Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Robert. Robert!

‐ Ugh. Baby? Robert? ‐ Hmm.

Back to you, Mary Hart.

Baby, these two jobs have got you runnin' ragged.

Wake up!

Baby, I‐I can handle it. I can handle it, baby.

I can handle it.

I mean it.

Is this your schedule?

"Research for 'Entertainment Tonight' from 6:00 to 8:00

"9:00 to 2:00 put the research in action, 3 o'clock, "Mr. L. A."

6 o'clock home for 45 minutes of snuggle time with Tia."

Aww..

‐ Then you gotta pick up Bobby‐‐ ‐ Bobby.

Oh, baby, I can't pick up Bobby.

‐ I'll get him. ‐ You sure it's not a problem?

Of course not, Robert.

Oh, thank you, baby. Mm.

[snoring]

‐ Robert. Robert. Robert. ‐ Hmm. Mm.

I can handle it, baby. I got this.

‐ I got it. ‐ Okay.

Robert?

I got somethin' just like that.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be ♪

♪ A family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪ ♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪ ♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

Robert, I have to tell you we've been incredibly

impressed with your performance so far.

It has been amazing.

‐ Awesome. ‐ Stunning.

‐ Emmy. ‐ Well, thank you, guys.

You know, I'm just tryin' to add a little bit

of my flavor in your soup.

Well, ya have flavored it up and made it yummy.

‐ Have you seen the fan mail? ‐ There's fan mail?

You've never gotten fan mail before?

Well, yeah, I, I do receive fan mail

sometime from prison.

Well, my friend, things are looking brighter already.

‐ Someone give me a visor. ‐ It's hot.

I'm burning!

"Dear, "Entertainment Tonight" thank you for Robert James

"not only is he smart and informative, but he's hot.

"When is he gonna interview someone on the beach

so we can see him with his shirt off?"

‐ Boom. ‐ Pow, pow, pow.

[chuckles]

You are my guy and it is because of letters

like that, Robert James, that "Entertainment Tonight"

wants to offer you two more nights a week.

Say word.

Word.

That's incredible.

[laughing] Oh, man, I'm late for "Mr. L. A."

Are you still doing that?

Kidding. Kidding.

Hey, look, Brian, this all sounds great.

I can't wait to get started.

Y'all, I'll holler at you guys later.

You're my guy. Pow, pow, pow.

Pow, pow, pow!

We just do the regular pistol shots.

[instrumental music]

Sarah, this is fun.

You know, I've never catered a barmitzvah before.

Obvious.

[chuckles]

Neesee, your shelves are officially done.

Oh. And they officially look fabulous.

You know, what, if my brother really tried

he could run his own contracting business.

Sarah, I don't wanna run my own contracting business.

I like bein' a carpenter, I like workin' with my hands.

Well, if you had a business, you could deposit checks

with your hands. How does that sound?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to use the little girl's room.

I would ask where it is, but I see there's only one hallway.

Well, don't forget to light a match.

Unh‐uh!

Very funny.

Hey, Rusty, why don't you start packin' up your things?

I wanna go grab some lunch.

I've lunch plans already that can't be broken, Sarah.

They're with Neesee.

[laughing]

Sweetie, you've already got the job.

We're dating, Sarah.

Uh...we're not dating.

We went out.

And we made plans to go out again.

Oh, whoa, wait, ah‐ah, time out, time out.

Um, wow.

You guys are serious, huh? Okay. Okay.

Um, well, you know what, you guys are two grown people..

Good for you, good for you.

Uh, as a matter of fact, you know what

I would like to take the two of you out to lunch to celebrate.

Your treat. I'm joking. My treat.

‐ Really? ‐ Yeah.

Sarah, I'm glad to hear you feel that way

because I think Neesee is really special.

And I think Rusty has really good taste.

[sighs] Well, my brother, he's such a good kid, huh?

‐ Yes, he is. ‐ And you already have one.

Why would you want another?

Oh, my God! I'm so joking.

[instrumental music]

Good, you're still out here, I thought I was gonna be

too late for the meeting.

Oh, dawg, you're not late.

Late would imply that you actually caught part of it.

Damn. Did anybody notice I wasn't there?

Now, why would anybody notice that

Mr. L. A. wasn't at a meeting for "Mr. L. A.?"

Come on, dawg, you gotta get it together.

This the fourth meeting you been late for.

I know, man, it's just that "Entertainment Tonight's"

been keeping me really busy.

Hey, don't tell me. Tell, Mr. Ashton.

Don't tell me, Mr. Ashton is here.

The one meeting that the station manager comes to I'm a no show?

‐ Did you cover for me? ‐ Yeah, but I had to come clean.

You can only be in the bathroom for so long.

That man was gonna call a ambulance.

Hello, Robert.

Uh. Oh. Hey.

Mr. Ashton, I didn't even see you over there.

That's because you were hiding behind Dirk.

I missed you at today's meeting.

I know. I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

You bet it won't, captain.

It's a term of endearment.

So, ready for your next interview?

Oh. Yes, I am.

I know more about Don Cheadle than Momma Cheadle.

