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- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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00:00:06,031 --> 00:00:07,748
[HORNS HONKING]
3
00:00:07,824 --> 00:00:10,000
Sorry, little dudes,
we're gonna be here a while.
4
00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:12,335
A truck broke down, and the cops
are taking their sweet time
5
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,004
clearing it up.
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00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:16,757
[LAUGHING] He thinks
my tummy is a mountain.
7
00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:18,967
Lou, Lou, quick, take a selfie.
8
00:00:19,044 --> 00:00:20,802
It's not a selfie if I take it.
9
00:00:20,879 --> 00:00:22,688
He's kissing me.
10
00:00:22,765 --> 00:00:24,681
Take a selfie! Take a selfie!
11
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:27,434
Oh, man, my phone's dead.
12
00:00:27,511 --> 00:00:29,194
Milhouse, what am I missing
in the group text?
13
00:00:29,271 --> 00:00:30,937
It's awesome.
14
00:00:31,014 --> 00:00:33,032
You're never gonna get caught up.
15
00:00:33,108 --> 00:00:34,941
[BART GROANS]
16
00:00:35,018 --> 00:00:38,445
What kind of jazz you
listening to, stupid or boring?
17
00:00:38,522 --> 00:00:40,539
It's Marc Maron's podcast.
18
00:00:40,616 --> 00:00:43,992
He does cool interviews
with really interesting people.
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00:00:44,069 --> 00:00:45,994
Lame, lame, don't know him.
20
00:00:46,071 --> 00:00:47,954
Lame, lame, don't know her.
21
00:00:48,031 --> 00:00:49,873
Loudon Wainwright, lame, lame.
22
00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:53,835
[GASPS] This guy interviewed Krusty?
23
00:00:53,912 --> 00:00:58,891
Yeah. Hey, no, aw,
that's my ear bu... Ew.
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00:00:58,967 --> 00:01:00,342
It's yours now.
25
00:01:00,418 --> 00:01:02,895
MARC MARON:
Wow. That's incredible, Krusty.
26
00:01:02,971 --> 00:01:04,805
I mean, really, I'm blown away.
27
00:01:04,881 --> 00:01:07,641
Yeah, well, it's true.
It's absolutely true.
28
00:01:07,717 --> 00:01:10,569
I have a phobia... of pies.
29
00:01:10,646 --> 00:01:13,772
That's so crazy because,
I mean, we've all seen you get
30
00:01:13,849 --> 00:01:15,732
hit in the face with pies on your show.
31
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:19,027
No, no, no, those are cakes
decorated as pies.
32
00:01:19,104 --> 00:01:22,864
Oh, right, so that's how you
make yourself feel safe.
33
00:01:22,941 --> 00:01:26,076
It's not the crust; it's the fillings.
34
00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,744
Krusty, I got to ask you
about something,
35
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,130
and-and I don't want you
to get defensive,
36
00:01:30,165 --> 00:01:31,924
but it's something
you've never talked about.
37
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,085
Can you tell me about
The Sands of Space?
38
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:37,930
Oh, no. That's off-limits, soul patch!
39
00:01:38,006 --> 00:01:39,932
We could talk about
the exploding milkshakes
40
00:01:40,008 --> 00:01:41,124
in your Laffy Meals.
41
00:01:41,126 --> 00:01:42,843
Did they ever find those kids' noses?
42
00:01:42,919 --> 00:01:46,179
Okay, okay, I'll tell you about
The Sands of Space,
43
00:01:46,256 --> 00:01:49,933
the movie that almost consumed my soul.
44
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,168
[ELECTRIC CAN OPENER WHIRRING]
45
00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:52,727
- [CATS MEWLING]
- Yeah, yeah, keep talking.
46
00:01:52,804 --> 00:01:54,521
I'm just feeding the cats.
47
00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:58,066
[LOUDLY]: It all began back in
the golden age of Hollywood,
48
00:01:58,143 --> 00:02:02,237
the late 1980s,
when high concept was king.
49
00:02:02,314 --> 00:02:04,865
You'd mix two kooky words
together in the title,
50
00:02:04,941 --> 00:02:07,960
put a rap song at the end
that explains the plot,
51
00:02:08,036 --> 00:02:12,455
and bam... you're on the coverof Premiere magazine.
52
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:15,250
I had starred in the hit
action buddy comedy
53
00:02:15,327 --> 00:02:16,710
Good Cop, Dog Cop,
54
00:02:16,786 --> 00:02:19,796
where I played a murdered police officer
55
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:23,216
who is reincarnated as his
partner's pet Saint Bernard.
