Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

‐ Hi, Tia. ‐ Hey, Bobby.

‐ What happened to your bike? ‐ A big kid took it.

[imitating tires screeching]

Baby, come on, what kinda example

are you setting for Bobby?

You're right. I forgot to ring the bell.

[bell ringing]

Okay, I thought you were gonna teach Bobby

how to ride the bike.

I did. He's doin' great.

But I still have trainin' wheels.

Come on, man, what's the rush?

Tia still has training wheels

on her bike, right, baby?

[chuckling]

But Marcus says he stopped using training wheels

when he turned five.

Yeah, well, I don't know who this Marcus guy is

but if he keeps teasing you, tell him your dad is gonna..

Woo‐kaw!

Okay, but he's bigger than you.

Well, obviously, he ain't smarter than me

if he's still in the kindergarten. Heh‐heh‐heh!

Dad, he's not in kindergarten. He's mommy's new friend.

Mommy's new best friend.

Best friend like you and Reggie?

No, like you and Tia.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be a family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪ ♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

[doorbell ringing]

Oh, did you go for a ride this afternoon?

Maybe I should be asking you that.

‐ What? ‐ Nothin'.

I'm just gettin' Bobby's

bike ready for you, that's all.

Well, how about gettin' Bobby ready for me?

‐ I have errands to run. ‐ Errands, huh?

Where you goin'? Neiman Marcus?

No, I'm goin' to Bloomingdale's.

So you can buy some Marcus‐scents

So you can have as many shoes

as Imelda Marcus...os?

Boy, what are you talkin' about?

I'm talkin' about Marcus, your new best friend

who I had to find out about from my five‐year‐old son.

Why you didn't tell me you was datin' somebody, Neesee?

Oh, I don't know, uh

maybe because it's none of your damn business.

Well, if my son is involved, it is my damn business.

You could have at least introduced me to him, Neesee.

Like you introduced me to your girlfriend?

I didn't have to. She was a teacher at Bobby's school.

[laughing]

And she took show and tell a little too far.

You know what I'm sayin', there's a big difference

between me and Tia and you and what's‐his‐name.

Oh, all of a sudden you don't know his name?

There's a whole lot I don't know about him.

Ah. Well, if you must know, Robert, he's my dentist.

And so far he's given me more gold than you ever did.

Well, he must be a hell of a miner.

Look, until I meet him, I don't want him around Bobby.

Oh, well, see, that may be a problem

because, A, Bobby has a cavity

B, I really don't give a rat's ass what you want.

Bobby?

Mommy's here.

[instrumental music]

Cancel all your plans, you're covering the premiere

of the new Spike Lee joint tonight.

Nah, dawg, I'm not coverin' anymore red carpet arrivals

unless I'm actually on the red carpet.

Oh, no, no, don't worry, I got you a spot on the gray carpet.

There is no gray carpet. That's the sidewalk.

Hey, every press line has its pecking order.

Exactly.

So why is Mr. LA

further down the carpet than Mr. DC?

Because of a crazy thing called the alphabet.

Hey, well, the alphabet sucks.

S‐U‐C‐K‐S.

This dis brought to you by the alphabet.

[chuckles]

Unless my feet touches the red

I'm not askin' anybody anything.

I'll go. Some of my favorite films are by Spike Lee.

Especially "Jungle Fever," that one really spoke to me

because I too love the white women.

I think I hear one calling.

Ain't you in a foul‐ass mood? What's goin' on?

[sighs] Neesee's seein' a dentist.

Well, twice a year is normal, you cheap‐ass‐‐

They're dating.

Oh. And?

‐ And I haven't met him yet. ‐ And?

And I have the right to know who's spendin' time with my son.

I mean, I know less about this guy than I know about him.

‐ Sorry, Steve. ‐ No, it's Bill.

We worked together for the last two years.

I got you.

[laughs]

‐ Alright. ‐ I was just testin' you, buddy.

[chuckles]

I don't have to put up with this, Dirk.

And Neesee? Neesee's gonna have to recognize.

Shoot, you better recognize.

It sound like she got you straight up punked.

She gettin' drilled and filled, and you gettin' billed.

You got the right to some answers, man.

You're damn right, and if I don't get 'em

there's gonna be hell to pay.

Well, if you're thinkin' about gettin' rid of him

it's not gonna be easy. Dentists are relentless.

‐ What do you mean? ‐ Think about it.

