Original subtitles

Now, you the man.

[instrumental music]

Someone get a can of Raid because you are looking fly.

Fly?

You look like Steve Harvey had a yard sale.

New suit. New life. I'm over Tia.

Your boy is about to take his thing to another

click, click, click, click, level!

Alright then.

My man about to get a condo on Player Street.

You know, how I do it, Dirk, it don't take me long to move on.

And, I'm gettin' a duplex

because I'mma need room for my stay‐bed.

[giggling]

Better have my money.

[giggles]

The hot computer chick's here.

Sheena? Whoo!

Dirk, you're engaged, control yourself, man.

Hi, Robert.

‐ Hi, Sheena! ‐ Hi, Sheena!

Hey, can you take a look at my computer?

It crashed and I can't seem to get it back on.

Sure. I'll be there in a second.

Hey! I like that new, uh, wireless mouse.

No strings attached.

Congratulations on your engagement, Dirk.

Robert, can I pick your brain about something real quick?

Sure, what's up, Sheena?

I need your advice.

There's a guy that I run into periodically

who I like but I'm not sure if he's feelin' me.

‐ What should I do? ‐ That's easy.

Just tell him what's up.

Okay. I like you, Robert.

That's what's up.

[babbles] Um..

Look, Sheena, I'm, I'm flattered but, uh‐‐

Robert! Robert. Robert.

Let me talk to you for a minute, Robert.

‐ I‐I'll be right back. ‐ Robert.

I knew you wasn't over Tia with all that fake pimp laughin'.

[giggling]

Man, you trippin'. Of course, I am.

Alright, but theoretically if you're not

nothing makes a man more appealing to his ex

than to be seen with another woman.

Dirk, that only worked on girls in high school.

No, man, it's like when we go

to the Dodger games, right? I get the nachos.

‐ You never get 'em. ‐ Right.

But when you see me puttin' the chips in the cheese

you want some.

That's women, go out with Sheena

your nachos look better to Tia.

‐ Well, how's Tia gonna know? ‐ Jonelle.

I can let it slip by accident.

On purpose.

Hey, Sheena.

Um, turns out I am free.

Why don't you give me your number

and I'll holler at you later.

Give me a call.

Alright.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be ♪

♪ A family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[bell ringing]

Girl, so Dirk wants to go

to this Moroccan restaurant tonight

but I'm tryin' to keep my figure for my wedding.

Girl, please, you look great!

I know, I just wanted to hear you say that.

You look great.

[cellphone ringing]

Oh, it's my Dirky. Hey, Dirk.

‐ Hey, Tia. ‐ Oh, Captain Harris.

What brings you here?

I'm on my way to Ms. White's class

for another fire safety presentation.

Have you thought any more about that cup of coffee?

Oh! Um, I'm sorry.

Not as sorry as I am.

Girl, brace yourself.

You braced?

No, maybe you need to sit down for this.

We're in the hall.

Then lean against the wall. No, lean on me.

Dirk just called me and told me that..

...Robert has a date with this computer girl.

‐ A date? ‐ Mm‐hm.

What? It's only been a month.

I know! I know, too soon. I know.

Robert?

Hey, what's up, T? What's up, J?

You tell me, R.

Tell you what? I'm just chillin'. Doin' me.

You know, the Mr. LA thing.

So, how about you?

Well, you know, I have been, uh, teachin'.

You know, uh, planning field trips.

‐ Oh! Yeah, yes. ‐ Yep, um.

‐ Curriculating. ‐ Mm‐hm.

Um..

What you doin' tonight, Robert?

I don't know what I'm doin' tonight.

I don't know, maybe a movie, maybe dinner.

Who knows what the future holds, Tia?

Uh‐huh! Ain't no tellin', Robert.

Mm‐mm.

‐ Daddy! ‐ Hey, what's up, big fella?

[grunts]

Daddy, in class, we had a frog.

And I called him Freddie.

Just look at him.

Tryin' to play you in the hallway

of your own school.

Mm‐hm. I could just see it in his eyes.

Sneakily flaunt some woman, tryin' to make me crack.

‐ Mm. ‐ I don't think so.

You know what, Jonelle, make that dinner reservation

for four tonight.

So, then we set the frog free, but he died

so now we call him Dead Fred.

That's a great story, son. Why don't you go get your things?

Okay.

‐ Yo, Tia! ‐ Yes.

Why don't you holler at me later?

You know, and, uh, if my cell phone is off

that just means that I'm makin' things happen.

'Cause you know how I does, right, girl?

Oh, okay.

Yeah, you go away Camp Callaway. Mm‐hm.

Yeah, I may have to make some things happen, too.

That's what I does. Rick!

Uh, what's happenin'?

[instrumental music]

En garde! Prepare to die!

[kids grunting]

Okay, okay. That's it.

You boys go take a break, so the adults

can finish your homework in peace.

