Somewhere in New Mexico

♪ And wait for a strange light

♪ To come and take me home

- Jody.

Jody.

It's me.

I'm here. Where are you?

♪ Get down my knees - You gotta come over...

♪ Something I don't believe

♪ Somebody help me please

♪ I'm starting to repeat myself ♪

♪ I'm starting to repeat myself ♪

♪ So I will lay on the highway

♪ Somewhere in New Mexico

♪ And wait for a strange light

♪ To come and take me home

♪ Or I will stand by the statue ♪

♪ And wait for her to cry

♪ I'd love to see a miracle

♪ Once before I

♪ Die

- So my friend, did you have a good time last night?

Are you okay?

- Yeah, sure, I'm okay.

I'm just a little hungry. - Are you sure?

- I'm sure.

Hey, how do you girls want your eggs?

Soft or hard?

- Oh, we both like them kind of medium.

- And medium it shall be my dears.

Eh, do somethin'.

- To the enchanted evening

that just ended and to a glorious new day,

which I'm glad I'm part of.

- Here.

- Herb, God bless you healthy

and may God grant you health on your trip around the world

and also to the end of Manhattan.

- Get outta the road, old man.

You can't even walk.

- Asshole, let your wife sleep with me tonight.

We'll see how fast she walks in the morning!

Yeah.

- Fuck you!

- Oh!

You old pork chop eating white boy.

Where you been?

- I do not fraternize with damn Yankee fans.

- You shut your mouth.

That's the only team in New York.

You got to root for them.

- You're gettin' old. You're losing your memory.

There's another team in New York, the Mets.

- The Mutts?

Who are the Mutts?

- I'm leaving.

- No, you sit your white ass right down there.

You ain't going nowhere, Herb Schweitzer.

Davis, get Herb some pork chops and collard greens

and grits and some peas, please.

- Who is this?

- This is my great-grandson, Davis.

- Davis?

I knew him when he was a little pisher.

- Davis, this is Herb.

He's been eating here since the revolution.

- I'm pleased to meet you, Davis.

- It's so good to see you, Herb.

How's Rose?

- Rose is gone a long time now.

- Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that, honey.

How you holding up?

You never had any kids, did you?

- No.

No, just Rose and me.

It's tough, but what the hell?

I'm still shakin' and bakin'.

- Amen, brother, amen.

- What do you have in the bag, old man?

- Come on, come on, come on, give it up.

- I'm not looking for any trouble, boys.

- Yo, who you callin' boy?

He said give up the bag, so give up the bag.

- Fuck you.

- Stupid old man.

- If you had just listened to us in the first place,

you wouldn't be in this mess. - Give me the bag.

- Hey! - Hey!

- What are you doing? - Stop it!

- Get outta here! - You better run!

Get off him. You okay, mister?

- I'm terrific. - Call 911, man, call 911!

- Paging Dr. Steidman, Dr. Steidman, please.

- So doc, what's the news?

- Well Mr. Schweitzer,

you definitely should stay with us for the night.

Just to be on the safe side, okay?

- Doctor, I'm a little busy.

- Mr. Schweitzer, you're old

and you got beat up pretty bad tonight.

Now you suffered a mild concussion and oh, by the way,

you had a mild heart attack earlier today.

- When? This morning?

I felt fine.

I had a little indigestion, but nothing. Perfect.

- And you didn't notice anything else?

- Nothing.

- All right well still we need

to monitor you during the night.

- What's the worst thing that can happen?

- You fall asleep and never wake up.

- Just like any other night.

- Hello.

May I have a room, please?

- Hey, buddy, you might want to try and find another place.

- You do rent rooms here to the public, don't you?

- Yeah, I do.

- And you take American cash?

- Yeah.

- Then give me a room, please.

Used to be a classy place.

- Yeah, well I used to be a classy guy.

- I'm sure.

- Where's that money?

Listen, man, I'm tired.

No, wake him up now!

- Hi, Joanie.

- Hey Malissa, you have another package.

- Thank you.

Please mind the gap

between the trains and the platform.

- Mind the gap.