56
00:02:23,293 --> 00:02:26,887
Five smashed squad cars,
100 exploded helicopters,
57
00:02:26,963 --> 00:02:29,055
and the mayor's wife has fleas.
58
00:02:29,132 --> 00:02:30,891
Turn in your badge and your collar.
59
00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:33,101
You're suspended for a month!
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00:02:33,178 --> 00:02:34,978
For me, that's like seven months.
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00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,897
Dog Cop!
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00:02:36,973 --> 00:02:38,607
[GRUNTING]
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00:02:38,683 --> 00:02:40,609
KRUSTY: Suddenly, everyone in town
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00:02:40,685 --> 00:02:42,819
was dying to be in the Krusty business,
65
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,739
and I was dipping shrimp
with all the big talents
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00:02:45,815 --> 00:02:48,834
I once longed to see fail.
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00:02:48,911 --> 00:02:52,120
And, of course, what the studio
wanted most was a sequel.
68
00:02:52,197 --> 00:02:54,006
Okay, Krusty, we've got
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00:02:54,082 --> 00:02:57,459
Good Cop, Dog Cop 2: Golden
Revolver all lined up.
70
00:02:57,535 --> 00:02:59,344
We, uh... who-who did the...
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00:02:59,421 --> 00:03:02,014
The two Terrys, they just
turned in a great script.
72
00:03:02,090 --> 00:03:04,424
Savage Sam Borgberg
is all set to direct.
73
00:03:04,501 --> 00:03:06,009
So when do we start?
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00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,854
I get it. You think I'm just some hack,
75
00:03:08,931 --> 00:03:12,065
out to churn out lazy sequels
for a quick buck.
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00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:14,184
Yes.
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00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,853
This is my next movie.
78
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,697
The Sands of Space?
79
00:03:18,774 --> 00:03:20,257
Krusty, are you kidding me?
80
00:03:20,259 --> 00:03:23,151
This is the most famously
un-filmable book in history.
81
00:03:23,228 --> 00:03:27,039
It made Kubrick a recluse.
It-it drove Coppola to wine.
82
00:03:27,115 --> 00:03:28,949
The four Jeffs tried to write a script,
83
00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:30,951
but even they couldn't crack it.
84
00:03:31,027 --> 00:03:34,287
When I bought this at
an adult bookstore by mistake,
85
00:03:34,364 --> 00:03:36,331
it changed my life.
86
00:03:36,408 --> 00:03:39,051
"There's a light that shines
from star to star,
87
00:03:39,127 --> 00:03:42,796
from soul to soul, connecting
everyone in the universe."
88
00:03:42,872 --> 00:03:45,340
Wow.
89
00:03:45,417 --> 00:03:48,343
It's not landing for me
that the hero doesn't
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00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:51,846
refuse the quest
before he accepts the quest.
91
00:03:51,923 --> 00:03:53,223
Is that landing for you?
92
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:55,734
Look, I'm not drinking
out of one more toilet
93
00:03:55,811 --> 00:03:57,852
until you green-light this movie.
94
00:03:57,929 --> 00:04:00,814
And I'm not playing
a dog, either. [GRUNTS]
95
00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:03,066
All right, we got a comic
who wants to make
96
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,902
a hippie-dippie
science-fiction vanity project.
97
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:09,906
Here's what we do: we humor him,
and we make it dirt cheap.
98
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,700
We could shoot it in Mexico for nothing.
99
00:04:11,776 --> 00:04:13,961
We hire a has-been to direct it
100
00:04:13,996 --> 00:04:15,754
and never-wases to do everything else.
101
00:04:15,831 --> 00:04:19,749
After it bombs, that clown will
come scooting his butt back here
102
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,753
to make all the Dog Cop movies
we want. Two more.
103
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,922
KRUSTY: The Sands of Space was a go,
104
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,591
and the studio hired
the least-qualified crew
105
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,219
they could find,
including a young couple
106
00:04:31,296 --> 00:04:33,930
whose love was just starting to bloom.
107
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,890
She was full of optimism,
108
00:04:35,967 --> 00:04:39,060
and he was slightly less fat
than he was going to be.
109
00:04:39,137 --> 00:04:40,687
What could be cooler?
110
00:04:40,764 --> 00:04:44,283
You and me working on a movie
together all summer long
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00:04:44,359 --> 00:04:46,776
as production assistants.
112
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,787
It's so romantic.