‐ I knew it would work. ‐ Yeah.

Neesee, why are you bothering with this?

Get Robert to do it. I'm gettin' Hakeem to do Reggie's.

And then, he's gonna do me.

I thought Hakeem had a girlfriend?

Oh, they broke up, but even if they didn't

I am still the ex‐wife and I will always have rights to that.

Please, don't give me that judgmental look.

At least , my relationship with Hakeem is purely physical.

You and Robert are emotionally tied up.

Girl, my feelings for Robert are as extinct as this dinosaur.

Oh, really?

Ever since, he's in mourning the loss of Tia

you've been over there cooking, cleaning, comforting.

Ugh! It's disgusting.

Face it, Neesee. You're a nurturer.

‐ Take that back. ‐ Uh‐uh.

The only man I nurture is my fiance.

By the way, I'm pickin' Johnny up from the airport, later.

So I wanna get this done.

I don't wanna be messin' with any bones, tonight.

Huh!

[instrumental music]

My woman fools me into breakin' all type

of unwritten man codes.

Double‐dating with my boy's ex.

This ain't right.

Are you talkin' to someone?

Well, it's my personal business, where I'm tryin'

to have a private conversation with myself.

Why don't you just eat?

Oh, you must be talkin' to yourself

because I know you're not talkin' to me.

And Tia wouldn't even be here

if it wasn't for your trifling boy

going out with the computer girl.

Damn shame, Tia being here with Silly Dee Williams.

[laughs]

Are you alright, Tia?

Mm‐hmm. Never better.

Look, Rick, you‐you seem really nice..

...but I got a confession to make.

Look, I agreed to go on this date for all the wrong reasons.

Today, I found out my ex started datin' again

and I just wanted to get back at him.

Do you hate me?

I'm trying to.

But, uh, nope, sorry. Not possible.

[chuckles]

I'm just not ready to date again.

I appreciate your honesty.

So, look, let's just not call this a date, okay?

We'll just keep things casual and enjoy the evening.

Wow, thank you. Thanks for being so cool about all this.

‐ Hey. Cool's my middle name. ‐ Oh, really?

Well, actually it's Leslie.

[laughing]

[laughing mockingly]

What is so funny?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was thinkin' about all the fun Robert's havin' on his date.

[laughing]

So, uh, Rick..

What's up with those long wolf nails, huh?

I mean, what'd you use those for?

Snatchin' rabbits through fences?

[cellphone ringing]

‐ Hello? ‐ Dirk!

It's me. What's the status, man?

Tia's up here with this fake S‐Curl model.

Don't even sweat it, bruh. I got your back.

I know that is not Robert you're on the phone with.

See, would you know? It's my momma on the phone.

Yeah, momma.

What? Daddy got another tumor?

[scoffs] Man, I'm tryin' to get with Tia

but she keeps playin' games.

Hey, you know that's why I teach my kids

to respect each other's differences.

I mean, Crayolas need not be used just for coloring.

You know what I mean?

This game gonna be over sooner than you think, bruh.

They over there talkin' about crayons.

Uh..

[chuckling] You, uh..

You got a little somethin' o‐on your face.

‐ Like, right over there. ‐ Oh, no.

‐ What? Here? ‐ Uh, uh..

[stammers] Well, you kinda just..

‐ What did I do? ‐ Let me get it.

Hey, man, enjoy your freedom while it lasts

'cause from what I see, she losin' interest

in this buff‐ass buckweed.

[laughs]

Oh! Tia just kissed Rick!

‐ What? ‐ Tia just kissed Rick!

[instrumental music]

[knock on door]

Hey, Robert, I know we were goin' out

but I was listenin' to my Oakland Raiders

on the way over. Now there's two minutes left.

They're down by a field goal and they're on the 40.

Do you mind if we just watch the rest before we go?

Yeah, the remote is on the table.

Come on, sit down.

So, you a football fan?

‐ Giants. ‐ Giants?

They haven't had a decent squad since L. T. retired.

The only thing giant about them

the holes in their defense.

How you gonna diss my giants when you a Raiders fan?

Their entire team is a football halfway house.

Their players don't run 40s.

They drink 'em.

You wanna go there when your quarter back..

Oh! Oh, did you see that catch?

‐ Get out of bounds. ‐ Tackle 'em.

‐ Get out of bounds! ‐ Tackle 'em!

Yes! You go rise, baby!

They'll never make that.

If you mean it, green it.

I ain't scared of you, Raiderette.

(man on TV) 'Ball in and out.'

'And it's good!'

Yes! Overtime.

[instrumental music]

‐ You know that kiss was‐‐ ‐ Not good. Not good.

Um‐mm. Not good. Well, I mean, for me.

Right now.

You know, I mean, because the lips..

Uh, i‐it was, it was soft, you know, like..

‐ So you weren't ready? ‐ 'No!'

