Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

And the little engine said‐‐

"I think I can. I think I can."

‐ How do you know? ‐ You told it twice.

You told it twice.

Why isn't mommy here yet?

She's running late.

And she better get her little caboose

back here soon.

Little?

[doorbell rings]

Neesee, you're 45 minutes late.

No, I called you and told you I was gonna be an hour late

so I'm 15 minutes early.

I'm sorry. I'm just coming from the French market.

I just picked up 20 lobsters and I've been

snapped at enough already.

Wow, Neesee, another job?

That catering business

is really takin' off, huh?

Yeah, it's been crazy.

Who knew you could make a living doing something you love?

Who knew you could make a living?

[phone rings]

Neesee James.

Oh, no, don't worry. Your guests are gonna love the dessert.

Yes, I remember your husband's allergic to garlic.

I would not forget something that important.

Okay.

[chuckles]

[door closes]

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be ♪

♪ A family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we must still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

♪ Leave your key if I'd known for just one second ♪

♪ You'd be back to bother me ♪

♪ Go on now go ♪

♪ Walk out the door ♪

♪ Just turn around now ♪

♪ 'Cause you're not welcome anymore ♪

♪ Weren't you the one who tried ♪

♪ To hurt me with goodbye? ♪

♪ Do you think I'd crumble? ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Did you think I'd lay down and die? ♪

♪ Oh no not I ♪

♪ I will survive ♪ ♪ Ho ♪

♪ Oh as long as I know how to love ♪

♪ I know I'll stay alive ♪ ♪ Uh‐huh ♪

♪ I've got all my life to live ♪

♪ And I've got all my love to give ♪

♪ And I'll survive I will ♪

♪ Ow o‐oh ♪ ♪ I will survive ♪♪♪

Oh! Oh, my..

Oh, are you okay?

I will survive.

You better, 'cause I need you to help me finish these orders.

Uh, you know, we don't have to do this.

We could live off our alimony, you know?

Girl, Canada can live off your alimony.

Unlike your ex‐husband, mine's is not in the NBA.

Yeah, mine barely is. He's a Clipper.

Well, I'm not doing this because I have to.

I'm doing this because I love it.

You know, this is my first job I've had since Bobby was born.

Yeah, well, this is the first job I had since I was born

and you know what? I'm exhausted.

Can I lick the bowl?

No, no, no. This had raw chicken in it.

Then why is it full of chocolate sauce?

Uh‐uh, Reggie, that's blood.

(both) Ew!

You guys go play. Do something.

I have something to do, okay?

‐ But, mommy‐‐ ‐ Don't "But, mommy" me.

Out. Out, out, out, out. Go on.

So, who are we cooking for? Anyone famous?

Mm‐hmm. Benjamin Franklin. Party of ten.

Ha! Ka‐ching!

(Reggie) 'Ow, cut it out!'

Reggie, stop it!

(Reggie) 'Mommy!'

[sighs] Such a whiner, that one.

It's quiet.

‐ Too quiet. ‐ Yeah.

[grunting]

‐ Bobby, Bobby. Hey. Hey. ‐ Hey, h‐hey.

‐ Get off. ‐ Get off of him.

Get off of him.

Come on, Reggie. Get up.

Oh! Are you okay?

I think he broke my brain.

[laughs]

What has gotten into you? Say you're sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're still here.

‐ Oh! ‐ Robert Humphrey James Junior.

Humphrey? That's funny.

‐ Aagh! ‐ Hey, h‐hey!

That boy is crazy!

You know what?

I think it's time that me and Reggie get goin'.

Come on. Let's go.

Oh, girl, I'm so sorry.

Oh, please, it's no big deal.

Good, because I still need you

to help me with these potatoes.

[instrumental music]

James for two.

Not in my house, bitch.

‐ Oh, you wanna play some D? ‐ Yeah.

Huh? You won't play no D on me. What?

What? What‐what‐what? Oh!

It's my house!

Biatch!

‐ Hey! What's up, Dirk? ‐ What's goin' on?

