Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

See, if you put the laces back in those things

they wouldn't keep fallin' off.

No, no, no, baby. This is strictly old school.

All I need is about three more pair of socks

and I'm in the game.

So what're you wearing? This is supposed to be a '80s party.

‐ This is '80s. ‐ '80s hip‐hop.

I like my outfit.

That's my boy right there. I can feel him through the door.

I can feel him. That's how tight we are.

You ain't tight with nothin' but your money.

‐ Where's Big Johnny? ‐ Well, he didn't get here yet.

Why don't you wait for him out on the curb?

What are you talking about? That's your spot.

I already kicked you there.

[door knocking]

Ooo‐ooo‐oo‐oh! Watcha..

Ladies and gentlemen

I want to give you‐u‐u..

Dirk.

Yo, you need a higher door.

Ho, here go King Nefertito.

Yo, man, what time is Johnny coming?

I may not come when you call

but I'm always right on time.

‐ Yee‐ah. ‐ Yeah!

♪ Yo everybody everybody throw your hands in the air ♪

♪ Big Johnny Dirty Black MC Robert are in here ♪

♪ Everybody everybody throw your hands in the air ♪

♪ 'Cause the disco tune's in the atmosphere ♪♪♪

[in unison] Ha!

Yo, yo, yo.

♪ My name is Neesee ♪

♪ I'm in the place to be ♪

♪ I rock from LA ♪

♪ All the way to DC ♪

(in unison) Ha!

(Neesee) Hey, hey, hey! Huh? Huh? Huh? Hey!

(Johnny) Oh, baby, what's up, girl?

[laughing]

♪ My name is Tia and ♪

♪ I'm a maniac maniac on the floor ♪♪♪

She's dancing like she never danced before.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be ♪

♪ A family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change but we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[hip hop music]

(Robert) Y'all might wanna stretch for this 'cause y'all a little old.

‐ No, no, no, I got this. ‐ You don't wanna, girl.

Hold on, I got this one.

♪ Oh my God ♪

Aah.

♪ Excuse me Doug E Fresh ♪

♪ Yes have you ever seen a show when fellow on the mic ♪

♪ With one million rhymes and don't come out right ♪

♪ They bit they're never right that's not polite ♪

Hey, hey, hey.

♪ But tonight on a starry mic you're about to hear ♪

♪ We swear the best star rappers of the year ♪

♪ So so cherrio yo scream at brotha ♪

♪ Also if you didn't know this is called the show ♪

‐ Ah! ‐ Ah‐huh!

(all) Ah! Ah! Ah!

‐ Come on, Bobby. Come on Bobby. ‐ Oh, no, no, no..

D‐d‐don't put my seed in this. Don't..

[music continues]

[laughing]

We're gonna take a 15‐minute break

'cause we old.

[doorbell ringing]

‐ Hey. ‐ Hey.

Guess who?

‐ Madonna? ‐ No.

I am the real Roxanne.

‐ Well, you're real late. ‐ Well, I'm here now.

And I'm with my boys Kris Kross.

Look, my back is on my front

and my front's on my back.

Whoa, ma, cool system. Can we go check it out?

‐ Go on. ‐ Go ahead, check it out, boys.

Oh, honey, your fly is open.

Alex, I'm trying to hook you up with Johnny.

When I said, "Show off the boys"

I meant your cleavage.

Well, the gang's all here then.

Johnny.

‐ This is Alex, my best friend. ‐ Hello.

‐ How are you doing? ‐ Fine.

You guys have a lot in common.

I mean, you're a lawyer, and you watch "Judge Judy."

[laughing]

So, she tells me you're from Atlanta.

‐ Yep. ‐ Newly divorced?

‐ Mm‐hm. ‐ Welcome to the club.

Uh, yeah, well, membership is expensive.

‐ Or lucrative. ‐ Really?

[doorbell ringing]

‐ Hi. ‐ Girl, where have you been?

My first name ain't girl.

It's Jonelle.

Miss Abrahams, if you're nasty.

Well, anyway, you are late.

‐ Johnny's already here. ‐ Oh, where is he?

‐ See, over there. ‐ Oh.

The big stud with the big studs.

Well, Hottie McFineboy

meet Sexy Ann Singleton.

Okay, work it. Come on, girl.

Hey, Johnny.

This is my girlfriend, Jonelle.

‐ Hey. ‐ How are you doing?

Well, welcome to LA

where the players play.

Well, you know what, I'm from Atlanta, so don't jack my song.

Well, how about I jack you? I'm just playing.

Just playing, 'cause I'm a playa.

‐ You're a playa! ‐ Right?

[instrumental music]

Alright, alright, alright, everybody, everybody, everybody

I got somethin' to say.

Twelve years ago when we decided

to move to Hollywood

we had nothin'.

'The day before we left'

my man, Johnny Scott

gave us $62.

'Not $60'

not $70..

