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1
00:00:05,703 --> 00:00:07,468
It's called a Christmas tree, Tammy.
2
00:00:07,493 --> 00:00:09,394
Or in Germany, a Tannenbaum.
3
00:00:09,903 --> 00:00:11,304
I know what it's called, Big Sauce.
4
00:00:11,329 --> 00:00:13,163
I just haven't seen one in a long time.
5
00:00:13,195 --> 00:00:14,983
Don't they have
Christmas trees in prison?
6
00:00:15,046 --> 00:00:16,913
No, they kind of frown on joy.
7
00:00:18,022 --> 00:00:20,283
We're glad you're with
us this year, honey.
8
00:00:20,451 --> 00:00:21,651
Hey, since everyone's here,
9
00:00:21,719 --> 00:00:23,449
how about we draw
names for Secret Santa?
10
00:00:23,474 --> 00:00:25,822
Huh. I didn't think
ol' "socks and a candle"
11
00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:27,390
would be kick-starting it this year.
12
00:00:27,415 --> 00:00:29,249
You said you liked them.
13
00:00:29,274 --> 00:00:31,388
And that was my gift to you.
14
00:00:31,662 --> 00:00:32,829
Hey, I got news for you.
15
00:00:32,897 --> 00:00:35,165
This year, I am winning Secret Santa.
16
00:00:35,233 --> 00:00:36,466
Not a competition.
17
00:00:36,534 --> 00:00:37,734
Marjorie's right.
18
00:00:37,759 --> 00:00:40,094
It's an expression of
our love for each other...
19
00:00:40,119 --> 00:00:41,953
that Christy always loses.
20
00:00:43,641 --> 00:00:45,709
Can we at least up the limit?
21
00:00:45,776 --> 00:00:46,910
I mean, $25?
22
00:00:46,978 --> 00:00:49,646
What am I supposed to
buy y'all, a bag of dirt?
23
00:00:50,193 --> 00:00:52,582
Ooh, 25 bucks, that's
a little steep for me.
24
00:00:52,650 --> 00:00:53,950
No, that's just a ceiling, Tammy.
25
00:00:54,018 --> 00:00:56,853
You can even make
something. Like venison stew?
26
00:00:57,529 --> 00:01:00,023
- Sure.
- Ooh! Stew it is.
27
00:01:00,048 --> 00:01:01,381
Oh! Secret, secret!
28
00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:05,462
Lord, I'm getting Bambi
in a bowl for Christmas.
29
00:01:05,487 --> 00:01:07,454
All right, everyone.
30
00:01:07,479 --> 00:01:09,575
Please pick with one hand, eyes closed.
31
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:10,834
If you choose your own name,
32
00:01:10,859 --> 00:01:12,726
- you must...
- We know the rules, Wendy.
33
00:01:13,130 --> 00:01:15,074
Do we? 'Cause last year you picked
34
00:01:15,099 --> 00:01:17,016
your own name and gave yourself cash.
35
00:01:17,041 --> 00:01:18,175
I know what I like.
36
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,701
Hint... I'd like it again.
37
00:01:19,852 --> 00:01:21,220
Ugh.
38
00:01:21,654 --> 00:01:23,813
You do know whoever you
picked is in the room?
39
00:01:24,490 --> 00:01:27,083
Well, "ugh" isn't always a bad thing.
40
00:01:27,151 --> 00:01:29,591
Ugh, that's a lovely sweater.
41
00:01:30,412 --> 00:01:32,544
Damn it, I wanted
Bonnie. Who's got Bonnie?
42
00:01:32,569 --> 00:01:33,736
Merry Christmas.
43
00:01:38,052 --> 00:01:40,630
Any chance we could, uh,
86 the venison stew?
44
00:01:40,698 --> 00:01:42,863
Oh, sure. Where do you stand on elk?
45
00:01:42,888 --> 00:01:45,235
CHRISTY: Hey. Hey, hey.
No requests.
46
00:01:45,303 --> 00:01:47,003
The point is to use your imagination
47
00:01:47,028 --> 00:01:49,568
and think about the dear
friend you're buying a gift for.
48
00:01:50,241 --> 00:01:51,622
Ugh.
49
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,559
♪♪
50
00:02:13,943 --> 00:02:14,919
Son of a bitch.
51
00:02:14,944 --> 00:02:17,513
There's the Plunkett Christmas spirit.
