Original subtitles

Tyler.

Tyler.

Hey.

Tyler! Tyler!

Dude.

Rudy got food poisoning, we got a spot,

We're playing in Band Slam.

What's going on?

Get her out of here.

Oh my God, dude, I was so rad.

I just camped out on Ricky's doorstep

And I was... oh, hey what's up?

- But look, we don't have time for this... - Tyler.

We need to get to sound check, drop off all our stuff,

Everything has to be perfect tonight.

- Daisy. - What?

- Yeah, we're in the middle of something. - Do you mind?

Oh, dude, I'm so sorry.

But this is like super important for us.

- Daisy get out. - What?

Oh, my God! Are you guys doing it?

Ew.

Tyler, I'm just curious.

What happened to that chick who slept here last night.

* Finally

* We've got our shot

Screw you, Tyler.

* And tonight Why is she singing?

* Our dreams will come alive

Thank you, Daisy.

Oh my God, Tyler, forget her.

* We're going to let shit rip tonight

* And get some due respect all right

* Finally stage and lights

* Professional and real to spite

* The road we've travelled up to now

* Our chance to finally take a bow

* To Band Slam

* To Band Slam

* Hey, Daisy, let's do this

Dude, call the band.

Check it out, old school.

What's up!

Oh my God, stop that. You sound like an idiot.

Listen to me.

You guys into playing Band Slam tonight?

Seriously?

Yeah.

I mean, Rudy Might got food poisoning,

The Flows are in rehab,

And like The Whores drummer got carpal tunnel,

But dude, we're like, so in.

Sweet.

Oh, God. Shit balls, it's my sister.

All right, listen.

It's five o'clock now, we need to get there by 1 a.m.

We're on at 1 a.m. so don't be late

- and I'll see you there. - Alright.

Hello.

Hey, I need you to take me to Turks Up tonight.

Oh, yeah, no.

Why not?

- Well, because that's a gay bar. - I know.

Oh my, Colby, please don't be one of those

Experimenting posers, okay?

You're like in a sorority. You braid your hair...

So, there's a girl I have to talk to.

Yeah, I can't do that because, uh,

I'm playing Band Slam.

That's awesome. What time do you go on?

- 1 a.m. - Great.

So you got plenty of time to take me out.

Oh, great, I'm not taking you.

So, my little sister thinks she's gay now, apparently.

Hmm.

She's cute.

I hope you're joking. That's not funny.

Okay, seriously, off limits.

Hey, party is this way.

- Can you believe we're graduating tomorrow? - Yeah.

There's just something I got to do,

But I'll catch up with you guys later.

* Four years of pretending

* Being someone I'm not

* Tonight those years are ending

* Tonight the dream girl gets got

* Some kids line up in their funny square hats

* My graduation is bigger than that

* Finally, I get to be me

* And tonight I'm going for the girl

Jessica Post.

* A thousand pretty faces

* Their smiles as real as their tits

* Today my agent wants me to be

* Slutty bimbo on the bus #6

Misty Monroe.

- Hi. - Hi.

Um, we're just doing, uh, page 15.

Okay.

- Is anyone sitting here? - Thanks.

- That's it? - Yeah.

* Why me

* This town is so lonely

* And no one can see me

* When will I finally

* Find someone who cares.

Oh, and then the other thing is Zan is going to be there.

- Zan? - Yeah.

Dude, Daisy what's all this shit about Zan?

What?

Dude, you spent eight long ass months in that girl.

Okay, first of all it was nine.

Whatever.

You haven't been able to play a show since she dumped you.

Uh, you know what Tyler, I am so over her, okay?

I mean, God, just take a look at me.

I got my mojo back.

* Finally, we got our shot

* We've got to grove back

* I'm on the fast track

* And tonight our dreams will come alive

* We're going to let shit rip tonight

* And get some due respect all right.

* Finally stage and lights, professional and real to spite

* The road we've travelled up to now

* Our chance to finally take a bow

* To Band Slam To Band Slam

* Hey, Daisy, let's do this

* I'm going to be myself tonight

* I'm trying to get my head on right

* I'm make it in this town despite

* I'm hitting every traffic light

* The road are closing up to now

* Our chance to finally love somehow

* It's my turn It's my turn

* To finally do this

* Finally

* Finally

* We've got our shot

* And tonight our dreams will come alive

Welcome back.

Drive.

I'm telling you the radiator is toast.

Dammit.

I told you not to buy this piece of shit van.

Dude, we've got to call your fucking sister.

- No. - Daisy.

Call her.

So, I hear you're gay now.

She's not gay.

Why can't I be gay?

Because I'm gay. You're just copying me.

Well, you're so full of yourself.

Oh my God, Colby, you can't be gay.

Mom will kill you and then me.

It's one thing if I'm gay

Because I'm kind of a whole bad seed.

She tried to write me off.

But you, oh my God, you're like the good egg.

Well, being the good egg is boring.

Well, I'm sorry, that's who you are.

Well, now I'm a good gay egg, okay?

Yeah. Come on.

Let her be a gay egg.

Thank you.

Colby, you've never even touched your own vagina,

Let alone anyone else's.

**

I fuckin' hate this place.

This is ridiculous.

Hey, that's her.

Where?

In the green jacket.

Oh, she's hot.

I know.

- Yeah, she's out of your league. - Shut up.

I'm sorry Colby, she is.

I mean, look at her, she's like the queen bee

Of her little band of baby dikes.

- She's an actress. - Yuck.

Of course she's an actress.

Oh, what's she been in?

Oh, I saw her in this allergy medication commercial,

And then she did this movie Satan's Bride

I rented it, she was really good.

You rented it?

Colby. God, you're a creeper, seriously.

I just hope she remembers me.

I bought her latte last week.

She lost her wallet. So...

Dude, Colb, all you have to do is go up there and talk to her.

Well, she can't just walk up and say,

"Hey do you remember I bought you a latte."

Well, why not?

Okay, because that girl right there think she's king shit

Of Fuck Mountain, all right?

You just go up to her, I promise you,

She will eat you for lunch.

You need an angle.

An angle?

Yeah. You need something;

You know a wedge to get her interested.

Well, isn't sex enough?

Colby's hot.

