Original subtitles

‐ Yup. ‐ Uh, where you goin'?

‐ Huh? ‐ Where you going?

Well, Johnny's gonna be here in about an hour

so I'm gonna run down to the store

pick up some barbecue sunflower seeds

and, uh, a Chick‐O‐Stick

and, um, some Kool‐Aid.

‐ Baby, have you seen my keys? ‐ They're in your hand.

[chuckles] Thanks.

Hey, honey, you seem kind of distracted today.

Are you sure you're okay with this whole

Johnny and Neesee thing?

Why? What's there not to be okay about?

So what my ex‐friend and my best wife are datin'?

You mean, your ex‐wife and your best friend?

Gotcha.

Come on now. You know I'm cool with it.

[doorbell rings]

‐ Hey, y'all! ‐ Guess who's back, baby!

What's up, y'all?

W‐w‐what's up, man? Ain't you a little early?

Oh, yeah, just a little early, man. I had to come over here

so you could check out my new belt, man.

'Yo, what you think?'

Oh, man. Yo, your belt look a lot like my son Bobby.

No, man.

I mean, your son might look like my belt

but this mine.

‐ Give me back my son! ‐ Alright, alright.

Calm down, brother. Look, this is what we're gonna do.

Let's just split it.

You take the top half, I'll take the bottom.

Alright.

‐ Wishbone! ‐ Aah!

Alright, wait! My belt can talk.

Let's see if my belt is ticklish.

Ah!

[laughing]

‐ What's up, boy? ‐ What's happenin', baby?

‐ Oh, man. What up, T? ‐ Hey, how you been?

Look here, man. I know you've been flying all night.

You're tired. I'm gonna run up and get your bags.

‐ Where are your bags at? ‐ Uh, h‐hold up. Hold up.

Uh, uh, we, uh..

What happened..

I, uh, made a pit stop la‐last night at Neesee's house.

Uh, she, uh, said I could stay with her.

Oh.

Okay.

But I'm keeping the belt.

♪ Often I wish that we could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be a family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's all of us sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change but we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just all of us ♪ ♪ It's just all of us ♪

♪ It's just all of us ♪ ♪ It's just all of us ♪♪♪

Yo, man, I fly all the way out here from Atlanta

all you got is low‐carb bread.

And, dawg, what is Grod?

No, man. Leave my baby alone, alright?

I'm sure there's plenty of food over at Neesee's.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

I think you broke my rib with that one.

I think you broke my rib.

That's alright, man. You know I'm just playing with you.

You're my boy. You're my boy.

That's why I'm gonna let you in on my secret stash.

Uh‐oh.

What?

A brother can't live on Grod alone.

Uh, okay.

‐ Cover me. ‐ Alright.

[grunts]

You know this is sad, right?

[laughing]

Oh, man, I just, uh, wanna say sorry, man

about, you know, you having to find out

you know, me stayin' at Neesee's house‐‐

C‐c‐come on, Johnny, now. We're gonna do this, bruh.

We gotta have unfiltered honesty

man, like we used to have.

We talk about everything, man.

And this situation ain't no different.

So you want like, like that

new school keepin' it real?

No.

I'm talking about that old school keepin' it real.

‐ Like your drunk Aunt Katie? ‐ Right. Okay.

‐ At the family reunion? Yeah. ‐ Yeah. Yeah.

When she stole my mother's fur coat

and called the police on herself.

‐ Yeah. Okay. ‐ Yeah.

‐ That kind. ‐ Alright, so that kind.

‐ You want it like that. Okay. ‐ Yeah.

Alright, so we‐we can talk

you know, about me and Neesee.

Alright, well, you know, we‐we, uh, we‐we got a lot in common.

Uh, we both like, uh, old movies

Thai food and cuddling.

Come on, man. I, what did I say, man?

You gotta bring it from the muscle, man.

‐ Keep it real with me, brother. ‐ Alright, alright, alright.

‐ Are you sure, man? ‐ Yeah, I'm sure. Come on.

‐ Come on, we're brothers, man. ‐ Alright.

We are doin' it like crazy, man.

