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All language subtitles for SNL S01E04 Candice Bergen.DVDRip.HI.RLP.cc.en.UNVSL

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,566 --> 00:00:03,380 Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. 2 00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:04,547 GENTLEMEN, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. [BAND PLAYS INTRODUCTION TO 3 00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:07,011 UNITED STATES. [BAND PLAYS INTRODUCTION TO "HAIL TO THE CHIEF"] 4 00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:18,783 MY FELLOW AMERICANS, LADIES 5 00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:21,320 AND GENTLEMEN, MEMBERS OF THE 6 00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:24,189 PRESS, AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY, 7 00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:25,957 FIRST MAY I THANK YOU ALL FOR 8 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,359 BEING HERE. 9 00:00:27,627 --> 00:00:34,144 AND I AM... AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY, FIRST MAY I THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE, AND I AM... 10 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:36,779 FAMILY, FIRST MAY I THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE, AND I AM... AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY. 11 00:00:36,803 --> 00:00:38,848 ALL FOR BEING HERE, AND I AM... AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY. THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE. 12 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,850 AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY. THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE. AND I AM TRULY HONORED TO BE 13 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,619 THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE. AND I AM TRULY HONORED TO BE ASKED BY YOU TO OPEN THE 14 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,521 AND I AM TRULY HONORED TO BE ASKED BY YOU TO OPEN THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW WITH 15 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,789 ASKED BY YOU TO OPEN THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW WITH HARVEY COSELL. 16 00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:52,662 "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW WITH HARVEY COSELL. [CHUCKLES] 17 00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:56,900 HARVEY COSELL. [CHUCKLES] I DO HAVE... 18 00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:58,268 [CHUCKLES] I DO HAVE... I DO HAVE TWO MAJOR 19 00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,904 I DO HAVE... I DO HAVE TWO MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENTS TO MAKE. 20 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,072 I DO HAVE TWO MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENTS TO MAKE. WHOOP! UH-OH! 21 00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:03,873 ANNOUNCEMENTS TO MAKE. WHOOP! UH-OH! NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM. 22 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:07,644 WHOOP! UH-OH! NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM. OKAY. 23 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,146 NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM. OKAY. MY FIRST ANNOUNCEMENT IS ONE I 24 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,580 NO PROBLEM. OKAY. MY FIRST ANNOUNCEMENT IS ONE I THINK YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING 25 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:11,581 MY FIRST ANNOUNCEMENT IS ONE I THINK YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. 26 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:12,782 THINK YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. OH! NO PROBLEM! 27 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,485 FOR. OH! NO PROBLEM! NOPE! OKAY. NO PROBLEM. 28 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,749 OH! NO PROBLEM! NOPE! OKAY. NO PROBLEM. SORRY. NO PROBLEM. 29 00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:36,773 I KNOW A FELLOW WHO IS GOING TO ENTER THE NEW HAMPSHIRE, MASSACHUSETTS, FLORIDA, AND 30 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,908 ENTER THE NEW HAMPSHIRE, MASSACHUSETTS, FLORIDA, AND EVERY OTHER PRIMARY. 31 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,977 MASSACHUSETTS, FLORIDA, AND EVERY OTHER PRIMARY. AND I KNOW HE IS GOING TO WIN. 32 00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:42,612 EVERY OTHER PRIMARY. AND I KNOW HE IS GOING TO WIN. AND IF HE HAS ANY OTHER 33 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,747 AND I KNOW HE IS GOING TO WIN. AND IF HE HAS ANY OTHER COMPETITION RIGHT UP TO THE END 34 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,117 AND IF HE HAS ANY OTHER COMPETITION RIGHT UP TO THE END OF 1976, THANK YOU! 35 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:51,088 COMPETITION RIGHT UP TO THE END OF 1976, THANK YOU! HEY. 36 00:01:51,112 --> 00:01:52,789 OF 1976, THANK YOU! HEY. UH-OH! 37 00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,459 HEY. UH-OH! NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM. 38 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,194 UH-OH! NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM. AND IF I DON'T WIN, I WILL 39 00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:58,728 NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM. AND IF I DON'T WIN, I WILL CONTINUE TO RUN IN THE 40 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,597 AND IF I DON'T WIN, I WILL CONTINUE TO RUN IN THE PRIMARIES, EVEN IF THERE ARE 41 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,765 CONTINUE TO RUN IN THE PRIMARIES, EVEN IF THERE ARE NONE. 42 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,134 PRIMARIES, EVEN IF THERE ARE NONE. AND NOW FOR MY SECOND 43 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:10,640 NONE. AND NOW FOR MY SECOND ANNOUNCEMENT. 44 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,709 AND NOW FOR MY SECOND ANNOUNCEMENT. LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 45 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,378 ANNOUNCEMENT. LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! 46 00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:17,522 LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [BAND PLAYS] 47 00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:37,422 Announcer: STARRING... WITH... 48 00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:10,482 AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 49 00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,369 PLAYERS... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CANDICE BERGEN! 50 00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,674 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CANDICE BERGEN! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 51 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:43,882 THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I AM VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE 52 00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:46,169 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I AM VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE TONIGHT. 53 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:48,104 I AM VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE TONIGHT. I AM ALSO ESPECIALLY HAPPY TO BE 54 00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:50,006 TONIGHT. I AM ALSO ESPECIALLY HAPPY TO BE HERE AS "SATURDAY NIGHT'S" FIRST 55 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,107 I AM ALSO ESPECIALLY HAPPY TO BE HERE AS "SATURDAY NIGHT'S" FIRST WOMAN HOST. 56 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:57,047 HERE AS "SATURDAY NIGHT'S" FIRST WOMAN HOST. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 57 00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:58,748 WOMAN HOST. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THIS MAY NOT MAKE UP FOR THE 58 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,584 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THIS MAY NOT MAKE UP FOR THE E.R.A. VOTE THE OTHER DAY, BUT 59 00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:05,021 THIS MAY NOT MAKE UP FOR THE E.R.A. VOTE THE OTHER DAY, BUT AT LEAST IT'S SOMETHING. 60 00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,289 E.R.A. VOTE THE OTHER DAY, BUT AT LEAST IT'S SOMETHING. I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT 61 00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,691 AT LEAST IT'S SOMETHING. I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT REHEARSALS HAVE BEEN VERY 62 00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,092 I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT REHEARSALS HAVE BEEN VERY HECTIC, BUT VERY EXCITING. 63 00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,760 REHEARSALS HAVE BEEN VERY HECTIC, BUT VERY EXCITING. THE WHOLE CREW HERE HAS MADE ME 64 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:11,761 HECTIC, BUT VERY EXCITING. THE WHOLE CREW HERE HAS MADE ME FEEL VERY MUCH... 65 00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,463 THE WHOLE CREW HERE HAS MADE ME FEEL VERY MUCH... CANDICE, SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. 66 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:14,197 FEEL VERY MUCH... CANDICE, SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. DON'T MOVE. 67 00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:17,166 CANDICE, SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. DON'T MOVE. THERE'S A BEE ON YOUR HAND. 68 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,502 DON'T MOVE. THERE'S A BEE ON YOUR HAND. UM... UH, I'M ALLERGIC TO 69 00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:20,236 THERE'S A BEE ON YOUR HAND. UM... UH, I'M ALLERGIC TO BEES. 70 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,170 UM... UH, I'M ALLERGIC TO BEES. WHAT SHOULD I DO? 71 00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:21,972 BEES. WHAT SHOULD I DO? IT'S OKAY. 72 00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:23,339 WHAT SHOULD I DO? IT'S OKAY. JUST GO ON. IGNORE THE BEE. 73 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:24,440 IT'S OKAY. JUST GO ON. IGNORE THE BEE. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. 74 00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:25,609 JUST GO ON. IGNORE THE BEE. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. YOU JUST GO ON. GO ON. 75 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:31,982 I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. YOU JUST GO ON. GO ON. JUST GO ON WITH THE SHOW? 76 00:04:32,006 --> 00:04:36,953 YOU JUST GO ON. GO ON. JUST GO ON WITH THE SHOW? UM... 77 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,387 JUST GO ON WITH THE SHOW? UM... WE HAVE ESTHER PHILLIPS WITH US 78 00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:43,192 UM... WE HAVE ESTHER PHILLIPS WITH US TONIGHT. 79 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,360 WE HAVE ESTHER PHILLIPS WITH US TONIGHT. CHEVY, DON'T HURT THE BEE. 80 00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:45,294 TONIGHT. CHEVY, DON'T HURT THE BEE. DON'T HURT THE BEE. 81 00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:46,529 CHEVY, DON'T HURT THE BEE. DON'T HURT THE BEE. OH, I WON'T HURT THE BEE. 82 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:47,597 DON'T HURT THE BEE. OH, I WON'T HURT THE BEE. NO. IT'S JUST A SCRIPT. 83 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:48,865 OH, I WON'T HURT THE BEE. NO. IT'S JUST A SCRIPT. I'M JUST GONNA SHOO IT AWAY. 84 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,000 NO. IT'S JUST A SCRIPT. I'M JUST GONNA SHOO IT AWAY. GO ON, LITTLE BEE. GO ON. 85 00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:51,101 I'M JUST GONNA SHOO IT AWAY. GO ON, LITTLE BEE. GO ON. [BLOWS] 86 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:54,871 GO ON, LITTLE BEE. GO ON. [BLOWS] GO ON. SHOO, SHOO. 87 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,205 [BLOWS] GO ON. SHOO, SHOO. OH! 88 00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,507 GO ON. SHOO, SHOO. OH! I TOLD YOU NOT TO HURT HIM. 89 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:58,608 OH! I TOLD YOU NOT TO HURT HIM. NOW YOU'VE KILLED HIM. 90 00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,676 I TOLD YOU NOT TO HURT HIM. NOW YOU'VE KILLED HIM. HE'S JUST STUNNED. 91 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:00,510 NOW YOU'VE KILLED HIM. HE'S JUST STUNNED. HE'S ALL RIGHT. 92 00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:01,678 HE'S JUST STUNNED. HE'S ALL RIGHT. YOU OKAY, LITTLE BEE? 93 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,113 HE'S ALL RIGHT. YOU OKAY, LITTLE BEE? YOU OKAY THERE, LITTLE FELLOW? 94 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:03,980 YOU OKAY, LITTLE BEE? YOU OKAY THERE, LITTLE FELLOW? EVERYTHING OKAY? 95 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,515 YOU OKAY THERE, LITTLE FELLOW? EVERYTHING OKAY? YEAH. 96 00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:07,450 EVERYTHING OKAY? YEAH. I ASKED HIM NOT TO HURT YOU, 97 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:08,217 YEAH. I ASKED HIM NOT TO HURT YOU, DIDN'T I? 98 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,185 I ASKED HIM NOT TO HURT YOU, DIDN'T I? YOU HEARD ME. 99 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:09,886 DIDN'T I? YOU HEARD ME. OKAY. 100 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:10,586 YOU HEARD ME. OKAY. OKAY. 101 00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:11,888 OKAY. OKAY. HE'S GOING AWAY. 102 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,023 OKAY. HE'S GOING AWAY. HE'LL BE FINE. 103 00:05:13,047 --> 00:05:14,490 HE'S GOING AWAY. HE'LL BE FINE. THANK YOU, CHEVY. 104 00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,325 HE'LL BE FINE. THANK YOU, CHEVY. I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH. 105 00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:18,628 THANK YOU, CHEVY. I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH. OH, LET'S SEE, ESTHER PHILLIPS, 106 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,630 I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH. OH, LET'S SEE, ESTHER PHILLIPS, ANDY KAUFMAN, THE "SATURDAY 107 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,666 OH, LET'S SEE, ESTHER PHILLIPS, ANDY KAUFMAN, THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" REGULARS ARE WITH US 108 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:23,499 ANDY KAUFMAN, THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" REGULARS ARE WITH US TONIGHT. 109 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,601 NIGHT" REGULARS ARE WITH US TONIGHT. AND WE THINK IT'S GOING TO BE... 110 00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:28,337 TONIGHT. AND WE THINK IT'S GOING TO BE... WE THINK IT'S GOING TO BE A VERY 111 00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:29,773 AND WE THINK IT'S GOING TO BE... WE THINK IT'S GOING TO BE A VERY EXCITING SHOW. 112 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,208 WE THINK IT'S GOING TO BE A VERY EXCITING SHOW. AND WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS 113 00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:34,513 EXCITING SHOW. AND WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS FILMED MESSAGE. 114 00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:44,420 SANDWICHES AGAIN TONIGHT? YOU KNOW I CAN'T STRETCH THE FOOD BUDGET ANY FURTHER. 115 00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:47,890 YOU KNOW I CAN'T STRETCH THE FOOD BUDGET ANY FURTHER. WHY DON'T YOU GET A BETTER JOB? 116 00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:49,325 FOOD BUDGET ANY FURTHER. WHY DON'T YOU GET A BETTER JOB? ARE YOU STUCK IN A 117 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,060 WHY DON'T YOU GET A BETTER JOB? ARE YOU STUCK IN A GO-NOWHERE, DO-NOTHING JOB? 118 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,928 ARE YOU STUCK IN A GO-NOWHERE, DO-NOTHING JOB? IF SO, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO 119 00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:54,897 GO-NOWHERE, DO-NOTHING JOB? IF SO, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO START AN EXCITING CAREER IN THE 120 00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:56,932 IF SO, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO START AN EXCITING CAREER IN THE WORLD OF INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY 121 00:05:56,956 --> 00:05:58,767 START AN EXCITING CAREER IN THE WORLD OF INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY AS AN AMBASSADOR TO A FOREIGN 122 00:05:58,791 --> 00:06:00,736 WORLD OF INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY AS AN AMBASSADOR TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY BY ENROLLING NOW AT THE 123 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,505 AS AN AMBASSADOR TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY BY ENROLLING NOW AT THE AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE. 124 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,273 COUNTRY BY ENROLLING NOW AT THE AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE. AMBASSADORS LIVE IN LUXURY AND 125 00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,941 AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE. AMBASSADORS LIVE IN LUXURY AND GET TO MINGLE WITH GLAMOROUS 126 00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:07,676 AMBASSADORS LIVE IN LUXURY AND GET TO MINGLE WITH GLAMOROUS CELEBRITIES, ROYALTY, AND THE 127 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:08,777 GET TO MINGLE WITH GLAMOROUS CELEBRITIES, ROYALTY, AND THE SOCIAL ELITE. 128 00:06:08,801 --> 00:06:10,946 CELEBRITIES, ROYALTY, AND THE SOCIAL ELITE. AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO PICK UP 129 00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:11,947 SOCIAL ELITE. AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES. 130 00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:13,316 AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES. AMBASSADORS HAVE A LOT OF 131 00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:14,617 AFTER THEMSELVES. AMBASSADORS HAVE A LOT OF PRESTIGE AND INFLUENCE. 132 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:16,219 AMBASSADORS HAVE A LOT OF PRESTIGE AND INFLUENCE. THEY PUT IN LONG HOURS WITHOUT 133 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:17,853 PRESTIGE AND INFLUENCE. THEY PUT IN LONG HOURS WITHOUT WORKING HARD, AND THEY'RE OFTEN 134 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,422 THEY PUT IN LONG HOURS WITHOUT WORKING HARD, AND THEY'RE OFTEN THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. 135 00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:20,389 WORKING HARD, AND THEY'RE OFTEN THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. AND THE FOOD? 136 00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:21,157 THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. AND THE FOOD? FANTASTIC! 137 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,958 AND THE FOOD? FANTASTIC! AMBASSADORS DINE ON THE FINEST 138 00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:24,893 FANTASTIC! AMBASSADORS DINE ON THE FINEST GOURMET FOOD AT BIG FANCY DINNER 139 00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:26,795 AMBASSADORS DINE ON THE FINEST GOURMET FOOD AT BIG FANCY DINNER PARTIES IN PALACES AND EMBASSIES 140 00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:27,963 GOURMET FOOD AT BIG FANCY DINNER PARTIES IN PALACES AND EMBASSIES AND TRADE CENTERS. 141 00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,632 PARTIES IN PALACES AND EMBASSIES AND TRADE CENTERS. TO SEE IF YOU QUALIFY FOR A 142 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,400 AND TRADE CENTERS. TO SEE IF YOU QUALIFY FOR A CAREER IN DIPLOMACY, TAKE THIS 143 00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:33,002 TO SEE IF YOU QUALIFY FOR A CAREER IN DIPLOMACY, TAKE THIS EASY TEST RIGHT NOW IN THE 144 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,370 CAREER IN DIPLOMACY, TAKE THIS EASY TEST RIGHT NOW IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME. 145 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,271 EASY TEST RIGHT NOW IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME. LISTEN CLOSELY. 146 00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:36,905 PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME. LISTEN CLOSELY. YOU ARE HAVING DINNER WITH SOME 147 00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:38,608 LISTEN CLOSELY. YOU ARE HAVING DINNER WITH SOME FOREIGN DIGNITARIES, AND SOMEONE 148 00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,409 YOU ARE HAVING DINNER WITH SOME FOREIGN DIGNITARIES, AND SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING ANTI-AMERICAN. 149 00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:43,153 FOREIGN DIGNITARIES, AND SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING ANTI-AMERICAN. YOU... 150 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:52,421 YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW MANY PEOPLE SAY "A." BUT IF YOU SAID "B," THEN YOU 151 00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:53,956 PEOPLE SAY "A." BUT IF YOU SAID "B," THEN YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE QUICK 152 00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,191 BUT IF YOU SAID "B," THEN YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE QUICK DECISIONS ON YOUR FEET. 153 00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,692 HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE QUICK DECISIONS ON YOUR FEET. WHEN YOU ENROLL AT AMBASSADOR 154 00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:58,294 DECISIONS ON YOUR FEET. WHEN YOU ENROLL AT AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE, YOU'LL LEARN 155 00:06:58,318 --> 00:06:59,895 WHEN YOU ENROLL AT AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE, YOU'LL LEARN HOW TO ACCEPT GIFTS GRACIOUSLY, 156 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,063 TRAINING INSTITUTE, YOU'LL LEARN HOW TO ACCEPT GIFTS GRACIOUSLY, HOW TO PROPOSE TOASTS. 157 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,331 HOW TO ACCEPT GIFTS GRACIOUSLY, HOW TO PROPOSE TOASTS. YOU'LL USE PHRASES LIKE, 158 00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:03,832 HOW TO PROPOSE TOASTS. YOU'LL USE PHRASES LIKE, "DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN," 159 00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:05,201 YOU'LL USE PHRASES LIKE, "DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN," "I'LL ASK THE SECRETARY OF 160 00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:06,735 "DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN," "I'LL ASK THE SECRETARY OF STATE," AND "PASS THE SWEET AND 161 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:07,470 "I'LL ASK THE SECRETARY OF STATE," AND "PASS THE SWEET AND SOUR SHRIMP." 162 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,004 STATE," AND "PASS THE SWEET AND SOUR SHRIMP." NOW, HERE'S HOW TO GET YOUR FREE 163 00:07:09,028 --> 00:07:10,205 SOUR SHRIMP." NOW, HERE'S HOW TO GET YOUR FREE BOOKLET. 164 00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:11,729 JUST SEND $300,000 AND THE NAME 165 00:07:11,863 --> 00:07:13,298 OF THE COUNTRY TO WHICH YOU'D 166 00:07:13,432 --> 00:07:15,266 LIKE TO BE AMBASSADOR TO... 167 00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:32,710 [TELEPHONE RINGS] HELLO, CIA, DEPARTMENT OF RECORDS, SCRAMBLE LINE SIX. 168 00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:36,365 HELLO, CIA, DEPARTMENT OF RECORDS, SCRAMBLE LINE SIX. WELL, THANK YOU. 169 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,967 RECORDS, SCRAMBLE LINE SIX. WELL, THANK YOU. WHY ARE WE ALWAYS THE LAST TO 170 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,036 WELL, THANK YOU. WHY ARE WE ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW? 171 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,404 WHY ARE WE ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW? [SIGHS] 172 00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,740 KNOW? [SIGHS] DOWN WITH COLBY... 173 00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:47,544 [SIGHS] DOWN WITH COLBY... UP WITH BUSH. 174 00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:51,213 DOWN WITH COLBY... UP WITH BUSH. WAY TO GO, BILL. 175 00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,448 UP WITH BUSH. WAY TO GO, BILL. I WAS TOLD THAT AS AN 176 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,017 WAY TO GO, BILL. I WAS TOLD THAT AS AN AMERICAN CITIZEN, I GOT A RIGHT 177 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,552 I WAS TOLD THAT AS AN AMERICAN CITIZEN, I GOT A RIGHT TO KNOW IF THE CIA's GOT A FILE 178 00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,053 AMERICAN CITIZEN, I GOT A RIGHT TO KNOW IF THE CIA's GOT A FILE ON ME AND THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED 179 00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:57,987 TO KNOW IF THE CIA's GOT A FILE ON ME AND THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SHOW IT TO ME. 180 00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,422 ON ME AND THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SHOW IT TO ME. WAIT JUST A MINUTE THERE. 181 00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:00,924 TO SHOW IT TO ME. WAIT JUST A MINUTE THERE. CAN'T YOU PREFACE YOUR REMARKS 182 00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,258 WAIT JUST A MINUTE THERE. CAN'T YOU PREFACE YOUR REMARKS WITH A SIMPLE "GOOD MORNING"? 183 00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,092 CAN'T YOU PREFACE YOUR REMARKS WITH A SIMPLE "GOOD MORNING"? GOOD MORNING. 184 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:03,993 WITH A SIMPLE "GOOD MORNING"? GOOD MORNING. CAN I HELP YOU? 185 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,428 GOOD MORNING. CAN I HELP YOU? THE LAW SAYS THAT IF YOU GOT 186 00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:06,796 CAN I HELP YOU? THE LAW SAYS THAT IF YOU GOT A FILE ON ME, I GOT A RIGHT TO 187 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:07,263 THE LAW SAYS THAT IF YOU GOT A FILE ON ME, I GOT A RIGHT TO SEE IT. 188 00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:08,598 A FILE ON ME, I GOT A RIGHT TO SEE IT. YES, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO 189 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,033 SEE IT. YES, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SEE IT, BUT HAVING THE RIGHT TO 190 00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:11,367 YES, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SEE IT, BUT HAVING THE RIGHT TO SEE IT AND ACTUALLY SEEING IT 191 00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:12,635 SEE IT, BUT HAVING THE RIGHT TO SEE IT AND ACTUALLY SEEING IT ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS... 192 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:13,436 SEE IT AND ACTUALLY SEEING IT ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS... VERY DIFFERENT. 