You think I'm hot?

Yeah.

- Ixnay on isteray. - Okay.

I know pig Latin.

No, you don't know anything. That's exactly my point.

You're not even gay. What are we doing here?

- Oh, shut up. - Whatever.

I'm just going to go talk to her?

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Okay. So what's your... What's your angle?

I thought you were nice when I bought you that latte,

You made me laugh.

I think you're sexy and I've never done this before,

But I'd like to sleep with you.

That's your angle?

Yeah.

Oh, she's dead.

Bye dead sister.

I loved you.

Oh stop. I think she'll pull it off.

I mean, everyone loves a bi-curious girl.

No, Tyler, let's just do.

She thought she had a chance maybe...

Hey!

Hi.

I'm Colby.

I met you last week at the Coffeewood on La Brea.

Okay.

- So... - Yeah, you lost your wallet and,

Um, you were up at the barista, but you didn't have any money

And I was behind you in line and...

Right. Yeah, yeah, hey.

Hey.

So, do you guys come her a lot or...

Um, I guess.

Are you an actress because I think I saw you in this movie

And it was really good.

Um, Satan's Bride.

- Hey, oh my God. - How are you?

Wow, you cut your hair short.

Oh, yes, I chopped it off. Do you like it?

Oh, my God, yes. This is Shelby.

- Colby. - Colby.

We met at the Coffeewood on La Brea.

Hi.

Oh, shit. Sidney...

How are you?

- You look great. - Oh, my God, no.

- How was it? - Fucking great.

You guys are stupid.

I cannot begin to tell you.

I'll have to fill you guys in.

I mean, do we have time to...

Yes, oh my God.

She wears her color well.

Okay, seriously, this is painful.

- Can I please just go over and stop her? - Stop.

No, I'll tell her she's got a phone call.

[CROSSTALK]

Well hey, I'm going to go,

But it was nice to see you again.

Nice to see you too.

Who the fuck is that?

She's coming back.

I love this song...

Oh my God, how did it go?

I'm going to die.

Happy? Asshole.

Tyler Murphy.

Yeah, that bitch owe me money.

618 Coronado. Yeah.

I am not your fuckin' babysitter, all right?

You struck out, the dream girl is not into you,

Time to call it a night, I'm done.

Whatever, this is my car.

I have to do vocal warm-ups, okay?

- I have to stretch. - Oh, whatever.

I've had no water tonight, I have a show.

Okay, that's when she signed with endeavor.

But she sucks.

I know, trust me, I hate her.

Hey.

Hey.

You guys have a light?

She does.

So you guys like, actors or actresses,

I don't know.

What do you guys like to be called these days?

It doesn't matter, we're not either.

Speak for yourself.

Actors.

Yeah, I'm just mentioning

Because we're going to this party

With some big casting guys will be there.

Oh, really, what's his name?

I don't know. It's my friend, Colby's uncle.

Come on. I don't care.

Whatever.

I guess he represents Angelina Jolie.

Angelina Jolie?

Really?

You can come if you want.

- Oh, my God we're so going. - I can't. I can't. I can't.

- I can't even breathe right now. - You've been obsessed with her forever.

Okay, we're going, come on.

- That was six years ago. - Well, it was my favorite shirt.

- You gave it to me. - Oh, like hell I did.

Sid and Misty are coming at the party with us.

- Hey. - Uh, what party?

You know, the party at Colby's uncle's house.

My uncle?

Lets hit it.

Oh, my God.

- I swear to you, if you have anything to do with this... - No, no, no.

I will burn all of your CDs.

- No, I'm not kidding. - Please, don't embarrass me.

Tyler, what are you doing?

I gave you an angle.

Okay. Well, she didn't even have an uncle,

So sorry.

Well, then I guess we'll have to find one.

Oh, Tyler, listen to me, we don't have time for a,

Let's get Colby laid mission tonight, okay.

We've got to get our equipment at the Dark Light.

Where's your sense of adventure?

I mean, this is your sister's graduation night,

Let's give her a fuckin' chance with this girl.

We have like, five hours before we have to go on anyways.

Give me your keys.

Tyler, no... this is all your fault.

What did I do?

Just play it cool.

Oh, great, here comes nerd alert.

What?

Hey.

Hey.

So, uh, I hear you guys are actors,

Is that right?

I mean, I've done some modeling and acting,

And she's done acting.

So, do you like, mostly print or like... what do you do?

You go to a lot of parties, do you wear a lot of Ed Hardy,

Like, what do you do?

No, we go to a lot of like, Hollywood parties.

I mean, that's how you get connected this town.

You know, you have to socialize.

It's part of the job.

Hey, do you guys have like, agents and stuff

Or how do you do?

Yeah, we do, yeah.

Yeah, who's your agent?

It's like a little boutique agency,

But I think they're really specialized on...

Boutique? Do they have like, perfume and shit there

Like, I don't understand.

No, it means small.

What have you been in?

I was in a couple of films,

But you probably wouldn't know about them?

Really?

They're not with known names, you guys would know.

But one day you'll know them.

- Like, one day we'll... - Totally...

Your band is really good you guys...

- Yeah. - Thank you.

You've seen us play?

Someone here has seen you play.

Colby.

Colby is like, awesome.

You know, Colby you should take them to come see us perform.

Hey, Tyler, do you have a girlfriend?

Uh, do I know you?

Oh, I mean, I'm just wondering if you have like, a type,

Like, maybe brunettes or...

- No, she doesn't... - Do I have a type?

Oh a type, oh I'm sorry.

I don't even know how to answer that question.

Why do you have like, many?

She's in a very open relationship

With like, the population.

So she's not found the right one yet, huh?

No, but she keeps trying.

* Raise your hand

* If you want to get laid tonight

* If you just want to play tonight

* If you've just turned gay tonight

* Play your cards right girls

* The plans might get pretty

* Or things could get shitty

* If we don't watch the time

* Our gay plans are different

* but strangely our goals don't differ

* A night without drama

* A hot sweaty blur

* By 2 a.m. I hope I'm naked with her

Oh, seriously I'm not listening.

* Lalalalalala

* By 2 a.m. I hope I'm naked with her

* Painted with her

* Sainted by her

* 2 a.m. I'm reacquainted with her.