113
00:04:48,864 --> 00:04:51,281
We'll be like Elizabeth Taylor
and Richard Burton
114
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,867
if they had to get coffee for everybody.
115
00:04:53,943 --> 00:04:55,076
[BOTH MOANING]
116
00:04:55,153 --> 00:04:56,578
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
117
00:04:56,654 --> 00:05:00,540
All right, everyone,
saddle up for Juárez, Mexico.
118
00:05:00,617 --> 00:05:03,293
That's where I shot Manhattan Mix Up.
119
00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:06,129
Lost a lot of good men on that show.
120
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:08,798
Now, move it out!
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00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,685
♪ ♪
122
00:05:16,966 --> 00:05:18,767
HOMER: Why are we stopping?
123
00:05:18,843 --> 00:05:20,894
SKINNER: Oh, the bus has
been leaking oil for miles.
124
00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:21,987
Look behind us.
125
00:05:22,064 --> 00:05:24,489
HOMER: Those things were literal?
126
00:05:24,566 --> 00:05:26,491
♪ ♪
127
00:05:31,239 --> 00:05:35,909
The Sands of Space,
day one, shot one, take one.
128
00:05:35,985 --> 00:05:37,952
And... action!
129
00:05:38,029 --> 00:05:41,247
So barren, so alien,
130
00:05:41,324 --> 00:05:43,625
yet somehow... familiar.
131
00:05:43,701 --> 00:05:46,002
Hey, what the hell is this?
132
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,846
Cut. Cut it!
133
00:05:47,923 --> 00:05:51,683
This sand is sand-colored.
It's supposed to be red.
134
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,968
So what? Sand is sand.
135
00:05:54,045 --> 00:05:55,854
Did you even read the book?
136
00:05:55,931 --> 00:05:58,690
These blood dunes
are all that's left of humanity
137
00:05:58,767 --> 00:06:00,692
after the Rust Wars.
138
00:06:00,769 --> 00:06:03,103
What's to read? It's a space picture.
139
00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:05,855
Laser cars, girls with octopus arms,
140
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,691
zip zap glip glorp, and it's in the can.
141
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,869
Look, you no-talent bag of wrinkles.
142
00:06:10,946 --> 00:06:12,946
Go back to whatever
Toluca Lake drunk tank
143
00:06:13,022 --> 00:06:14,781
they fished you out of,
144
00:06:14,858 --> 00:06:17,992
because you're not getting
anywhere near my movie!
145
00:06:18,069 --> 00:06:19,953
[BLOWS NOSE]
146
00:06:20,029 --> 00:06:21,880
Sir, I've worked in moving pictures
147
00:06:21,957 --> 00:06:23,790
since they were called "stillies."
148
00:06:23,867 --> 00:06:26,960
I once shot a two-hour picture
in 90 minutes.
149
00:06:27,036 --> 00:06:31,172
And so I say to you, in the
words of Miss Lillian Gish,
150
00:06:31,249 --> 00:06:32,808
go crap in your hat.
151
00:06:36,421 --> 00:06:38,555
And now, if you'll excuse me,
152
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:41,525
I am going to mysteriously drown
in the ocean.
153
00:06:45,313 --> 00:06:48,314
As you may have heard, there's
been an amicable parting of ways
154
00:06:48,391 --> 00:06:51,651
with that moron director.
We wish him well.
155
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:54,737
Clearly, there's only one artist
close enough to this film
156
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,916
- To direct it: me.
- [ALL GASP]
157
00:06:57,993 --> 00:07:00,660
I know what you're thinking...
have I taken on too much
158
00:07:00,737 --> 00:07:02,996
by starring and directing a movie
159
00:07:03,072 --> 00:07:05,748
that I was also tricked
into cofinancing?
160
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:09,219
No, because this story must be told.
161
00:07:10,955 --> 00:07:13,006
This is so exciting.
162
00:07:13,082 --> 00:07:16,935
Krusty's got the passion and
vision to make this movie great.
163
00:07:17,012 --> 00:07:19,095
[SOBBING]
164
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,432
I have no idea how to make a movie.
165
00:07:22,467 --> 00:07:26,102
I know nothing.
166
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,613
All these people are screwed.
167
00:07:28,690 --> 00:07:31,908
And the crew gift is just a T-shirt.
168
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:37,614
Right, right, I-I get it.
169
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,182
In the tradition of every actor ever,
170
00:07:39,184 --> 00:07:41,460
- you thought you could direct.
- Directing seemed so easy.
