Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

‐ What'd you get? ‐ Oh, it's from Sean John.

Ever since I've been on "Entertainment Tonight"

people have been sending me free stuff.

‐ Ooh. ‐ This is kind of hot, huh?

I think I'll wear it in my interview.

But I just don't know what kind of vibe I should go with.

You know what I mean, I don't know if I should be, like

you know, like a thinking man.

You know what I'm sayin'? Or I should just be..

Just‐just‐just chillin'.

Right, okay.

Or I should just go, just straight up hip‐hop, like..

No.

I mean, don't do that one. Don't do that one.

‐ You know, I think this‐‐ ‐ No, no.

For the audience it's too much‐‐

Yeah, too much.

I wish you can come by because it's gonna be exciting.

‐ I'm like, you know, I'm.. ‐ Okay, I will.

I'm gonna be there, I took off work

so I could be there to support you.

‐ No. ‐ Yeah.

That's my girl. You know what?

For that, I am gonna give you

a shout‐out on the air.

‐ Oh, really? ‐ Yeah.

Well, when you say my name

don't just say "Tia," like that, no.

You gotta say, "Tia, my joy, my light, my fiancee.

The only woman I ever wanna be with ever again in life."

Oh.

‐ Word? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

But, uh, baby, just one thing, um..

The shout‐out shouldn't be longer

than the actual interview.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be a family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change but we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

Well, that does it for this edition of "Who's On Top?"

Everybody, give it up to Robert James.

[audience cheering]

[chuckling]

And until next time, one..

[indistinct yelling]

[laughing] Hey, thanks again, man.

You should come tomorrow night to the "Who's on Top" rap party.

‐ It's gonna be ridiculous. ‐ You know what, put me on it.

‐ I got you.. ‐ Alright.

Hey, baby! Baby! Hey.

‐ You were great. ‐ Baby, thank you for coming.

Oh, yeah. But you, you forgot to shout me out.

‐ Oh, I'm sorry. ‐ Yeah.

Yo, Tia! How's that?

‐ That's good. ‐ You know what, babe?

I'm gonna make it up to you though, alright.

I'm gonna bring you to the "Who's on Top"

rap party tomorrow night.

Oh, but, baby, tomorrow night

is the party for my poetry class.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, you know what we can do?

We could party hard, alright?

We'll spend a couple of hours at my party

and then we'll go to your little poetry thing.

My little poetry thing?

You better watch out, boy, I will get a star.

[chuckling]

I watch you on TV all the time, I love you.

Oh, okay. I love you too.

[laughing]

Can you take a picture with me?

‐ Okay. Alright. ‐ Oh.

Ah! Ooh.

Here.

Oh.

[giggling]

Okay, um, um, listen, I appreciate, uh

the, the love and everything

but would y'all stop shoving my fiancee?

Baby, you alright?

Yeah, I'm still you're number one fan.

[screaming]

[instrumental music]

Neesee, will you hurry up?

Messing with you is gonna make me have to

pay late fees on this movie.

"Notting Hill" can wait till I wash my hands.

Besides, we know how it's gonna end.

She's not gonna be with him.

He's broke.

And why won't she be with him?

The man owns his own business, he's an entrepreneur.

He's very respectable.

Hmm, well, respect don't pay the bills.

Especially hers.

I mean, did you see the hotel she was staying in?

And you see his apartment?

Two different lifestyles.

How is he gonna keep up?

And he has a roommate.

A grown ass man with a roommate.

[chuckling]

No, thanks.

You know what? Hm.

Let's finish this movie with a nice bottle of wine.

You gotta taste this. Muah.

'Uh‐huh.'

Can you open this? It always messes up my nails.

Oh, I don't know.

I never really been that good at this.

Well, the cork is wood and you're a carpenter.

What's the problem?

Right.

Uh, you see how the cork is crumbling.

That's not supposed to happen.

Tsk.

‐ Cheap‐ass cork. ‐ Unh‐unh.

