Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

What's up, big fella?

‐ Hey, daddy. ‐ Mwah. Good morning, baby.

‐ Hey, you know what? ‐ Give me one of that.

I think I finally got this narrowed down.

Either we're gonna get married

on this beautiful beach in Santa Monica

or on a mountain top

in the Angeles National Forest.

You pick. Bam, bam!

Okay, okay, okay, between steppin' on broken glass

or poisonous snakes?

How about we step on marble at the Peninsula Hotel?

Come on, baby, I just think outdoors is gonna be

so much nicer than some stuffy hotel.

In fact, I saw this thing in a magazine

where we can ride donkeys up to the mountain top

and exchange our vows at sunrise.

Only ass I'm takin' up that mountain is mine.

In a stretch limo to the Ritz‐Carlton.

Come on, I just think it should have a nature theme.

Okay, how about the Four Seasons?

Okay, alright. We still need to decide, okay.

'Cause whatever it is, if we do not decide now‐‐

What? We're gonna lose the forest?

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Which one do you like, daddy?

This one or this one?

Oh, well, it doesn't matter what I like.

It matter what Tia likes.

See, girls might say that they want plain

and simple, but what they really want is fancy‐shmancy.

How do you know?

Oh, daddy's been married before.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be ♪

♪ A family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's all of us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

So, I'm trying to tell Robert what I want for the wedding

and he is not even listening to me.

Mm‐hmm.

Girl, he's so out of control

he's talkin' about champagne and limousines

and five star hotels.

You know, they have hotlines

for that kind of abuse.

I've never had to call it.

All I really want is me

Robert and God, you know?

And your maid of honor, right?

Oh, uh, no, I really wasn't thinking..

Oh, okay, okay, Jonelle.

My homie, my ace, my best friend

for I don't know how long

will you please be my maid of honor?

‐ Please? ‐ Ah!

Have you asked my father yet?

I'm just kidding, I'd love to.

Wanna see my ideas for my maid‐of‐honor dress?

Uh.. Oh, whoo!

Ha‐ha!

[chuckles] Oh, ooh.

Pastel hip boots, that's a nice touch.

‐ Thank you. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

But you know what? I just, um..

It's just not gonna be this kind of wedding, alright?

I just want everybody to have fun

and be comfortable.

Um, I didn't wait all these years

for you to get married so I can have fun

and be comfortable.

No, the day of your wedding

I will be on a man hunt.

Wearing shoes that make me cry

with every step down the soul train line.

Well, my wedding's not gonna be big enough

for some soul train line, okay?

Tia, my sweet.

According to "Essence" magazine

weddings are one of the top ten places

where a single women can find her future husband.

So, you got to have a big wedding

so I can get married.

You're pushin' it, you're pushin' it.

Guest list's just getting shorter and shorter.

You should think about it, think about it.

‐ So much for.. Hey. ‐ Hey, girl.

‐ Hey, Jonelle. ‐ Hi.

Where is my little angel?

Right there.

Hey, give it back.

Okay, here.

Ms. Abrahams!

Bobby, why'd you do that? Ms. Abrahams.

‐ Be quiet, will you‐‐ ‐ Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.

Stop that. What are you doing?

Come here, Allison.

Oh, let's get you to the bathroom.

Are you gonna spank him?

Oh, no, sweety, I don't spank Bobby.

Why not? That boy needs the whoopin'.

Come on.

Okay. What's goin' on, Bobby?

‐ Nothing? ‐ Is Allison calling you names?

‐ No. ‐ Is she being mean to you?

Nope, she's nice.

Then why don't you like her?

I do. A lot.

Oh. Oh!

I wanna get married

like daddy and Tia.

[chuckles] Well, pudding, uh, you know

marriage is a big step.

You know, daddy asked Tia to be his girlfriend first.

May be you should ask Allison

to be your girlfriend.

That's what I did

when I pushed her down

and ran away.

You have your father's sense of romance.

[chuckling]

Bobby, girls don't like to be pushed down.

‐ They don't? ‐ No.

They like to be treated with respect.

They also like gifts.

Candy, flowers, jewelry.

What's that gift daddy always gives you?

"L" or something?

Alimony.

And that's no gift, baby.

Mommy earned that.

[instrumental music]

Thirty eight, everybody. Here it comes.

[all cheering]

One more, one more

and we beat Ted Koppel's record.

(female #1) Alright!

Alright, enough games everybody. Get back to work.

‐ Oh. ‐ Oh.

Why, boss? Why, boss?

I was one grape away from the record

the fame and all the ladies.

What's wrong with you, man, you never minded

grape‐wars before, you stressed?

Yeah, man, I'm trying to figure out

how I'mma pay for this wedding.

Oh, Tia got you spendin' at mad paper, huh?