171
00:07:41,536 --> 00:07:44,296
You just hold your hands like
this, then bing, bang, boom,
172
00:07:44,372 --> 00:07:46,206
Annie Leibovitz is taking your portrait
173
00:07:46,282 --> 00:07:47,749
in a bathtub full of milk.
174
00:07:47,825 --> 00:07:50,543
[LAUGHS] Yeah, talk about
pressure, though.
175
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,754
Man, I remember once
I was filming a special
176
00:07:52,830 --> 00:07:54,088
at the Laugh Basement in Tampa...
177
00:07:54,165 --> 00:07:55,590
This isn't about you.
178
00:07:55,667 --> 00:07:58,218
You got your ad in
for Dollar Doorknob Club.
179
00:07:58,294 --> 00:07:59,969
Now, let me talk.
180
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,931
KRUSTY: They say in Hollywood,
"Nobody knows anything."
181
00:08:03,007 --> 00:08:05,391
Well, I knew a lot less than that.
182
00:08:05,468 --> 00:08:07,819
What do you like
for the princess's headpiece,
183
00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:11,397
- feathers or scales?
- I don't know, how about scales?
184
00:08:11,474 --> 00:08:13,825
Oh, well, there goes
the whole costume budget.
185
00:08:13,902 --> 00:08:15,151
Uh, for the crew lunch,
186
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,828
the grips want their hot dogs boiled,
187
00:08:16,905 --> 00:08:18,821
but the gaffers want them grilled.
188
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,783
Either way, I don't got no
hot dogs, so, uh, which is it?
189
00:08:21,859 --> 00:08:24,410
Do you want the space ship doors
to open like,
190
00:08:24,487 --> 00:08:27,789
"Zzztt-zzztt," "ppswishh"
or "wahh-wahh"?
191
00:08:27,865 --> 00:08:29,624
Judd Nelson won't come out
of his trailer.
192
00:08:29,701 --> 00:08:32,126
Christian Slater won't go back
into his trailer.
193
00:08:32,203 --> 00:08:33,836
How many sugars do you want
in your coffee?
194
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,089
Stop asking me things!
195
00:08:36,165 --> 00:08:38,683
Is this an official break,
or are we taking a five?
196
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:41,636
- [SCREAMS]
- Wahh-wahh.
197
00:08:41,713 --> 00:08:43,846
Hmm, that poor clown man.
198
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:47,359
This movie is his dream,
and it's falling apart.
199
00:08:47,435 --> 00:08:50,436
Yeah, that's Mexico showbiz for you.
200
00:08:50,513 --> 00:08:52,188
[GRUNTING]
201
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:54,148
♪ ♪
202
00:08:54,225 --> 00:08:55,650
[GROANS]
203
00:08:55,727 --> 00:08:57,035
[WHIRRING]
204
00:08:57,112 --> 00:09:00,113
Oh, is nothing on this movie real?
205
00:09:00,189 --> 00:09:01,656
Um, are you okay?
206
00:09:01,733 --> 00:09:03,024
Okay?
207
00:09:03,101 --> 00:09:06,869
I'm a total fraud who can't make
a single decision.
208
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,706
Well, maybe you just need
to start with a small one.
209
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,717
Like, what color should
the space monster's blood be,
210
00:09:12,794 --> 00:09:14,294
orange or green?
211
00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:16,462
Both. Neither. I don't know!
212
00:09:16,539 --> 00:09:19,966
Just close your eyes, breathe deeply,
213
00:09:20,043 --> 00:09:23,228
and envision the blood.
What color is it?
214
00:09:24,255 --> 00:09:25,972
Orange.
215
00:09:26,049 --> 00:09:28,766
There you go. You decided.
216
00:09:28,843 --> 00:09:32,061
Of course, orange!
I knew I was a genius!
217
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,981
I did it! I directed a movie!
218
00:09:35,058 --> 00:09:36,741
Well, it's just one decision.
219
00:09:36,818 --> 00:09:39,068
Oh, I'm a nothing. A phony-baloney.
220
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,571
A no-talent. A zilch.
221
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:45,917
Just my luck to work for the
only insecure person in showbiz.
222
00:09:45,994 --> 00:09:49,370
You risked everything you have
to tell this story.
223
00:09:49,447 --> 00:09:50,913
It must be special.
224
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:54,092
Maybe I can do this with your help.
225
00:09:54,169 --> 00:09:57,429
How would you like to be
assistant to the director?
226
00:09:57,505 --> 00:09:58,504
Really?
