Original subtitles

♪ Turn off the lights ♪

♪ And light a candle ♪

♪ Tonight I'm in a romantic mood ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Let's take a shower ♪

♪ Shower together ♪

♪ I'll wash your body ♪

♪ You wash mine ♪

♪ Rub me down ♪

♪ In some hot oil baby ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Rub me down ♪

♪ In some hot hot hot.. ♪♪♪

‐ Baby, what are you doin'? ‐ I'm blowin' out the candles.

Come on, baby, I already told you

I'm not comfortable having'..

You know with your son in the house.

But, baby, you live here now

and half the nights are Bobby nights.

Come on, he's asleep in the next room.

Yeah, but these walls are thick.

Like my love.

Come on, baby, he can't hear anything.

♪ Rub me down in some hot oil baby ♪♪♪

‐ Goodnight, Robert. ‐ Goodnight.

‐ Goodnight, Bobby! ‐ 'Goodnight!'

‐ Come on, hurry up. ‐ Okay.

‐ Hurry up? Uh, boop! ‐ Come on!

Just kiddin'. Just kiddin'.

[sighing]

Robert.

My bad, that was a accident.

Robert!

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be ♪

♪ A family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change but we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

‐ What's up, Mr. L. A.? ‐ Mm. What's up, Dirk?

Remember when you said I couldn't get Madonna?

‐ Yeah. ‐ You had a good laugh.

You ragged my ass up and down the buildin'.

‐ Yeah. ‐ Well, you were right.

‐ I couldn't get her. ‐ What?

We've been promotin' for weeks. People are expectin' to see her.

Exactly, so we're gonna get a great rate, no matter what.

No, people are gonna laugh at us

and they are gonna turn us off.

Why can't you just do your damn job, Dirk?

Why are you getting so mad about this?

I haven't gotten you hundreds of other people.

I'll get someone else.

Alright, man, look, I'm sorry, alright?

I'm just a little on edge, okay?

‐ Oh, you're not getting any? ‐ No.

You all backed up, huh?

You can tell?

It's‐it's crazy, man, because of like

since Tia moved in we're having less sex.

She's not feeling comfortable

gettin' busy with Bobby in the house.

‐ So put him in the yard. ‐ You're not helping, Dirk.

Send him to his mama's house, you pay her every month

you might as well get some babysittin' out of it.

If you're looking for a babysitter I used to take care

of my little sister until she, uh..

She fell down the stairs. That wasn't my fault.

It was Halloween and she was dressed like a Slinky.

Hey, Neesee.

‐ Nice buns. ‐ Oh, Pilates.

So, Neesee, what brings you here?

Uh‐huh.

This, open.

Mm. That's really good.

So how long before I need a antidote?

Robert, I've been thinkin' about this a lot.

And I've decided to start a catering company.

Like you decided to sell jewelry.

‐ I sold out. ‐ Yeah.

To yourself.

And what happened to that children's book

you were writing?

Oh, you know, it's a work in progress.

Now, look, if you wanna help me start my business just say so.

Uh.. Alright, let's say I wanna help you.

‐ Do you have a business plan? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

It's called, "I can cook my ass off."

Voila!

I'd like to read that.

[clearing throat]

Robert, I want to be independent

and I think you want that too.

Neesee, I'm not loaning you any money.

I'm not lookin' for a loan.

I'm not giving you any money either.

‐ Fine. ‐ Okay 'cause, Neesee, the pro‐‐

You know what, save the lecture.

Let me put out some of my samples

and call the people out of your black beauty

help me draw my business.

‐ No. ‐ Huh?

You know, you couldn't have been Mr. L. A. without my help.

But I can be Mrs. Fields without yours.

You know what, Neesee?

Wait, wait, wait.

Today is your lucky day. I'll tell you what.

You take Bobby tonight and I'll give you the As to the Ds.

I'll get the As to the Zs

and you let me put out some of my samples.

‐ Deal. ‐ Good.

And you give me some more of these

'cause these things are good.

Mm. Take as much as you want.

They are $26 a dozen.

[instrumental music]

[bell ringing]

Chewin' on ice, huh?

That's a clear sign of not gettin' any.

You're workin' out your frustrations

while at the same time satisfying your oral fixations.

Oh, don't act like you didn't know I was a psych major.

‐ You were? ‐ Psych!

Well, for your information I'm chewin' on this ice

because it's hot.

Maybe it just feels that way because I'm not getting any!

Oh, w‐what's the problem?

Is it time for Robert to take the little blue pill?

Trust me my man has no problem in that department

it is just hard to..

...you know, with Bobby in the house.

Oh, the little brown pill.

Well, you know, people manage to do it

all the time while their kids are in the house.

You just have to be creative like our parents were.

Remember, like, when you got to play outside

extra‐long?

And when you try to come inside

the door was chained. Remember?

Yeah, my‐my parents didn't do that.

Wait, is that why they signed me up for that

six hours a tap, every Wednesday after school?

