Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

‐ Good morning, guys. ‐ Hey, baby.

‐ Smack Berries again? ‐ Yeah.

Somebody just finished his third bowl.

Can I have more?

You know, you ate all the berries

the only thing that's left..

...is smack.

Well, I need to get to the bottom of the box

to get my Smack monster.

Is that him? I think I can find him.

You wiggle a lil' like that, you shake it like..

‐ Hey, I think I see something. ‐ Uh‐oh.

‐ Uh‐oh. ‐ I see..

‐ Aah! ‐ Ha‐ha‐ha!

Ooh! Mommy!

Save yourself! Save yourself!

Save yourself now!

Oh, oh, come on, Robert, try to get it with your head.

♪ Often I wish that we ♪

♪ Could take the time to see ♪

♪ The need there is to be ♪

♪ A family yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's All Of Us ♪

♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪

♪ Time and seasons change ♪

♪ But we will still remain ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪

♪ It's just All Of Us ♪♪♪

[instrumental music]

What's up, Neesee?

Well, today is Bobby's day to bring snack

so I brought some lollipops.

It's okay, mommy. Me and Tia made cupcakes.

Oh, yeah, sorry, Neesee, uh, Jonelle called last night

and reminded me, and we just whipped some up.

I had it covered, Tia.

Uh, you know what, he can take both.

What kid doesn't like cupcakes and lollipops?

A diabetic one.

Hey, as long as you're here, would you like some coffee?

I'll get it.

Speaking of Jonelle, baby..

Did your friend Warren say he liked her?

Oh, baby, you know I can't tell you

'cause you're gonna get pissed off

and you're gonna tell Jonelle

Jonelle's gonna get pissed off

she's gonna tell Warren that I told you

then Warren's gonna get pissed off

and he's gonna kidnap Bobby.

Will you tell me?

Promise not to tell Jonelle?

Oh, dang. That bad?

Say he wasn't feeling her.

How could you tell me that?

What happened to the mugs?

They're in that cupboard now.

Oh. This is beautiful.

Did you do this for me?

I made it for daddy and Tia

but you can have it.

Oh. That's okay, baby.

You can make mommy another one.

Hey, uh, you know, I think

I need to be getting ready for work.

Yeah, me too.

Mommy, what are you doing today?

‐ Oh, I got lots of stuff to do. ‐ Like what?

Oh, like, um, errands and appointments and stuff.

‐ Is that a real job? ‐ No.

My job is being your mother.

And that's the best job

anybody could have. Mwah.

Well, how much do you get paid to be my mommy?

Mm.

‐ Let's go, champ. ‐ Bye, mommy.

Bye, baby.

[instrumental music]

Whoa, what happened in here?

[chuckles]

Oh, our class was hatching chicks

and my ex‐room mother thought we should take it free range.

Aw. Oh, look at this little guy.

He is so cute and yellow and fuzzy and.. Ow!

Mean!

Okay, those are some ghetto chicks.

Speaking of ghetto chicks

Neesee was at the house this morning.

And Bobby hit her with a

"Mommy, how come you don't have a real job?"

Ooh!

You should've seen her face just crack

and hangin' on by a thread of lipstick

with these two little eyelashes flashing in the wind.

[both laughing]

He got it right though.

She about to get it together.

She got 13 years of child support

and she's trading at Robert Braith

the government cheese.

Oh, see, that's just mean.

Well, we can fight about it over drinks.

We still on for Friday?

Manicures and martinis?

Oh, yeah, the Salon Saloon.

Nothing better than getting liquored and lacquered.

‐ I like it. ‐ Okay.

‐ Hey, Neesee. ‐ Hey, Neesee.

Ms. Abrahams, Ms. Tia.

I saw in the bulletin board

where you were looking for a room mother.

I'm a mother, so make room.

[instrumental music]

[chuckles] What's the big grin for, Dirk?

You get hired as the Laker girl towel boy?

No, that's impossible, they're not..

They're not taking any more applications.

This Friday, right here

you are gonna interview Beyonce.

And I get to watch her be‐oun‐cin'.

How did you do that?

I'm a producer, bruh. I produce.

That's what I'm talking about, Dirk!

That's right.

‐ Stars follow stars. ‐ Mm‐hm.

We got Beyonce. Next, we get Justin Timberlake.

‐ Right. ‐ Will Smith, J. Lo, 50 Cent.