...but $62

which means he gave us

every penny he had.

Now, that's a friend for life.

Uh, like that.

Then he comes out here, he got all this

and I can't get my $62 back.

Well, here's my $31. Neesee?

That's a nice story.

But, you know, Alex does a lot of charity work herself.

Oh, yeah, but it's nothing, you know.

I just ladle soup to the homeless on the weekends.

The weekends?

Oh, so you'll be busy tomorrow

while Jonelle, on the other hand

is totally free.

Ma, it's way past our bedtime.

Can we please get out of here?

No, it's not.

Well, I guess that's it for me.

If you're, uh, hungry or homeless

come down to the center and I'll hook you up

with three hots and a cot.

[chuckling]

Okay, girl.

And then there was one.

Oh, yeah, well

guess I better get going.

Johnny, I'm a little tipsy

so I'm just gonna give this to you straight.

Are you feelin' me?

Ha! Shoot, girl.

I can't call it.

Okay, that's a no.

Come on, Dirk.

You're driving me home.

‐ I still got it. ‐ Oh.

That's your boy.

[laughing]

Oh, I don't know why I'm sitting here

pretending like I got a ride home.

‐ Let me call me a cab. ‐ Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, Neesee.

You don't have to call a cab.

Hey, Johnny, why don't you grab Bobby's wagon

and pull Neesee home?

Oh, man, now, what I need to get

is them keys in your pocket

to that new thing parked out there.

Oh, come on, man, this ain't

that '82 Datsun B‐210

you crashed in college.

This is a 2004 Mercedes Benz.

C‐Class.

But I'm sitting on tens.

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

How you doing?

I'm‐I'm good, I'm good.

Uh, only thing in the world

harder than being married is being divorced.

Oh...I hear that.

Did, uh, like, when you got married, did you ever, like

even think about being divorced?

It wasn't even an option..

...until a week and a half later.

[laughing]

Yeah, that's about when it kicked in for me, too.

Oh, man, but I‐I feel good out here.

I'm thinking about getting a spot out here.

You know, you should get a nice place in Bel Air.

‐ Really? ‐ Mm‐hm.

You know, that's where Alex live.

‐ Oh. ‐ What do you think about her?

Uh, she‐she's nice, but I'm kind of busy, though.

So, rather than she and I, you know, dating

and getting married, I think I might just cut my house

in half now, and just give it to her.

Give it to her, right.

[laughing]

‐ I get it. ‐ Mm.

‐ You've been burned. ‐ Yeah.

Or are you feeling Jonelle?

Uh, you know what?

Neither one of those girls are really my type.

Uh, whoa, that..

Girl, I know that is not that same

funky old pillow.

Oh, I'm gonna hurt you.

Excuse me.

This is mother‐of‐pearl.

Well, I don't know who Pearl is, but her mom is butt‐ugly.

You know what? You might be right.

[chuckling] Yeah.

Well, pillows is great.

Yeah, yeah, huh?

Oh.

What are you doing?

What you doing?

I'm doing what you're doing.

Well, stop it.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

That was, like, whoa.

Yeah.

Oh.

Neesee.

Johnny.

[both sighing]

So, are we kissing just to be kissing

or are we startin' somethin'?

Uh, just, like, generally

when I kiss like that

like, basically, I'm startin' somethin'.

Me, too.

‐ So, we startin' somethin'. ‐ Yeah, yeah.

I think we pretty much started it.

Yeah.

That's mother‐of‐pearl, huh?

Hell, I don't know.

Alright, look, I guess

the only thing really left to do

is‐is, uh, just tell Robert.

No. I only talk to Robert about Bobby.

I don't need his permission for nothing else in my life.

Neesee.

Girl, you know, I've known you for 15 years.

You look different to me now than you've ever looked before.

‐ I‐I'm, uh, I'mma go ahead. ‐ Oh, alright.

We would've done that one anyway.

You know 'cause we friends

so why would we not do that?

Right.

[instrumental music]

[record scratching]

Yo, what happened to you, man? You get lost?

Oh, no, no, man.

You know, uh, that, uh, oh, you know

the thing with the pillows, man.

My mouth was open.

Yeah, alright, Jo, yo, why don't you rock

the mic for old time's sake?

Uh, no, Robert, actually, man, look‐‐

What? What? What? Come on. What, you've lost it?

Come on, bless the mic, boy.

♪ Yo yo yo yo yo out in LA ♪

♪ Fresh off my divorce ♪

♪ Come to see my man my emotional source ♪

♪ Been a long time and I know that you missed me ♪

♪ Guess what Robert Neesee just kissed me ♪

♪ I'm at the crib minding my own biz ♪

♪ I'm like whoo Neesee what the hell is this ♪

♪ Sittin' with.. ♪♪♪

‐ What? ‐ What?

‐ Huh? ‐ Huh?

‐ You did what? ‐ What'd you do?

You kissed?

Uh, that's what I told you in the rhyme.