Girl, do you have any idea what it's like to be

eight years old and have bunions?

See, and they didn't care because for them Wednesday

really was hump day.

So you are just gonna have get used to havin' him in the house

and if all else fails

do somethin' to make him go to sleep.

I know you could do it. I've seen you teach.

Ha‐ha‐ha!

[cell phone ringing]

Hello. Uh‐uh.

Mm‐hmm.

Mm‐mm‐hmm.

Yeah, I'mma meet you at 6:00.

‐ What was that? ‐ Booty call.

Robert got Neesee to keep Bobby tonight.

Girl, it may not be hump day

but it's going to be freaky Friday!

‐ Wait, today is Thursday. ‐ I know.

But we're gonna be gettin' our freak on well into Friday.

Alright.

[instrumental music]

‐ Oh, oh, yeah. ‐ Yeah.

[indistinct chatter]

Not enough room. Not enough room.

We you wanna go there? Right here, right here.

Oh, no, no! Stand up.

Still no room, still no room. Over here, yeah.

[gibberish]

Oh! I don't like that outfit either.

You could just ask her to change.

Neesee, how did you get in here?

‐ Daddy! ‐ Bobby's key.

Hey, what's up, big fella. Hey, look, um..

Uh, tell him that joke you told me, baby.

‐ Uh‐huh. ‐ Tell him that joke.

‐ Just come here. ‐ Don't be pushing on me.

Neesee, I thought we had a deal.

We did, but my samples worked.

I have my first catering job tonight.

‐ You do? ‐ Yes.

‐ Making food? ‐ Yes.

‐ For people? ‐ Yes, yes.

For money?

‐ Yes. ‐ Did my alimony go down?

Hell, no.

[instrumental music]

[telephone ringing]

Oh, b‐b‐baby, get that before the boy wakes up.

Hello. Oh, hey, Dirk.

Uh‐huh. Uh‐huh.

Dirk says he's got you somebody better than Madonna.

Oh, that is great.

Wait‐wait‐wait, don't you..

Don't you wanna know who it is?

Nope, it's just gonna ruin the mood.

Oh, come on, honey, come on, now. Does it really matter?

I'm sure Bobby is awake by now.

No, he's not. Hey, Bobby, you up?

I think I hear the ice‐cream truck!

See, come on now, just relax.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Less yackin' more makin'.

Oh, baby, I really needed that.

‐ So did I. ‐ Aah!

Can you believe all this time we were holding back

afraid that a five‐year‐old was gonna bust in on us?

Yeah, we were trippin'.

I mean, now that we know it's safe

we could do this every night.

Okay, well, you know..

Oh, my God.

Oh, that's the James delay, baby, just breathe.

The door.

You closed the door, didn't you?

Of course.

I'm not sure.

[gasping]

Do you think he saw us?

Come on, baby, just because the door is open don't mean nothin'.

The boy is sound asleep.

Then why is SpongeBob on the floor?

‐ Bobby. ‐ 'Yeah.'

[gasping]

Hide, hide. Hide.

[instrumental music]

Here you go.

There're my two favorite people.

‐ What's up, baby? ‐ Oh, Robert, Robert.

Not in front of Bobby, okay?

I think he's seen enough already.

He didn't see us. SpongeBob saw us.

Robert! Come on.

Well, baby, I mean, how do you, how do you know what he saw?

‐ Did he say anything? ‐ No.

But he's been kinda lookin' at me funny all mornin'.

Well, you did fix his breakfast.

‐ 'Hey, y'all.' ‐ Okay.

That's Neesee. What are we gonna tell her?

We're not gonna tell her anything

because there is nothing to tell.

‐ Just be cool. ‐ Okay.

And stop cooking.

‐ Hi, everybody. ‐ Mommy!

‐ How are you doing, baby? ‐ What's up, Neesee?

I appreciate you keeping Bobby.

So to thank you I made some snacks.

Oh, are there real pigs in those blankets?

Bobby, how was your night?

‐ Fine. ‐ Good.

Guess what I saw daddy do to Tia last night?

[coughing]

What?

Throw away his dinner

without eatin' it.

It was really funny.

[laughing]

You know what? You were so right because my food is horrible.

You can say that again. It is the worst.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

‐ Oh, no ice today? ‐ Aah!

‐ Don't need it. ‐ Oh!

Ms. Abrahams, I'm finished.

Oh, let me see, Bobby.

'Oh, that's wonderful.'

‐ Isn't it, Tia? ‐ Can you tell what it is?

Oh, of course I can, Bobby. Let's see.

‐ Is it a man riding a horse? ‐ No.

‐ Is it a horse riding a man? ‐ Nope.

It..

Oh‐oh! Oh‐oh!

What's the matter with you?

Girl, I can't believe this is happening.

Last night Robert and I were doin' exactly this.

You guys went horseback riding?

No! No.

This is a picture of us doing the do.

‐ Oh! ‐ I knew Bobby saw us.