‐ Um‐hm. ‐ He's a shooting star.

But, see, I'm gonna rip this one, you know?

And, well, we gotta get started on this real fast.

‐ We gotta do like promos‐‐ ‐ Oh, way ahead of you, dawg.

Check this out.

It's just a mock up, but imagine that's Beyonce.

‐ What do you think? ‐ I think I'm gonna be sick.

What do you think about the poster?

I think you're stupid‐licious.

‐ Stupid‐licious like a fox! ‐ Ah!

Beyonce's people want to know our questions ahead of time.

So, I wrote a few down.

"What is it like to be being Beyonce?

"Who invented the booty bounce?

Could you love a man who wasn't famous?"

That one's for me. It's for off camera.

But, find out.

Dirk, I'm not sending this, alright?

Beyonce is an artist who has written

empowering anthems for women.

I wanna know what she reads.

I wanna know what inspires her.

[snores]

You lost me at "Beyonce."

Look, all I'm saying is, I wanna ask some smart questions.

Why? People don't wanna be smart.

They don't want their entertainment smart.

That's why they watch "Press The Meet"

rather than "Meet The Press."

Yeah, well, I don't wanna do some fluffy

popcorn interview, alright.

Oh, you want serious questions? Here's a few.

"Uh, who the hell is Mr. LA?

Why is no one watching his show?" Here's my favorite.

"Who's the white guy who just replaced him?"

We're gonna play this one my way, Dirk.

Fine, just prepare your questions

give 'em to me and I'll put 'em in a shredder.

I was just kidding, man. I got your back.

‐ I'm your man. ‐ Thank you.

Shredder!

[instrumental music]

[bell ringing]

Oh. Oh‐oh‐oh.

[whistling]

Hey, hey, what do we say?

At the sound of the bell, we get up and do what?

[in unison] Walk!

That's right. That's right. And why do we walk instead of run?

Because the most important thing is..

[in unison] Safety!

Exactly.

See, we don't want you to fall

and scuff up your pretty little face.

Because then, you won't be able to get a date to the prom.

Which is not as important as going to college.

‐ Or recess. ‐ That's right.

‐ Go ahead. ‐ Yeah.

Girl, you are amazing.

Those kids really respond to you.

Hey, I'm loving this gig.

I haven't worked since Bobby was born.

Hey, I'm just trying to find my way.

And I have to be honest with you.

I didn't think you would be any good.

I really thought you were gonna be all‐‐

What? Impossible? Oh, difficult?

Nasty? Mean?

Full of attitude?

Well, yeah. Yeah, but, I was wrong.

And I'm glad I was.

[chuckles]

I'm glad I was wrong, too.

Wrong about what?

Oh, come on, girl.

Every time I'm around you and Tia

all you do is snicker.

[snickering]

We don't talk about you.

Come on, you can be honest.

I've called you names.

‐ Like what? ‐ Oh, like, uh..

Beanpole, chickenhead, ghetto flooze‐‐

Okay, that's all Disney Channel

don't make me go HBO on you.

[chuckles] You are hilarious.

You know, I got this guy you need to meet.

Oh, girl, thanks. But I'm good.

I met this new guy, Warren.

And I wanna see how that plays out.

‐ Warren? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

Ah. Tia didn't tell you?

‐ Tell me what? ‐ Warren was not feeling you.

Oh, but don't worry. My friend is way better.

I got his number in the car.

I'll be right back.

Oh, hey, Neesee. Wow, that's a nice outfit.

I know.

Hey, Jonelle

you gotta tell me.

How are things going with Neesee?

Why didn't you tell me Warren wasn't feelin' me?

What? Did he call you?

‐ No. ‐ E‐mail you?

‐ No. ‐ Friendly fax?

No. My room mother told me.

And I should have heard it from my best friend.

I cannot believe Neesee told you that.

Alright, look. I couldn't tell you.

Because Robert told me that he wasn't gonna tell me

because he knew I would tell you.

So, of course, I had to act

like I was wasn't gonna tell you. Right?

So then I couldn't tell you because then

I just knew Robert would never tell me anything else.

Which I...then would not be able to not tell you.

Okay, that's all fine

but I bought a new dress.

‐ I'm sorry. ‐ It's okay.

[sighs]

[instrumental music]

(Neesee) Five, six, seven, and

one, two, left.

