All language subtitles for Perfect Strangers s02e20 Up on a Roof.eng

While? Larry
adores the minuet

The Ballet Russes
And the crepe suzette

But Balki like to rock n roll
The hot dog makes him lose control

What a wild duet
Still, theyre cousins

Hi, cousin.

Identical cousins and youll find...

If you're hungry, there's some
din-din machmud on the bottom shelf.

What's din-din machmud?

Pig snout with saffron.

No, thank you. I'm
on a low-saffron diet.

Mm.

Ah.

What's this?

I'm doing a Myposian lint painting.

A lint painting?

Well, exactly. On
Mypos, we waste nothing.

Interesting story. The first one...

The first one was done by Brektos,
our spiritual leader, in the storybook days.

And the legend says that
he went up on the mountain...

...for 60 day
and 60 night...

...to contemplate his navel.

And when he came down...

...he had a lint painting.

We've been doing it ever since.
How do you like it?

Uh... Well, uh,
what can I say?

You could hang this
under any rug in the worid.

Oh, cousin. Oh...

You don't mean that.
- Oh, I do.

Thank you. You know, it's because of you
I got back into lint painting.

I see you take these pictures
for the photo contest...

...and it makes me want to do
something creative too.

Well, I'm glad one of us benefited
from all my hard work.

What the matter?

Can't you pick which
picture to put in the photo contest?

Yes. None of them.

What? You're not going
to enter the photo contest?

Ugh, who am I kidding?

The Chicago Gazette photo contest
is one of the most prestigious.

It was just a crazy dream.

I thought if I won, my photojournalism
career would have been launched.

Well, it would be nice
if you were launched.

It would have been wonderful.
- But I don't understand.

You've been taking pictures
for three months.

You must have a hundred here.
- A hundred and six.

And they all stink.
- No, they don't.

They are very, very good.

Balki, "very, very good"
will not win this contest.

I need that one
special picture.

I need something extraordinary.

Something that will make
the heart of man leap within him.

Something that sums up the meaning of life.
You know what I mean?

Well, of course I
do. Don't be ridiculous.

You need something...

...a little different.

Yes, that's right.

Well, what about this one of the kitty cat
being carried away by the big bird?

That's different.

Balki, look at the kitty
cat's face. What do you see?

Fear.

Sure. Sure, you see fear.

But the keen eye of the
photographer sees a kitty cat...

...with three whiskers on the left side
of his face and two on the right.

There's no symmetry.

Okay, what about this one
of the fireman...

...catching the baby that was thrown
from the burning building?

It's been done. Why am I
even talking to you about this?

You probably don't have
photographers on Mypos.

Well, no, we don't.

But we have a guy named Nicholai
who has a very good memory.

Whenever we have a fire,
Nicky's the first thing we save.

Well, good.

Why don't we enter Nicky in the contest?
He's got a better chance than me.

Oh, cousin, I see
what you're doing.

You had a crazy dream and you
spent three months taking pictures.

And now with only one day left,
you're just going to roll over and die?

That's basically
what I had in mind, yes.

Well, let me tell you a story
about an immigrant boy...

...who had a crazy dream
to come to America.

Wait.
- And he got on the tramp steamer.

Wait.
- Tramp, tramp, tramp.

Wait, I've heard this story.
It's not gonna do you any good.

I'm feeling sorry for myself.
If you were a real friend, you'd join in.

Well, I do feel sorry for you.

Poor little Larry Appleton.

He could have been
a great photographer...

...but he'll never know
because he gave up.

Oh, I hate it
when you do this.

In the years to come, you'll look back
on what you might have been...

...and you'll remember
that your best buddy, Balki, said:

"Keep trying, Larry
Appleton." But you didn't.

Can't you just let
me accept failure?

Over my dead battery.

All right, all right, I don't know
what I'm gonna find in just one day...

...but I'll give it a shot.
- Now you're talking, turkey.

Now we are so happy,
we do the dance of joy.

Balki. Balki. Why
don't we hold up on that?

At least let me
find a picture.

Cousin, somewhere out there
is the perfect picture. I know it.

And you're going to find it.

Yeah. Yeah, and pigs can fly.

That would make
a great picture.

The man just needed a little push.

Thank you.

Larry, guess what. I
got your mail again.

It's an easy mistake.
I'm in 302, you're in 203.

Perhaps the mailman has lysdexia.

That's dyslexia.

Is that it?

I always get that
word turned around.

So did you send a picture
for the photo contest yet?

No, but I'm going to. I was gonna
give up, but Balki wouldn't let me.

Sure enough, I
found the perfect shot.

I'm gonna take it this afternoon.
- What is it?

It's a church with a cross on
the steeple, but that's not the shot.

I am so proud of myself.

There's not a photographer in a million
who would have even seen the shot.

At exactly 6:02, the setting sun drops
between these two tall buildings...

...and a shaft of light hits the cross,
turning it this brilliant gold...

...and it glows like
something supernatural.

It only lasts for a second
and then it's gone.

It's beautiful.
- Yeah, churches are nice. See you.

Hi.
- Hi.

