All language subtitles for Green.Book.2019.HDRip.XviD.AC3-EVO-HI

(GRAND ORCHESTRAL FANFARE
PLAYING)

♪

♪

Subtitles by explosiveskull

(WHISTLING, QUIET CHATTER)

- (HORNS HONKING)
- MAN: Yo, Tommy!

(WHISTLES) Hey, taxi!

- (UPBEAT, JAZZY TUNE PLAYING)
- Cigars. Cigarettes.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER)

MAN:
Great idea.

Hello, New York.

I'm Bobby Rydell,
and I'm glad to be here.

Thank you all for coming
to see us tonight.

It's Saturday night
at the Copa.

We think you're gonna have
a great time tonight.

We're gonna do our best
to make sure of that.

As always,
a very special thanks

to Mr. Jules Podell
for having us out.

Let's get started.

♪ That old black magic has me

♪ In its spell

♪ That old black magic

♪ That you, uh, weave so well

- ♪ Those icy fingers
- Cigars? Cigarettes?

- ♪ Up and down my spine
- Thanks.

♪ The same old witchcraft
when your eyes meet mine ♪

♪ I love them so well

- ♪ That same old tingle
- WOMAN: Cigars?

♪ That I feel inside

♪ And then that elevator
starts its ride ♪

♪ Darling...

Hello, sweetheart.

Here's my coat.

And you see this here hat?

I want you to guard it
with your life.

It was a gift from my mother.

Yes, Mr. Loscudo.

LOSCUDO:
Here, that's for you.

Thank you, sir.

MAN:
Gio!

Hey, Carmine.

- How are you, pally?
- Good to see you.

Oh, thank you.
That's unnecessary.

Come on, let's go. Andiamo.

I saw this kid Bobby Rydell

two and a half years ago
in South Philly.

Nobody knew who he was.

CARMINE:
Th-They know him now.

Hey, give me Loscudo's hat.

- But he said to guard it.
- I know. I heard.

Give it to me, all right?

Come on.

RYDELL:
♪ Yeah, I should stay away

♪ But what can I do?

♪ I hear your name...

Hey, be respectful,
and watch your mouth.

Shut up. She works here,
all right, tough guy?

- Yeah, what are you gonna do?
- (GRUNTING)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

Tony Lip!

- (GRUNTING CONTINUES)
- (DISHES CLATTERING)

♪ Well, now you're the lover

- ♪ I have waited for
- (GRUNTING AND GROANING)

♪ You're the mate that fate
had me created for ♪

♪ And every time
your lips meet mine, yow... ♪

(GRUNTING AND GROANING)

(BYSTANDERS MURMURING)

(MAN GRUNTS)

You put your hands on me,
you punk?

Do yourself a favor...
go home with your friends.

You don't tell me where to go.
You know who I am?

I'm going back in there.

- (GRUNTS)
- (BYSTANDERS GASPING)

♪ Under that old black magic
called love ♪

♪ Keep talking about
that black old magic ♪

♪ Yeah, baby,
'cause I love, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Love that thing

♪ Old black magic

♪ Yeah, love...

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

You tell Juley Podell,
if I don't

get my hat,
I'm gonna burn this joint down!

- You hear me?
- Joe, it's gonna turn up.

I swear to God
it's gonna turn up.

- Really?!
- It'll turn up.

You tell that fat Jew bastard,

I don't get my hat,
I'll burn the Copa down.

I'm gonna have to go back
to driving garbage trucks.

Jesus Christ.

Loscudo's out of his mind.

- Mm-hmm.
- We earned our money tonight.

Lip, I thought you were
gonna kill that guy.

Yeah.

Better him than me.

So, what are you gonna do
while we're closed?

I don't know.

Maybe go work
at my uncle's pizza joint.

You?

I'm gonna drink for two months.

- (DOOR CREAKING OPEN)
- (LAUGHTER)

Take me home, Lip.

- Hey, good luck.
- You, too.

See you, Carmine.

No, you shouldn't...
that should not happen.

- No, I don't want to be a...
- Well...

My hat.

Heard it was missing,
so I looked into it.

I wanted to kill that broad.

No, no. It wasn't her fault.

Who had the balls
to clip Gio's hat?

Don't worry about it.
I took care of it.

Yeah, I hope you gave him
some beating.

Here.

Take this.

Put it in your kick.

No, no, thanks.

It was a pleasure,
Mr. Loscudo, really.

Bullshit. Take it.

And from now on, you don't
call me "Mr. Loscudo."

You hear me?

- I'm your pal, Gio.
- (CHUCKLES)

("ONE MINT JULEP"
BY THE CLOVERS PLAYING)

♪ One early morning

♪ As I was walking

♪ I met a woman

♪ We started talking

♪ I took her home
to get a few nips ♪

♪ But all I had
was a mint julep ♪

♪ One mint julep

♪ Was the cause of it all

♪ Ooh

♪ I don't remember

- ♪ Just how it started
- (SIGHS)

- ♪ But all I know is
- (SNIFFS)

- ♪ We should have parted
- (SIGHS)

♪ I stole a kiss
and then another ♪

♪ I didn't mean to

- ♪ Take it further
- (SIGHS)

♪ One mint julep

♪ Was the cause of it all

♪ The lights were burning low

♪ There in the parlor

♪ When through
the kitchen door ♪

♪ Up popped her father

♪ He said, "I saw you when

♪ "You kissed my daughter

♪ "Gotta wed her right now

♪ Or face a slaughter"

- ♪ One mint julep
- (GRUNTS)

♪ Was the cause of it all.

Morning.

Good night. (SIGHS)

SPORTSCASTER: One down, and
the batter will be Roger Maris.

MAN:
We need to get back in this.

SPORTSCASTER: The pitch
to Maris, curveball...

MAN:
Come on, Roger. Come on.

Come on, Roger, hit one out!

- Let's do it!
- Johnny, quiet.

- You're gonna jinx it.
- Come on, Roger.

- Come on.
- TONY: Hey, Johnny.

Think you could yell
a little louder?

- Maris is up.
- Yeah, so am I now.

What the hell all you guys
doing here?

All right.

We came over
to keep Dolores company.

SPORTSCASTER:
We're in the fifth inning...

(SPORTSCAST CONTINUES
INDISTINCTLY)

- Come on.
- Tony!

Thank you, ma'am.

SPORTSCASTER:
Here's the pitch.

Fouls it back to the crowd.

One ball, one strike.

- Come on, Roger, please.
- Let's do it, baby.

- I'll walk you out.
- Sure.

- We need to get back in this ball game.
- (CLAPPING)

- Come on.
- DOLORES: Thank you so much.

No problem.
Just give us a call.

- (CLAPPING)
- Come on, come on, Roger.

- The one-two pitch.
- Come on, baby.

SPORTSCASTER: The curve is hit
deep into right field...

(EXCITED CHATTER)

(ALL CHEERING)

We did it! We got it!

- Yeah!
- There it is!

(WHOOPING)

- All right.
- Three-one, baby. Three-one.

- Coming back.
- Roger, baby, way to go!

- Three-one.
- Way to go!

Do it again.
Let's do it again.

Come on, baby.

No, Tony.

Go get dressed.
We're gonna eat.

(IN OTHER ROOM):
All right.

No game seven, no game seven.

(SPORTSCAST CONTINUES
INDISTINCTLY)

From thy bounty,
through Christ, our Lord.

- Amen.
- OTHERS: Amen.

And if anyone hears of a job
for Tony, let us know.

- Dolor.
- What?

Please.

What happened? You get fired?

- No.
- DOLORES: No.

The Copa's closing for repairs,

so he just needs something
for a couple of months.

All the people he knows, he'll
find something in no time.

Well, he had a great job
at the Sanitation Department.

You shouldn't have punched out
the foreman.

He shouldn't have woke me up.

(LAUGHTER)

That's Tony.

- I can't believe they lost.
- (INDISTINCT ARGUING)

- Don't worry, don't worry.
- Relax.

(INDISTINCT,
OVERLAPPING ARGUING)

(IN OTHER ROOM):
That never happened before.

They're gonna win
the World Series.

- (ARGUING CONTINUES)
- (SETS PLATE ON COUNTER)

I'm telling you,
this is gonna be

the easiest 50 bucks
you're ever gonna make.

Yeah, we'll see.

Hey, there they are.

Hi, Johnny.

- Tony, how are you?
- Hey, Paulie.

- How you doing?
- I'm good, I'm good.

So, uh, Johnny here
tells me you ate

48 White Castle burgers
all in one sitting.

Cheeseburgers.

You tell him, Frankie.

I don't believe it.

What do we care
if you believe it?

Hey, Gorman.

What's the record here
for hot dogs?

18, Fat Paulie.

Why wasn't Lip in
on that contest?

PAULIE:
What contest?

I was hungry.

- (CHUCKLING) -GORMAN: Well,
the bet's simple.

Half a C-note.
Most hot dogs in an hour wins.

With toppings.

- What the hell you weigh?
- 260.

Hey, two...
Your left ass weighs 260.

May my mother-in-law drop dead
on the spot if I'm lying.

(LAUGHING)

- All right. You're on.
- Good.

(CLAMORING)

Pick it up, Lip!

The baby elephant just hit 19!

Let's go, Lip! Let's go!

Come on, let's go, Lip!
Let's get this going!

You're embarrassing!

You're embarrassing your son!

He is killing you!

(TONY GROANS)

Hey, Nicky,
you doing your homework?

- Yep.
- Good.

(TONY GROANS)

Where you been?

Gorman's.

I'm making dinner.

(SIGHS)

Fat Paulie bet me 50 bucks

he could eat
more hot dogs than me.

He knocked off 24.

Guy's an animal.

Are you crazy?

You lost $50?

Dolores, please.

I ate 26.

You are so lucky.