This chump has endured endless hours

of boredom and studying

for the right to talk about what?

Teeth. Why?

So he can wear a stupid smock and vacuum spit?

If I learned anything in this life, it's this.

A dentist will stop at nothing.

Actually, I have to disagree with you, my dawg.

Um, it's a well‐known fact that dentists have

the highest suicide rate of any profession.

A good strategy would be just to wait it out.

Oh, and, yes

Finland has the highest suicide rate of any country.

So what?

So if this guy's name is Olaf

your problems could be over any minute.

[instrumental music]

[upbeat music]

So did you check out the new bartender?

Ooh. I wouldn't mind tappin' his cake.

Girl, please, you know I am an engaged..

Whoo, Lord have mercy.

Speakin' of eye candy, did you see who brought Neesee

to drop off Bobby this morning?

That must've been her new boyfriend.

‐ Marcus, the dentist. ‐ Hm.

What's he like?

Well, if our bartender is a ten

he's a thousand.

Girl, where did she meet him?

'Cause you know, hotties, they travel in packs.

‐ Well, he was fixin' her teeth. ‐ Hm.

Ooh! Ow!

‐ Well, I, I got a‐‐ ‐ Mm‐mm, don't even try it.

Mm‐mm.

Um, well, okay. So he's hot and he's loaded.

It must be drivin' Robert crazy.

Well, he's not that happy. That's for sure.

But he says he's just worried about Bobby.

‐ And you believe that? ‐ Yes.

Good.

‐ Really? ‐ No!

I went through the same thing with my parents.

After their divorce, whenever my mom met someone new

all of a sudden my father would show up to see me

with all sorts of toys.

‐ And new clothes. ‐ Well, that sounds nice.

What makes you think he didn't wanna spend time with you?

Because every time he ran the guy off

he would make me return everything to the stores.

That's just the saddest story I've ever heard.

Psych!

[laughs]

Girl, I'm lyin', just like Robert.

Please, my fiance does not lie.

‐ Uh, whatever. I need a drink. ‐ Oh, okay, waitress.

No, I need a stiff one.

Bartender?

[instrumental music]

[laughing]

Daddy?

When can I ride without training wheels?

Why are you in such a rush?

You got some girl you tryin' to impress?

Dad!

[laughs]

My tricycle only had three wheels.

I'm doin' worse than ever.

Okay, okay, here's the deal.

Two rides without it endin' in tears and Bactine

and you're flyin' solo.

‐ Yay! ‐ Alright. Hey, hey, hey.

Where's my Eskimo kiss?

See you later, man.

Baby, why did you tell him that?

[bicycle crashing]

‐ 'I'm okay!' ‐ That's why.

Keep goin', Bobby!

‐ Robert, Tia. ‐ 'Hey, Neesee.'

‐ Where's Bobby? ‐ Out back ridin' his bike.

‐ By himself? ‐ Relax, he's fine.

[bicycle crashing]

(Bobby) 'I'm okay!'

So, uh, where's your sugarless daddy?

Boy, please. He's parking his Jag.

Oh. Afraid to show his face, huh?

I understand. I'm a tough man to live up to. Ain't it, baby?

‐ Yes, you are. ‐ How's everybody doin'?

I'm sorry, Robert, uh, you were sayin', huh?

It's nice to meet you guys. I'm Marcus.

Damn.

Hi. I'm Tia.

‐ Tia. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

Damn! Um, so you a dentist, huh?

Yeah, actually, you should give me a call

if you ever need any work done.

‐ Oh, okay, sure. ‐ Here's my card.

Great. Thank you.

By the way, look at your smile.

‐ Oh, my God. ‐ Oh.

What a beautiful smile.

‐ You don't need me. ‐ Oh.

[laughs]

Neesee, can I talk to you for a second?

Uh, yeah, you know what, I'm gonna go upstairs.

Alright, I'll be, uh, outside.

So, Neesee, the first guy you bring to my house

is a 6'5", bald‐headed dentist.

I don't like the looks of that guy.

[scoffs] Ha!

You about the only one.

Look, Robert, I'm a grown woman

and you don't run my life.

I would do what I please, I will see who I please.

Now, step aside if you please.

‐ Whee! Look at me! ‐ 'Girl, please.'

I have a say who spends time with my son.

But you don't have a say who spends time with me.

Neesee, you need to run people by me.

Marcus is dating me, not Bobby.