193 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:14,637 ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS... VERY DIFFERENT. WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT? 194 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,939 VERY DIFFERENT. WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT? WELL, LOOK AT THIS, MAN. 195 00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:17,173 WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT? WELL, LOOK AT THIS, MAN. DOES THIS LOOK LIKE ORDER? 196 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,041 WELL, LOOK AT THIS, MAN. DOES THIS LOOK LIKE ORDER? THIS ISN'T ORDER. 197 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:19,075 DOES THIS LOOK LIKE ORDER? THIS ISN'T ORDER. THIS IS ABSOLUTE CHAOS! 198 00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:20,476 THIS ISN'T ORDER. THIS IS ABSOLUTE CHAOS! EVERYBODY IN WASHINGTON HAS BEEN 199 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,410 THIS IS ABSOLUTE CHAOS! EVERYBODY IN WASHINGTON HAS BEEN THROUGH THIS OFFICE! 200 00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:22,812 EVERYBODY IN WASHINGTON HAS BEEN THROUGH THIS OFFICE! I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHO WAS IN HERE 201 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,412 THROUGH THIS OFFICE! I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHO WAS IN HERE LAST NIGHT. 202 00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:24,380 I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHO WAS IN HERE LAST NIGHT. I CAN'T FIND A THING. 203 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,749 LAST NIGHT. I CAN'T FIND A THING. I CAN'T EVEN FIND A PAPER CLIP. 204 00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,918 I CAN'T FIND A THING. I CAN'T EVEN FIND A PAPER CLIP. BUT THAT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. 205 00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:29,586 I CAN'T EVEN FIND A PAPER CLIP. BUT THAT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. NAME? 206 00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:31,353 BUT THAT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. NAME? I BEG YOUR PARDON? 207 00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:33,823 NAME? I BEG YOUR PARDON? I SAID, "NAME?" 208 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:34,824 I BEG YOUR PARDON? I SAID, "NAME?" GARRETT MORRIS. 209 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:35,992 I SAID, "NAME?" GARRETT MORRIS. THAT'S UNFORTUNATE. 210 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,594 GARRETT MORRIS. THAT'S UNFORTUNATE. I NEVER LIKED IT THAT MUCH... 211 00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,562 THAT'S UNFORTUNATE. I NEVER LIKED IT THAT MUCH... I HAVE 3,677 GARRETT MORRISES 212 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,197 I NEVER LIKED IT THAT MUCH... I HAVE 3,677 GARRETT MORRISES IN THIS FILING BANK ALONE. 213 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,032 I HAVE 3,677 GARRETT MORRISES IN THIS FILING BANK ALONE. I HAVE GARRETT MORRISES HERE, 214 00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,601 IN THIS FILING BANK ALONE. I HAVE GARRETT MORRISES HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE WITH THE 215 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:45,902 I HAVE GARRETT MORRISES HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE WITH THE PACKING CLEARANCES. 216 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,804 HERE, HERE, HERE WITH THE PACKING CLEARANCES. HAVE YOU EVER CHANGED YOUR NAME 217 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:48,437 PACKING CLEARANCES. HAVE YOU EVER CHANGED YOUR NAME TO "X"? 218 00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,106 HAVE YOU EVER CHANGED YOUR NAME TO "X"? OH, I DID CHANGE IT TO 219 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,340 TO "X"? OH, I DID CHANGE IT TO "GARRETT BARAKA." 220 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,174 OH, I DID CHANGE IT TO "GARRETT BARAKA." BARAKA. 221 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,043 "GARRETT BARAKA." BARAKA. YOU WERE ON THE AFRICAN KICK 222 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,945 BARAKA. YOU WERE ON THE AFRICAN KICK FOR A WHILE... YOU AND 32,688 223 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,446 YOU WERE ON THE AFRICAN KICK FOR A WHILE... YOU AND 32,688 OTHER BLACK AMERICANS. 224 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,048 FOR A WHILE... YOU AND 32,688 OTHER BLACK AMERICANS. SOMETHING ELSE... DID YOU EVER 225 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,349 OTHER BLACK AMERICANS. SOMETHING ELSE... DID YOU EVER COMMIT AN ILLEGAL ACT OR 226 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,050 SOMETHING ELSE... DID YOU EVER COMMIT AN ILLEGAL ACT OR SOMETHING? 227 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,551 COMMIT AN ILLEGAL ACT OR SOMETHING? OH, YEAH, UH, I RAN GUNS. 228 00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:04,220 SOMETHING? OH, YEAH, UH, I RAN GUNS. OH, MR. MORRIS, ARE YOU AWARE 229 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,722 OH, YEAH, UH, I RAN GUNS. OH, MR. MORRIS, ARE YOU AWARE OF HOW MANY PEOPLE ILLEGALLY 230 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,356 OH, MR. MORRIS, ARE YOU AWARE OF HOW MANY PEOPLE ILLEGALLY TRANSPORT FIREARMS ACROSS STATE 231 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,058 OF HOW MANY PEOPLE ILLEGALLY TRANSPORT FIREARMS ACROSS STATE LINES IN THIS COUNTRY EACH YEAR? 232 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,059 TRANSPORT FIREARMS ACROSS STATE LINES IN THIS COUNTRY EACH YEAR? WELL, HOLD ON. 233 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:10,927 LINES IN THIS COUNTRY EACH YEAR? WELL, HOLD ON. WAIT A MINUTE. 234 00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:11,560 WELL, HOLD ON. WAIT A MINUTE. I ALSO... 235 00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:13,029 WAIT A MINUTE. I ALSO... MILLIONS! MILLIONS OF THEM! 236 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,263 I ALSO... MILLIONS! MILLIONS OF THEM! I HAVE SHEAVES OF FILES. 237 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,832 MILLIONS! MILLIONS OF THEM! I HAVE SHEAVES OF FILES. SOMETHING OUTSTANDING... I CAN'T 238 00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:16,699 I HAVE SHEAVES OF FILES. SOMETHING OUTSTANDING... I CAN'T WORK WITH THIS. 239 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:17,600 SOMETHING OUTSTANDING... I CAN'T WORK WITH THIS. WAIT A MINUTE. 240 00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,102 WORK WITH THIS. WAIT A MINUTE. I ALSO SOLD ILLEGAL NARCOTICS, 241 00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:19,769 WAIT A MINUTE. I ALSO SOLD ILLEGAL NARCOTICS, SINCE 1968. 242 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,170 I ALSO SOLD ILLEGAL NARCOTICS, SINCE 1968. I HAVE NO TIME FOR JOKES, 243 00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:21,938 SINCE 1968. I HAVE NO TIME FOR JOKES, MR. MORRIS. 244 00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,740 I HAVE NO TIME FOR JOKES, MR. MORRIS. WELL, IN OAKLAND, MAN, I WAS, 245 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,474 MR. MORRIS. WELL, IN OAKLAND, MAN, I WAS, UH, THE MINISTER OF DEFENSE FOR 246 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:25,908 WELL, IN OAKLAND, MAN, I WAS, UH, THE MINISTER OF DEFENSE FOR A... 247 00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:27,710 UH, THE MINISTER OF DEFENSE FOR A... RADICAL ORGANIZATIONS... IN A 248 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,512 A... RADICAL ORGANIZATIONS... IN A DIMLY LIT VAULT DOWN THE HALL, I 249 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,114 RADICAL ORGANIZATIONS... IN A DIMLY LIT VAULT DOWN THE HALL, I HAVE 6 POUNDS OF MATERIAL ON 250 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:32,314 DIMLY LIT VAULT DOWN THE HALL, I HAVE 6 POUNDS OF MATERIAL ON RADICAL ORGANIZATIONS. 251 00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:33,783 HAVE 6 POUNDS OF MATERIAL ON RADICAL ORGANIZATIONS. YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO 252 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,351 RADICAL ORGANIZATIONS. YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE ME SOMETHING MORE IF WE'RE 253 00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:36,653 YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE ME SOMETHING MORE IF WE'RE GOING TO FIND YOUR FILE. 254 00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:38,387 GIVE ME SOMETHING MORE IF WE'RE GOING TO FIND YOUR FILE. I... I ACTIVELY, UH, 255 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,556 GOING TO FIND YOUR FILE. I... I ACTIVELY, UH, ADVOCATED THE OVERTHROW OF THE 256 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,791 I... I ACTIVELY, UH, ADVOCATED THE OVERTHROW OF THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT. 257 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,492 ADVOCATED THE OVERTHROW OF THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT. YOU AND 6.4 PERCENT OF THE 258 00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:44,627 AMERICAN GOVERNMENT. YOU AND 6.4 PERCENT OF THE AMERICAN POPULACE. 259 00:09:44,651 --> 00:09:45,762 YOU AND 6.4 PERCENT OF THE AMERICAN POPULACE. OH, WAIT, WAIT. 260 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,396 AMERICAN POPULACE. OH, WAIT, WAIT. I ALSO CONSPIRED TO INCITE A 261 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:47,897 OH, WAIT, WAIT. I ALSO CONSPIRED TO INCITE A RIOT. 262 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,598 I ALSO CONSPIRED TO INCITE A RIOT. THAT'S RIGHT, I CROSSED STATE 263 00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:50,099 RIOT. THAT'S RIGHT, I CROSSED STATE LINES... 264 00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,567 THAT'S RIGHT, I CROSSED STATE LINES... "CONSPIRED TO INCITE A RIOT." 265 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,268 LINES... "CONSPIRED TO INCITE A RIOT." WELL, YIPPEE! 266 00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:53,469 "CONSPIRED TO INCITE A RIOT." WELL, YIPPEE! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO 267 00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:54,336 WELL, YIPPEE! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT. 268 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,672 YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT. HEY, MAN, WAIT A MINUTE! 269 00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,040 BETTER THAN THAT. HEY, MAN, WAIT A MINUTE! I BOMBED... THAT'S RIGHT, I 270 00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:58,607 HEY, MAN, WAIT A MINUTE! I BOMBED... THAT'S RIGHT, I BOMBED THE FEDERAL RESERVE BANK. 271 00:09:58,631 --> 00:09:59,909 I BOMBED... THAT'S RIGHT, I BOMBED THE FEDERAL RESERVE BANK. THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. 272 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:00,877 BOMBED THE FEDERAL RESERVE BANK. THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. ANYTHING ELSE? 273 00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,278 THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. ANYTHING ELSE? THE BIG ONE... FIVE 274 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:03,746 ANYTHING ELSE? THE BIG ONE... FIVE ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS. 275 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,347 THE BIG ONE... FIVE ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS. LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. 276 00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:06,983 ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS. LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. YOU'RE BEING NO HELP AT ALL 277 00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:07,516 LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. YOU'RE BEING NO HELP AT ALL HERE. 278 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,417 YOU'RE BEING NO HELP AT ALL HERE. YOU COME IN HERE. 279 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,786 HERE. YOU COME IN HERE. YOU WANT US TO FIND A FILE ON 280 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:10,153 YOU COME IN HERE. YOU WANT US TO FIND A FILE ON YOU. 281 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,387 YOU WANT US TO FIND A FILE ON YOU. YOU COME IN HERE WITH THIS 282 00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,755 YOU. YOU COME IN HERE WITH THIS PATSIFIED DRIVEL OF KNOWLEDGE 283 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,057 YOU COME IN HERE WITH THIS PATSIFIED DRIVEL OF KNOWLEDGE AND EXPECT US TO WORK HERE? 284 00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:15,424 PATSIFIED DRIVEL OF KNOWLEDGE AND EXPECT US TO WORK HERE? I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING IN THIS 285 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:15,925 AND EXPECT US TO WORK HERE? I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING IN THIS OFFICE. 286 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,393 I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING IN THIS OFFICE. I DON'T KNOW WHO'S BEEN IN HERE. 287 00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:18,895 OFFICE. I DON'T KNOW WHO'S BEEN IN HERE. THESE CONGRESSIONAL AIDES ASKING 288 00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,329 I DON'T KNOW WHO'S BEEN IN HERE. THESE CONGRESSIONAL AIDES ASKING FOR TAPE-RECORDER BATTERIES... 289 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,497 THESE CONGRESSIONAL AIDES ASKING FOR TAPE-RECORDER BATTERIES... THEY DON'T HAVE SECURITY 290 00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,265 FOR TAPE-RECORDER BATTERIES... THEY DON'T HAVE SECURITY CLEARANCE. 291 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,567 THEY DON'T HAVE SECURITY CLEARANCE. GIVE ME SOME TIME ON THIS, 292 00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:26,169 CLEARANCE. GIVE ME SOME TIME ON THIS, PERHAPS A MONTH, PERHAPS A YEAR. 293 00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:26,903 GIVE ME SOME TIME ON THIS, PERHAPS A MONTH, PERHAPS A YEAR. I DON'T KNOW. 294 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,037 PERHAPS A MONTH, PERHAPS A YEAR. I DON'T KNOW. I FRANKLY DON'T KNOW. 295 00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,238 I DON'T KNOW. I FRANKLY DON'T KNOW. FILL OUT THIS CARD HERE. 296 00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:30,740 I FRANKLY DON'T KNOW. FILL OUT THIS CARD HERE. PUT YOUR NAME, YOUR ADDRESS ON 297 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:31,841 FILL OUT THIS CARD HERE. PUT YOUR NAME, YOUR ADDRESS ON IT, VITAL STATISTICS. 298 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,242 PUT YOUR NAME, YOUR ADDRESS ON IT, VITAL STATISTICS. IF SOMETHING COMES UP... NOT 299 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:34,476 IT, VITAL STATISTICS. IF SOMETHING COMES UP... NOT THAT ONE, THIS ONE HERE. 300 00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,179 IF SOMETHING COMES UP... NOT THAT ONE, THIS ONE HERE. THAT'S MINE. 301 00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:37,780 THAT ONE, THIS ONE HERE. THAT'S MINE. IF SOMETHING COMES UP, WE'LL LET 302 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:38,380 THAT'S MINE. IF SOMETHING COMES UP, WE'LL LET YOU KNOW. 303 00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:39,982 IF SOMETHING COMES UP, WE'LL LET YOU KNOW. THE LAST TWO SPACES DON'T MATTER 304 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:40,482 YOU KNOW. THE LAST TWO SPACES DON'T MATTER AT ALL. 305 00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:41,483 THE LAST TWO SPACES DON'T MATTER AT ALL. OKAY, THANKS. 306 00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:42,618 AT ALL. OKAY, THANKS. ALL RIGHT, THEN. 307 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,353 OKAY, THANKS. ALL RIGHT, THEN. THESE YOUNG-FACED CONGRESSIONAL 308 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,022 ALL RIGHT, THEN. THESE YOUNG-FACED CONGRESSIONAL AIDES, COULDN'T BE 25 YEARS OF 309 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,623 THESE YOUNG-FACED CONGRESSIONAL AIDES, COULDN'T BE 25 YEARS OF AGE... 310 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:48,925 AIDES, COULDN'T BE 25 YEARS OF AGE... RUSS, I WANT A TAP ON 143 311 00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,193 AGE... RUSS, I WANT A TAP ON 143 "L" STREET, APARTMENT 8. 312 00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:51,794 RUSS, I WANT A TAP ON 143 "L" STREET, APARTMENT 8. SALLY, COME IN HERE AND GET SOME 313 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,029 "L" STREET, APARTMENT 8. SALLY, COME IN HERE AND GET SOME PRINTS OFF THIS PENCIL. 314 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,430 SALLY, COME IN HERE AND GET SOME PRINTS OFF THIS PENCIL. WE'RE OPENING A NEW SUBJECT 315 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:54,864 PRINTS OFF THIS PENCIL. WE'RE OPENING A NEW SUBJECT FILE. 316 00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:55,798 WE'RE OPENING A NEW SUBJECT FILE. THAT'S "MORRIS"... 317 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,466 FILE. THAT'S "MORRIS"... M-O-DOUBLE-R-I-S. 318 00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:00,024 THAT'S "MORRIS"... M-O-DOUBLE-R-I-S. G-A-R-R-E-T-T. 319 00:11:10,969 --> 00:11:18,521 ["JAWS" THEME PLAYS] WHO IS IT? THIS IS [MUMBLES] 320 00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:20,256 WHO IS IT? THIS IS [MUMBLES] WHO IS IT? 321 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,292 THIS IS [MUMBLES] WHO IS IT? PLUMBER. 322 00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:24,193 WHO IS IT? PLUMBER. PLUMBER? 323 00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:25,995 PLUMBER. PLUMBER? I DIDN'T ASK FOR A PLUMBER. 324 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,898 PLUMBER? I DIDN'T ASK FOR A PLUMBER. WHO IS IT? 325 00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:33,235 I DIDN'T ASK FOR A PLUMBER. WHO IS IT? TELEGRAM. 326 00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,704 WHO IS IT? TELEGRAM. OH, TELEGRAM. 327 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:38,140 TELEGRAM. OH, TELEGRAM. JUST A MOMENT. 328 00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:39,997 OH, TELEGRAM. JUST A MOMENT. AAAH! 329 00:11:54,814 --> 00:12:02,814 OH, MY GOD! YOU CAN'T TELL ME THIS WOMAN WAS KILLED BY FALLING OUT OF A TREE. 330 00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:06,669 YOU CAN'T TELL ME THIS WOMAN WAS KILLED BY FALLING OUT OF A TREE. WHAT IS IT? 331 00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:09,038 KILLED BY FALLING OUT OF A TREE. WHAT IS IT? LAND SHARK... THE CLEVEREST 332 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,740 WHAT IS IT? LAND SHARK... THE CLEVEREST SPECIES OF THEM ALL. 333 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:13,324 LAND SHARK... THE CLEVEREST SPECIES OF THEM ALL. OH, MY GOD. 334 00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:23,634 [MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO] [KNOCK ON DOOR] [MUSIC STOPS] 335 00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,988 [KNOCK ON DOOR] [MUSIC STOPS] ["JAWS" THEME PLAYS] 336 00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:28,324 [MUSIC STOPS] ["JAWS" THEME PLAYS] YES? 337 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,693 ["JAWS" THEME PLAYS] YES? MRS. ARLSBERGH? 338 00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,662 YES? MRS. ARLSBERGH? WHO? 339 00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:36,599 MRS. ARLSBERGH? WHO? MRS. [MUMBLES] 340 00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:38,100 WHO? MRS. [MUMBLES] WHO IS IT? 341 00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:40,636 MRS. [MUMBLES] WHO IS IT? FLOWERS. 342 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:44,340 WHO IS IT? FLOWERS. FLOWERS FOR WHOM? 343 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:47,076 FLOWERS. FLOWERS FOR WHOM? PLUMBER, MA'AM. 344 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,578 FLOWERS FOR WHOM? PLUMBER, MA'AM. I DON'T NEED A PLUMBER. 345 00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:50,346 PLUMBER, MA'AM. I DON'T NEED A PLUMBER. YOU'RE THAT CLEVER SHARK, AREN'T 346 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,414 I DON'T NEED A PLUMBER. YOU'RE THAT CLEVER SHARK, AREN'T YOU? 347 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:56,986 YOU'RE THAT CLEVER SHARK, AREN'T YOU? CANDYGRAM. 348 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,120 YOU? CANDYGRAM. CANDYGRAM, MY FOOT! 349 00:12:58,144 --> 00:12:59,522 CANDYGRAM. CANDYGRAM, MY FOOT! YOU GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I 350 00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:00,422 CANDYGRAM, MY FOOT! YOU GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE. 351 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:01,891 YOU GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE. YOU'RE THE SHARK, AND YOU KNOW 352 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:02,224 CALL THE POLICE. YOU'RE THE SHARK, AND YOU KNOW IT. 353 00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:05,761 YOU'RE THE SHARK, AND YOU KNOW IT. I-I'M ONLY A DOLPHIN, MA'AM. 354 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,296 IT. I-I'M ONLY A DOLPHIN, MA'AM. A DOLPHIN? 355 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,366 I-I'M ONLY A DOLPHIN, MA'AM. A DOLPHIN? WELL, OKAY. 356 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:13,057 A DOLPHIN? WELL, OKAY. AAAAH! 357 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:28,039 OH, MY GOD! WHAT IS IT? EGG SALAD AGAIN. 358 00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:36,626 [DOORBELL BUZZES] WHO IS IT? LAND SHARK. 359 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:40,129 WHO IS IT? LAND SHARK. OH, WALTER! 360 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,864 LAND SHARK. OH, WALTER! "LAND SHARK"... THAT IS THE C... 361 00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:43,968 OH, WALTER! "LAND SHARK"... THAT IS THE C... AAAAAH! 362 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:49,939 HELLO, WALTER? I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS, AND I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS. 363 00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,206 I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS, AND I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS. FIRST, THE GOOD NEWS. 364 00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:52,909 HAVE SOME BAD NEWS. FIRST, THE GOOD NEWS. BETTY AND I ARE HAVING A PARTY 365 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:53,543 FIRST, THE GOOD NEWS. BETTY AND I ARE HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT. 366 00:13:53,567 --> 00:13:54,410 BETTY AND I ARE HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT. COME ON OVER. 367 00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:55,945 TONIGHT. COME ON OVER. YOU'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME. 368 00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,713 COME ON OVER. YOU'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME. NOW THE BAD NEWS... YOU'LL BE 369 00:13:57,737 --> 00:14:00,377 YOU'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME. NOW THE BAD NEWS... YOU'LL BE COMING STAG. 370 00:14:02,708 --> 00:14:06,455 CONSIDERED THE CLEVEREST OF ALL SHARKS. UNLIKE THE GREAT WHITE, WHICH 371 00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:07,990 OF ALL SHARKS. UNLIKE THE GREAT WHITE, WHICH TENDS TO INHABIT THE WATERS OF 372 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,559 UNLIKE THE GREAT WHITE, WHICH TENDS TO INHABIT THE WATERS OF HARBORS AND RECREATIONAL BEACH 373 00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:11,193 TENDS TO INHABIT THE WATERS OF HARBORS AND RECREATIONAL BEACH AREAS, THE LAND SHARK MAY STRIKE 374 00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:12,494 HARBORS AND RECREATIONAL BEACH AREAS, THE LAND SHARK MAY STRIKE AT ANY TIME, ANY PLACE. 375 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,163 AREAS, THE LAND SHARK MAY STRIKE AT ANY TIME, ANY PLACE. IT IS CAPABLE OF DISGUISING ITS 376 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,631 AT ANY TIME, ANY PLACE. IT IS CAPABLE OF DISGUISING ITS VOICE AND GENERALLY ATTACKS 377 00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:16,799 IT IS CAPABLE OF DISGUISING ITS VOICE AND GENERALLY ATTACKS YOUNG, SINGLE WOMEN. 378 00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:18,300 VOICE AND GENERALLY ATTACKS YOUNG, SINGLE WOMEN. EXPERTS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF 379 00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:19,969 YOUNG, SINGLE WOMEN. EXPERTS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI'S OCEANOGRAPHIC INSTITUTE 380 00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,503 EXPERTS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI'S OCEANOGRAPHIC INSTITUTE SUGGEST THAT THE BEST WAY TO 381 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,205 MIAMI'S OCEANOGRAPHIC INSTITUTE SUGGEST THAT THE BEST WAY TO SCARE OFF THE SHARK IN THE EVENT 382 00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:24,874 SUGGEST THAT THE BEST WAY TO SCARE OFF THE SHARK IN THE EVENT OF AN ATTACK IS TO HIT OR PUNCH 383 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,809 SCARE OFF THE SHARK IN THE EVENT OF AN ATTACK IS TO HIT OR PUNCH THE PREDATOR IN THE NOSE. 384 00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:28,110 OF AN ATTACK IS TO HIT OR PUNCH THE PREDATOR IN THE NOSE. NOW FOR THE WEATHER. 385 00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:30,680 THE PREDATOR IN THE NOSE. NOW FOR THE WEATHER. IN THE... 386 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:33,082 NOW FOR THE WEATHER. IN THE... [DOORBELL RINGS] 387 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,116 IN THE... [DOORBELL RINGS] WHO IS IT? 388 00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:37,486 [DOORBELL RINGS] WHO IS IT? ["JAWS" THEME PLAYS] 389 00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,121 WHO IS IT? ["JAWS" THEME PLAYS] SORRY TO DISTURB YOU, MA'AM. 390 00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:44,860 ["JAWS" THEME PLAYS] SORRY TO DISTURB YOU, MA'AM. I'M FROM JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES... 391 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,228 SORRY TO DISTURB YOU, MA'AM. I'M FROM JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES... AND THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE 392 00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:47,763 I'M FROM JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES... AND THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN A COPY OF OUR 393 00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:49,765 AND THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN A COPY OF OUR JOURNAL, "THE WATCHTOWER." 394 00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,067 INTERESTED IN A COPY OF OUR JOURNAL, "THE WATCHTOWER." WHY, CERTAINLY. 395 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,635 JOURNAL, "THE WATCHTOWER." WHY, CERTAINLY. I'D BE VERY INTERESTED. 