- You know that?
- (TONY CHUCKLES)

Rent is due on Monday.

(CHUCKLES)

(PHONE RINGING)

You gonna get that?

(SIGHS)

- Yeah?
- JULES: Hey, Lip.

Some guy called over here.
A doctor.

He's looking for a driver.

- You interested?
- Yeah.

They're interviewing guys
tomorrow afternoon.

The address is, uh,
881 7th Avenue.

2:15.

♪

♪

Hey. Excuse me.

We're not open right now,
but you're welcome

to purchase tickets
to tonight's performance.

Nah, that's all right.

I, uh... I think
I got the wrong address,

but, uh, is there
a doctor's office in here?

A doctor's office?

Dr. Shirley?

You have the correct address.

Dr. Shirley lives upstairs,
above the Hall.

(SIGHS)

How you doing?

(CLEARS THROAT)

I'm here for the driver job.

Tony Lip.

No Tony Lip.

No, I should be on there.

Uh...

no, um, I have a Tony Val...
Valle-la-la...

Vallelonga. Yeah.

That's me.

Fill it out while you wait.

What?

Fill it out while you wait.

- Oh. Yeah.
- (SNAPS FINGERS)

(TONY GRUNTS)

Have a seat.

(BELLS CHIMING IN DISTANCE)

(DISTANT DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Mr. Vallelonga.
Sorry to keep you waiting.

Oh.

(TONY GRUNTS)

I'm Dr. Donald Shirley.

Tony.

Yes. Please sit down.

Some place you got here.
(CHUCKLES)

Are them horns real?

Elephant tusks, yes.

What about that?

Is that a molar?

A what?

A molar, a-a shark tooth.

Or a tiger's, maybe.

It was a gift.

I thought, uh... I thought
I was going to an office.

They said a doctor
needed a driver.

That's all they told you?

- Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES)

Actually, it's a bit more
complicated than that.

Have you ever driven
professionally before?

Yeah. Sanitation.

Garbage trucks.

Plus, I drive my boss home
at night.

But I can drive anything.

Limos. Tow trucks.

Snowplows. Whatever.

I see.

What other experience
do you have?

I worked a lot of joints.

Wagon Wheel,
Peppermint Lounge, Copa.

In what capacity?

What do you mean?

What did you do there?

Uh...

Public relations.

Well, first of all, Tony,
I'm not a medical doctor.

I'm a musician.

You mean, like, songs?

Yes.

And I'm about to embark
on a concert tour,

the majority of which
will be down south.

Atlantic City.

No.

The Deep South.

First, we're starting
in the Midwest,

and then we're taking
a hard left.

Kentucky, North Carolina,
Tennessee,

and on down through the Delta.

Do you foresee any issues
in working for a black man?

No.

No, no, no.

It was just the other day,
me and the wife

had a couple of colored guys
over at the house.

For-for drinks.

Hmm. I see.

You're married.

Yeah. Two kids.

I'm not sure this is the
proper job for a married man.

Why? Are we bringing broads?

My point is we'll be gone
for eight straight weeks.

No breaks,
right up until Christmas.

You're quite sure you can leave
your family for that long?

Depends what you're paying.

A hundred dollars a week,
plus room and board.

TONY:
Hmm.

But let me be crystal clear.

I'm not just hiring
a chauffeur.

I need someone
who can handle my itinerary.

Be a personal assistant.
I need a valet.

I need someone who can launder
my clothes and shine my shoes.

Good luck, Doc.

Tony.

I had my record label
ask around town

to find me the right man.

Your name came up
more than once.

You've impressed several people
with your...

innate ability
to handle trouble.

And that is why I called
and inquired

about your availability.

Okay, here's the deal.

I got no problem
being on the road with you.

But I ain't no butler.

I ain't ironing no shirts,

and I'm not polishing
nobody's shoes.

You need somebody to get you
from point A to point B?

You need someone to make sure

there's no problems
along the way?

And believe me,
you and the Deep South,

there's gonna be problems.

So, if you want me,

it's a buck and a quarter
a week.

Or go hire that little Chink
just pranced out of here.

See how far you get.

Well, Mr. Vallelonga,

thank you for stopping by.

♪

(QUIET CHATTER)

Hey, Bobby.

Give me a Rheingold.

Ice cold.

Mr. Tony.

Augie asking about you.

(BANGING ON BAR)

Come on!
I'm dying of thirst over here.

Shut up!

I'm talking.

When?

Now. He in his box.

(KNOCKS)

Tony Lip.

What the hell happened
at the Copa?

I hear you almost split
a guy's face open.

That guy you hit,
Mikey Cerrone,

part of
Charlie the Hand's crew.

Guess he should have
known better.

(AUGIE SIGHS)

Hand asked me to look into it.

I spoke to Podell.

Whole thing was, uh,
over a piece of ass, right?

Yeah.

Beef like that should never
happen inside the club.

They were out of line.

So we squashed it.

You, uh, looking to earn
a little extra scharole?

I can keep you busy
while the Copa is down.

What do I gotta do?

Things.

Appreciate it, but, uh,

I want to spend some time
with the family.

AUGIE:
Don't be stupid.

You make yourself a few extra
bucks, you buy something nice

for that pretty little wife
of yours.

Hmm.

Nah, I'm good.

I'm flush right now.

♪ So long, Lover's Island

- ♪ Dee
- ♪ Dee-ooh

♪ Ee, ah, ooh, ay...

(SONG CONTINUES QUIETLY)

Here's 50.

Here. Pay me 60 by New Year's,
you get it back.

Hey, Lip.

Everything okay?

What, you got
beak trouble, Charlie?

Mind your business.

♪ Lover's Island...

(DOOR OPENS)

So, come on.
I'm dying to hear.

What happened
with the doctor interview?

He ain't a real doctor.

He's a piano player.

Well, I don't understand.

Why did they say
that he was a doctor?

I don't know.
I think he's, like,

a doctor of, uh,
piano playing or something.

You can be that?

I guess.

He lives on top
of Carnegie Hall.

You should've seen
this place, Dee.

It was filled with statues
and all kinds of fancy crap.

And he was sitting on top
of a friggin' throne

all dressed up like, uh, like
the king of the jungle bunnies.

He's colored?

(SCOFFS SOFTLY)

Well, you wouldn't last
a week with him.

For the right money, I would.

(TONY SNORING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(GROANS)

(SIGHS)

Yeah.

Oh.

Look... (CLEARS THROAT)

Really?

- Uh, okay.
- You okay?

Okay, hang on a sec.

It's, uh, Dr. Shirley,
the piano guy.

He wants to talk to you.

- Me?
- Yeah.

What? No.

Come on.

- Take it.
- No. Tony...

Just... just talk.

Hello?

(CHUCKLES):
Uh, good morning, Doctor.

It's nice to talk to you.

Well, uh, yes,
that is a long time.

It is.

Yes. I'm sure.

(FAINTLY OVER PHONE):
Thank you.

Thank you for calling.

Bye, now.

What'd he say?

He wanted to know
if I'd be okay

with him taking my husband away
from his family for two months.

He said he'd pay you
what you asked for.

(TONY GRUNTS)

- Hey.
- Hmm?

It's good money.

We need it.

Can't be eating 26 hot dogs
every day.

I know.
(SNIFFLES)

I told him it was okay
for you to go.

All right, hey, look, so here's
the first half of your pay.

You're gonna get the rest
when the tour's over.

No, I gotta get paid
every week.

Sorry. That's not how
the record company does it.

We got to have some guarantee
you're gonna finish the job.

Why wouldn't I finish the job?
I took it, didn't I?

Well, then we got nothing
to worry about.

Here's the deal,
Mr. Vallelonga.

Okay, it's your job to get Don
to all his tour dates on time.

Now, if he misses any shows,

you're not getting
your back end.

- He's not gonna miss any show.
- Good.

Oh, you're gonna need this.

Now, this is the book
I was telling you about.

Now, sometimes you guys
are staying in the same hotel,

sometimes you're not.

- TONY: Oh, yeah, the...
- Yeah, yeah.

All right, don't let me down.
Let's go.

♪

Madonne, is this the new one?

Yeah, the record company
rented it.

- It's nice, huh?
- Beautiful.

So, what'd my sister
have to say

about you being gone
for three weeks?

- Eight weeks.
- (SCOFFS)

Ten to one,
you slap this moolie out,

- you come home in under a month.
- (SPEAKS ITALIAN)

- Come here.
- All right, boys, huddle up.

- Say good-bye to your father.
- Frankie, Nicky. Come here.

All right.

- You gonna be good boys?
- Uh-huh.

- You'll listen to your mother?
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah? All right, give me a kiss.

I'm counting on youse.

- Don't go too far.
- We won't.

- Did you go to the AAA for the maps?
- Yes.

No. I mean, the record
companies gave me the maps

and the itinerary,
and this thing.

The Negro Motorist's
Green Book.

Yeah, it lists all the places
coloreds can stay down south.

Like a... you know,
traveling while black.

- "Traveling while black"?
- Yeah, if you're black

and you gotta travel,
for some reason.

- Got a special book for that?
- I guess.

- Did you pack the iron?
- I ain't lugging no iron, Dee.

- Come on.
- How are you gonna press your pants, Tony?

I'll put 'em
under the mattress.

I want you
to write me a letter.

- Every chance you get.
- I can't write letters.

Yes, you can.

- I can't write.
- Take you five minutes.

- Promise me.
- It's embarrassing.

It ain't gonna be no good.

It's a lot cheaper than
calling long-distance, Tony.

Promise me you're gonna write.

I promise.

Dee, put this in a bank today.

It's half my pay.

Oh. Here.
There's a couple of sandwiches

for you and Dr. Shirley.

Thanks.

Be careful.

- I will.
- I love you.

I love you, too, baby.

("A LETTER FROM MY BABY"
BY TIMMY SHAW PLAYING)

You better be home
for Christmas,

or don't come home at all.

