Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[clattering]

Whoa‐whoa‐whoa!

‐ There it goes again! ‐ Shh!

Wow! You really brought the heat.

It was the first thing I saw!

Hey, what do you plan on doin' with that bat?

It's for your protection.

Please, I've seen you

at the batting cages.

[doorknob rattles]

‐ Did you hear that? ‐ Look!

W‐w‐w‐wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

‐ What? ‐ Let me plug this in first!

‐ Whoa! ‐ Knock it out!

Get it! hit it!

‐ Carmen? ‐ What's up, big brother!

Woman, you are crazy! How did you get in here?

Oh, boy, please, like the key

in the fake rock out front is foolin' somebody.

I told you.

Hey, Carmen, hi!

I'm so excited to finally meet you!

Me too!

Yeah, mom said a lot of nice things about you

but I have to check you out for myself.

Yeah, and you couldn't wait till the sun comes up, huh?

Sorry, I just flew in from London.

My time zone's all messed up!

What y'all got to eat?

You was about to eat this bat.

Oh, please!

I've seen you at the batting cages.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be ♪

♪ A family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

‐ Hey, Tia, where's Bobby? ‐ Uh, he's upstairs with Robert.

Look, Neesee, I'm sorry, I'm runnin' a little late

because last night, we had an unexpected visitor.

Unexpected visitor?

You would think a woman would know her body by now.

Not that kind of visitor.

Robert's sister Carmen is in town.

‐ This town? ‐ Yeah.

Oh, hell no!

‐ Mommy! ‐ Hey, baby!

Come on, we're gonna be late. Wh.. Where's your other shoe?

It's on the couch.

‐ Put it on, sweetie. ‐ Yes, mom.

Oh, you and Carmen will get along just fine.

Just watch your back.

Oh, and your front.

A‐a‐and sometime, she come from the left.

‐ Found it! ‐ Oh, uh..

Well, what happened to the other shoe you had on?

It's on the couch.

Okay, let me go find your jacket because I don't want you

to come back in here with no pants.

Have a good day, Bobby.

‐ Okay! ‐ Hey‐hey, remember.

Watch her.

Hey, there, Tina. Uh, Tia.

‐ Oh! ‐ What?

‐ Oh! ‐ What?

I just got a funky vibe up in here.

‐ Really? ‐ Huh!

What? You don't feel that?

Well, really? Um, you know, Neesee just left‐‐

Uh, say no more

I'll burn some sage later.

So, Neesee just comes in here all free range, huh?

Oh, no, no, she comes over to pick up Bobby and‐‐

And nothin'? See, you gotta watch her, okay?

She'll come in here, takin' over the place.

Walkin' in here all unannounced.

Cookin' in your kitchen!

Showin' up to your wedding!

Tell me she's not showin' up to the wedding.

Well, at first, I didn't think so

but lately, we've been gettin' along really well, so‐‐

So, I say keep her as far away from you as possible.

It's not that bad.

That's what they said about Fin Fin.

Look, Carmen, I really think you need to give her

a second chance because she is‐‐

‐ Okay, look here, Tina. ‐ Tia.

Whatever.

I wanna hate her.

I wanna like you.

Alright..

‐ Get with the game plan. ‐ Alright.

‐ Hey, baby, I'll see you later. ‐ Hey, baby. Okay.

‐ What's up, Carmen? ‐ What's up?

‐ Hey, hey, hey, look! ‐ Hm?

Guess what I found earlier in the back of the cabinet?

What's that?

The mug I made you

from sixth grade!

‐ Aah! ‐ Aah!

"The world's greatest brother." That's me, alright!

It's got a little chippin' there though.

Yeah, that's when you threw it in my head

when I beat you in the soul train scramble.

First of all, you did not beat me, okay?

‐ I let you win, boy. ‐ Yeah, alright.

Uh, look, I love takin' this trip down memory lane

but I'm late for work, and I gotta go.

And by the way, I did win.

On the go? Have no time for breakfast?

Try one of these.

Ah!

‐ That's a good donut! ‐ Yeah?

Good enough to say invest it?

Ah! Robert!

Come on!

I got a proposition for you!