* Covered in grass stains

* Wrapped up in clover

* By 2 a.m.

* Not 1 a.m.

* Because I've got things to do

* By 2 a.m. I hope I'm naked with her

* Drop your plans and let's chase the glamour

* A night to get hammered

* And avoid slammer

* Unless that's your thing

* We shut off the phones and shoot from the hip

* A dark sticky rock show

* A club off the strip

* This night's looking up

* Let's see where it goes

* Let's hope hookin' up then loosen some clothes

* I hope I'm naked with her

* New born inspired

* Zero attire

* By 2 a.m. hot on a wardrobe that's style

* Clothes just fall off

* Like more Morisa Tomei style

* By 2 a.m

* Not 1 a.m

* Because we've got things to do

* By 2 a.m. I hope I'm naked with her

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Oh, my God.

* By 2 a.m. they better has a plan

* To get the mother-fucking money up in my hands

* Because if they don't

* They gonna have to talk to my nine

* It's almost midnight, bitch

* I'm about to book a fucking tee time

* Sick of messin' around with this rookie dykes

* Trying to play a fuckin' bitch like it's amateur night

* This ain't no joke, girl

* You'z about to get killed

* I'm about to go Tigers Woods on your mother fucking grill

* By 2 a.m. you better have every dime

* Or I'm coming for you and that ass is mine

* So all you got to do now is just stick to your word

* You'll be six feet deep laying dead in the dirt

* Make no mistake because it mother-fucking shit hurts

* When Dr. Monique do some dental work

* When the clock strikes twelve you better fill my purse

* Or by 2 a.m. bitch you'll be dead in the dirt

* Yeah, dead in the dirt, baby

So that was Colby's Uncle Steve,

He wants us to meet him at this club Coco Bongo

Which is downtown.

Oh, did you think, uh, Angelina will be there?

Maybe.

My God.

Hey, Colby why don't you tell Misty and Sid about

How Angelina hit on you about one time.

What?

Yeah, remember last summer, Colb?

So okay.

So Colby was on this yacht in the Bahamas with her uncle

And Brad and Angelina.

And Maddox.

- Right. That's right. - Yeah.

- Maddox. - Yeah.

So everybody went on the shore

Except for Colby and Angelina.

- Really? - No.

So when they were alone

Angelina asked Colby to put suntan lotion on her back.

- No shit. - Shut up.

And Colby whips out the suntan lotion

And she starts rubbing it all over Angelina.

What?

And then Angelina totally does this reach around thing

And tries to get it on Colby.

- Shut up. - No shit.

It's fine Colby, tell them.

Yes, Colby, what the fuck?

Yeah, tell them, Colby. Come on.

Well.

Yeah. I mean, it's just not big deal.

She's just being modest.

Oh Colby, don't be shy, honey.

No, it's just we have all night.

Did that really happen?

Kind of.

Clarify "kind of?"

Did you guys hook up?

No, I mean... she's married so...

Wait...

You didn't hook up with Angelina Jolie because she's married?

Wait, well guys, Brad came back.

Yeah, Brad came back so it was kind of awkward and then...

Was he pissed?

No, no, no. I mean, it was cool.

He was really nice.

Very nice, Brad Pitt.

- That is so cool. - Wow.

Good guy.

If I almost fuck Angelina Jolie, I would make a t-shirt that says

"I almost fucked Angelina Jolie."

I mean, are you kidding me?

You should totally do that anyway because

Nobody would know the difference, right?

I'm just watched G.I. too.

Why did you do that?

What?

Made up that stupid lie

About Angelina Jolie making a pass on me.

Ah Colb, here's a hot tip for you.

It's important to learn how to lie to women.

Come on.

Seriously, you think I'm joking, but I'm not.

You see, women want a fantasy; they're all about the possible.

An angle will get you in the door but a good set of lies,

That will close the deal.

That's terrible.

Look at her.

Do you want to be with her?

Yes.

Then tonight is your night.

Tonight is the only night.

There's no tomorrow, there's just tonight.

So what are you going to do.

**

Listen to me, you have 45 minutes to make your move

Then we're out of here.

What the hell kind of move am I suppose to make?

Well, if you're actually gay you'd know.

Thanks.

Be strong.

Look how the hair just hangs in her face.

Oh, my God, well smile... go talk to her.

We were just in the whole car with her.

- No. No. She has no... - Hey.

- Hey. - Hey, what's up with her?

Who?

Tyler. Misty and her hot thing.

- What Tyler? - No, no, no.

We didn't have a thing, she doesn't remember me.

Okay, they had an almost thing.

Oh... my gosh, no, I used to go to see her play

When she was in her old band.

You mean, Jaded Lipstick?

Yes.

- My mother is a bitch. - Bitch.

- My mother is a bitch. - Bitch.

I'm going to cut her breast off.

I know that my mother is a bitch.

And I finally talk to her and I gave her my number

And then she didn't call.

I shouldn't have put my number on her arm,

She could have washed it off or wiped it off or something.

Misty has been obsessed with her ever since.

She doesn't remember me.

Remember she came over here, tried to talk to us

And then had zero recollection

That we used to go see her band play all the time.

Oh, there's guys, I'm going to have them buy us drinks.

Has it ever happened to you?

You get a huge crush on someone who didn't even know.

Yeah.

* Even though I know it's never going to happen

* Fooling myself brings me so much satisfaction

* Don't say a word but she's my fantasy crush

* Oh that's funny, I didn't know you dig sluts

Oh.

* Don't shit on my dream it's just my fantasy

* Of what could possibly be, but it won't be

* And the saddest part is that it doesn't matter anyway

* Do you know what I'm saying

Yeah. I think I might feel on that.

Hmm.

* And in the Saturday dream she takes me to the beach

* Then after hot fuckin' sex she says she'll never leave

* Oh that's so sweet

* But see there's only one problem

* She's so dirty she may be allergic to water

* Don't shit on my dream it's just my fantasy

* How could possibly be, but it won't be

* And the saddest part is that it doesn't matter anyway

* Do you know what I'm saying

* Well, there's this girl that I really like

Well?