396 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,570 WHY, CERTAINLY. I'D BE VERY INTERESTED. WOULD YOU MIND OPENING THE 397 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:55,972 I'D BE VERY INTERESTED. WOULD YOU MIND OPENING THE DOOR, PLEASE, MA'AM? 398 00:14:55,996 --> 00:15:03,679 WOULD YOU MIND OPENING THE DOOR, PLEASE, MA'AM? UH, SURE. JUST A SECOND. 399 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:07,617 DOOR, PLEASE, MA'AM? UH, SURE. JUST A SECOND. AAH! 400 00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:09,573 UH, SURE. JUST A SECOND. AAH! [MUSIC STOPS] 401 00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:18,694 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS SOMEONE I WANTED VERY MUCH TO HAVE ON THE SHOW... 402 00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:20,062 SOMEONE I WANTED VERY MUCH TO HAVE ON THE SHOW... MISS ESTHER PHILLIPS. 403 00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,526 HAVE ON THE SHOW... MISS ESTHER PHILLIPS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 404 00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:35,611 NOW, ESTHER, ONE OF US IS GOING TO SING "WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES." 405 00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,012 TO SING "WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES." SINCE YOU KNOW THE WORDS, 406 00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,447 MAKES." SINCE YOU KNOW THE WORDS, PROBABLY YOU SHOULD DO IT. 407 00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,048 SINCE YOU KNOW THE WORDS, PROBABLY YOU SHOULD DO IT. NO, I THINK YOU SHOULD. 408 00:15:40,072 --> 00:15:41,016 PROBABLY YOU SHOULD DO IT. NO, I THINK YOU SHOULD. [BAND PLAYS] 409 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:45,387 NO, I THINK YOU SHOULD. [BAND PLAYS] BYE, ESTHER! 410 00:15:45,411 --> 00:15:52,861 [BAND PLAYS] BYE, ESTHER! ♪ OHH-WA, AHH, OHH-WA, AHHH ♪ 411 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,796 BYE, ESTHER! ♪ OHH-WA, AHH, OHH-WA, AHHH ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY 412 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,732 ♪ OHH-WA, AHH, OHH-WA, AHHH ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ 413 00:15:56,756 --> 00:16:00,136 ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ ♪ 24 LITTLE HOURS ♪ 414 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,370 MAKES ♪ ♪ 24 LITTLE HOURS ♪ ♪ BROUGHT THE SUN AND THE 415 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,805 ♪ 24 LITTLE HOURS ♪ ♪ BROUGHT THE SUN AND THE FLOWERS ♪ 416 00:16:03,829 --> 00:16:07,343 ♪ BROUGHT THE SUN AND THE FLOWERS ♪ ♪ WHERE THERE USED TO BE RAIN ♪ 417 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:10,846 FLOWERS ♪ ♪ WHERE THERE USED TO BE RAIN ♪ ♪ MY YESTERDAY WAS BLUE, DEAR ♪ 418 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:14,416 ♪ WHERE THERE USED TO BE RAIN ♪ ♪ MY YESTERDAY WAS BLUE, DEAR ♪ ♪ TODAY I'M PART OF YOU, DEAR ♪ 419 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,218 ♪ MY YESTERDAY WAS BLUE, DEAR ♪ ♪ TODAY I'M PART OF YOU, DEAR ♪ ♪ MY LONELY NIGHTS ARE THROUGH, 420 00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:17,819 ♪ TODAY I'M PART OF YOU, DEAR ♪ ♪ MY LONELY NIGHTS ARE THROUGH, DEAR ♪ 421 00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:21,657 ♪ MY LONELY NIGHTS ARE THROUGH, DEAR ♪ ♪ SINCE YOU SAID YOU WERE MINE ♪ 422 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,459 DEAR ♪ ♪ SINCE YOU SAID YOU WERE MINE ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY 423 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,261 ♪ SINCE YOU SAID YOU WERE MINE ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ 424 00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:28,897 ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ ♪ THERE'S A RAINBOW BEFORE ME ♪ 425 00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:32,501 MAKES ♪ ♪ THERE'S A RAINBOW BEFORE ME ♪ ♪ SKIES ABOVE CAN'T BE STORMY ♪ 426 00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:35,003 ♪ THERE'S A RAINBOW BEFORE ME ♪ ♪ SKIES ABOVE CAN'T BE STORMY ♪ ♪ SINCE THAT MOMENT OF BLISS ♪ 427 00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:36,605 ♪ SKIES ABOVE CAN'T BE STORMY ♪ ♪ SINCE THAT MOMENT OF BLISS ♪ ♪ THAT THRILLING KISS ♪ 428 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,675 ♪ SINCE THAT MOMENT OF BLISS ♪ ♪ THAT THRILLING KISS ♪ ♪ IT'S HEAVEN WHEN YOU 429 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:43,111 ♪ THAT THRILLING KISS ♪ ♪ IT'S HEAVEN WHEN YOU FIND ROMANCE ON YOUR MENU ♪ 430 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:45,214 ♪ IT'S HEAVEN WHEN YOU FIND ROMANCE ON YOUR MENU ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY 431 00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,748 FIND ROMANCE ON YOUR MENU ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ 432 00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:52,488 ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ ♪ AND THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ 433 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,424 MAKES ♪ ♪ AND THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ ♪ OH, YES ♪ 434 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:59,662 ♪ AND THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ ♪ OH, YES ♪ ♪ OH, YES ♪ 435 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,998 ♪ OH, YES ♪ ♪ OH, YES ♪ ♪ OHHH ♪ 436 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:06,268 ♪ OH, YES ♪ ♪ OHHH ♪ ♪ UH-HUH ♪ 437 00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:09,771 ♪ OHHH ♪ ♪ UH-HUH ♪ ♪ OHHH, YES ♪ 438 00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:16,345 ♪ UH-HUH ♪ ♪ OHHH, YES ♪ ♪ OHHH ♪ 439 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:20,015 ♪ OHHH, YES ♪ ♪ OHHH ♪ ♪ OHHH ♪ 440 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,552 ♪ OHHH ♪ ♪ OHHH ♪ ♪ OHHH, YES ♪ 441 00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:26,188 ♪ OHHH ♪ ♪ OHHH, YES ♪ ♪ OHHH ♪ 442 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,123 ♪ OHHH, YES ♪ ♪ OHHH ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY 443 00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:30,058 ♪ OHHH ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ 444 00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:33,462 ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ ♪ 24 LITTLE HOURS ♪ 445 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,697 MAKES ♪ ♪ 24 LITTLE HOURS ♪ ♪ BROUGHT THE SUN AND THE 446 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:37,132 ♪ 24 LITTLE HOURS ♪ ♪ BROUGHT THE SUN AND THE FLOWERS ♪ 447 00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:40,669 ♪ BROUGHT THE SUN AND THE FLOWERS ♪ ♪ WHERE THERE USED TO BE RAIN ♪ 448 00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:44,172 FLOWERS ♪ ♪ WHERE THERE USED TO BE RAIN ♪ ♪ MY YESTERDAY WAS BLUE, DEAR ♪ 449 00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:47,743 ♪ WHERE THERE USED TO BE RAIN ♪ ♪ MY YESTERDAY WAS BLUE, DEAR ♪ ♪ TODAY I'M PART OF YOU, DEAR ♪ 450 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,545 ♪ MY YESTERDAY WAS BLUE, DEAR ♪ ♪ TODAY I'M PART OF YOU, DEAR ♪ ♪ MY LONELY NIGHTS ARE THROUGH, 451 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,146 ♪ TODAY I'M PART OF YOU, DEAR ♪ ♪ MY LONELY NIGHTS ARE THROUGH, DEAR ♪ 452 00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:54,750 ♪ MY LONELY NIGHTS ARE THROUGH, DEAR ♪ ♪ SINCE YOU SAID YOU WERE MINE ♪ 453 00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,552 DEAR ♪ ♪ SINCE YOU SAID YOU WERE MINE ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY 454 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,354 ♪ SINCE YOU SAID YOU WERE MINE ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ 455 00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:01,990 ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ ♪ THERE'S A RAINBOW BEFORE ME ♪ 456 00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:05,594 MAKES ♪ ♪ THERE'S A RAINBOW BEFORE ME ♪ ♪ SKIES ABOVE CAN'T BE STORMY ♪ 457 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:08,096 ♪ THERE'S A RAINBOW BEFORE ME ♪ ♪ SKIES ABOVE CAN'T BE STORMY ♪ ♪ SINCE THAT MOMENT OF BLISS ♪ 458 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,197 ♪ SKIES ABOVE CAN'T BE STORMY ♪ ♪ SINCE THAT MOMENT OF BLISS ♪ ♪ OH, THAT THRILLING KISS ♪ 459 00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:12,834 ♪ SINCE THAT MOMENT OF BLISS ♪ ♪ OH, THAT THRILLING KISS ♪ ♪ IT'S HEAVEN WHEN YOU 460 00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:16,572 ♪ OH, THAT THRILLING KISS ♪ ♪ IT'S HEAVEN WHEN YOU FIND ROMANCE ON YOUR MENU ♪ 461 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,440 ♪ IT'S HEAVEN WHEN YOU FIND ROMANCE ON YOUR MENU ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY 462 00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:20,075 FIND ROMANCE ON YOUR MENU ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ 463 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,512 ♪ WHAT A DIFF'RENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ ♪ AND THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ 464 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:27,182 MAKES ♪ ♪ AND THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ ♪ I SAID THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ 465 00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:30,252 ♪ AND THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ ♪ I SAID THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ ♪ I SAID THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ 466 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,853 ♪ I SAID THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ ♪ I SAID THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ ♪ YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU 467 00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:34,122 ♪ I SAID THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ ♪ YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU YOU, YOU, YOU ♪ 468 00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:35,824 ♪ YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU YOU, YOU, YOU ♪ ♪ I SAID THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU, 469 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,826 YOU, YOU, YOU ♪ ♪ I SAID THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU, YEAH ♪ 470 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,295 ♪ I SAID THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU, YEAH ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY 471 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:40,429 YEAH ♪ ♪ WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ 472 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,830 ♪ WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES ♪ ♪ OH, YEAH ♪ 473 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,633 MAKES ♪ ♪ OH, YEAH ♪ ♪ THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU, YEAH ♪ 474 00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:49,772 ♪ OH, YEAH ♪ ♪ THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU, YEAH ♪ ♪ I SAID THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ 475 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:53,156 ♪ THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU, YEAH ♪ ♪ I SAID THE DIFF'RENCE IS YOU ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 476 00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:11,342 ALAS, POOR YORICK. I KNEW HIM, HORATIO... A FELLOW OF INFINITE JEST, OF MOST 477 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:13,695 I KNEW HIM, HORATIO... A FELLOW OF INFINITE JEST, OF MOST EXCELLENT FANCY. 478 00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:15,731 OF INFINITE JEST, OF MOST EXCELLENT FANCY. HE HATH BORNE ME ON HIS BACK A 479 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,500 EXCELLENT FANCY. HE HATH BORNE ME ON HIS BACK A THOUSAND TIMES, AND NOW... 480 00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,968 HE HATH BORNE ME ON HIS BACK A THOUSAND TIMES, AND NOW... HOW ABHORRED IN MY IMAGINATION 481 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,437 THOUSAND TIMES, AND NOW... HOW ABHORRED IN MY IMAGINATION IT IS. 482 00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:24,240 HOW ABHORRED IN MY IMAGINATION IT IS. MY GORGE RISES AT IT. 483 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:26,308 IT IS. MY GORGE RISES AT IT. HERE... HERE HUNG THOSE LIPS 484 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,410 MY GORGE RISES AT IT. HERE... HERE HUNG THOSE LIPS THAT I HAVE KISSED I KNOW NOT 485 00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:31,680 HERE... HERE HUNG THOSE LIPS THAT I HAVE KISSED I KNOW NOT HOW OFT. 486 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,616 THAT I HAVE KISSED I KNOW NOT HOW OFT. WHERE BE YOUR GIBES NOW, YOUR 487 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:34,350 HOW OFT. WHERE BE YOUR GIBES NOW, YOUR GAMBOLS? 488 00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:41,890 WHERE BE YOUR GIBES NOW, YOUR GAMBOLS? WHERE... 489 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:45,927 GAMBOLS? WHERE... ALAS, POOR YORICK. 490 00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:52,268 WHERE... ALAS, POOR YORICK. A THOUSAND TIMES. 491 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:56,572 ALAS, POOR YORICK. A THOUSAND TIMES. HELLO, DOLLY! 492 00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,774 A THOUSAND TIMES. HELLO, DOLLY! POOR... I KNEW HIM REALLY GOOD. 493 00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:03,479 HELLO, DOLLY! POOR... I KNEW HIM REALLY GOOD. HE WAS A GREAT GUY. 494 00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,581 POOR... I KNEW HIM REALLY GOOD. HE WAS A GREAT GUY. IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME FOR THE 495 00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,049 HE WAS A GREAT GUY. IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME FOR THE POLAROID COMMERCIAL. 496 00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:12,921 IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME FOR THE POLAROID COMMERCIAL. AH, OKAY. 497 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,657 POLAROID COMMERCIAL. AH, OKAY. CANDICE, I KNOW I DON'T HAVE TO 498 00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:15,957 AH, OKAY. CANDICE, I KNOW I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT THIS IS. 499 00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:17,693 CANDICE, I KNOW I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT THIS IS. NO, CHEVY, I THINK I'VE SEEN 500 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:18,894 TELL YOU WHAT THIS IS. NO, CHEVY, I THINK I'VE SEEN ONE OF THOSE BEFORE. 501 00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,462 NO, CHEVY, I THINK I'VE SEEN ONE OF THOSE BEFORE. POLAROID'S DELUXE SX-70. 502 00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:22,231 ONE OF THOSE BEFORE. POLAROID'S DELUXE SX-70. AND WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYBODY 503 00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:23,098 POLAROID'S DELUXE SX-70. AND WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYBODY WHAT I'M DOING? 504 00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:24,533 AND WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYBODY WHAT I'M DOING? WELL, YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME 505 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,134 WHAT I'M DOING? WELL, YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME THROUGH THE LENS, AND NOW YOU'RE 506 00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:26,735 WELL, YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME THROUGH THE LENS, AND NOW YOU'RE FOCUSING. 507 00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,270 THROUGH THE LENS, AND NOW YOU'RE FOCUSING. YOU DO THAT BY TURNING A LITTLE 508 00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:29,471 FOCUSING. YOU DO THAT BY TURNING A LITTLE WHEEL WITH YOUR FINGER. 509 00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:31,307 YOU DO THAT BY TURNING A LITTLE WHEEL WITH YOUR FINGER. I SEE A BLURRY FACE. 510 00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,342 WHEEL WITH YOUR FINGER. I SEE A BLURRY FACE. AND NOW I SEE A SHARP BEE. 511 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,677 I SEE A BLURRY FACE. AND NOW I SEE A SHARP BEE. WELL, THAT MEANS YOU'RE IN 512 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,144 AND NOW I SEE A SHARP BEE. WELL, THAT MEANS YOU'RE IN FOCUS AND READY TO PRESS THE RED 513 00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:36,978 WELL, THAT MEANS YOU'RE IN FOCUS AND READY TO PRESS THE RED ELECTRIC BUTTON. 514 00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:38,146 FOCUS AND READY TO PRESS THE RED ELECTRIC BUTTON. ALL RIGHT, TRY TO LOOK 515 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,181 ELECTRIC BUTTON. ALL RIGHT, TRY TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL, CANDICE. 516 00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:41,250 ALL RIGHT, TRY TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL, CANDICE. [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] 517 00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:41,850 BEAUTIFUL, CANDICE. [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] FAR AWAY. 518 00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,385 [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] FAR AWAY. SX-70 PICTURES DEVELOP BEFORE 519 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:44,820 FAR AWAY. SX-70 PICTURES DEVELOP BEFORE YOUR EYES IN MINUTES, BUT YOU 520 00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:46,322 SX-70 PICTURES DEVELOP BEFORE YOUR EYES IN MINUTES, BUT YOU DON'T SEE MUCH AT FIRST, CHEVY. 521 00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:47,823 YOUR EYES IN MINUTES, BUT YOU DON'T SEE MUCH AT FIRST, CHEVY. WELL, THIS ONE'S STARTING TO 522 00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:48,424 DON'T SEE MUCH AT FIRST, CHEVY. WELL, THIS ONE'S STARTING TO DEVELOP. 523 00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:49,958 WELL, THIS ONE'S STARTING TO DEVELOP. AND HERE ARE A FEW WE TOOK A 524 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,059 DEVELOP. AND HERE ARE A FEW WE TOOK A LITTLE BIT EARLIER. 525 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,661 AND HERE ARE A FEW WE TOOK A LITTLE BIT EARLIER. AND THEY'RE ALREADY DEVELOPED. 526 00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:54,263 LITTLE BIT EARLIER. AND THEY'RE ALREADY DEVELOPED. AND THE CAMERA DOES ALL THE 527 00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:54,730 AND THEY'RE ALREADY DEVELOPED. AND THE CAMERA DOES ALL THE WORK. 528 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,298 AND THE CAMERA DOES ALL THE WORK. THAT'S RIGHT... POLAROID'S 529 00:20:56,322 --> 00:20:57,700 WORK. THAT'S RIGHT... POLAROID'S DELUXE SX-70 LAND CAMERA. 530 00:20:57,724 --> 00:20:59,201 THAT'S RIGHT... POLAROID'S DELUXE SX-70 LAND CAMERA. YOU LOOK LIKE A TURKEY IN 531 00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:00,035 DELUXE SX-70 LAND CAMERA. YOU LOOK LIKE A TURKEY IN THAT COSTUME. 532 00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:02,659 YOU LOOK LIKE A TURKEY IN THAT COSTUME. YOU LOOK LIKE A WASP. 533 00:21:08,266 --> 00:21:12,948 REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE BOY AND MOTHER WOULD DRESS YOU UP IN HER PRETTIEST 534 00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:13,882 LITTLE BOY AND MOTHER WOULD DRESS YOU UP IN HER PRETTIEST THINGS... 535 00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:15,850 DRESS YOU UP IN HER PRETTIEST THINGS... THE HOURS OF FUN TOGETHER, 536 00:21:15,874 --> 00:21:17,919 THINGS... THE HOURS OF FUN TOGETHER, SHARING SECRETS AND PLANNING 537 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:23,459 THE HOURS OF FUN TOGETHER, SHARING SECRETS AND PLANNING ELEGANT LITTLE TEA PARTIES? 538 00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:25,260 SHARING SECRETS AND PLANNING ELEGANT LITTLE TEA PARTIES? WELL, MOTHER IS STILL ONLY 539 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,096 ELEGANT LITTLE TEA PARTIES? WELL, MOTHER IS STILL ONLY SECONDS AWAY WHEN YOU DIAL 540 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,760 WELL, MOTHER IS STILL ONLY SECONDS AWAY WHEN YOU DIAL LONG-DISTANCE. 541 00:21:43,435 --> 00:21:45,236 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 542 00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:55,146 LONG DISTANCE... IT'S THE NEXT 543 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,848 BEST THING TO BEING HER. 544 00:22:00,952 --> 00:22:04,666 Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH CHEVY CHASE. 545 00:22:04,690 --> 00:22:06,401 "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH CHEVY CHASE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE 546 00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:08,470 CHEVY CHASE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE LATE? 547 00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:11,073 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE LATE? HOW LATE? 548 00:22:11,097 --> 00:22:12,975 LATE? HOW LATE? TWO WEEKS LATE... THAT COULD BE 549 00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:15,144 HOW LATE? TWO WEEKS LATE... THAT COULD BE EMOTIONAL. 550 00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:16,611 TWO WEEKS LATE... THAT COULD BE EMOTIONAL. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 551 00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:18,380 EMOTIONAL. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT, OKAY? 552 00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:20,115 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT, OKAY? OKAY, GOOD BYE, BARBARA... 553 00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:20,582 I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT, OKAY? OKAY, GOOD BYE, BARBARA... MARGARET. 554 00:22:20,606 --> 00:22:24,086 OKAY, GOOD BYE, BARBARA... MARGARET. I'M SORRY. BYE. 555 00:22:24,110 --> 00:22:25,888 MARGARET. I'M SORRY. BYE. GOOD EVENING. I'M CHEVY CHASE. 556 00:22:25,912 --> 00:22:26,922 I'M SORRY. BYE. GOOD EVENING. I'M CHEVY CHASE. AND YOU'RE NOT. 557 00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:28,623 GOOD EVENING. I'M CHEVY CHASE. AND YOU'RE NOT. THE TOP STORY TONIGHT... THE 558 00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:30,225 AND YOU'RE NOT. THE TOP STORY TONIGHT... THE WHITE HOUSE TODAY RELEASED 559 00:22:30,249 --> 00:22:31,593 THE TOP STORY TONIGHT... THE WHITE HOUSE TODAY RELEASED ANOTHER ENEMIES LIST. 560 00:22:31,617 --> 00:22:33,495 WHITE HOUSE TODAY RELEASED ANOTHER ENEMIES LIST. IT'S THE NEW YORK CITY TELEPHONE 561 00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:35,530 ANOTHER ENEMIES LIST. IT'S THE NEW YORK CITY TELEPHONE DIRECTORY. 562 00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:37,399 IT'S THE NEW YORK CITY TELEPHONE DIRECTORY. EGYPT'S PRESIDENT, ANWAR SADAT, 563 00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:38,934 DIRECTORY. EGYPT'S PRESIDENT, ANWAR SADAT, LEFT THIS COUNTRY AFTER A 564 00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:40,635 EGYPT'S PRESIDENT, ANWAR SADAT, LEFT THIS COUNTRY AFTER A TWO-WEEK STAY WITH THE FIRST 565 00:22:40,659 --> 00:22:41,270 LEFT THIS COUNTRY AFTER A TWO-WEEK STAY WITH THE FIRST FAMILY. 566 00:22:41,294 --> 00:22:42,805 TWO-WEEK STAY WITH THE FIRST FAMILY. AS PARTING GIFTS, HE GAVE 567 00:22:42,829 --> 00:22:44,406 FAMILY. AS PARTING GIFTS, HE GAVE MRS. FORD SOME JEWELRY AND 568 00:22:44,430 --> 00:22:46,108 AS PARTING GIFTS, HE GAVE MRS. FORD SOME JEWELRY AND MR. FORD SOME KNEEPADS AND A 569 00:22:46,132 --> 00:22:48,543 MRS. FORD SOME JEWELRY AND MR. FORD SOME KNEEPADS AND A CRASH HELMET. 570 00:22:48,567 --> 00:22:50,378 MR. FORD SOME KNEEPADS AND A CRASH HELMET. GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTING THE GIFTS, 571 00:22:50,402 --> 00:22:52,181 CRASH HELMET. GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTING THE GIFTS, MR. FORD APOLOGIZED FOR EARLIER 572 00:22:52,205 --> 00:22:53,949 GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTING THE GIFTS, MR. FORD APOLOGIZED FOR EARLIER CALLING SADAT THE PRESIDENT OF 573 00:22:53,973 --> 00:22:55,784 MR. FORD APOLOGIZED FOR EARLIER CALLING SADAT THE PRESIDENT OF ISRAEL, RECTIFYING THE FAUX PAS 574 00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:57,552 CALLING SADAT THE PRESIDENT OF ISRAEL, RECTIFYING THE FAUX PAS BY PRESENTING HIM WITH A PIZZA 575 00:22:57,576 --> 00:23:00,322 ISRAEL, RECTIFYING THE FAUX PAS BY PRESENTING HIM WITH A PIZZA AND A NUCLEAR REACTOR. 576 00:23:00,346 --> 00:23:01,790 BY PRESENTING HIM WITH A PIZZA AND A NUCLEAR REACTOR. THE SHAKE-UP IN WASHINGTON 577 00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:03,458 AND A NUCLEAR REACTOR. THE SHAKE-UP IN WASHINGTON CONTINUES FOLLOWING THE RECENT 578 00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:04,659 THE SHAKE-UP IN WASHINGTON CONTINUES FOLLOWING THE RECENT FIRINGS AND HIRINGS. 579 00:23:04,683 --> 00:23:06,195 CONTINUES FOLLOWING THE RECENT FIRINGS AND HIRINGS. WHITE HOUSE SOURCES REPORTED 580 00:23:06,219 --> 00:23:07,830 FIRINGS AND HIRINGS. WHITE HOUSE SOURCES REPORTED TODAY THAT PRESIDENT FORD HAS 581 00:23:07,854 --> 00:23:09,298 WHITE HOUSE SOURCES REPORTED TODAY THAT PRESIDENT FORD HAS ASKED FOR AND RECEIVED THE 582 00:23:09,322 --> 00:23:12,067 TODAY THAT PRESIDENT FORD HAS ASKED FOR AND RECEIVED THE RESIGNATION OF HIS SON JACK. 583 00:23:12,091 --> 00:23:13,568 ASKED FOR AND RECEIVED THE RESIGNATION OF HIS SON JACK. THE POSITION OF "SON" WILL BE 584 00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:15,170 RESIGNATION OF HIS SON JACK. THE POSITION OF "SON" WILL BE TAKEN OVER BY CLEVELAND AMORY, A 585 00:23:15,194 --> 00:23:18,040 THE POSITION OF "SON" WILL BE TAKEN OVER BY CLEVELAND AMORY, A LONGTIME PRESIDENTIAL FAVORITE. 586 00:23:18,064 --> 00:23:18,974 TAKEN OVER BY CLEVELAND AMORY, A LONGTIME PRESIDENTIAL FAVORITE. VICE PRESIDENT 587 00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:20,608 LONGTIME PRESIDENTIAL FAVORITE. VICE PRESIDENT NELSON ROCKEFELLER ANNOUNCED 588 00:23:20,632 --> 00:23:22,311 VICE PRESIDENT NELSON ROCKEFELLER ANNOUNCED THAT HE WILL NOT RUN ON FORD'S 589 00:23:22,335 --> 00:23:25,180 NELSON ROCKEFELLER ANNOUNCED THAT HE WILL NOT RUN ON FORD'S TICKET IN 1976. 590 00:23:25,204 --> 00:23:26,648 THAT HE WILL NOT RUN ON FORD'S TICKET IN 1976. HE COMMENTED THAT FORD IS THE 591 00:23:26,672 --> 00:23:28,050 TICKET IN 1976. HE COMMENTED THAT FORD IS THE ONLY LEADER HE KNOWS WHO IS 592 00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:29,651 HE COMMENTED THAT FORD IS THE ONLY LEADER HE KNOWS WHO IS CAPABLE OF ASSASSINATING HIMSELF 593 00:23:29,675 --> 00:23:32,420 ONLY LEADER HE KNOWS WHO IS CAPABLE OF ASSASSINATING HIMSELF BY MISTAKE. 594 00:23:32,444 --> 00:23:34,223 CAPABLE OF ASSASSINATING HIMSELF BY MISTAKE. WHILE MANHATTAN'S NEW WOMEN'S 595 00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:35,858 BY MISTAKE. WHILE MANHATTAN'S NEW WOMEN'S BANK SEEMS TO BE THRIVING, 596 00:23:35,882 --> 00:23:37,726 WHILE MANHATTAN'S NEW WOMEN'S BANK SEEMS TO BE THRIVING, CONGRESSWOMAN BELLA ABZUG CAME 597 00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,627 BANK SEEMS TO BE THRIVING, CONGRESSWOMAN BELLA ABZUG CAME OUT THIS WEEK TO DENY THE RUMOR 598 00:23:39,651 --> 00:23:41,563 CONGRESSWOMAN BELLA ABZUG CAME OUT THIS WEEK TO DENY THE RUMOR THAT THE BANK'S NIGHT DEPOSITORY 599 00:23:41,587 --> 00:23:43,531 OUT THIS WEEK TO DENY THE RUMOR THAT THE BANK'S NIGHT DEPOSITORY WILL BE CLOSED FOUR TO FIVE DAYS 600 00:23:43,555 --> 00:23:44,466 THAT THE BANK'S NIGHT DEPOSITORY WILL BE CLOSED FOUR TO FIVE DAYS EVERY MONTH. 