Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Hey, son, do you have everything ready for your mom's house?

Yeah. Daddy, why does Tia gets to go to New York, but I don't?

Ah, because I have to work.

And it's Valentine's Day.

It's against the law to be without your valentine.

Can you get arrested?

Worse.

Why do you think Cupid carries that bow and arrow?

[knock on door]

Turtle, why are you dressed like Bjork?

Because she rocks.

And I wanted to be dressed for that New York weather.

Turtle, I already told you that you can't come to New York

it's not in the show's budget.

Why not? Tia gets to go.

Bobby, can you take Turtle to get a cookie?

Really?

Baby, I am so excited.

I cannot wait to get to New York.

But the first thing on my list is a Broadway show.

Five, six, seven, eight..

♪ I'm on top I'll never stop ♪

♪ I'll dance and sing till I drop ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪♪

Baby, what show is that from?

I made that up.

I'm gonna pitch it when we get there.

Yes!

Yeah, you do that.

[chuckles]

Hey, y'all. Ugh.

Bobby, come on, baby, let's go.

So, Neesee, what're you gonna do this weekend?

I'm caterin' a party for Alex's boyfriend.

Is Alex still seein' that plastic surgeon?

Mm‐hm, Dr. Calhoun has his hand

in every famous face in this town.

And if my food is a hit at this party..

...it'll look like my pockets have implants.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could get the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be ♪

♪ A family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

Hey, look, baby, all I gotta do is interview Serena Williams

and when I come back, I'm gonna make you my valentine.

Oh! See if you can get her autograph for me, okay?

And tell her I'm her biggest fan.

‐ Oh, really? ‐ Mm‐hm.

How much does that autograph mean to you?

‐ Oh. ‐ Huh?

When I get back, I'mma go three sets with you.

Ooh. If you serve, I'll play.

Hey, man. Let's go.

We got a hour to get to this press conference.

Dirk, it's in the hotel.

Now, why don't you go back in there

with your wife, alright?

‐ I'm busy. ‐ No, we have to leave now.

'Cause you never know what traffic's gonna be like

in the lobby.

Look, Dirk, all I wanna do

is spend some alone time with Tia.

And all I wanna do is spend some time alone from Jonelle.

The only reason why I brought her is 'cause you brought Tia

tryin' to be Saint Valentine makin' me look bad.

‐ They're gone? ‐ Yeah.

Oh, good. Thank God.

This is gonna be a long weekend.

Ooh. Do you wanna go halfsies on some $60 nuts?

Where is she?

I was supposed to be done with

this interview 20 minutes ago.

Hey, man.

You can't rush a athlete in their prime.

That's what my daddy did when I played high school badminton.

You know, I was on my way to Pakistan

for the World Cup?

But he overtrained me.

And then I got these damn ankle spurs.

Serena Williams, Robert James, Mr. LA.

‐ It's a pleasure to meet‐‐ ‐ Save it.

I ain't Serena.

I'm her assistant, Wanda, her cousin.

Wow, that's incredible. You look just like her.

I get that all the time.

That's why I went ahead and got this.

Why not just say, "Hi, my name is Wanda?"

[indistinct chatter]

U‐u‐um, so, Wanda, when, uh

when do you think Serena's gonna get here?

Why everybody keep askin' me that?

Look Serena's takin' a quick break, a'ight?

You'll be the first to see Her Highness when she is here.

Alright. We'll, we'll be right here. Heh.

‐ Okay. ‐ Um..

You see that bottle over there?

Yeah.

You think you can shoot it in that can?

Oh, that's nothin' right there.

No problem. Look at that. Bakao.

Nothin' but can.

Ah, that was luck. I bet you can't make five in a row.

Please. I can do this whole day.

If I didn't have these ankle spurs

I could've been Ben Wallace.

‐ Ooh. ‐ What? You want some of this?

‐ You want some of this? ‐ Wh‐what?

Oh, I don't know if you can do it

with D on you, dawg.

Oh, no problem, no difference.

D gives no difference.

[grunts]

Offensive foul. That's a offensive foul.

‐ 'What?' ‐ That's a offensive foul.