* Well, I don't know her really, like

* And we get drawn together one night

* A goose chase night

* This really super crazy night

* But she's got this other chick that she likes

* Until she realizes that the perfect girl

* Is sitting right here

* Don't shit on my dreams it's just my fantasy

* Of what could possibly be but it won't be.

* And the saddest part is that it doesn't matter anyway

* Do you know what I'm saying.

* But anyway we're at this party and it's wild

* It's like fiction and I lose my inhibition and I kiss her

* And one thing leads right into the next

* We end up on a trampoline and I have first time sex

* It's just my fantasy

Whoa, hold the phone, you're a chick virgin?

No, I'm not.

I mean I... did I say that I was it was like, no.

Just... in my fantasy song, you know it's my first time,

But she's... I've done it like a million,

Trillion times. I can't even count.

Right. Right.

Continue.

* So we're out this rock show A really loud rock show

* She looks at me it's like we both know

* That we need to seek backstage

* And find a back room

* Back stage, sex rampage

* Don't shit on my dream It's just my fantasy

* Of what could possibly be but it won't be

* And the saddest part is that it doesn't matter anyway

* On a beach, in a car I fuckin' said you will never leave

* Don't shit on my dream It's just my fantasy

* Of what could possibly be but it won't be

* And the saddest part is that it doesn't matter anyway

* Backstage, at a show, my first time sex, trampoline

* Don't shit on my dream It's just my fantasy

* Of what could possibly be but it won't be

* And the saddest part is that it doesn't matter anyway

* I think you know what I'm saying

You're such a romantic.

Too bad the shit doesn't happen

In real life though, right?

Come on, let's go find Sid.

Listen, I don't know why you're bothering with Colby.

This whole thing is like an exercise in futility.

Valentine, this guy, he's a con artist.

Exactly.

I need you to do me a favor for like, five minutes.

I don't know, what's there for me?

Don't get any bright idea's, hot shot.

You still owe us for the fucking Lambert.

Is that Zan?

Yeah. I'll be right back.

- Daisy, don't go. - Be back.

Daisy.

Misty, I have to tell you something.

Oh, guys, they're so easy.

Where have you been?

I got us drinks. Back off.

Hey, sweet cheeks. How are you doing?

Sid, Misty, this is Colby's uncle Steve.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

It's always nice to meet Colby's attractive friends.

Hey, Colby, I haven't seen you since Clooney's poker game.

What?

You played poker with Clooney?

Yeah. He's an old friend.

So what do you guys doing out here,

The party is on the dance floor.

Come on.

- Bono is stopping by later... - Wait, Bono!

Yeah, Bono.

Who the hell is that perv?

Oh, it's a guy, I know.

Hey, I need you to do me a favor.

I need you to have sex with me.

What?

If I want to get together Misty

I have to get together with you first.

I don't follow you.

Well, this was your whole idea in the first place, Tyler.

I mean, I'm trying to like, work a freakin' angle here.

So, I was thinking if I hook up with you first,

Then Misty won't think that I'm a square anymore

And she'll feel all like, jilted and insecure

Because you didn't hook up with her

And then you hook up with me on the rebound.

It could work.

I'm telling you.

Colby,

As much as this pains me to tell you,

I cannot have sex you.

You see, your sister will kill me.

Oh, who cares about her?

I do.

Who cares? Okay, tonight is the night.

You said so yourself.

What about fake sex?

How are we supposed to have fake sex?

I don't know, but I'll figure it out, okay.

* When you close your eyes, do you still see my face

* When you close your eyes, do you still see my face

* When you close your eyes, do you still see my face

Hey, Zan.

Can I talk to you?

Oh, look it's Alotta Lame.

My name is a Alotta Flame... Flame.

You guys are going to Band Slam tonight.

- That should be interesting. - Yeah, whatever, Kelly.

Listen Zan, I gotta talk to you, so...

Daisy, now is not really a good time.

Well, when?

I mean, when is a good time?

Because you didn't even have the courtesy to break up with me.

I had to find out that you're dating Skankoroma here

Through your fucking tweet.

What on earth do you need to talk about?

I mean, how many times you have to process this relationship.

She dumped you. You're a loser.

She's not. End of story.

Yeah. Okay, Kelly, um,

Why don't you butt out of this

Because if you don't I swear to God...

You're going to what, kill me with your music?

Too late.

Listen, you and your slutty hoe-bag friend

And your desperado band

Need to go crawling under a rock somewhere

And leave Zan alone.

Guys come one.

Hey!

[CROWD CHANTING] Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Get out! Get out of here!

Oh my God,

Just that one time when I got her really good...

Oh, she backed up...

- She got on top of me. - Totally.

She's on top of me. And she's not light.

Let me tell you that hurt a little bit.

But I think Zan, there's a moment we connected eyes,

She was like a little impressed by my moves.

Monique?

What's up, ladies?

They let you out?

For good behavior.

Congratulations.

Well, thank you.

They say I'm rehabilitated.

You see, Dr. Floss who teaches my anger management class.

He says that he's really proud of the progress that I made

And getting to the source of my general fuckin' irritation with life.

- Are they friends? - I don't think so.

Dr. Floss, he says that I have an excellent chance

Of returning to society

And making a meaningful contribution in my community.

Dr. Floss is going to be really fuckin' disappointed

When he finds out I beat you within an inch of your funckin' life.

You owe me $4565.79.

Monique, I didn't steal your money.

It was fucking Louanne.

You're looking at me like I care.

Hey, Monique, I'm begging your pardon.

Tyler will totally get your money,

I have like, every confidence,

But right now, we got to get to sound check

Because we're playing a rock show tonight

- and I like to be professional... - Easy.

What, this little fuckin' rock show,

Band Slam?

Band Slam? Yeah, that's it.

- Daisy. - Yeah, this is it.

Daisy.

Y'all in a rock in roll band now, right

No, it's lame. No... it's nothing...

- Oh, she's right... - That's cute. That's cute.

Yeah. I think we have like, a really good chance.

And I bet you all bitches need these instruments right here

To play a little fuckin' show tonight, right?

Oh, yeah. No. No.

I'll tell you what,

I'm going to hold onto your shit.

You give me my fuckin' money, I can give you back your shit,

Sound good?

- You know that's my car. - Colby.