Please mind the gap

between the trains and the platform.

- Oh.

Mom, you got blood in your vomit again.

I better call the doctor. - No.

- Mother, you got blood in your vomit.

- I said no.

- A little lemon water.

It'll help settle your stomach.

- Why do you take care of me?

- Because I love you, mama.

- Well I don't love you.

- Oh, mother, don't say that.

Of course you do.

- I never have.

- Well, I love you and that's all the matters.

- If you had never happened,

oh, I could have had a life.

Hm.

- I wish you'd stop being so hard on yourself.

Nobody ever blamed you for anything.

And if you could just forgive yourself,

I just know you'd get better.

Mama you wouldn't hate yourself as much as you do,

that's what's making you sick.

- You don't understand.

I hate you, Malissa.

You can't imagine what it's like hating a daughter

like I hate you.

- Well, I'm sorry you think you feel that way,

but I know in your heart, you really love me

and that's what I take with me always.

Are these you and your mother?

Can I have one?

- I don't care what you do, Malissa.

All right mom, going out for a while.

I'll bring you back some dinner.

Mama?

Mama?

Are you asleep?

Are you asleep?

Mama.

- Here you go, sweetie.

How's your mama?

- She's just great. She's back on her feet.

She's feeling better and better.

- Really?

- Yeah, she's going to get back to work

at the plant next week, I think.

- Really? That's just great.

- Yep, I might take a little trip now

that she's all better myself, you know?

- You deserve that, Malissa.

You've been such a good daughter,

all these years, nursing your mama back to health.

She's really better?

- Right as rain.

Praise God. - Praise God, amen.

- That's wonderful, Malissa.

- You know it occurred to me, Sadie,

I never have got a picture of you.

Do you mind?

- I don't see why not.

- Thank you.

- Think nothin' of it.

- See ya, Elsa.

- Take care, sweetheart. Hey.

- Carry on the pride, mama. Carry on the pride.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Where you goin'?

Why don't you sit? Have a piece of pie with me?

- Can't tonight, doc. Gotta go home and pack.

I'm going on a little trip.

- Yeah?

Where are you going?

- I don't really know. Wherever the wind takes me.

Probably start in New York, London, England, Israel.

Everywhere.

- Well, when are you coming back?

- I don't really know.

- Well...

I'm gonna miss you.

- Oh.

- Yeah, I sort of hoped, you know, we'd become closer.

- Oh that's sweet of you to say, doc.

You're a good man.

Not too hard on the eyes, neither.

- All right. - Take care.

- Okay. - Bye.

Who is it?

- Malissa?

It's me, John Albertson.

Can I come in? I have a surprise for you.

- Uh, hey.

This door's broken. Could you come to the back door?

- Hi, Malissa. - Hey.

- I'm glad I caught you before you left.

This is from Doc Richards for your mama.

How's she feeling?

- She's out down at the plant today.

- Oh, well for the road, I guess.

I forgot no animal products of any kind,

not even bacon or steak or...

- I'll take it.

She'll reheat it when she gets back.

- Well, that's not the surprise.

Could I come in?

- Oh, I'm so busy, doc. I'm packin'.

Sure, you wanna come on in? I'm just packing.

Oop, I'm just packing. Come on in.

Oh, doc. You shouldn't have.

- It's a special going away gift, but,

I don't want you to open it until you

get to wherever it is you're going, okay?

- You got it.

Thank you.

- Wow.

What's this?

- Oh, that's my little art project.

They're all women who were raped and their mothers

and the rapist and their mothers.

- Why'd you do this?

- I don't know.

I just thought it would make an interesting collage.

- Were you ever, you know?

- Raped?

God no.

- How come you put up the pictures

of the mothers and the rapists?

- Well, they're people too, right?

I mean, they did an unspeakably horrible thing,

but they're human and have real, live

living, breathing mothers who love them

like they were little innocent boys still.

- Yeah, but they're not.

- But for the grace of God go us right, doc?

- Yeah.

I guess so.

I should let you get packin'.

I just wanted to drop that off.

- Awfully sweet of you, doc.

Okay.