That's a $50 bottle of wine. Hm.

‐ Fifty dollars? ‐ Hm‐hmm.

Need to come with someone to open it.

Alright.

Well, good things don't come cheap.

Yeah, well, you know what?

I will keep that in mind, Neesee.

Mm‐hmm.

[laughs]

Ah.

Hmm.

‐ Ooh. ‐ What?

‐ Mm. ‐ You don't like it?

No, no, no. The wine's fine.

It's just, it's my tooth that's been bothering me.

Oh, well, drink enough wine and you'll forget that

you have teeth.

[instrumental music]

Jonelle, girl, thank you so much for watching Bobby tonight.

'You know I owe you one.'

No. Well, honestly I owe you one.

I could not take another minute of Dirk.

Especially when he's in the living room

lifting weights..

...naked..

...singing "Girl, you look good, back that ass up."

Girl, I don't know about this roommate situation.

He's gettin' on your nerves, huh?

No, he's just so..

...sexy.

He got these tiny little arms..

...lifting those tiny little weights.

All glistening with sweat.

Ooh, girl! He's just..

Ooh!

‐ Jonelle, do you want him back? ‐ Oh, hell, no. Mm‐mm.

Dirk is a walking pet peeve.

But you cannot deny his sexiness.

Yes, I could.

[Jonelle chuckling]

[doorbell rings]

‐ Hey, what's up, party people? ‐ Hey.

‐ And Jonelle. ‐ Dirk.

Ooh.

Robert, you are working that suit.

Uh‐uh, that's what the mirror tell me.

[laughs]

‐ Y'all ready to roll? ‐ Okay. Bye, Jonelle.

‐ Bye, guys. ‐ Alright.

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, Turtle, um, you could put the umbrella down now

we're inside.

But it's still raining stardom.

Hold up. Hold up. Attention!

Robert James is in the house.

[cheering]

What's up? What's up?

‐ What's up, Robert? ‐ Yo, bro.

What's up, bro?

Yay!

Alright, this is what we're gonna do.

These chicks are gonna use me to get to you, alright?

Little trick I like to call "My web of pimpering."

Do you really want a woman that's gonna use you

to get to somebody else?

I'm Dirk Black, have we met?

[upbeat music]

Oh. Baby, come on. That's my jam. Let's dance.

[hip‐hop song]

Robert James?

Oh..

How come you didn't tell me you were comin'?

I wasn't gonna come until my friend Keyshia called.

Hey, what's up, Keyshia Cole?

You know, I love that song with you and Kanye West

"I Changed My Mind."

But I got something to ask you.

‐ What? ‐ Are you in "The Gang?"

'Cause that song was bangin'.

Pop‐pop‐pop‐pop.

[laughing]

‐ He's so funny. ‐ Thank you.

‐ Listen, you crazy guy. ‐ You know that‐‐

I want you to come meet my boyfriend, okay?

[upbeat music]

So, so, I'm‐I'm at the Missy video

doin' a exclusive, right?

So, in the corner I started doin' my own little..

I'm shim.. I'm shimmering, right? Like I'm..

I'm turning off the faucet. I'm a pimp.

And I'm up there. I'm doing this like this, right?

'But anyway..'

Missy yells cut, right?

She goes, "That's the move I want in my video."

Next thing I know, everybody's doin' it.

'Check this thing one out here.'

Okay, uh, baby.

‐ Baby, you know what‐‐ ‐ Hold on. Hold on, baby.

Uh. Uh‐uh.

‐ Uh! Uh! ‐ You double it up.

‐ There you go. ‐ Ooh. I like that.

‐ Can I keep it? ‐ Yeah.

That was good with the double..

Yeah, but you know what, maybe you should add another move

to that shimmy towards the door.

Oh, that's right, baby, I'm sorry.

[pager beeping]

Oh, now. Oh, God! Hey! Hey, hey!