What?

- This piece of shit as you are. - Hey...

[ALL CLAMORING]

Okay, my dad is a lawyer.

What did you say, bitch?

What bitch?

What?

I ain't fuckin' playing around, bitches.

- Monique. Monique. - Shut the fuck up.

You don't understand the gravity

Of the mother-fucking' situation here.

You need to give me my mother-fucking' money.

Your shit is my shit.

Midnight, bitches.

You stay...

Hey Monique, could I just grab one thing at the back

Just before you go?

Monique. Monique.

Oh my God.

Monique. Monique.

Don't do this...

Daisy, she stole my car.

I know Colby, I know.

I know.

Oh...

Hey guys.

I see Monique repossessed your car.

Fuck off, Kelly.

She's performing a public service.

Yeah. And nobody has to hear your shitty band.

You fuckin' suck anyway.

What are you doing?

Oh my God!

What are you doing?!

Tyler, what are you doing?!

Go. Come on.

You guys are insane. This is amazing.

This is the best night of my life.

Oh, my God.

I know it's going to get better. Look in the glove compartment.

Why?

Why, what is it? What? What?

Hidden compartment on the right?

What is it?

How do you know this?

What? What is it?

If I'm correct...

What the hell?

- No fucking way. - What the fuck.

Are you joking me right now?

How did you know it was going to be there?

Oh, my fucking hell, that's a lot of dope.

- What kind of people are these? - Don't get close...

Oh my God. Lets just take a look.

I didn't know my ex was going out with Courtney Love,

Dear God.

Oh...

Who is it?

It's fucking Zan.

No, don't pick it up. Don't pick it up.

I want to talk to her.

Tell her I drive things with the drugs.

Alright, shut up. Shh, shh.

Good day, Zan.

Daisy, I don't know what the fuck is going on

But you have to bring Kelly's car back.

Oh, no, no, no, we will totally bring it back.

We just, you know, we need to borrow it for a little while.

Do you think this is a joke?

Make Tyler bring the car back or Kelly is going to call the cops.

The only reason she hasn't called the cops yet

Is because I stopped her.

Oh, really?

Because I wonder what the police will think about the full

Fuckin' pharmacy Kelly has gotten in her glove compartment.

You had drugs in the glove compartment?

Really?

Listen, you loser.

I want you to bring my car back

With everything in it.

Hey, guys, guys, what do you think there's like,

$10,000 worth of drugs?

- Yeah. - Or like $15,000. I don't know.

That's a lot of jail time, yeah, I don't know.

We got a lot of money tonight.

Yeah, I want to talk to Zan.

You just talked to her.

No, no, I want to talk to her without you present in person

And then we'll give you your shitty little car back, okay?

She wants me to meet her.

I don't know if you're worth all this fucking trouble.

Oh, she snapped.

Where are you?

I'll tell you what, I will text you when we land.

For the record, this is why.

Okay. This is why what?

Why I broke up with you.

Oh my God, this is funny guys...

Dude, what did she say?

You know, she said, sorry, it's wrong to leave you,

I love you. I always will.

What did she really say?

Where the fuck are we going?

Well, we have to unload these drugs;

We can get our $5000,

Pay Monique and then get our shit back.

How are we going to unload

$5000 worth of drugs in three hours?

We got to be on stage at 1 a.m.

I don't know.

Hey, maybe Lana will want to buy them.

Bitch, do you have a death wish?

No, we have to find some like rich,

Obnoxious, drunk kids who are looking for a good time

And sell them the drugs.

Hey, my eyes are peeled.

No.

Oh yeah.

No.

- Yeah. - No.

- Oh yes. - Hell, no.

- No. No... - Oh, fuck yeah.

It's happening Colby, done.

Done. You can't do shit.

[CHANTING] Colby.

Colby. Colby. Colby...

Yes, Colby.

It's your graduation night.

It's easy, We're going to send your friends off with a bang.

Yeah and I have six demerits.

- I'm going to be like... - You are such a...

My sister is such bad girl.

When did you get so bad, Colby?

These girls are really...

And I haven't even told them about...

Me...

Well, look what the cat dragged in.

Halloween is in October, ladies.

Hi, Lauren.

Um, I just came to grab my jacket.

Colby, we made a pact

To spend our last night together as sorority sisters

Here in this house

Reflecting on four great years here at LAU.

We could be out partying or hanging with our boyfriends,

But instead we made a solemn pledge to be here together.

Everybody here is here but you.

You for some reason

Seemed to think you have something better to do

Than to participate in the Sigma Omega Kappa

Farewell ceremony.

What could possibly be more important

Than spending tonight with your sigma sisters?

Sex with Misty.

Ow, my tit...

Lauren...

Was I finished talking? I don't think so.

My followup question is this.

What do you think you can do to make up for this selfish

And insulting behavior on your part?

What are you bringing to the table, Colby.

Uh, party favors.

**

Everyone makes fun of me whenever I talk about it.

Did you have to wear like, a uniform in space camp?

Yes.

- Do you still fit in it? - I do.

Do you know who's Story Musgrave was?

He's an astronaut.

I bought every button from every launch he had ever done.

I used to dream of being like, a counselor there.

That was my goal at 15.

- I didn't get that. - Oh.

So I choose acting.

And here you are in LA?

Yes.

- I hate LA. - Why?

It's not just what I expected. Everybody is so fake.

I don't know. I miss New York.

You should really give LA a chance.

You see LA, it's like a treasure chest,

There's all sorts of hidden gems all over the place

You just have to know how to look for them.

You see other cities are really slutty,

They just have everything out there to see.

There's no mystery.

But LA, she makes it work.

I don't know.

No, listen.

If you drive downtown,

There's this crappy electronic store in Sixth Street,

But if you go through the store and then in the storeroom

With a flashlight, you can look up in the rafters

And see the remnants of the first vaudeville

Built in LA.

That's so cool.

Yeah.

And then if you drive in the Santa Monica Mountains,

The second week of April, there are acres and acres

Of blooming wild flowers everywhere.

You guys don't have seasons.

That's not true.

Just not the ones that you're used to.

But if you've lived here long enough,

You can detect the subtle changes and the quality of the light

And feel of the air.