I got it, Pop. I got it.

♪ I got a letter from my baby

♪ Mailman brought it today

♪ She said she's so sorry

♪ Uh, that she went away

♪ She said,
"Daddy, don't worry ♪

♪ "Because it won't be long

♪ Hey, before
I'll be back home" ♪

(FADING):
♪ Oh, yeah...

Hey.

I'm Tony.

His driver.

Bum a smoke?

Thanks.

So, you're the band?

Oleg. Cello.

George. Bass.

And we're not a band.
We're a trio.

Oh. Trio. Right.

SHIRLEY:
Good morning. Excuse me.

Morning.

(GROANS)

SHIRLEY:
Thank you, Amit.

Have a wonderful trip, sir.

♪

♪

("GOODBYE, MY LOVER, GOODBYE"
BY ROBERT MOSELY PLAYING)

♪ Good-bye, ie, ie

♪ Ie, ie, ie, ie, ie

♪ Ie, ie, ie

♪ My love

♪ Good-bye

♪ Ie, ie, ie, ie, ie

♪ Ie, ie, ie

♪ Good-bye

♪ My lover

♪ Though I love you truly...

SHIRLEY:
Tony, the first thing

I'd like you to do
when we arrive in the city...

- Hmm?
- ...is check the piano where I'm playing.

Make sure it's a Steinway
as per my contract.

♪ Good-bye, my lover...

And can you see to it that
there's a bottle of Cutty Sark

in my room every night?

Every night?

(TONY CHUCKLES)

Well, if you ever need
any help with that...

I won't.

♪

Ten and two
on the wheel, please.

♪ My lover...

Hey, Doc.

I noticed
on the itinerary thing,

the last show's
on the 23rd of December, right?

Birmingham, yes.
It's a Christmas show.

So, any way we could, uh, maybe
hit the road early next morning

so we'd be home in time
for Christmas Eve?

We'll see.

Appreciate it.

(CLEARS THROAT) Could you
put out the cigarette, please?

Why?

I can't breathe back here.

What are you talking about?

Smoke's going in my lungs;
I'm doing all the work here.

Thank you.

(CHUCKLES)

♪ Can plainly see

(HISSING EXHALE)

♪ And I know

♪ I'm the one

♪ You really love...

(NEW SONG BEGINS):
♪ Your ruby lips

♪ Your lovely eyes

♪ Made my life romantic

♪ When you took
advantage of me... ♪

♪ Now I see

What are you looking at?

♪ That you're
the only one for me... ♪

You speak German, huh?

That was Russian.

Yeah, I was stationed
in Germany in the Army.

I could pick up a little bit
of what you were saying there.

Watch out for them krauts.

They're all sneaks.

Kennedy should've bombed them
when he had the chance.

Plus, now them Cuban bastards.

Ain't they supposed
to be following us?

They have the itinerary.

As long as they get
to the show on time,

I'm not worried about it,
and neither should you.

I ain't worried about nothing.

In fact, when you
see me worried, you'll know.

- Tony...
- You'll know if I'm worried.

How about some quiet time?

- Hmm?
- Sure.

♪ Your ruby lips...

(CHUCKLES)
It's amazing you said that.

"How about some quiet time?"

Dolores, my wife,
used to say that all the time.

Well, not all the time,
but you know.

She says it when... when I
come home from work sometimes.

You know, she's been
with the kids all day,

and she'll say, "Tony,
how about some quiet time?"

Exactly like how you said it.

I mean, it's amazing.

How is that?

Salty.

Have you ever considered
becoming a food critic?

No. Not really.

Why? Is there money in that?

I'm just saying you have
a marvelous way with words

when describing food.

"Salty."

So vivid,
one can almost taste it.

Hey, I'm just saying
it's salty.

And salt's cheating.

Any cook can make things salty.

To make it taste good
without the salt,

with just the other flavors,
that's the trick.

I mean, you take
the basic ingredients...

We should really get going soon
if we expect

to get to Pittsburgh by dinner.

Hmm. Hey,
when I was in the Army,

I knew a guy from Pittsburgh.

Except he called it
"Titsburgh."

'Cause he said all
the women there had huge tits.

That's absurd.

Why would women in Pittsburgh
have larger breasts

than, say, women in New York?

Guess we'll find out, huh?
(CHUCKLES)

Hey, you know,
when you first hired me,

my wife went out
and bought one of your records.

The one about the orphans.

Orphans?

Yeah.

Cover had a bunch of kids
sitting around a campfire.

Orpheus.

Yeah.

Orpheus in the Underworld.

It's based on a French opera.

And those weren't children
on the cover.

Those were demons
in the bowels of hell.

No shit.

Must have been naughty kids.

♪

(TONY SIGHS)

What are...
what are you doing?

Gotta take a leak, Doc.

Here? Now?

You want me to piss my pants?

♪

♪ Whatcha gonna do?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER,
LAUGHING IN DISTANCE)

(HORN HONKS IN DISTANCE)

(WOMAN LAUGHING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER CONTINUES)

♪

♪

- Oh, hey, Doc.
- Good afternoon.

(TONY CLEARS THROAT)

Take this for any incidentals
we may need.

If you want to buy something,
you don't have to ask.

Just keep the receipts, please.

When it runs low, let me know.

Oh. Thanks.

One more thing.

We'll be attending many events
before and after the concerts.

Interacting
with some of the wealthiest

and most highly educated people
in the country.

It is my feeling
that your diction,

however charming it may be
in the tristate area,

could use some... finessing.

You mean diction...
like in what way?

Like in the only way
the word is ever used.

- Okay.
- Your intonation, inflection,

your choice of words.

Hey, I got my own problems.

Now I gotta worry
about what people think

- about the way I talk?
- There are simple techniques

I can teach you that are quite
effective. I can help you.

I-I don't need no goddamn help.
People don't like

the way I talk,
they can go take a shit.

The profanity is another issue.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)
Why are you breaking my balls?

Because you can do better,
Mr. Vallelonga.

Which brings me
to one more point.

As the guest of honor,
I'll be introduced

when entering
these intimate events.

You will be introduced as well.

In my humble opinion,

"Vallelonga" may be difficult
to pronounce.

So I was thinking...

- Valle would be more appropriate.
- (CHUCKLES)

Tony Valle. Short and sweet.

Eh...

nah.

They got a problem
with Vallelonga,

they can call me Tony Lip.

These are genteel people.

"Tony the Lip" may be
a little...

worldly for them.

Well, then it's
Tony Vallelonga.

All these high-class people,
so much smarter than me,

with their intelligence
and speaking abilities,

you're telling me
they can't pronounce my name?

They don't like it,
they can shove it up their ass.

I'll just wait outside.

A sound compromise.

(PIANO PLAYING
MID-TEMPO JAZZ INTRO)

♪

(JAZZ BAND JOINS IN)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHING)

WOMAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight we are privileged

to present
a great American artist.

He gave his first
public performance

at the age of three.

At age 18,

at Arthur Fiedler's invitation,

our guest made
his concert debut

with the Boston Pops.

He holds doctorates
in psychology, in music

and in the liturgical arts.

And he has performed
at the White House twice

in the past 14 months.

He is a true virtuoso.

- And it's a...
- "Virtuoso."

- It's a special treat for me...
- That's Italian.

Means, uh, means really good.

So, ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome

the Don Shirley Trio.

(PLAYING MINOR-KEY,
CLASSICAL-LIKE INTRO)

(PLAYING JAZZY, SYNCOPATED,
FUGUE-LIKE MELODY)

(CELLO JOINS IN)

♪

(CHUCKLES)

♪

- (LIVELY CHATTER)
- A new pair of shoes!

(EXCITED SHOUTS)

- Hard ten! Lady's friend.
- He keeps on winning!

It's your dice.
I'm just having a lucky night.

You cheating, brother!

- Tony.
- Get him again. Get him again.

- Boss man's calling.
- He ain't my boss.

I work for the record company.

(CHUCKLING): Yeah, I work
for the record company, too.

Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, come on, man.

Hey, give us a chance
to win back our loot, huh?

I'm sorry, fellas, duty calls.

- Come on, man.
- "Duty calls"?

My man, my duty is
to get my money back.

I've been looking for you.

Yeah, sorry. The guys
were having a little game.

Next time you need
extra money, just ask me.

It's more fun winning it.

And what if you lost?

Grab some cards.
I don't lose, Doc.

I don't lose.

So stooping down in the gravel

pitching dice for pocket change
makes you a winner?

What are you
giving me shit for?

Everybody was doing it.

They didn't have a choice
whether to be inside or out.

You did.

Now, wipe off your knees.
You have dirt on them.

(SHIRLEY CLEARS THROAT)

♪

TONY:
Dear Dolores: How are you?

I am fine.

"I'm eating real good.
Hamburgers, mostly.

"So don't worry about me
not eating good.

"I saw Dr. Shirley
play the piano tonight.

"He don't play
like a colored guy.

"He plays like Liberace,
but better.

"He's like a genius, I think.

"When I look at him
in the rearview mirror,

"I can tell he's
always thinking about stuff

"in his head.

"I guess that's
what geniuses do.

"But it don't look fun
to be that smart.

I miss you very, very much."

("LUCILLE" BY LITTLE RICHARD
PLAYING)

♪

Who is this?

Who?

On the radio.

Little Richard.

Really?
That's Little Richard?

(CHUCKLES):
Yeah.

Think you could play
something like that, Doc?

♪ Lucille...

I don't know.
Sounds fairly complicated.

Got that right.

So, where did this "Tony
the Lip" moniker come from?

(CHUCKLES)
It's not Tony the Lip.

It's Tony Lip. One word.

I got it when I was kid,
'cause my friend said

I was the best bullshit artist
in the Bronx.

- (CHUCKLES)
- Why are you smiling?