How'd the pre‐interview for Halle go?

Man, for five years, I've been planning

on what I would say to her when I finally met her.

And I never thought it would be

"Excuse me, Halle, could you step aside?

You're blocking my view of your lawyer."

Halle's lawyer is finer than Halle?

Hey, man, with Alana, it's not even about her looks.

It's about her mind.

When she spoke, she took me there.

‐ Where? ‐ There, bruh.

There.

When she was talking to me, I felt

something move inside of me.

You sure it wasn't outside of you?

It was like a Tilt‐A‐Whirl, man.

Everything was moving. It was.. Oh!

Remember in "Coming To America," when Eddie said

"I want a woman to arouse my intellect

as well as my loins?"

I never understood what that meant until now.

[chuckles] Yeah, like when Fred Sanford said

"Shut up, you big dummy."

I never knew what that meant until now.

I'm serious, man. It's like her brain is Viagra.

We're gonna go out to dinner tonight

and after that, I'm looking forward

to a long, hard conversation.

[chuckles]

‐ Hey, daddy. ‐ 'Hey!'

What's up, big fella? Neesee, what are you doing here?

I thought you already brought the food for today.

Yeah, I did, but I thought it'd be nice for Bobby

to come and spend some time with his daddy. Uh, stop it.

Well, you know I like spending time with my little man.

You can watch me work today. So, what are you up to?

Oh, just trying to get some work done.

Would you stop it?

Alright, um, he's been kind of a handful.

Really? Oh, he's fine when he's with me.

Good, so watching him should be a breeze.

Stop it!

Why don't you sit up here and color?

Daddy's got a full day of work ahead of him.

I'll be back in two minutes.

(male #1) 'Here we come, in five, four, three, two..'

Live from Hollywood, this is Robert James, Mr. LA

bringing you the latest in show business

'but first, we have'

'a shocking exclusive report'

that you'll only see right here.

[fire alarm rings]

Bobby!

[instrumental music]

[blows whistle]

Okay, people, the office fire marshal is here.

You remember what we practiced.

You in big trouble. You a very bad boy.

I think your mommy means your actions are bad, not you.

No, I mean him.

He's fighting with Reggie, pulling up my dress

setting off fire alarms.

What is going on with you?

Nothin'.

Yeah, well, "nothing" wrecked

half my set and a $800 suit.

Plus, whatever your daddy was wearing.

What's the problem?

Are you upset about something?

Yeah, you like your job better than me.

Come here.

There is nothing mommy likes better than you.

I love you more than anything in the world.

Baby.

Look, Bobby, I know you miss your mother, and that's okay.

But you're still on punishment.

So, why don't you go to your room?

Okay.

Wow. I had no idea.

I know, I mean, you know, the boy needs his mother

and you've been working too much.

Yeah.

So, I think we know what you need to do.

‐ We do? ‐ Yeah.

Uh, maybe it's me, I'm just kind of missing

the obvious part.

I'm not.

I think what Robert's trying to say is..

...I need to quit my job.

What? No, that's‐‐

Exactly...what I'm gonna do.

So, I quit.

[scoffs] Excuse me.

[instrumental music]

Baby, I just ordered us a pizza.

I hope you want mushroom.

I didn't know you cared what other people want.

Oh, okay. Mm‐hmm. Mm.

Ow. Robert. Okay, okay.

Baby, you know, I know you keep your stress in your butt

and it's looking a little big right now

so I'm just trying to let out a little bit of steam.

Alright.

Let's talk. You got 30 minutes or less.

Okay, I don't need that much time.

You know, sweetie, there's a lot of women

who can work and take care of their kids.

Baby, it's so much more than that.

When I was a kid, my mother didn't work.

Every time I came home from school

my mother was right there

with a glass of milk and a Ho Ho.

Alright, then let me ask you something.

When we have kids

assuming I have sex with you again..

[chuckles]

...are you gonna want me to quit my job?

Would you wanna quit your job?

Does it matter?