52
00:02:17,739 --> 00:02:19,481
I'm in Secret Santa hell.
53
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:21,440
- Who'd you get?
- I'm not telling.
54
00:02:21,871 --> 00:02:23,772
Look at me.
55
00:02:25,889 --> 00:02:27,341
Wendy.
56
00:02:28,036 --> 00:02:29,332
How do you do that?
57
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:32,660
That brief alien abduction
left me with some powers.
58
00:02:33,255 --> 00:02:34,762
It's embarrassing.
59
00:02:34,829 --> 00:02:36,274
We've been friends with Wendy for years
60
00:02:36,299 --> 00:02:37,966
and I only know three things about her.
61
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,734
She's a nurse, she's five foot three...
62
00:02:41,672 --> 00:02:42,806
Two things.
63
00:02:43,452 --> 00:02:45,339
Not to rub it in, but I got blessed
64
00:02:45,407 --> 00:02:46,674
by the Secret Santa gods.
65
00:02:46,741 --> 00:02:47,866
You got Marjorie?
66
00:02:47,891 --> 00:02:49,692
Can we trade?
- No way.
67
00:02:49,746 --> 00:02:51,113
In fact...
68
00:02:51,447 --> 00:02:53,347
"Cat pillow.
69
00:02:53,843 --> 00:02:55,225
"Add to cart...
70
00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:57,251
Confirm." Ah, she'll be here Tuesday.
71
00:02:58,655 --> 00:03:00,855
No, you tell the driver
it was supposed to be
72
00:03:00,922 --> 00:03:03,424
three cases of tequila, not six.
73
00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:05,184
That's more than enough.
74
00:03:05,293 --> 00:03:06,460
Morning.
75
00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:08,350
Amazing. I hear the word "tequila"
76
00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:10,264
and I immediately want chips and salsa
77
00:03:10,289 --> 00:03:11,422
and to take my clothes off.
78
00:03:11,447 --> 00:03:13,543
I hear "tequila" and I want heroin.
79
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,302
Isn't it funny how our brains work?
80
00:03:17,272 --> 00:03:19,171
Oh, just a heads-up, I
got to get a deposit check
81
00:03:19,196 --> 00:03:20,398
to the wedding band
82
00:03:20,508 --> 00:03:21,786
Yeah, well, you know where the book is.
83
00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:23,443
You sign my name better
than I do, anyway.
84
00:03:23,468 --> 00:03:26,085
Yeah, but I feel dirty
when I don't ask first.
85
00:03:26,110 --> 00:03:27,477
Not really.
86
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,025
All right, I'm out.
87
00:03:29,050 --> 00:03:30,445
Okay, honey. Go get people drunk.
88
00:03:30,470 --> 00:03:33,339
And you continue to be
strangely cool with that.
89
00:03:35,156 --> 00:03:36,868
Hey. Real quick, Christy
and I were talking.
90
00:03:36,892 --> 00:03:38,525
Do you want to go out for Christmas Eve
91
00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:40,251
or do you want to do
it here family style?
92
00:03:40,702 --> 00:03:42,716
Oh, yeah. About that...
93
00:03:42,741 --> 00:03:44,798
Tell me you're not
working Christmas Eve.
94
00:03:44,866 --> 00:03:47,201
I'm sorry, it's a big night for bars.
95
00:03:47,554 --> 00:03:49,970
People are depressed 'cause
they don't have families.
96
00:03:49,995 --> 00:03:51,662
Others are depressed 'cause they do.
97
00:03:52,954 --> 00:03:55,422
Plus, the Raiders are on
and that'll depress everyone.
98
00:03:55,810 --> 00:03:57,730
But you're welcome to
join in on the festivities.
99
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,079
Great, so my choices are
100
00:03:59,104 --> 00:04:01,291
spend Christmas Eve
with my kid or in a bar.
101
00:04:01,316 --> 00:04:02,583
Nothing ever changes.
102
00:04:05,835 --> 00:04:07,241
You got your parole officer
a Christmas present?
103
00:04:07,266 --> 00:04:08,656
Oh, yeah. Juan's been great.
104
00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:10,515
I got him a bottle of aftershave.
105
00:04:10,540 --> 00:04:13,468
Eight bucks and it
comes with foot powder.
106
00:04:14,339 --> 00:04:16,740
Okay, let's get started.