- Goodbye Malissa.

- You mind the gap, doc.

- What's that mean?

- That's how they say goodbye in London, England.

Mind the gap.

It's Wochiba in China, mind the gap in England.

- Okay then.

Well you mind the gap too, I guess.

I'll see ya.

♪ What flame natural could come between ♪

♪ An immortal such as we

♪ The winds may blow us far apart ♪

♪ But nothing will undo our hearts ♪

♪ No matter how far I wander

♪ What stars I'm under

♪ I'll always come back to you

♪ Nothing natural could turn the tide ♪

♪ That washes over both our lives ♪

♪ By day we'll learn, by night we'll rust ♪

♪ And who knows what becomes of us ♪

♪ No matter how far I tumble ♪

♪ What spell I'm under

♪ I'll always come back to you

♪ To you

♪ To you

♪ To you

♪ To you

♪ No matter how far I wander

♪ What stars I'm under

♪ I'll always come back to you

♪ No matter how far I tumble

♪ What spell I'm under

♪ I'll always come back to you

- Yeah, hi, this is Sam Blue.

I was referred to by Dr. Edelstein in Vermont.

- Oh yes, hello.

- Right.

Yeah.

Whenever, whatever he ordered.

I guess a uh, a cat scan, an MRI, I don't...

I gotta go to New York on Friday. You wanna come?

- Yeah.

- We could go to Times Square and mess around.

It'll be fun, right? - Cool.

- I gotta to go to the doctors there and get some tests.

- Why?

- Well some tests that they can't do 'em here,

we gotta do in New York,

but I don't think it's very serious

so I don't want you to worry, okay?

You know what else I thought we could do on our way there?

- What?

- I could try to find a girlfriend.

- Really?

- Yeah, why not?

- And she could turn into my regular mom?

- Maybe.

- And I could have a little brother or sister?

- Possibly.

- Awesome.

But how are we going to find one?

- Same way I found you.

- What about her?

- Mm, she's too young.

- Why?

- Oh, you gotta be a certain age

to be serious enough to want to go out

with a guy that has a son and want to have more kids.

- What about her?

- She's too pretty. She wouldn't go for a guy like me.

- How could you tell?

- You just can.

You'll see when you get older.

Anyway, we don't want a girl like that.

Nothing too foofy.

We just want a regular, nice girl.

You think this girl would eat tofu dogs

and black eyed peas for breakfast?

Or shave her head to look like Michael Jordan just for fun?

No, I think not.

- All right. Who else?

- Wait a minute.

What's this?

Speed dating.

Meet 20 women for three minutes each

and find out instantly if you click.

Might be on to something here, kiddo.

- Just the paper today. - All right great, thanks.

- You're welcome. Have a good day.

- Thanks, you too, say hi to Pam.

- I will.

- Hey Jim.

- Oh.

How long are you going to sport

that bald look champ, huh?

- I don't know, but me and my dad

are going to New York to find a girlfriend.

- Oh yeah? For you or for your father?

- For dad.

- Oh. That's very interesting.

- Can I get this?

- Uh, no, you may not,

but you can get us some healthy snacks.

- Okay.

- He said he wanted a real mom

and maybe even a little sister.

- Oh yeah?

They have those down in the big city?

- Apparently.

I have to go down anyway,

so I figured, you know, what the hell?

- How come?

- I have a doctor's appointment? It's no big deal.

- Oh yeah?

- I figured it was time the big man got back in the game.

- You think?

10 Years of a hiatus long enough for you?

- Oh yeah.

- What's going on, Sam?

- What do you mean?

- Fine, you don't wanna talk about it.

- Talk about what?

- You know what? Don't insult me.

You don't want to talk about it, it's none of my business,

but don't bullshit me, all right?

I don't like it.

It doesn't surprise me.

You never talk about anything.

If you keep it all locked up inside,

you're never going to see the light of day.

The trooper, the island, whatever.

- So would it be safe to say

that my style annoys you from time to time or?

- Oh and here we go with the jokes.

Deflect, any kind of serious moment.

Just keep on keeping on, Sam.

- I may be sick.