Yo, listen, man.

It's like we 17 years old all over again, man, yo.

Uh, uh, dude, dude, three, four times a day.

It's ridiculous, man.

Damn, man, I asked you for honesty, not statistics.

No, man, it's like, she's just so impulsive, you know

and‐and‐and spontaneous, man.

Man, who are you tellin'?

Let me tell you, she's so spontaneous

I came home one day, all her stuff was gone.

[laughs]

Dude, man, I guess I asked you for honesty

and you gave it to me, alright, but you supersized it.

[laughs]

That would be 99 cent, please.

[laughing]

I gotta tell you.

It's nice having a man in the house again.

Yeah, I know the feeling 'cause when Robbie's workin' late

it's really scary to hear a noise from the other room.

But, child, when I hear noise in the other room in my place

I know it's Johnny.

You know, it would be great if this all works out.

But it seems like it would be a little awkward.

I mean, you dating your ex‐husband's best friend.

That's kind of crazy if you think about it.

[laughs]

Which I don't. I don't.

It's just, you know, I've had friends

in some similar relationships and they have never worked out.

[laughs]

Which, uh, makes your relationship

all that much more exceptional.

Way to go, girl.

Yeah.

Um, you know, since we bein', uh, honest with each other

uh, I'm detectin' a little tinge

of discomfortability, my brother.

What are you talkin' about?

Uh, you just committed mayocide on that bread.

Oh, man. As I remember it, you like mayo.

Uh, yeah, but that look like the Mayo Clinic.

‐ Alright, I'll fix it. ‐ Come on, come on, brother.

Now if‐if there's a problem

it's somethin' you wanna talk about

let me hear you, let me hear you.

Okay.

When did you start feelin' Neesee?

Alright, well, well, you know, I mean

I met Neesee first, remember?

‐ Get out of here. ‐ Whoa. What you talkin' about?

I introduced you to Neesee.

I remember it was 10:36 on a Friday night.

It was the, uh, fraternity stop, our freshman year, right?

And I know it was 10:36 because we was only supposed to perform

for a half hour and Dirk would always do

six extra minutes of them whack freestyles.

Yeah, right, right, right. I remember that. I remember that.

I was feelin' her, man. I was sittin' there.

You know, she was just smart

and beautiful and so adult, you know.

She had herself together. Knew what she wanted.

She has to graduate, and her family and kids and..

I mean, you know where I was at back then.

‐ Yes, I do. ‐ You know so.

The longest commitment I was prepared to make was like

"You know, baby, we could hook up tonight

and you know, maybe I call you tomorrow."

And that's if she left somethin'.

[laughing]

No, man, I was just sittin' there with her

and it just washed over me, man.

Uh, you know, she was perfect.

And, uh, I just wasn't the one.

You know, she‐she was lookin' at me

but I knew she was lookin' for you, you know.

So I hooked y'all up.

I thought he was fine when I first laid eyes on him.

Mm. But he wasn't feeling me

and I ain't wanna play myself.

You know, he must have realized that I was too much woman

for him back then.

So he introduced me to his slightly more mature friend.

‐ Would that be Robert? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

You heard me say slightly.

But how great is this. I'm talkin' to my fiance's ex‐wife

about how cute my fiance is.

Is it me or is it a little weird?

Yeah.

It's gettin' a little weird.

See, look, look how it all works out.

Dude, I'm telling you, this is the perfect Johnny plan.

‐ Oh. ‐ 'You know what I mean?'

Look, you got married to Neesee.

You know, it didn't work out. Y'all had a bitter divorce.

But then in walked the beautiful Tia.

♪ Ah ♪♪♪

Now I hook back up with Neesee.

Man, now I'm having sex six times a day.

You said four.

No, you know, I just didn't want you to be intimidated

by my sexual dexterity.

Now that's just how many times it took you to get it done.

[laughing]

Just for that, you're takin' everybody out to dinner tonight.

Oh, come on, man. What you talkin' about?

Y'all talkin' about me?

‐ Nah. ‐ Nah.

‐ Y'all was talkin' about me? ‐ No, no, no, no.