601 00:23:44,490 --> 00:23:46,468 WILL BE CLOSED FOUR TO FIVE DAYS EVERY MONTH. MRS. ABZUG SAID THAT NOT ONLY IS 602 00:23:46,492 --> 00:23:48,403 EVERY MONTH. MRS. ABZUG SAID THAT NOT ONLY IS THE RUMOR SEXIST, BUT IS ALSO A 603 00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:50,372 MRS. ABZUG SAID THAT NOT ONLY IS THE RUMOR SEXIST, BUT IS ALSO A SWITCH ON AN OLD JOKE DONE MANY 604 00:23:50,396 --> 00:23:56,511 THE RUMOR SEXIST, BUT IS ALSO A SWITCH ON AN OLD JOKE DONE MANY YEARS AGO BY JACK CARTER. 605 00:23:56,535 --> 00:23:58,380 SWITCH ON AN OLD JOKE DONE MANY YEARS AGO BY JACK CARTER. AS A WEDDING PRESENT TO ACTRESS 606 00:23:58,404 --> 00:24:00,282 YEARS AGO BY JACK CARTER. AS A WEDDING PRESENT TO ACTRESS ELIZABETH TAYLOR ON THEIR SECOND 607 00:24:00,306 --> 00:24:01,984 AS A WEDDING PRESENT TO ACTRESS ELIZABETH TAYLOR ON THEIR SECOND MARRIAGE, A MALARIA-STRICKEN 608 00:24:02,008 --> 00:24:03,718 ELIZABETH TAYLOR ON THEIR SECOND MARRIAGE, A MALARIA-STRICKEN RICHARD BURTON GAVE HIS WIFE 609 00:24:03,742 --> 00:24:05,520 MARRIAGE, A MALARIA-STRICKEN RICHARD BURTON GAVE HIS WIFE WHAT HE CALLS A DO-IT-YOURSELF 610 00:24:05,544 --> 00:24:07,956 RICHARD BURTON GAVE HIS WIFE WHAT HE CALLS A DO-IT-YOURSELF FUR COAT KIT. 611 00:24:07,980 --> 00:24:09,358 WHAT HE CALLS A DO-IT-YOURSELF FUR COAT KIT. THE BICENTENNIAL COMMITTEE 612 00:24:09,382 --> 00:24:10,458 FUR COAT KIT. THE BICENTENNIAL COMMITTEE ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT 613 00:24:10,482 --> 00:24:11,826 THE BICENTENNIAL COMMITTEE ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT GEORGE WASHINGTON'S WOODEN 614 00:24:11,850 --> 00:24:13,495 ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT GEORGE WASHINGTON'S WOODEN DENTURES HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED BY 615 00:24:13,519 --> 00:24:14,997 GEORGE WASHINGTON'S WOODEN DENTURES HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED BY A MOUNT VERNON CURATOR. 616 00:24:15,021 --> 00:24:16,265 DENTURES HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED BY A MOUNT VERNON CURATOR. FOUND WITH THE DENTURES, A 617 00:24:16,289 --> 00:24:17,732 A MOUNT VERNON CURATOR. FOUND WITH THE DENTURES, A DOCUMENT PROVING THAT AMERICA'S 618 00:24:17,756 --> 00:24:19,234 FOUND WITH THE DENTURES, A DOCUMENT PROVING THAT AMERICA'S FIRST PRESIDENT ACTUALLY BRUSHED 619 00:24:19,258 --> 00:24:23,205 DOCUMENT PROVING THAT AMERICA'S FIRST PRESIDENT ACTUALLY BRUSHED HIS TEETH WITH FURNITURE POLISH. 620 00:24:23,229 --> 00:24:24,373 FIRST PRESIDENT ACTUALLY BRUSHED HIS TEETH WITH FURNITURE POLISH. A SERIOUS NOTE... 621 00:24:24,397 --> 00:24:26,308 HIS TEETH WITH FURNITURE POLISH. A SERIOUS NOTE... VANDALS BROKE INTO THE LOUVRE IN 622 00:24:26,332 --> 00:24:28,110 A SERIOUS NOTE... VANDALS BROKE INTO THE LOUVRE IN PARIS LAST NIGHT AND ATTACHED 623 00:24:28,134 --> 00:24:30,012 VANDALS BROKE INTO THE LOUVRE IN PARIS LAST NIGHT AND ATTACHED ARMS TO THE FAMED VENUS de MILO 624 00:24:30,036 --> 00:24:35,117 PARIS LAST NIGHT AND ATTACHED ARMS TO THE FAMED VENUS de MILO SCULPTURE. 625 00:24:35,141 --> 00:24:36,919 ARMS TO THE FAMED VENUS de MILO SCULPTURE. SAID THE HEARTBROKEN CURATOR OF 626 00:24:36,943 --> 00:24:38,520 SCULPTURE. SAID THE HEARTBROKEN CURATOR OF THE MUSEUM, "I DO NOT SPEAK 627 00:24:38,544 --> 00:24:41,589 SAID THE HEARTBROKEN CURATOR OF THE MUSEUM, "I DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH." 628 00:24:41,613 --> 00:24:43,392 THE MUSEUM, "I DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH." AND NOW FOR THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" 629 00:24:43,416 --> 00:24:44,826 ENGLISH." AND NOW FOR THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" LIVE, ON-THE-SPOT TRAFFIC 630 00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:45,394 AND NOW FOR THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" LIVE, ON-THE-SPOT TRAFFIC REPORT. 631 00:24:45,418 --> 00:24:46,795 LIVE, ON-THE-SPOT TRAFFIC REPORT. A STALLED VEHICLE ON THE 632 00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,596 REPORT. A STALLED VEHICLE ON THE OFF-RAMP FROM U.S. 80 EXITING TO 633 00:24:48,620 --> 00:24:50,399 A STALLED VEHICLE ON THE OFF-RAMP FROM U.S. 80 EXITING TO 4th AVENUE IN GARY, INDIANA, HAS 634 00:24:50,423 --> 00:24:52,134 OFF-RAMP FROM U.S. 80 EXITING TO 4th AVENUE IN GARY, INDIANA, HAS TIED UP TRAFFIC THERE, BUT ONLY 635 00:24:52,158 --> 00:24:53,868 4th AVENUE IN GARY, INDIANA, HAS TIED UP TRAFFIC THERE, BUT ONLY LEG TRAFFIC, AS REPORTED ON THE 636 00:24:53,892 --> 00:24:55,503 TIED UP TRAFFIC THERE, BUT ONLY LEG TRAFFIC, AS REPORTED ON THE SOUTHBOUND GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE 637 00:24:55,527 --> 00:24:56,805 LEG TRAFFIC, AS REPORTED ON THE SOUTHBOUND GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE LANE LEAVING SAN FRANCISCO. 638 00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:58,173 SOUTHBOUND GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE LANE LEAVING SAN FRANCISCO. BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA, HIGHWAY 639 00:24:58,197 --> 00:24:59,474 LANE LEAVING SAN FRANCISCO. BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA, HIGHWAY AUTHORITIES REPORT SPORADIC 640 00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:00,976 BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA, HIGHWAY AUTHORITIES REPORT SPORADIC TIE-UPS FOLLOWING AN OVERTURNED 641 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,477 AUTHORITIES REPORT SPORADIC TIE-UPS FOLLOWING AN OVERTURNED TRUCK AND A BROKEN TRAFFIC LIGHT 642 00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:03,946 TIE-UPS FOLLOWING AN OVERTURNED TRUCK AND A BROKEN TRAFFIC LIGHT ON ORVAL FAUBUS BOULEVARD. 643 00:25:03,970 --> 00:25:05,713 TRUCK AND A BROKEN TRAFFIC LIGHT ON ORVAL FAUBUS BOULEVARD. ALL IN ALL, THERE SEEMS TO BE NO 644 00:25:05,737 --> 00:25:07,282 ON ORVAL FAUBUS BOULEVARD. ALL IN ALL, THERE SEEMS TO BE NO MAJOR TIE-UPS EXCEPT FOR THE 645 00:25:07,306 --> 00:25:08,716 ALL IN ALL, THERE SEEMS TO BE NO MAJOR TIE-UPS EXCEPT FOR THE USUAL SATURDAY NIGHT DRUG 646 00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:10,185 MAJOR TIE-UPS EXCEPT FOR THE USUAL SATURDAY NIGHT DRUG TRAFFIC IN THE GREAT LAKES 647 00:25:10,209 --> 00:25:11,786 USUAL SATURDAY NIGHT DRUG TRAFFIC IN THE GREAT LAKES REGION. 648 00:25:11,810 --> 00:25:13,488 TRAFFIC IN THE GREAT LAKES REGION. STILL TO COME, JERRY FORD'S 649 00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:15,457 REGION. STILL TO COME, JERRY FORD'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL DAYS AFTER THIS 650 00:25:15,481 --> 00:25:18,441 STILL TO COME, JERRY FORD'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL DAYS AFTER THIS FILMED MESSAGE. 651 00:25:19,384 --> 00:25:25,867 ARTHRITIS IN THE ADULT IS PAINFUL, LONELY, AND SOMETIMES DIFFICULT TO MANAGE. 652 00:25:25,891 --> 00:25:27,502 PAINFUL, LONELY, AND SOMETIMES DIFFICULT TO MANAGE. ARTHRITIS IS PARTICULARLY 653 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,171 DIFFICULT TO MANAGE. ARTHRITIS IS PARTICULARLY ANNOYING WHEN COUPLED WITH 654 00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:30,872 ARTHRITIS IS PARTICULARLY ANNOYING WHEN COUPLED WITH NEURALGIA AND SEVERE MUSCULAR 655 00:25:30,896 --> 00:25:31,706 ANNOYING WHEN COUPLED WITH NEURALGIA AND SEVERE MUSCULAR TENSION. 656 00:25:31,730 --> 00:25:33,975 NEURALGIA AND SEVERE MUSCULAR TENSION. ABRUPT WEATHER CHANGES CAN ADD 657 00:25:33,999 --> 00:25:35,009 TENSION. ABRUPT WEATHER CHANGES CAN ADD DISCOMFORT. 658 00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:37,412 ABRUPT WEATHER CHANGES CAN ADD DISCOMFORT. INFLAMED TISSUES CAN CAUSE LOCAL 659 00:25:37,436 --> 00:25:39,648 DISCOMFORT. INFLAMED TISSUES CAN CAUSE LOCAL SWELLING, CALLING FOR SPECIAL 660 00:25:39,672 --> 00:25:42,517 INFLAMED TISSUES CAN CAUSE LOCAL SWELLING, CALLING FOR SPECIAL RELIEF. 661 00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,219 SWELLING, CALLING FOR SPECIAL RELIEF. TRIOPENIN, A COMPOUND OF 662 00:25:44,243 --> 00:25:45,853 RELIEF. TRIOPENIN, A COMPOUND OF POWERFUL ANTI-ARTHRITIC 663 00:25:45,877 --> 00:25:47,822 TRIOPENIN, A COMPOUND OF POWERFUL ANTI-ARTHRITIC SPANSULES AND ANTIHISTAMINES, 664 00:25:47,846 --> 00:25:49,757 POWERFUL ANTI-ARTHRITIC SPANSULES AND ANTIHISTAMINES, SPEEDS SOOTHING RELIEF WHERE 665 00:25:49,781 --> 00:25:50,525 SPANSULES AND ANTIHISTAMINES, SPEEDS SOOTHING RELIEF WHERE NEEDED. 666 00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:52,093 SPEEDS SOOTHING RELIEF WHERE NEEDED. TRIOPENIN IS GENTLE, 667 00:25:52,117 --> 00:25:54,062 NEEDED. TRIOPENIN IS GENTLE, NON-HABIT-FORMING, AIDS IN 668 00:25:54,086 --> 00:25:56,331 TRIOPENIN IS GENTLE, NON-HABIT-FORMING, AIDS IN SOOTHING MUSCLES AND LIBERATING 669 00:25:56,355 --> 00:25:57,965 NON-HABIT-FORMING, AIDS IN SOOTHING MUSCLES AND LIBERATING STIFF, PAINFUL JOINTS. 670 00:25:57,989 --> 00:25:59,834 SOOTHING MUSCLES AND LIBERATING STIFF, PAINFUL JOINTS. SOON, YOU'RE HANDLING LIFE 671 00:25:59,858 --> 00:26:01,736 STIFF, PAINFUL JOINTS. SOON, YOU'RE HANDLING LIFE AGAIN, FEELING BETTER, AND 672 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,672 SOON, YOU'RE HANDLING LIFE AGAIN, FEELING BETTER, AND GETTING A FIRM GRASP ON THE 673 00:26:03,696 --> 00:26:06,697 AGAIN, FEELING BETTER, AND GETTING A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION. 674 00:26:06,964 --> 00:26:08,865 TRIOPENIN... GET YOUR HANDS 675 00:26:08,999 --> 00:26:10,066 WORKING AGAIN. 676 00:26:10,201 --> 00:26:12,102 NOW WITH THE NEW CHILDPROOF 677 00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:14,038 SAFETY CAP. 678 00:26:15,774 --> 00:26:21,322 LAST WEEK ON THIS BROADCAST, "WEEKEND UPDATE" PRESENTED AN EDITORIAL IN WHICH WE SPOKE IN 679 00:26:21,346 --> 00:26:22,824 "WEEKEND UPDATE" PRESENTED AN EDITORIAL IN WHICH WE SPOKE IN FAVOR OF FEDERAL AID TO 680 00:26:22,848 --> 00:26:23,759 EDITORIAL IN WHICH WE SPOKE IN FAVOR OF FEDERAL AID TO NEW YORK CITY. 681 00:26:23,783 --> 00:26:25,561 FAVOR OF FEDERAL AID TO NEW YORK CITY. HERE TO REPLY TO THAT EDITORIAL 682 00:26:25,585 --> 00:26:27,895 NEW YORK CITY. HERE TO REPLY TO THAT EDITORIAL IS CONGRESSWOMAN JANE CURTIN. 683 00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:30,153 NEW YORK CITY MAY STILL BE 684 00:26:30,288 --> 00:26:32,590 THE BIG APPLE, BUT EVERY APPLE 685 00:26:32,724 --> 00:26:34,692 MUST SOONER OR LATER ROT. 686 00:26:34,826 --> 00:26:36,860 PRESIDENT FORD IS RIGHT WHEN HE 687 00:26:36,995 --> 00:26:39,063 SAYS THAT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT 688 00:26:39,197 --> 00:26:41,231 CANNOT ARREST A NATURAL PROCESS 689 00:26:41,365 --> 00:26:43,567 SIMPLY BY SHINING THE APPLE TO 690 00:26:43,702 --> 00:26:47,504 MAKE IT MORE APPETIZING. 691 00:26:47,639 --> 00:26:49,773 EVENTUALLY THE APPLE MUST EITHER 692 00:26:49,908 --> 00:26:51,875 BE EATEN OR ALLOWED TO DIE ON 693 00:26:52,010 --> 00:26:52,610 ITS OWN. 694 00:26:52,744 --> 00:26:54,645 FRANKLY, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE 695 00:26:54,779 --> 00:26:56,680 PRESIDENT MEANT BY THIS METAPHOR 696 00:26:56,815 --> 00:26:58,448 EITHER, BUT I DO KNOW THIS. 697 00:26:58,583 --> 00:27:01,284 MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. 698 00:27:01,419 --> 00:27:03,253 WE SIMPLY CANNOT AND MUST NOT 699 00:27:03,387 --> 00:27:05,355 WASTE FUNDS ON A DYING CITY WHEN 700 00:27:05,490 --> 00:27:07,390 THESE FUNDS CAN BE USED BY THE 701 00:27:07,525 --> 00:27:09,459 PENTAGON TO PROTECT THE REST OF 702 00:27:09,594 --> 00:27:11,228 OUR PEOPLE FROM INEVITABLE 703 00:27:11,362 --> 00:27:12,529 NUCLEAR ATTACK. 704 00:27:12,664 --> 00:27:14,231 THANK YOU. 705 00:27:14,365 --> 00:27:15,799 "WEEKEND UPDATE" RECOGNIZES 706 00:27:15,934 --> 00:27:17,134 ITS OBLIGATION TO PRESENT 707 00:27:17,268 --> 00:27:18,736 RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS 708 00:27:18,870 --> 00:27:20,403 TO OUR EDITORIALS WHEN AND WHERE 709 00:27:20,538 --> 00:27:22,205 TIME PERMITS. 710 00:27:22,340 --> 00:27:23,874 AND NOW AS A PUBLIC SERVICE TO 711 00:27:24,009 --> 00:27:25,509 THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS WHO HAVE 712 00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,277 DIFFICULTY WITH THEIR HEARING, I 713 00:27:27,411 --> 00:27:29,046 WILL REPEAT THE TOP STORY OF THE 714 00:27:29,180 --> 00:27:30,781 DAY, AIDED BY THE HEADMASTER OF 715 00:27:30,915 --> 00:27:32,315 THE NEW YORK SCHOOL FOR THE 716 00:27:32,450 --> 00:27:36,386 HARD-OF-HEARING, GARRETT MORRIS. 717 00:27:36,521 --> 00:27:38,288 THE TOP STORY TONIGHT... 718 00:27:38,422 --> 00:27:40,323 THE TOP STORY TONIGHT... THE 719 00:27:40,458 --> 00:27:42,192 WHITE HOUSE HAS RELEASED ITS 720 00:27:42,326 --> 00:27:43,827 LATEST ENEMIES LIST, THE 721 00:27:43,962 --> 00:27:46,296 NEW YORK TELEPHONE DIRECTORY! 722 00:27:46,430 --> 00:27:48,132 GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT 723 00:27:48,266 --> 00:27:50,067 TOMORROW! 724 00:27:59,677 --> 00:28:06,628 [French accent] IT IS NOT EASY BEING CATHERINE DENEUVE. OH, YOU ARE SURPRISED? 725 00:28:06,652 --> 00:28:08,396 EASY BEING CATHERINE DENEUVE. OH, YOU ARE SURPRISED? YOU THINK IT'S A FUNNY JOKE TO 726 00:28:08,420 --> 00:28:10,164 OH, YOU ARE SURPRISED? YOU THINK IT'S A FUNNY JOKE TO BE A BIG MOVIE STAR WHO IS SO 727 00:28:10,188 --> 00:28:11,332 YOU THINK IT'S A FUNNY JOKE TO BE A BIG MOVIE STAR WHO IS SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME, 728 00:28:11,356 --> 00:28:12,500 BE A BIG MOVIE STAR WHO IS SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME, CATHERINE DENEUVE? 729 00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:13,034 BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME, CATHERINE DENEUVE? HA HA! 730 00:28:13,058 --> 00:28:14,803 CATHERINE DENEUVE? HA HA! YOU DO NOT KNOW THE ALL OF IT, 731 00:28:14,827 --> 00:28:15,570 HA HA! YOU DO NOT KNOW THE ALL OF IT, MY FRIEND. 732 00:28:15,594 --> 00:28:17,672 YOU DO NOT KNOW THE ALL OF IT, MY FRIEND. THE ACTING, IT IS LIKE FALLING 733 00:28:17,696 --> 00:28:18,640 MY FRIEND. THE ACTING, IT IS LIKE FALLING OFF A TREE. 734 00:28:18,664 --> 00:28:20,608 THE ACTING, IT IS LIKE FALLING OFF A TREE. I LOOK LIKE THIS, AND THEN I 735 00:28:20,632 --> 00:28:22,777 OFF A TREE. I LOOK LIKE THIS, AND THEN I LOOK LIKE THIS, AND THEN, POOF, 736 00:28:22,801 --> 00:28:24,946 I LOOK LIKE THIS, AND THEN I LOOK LIKE THIS, AND THEN, POOF, WE ARE FINISHED WITH THE ACTING. 737 00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:27,715 LOOK LIKE THIS, AND THEN, POOF, WE ARE FINISHED WITH THE ACTING. BUT TO BE CATHERINE DENEUVE, HA, 738 00:28:27,739 --> 00:28:28,950 WE ARE FINISHED WITH THE ACTING. BUT TO BE CATHERINE DENEUVE, HA, THAT IS DIFFERENT. 739 00:28:28,974 --> 00:28:30,752 BUT TO BE CATHERINE DENEUVE, HA, THAT IS DIFFERENT. I MUST TO GET UP EARLY IN THE 740 00:28:30,776 --> 00:28:32,420 THAT IS DIFFERENT. I MUST TO GET UP EARLY IN THE MORNING EVEN IF I WAS TO A 741 00:28:32,444 --> 00:28:34,388 I MUST TO GET UP EARLY IN THE MORNING EVEN IF I WAS TO A PARTY WITH OMAR SHARIF THE NIGHT 742 00:28:34,412 --> 00:28:35,690 MORNING EVEN IF I WAS TO A PARTY WITH OMAR SHARIF THE NIGHT BEFORE. 743 00:28:35,714 --> 00:28:37,559 PARTY WITH OMAR SHARIF THE NIGHT BEFORE. AND I MUST TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED 744 00:28:37,583 --> 00:28:39,494 BEFORE. AND I MUST TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED FOR VOGUE MAGAZINE, AND I MUST 745 00:28:39,518 --> 00:28:41,362 AND I MUST TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED FOR VOGUE MAGAZINE, AND I MUST TO FLY ALL OVER THE WORLD AND 746 00:28:41,386 --> 00:28:42,997 FOR VOGUE MAGAZINE, AND I MUST TO FLY ALL OVER THE WORLD AND STAY IN THE LUXURY HOTEL. 747 00:28:43,021 --> 00:28:44,866 TO FLY ALL OVER THE WORLD AND STAY IN THE LUXURY HOTEL. AND SOMETIME THEY DO NOT EVEN 748 00:28:44,890 --> 00:28:47,201 STAY IN THE LUXURY HOTEL. AND SOMETIME THEY DO NOT EVEN HAVE THE MINERAL WATER. 749 00:28:47,225 --> 00:28:49,871 AND SOMETIME THEY DO NOT EVEN HAVE THE MINERAL WATER. AND ALL THE TIME, I MUST STRIVE 750 00:28:49,895 --> 00:28:52,607 HAVE THE MINERAL WATER. AND ALL THE TIME, I MUST STRIVE TO MAKE THOSE, SO I'M USING A 751 00:28:52,631 --> 00:28:53,575 AND ALL THE TIME, I MUST STRIVE TO MAKE THOSE, SO I'M USING A PERFUME. 752 00:28:53,599 --> 00:28:56,344 TO MAKE THOSE, SO I'M USING A PERFUME. MY FRIENDS... 753 00:28:56,368 --> 00:28:57,812 PERFUME. MY FRIENDS... I CAN'T STAND TO BE 754 00:28:57,836 --> 00:29:00,303 MY FRIENDS... I CAN'T STAND TO BE CATHERINE DENEUVE. 755 00:29:11,215 --> 00:29:14,629 [Normal voice] BOYS AND GIRLS, THIS IS A MAN THAT I LOVE VERY MUCH. 756 00:29:14,653 --> 00:29:16,230 THIS IS A MAN THAT I LOVE VERY MUCH. THE WORD "GENIUS" COMES TO MIND, 757 00:29:16,254 --> 00:29:17,699 MUCH. THE WORD "GENIUS" COMES TO MIND, BUT I WILL LET YOU DECIDE FOR 758 00:29:17,723 --> 00:29:18,399 THE WORD "GENIUS" COMES TO MIND, BUT I WILL LET YOU DECIDE FOR YOURSELVES. 759 00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:20,034 BUT I WILL LET YOU DECIDE FOR YOURSELVES. ANDY KAUFMAN. 760 00:29:20,058 --> 00:29:21,992 YOURSELVES. ANDY KAUFMAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 761 00:29:33,872 --> 00:29:39,588 [Foreign accent] IT WAS THREE PEOPLE. AND THEY CARRIED THE BIGGEST 762 00:29:39,612 --> 00:29:43,224 THREE PEOPLE. AND THEY CARRIED THE BIGGEST CANNON IN THE WORLD TO SPAIN. 763 00:29:43,248 --> 00:29:46,628 AND THEY CARRIED THE BIGGEST CANNON IN THE WORLD TO SPAIN. SO, IT WAS TWO BOYS AND ONE 764 00:29:46,652 --> 00:29:47,529 CANNON IN THE WORLD TO SPAIN. SO, IT WAS TWO BOYS AND ONE GIRL. 765 00:29:47,553 --> 00:29:50,532 SO, IT WAS TWO BOYS AND ONE GIRL. AND THEY CARRYING THE... THE 766 00:29:50,556 --> 00:29:53,502 GIRL. AND THEY CARRYING THE... THE CANNON, EH, TO THE HIGHEST 767 00:29:53,526 --> 00:29:56,538 AND THEY CARRYING THE... THE CANNON, EH, TO THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN IN SPAIN. 768 00:29:56,562 --> 00:29:58,673 CANNON, EH, TO THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN IN SPAIN. SO, THE FIRST BOY, YOU KNOW... 769 00:29:58,697 --> 00:30:00,775 MOUNTAIN IN SPAIN. SO, THE FIRST BOY, YOU KNOW... THEY... THEY ARE ON TOP OF THE 770 00:30:00,799 --> 00:30:03,244 SO, THE FIRST BOY, YOU KNOW... THEY... THEY ARE ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN... AND THE FIRST BOY, 771 00:30:03,268 --> 00:30:06,515 THEY... THEY ARE ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN... AND THE FIRST BOY, HE POINT THE CANNON TO THIS 772 00:30:06,539 --> 00:30:08,349 MOUNTAIN... AND THE FIRST BOY, HE POINT THE CANNON TO THIS CASTLE. 773 00:30:08,373 --> 00:30:13,221 HE POINT THE CANNON TO THIS CASTLE. AND SO, SO, SO, SO, HE, SO, 774 00:30:13,245 --> 00:30:15,223 CASTLE. AND SO, SO, SO, SO, HE, SO, HE... HE SAY TO THE SECOND 775 00:30:15,247 --> 00:30:17,592 AND SO, SO, SO, SO, HE, SO, HE... HE SAY TO THE SECOND BOY... 776 00:30:17,616 --> 00:30:19,594 HE... HE SAY TO THE SECOND BOY... "ALL RIGHT, HAND ME THE 777 00:30:19,618 --> 00:30:20,795 BOY... "ALL RIGHT, HAND ME THE CANNONBALL." 778 00:30:20,819 --> 00:30:23,031 "ALL RIGHT, HAND ME THE CANNONBALL." AND SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, THE 779 00:30:23,055 --> 00:30:26,167 CANNONBALL." AND SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, THE SECOND BOY, HE SAY, "EHH, I 780 00:30:26,191 --> 00:30:28,136 AND SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, THE SECOND BOY, HE SAY, "EHH, I THOUGHT YOU HAD THEM." 781 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,639 SECOND BOY, HE SAY, "EHH, I THOUGHT YOU HAD THEM." SO, SO, THEN, LISTEN, SO, SO, 782 00:30:30,663 --> 00:30:33,074 THOUGHT YOU HAD THEM." SO, SO, THEN, LISTEN, SO, SO, SO, THE, SO, LISTEN, SO, SO, 783 00:30:33,098 --> 00:30:36,444 SO, SO, THEN, LISTEN, SO, SO, SO, THE, SO, LISTEN, SO, SO, THEY BOTH TURN TO THE GIRL. 784 00:30:36,468 --> 00:30:41,850 SO, THE, SO, LISTEN, SO, SO, THEY BOTH TURN TO THE GIRL. AND SHE SAY, "DON'T LOOK AT ME." 785 00:30:41,874 --> 00:30:43,618 THEY BOTH TURN TO THE GIRL. AND SHE SAY, "DON'T LOOK AT ME." YOU KNOW, BECAUSE, EH, THEY 786 00:30:43,642 --> 00:30:44,719 AND SHE SAY, "DON'T LOOK AT ME." YOU KNOW, BECAUSE, EH, THEY COULD NOT SHOOT. 787 00:30:44,743 --> 00:30:46,487 YOU KNOW, BECAUSE, EH, THEY COULD NOT SHOOT. THEY... THEY HAD THE CANNON, 788 00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:48,389 COULD NOT SHOOT. THEY... THEY HAD THE CANNON, BUT THEY COULD NOT... THEY HAVE 789 00:30:48,413 --> 00:30:49,758 THEY... THEY HAD THE CANNON, BUT THEY COULD NOT... THEY HAVE NO CANNONBALL. 790 00:30:49,782 --> 00:30:52,193 BUT THEY COULD NOT... THEY HAVE NO CANNONBALL. THEY COULD NOT SHOOT. 791 00:30:52,217 --> 00:30:55,129 NO CANNONBALL. THEY COULD NOT SHOOT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 792 00:30:55,153 --> 00:30:56,765 THEY COULD NOT SHOOT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 793 00:30:56,789 --> 00:30:59,149 DO YOU UNDERSTAND? THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 794 00:31:05,897 --> 00:31:13,897 RIGHT NOW, I WOULD LIKE TO DO FOR YOU SOME IMITATIONS. SO, FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO 795 00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:23,792 FOR YOU SOME IMITATIONS. SO, FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO IMITATE ARCHIE BUNKER. 796 00:31:23,816 --> 00:31:27,028 SO, FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO IMITATE ARCHIE BUNKER. YOU STUPID... YOU... YOU ARE SO 797 00:31:27,052 --> 00:31:28,096 IMITATE ARCHIE BUNKER. YOU STUPID... YOU... YOU ARE SO STUPID. 798 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,231 YOU STUPID... YOU... YOU ARE SO STUPID. EVERYBODY'S STUPID. 799 00:31:30,255 --> 00:31:33,101 STUPID. EVERYBODY'S STUPID. GET... GET OUT OF MY CHAIR, 800 00:31:33,125 --> 00:31:34,002 EVERYBODY'S STUPID. GET... GET OUT OF MY CHAIR, MEATHEAD! 801 00:31:34,026 --> 00:31:36,370 GET... GET OUT OF MY CHAIR, MEATHEAD! YOU GO, AND THE... THE DINGBAT 802 00:31:36,394 --> 00:31:38,873 MEATHEAD! YOU GO, AND THE... THE DINGBAT GET INTO THE KITCHEN, MAKING THE 803 00:31:38,897 --> 00:31:40,976 YOU GO, AND THE... THE DINGBAT GET INTO THE KITCHEN, MAKING THE FOOD. 804 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,011 GET INTO THE KITCHEN, MAKING THE FOOD. EVERY... EVERYBODY'S STUPID! 805 00:31:43,035 --> 00:31:44,545 FOOD. EVERY... EVERYBODY'S STUPID! I DON'T LIKE NOBODY! 806 00:31:44,569 --> 00:31:46,982 EVERY... EVERYBODY'S STUPID! I DON'T LIKE NOBODY! IT'S SO STUPID! 807 00:31:47,006 --> 00:31:48,416 I DON'T LIKE NOBODY! IT'S SO STUPID! THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 808 00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:53,722 IT'S SO STUPID! THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 809 00:31:53,746 --> 00:31:57,025 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND NOW... NOW I WOULD LIKE TO 810 00:31:57,049 --> 00:31:59,649 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND NOW... NOW I WOULD LIKE TO IMITATE, EH... 811 00:32:07,025 --> 00:32:08,825 WAIT. 812 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:30,840 I DON'T... EH, I FORGET WHAT... EH... WAIT. 813 00:32:37,890 --> 00:32:41,970 EH... WAIT. WHAT? 814 00:32:41,994 --> 00:32:45,373 WAIT. WHAT? YOU WANT TO SEE ME DANCE? 815 00:32:45,397 --> 00:32:47,042 WHAT? YOU WANT TO SEE ME DANCE? ALL RIGHT. 816 00:32:47,066 --> 00:32:51,212 YOU WANT TO SEE ME DANCE? ALL RIGHT. ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ 817 00:32:51,236 --> 00:32:53,715 ALL RIGHT. ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ I-I CAN, EH, SING. 818 00:32:53,739 --> 00:32:57,652 ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ I-I CAN, EH, SING. ♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪ 819 00:32:57,676 --> 00:32:59,120 I-I CAN, EH, SING. ♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪ ♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪ 820 00:32:59,144 --> 00:32:59,654 ♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪ ♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪ OPERA! 821 00:32:59,678 --> 00:33:00,755 ♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪ OPERA! [High-pitched voice] ♪ LA LA 822 00:33:00,779 --> 00:33:03,224 OPERA! [High-pitched voice] ♪ LA LA LAAA ♪ 823 00:33:03,248 --> 00:33:09,197 [High-pitched voice] ♪ LA LA LAAA ♪ [LAUGHS] 824 00:33:09,221 --> 00:33:11,866 LAAA ♪ [LAUGHS] [Normal voice] I-I-I DON'T 825 00:33:11,890 --> 00:33:13,935 [LAUGHS] [Normal voice] I-I-I DON'T KNOW NOTHING. 826 00:33:13,959 --> 00:33:19,640 [Normal voice] I-I-I DON'T KNOW NOTHING. I... 827 00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:24,112 KNOW NOTHING. I... COULD... COULD WE STOP THE TAPE? 828 00:33:24,136 --> 00:33:28,349 I... COULD... COULD WE STOP THE TAPE? COULD... COULD WE... 829 00:33:28,373 --> 00:33:32,253 COULD... COULD WE STOP THE TAPE? COULD... COULD WE... I THINK... 830 00:33:32,277 --> 00:33:34,022 COULD... COULD WE... I THINK... I THINK YOU SHOULD TURN OFF THE 831 00:33:34,046 --> 00:33:36,324 I THINK... I THINK YOU SHOULD TURN OFF THE TV. 832 00:33:36,348 --> 00:33:39,894 I THINK YOU SHOULD TURN OFF THE TV. I... I DON'T KNOW IF... IF YOU 833 00:33:39,918 --> 00:33:44,232 TV. I... I DON'T KNOW IF... IF YOU ARE LAUGHING AT ME OR WITH ME. 834 00:33:44,256 --> 00:33:47,769 I... I DON'T KNOW IF... IF YOU ARE LAUGHING AT ME OR WITH ME. BUT, YOU KNOW, EH, YOU KNOW, 835 00:33:47,793 --> 00:33:52,473 ARE LAUGHING AT ME OR WITH ME. BUT, YOU KNOW, EH, YOU KNOW, I TRYING TO DO MY BEST, AND, EH, 836 00:33:52,497 --> 00:33:54,508 BUT, YOU KNOW, EH, YOU KNOW, I TRYING TO DO MY BEST, AND, EH, I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO, 837 00:33:54,532 --> 00:33:59,447 I TRYING TO DO MY BEST, AND, EH, I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO, BUT... BUT... 838 00:33:59,471 --> 00:34:03,051 I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO, BUT... BUT... I PROMISE THAT, EH, YOU KNOW, IS 839 00:34:03,075 --> 00:34:05,019 BUT... BUT... I PROMISE THAT, EH, YOU KNOW, IS NOTHING I CAN DO BUT PROMISE I 840 00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:06,554 I PROMISE THAT, EH, YOU KNOW, IS NOTHING I CAN DO BUT PROMISE I WILL NOT BE HERE AGAIN. 841 00:34:06,578 --> 00:34:08,156 NOTHING I CAN DO BUT PROMISE I WILL NOT BE HERE AGAIN. [LAUGHTER] 842 00:34:08,180 --> 00:34:10,024 WILL NOT BE HERE AGAIN. [LAUGHTER] WHAT IS SO FUNNY ABOUT THAT... 843 00:34:10,048 --> 00:34:10,558 [LAUGHTER] WHAT IS SO FUNNY ABOUT THAT... THAT? 844 00:34:10,582 --> 00:34:13,128 WHAT IS SO FUNNY ABOUT THAT... THAT? I DON'T... 845 00:34:13,152 --> 00:34:14,495 THAT? I DON'T... [Voice breaking] I DON'T KNOW 846 00:34:14,519 --> 00:34:20,969 I DON'T... [Voice breaking] I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 847 00:34:20,993 --> 00:34:23,238 [Voice breaking] I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. [EXHALES DEEPLY] 848 00:34:23,262 --> 00:34:25,539 WHAT TO DO. [EXHALES DEEPLY] [Sobbing] I TRIED TO DO MY 849 00:34:25,563 --> 00:34:29,043 [EXHALES DEEPLY] [Sobbing] I TRIED TO DO MY BEST. 850 00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,979 [Sobbing] I TRIED TO DO MY BEST. AND THEN I TRIED TO GET YOU TO 851 00:34:31,003 --> 00:34:31,545 BEST. AND THEN I TRIED TO GET YOU TO LAUGH. 