(Robert) Why do you always have to make everything so difficult?

You don't start nothin', it won't be nothin'.

See, just the fact that you said

"Don't start nothin', don't be nothin'."

‐ You're startin' something. ‐ Whatever.

‐ "Whatever?" Oh, oh‐‐ ‐ Did you see?

Did you see? No training wheels.

We missed Bobby's first bike ride.

But at least we got a chance to see

our billionth stupid argument.

‐ Okay, bye, guys. ‐ Bye, Bobby.

Nice job with the bike, Marcus.

[laughs]

Can you believe that guy taught my son how to ride a bike?

Whoo! He's a monster.

You don't just come in to somebody's house

and teach their son how to ride a bike.

That's just not cool, Tia.

Well, come on, baby. You taught him.

Marcus just took off the training wheels.

Just? Did you just say, "Just?"

You're startin' to scare me, Tia.

Excuse me?

We used to be like this.

Right? Apparently, we're like..

Baby, what are you talkin' about?

How would you feel if you spent six months makin' a sandwich

you turn around and some jackass comes and eats it?

Well, baby, if it took you six months to make a sandwich

you must not have been that hungry, okay?

Baby, it was a first. That man stole my moment.

Baby, come on, there's gonna be other firsts, okay?

And you wouldn't have missed it

if you weren't so busy arguing with Neesee.

We weren't arguing. We were discussing Marcus.

Okay, look, you're the one that's always sayin'

that you want Neesee to get a life

so she can get out of ours, right?

Well, guess what, honey? She met a guy.

He's smart, he's got a good job

and he likes your son. What is the problem?

‐ I don't like him. ‐ Why not?

Because he's trying to worm his way

in to my son's life.

Okay. But you know what?

You're startin' to sound a lot like Neesee

when she's talkin' about me.

[gasping]

Come on, man.

‐ It's not that bad. ‐ Why you doin' this to me?

Come here.

[instrumental music]

Hey, guys. I know you're workin' hard.

Maybe it's time for a pit stop.

‐ Ooh. ‐ Want some puddin', puddin'?

How about we take a little break, champ, huh?

‐ Okay, but I wanna fly. ‐ You wanna fly?

Okay, but the flight to Pudding Town is bumpy.

Hold on to your seats.

[doorbell ringing]

[imitates aircraft droning]

Spread your wings, plane, you gotta spread your wings, okay.

[imitates aircraft droning]

‐ Hey. ‐ Oh, Robert.

Hey, uh, Bobby left his, uh, this.

‐ Daddy, look at me, I'm flying! ‐ Yeah, I see, I see.

And it looks pretty, uh, hey, dangerous.

Uh, why don't you bring him in for a landing?

‐ Okay. ‐ Please, please.

‐ Ooh. ‐ Nice and easy.

There you go. Great job. Heh.

How you doin', Robert? Long time no see.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Long time no see.

Hey, I see somebody broke out daddy's racetrack.

Yeah, Marcus put it together.

Hey, you had help from your pit crew.

Oh, I see, uh, they didn't teach you back in dentist school

how to put together a racetrack.

Well, uh, in dentist school, I was a square guy.

‐ I studied. ‐ Come on, Marcus, race daddy.

‐ I don't know, Robert‐‐ ‐ No, no, no.

It'll be fun. Come on. Come on.

Well, come on, Bobby. It's time to go to bed.

No, no, no. Let him watch this.

You know you come from a racin' background, right?

Your great‐grandpappy was named Mario N. Dreadlock.

So don't you get scared, Marcus.

Let's go.

One, two, three.

[laughs]

Daddy, you lost.

Yeah, yeah, but it ain't over till it's over.

‐ No, no, I'm done, I'm done. ‐ No, no, no.

It's over, it's over. Come on, say goodnight.

‐ Goodnight, Marcus. ‐ Night, little guy, see you‐‐

Hey, hey, hey, Bobby, aren't you forgettin' somethin'?

Yes!

Goodnight, champ.

Come on.

Wow, uh, he's a great kid.

Yeah.

Look, Marcus, I'mma make this quick.

To be honest with you, you seem like a nice guy

but I don't know you and it's gonna be a minute

before I feel comfortable with you around my son.

[scoffs] Well, I'm not dangerous.

No, I'm tryin' to say, you're six‐foot five

and if somethin' jump off, I'mma have to grab a stool.

Ha‐ha, six. Six‐foot five.