107
00:04:16,820 --> 00:04:18,437
That's not Juan.
108
00:04:18,462 --> 00:04:20,310
Which one of you is Tammy?
109
00:04:20,335 --> 00:04:21,835
- Me.
- And who are you?
110
00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:24,095
I'm her ride; Juan's
cool with me hanging out.
111
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:25,569
Juan's been reassigned.
112
00:04:25,594 --> 00:04:27,362
And I'm not cool.
113
00:04:28,124 --> 00:04:29,677
Wait, Juan's out?
114
00:04:29,744 --> 00:04:31,445
And this is how I'm hearing about it?
115
00:04:31,470 --> 00:04:33,504
That's a kick in the lady pants.
116
00:04:34,038 --> 00:04:36,750
I'm Eve Ferguson, I'm
in charge of your case.
117
00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:40,463
- You can wait in the hallway.
- Oh. Okay.
118
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:41,588
Guess you're on your own.
119
00:04:41,866 --> 00:04:43,889
- I'll be close.
- O-Okay.
120
00:04:44,426 --> 00:04:47,586
- What is that?
- Oh, just some aftershave for Juan.
121
00:04:47,611 --> 00:04:50,288
Which you are very welcome to have.
122
00:04:50,493 --> 00:04:51,827
For your fella.
123
00:04:51,852 --> 00:04:52,952
Or your lady.
124
00:04:52,977 --> 00:04:56,429
Or yourself if you like
to smell like the sea.
125
00:04:57,523 --> 00:05:00,058
- It comes with foot powder...
- Stop talking.
126
00:05:02,544 --> 00:05:04,788
Okay, I see you have a place to live
127
00:05:04,813 --> 00:05:06,647
and you're in a 12-step program.
128
00:05:06,715 --> 00:05:08,382
I don't see a job here. You working?
129
00:05:08,493 --> 00:05:12,186
- Uh, well, I...
- Handyman. The bathroom's this way?
130
00:05:12,663 --> 00:05:14,935
Yeah, I've done some handyman jobs.
131
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,800
Uh, I don't see any pay stubs.
132
00:05:16,825 --> 00:05:18,459
No, it's more of a barter situation.
133
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:19,960
Trading the work for food or rent.
134
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:23,230
I did some plumbing for
Bonnie's fiancé at his bar.
135
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:25,224
He's in a wheelchair, if that helps.
136
00:05:26,663 --> 00:05:28,068
It doesn't.
137
00:05:28,136 --> 00:05:30,170
I'm gonna need some proof of employment
138
00:05:30,195 --> 00:05:32,716
or I'm gonna be forced
to revoke your parole.
139
00:05:33,218 --> 00:05:34,842
Wait, what? Are you serious?
140
00:05:34,909 --> 00:05:37,244
Yes, and I'm gonna
need it by next Monday.
141
00:05:37,312 --> 00:05:38,345
That's Christmas Eve.
142
00:05:38,413 --> 00:05:40,577
Otherwise known as Monday.
143
00:05:41,233 --> 00:05:42,649
BONNIE: Knock, knock.
144
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,551
I just lost a dollar
in the vending machine.
145
00:05:44,576 --> 00:05:45,743
Who do I see about that?
146
00:05:45,854 --> 00:05:47,621
I'll take the dollar or the Sprite.
147
00:05:50,191 --> 00:05:52,644
- You need any help?
- You offering?
148
00:05:52,669 --> 00:05:54,637
No, but I can put the word out.
149
00:05:55,361 --> 00:05:59,175
- What are you doing?
- I cracked the Christmas code.
150
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,769
I tracked down Wendy's
second cousin in Staten Island
151
00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:04,481
who put me in touch with
one of her aunts in Newark.
152
00:06:04,506 --> 00:06:06,173
By the way, there is a solid chance
153
00:06:06,198 --> 00:06:09,133
that one side of Wendy's
family is pretty mobbed up.
154
00:06:09,835 --> 00:06:11,888
Maybe I shouldn't be
mean to her anymore.
155
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:14,648
Yeah, I'd hate to find
you frozen in a meat truck.
156
00:06:15,661 --> 00:06:17,522
Been there. It's not fun.
157
00:06:19,038 --> 00:06:21,802
- So what are you making?
- Wendy's grandmother used to make
158
00:06:21,827 --> 00:06:23,857
these peppermint meringue
cookies every Christmas.