I don't know you can't just look at the surface.

You got to look beneath.

Well, maybe I had the wrong person showing me around.

So, do we have a winner yet?

A winner of what?

Come on, who's going to hook up with Tyler first?

Hey Colby, Lauren needs you.

I'll be right back.

Ah-hmm.

What?

What is up with you?

She's cute.

Oh, come on, Misty.

The hottest fucking girl on the entire West Coast

Is ready to your bed bitch.

So get your fucking head in the game.

- Yeah. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Yeah. That's right, yeah.

Thank you.

Okay.

So you wanted to talk, let's talk.

So, I saw Fat Sal the other day.

Yeah?

Yeah.

He was asking about you.

Are you happy?

Yeah.

Does she make you laugh?

Daisy, what do you want?

I want you to be honest with me.

No, you don't.

People say it all the time, but nobody actually wants that.

No, I do.

Zan, I love you.

I mean, do you feel anything for me like at all

Or the last nine months

- just some weird hallucination on my part? - No.

No, of course, I loved you.

Of course.

It's not just enough.

How can that not be enough?

It's not enough because I can't spend the rest of my life

Waiting for you and Tyler to get your shit together.

Oh, I don't know, we're together.

You know, we got like a couple of irons in the fire;

Things are... things are...

Daisy, I have to go.

Give me the keys.

I wrote a song for you.

Um, I don't want your song.

What?

I don't want your song, Daisy

Because this is over and I don't want you.

I don't want your song.

I really actually don't want anything to do with your life.

I just want Kelly's car back.

What does she have that I don't?

- Daisy, you have to let me go. - What does she have?

She has talent.

She has talent, I'm sorry.

Give me the keys.

Thank you.

* When you close your eyes, do you still see my face

* When you close your eyes, do you still see my face

* When you close your eyes, do you still see my face

* I find it hard to breath when, you're standing on my neck

* Put on an old song, let's just sing along

* Even just for a little while

* Oh, tell me you need me, cause I'm grieving

* Love you so much it makes me sick

* One more hug

* Then pull the plug

* You know, I'd rather die right here

* Than live one day without you

* Tell me it's all right

* It'll be okay

* Look into my eyes, tell me pretty lies

* I don't care, just stay

Oh, sorry Colb, it looks like you are too late.

The problem with you is that you are just too sweet.

Oh, but you do know where nice girls end up right?

In a pint of ice cream and a vibrator.

I'll see you out there.

* This whole life ain't worth living

* When I'm giving every little piece of my heart

* is aching up and replacing

* I thought I had something, something to give

* For so long seeing my sights of you

* Will I ever be right for you

* Even though I stand rejected, have been discarded

* Sickened and lost amongst the broken hearted

* She tells me it's all right

* It'll be okay

* Look into my eyes, tell me pretty lies

* I don't care, just stay

* Don't ask me why

* I just can't say

* One day the little girl will gonna show the world

* Well gonna laugh one day

* When you close your eyes, do you still see my face

* All these feelings arise, will we ever embrace

* Will you let me inside, does your heart have a place

* A place, a place

* Ah, ah, ah

* When you close your eyes, do you still see my face

* It's all right

Hmm.

Okay.

I have something to tell you.

I'm pretty sure that I'm gay.

Duh.

Duh? Seriously?

Intramural softball.

Oh, my god.

Do you know how to have fake sex?

Um, I don't understand the question.

Like, if I was to simulate sex without actually having it,

What would I do?

Moan a lot and swear.

Really?

Huh.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Hmm.

Oh, God. Oh, fuck, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Oh, God.

Fuck. Fuck. OK. OK.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I could never say that.

Oh, and if you bust this one out it will drive them crazy.

Oh, shit. Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit.

Oh... you make me so... you make me so wet...

I know.

Wow.

Okay, look, I need your help.

You know, I actually remember when I saw you guys first play.

- No shit. - Yeah.

It was like last September.

Where was it?

Um, I don't know it was like some dark,

Burgundy room with tall ceilings.

- Oh, was it the dark room? - Yes.

- Yeah. - Yes.

That's a fuckin' awesome place. I love it.

Hey, can you, um...

Can you tell he change in the seasons in LA?

What?

I mean, like you've lived here your whole life,

Like, can you feel the change?

There are no fuckin' seasons in LA.

It's just hot and fuckin' hotter.

Yeah, I know.

Hi.

Do you mind if we Misty for a second?

Why?

You've been chosen.

It's actually a great honor.

Every year, one civilian is chosen to participate

In the annual crossing over ceremony.

I'm good. Thank you though.

It's not optional.

Come on, show time.

Take off your clothes and get in the bed.

To cherish these friendships forever.

[ALL] To cherish these friendships forever.

To be bonded in everlasting sisterhood.

[ALL] To be bonded in everlasting sisterhood.

I mean, not like the lessy kind.

[ALL] I mean, not like the lessy kind.

I mean, that's fine for Colby, if that's where she's sent to,

No judgments, but most of us like dick.

[ALL] I mean, that's fine for Colby, if that's where she sent to,

No judgments, but most of us like dick.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Ah, you guys are totally freaking me out.

Congratulations, you are now officially a civilian sister

Of Sigma Omega Kappa.

Thanks.

Oh, um, do you know where my friends went?

- I think they went upstairs. - Thanks.

Incoming.

Okay. Let's do it.

Hey, we're going to be late for Monique.

Do you understand it's like Monique...

No. Hey. We're like five minutes away.

It will be fine.

I have to do this.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, yes.

Oh, fuck, yes, Tyler.

Whoa!

Tyler, you are making me so wet.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Tyler. Tyler.

You fuck my sister.

No. No. Daisy.

Daisy this is not what it looks like, I swear.

Daisy.

- You are fucking dead to me. - No. Daisy.

Daisy.

Oh, man.

Daisy. Stop it. Nothing happened.

Oh, nothing happened?

I just saw you in bed fucking my little sister.

- No, we were faking it. - Oh you were faking it?

Colby had this cockamamie plan

If Misty walked in on us and thought we're having sex,

Then she would think Colby was cool

And then they would go have sex.

Okay. So, I'm expected to believe

My little sister asked you to have some fake sex with her

- in order to get some other girl. - Yeah.