Yes, and I have a answer for you, Carmen.

The answer is no.

Carmen, I just loaned you $5000

to start your elderly tour business.

‐ What happened to it? ‐ It got old.

Come on, Robert. Just hear me out, this one is different!

That's what you said about your last business venture.

That stupid idea where you put three socks per pack.

Oh, wait a minute now.

Wait a min.. That was not a stupid idea.

You lose a sock, three in a pack

you still got a pair. You still got a pair!

Yeah, well, I lost my shirt on those socks.

So the answer is no.

‐ Alright? ‐ Oh!

Got some donut right there.

‐ Got you. ‐ Stop!

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

Hey! Carmen!

I am so glad you're here.

'I stopped at the mall on the way home'

and I bought you some lemon

and rosemary body polish.

Oh, that's nice

when I wanna season a chicken.

Thanks.

Well, it is organic.

Maybe I should've just bought you some donuts.

Maybe.

You know, Carmen..

Now, I've read somewhere

that you shouldn't eat angry.

It's very hard on the stomach and teeth.

And let's just face it, eating all those donuts

isn't gonna make you feel any better.

Okay, see now, that's where you're wrong.

These are low‐carb, fat‐free and sugar‐free.

You can burn calories just by chewin' them.

And I have the opportunity

to be the sole West Coast distributor

or at least I should say head.

I'm $2000 short of a buy‐in.

‐ Really? ‐ Yeah.

That's close, and that is just too bad

'cause these things are delicious!

I know, right?

And‐and‐and in LA with‐with people

dieting and tryin' to lose weight

these things will fly off the shelves, right?

‐ Yeah. ‐ Yeah.

‐ Yeah! ‐ Yeah!

And you only need 2000. I mean, that just seems crazy!

Yeah, that's crazy, right?

Somebody's gonna make a lot of money.

Mm‐hm, that's right. You.

Oh, Tia, I couldn't ask you to do that.

I couldn't.. C‐A‐S‐H.

‐ Right. ‐ I couldn't..

Tia, come on, now.

‐ You canno.. ‐ You didn't ask.

I owe you one, sis.

Oh, it's alright. Okay!

[instrumental music]

Hey, boss.

What's up, Turtle?

Oh, you know, um..

[clears throat] Looks like the, uh..

...the Lakers let you down.

Yeah.

So, it, uh, seems you..

...you owe me some money.

You'll get it.

Okay.

'Cause, uh, I don't..

I don't want it to become this kind of thing, you know

where one co‐worker

owes another co‐worker money

and he doesn't pay it, and there is this..

...there's this...tension.

Turtle..

...it's ten bucks.

Okay, so not tonight, then when?

'Cause I'm tellin' you

I can't wait!

To choose you as my long‐distance carrier.

Bye‐bye.

Hey, look, Dirk, I'm not trying to invade your privacy

but if this is about you sticking your tongue

down Jonelle's throat in Vegas

Tia told me everything, man.

Wait, first of all, her tongue was down my throat.

‐ Okay. ‐ That's number one.

Number two..

What'd she say? What'd she say to Tia, huh?

She, she like me? She.. What'd she say?

I don't know, man.

But maybe you should pass her a note in algebra and ask her.

‐ What's wrong with you, man? ‐ I don't know, man.

My sister's in town and she's drivin' me crazy.

‐ Carmen's in town? ‐ 'Yeah.'

Oh, hell no!

She call, I'm not here!

That woman could talk anybody into anything.

By "anybody," I mean me.

Dirk, I'm sure you can handle yourself.

Oh, no. Not around her.

Last time she was here, we went out drinkin'

she talked me into gettin' her name tattooed on my ass.

And we haven't even slept together.

Hey, Robert.

Guess...what...I...am.

Uh, hoochie at the Century Club?

No.

A child support check.

That you wrote.

That didn't clear!

That bounced!

Neesee, w‐w‐wait, what‐what're you

talkin' about? You know I got the money.

Well, then, why wasn't it in the account?

I don't know, there must've been some kind of mistake or someth‐‐

Well, then you need to clear it up.

Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is

to be standing in a room full of people

and hear, "Your check is no good?"

Yeah, I got a general idea.