159
00:06:23,882 --> 00:06:26,333
She's dead, I'm not, bam.
160
00:06:26,358 --> 00:06:29,596
Who's your Secret Santa now, bitch?
161
00:06:30,350 --> 00:06:33,300
Impressive. It's no cat
pillow, but impressive.
162
00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:35,569
Any luck finding Tammy a job?
163
00:06:35,637 --> 00:06:37,347
Not yet. She didn't finish high school,
164
00:06:37,372 --> 00:06:39,807
she hasn't worked in years,
she's not good with people.
165
00:06:40,202 --> 00:06:42,319
How the hell did I get a job?
166
00:06:42,744 --> 00:06:44,711
Hey, where's our cookie sheet?
167
00:06:44,936 --> 00:06:47,881
Oh, sorry, I put it under
my car to catch the oil.
168
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,384
Our good towels aren't
doing the trick anymore?
169
00:06:50,495 --> 00:06:52,729
Adam's got some fancy cookie
sheets at his apartment.
170
00:06:52,754 --> 00:06:55,022
- I'll get you his keys.
- Adam bakes cookies?
171
00:06:55,090 --> 00:06:57,313
No. They've got old girlfriend
written all over them.
172
00:06:57,338 --> 00:06:59,272
In fact, after you're
done, throw them away.
173
00:06:59,312 --> 00:07:01,179
Oh, and grab a couple
of his good towels.
174
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:09,905
(exhales)
175
00:07:10,936 --> 00:07:12,649
He's so clean.
176
00:07:12,791 --> 00:07:14,792
How can he marry my mother?
177
00:07:15,877 --> 00:07:17,530
(sighs)
178
00:07:18,978 --> 00:07:20,889
Uh, hello?
- Aah!
179
00:07:21,916 --> 00:07:23,650
If you really wanted to hurt me,
180
00:07:23,675 --> 00:07:26,687
there's knives right behind you.
(chuckles)
181
00:07:26,754 --> 00:07:29,108
Yeah, yeah. That
would've made more sense.
182
00:07:30,022 --> 00:07:32,279
Uh... who are you?
183
00:07:32,304 --> 00:07:34,952
Daniel. I'm renting
this place for a month.
184
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:37,397
- You are?
- Yeah, Airbnb.
185
00:07:37,882 --> 00:07:42,114
- Who are you?
- Christy. Adam's my mom's fiancé.
186
00:07:42,139 --> 00:07:44,882
I came by to borrow his baking sheets.
187
00:07:45,567 --> 00:07:47,021
I'm making Christmas cookies'
188
00:07:47,046 --> 00:07:49,854
it's a Secret Santa thing. Stop me
when you have enough information.
189
00:07:50,643 --> 00:07:52,489
Well, I can't say no to Secret Santa.
190
00:07:52,857 --> 00:07:54,491
Thanks.
191
00:07:56,671 --> 00:07:57,999
Maybe I could...
192
00:07:58,304 --> 00:08:00,716
come back and bring you some cookies,
193
00:08:00,749 --> 00:08:02,030
if you're into that kind of thing.
194
00:08:02,055 --> 00:08:03,233
I'd love that.
195
00:08:03,679 --> 00:08:05,068
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
196
00:08:05,311 --> 00:08:08,132
Oh, but my boyfriend's gluten-free.
197
00:08:09,462 --> 00:08:10,862
Uh-huh.
198
00:08:11,225 --> 00:08:15,022
Well, then, since we have no
future, get your own cookies.
199
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,503
Merry Christmas.
200
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:22,954
♪ You know Dasher and Sampson
201
00:08:22,979 --> 00:08:26,615
♪ And Connor and... Gibson.
202
00:08:27,596 --> 00:08:29,593
Eh, maybe I don't know them.
203
00:08:32,796 --> 00:08:35,364
- How'd it go?
- It was a hard no.
204
00:08:35,404 --> 00:08:37,906
Apparently, I'm not Macy's material.
205
00:08:38,647 --> 00:08:40,575
I'm sorry. Did you return my blouse?
206
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,872
- Oh, yeah. Store credit.
- What?
207
00:08:43,421 --> 00:08:46,547
No cash refunds after six months.
That's Macy's policy.
208
00:08:46,596 --> 00:08:48,366
See what they're missing?
209
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,597
You want to try Pottery Barn?