227
00:09:58,581 --> 00:10:01,341
I need you to help me be decisive.
228
00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:04,093
No, wait, I don't want that!
Oh, God, which one?
229
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,429
- The first, the first.
- You're hired.
230
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,889
Oh!
231
00:10:07,965 --> 00:10:09,441
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
232
00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:12,018
Add more dynamite.
233
00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:15,113
Uh, those explosives are
really close to those extras.
234
00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:16,898
So? We got plenty of them.
235
00:10:16,974 --> 00:10:19,200
That's why they're called
"extras," right?
236
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,078
[KRUSTY GRUNTING]
237
00:10:23,439 --> 00:10:26,074
You tell that lox to go to acting school
238
00:10:26,150 --> 00:10:29,369
and work there as a janitor.
239
00:10:29,445 --> 00:10:32,872
Krusty loves what you're doing.
Same energy, little quicker.
240
00:10:32,949 --> 00:10:35,375
Tell him to sod off.
241
00:10:35,451 --> 00:10:37,794
He says, "You got it, baby."
242
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,797
It's so much pressure.
The whole movie depends on it.
243
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,383
Tell the story that needs to be told.
244
00:10:43,459 --> 00:10:45,134
That butt double for the action scene,
245
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,970
that butt double for the
love scene. Let's make art!
246
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,814
♪ ♪
247
00:10:49,891 --> 00:10:51,298
Sorry I'm late,
248
00:10:51,376 --> 00:10:54,394
but Krusty and I were
storyboarding tomorrow's shots.
249
00:10:54,470 --> 00:10:58,898
Close-up, medium, long, long,
establishing, close,
250
00:10:58,975 --> 00:11:03,069
POV, wide, and then...
get this... medium.
251
00:11:03,146 --> 00:11:06,739
You've been so busy with
that director, I never see you.
252
00:11:06,816 --> 00:11:09,784
Krusty needs me.
He's under so much pressure.
253
00:11:09,861 --> 00:11:13,121
You wouldn't believe how much
directing dust he's sniffing.
254
00:11:13,197 --> 00:11:15,006
Everyone's working hard.
255
00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:17,842
We had to repaint all the sets
black and white for a flashback.
256
00:11:17,919 --> 00:11:19,511
We wouldn't have been able to do it
257
00:11:19,587 --> 00:11:21,295
if not for all the crew powder.
258
00:11:21,372 --> 00:11:22,964
Well, it'll all be worth it
259
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,174
when this movie touches people's hearts,
260
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:28,803
as Peabo Bryson sings
the theme song over the credits.
261
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,596
You got Peabo?
262
00:11:30,673 --> 00:11:33,692
- Well, he hasn't committed.
- He's not the only one.
263
00:11:33,768 --> 00:11:35,727
This was supposed to be
a romantic adventure,
264
00:11:35,803 --> 00:11:38,980
but whenever we have a moment
alone, your beeper goes off.
265
00:11:39,056 --> 00:11:42,942
Why don't we have
a romantic adventure right now?
266
00:11:43,019 --> 00:11:45,111
- Oh, yeah, baby.
- [MOANING]
267
00:11:45,188 --> 00:11:47,038
[PAGER BEEPS]
268
00:11:47,115 --> 00:11:49,874
[BOTH MOANING]
269
00:11:49,951 --> 00:11:51,376
Wahh-wahh.
270
00:11:51,453 --> 00:11:53,253
[HUMMING A TUNE]
271
00:11:55,031 --> 00:11:58,049
- Where were you?
- [GASPS]
272
00:11:58,126 --> 00:12:01,553
I had to watch the dailies without you.
273
00:12:01,629 --> 00:12:04,046
Greetings. Welcome.
274
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:07,842
Greetings. Welcome.
Greetings. Welcome. Greetings.
275
00:12:07,919 --> 00:12:10,970
I've been going back and forth
all night. Which is better?
276
00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:14,023
- Did you get one with "Hello"?
- [SCREAMS]
277
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,644
I'm sorry, I was with Homer,
my boyfriend.
278
00:12:18,721 --> 00:12:21,906
Boyfriend? You can't have
a boyfriend. I want you!
279
00:12:21,983 --> 00:12:22,907
Krusty!
280
00:12:22,984 --> 00:12:24,984
Not like a lady.
281
00:12:25,061 --> 00:12:29,071
Like a "mother slash therapist
slash rabbi" who xeroxes things.
282
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,907
Dump the boyfriend.