Robert, look, me and Neesee talked about it

and before this thing moves any further

you gotta be cool with it first.

Oh, so you talk and you kiss.

Look, Robert, if you're uncomfortable with it, man

it's not even a issue.

We're gonna freeze this thing up

if you got a problem with it.

Well, I got a problem with it.

Then we should talk, man, 'cause I'm sure

that we can come to some..

‐ Ah! ‐ Uh!

Gotcha, I was just playing, boy.

Come on, man, y'all‐y'all adults.

You can do whatever you please, man.

‐ Now, if it was Tia.. ‐ Oh.

‐ I have a problem. ‐ Yeah.

Oh, man, yeah, I mean so‐so

so you‐you're cool with this, right?

Yeah, I'm cool with.. Come on, man.

You're my best friend, she's my ex‐wife, man.

We're just keeping it in the family, bruh.

[both laughing]

Oh, man.

‐ You know what I'm saying? ‐ Yeah, man.

‐ Ooh. ‐ Ooh.

Man, y'all got some pillows in LA, man.

[instrumental music]

Babe?

Babe?

Babe, have you seen my other slipper?

Yeah, it's right here.

‐ You want it back? ‐ Ah..

Thanks, I jus.. I was looking for that.

Baby, you up?

Boy!

If this is your idea of foreplay

we are never gonna have any kids.

You obviously wanna talk. Get off my eye.

Okay.

It's about Johnny and..

...Bobby's mother.

Neesee?

What's going on with Johnny and Neesee?

Uh‐uh.

No way.

Oh, I'm not even hearing it.

I'm not even hearing it.

Oh, shoot, I could've told you that.

You knew they kissed?

I knew they something

or were about to.

Baby, that joker had two hot babes

on his tail all night

and he didn't give them the time of day.

And that man wears a clock.

‐ Baby, wait. ‐ No.

‐ Baby, wait. ‐ Uhm.

‐ Baby, wait. ‐ Wha‐aa‐aat?

Look, my best friend

and my ex‐wife are about to hook up.

You don't see the problem?

‐ Is there one? ‐ Yes!

Why do you always have a problem

with Neesee and who she sees?

This ain't about Neesee.

This is about Johnny.

He is messing up the dynamic

of our friendship.

Well, you're messing with the dynamic

of our relationship.

Shoot, worrying about who

Neesee sees all the time.

Comin' and bothering me in my sleep.

Oh, you just gonna roll over like you said somethin'.

Don't I get a chance to say something?

[instrumental music]

‐ What's up, boy? ‐ Hey, man.

‐ You ready? ‐ Uh, yeah.

Wha‐what are you wearing?

Hey, if I'm gonna be hitting them out of bounds

I wanna look good doing it.

Oh, so you gonna change.

Funny.

What are you doin', man? Why you not dressed?

I think you guys should just go ahead without me.

Wait, you don't understand, alright.

I've got us tee time at the most exclusive club in Los Angeles.

They don't even let black people play.

So the last thing we wanna do is show up late.

Look, Robert, if this is about last night, man..

What happened last night?

Johnny kissed Neesee.

Oh...man.

Johnny, you know the rules, man.

Baby mama's off‐limits.

That's bad ghettiquette.

Look, it wasn't exactly like that, Dirk.

What was it like, Johnny?

Yeah, Johnny, what was it like?

Tell us in the car.

Dirk, we need to talk about this now.

Johnny, I don't know if you realize this

but when I asked Neesee to marry me

you were the first person I called.

When Neesee left me, you were the first person I called.

Now, do you think if you're dating her

we could sustain the same relationship?

I don't have all the answers.

[sighs]

Look, all I know

is my divorce is the most devastating

emotional experience of my life.

And then I'm out here, and, you know

and I'm with you and Dirk and Neesee, man.

It just feels like home.

I'm just looking for somebody to love me, man.

Hey, look, if you think

Neesee is the person

I don't wanna stand in the way of that.

But you have to be very clear that

if it's anything short of forever..

...it's gonna cost a lot.

I'll tell you what cost a lot.

Five hundred dollars in non‐refundable

greens fees.

Robert, I‐I just feel like

I'm on a cliff in my life right now

and I know it looks like a long jump, man

but, I‐I swear, I think, I can make it.

Then you got my blessing.

I'mma go change.

You should, too.

Hey, wait a minute, Johnny.

So does this mean that I get to hook up with your ex‐wife?

‐ 'Cause she was fine. ‐ Hey, hey, no, no.

Uh‐uh, uh‐uh, no, no, man.

Come on, Dirk need love, too.

Come on, Johnny, I'm on a cliff. I think I can make it.

I can jump it, man.

[instrumental music]

[doorbell ringing]

‐ Hey, Neesee. ‐ Robert.

I'm here to pick up Johnny.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I'll get him for you.

[screaming]

[gasping]

Baby, you awake?

[theme music]