852 00:34:31,569 --> 00:34:33,514 AND THEN I TRIED TO GET YOU TO LAUGH. [SQUEAKING SOBS] 853 00:34:33,538 --> 00:34:36,918 LAUGH. [SQUEAKING SOBS] ALL I WANT TO DO IS... 854 00:34:36,942 --> 00:34:38,753 [SQUEAKING SOBS] ALL I WANT TO DO IS... BUT YOU... YOU'RE LAUGHING AT 855 00:34:38,777 --> 00:34:39,453 ALL I WANT TO DO IS... BUT YOU... YOU'RE LAUGHING AT ME, SEE? 856 00:34:39,477 --> 00:34:40,989 BUT YOU... YOU'RE LAUGHING AT ME, SEE? [SQUEAKING SOBS] 857 00:34:41,013 --> 00:34:42,991 ME, SEE? [SQUEAKING SOBS] I WAS ONLY TRYING TO DO MY BEST. 858 00:34:43,015 --> 00:34:44,125 [SQUEAKING SOBS] I WAS ONLY TRYING TO DO MY BEST. [SQUEAKING SOBS] 859 00:34:44,149 --> 00:34:46,261 I WAS ONLY TRYING TO DO MY BEST. [SQUEAKING SOBS] [SOBBING INDISTINCTLY] 860 00:34:46,285 --> 00:34:47,061 [SQUEAKING SOBS] [SOBBING INDISTINCTLY] [SQUEAKING SOBS] 861 00:34:47,085 --> 00:34:48,897 [SOBBING INDISTINCTLY] [SQUEAKING SOBS] [CHANTING INDISTINCTLY] 862 00:34:48,921 --> 00:34:50,098 [SQUEAKING SOBS] [CHANTING INDISTINCTLY] [SQUEAKING SOBS] 863 00:34:50,122 --> 00:34:51,532 [CHANTING INDISTINCTLY] [SQUEAKING SOBS] [CHANTING INDISTINCTLY] 864 00:34:51,556 --> 00:34:52,233 [SQUEAKING SOBS] [CHANTING INDISTINCTLY] [SQUEAKING] 865 00:34:52,257 --> 00:34:53,501 [CHANTING INDISTINCTLY] [SQUEAKING] [CHANTING INDISTINCTLY] 866 00:34:53,525 --> 00:34:54,702 [SQUEAKING] [CHANTING INDISTINCTLY] [AUDIENCE CLAPS IN TIME TO 867 00:34:54,726 --> 00:34:59,540 [CHANTING INDISTINCTLY] [AUDIENCE CLAPS IN TIME TO CHANTING] 868 00:34:59,564 --> 00:35:03,444 [AUDIENCE CLAPS IN TIME TO CHANTING] [SQUEAKING, CHANTING] 869 00:35:03,468 --> 00:35:05,548 [CHANTING] [SQUEAKING, CHANTING] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 870 00:35:22,253 --> 00:35:25,500 CANDY... WHAT, GILDA? NOW I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO 871 00:35:25,524 --> 00:35:27,868 WHAT, GILDA? NOW I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOU BEING SO PRETTY. 872 00:35:27,892 --> 00:35:28,702 NOW I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOU BEING SO PRETTY. OH. 873 00:35:28,726 --> 00:35:31,439 YOU ABOUT YOU BEING SO PRETTY. OH. BECAUSE EVERY TIME I'M WITH A 874 00:35:31,463 --> 00:35:33,007 OH. BECAUSE EVERY TIME I'M WITH A REALLY PRETTY GIRL, PART OF ME 875 00:35:33,031 --> 00:35:34,409 BECAUSE EVERY TIME I'M WITH A REALLY PRETTY GIRL, PART OF ME JUST WANTS TO WAIT ON YOU, 876 00:35:34,433 --> 00:35:35,776 REALLY PRETTY GIRL, PART OF ME JUST WANTS TO WAIT ON YOU, YOU KNOW, LIKE POLISH YOUR 877 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:36,977 JUST WANTS TO WAIT ON YOU, YOU KNOW, LIKE POLISH YOUR EARRINGS OR SOMETHING. 878 00:35:37,001 --> 00:35:38,413 YOU KNOW, LIKE POLISH YOUR EARRINGS OR SOMETHING. BUT ANOTHER PART OF ME JUST 879 00:35:38,437 --> 00:35:40,048 EARRINGS OR SOMETHING. BUT ANOTHER PART OF ME JUST WANTS TO JUST LOOK AT YOUR FACE 880 00:35:40,072 --> 00:35:41,549 BUT ANOTHER PART OF ME JUST WANTS TO JUST LOOK AT YOUR FACE AND FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH 881 00:35:41,573 --> 00:35:42,350 WANTS TO JUST LOOK AT YOUR FACE AND FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT, YOU KNOW? 882 00:35:42,374 --> 00:35:43,918 AND FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT, YOU KNOW? LIKE, I WISH YOU HAD SOMETHING 883 00:35:43,942 --> 00:35:45,319 IT, YOU KNOW? LIKE, I WISH YOU HAD SOMETHING IN YOUR TEETH OR SOMETHING 884 00:35:45,343 --> 00:35:46,754 LIKE, I WISH YOU HAD SOMETHING IN YOUR TEETH OR SOMETHING HANGING OUT OF YOUR NOSE OR 885 00:35:46,778 --> 00:35:47,688 IN YOUR TEETH OR SOMETHING HANGING OUT OF YOUR NOSE OR SOMETHING. 886 00:35:47,712 --> 00:35:49,723 HANGING OUT OF YOUR NOSE OR SOMETHING. REALLY, I DO 'CAUSE WHEN I'M 887 00:35:49,747 --> 00:35:51,792 SOMETHING. REALLY, I DO 'CAUSE WHEN I'M WITH YOU, I FEEL UNFEMININE. 888 00:35:51,816 --> 00:35:52,527 REALLY, I DO 'CAUSE WHEN I'M WITH YOU, I FEEL UNFEMININE. YOU DO? 889 00:35:52,551 --> 00:35:53,561 WITH YOU, I FEEL UNFEMININE. YOU DO? A LITTLE BIT. 890 00:35:53,585 --> 00:35:55,096 YOU DO? A LITTLE BIT. HERE'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO 891 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:55,896 A LITTLE BIT. HERE'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. 892 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:57,665 HERE'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. NOBODY LIKES THE WAY THEY LOOK. 893 00:35:57,689 --> 00:35:59,500 UNDERSTAND. NOBODY LIKES THE WAY THEY LOOK. VERY FEW OF US ARE THAT HEALTHY. 894 00:35:59,524 --> 00:36:01,269 NOBODY LIKES THE WAY THEY LOOK. VERY FEW OF US ARE THAT HEALTHY. SEE, I OPEN VOGUE MAGAZINE, AND 895 00:36:01,293 --> 00:36:02,703 VERY FEW OF US ARE THAT HEALTHY. SEE, I OPEN VOGUE MAGAZINE, AND I FEEL LIKE THIS VIKING. 896 00:36:02,727 --> 00:36:04,439 SEE, I OPEN VOGUE MAGAZINE, AND I FEEL LIKE THIS VIKING. I LOOK AT THESE LITHE WOMEN. 897 00:36:04,463 --> 00:36:06,207 I FEEL LIKE THIS VIKING. I LOOK AT THESE LITHE WOMEN. I THINK, "WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE 898 00:36:06,231 --> 00:36:06,774 I LOOK AT THESE LITHE WOMEN. I THINK, "WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE THEM?" 899 00:36:06,798 --> 00:36:07,908 I THINK, "WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE THEM?" IT'S VERY COMMON. 900 00:36:07,932 --> 00:36:09,544 THEM?" IT'S VERY COMMON. JUST TELL ME SOMETHING. 901 00:36:09,568 --> 00:36:11,412 IT'S VERY COMMON. JUST TELL ME SOMETHING. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A GUY ASK YOU 902 00:36:11,436 --> 00:36:13,081 JUST TELL ME SOMETHING. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A GUY ASK YOU OUT ON A DATE OVER THE PHONE, 903 00:36:13,105 --> 00:36:14,648 HAVE YOU EVER HAD A GUY ASK YOU OUT ON A DATE OVER THE PHONE, AND THEN HE SHOWS UP AT THE 904 00:36:14,672 --> 00:36:16,417 OUT ON A DATE OVER THE PHONE, AND THEN HE SHOWS UP AT THE DOOR, AND HE GOES AWAY, DOESN'T 905 00:36:16,441 --> 00:36:18,052 AND THEN HE SHOWS UP AT THE DOOR, AND HE GOES AWAY, DOESN'T WANT TO TAKE YOU OUT AFTER HE 906 00:36:18,076 --> 00:36:19,387 DOOR, AND HE GOES AWAY, DOESN'T WANT TO TAKE YOU OUT AFTER HE TAKES ONE LOOK AT YOU? 907 00:36:19,411 --> 00:36:19,920 WANT TO TAKE YOU OUT AFTER HE TAKES ONE LOOK AT YOU? NO. 908 00:36:19,944 --> 00:36:20,455 TAKES ONE LOOK AT YOU? NO. OH. 909 00:36:20,479 --> 00:36:22,123 NO. OH. BUT I'VE HAD THEM NOT CALL 910 00:36:22,147 --> 00:36:22,623 OH. BUT I'VE HAD THEM NOT CALL BACK. 911 00:36:22,647 --> 00:36:24,392 BUT I'VE HAD THEM NOT CALL BACK. OH, THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY 912 00:36:24,416 --> 00:36:25,193 BACK. OH, THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE. 913 00:36:25,217 --> 00:36:25,926 OH, THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE. [LAUGHS] 914 00:36:25,950 --> 00:36:27,562 OF MY LIFE. [LAUGHS] WELL, TELL ME WHAT ELSE GOES 915 00:36:27,586 --> 00:36:28,496 [LAUGHS] WELL, TELL ME WHAT ELSE GOES WRONG FOR YOU? 916 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:29,263 WELL, TELL ME WHAT ELSE GOES WRONG FOR YOU? I LOVE IT. 917 00:36:29,287 --> 00:36:30,831 WRONG FOR YOU? I LOVE IT. WELL, HERE'S WHEN I FEEL 918 00:36:30,855 --> 00:36:31,399 I LOVE IT. WELL, HERE'S WHEN I FEEL AWKWARD. 919 00:36:31,423 --> 00:36:33,033 WELL, HERE'S WHEN I FEEL AWKWARD. I FEEL AWKWARD AROUND THESE NEW 920 00:36:33,057 --> 00:36:34,569 AWKWARD. I FEEL AWKWARD AROUND THESE NEW LITTLE SKINNY GUYS, THE LITTLE 921 00:36:34,593 --> 00:36:36,137 I FEEL AWKWARD AROUND THESE NEW LITTLE SKINNY GUYS, THE LITTLE TINY ONES WITH THE BODY SHIRTS 922 00:36:36,161 --> 00:36:37,671 LITTLE SKINNY GUYS, THE LITTLE TINY ONES WITH THE BODY SHIRTS AND THE LONG, SILKY HAIR, THE 923 00:36:37,695 --> 00:36:39,173 TINY ONES WITH THE BODY SHIRTS AND THE LONG, SILKY HAIR, THE ONES YOU COULD BREAK IN HALF. 924 00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:40,741 AND THE LONG, SILKY HAIR, THE ONES YOU COULD BREAK IN HALF. RIGHT, WHEN YOU SIT NEXT TO 925 00:36:40,765 --> 00:36:42,143 ONES YOU COULD BREAK IN HALF. RIGHT, WHEN YOU SIT NEXT TO THEM IN THE BACK OF A CAR, YOU 926 00:36:42,167 --> 00:36:42,743 RIGHT, WHEN YOU SIT NEXT TO THEM IN THE BACK OF A CAR, YOU LOOK DOWN. 927 00:36:42,767 --> 00:36:44,112 THEM IN THE BACK OF A CAR, YOU LOOK DOWN. YOU NOTICE THAT YOUR THIGH IS 928 00:36:44,136 --> 00:36:45,313 LOOK DOWN. YOU NOTICE THAT YOUR THIGH IS TWICE THE SIZE OF THEIRS. 929 00:36:45,337 --> 00:36:47,748 YOU NOTICE THAT YOUR THIGH IS TWICE THE SIZE OF THEIRS. YEAH. 930 00:36:47,772 --> 00:36:49,617 TWICE THE SIZE OF THEIRS. YEAH. 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT USED TO 931 00:36:49,641 --> 00:36:51,419 YEAH. 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT USED TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN 932 00:36:51,443 --> 00:36:53,321 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT USED TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD TO BE REALLY FEMININE. 933 00:36:53,345 --> 00:36:55,189 BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD TO BE REALLY FEMININE. MY GIRLFRIENDS USED TO DRILL ME 934 00:36:55,213 --> 00:36:56,390 THE WORLD TO BE REALLY FEMININE. MY GIRLFRIENDS USED TO DRILL ME ON BEING FEMININE. 935 00:36:56,414 --> 00:36:58,259 MY GIRLFRIENDS USED TO DRILL ME ON BEING FEMININE. AND IT WAS MY... I WAS GOING ON 936 00:36:58,283 --> 00:37:00,094 ON BEING FEMININE. AND IT WAS MY... I WAS GOING ON MY FIRST DATE, AND THEY TOLD ME 937 00:37:00,118 --> 00:37:01,829 AND IT WAS MY... I WAS GOING ON MY FIRST DATE, AND THEY TOLD ME THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, IF 938 00:37:01,853 --> 00:37:03,664 MY FIRST DATE, AND THEY TOLD ME THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, IF YOU'RE REALLY A GIRL, YOU DON'T 939 00:37:03,688 --> 00:37:05,433 THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, IF YOU'RE REALLY A GIRL, YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR FOR YOURSELF OF 940 00:37:05,457 --> 00:37:06,400 YOU'RE REALLY A GIRL, YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR FOR YOURSELF OF THE CAR, RIGHT? 941 00:37:06,424 --> 00:37:08,136 OPEN THE DOOR FOR YOURSELF OF THE CAR, RIGHT? SO THIS GUY TAKES ME OUT, AND WE 942 00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:09,903 THE CAR, RIGHT? SO THIS GUY TAKES ME OUT, AND WE GET TO THE MOVIE, AND WE PULL UP 943 00:37:09,927 --> 00:37:10,671 SO THIS GUY TAKES ME OUT, AND WE GET TO THE MOVIE, AND WE PULL UP IN THE CAR. 944 00:37:10,695 --> 00:37:12,540 GET TO THE MOVIE, AND WE PULL UP IN THE CAR. AND HE GETS OUT OF THE CAR, AND 945 00:37:12,564 --> 00:37:14,175 IN THE CAR. AND HE GETS OUT OF THE CAR, AND I OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT AWAY. 946 00:37:14,199 --> 00:37:14,708 AND HE GETS OUT OF THE CAR, AND I OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT AWAY. YEAH? 947 00:37:14,732 --> 00:37:16,177 I OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT AWAY. YEAH? SO HE'S COMING AROUND, AND I 948 00:37:16,201 --> 00:37:17,678 YEAH? SO HE'S COMING AROUND, AND I GOT TO CLOSE THE CAR DOOR BEFORE 949 00:37:17,702 --> 00:37:19,180 SO HE'S COMING AROUND, AND I GOT TO CLOSE THE CAR DOOR BEFORE HE GETS THERE OR HE'LL THINK I'M 950 00:37:19,204 --> 00:37:20,080 GOT TO CLOSE THE CAR DOOR BEFORE HE GETS THERE OR HE'LL THINK I'M A GUY, YOU KNOW? 951 00:37:20,104 --> 00:37:21,582 HE GETS THERE OR HE'LL THINK I'M A GUY, YOU KNOW? SO I'M TRYING TO CLOSE THE CAR 952 00:37:21,606 --> 00:37:22,016 A GUY, YOU KNOW? SO I'M TRYING TO CLOSE THE CAR DOOR. 953 00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:23,484 SO I'M TRYING TO CLOSE THE CAR DOOR. I DON'T GET IT CLOSED, AND HE 954 00:37:23,508 --> 00:37:24,718 DOOR. I DON'T GET IT CLOSED, AND HE GETS AROUND TO THE SIDE. 955 00:37:24,742 --> 00:37:26,187 I DON'T GET IT CLOSED, AND HE GETS AROUND TO THE SIDE. AND I JUST LOOKED IN HIS FACE 956 00:37:26,211 --> 00:37:28,789 GETS AROUND TO THE SIDE. AND I JUST LOOKED IN HIS FACE AND SAID, "OH, THE CAR'S BROKEN. 957 00:37:28,813 --> 00:37:30,691 AND I JUST LOOKED IN HIS FACE AND SAID, "OH, THE CAR'S BROKEN. THE CAR MUST BE BROKEN OR WE 958 00:37:30,715 --> 00:37:32,326 AND SAID, "OH, THE CAR'S BROKEN. THE CAR MUST BE BROKEN OR WE CRASHED AND SOMETHING." 959 00:37:32,350 --> 00:37:34,328 THE CAR MUST BE BROKEN OR WE CRASHED AND SOMETHING." GILDA, YOU MUSTN'T FALL FOR 960 00:37:34,352 --> 00:37:35,963 CRASHED AND SOMETHING." GILDA, YOU MUSTN'T FALL FOR THIS HYPE ABOUT WHAT IS 961 00:37:35,987 --> 00:37:36,764 GILDA, YOU MUSTN'T FALL FOR THIS HYPE ABOUT WHAT IS FEMININE. 962 00:37:36,788 --> 00:37:38,666 THIS HYPE ABOUT WHAT IS FEMININE. WE ALL REALLY HAVE TO ACCEPT 963 00:37:38,690 --> 00:37:40,134 FEMININE. WE ALL REALLY HAVE TO ACCEPT OURSELVES THE WAY WE ARE, YOU 964 00:37:40,158 --> 00:37:42,703 WE ALL REALLY HAVE TO ACCEPT OURSELVES THE WAY WE ARE, YOU KNOW, AND JUST BE OURSELVES. 965 00:37:42,727 --> 00:37:45,206 OURSELVES THE WAY WE ARE, YOU KNOW, AND JUST BE OURSELVES. DID YOU VOTE FOR E.R.A.? 966 00:37:45,230 --> 00:37:46,707 KNOW, AND JUST BE OURSELVES. DID YOU VOTE FOR E.R.A.? OF COURSE I VOTED FOR E.R.A. 967 00:37:46,731 --> 00:37:47,775 DID YOU VOTE FOR E.R.A.? OF COURSE I VOTED FOR E.R.A. WHAT DID YOU VOTE? 968 00:37:47,799 --> 00:37:48,842 OF COURSE I VOTED FOR E.R.A. WHAT DID YOU VOTE? I VOTED FOR E.R.A. 969 00:37:48,866 --> 00:37:50,110 WHAT DID YOU VOTE? I VOTED FOR E.R.A. HOW COULD YOU NOT? 970 00:37:50,134 --> 00:37:51,212 I VOTED FOR E.R.A. HOW COULD YOU NOT? I DIDN'T GO. 971 00:37:51,236 --> 00:37:52,413 HOW COULD YOU NOT? I DIDN'T GO. YOU DIDN'T GO. 972 00:37:52,437 --> 00:37:54,114 I DIDN'T GO. YOU DIDN'T GO. I WAS WORKING, BUT, YOU 973 00:37:54,138 --> 00:37:54,782 YOU DIDN'T GO. I WAS WORKING, BUT, YOU KNOW... 974 00:37:54,806 --> 00:37:56,150 I WAS WORKING, BUT, YOU KNOW... YOU WERE WORKING. 975 00:37:56,174 --> 00:37:56,850 KNOW... YOU WERE WORKING. YEAH. 976 00:37:56,874 --> 00:37:58,118 YOU WERE WORKING. YEAH. YOU WERE WORKING. 977 00:37:58,142 --> 00:38:00,020 YEAH. YOU WERE WORKING. YOU SEE, BUT COULD YOU REALLY 978 00:38:00,044 --> 00:38:01,889 YOU WERE WORKING. YOU SEE, BUT COULD YOU REALLY GO TO THE BATHROOM WITH A GUY IN 979 00:38:01,913 --> 00:38:03,157 YOU SEE, BUT COULD YOU REALLY GO TO THE BATHROOM WITH A GUY IN THE STALL NEXT TO YOU? 980 00:38:03,181 --> 00:38:04,525 GO TO THE BATHROOM WITH A GUY IN THE STALL NEXT TO YOU? I MEAN, I WOULD REALLY... 981 00:38:04,549 --> 00:38:06,260 THE STALL NEXT TO YOU? I MEAN, I WOULD REALLY... PSYCHOLOGICALLY... SOMEONE WOULD 982 00:38:06,284 --> 00:38:07,828 I MEAN, I WOULD REALLY... PSYCHOLOGICALLY... SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TO RUN THE WATER OR SING 983 00:38:07,852 --> 00:38:09,463 PSYCHOLOGICALLY... SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TO RUN THE WATER OR SING "RAINDROPS ARE FALLING ON YOUR 984 00:38:09,487 --> 00:38:11,432 HAVE TO RUN THE WATER OR SING "RAINDROPS ARE FALLING ON YOUR HEAD" OR SOMETHING FOR ME TO... 985 00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:12,833 "RAINDROPS ARE FALLING ON YOUR HEAD" OR SOMETHING FOR ME TO... I'M BEING STUPID NOW. 986 00:38:12,857 --> 00:38:14,034 HEAD" OR SOMETHING FOR ME TO... I'M BEING STUPID NOW. YEAH, YOU ARE. 987 00:38:14,058 --> 00:38:15,603 I'M BEING STUPID NOW. YEAH, YOU ARE. YOU'RE BEING STUPID LIKE 988 00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:17,805 YEAH, YOU ARE. YOU'RE BEING STUPID LIKE THOUSANDS OF OTHER VOTERS. 989 00:38:17,829 --> 00:38:19,307 YOU'RE BEING STUPID LIKE THOUSANDS OF OTHER VOTERS. GILDA, THAT WAS NOT WHAT E.R.A. 990 00:38:19,331 --> 00:38:19,907 THOUSANDS OF OTHER VOTERS. GILDA, THAT WAS NOT WHAT E.R.A. WAS ABOUT. 991 00:38:19,931 --> 00:38:21,409 GILDA, THAT WAS NOT WHAT E.R.A. WAS ABOUT. THIS WAS A MISCONCEPTION ON THE 992 00:38:21,433 --> 00:38:22,476 WAS ABOUT. THIS WAS A MISCONCEPTION ON THE PART OF THE MEDIA. 993 00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:24,144 THIS WAS A MISCONCEPTION ON THE PART OF THE MEDIA. UM, SEE, EQUALITY DOES NOT MEAN 994 00:38:24,168 --> 00:38:25,479 PART OF THE MEDIA. UM, SEE, EQUALITY DOES NOT MEAN WE HAVE TO BE THE SAME. 995 00:38:25,503 --> 00:38:26,714 UM, SEE, EQUALITY DOES NOT MEAN WE HAVE TO BE THE SAME. WE CAN BE EQUAL AND BE 996 00:38:26,738 --> 00:38:28,316 WE HAVE TO BE THE SAME. WE CAN BE EQUAL AND BE DIFFERENT, LIKE US, YOU KNOW. 997 00:38:28,340 --> 00:38:28,916 WE CAN BE EQUAL AND BE DIFFERENT, LIKE US, YOU KNOW. YEAH. 998 00:38:28,940 --> 00:38:29,584 DIFFERENT, LIKE US, YOU KNOW. YEAH. OKAY. 999 00:38:29,608 --> 00:38:30,718 YEAH. OKAY. YOU'RE OKAY. 1000 00:38:30,742 --> 00:38:32,253 OKAY. YOU'RE OKAY. YOU TOO, GILDA. 1001 00:38:32,277 --> 00:38:33,120 YOU'RE OKAY. YOU TOO, GILDA. OKAY. 1002 00:38:33,144 --> 00:38:34,255 YOU TOO, GILDA. OKAY. OKAY. 1003 00:38:34,279 --> 00:38:36,324 OKAY. OKAY. AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM 1004 00:38:36,348 --> 00:38:37,958 OKAY. AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY 1005 00:38:37,982 --> 00:38:40,702 AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY ALBERT BROOKS. 1006 00:38:44,088 --> 00:38:51,472 ♪ WE'VE GOT A SUPER SEASON ON NBC ♪ ♪ YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT A LOT ♪ 1007 00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:54,575 NBC ♪ ♪ YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT A LOT ♪ EVEN A SUPER SEASON HAS SUPER 1008 00:38:54,599 --> 00:38:55,743 ♪ YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT A LOT ♪ EVEN A SUPER SEASON HAS SUPER FAILURES. 1009 00:38:55,767 --> 00:38:58,445 EVEN A SUPER SEASON HAS SUPER FAILURES. THAT'S WHY AT NBC WE'VE GOT 1010 00:38:58,469 --> 00:39:00,047 FAILURES. THAT'S WHY AT NBC WE'VE GOT SUPER REPLACEMENTS. 1011 00:39:00,071 --> 00:39:02,382 THAT'S WHY AT NBC WE'VE GOT SUPER REPLACEMENTS. HERE ARE JUST A FEW OF THE NEW 1012 00:39:02,406 --> 00:39:05,608 SUPER REPLACEMENTS. HERE ARE JUST A FEW OF THE NEW SHOWS WAITING IN THE WINGS. 1013 00:39:11,414 --> 00:39:18,132 REAL STORIES. REAL PEOPLE. REAL ACTION. 1014 00:39:18,156 --> 00:39:22,503 REAL PEOPLE. REAL ACTION. AND REALITY WAS NEVER LIKE THIS. 1015 00:39:22,527 --> 00:39:24,404 REAL ACTION. AND REALITY WAS NEVER LIKE THIS. AT BEST, I'D SAY YOU HAVE A 1016 00:39:24,428 --> 00:39:25,539 AND REALITY WAS NEVER LIKE THIS. AT BEST, I'D SAY YOU HAVE A YEAR TO LIVE. 1017 00:39:25,563 --> 00:39:26,507 AT BEST, I'D SAY YOU HAVE A YEAR TO LIVE. I KNOW. 1018 00:39:26,531 --> 00:39:28,075 YEAR TO LIVE. I KNOW. I OVERHEARD YOU TELL 1019 00:39:28,099 --> 00:39:29,176 I KNOW. I OVERHEARD YOU TELL DR. FRANKLIN. 1020 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,178 I OVERHEARD YOU TELL DR. FRANKLIN. YOU ALREADY KNEW, AND YOU 1021 00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:33,347 DR. FRANKLIN. YOU ALREADY KNEW, AND YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH THE AGONY OF 1022 00:39:33,371 --> 00:39:34,682 YOU ALREADY KNEW, AND YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH THE AGONY OF TELLING YOU THIS? 1023 00:39:34,706 --> 00:39:36,684 MADE ME GO THROUGH THE AGONY OF TELLING YOU THIS? YOU ARE AN INCONSIDERATE AND 1024 00:39:36,708 --> 00:39:38,085 TELLING YOU THIS? YOU ARE AN INCONSIDERATE AND THOUGHTLESS WOMAN. 1025 00:39:38,109 --> 00:39:39,520 YOU ARE AN INCONSIDERATE AND THOUGHTLESS WOMAN. IF SHE'S IN PAIN, THEN, DAMN 1026 00:39:39,544 --> 00:39:40,721 THOUGHTLESS WOMAN. IF SHE'S IN PAIN, THEN, DAMN IT, DON'T KEEP HER ALIVE. 1027 00:39:40,745 --> 00:39:41,756 IF SHE'S IN PAIN, THEN, DAMN IT, DON'T KEEP HER ALIVE. SHE'S NOT IN PAIN. 1028 00:39:41,780 --> 00:39:43,223 IT, DON'T KEEP HER ALIVE. SHE'S NOT IN PAIN. YOUR WIFE WILL BE FINE UNTIL SHE 1029 00:39:43,247 --> 00:39:43,624 SHE'S NOT IN PAIN. YOUR WIFE WILL BE FINE UNTIL SHE DIES. 1030 00:39:43,648 --> 00:39:45,059 YOUR WIFE WILL BE FINE UNTIL SHE DIES. SHE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO 1031 00:39:45,083 --> 00:39:46,393 DIES. SHE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO LIVE IF SHE'S GONNA DIE LIKE 1032 00:39:46,417 --> 00:39:46,827 SHE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO LIVE IF SHE'S GONNA DIE LIKE THIS. 1033 00:39:46,851 --> 00:39:47,895 LIVE IF SHE'S GONNA DIE LIKE THIS. YOU'RE GONNA DIE, 1034 00:39:47,919 --> 00:39:48,595 THIS. YOU'RE GONNA DIE, MR. ROBERTS. 1035 00:39:48,619 --> 00:39:49,797 YOU'RE GONNA DIE, MR. ROBERTS. YOU'RE ALLOWED TO LIVE. 1036 00:39:49,821 --> 00:39:51,231 MR. ROBERTS. YOU'RE ALLOWED TO LIVE. I'M NOT GONNA DIE WITHIN A 1037 00:39:51,255 --> 00:39:51,999 YOU'RE ALLOWED TO LIVE. I'M NOT GONNA DIE WITHIN A YEAR, DOCTOR. 1038 00:39:52,023 --> 00:39:53,233 I'M NOT GONNA DIE WITHIN A YEAR, DOCTOR. HOW DO YOU KNOW? 1039 00:39:53,257 --> 00:39:54,735 YEAR, DOCTOR. HOW DO YOU KNOW? YOU COULD BE HIT BY A CAR 1040 00:39:54,759 --> 00:39:55,970 HOW DO YOU KNOW? YOU COULD BE HIT BY A CAR DRIVING HOME TODAY. 1041 00:39:55,994 --> 00:39:59,606 YOU COULD BE HIT BY A CAR DRIVING HOME TODAY. I'M NOT GOING HOME TODAY. 1042 00:39:59,630 --> 00:40:00,841 DRIVING HOME TODAY. I'M NOT GOING HOME TODAY. BUT IT'S UNNECESSARY. 1043 00:40:00,865 --> 00:40:02,342 I'M NOT GOING HOME TODAY. BUT IT'S UNNECESSARY. THIS MAN DOES NOT NEED SURGERY. 1044 00:40:02,366 --> 00:40:03,911 BUT IT'S UNNECESSARY. THIS MAN DOES NOT NEED SURGERY. HE'S ALREADY PAID FOR IT, AND 1045 00:40:03,935 --> 00:40:05,279 THIS MAN DOES NOT NEED SURGERY. HE'S ALREADY PAID FOR IT, AND WE'VE ALREADY SPENT THE MONEY. 1046 00:40:05,303 --> 00:40:06,547 HE'S ALREADY PAID FOR IT, AND WE'VE ALREADY SPENT THE MONEY. YOU'RE THE MAN IN CHARGE. 1047 00:40:06,571 --> 00:40:07,815 WE'VE ALREADY SPENT THE MONEY. YOU'RE THE MAN IN CHARGE. IF YOU GO ON VACATION DURING 1048 00:40:07,839 --> 00:40:08,983 YOU'RE THE MAN IN CHARGE. IF YOU GO ON VACATION DURING THIS CRISIS, YOU LOSE THE 1049 00:40:09,007 --> 00:40:10,217 IF YOU GO ON VACATION DURING THIS CRISIS, YOU LOSE THE RESPECT OF EVERY DOCTOR WHO 1050 00:40:10,241 --> 00:40:10,951 THIS CRISIS, YOU LOSE THE RESPECT OF EVERY DOCTOR WHO WORKS FOR YOU. 1051 00:40:10,975 --> 00:40:12,352 RESPECT OF EVERY DOCTOR WHO WORKS FOR YOU. I HAVE WEIGHED THIS DECISION 1052 00:40:12,376 --> 00:40:13,453 WORKS FOR YOU. I HAVE WEIGHED THIS DECISION MOST CAREFULLY. 1053 00:40:13,477 --> 00:40:14,955 I HAVE WEIGHED THIS DECISION MOST CAREFULLY. I'LL SEE YOU IN A WEEK. 1054 00:40:14,979 --> 00:40:16,590 MOST CAREFULLY. I'LL SEE YOU IN A WEEK. YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN LOVE 1055 00:40:16,614 --> 00:40:17,224 I'LL SEE YOU IN A WEEK. YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN LOVE WITH ME. 1056 00:40:17,248 --> 00:40:18,592 YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN LOVE WITH ME. YOU JUST THINK YOU ARE. 1057 00:40:18,616 --> 00:40:20,394 WITH ME. YOU JUST THINK YOU ARE. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, LESLIE. 1058 00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:22,129 YOU JUST THINK YOU ARE. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, LESLIE. PATIENTS THINK THEY'RE IN LOVE 1059 00:40:22,153 --> 00:40:23,698 IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, LESLIE. PATIENTS THINK THEY'RE IN LOVE WITH THEIR DOCTORS. 1060 00:40:23,722 --> 00:40:26,333 PATIENTS THINK THEY'RE IN LOVE WITH THEIR DOCTORS. BUT THEY NEVER REALLY ARE. 1061 00:40:26,357 --> 00:40:27,902 WITH THEIR DOCTORS. BUT THEY NEVER REALLY ARE. THEY SUCK THE DOCTORS INTO 1062 00:40:27,926 --> 00:40:28,903 BUT THEY NEVER REALLY ARE. THEY SUCK THE DOCTORS INTO BELIEVING THEM. 1063 00:40:28,927 --> 00:40:30,705 THEY SUCK THE DOCTORS INTO BELIEVING THEM. THE DOCTORS DO. 1064 00:40:30,729 --> 00:40:33,273 BELIEVING THEM. THE DOCTORS DO. THEN THE DOCTORS GET DUMPED! 1065 00:40:33,297 --> 00:40:36,476 THE DOCTORS DO. THEN THE DOCTORS GET DUMPED! I AM A REGISTERED NURSE, NOT 1066 00:40:36,500 --> 00:40:38,278 THEN THE DOCTORS GET DUMPED! I AM A REGISTERED NURSE, NOT A REGISTERED PROSTITUTE. 1067 00:40:38,302 --> 00:40:39,714 I AM A REGISTERED NURSE, NOT A REGISTERED PROSTITUTE. [SIREN WAILS] 1068 00:40:39,738 --> 00:40:42,249 A REGISTERED PROSTITUTE. [SIREN WAILS] "MEDICAL SEASON"... 9 OUT OF 1069 00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:44,885 [SIREN WAILS] "MEDICAL SEASON"... 9 OUT OF 10 DOCTORS AGREE... IF THIS SHOW 1070 00:40:44,909 --> 00:40:47,154 "MEDICAL SEASON"... 9 OUT OF 10 DOCTORS AGREE... IF THIS SHOW GETS ON THE AIR, WATCH OUT. 1071 00:40:47,178 --> 00:40:50,778 10 DOCTORS AGREE... IF THIS SHOW GETS ON THE AIR, WATCH OUT. IT JUST MIGHT BE HABIT-FORMING. 1072 00:41:06,063 --> 00:41:12,913 THE WILDEST NEW COMEDY YOU'VE EVER SEEN. ON THE RIGHT ARE BOB AND CATHY. 1073 00:41:12,937 --> 00:41:14,181 EVER SEEN. ON THE RIGHT ARE BOB AND CATHY. THEY'RE MARRIED. 1074 00:41:14,205 --> 00:41:16,250 ON THE RIGHT ARE BOB AND CATHY. THEY'RE MARRIED. ON THE LEFT IS SUSAN, CATHY'S 1075 00:41:16,274 --> 00:41:17,184 THEY'RE MARRIED. ON THE LEFT IS SUSAN, CATHY'S BEST FRIEND. 1076 00:41:17,208 --> 00:41:18,853 ON THE LEFT IS SUSAN, CATHY'S BEST FRIEND. THEY ALL LIVE TOGETHER IN 1077 00:41:18,877 --> 00:41:20,721 BEST FRIEND. THEY ALL LIVE TOGETHER IN FASHIONABLE WEST LOS ANGELES. 1078 00:41:20,745 --> 00:41:22,589 THEY ALL LIVE TOGETHER IN FASHIONABLE WEST LOS ANGELES. THIS MAKES FOR A WHOLE LOT OF 1079 00:41:22,613 --> 00:41:25,192 FASHIONABLE WEST LOS ANGELES. THIS MAKES FOR A WHOLE LOT OF FUN, BESIDES MAKING BOB VERY 1080 00:41:25,216 --> 00:41:25,793 THIS MAKES FOR A WHOLE LOT OF FUN, BESIDES MAKING BOB VERY EXCITED! 1081 00:41:25,817 --> 00:41:27,461 FUN, BESIDES MAKING BOB VERY EXCITED! WELL, I THINK WE OUGHT TO DO 1082 00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:29,163 EXCITED! WELL, I THINK WE OUGHT TO DO SOMETHING EXOTIC. 1083 00:41:29,187 --> 00:41:30,597 WELL, I THINK WE OUGHT TO DO SOMETHING EXOTIC. WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND, 1084 00:41:30,621 --> 00:41:31,165 SOMETHING EXOTIC. WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND, DARLING? 1085 00:41:31,189 --> 00:41:32,599 WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND, DARLING? WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE, 1086 00:41:32,623 --> 00:41:34,101 DARLING? WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE, YOU KNOW, WHAT THEY TALK ABOUT 1087 00:41:34,125 --> 00:41:35,035 WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE, YOU KNOW, WHAT THEY TALK ABOUT IN THE MAGAZINES. 1088 00:41:35,059 --> 00:41:36,436 YOU KNOW, WHAT THEY TALK ABOUT IN THE MAGAZINES. THE ONLY MAGAZINES WE GOT 1089 00:41:36,460 --> 00:41:39,606 IN THE MAGAZINES. THE ONLY MAGAZINES WE GOT AROUND HERE IS "TV GUIDE." 1090 00:41:39,630 --> 00:41:41,041 THE ONLY MAGAZINES WE GOT AROUND HERE IS "TV GUIDE." HEY, WHY DON'T WE JOIN A RECORD 1091 00:41:41,065 --> 00:41:43,778 AROUND HERE IS "TV GUIDE." HEY, WHY DON'T WE JOIN A RECORD CLUB? 1092 00:41:43,802 --> 00:41:45,712 HEY, WHY DON'T WE JOIN A RECORD CLUB? COME ON, LET'S ASK HER IN 1093 00:41:45,736 --> 00:41:46,313 CLUB? COME ON, LET'S ASK HER IN HERE. 1094 00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:48,315 COME ON, LET'S ASK HER IN HERE. I DON'T WANT TO ASK HER IN 1095 00:41:48,339 --> 00:41:48,916 HERE. I DON'T WANT TO ASK HER IN HERE. 1096 00:41:48,940 --> 00:41:50,350 I DON'T WANT TO ASK HER IN HERE. I WENT TO COLLEGE WITH HER. 1097 00:41:50,374 --> 00:41:51,952 HERE. I WENT TO COLLEGE WITH HER. SO YOU WENT TO COLLEGE WITH 1098 00:41:51,976 --> 00:41:52,352 I WENT TO COLLEGE WITH HER. SO YOU WENT TO COLLEGE WITH HER. 1099 00:41:52,376 --> 00:41:53,387 SO YOU WENT TO COLLEGE WITH HER. YOU'RE BOTH SMART. 1100 00:41:53,411 --> 00:41:55,055 HER. YOU'RE BOTH SMART. SHE'LL FIND HER WAY IN HERE IN A 1101 00:41:55,079 --> 00:41:58,125 YOU'RE BOTH SMART. SHE'LL FIND HER WAY IN HERE IN A SECOND. 