283
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:35,879
I believe in this movie, but I
also believe in Homer and Marge.
284
00:12:37,406 --> 00:12:39,916
Me, I'm Marge.
285
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:43,419
Oh, yes, Marge. Marge, I knew that.
286
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:46,714
Marge. Marge.
287
00:12:46,791 --> 00:12:50,218
I'm not going to break up
with Homer. He's my soul mate.
288
00:12:50,294 --> 00:12:53,271
Hmm. You know what? I get it.
289
00:12:53,348 --> 00:12:55,440
Your life has to come first.
290
00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:58,935
Yet again, you're the only one
who can set me straight.
291
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:01,938
- Thank you.
- [LAUGHS] That's all right.
292
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,731
It's not all right.
293
00:13:03,808 --> 00:13:06,117
I'm gonna grind
that boyfriend down finer
294
00:13:06,194 --> 00:13:08,736
than this movie's red sand...
295
00:13:08,813 --> 00:13:11,072
that I now wish was sand-colored.
296
00:13:11,148 --> 00:13:13,366
- [INTERCOM BUZZES]
- Send in my anesthesiologist
297
00:13:13,442 --> 00:13:15,293
so I can take a nap.
298
00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:17,245
Dreams or no dreams?
299
00:13:17,321 --> 00:13:19,130
Surprise me.
300
00:13:19,207 --> 00:13:21,299
[GAS HISSING]
301
00:13:21,376 --> 00:13:22,875
[HOMER GRUNTS, MARGE GASPS]
302
00:13:22,952 --> 00:13:24,135
[LAUGHS]
303
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:29,924
Wow, it's crazy, man, right?
304
00:13:30,001 --> 00:13:31,968
How narcissism and insecurity
go hand in hand?
305
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:33,886
I mean, you couldn't function
306
00:13:33,963 --> 00:13:35,805
because your assistant had a boyfriend.
307
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,306
Where does that jealousy come from?
308
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,058
How would I know? I fired my shrink
309
00:13:39,135 --> 00:13:42,436
after I found out she was seeing
other patients. Anyway...
310
00:13:42,471 --> 00:13:44,272
KRUSTY: I made sure the boyfriend
311
00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:47,158
had all the most dangerous jobs
on the set.
312
00:13:47,235 --> 00:13:50,236
I'm out of breakfast burritos.
313
00:13:50,313 --> 00:13:52,997
- [OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]
- [HOMER SCREAMS]
314
00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:56,659
[TIRES SCREECH]
315
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,628
Bring in the stunt dummy.
316
00:14:02,033 --> 00:14:03,082
[HOMER SCREAMS]
317
00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:04,676
- [THUD]
- [HOMER GRUNTS]
318
00:14:04,752 --> 00:14:07,262
Perfect. Let's get one more for safety.
319
00:14:09,373 --> 00:14:12,758
I'm telling you, your crazy boss
is out to get me.
320
00:14:12,835 --> 00:14:15,854
No, he's not.
Krusty loves our relationship.
321
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:17,763
Every day, he says it would be a shame
322
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:21,934
if something happened to you,
then laughs and laughs.
323
00:14:22,011 --> 00:14:24,812
Then why are they sending me out
to the middle of the desert
324
00:14:24,889 --> 00:14:27,866
to find a lizard for a new scene
about a space lizard?
325
00:14:27,942 --> 00:14:30,443
Hmm, that does sound a little dangerous.
326
00:14:30,519 --> 00:14:33,529
No, I'm sure it's super safe.
327
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,082
I'll see you when I get back alive.
328
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,830
[GROANS]
329
00:14:42,907 --> 00:14:44,206
[WIND WHISTLING]
330
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,042
Here, lizard, lizard, lizard.
331
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,002
Who wants to be famous?
332
00:14:48,079 --> 00:14:49,837
Look at all those skeletons.
333
00:14:49,914 --> 00:14:52,548
Mexicans sure love Halloween.
334
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,050
Whoa!
335
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:57,061
D'oh! [GRUNTS] What the...? [GRUNTS]
336
00:14:58,214 --> 00:15:00,148
♪ ♪
337
00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:04,352
[GROANS] Wha...
338
00:15:04,428 --> 00:15:06,979
Oh, I'm trapped in a ravine.
339
00:15:07,056 --> 00:15:11,159
Only one thing to do:
wait patiently for death.
340
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:15,488
- Dad, wake up!
- [MUMBLES] What?
341
00:15:15,564 --> 00:15:17,198
Yeah, get up, fat-ass.