- What are you talking about?

- They found something in my head at the doctor's office

and they want me to go to New York to take some tests

that they can't do here and then I got some mail

from some resort I took my ex-girlfriend to 10 years ago

and Rocky saw and started asking questions.

- I want a mommy and a sister?

- Yeah.

- So what's this going down to New York

to find a girlfriend thing?

- Well, it's called speed dating

and it's where I meet 20 women for three minutes each.

Look, I know it's pathetic, but I live in a shack

in the middle of nowhere.

How am I going to meet anybody?

What?

Vicki, you and I are friends.

- I know, Sam.

I'm not saying that we'd hook up for a love,

but if you're going to try and find a family for your son

in case you die...

I mean, what are we even talking about?

This is crazy.

But if that's what I think you're trying to say,

then why the hell wouldn't you ask me?

- Because we had an agreement.

- Yeah, and I've stuck to it.

- I know, that's why I asked you,

'cause we're friends and I trusted you.

- Well, and things change, Sam,

like they apparently have now,

and why wouldn't you ask the woman who birthed your son

to take care of him if something happened?

I sort of thought that was part of the deal.

- No, that wasn't part of the deal, okay?

We never talked about that.

I paid you. We had a contract.

- Oh, back off, Sam.

I'm not trying to pull anything weird here.

- That was not your egg.

You just carried Rocky.

- Will you just shut up for a second?

I'm not trying to do anything.

- This enough?

- Yeah. That's that's great, kiddo.

Um, uh...

Do me a favor.

Run across to the hardware store

and ask Fred if he has any of those, like,

those jack for in case we get a flat tire.

- Hey, you know what?

Your dad and I need to talk in private.

Can you go out back and... - Okay.

- Thanks. - See how easy that way?

- Well I'm usually pretty good at it, right?

I mean, that was a rare instance of...

- Look, all I'm saying, Sam, is that I love you both.

Rocky like a son and you like a very dear friend

and if you're trying to create a more traditional family

in case something happens, then I'm here.

- Vicki, I'm hoping I'm fine, okay?

It's just that the last 72 hours

have been kind of a roller coaster, okay?

I mean, I go from having this idyllic life, you know,

to be being told that I may never see my son again.

- I get it.

But I don't think that doing some speed dating thing

with a bunch of New York single women is the answer.

- Why not?

- What are you going to tell each woman?

That you might be dying and that you're just looking

for a really nice mom?

- You know what? Life's a risk.

You meet people, you fall in love and everyone dies.

- That's not fair.

- Well, you know what Vicki? Sometimes life isn't fair.

It wasn't really fair that Allison left me at the altar

and married somebody else six months later.

That wasn't really fair, was it?

- You know what, that's what you have deal with, okay?

'Cause if you're sick, and I pray to God that you're not,

that's why it is.

- Okay, I can't really deal with

your new age bullshit right now, Vicki.

This is real.

This is a lump that they found on my head and it's real

and it's kind of freaking me out, okay?

So save it. - No, I won't.

You haven't dealt with this, okay,

and so your body is trying to deal with it now

and if this thing in your head turns out to be nothing,

believe me, something else will come along.

- What was I supposed to do?

Sometimes you run into people and they fuck you up

for no good reason and I didn't really want

to stand there and hear her explanation about it.

- You know what, whether you have two weeks

or 50 years left, you don't want to be alone, Sam.

Rocky's great, but you're a man,

and you want to be in love

and have someone in love with you.

It drips off of you, even though you don't think it does.

But you're so scared, Sam,

that you'd rather make yourself sick

than be around for the next 50 years of being alone.

I mean, you're standing in a country store

in the middle of nowhere screaming about a girl

who left you 10 years ago and she's moved on.

Right or wrong, Sam, she's gone

and she is never coming back and she doesn't care,

about you, about how it ended, about any of it.

- So what do I do?

- Well how about asking for forgiveness?

- From who?

God?

- No, no, no, God knows how sorry you are.

How about your ex-wife?

Did you ever think about asking for her forgiveness

for cheating on her?

- I was willing to risk my son over another woman.