1102 00:41:58,149 --> 00:41:59,894 SHE'LL FIND HER WAY IN HERE IN A SECOND. WHY CAN'T SHE HAVE TWO EGGS LIKE 1103 00:41:59,918 --> 00:42:00,861 SECOND. WHY CAN'T SHE HAVE TWO EGGS LIKE THE REST OF US? 1104 00:42:00,885 --> 00:42:02,429 WHY CAN'T SHE HAVE TWO EGGS LIKE THE REST OF US? WHY DO I HAVE TO MAKE AN ODD 1105 00:42:02,453 --> 00:42:04,064 THE REST OF US? WHY DO I HAVE TO MAKE AN ODD NUMBER OF EGGS EVERY MORNING? 1106 00:42:04,088 --> 00:42:05,599 WHY DO I HAVE TO MAKE AN ODD NUMBER OF EGGS EVERY MORNING? WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO MAKE EGGS 1107 00:42:05,623 --> 00:42:06,400 NUMBER OF EGGS EVERY MORNING? WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO MAKE EGGS EVERY MORNING? 1108 00:42:06,424 --> 00:42:07,768 WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO MAKE EGGS EVERY MORNING? WHY AM I DOING THE COOKING? 1109 00:42:07,792 --> 00:42:11,438 EVERY MORNING? WHY AM I DOING THE COOKING? WHAT IS MY PLACE HERE? 1110 00:42:11,462 --> 00:42:13,107 WHY AM I DOING THE COOKING? WHAT IS MY PLACE HERE? OH, LISTEN, BEFORE I FORGET, 1111 00:42:13,131 --> 00:42:14,775 WHAT IS MY PLACE HERE? OH, LISTEN, BEFORE I FORGET, IF IT'S OKAY, CAN I BORROW YOUR 1112 00:42:14,799 --> 00:42:15,676 OH, LISTEN, BEFORE I FORGET, IF IT'S OKAY, CAN I BORROW YOUR OVERNIGHT BAG? 1113 00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:16,977 IF IT'S OKAY, CAN I BORROW YOUR OVERNIGHT BAG? SURE. IT'S UPSTAIRS. 1114 00:42:17,001 --> 00:42:18,946 OVERNIGHT BAG? SURE. IT'S UPSTAIRS. OVERNIGHT BAG, HUH? 1115 00:42:18,970 --> 00:42:21,048 SURE. IT'S UPSTAIRS. OVERNIGHT BAG, HUH? WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 1116 00:42:21,072 --> 00:42:22,249 OVERNIGHT BAG, HUH? WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHY DO YOU CARE? 1117 00:42:22,273 --> 00:42:23,984 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHY DO YOU CARE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY DO I 1118 00:42:24,008 --> 00:42:24,685 WHY DO YOU CARE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY DO I CARE? 1119 00:42:24,709 --> 00:42:26,287 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY DO I CARE? I'M A HUMAN BEING. 1120 00:42:26,311 --> 00:42:28,122 CARE? I'M A HUMAN BEING. I HAVE FEELINGS. 1121 00:42:28,146 --> 00:42:30,124 I'M A HUMAN BEING. I HAVE FEELINGS. I'M ALSO VERY GOOD IN BED. 1122 00:42:30,148 --> 00:42:31,792 I HAVE FEELINGS. I'M ALSO VERY GOOD IN BED. OH, PLEASE, SUSAN. 1123 00:42:31,816 --> 00:42:33,127 I'M ALSO VERY GOOD IN BED. OH, PLEASE, SUSAN. PLEASE, YOU TWO. 1124 00:42:33,151 --> 00:42:33,894 OH, PLEASE, SUSAN. PLEASE, YOU TWO. PLEASE! 1125 00:42:33,918 --> 00:42:38,498 PLEASE, YOU TWO. PLEASE! LOOK, JAM. 1126 00:42:38,522 --> 00:42:40,267 PLEASE! LOOK, JAM. EVERYBODY'S FANTASY NOW 1127 00:42:40,291 --> 00:42:42,102 LOOK, JAM. EVERYBODY'S FANTASY NOW BECOMES A SITUATION COMEDY. 1128 00:42:42,126 --> 00:42:44,238 EVERYBODY'S FANTASY NOW BECOMES A SITUATION COMEDY. "THE THREE OF US"... IT'S IN THE 1129 00:42:44,262 --> 00:42:47,262 BECOMES A SITUATION COMEDY. "THE THREE OF US"... IT'S IN THE CAN AND WAITING. 1130 00:42:55,939 --> 00:43:02,556 A YOUNG BLACK VETERAN FROM THE VIETNAM WAR RETURNS AND TAKES UP PRACTICE AS A VETERINARIAN IN A 1131 00:43:02,580 --> 00:43:05,492 VIETNAM WAR RETURNS AND TAKES UP PRACTICE AS A VETERINARIAN IN A SMALL SOUTHERN TOWN. 1132 00:43:05,516 --> 00:43:07,061 PRACTICE AS A VETERINARIAN IN A SMALL SOUTHERN TOWN. HE AND HIS FAMILY FIND 1133 00:43:07,085 --> 00:43:08,562 SMALL SOUTHERN TOWN. HE AND HIS FAMILY FIND ACCEPTANCE DIFFICULT. 1134 00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:10,497 HE AND HIS FAMILY FIND ACCEPTANCE DIFFICULT. NOW, HE'S GONNA HAVE TO BE 1135 00:43:10,521 --> 00:43:12,399 ACCEPTANCE DIFFICULT. NOW, HE'S GONNA HAVE TO BE OPERATED ON. 1136 00:43:12,423 --> 00:43:14,134 NOW, HE'S GONNA HAVE TO BE OPERATED ON. QUITE FRANKLY, DUKE DOESN'T WANT 1137 00:43:14,158 --> 00:43:14,969 OPERATED ON. QUITE FRANKLY, DUKE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO DO IT. 1138 00:43:14,993 --> 00:43:16,636 QUITE FRANKLY, DUKE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO DO IT. YOU MEAN, I'M GOOD ENOUGH TO 1139 00:43:16,660 --> 00:43:18,305 YOU TO DO IT. YOU MEAN, I'M GOOD ENOUGH TO BOARD THIS DOG WHILE YOU'RE OUT 1140 00:43:18,329 --> 00:43:20,040 YOU MEAN, I'M GOOD ENOUGH TO BOARD THIS DOG WHILE YOU'RE OUT OF TOWN, BUT I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH 1141 00:43:20,064 --> 00:43:20,607 BOARD THIS DOG WHILE YOU'RE OUT OF TOWN, BUT I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO OPERATE? 1142 00:43:20,631 --> 00:43:21,808 OF TOWN, BUT I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO OPERATE? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING TO 1143 00:43:21,832 --> 00:43:22,109 TO OPERATE? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING TO ME? 1144 00:43:22,133 --> 00:43:23,344 IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING TO ME? WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING 1145 00:43:23,368 --> 00:43:24,811 ME? WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT. 1146 00:43:24,835 --> 00:43:26,513 WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT. IT'S HIS CHOICE. 1147 00:43:26,537 --> 00:43:29,049 TO DO WITH IT. IT'S HIS CHOICE. I'M NOT THE KIND OF VET THAT 1148 00:43:29,073 --> 00:43:31,352 IT'S HIS CHOICE. I'M NOT THE KIND OF VET THAT BELIEVES IN DROWNING CATS... 1149 00:43:31,376 --> 00:43:33,754 I'M NOT THE KIND OF VET THAT BELIEVES IN DROWNING CATS... EXCEPT THE KIND THAT GO AFTER 1150 00:43:33,778 --> 00:43:34,521 BELIEVES IN DROWNING CATS... EXCEPT THE KIND THAT GO AFTER MY WIFE. 1151 00:43:34,545 --> 00:43:36,523 EXCEPT THE KIND THAT GO AFTER MY WIFE. I JUST TAKE CARE OF HER COW. 1152 00:43:36,547 --> 00:43:37,892 MY WIFE. I JUST TAKE CARE OF HER COW. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 1153 00:43:37,916 --> 00:43:38,926 I JUST TAKE CARE OF HER COW. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? THAT'S ALL. 1154 00:43:38,950 --> 00:43:40,961 DO YOU UNDERSTAND? THAT'S ALL. SHE DOESN'T HAVE A COW, 1155 00:43:40,985 --> 00:43:41,929 THAT'S ALL. SHE DOESN'T HAVE A COW, DR. BOWMAN. 1156 00:43:41,953 --> 00:43:43,931 SHE DOESN'T HAVE A COW, DR. BOWMAN. MAYBE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT 1157 00:43:43,955 --> 00:43:45,766 DR. BOWMAN. MAYBE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE. 1158 00:43:45,790 --> 00:43:46,700 MAYBE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE. WHO DO YOU MEAN? 1159 00:43:46,724 --> 00:43:47,434 SOMEBODY ELSE. WHO DO YOU MEAN? MALPRACTICE? 1160 00:43:47,458 --> 00:43:48,369 WHO DO YOU MEAN? MALPRACTICE? THAT'S RIGHT! 1161 00:43:48,393 --> 00:43:49,870 MALPRACTICE? THAT'S RIGHT! HEY, GIVE ME A BREAK, MAN. 1162 00:43:49,894 --> 00:43:51,538 THAT'S RIGHT! HEY, GIVE ME A BREAK, MAN. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PARAKEETS. 1163 00:43:51,562 --> 00:43:53,073 HEY, GIVE ME A BREAK, MAN. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PARAKEETS. STAY AWAY FROM THE SHEEP! 1164 00:43:53,097 --> 00:43:53,840 WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PARAKEETS. STAY AWAY FROM THE SHEEP! YOU GOT IT? 1165 00:43:53,864 --> 00:43:55,442 STAY AWAY FROM THE SHEEP! YOU GOT IT? YOU JUST STAY AWAY FROM THEM! 1166 00:43:55,466 --> 00:43:57,111 YOU GOT IT? YOU JUST STAY AWAY FROM THEM! LAST NIGHT, MARTIN, IN YOUR 1167 00:43:57,135 --> 00:43:58,612 YOU JUST STAY AWAY FROM THEM! LAST NIGHT, MARTIN, IN YOUR SLEEP, YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU 1168 00:43:58,636 --> 00:44:00,047 LAST NIGHT, MARTIN, IN YOUR SLEEP, YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU LOVED ME. 1169 00:44:00,071 --> 00:44:01,949 SLEEP, YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU LOVED ME. YOU KNOW I MEANT IT. 1170 00:44:01,973 --> 00:44:03,217 LOVED ME. YOU KNOW I MEANT IT. WHAT ELSE DID I SAY? 1171 00:44:03,241 --> 00:44:05,119 YOU KNOW I MEANT IT. WHAT ELSE DID I SAY? YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D 1172 00:44:05,143 --> 00:44:06,620 WHAT ELSE DID I SAY? YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D EVER RACE AGAIN, BUT YOU 1173 00:44:06,644 --> 00:44:08,455 YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D EVER RACE AGAIN, BUT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO SHOOT ME. 1174 00:44:08,479 --> 00:44:10,999 EVER RACE AGAIN, BUT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO SHOOT ME. [LAUGHING] 1175 00:44:16,653 --> 00:44:24,653 "BLACK VET"... HE'S COMING YOUR WAY JUST AS FAST AS HE CAN. PLUS THERE'S MORE... 1176 00:44:25,596 --> 00:44:27,942 YOUR WAY JUST AS FAST AS HE CAN. PLUS THERE'S MORE... SPECIALS THE LIKES OF WHICH 1177 00:44:27,966 --> 00:44:29,676 PLUS THERE'S MORE... SPECIALS THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU'VE NEVER SEEN... 1178 00:44:29,700 --> 00:44:32,746 SPECIALS THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU'VE NEVER SEEN... SPECIALS LIKE "TUESDAY NIGHT 1179 00:44:32,770 --> 00:44:33,814 YOU'VE NEVER SEEN... SPECIALS LIKE "TUESDAY NIGHT NIGHTCLUB." 1180 00:44:33,838 --> 00:44:36,250 SPECIALS LIKE "TUESDAY NIGHT NIGHTCLUB." EVERY RANDOM TUESDAY, NBC TAKES 1181 00:44:36,274 --> 00:44:38,752 NIGHTCLUB." EVERY RANDOM TUESDAY, NBC TAKES YOU TO A WORLD-FAMOUS CABARET TO 1182 00:44:38,776 --> 00:44:40,520 EVERY RANDOM TUESDAY, NBC TAKES YOU TO A WORLD-FAMOUS CABARET TO PRESENT THE FINEST IN 1183 00:44:40,544 --> 00:44:45,559 YOU TO A WORLD-FAMOUS CABARET TO PRESENT THE FINEST IN UNDERGROUND ENTERTAINMENT. 1184 00:44:45,583 --> 00:44:47,394 PRESENT THE FINEST IN UNDERGROUND ENTERTAINMENT. AND A NEW PRODUCTION OF 1185 00:44:47,418 --> 00:44:48,695 UNDERGROUND ENTERTAINMENT. AND A NEW PRODUCTION OF ARTHUR MILLER'S 1186 00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:50,931 AND A NEW PRODUCTION OF ARTHUR MILLER'S "DEATH OF A SALESMAN" TOTALLY 1187 00:44:50,955 --> 00:44:52,099 ARTHUR MILLER'S "DEATH OF A SALESMAN" TOTALLY ACTED BY CHILDREN. 1188 00:44:52,123 --> 00:44:53,767 "DEATH OF A SALESMAN" TOTALLY ACTED BY CHILDREN. DO YOU HAVE YOUR GLASSES? 1189 00:44:53,791 --> 00:44:55,302 ACTED BY CHILDREN. DO YOU HAVE YOUR GLASSES? YEAH, I GOT MY GLASSES. 1190 00:44:55,326 --> 00:44:56,670 DO YOU HAVE YOUR GLASSES? YEAH, I GOT MY GLASSES. AND YOUR SACCHARIN? 1191 00:44:56,694 --> 00:44:57,938 YEAH, I GOT MY GLASSES. AND YOUR SACCHARIN? AND MY SACCHARIN. 1192 00:44:57,962 --> 00:44:59,873 AND YOUR SACCHARIN? AND MY SACCHARIN. GOODBYE. I'M LATE. 1193 00:44:59,897 --> 00:45:03,243 AND MY SACCHARIN. GOODBYE. I'M LATE. ALSO A SERIES OF BICENTENNIAL 1194 00:45:03,267 --> 00:45:05,412 GOODBYE. I'M LATE. ALSO A SERIES OF BICENTENNIAL PROGRAMS GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU 1195 00:45:05,436 --> 00:45:07,914 ALSO A SERIES OF BICENTENNIAL PROGRAMS GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU FEEL 200 YEARS OLD. 1196 00:45:07,938 --> 00:45:09,749 PROGRAMS GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU FEEL 200 YEARS OLD. AND COMEDIAN ALBERT BROOKS 1197 00:45:09,773 --> 00:45:11,685 FEEL 200 YEARS OLD. AND COMEDIAN ALBERT BROOKS BREAKS OUT OF HIS LATE-NIGHT 1198 00:45:11,709 --> 00:45:13,520 AND COMEDIAN ALBERT BROOKS BREAKS OUT OF HIS LATE-NIGHT HARNESS, GETS A PRIME-TIME 1199 00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:15,422 BREAKS OUT OF HIS LATE-NIGHT HARNESS, GETS A PRIME-TIME SPECIAL, AND FINALLY GETS A 1200 00:45:15,446 --> 00:45:18,592 HARNESS, GETS A PRIME-TIME SPECIAL, AND FINALLY GETS A CHANCE AT MAKING SOME BIG MONEY. 1201 00:45:18,616 --> 00:45:19,926 SPECIAL, AND FINALLY GETS A CHANCE AT MAKING SOME BIG MONEY. IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE. 1202 00:45:19,950 --> 00:45:21,795 CHANCE AT MAKING SOME BIG MONEY. IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE. AND, GOD WILLING, YOU'RE GONNA 1203 00:45:21,819 --> 00:45:24,379 IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE. AND, GOD WILLING, YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT A LOT! 1204 00:45:37,067 --> 00:45:41,582 GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO "MIDNIGHT PROBE." DENNIS "X" AND ANTHONY "Q" COME 1205 00:45:41,606 --> 00:45:42,983 "MIDNIGHT PROBE." DENNIS "X" AND ANTHONY "Q" COME TO US FROM TEMPERQUAIL, 1206 00:45:43,007 --> 00:45:43,817 DENNIS "X" AND ANTHONY "Q" COME TO US FROM TEMPERQUAIL, NEW ZEALAND. 1207 00:45:43,841 --> 00:45:45,218 TO US FROM TEMPERQUAIL, NEW ZEALAND. BOTH MEN ARE AMERICANS. 1208 00:45:45,242 --> 00:45:46,954 NEW ZEALAND. BOTH MEN ARE AMERICANS. BOTH ARE VIETNAM VETERANS, AND 1209 00:45:46,978 --> 00:45:48,656 BOTH MEN ARE AMERICANS. BOTH ARE VIETNAM VETERANS, AND FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS, THEY 1210 00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:50,490 BOTH ARE VIETNAM VETERANS, AND FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS, THEY HAVE WORKED AS PROFESSIONAL KIWI 1211 00:45:50,514 --> 00:45:51,692 FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS, THEY HAVE WORKED AS PROFESSIONAL KIWI TRAPPERS. 1212 00:45:51,716 --> 00:45:53,694 HAVE WORKED AS PROFESSIONAL KIWI TRAPPERS. GENTLEMEN, NOW, REALLY, WHY THE 1213 00:45:53,718 --> 00:45:54,695 TRAPPERS. GENTLEMEN, NOW, REALLY, WHY THE DARK GLASSES? 1214 00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:56,630 GENTLEMEN, NOW, REALLY, WHY THE DARK GLASSES? WELL, KIWI TRAPPING IN SOME 1215 00:45:56,654 --> 00:45:58,566 DARK GLASSES? WELL, KIWI TRAPPING IN SOME PARTS OF THE WORLD IS ILLEGAL. 1216 00:45:58,590 --> 00:46:00,568 WELL, KIWI TRAPPING IN SOME PARTS OF THE WORLD IS ILLEGAL. WE DON'T LIKE TO ENCOURAGE KIWI 1217 00:46:00,592 --> 00:46:01,501 PARTS OF THE WORLD IS ILLEGAL. WE DON'T LIKE TO ENCOURAGE KIWI BOOTLEGGING. 1218 00:46:01,525 --> 00:46:03,671 WE DON'T LIKE TO ENCOURAGE KIWI BOOTLEGGING. A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE KIWI. 1219 00:46:03,695 --> 00:46:05,673 BOOTLEGGING. A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE KIWI. OH, OKAY, THE BEAST WE'RE 1220 00:46:05,697 --> 00:46:07,675 A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE KIWI. OH, OKAY, THE BEAST WE'RE DEALING WITH, WHICH IS GENUS 1221 00:46:07,699 --> 00:46:09,509 OH, OKAY, THE BEAST WE'RE DEALING WITH, WHICH IS GENUS APTERYX AUSTRALIS, A BIRD 1222 00:46:09,533 --> 00:46:10,744 DEALING WITH, WHICH IS GENUS APTERYX AUSTRALIS, A BIRD INCAPABLE OF FLIGHT. 1223 00:46:10,768 --> 00:46:12,245 APTERYX AUSTRALIS, A BIRD INCAPABLE OF FLIGHT. IT IS CAPABLE OF RANDOMLY 1224 00:46:12,269 --> 00:46:13,914 INCAPABLE OF FLIGHT. IT IS CAPABLE OF RANDOMLY ASSEMBLING ITSELF INTO LARGE 1225 00:46:13,938 --> 00:46:15,549 IT IS CAPABLE OF RANDOMLY ASSEMBLING ITSELF INTO LARGE GROUPS IN VERY SMALL PLACES. 1226 00:46:15,573 --> 00:46:17,217 ASSEMBLING ITSELF INTO LARGE GROUPS IN VERY SMALL PLACES. STANDS ABOUT 10 TO 16 INCHES 1227 00:46:17,241 --> 00:46:19,053 GROUPS IN VERY SMALL PLACES. STANDS ABOUT 10 TO 16 INCHES HIGH AND IS DRABLY COLORED, EATS 1228 00:46:19,077 --> 00:46:19,620 STANDS ABOUT 10 TO 16 INCHES HIGH AND IS DRABLY COLORED, EATS GRUBS. 1229 00:46:19,644 --> 00:46:21,354 HIGH AND IS DRABLY COLORED, EATS GRUBS. WHY TRAP THE KIWI... USEFUL 1230 00:46:21,378 --> 00:46:22,222 GRUBS. WHY TRAP THE KIWI... USEFUL BY-PRODUCTS? 1231 00:46:22,246 --> 00:46:23,290 WHY TRAP THE KIWI... USEFUL BY-PRODUCTS? THAT'S RIGHT. 1232 00:46:23,314 --> 00:46:25,158 BY-PRODUCTS? THAT'S RIGHT. THEIR CROWN FEATHERS ARE PLUCKED 1233 00:46:25,182 --> 00:46:26,860 THAT'S RIGHT. THEIR CROWN FEATHERS ARE PLUCKED AND FITTED AS GRIT FILTERS ON 1234 00:46:26,884 --> 00:46:28,629 THEIR CROWN FEATHERS ARE PLUCKED AND FITTED AS GRIT FILTERS ON THE HYDROELECTRIC PRESSES USED 1235 00:46:28,653 --> 00:46:30,497 AND FITTED AS GRIT FILTERS ON THE HYDROELECTRIC PRESSES USED TO PUNCH OUT BULLDOZER BLADES IN 1236 00:46:30,521 --> 00:46:32,099 THE HYDROELECTRIC PRESSES USED TO PUNCH OUT BULLDOZER BLADES IN AUSTRALIA'S HEAVY-EQUIPMENT 1237 00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:32,800 TO PUNCH OUT BULLDOZER BLADES IN AUSTRALIA'S HEAVY-EQUIPMENT INDUSTRY. 1238 00:46:32,824 --> 00:46:34,334 AUSTRALIA'S HEAVY-EQUIPMENT INDUSTRY. UH-HUH. 1239 00:46:34,358 --> 00:46:36,269 INDUSTRY. UH-HUH. KIWI TRAPPING... HOW DANGEROUS? 1240 00:46:36,293 --> 00:46:38,205 UH-HUH. KIWI TRAPPING... HOW DANGEROUS? IF A HELMET IS WORN, NOT AT 1241 00:46:38,229 --> 00:46:40,273 KIWI TRAPPING... HOW DANGEROUS? IF A HELMET IS WORN, NOT AT ALL... PROPER HEADGEAR, MITTS. 1242 00:46:40,297 --> 00:46:41,308 IF A HELMET IS WORN, NOT AT ALL... PROPER HEADGEAR, MITTS. UH-HUH. 1243 00:46:41,332 --> 00:46:43,911 ALL... PROPER HEADGEAR, MITTS. UH-HUH. KIWI CAPABILITY... NOTEWORTHY OR 1244 00:46:43,935 --> 00:46:45,012 UH-HUH. KIWI CAPABILITY... NOTEWORTHY OR NEGLIGIBLE? 1245 00:46:45,036 --> 00:46:46,446 KIWI CAPABILITY... NOTEWORTHY OR NEGLIGIBLE? TOUGH TO TRACK? 1246 00:46:46,470 --> 00:46:47,948 NEGLIGIBLE? TOUGH TO TRACK? I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, 1247 00:46:47,972 --> 00:46:49,416 TOUGH TO TRACK? I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, SISTER. 1248 00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:50,951 I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, SISTER. THEY DON'T COME WHEN THEY'RE 1249 00:46:50,975 --> 00:46:51,518 SISTER. THEY DON'T COME WHEN THEY'RE CALLED. 1250 00:46:51,542 --> 00:46:54,554 THEY DON'T COME WHEN THEY'RE CALLED. [CHUCKLES] 1251 00:46:54,578 --> 00:46:56,023 CALLED. [CHUCKLES] YEAH. 1252 00:46:56,047 --> 00:46:57,591 [CHUCKLES] YEAH. NO, BUT THEY'RE FAST. 1253 00:46:57,615 --> 00:46:58,792 YEAH. NO, BUT THEY'RE FAST. THEY'RE TOUCHY. 1254 00:46:58,816 --> 00:47:00,494 NO, BUT THEY'RE FAST. THEY'RE TOUCHY. IF THEY WERE A LITTLE HEAVIER, A 1255 00:47:00,518 --> 00:47:02,162 THEY'RE TOUCHY. IF THEY WERE A LITTLE HEAVIER, A LITTLE TALLER, A LITTLE BROADER 1256 00:47:02,186 --> 00:47:03,864 IF THEY WERE A LITTLE HEAVIER, A LITTLE TALLER, A LITTLE BROADER IN THE WING, THEY COULD PROBABLY 1257 00:47:03,888 --> 00:47:05,032 LITTLE TALLER, A LITTLE BROADER IN THE WING, THEY COULD PROBABLY DROP ME IN A FIGHT. 1258 00:47:05,056 --> 00:47:06,566 IN THE WING, THEY COULD PROBABLY DROP ME IN A FIGHT. IT COULD BE A BAD BIRD, 1259 00:47:06,590 --> 00:47:07,134 DROP ME IN A FIGHT. IT COULD BE A BAD BIRD, SISTER. 1260 00:47:07,158 --> 00:47:08,168 IT COULD BE A BAD BIRD, SISTER. LET ME TELL YOU. 1261 00:47:08,192 --> 00:47:09,970 SISTER. LET ME TELL YOU. DENNIS HAS PERSONALLY HANDLED 1262 00:47:09,994 --> 00:47:11,905 LET ME TELL YOU. DENNIS HAS PERSONALLY HANDLED THOUSANDS OF THESE BIRDS. 1263 00:47:11,929 --> 00:47:13,573 DENNIS HAS PERSONALLY HANDLED THOUSANDS OF THESE BIRDS. IT'S LIKE SOMETIMES THEY 1264 00:47:13,597 --> 00:47:15,342 THOUSANDS OF THESE BIRDS. IT'S LIKE SOMETIMES THEY CAN... THEY CAN READ MINDS OR 1265 00:47:15,366 --> 00:47:16,143 IT'S LIKE SOMETIMES THEY CAN... THEY CAN READ MINDS OR SOMETHING. 1266 00:47:16,167 --> 00:47:16,810 CAN... THEY CAN READ MINDS OR SOMETHING. YES. 1267 00:47:16,834 --> 00:47:18,812 SOMETHING. YES. SEE, WE'VE LEARNED THAT SLEEPING 1268 00:47:18,836 --> 00:47:21,181 YES. SEE, WE'VE LEARNED THAT SLEEPING WITH 30 OR MORE STATIONARY KIWI 1269 00:47:21,205 --> 00:47:22,716 SEE, WE'VE LEARNED THAT SLEEPING WITH 30 OR MORE STATIONARY KIWI CAUSES NIGHTMARES. 1270 00:47:22,740 --> 00:47:23,550 WITH 30 OR MORE STATIONARY KIWI CAUSES NIGHTMARES. SLEEP WITH THEM? 1271 00:47:23,574 --> 00:47:24,818 CAUSES NIGHTMARES. SLEEP WITH THEM? FORGET ABOUT SLEEPING WITH THEM! 1272 00:47:24,842 --> 00:47:26,053 SLEEP WITH THEM? FORGET ABOUT SLEEPING WITH THEM! 1:00, 2:00 IN THE MORNING, SOME 1273 00:47:26,077 --> 00:47:27,154 FORGET ABOUT SLEEPING WITH THEM! 1:00, 2:00 IN THE MORNING, SOME OF THEM WILL START HOPPING. 1274 00:47:27,178 --> 00:47:28,656 1:00, 2:00 IN THE MORNING, SOME OF THEM WILL START HOPPING. 200, 300 OF THEM HOPPING AROUND, 1275 00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:30,090 OF THEM WILL START HOPPING. 200, 300 OF THEM HOPPING AROUND, ZIGZAGGING AN AREA OF 90 SQUARE 1276 00:47:30,114 --> 00:47:31,458 200, 300 OF THEM HOPPING AROUND, ZIGZAGGING AN AREA OF 90 SQUARE FEET, LEAPING CRAZILY AROUND, 1277 00:47:31,482 --> 00:47:32,760 ZIGZAGGING AN AREA OF 90 SQUARE FEET, LEAPING CRAZILY AROUND, MAKING SHAPES AND PATTERNS. 1278 00:47:32,784 --> 00:47:34,094 FEET, LEAPING CRAZILY AROUND, MAKING SHAPES AND PATTERNS. YOU CAN SEE THESE SHAPES AND 1279 00:47:34,118 --> 00:47:36,229 MAKING SHAPES AND PATTERNS. YOU CAN SEE THESE SHAPES AND PATTERNS LIKE DIAGONALS. 1280 00:47:36,253 --> 00:47:37,998 YOU CAN SEE THESE SHAPES AND PATTERNS LIKE DIAGONALS. IT'S... IT'S JUST LIKE THEY DO 1281 00:47:38,022 --> 00:47:39,366 PATTERNS LIKE DIAGONALS. IT'S... IT'S JUST LIKE THEY DO IT TO HYPNOTIZE YOU OR 1282 00:47:39,390 --> 00:47:40,134 IT'S... IT'S JUST LIKE THEY DO IT TO HYPNOTIZE YOU OR SOMETHING. 1283 00:47:40,158 --> 00:47:41,935 IT TO HYPNOTIZE YOU OR SOMETHING. IT'S LIKE THIS POWER THEY HAVE. 1284 00:47:41,959 --> 00:47:44,538 SOMETHING. IT'S LIKE THIS POWER THEY HAVE. THAT'S RIGHT. 1285 00:47:44,562 --> 00:47:46,807 IT'S LIKE THIS POWER THEY HAVE. THAT'S RIGHT. BUT I'LL SAY THIS FOR THE KIWI. 1286 00:47:46,831 --> 00:47:50,443 THAT'S RIGHT. BUT I'LL SAY THIS FOR THE KIWI. ALONE... NO SWEAT. 1287 00:47:50,467 --> 00:47:52,980 BUT I'LL SAY THIS FOR THE KIWI. ALONE... NO SWEAT. BUT IN FLOCKS, MAN, YOU GOT TO 1288 00:47:53,004 --> 00:47:54,014 ALONE... NO SWEAT. BUT IN FLOCKS, MAN, YOU GOT TO HUSTLE. 1289 00:47:54,038 --> 00:47:55,749 BUT IN FLOCKS, MAN, YOU GOT TO HUSTLE. SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL LIKE 1290 00:47:55,773 --> 00:47:57,651 HUSTLE. SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL LIKE DRILLING HOLES IN THEIR BEAKS 1291 00:47:57,675 --> 00:47:59,452 SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL LIKE DRILLING HOLES IN THEIR BEAKS AND USING THE DAMN BIRDS AS 1292 00:47:59,476 --> 00:48:01,689 DRILLING HOLES IN THEIR BEAKS AND USING THE DAMN BIRDS AS TOOTHBRUSH HOLDERS. 1293 00:48:01,713 --> 00:48:03,190 AND USING THE DAMN BIRDS AS TOOTHBRUSH HOLDERS. BUT YOU LEARN TO LOVE THEM. 1294 00:48:03,214 --> 00:48:04,624 TOOTHBRUSH HOLDERS. BUT YOU LEARN TO LOVE THEM. MOST OF ALL, CANDICE, MOST OF 1295 00:48:04,648 --> 00:48:06,160 BUT YOU LEARN TO LOVE THEM. MOST OF ALL, CANDICE, MOST OF ALL, YOU LEARN TO RESPECT THEM. 1296 00:48:06,184 --> 00:48:07,061 MOST OF ALL, CANDICE, MOST OF ALL, YOU LEARN TO RESPECT THEM. THAT'S RIGHT. 1297 00:48:07,085 --> 00:48:08,095 ALL, YOU LEARN TO RESPECT THEM. THAT'S RIGHT. UH-HUH. I SEE. 1298 00:48:08,119 --> 00:48:09,663 THAT'S RIGHT. UH-HUH. I SEE. WELL, GENTLEMAN, IF YOU WILL, 1299 00:48:09,687 --> 00:48:11,131 UH-HUH. I SEE. WELL, GENTLEMAN, IF YOU WILL, PLEASE, A DEMONSTRATION OF 1300 00:48:11,155 --> 00:48:12,499 WELL, GENTLEMAN, IF YOU WILL, PLEASE, A DEMONSTRATION OF KIWI-TRAPPING TECHNIQUE. 1301 00:48:12,523 --> 00:48:14,068 PLEASE, A DEMONSTRATION OF KIWI-TRAPPING TECHNIQUE. OKAY, DENNIS AND I WILL DO 1302 00:48:14,092 --> 00:48:15,335 KIWI-TRAPPING TECHNIQUE. OKAY, DENNIS AND I WILL DO THE STANDARD HIGH-NOON 1303 00:48:15,359 --> 00:48:16,469 OKAY, DENNIS AND I WILL DO THE STANDARD HIGH-NOON FLUSH-AND-BAG PROCEDURE. 1304 00:48:16,493 --> 00:48:17,771 THE STANDARD HIGH-NOON FLUSH-AND-BAG PROCEDURE. THIS IS THE THE STANDARD 1305 00:48:17,795 --> 00:48:18,872 FLUSH-AND-BAG PROCEDURE. THIS IS THE THE STANDARD HIGH-NOON FLUSH-AND-BAG 1306 00:48:18,896 --> 00:48:19,472 THIS IS THE THE STANDARD HIGH-NOON FLUSH-AND-BAG PROCEDURE. 1307 00:48:19,496 --> 00:48:20,741 HIGH-NOON FLUSH-AND-BAG PROCEDURE. IT'S USED BY MOST TRAPPERS. 1308 00:48:20,765 --> 00:48:22,109 PROCEDURE. IT'S USED BY MOST TRAPPERS. IN IT, WE DO A FLUSHING CHANT. 1309 00:48:22,133 --> 00:48:23,510 IT'S USED BY MOST TRAPPERS. IN IT, WE DO A FLUSHING CHANT. SO IF YOU COULD TURN DOWN YOUR 1310 00:48:23,534 --> 00:48:24,611 IN IT, WE DO A FLUSHING CHANT. SO IF YOU COULD TURN DOWN YOUR MICROPHONES A BIT, MIGHT BE 1311 00:48:24,635 --> 00:48:25,478 SO IF YOU COULD TURN DOWN YOUR MICROPHONES A BIT, MIGHT BE EASIER ON THE STUDIO. 1312 00:48:25,502 --> 00:48:26,747 MICROPHONES A BIT, MIGHT BE EASIER ON THE STUDIO. CANDICE, WOULD YOU STEP RIGHT IN 1313 00:48:26,771 --> 00:48:27,547 EASIER ON THE STUDIO. CANDICE, WOULD YOU STEP RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DESK? 1314 00:48:27,571 --> 00:48:29,249 CANDICE, WOULD YOU STEP RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DESK? THERE. RIGHT HERE. 1315 00:48:29,273 --> 00:48:30,283 FRONT OF THE DESK? THERE. RIGHT HERE. OKAY. 1316 00:48:30,307 --> 00:48:31,351 THERE. RIGHT HERE. OKAY. OKAY. 1317 00:48:31,375 --> 00:48:32,886 OKAY. OKAY. OKAY, READY? 1318 00:48:32,910 --> 00:48:33,887 OKAY. OKAY, READY? Both: [Chanting] KIWI! 1319 00:48:33,911 --> 00:48:35,655 OKAY, READY? Both: [Chanting] KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! 1320 00:48:35,679 --> 00:48:37,424 Both: [Chanting] KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! 1321 00:48:37,448 --> 00:48:39,193 KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! 1322 00:48:39,217 --> 00:48:40,961 KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! 1323 00:48:40,985 --> 00:48:42,462 KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! [Chanting] GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1324 00:48:42,486 --> 00:48:43,430 KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! KIWI! [Chanting] GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1325 00:48:43,454 --> 00:48:45,298 [Chanting] GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! WE GOT YOU! WE GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1326 00:48:45,322 --> 00:48:47,300 GOT YOU! GOT YOU! WE GOT YOU! WE GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU, KIWI! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1327 00:48:47,324 --> 00:48:48,802 WE GOT YOU! WE GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU, KIWI! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU, KIWI! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1328 00:48:48,826 --> 00:48:51,171 GOT YOU, KIWI! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU, KIWI! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1329 00:48:51,195 --> 00:48:53,207 GOT YOU, KIWI! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU, KIWI! GOT YOU! 1330 00:48:53,231 --> 00:48:54,808 GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU, KIWI! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1331 00:48:54,832 --> 00:48:56,409 GOT YOU, KIWI! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1332 00:48:56,433 --> 00:48:58,011 GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1333 00:48:58,035 --> 00:48:59,579 GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1334 00:48:59,603 --> 00:49:01,181 GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1335 00:49:01,205 --> 00:49:02,783 GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1336 00:49:02,807 --> 00:49:04,384 GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1337 00:49:04,408 --> 00:49:06,448 GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU! 1338 00:49:30,733 --> 00:49:34,614 GOOD EVENING. TRANS AMERICAN AIRLINES. YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO 1339 00:49:34,638 --> 00:49:36,049 TRANS AMERICAN AIRLINES. YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO TO YOU, LADY? 1340 00:49:36,073 --> 00:49:38,118 YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO TO YOU, LADY? I'D LIKE TO STICK TACKS IN YOUR 1341 00:49:38,142 --> 00:49:38,685 TO YOU, LADY? I'D LIKE TO STICK TACKS IN YOUR NECK. 1342 00:49:38,709 --> 00:49:40,520 I'D LIKE TO STICK TACKS IN YOUR NECK. AND THEN I'D LIKE TO TAKE A 1343 00:49:40,544 --> 00:49:42,489 NECK. AND THEN I'D LIKE TO TAKE A CHAINSAW AND RUN IT DOWN YOUR 1344 00:49:42,513 --> 00:49:43,123 AND THEN I'D LIKE TO TAKE A CHAINSAW AND RUN IT DOWN YOUR SPINE. 