[instrumental music]

You know what's always great?

When your ex‐wife can come down to your job

punk you, treat you like a deadbeat dad

in front of your whole staff!

Oh, baby, I'm sorry, I was gonna tell you when you got home.

Yeah, but you should've talked to me first.

Because Carmen came to me and I told her no.

Oh!

Well, honey, I just thought it was a great idea

and I mean, she is your sister.

No‐no, that's what makes it a bad idea, Tia.

Oh, look, I'm sorry, okay, I didn't know.

I didn't know.

I didn't know what was gonna happen.

‐ I know. ‐ Sorry.

That's 'cause you got a big ol' heart.

And a big ol' butt!

[chuckles]

That's why I love you.

What's up, bruh?

♪ Hey uh Tia ♪

♪ How you doing? ♪

I am fine, I'm fine, but, Carmen

Robert's not so happy about that money I gave you.

Oh, girl, please, don't pay him any mind.

You know what, you don't have to pay me any mind

but you gonna pay us our money back, right, Tia?

Uh, I'll eat 'em.

I'll eat these donuts.

Robert, you're gonna get your money back and then some.

It's just gonna take me a minute, that's all.

Look, Carmen, I don't appreciate you

conning my fiancee into giving you

something that you knew I wouldn't.

You wouldn't even listen to my idea, Robert

so I went to the brains in this household!

Don't be mad at Tia!

'Cause Tia's got vision!

‐ You know what, Carmen? ‐ What?

I got vision too!

And that's you on the other side of the door

until I can calm down!

Oh! Oh!

You are kicking me out of your house

like you used to kick me out of your room?

I'm tellin' momma!

Not if I tell her first!

[instrumental music]

So, I guess we got all night.

How about, uh, I'm the bad student

and you're the kindergarten teacher?

I am the kindergarten teacher.

‐ Oh, that's no fun for you? ‐ Unh‐unh.

How about..

Oh, hell, let's just suck

each other's faces off.

Uff, now you're talkin'!

Oh, ooh, just make me feel good!

[grunts]

[knocking on door]

Don't answer that.

(Carmen) 'I heard that!'

Damn!

(Carmen) 'I heard that too! Open the door, Dirk!'

Okay, Dirk, who is this?

I don't know, I've been married three times!

Uh‐huh. Uh.

‐ Who are you? ‐ Who are you?

Jonelle, Carmen. Carmen, Jonelle.

This is Robert's sister.

You know, like it says on his ass.

‐ Okay, what? ‐ Hey, I was tryin' to show you.

What?

Carmen, what're you doin' here?

Robert and I had a fight.

He threw me out of the house.

Now, I have nowhere else to go.

Uh, you mean other than the thousands of hotels

in the Los Angeles area?

I don't want a room!

[crying] I want someone to talk to!

Okay, I'mma call you later.

Wait, you, you got the number, right?

You got the, you got the card number, you got..

[sobbing]

‐ Okay, alright. ‐ She seem nice.

Yeah, I hope to find out someday.

What happened with you and Robert?

Ugh, I don't even know, Dirk.

I have this great..

Ooh! I have this great business idea

and he didn't wanna help me.

I mean, this is a sure thing.

Tia wanted to help me, she wrote me a check.

[scoffs] He gets all indignant, belligerent‐‐

Wait, wait, wait, go back.

What's the "sure thing" business deal?

No, no, no, Dirk, come on, now.

I am not tryin' to sell you nothin'.

Well, you're here and I'm here, and I'm listening, so..

‐ Yeah? Really? ‐ Yeah.

You sure?

Okay, you like donuts?

[bell ringing]

Okay, well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, bad news!

I don't know if we'll be able to go on

because one of the drawers has chicken pox.

Hey, just call him Spotty

'cause I don't wanna be paintin' for nothin', baby.

Oh!

Robert, thanks for gettin' me a new check so fast.

Oh, thank you for being so understandin'.

'Cause once Carmen got Tia and my checkbook cornered

it was a wrap.

Oh, uh, uh, by the way, Neesee

next time, could you not put my business out in the street?

Boy, please, it's not gonna be no next time.

What's up, party people?