What do you mean?

It doesn't bother you
that your friends,

the people closest to you,
consider you a liar?

Who said "liar"?

I said "bullshit artist."

And what's the difference?

'Cause I don't lie. Ever.

I'm just good
at talking people into...

you know, doing things
they don't want to do.

By bullshitting them.

And you're proud of that?

Well, it got me this job.

♪ Lucille, please don't...

CHUBBY CHECKER: ♪ Baby, baby,
baby, baby, take it easy... ♪

Wait a minute.
You're full of shit.

You never heard
of Chubby Checker?

Of course I've heard of him.

- I've just never heard his music before.
- I mean...

But I like this.
This is nice.

He's got a silky voice,
very smooth.

Yeah, he's terrific.

This is what everybody's
dancing to now.

- This stuff...
- Eyes on the road, Tony.

ARETHA FRANKLIN:
♪ Baby, here I am...

You know this song.

I don't think so, no.

How could you
not know this music?

Aretha Franklin.

Chubby Checker,
Little Richard, Sam Cooke.

I mean, come on, Doc.
These are your people.

♪ And it won't be long

♪ No, it won't be long...

Do you want anything?
I'm getting a pack of smokes.

No, thank you.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

- (BELLS JINGLING)
- (SIGHS)

(OLEG SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

OLEG: Grabbed the rock
and put it in his pocket.

Thank you, Oleg.

Nice turtleneck.

Way to mix it up.

Got you an apple, Doc.

- (ENGINE STARTS)
- (TONY GRUNTS)

Before we pull out, Tony,
we need to have a talk.

Yeah?

Oleg told me what you did.

What'd I do?

You stole a jade stone
from the store.

- No, I didn't.
- He watched you do it.

I didn't steal no stone.

You picked it up
and put it in your pocket.

I picked up a rock
off of the ground.

I didn't steal from a box.

Now, why would you pick up
a rock off the ground?

I don't know.

'Cause it ain't stealing.

It's just a regular rock.

And why would you want
a regular rock?

To have.

For luck, maybe.

A lucky rock.

- Yeah.
- Let me see it.

(SIGHS)

Mm-mm.

Take it back and pay for it.

(MUTTERS IN ITALIAN)

I told you that kraut
was a snake.

Rats me out for something
I didn't even do!

Pay for the stone, Tony;
you'll feel better.

I feel fine. And I ain't paying
for no regular rock

I found in the dirt.

Do not drive, Mr. Vallelonga.

(TONY SIGHS)

Put it back.

♪

(STARTS ENGINE)

- Feel better?
- No.

If you'd like, Tony,
I'd happily buy you the stone.

Don't bother.
You took all the fun out of it.

♪

(CELLO PLAYING MINOR-KEY
CLASSICAL MUSIC)

♪

Excuse me. Sir.

I'm with the band.

You're all set up.

This isn't the piano, right?

That's it.

It ain't a Steinway.

So what?

Dr. Shirley only plays
on Steinway grand pianos.

It's in his written contract.

Who's Dr. Shirley?

Dr. Shirley.
The Don Shirley Trio.

They're playing tonight.

Does it really matter?

Yeah, it does.
It's in his contract.

(CHUCKLES): Come on, man.
Man, these coons

can play on anything
you put in front of them.

But it's a piece of shit.

And there's garbage in there.

So take it out.

What'd you say?

You heard me.

Hey. You got two, three hours.

Just get
a clean Steinway in here.

Oh, there ain't a Steinway
on campus.

Not my problem.

(SCOFFS) I bet
there's not two Steinways

in the whole state of Indiana.

I guess you'd better move
your ass, then.

Who you think you're
talking to, greaseball?

♪

(WHIMPERING)

(TRIO PLAYING UPBEAT SONG)

♪

TONY:
Dear Dolores:

This morning
I had steak and eggs

for breakfast.

The band has been playing
at very ritzy joints.

Dr. Shirley and I
are getting along pretty good.

But sometimes
I think he gets sad,

and that's why
he drinks too much.

I never knew how very beautiful
this country was.

Now that I'm seeing it, I know.

You won't believe
how beautiful nature is.

It is as beautiful as they say.

And the traffic out here
in the country is nothing,

which is fine by me.

Right now I'm eating spaghetti
and meatballs in a diner

that tastes like ketchup
on Chinese noodles.

We are heading down south now.

I will write you another letter
when we get down south.

I love you. Your husband, Tony.

P.S. Kiss the kids for me.

- (SONG ENDS)
- (APPLAUSE)

(ROCK AND ROLL PLAYING)

Got any family, Doc?

Not really.

Not really?
Either you do or you don't.

It's a long story, Tony.

What, we're in a hurry now?

- (TURNS DOWN MUSIC)
- Let's hear it.

I have a brother somewhere.

We used to get together
once in a while,

but it got more and more
difficult to stay in touch.

Curse of being
a musician, I guess.

Always on the road.

Like a carnival worker.

- Hmm.
- Or a criminal.

Took quite the toll
on my marriage as well.

- You're married?
- Was.

June.

Good person.

Terrible grammar,
but a kind soul.

You'd quite like her.

June.

Like, uh, like Lassie's mom.

Unfortunately,
I couldn't do a husband act

and a concert pianist act.

Couldn't seem to manage
both worlds.

TONY:
Kentucky Fried Chicken.

In Kentucky!

When's that ever gonna happen?

(CHUCKLES)

All right!

Hey, you want some?

I'm fine. Thank you, Tony.

All right.

Mmm. I think this is
the best Kentucky Fried Chicken

I ever had.

Probably 'cause it's fresher
down here, right?

I don't think I've ever met
anyone with your appetite.

No. I got the bucket
so you could have some.

I've never had fried chicken
in my life.

Who you bullshitting?

You people love
the fried chicken,

the grits
and the collard greens.

I love it, too.
Negro cooks used to make it

all the time
when I was in the Army.

You have a very narrow
assessment of me, Tony.

Yeah, right? I'm good.

No. No, you're not good.
You're bad.

I'm saying, just because
other Negroes enjoy

certain types of music,
it doesn't mean I have to.

- Nor do we all eat the same kind of food.
- Whoa.

Wait a minute.

If you said
all guineas like pizza

and spaghetti and meatballs,
I'm not gonna get insulted.

You're missing the point.

For you to make the assumption
that every Negro...

- Hey, you want some or not?
- No.

Here. Come on.

- Tell me that don't smell good.
- It...

- Huh?
- It smells okay.

I prefer not to get grease
on my blanket.

(MOCKING): Ooh, I'm gonna get
grease on my blankey.

Come on, have a piece.
It ain't gonna kill you.

- Come on, take it, eat it.
- No.

Take it.
I'm throwing it in the back.

- You... Don't you dare.
- Then you better take it.

How? Do you have plates
or utensils?

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)
Eat it with your hands!

- That's how you're supposed to.
- I can't do that.

Eat it. Come on.
Take it, take it, take it.

I gotta drive.
Ten and two on the wheel.

- Come on. Take it, take it, take it.
- Tony...

- (SHIRLEY GROANS)
- Come on, come on.

There you go.

Huh?

I-I can't do this, Tony.

Eat the goddamn thing!

Jesus.

(ROCK AND ROLL SONG PLAYING
FAINTLY OVER RADIO)

- What, no good?
- Mm.

♪

It just seems...

so un... unsanitary.

Who gives a shit?

Just relax and enjoy it.

You know,
my father used to say...

"Whatever you do,
do it a hundred percent."

When you work, work.
When you laugh, laugh.

When you eat,
eat like it's your last meal.

You want another piece?

Here. Have a breast.

Delicious.

Take it. Here you go.

What do we do about the bones?

♪

We do this.

This is what we do.

♪ If you go to New Orleans

♪ You ought to go see
the Mardi Gras ♪

There you go.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

♪ You ought to go see
the Mardi Gras ♪

(CHUCKLES)

♪ When you see
the Mardi Gras... ♪

TONY:
What's the big deal, Doc?

The squirrels
would've ate it anyway.

SHIRLEY:
Pick it up, Tony.

TONY: Nature takes care
of the Earth.

- Pick it up.
- Aw, geez.

♪ If you wanna go
through New Orleans... ♪

(TONY GRUNTS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(DOOR SLAMS)

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING
IN DISTANCE)

(CAT MEOWS)

(CAT MEOWS)

This can't be right.

It says right here,

"Cozy as your own home."

Place looks like my ass.

This is the place.

(CAT GROWLS)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

The square one, please.

- Just this one?
- Thank you.

Hey, uh...

if you need anything,

I'll be right up the street
at the Easton Inn.

Thank you, Tony.

- ♪
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(DOG BARKING)

- Hey, Floyd, we ready.
- I told you,

- I can't play. My shoulder.
- You and that damn shoulder.

Hey!

Hey, fancy-pants.

You want to play?

I beg your pardon?

Come on, brother,
we short a man.

Oh, I-I'd rather not.

What, you too high and mighty?

OTHER MAN: No, no,
let him alone, let him alone.

He just afraid of getting that
butler uniform a little dusty.

Mm.

I'm just, um...

I'm on my way to meet a friend.

Yeah, well, thanks for nothing.

- (MEN LAUGHING)
- Floyd, come on, man.

Shut your ass up, man,
and leave me alone!

♪

(GROANS)

(SIGHS)

(SNIFFS)

Mm.

Eh.

"For vacation
without aggravation."

Hmm.

"Delightful dinners
for particular people."

(LOUD KNOCKING)

- Yeah?
- Get up. It's George.

(PANTING):
Get up.

Tony, come on. Hurry up.

Dr. Shirley's in trouble.

I went out for a drink,
I walk into this bar,

and Dr. Shirley's in there
getting bounced around.

I didn't want to leave him,
but I didn't know what to do.

Who let him out of his cage?