- Yeah well you're human, John.

And you got to give yourself a break.

Jesus gave in to that temptation.

He was the son of God.

You may be strong-willed.

We all may be men of character,

but that tells us that that particular deal

is a rough one for us.

- I can not bear not seeing my son more,

not being in his life more.

Mine doesn't feel worth living if I can't.

- You know, it's very convenient

and a whole lot less painful

just to be playing the martyr.

- I'm not trying to be a martyr.

- No, of course you are.

Come on.

The big adulterer who lost his son through his sins.

- I just got through telling you

how guilty I felt about that.

- Right, right, right.

The awful, bad guilt you feel.

Did you ever ask your wife for forgiveness?

- Well I told her how sorry I was and I meant it.

- No, I'm sorry and will you forgive me

are totally different.

Did you ever ask her for forgiveness?

- No. - Well, why not?

- I don't know.

- Well did you ever ask your son for forgiveness?

- I told him I was sorry.

- Yeah, no, no, but did you ask him-

- No. - Well, why not?

- I don't know.

- Well because you don't ultimately

want to take responsibility for your actions.

Hm?

The big victim can just blow his brains out

and be done with it.

But the man who goes to those he's wronged

and asks forgiveness, not just repents,

but asks them for a gift, allows them to be holy,

to act out in faith, to exercise their gift from God.

Now until you offer them that opportunity,

by asking them for forgiveness,

you are never going to get over this.

- Hi.

Hey.

Hi, I'm Manny.

- Hi Manny.

Jody.

- So this is where you play?

- Yeah, this is where I play.

- You like playing here?

- Um, no, not really.

I mean-

- Have you ever thought of playing at a bar or a club?

- Manny, are you you the music CIA?

Guess what? - Oh my god.

Excuse me.

No, you guess what? - Why are you so excited?

- Okay, last night at the party, which you did not go to,

I met the greatest guy.

He's 35, he's a writer, he's beautiful, he's so smart.

- Right? - Really funny.

And he wants to meet you.

- Stop it.

- So Paul, his name is Paul, the guy's name.

He is doing this crazy thing tonight that he saw on the news

or 20/20, something like that.

It's this thing called speed dating.

Have you ever heard of it?

- I would rather burn in hell.

- Just listen, you go to a bar.

- No. - You go to a bar

and you meet 20 guys for three minutes each

and you each have a secret scorecard.

And if you both check yes at the end of the night,

they hook you up with numbers.

- Yeah, right, and then I have to hang out

with 19 other guys?

- Well you sit with them for three minutes.

Come on, it's three minutes!

- Three minutes times 19, that's hell,

and I haven't met 19 guys in 20 years

and I'm gonna meet 'em all tonight?

No.

- Come on.

Please.

- Fine.

- Jody, come on, you just have to...

Did you just say fine? - Yeah.

- Fine, you're gonna do it?

- Wait, where is it?

- It's in Manhattan, but it's right in the village,

so you just need to go right over the bridge

and come back again.

Please go, please go.

- You know what, I'll do it because I have to be there

at midnight anyway tonight at the Bottom Line.

- What did you just say?

- This guy came by when I was playing

and he said he's the owner of the Bottom Line

and he said that he really liked me

and there's some showcase that some important people

are supposed to come to and he wants me to play tonight.

So I'm going into the city. - Oh my god.

My god!

Yes!

- The doctor called and said that...

Blue team to ICU, please.

Blue team, ICU.

- Sam, hi, I'm Dr. Abraham.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.

This is my son, Rocky. - Pleased to meet you both.

We'll get the results tomorrow.

You live in Vermont, right? - Yes, sir.

- Well, go out and enjoy yourselves

and I'll see you back here tomorrow afternoon, okay?

Great.

- Daddy? Are you gonna die soon?

- I hope not.

- If you do, who will I live with?

- Who would you want to live with?

- Vicki.

- You'd want to live with Vicki?

Okay, buddy.

If anything happens to me, you can live with Vicki.

- So I hear you don't have insurance.

- Nope.

Not a whole lot of money for that where I come from.

