Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[chuckles] The Pepto‐Bismol lover

soozin' up.

[laughs]

(Tia) 'Hey, baby, where you going? This is not exactly cuddling.'

Uh, I'm cuddling you in my mind, baby.

(Tia) 'Well, I don't have ESP.'

'Get back in here!'

I'm just grabbin' a glass of water.

'Come on, hurry up. I need you now.'

Alright. I'm‐I'm‐I'm‐I'm pouring the water now.

Where is it?

Oh, I‐m‐I'm pouring, still pouring.

Oh, man, baby, a ladybug just flew in my glass.

I'm gonna have to pour another glass.

‐ Where is the fight? ‐ Right behind you.

You had that and you gave me this?

What are you doing?

I'm, um, tryin' to catch

a few minutes of the cuddling channel.

You know, get a few tips.

Uh‐huh. You lucky you're cute when you lie.

[chuckling] I gotta admit it, I am cute.

‐ And I am lying. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

No, no, no, I'm‐I'm trying to find the Ramirez fight.

‐ Don't you have cable? ‐ No.

I'm a teacher. I read.

And I can't afford it.

[rock music on speaker]

What the hell is that?

That's just my neighbors in 2L, okay?

Every Friday night they party like it's 1999.

And, apparently, have been since 1988.

You know, I'm just gonna complain to the manager again.

Uh, wai‐wai‐wait, don't.

Ju‐just forget about that, alright?

Why don't we just go to my place

watch two men beat the hell out of each other

in peace and quiet?

Well, baby, come on, we always go to your place.

Alright, I'm tired of havin' to pack up all my bath products

and my hair products, and then I don't know what clothes to bring

or what shoes to wear. I gotta plan ahead for that‐‐

Alright, alright, alright, I have an idea.

Why don't you move in with me?

‐ Really? ‐ Really.

Oh, wow, baby. I'm so excited.

We're gonna be livin' together for the rest of our lives.

[chuckles] Hey, wait a minute.

Are you doing this as a genuine expression of love

or just because you wanna watch the fight?

Yes.

‐ Come on. ‐ Okay.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be a family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪ ♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

Hey, Jonelle.

‐ Hey. ‐ I need your help.

‐ What's wrong? ‐ Well, it's Robert.

He asked me to move in and I feel like

I should have just ordered cable.

Girl, you don't have cable?

I know someone who could get you a bootleg box, but you‐‐

Hm, Jonelle, focus.

‐ Okay? ‐ Okay.

Robert asked me to move in

and I said yes.

Do you think I'm doing the right thing?

If it's after the ring, then it's the right thing.

I believe it says that in the Bible.

The rhyming Bible.

[laughing]

But there's a kid involved.

And I haven't lived with anybody before.

Except my parents and it's taken me 15 years to get over that.

How many nights did you spend at Robert's last week?

‐ Uh, four. ‐ My parents were married.

And my dad was only home three nights a week.

He was a long‐haul trucker..

...who had a shadow family in Newark.

Well, my point is, is that you practically live with him anyway

so just make it official.

Okay, you don't think it's too soon?

No, girl, you're in love, you're getting married.

And my lease is comin' up.

What does your lease have to do with any of this?

Oh, I've been plotting to sublet your apartment

ever since you got engaged.

But we're not talking about me.

We're talking about you.

And Robert is a great guy

and you should move in with him.

Preferably, by the first of the month.

‐ Thanks. ‐ You're welcome.

And you know, if it doesn't work out

you always have a place to stay.

Tsk. Aw..

Your mom lives in town, right?

[instrumental music]

[chuckles]

Baby, you smell good enough already.

[doorbell rings]

[chuckles]

‐ Neesee. ‐ Hey.

‐ Daddy! ‐ What's up, big fella?

‐ Ah! ‐ What's up, Robert?

Oh, I just came by to tell you guys some big news.

Ooh, is this a Mr. LA exclusive?

Well, as a matter of fact, it is.

[exhales sharply] Alright. I'll make this quick.

I just wanted to come by here and tell you and Bobby in person

that...Tia and I are moving in.

‐ Yay! Moving where? ‐ To daddy's house.

It's gonna be like a sleepover

except she's gonna sleep over every night.