- Oh, I can't believe it. - I know. Daisy.

She's just a kid. She's Gail's age.

She's not a kid anymore, Daisy.

What did you just say to me?

I mean, she's graduating from college tomorrow,

She's not a kid anymore.

I knew it. Man, I fucking knew it.

You've been crushing on Colby for years.

Just waiting to get your whore little hands all over her.

Well, let me tell you something, Tyler,

It's never going to happen, okay,

Colby is way too good for you.

So you better forget you knew either one of us.

And you're out of the fucking band!

* Don't shit on my dream It's just my fantasy

* Of what could possibly be but it might be

* And the greatest thing is it's going to happen anyway

* Do you know what I'm saying

Hey.

Hey, Misty.

Get off me.

I'm sorry. I'm just...

It's not going to happen, okay.

Okay.

Misty, are you okay?

What happened?

Nothing. I just made a huge fool out of myself.

I know how you feel.

I just thought we would have had something.

I'm so stupid.

I always do this and I don't know why

I just threw myself at Tyler.

Then she acted like I was a leper.

Am I that disgusting?

No.

You're beautiful.

- I can't stay. - Misty.

I have known Tyler my entire life.

She's like the best friend my sister could ever have

And she may be hot, but

All Tyler cares about is smoking pot

And looking cool playing her bass.

I just feel like you've been making up all this stuff

About her, but none of it is real.

But I like my fantasies.

With fantasies you don't have with the real person

And that's scarier.

A lot scarier.

It's like, you have a connection with somebody

Then you have to let them in.

And what if they don't like what they find?

What if they do?

Stupid, fucking bitch,

What the hell is she thinking.

Ding-dong, bitch.

Ah!

- No. No. No. - Where's Tyler?

Where's Tyler?

What's you running for? What's you running for?

Ah!

Get the fuck out of here.

What is fucking wrong with you all?

Y'all going to fuck around and make me break a sweat.

Ray Charles could see y'all mother-fuckers

Hiding under the...

Ah!

What's wrong with y'all?

Where is your girlfriend at, blondie?

Tell her I'm looking for her.

Now that you're fucking with me,

I'm going to start taxing everyone of this Sigma bitches.

Ah!

Where the fuck do you think you're going, huh?

Keep fucking with me...

Ah!

- Where the fuck do you... - Freeze!

Oh, please, toy cop.

Officer Jackie. Officer Margie.

Campus police.

Yeah, campus police.

Kids today, no respect for the law.

No, ma'am. No respect.

Yeah.

I've been after you little sorority misses for a while now,

Waiting for you to slip up and pounce.

It would appear that Monique Shaniqua Jones

Is in violation of the terms of her parole.

Proper authorities have been notified.

Fuck you, bitch.

And as for you ladies,

Your parents have been contacted.

You called my mom?

Happy graduation, ladies.

Great. Wow.

This is just fucking great.

Great.

Well, this is fucking great.

Yeah.

- Daisy. - Don't you talk to me.

It was a mistake, okay.

I can't deal with you not talking to me.

Oh, well maybe you should have thought about that

Before you screwed my little sister, do you think.

Hmm.

Yeah, maybe perhaps, okay.

- You guys hooked up? - No.

That's an understatement.

Oh, Tyler, Tyler. Fuck me, Tyler.

Dah.

Why didn't you telling me?

This whole ridiculous evening has been one big fat lie.

Yeah.

That's been Colby's strategy the whole time.

For instance, our uncle, not Angelina Jolie's agent.

We don't even have an uncle.

So who was that guy?

His name is Valentine. He's a con artist.

Oh, man.

You mean I hooked up with him for nothing?

What? He said he was going to introduce me to Beyoncé.

The craziest lie of all is that Colby is not even gay.

I don't know what kind of bullshit pulls or game she's playing,

But I'll tell you what, it's getting real tired.

You've been lying to me this whole time.

No, it wasn't like that.

I mean, it was kind of like that, but you wouldn't talk to me.

Tyler said that I needed an angle so I tried to fix things

So that you would like me and...

Oh, you guys were in this the whole time.

Misty, I'm really, really truly sorry.

Save it. Forget it.

Are you happy?

- This night get any worse. - Ladies, you have a visitor.

Mom.

You know what you guys are,

You're professionally ungrateful.

And get me up in the goddamn middle of the night.

Maybe you could get a job and be professionally delinquent.

You guys are all worthless, you know that...

* Lately out here on my own

* Surrounded by heartbeats never felt more alone

* What's happening

* So why does everyone look the other way

* When I'm right here and I want to say

* Here I am, once again, stuck in traffic

* Count to 10, trying not to panic

* Red light, green light Whoa, uh, oh

* Broke the rules down to the letter

* Let me try it once again, I can do it better

* Red light, green light Whoa, uh, oh

* Here I am once again Here I am once again

* Here I am once again

* People flying out their cars

* Forgetting and regretting can only get a girl so far

* So where you going, going

* Like little Boeings, Boeings, yeah

* Didn't ya see the red light

* God knows how I hate to say, I told you so

* What ya lookin' at me for

* I'm no help, the future is a ghost

* Here I am, once again, stuck in traffic

* Count to 10, trying not to panic

* Red light, green light Whoa, uh, oh

* Broke the rules down to the letter

* Let me try it once again, I can do it better

* Red light, green light Whoa, uh, oh(

* God knows I hate to say

* God knows I hate to say

* Here I am once again Here I am once again

* Here I am once again Here I am once again

* Here I am once again

You're as delinquent as your sister.

What's the freakin' holdup here?

Mom, are you coming to my graduation tomorrow night?

I told you Colby,

I'm going to San Diego with Greg.

Oh great, throw a tantrum.

Do you want me to treat you like an adult,

Well you better start acting like one.

Fuck stake.

Fuck.

Huh.

Go on, what are you waiting for?

I don't even know you.

Colby.

Colby, would you hold up?

I don't want to talk to you.

Oh really?

Well, I don't want to talk to you either.

That's why it's a good thing we're sisters,

We have to talk to one another.

Look I was a jerk, okay.

I'm sorry that I'm having such a hard time with this Colby.

It's just that...

You know, it's not like mom was exactly around a lot.