1345 00:49:43,147 --> 00:49:45,125 CHAINSAW AND RUN IT DOWN YOUR SPINE. THEN I'D LIKE TO THROW GARBAGE 1346 00:49:45,149 --> 00:49:47,060 SPINE. THEN I'D LIKE TO THROW GARBAGE AT YOUR FACE. 1347 00:49:47,084 --> 00:49:49,362 THEN I'D LIKE TO THROW GARBAGE AT YOUR FACE. THEN I'D LIKE TO RENT A TRUCK, 1348 00:49:49,386 --> 00:49:51,764 AT YOUR FACE. THEN I'D LIKE TO RENT A TRUCK, FILL IT FULL OF SCRAP METAL, AND 1349 00:49:51,788 --> 00:49:54,468 THEN I'D LIKE TO RENT A TRUCK, FILL IT FULL OF SCRAP METAL, AND PARK IT ON YOUR KNEECAPS. 1350 00:49:54,492 --> 00:49:56,536 FILL IT FULL OF SCRAP METAL, AND PARK IT ON YOUR KNEECAPS. THEN I'D LIKE TO HIT YOU IN THE 1351 00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:58,605 PARK IT ON YOUR KNEECAPS. THEN I'D LIKE TO HIT YOU IN THE LUNGS WITH A SHOVEL, THROW MORE 1352 00:49:58,629 --> 00:50:00,640 THEN I'D LIKE TO HIT YOU IN THE LUNGS WITH A SHOVEL, THROW MORE GARBAGE AT YOUR FACE, AND THEN 1353 00:50:00,664 --> 00:50:02,709 LUNGS WITH A SHOVEL, THROW MORE GARBAGE AT YOUR FACE, AND THEN I'D LIKE TO LOP OFF YOUR THUMBS 1354 00:50:02,733 --> 00:50:04,311 GARBAGE AT YOUR FACE, AND THEN I'D LIKE TO LOP OFF YOUR THUMBS WITH A GRAPEFRUIT KNIFE. 1355 00:50:04,335 --> 00:50:05,678 I'D LIKE TO LOP OFF YOUR THUMBS WITH A GRAPEFRUIT KNIFE. GOODBYE. 1356 00:50:05,702 --> 00:50:06,913 WITH A GRAPEFRUIT KNIFE. GOODBYE. GOODBYE, AND THANK YOU FOR 1357 00:50:06,937 --> 00:50:08,781 GOODBYE. GOODBYE, AND THANK YOU FOR CALLING TRANS AMERICAN. 1358 00:50:08,805 --> 00:50:16,323 GOODBYE, AND THANK YOU FOR CALLING TRANS AMERICAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1359 00:50:16,347 --> 00:50:17,924 CALLING TRANS AMERICAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Announcer: COME WITH US NOW 1360 00:50:17,948 --> 00:50:19,727 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Announcer: COME WITH US NOW FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS OF 1361 00:50:19,751 --> 00:50:21,562 Announcer: COME WITH US NOW FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS OF THE SULFUROUS WASTELAND, FROM 1362 00:50:21,586 --> 00:50:23,163 FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS OF THE SULFUROUS WASTELAND, FROM THE ROTTING FOREST TO THE 1363 00:50:23,187 --> 00:50:25,065 THE SULFUROUS WASTELAND, FROM THE ROTTING FOREST TO THE STAGNANT MUD FLATS, TO THE LAND 1364 00:50:25,089 --> 00:50:27,501 THE ROTTING FOREST TO THE STAGNANT MUD FLATS, TO THE LAND OF GORCH. 1365 00:50:27,525 --> 00:50:29,458 STAGNANT MUD FLATS, TO THE LAND OF GORCH. MMM. 1366 00:50:37,066 --> 00:50:42,616 [SLURPING] [LIPS SMACKING] AHH! 1367 00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:44,985 [LIPS SMACKING] AHH! BOY, THESE GLIGS ARE REALLY 1368 00:50:45,009 --> 00:50:46,953 AHH! BOY, THESE GLIGS ARE REALLY CLAW-LICKING GOOD, YOU KNOW? 1369 00:50:46,977 --> 00:50:48,522 BOY, THESE GLIGS ARE REALLY CLAW-LICKING GOOD, YOU KNOW? MMM. 1370 00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:50,290 CLAW-LICKING GOOD, YOU KNOW? MMM. TELL ME, VAZH, IS THERE ANY MORE 1371 00:50:50,314 --> 00:50:51,392 MMM. TELL ME, VAZH, IS THERE ANY MORE EXTRA-CRISPY LEFT? 1372 00:50:51,416 --> 00:50:52,793 TELL ME, VAZH, IS THERE ANY MORE EXTRA-CRISPY LEFT? OH, NO. 1373 00:50:52,817 --> 00:50:53,827 EXTRA-CRISPY LEFT? OH, NO. NO? 1374 00:50:53,851 --> 00:50:55,562 OH, NO. NO? WHY DIDN'T YOU PREPARE MORE? 1375 00:50:55,586 --> 00:50:57,431 NO? WHY DIDN'T YOU PREPARE MORE? YOU KNOW THAT THE GLIGS ARE MY 1376 00:50:57,455 --> 00:50:58,432 WHY DIDN'T YOU PREPARE MORE? YOU KNOW THAT THE GLIGS ARE MY FAVORITE DISH. 1377 00:50:58,456 --> 00:51:00,200 YOU KNOW THAT THE GLIGS ARE MY FAVORITE DISH. OH, BUT, PLOOBIS, THERE ARE 1378 00:51:00,224 --> 00:51:01,802 FAVORITE DISH. OH, BUT, PLOOBIS, THERE ARE ONLY A PAIR OF THEM LEFT... 1379 00:51:01,826 --> 00:51:03,871 OH, BUT, PLOOBIS, THERE ARE ONLY A PAIR OF THEM LEFT... A MALE AND A FEMALE. 1380 00:51:03,895 --> 00:51:04,605 ONLY A PAIR OF THEM LEFT... A MALE AND A FEMALE. YES. 1381 00:51:04,629 --> 00:51:07,274 A MALE AND A FEMALE. YES. B-BUT I REMEMBER THAT ONCE, 1382 00:51:07,298 --> 00:51:09,109 YES. B-BUT I REMEMBER THAT ONCE, THE PRAIRIES OF GORCH USED TO 1383 00:51:09,133 --> 00:51:12,613 B-BUT I REMEMBER THAT ONCE, THE PRAIRIES OF GORCH USED TO TEEM WITH GREAT FLOCKS OF GLIGS. 1384 00:51:12,637 --> 00:51:14,848 THE PRAIRIES OF GORCH USED TO TEEM WITH GREAT FLOCKS OF GLIGS. I KNOW, BUT WE'VE USED THEM 1385 00:51:14,872 --> 00:51:15,582 TEEM WITH GREAT FLOCKS OF GLIGS. I KNOW, BUT WE'VE USED THEM ALL UP. 1386 00:51:15,606 --> 00:51:16,750 I KNOW, BUT WE'VE USED THEM ALL UP. [GROANS] 1387 00:51:16,774 --> 00:51:18,886 ALL UP. [GROANS] WHAT SHOULD WE DO WITH THE 1388 00:51:18,910 --> 00:51:19,787 [GROANS] WHAT SHOULD WE DO WITH THE LAST TWO? 1389 00:51:19,811 --> 00:51:22,122 WHAT SHOULD WE DO WITH THE LAST TWO? HORS D'OEUVRES OR MAYBE A HAT TO 1390 00:51:22,146 --> 00:51:24,090 LAST TWO? HORS D'OEUVRES OR MAYBE A HAT TO GO WITH MY GLIG-SKIN COAT. 1391 00:51:24,114 --> 00:51:25,459 HORS D'OEUVRES OR MAYBE A HAT TO GO WITH MY GLIG-SKIN COAT. A COAT? 1392 00:51:25,483 --> 00:51:26,326 GO WITH MY GLIG-SKIN COAT. A COAT? NO! 1393 00:51:26,350 --> 00:51:27,093 A COAT? NO! SEE THAT? 1394 00:51:27,117 --> 00:51:28,962 NO! SEE THAT? IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT HAVE 1395 00:51:28,986 --> 00:51:30,964 SEE THAT? IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT HAVE BROUGHT THE GLIG TO THE VERGE OF 1396 00:51:30,988 --> 00:51:31,832 IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT HAVE BROUGHT THE GLIG TO THE VERGE OF EXTINCTION. 1397 00:51:31,856 --> 00:51:34,367 BROUGHT THE GLIG TO THE VERGE OF EXTINCTION. B-BUT, PLOOBIS, YOU GAVE ME 1398 00:51:34,391 --> 00:51:36,169 EXTINCTION. B-BUT, PLOOBIS, YOU GAVE ME THAT COAT, REMEMBER? 1399 00:51:36,193 --> 00:51:38,038 B-BUT, PLOOBIS, YOU GAVE ME THAT COAT, REMEMBER? ON THAT LONG WEEKEND? 1400 00:51:38,062 --> 00:51:41,442 THAT COAT, REMEMBER? ON THAT LONG WEEKEND? OH, YEAH, LISTEN, VAZH, WHY 1401 00:51:41,466 --> 00:51:43,143 ON THAT LONG WEEKEND? OH, YEAH, LISTEN, VAZH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST KEEP THAT WEEKEND 1402 00:51:43,167 --> 00:51:44,711 OH, YEAH, LISTEN, VAZH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST KEEP THAT WEEKEND BETWEEN YOU AND ME, YOU KNOW, 1403 00:51:44,735 --> 00:51:45,145 DON'T YOU JUST KEEP THAT WEEKEND BETWEEN YOU AND ME, YOU KNOW, HUH? 1404 00:51:45,169 --> 00:51:45,913 BETWEEN YOU AND ME, YOU KNOW, HUH? OH, SURE. 1405 00:51:45,937 --> 00:51:46,914 HUH? OH, SURE. PLOOBIS! 1406 00:51:46,938 --> 00:51:48,114 OH, SURE. PLOOBIS! YEAH, YEAH. 1407 00:51:48,138 --> 00:51:49,249 PLOOBIS! YEAH, YEAH. YES, MY DEAR. 1408 00:51:49,273 --> 00:51:51,351 YEAH, YEAH. YES, MY DEAR. WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE? 1409 00:51:51,375 --> 00:51:52,453 YES, MY DEAR. WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE? NOTHING, NOTHING. 1410 00:51:52,477 --> 00:51:53,854 WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE? NOTHING, NOTHING. I WAS JUST [CLEARS THROAT] 1411 00:51:53,878 --> 00:51:55,322 NOTHING, NOTHING. I WAS JUST [CLEARS THROAT] I WAS JUST, UH... I WAS JUST 1412 00:51:55,346 --> 00:51:56,690 I WAS JUST [CLEARS THROAT] I WAS JUST, UH... I WAS JUST GIVING SOME ADVICE TO THE 1413 00:51:56,714 --> 00:51:58,091 I WAS JUST, UH... I WAS JUST GIVING SOME ADVICE TO THE SERVANTS HERE. 1414 00:51:58,115 --> 00:52:00,427 GIVING SOME ADVICE TO THE SERVANTS HERE. VAZH, WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT AND 1415 00:52:00,451 --> 00:52:02,362 SERVANTS HERE. VAZH, WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT AND MILK THE GORKON? 1416 00:52:02,386 --> 00:52:03,263 VAZH, WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT AND MILK THE GORKON? AGAIN? 1417 00:52:03,287 --> 00:52:05,332 MILK THE GORKON? AGAIN? JUST GET ON OUT OF HERE. 1418 00:52:05,356 --> 00:52:06,433 AGAIN? JUST GET ON OUT OF HERE. [CHUCKLES] 1419 00:52:06,457 --> 00:52:08,702 JUST GET ON OUT OF HERE. [CHUCKLES] WELL, DEAR, HOW DO YOU LIKE 1420 00:52:08,726 --> 00:52:10,136 [CHUCKLES] WELL, DEAR, HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW SHOES, HUH? 1421 00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:10,871 WELL, DEAR, HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW SHOES, HUH? HMM? 1422 00:52:10,895 --> 00:52:12,840 MY NEW SHOES, HUH? HMM? AND HANDBAG. 1423 00:52:12,864 --> 00:52:14,140 HMM? AND HANDBAG. WAIT A MINUTE. 1424 00:52:14,164 --> 00:52:16,109 AND HANDBAG. WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'S MADE OUT OF GLIG-SKIN. 1425 00:52:16,133 --> 00:52:16,977 WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'S MADE OUT OF GLIG-SKIN. UH-HUH. 1426 00:52:17,001 --> 00:52:18,745 THAT'S MADE OUT OF GLIG-SKIN. UH-HUH. YEAH. AND THOSE SHOES. 1427 00:52:18,769 --> 00:52:20,246 UH-HUH. YEAH. AND THOSE SHOES. WHY, IT MUST HAVE TAKEN THREE 1428 00:52:20,270 --> 00:52:21,715 YEAH. AND THOSE SHOES. WHY, IT MUST HAVE TAKEN THREE GLIGS FOR THOSE SHOES ALONE. 1429 00:52:21,739 --> 00:52:22,916 WHY, IT MUST HAVE TAKEN THREE GLIGS FOR THOSE SHOES ALONE. WELL, THAT'S RIGHT. 1430 00:52:22,940 --> 00:52:25,151 GLIGS FOR THOSE SHOES ALONE. WELL, THAT'S RIGHT. ONE FOR EACH FOOT. 1431 00:52:25,175 --> 00:52:27,554 WELL, THAT'S RIGHT. ONE FOR EACH FOOT. YEAH. 1432 00:52:27,578 --> 00:52:28,622 ONE FOR EACH FOOT. YEAH. HMM. 1433 00:52:28,646 --> 00:52:30,924 YEAH. HMM. SCRED! SCRED, COME IN HERE. 1434 00:52:30,948 --> 00:52:32,593 HMM. SCRED! SCRED, COME IN HERE. ♪ DON'T ASK ME IF I LOVE 1435 00:52:32,617 --> 00:52:33,093 SCRED! SCRED, COME IN HERE. ♪ DON'T ASK ME IF I LOVE YOU ♪ 1436 00:52:33,117 --> 00:52:35,095 ♪ DON'T ASK ME IF I LOVE YOU ♪ ♪ I'D HAVE TO TELL A LIE ♪ 1437 00:52:35,119 --> 00:52:36,096 YOU ♪ ♪ I'D HAVE TO TELL A LIE ♪ SCRED! 1438 00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:37,163 ♪ I'D HAVE TO TELL A LIE ♪ SCRED! COME HERE. 1439 00:52:37,187 --> 00:52:38,031 SCRED! COME HERE. LISTEN. 1440 00:52:38,055 --> 00:52:40,133 COME HERE. LISTEN. IT HAS COME TO ME THAT THERE ARE 1441 00:52:40,157 --> 00:52:41,902 LISTEN. IT HAS COME TO ME THAT THERE ARE ONLY TWO GLIGS LEFT IN ALL 1442 00:52:41,926 --> 00:52:42,536 IT HAS COME TO ME THAT THERE ARE ONLY TWO GLIGS LEFT IN ALL GORCH. 1443 00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:43,203 ONLY TWO GLIGS LEFT IN ALL GORCH. HMM. 1444 00:52:43,227 --> 00:52:44,471 GORCH. HMM. WHAT DO WE DO? 1445 00:52:44,495 --> 00:52:45,038 HMM. WHAT DO WE DO? HMM. 1446 00:52:45,062 --> 00:52:47,340 WHAT DO WE DO? HMM. HOWS ABOUT WE STUFF 'EM AND PUT 1447 00:52:47,364 --> 00:52:49,510 HMM. HOWS ABOUT WE STUFF 'EM AND PUT 'EM IN THE GORCH MUSEUM, HMM? 1448 00:52:49,534 --> 00:52:50,377 HOWS ABOUT WE STUFF 'EM AND PUT 'EM IN THE GORCH MUSEUM, HMM? SCRED! 1449 00:52:50,401 --> 00:52:52,278 'EM IN THE GORCH MUSEUM, HMM? SCRED! AAH! 1450 00:52:52,302 --> 00:52:54,114 SCRED! AAH! I GUESS NOT, HUH? 1451 00:52:54,138 --> 00:52:57,150 AAH! I GUESS NOT, HUH? NO. WHAT WE DO IS WE ASK THE 1452 00:52:57,174 --> 00:53:01,021 I GUESS NOT, HUH? NO. WHAT WE DO IS WE ASK THE ADVICE OF THE MIGHTY FAVOG. 1453 00:53:01,045 --> 00:53:03,156 NO. WHAT WE DO IS WE ASK THE ADVICE OF THE MIGHTY FAVOG. [GONG BANGS] 1454 00:53:03,180 --> 00:53:07,127 ADVICE OF THE MIGHTY FAVOG. [GONG BANGS] THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG. 1455 00:53:07,151 --> 00:53:09,796 [GONG BANGS] THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG. TALK TA ME. 1456 00:53:09,820 --> 00:53:11,698 THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG. TALK TA ME. OH, MIGHTY FAVOG! 1457 00:53:11,722 --> 00:53:14,701 TALK TA ME. OH, MIGHTY FAVOG! DON'T SHOUT. 1458 00:53:14,725 --> 00:53:16,302 OH, MIGHTY FAVOG! DON'T SHOUT. OH, MIGHTY FAVOG. 1459 00:53:16,326 --> 00:53:18,405 DON'T SHOUT. OH, MIGHTY FAVOG. THAT'S NICE. 1460 00:53:18,429 --> 00:53:20,473 OH, MIGHTY FAVOG. THAT'S NICE. I'VE GOT A PROBLEM. 1461 00:53:20,497 --> 00:53:22,543 THAT'S NICE. I'VE GOT A PROBLEM. BUSINESS, SPORTS, OR 1462 00:53:22,567 --> 00:53:23,644 I'VE GOT A PROBLEM. BUSINESS, SPORTS, OR PERSONAL? 1463 00:53:23,668 --> 00:53:26,013 BUSINESS, SPORTS, OR PERSONAL? UH... SCRED? 1464 00:53:26,037 --> 00:53:27,981 PERSONAL? UH... SCRED? ECOLOGICAL, OH, GRAND 1465 00:53:28,005 --> 00:53:29,850 UH... SCRED? ECOLOGICAL, OH, GRAND POLLUTER. 1466 00:53:29,874 --> 00:53:31,585 ECOLOGICAL, OH, GRAND POLLUTER. IT'S ECOLOGICAL! 1467 00:53:31,609 --> 00:53:32,853 POLLUTER. IT'S ECOLOGICAL! [SNORTS] 1468 00:53:32,877 --> 00:53:34,721 IT'S ECOLOGICAL! [SNORTS] IT'S GONNA COST YA... 1469 00:53:34,745 --> 00:53:37,290 [SNORTS] IT'S GONNA COST YA... TWO CHICKENS AND A GLIG. 1470 00:53:37,314 --> 00:53:38,458 IT'S GONNA COST YA... TWO CHICKENS AND A GLIG. PAY HIM, SCRED. 1471 00:53:38,482 --> 00:53:39,325 TWO CHICKENS AND A GLIG. PAY HIM, SCRED. OH, YEAH. 1472 00:53:39,349 --> 00:53:40,827 PAY HIM, SCRED. OH, YEAH. [HUMMING] 1473 00:53:40,851 --> 00:53:43,564 OH, YEAH. [HUMMING] TWO CHICKENS! 1474 00:53:43,588 --> 00:53:46,667 [HUMMING] TWO CHICKENS! GET IN THERE, YA LITTLE GUYS. 1475 00:53:46,691 --> 00:53:47,834 TWO CHICKENS! GET IN THERE, YA LITTLE GUYS. MM-HMM. 1476 00:53:47,858 --> 00:53:48,569 GET IN THERE, YA LITTLE GUYS. MM-HMM. AND ONE GLIG. 1477 00:53:48,593 --> 00:53:49,903 MM-HMM. AND ONE GLIG. OH, WE DON'T HAVE A GLIG. 1478 00:53:49,927 --> 00:53:50,537 AND ONE GLIG. OH, WE DON'T HAVE A GLIG. LET'S SEE. 1479 00:53:50,561 --> 00:53:51,104 OH, WE DON'T HAVE A GLIG. LET'S SEE. OH, LOOK! 1480 00:53:51,128 --> 00:53:52,138 LET'S SEE. OH, LOOK! AH! THERE, THERE! 1481 00:53:52,162 --> 00:53:53,306 OH, LOOK! AH! THERE, THERE! THERE'S A GLIG! LOOK! 1482 00:53:53,330 --> 00:53:54,207 AH! THERE, THERE! THERE'S A GLIG! LOOK! GET HIM! GET HIM! 1483 00:53:54,231 --> 00:53:55,241 THERE'S A GLIG! LOOK! GET HIM! GET HIM! OH, PLEASE! 1484 00:53:55,265 --> 00:53:56,276 GET HIM! GET HIM! OH, PLEASE! DON'T HURT ME! 1485 00:53:56,300 --> 00:53:57,611 OH, PLEASE! DON'T HURT ME! PLEASE! OH, PLEASE! 1486 00:53:57,635 --> 00:53:58,478 DON'T HURT ME! PLEASE! OH, PLEASE! OH, PLEASE! 1487 00:53:58,502 --> 00:53:59,312 PLEASE! OH, PLEASE! OH, PLEASE! STOP THIS! 1488 00:53:59,336 --> 00:54:00,180 OH, PLEASE! STOP THIS! OH, PLEASE! 1489 00:54:00,204 --> 00:54:03,383 STOP THIS! OH, PLEASE! AAAH! AAAAAAAAH! 1490 00:54:03,407 --> 00:54:07,120 OH, PLEASE! AAAH! AAAAAAAAH! [SPLASH] 1491 00:54:07,144 --> 00:54:10,490 AAAH! AAAAAAAAH! [SPLASH] EMOTIONAL LITTLE DEVIL. 1492 00:54:10,514 --> 00:54:13,560 [SPLASH] EMOTIONAL LITTLE DEVIL. ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? 1493 00:54:13,584 --> 00:54:15,495 EMOTIONAL LITTLE DEVIL. ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? WELL, THE PROBLEM IS THIS. 1494 00:54:15,519 --> 00:54:17,297 ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? WELL, THE PROBLEM IS THIS. YOU SEE, WE ONLY HAVE TWO GLIGS. 1495 00:54:17,321 --> 00:54:19,700 WELL, THE PROBLEM IS THIS. YOU SEE, WE ONLY HAVE TWO GLIGS. MNH-MNH. SIRE, SIRE. 1496 00:54:19,724 --> 00:54:21,768 YOU SEE, WE ONLY HAVE TWO GLIGS. MNH-MNH. SIRE, SIRE. [WHISPERING] 1497 00:54:21,792 --> 00:54:22,936 MNH-MNH. SIRE, SIRE. [WHISPERING] TWO GLIGS... 1498 00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:24,071 [WHISPERING] TWO GLIGS... [WHISPERING] 1499 00:54:24,095 --> 00:54:24,938 TWO GLIGS... [WHISPERING] ONE GLIG... 1500 00:54:24,962 --> 00:54:25,505 [WHISPERING] ONE GLIG... [WHISPERING] 1501 00:54:25,529 --> 00:54:26,740 ONE GLIG... [WHISPERING] FAVOG. 1502 00:54:26,764 --> 00:54:27,307 [WHISPERING] FAVOG. OH. 1503 00:54:27,331 --> 00:54:29,042 FAVOG. OH. MM-HMM. 1504 00:54:29,066 --> 00:54:31,411 OH. MM-HMM. UH... WE ONLY GOT ONE GLIG IN 1505 00:54:31,435 --> 00:54:33,213 MM-HMM. UH... WE ONLY GOT ONE GLIG IN ALL OF GORCH, YOU SEE? 1506 00:54:33,237 --> 00:54:35,448 UH... WE ONLY GOT ONE GLIG IN ALL OF GORCH, YOU SEE? AND THE PROBLEM IS, HOW DO WE 1507 00:54:35,472 --> 00:54:36,783 ALL OF GORCH, YOU SEE? AND THE PROBLEM IS, HOW DO WE GET MORE GLIGS? 1508 00:54:36,807 --> 00:54:38,619 AND THE PROBLEM IS, HOW DO WE GET MORE GLIGS? YOU SHOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING 1509 00:54:38,643 --> 00:54:40,453 GET MORE GLIGS? YOU SHOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING SOONER. 1510 00:54:40,477 --> 00:54:44,024 YOU SHOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING SOONER. ALL RIGHT, TAKE BACK YOUR GLIG. 1511 00:54:44,048 --> 00:54:45,592 SOONER. ALL RIGHT, TAKE BACK YOUR GLIG. THANK GOODNESS! 1512 00:54:45,616 --> 00:54:47,828 ALL RIGHT, TAKE BACK YOUR GLIG. THANK GOODNESS! AHH! COME BACK HERE, YOU! 1513 00:54:47,852 --> 00:54:48,695 THANK GOODNESS! AHH! COME BACK HERE, YOU! OKAY. 1514 00:54:48,719 --> 00:54:51,397 AHH! COME BACK HERE, YOU! OKAY. GO FORTH, BE FRUITFUL, AND 1515 00:54:51,421 --> 00:54:52,599 OKAY. GO FORTH, BE FRUITFUL, AND MULTIPLY! 1516 00:54:52,623 --> 00:54:55,568 GO FORTH, BE FRUITFUL, AND MULTIPLY! I'M COMING, BERNICE! 1517 00:54:55,592 --> 00:54:58,160 MULTIPLY! I'M COMING, BERNICE! [APPLAUSE] 1518 00:55:04,266 --> 00:55:12,266 AND SO THE COW WAS RETURNED TO ITS RIGHTFUL OWNER. [BOTH LAUGH] 1519 00:55:13,944 --> 00:55:15,522 TO ITS RIGHTFUL OWNER. [BOTH LAUGH] YOU KNOW, YOUR MAJESTY, IN 1520 00:55:15,546 --> 00:55:17,089 [BOTH LAUGH] YOU KNOW, YOUR MAJESTY, IN ALL MY TRAVELS, I HAVE SELDOM 1521 00:55:17,113 --> 00:55:18,758 YOU KNOW, YOUR MAJESTY, IN ALL MY TRAVELS, I HAVE SELDOM SEEN A PEOPLE AS HAPPY AS THOSE 1522 00:55:18,782 --> 00:55:20,359 ALL MY TRAVELS, I HAVE SELDOM SEEN A PEOPLE AS HAPPY AS THOSE I'VE MET DURING MY STAY HERE. 1523 00:55:20,383 --> 00:55:23,162 SEEN A PEOPLE AS HAPPY AS THOSE I'VE MET DURING MY STAY HERE. VERY HAPPY, YES, YES. 1524 00:55:23,186 --> 00:55:24,864 I'VE MET DURING MY STAY HERE. VERY HAPPY, YES, YES. THERE IS NO POLITICAL UNREST 1525 00:55:24,888 --> 00:55:26,466 VERY HAPPY, YES, YES. THERE IS NO POLITICAL UNREST IN YOUR COUNTRY, NO RELIGIOUS 1526 00:55:26,490 --> 00:55:27,033 THERE IS NO POLITICAL UNREST IN YOUR COUNTRY, NO RELIGIOUS STRIFE. 1527 00:55:27,057 --> 00:55:28,334 IN YOUR COUNTRY, NO RELIGIOUS STRIFE. YES, YES, VERY, VERY 1528 00:55:28,358 --> 00:55:29,001 STRIFE. YES, YES, VERY, VERY PEACEFUL. 1529 00:55:29,025 --> 00:55:30,069 YES, YES, VERY, VERY PEACEFUL. VERY HAPPY PEOPLE. 1530 00:55:30,093 --> 00:55:31,438 PEACEFUL. VERY HAPPY PEOPLE. ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL? 1531 00:55:31,462 --> 00:55:33,005 VERY HAPPY PEOPLE. ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL? ARE WE ALL SET TO ROLL, JIM? 1532 00:55:33,029 --> 00:55:33,506 ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL? ARE WE ALL SET TO ROLL, JIM? JIM? 1533 00:55:33,530 --> 00:55:34,073 ARE WE ALL SET TO ROLL, JIM? JIM? OKAY. 1534 00:55:34,097 --> 00:55:35,542 JIM? OKAY. WELL, THIS MAY NOT BE THE MOST 1535 00:55:35,566 --> 00:55:36,943 OKAY. WELL, THIS MAY NOT BE THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL INTERVIEW I'VE 1536 00:55:36,967 --> 00:55:38,411 WELL, THIS MAY NOT BE THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL INTERVIEW I'VE EVER DONE, BUT LET'S GIVE IT A 1537 00:55:38,435 --> 00:55:39,345 CONTROVERSIAL INTERVIEW I'VE EVER DONE, BUT LET'S GIVE IT A WHIRL, ALL RIGHT? 1538 00:55:39,369 --> 00:55:39,913 EVER DONE, BUT LET'S GIVE IT A WHIRL, ALL RIGHT? OKAY. 1539 00:55:39,937 --> 00:55:40,447 WHIRL, ALL RIGHT? OKAY. OKAY. 1540 00:55:40,471 --> 00:55:41,180 OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. 1541 00:55:41,204 --> 00:55:42,582 OKAY. OKAY. [CLEARS THROAT] 1542 00:55:42,606 --> 00:55:43,616 OKAY. [CLEARS THROAT] GOOD EVENING. 1543 00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:45,552 [CLEARS THROAT] GOOD EVENING. THIS IS CANDICE BERGEN REPORTING 1544 00:55:45,576 --> 00:55:47,587 GOOD EVENING. THIS IS CANDICE BERGEN REPORTING FROM, UH, ONE OF THOSE LITTLE 1545 00:55:47,611 --> 00:55:48,888 THIS IS CANDICE BERGEN REPORTING FROM, UH, ONE OF THOSE LITTLE THIRD-WORLD COUNTRIES, AND I'M 1546 00:55:48,912 --> 00:55:50,089 FROM, UH, ONE OF THOSE LITTLE THIRD-WORLD COUNTRIES, AND I'M TALKING TO THE RULER OF THAT 1547 00:55:50,113 --> 00:55:51,324 THIRD-WORLD COUNTRIES, AND I'M TALKING TO THE RULER OF THAT COUNTRY, HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS, 1548 00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:54,727 TALKING TO THE RULER OF THAT COUNTRY, HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS, KING... TASAFUKA... [CHUCKLES] 1549 00:55:54,751 --> 00:55:56,295 COUNTRY, HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS, KING... TASAFUKA... [CHUCKLES] LISTEN, I CAN'T PRONOUNCE THIS 1550 00:55:56,319 --> 00:55:56,763 KING... TASAFUKA... [CHUCKLES] LISTEN, I CAN'T PRONOUNCE THIS NAME. 1551 00:55:56,787 --> 00:55:58,097 LISTEN, I CAN'T PRONOUNCE THIS NAME. WHY DON'T I JUST CALL YOU 1552 00:55:58,121 --> 00:56:00,867 NAME. WHY DON'T I JUST CALL YOU RAGHEAD, OKAY? 1553 00:56:00,891 --> 00:56:02,735 WHY DON'T I JUST CALL YOU RAGHEAD, OKAY? I-I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT SPEAK 1554 00:56:02,759 --> 00:56:03,937 RAGHEAD, OKAY? I-I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT SPEAK ENGLISH TOO GOOD. 1555 00:56:03,961 --> 00:56:05,338 I-I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT SPEAK ENGLISH TOO GOOD. WHAT IS THIS RAGHEAD? 1556 00:56:05,362 --> 00:56:06,906 ENGLISH TOO GOOD. WHAT IS THIS RAGHEAD? OF COURSE, I'M SORRY. 1557 00:56:06,930 --> 00:56:08,675 WHAT IS THIS RAGHEAD? OF COURSE, I'M SORRY. NOW, IF YOU PREFER PORKFACE, 1558 00:56:08,699 --> 00:56:10,543 OF COURSE, I'M SORRY. NOW, IF YOU PREFER PORKFACE, THAT'S FINE WITH ME. 1559 00:56:10,567 --> 00:56:11,678 NOW, IF YOU PREFER PORKFACE, THAT'S FINE WITH ME. PORKFACE. 1560 00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:12,979 THAT'S FINE WITH ME. PORKFACE. YES, WONDERFUL. 1561 00:56:13,003 --> 00:56:13,913 PORKFACE. YES, WONDERFUL. PORKFACE. 1562 00:56:13,937 --> 00:56:15,314 YES, WONDERFUL. PORKFACE. YOU KNOW, THAT'S A WONDERFUL 1563 00:56:15,338 --> 00:56:16,248 PORKFACE. YOU KNOW, THAT'S A WONDERFUL TIE YOU HAVE THERE. 1564 00:56:16,272 --> 00:56:17,149 YOU KNOW, THAT'S A WONDERFUL TIE YOU HAVE THERE. IT'S VERY ELEGANT. 1565 00:56:17,173 --> 00:56:18,017 TIE YOU HAVE THERE. IT'S VERY ELEGANT. YOU LIKE THIS? 1566 00:56:18,041 --> 00:56:18,718 IT'S VERY ELEGANT. YOU LIKE THIS? VERY MUCH. 1567 00:56:18,742 --> 00:56:19,953 YOU LIKE THIS? VERY MUCH. OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1568 00:56:19,977 --> 00:56:21,253 VERY MUCH. OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WOULD YOU LIKE A MATCHING 1569 00:56:21,277 --> 00:56:21,955 OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WOULD YOU LIKE A MATCHING HANDKERCHIEF? 1570 00:56:21,979 --> 00:56:22,989 WOULD YOU LIKE A MATCHING HANDKERCHIEF? THAT WOULD BE NICE. 1571 00:56:23,013 --> 00:56:23,857 HANDKERCHIEF? THAT WOULD BE NICE. IT WOULD BE NICE. 1572 00:56:23,881 --> 00:56:27,560 THAT WOULD BE NICE. IT WOULD BE NICE. OKAY. HERE YOU GO. 1573 00:56:27,584 --> 00:56:29,362 IT WOULD BE NICE. OKAY. HERE YOU GO. MATCHING HANDKERCHIEF. 1574 00:56:29,386 --> 00:56:31,498 OKAY. HERE YOU GO. MATCHING HANDKERCHIEF. OH, YOU LOOK LIKE A MILLION 1575 00:56:31,522 --> 00:56:32,231 MATCHING HANDKERCHIEF. OH, YOU LOOK LIKE A MILLION BUCKS. 1576 00:56:32,255 --> 00:56:33,900 OH, YOU LOOK LIKE A MILLION BUCKS. I DO NOT THINK IT LOOK GOOD. 1577 00:56:33,924 --> 00:56:35,568 BUCKS. I DO NOT THINK IT LOOK GOOD. I WOULD RATHER YOU HAD NOT HAVE 1578 00:56:35,592 --> 00:56:36,268 I DO NOT THINK IT LOOK GOOD. I WOULD RATHER YOU HAD NOT HAVE DONE THAT. 1579 00:56:36,292 --> 00:56:37,269 I WOULD RATHER YOU HAD NOT HAVE DONE THAT. NO GOOD, HUH? 1580 00:56:37,293 --> 00:56:38,004 DONE THAT. NO GOOD, HUH? NO GOOD. 1581 00:56:38,028 --> 00:56:39,973 NO GOOD, HUH? NO GOOD. I KNOW... A GOATEE. 1582 00:56:39,997 --> 00:56:41,140 NO GOOD. I KNOW... A GOATEE. DO YOU MIND? 1583 00:56:41,164 --> 00:56:42,942 I KNOW... A GOATEE. DO YOU MIND? WELL, IF YOU MUST. 1584 00:56:42,966 --> 00:56:44,511 DO YOU MIND? WELL, IF YOU MUST. OKAY. A GOATEE. 1585 00:56:44,535 --> 00:56:45,678 WELL, IF YOU MUST. OKAY. A GOATEE. THERE WE GO. 1586 00:56:45,702 --> 00:56:48,581 OKAY. A GOATEE. THERE WE GO. VERY SMART, VERY STYLISH. 1587 00:56:48,605 --> 00:56:50,016 THERE WE GO. VERY SMART, VERY STYLISH. OKAY, HERE'S YOUR PEN BACK. 1588 00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:51,518 VERY SMART, VERY STYLISH. OKAY, HERE'S YOUR PEN BACK. ALLOW ME TO JUST STICK IT UP 1589 00:56:51,542 --> 00:56:57,023 OKAY, HERE'S YOUR PEN BACK. ALLOW ME TO JUST STICK IT UP YOUR NOSE. 1590 00:56:57,047 --> 00:56:58,758 ALLOW ME TO JUST STICK IT UP YOUR NOSE. WHY WOULD YOU THINK I WOULD 1591 00:56:58,782 --> 00:57:01,260 YOUR NOSE. WHY WOULD YOU THINK I WOULD WANT PEN IN NOSE? 1592 00:57:01,284 --> 00:57:02,729 WHY WOULD YOU THINK I WOULD WANT PEN IN NOSE? YOU HAVE BEEN BEING RUDE, I 1593 00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:03,229 WANT PEN IN NOSE? YOU HAVE BEEN BEING RUDE, I THINK. 1594 00:57:03,253 --> 00:57:04,931 YOU HAVE BEEN BEING RUDE, I THINK. YOU KNOW, KING, THIS IS GREAT 1595 00:57:04,955 --> 00:57:05,464 THINK. YOU KNOW, KING, THIS IS GREAT COFFEE. 1596 00:57:05,488 --> 00:57:06,465 YOU KNOW, KING, THIS IS GREAT COFFEE. VERY FULL-BODIED. 1597 00:57:06,489 --> 00:57:07,700 COFFEE. VERY FULL-BODIED. COULD I GIVE YOU SOME? 1598 00:57:07,724 --> 00:57:09,135 VERY FULL-BODIED. COULD I GIVE YOU SOME? I DON'T KNOW. 1599 00:57:09,159 --> 00:57:11,470 COULD I GIVE YOU SOME? I DON'T KNOW. OH, ARE YOU KIDDING? 1600 00:57:11,494 --> 00:57:13,272 I DON'T KNOW. OH, ARE YOU KIDDING? ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU'LL LOVE IT. 1601 00:57:13,296 --> 00:57:13,907 OH, ARE YOU KIDDING? ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU'LL LOVE IT. OKAY. 1602 00:57:13,931 --> 00:57:14,941 ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU'LL LOVE IT. OKAY. OKAY, HERE. 1603 00:57:14,965 --> 00:57:15,808 OKAY. OKAY, HERE. HERE WE GO. 1604 00:57:15,832 --> 00:57:16,676 OKAY, HERE. HERE WE GO. COFFEE. 1605 00:57:16,700 --> 00:57:20,379 HERE WE GO. COFFEE. COFFEE... AAH-GAH-AAH! 1606 00:57:20,403 --> 00:57:23,750 COFFEE. COFFEE... AAH-GAH-AAH! OH, NOW I THINK YOU GO TOO FAR. 1607 00:57:23,774 --> 00:57:25,351 COFFEE... AAH-GAH-AAH! OH, NOW I THINK YOU GO TOO FAR. OH, BY THE WAY, I SENT YOU A 1608 00:57:25,375 --> 00:57:26,318 OH, NOW I THINK YOU GO TOO FAR. OH, BY THE WAY, I SENT YOU A LETTER LAST WEEK. 1609 00:57:26,342 --> 00:57:27,053 OH, BY THE WAY, I SENT YOU A LETTER LAST WEEK. YOU DID? 1610 00:57:27,077 --> 00:57:28,054 LETTER LAST WEEK. YOU DID? I RECEIVED NO SUCH 1611 00:57:28,078 --> 00:57:28,955 YOU DID? I RECEIVED NO SUCH CORRESPONDENCE. 1612 00:57:28,979 --> 00:57:29,822 I RECEIVED NO SUCH CORRESPONDENCE. OH, REALLY? 1613 00:57:29,846 --> 00:57:30,289 CORRESPONDENCE. OH, REALLY? NO. 1614 00:57:30,313 --> 00:57:31,824 OH, REALLY? NO. THAT'S BECAUSE I FORGOT TO 1615 00:57:31,848 --> 00:57:32,425 NO. THAT'S BECAUSE I FORGOT TO STAMP IT. 1616 00:57:32,449 --> 00:57:33,325 THAT'S BECAUSE I FORGOT TO STAMP IT. [FOOT POUNDS] 1617 00:57:33,349 --> 00:57:36,362 STAMP IT. [FOOT POUNDS] AAH! GAH! WAH! 1618 00:57:36,386 --> 00:57:37,296 [FOOT POUNDS] AAH! GAH! WAH! OH, THIS IS IT. 1619 00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:38,898 AAH! GAH! WAH! OH, THIS IS IT. YOU ARE BEGGING FOR A BEATING, 1620 00:57:38,922 --> 00:57:39,666 OH, THIS IS IT. YOU ARE BEGGING FOR A BEATING, FOOLISH ONE. 1621 00:57:39,690 --> 00:57:40,967 YOU ARE BEGGING FOR A BEATING, FOOLISH ONE. THIS INSULT WILL NOT GO 1622 00:57:40,991 --> 00:57:41,701 FOOLISH ONE. THIS INSULT WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED. 1623 00:57:41,725 --> 00:57:43,002 THIS INSULT WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED. BEFORE THE SUN RISES... 