Yay!

So, Neesee, you cool?

‐ Am I cool? ‐ Yeah.

Oh, don't even trip, Robert.

I mean, you guys are grown, so you can do as you please.

I know I do.

Really? Well, thanks for being so understanding, Neesee.

I thought you was gonna go buck wild and start tearing..

...confetti with joy.

Look, I just wanted to let you know.

Yeah, well, now I know.

So, uh, great.

‐ Great. ‐ Great.

[chuckling]

Great.

[instrumental music]

Okay, bro, explain to me why I'm givin' up my Saturday

to carry a box marked, "Shower caps and batteries."

'Cause you're my friend‐‐

No, that ain't it.

And Tia promised to cook you dinner.

She said, "Cook?"

I thought she said, "Order."

Then there's absolutely no reason for me to be here.

Now, T, you sure you really want this thing?

I mean, it doesn't really go with the decor

plus, Robert already has a end table, plus‐‐

Nice try, Jonelle.

Stop trying to bogart my furniture.

All I'm saying is, I don't know why you'd ask the woman

you already asked to marry you to move in now.

'Cause if it was me

I would have done it months ago.

[scoffs] I'm tired. I need a little break.

Ow! Oh, this thing is so uncomfortable, girl.

‐ Ugh! ‐ Forget it, Jonelle.

Damn, this is heavy.

Don't you already have a set of tools?

Those are not tools. That's Tia's makeup case.

Man, you sure you wanna be wakin' up every morning

next to somebody who needs more makeup

than Edward James Olmos?

She uses that for face painting for the kids at school.

Why you tripping, man? What do you have against Tia moving in?

Wasn't it just yesterday I was helping you move

Neesee's stuff out?

No, well, it was a year and a half ago

and you didn't help.

You just pointed and drank.

It just seem like you're rushing a little.

It's like this, bro, you got heaven, you got hell

you got purgatory.

Well, thank you, Reverend Dirk.

Listen, living alone is heaven.

Being married is hell.

No, living alone is lonely.

This conversation is hell.

Hey, all I'm saying is, you could have soaked up more heaven

before you dove into the lake of fire by moving Tia in.

That's premature purgatation, man.

[instrumental music]

Hey, baby, where do you want me to put

my Zora Neale Hurston poster?

Uh, back in your dorm room.

[chuckles]

Robert.

What's up, Neesee? What's up, chocolate?

Bobby, what do you think of the new place?

Mommy, can you stay in my room with me tonight?

No, baby, there's nothing to be scared of here.

Well, except that picture of Queen Latifah.

That's Zora Neale Hurston.

Oh, is that her real name?

Baby, mommy will pick you up in the morning, okay?

Mwah.

Well, hey, Bobby.

So anybody up for Twister?

Alright, that's a good idea.

You know, get your jammies on first.

You know, flexible clothing allows you

to get your stretch on and everything.

Baby, I don't think he's coming back down.

Of course, he is. He loves Twister.

It's not about Twister, I think

he's got a issue with me being here.

No, when I told him you were moving in

he was just as excited as I was.

See? Here he is now.

‐ What's that? ‐ My clothes.

You know what? I knew it was too soon for this.

You know, I think you guys should talk, okay?

I'll just go to my place. I mean, Jonelle's place.

Are you sure?

[instrumental music]

[rock music]

Eat up, eat up. Have fun.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, Jonelle.

Hey, girl!

What brings you here?

Not a invitation.

I would have sent you one

but I didn't have your new address.

Save it.

I was just wondering if I could spend the night.

What did that man do to you?

Uh, it's not Robert, it's Bobby.

What did that boy do to you?

I'm just thinking he's got a tough time

adjusting to me moving in.

Aw, honey. Poor baby.

I am here for you.

Now you do realize, under California law

a sub lease is just as binding as a regular lease‐‐

‐ Jonelle. ‐ I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

No, for real. I'm here for you, girl. Whatever you need.

[knocking on door]

Hey!

♪ Last night night before ♪

♪ 24 robbers at my door ♪

♪ I got up let 'em in ♪

♪ Hit 'em in the head with a rolling pin ♪♪♪

Oh, hear! Ready or not, here I come, Bobby!