No, no, no, no, she would never tell me she wants a big wedding

because she know I'd have to pay for it.

That's just the kind of person she is.

But I want her to have a nice wedding.

Well, you can have a nice wedding on a budget.

Nothing stretches your catering dollar

like a big‐ass vat of Top Ramen.

Oh, you need a band?

My Uncle Poochi is the spittin' image

of James Brown.

Can he sing like James Brown?

I said he looks like James Brown.

What do you want? Everything?

No, I don't want everything, it's just that..

...when I got married to Neesee

she had 20 bridesmaids and a cake

that needed a building permit.

And Tia saw all of that on the video tape.

Now, how am I gonna show her

that I love her more if I don't top that?

Why don't you just get her a card that says

"I love you more."

Dirk, I don't need ways to save money.

‐ I need ways to make it. ‐ Alright.

I'mma gonna make some calls, see if I can get you

some extra gigs, alright?

‐ Thanks. Alright. ‐ You got it.

Oh, if you need to save on flowers

I got the hook up with a night security guard

down at the cemetery.

[scoffs]

[instrumental music]

Hey, baby. Baby, hold up.

I gotta talk to you. I missed you last night.

‐ We need to talk. ‐ Baby, I'm late for work.

Oh, no, come on, come on, come on.

‐ What's happening? ‐ Great news. Great news.

I've booked us this beautiful secluded area

in a grove of dog woods by a waterfall.

‐ Oh! ‐ Mm, and I checked.

It's 99% snake free.

[chuckles] Yay!

[chuckles] Yeah, well, I checked too

and as far as I know

the Four Seasons is 100% snake free.

Yay!

Now, come on, baby, why can't you get excited about

the kind of wedding I want?

I am excited.

I'm also excited about work.

‐ Talk to you later, alright? ‐ Okay.

‐ Lookin' at my butt? ‐ Mm.

[instrumental music]

(Robert) 'Thanks for hooking me up with this commercial, man.'

And Tia, bless her little heart

she booked our wedding in a forest, man.

Man, the forest gonna be gone when they print all the money

you're gonna make off of this commercial.

That's what I'm talking about.

So, who's the babe I'm working with?

Oh, no, I didn't say babe, I said baby.

Oh, Baby from "Cash Money?"

Dadda!

[instrumental music]

Dirk, you told me I was gonna be working

with the biggest black car dealer in California.

You are. Look at him.

That's the owner?

Come on, guys, let's shoot this.

Let's make it hot!

But give me a second, I gotta take

this call, gotta take this call.

He's crazy Leroy, he dresses up for every commercial.

Last week he was a giant spider.

Spinning a web of bargains.

(male #1) Places, everyone.

[Robert exhales]

Oh, hell no!

It's in the script, it's in the script.

He sits in your lap, it's cool.

Man, how much do you weigh?

Two hundred eighty pounds, six ounces.

Well, I hope for your mama's sake

you were a C‐section.

Quiet on the set.

And action.

This is Mr. L. A.

bringing you an exciting announcement

about a big new delivery.

[imitating baby crying]

Not you, the cars.

We're really shaking things up around here.

‐ Ow! Oh, oh. ‐ 'Cut!'

That's it, man. I do not want to work with no big baby.

Neither do I, but you're my only client.

Remember, it's for Tia, man. Anything for Tia.

‐ Anything for Tia. ‐ You're right, you're right.

‐ Anything for Tia. ‐ Come on, let's shoot this.

I'm getting colicky, baby. Whoo!

From the tippy‐wippy, folks.

[Robert groans]

Lord, did you just gain pounds

in the last 30 seconds?

(male #1) 'Action.'

We're really shaking things up around here.

With zero percent financing.

And just like his diaper

these cars are fully loaded.

Uh‐oh.

[instrumental music]

Hi, Allison.

Sorry I was mean.

I brought you a present.

Ms. Abrahams!

Allison, what is it?

Never mind.

How much allowance do you get?

None. I found it

in my mommy's jewelry box.

Will you be my girlfriend?

Okay.

What do we do now?

I don't know.

Get married?

Where shall we have the wedding?

By the swings or under the slide?

Where ever you want.

I've got work to do.

[instrumental music]

Ow, Ashley.

Tia, if you stand still you wouldn't get stuck.

I'm sorry, I'm just excited about my first fitting.

Okay, T.

Tell me what you think about this?

Ay dios mio.

Ow!

Uh, Jonelle, where do you think

you're going in that?

Up the mount‐up, right before you.

Oh, you know what, you are just as bad as Robert.

You know, last night he suggested

that we get married on some

two hundred foot luxury yacht.

Ooh!

I, I mean.. Ugh.

That's not funny. You know I get sea sick.

And that dress isn't helping.

Look, if it's not what we..

I mean, you want, then you should talk to him.