‐ Mnh‐mnh. ‐ Was y'all talkin' about me?

‐ Hell, no. ‐ I was.

Hey, look, Robert's takin' everybody out

to dinner tonight, his treat.

‐ Wow. ‐ 'Wow.'

No. Well, actually it's Neesee's treat.

So I guess I'm payin'.

Hey, I know the perfect place.

We can just relax and have a nice night.

‐ Let's be out! ‐ 'Alright, let's go.'

♪ We are strong yeah ♪

♪ No one can tell us we're wrong ♪

♪ Searchin' our hearts for so long ♪

♪ Both of us knowing ♪

♪ Love is a battlefield ♪♪♪

Yay! Yo!

A Japanese‐Mexican karaoke bar. Whoo!

Konnichiwa, ese.

Welcome to Senor Samurai right here in Far East LA.

May I offer sushi‐nacho.

Uh, you know, yeah, you could offer 'em

but we probably ain't gonna eat 'em, man.

(Tia) 'Thank you.'

[all cheering] Alright.

‐ Whoo! ‐ 'That's my baby!'

‐ Sexual Chocolate! ‐ There's my babe.

Sexual Chocolate! Give it up!

Uh, oh‐oh.

‐ I feel a duet comin' on. ‐ Uh‐oh. What are we gonna do?

Are we gonna do Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike?

‐ Or we gonna do Milli Vanilli? ‐ Hold up, hold up, hold up.

Not now. I was, I was thinkin' more along the lines

of Peaches & Herb.

Oh, no, no, no. You better duet with somebody else.

‐ I'm not gettin' up there. ‐ No, no, no, no, baby.

‐ Ain't no Herb without Peaches. ‐ Oh, um, let's go then.

Excuse me. Can I have four margaritas, please?

Yeah, we might need some alcohol to get through this.

Four sake‐margaritas coming up.

Did he just say sake‐margaritas?

Yeah, but after the initial gag reflex

it's really good.

[instrumental music]

Yo, yo. What's up, y'all?

Welcome to the Peaches & Herb reunion tour.

I'm Herb and this is my girl, Peaches.

We'll do a little somethin' like this.

♪ I was a fool to ever leave your side ♪

♪ Me minus you is such a lonely ride ♪

♪ The breakup we had has made me lonesome and sad ♪

♪ I know now that I love you ♪ ♪ I know now that I love you ♪

♪ 'Cause I want you bad ♪ ♪ 'Cause I want you bad ♪

♪ Hey hey ♪ ♪ Hey hey ♪

♪ Reunited and it feels so good ♪

♪ So damn good baby ♪

♪ Reunited 'cause we understood ♪

♪ Understood ♪ ♪ There's one perfect fit ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ And sugar this one is it ♪

♪ We both are so excited ♪ ♪ We both are so excited ♪

♪ 'Cause we're reunited ♪ ♪ 'Cause we're reunited ♪

♪ Hey hey ♪ ♪ Hey hey ♪

My name is Herb and I'm a Leo.

And I like long walks in the sand.

And when I first saw Peaches, I thought to myself

"Lord, she got a big old butt."

So everybody out there who got a woman with a big old butt

let me hear you sing. Come on now.

‐ Ah! ‐ Ooh!

♪ Reunited and it feels so good ♪

Yeah, drink up.

♪ So damn good baby ♪

♪ Reunited 'cause we understood ♪

Damn, baby!

♪ There's one perfect fit ♪

♪ And sugar this one is it ♪ ♪ And sugar this one is it ♪

Aah!

[laughs]

♪ Reunited 'cause we're ♪

♪ Reunited hey hey ♪ ♪ Reunited hey hey ♪♪♪

Peaches & Herb, y'all.

Peaches & Herb.

'Yeah, don't nobody else need to sing.'

Yeah, don't nobody else need to sing.

'Cause that's just as good as it's gonna get tonight.

Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you all.

Yeah, you might remember me

from the What's Goin' Down? episode of "That's My Mama."

Thank you.

Hey, you guys were really great. Why did you stop?

'Cause, honey, I got to the little Peaches room.