And they put that little tie
on him, too.

- Why you all dressed up?
- Yeah.

- (GRUNTING, LAUGHTER)
- (DOOR OPENS)

Get your hands off him.

What in the good goddamn
we got here, fellas?

Hand him over.

We walk out.
Won't be a problem.

I just wanted a drink, Tony.

Hey, I told you we'll leave.

- Not a big deal. Come on.
- He ain't going nowhere.

We need a Brillo Pad
to wash these dishes with.

- TONY: Listen, assholes.
- (LAUGHTER)

Do yourselves a favor
and let him go.

Now!

Say it nice.

I just said it nice.

This boy is gonna get
what he's got coming to him.

(CLICK)

And you, you ain't got no say.

Maybe.

But whatever happens here,
I'm gonna put a bullet

right in the middle
of your thick skull.

He ain't got no gun, Ray.

He's full of shit.

What if he ain't?

Well, I sure ain't.

And I ain't about to let this
come to pass in my place.

Let the spook go.

Let him go.

Come on.

Get him out of here.

I want these Yankees
off of my property.

- Go on.
- Go on, George. Go. Go.

GEORGE:
I got you, Doc.

BARTENDER:
Go on.

- You out of your mind?
- I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to put you
in that position.

Wait, wait, wait.

- Are you gonna throw up again?
- (GROANS)

I'm okay.

Honest to God, Doc,
I don't understand you.

You could have drunk here.
You got a whole bottle.

I just needed some air.

Air?

Do you know where you are?

Does geography really matter?

What?

If I was in a bar
in your neighborhood,

would the conversation
be any different?

From now on, you don't go
nowhere without me.

Nowhere!

- Got it?
- I-I understand.

Where's your room?

Tony.

What?

Do you really have a gun?

Course not.

Doc, where's your goddamn room?

- Come on.
- There it is.

Over there?

You gotta get to bed, Doc.

You got a big show
tomorrow night. Come on.

(PLAYING UP-TEMPO JAZZ)

(MUSIC ENDS WITH A FLOURISH)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

SHIRLEY:
Thank you.

Louisville.

Thank you for
your warm hospitality.

MAN:
Bravo!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CONTINUE)

Thank you. Thank you.

♪ Why oh why

♪ Has my baby...

Don't be lazy, Tony. Enunciate.

- I am.
- Betty bought a bit of better butter

- to make the bitter butter better.
- Betty bought...

B-Bought... Betty bought
butta-er, butta...

Who says that? Butta-er.

SHIRLEY: You have to start
somewhere, Tony.

A singer does vocal exercises.

An athlete warms up
before they rehearse.

TONY: Athletes practice.
They don't rehearse.

(CLANKING, STEAM HISSING)

Ah, shit.

(SIGHS)

(WATER POURING, STEAM HISSING)

(GRUNTS)

(TONY GRUNTS)

(TONY GRUNTS)

♪

(TRUNK CLOSES)

(SIGHS)

Ladies and gentlemen,
a very special guest

from the far north,

- Don Shirley.
- (APPLAUSE)

Accompanying Mr. Shirley,
the members of his trio,

Oleg Malacovich, George Dyer,
and his associate

Tony Valle... Valle...
Vallelong-longia.

(LIGHT LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

Oh, this is my lovely wife,
Margaret.

If you gentlemen don't mind,

we're going to steal
Donnie away

for some, uh, introductions.

I'd like you all
to meet Don Shirley.

- GEORGE: Yeah. I'll take one.
- TONY: Hmm.

What's that?

A pimento and cheese
sandwich, sir.

Yeah, I'll try one of them.

Oof. (GROANS)

Sorry. Not for me.

- (CLINKING)
- (QUIET CHATTER)

Earlier this week,
we asked our help

what Mr. Shirley
might like for supper.

So the boys in the kitchen
whipped up a special menu

- in honor of our guest.
- WOMAN: Oh!

Gentlemen.

Home-cooked fried chicken.

(APPLAUSE, MURMURING)

There we go.

Bring it in. Serve it up hot.

(PLAYING MID-TEMPO JAZZ)

(MUSIC ENDS)

Thank you. Thank you.

We'll return after
a brief intermission.

(QUIET CHATTER)

Excuse me, Don.

- Lovely work in there.
- Why, thank you.

Uh, are you looking
for the commode?

- Yes. I...
- Yeah, here. Let me help you.

It's right out there
before that pine.

I'd prefer not to use that.

Well, don't be silly, Don.

It looks a lot worse
from the outside.

And I suppose you'd know
from experience.

Well, I've never had
any complaints.

Well, I could return
to my motel

and use the facilities there,

but that would take
at least a half an hour.

We don't mind waiting.

TONY:
Why don't I just pull over?

You can piss in the woods.

Animals go in the woods.

It's gonna be
at least 20 minutes,

I gotta go all the way back
to your motel.

So let's just get there

so I can go back
and finish the show.

(SIGHS) See, that's the
difference between you and me.

I'd have zero problem
going in the woods.

I'm well aware.

What are you sore at me for?

I don't make the rules
down here.

No?

Then who does?

Oh.

You're saying just 'cause
I'm white and they're white?

You know, that's a very
prejudiced thing

you just said there.

A very prejudiced thing.

I got more in common
with the Hymies

at 2nd Avenue Deli than I do

with these hillbilly pricks
down here.

Eyes on the road.

You always say that

when you don't like
what I'm saying.

Eyes on the road.

(QUIET CHATTER, LAUGHTER)

TONY:
I don't get it.

How does he smile and shake
their hands like that?

They try to pull
that outhouse shit on me,

I'd piss right
on the living room floor.

Don't-don't do that.

We have many
concert dates left.

Yeah? So?

You realize we're contractually
obliged to perform them?

Course I do.

You don't play,
we don't get paid.

What's your point?

Ugly circumstances
are going to happen again,

so control yourself.

Don't lecture me, you rat.

Dr. Shirley could have
stayed up north,

getting rear end kissed
at Park Avenue parties

for three times money.

But he ask for this.

(QUIET CHATTER CONTINUES)

Why?

What on God's green Earth
are you doing?

A letter.

Looks more like
a piecemeal ransom note.

May I?

"Dear Dolores."

D-E-A-R.

This is an animal.

"I'm meeting all
the highly leading citizens

"of the town.

"People that use big words,
all of them.

"But you know me. I get by.

I'm a good bullshitter."

Two T's in "bullshitter."

"As I'm writing this letter,
I'm eating potato chips,

"and I'm starting
to get thirsty.

"I washed my socks
and dried them on the TV.

I should have brung the iron."

You know this is pathetic,
right?

Tell me what you're trying
to say.

I don't know.

You know, I miss her and shit.

Then say that.

But do it in a manner
that no one else

has ever done it before.

And without the profanity.

Something like, uh...

Put this down.

"Dear Dolores."

Hold on. I'll start a new one.

"D-E-A-R Dolores."

"When I think of you,

I'm reminded of
the beautiful plains of Iowa."

What planes?

The plains.

P-L-A-I-N-S.

Those big fields we saw.

Oh. Yeah, those were nice.

Plains.

"Which is what they call...

big fields around here."

Tony, no expounding.

- No what?
- Just write what I say.

No good.

"The distance between us...

is breaking my spirit."

"Between us..."

"My time and experiences
without you

"are meaningless to me.

"Falling in love with you

was the easiest thing
I've ever done."

"Falling in love with you..."

This is very fucking romantic.

TONY:
...was the easiest thing

I have ever done.

Nothing matters to me but you,

and every day I'm alive,
I'm aware of this.

I loved you the day I met you,
I love you today,

and I will love you
the rest of my life.

So, can I put, uh...
"P.S. Kiss the kids"?

A P.S.?

Yeah, like, at the end.

That's like clanging a cowbell

at the end
of Shostakovich's Seventh.

Right. And that's good?

It's perfect, Tony.

TONY: Everybody talks
about Willie Mays, 1954.

It wasn't even the greatest
catch in the Polo Grounds.

That was Joe DiMaggio, 1936,

second game
of the World Series.

Final out, 500 feet...

You like that, Doc?

That's a handsome suit.

- Sharp.
- Mm-hmm.

TONY:
Guy looks just like you.

He does?

Well, size-wise. Yeah.

(SHIRLEY CHUCKLES)

It is about a 42.

- Why don't you try it on?
- Hmm...

What, you gotta wear
a tuxedo onstage every night?

You could mix it up
a little, Doc.

Come on, let's see
how it looks on you.

We got plenty of time.

(BELL JINGLES)

I'll be right back.

- How you doing?
- May I help you, sir?

Yeah, we want
to try on that, uh,

beautiful gray suit
in the window.

You got it in a 42?

Of course.

That's the one.

Dressing room
is in the back, sir.

Thank you.

- I'll be just a moment.
- TONY: Take your time, Doc.

I'll check out
some ties for you.

Uh, e-excuse me.

Uh, you're not allowed
to try that on.

I beg your pardon?

Uh, if you'd like
to purchase it first,

we'd be happy
to tailor it to your needs.

I see.

(BELL JINGLES)

(PLAYING UP-TEMPO JAZZ)

(MUSIC ENDS)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(GRUNTS)

(PHONE RINGING)

Yeah.

That's me.

♪

Hey, Officer.

I got a call about Dr. Shirley.

Come on.

His friend's here.

Thank you.

(TONY SIGHS)

Get a guy a towel,
for Christ's sake.

You a lawyer?

- No.
- Well, you should call one.

- We're taking your auntie in.
- For what?

Manager caught him
and the other guy.

Well, can we get
the cuffs off him,

let him put his pants on,
we talk about this?

Sure, we could.

But we ain't.

Okay, look, we're out of here
tomorrow morning.

You'll never see us again.

There's gotta be something
we can do to work this out.

What if you let him go

and I give you something
to thank you?