- But you managed to save a lot of cash for this operation.

- Yep.

- How?

- Why do you wanna know?

- Oh, I'm just curious.

- Uh, sold hats that I made.

- Must've sold quite a lot of hats.

- And I sold my eggs on the internet.

- You sold what?

- I sold my eggs on the internet.

That was a big chunk of it.

- You sold your eggs to save enough money

to get a tubal ligation?

- You got it.

- Why, may I ask you, would a healthy, beautiful

young woman want to get a tubal ligation?

- Because my father raped my mother.

Well, he wasn't my father when he raped her.

He was just some drunk shit head in town

who happened to come from a rich family

and he and his friends had some fun with my mom.

They held her, he raped her, no one believed her.

They said she asked for it wearing tight skirts in church.

She's a good Christian so she wouldn't kill me

just like I would never kill an innocent child.

And I don't ever want to go through that,

what my mama went through, so one, two, three, no worries.

- Are you sure you don't want

to think about it a little more?

- Do I seem like a spur of the moment girl to you?

- Fine.

We'll admit you.

Tomorrow we'll operate.

- Hello, Deniese.

- Hello, John.

Come in.

You wanna take a seat?

- Daddy, daddy!

- Hey.

My boy.

How you doing?

- Good. - Yeah?

- Come into my room.

I want to show you all my new games.

- In a second, son.

I need to talk to your mother first.

You go get them ready and I'll come in in a minute, okay?

- So what's up?

- I wanted to tell you again how truly sorry I am

for the way that I treated you.

- I told you I moved on, John.

I have a new life now.

- I know.

I just want you to know- - I know how sorry you are.

It was a long time ago.

I moved on and I wish you would, too.

- I want to ask you for your forgiveness, Deniese.

- You had an affair

with my best friend...

in our house.

- I know.

I'm sorry.

- Many times.

- Will you forgive me, please?

- Without any regard for our family.

What it would do to our son.

- I know.

And I've cried myself to sleep

more times than I can remember because of it.

Will you forgive me?

- Is that what you came here for?

To ask me for my forgiveness?

- Yes.

- Why?

- Because I had a shotgun to my head two days ago

and our priest suggested that I come here

instead of pulling the trigger

and ask you for your forgiveness.

- You need to move on with your life and find some love.

If my forgiving you will help you, then go with God.

You have it.

- Thank you.

- Well, I wanted to see what you were up to

because I wanted to know if I could come over to your house.

- Hey. - Hi, dad.

Look at my new game.

- That's great.

Listen.

William, I was thinking about moving to New York

so I could be closer to you

and we could spend more time together.

Would you like that?

- That would be great. - Okay.

- Dad, look at this new autographed baseball I got.

- In a second.

I need to talk to you about something else

that's very important, okay?

- Okay.

- I did something very bad to your mommy a few years ago.

I lied to her and that's why we stopped

living together, all of us,

and why you moved here to New York,

and I didn't get to see you as much as I wanted to.

You understand?

But you know that I love you more than

anything in the world and I always have

and I always will, right?

And you know how sorry I am...

That I lied to your mama,

and I'm the reason why we all can't live together, right?

Son, will you forgive me?

- Forgive what?

- Will you please forgive me for doing that?

- Of course, daddy.

Now, can I show you something?

- Yeah.

Show me the ball.

- Oh, excuse me, sir.

Can you tell me where the Spuyten Duyvil is?

- You know who Willie Mays is?

- Willie Mays?

The best center fielder ever.

- Not just center fielder, the best baseball player.

- There's still hope.

- I believe so.

- You see that building over there?

Willie Mays lived there

when he was playing for the New York Giants.

- Really?

- Yes, sirree.

- Wow.

- Say hey.

- So where is the Spuyten Duyvil?

- Come, follow me. I'll show you.

- Come on, guys.

Careful.

Come on.

Hey, look at that.

- I used to swim down there when I was a kid,

a long time ago.

- Yeah?

You know, my father told me he did the same thing.

I always wanted to come down here, but I never made it.

- Well I'm glad you finally did.

- Yeah.

Me, too.