210
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,399
Why bother?
211
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,802
I'm an ex-con in my 50's
with no job experience.
212
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,762
- Who's gonna hire me?
- Maybe we're aiming a little too high.
213
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:02,389
(grunts) My Spanx agree.
214
00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:05,253
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.
215
00:09:05,738 --> 00:09:07,522
Truck stop hooker?
216
00:09:08,356 --> 00:09:11,092
I was thinking flipping
burgers in a paper hat.
217
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:13,252
Ugh, so degrading.
218
00:09:23,770 --> 00:09:25,419
Hello, vodka.
219
00:09:25,780 --> 00:09:28,903
Do you go to meetings five
days a week to get over me?
220
00:09:32,970 --> 00:09:34,481
Hey.
- Oh.
221
00:09:34,506 --> 00:09:36,340
(chuckles): Hey. What
brings you down here?
222
00:09:36,647 --> 00:09:39,473
I needed cookie sheets and
my mom said you had some.
223
00:09:39,498 --> 00:09:41,632
Oh, yeah, an old girlfriend
left some at my place
224
00:09:41,657 --> 00:09:42,891
before she went crazy.
225
00:09:43,448 --> 00:09:45,182
So you have a type.
226
00:09:45,207 --> 00:09:47,809
Yeah, apparently. I'll
bring them over tonight.
227
00:09:47,834 --> 00:09:49,950
Too late. Got them myself.
228
00:09:50,794 --> 00:09:53,528
And met the guy renting your apartment.
229
00:09:54,236 --> 00:09:55,419
Oh. Huh.
230
00:09:55,444 --> 00:09:57,912
- Yeah.
- You didn't tell your mom, did you?
231
00:09:57,937 --> 00:10:01,583
No. I recognize sneaky
behavior when I see it.
232
00:10:02,043 --> 00:10:03,856
So what's going on, Sneak?
233
00:10:04,692 --> 00:10:07,950
Okay, contrary to what you may see here,
234
00:10:08,294 --> 00:10:10,762
this bar is not exactly trending.
235
00:10:12,843 --> 00:10:14,153
Oh, my God.
236
00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:15,895
You're open right now?
237
00:10:17,810 --> 00:10:20,379
This is the lunch rush.
238
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:22,139
I'm sorry.
239
00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:25,530
Eh. It's not a disaster.
240
00:10:25,555 --> 00:10:28,209
- I didn't say it was.
- I'm talking to myself.
241
00:10:29,053 --> 00:10:30,600
The nights are slow,
242
00:10:30,625 --> 00:10:33,694
the days are... this.
243
00:10:34,046 --> 00:10:35,514
I have no credit with my vendors,
244
00:10:35,539 --> 00:10:37,206
so I have to pay everything up front,
245
00:10:37,231 --> 00:10:38,608
including buying uniforms
246
00:10:38,633 --> 00:10:41,405
for the health inspector's
son's Little League team.
247
00:10:41,430 --> 00:10:43,850
(laughing): The Barrelworks Pirates.
248
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:45,342
They're one and six.
249
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:49,123
So you rent your place
and stay with us, all good.
250
00:10:50,010 --> 00:10:51,411
But why didn't you tell my mom?
251
00:10:51,436 --> 00:10:53,271
'Cause I love her and
I'm gonna marry her,
252
00:10:53,296 --> 00:10:55,431
but I'm still kind of afraid of her.
253
00:10:55,762 --> 00:10:57,967
Yeah, and just a little heads up,
254
00:10:57,992 --> 00:11:00,022
that never goes away.
255
00:11:00,047 --> 00:11:02,448
Any chance we can keep this between us?
256
00:11:02,797 --> 00:11:05,865
Aw, a Christmas lie.
257
00:11:05,890 --> 00:11:07,891
- Now we really are family.
- Yeah.
258
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,254
MARJORIE: You did good, Bonnie.
259
00:11:13,354 --> 00:11:14,487
I'm proud of you.
260
00:11:14,512 --> 00:11:16,358
I don't think Taco Willy's is a career,
261
00:11:16,383 --> 00:11:18,417
but it'll keep Tammy out of jail.
262
00:11:18,442 --> 00:11:20,042
I get that we're being supportive,
263
00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:22,670
but we're not really eating here, right?
264
00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:25,712
Why? I love this place.
265
00:11:25,737 --> 00:11:28,584
♪ Home of the ten-inch taco.