Well, alright, alright. Huh? You wanna play like that, huh?

‐ Huh? You wanna play like that? ‐ Oh!

Huh?

Ah, gee. Wha‐what.. One‐one.

‐ 'Alright. Alright.' ‐ 'Hm?'

What you got? Huh? Ready?

Watch the elbow.

[grunts] Oh!

Alright, you gonna play like that?

‐ Alright. ‐ Alright. Cool

Cool. Now I'm Allen Iverson, dawg. What you got?

Huh.

Aa‐hh!

‐ Okay, okay. Yeah. ‐ Okay, yeah.

Well, that takes care of all them bottles.

Now, can y'all pick up my gum wrappers I left over there?

I'm supposed to keep this room clean.

[instrumental music]

‐ Hey, beautiful. ‐ Oh!

Sorry I'm late.

Neesee, I know that we originally agreed

to start the party at 5:00

but I've decided to start it at 4:47.

Right when the sun is supposed to begin its descent.

[clicks tongue] Magic hour.

Okay. Not a problem.

But as we discussed, I have to leave at 9:00.

Parting hour.

Baby, her food is gonna put smiles

on faces that haven't moved in years.

‐ It's true. ‐ Oh, Alex.

[chuckles] She's right, though.

But, you know, since you wanted sea food

but didn't want sushi, I thought I'd do

shrimp and snow pea wraps.

‐ Ooh, I love it. Perfect. ‐ Hmm.

Except, maybe we shouldn't do shrimp.

How's that now?

Well, it just seems that

nowadays so many people are battling

shellfish allergies.

Ahh! Okay.

‐ No shrimp it is. ‐ Mm.

Didn't I tell you she was great.

Yeah. You know, speakin' of great..

‐ Mm? ‐ Who did your work?

Three people. Mama, daddy and Jesus.

Come on, we gotta hurry up, we gotta make that matinee.

‐ Let's go. ‐ Oh, baby, actually, I can't.

They just pushed my interview a half an hour from now.

So I'll just meet you at the restaurant tonight.

‐ Is that cool? ‐ Uhh..

Well, it won't be the same, but I know you here to work.

[sighs] Look, you go do what you do.

But since you're gonna miss this matinee

tonight, I need to see your one‐man show.

‐ What you gonna do? ‐ Well, ahem.

I got a little time for a dress rehearsal right now.

Or, should I say, undress rehearsal.

Whoo.. Oh.

Uhh, no.

I gotta go if I wanna keep on the schedule, yeah.

Hey, Jonelle, come on, you're up.

Half hour to come with me.

Bye, baby. See you later.

[instrumental music]

Hey, man. Do you think I can take her?

First of all, what is wrong with you?

‐ Second of all, hell no! ‐ So, anyway..

I could take her.

Uh, excuse me, 'cause it's really late‐‐

Excuse me. I'm on the phone.

Where am I gonna meet you at?

Okay, hold on, let me write this down.

Can you write this down, Mr. Thang?

On that.

34th and 9th.

Mm‐hm. Alright, I'll talk to you later.

Alright.

Okay, um, so, when do you think Serena's coming through?

Oh, she gonna be here soon, but in the meantime

help me get this room ready for the interview.

Um, can you help move this couch over there, please?

You know, I'mma call Serena while you do that.

Okay.

Hey, Dirk. Dirk, get to the other end of the couch.

She's gonna call Serena. Get to the other end of the couch.

‐ I'm gonna move the couch then? ‐ Come on, man.

I was like somebody famous too, you know?

[Robert grunts]

Oh, okay. Lift it up.

Uh, higher. No, no, higher.

‐ Aah! ‐ Higher, Dirk.

Higher. Just lift it higher.

Just keep doin'..

Just don't, don't..

Just don't look, don't.. Not out the door.

Just..

Come this way. Turn.

Come my way. My way.

‐ Alright. Slow it up. Slow it‐‐ ‐ Aah. Aah!

Slow it up, man.

Are you sure Serena is gonna like it right here?

I don't know what Serena likes

but Wanda is tired of lookin' at that wall.

[instrumental music]

Neesee, everything is delicious.

Now, when are you gonna serve the shrimp wraps?