‐ This dude, that's funny. ‐ You funny.

You're funny, you're funny.

Yeah, but look, man, you know, when you have a kid

you'll understand where I'm comin' from.

Well, you know, this whole situation is kinda, you know

hard to understand for me.

When my parents got divorced

they did it the old‐fashioned way.

They had a fight, got a lawyer, never spoke again.

But you guys, you guys are blending and talkin'

and getting along and..

With all due respect, this is weird.

Yeah, well, we're tryin' to do it the new way.

Well, I really respect that, I really do

but I can't do that.

I don't wanna be the bad guy.

Well, I guess someone has to be the bad guy.

I guess that someone would be me.

Goodnight, Robert.

Marcus.

Robert, yeah, yeah.

Look, Neesee, I‐I hope y‐you didn't think‐‐

I know, I know.

You're a good man, an honest man

but there's two things a single mother can't afford.

College, indecision.

And Robert is paying for Bobby's college.

Well, you're a very strong woman.

Thank you.

But I'm looking for someone to sign on

to the Neesee program.

I'm sorry.

But if this was eight years ago

I would've torn the clothes right off your back.

[laughs]

But it's not.

I know. I'm sorry, too.

It's okay. Goodnight.

Goodnight.

[instrumental music]

Damn!

[instrumental music]

Baby!

Yeah, yeah, what's goin' on?

Oh, baby, you missed it.

I just came from Neesee's house, right?

And I think the dentist is gonna need a foot doctor

'cause Neesee's about to tell that boy to start stepping.

‐ What happened? ‐ I'm over there.

Playin' race cars with the guy, right?

And winnin', so..

...all of a sudden, right

he gets mad and he starts talkin' about our family

sayin' that we're blended and we're weird.

‐ So he hit me. ‐ What really happened?

Nah, actually, Marcus is pretty cool.

But him and Neesee, they're on two different pages.

And that hit that I mentioned

well, it was more like a friendly push.

But you know I got the last jab in, right?

[laughing]

‐ Okay, so you feeling better? ‐ Yeah.

Now I don't have to worry about Bobby.

Is that the only thing you were worried about?

‐ What do you mean? ‐ I mean..

Maybe you were a little upset

because you were afraid

Neesee was movin' on.

The only thing I'm worried

about Neesee movin' on

is the weekend

'cause that means I'd have to help her.

[doorbell ringing]

Oh, Neesee, I see you've decided to use the bell.

No, I leaned on it by accident.

Hey, Neesee.

‐ Oh, hi, Tia. ‐ Where's Bobby?

‐ Home alone. ‐ What?

I got a sitter. We need to talk.

You know what? I'mma go and start dinner.

What can I do for you, Neesee?

Who gave you the right to talk to Marcus about me?

Oh, let's see. He's about three‐foot four.

His name is Robert James Jr.

Look, I came over there to talk about Bobby

and my man shifted it to you.

And you just took the ball and ran.

You don't wanna see me happy, Robert.

Happy?

I cut you a check every month

to make you happy.

Neesee, believe it or not, I don't care who you're seein'.

Uh‐huh, well, you have a funny way of showin' it.

Because who you see affects Bobby.

Now, the boy's already been through one painful divorce.

So have I. And I'm tryin' to move on.

We're not married anymore, Robert.

You cannot control what happens in my house.

I won't let you.

You found your fiancee. Let me find mine.

Look, Neesee, who you find is your business

but if he's gonna be around my son

at least show me the respect to meet him.

‐ Is that too much to ask? ‐ Yes.

I'll let you meet him when I feel like it

as long as you don't act the fool.

Neesee, no one's acting the fool.

Oh!

Uh..

Yeah, alright, I was listening.

[instrumental music]

You know what, this is a damn sha..

I used to be good at this when I was little.

Baby, why don't we go upstairs

and do a few laps around the bed?

Now, you know, it's like, you know, when we was little

we used to take the eraser and we put in on here

and they just stick on the track.

This is just.. This is destructive.

Or we could play a little Kitchen Counter 500.

Ladies and gentlemen

start your engines.

[imitating engine starting]

Vroom, vroom, vroom.

Ooh, girl, you on that Valvoline.

You on that Valvoline!

Alright.

[chuckling]

[imitating engine revving]

No problem. Now hold tight, baby.

[imitating engine revving]

[clears throat]

[imitating engine revving]

[imitates tires screeching]

[upbeat music]

[theme music]