Which answer is gonna secure the future

of this region right here?

You see, that question has put that region in jeopardy.

‐ Oh, come on. ‐ Okay. No.

The correct answer, baby, is yes.

It should matter what Neesee wants

and I think she wants to keep working.

Now, I know she's Bobby's mother.

That's not all she is.

You're defending my ex‐wife?

I'm defending myself.

All women, including Neesee

are made of many parts.

Now, part of that's bein' a mom

workin' is another part, and I'm telling you

if you kill that one part, you're gonna kill it all.

Damn.

See, my mistake with Neesee was

I was trying to kill all of them at once.

Oh, you.

[instrumental music]

What happened to our old caterer?

This is worse than the slop they served us in prison.

[chuckles]

I'm not saying I don't enjoy living

in a technologically advanced industrial superpower

I'm just saying that the rest of the world

perceives us as a decadent society.

Baby, I'll tell you what decadent is.

Having 57 kids by 12 wives

who all live a stone's throw away from each other.

I'm not talking about some pimp.

I'm talkin' about Bin Laden's daddy.

[laughing]

Baby, you know what I love about you?

My sense of humor and dashing good looks.

Mm, that and your range.

I mean, you're the kind of guy who you could

take to the White House or‐‐

Or the crack house?

[laughing]

Baby, that's what I love about you.

You just say the most clever things.

Well, if you catch me on the right day

I might throw some neo‐Keynesian

macroeconomic theory at you.

Ooh.

‐ I'll call you later. ‐ Oh, yes, please do.

[exhales]

[clearing throat]

[laughing] So that's Alana, huh?

No wonder you like what she says.

I don't like what she says 'cause she's hot.

She's hot because I like what she says.

Yeah. Whatev.

I'm serious. It's not her body I'm after.

Oh. Come on, wait, wait, wait.

Are you trying to say you haven't gone there yet?

Oh, shoot. I go there so much, they named a sandwich after me.

‐ Hey, daddy. ‐ Hey, what's up, guys?

Where you guys been?

Santa Monica Pier.

But I couldn't win him anything, so I bribed the carny.

Well, look like you guys had a great time.

A boy spending time with his mother.

‐ What could be better? ‐ If you were there.

Ahh, that's my man. Mwah.

Can you come to the playground with us later?

Oh, I'm sorry, Bobby, I gotta work.

But I tell you what.

Why don't you sit at my desk

and play some video games on my computer?

And don't erase my high scores, alright?

See, Neesee, I gotta tell you.

I know it was tough quitting

but it obviously was the right decision for Bobby.

I mean, he's happy, he's well‐behaved.

[fire alarm rings]

Bobby!

[instrumental music]

Okay, who stole my whistle?

Okay, Bobby, what's goin' on this time?

Nothing.

This time "nothing" ruined an outfit

that really did cost $800. Mine.

What's the deal, Bobby?

You like your job better than me.

Okay, then I guess

I'll have to quit my job, too.

But this is what it's gonna be like.

Can you turn on the lights now?

Oh, no, not without electricity.

I mean, since I quit my job

you know, we can't afford to pay the bill.

But we can sing. Singing is free.

Oh, no, we're too hungry to sing.

Mm‐hmm.

‐ But we can eat dinner. ‐ What're we having?

Breath spray.

Pump and pass, baby.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm, that tastes, mmm, mmm, that's good.

Hey, Bobby, don't eat too much

because that's gonna be your breakfast too.

But, you can have all the water you want..

...from the pool.

Isn't Tia still working?

No, I'm sure Tia left when your daddy quit his job.

I did not.

Daddy, I changed my mind.

I don't want you to quit.

Okay, then I won't.

Now, Bobby...I know

that you're experiencing some emotions.

Now, mommy, daddy and Tia are always here for you

when you wanna talk.

A fire alarm is not a slot machine.

When you pull the handle, the only thing you win

is a free trip to your room.

Okay.

And if you do it again, you're gonna win the bonus prize

of a smokin' rear end.