342
00:15:17,274 --> 00:15:19,250
Who the hell are you, talking cactuses?
343
00:15:19,327 --> 00:15:21,369
We're the kids you're never gonna have
344
00:15:21,445 --> 00:15:24,080
if you don't you get your
lazy butt out of that hole.
345
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,832
And technically, it's "cacti."
346
00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:29,210
- Ow!
- [LAUGHS]
347
00:15:29,286 --> 00:15:31,671
Why should I climb out of here
and have you?
348
00:15:31,747 --> 00:15:34,882
Marge spends all her time
taking care of that needy clown.
349
00:15:34,959 --> 00:15:37,435
I thought I was her passion project.
350
00:15:37,512 --> 00:15:39,887
You know, someday
you might appreciate a wife
351
00:15:39,964 --> 00:15:41,764
who's developed empathy and patience
352
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:44,058
for chubby, selfish men.
353
00:15:44,135 --> 00:15:46,519
[LAUGHS] Look at that bald guy.
354
00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:49,063
[LAUGHS] He's so bald!
355
00:15:49,140 --> 00:15:50,439
I don't think we'll ever be born.
356
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,441
Sorry, Maggie.
357
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,360
Eat my thorns. [HUMS]
358
00:15:54,437 --> 00:15:56,070
Why, you prickly...!
359
00:15:56,147 --> 00:15:58,081
- [SHOUTING ANGRILY]
- [CHOKING]
360
00:16:03,446 --> 00:16:05,046
[PANTING]
361
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:09,634
A casa. I'm saved.
362
00:16:11,662 --> 00:16:13,638
Ay, caramba!
363
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:18,977
The Pain Lords forced me to mine
every quarry on this planet,
364
00:16:19,053 --> 00:16:23,398
but they never imagined
I had the Love Gem all along.
365
00:16:25,009 --> 00:16:27,026
And... cut.
366
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,937
That was amazing.
367
00:16:30,014 --> 00:16:31,939
And you remembered all your lines.
368
00:16:32,016 --> 00:16:34,275
Aw, thanks...
369
00:16:34,351 --> 00:16:35,943
Marge.
370
00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:38,830
You've helped me become
what every director should be:
371
00:16:38,906 --> 00:16:41,949
an amiable guy who makes everyone suffer
372
00:16:42,026 --> 00:16:43,826
through his hellish process.
373
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,786
Homer's been kidnapped.
374
00:16:45,863 --> 00:16:47,955
- [GASPS]
- There's a note.
375
00:16:48,032 --> 00:16:50,875
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
376
00:16:50,951 --> 00:16:53,678
"We have taken your blubbering coward."
377
00:16:53,755 --> 00:16:55,722
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
378
00:17:00,169 --> 00:17:01,844
"The ransom is $1 million
379
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,856
or 100 Los Angeles Raiders
season tickets."
380
00:17:04,932 --> 00:17:07,767
- [SPEAKING SPANISH]
- "Go, Raiders."
381
00:17:07,843 --> 00:17:09,852
Oh, geez, I'm sorry, everyone.
382
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:12,313
We don't have the cash
to ransom that kid,
383
00:17:12,389 --> 00:17:14,315
but I think I know what he'd want:
384
00:17:14,391 --> 00:17:16,984
a special thanks in the closing credits
385
00:17:17,061 --> 00:17:20,321
right before which kind
of film stock we used.
386
00:17:20,397 --> 00:17:21,831
Back to work.
387
00:17:22,858 --> 00:17:24,867
No. This crew looks after its own.
388
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,435
We're gonna save Homer,
389
00:17:26,437 --> 00:17:30,173
and I don't care how much
golden time they have to pay us.
390
00:17:34,462 --> 00:17:36,629
We don't have a million-dollar ransom,
391
00:17:36,705 --> 00:17:38,214
but we do have one thing:
392
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,007
movie magic.
393
00:17:40,084 --> 00:17:42,143
Powder up, everyone.
394
00:17:43,546 --> 00:17:45,480
[ALL SHOUTING]
395
00:17:48,259 --> 00:17:49,558
- [LAUGHS]
- Ay, ay, ay! [SPEAKS SPANISH]
396
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,060
"Ay ay ay," indeed.
397
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,479
[CROWD GASPING]
398
00:17:53,556 --> 00:17:55,856
Give us back our P.A.!
399
00:17:55,933 --> 00:17:59,193
The Americans, they have weapons
from the future.
400
00:17:59,270 --> 00:18:02,238
Yar!