Birdman's hosting an after party at the Sparta Club

and I've got one more space in my limo, so we gotta go.

‐ Right now. ‐ Of course. Birdman.

Hey, yo, hold up. You got people with you.

Oh, yo, uh, why don't, why don't you follow us in the limo?

Alright. And‐and, I'll meet you at the party.

‐ Robert. ‐ That's right, baby..

Your little poetry party's goin' on right now, alright?

So, baby, look.

This is them cash money millionaires.

They're not gonna be in town for a long time.

And I'm trying to lockdown this interview.

‐ Robert, come on. ‐ I'll tell you what.

Why don't we go to your little poetry thing afterwards?

No, it's already afterwards.

Maybe I should just go without you.

Tia.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure.

Cool. I'll see you later.

Paula!

Paula, Paula!

[instrumental music]

[chuckles] You crazy, Birdman!

Yo! You know how we do?

I'll holler at you when I'm back in the da‐da da‐da.

[laughing]

[imitating bird]

What's up, everybody? Yo, Tia, how was your lil' poetry thing?

Jonelle, how you livin'? Dirk, I didn't see you at the party.

‐ What happened to you, baby? ‐ Couldn't get in.

‐ I wasn't on the list. ‐ Why you ain't call me?

‐ I did. ‐ Oh.

Then I probably didn't hear the ringin' in the club, man

'cause the music was bangin'!

Yeah, I heard it.

Outside!

And check this out, me and the Birdman was free‐stylin'‐‐

Hey, Robert? Robert.

You know, we need to talk.

Yeah.

Hey, Dirk, you know actually me and Robert need to talk.

Yeah, and Dirk..

...me and you need to talk too.

‐ Not the time! ‐ Yes, it is.

You need to cover your privates when you lift it.

Not the time, Jonelle!

It's the time, it's time.

[chuckles] What's up, baby?

You're startin' to turn into some...new person

and I don't like it.

How you gonna blow me off?

Baby, I didn't blow you off.

You said that you were goin' without me.

Yes, but you were supposed to stop me.

Oh, so now you're mad at me

because I didn't say what you thought I should say?

No, I'm mad because you said

you were gonna do something and you didn't.

Yeah, but you told me to do somethin'

that you really didn't want me to do.

So now I'm mad!

You should have known how I felt.

‐ Well, I didn't. ‐ Yeah, that's obvious.

Alright. Okay, baby.

When is your next poetry reading?

It's not important.

Okay, just to clarify things

when you say, "Not important"

what you really mean is..

...important?

I'm saying..

...that some people from my class

are going to this poetry cafe tomorrow night.

‐ Okay. ‐ Okay.

Can I be your date?

Uh‐huh, if you're free.

Free as a bird.

[phone ringing]

Speakin' of the devil.

[laughing]

Yo, Birdman! What's up, baby?

[instrumental music]

I'm trying to perfect this new ginger snap recipe.

‐ Mm‐hm. ‐ Try some.

‐ Mmm. ‐ Oh, too much snap?

Mm, no, no, no. This is good.

It's just my tooth.

Well, if your tooth is still bothering you

why don't you go to the dentist?

No, it's not that serious. I'm cool.

Mm, aww..

I used to be afraid of the dentist too.

You know, until my Aunt Clotilde's tooth fell out

while she was openin' up a ketchup packet.

Now that, that cured me.

I'll be honest with you.

I don't have dental insurance right now.

Wow, I don't remember the last it was like that for me.

Like what?

Well, I‐I just..

I've never..

...dated someone who...k‐kind of‐‐

Wasn't ballin'?

Right. That.

Well, I kind of figured we'd get here at some point.

Neesee, I've noticed that

you're used to a higher standard and..

...I may not be able to give you that, but..

...I do have

other non material things to offer.

Oh, no, no, I didn't mean it like that.

You have plenty of things to offer.

‐ Okay. ‐ Okay.

Let me give you a hypothetical question, alright?