(LAUGHS)

- You bribing us?
- No.

Hell no.

A gift.

A thank-you.

OFFICER:
What kind of thank-you?

TONY:
Like a...

you know, donation
to the police force.

Youse guys.

Whatever you want.

You like suits?

I was walking through
your nice town today,

and I seen a store
that was selling suits.

Primo suits.

What if, as a thank-you...
a donation...

I buy youse each a suit?

You get all dressed up,

you take the wife out
for dinner.

I mean, guys like you,
you work hard.

You deserve it.

They were wrong
for the way they treated me,

and you rewarded them.

I was hired to get you
from one show to the next.

How I do it
shouldn't matter to you.

I just wish you hadn't
paid 'em off.

I did what I had to do.

You know, if this got out,
it would kill your career.

Okay, Tony.

I need you to stop it
with the phony altruism

and concern for my career.

What the hell does that mean?

You were only thinking
about yourself back there

because you know,
if I miss a show,

it'll come out
of your pocketbook.

Of course I don't want you
to miss a show,

you ungrateful bastard.

You think I'm doing this
for my health?

Tonight, I saved your ass.

So show a little
appreciation, maybe.

Besides, I told you never
to go nowhere without me!

I assumed you'd want this
to be the exception.

♪

(CAR DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

♪

- (KEYS JINGLING)
- (TONY GROANS)

Want me to get some makeup
or something

for the show tomorrow?

No, I'm fine.

You sure? Bruise kind of shows.

I said I'm fine.

Okay.

(DOOR CLOSES)

MAN:
He didn't ask me to do that.

MAN 2: Dom, I'm telling you,
that's what he told me.

He didn't ask me.

Oh. Tony Lip.

- Dominic, Mags.
- What the hell...?

What the hell you guys
doing down here?

Hey, Brooklyn sent us down.

- Take care of a few things.
- Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

I'm working here.

Sorry, Doc. They're some
friends from New York.

Hey, can you get
Dr. Shirley's luggage?

All right.

♪

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Called his room.

Be down in a minute.

- (SIGHS)
- (LOCK CLICKS)

(JIGGLES KNOB)

Hey, Doc.

Where are you off to?

Just going downstairs.

To have a drink.

Tony...

I think you're doing
a wonderful job.

So...

I'd like to formally offer you

the position
of my road manager.

With the title also comes
more responsibility, but...

that also means a raise in pay.

No. No.

No, thanks.

We agreed on 125 a week,
plus expenses.

That's our deal, right?

(CHUCKLES)
I ain't going nowhere, Doc.

I-I was just going down
to tell them.

(CHUCKLES)

Tony.

I'm sorry about last night.

Don't worry about it.

I've been working nightclubs
in New York City my whole life.

I know it's a...
complicated world.

TONY:
So, where'd you learn

how to play like that?

- My mother.
- Your mother?

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

She taught me how to play
on an old spinet.

Soon as I could walk, we'd...

travel around
the Florida Panhandle,

put on my little shows
in parishes and halls.

Fortunately,
a man who had seen me play

arranged for me to study

at the Leningrad Conservatory
of Music.

I was the first Negro
ever accepted there.

That's where they taught you
all them songs you play?

Actually, I was trained
to play classical music.

Brahms, Franz Liszt,
Beethoven, Chopin.

It's all I ever wanted to play.

But I was persuaded
by my record company

to pursue a career
in popular music instead.

They insisted that audiences
would never accept

a Negro pianist
on a classical stage.

Wanted to turn me into just
another colored entertainer.

You know, the guy who's smoking
while he's playing

and sets a glass of whiskey
on his piano,

and then complains
because he's not respected

like Arthur Rubinstein.

(CHUCKLING):
You don't see Arthur Rubinstein

putting a glass of whiskey
on his piano.

I don't know.
Personally, I think,

if you stuck
to the classic stuff,

it would've been a big mistake.

A mistake?

Performing the music I trained
my entire life to play?

Trained?
What are you, a seal?

People love what you do.

Anyone could sound
like Beethoven or...

"Joe Pan"
or them other guys you said,

but your music, what you do...

...only you can do that.

Thank you, Tony.

But not everyone
can play Chopin.

Not like I can.

♪ I love my baby...

SHIRLEY: "The trees have shed
their leafy clothing,

and their colors have faded
to grays and browns."

"I saw millions of trees
all dusted with snow,

just like out of a fairy tale."

He's so expressive.

- DOLORES: "It's getting cold."
- Got to admit, Lip's letters,

they're not bad.

Oh, well, it's in the family.

They say our
great-great-great-grandfather

helped da Vinci
with the Sixteen Chapel.

- You mean Michelangelo.
- Right.

What does Michelangelo have
to do with writing letters?

I'm just saying,
we're an arty family.

"I will count the hours,
minutes and seconds

"until you are in my arms.

"Love you, Tony.

P.S. Kiss the kids."

John!

Yeah?

I want a letter.

Yeah, soon as you make a meal.

(LAUGHTER)

(PIANO PLAYING LIVELY TUNE)

(LAUGHING)

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Eyes forward, Tony.

♪

SHIRLEY:
Tony.

MAN:
All right, everybody.

Let's give our finest
Louisiana welcome

to Don Shirley
and the Don Shirley Trio.

(APPLAUSE)

♪

- (MUSIC ENDS)
- (APPLAUSE)

(GROANS)
Your mother's ass.

Can't see shit.

(TONY GRUNTING)

What the hell's this guy doing?

(SIREN WAILING)

Son of a bitch.

License and papers.

TONY:
Am I glad to see you.

We had to turn
off the main road,

and, uh, now we're lost.

Step out of the car.

What'd I do?

Out of the car.

(SIGHS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Why are you on this road?

I told you.

We had to make a detour,
and we got lost.

And why are you driving him?

He's my boss.

He can't be out here at night.

This is a sundown town.

What's that?

Get him out of the car
and check his I.D.

TONY:
Oh, come on.

It's pouring rain.

Sir, I can just get it
right here through the window.

Get him out of the car.

Come on, get out, now.

Get out, now. Get out.

Got I.D.?

How you say this last name?

Vallelonga.

Yeah, what kind of name
is that?

It's Italian.

Oh.

Oh, I see.

That's why
you're driving him around.

You're half a nigger yourself.

(GRUNTS)

Hands in the air!

Now! Now!

SHIRLEY:
Excuse me.

(SHIRLEY CLEARS THROAT)

SHIRLEY:
Excuse me, sirs.

I-I understand why my associate
is being held,

but what exactly am I
being charged with?

You seem like reasonable men.

Perhaps you could let me out

so that we could discuss
the situation further.

Just put the apple butter
away, boy.

You ain't going nowhere
no time soon.

You cannot hold me
without cause.

Well, I got cause.

'Cause you let the sun set
on your black ass.

I want to speak to my lawyer.

I want my call.

This is a flagrant violation
of my rights.

You know...

he does have, uh, rights.

Give the Negro
his goddamn phone call.

You happy?

(LIFTS PHONE,
DIAL TONE DRONING)

You know a lawyer?

Call him.

OFFICER: I walk up
to the car, and I say,

"Sir, you know
how fast you were going?"

He says, "I'm sorry, Officer.
I didn't mean to speed, but..."

SHIRLEY:
As my mother always said,

"What kind
of brand-new fool are you?"

Look at them over there.

Take a good look
at the officer you hit.

Look at him. He's over there
having a grand old time,

chatting up with his pals,
enjoying a nice cup of coffee.

And where are you?

In here, with me,
who did nothing.

Yet I'm the one
who pays the price.

I'm the one who's gonna miss
the Birmingham show.

Hey, I'm gonna lose
a lot of money, too,

if you don't play Birmingham.

So that little temper tantrum,
was it worth it?

Hmm?

You never win
with violence, Tony.

You only win when you maintain
your dignity.

Dignity always prevails.

And tonight,
because of you, we did not.

I wouldn't touch
that mattress, Doc.

- (PHONE RINGS)
- OFFICER: Maryville Police.

No, sir.

No, no, I-I'm not, sir.

Yes, sir.
He's right here, sir. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Give me.

Chief Pratt. Who's this?

Baloney.

Yes, sir.

I can hear it now, Governor.

Uh...

No, sir, I'm sorry. I...

No, of course I can recognize
your voice. It's...

Sir?

You're saying the boy
we got locked up called who?

Oh, and he called you.

No, no, sir.

An officer was assaulted
in the line of duty.

No, sir. No.
I don't want no National Guard

coming down here, neither, sir.

I'll get to it immediately,
Governor.

Good night to you
and the missus.

- Get 'em out.
- What?

Cut 'em goddamn loose.

That dago wop hit me!

You want to keep
your goddamn job?

Then you do what I goddamn
tell you to do

when I goddamn tell you
to do it!

And I'm telling you
to get 'em the goddamn out!

Who the hell did you call?

Bobby Kennedy
just saved our asses.

Madonne. How great is that?

It's not great.

It's not great at all.

- It's humiliating.
- The hell you talking about?

We were screwed. Now we ain't.

And I just put the attorney
general of the United States

in an incredibly awkward
position.

So what?

That's what the guy
gets paid for.

What else he got to do?

That man and his brother

are trying to change
this country.

That's what else he got to do.

Now he thinks
I'm some kind of...

Calling from some
backwoods swamp jail,

asking to attenuate
assault charges? Who does that?

Garbage. That's who.

You shouldn't have hit him.

I didn't like the way
he was treating you.

Making you stand out
in the rain like that.

Please, you hit him
because of what he called you.

I've had to endure that kind
of talk my entire life.

You should be able to take it
for at least one night.

What? I can't get mad
at that stuff he was saying

'cause I ain't black?

Christ, I'm blacker
than you are.

- Excuse me?
- You don't know shit

about your own people.

What they eat, how they talk,
how they live.

You don't even know who
Little Richard is.