Come on, Bobby. You're supposed to hide.

Don't you wanna play?

Is everything okay?

'Cause you know, you can tell me anything

right?

Okay, you say it with body language.

That's cool, that's cool.

Now, tell me why you threw Tia's clothes down the stairs.

Are you upset with her? Shrug twice if yes.

Are you answering me or are you just shrugging?

Okay, you're not helping.

Alright, are you upset with me?

Hey, why don't you go in the kitchen

and grab a cookie?

Oh, you ain't shrugging now, alright.

‐ Hey, man. What's going on? ‐ What's up, Dirk?

I don't smell any food cookin', that's a good thing.

‐ Let's order out. ‐ Oh, man, your dinner.

I forgot, man. I've been dealing with Bobby.

He's depressed, you know?

‐ Uncle Dirk. ‐ Bobby, deuce, my man.

‐ Everything cool? ‐ Yeah.

Wow, he is depressed.

‐ On planet opposite. ‐ Oh, so now you're talking?

I think he's upset that you‐know‐who

is moving in you‐know‐where.

Oh, gotcha. Looks like a job for Uncle Dirk.

Let me talk to Bobby for a minute.

Hey, when you go in there, call Ming Fa's.

Order me a aromatic beef, a crispy whole fish

and a succulent..

Or just call Domino's, whichever's easier.

[instrumental music]

You know, I didn't get it 'cause I love Bobby.

I really, really do, but I would never

and could never take the place of his mother.

I mean, after all, his mother is his mother, right?

'I mean, you know, I don't know Bobby loves me.'

And then I have this motherly kind of way.

He just loves me just the same.

Oh, my goodness, don't get me started

on how much I love Robert.

We're meeting upstairs in 15 minutes.

Just act natural and fade out.

I just didn't get, I mean, what he was trying to tell me.

You know, I think, maybe we should've just sat down and‐‐

‐ T? T. T. T. ‐ Yeah.

Have you noticed what's going on here?

Girl, isn't it amazing, the support and love

I'm feeling from my neighbors?

No, they're my neighbors now

and they're leaving because of you.

‐ No, they're not. ‐ Hi.

We have a rare type of bird in our apartment

that actually needs to be walked.

So we gotta go, okay.

See, girl, I, I told you it wasn't because of me.

So let me get this straight.

There's this sponge that lives under the sea.

Uh‐huh. And he's got square pants.

Of course, he's a sponge.

‐ And he's really sad. ‐ About?

His friend Gary who's in a shell.

Oh, 'cause Gary's feeling left out?

No, because he's a snail.

Okay, Uncle Dirk's gonna have to TiVo SpongeBob

before our next talk.

Squidward is sad, too.

What the heck is going on in the water

that's making these fish so freaking sad?

They're sad because they saw their mommy crying.

Shark got her?

No. Tia moved in with their daddy.

Tia's not a fish.

Oh, oh.

You saw your mommy crying.

You got a lot going on up there, huh, little man?

Alright, don't worry, it'll be alright.

Okay, Bobby, hug's over.

Alright. Okay, watch the scallops.

Alright, alright, we'll just keep hugging.

‐ Sleep tight, puddin'. ‐ Goodnight, big fella.

[chuckles]

So, Robert, what's going on with Bobby?

Look, I had a talk with him.

Well, I had a talk with Dirk

who had a talk with Bobby

who, apparently, talks to SpongeBob.

And it just seems that this whole moving situation

is tough on Squidward.

Who represents Bobby.

Robert, what the hell are you trying to say?

That Bobby, the sensitive genius that we created

is upset about something that he's seen or he heard.

‐ Like, crying. ‐ Whoa, whoa, whoa.

‐ What's Bobby crying for? ‐ Bobby wasn't crying.

‐ You got Tia crying? ‐ Ugh!

Already? See, it's that mouth. I told you.

Be a helper, not a hater.

Neesee, Tia wasn't crying.

You were. And Bobby saw you.

Robert, I don't know what you're talking about.

I haven't cried since the first time I saw "The Color Purple."

And that was back in '93.

I'm just saying that Bobby saw somethin'

that affected him.

And if you wanna talk about it, I'm, I'm here.