One, two, three..

Uh‐huh, to the back

to the front now.

Whoo! Alright, alright.

‐ Nice one, guys. ‐ Good.

Now, watch the pros do it.

‐ Jonelle, let's go old‐school. ‐ Okay.

DJ Bobby, give me a beat, baby.

Bust it!

[upbeat music]

Uh‐uh. Love that, girl.

[kids cheering]

(Neesee) 'To the right.'

'One, two, three..'

Jonelle is so lucky to have such a great room mom.

Wish we could clone her.

[instrumental music]

‐ What'd you do that for, man? ‐ Huh?

I always do this before every interview.

You didn't do it for Mr. T.

Right. And he checked me on it.

Speakin' of checkin', let me hit you with a blast.

Great. Now I can't even see Beyonce.

Beyonce, we are so excited to have you here.

On behalf of myself, Mr. LA

and the rest of the staff, we welcome you.

[chuckles] Thank you.

So, you're the one who wrote these ridiculous questions?

[laughs]

Uh, w‐w‐what do you mean?

I thought you would like my cerebral approach.

"Who makes your outfits?" Come on now.

How many times do I have to answer that question?

My mother, okay?

I'm surprised you didn't ask me how many times

I had to shake my behind in the "Crazy In Love" video.

Oh, here it is.

You know what? I am so sorry.

You must have picked up the wrong questions.

These are left over from the De Niro interview.

I'll get you the real questions, okay?

Right. Okay.

Hey, Beyonce.

I'm Dirk Black. I'm such a big fan of yours.

‐ Thank you. ‐ I'm the producer of the show.

I just wanted to welcome you and say hello.

‐ Thank you. Hi. ‐ I really admire your work.

Thank you.

[chuckling]

‐ Hey, sweetie. ‐ Hey, baby.

I'm about to do the Beyonce interview.

You wanna meet her?

Oh, oh, um.. You know what?

No, you go ahead, we'll talk later, go ahead.

No, no, no. We'll talk now. I'm listening.

Go ahead. What's up?

It's just that I caught Neesee and Jonelle

doing the electric slide acting like it was all normal and‐‐

Turtle, have you seen my questions

for the Beyonce interview?

Uh, no.

But I see Beyonce sitting over there

and I question why you're over here.

I'll talk to you at home, okay, baby?

No, no, no. Baby, don't go anywhere.

I'm listening, I'm listening.

You said Jonelle and Neesee were on a slide

and somebody got electrocuted.

Mm‐hmm. That's what I said.

‐ You okay? ‐ Yeah.

‐ We cool? ‐ Uh‐oh, uh‐oh, uh‐oh‐uh‐oh.

‐ I'm cool. ‐ Alright.

Love you.

Love you, too.

Where's that.. Ah! Questions.

[instrumental music]

Do you need any help with that, Jonelle?

Oh, thanks, Lily, you're so sweet.

Ah‐ah!

Relax. I'll get me another one.

Lily!

(Tia) Hey, girl.

Hmm, hi.

‐ Look, Jonelle‐‐ ‐ Ha‐ah.. Need a drink first.

You know what? It's on me. Hey, Molly..

Can we have some drinks over here, please?

Sure. What would you like?

(both) Cosmo.

A lot of them.

[instrumental music]

[laughing]

You were sliding with her like she was your best friend

in the whole wide world.

Well, she's not.

‐ That's you. ‐ Really?

Yeah.

But you made me so mad, man!

You could have saved me three days of wondering

if he was gonna call.

Well, two, 'cause I kinda figured it out.

[chuckles]

What is she doin' here?

Oh, it's not what you think.

She just tagged along with the gang, you know.

Hey, girl. This is the spot.

I'm thinkin' about making this my regular hangout.

Wow, Neesee, you just keep popping up everywhere.

Like Jippy Pop Popcorn.

Excuse me?

I just really wanna know why

you repeated something you heard in my house.

If you were really Jonelle's friend, you would have told her.

No, if you were really her friend

you would know not to tell her.

Maybe that's why you're drinking alone.

[chuckles] Ooh.

At least I'm not sippin' on seconds.

Well, a man only wants seconds

when he leaves the first meal hungry.

Okay, ladies, y'all messin' up my buzz.

Come on.

[clears throat] Look, Neesee

we really need to have a clear understanding about boundaries.