Hey, I'm going to take the kids down to the waterfront.

You want to come along?

- With my legs, this is as far as I go.

- Ready guys?

It was a pleasure meeting you, sir.

- Thank you.

- Come on, guys.

- Arnie.

We made it.

- All right, everybody. We're going to start in second.

Please make sure you have your score cards

and your name tags ready.

Next time you will hear this whistle,

you will start talking to the person across from you

for three minutes exactly.

When you hear the whistle again,

you will stop and you will move on.

Is that clear? Any questions?

Good.

- Hi.

I'm Jim.

- Hi Jim, I'm Jody.

- Jody and Jim, isn't that a famous French film?

- Um, yeah, I think.

- Cool.

Couple of film buffs.

- Oh yeah.

- Hi, please forgive me.

I've been out of the dating scene for a while,

I'm a little nervous.

I definitely have been out of the speed dating scene

for my whole life.

- Forgive me, I don't mean to be insensitive,

but this is supposed to be kind of light and fun.

- Yeah, totally.

- Well, are you guys all right?

- What do you mean?

- Are you sick?

- Oh.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, see, we shaved our heads

so that we could look like Michael Jordan.

Actually though, as it turns out, I may be sick,

but the bald heads were just for fun.

That's before I found out that I may be sick.

I'll actually find out tomorrow.

I took some tests today, but he's definitely fine.

He's definitely not sick now

nor will he get any tests back tomorrow

that say he might be sick.

He didn't take a test, I took the test.

See, it was his idea to shave our heads

to look like Michael Jordan before I ever knew

that I needed to get any tests done at all.

This is probably kind of weird for you, isn't it?

We're from Vermont.

Where are you from?

- Smooth.

Okay, now move to the next one, folks.

- Thanks.

- Bye.

- Well nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.

- I guess we're over here, buddy.

- Hi, I'm Paul.

- Hi Paul. I'm Jody.

- Nice to meet you.

- I'm sure you're a really nice guy

but this thing kind of creeps me out a little bit,

so, um, I'm going.

- Bye.

- Hi Sam.

- Alison.

What are you doing here?

- Same thing presumably you are.

- Yeah, but you're married.

- No, not anymore.

- You want me to go across the street

and ask Fred if there's any tire changing equipment?

- Yeah, Rock, could you do that?

- Who's this?

- No one I want you to know.

Thanks, buddy.

- Solidarity, pop. - Okay.

- So I got a letter with your name on it the other day.

- From who?

- Oh, just some beautiful Hawaiian resort

I once took you to.

- Mauna Lani?

- This is just too weird.

- You're still so angry?

- How could I still be anything?

- You haven't seen me or talked to me

since the day you left me at the altar.

How would you know how I felt then?

Or how I feel now or if it's the same?

- We got two minutes.

If you want to spend it yelling at me, go ahead.

- I don't want to yell at you.

I want to tell you that you broke my heart.

I loved you so much.

I loved you more than any woman I have ever, ever loved

and you destroyed me.

That's what I want to tell you.

- I know.

But it wasn't right for me.

It wasn't right for me and I know

it wouldn't have been right.

- Well, I wish you would have known that

before we were standing in front of 100

of our closest friends and God

about to promise our lives to each other.

- Me too, but I didn't.

Yeah, I wish more than anything

I would have understood how I was feeling, but I didn't.

And I'm sorry that you got caught up in that, Sam.

- How were you feeling?

- Scared.

I thought I was ready and I wasn't

and you made it clear to me that you wouldn't wait around.

And you can spend the rest of your life being angry at me

or you can forgive me.

- They were closed.

- This is my son, Rocky.

- It is?

- Rocky...

This is Alison.

- Hi.

Hi.

- Hi.

- Goodbye, Allison.

♪ Goodnight, my love, goodnight ♪

♪ I hope the bed bugs bite

♪ I hope your dreams are filled with guilt ♪

♪ And classrooms you can't find ♪

♪ Goodnight, my love, goodnight ♪

- You're lost, you're lost.

- What I don't know is where we are going.

Tell me where you want to go.

- You got your way out of Russia.