Robert, he couldn't have seen me cry

because I didn't. End of discussion.

Alright, my bad.

There must have been something that Bobby saw

that made him so upset that he threw Tia's clothes

down the stairs.

Yeah, there must have been.

Tsk.

Alright, I'll talk to you later.

[instrumental music]

‐ Ah.. ‐ Hey, baby, you okay?

[sighs] Baby, the last 24 hours have been hell.

Jonelle turned my place in to a teachers‐gone‐wild video.

Mm‐hmm. Yeah, that's okay.

Well, you home where you belong now

and daddy gonna take care of you.

Aw, thank you, daddy.

So is Bobby doing any better?

Oh, well, yeah, that's gonna take a minute to iron out.

‐ You up for it? ‐ Hey, you know, we ride or die.

Isn't that what the kids say?

Yeah, but you gotta say it like DMX, though.

[imitating DMX] Hey, we ride or die, son.

Yeah, just not like that.

[laughing] Come on, baby.

[grunts]

[doorbell rings]

Okay. Don't move and don't fall asleep.

Hey, Neesee, what you doing here?

I'm here to play Twister.

‐ What? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

It's Bobby's favorite game.

And if you and Ms. Thing here are gonna play house

then you'd better learn how to play Twister.

‐ Uh‐huh. ‐ Daddy, come on, let's play.

Oh, just jumping in, saying nothing but a word.

Come on. You, too, girl. We're all playing this one.

Oh, no, I'm just gonna watch. I'm pretty tired.

You know, speaking of tired

you might wanna take those shoes off so you won't rip up my mat.

Now, come on, girl. I ain't got all day.

I wanna be on your team, mommy.

You know, I got a better idea.

How about you and Tia be on the same team?

‐ Okay. ‐ Okay.

‐ Spin, mommy. ‐ Okay.

Robert, you're first. Come on.

You ain't said nothing but a thing.

Now, I don't know if we, all of y'all noticed

but I was the last cut on Cirque du Soul Train.

Please.

You know, less talking and more twisting.

‐ Bring it. ‐ 'Alright, I'm bringing it.'

Okay. "Left foot on yellow."

Hm. What?

"Left hand on blue."

‐ Hm! What? ‐ Ha‐ha!

Okay, Tia, your turn.

‐ Okay, okay. ‐ 'Uh‐huh.'

‐ "Right hand on green." ‐ Okay.

‐ There. ‐ 'Uh‐huh.'

'"And right foot, yellow."'

‐ Hi‐yah. ‐ Hm. You didn't say nothing.

[laughing]

You know I love you, right, baby?

I love you, too, mommy.

‐ Spin! ‐ Alright.

Alright, now it's time for little Mr. Twister.

‐ Mm‐hmm, bring him. ‐ "Left foot on green."

Mm‐hmm, he didn't say nothing.

"And right hand on blue."

Oh, but I don't think he's gonna make it.

'Cause I got a tickle. He may not make it.

‐ Oh. ‐ Hey, come on, that's not fair.

Hey, hey, everything is fair in Twister.

And since you said something, I'm gonna tickle you, too.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

‐ What you gonna do? ‐ What are you laughing at?

Oh, no, hold the position, hold the position now.

‐ You gotta stay in it. ‐ What you laughing at?

Alright, Neesee, your turn.

I think I've got it. There you go. Heh‐heh.

(Tia) 'Stay up there. Stay up there.'

[Bobby laughing]

Alright, y'all, alright, y'all, here we go

we're back in, we're back in.

‐ 'Okay.' ‐ Alright, Bobby.

"Right ear, red.

Left nose, yellow."

‐ Dad! ‐ What are you talking about?

Come on, man, you can do it. You're my son.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

Wow! This apartment looks great.

Doesn't even look like the same apartment.

Jonelle, we're here.

Hey, girl.

Hi, Tia.

[mumbles]

Hey, hey. Oh, oh..

Hey, hey, Ben, Ben..

Girl, I can't believe your man just left you like that.

‐ No. No, it's okay. ‐ I'll go get him. No.

‐ I'll be back. ‐ Hey, Jo‐Jonelle.

[hip‐hop music]

[theme music]