Cousin, I'm sorry I'm late,
but wait until you hear why.

Mrs. Twinkacetti asked me to
move some furniture in her house...

...and behind the dresser,
I found a gold mine in dust balls.

Forget the dust.
- Mm-hm.

You were right, I did it.
I found the award-winning photograph.

Oh, cousin, I'm
so happy for you.

It's a church with a cross on
the steeple, but that's not the shot.

I am so proud of myself.
There is not a photographer...

...who would have
even seen the shot.

Wait a minute. This isn't the church
where the setting sun falls...

...between two tall buildings
and casts a shaft of light on the cross...

...that makes it
glow a brilliant gold...

...as if it had taken on a life
all of its own, is it?

Well, it's the
angle that's important.

What I'm gonna do...

Is get on the roof of the
building across the street.

The address is 2...
- 2831 Garfield.

Can I tell this?
- Oh, well, I wish you would.

I have to get the shot this
afternoon, otherwise, the jig is up.

I'm gonna get the
owner's permissi�n.

You're gonna have to help get
equipment on top of the roof.

Balki, I have this contest in the bag.
I'm on my way to the good life.

What means "the good life"?

It means the,
uh, good life.

Wow.

I am so happy for you.

Now we can do the dance of joy.
- You bet.

Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
- Hey, hey. Hey, hey.

Hey, hey. Hey!
- Hey, hey. Hey!

Fred and Ginger,
front and center.

I'm taking the day off to be with
my lovely wife, my lovely children...

...at my less than lovely
mother-in-law's.

Appleton, this is what I want
you to do. I'll get there around 4.

Call my wife and tell her
the store is on fire.

That way I gotta come back and spend
the rest of the weekend playing poker.

See you.
Uh, Mr. Twinkacetti.

I can't tell your wife
there's a fire in the store.

Right. I've used
that excuse before.

Tell her the turnip
locked himself in the safe.

Who wouldn't believe that?

I can't tell her that either.
- What is it? Make something up, Appleton.

Cousin...
- Not now, Balki.

Mr. Twinkacetti, I will
not lie to your wife for you.

Appleton, someday, you
will want something from me...

...and no matter how small
that something is...

...my response will
be a well-known gesture.

That building you want
to get on the top of...

...so you can take
the picture of the church?

Yes, I know it. I know the building.
I know it well. What about it?

It's Mr. Twinkacetti's house.

Oh, don't cry.
- All right.

That was easy.

You know, you're bouncing back
better all the time.

Balki, you and I are gonna get on that roof
and we are going to get that picture...

...even if it kills us.

BALKl: Cousin, can
you give me a hand?

I don't like this.

We're not supposed to
break into somebody's house.

We're not breaking into Twinky's house,
we're breaking onto his house.

Besides, he's
not even home.

Just try to act
like you belong here.

How do I act like
I belong on a roof?

Will you stop worrying?

We'll be off of
here in five minutes.

It's pretty far down.
- Only two stories.

The roof is pretty steep.
- I hadn't noticed.

Balki, get that
for me, would you?

I don't think so.

Cousin, I don't understand.
You're the one that's afraid of heights.

You scream if you stand up
in the bathtub.

Balki, I have to get this picture.
My whole future depends on it.

Nothing's gonna stop me.

There are no obstacles, and
absolutely nothing can go wrong.

I know that nothing
can possibly go wrong...

...but have you noticed
that it's getting a little windy?

It's a little breezy.

Fortunately, I have
everything in my bag...

...that you could possibly need
in a photographic emergency.

Here, hold this.

Sandbags.

We can't have the tripod
blowing off in the wind, can we?

Well, of course we can't,
don't be ridiculous.

What about me
blowing off the roof?

You're not a photographic emergency.
- I'm human.

That's not good
enough. Just hang on.

We'll be off here in two minutes.

Okay, give me the camera.

Balki, give me the camera.

No. I have the camera,
and I say we get off the roof.

Balki, give me that camera.

Uh-uh.

Look, there's the Wicked Witch of the West.
- Where?

Ha-ha!

You tricked Balki.
There was no witch.

Ha!

No way am I getting off this roof now.

No, I've taken this shot
a thousand times in my head.

I've planned every minute detail.

Where'd that chimney come from?
- I bet it came with the house.

What idiot architect
would put a chimney...

...where it blocks
the view of the church?

Where have the good craftsmen gone?
- Blown off the roof.

Cousin, you've flipped your coin.
You have plenty of good pictures at home.

If I can get on top of the chimney,
I can still get my shot.

No, cousin, cousin.

Cousin. Cousin, will you...?

Whoa! Whoa.

Yeah, hi, Ralph. Yeah, I can
make the card game after all.

I told my wife the turnip got locked
in the safe, ha-ha, and she bought it.

Who wouldn't?
See you at 8.

Balki, help, I'm
in trouble here.

Help!
- Hush.

Never hush a man who's
hanging by his fingertips.

Help! Help!

Mr. Twinkacetti's home.

Help. Help.

We have to get off the roof
before Mr. Twinkacetti catches us.

Later. I still have 50 seconds
to get this picture.