1624 00:57:43,026 --> 00:57:44,571 UNPUNISHED. BEFORE THE SUN RISES... PARDON ME FOR INTERRUPTING 1625 00:57:44,595 --> 00:57:44,971 BEFORE THE SUN RISES... PARDON ME FOR INTERRUPTING YOU. 1626 00:57:44,995 --> 00:57:45,538 PARDON ME FOR INTERRUPTING YOU. YES? 1627 00:57:45,562 --> 00:57:46,606 YOU. YES? LISTEN TO THIS. 1628 00:57:46,630 --> 00:57:48,240 YES? LISTEN TO THIS. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MATCH BURN 1629 00:57:48,264 --> 00:57:48,741 LISTEN TO THIS. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MATCH BURN TWICE? 1630 00:57:48,765 --> 00:57:50,276 HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MATCH BURN TWICE? NO, I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS. 1631 00:57:50,300 --> 00:57:52,045 TWICE? NO, I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS. WATCH THIS... ONCE. 1632 00:57:52,069 --> 00:57:53,279 NO, I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS. WATCH THIS... ONCE. OH, ONCE. 1633 00:57:53,303 --> 00:57:53,813 WATCH THIS... ONCE. OH, ONCE. GAH! 1634 00:57:53,837 --> 00:57:54,914 OH, ONCE. GAH! TWICE. 1635 00:57:54,938 --> 00:57:56,816 GAH! TWICE. GAH! 1636 00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:58,651 TWICE. GAH! YOU... YOU HAVE SEALED YOUR 1637 00:57:58,675 --> 00:58:00,519 GAH! YOU... YOU HAVE SEALED YOUR DOOM, DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND 1638 00:58:00,543 --> 00:58:01,220 YOU... YOU HAVE SEALED YOUR DOOM, DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND DEVILS! 1639 00:58:01,244 --> 00:58:02,354 DOOM, DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND DEVILS! PREPARE TO DIE! 1640 00:58:02,378 --> 00:58:03,422 DEVILS! PREPARE TO DIE! GUARDS! 1641 00:58:03,446 --> 00:58:04,457 PREPARE TO DIE! GUARDS! GUARDS! 1642 00:58:04,481 --> 00:58:05,625 GUARDS! GUARDS! TAKE THIS WOMAN OUT. 1643 00:58:05,649 --> 00:58:07,359 GUARDS! TAKE THIS WOMAN OUT. HANG HER AND SHOOT HER AND CHOP 1644 00:58:07,383 --> 00:58:08,995 TAKE THIS WOMAN OUT. HANG HER AND SHOOT HER AND CHOP OFF HER HEAD AND PLACE IT ON A 1645 00:58:09,019 --> 00:58:10,463 HANG HER AND SHOOT HER AND CHOP OFF HER HEAD AND PLACE IT ON A STAKE SO THAT ALL MAY SEE! 1646 00:58:10,487 --> 00:58:12,031 OFF HER HEAD AND PLACE IT ON A STAKE SO THAT ALL MAY SEE! AND SO IT IS OBVIOUS THAT 1647 00:58:12,055 --> 00:58:13,633 STAKE SO THAT ALL MAY SEE! AND SO IT IS OBVIOUS THAT CIVIL LIBERTIES ARE AT AN END 1648 00:58:13,657 --> 00:58:15,201 AND SO IT IS OBVIOUS THAT CIVIL LIBERTIES ARE AT AN END HERE AS A POWER-MAD MONARCH 1649 00:58:15,225 --> 00:58:16,869 CIVIL LIBERTIES ARE AT AN END HERE AS A POWER-MAD MONARCH MUZZLES THE FREE PRESS AND IN 1650 00:58:16,893 --> 00:58:18,471 HERE AS A POWER-MAD MONARCH MUZZLES THE FREE PRESS AND IN DEFIANCE OF ALL INTERNATIONAL 1651 00:58:18,495 --> 00:58:20,139 MUZZLES THE FREE PRESS AND IN DEFIANCE OF ALL INTERNATIONAL LAW HAS EVEN GONE SO FAR AS TO 1652 00:58:20,163 --> 00:58:21,307 DEFIANCE OF ALL INTERNATIONAL LAW HAS EVEN GONE SO FAR AS TO THREATEN ONE FOREIGN 1653 00:58:21,331 --> 00:58:22,742 LAW HAS EVEN GONE SO FAR AS TO THREATEN ONE FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT WITH DEATH. 1654 00:58:22,766 --> 00:58:24,043 THREATEN ONE FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT WITH DEATH. THIS IS CANDICE BERGEN, 1655 00:58:24,067 --> 00:58:25,478 CORRESPONDENT WITH DEATH. THIS IS CANDICE BERGEN, SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDEAST. 1656 00:58:25,502 --> 00:58:27,822 THIS IS CANDICE BERGEN, SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDEAST. [APPLAUSE] 1657 00:58:37,614 --> 00:58:41,360 GOOD EVENING, THIS IS GARRETT MORRIS, AND WELCOME TO "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." 1658 00:58:41,384 --> 00:58:43,296 GARRETT MORRIS, AND WELCOME TO "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." MY GUEST THIS EVENING IS A 1659 00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:45,531 "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." MY GUEST THIS EVENING IS A DISTINGUISHED AUTHORESS WHO HAS 1660 00:58:45,555 --> 00:58:47,767 MY GUEST THIS EVENING IS A DISTINGUISHED AUTHORESS WHO HAS WRITTEN SUCH SCATHING NOVELS AS 1661 00:58:47,791 --> 00:58:49,435 DISTINGUISHED AUTHORESS WHO HAS WRITTEN SUCH SCATHING NOVELS AS "SHARECROPPER '75" AND 1662 00:58:49,459 --> 00:58:51,771 WRITTEN SUCH SCATHING NOVELS AS "SHARECROPPER '75" AND "CHARCOAL CITY." 1663 00:58:51,795 --> 00:58:53,807 "SHARECROPPER '75" AND "CHARCOAL CITY." SHE WAS A SCRIPT CONSULTANT ON 1664 00:58:53,831 --> 00:58:55,942 "CHARCOAL CITY." SHE WAS A SCRIPT CONSULTANT ON THE FILM "SOUNDER" AND HAS GIVEN 1665 00:58:55,966 --> 00:58:57,811 SHE WAS A SCRIPT CONSULTANT ON THE FILM "SOUNDER" AND HAS GIVEN MANY OF US A MOST ENRICHING 1666 00:58:57,835 --> 00:58:59,713 THE FILM "SOUNDER" AND HAS GIVEN MANY OF US A MOST ENRICHING INSIGHT INTO THE URBAN BLACK 1667 00:58:59,737 --> 00:59:00,647 MANY OF US A MOST ENRICHING INSIGHT INTO THE URBAN BLACK EXPERIENCE. 1668 00:59:00,671 --> 00:59:02,415 INSIGHT INTO THE URBAN BLACK EXPERIENCE. MISS JANE CURTIN. 1669 00:59:02,439 --> 00:59:05,585 EXPERIENCE. MISS JANE CURTIN. WELCOME, SOUL SISTER CURTIN. 1670 00:59:05,609 --> 00:59:07,353 MISS JANE CURTIN. WELCOME, SOUL SISTER CURTIN. I HAVE NEVER MET YOU, BUT I'M A 1671 00:59:07,377 --> 00:59:08,622 WELCOME, SOUL SISTER CURTIN. I HAVE NEVER MET YOU, BUT I'M A BIG FAN OF YOUR WORK. 1672 00:59:08,646 --> 00:59:09,956 I HAVE NEVER MET YOU, BUT I'M A BIG FAN OF YOUR WORK. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1673 00:59:09,980 --> 00:59:11,625 BIG FAN OF YOUR WORK. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE TONIGHT. 1674 00:59:11,649 --> 00:59:14,293 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE TONIGHT. JANE, IF I MAY CALL YOU THAT, 1675 00:59:14,317 --> 00:59:17,063 I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE TONIGHT. JANE, IF I MAY CALL YOU THAT, YOUR WRITING SUGGESTS A LINEAGE, 1676 00:59:17,087 --> 00:59:18,765 JANE, IF I MAY CALL YOU THAT, YOUR WRITING SUGGESTS A LINEAGE, A BACKGROUND STEEPED IN THE 1677 00:59:18,789 --> 00:59:20,634 YOUR WRITING SUGGESTS A LINEAGE, A BACKGROUND STEEPED IN THE TRADITIONS OF THE SHARECROPPERS 1678 00:59:20,658 --> 00:59:22,268 A BACKGROUND STEEPED IN THE TRADITIONS OF THE SHARECROPPERS OF THE '30s WHO ULTIMATELY 1679 00:59:22,292 --> 00:59:24,070 TRADITIONS OF THE SHARECROPPERS OF THE '30s WHO ULTIMATELY MIGRATED TO THE LARGE CITIES. 1680 00:59:24,094 --> 00:59:25,404 OF THE '30s WHO ULTIMATELY MIGRATED TO THE LARGE CITIES. WHERE WERE YOU RAISED AS A 1681 00:59:25,428 --> 00:59:26,139 MIGRATED TO THE LARGE CITIES. WHERE WERE YOU RAISED AS A LITTLE GIRL? 1682 00:59:26,163 --> 00:59:27,607 WHERE WERE YOU RAISED AS A LITTLE GIRL? WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, 1683 00:59:27,631 --> 00:59:29,009 LITTLE GIRL? WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, GARRETT, I WAS RAISED IN THE 1684 00:59:29,033 --> 00:59:30,443 WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, GARRETT, I WAS RAISED IN THE NORTH... NEW YORK CITY TO BE 1685 00:59:30,467 --> 00:59:30,910 GARRETT, I WAS RAISED IN THE NORTH... NEW YORK CITY TO BE EXACT. 1686 00:59:30,934 --> 00:59:32,912 NORTH... NEW YORK CITY TO BE EXACT. AH, I SUPPOSE, THEN, THAT 1687 00:59:32,936 --> 00:59:34,948 EXACT. AH, I SUPPOSE, THEN, THAT GROWING UP IN HARLEM GAVE YOU 1688 00:59:34,972 --> 00:59:36,916 AH, I SUPPOSE, THEN, THAT GROWING UP IN HARLEM GAVE YOU THIS ANIMAL ALERTNESS, THIS 1689 00:59:36,940 --> 00:59:38,785 GROWING UP IN HARLEM GAVE YOU THIS ANIMAL ALERTNESS, THIS STREET SENSE THAT SEEMS TO 1690 00:59:38,809 --> 00:59:40,954 THIS ANIMAL ALERTNESS, THIS STREET SENSE THAT SEEMS TO PERMEATE THE CORE OF YOUR WORK. 1691 00:59:40,978 --> 00:59:42,022 STREET SENSE THAT SEEMS TO PERMEATE THE CORE OF YOUR WORK. NOT EXACTLY, GARRETT. 1692 00:59:42,046 --> 00:59:43,322 PERMEATE THE CORE OF YOUR WORK. NOT EXACTLY, GARRETT. I GREW UP IN MIDTOWN MANHATTAN, 1693 00:59:43,346 --> 00:59:44,691 NOT EXACTLY, GARRETT. I GREW UP IN MIDTOWN MANHATTAN, NOT FAR FROM THIS STUDIO HERE... 1694 00:59:44,715 --> 00:59:47,060 I GREW UP IN MIDTOWN MANHATTAN, NOT FAR FROM THIS STUDIO HERE... MADISON AND 63rd. 1695 00:59:47,084 --> 00:59:48,128 NOT FAR FROM THIS STUDIO HERE... MADISON AND 63rd. BUT I DO FEEL THAT THE 1696 00:59:48,152 --> 00:59:49,395 MADISON AND 63rd. BUT I DO FEEL THAT THE CONSCIENCE OF MY WRITING HAS 1697 00:59:49,419 --> 00:59:50,797 BUT I DO FEEL THAT THE CONSCIENCE OF MY WRITING HAS BEEN STRONGLY INFLUENCED BY THE 1698 00:59:50,821 --> 00:59:51,965 CONSCIENCE OF MY WRITING HAS BEEN STRONGLY INFLUENCED BY THE PLIGHT OF MY BROTHERS AND 1699 00:59:51,989 --> 00:59:53,399 BEEN STRONGLY INFLUENCED BY THE PLIGHT OF MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN THE GHETTO AREAS YOU 1700 00:59:53,423 --> 00:59:53,933 PLIGHT OF MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN THE GHETTO AREAS YOU SPEAK OF. 1701 00:59:53,957 --> 00:59:55,035 SISTERS IN THE GHETTO AREAS YOU SPEAK OF. BUT MOST IMPORTANT IN 1702 00:59:55,059 --> 00:59:56,536 SPEAK OF. BUT MOST IMPORTANT IN RELATIONSHIP TO THIS, I THINK, 1703 00:59:56,560 --> 00:59:58,004 BUT MOST IMPORTANT IN RELATIONSHIP TO THIS, I THINK, IS THAT IF YOU ARE ONE OF US, 1704 00:59:58,028 --> 00:59:59,505 RELATIONSHIP TO THIS, I THINK, IS THAT IF YOU ARE ONE OF US, YOU CAN SPEAK AND FEEL FOR ALL 1705 00:59:59,529 --> 01:00:01,041 IS THAT IF YOU ARE ONE OF US, YOU CAN SPEAK AND FEEL FOR ALL OF US, NO MATTER WHERE YOU COME 1706 01:00:01,065 --> 01:00:01,474 YOU CAN SPEAK AND FEEL FOR ALL OF US, NO MATTER WHERE YOU COME FROM. 1707 01:00:01,498 --> 01:00:04,944 OF US, NO MATTER WHERE YOU COME FROM. RIGHT ON. 1708 01:00:04,968 --> 01:00:06,746 FROM. RIGHT ON. JANE, I'M SURE THAT YOU AND I 1709 01:00:06,770 --> 01:00:08,648 RIGHT ON. JANE, I'M SURE THAT YOU AND I AGREE ON THIS, BUT FOR THE SAKE 1710 01:00:08,672 --> 01:00:10,616 JANE, I'M SURE THAT YOU AND I AGREE ON THIS, BUT FOR THE SAKE OF OUR VIEWERS, I'M GOING TO ASK 1711 01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:11,450 AGREE ON THIS, BUT FOR THE SAKE OF OUR VIEWERS, I'M GOING TO ASK YOU ANYWAY. 1712 01:00:11,474 --> 01:00:13,286 OF OUR VIEWERS, I'M GOING TO ASK YOU ANYWAY. WHICH DO YOU PREFER... "BLACK," 1713 01:00:13,310 --> 01:00:14,754 YOU ANYWAY. WHICH DO YOU PREFER... "BLACK," "AFRO-AMERICAN," "NEGRO"... 1714 01:00:14,778 --> 01:00:16,056 WHICH DO YOU PREFER... "BLACK," "AFRO-AMERICAN," "NEGRO"... I PREFER SIMPLY 1715 01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:17,157 "AFRO-AMERICAN," "NEGRO"... I PREFER SIMPLY "JUNGLE BUNNY." 1716 01:00:17,181 --> 01:00:18,391 I PREFER SIMPLY "JUNGLE BUNNY." [LAUGHS] NO! 1717 01:00:18,415 --> 01:00:20,827 "JUNGLE BUNNY." [LAUGHS] NO! [LAUGHTER] 1718 01:00:20,851 --> 01:00:22,195 [LAUGHS] NO! [LAUGHTER] "BLACK" IS FINE, GARRETT. 1719 01:00:22,219 --> 01:00:23,229 [LAUGHTER] "BLACK" IS FINE, GARRETT. "BLACK" IS FINE. 1720 01:00:23,253 --> 01:00:25,065 "BLACK" IS FINE, GARRETT. "BLACK" IS FINE. [LAUGHS] 1721 01:00:25,089 --> 01:00:27,667 "BLACK" IS FINE. [LAUGHS] ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR YOUNG BLACK 1722 01:00:27,691 --> 01:00:28,601 [LAUGHS] ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR YOUNG BLACK WRITERS? 1723 01:00:28,625 --> 01:00:31,071 ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR YOUNG BLACK WRITERS? WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW, WRITE 1724 01:00:31,095 --> 01:00:33,707 WRITERS? WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW, WRITE WHAT YOU FEEL, WRITE THE TRUTH. 1725 01:00:33,731 --> 01:00:35,942 WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW, WRITE WHAT YOU FEEL, WRITE THE TRUTH. I'M HOLDING HERE... I'M 1726 01:00:35,966 --> 01:00:38,277 WHAT YOU FEEL, WRITE THE TRUTH. I'M HOLDING HERE... I'M HOLDING HERE A COPY OF YOUR 1727 01:00:38,301 --> 01:00:40,580 I'M HOLDING HERE... I'M HOLDING HERE A COPY OF YOUR NEWEST BOOK, "SHADOWS," AND 1728 01:00:40,604 --> 01:00:42,982 HOLDING HERE A COPY OF YOUR NEWEST BOOK, "SHADOWS," AND THERE IS NO DENYING THAT, IN 1729 01:00:43,006 --> 01:00:45,585 NEWEST BOOK, "SHADOWS," AND THERE IS NO DENYING THAT, IN PERSON, YOU LOOK NOTHING AT ALL 1730 01:00:45,609 --> 01:00:49,889 THERE IS NO DENYING THAT, IN PERSON, YOU LOOK NOTHING AT ALL LIKE YOUR PICTURE. 1731 01:00:49,913 --> 01:00:51,858 PERSON, YOU LOOK NOTHING AT ALL LIKE YOUR PICTURE. I'M SURE THAT YOU MUST HEAR THIS 1732 01:00:51,882 --> 01:00:52,458 LIKE YOUR PICTURE. I'M SURE THAT YOU MUST HEAR THIS A LOT. 1733 01:00:52,482 --> 01:00:54,393 I'M SURE THAT YOU MUST HEAR THIS A LOT. YES, I DO. QUITE FREQUENTLY. 1734 01:00:54,417 --> 01:00:56,196 A LOT. YES, I DO. QUITE FREQUENTLY. BUT I MUST BE HONEST, I DON'T 1735 01:00:56,220 --> 01:00:58,965 YES, I DO. QUITE FREQUENTLY. BUT I MUST BE HONEST, I DON'T PHOTOGRAPH WELL AT ALL. 1736 01:00:58,989 --> 01:01:00,967 BUT I MUST BE HONEST, I DON'T PHOTOGRAPH WELL AT ALL. WELL, THANK YOU, JANE CURTIN, 1737 01:01:00,991 --> 01:01:02,568 PHOTOGRAPH WELL AT ALL. WELL, THANK YOU, JANE CURTIN, FOR BEING WITH US HERE ON 1738 01:01:02,592 --> 01:01:03,903 WELL, THANK YOU, JANE CURTIN, FOR BEING WITH US HERE ON "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." 1739 01:01:03,927 --> 01:01:05,739 FOR BEING WITH US HERE ON "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." BE WITH US NEXT WEEK WHEN OUR 1740 01:01:05,763 --> 01:01:08,908 "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." BE WITH US NEXT WEEK WHEN OUR GUEST WILL BE ANDRé PREVIN. 1741 01:01:08,932 --> 01:01:11,572 BE WITH US NEXT WEEK WHEN OUR GUEST WILL BE ANDRé PREVIN. [APPLAUSE] 1742 01:01:21,877 --> 01:01:25,124 HEY, I'M PLAYING AT A DISADVANTAGE. I'M REALLY BETTER FROM THE LEFT 1743 01:01:25,148 --> 01:01:25,524 DISADVANTAGE. I'M REALLY BETTER FROM THE LEFT SIDE. 1744 01:01:25,548 --> 01:01:26,692 I'M REALLY BETTER FROM THE LEFT SIDE. THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID 1745 01:01:26,716 --> 01:01:28,161 SIDE. THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID YESTERDAY WHEN I WON, REMEMBER? 1746 01:01:28,185 --> 01:01:29,528 THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID YESTERDAY WHEN I WON, REMEMBER? YOU WERE PLAYING ON THE LEFT 1747 01:01:29,552 --> 01:01:29,929 YESTERDAY WHEN I WON, REMEMBER? YOU WERE PLAYING ON THE LEFT SIDE. 1748 01:01:29,953 --> 01:01:31,030 YOU WERE PLAYING ON THE LEFT SIDE. OKAY, KEEP IT DOWN. 1749 01:01:31,054 --> 01:01:32,464 SIDE. OKAY, KEEP IT DOWN. NOT EVERYONE HAS TO KNOW ABOUT 1750 01:01:32,488 --> 01:01:34,934 OKAY, KEEP IT DOWN. NOT EVERYONE HAS TO KNOW ABOUT IT, OKAY? 1751 01:01:34,958 --> 01:01:36,202 NOT EVERYONE HAS TO KNOW ABOUT IT, OKAY? YOU GOT ANYTHING... 1752 01:01:36,226 --> 01:01:37,136 IT, OKAY? YOU GOT ANYTHING... NICE SHOT. 1753 01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:38,504 YOU GOT ANYTHING... NICE SHOT. RIGHT IN THE HOLE. 1754 01:01:38,528 --> 01:01:40,239 NICE SHOT. RIGHT IN THE HOLE. GOT ANYTHING PLANNED FOR THE 1755 01:01:40,263 --> 01:01:41,607 RIGHT IN THE HOLE. GOT ANYTHING PLANNED FOR THE THANKSGIVING WEEKEND? 1756 01:01:41,631 --> 01:01:42,875 GOT ANYTHING PLANNED FOR THE THANKSGIVING WEEKEND? NAH. 1757 01:01:42,899 --> 01:01:44,043 THANKSGIVING WEEKEND? NAH. I'M GOING HOME. 1758 01:01:44,067 --> 01:01:44,777 NAH. I'M GOING HOME. I'M, UH... 1759 01:01:44,801 --> 01:01:46,279 I'M GOING HOME. I'M, UH... I'M TAKING CAROL WITH ME. 1760 01:01:46,303 --> 01:01:48,047 I'M, UH... I'M TAKING CAROL WITH ME. THINGS GETTING PRETTY HEAVY 1761 01:01:48,071 --> 01:01:50,382 I'M TAKING CAROL WITH ME. THINGS GETTING PRETTY HEAVY BE... BETWEEN YOU AND CAROL? 1762 01:01:50,406 --> 01:01:51,250 THINGS GETTING PRETTY HEAVY BE... BETWEEN YOU AND CAROL? I GUESS SO. 1763 01:01:51,274 --> 01:01:52,952 BE... BETWEEN YOU AND CAROL? I GUESS SO. BOY, MY PARENTS HAVEN'T MET HER 1764 01:01:52,976 --> 01:01:54,653 I GUESS SO. BOY, MY PARENTS HAVEN'T MET HER YET, AND I'M BRINGING HER THERE, 1765 01:01:54,677 --> 01:01:55,321 BOY, MY PARENTS HAVEN'T MET HER YET, AND I'M BRINGING HER THERE, YOU KNOW? 1766 01:01:55,345 --> 01:01:56,923 YET, AND I'M BRINGING HER THERE, YOU KNOW? WE'VE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER ALL 1767 01:01:56,947 --> 01:01:57,589 YOU KNOW? WE'VE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER ALL SEMESTER. 1768 01:01:57,613 --> 01:01:59,658 WE'VE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER ALL SEMESTER. YOUR PARENTS KNOW THAT? 1769 01:01:59,682 --> 01:02:00,526 SEMESTER. YOUR PARENTS KNOW THAT? NO WAY, MAN. 1770 01:02:00,550 --> 01:02:01,694 YOUR PARENTS KNOW THAT? NO WAY, MAN. THEY'RE REALLY PRUDES, 1771 01:02:01,718 --> 01:02:02,829 NO WAY, MAN. THEY'RE REALLY PRUDES, ESPECIALLY MY FATHER. 1772 01:02:02,853 --> 01:02:06,299 THEY'RE REALLY PRUDES, ESPECIALLY MY FATHER. HE... HE'D THINK CAROL WAS SOME 1773 01:02:06,323 --> 01:02:07,533 ESPECIALLY MY FATHER. HE... HE'D THINK CAROL WAS SOME KIND OF HOOKER OR SOMETHING. 1774 01:02:07,557 --> 01:02:08,334 HE... HE'D THINK CAROL WAS SOME KIND OF HOOKER OR SOMETHING. NICE SHOT THERE. 1775 01:02:08,358 --> 01:02:09,668 KIND OF HOOKER OR SOMETHING. NICE SHOT THERE. WELL, WHERE IS SHE GONNA... 1776 01:02:09,692 --> 01:02:12,138 NICE SHOT THERE. WELL, WHERE IS SHE GONNA... WHERE IS SHE GONNA SLEEP? 1777 01:02:12,162 --> 01:02:13,505 WELL, WHERE IS SHE GONNA... WHERE IS SHE GONNA SLEEP? WHAT... WHAT'D YOU SAY? 1778 01:02:13,529 --> 01:02:15,007 WHERE IS SHE GONNA SLEEP? WHAT... WHAT'D YOU SAY? CAROL... WHERE'S SHE GONNA 1779 01:02:15,031 --> 01:02:16,408 WHAT... WHAT'D YOU SAY? CAROL... WHERE'S SHE GONNA SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE AT YOUR 1780 01:02:16,432 --> 01:02:17,343 CAROL... WHERE'S SHE GONNA SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE AT YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE? 1781 01:02:17,367 --> 01:02:19,678 SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE AT YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE? OH, I... I DON'T KNOW. 1782 01:02:19,702 --> 01:02:22,949 PARENTS' HOUSE? OH, I... I DON'T KNOW. THE GUEST ROOM, PROBABLY. 1783 01:02:22,973 --> 01:02:23,749 OH, I... I DON'T KNOW. THE GUEST ROOM, PROBABLY. GUEST ROOM? 1784 01:02:23,773 --> 01:02:26,785 THE GUEST ROOM, PROBABLY. GUEST ROOM? I WOULDN'T STAND FOR THAT. 1785 01:02:26,809 --> 01:02:28,187 GUEST ROOM? I WOULDN'T STAND FOR THAT. WELL, WHAT CAN I DO? 1786 01:02:28,211 --> 01:02:29,956 I WOULDN'T STAND FOR THAT. WELL, WHAT CAN I DO? WELL, YOU COULD SAY, "LOOK, 1787 01:02:29,980 --> 01:02:31,523 WELL, WHAT CAN I DO? WELL, YOU COULD SAY, "LOOK, CAROL AND I ARE TWO MATURE 1788 01:02:31,547 --> 01:02:33,893 WELL, YOU COULD SAY, "LOOK, CAROL AND I ARE TWO MATURE ADULTS, AND WE FEEL"... 1789 01:02:33,917 --> 01:02:34,894 CAROL AND I ARE TWO MATURE ADULTS, AND WE FEEL"... NICE SHOT. 1790 01:02:34,918 --> 01:02:36,128 ADULTS, AND WE FEEL"... NICE SHOT. "VERY STRONGLY ABOUT EACH OTHER, 1791 01:02:36,152 --> 01:02:37,263 NICE SHOT. "VERY STRONGLY ABOUT EACH OTHER, AND WE JUST WANT TO BE ALONE 1792 01:02:37,287 --> 01:02:38,197 "VERY STRONGLY ABOUT EACH OTHER, AND WE JUST WANT TO BE ALONE TOGETHER, THAT'S ALL." 1793 01:02:38,221 --> 01:02:39,332 AND WE JUST WANT TO BE ALONE TOGETHER, THAT'S ALL." I COULDN'T SAY THAT TO MY 1794 01:02:39,356 --> 01:02:39,765 TOGETHER, THAT'S ALL." I COULDN'T SAY THAT TO MY PARENTS. 1795 01:02:39,789 --> 01:02:40,632 I COULDN'T SAY THAT TO MY PARENTS. YOU DON'T KNOW THEM. 1796 01:02:40,656 --> 01:02:41,800 PARENTS. YOU DON'T KNOW THEM. WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO 1797 01:02:41,824 --> 01:02:42,768 YOU DON'T KNOW THEM. WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO MAKE A STAND SOMETIME. 1798 01:02:42,792 --> 01:02:45,204 WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO MAKE A STAND SOMETIME. WELL, UH... SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE 1799 01:02:45,228 --> 01:02:46,305 MAKE A STAND SOMETIME. WELL, UH... SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS YOURSELF. 1800 01:02:46,329 --> 01:02:46,772 WELL, UH... SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS YOURSELF. SURE. 1801 01:02:46,796 --> 01:02:49,141 BEEN THROUGH THIS YOURSELF. SURE. JUST ABOUT EVERY GUY HAS. 1802 01:02:49,165 --> 01:02:50,542 SURE. JUST ABOUT EVERY GUY HAS. WELL, HOW'D IT GO? 1803 01:02:50,566 --> 01:02:52,278 JUST ABOUT EVERY GUY HAS. WELL, HOW'D IT GO? I MEAN, WEREN'T YOU SCARED? 1804 01:02:52,302 --> 01:02:54,180 WELL, HOW'D IT GO? I MEAN, WEREN'T YOU SCARED? NO. YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE A 1805 01:02:54,204 --> 01:02:55,414 I MEAN, WEREN'T YOU SCARED? NO. YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE A STAND, THAT'S ALL. 1806 01:02:55,438 --> 01:02:56,448 NO. YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE A STAND, THAT'S ALL. IT'S NOT EASY. 1807 01:02:56,472 --> 01:02:58,450 STAND, THAT'S ALL. IT'S NOT EASY. YEAH, WELL, UH, I DON'T KNOW. 1808 01:02:58,474 --> 01:03:00,286 IT'S NOT EASY. YEAH, WELL, UH, I DON'T KNOW. I-I COULDN'T SAY IT TO MY 1809 01:03:00,310 --> 01:03:01,087 YEAH, WELL, UH, I DON'T KNOW. I-I COULDN'T SAY IT TO MY PARENTS. 1810 01:03:01,111 --> 01:03:02,688 I-I COULDN'T SAY IT TO MY PARENTS. WHEN DID YOU DO THIS? 1811 01:03:02,712 --> 01:03:04,957 PARENTS. WHEN DID YOU DO THIS? LAST THANKSGIVING, WHEN CAROL 1812 01:03:04,981 --> 01:03:07,760 WHEN DID YOU DO THIS? LAST THANKSGIVING, WHEN CAROL SLEPT OVER AT MY HOUSE. 1813 01:03:07,784 --> 01:03:09,128 LAST THANKSGIVING, WHEN CAROL SLEPT OVER AT MY HOUSE. SAY THAT AGAIN. 1814 01:03:09,152 --> 01:03:10,596 SLEPT OVER AT MY HOUSE. SAY THAT AGAIN. NEVER MIND, BOZO. 1815 01:03:10,620 --> 01:03:12,932 SAY THAT AGAIN. NEVER MIND, BOZO. I JUST SWEPT THE SERIES. 1816 01:03:12,956 --> 01:03:14,734 NEVER MIND, BOZO. I JUST SWEPT THE SERIES. [APPLAUSE] 1817 01:03:14,758 --> 01:03:15,735 I JUST SWEPT THE SERIES. [APPLAUSE] [INTRODUCTION TO "I CAN STAND 1818 01:03:15,759 --> 01:03:18,659 [APPLAUSE] [INTRODUCTION TO "I CAN STAND A LITTLE RAIN" PLAYS] 1819 01:03:31,473 --> 01:03:39,473 ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE RAIN ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE RAIN ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE RAIN ♪ 1820 01:03:53,763 --> 01:04:01,047 ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE RAIN ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE RAIN ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE RAIN ♪ 1821 01:04:01,071 --> 01:04:02,715 ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE RAIN ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE RAIN ♪ ♪ BUT WHEN THE RAIN COMES UP 1822 01:04:02,739 --> 01:04:08,288 ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE RAIN ♪ ♪ BUT WHEN THE RAIN COMES UP THROUGH THE FLOORBOARDS ♪ 1823 01:04:08,312 --> 01:04:14,715 ♪ BUT WHEN THE RAIN COMES UP THROUGH THE FLOORBOARDS ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE REST ♪ 1824 01:04:25,261 --> 01:04:33,261 ♪ MM-HMM-HMM-HMM-HMM ♪ ♪ AND I CAN STAND A LITTLE SORROW ♪ 1825 01:04:34,037 --> 01:04:36,715 ♪ AND I CAN STAND A LITTLE SORROW ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND IT UNTIL 1826 01:04:36,739 --> 01:04:41,520 SORROW ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND IT UNTIL TOMORROW ♪ 1827 01:04:41,544 --> 01:04:48,928 ♪ I CAN STAND IT UNTIL TOMORROW ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE STRIFE ♪ 1828 01:04:48,952 --> 01:04:51,797 TOMORROW ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE STRIFE ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S JUST ANOTHER TASTE OF 1829 01:04:51,821 --> 01:04:57,303 ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE STRIFE ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S JUST ANOTHER TASTE OF LIFE ♪ 1830 01:04:57,327 --> 01:05:03,843 ♪ OH, IT'S JUST ANOTHER TASTE OF LIFE ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE LOVE ♪ 1831 01:05:03,867 --> 01:05:06,179 LIFE ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE LOVE ♪ ♪ I SAID I CAN STAND A LITTLE 1832 01:05:06,203 --> 01:05:10,249 ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE LOVE ♪ ♪ I SAID I CAN STAND A LITTLE LOVE ♪ 1833 01:05:10,273 --> 01:05:12,785 ♪ I SAID I CAN STAND A LITTLE LOVE ♪ ♪ OH, LORDY ♪ 1834 01:05:12,809 --> 01:05:13,919 LOVE ♪ ♪ OH, LORDY ♪ ♪ AND WHEN I'M ON MY LAST 1835 01:05:13,943 --> 01:05:18,624 ♪ OH, LORDY ♪ ♪ AND WHEN I'M ON MY LAST GO-ROUND ♪ 1836 01:05:18,648 --> 01:05:26,648 ♪ AND WHEN I'M ON MY LAST GO-ROUND ♪ ♪ I CAN STAND A LITTLE REST ♪ 1837 01:05:42,538 --> 01:05:50,538 ♪ WELL, I MADE IT ♪ ♪ I MADE IT BEFORE, YES ♪ ♪ AND I'M GONNA MAKE IT, YEAH ♪ 1838 01:05:55,318 --> 01:05:57,263 ♪ I MADE IT BEFORE, YES ♪ ♪ AND I'M GONNA MAKE IT, YEAH ♪ ♪ OH, MY LORD, I'M GONNA MAKE IT 1839 01:05:57,287 --> 01:05:59,832 ♪ AND I'M GONNA MAKE IT, YEAH ♪ ♪ OH, MY LORD, I'M GONNA MAKE IT SOME MORE, YEAH ♪ 1840 01:05:59,856 --> 01:06:01,100 ♪ OH, MY LORD, I'M GONNA MAKE IT SOME MORE, YEAH ♪ ♪ LET ME SPEAK ON IT FOR A 1841 01:06:01,124 --> 01:06:03,102 SOME MORE, YEAH ♪ ♪ LET ME SPEAK ON IT FOR A MINUTE, YEAH ♪ 1842 01:06:03,126 --> 01:06:05,238 ♪ LET ME SPEAK ON IT FOR A MINUTE, YEAH ♪ ♪ AND ALL I NEED IS A WEE BIT OF 1843 01:06:05,262 --> 01:06:06,839 MINUTE, YEAH ♪ ♪ AND ALL I NEED IS A WEE BIT OF LOVIN' ♪ 1844 01:06:06,863 --> 01:06:07,907 ♪ AND ALL I NEED IS A WEE BIT OF LOVIN' ♪ ♪ AND I'M GONNA KEEP ON 1845 01:06:07,931 --> 01:06:09,242 LOVIN' ♪ ♪ AND I'M GONNA KEEP ON A-TRUCKIN' AND A-STEPPIN' AND 1846 01:06:09,266 --> 01:06:11,010 ♪ AND I'M GONNA KEEP ON A-TRUCKIN' AND A-STEPPIN' AND A-STEPPIN' AND A-STEPPIN' ♪ 1847 01:06:11,034 --> 01:06:12,345 A-TRUCKIN' AND A-STEPPIN' AND A-STEPPIN' AND A-STEPPIN' ♪ ♪ I'M GONNA MAKE IT SOME MORE, 1848 01:06:12,369 --> 01:06:13,312 A-STEPPIN' AND A-STEPPIN' ♪ ♪ I'M GONNA MAKE IT SOME MORE, YEAH ♪ 1849 01:06:13,336 --> 01:06:16,416 ♪ I'M GONNA MAKE IT SOME MORE, YEAH ♪ ♪ WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, 1850 01:06:16,440 --> 01:06:17,616 YEAH ♪ ♪ WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL ♪ 1851 01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:20,653 ♪ WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL ♪ ♪ I SAID, HEY, I MADE IT ♪ 1852 01:06:20,677 --> 01:06:24,757 WELL ♪ ♪ I SAID, HEY, I MADE IT ♪ ♪ I MADE IT BEFORE, YEAH ♪ 1853 01:06:24,781 --> 01:06:26,459 ♪ I SAID, HEY, I MADE IT ♪ ♪ I MADE IT BEFORE, YEAH ♪ ♪ AND I'M GONNA KEEP ON MAKIN' 1854 01:06:26,483 --> 01:06:32,798 ♪ I MADE IT BEFORE, YEAH ♪ ♪ AND I'M GONNA KEEP ON MAKIN' IT SOME MORE ♪ 1855 01:06:32,822 --> 01:06:35,656 ♪ AND I'M GONNA KEEP ON MAKIN' IT SOME MORE ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1856 01:06:44,666 --> 01:06:48,080 GOOD NIGHT. OH! OH! 1857 01:06:48,104 --> 01:06:50,383 OH! OH! [LAUGHS] 1858 01:06:50,407 --> 01:06:52,907 OH! [LAUGHS] [APPLAUSE] 1859 01:07:21,203 --> 01:07:22,213 Announcer: THE MUPPETS ARE 1860 01:07:22,237 --> 01:07:23,537 FRANK OZ, JERRY NELSON, 1861 01:07:23,672 --> 01:07:24,905 FRAN BRILL, ALICE TWEEDY, 1862 01:07:25,040 --> 01:07:26,640 RICHARD HUNT, AND JIM HENSON. 1863 01:07:26,775 --> 01:07:27,976 THE OTHER SEGMENT CONCEIVED BY 1864 01:07:28,110 --> 01:07:29,743 ROB REINER AND CARL GOTTLIEB. 1865 01:07:29,878 --> 01:07:31,312 THE HAMLET PIECE CONCEIVED AND 1866 01:07:31,447 --> 01:07:33,747 WRITTEN BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. 189970