How's that now?

No, no. You said that you didn't want shrimp, remember?

Well, y‐yeah, but I mean, you have to have some shrimp.

I thought that was implied. Uh, y‐you know what?

Everything else is so good I'm willing to look past it.

‐ Ah.. ‐ Don't listen to him.

Thanks, Alex.

I mean, so you forgot the shrimp

it's no big deal.

How was your day?

Ugh, well

my interview got pushed back again

and I had to move a couch.

Show business.

Sure is cold outside.

We didn't leave the hotel to get here.

Still you..

...can't deny it's cold outside.

Look, this fork has three tangs on it.

Oh, really? Let me see.

One, two, three. Yep. Just three.

Tangs. It's a crazy word right?

‐ Look, Jonelle? ‐ Mm.

I can't do this anymore.

I think we should get a divorce.

[gasps] Oh, thank God. Me too.

‐ Really? ‐ Are you kiddin'?

This marriage sucks. It's painful.

‐ Excruciating, right? ‐ Unbearable.

Oh. This is great.

‐ Happy Valentine's Day. ‐ Oh, you too, Dirky.

‐ Oh, man! ‐ Oh, I'm starvin'.

Why? Y‐you're not pregnant, are you?

[laughs]

Yeah.

Gotcha!

[cell phone ringing]

Hello?

You're kiddin'.

No, no, no. We'll be right there.

Alright.

Baby, listen, um..

Serena's catchin' the flight early in the mornin'

and she's doin' all of her interviews right now.

‐ So I'm.. ‐ You're sorry. I know. I know.

Okay, just eat without me and then

I'll meet you at the theater, okay?

Cool?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[growls]

Remember, I'm servin'.

Ball's in your court, baby.

‐ Robert! ‐ Tia!

Robert? Aah!

Jonelle! What're you doin' here?

Well, Dirk and I broke up!

So I can't stay in the same room with him.

I'm single now. I'm not that kind of girl.

Robert, it is after midnight.

I‐I know, baby, and I'm sorry I couldn't call

but I got the interview.

Listen, and since I was the last one

we just let the cameras roll, and me and Serena

just kicked it, and I got some great stuff for the show.

So, how was the theater?

I waited for you so long they wouldn't seat me.

Oh, baby, I'm sorry.

‐ I know you're upset‐‐ ‐ No, honey, I'm frustrated.

Okay, I haven't seen you for more than 20 minutes all day

and we leave tomorrow.

Now, I thought the point of goin' away together

for Valentine's day, was so that

we could spend some time together.

No, baby, the point of us goin' away was so I could work.

Now, you knew this was a priority for me this weekend.

I just thought we would have some kind of time to be alone.

Well..

...we do now.

Yes, you do.

Come on, Tia. You can't be serious.

Robert, I hope you don't think you're stayin' here tonight.

Because we are not goin' halfsies on those nuts.

Neesee, I was just talking to a patient

who loves your artichoke and spinach things that you made.

Oh, that's great!

You know, I'd be happy to make him some whenever he wants.

What about right now?

Oh, Eric, I'm sorry, I packed up

the kitchen already, I'm heading home.

Neesee, this guy has a lot of parties.

Well, remember I told you I had to be done by 9:00.

Alex, you're her best friend

convince her to stay.

I'll throw in some collagen.

Neesee, why don't you stay another hour?

I mean, come on. What's the big deal?

Well, just because the doctor says jump

doesn't mean I have to.

You're the one dating him, not me.

Excuse me, I stuck my neck out to get you this job.

‐ You owe me this. ‐ Wha‐wha..

Are you callin' out a favor on me?

‐ Yeah. ‐ Oh, well..

'Cause we could play that game.

You know, need I remind you what you did

with my favorite Gummo bag?

Excuse me, I told you ten times

the nausea came on suddenly, and I couldn't find a bathroom.

Really.

Maybe Eric's right. If you're a real friend, you would stay.

Well, if you were a friend, you wouldn't ask me to.

Oh, and, you know, technically, I'm still on the clock

so I'm gonna have to bill Eric for this conversation.

Tick‐tock, tick‐tock.