401
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:05,249
These weapons from the future,
they are not real.
402
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:11,089
[IMITATING LASER GUN FIRING]
403
00:18:12,166 --> 00:18:13,591
[IMITATING LASER GUN FIRING]
404
00:18:13,668 --> 00:18:15,167
[GROANS]
405
00:18:15,244 --> 00:18:18,838
Stop shooting. Stop shooting. Cut!
406
00:18:18,914 --> 00:18:21,882
Okay, that's a five.
407
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:24,260
We don't have your million dollars,
408
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,929
but we can give you something
much more valuable:
409
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,931
a Hollywood movie.
410
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:32,768
All we want back is the
lowliest member of our crew.
411
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,437
We could sell it to
the highest bidder at MIFED!
412
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,730
You have a deal.
413
00:18:36,807 --> 00:18:40,192
No, no! You can't give away
my masterwork.
414
00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:43,863
"There's a light that shines
from star to star,
415
00:18:43,939 --> 00:18:47,792
from soul to soul, connecting
everyone in the universe."
416
00:18:47,869 --> 00:18:50,786
Be the man who believes in those words,
417
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:55,258
and let the light between me and
Homer give life to our universe.
418
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:01,097
Gentlemen, the film is yours.
419
00:19:07,221 --> 00:19:09,305
You're a good man, Krusty.
420
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,140
Only when I'm with you,
421
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:14,485
which is why I never
want to see you again.
422
00:19:14,562 --> 00:19:16,937
I want that, too.
423
00:19:17,014 --> 00:19:19,607
I've done a lot of interviews,
man, but wow.
424
00:19:19,683 --> 00:19:22,776
I-I am so glad
that Byron Allen canceled.
425
00:19:22,853 --> 00:19:24,987
And after that,
my movie career was kaput.
426
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,989
I was sent back to kids TV
427
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,668
and never cared about making
anything good ever again.
428
00:19:30,745 --> 00:19:34,079
Well, folks, you heard it.
Who could ever forget it?
429
00:19:34,156 --> 00:19:38,292
A heartbreaking story about a
selfish man's one selfless act.
430
00:19:38,369 --> 00:19:39,668
Do you like hot cashews
431
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,004
but don't have the time to heat them up?
432
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:45,424
'ShewBlasters is disrupting
the heated nut business.
433
00:19:45,501 --> 00:19:47,968
If the 'Shew heats, eat it!
434
00:19:48,045 --> 00:19:50,062
[KRUSTY GROANS]
435
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:03,056
- BART: Mom! Dad!
- You guys never told us
436
00:20:03,097 --> 00:20:04,977
you worked on a movie together.
437
00:20:05,002 --> 00:20:06,409
So that's why you've been wearing
438
00:20:06,486 --> 00:20:08,328
that crew jacket all these years.
439
00:20:08,339 --> 00:20:11,331
That crazy movie? Oh, man,
that was a long time ago.
440
00:20:11,342 --> 00:20:12,674
We were just kids.
441
00:20:12,751 --> 00:20:13,917
What was it like?
442
00:20:13,993 --> 00:20:15,627
Well, working on that movie set
443
00:20:15,703 --> 00:20:18,013
turned out to be
a lot like our marriage.
444
00:20:18,090 --> 00:20:21,016
Long days, stupid fights
you don't remember,
445
00:20:21,093 --> 00:20:23,134
but damn good breakfasts.
446
00:20:23,211 --> 00:20:25,854
A good breakfast
can get you through a lot.
447
00:20:25,931 --> 00:20:29,182
But what happened to the movie?
Did Krusty ever see it?
448
00:20:29,193 --> 00:20:31,017
I don't know. I guess we'll never know.
449
00:20:31,028 --> 00:20:32,176
[LIGHT BUZZING]
450
00:20:32,254 --> 00:20:35,313
The love crystal is whole once more.
451
00:20:35,390 --> 00:20:39,785
The prophecy is fulfilled.
452
00:20:48,954 --> 00:20:50,879
[LAUGHTER]
453
00:20:50,956 --> 00:20:54,457
- What? Why are they laughing?
- They think it's a comedy.
454
00:20:54,534 --> 00:20:59,045
[GROANS] It was supposed to show
how we're all connected.
455
00:20:59,056 --> 00:21:03,341
Look around, man.
Maybe it did, maybe it did.
456
00:21:03,418 --> 00:21:06,469
If you think this is closure,
you're nuts.
457
00:21:07,486 --> 00:21:13,747
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -
34423
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