I mean, 'cause, you know, we said

we were gonna keep it casual, and then you were like

"You know, you got somethin' on your face," and it was, boom

right back to the date and everything.

Yeah, uh‐huh.

I mean, you know, sorry about that.

[music continues]

So, she's doin' nothin' I can't do.

All I need is some spoons and a dishrag.

See that, Tia?

See what type of dog he is?

Look at him, starin' all at her, movin' like a snake.

How flat her belly is.

Losing his self in every movement of those seven veils.

What? That's what he's thinkin'.

Just stop it.

I'll take this. My treat.

And tryin' to outman me by paying the bill.

Like bill payin' make you a man, right, Tia?

Dirk.

Hey, Rick.

Thank for dinner. Really, it was great.

Yeah, it was delicious.

You know that, um..

...reddish thing with the round and yellow chunks was, uh..

‐ Yeah, yeah. ‐ Yeah.

‐ Nasty. ‐ Nasty.

Wait a minute, why did you say you liked it?

'Cause you said you liked it.

Plus, uh, my leg was asleep

and I was worried about blood clots.

[chuckles]

‐ Here. ‐ Oh. Thank you.

You know what?

Next time we'll go to a place

with some real chairs.

Yeah. Next time.

Right.

I mean, you don't need to look at her.

You got all of this.

[cell phone ringing]

Ooh!

Hey, Johnny.

Oh, I cannot wait to see you.

I'mma leave early, so I won't get caught in traffic.

And I got your favorite treat.

Me.

Oh. Really?

Oh, well, no, it's work.

And work comes first, right?

No, no, get back to your meeting and call me when you can.

Love you, too.

He's not coming?

Do I have to fly out there myself

and drag his ass back to LA?

I had to get engaged to a lawyer.

Someone's appealing to the Supreme Court.

Someone's wrongfully accused.

Someone needs to get off death row.

Well, what about Neesee?

I guess Neesee's gonna have to kill somebody

before she gets attention from this man.

When Neesee starts to talk in the third person

Neesee starts to scare Alex.

Fine! Let's just get this over with.

You know what? Forget Johnny.

Forget Robert. Forget Hakeem.

We don't need the guys to do this.

(Neesee) True. We don't need them.

But I sure was looking forward to havin' one this weekend.

Now, I guess it's just me and Dino.

[clatters]

He is kinda cute and he's got great bone structure.

‐ Thanks, girl. ‐ Hey, what are homies for?

[sighs]

Uh, Bobby! What are you doin'?

Uh...nothing.

Uh...no.

What are you doin'?

[sighs] Okay, Reggie's stuck in the toilet.

‐ Is the door jammed? ‐ No.

His hand's stuck in the toilet.

His Bob Buoy rescue hero was rescuing

when the waters got caught in whirlpool.

Now Reggie's trapped with him.

Bobby, what have I told you about the toilet?

"The toilet's not a toy."

[instrumental music]

Yo, that was a hell of a game.

I gotta give it up, your Raiders looked really good tonight.

Ah, looks like I've converted a new fan.

Hey, you still wanna go out?

There's this real cool coffee shop around the corner.

[sighs] You know, it's gettin' kinda late.

I really should be going.

But I had a great time.

‐ Yeah, I had a great time, too. ‐ Hmm.

Maybe we can do this again sometime.

Oh, absolutely.

And maybe next time, we'll actually leave the couch.

[both laughing]

Goodnight.

Um..

...so I had a great time.

Me too.

But didn't we already say that?

Um...you know you don't have to leave just yet.

I don't wanna leave just yet.

Uh, y‐you know what, ugh..

It is getting too late.

[cell phone ringing]

Hello?

Hey, what's up, Neesee?

Yeah, you and Bobby could stop by.

Thanks.

‐ Daddy! ‐ Hey, what's up, big fella?

Daddy, can I get some milk?

‐ Make it happen. ‐ Okay.

Mm. Did you have some friends over?

No, I had a date.

Oh. Really?

Really.

How was it?

She's not here, right?

Rough out there, huh?

Yeah, but you're lucky. You got it covered with Johnny.

[scoffs] Oh, yeah.

So, uh, how good are you at rebuilding dinosaurs?

Bobby has a school project and it's due in ten hours.

Oh, so you need some help?

Oh, no. No, no. I'm not askin' for help.

I'm asking for help for Bobby.

And then, I'll help you.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

[laughing]

Alright, we're college‐educated. We got it covered.

Alright, alright, ahem.

Ooh, uh, take the funky‐lookin' one

and connect it to the one that look like lamb chop.

[chuckles] You mean the femur?

[chuckles] Whatever, Einstein!

‐ Just glue the damn thing. ‐ Alright, alright.

‐ What else you got? ‐ Oh, look at this.

Make a wish.

This one looks like your moustache, huh?

[laughs] Get it.

This one look like one of your hairdos.

[laughs]

[theme music]