If I hold on to
this TV antenna...

...I can hold the camera in one hand
and lean out past the chimney.

That picture of the kitty cat
is looking better all the time.

I can see it. You know, I'm
getting an optical illusi�n.

It looks as if the church
is getting closer and closer.

Cousin. Cousin, the
antenna is bending. Come back here.

No, no. It'll hold for five more
seconds. I've got to get this shot.

Three, two, one, zero.

Minus one, minus two, mi...
Where is the shaft of light?

Where is the sun?

Maybe it's behind those
big black clouds over there.

Cousin, don't panic.
Just slowly come back here.

The weather report said
it was to be sunny.

Now the picture is gone.
What am I gonna do?

Cousin, just to get an idea
of where you are, you might look down.

Now we're talking on the same channel.
- Thank you, thank you, thank you.

All right, you didn't get your
picture, now we get off the roof.

I can't. I just remembered,
I'm afraid of heights.

Well, you picked a fine time
to remember that.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, we're going to wait until it gets dark
and then you won't see how far down it is.

Did I mention I'm
afraid of the dark?

Cousin? Cousin, don't do that.

Cousin, it's dark now.
We can get off the roof.

I can't believe it.
I didn't get my picture.

This is all Twinkacetti's fault.

Boy, the next time I
see him, he's in trouble.

What are you two doing
up on my roof?

Mr. Twinkacetti,
this is all my fault.

That goes without saying.

I was trying to get a picture
of the church for my contest.

But he didn't get the picture.
- Cry me a river!

Okay.

Now get off my roof.
Okay.

The ladder!
- The ladder!

Now I'm stuck up here and it's your fault!
- My fault?

You wouldn't be up here if
you were with your wife and kids.

I wouldn't have come up here if you
weren't playing Tarzan on my antenna.

I wouldn't have had to if you'd
put your chimney where it belongs.

I'm gonna put my fist
where it belongs.

BALKl: No, wait, Mr.
Twinkacetti. Stop, stop, stop.

Will you stop?
Whoa!

BALKl: Whoa.
TWINKACETTl: Let go. Let go.

BALKl:
Ow.

We've got to stop fighting
and find a way to get off the roof.

What did you have in mind?

Help!
- Save your voice.

No one can hear you.
Their windows are closed.

And do you know why
their windows are closed?

Because it's starting to freeze?
- Bingo.

I'm sorry I got that right.

What else could
possibly go wrong?

It was a rhetorical question.

You know, this might be a
good chance for us to just chat...

...and get to
know one another.

I'm gonna throw the
turnip off the roof.

And if we're lucky,
he'll drag himself to get help.

And if we're unlucky, we're still lucky.

What was that?
- Thunder.

Ah! I hate thunder.

You know...

...there's something aesthetically pleasing
about your face when you're terrified.

I want my wife.
Edwina. Edwina!

That's great. I think I got
your face framed by lightning.

Ooh, you're cruel, Appleton.

No, I'm not. Hold
that whimper. Yes.

Aah!

What's that?
- I don't know.

Is this another TV antenna?
- It's a lightning rod!

That draws lightning?
- It's a real good one too.

If we stay up
here, we'll die.

Help! Help!

Help!

"Larry Appleton, 10th place."
- Yeah, I'm good, all right.

I even helped somebody else
win first prize.

I think it was
very nice of someone...

...to take that picture of the fireman
rescuing us from the roof.

It's a terrific picture,
if you call that composition.

Cousin, you won 10th place.
That's wonderful.

Well, thank you for making me keep trying,
and for helping me get the picture.

And for saving your life.

That too.

Cousin, I couldn't let you quit.

Or die.

And if you ever see me giving up,
you must stop me too.

That's what friends do for each other.

Yeah.

Why don't we go
to Curly's newsstand...

...and buy every newspaper he has
to send to everyone you know?

Just like the time Mary Ann
got in the paper...

...because she got her head stuck
in a chainlink fence.

It was her hair.

Balki, I don't need to buy newspapers
because I don't need to brag.

But this is a great
accomplishment. You should be proud.

Ah, I don't need to send
a newspaper to anyone.

The important
thing is that I know.

Wow.

You're some humble guy.

Balki, a lot of
it was blind luck.

I didn't get the
picture I was after.

But if you hadn't risked your life, and mine,
trying to get the picture of the church...

...you never would have gotten
this picture of Mr. Twinkacetti...

...framed by lightning.

It is pretty good, isn't it?
- Good?

Good?
- Yeah.

Good?
- Ha-ha-ha.

What was the question?

The picture. It's pretty good.

Well, of course it
is, don't be ridiculous.

And I'll tell you what.

To celebrate, I'm gonna take you
to your favorite place.

Not the petting zoo?
- You got it.

Oh, boy!

Are you going to ride
the camel with me this time?

No. The camel
always spits at me.

Can I chase the chickens?
- No, you can't chase the chickens.

Question:

Am I wrong, or is that
closet full of newspapers?

Not full, only head-high.

Oh, I see.

All right, so I got a few
for my family, friends.

And a lot for my enemies.

My high school
graduation class, Time? Life...

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