You know, I'm just starting to think we should forget

the whole thing and get married at City Hall.

What?

Oh, what are you saying?

You know I already cut the tags off this dress.

It looks like you've cut off more than that.

Ese, you just don't know style.

And you need to let Victoria keep that secret.

[instrumental music]

‐ Hey! ‐ Ah!

‐ Hey, pudding, you ready to go? ‐ Yeah, mommy.

I just have to say good bye to my girlfriend.

Oh, it worked out, huh?

Yeah, I told Allison sorry like you said.

Then I gave her a present.

Ooh, what did you give her?

‐ Flowers? ‐ 'Nope.'

Somethin' even better.

A ring.

[dramatic music]

Bobby, that's my engagement ring.

I know. But you never wear it.

That's not the point. It's mine.

But it was a sweet thought.

I'll go over and explain to Allison

and you can get her something else.

Now she won't love me anymore.

You gave her your love, that's enough.

Oh, man.

‐ Hi, sweety. ‐ Hi, Ms. James.

You know that ring that Bobby gave you?

‐ It's mine. ‐ Na‐uh.

We got married by the swings.

[chuckles]

Swang, swung, swing.

Give me back my ring.

Bobby's daddy gave it to me.

But you're not married to him anymore.

Oh, that's not the point.

It belongs to me.

‐ You understand, snuggums? ‐ Yes.

Good. So, please give it back.

I don't think so.

Look, mommy, I made a new ring.

Oh, pudding, now, see this

is more precious than any diamond.

Go ahead, give it to the girl you love.

Not me, her.

So, is everything okay over here?

Oh, yes, Allison was just showing me

the very special ring that Bobby gave her.

Go ahead, show Ms. Abrahams your pretty ring.

‐ Sure. ‐ Mm.

‐ Hey! ‐ Thanks.

Go ahead, give your little girlfriend

the pipe ring and let's go.

[instrumental music]

Hey, man...the copy of your car commercial

just came in, you wanna see it?

No, I want you to burn it.

Alright, you got it.

Right after I watch it one more time.

Alright.

Hey, Tia, what you doin' here?

We need to talk.

I just want our wedding to be

the most special day of our lives.

I know that. I want it to be special, too.

I want it to be sophisticated, elegant, classy.

This is Mr. L. A.

with an exciting announcement about a new delivery.

[imitating baby crying]

So get out of your cribs

and run, don't crawl

down to Crazy Leroy's auto asylum.

Because you'll cry, if you miss these deals.

[imitating crying baby]

I'm Mr. L. A.

And I'm Crazy Leroy.

Awe, his first words.

‐ Saying peace to...you! ‐ Go!

Uh, Robert

why were you on TV with a giant baby?

Because that's what love is all about.

Robert, why are you saying love is all about

being on TV with this giant baby?

I'm talkin' about our wedding.

I wanted to make some extra money so I can

give you the wedding that you really wanted.

Even though I've been telling you I don't want a big wedding.

Yeah, that's what you've been telling me but that's not

what you really want, baby.

You want a big wedding like I had with Neesee.

Now, what kind of man would I be

if I gave you anything less?

Oh, a man who listens.

Look, honey, if we judge by our love

our wedding is going to be huge.

Okay, even if it's just you and me

holdin' hands, jumping the broom.

I just want the best for you.

Oh, baby.

I already have the best.

And of course

after we jump the broom

I will jump the groom.

[both laughing]

Okay, after you jump the groom

I'mma slide with the bride.

[both laughing]

Look, baby, we just came up with our vows.

No, that's not gonna be it.

By the way, what made you think

you were gonna pay for the whole wedding?

Shoot. My entire marriage to Neesee.

Well, honey, I've been saving

for two things since college, okay.

A house and a wedding

and you've already given me the house.

Mm, I got a girl with brains

beauty and back!

[both laughing]

Hey, boss, I got the copy

of your next Crazy‐Leroy ad.

I'm not doing any more of those ads, man.

Well, according to the deal I brokered

you owe him two more commercials.

I am not working with that big baby again.

Oh, don't worry about it. He's all grown up now.

Today's your lucky day, laddie.

Ha‐ha!

All cars must go

because our inventory's doublin'.

[Irish music]

(Neesee) Would you like to sample the grape juice, sir?

It's an excellent vintage

from the world famous House of Welsh.

Is it to your liking, Mr. James?

Yes. Can I have a lot more this time?

Oh, certainly.

‐ And for the lady? ‐ The same, please.

Sure.

‐ Cheers. ‐ Cheers.

I love my new ring better than the old one, Bobby.

It's special, like you.

Wait. Is this my necklace?

No, it's mine.

Bobby, you gave her my necklace?

No, I gave her my love.

That's enough.

I found it on the bathroom floor.

Oh, sweety

I think you've had too much to drink.

[theme music]