It's always been just the two of us

And I was the one, you know,

Helping you with your homework

Or taking you to school

Or picking up the pieces when you broke up with that guy

And then this guy and now girls, good God.

Colby, do you like girls?

Girls are all fucking nightmare.

But this night is any indication.

Look, I just don't want to see you get heartbroken.

It's my heart to break.

It hurts me all the same.

I'm not in the habit of being honest with girls,

But if we had hooked up tonight,

We would have had a good time,

But I wouldn't have called you back.

And then I just would have moved on to somebody else.

I'm the one that put Colby up to

This whole crazy night, okay?

She doesn't have a lying bone in her body.

So, um...

Where are we headed?

Dark Light.

You're out already?

You just went in an hour ago.

Overcrowding.

Drive.

* You think it's you and her

* Against the world now

* Until you're bloody on the floor

* Saying I'm too bad yeah

- Hey, you're going to be amazing. - Thanks, man.

Uh, see you in a while, wish me luck.

- Oh, I got to go. - Oh, see ya.

- Goodbye, goodbye. - Rock it.

* You're all hi

* She's all hello

Oh, hi Daisy, what the hell?

- It's a long story. - We're on in 10.

I can't believe you guys actually showed.

Huh.

Hey, news flash,

There's a real live audience out there.

I mean, this isn't like performing at home

In front of a mirror with a hair brush.

Do you guys really think that you're ready for this

Because I'm embarrassed for you in advance.

Next up.

Let's give a warm Dark Light welcome to the Dollyrots.

Zan.

I just think your music isn't for everybody, sorry.

Oh, yeah real nice, Zan,

After she spent eight long ass months with you.

Nine.

* Because I'm happy so happy

* Joy oh joy

We stink.

No, we don't.

Daisy, look she's just trying to get you in your head.

I'm going to make a fool of myself.

Tyler, we're going to make fools of ourselves.

Daisy!

* And every time I kissed your mouth so sweet

* I still wonder how it's me

* It makes me happy so happy

* Joy oh joy

* It's for always

You're my never gonna happen crush.

What?

You're it.

You're my fantasy girl.

Drama.

You know, every day of my life

I have to pretend to be somebody I'm not.

I have to be fake with all this other fake people.

But for some reason I thought that you were for real.

I thought that you were the only real person

I had ever met in LA.

But you turned out to be phony just like everybody else.

Misty, I get you.

Okay, I get your whole thing.

I mean, I know in New York you had a ton of friends

And then you moved here and in Hollywood,

No one cares about who you are or what you think.

But I do.

And I think that space camp is awesome.

Look, I know what's it like to pretend to be something

That you're not and I'm tired of doing that.

I just want you to know that you don't have to pretend with me

Because I just liked you.

I'm sorry that I ruined your night.

No, Colby, wait.

What if we just start from scratch?

Hi. I'm Colby.

* Why don't we

* Try to be

* Honest even though it's hard

* Now is the time to start

* Don't you see

* I happily

* Accept you as you are

* Now we got nothing to hide

Come here, I want to show you something.

* You're high to me

* Tell me it's not happening

* Am I just the parody

* With my best behind me

I'm sorry, man.

She's just a heat seeking missle, you know.

When you're up, she's up,

And you're down, she's gone.

I just thought she believed in me, you know.

I believe in you.

Come on.

You kind of have to say that, you know.

No, I don't.

I know you and I've seen you rock every day.

And we can't shut you up.

You love to rock.

Whenever you ever give it a shit what other people think?

Fuck it, right?

- Fuck it. - Fuck it.

Vote for us the Dollyrots.

Whoa. All right.

Next up, we got Alotta Flame.

Let's take it again, guys.

* Listen up

* Once upon a time she was all strung up

* And now she's dancing in the road

* Well, the story got wicked and the song was the ticket

* Fast forward to tonight

* We've all grown The past is left alone

* When we look inside and see what's true

* My friends, myself, the night of our life

* I'm taking it back like Goonies do

* We only win when we decide to

* Now all my nights will have an asterisk

* Much happier without you

* And as I walk out here, here's an ass to kiss

* My tomorrow is all brand new

* So now

* Sometimes my head sounds like there's

* Nothing lasts forever but stories and stone

* But we've got a tale to tell you

* And the stone and well it should have been

* It should have been left alone It should have been left alone

* It should have been left alone It should have been left alone

* Leave me alone

* Give me five minutes alone

* Leave me alone

* My night will have an asterisk

* Much happier without you

* As I walk out here, here's an ass to kiss

* Because missy it's the end

* My darling, don't come calling

* Just get lost once and for all

* Stay the fuck away

* Now the gig is up

* Time to give me back

* Everything you ever took

* Come on, come on

* Now the gig is up

* Time to give me back everything you ever took

Whoa, all right.

What a show.

Alotta Flame, people.

And it looks like we have ourselves a winner.

Ladies and gentlemen, Alotta Flame.

Here's your prize $5000.

Yes.

Uh-hmm.

- Hi, Monique. - Hey.

- No. Really. - Yeah.

Well, okay.

This shit, bet not bounce.

* They try to hold us back but we're just too much

* You know they cannot hold what they cannot touch

* All the lights are green on the avenue

Happy graduation.

* And we can say goodbye to the place we've been

* All I need I found in you

* We waited out whole lives

* To finally make it here

* Darling what's the catch

* Is it too good to be real

* Where would I be now

* If it weren't for you

* I hope this never ends I hope this never ends

* You call my name at the starting line

* And I'm ready to go with you by my side

* There's no holding back this time

* It's all right if I think too much

* Because you know my cards and you call my bluff

* But we don't need to be like everyone

* We waited our whole lives to finally make it here

* Darling what's the catch

* Is it too good to be real

* Where would I be now if it weren't for you

* I hope this never ends

* Oh, I hope this never ends

* if you feel alone it's only for a moment

* if you feel alone it's only for a moment

* if you feel alone it's only for a moment

* Because we're coming home

* We're coming home

* We waited our whole lives to finally make it here

* Darling what's the catch

* Is it too good to be real

* Where would I be now if it weren't for you

* I hope this never ends

* I hope this never ends

* We waited out whole lives to finally make it here