[instrumental music]

Hey, man.

We'll just sleep head to feet, like we did in college.

No offense, Dirk, but I've seen your feet.

They look like they've been attacked

by a flock of wild seagulls.

Hey, quit bein' a baby.

What's that smell?

I sprayed cologne on the sheets.

I thought I might have to do the Valentine thing with Jonelle.

Oh.

That explains why you have worn a thong.

It's not for Valentine's.

What? Support in the front, freedom in the back.

Oh!

Hey, man, I don't understand Tia, man.

Personally, most women would be thrilled

to be taken to New York for the weekend.

Don't get me wrong. She has a point.

I haven't spent five minutes with her since we've been here.

‐ And it hasn't been my fault. ‐ That's how they are, man.

They always find a way to make it your fault.

This reminds me how I was when I was with Jonelle.

Yeah, that oughta take you back a whole couple of hours.

Hey, man, this ain't about my soon‐to‐be former marriage.

This is about Tia's lack of sensitivity towards your needs.

'What does she think she came here for?'

‐ Your work. Your business. ‐ You got a point.

She knew what the deal was before we even came.

I gotta take care of my business.

See? That's how they are, man.

There's never thank you for slavin' away, so I can have

nice things like, clothes and gas, and locks on the door.

What you do pays the bills.

You know what?

Tia's never even seen a light bill.

Jonelle would leave every light on in the house.

But, yet, she was always in the dark.

Boy, that's deep.

You know what? Why am I sleepin' on the floor?

She should be the one sleepin' on the floor!

I worked hard for that hotel room

to be given to me free.

‐ Don't tell me, tell her. ‐ I will.

‐ That's right. ‐ That's right!

‐ 'Cause we men. ‐ Men!

‐ We men! ‐ Men!

(both) Men!

Oh, snap. She locked me out, dawg.

She can't lock you out. You a man!

‐ That's right. I'm a man! ‐ You a man.

‐ A man! Yeah! ‐ A man! Aah..

[both screaming]

Hello, room service?

I wanted some hot cocoa!

Could you please not forget the mini marshmallows this time?

Tia.

I got somethin' to say. I need you to listen.

Jonelle, you could stay or go, whatever you chose.

[snoring]

Hey, don't worry about her.

She just drank four mini bottles of Baileys.

You could set her hair on fire, she's not gonna wake up.

Now, Tia, I know you wanted us to spend time today

goin' to plays, ridin' carriages through the park.

Now, don't get me wrong, I wanted those things too

but this weekend, my work was important.

Baby, I know your work was important to you.

I'm just scared that it's gonna become more important than‐‐

What? More important than what?

More important than us.

What?

Look, over Christmas, Neesee said

you would always choose your work over her.

And I told her you would never do that me.

But I'm startin' to think I was wrong.

Oh, baby

no relationship ends because of just one thing.

And I would never let that happen to us. You know why?

'Cause you're my valentine.

And I love you.

I love you, too.

Well, you know, uh..

...technically, the night is not over.

‐ It's still Valentine's Day. ‐ Mmm.

And since Jonelle's so sound asleep, maybe we‐‐

(Jonelle) 'There's not enough Baileys in all the world.'

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Hey, Serena.

I thought you'd be on a plane by now.

Oh, we got delayed, you know how that is.

Oh, um, Serena, this is my fiancee, Tia‐‐

‐ Hey, how're you doin'? ‐ Hey!

‐ Hey. I am such a huge fan‐‐ ‐ Oh. Thank you.

People tell me my backhand is almost as powerful as yours.

They do. Well, you know what? Maybe we should play sometime.

Oh, my God.

That would be so great!

Would you like a autograph picture?

‐ Of course. ‐ Okay.

You know, Serena, I tell you, it's so refreshin' to meet

a celebrity that keeps it real.

You know, I always try to keep it as real as possible.

Here you go. My number's on the back.

‐ Call me sometime. ‐ Okay.

‐ Thank you. ‐ Alright.

I'm gonna be in touch. I'm gonna call you to play.

Okay, make sure you do that.

You'll probably win too.

Especially since..

...Wanda don't know‐know nothin' about tennis.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]