Suppose I want to take you on this trip

and I wanted us to fly a coach.

Would you be cool with that?

Okay, we're flying coach because?

Um, I mean that came out wrong.

You know somethin', I think we're gonna be late

for Jazz Bakery, and, um

my tooth is really botherin' me so..

...why don't we take a rain check?

Okay, uh, are you sure?

Well, I hope your tooth doesn't bother you too much.

Yeah, me too.

Well, I can handle it.

[instrumental music]

‐ Hey, girl. ‐ Hey, hey.

‐ Mommy! ‐ Hey.

‐ Hey. Mm. What? ‐ Guess what?

Ms. Abrahams has let me grade papers.

Oh! Well, that's great, puddin'.

Come on, let's go upstairs and get your things.

‐ Okay. ‐ Alright.

Little free child labor, huh?

Um, Jonelle..

Can I ask you a question?

Uh, yes, they're real.

[sighs]

Thanks for clearin' that up.

But for my actual question, um..

Do you fly coach?

‐ No. ‐ Good.

I go greyhound.

Why, are you takin' me on a trip?

No.

But, uh‐uh, I'm‐I'm kind of dating this guy

that doesn't make much money and

I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to deal with that.

Oh, okay, well, you need to ask yourself two questions.

First, do you really like him?

‐ I might. ‐ Okay.

Well, a good man is hard to find.

And a rich one is even harder

so you owe it to yourself to figure it out.

‐ Guess you're right. ‐ Mm‐hm.

Now what's the second question?

Does he have a brother?

[instrumental music]

[snapping fingers]

Settle down, settle down.

Who's up next for open mic night?

Come on up.

[clears throat] I call this one "My Man."

That's me. She's talkin' about me.

"I call sexy by a name

"but lately sexy's gotten fame.

"Exposed by heat

"he starts to burn which starts to turn my love

"into an after‐thought.

"I asked myself how will this work?

"If instead of sexy, I see a jerk.

You feel me, Dirk?"

Itchy‐gitchy ya‐ya hiya!

Excuse me, I, um, I have the mic.

"When we met

"the river of my past and future set their course anew.

"They flow through you.

"I felt a surge as they converged.

"Born again, untouched by sin.

"Except the ones I wanted to commit

"with you.

"So get it straight, my love

"you are my fate

"above all others.

"But now, my part in this is through

"because the rest..

...the rest is up to you."

[instrumental music]

Um, you can snap now.

[all snapping]

Alright, um, um, um, look, I‐I‐I have a poem..

...also that I wrote.

Um..

It's a poem about my woman.

And it's called..

"...My Woman."

"My woman..

"...has to deal

"with a lie

"with the man she got.

"And I might be hot.

"But that's not..

"...an excuse.

Kaboos."

I have another poem I wrote.

Well, act.. Well, actually it's more of, of a shout‐out.

And it's called..

"...A Shout‐Out."

"T‐Tia..

"...my joy, my light.

"My fiance.

"I love you..

"...bab‐ay.

"I'm sorry that

"I made you jump a hurdle..

"You feel me, Turtle?

[snapping finger]

"I'll never...hurt you again.

"Like I've been...doin'.

"I want us to stop fightin'.

"And if you kiss me now..

...I'll stop reciting."

Please, kiss him quick.

I love you.

I love you too.

[whispering] Oh, wait.

Music.

[instrumental music]

[snapping fingers]

Hey!

Hey, Neesee, what's the urgency?

Um..

You know, the other night when I fell asleep

during "Notting Hill?"

Well, I finally watched the rest of it.

And I owe you an apology.

Turns out she was happy with that guy.

Well, I thought you said that couldn't happen.

Yeah, I was talkin' about in the movies.

But in real life

you never know the ending.

So come sit down.

I made you a tooth‐friendly meal.

Mashed potatoes, pureed string beans

and a roast, that is so tender

my uncle, Till, could gum it apart.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

[chuckles]

Come on.

[theme music]