‐ Let me see it. ‐ No. Uh‐uh. This is personal.

No, you can't see it. You don't need to see it.

‐ No, this is.. ‐ Hey, Jonelle, Tia.

‐ Hey, Neesee. ‐ Hey, Neesee.

I'm sorry, I'm late. I got stuck in the kitchen.

‐ You ready? Come on. ‐ Yep.

Okay, bye‐bye.

Wait, I forgot my drawing.

You know what, come here, come here.

Come here, Bobby.

Tia, Tia, Tia. Relax.

‐ You'll see it again. ‐ Oh, uh..

It's just a little game we play. We're just playin', go on.

Go ahead. It was just a game. It was just a game.

Oh, that's it, Jonelle.

I'm officially the world's slutiest teacher.

Ah! Do you have to beat me at everything?

[instrumental music]

Hey, man, what's goin' on?

I got some good news and I got some bad news.

The good news is the interview I got you is with Gary Coleman.

Oh.

Okay. Alright, what's the bad news?

He stiffed us.

But I have a promising phone call out to Webster.

Baby, look, I got some really bad news.

Remember when we wondered if Bobby saw us last night?

‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ Well, he did.

He memorialized the moment in crayon.

So you're saying that Bobby drew us while we were

to the window, to the wall?

Yeah, and then he took it home with Neesee.

Alright, look‐look‐look. Just take a deep breath.

Alright? I think you're putting a whole lot on this.

Because first of all, Bobby is no Michelangelo

and there's no way that Neesee is gonna look at that picture

and tell what happened last night.

‐ Okay. ‐ Alright, trust me.

[cell phone ringing]

Hello.

Oh, hey, Neesee.

[laughing]

Uh‐huh. Ah..

Alright, alright, then. Okay.

Bye.

‐ Yep, she knows. ‐ Oh!

[instrumental music]

Neesee's gonna be here any minute, baby.

So, so, what's the plan, huh?

‐ What are we gonna tell her? ‐ The truth.

‐ Really? ‐ Absolutely.

[doorbell ringing]

Or we can lie and it's our word against a five‐year‐old's.

Cool, that works for me. Okay. Alright.

Hey, Neesee. You look forgiving.

‐ Do I? ‐ Hi, daddy. Hi, Tia.

‐ What's up, big fella? ‐ Hey, Bobby.

Honey, why don't you run upstairs for a minute?

I need to talk to your father.

Oh, where are you goin'?

You know, I think I should leave you two alone.

‐ 'Yeah.' ‐ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey..

Where are you goin'?

Yeah, Tia, you should stay.

I wanna talk about what happened last night.

Look, Neesee, don't blame Tia, it was all my fault.

Yeah, we never meant for Bobby to see it.

Before Tia moved in, it was easy

she just didn't stay over on Bobby nights

but now that she's here every night

it's just been really hard.

Difficult.

And last night we were convinced that Bobby was asleep

but, well, you saw the pictures that he drew.

What picture?

‐ Damn! ‐ Damn!

Okay, Bobby didn't show you that picture he drew at school today?

No, he didn't.

‐ Damn! ‐ Damn!

Bobby, come down here, please, and bring your backpack.

Oh, no, girl, you ain't gotta make

the kid come all the way down the stairs.

No, no, the boy is probably tired.

Nah‐ah, I, I can talk all night.

Baby, can you tell me what this is a picture of?

Yeah, but turn it this way first.

It's a butterfly, see.

‐ A butterfly? ‐ Yeah, I love butterflies.

Let me see that.

Wow! It looks so life like.

It looks exactly like a butterfly.

Ooh, it's flying, Tia. It's flying.

‐ Alright. Alright. ‐ Oh, it's the flowers.

Honey, what's that supposed to be?

It's antenna.

‐ Oh, okay. Okay. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess that explains

why there's two of them.

So, Bobby, you weren't in our room last night?

No. Were you in my room last night?

‐ No. ‐ Come on, Bobby.

Let's take your butterfly and put it on the fridge.

‐ Yeah! ‐ Neesee, don't even say it.

Look, I promise it won't happen again.

I mean, we were both mortified.

If that's how y'all do, you should be.

So why did you call me in the first place?

Well, because of the hook‐ups you gave me the other day

at the station, I got three new jobs.

And I came over to give you a finder's fee.

‐ You were gonna give me money? ‐ Mm‐hmm. Was.

But after your little shenanigans I'm gonna

have to spend it on therapy

to keep the picture out of my mind.

[instrumental music]

Well, you're gonna have to turn it this way first.

Oh, God, you know..

...now that we know we're safe again

we could do this every night.

We could, we could..

Oh, my God!

I told you before, girl

that's the James delay.

Just breathe.

The door.

You closed the door, didn't you?

Of course. I'm not sure.

[gasping]

Why is there a purse on the floor?

[dramatic music]

Neesee?

(Neesee) 'Yeah.'

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

[theme music]