‐ Oh, yeah. ‐ You know Herb?

Oh, yeah. Ooh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Okay, yeah, 'cause when‐when you gotta go

you gotta go, baby.

Um..

Yeah, ha‐ha!

Uh, yeah, you know, what‐you‐calling‐them called me

and, uh, they said they's gonna be at the thing.

‐ Uh, valet? ‐ Oh, yeah, it's at the val..

I gotta, I gotta..

Can you believe those two?

Oh, honey, I'm just enjoying it.

Dinner and this show, I mean..

[laughs]

Look, honey, I just wanted to tell you though

that I am so proud of you.

‐ Because I didn't sing? ‐ No.

Because you're showing you're a man, baby.

Your ex‐wife and your best friend and you can handle it.

Hey, look, I just want them to be happy.

'Cause if Neesee's happy, then Bobby's happy.

That's the most important thing, right?

That's true, but..

...the other important thing is this.

‐ Hm. ‐ Hm.

We already got pillow action. Come on, girl.

Let's get this pillow over there‐‐

Oh, no, no, no, come on, baby. Now come on, look‐‐

You makin' me excited and everything. You gotta stop it.

Look, they thought they were Peaches & Herb.

We're gonna show them Peaches & Herb.

Okay, see. I own this stage.

So let's get up and show 'em somethin'.

Let's show 'em something..

[laughing]

[indistinct]

‐ Hey, Hang, number 20. ‐ You got it, Tia.

[upbeat music]

♪ Shake it shake it ♪

‐ Come on, baby. ‐ Al‐alright, alright.

‐ Do somethin'. ‐ Okay.

Yeah! Alright!

♪ Shake your groove thing shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Let's show the world we can dance ♪

♪ Bad enough to strut our stuff ♪

♪ The rhythm gives us a chance ♪

♪ Hit it ♪

♪ More ♪

♪ Out on the floor ♪

[laughs]

♪ Heart to heart ♪

♪ We put in motion every single part ♪

♪ Funky sounds wall to wall ♪

(Tia) 'Come on, baby.'

♪ Bump my bootie ♪

♪ Havin' us a ball yeah ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪♪♪

[crowd cheering]

Whoo!

Uh‐huh! Ooh!

‐ Work it out, work it out. ‐ Uh!

‐ Whoo! ‐ Whoo!

(Tia) 'Whoo!'

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

That's what I'm talking about!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

(Neesee) Ah!

Hey, y'all.

‐ Hey. ‐ Hey.

‐ Yeah. Nothin'. ‐ Okay. Y'all alright?

‐ Yeah. ‐ Yeah.

‐ I didn't ask you nothin'. ‐ Yeah, yeah, you know..

It's funny now.

It's funny, right?

That's funny.

[laughing]

What?

You know, just how, you know

how one person go to the bathroom, right

and then the other person go to the valet

but like the way the universe is, like

they both come back and the same time.

Yeah. That's‐that's always funny, Johnny.

[laughing]

‐ Hey, how about a toast? ‐ Yeah.

How about a toast? Yeah. This is a wild night here.

Mm.

A toast to old friends

to new loves.

Hear, hear.

And since a while, kindergarten teachers.

[laughing]

Cheers.

‐ Mm. Mm. ‐ Mm.

‐ 'No, no, it's alright.' ‐ Mm.

‐ 'It's all good now.' ‐ Mm.

It's all good after the first one, y'all.

‐ 'It really is.' ‐ Ah!

‐ I like 'em. ‐ 'Um.'

Hey, hey, do you remember that bangin'

margarita spot we went to in Vegas? Dirk took us.

Yeah. Oh, man, that place ain't to be messed with.

‐ Um, Champs. ‐ Champs.

Hey, man, listen, right now, tonight, Vegas, let's go.

No, no. Nobody says no. It's all yes tonight.

Vegas, tonight?

Come on, Johnny, I don't really know.

No! Nah‐unh!

No, no no. There's no no. Come on, everybody, right here.

‐ Right here. Vegas, tonight. ‐ Okay, alright.

Road trip, baby!

(all) 'Road trip, baby!'

[theme music]