Oh, so knowing
who Little Richard is

makes you blacker than me?

Oh, Tony, I wish you could
hear yourself sometimes.

You wouldn't talk so damn much.

Bullshit.

I know exactly who I am.

I'm the guy who lived
in the same neighborhood

in the Bronx my entire life
with my mother, my father,

my brother,
and now my wife and kids.

That's it. That's who I am.

I'm the asshole who has
to hustle every goddamn day

to put food on the table.

You, Mr. Big Shot,
you live on top of a castle,

traveling around the world
doing concerts for rich people.

I live on the streets.
You sit on a throne.

So yeah, my world is way more
blacker than yours.

Pull over.

What?

- Pull over.
- I ain't pulling over.

Stop the car, Tony!

- What?
- (DOOR OPENS)

What are you doing?

Doc.

Doc, what the hell
are you doing?

Doc.

Get back in the car.

Yes, I live in a castle, Tony!
Alone.

And rich white people pay me
to play piano for them

because it makes them
feel cultured.

But as soon as I step off
that stage, I go right back

to being just another nigger
to them.

Because that is
their true culture.

And I suffer that slight alone,

because I'm not accepted
by my own people

'cause I'm not like them,
either.

So, if I'm not black enough
and if I'm not white enough

and if I'm not man enough,
then tell me, Tony, what am I?

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

♪

I need some sleep.

All right.

I'll stop at the next place
we see

and sneak you into my room.

No. No.

I refuse to stay
in an establishment

where I'm not welcome.

Yeah. Okay.

Tony, do you have
to smoke everywhere?

I didn't know it bothered you.

You should have told me.

All you gotta do
is say the word, Doc.

(SIGHS)

(GRUNTS)

You do realize you'll be home
before that letter arrives.

Yeah, I know.

Just thought I'd bring it
with me.

Save on stamps.

All right.

Tony, give it here.
I'll fix it.

No offense, Doc,

but I think
I got the hang of it now.

"Dear Dolores:

"Sometimes you remind me
of a house.

"A house with
beautiful lights on it,

where everyone
is happy inside."

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Yes, Tony. You got it.

Yeah?

(CHUCKLES)

Thanks.

Hey, Doc, thanks for helping me
with, uh, the letters.

You're really good
at writing 'em.

My pleasure, Tony.

You know, um,
when you get home,

maybe you should write...
write one to your brother.

He knows where I am
if he ever wants to reconnect.

Eh. I wouldn't wait.

You know, world's full
of lonely people

afraid to make the first move.

Yeah, I'll finish this
tomorrow.

(COUGHS)

You know, Doc, something's been
eating at me this whole trip.

Hmm?

That Titsburgh
was a major disappointment.

I didn't notice
any difference at all.

Did you?

Good night, Tony.

♪

- MAN: Good evening.
- MAN 2: Welcome, welcome.

Come on in.

SHIRLEY:
All righty. (SIGHS)

Welcome, Mr. Shirley.

Graham Kindell.
I'm the general manager.

It is a pleasure to meet you.

- Thank you, Mr. Kindell.
- (CHUCKLES)

This is Mr. Tony Vallelonga.

- Nice to meet you, Tony.
- How you doing?

Uh, let's keep the car
right here

in our "guest of honor" spot.

- (CHUCKLING)
- Right this way, gentlemen.

- TONY: Hmm. Nice.
- How was your drive up?

SHIRLEY:
Oh, it was wonderful.

GRAHAM:
Good to hear. Good to hear.

Now, as you can imagine,
our Christmas show

is our biggest show
of the year,

and we are so happy
to have you here, Mr. Shirley.

So, if you need anything,

anything at all,
you let me know.

- Mm-hmm. Thank you.
- Now, here we are.

We got about an hour
before showtime. Any questions?

Where's the restaurant?

Well, you continue
down the hall here, Tony,

to the right
and across the lobby.

- Good luck. Break a leg.
- Thank you.

Well, he said we got an hour.

You must be starving, Doc.

Go ahead. I'll meet you there.

(PIANO PLAYING
"O CHRISTMAS TREE")

May we join you?

Mm. Go ahead.

Cocktail, gentlemen?

I'm good.

Three shots vodka.

Oh.

Last show. Cold War over.

Time for truce.

Is Dr. Shirley
in his dressing room?

Yeah.
More like half a broom closet.

Tell you, I don't know
how he puts up with that shit.

Six years ago, in 1956,

Nat King Cole
was invited to perform

at the Municipal Auditorium
here in Birmingham.

Mr. Cole was the first Negro
asked to play

at a white establishment
in this city.

As soon as he started playing,
a group of men

attack him for playing
white people's music.

They pull him off stage

and beat him badly.

Jesus Christ.

You asked me once
why Dr. Shirley does this.

I tell you.

Because genius is not enough.

It takes courage
to change people's hearts.

Thanks.

GEORGE:
Thank you.

No?

(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)

Danke schön.

- SHIRLEY: Good evening.
- Can I help you?

Oh, um...

Um, there.
Some friends of mine.

Uh, y-you-you can't come
in here.

(TONY GROANS)

- I understand, but...
- Hey. What's going on?

This... gentleman says that I'm
not permitted to dine here.

(CHUCKLING):
No, you don't understand.

He's playing tonight.
He's the main event.

- Come on.
- I-I'm sorry, but...

it is the policy
of the restaurant.

Everything all right?

Uh, no, it's not all right.

This guy's saying Dr. Shirley
can't eat here.

Oh, well, I apologize,
but... (SIGHS)

these are long-standing
traditions, club rules.

I'm sure you understand.

No, I do not understand.

In 45 minutes,
I will be right up there

on that stage
entertaining your guests,

yet I can't eat here?

(SIGHS) I'm sorry.

TONY: Wait a minute.
Are you telling me

the bozos in his band

and all these people
who came here to see him play,

they can eat here,
but the star of the show,

the-the parking spot of honor,
he can't?

I'm afraid not.

Well, he's gotta eat.
I mean, he's gotta have dinner.

Okay. (STAMMERS)
I'll tell you what.

Why don't we bring something
to his dressing room, huh?

John, show him a menu.

SHIRLEY:
No.

I'm not eating
in that storage room.

Okay, uh, well, if you prefer,

there's a very popular
establishment

right down the road,
the Orange Bird,

they'd be happy to feed you.

Doc, come here.

Just one second, one second.

You know what, maybe that
other place is better anyway.

I mean, the dinner rolls here
are like rocks.

You just go over and...
you go over and come back.

It's the last show.

It's the bottom of the ninth.

Let's just get it over with,

and we can go home,
get away from these pricks.

Huh?

Ah, there you go.

The fish is wonderful tonight.

Either I eat in this room,

or I'm not performing tonight.

May I have a word with you?

(SIGHING):
No.

(SIGHS) Mr. Villanueva,

you have to talk sense
to Mr. Shirley.

Please make him understand.

We're not insulting him
personally.

This is just the way
things are done down here.

Yeah, well,
he's not from down here.

Yeah, just-just ask him
to be reasonable.

I got 400 guests in there

expecting to be entertained
tonight.

And Dr. Shirley expects
to eat tonight.

Why can't you just make
an exception this one time?

Let me tell you a story.
(CLEARS THROAT)

You ever hear of the
Boston Celtics basketball club?

- Yeah.
- Well...

those boys came through here

couple years ago
on a barnstorming tour, and...

seeing as they was
the world champions

of the league and all, we were
tickled to have them here,

and we rolled out
the welcome wagon.

So, do you know what table

their big coon ate at
that night?

No.

I don't, either,
but it wasn't one of ours.

Now, let's cut the bullshit.

Tell me what it's
gonna take, huh?

Say, uh, a hundred dollars,
you get your boy to play?

You think you can buy me?

(CHUCKLES)
With all due respect, sir,

you wouldn't be in a job like
this if you couldn't be bought.

- (GRUNTING)
- SHIRLEY: Stop.

Tony.

It's all right.

I'll play if you want me to.

All right.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

What do you mean,
"Let's get out of here"?

Where the hell
do you think you're going?

Don, don't do this. Now, you
signed a contract, and I...

I know you're the kind of man
who honors a contract.

Connie, Bill, everything's
gonna be fine. It's all right.

You got a show to do, mister.

You turn yourself around
right now, goddamn it!

Right now!

This is why you people
don't work down here.

'Cause you're unreliable,
you hear me?

I shipped that goddamn Steinway
in from Atlanta for you!

Tony, are you hungry?

Does Betty like butta... er?

(LAUGHS)

- MAN: One, two...
- (DRUM COUNTING OFF BEAT)

- (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

♪

You a cop?

Do I look Irish?

What you want, baby?

Two Cutty Sarks, neat.

Coming up.

Mm. Whatever your
specialty is, we'll take it.

Two Orange Birds!

I like what you did
back there, Doc.

You stood up for yourself.

It's like what your friend,
the president, said.

"Ask not...

"your country
what you can do for it.

Ask what you do for yourself."

You know?

So, darling, what you do?

All dressed up like that.

Nothing particularly important.

(TONY SCOFFS)

Shouldn't judge a man
by his clothes.

(TONY CHUCKLES)

He's only the greatest
piano player in the world.

BARTENDER:
That right?

You good?

- (CHUCKLES)
- Don't be shy, Doc.

Tell her who you are.

Don't tell me nothing.

Show me.

(BARTENDER CHUCKLES)

Come on.

(TONY CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHS)

(PLAYS SLOW CLASSICAL MELODY)

(PLAYING TENSE, COMPLEX
CLASSICAL TUNE)

♪

(STOPS PLAYING)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(WHOOPS)

TONY:
Yeah! Yeah!

(BAND PLAYING
LIVELY BLUES TUNE)

♪

♪

(MUSIC FADES)

That's how you break a key.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, that was a good time.