You can't find your way out of Greenwich Village?

How long you been in this country?

- 27 years.

- Can you name any one of the 50 united states?

- What the hell are you talking about?

- 27 years. Do you know any of the 50 states?

Just name a state.

- Montana.

- That's good. Name another one.

- Philadelphia.

- That's close.

♪ Just rest your head in my loving arms ♪

♪ As soon as you start to fade

♪ I'll take the few locks you still have ♪

- You're just gonna leave that filth there?

Pee is so different than poo?

The poo you'll clean up but the pee you'll just leave?

- How on earth am I supposed to clean up urine?

- Stand behind with a cup.

Put on doggy diapers.

I don't know. That's not my problem.

Smelly piss is my problem though.

- Name another state.

- Missi-chippy?

- Missi-chippy?

Mississippi.

- That's what I said.

Missi-chippy! - Watch out!

What are you, crazy?

Didn't you see the light was red?

- Oh shut up, it was green.

With this damn dog.

- Are you all right?

Are you okay?

Hello? Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

Hello? Are you okay?

- Where's my guitar?

- Right here.

- What time is it?

- Uh, 10:30.

- The Bottom Line, let's go.

- But don't you think we should get to the hospital?

- I'm playing there.

- You're playing?

Uh...

Okay?

- You could watch.

- Sure.

- And what is your name, crazy lady that causes accidents?

- Ester.

And you?

- Herb Schweitzer.

- Pleased to meet you.

- It's benign.

- What's that mean?

- Well it means your dad's going to be okay.

- You ready? - Yes, thanks.

- Where are you going, Rock?

Rocky, where are you going?

Paging Dr. Steidman.

Dr. Steidman, please.

- Doctor says that Mrs. Smith

is going to be discharged tomorrow,

so we'll make sure that...

Oh...

- Blue team to ICU, please.

Blue team, ICU.

- How do I look?

- Let me see 'em off.

I like 'em off.

- Me too.

- Want me to smash 'em for you?

- I've changed my mind.

- Ladies and gentlemen, the Bottom Line

is pleased to welcome Jody Bueller.

♪ I could slip, I could fall

♪ In that mean and awful hall

♪ With the other jealous bitches ♪

♪ And the bitter, grumbling men ♪

♪ I could sneer, I could glare

♪ Say that life is so unfair

♪ And the one who made it, made it ♪

♪ 'Cause her breasts were really big ♪

♪ Well I don't wanna get bitter ♪

♪ I don't wanna talk cruel

♪ I don't wanna get old before I have to ♪

♪ I could... - Hey dad.

Even though you're not sick, can we still live with Vicki?

- You'd want to live with Vicki even though I'm not sick?

- Yeah.

So do you.

- You think?

- Dad, come on.

♪ Wishing fat fucks to their grave ♪

♪ I feel sorry for them

♪ You say they get what they deserve ♪

♪ Well I don't wanna get bitter ♪

♪ I don't wanna talk cruel

♪ I don't wanna get old before I have to ♪

♪ And I don't wanna get jaded

♪ Petrified of waiting

♪ I don't wanna get bitter like you ♪

♪ Like you with the darts in your eyes ♪

♪ You with disdain for mankind

♪ I was charmed, now I wonder

♪ I don't wanna get bitter

♪ I don't wanna talk cruel

- Vicki. ♪ I don't wanna get old

♪ Before I have to I've always-

- Yeah, duh.

♪ So I smile with the rest - Get a room!

♪ Wishing everyone the best

♪ And know the one who made it made it 'cause ♪

♪ She was actually pretty good

♪ Kind of

♪ I don't wanna get bitter

♪ I don't wanna talk cruel

♪ I don't wanna get old before I have to ♪

- Why are you eating?

I'm taking you to supper.

- I'm hungry.

- That's why I'm taking you to supper.

♪ Like you

♪ Oh, I don't wanna get bitter

♪ I don't wanna talk cruel

- Om.

♪ I don't wanna get jaded

♪ Petrified of waitin'

♪ I don't wanna get bitter

♪ Like you

- Thanks.

- Mind the gap.