The boy wanted me to quit my job.

[chuckles]

Which I would do in a minute

if it was best for the boy, you know.

(Tia) 'But..'

But quitting isn't always best, is it?

And having a working mommy might be tough in the beginning

but he can adjust, like we all can.

I'm gonna make a new decision.

I'm going back to work.

‐ Congratulations. That's great. ‐ Right.

Okay, why do I feel like‐‐

Like you just got your butt kicked?

‐ Because you did. ‐ Twice.

‐ Mm‐hmm, with heels. ‐ That you paid for.

Okay, I tell you what I'm not paying for..

...the lights to your two‐women comedy act.

Let's see how funny you are in the dark.

[instrumental music]

[sneezes]

What?

Man, this pollen in here is killin' me.

‐ That's nasty, man. ‐ Pollen.

[chuckles] That's classic.

Dirk, what are you doing, man?

I slept here last night, so I wouldn't be late.

Yeah, you're looking a little Alana‐fied.

I think she put the roots on me, man.

I'm serious, I mean, the conversation we have

is so good, it always leads to sex.

And then the sex is so good

we've to have a conversation about it

which is so stimulating, it leads to more sex.

Damn, that sounds terrible.

It's awful.

I'm opening up to this woman

like I never opened up to anybody.

I mean, when I'm fully clothed

and she looks at me, I feel naked.

And when I'm actually naked and she looks at me, I feel‐‐

Ashamed?

Transparent.

She asked me why my three marriages didn't work.

‐ You know what I said? ‐ Yeah, what you always say.

"I found the three most psychotic women in LA."

See, that's what I should've said.

I said, because I'm a commitment phobe

with a debilitating fear of rejection

and I subconsciously, intentionally poison

my relationships before I get hurt.

What are you doing?

I'm slappin' the man back in ya.

‐ See, that's what I need. ‐ Oh. Oh. I got next then.

‐ 'Alright.' ‐ One's good.

‐ Hey, Dirk. ‐ Hey, we got a lunch date.

I can't lie to her. Get me out of it. Get me out..

‐ Handle your business. ‐ Get me out of it.

‐ Hey, baby. ‐ You ready to go to lunch?

I would love to, baby, but, uh, Robert, don't you need me to..

Oh, no, no, you're pretty free, man.

Don't..

As a bird.

Dirk, I know what you're feeling

but don't be scared of me.

I got you, baby.

Now, let's go to lunch.

I know you want to.

Mm.

See, I‐I'm leaving, but I wanna stay.

A healthy man would be right there.

And if he wasn't, a good friend would stop him.

Where's Bobby when you need him to pull the fire alarm?

Bobby Deuce, pull it!

[instrumental music]

Okay, Bobby, if you're gonna be my new partner

you're gonna have to be ready for some real serious hard work.

‐ I'm ready. ‐ Okay.

[piano music]

♪ First I was afraid I was petrified ♪

♪ Just thinking I could never live ♪

♪ Without you by my side ♪

♪ But then I spent so many nights ♪

♪ Thinking how you did me wrong ♪

♪ And I grew strong ♪

♪ And I learned how to carry on ♪

♪ And now you're back ♪ ♪ And so you're back ♪

♪ Uh uh from outer space ♪

♪ One egg ♪ ♪ I just walked in ♪

♪ To find you here ♪ ♪ With that ♪

♪ Sad look upon your face ♪

♪ I should've changed the stupid locks ♪

♪ I should've made you change the key ♪

Hey.

You're doing great, baby, now..

♪ Go on now go ♪

♪ Walk out the door ♪

♪ Just turn around now ♪

♪ 'Cause you're not welcome anymore ♪

♪ Weren't you the one who tried ♪

♪ To hurt me with goodbye? ♪

♪ Do you think I'd crumble? ♪

♪ Did you think I'd lay down and die? ♪

♪ Oh no not I.. ♪

Come here.

♪ I will survive ♪

♪ Oh as long as I know how to love.. ♪♪♪

[theme music]