Don Cheadle? He booked Don Cheadle?

Uh, no, no.

You see, I just wanted to know

if you were at the "Mr. L. A." meeting.

Gotcha.

Uh, he's as ready for Taye Diggs interview

as he's ever been, sir. He's jokin' around with you.

It's funny. I love those kind of jokes.

The two of you are fired.

Gotcha!

[laughing]

[humming]

Oh. Bobby.

Hey, Bobby!

You know, you need to start rememberin'

to put your toys away, okay?

Bobby! Huh!

Bobby! Oh, no! I'm coming! Bobby!

[instrumental music]

You're late again.

Are you ready for this interview?

I wouldn't be here if I wasn't.

Okay. He likes to be called Don Julio.

Taye Diggs likes to be called Don Julio?

No, his replacement, Don Julio likes to be called Don Julio.

I sent you a e‐mail.

He's the biggest Latin recording star in the world, alright?

Now, let me run you through the questions real quick.

Don't even sweat it. I got this.

An interview is an interview.

Alright. You don't need me, huh?

‐ Nope. ‐ Alright, you got this.

Great to meet you. I'm Robert James.

Don Julio Marques.

‐ Any questions? ‐ Nope.

‐ Just point shoot, dawg. ‐ Alright.

You ready? In three, two, one.

Thanks for tunin' in to "Mr. L. A."

Today my guest is Don Julio Marques.

The largest recordin' artist in South America. Wow!

Don Julio, what's it like bein' the man?

I love America. Been here now for two months.

Okay. I understand.

Your new CD has sold over three million copies already.

That's pretty impressive.

I love the baseball.

And who doesn't?

Also congratulations to you and your wife.

I understand you're expecting your first child.

I think it's the popcorn.

Cut!

‐ Does he drink? ‐ No, he doesn't speak English.

Why would you book somebody who doesn't speak English?

'Cause he's the biggest Latin recording star in South America.

It's a totally untapped market for you.

It's untapped market 'cause they can't understand

what the hell I'm sayin'.

Which is why I wrote your questions down for you

and he memorized his answers in order.

You would know that if you read the e‐mail.

Come on, man, you're dropping the ball.

Dirk, you know me, man, alright?

It's just gonna take me a minute to adjust

to both these schedules.

That's the problem, Robert

not everybody is on your schedule.

‐ Ummh. ‐ Hmm.

Look, you know I support you and all.

But Mr. Ashton holds me responsible for this show.

You're startin' to make me look bad.

I'm your boy, man. I support you and all.

But this is a business.

Mr. Ashton thinks you need to make a choice.

"Mr. L. A." or "E. T."

How can I make that choice?

Well, thank you for asking. Above all, I thank God.

[instrumental music]

I'm so sorry. I was a little late picking you up today.

You see, I couldn't do all of my work in class

some of it I had to do in my car.

‐ In your car? How come? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

Well, see, Bobby, teaching is a very complicated thing

and, you know, sometimes I need to move my brain around.

You know, like brain exercise

so I drove my brain around.

That doesn't sound right.

It's not. Actually that was a test.

You know, I just wanted to see how you would handle

a situation like that.

And I was parked across the street

I could see you the whole time.

Okay, then how come you drove over the mailbox

and your tires were smoking?

Because, because..

Look, I'll give you $20 not to tell anybody about this.

About what?

Thank you.

‐ Hey, baby. ‐ Robert.

‐ Is Bobby upstairs? ‐ Of course, he's upstairs.

Why wouldn't he be upstairs?

You asked me to pick him up, didn't you?

So it is crazy to think he wouldn't be upstairs.

[laughing]

‐ Listen, I need to talk to you. ‐ Oh. What's up?

Baby, Mr. Ashton

wants me to choose between "Mr. L. A." and "E. T."

You were right. I'm havin' a hard time doin' both.

So when are you gonna leave "Mr. L. A.?"

‐ What are you talkin' about? ‐ Baby, come on.

This is your chance to go national.

It's what you've always dreamed of.

Yeah, but Dirk and I built "Mr. L. A." together.

I love it there.

Look, honey, Dirk left "E. T."

because that was what was right for him, okay?

But he wanted you to stay because he knows

this is right for you. Now, Dirk's your boy.

Whatever you decide, he'll understand, okay?

I hope so.

[instrumental music]

It is so nice to have some adult time away from kids

'cause, Neesee, you must have Bobby

what, 24 hours a day, huh?

Huh, I didn't realize we were sharing.

Actually Bobby spends a lot of time with his father too.

It's called joint custody.

[chuckles]

Here, lemme, lemme show you how to work these.

That's special.

A caterer who can't use chopsticks.

[clearing throat]

Oh, I know how to use these.

You know, what, that's why I'd feel better

if you used a fork.

So it seems like you and Bobby's father are a lot closer

than most divorced couples.

All friendly ...up in each other's houses?

You know, what I'm sayin'?

Not really. You're babbling.

You might wanna back up of that plum wine.

I was just makin' an observation.

Well, hey, ahem, how about I make an observation?

How about the three of us never have lunch again?

[scoffs] Why? We're having a great time.

This is fun.