What's up, big bro?

All your money.

There you go.

How'd you get this back to me so fast?

Uh‐uh‐uh‐uh!

You didn't care about my business

so stay about off my business.

Dirk is a true believer. Huh, huh, huh!

Believer?

That's Carmen‐speak for sucker.

Excuse me. Yeah, you.

Yeah, yeah, um..

How you all up in mine?

Oh, I don't know, I must have ran into you

when you was all up in mine!

‐ Oh! ‐ Okay, okay!

Positive black women.

Let's focus on the task at hand.

Now, we are here to paint an enchanted forest, right?

So, who's with me? Yeah!

What? What?

That check that you got Tia to write

it made my check to Neesee bounce.

[gasping] Oh!

You mean that obscene amount of money

she gets for leaving you and breaking your heart!

I divorced him. Not you.

Get over it.

That's my brother, I love him.

You burn him, you burn me.

Will somebody find me a match?

Well, strike it up!

Hey, hey, hey, hey‐hey‐hey!

Girls, now come on, man!

We're paintin' and playin'

and, you know, everythin'. Heh, shoot!

Look, just because we're in the kindergarten

doesn't mean we have to act like it, y'all.

Sh‐she..

Robert, you were right.

You were right.

Carmen needs to get her own life

instead of being all up in ours.

‐ Robert? ‐ Huh?

Um, is that what you say?

‐ Mm. ‐ I didn't say nothin'.

I was just over there paintin' the tree‐‐

And Neesee..

...when did he say all this?

‐ Oh, when? When? ‐ Yeah.

‐ Uh, '97.. ‐ Oh!

‐ '98, '99.. ‐ Oh‐ho!

You pick a year, and I'll tell you the time.

Oh‐ho! I can't believe.. Ugh!

What did I tell you about puttin' my business

out on the street?

Okay, now, everybody!

Everybody! Now, we need to focus!

And breathe.

And learn something from the story of "Snow White."

Okay? Which is loyalty and friendship‐‐

And poisoned apple to give the old girl!

Dead!

Carmen, now lashing out isn't gonna solve anything.

It's not.. Why are you stickin' up for her?

You weren't even gonna invite her to the wedding!

‐ 'Oh no! That's not‐‐' ‐ 'That's what you told!'

‐ That's what you told me! ‐ That's not what I said!

I did not say that. That's not what I said!

Well, what is it exactly that you said, Tia, huh?

‐ Ow! ‐ Huh!

‐ Uh, you did that on purpose. ‐ Oh, no, no, no.

‐ Don't you even think about it. ‐ Thought about it, did it.

Oh!

Yeah!

Just like that. Oh, yeah, just like that!

‐ Always like that! ‐ People! People!

Gentle with the painting out there! Be careful!

Oh!

Oh, snap!

Oh, snap!

Okay, you know what?

You've obviously wanted to do that

for a long time, haven't you, Neesee?

Maybe, maybe not!

Get her! You know you wanna get her!

Or maybe, I just wanna do this!

(Carmen) 'Whoo‐hoo‐hoo!'

Get her! Yeah, get her!

You know what, Carmen, this is all your fault!

Every time you come around, you cause chaos.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I did it.

I did it. I did it.

‐ I did it, I did it, I did it. ‐ Okay, okay, okay.

‐ It's on now. ‐ Oh!

[instrumental music]

[grunting]

[instrumental music]

Where is Bobby?

Can I get a hello?

Hello.

Where is Bobby?

He's upstairs playing with his new‐‐

‐ Thank you. ‐ 'Hey, hey, hey.'

Neesee, wait, wait, wait.

Look, it's been a tough week

and I think we all need to talk.

About what, Robert?

Carmen.

‐ Mm. ‐ Mm.

Mm.

Mm‐mm.

Enough said.

Neesee..

Here.

I hope this ain't your cleanin' bill.

It's the invitation to our wedding.

They just came from the printers and I wanted you

to have the first one.

Thank you.

Oh! How many of these did you get printed up?

Three hundred.

Oh, well, they're beautiful.

"Robert and Tin.."

[gasps]

I proof‐read these things six times!

[instrumental music]

[theme music]