Um, you wanna talk about boundaries

and you're making cupcakes with my son?

That's what I do. I take his treats to school.

I decorated that house, I put those cupboards there

and that cupcake tin, that's mine.

Uh‐huh. Check it out.

There's an "NJ" underneath

the bottom of every damn cupcake you made.

Look, Neesee, you can have the cupboard and the cupcake tin

as long as you don't cross the line.

Oh, well, oh, wait a minute, uh..

Well, would you be talking about this line right here, huh?

Mm‐hmm. That's the one.

Now, cross it again, I'mma put up an electric fence.

Ooh.

I'll walk wherever I please.

[sighs]

Ugh! I cannot believe I let her take me there again.

I cannot believe I just drank a shot of nail polish remover.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh, you need a medic? W‐what do you need?

Oh. A cosmo.

[instrumental music]

Baby, come on, hurry up. It's about to start.

Oh. You're about to start without me?

How are you gonna start without me, you are so‐‐

‐ I can't breathe. ‐ That's..

‐ Come on, hurry up. ‐ Here we go.

Oh, my. Look at him. That's your man right there.

You better watch yourself 'cause Mr. LA

is about to become Mr. USA.

Who came up with that?

‐ Dirk. ‐ I like it.

Me?

I did.

Shh.

‐ I love you. ‐ Love you back.

Beyonce, you are a 22‐year‐old artist on top of the world!

Can I ask you a serious question?

Oh, sure. I'd love that.

I do so many interviews

and no one wants to ask me

any serious questions.

‐ So, Mr. LA, bring it. ‐ Alright.

Do you think hip‐hop has evolved to the point

where it can articulate the political voice of an entire..

[snoring]

[chuckling]

I'm just kidding. Your producer asked me to do that.

But he's right, that's not serious, that's boring.

Well, I got an idea, let's flip it.

So, tell me something surprising about you.

No! No, no, no, I'm the one who's supposed

to be asking the questions‐‐

No, I got the cards.

I ask, you answer.

Alright. Something surprising about me.

Um, I'm deathly afraid of owls.

Not surprising or interesting.

But he's cool. It's alright.

Does your career ever negatively affect your relationships?

Absolutely not.

You sure about that?

'Cause I saw you and your girl looked like

y'all were going through some little things, you know?

‐ Oh, you saw that? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

Uh‐huh. You, you're a little nosey, huh?

You need to change your name to Beyonce No‐oo‐sey‐wles.

Huh, huh? No, I got, I mean, I guess, you're right.

I mean, if I wasn't here, I would be spending time

with my fiancee, so...yes.

Now, can I interview you?

No. This interview is over.

You should go find your fiancee.

You heard her here first, folks.

Beyonce told me to go find my fiancee.

But...before I let you go

let's shake it up with a little bounce.

Unh‐unh. We flipped it, remember?

I ask, you bounce.

‐ Alright. ‐ Alright.

You ain't said nothing but a word.

I ain't new to this, you know? I came out bouncing.

Hey, Dirk, you wanna hit me with a little bit of music?

You might want to put some goggles on or something.

‐ See that? See that? ‐ Oh, my!

Don't steal that. Don't steal that.

‐ Alright? ‐ I won't.

‐ Uh. Uh. ‐ Oh!

‐ Okay. ‐ Pause.

Break it down and back

and courtesy, and back, and back, and..

...don't stop, it's good.

‐ It's good. ‐ Oh. Take a note?

‐ I'll take a note. ‐ Alright.

Hey, this is Mr. LA

saying peace to you.

Whoo! That was great.

So, what did you think?

‐ I loved it. ‐ Umh.

But I'm actually kind of jealous

'cause you don't ever dance like that for me.

Get ready, you know.

Take all you want, girl.

‐ Umh. ‐ Ooh, okay, wait, wait‐‐

Bring it, bring it.

Bring it, bring it. Bring it, bring it.

‐ Hey, I don't have any dollars. ‐ Bring it, bring it.

Bring it, bring it.

Take all you want, I'm reading right now.

[instrumental music]

So, this is the new room mother you promised me?

Oh, please. It's the best I can do on short notice.

[upbeat music]

See, you gotta look at your butt like you have

cartoon on your butt, see?

‐ See the cartoon? ‐ 'Yeah.'

See.. Oh, oh, oh.

Got cramps.

[kids laughing]

[music continues]

[theme music]