[chuckles]

Wow, I need to get out more.

Oh, he's so cute.

You know what, did I ever tell you about the time

that he was caught in the backyard peein' on the tomatoes?

Check, please.

Girl, there are stories about Rusty

I could tell you to make you never call him again.

Uh, like the time that he'd lost his Lego

and then they found it in his‐‐

‐ Check, please! ‐ Check, please!

‐ Dirk, I need to talk to you. ‐ What's up?

Man, you know we go way back

and you're the brother I never had and you always have my back

and you know there's nothin' I wouldn't do for you.

Nice try. I got the last donut.

Remember when the "Mr. L. A." office was a small cubicle

and we shared the same desk because nobody believed in us?

Yeah, the weird part was sharin' a chair.

[chuckles]

So you're leavin' or what?

Yes, but I want you to know this wasn't a easy decision for me.

Hey, man, congratulations.

‐ You're not mad? ‐ Mad? Why would I be mad?

I'm happy for you. You deserve this.

I'm gonna miss you.

I don't know how we're gonna move on without you.

Turtle!

We're movin' on without him.

Let everybody know that Mr. L. A. position is wide open.

Hey, are you gonna keep "Peace too you?"

I'd like to.

And tell them to bring their own catchphrase.

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

‐ Can I come in? ‐ No.

Thanks.

Look, Neesee, I'm not sure if what I said the other day

came out right.

Hmm. I don't know what you say that does.

Well, when I said that I didn't think

you should date my brother, that's what I meant.

Look, Neesee, I think you're a good person.

I just don't think you're right for my brother.

‐ And you wanna know why? ‐ Not particularly.

Okay, fine! I'll tell you.

Look, you're divorced and you got a kid.

You got too much baggage.

And I just think my brother will be better off

with someone more like himself

who doesn't have any baggage.

Sarah, you might wanna slow your row.

Me and you brother has only had one date.

Now, before you start planning our wedding

and counting our kids, you might wanna see

if there's gonna be a second one.

Oh. So what?

Rusty's not good enough for you now?

No, you not good enough for me.

Fine. I'm no longer doing that barmitzvah with you.

Oh, and have fun rolling the 100 matzah balls by yourself.

Now, how am I gonna cater this event without you?

Oh, my God. I'm so joking. Okay?

[instrumental music]

‐ So that's it. ‐ Yup.

‐ I'm gonna get goin' now. ‐ Alrighty, then.

Alright, I'm, uh, out the door.

‐ Robert? ‐ Yes.

Before you go there's somethin' that I really need to ask you.

Go ahead, Turtle, anything you want.

Can I have your old makeup?

‐ Why would you want my makeup? ‐ For the same reason you do.

‐ To look pretty and‐‐ ‐ Turtle.

I told you the makeup goes to the new guy.

Speakin' of devil, here he comes.

‐ Yo, Thomas. ‐ Yo, what's up, Dirk.

‐ Pssh! ‐ Pssh!

Mr. E. T., Mr. L.A. Thomas is gonna do the show now.

‐ Yo, show him your sign off. ‐ Yeah.

This is Thomas Harper saying see you L‐A‐ter.

[laughing]

Yo, that's the truth, man. Yo, here's the truth.

Yeah, um, listen, Thomas.

Look, if you need any assistance

any questions or anything about‐‐

Yeah, yeah. Heh. Cool.

So, uh, I'mma see you next week?

‐ Alright, T. ‐ Alright, Dirk.

‐ Pssh. ‐ Pssh.

That's a good lookin' man right there.

Yeah. Alright, so, um

...I'm gonna get goin'.

Have a good one.

‐ Robert. ‐ Yeah?

Could you pass me the hot sauce?

Thanks, man.

Pssh.

‐ Robert! ‐ What?

‐ Gotcha! ‐ Surprise!

[all screaming]

You didn't think I'd let you leave without a party, did you?

I'm so proud of you, baby.

And I'm proud of you too, daddy.

You almost got me, Dirk.

Got me thinkin' you didn't care I was leavin'

and you asking for my makeup

and then this Thomas guy with that corny ass

"See you later."

No, that guy's for real.

And Turtle does want your makeup.

To Robert!

‐ Alright! ‐ Whoo!

Hey, everybody, the show's on.

♪ Show you the way love's supposed to be ♪

♪ Baby you should let me love you ♪

♪ Love you love you ♪♪♪

That's all you need, baby.

That was Mario singing "Let Me Love You."

The most played single in the history of Hot 100.

So, Mario, what's next for you, man?

Singin' is what I do, man, but, um, this opened up the doors

for me to do other things, man

so I will, I will love to pursue some actin'.

[sniffling]

I told myself I wasn't gonna cry.

Get a hold of yourself.

So that does it for this edition of "Mr. L. A."

Now, for those of you who don't know

this is my last show here.

I'm taking a job at "Entertainment Tonight"

'but I wanna thank all of you'

'who watched the show over the past few years.'

It's been a great experience for me and without you

I wouldn't be where I am today.

So, for the last time as Mr. L. A.

I'm Robert James sayin'..

...peace to you.

[theme music]