I'd do that once a month
for free.

You were unbelievable.

Hey, Tony.

I bet, if we leave right now,
we can make it.

Make what?

SHIRLEY: Christmas Eve,
in New York City.

MAN:
Oh, shit!

(GRUNTS)

Don't ever flash
your wad of cash in a bar.

I knew you had a gun.

♪

♪ No more heartaches

♪ And no more sorrow

♪ Everything's
looking brighter ♪

♪ For tomorrow

♪ So I guess I might as well

♪ Jump in right now, dear

♪ Baby, your replacement
is here... ♪

This could get bad, Doc.

Yes.

It's a shame we don't
have something

to protect us on our journey.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Oh, I know.

Why don't you put your lucky
rock up on the dash, Tony?

Come on, Tony.

We need all the help
we can get.

Thank you.

I feel safer already.

You're a real prick,
you know that?

(CHUCKLES)

♪

(TONY SIGHS)

(SIREN WAILING)

Ah, shit!

(SHIRLEY GROANS)

Goddamn cops.

What are you doing out here?

We're trying to get
to New York.

Is there a problem, Officer?

Yeah.

I noticed your car
was tilting left.

Looks like your back tire
is flat.

(TONY GRUNTS)

Ah... (SPEAKS ITALIAN)

(TONY SIGHS)

(TONY GRUNTS)

Keep it moving. Keep it moving.

(TONY GRUNTS)

(TONY SIGHS)

(GRUNTS, SIGHS)

Okay, be careful, gentlemen.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

Thanks, Officer.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(CHUCKLES)

MAN (OVER RADIO):
Weather advisory warning

this Christmas Eve
as a major snowstorm

is hitting the Eastern Seaboard
with the severest weather

in eastern Pennsylvania,
northern New Jersey

and the five boroughs.

Travelers are advised to stay
off the New Jersey Turnpike.

TONY:
All right, that's it.

We're done.

I'm pulling us
into the next hotel.

Keep going
as long as you can, Tony.

I can't keep my eyes open.

I'm getting hypnotized here.

Think my brain's gonna explode.

(PANTING)

Hey, we gave it a shot, Doc.

What are you gonna do?

FRANK SINATRA:
♪ Have yourself

- ♪ A merry little Christmas
- (LIVELY CHATTER)

- ♪ Let your heart...
- All right, the table is set,

ladies and gentlemen.
Don't run in the house!

♪ Be light

(LIVELY CHATTER CONTINUES)

♪ From now on

Mom, Frankie
won't let me use it.

- ♪ Our troubles will be
- Frankie, let Nicky use it!

- ♪ Out of sight
- Use what?

CHOIR:
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah... ♪

SINATRA:
♪ Have yourself

- ♪ A merry little Christmas
- Kids! Wash your hands.

♪ Merry little Christmas ♪

♪ Make the Yuletide gay

Dee! Do you need help
with the calzone?

- No, I'm fine. No.
- All right!

- It's time to eat!
- ♪ From now on

♪ Our troubles
will be miles away ♪

CHOIR:
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah... ♪

SINATRA:
♪ And have yourself

♪ A merry

♪ Little Christmas

- (ENGINE IDLING)
- ♪ Now...

Tony.

Tony, wake up.

(GASPS)

(PANTS)

- You all right?
- You're home.

Get inside.

(GRUNTS)

- (CLOSES DOOR)
- (TAKES DEEP BREATH)

Good night.

Wait, wait.

Come... come up
and meet my family.

Merry Christmas, Tony.

♪

TONY:
Hey...

Merry Christmas.

♪

(LIVELY CHATTER)

DOLORES: Hey, hey!
You're gonna choke on the bone.

I'm just getting started
over here.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- You got it? You got it.
- I got it.

- Dolores, do you need any help?
- No, no, honey.

- Not while I'm eating!
- Go ahead, smoke.

You're not gonna smoke
while I'm eating.

- (TONY SINGING IN ITALIAN)
- OTHERS: Oh!

Look who it is!
Shakespeare's home! Hey!

Dad!

(TONY CONTINUES SINGING)

TONY:
Hey. (KISS)

How are you?

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- You made it back!

Hey, Pop. Mwa!

- Hey!
- Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

- (SPEAKS ITALIAN)
- Tony, God bless.

- Hey.
- I'm glad you made it back.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Wonderful, wonderful!

(MAN WHOOPS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER CONTINUES)

- Yay!
- Ah.

- You hungry?
- I'm starving.

- OTHERS: Hey!
- All right. Sit down.

Anything left?
(CHUCKLES)

Let's go!

(WIND WHISTLING SOFTLY)

Welcome home, Dr. Shirley.

Thank you, Amit.

I turned down your bed, sir.

Uh, shall I unpack
your luggage now?

No, no. Please, go home
to your family.

Thank you, sir.

Merry Christmas, sir.

Merry Christmas.

(CLOCK TICKING QUIETLY)

(TAKES DEEP BREATH)

♪

- (LIVELY CHATTER)
- ♪ Santa Claus is coming

♪ Santa Claus is coming...

Always.
Always with the kissing.

(LAUGHING)

What? You never kiss me
like that at the table.

Why don't you ever
kiss me like that?

All right, all right,
all right, relax, relax.

♪ Santa Claus is coming...

So, Tony, you all right?
You seem a little quiet.

Yeah. Nah, I'm just tired,
you know?

Mm, long trip.

You take care of that thing?

Oh.

Thanks.

- Yeah, you owe me 75 bucks.
- 75?

Charlie said 60.

Oh. I'm doing this for free?

- (CHUCKLES)
- LOUIE: Hey, Tony.

Tony, tell us about the trip.

You've been gone two months.

Yeah, how was he, the tootsoon?

He get on your nerves?

Don't call him that.

♪ Santa Claus is coming

♪ To town...

All right.

Tony, you should have seen
the day last week

little Frankie climbed up
onto the TV.

I took a picture of him;
it was so cute.

- He was so funny up there.
- What are you, nuts, Dee?

With all the tubes back there?

- He could've got electrocuted.
- Oh, no.

- What, did he break it?
- What are you talking about?

You're thinking of toasters.

You can't get electrocuted

- from the TV set.
- (INDISTINCT ARGUING)

She's not thinking
about a toaster.

She's thinking about a TV.

Is she taking it
into the bathtub?

- (ARGUING CONTINUES)
- (KNOCKING)

You're not going to get
electrocuted...

(ARGUING CONTINUES)

Charlie.

Hey, Lip. Johnny invited me.

Oh. Well, come on in.

(LAUGHS): All right.
Oh. You remember Marie?

- Hey, Marie.
- Charlie, you actually came?

I was kidding.

(LAUGHS)

With the wife, too? Geez.

- CHARLIE: Merry Christmas.
- Get in here. -Merry Christmas.

- Hello! What a surprise.
- Merry Christmas.

Nice to see you.

JOHNNY: Everybody,
Charlie from the pawnshop.

- CHARLIE: Hey!
- JOHNNY: Didn't bring nothing.

- Christmas. Can you believe it?
- Come here, come here.

- (LIVELY CHATTER)
- Sit down. -Sit down, sit down.

Doc.

(LAUGHS)

- ♪ Chestnuts roasting
- Ah. Welcome.

- ♪ On an open fire...
- Oh.

- (CHATTER)
- TONY: Hey, everybody!

- Stop it, stop it.
- Ugh.

- (CHATTER STOPS)
- This is Dr. Donald Shirley.

Merry Christmas.

♪ Yuletide carols
being sung by a choir... ♪

Well, come on.
Make some room.

Get this man a plate!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER RESUMES)

(QUIETLY):
Oh.

♪ Turkey and
some mistletoe... ♪

Hello.

You must be Dolores.

Welcome.

- (SPEAKS ITALIAN)
- (LAUGHS)

Thank you for sharing
your husband with me.

- ♪
- (PATS SHIRLEY'S BACK)

(QUIETLY): Thank you for
helping him with the letters.

(CHUCKLES)

("THE LONESOME ROAD"
BY DON SHIRLEY PLAYING)

Subtitles by explosiveskull

♪

♪

♪

(SONG ENDS)

("GO TO THE MARDI GRAS"
BY PROFESSOR LONGHAIR PLAYING)

♪

(WHISTLING MELODY)

♪ While you stroll
in New Orleans ♪

♪ You ought to go see
the Mardi Gras ♪

♪ If you go to New Orleans

♪ You ought to go see
the Mardi Gras ♪

♪ When you see the Mardi Gras

♪ Somebody'll tell you
what's Carnival for ♪

♪ Get your ticket
in your hand ♪

♪ If you wanna go
through New Orleans ♪

♪ Get your ticket
in your hand ♪

♪ If you wanna go
through New Orleans ♪

♪ You know when you get
to New Orleans ♪

♪ Somebody will show you
the Zulu King ♪

♪ You will see the Zulu King

♪ Down on St. Claude
and Dumaine ♪

♪ You know,
you'll see the Zulu King ♪

♪ Down on St. Claude
and Dumaine ♪

♪ And if you stay right there

♪ I'm sure you'll see
the Zulu Queen. ♪

(WHISTLING MELODY)

(SONG FADING)

("RICH WOMAN" BY LI'L MILLET
AND HIS CREOLES PLAYING)

♪ I got a woman
with plenty of money ♪

♪ She got the money
and I got the honey ♪

♪ Called my baby
late last night ♪

♪ She told me, Daddy,
everything was all right ♪

♪ I don't have to worry
'cause she's real fine ♪

♪ I know my baby
and she's all mine ♪

♪ She give me a Cadillac,
a diamond ring ♪

♪ She told me, Daddy,
don't you worry 'bout a thing ♪

♪ She's all mine
and I'm so glad ♪

♪ She's the best woman
I ever had. ♪

(SONG FADING)

♪

♪

(MUSIC ENDS)