266
00:11:29,312 --> 00:11:32,170
God, there's so much wrong with that.
267
00:11:33,537 --> 00:11:36,490
Welcome to Taco Willy's,
home of the... Hey!
268
00:11:36,515 --> 00:11:38,184
What are you guys doing here?
269
00:11:38,209 --> 00:11:39,703
Just showing a little support.
270
00:11:39,728 --> 00:11:42,196
- Love the sombrero.
- Very jaunty.
271
00:11:42,221 --> 00:11:44,322
Thanks. A group of high school kids
272
00:11:44,347 --> 00:11:45,815
just bagged on me pretty good,
273
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,875
so I forgot to include their utensils.
274
00:11:49,137 --> 00:11:50,670
So, you liking the job?
275
00:11:50,695 --> 00:11:53,670
I'm loving it. No one
here knows I was in prison.
276
00:11:53,695 --> 00:11:56,694
I'm just Tammy. From London.
277
00:11:58,099 --> 00:12:00,576
Ooh, the manager's giving me the
hairy eyeball, order something.
278
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,388
I'll have the ten-inch taco.
279
00:12:02,413 --> 00:12:04,447
All right, mild or en fuego?
280
00:12:04,472 --> 00:12:07,030
Uh, what the heck, en fuego me.
281
00:12:07,677 --> 00:12:10,645
You know what? Just give us
a-a number one, a number four,
282
00:12:10,670 --> 00:12:14,772
an eight, and the aforementioned
ten inches of hot magic.
283
00:12:15,514 --> 00:12:17,303
And diet sodas all around.
284
00:12:17,328 --> 00:12:19,162
Coming right up. That's an uno,
285
00:12:19,187 --> 00:12:21,021
a quatro, and an ocho.
286
00:12:21,046 --> 00:12:23,280
I'm learning Spanish here, too.
287
00:12:23,305 --> 00:12:25,462
All right, that'll be $21.58.
288
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,858
Only $21?
289
00:12:27,883 --> 00:12:30,412
One of those things had shrimp in it.
290
00:12:31,509 --> 00:12:35,346
You guys, thank you so much
for visiting me at my job.
291
00:12:35,371 --> 00:12:38,941
And on behalf of Taco Willy's, gracias.
292
00:12:43,011 --> 00:12:45,646
Wow, these cookies are a slam dunk.
293
00:12:45,671 --> 00:12:48,172
Oh, yeah? Want to see a slammier dunk?
294
00:12:48,416 --> 00:12:50,881
Check out this cookie jar. Look.
295
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:53,600
It's a bear that's a nurse.
296
00:12:54,470 --> 00:12:56,873
It's so tacky. She'll love it.
297
00:12:57,171 --> 00:12:59,806
(phone rings)
298
00:12:59,831 --> 00:13:01,098
Hello?
299
00:13:01,123 --> 00:13:03,061
Hi, Mark. Did you get my check?
300
00:13:04,206 --> 00:13:06,007
Well, that's weird.
301
00:13:06,032 --> 00:13:08,006
Yeah, I-I'll take care
of that right away.
302
00:13:08,209 --> 00:13:10,444
Yeah, thanks. Bye.
303
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:12,576
What's going on?
304
00:13:12,601 --> 00:13:15,303
The check Adam gave me for
our wedding band bounced.
305
00:13:15,770 --> 00:13:18,990
Checks bounce all the time.
Especially at Christmas.
306
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,665
Doesn't mean anything's wrong.
307
00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:25,401
Huh.
308
00:13:25,902 --> 00:13:28,842
All right, better get wrapping on this.
309
00:13:28,867 --> 00:13:32,093
- Unusual shape, could be tricky.
- Hold it.
310
00:13:32,569 --> 00:13:33,826
What do you know?
311
00:13:33,851 --> 00:13:35,858
- Nothing.
- Look at me.
312
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,451
Adam's having money trouble at the bar.
313
00:13:40,171 --> 00:13:41,638
How do you know?
314
00:13:41,663 --> 00:13:43,697
He's renting out his
apartment for extra money.
315
00:13:43,722 --> 00:13:46,639
- What? Why didn't he tell me?
- I don't know.
316
00:13:49,170 --> 00:13:51,530
He's afraid of you.
You're a scary person.
317
00:13:51,555 --> 00:13:53,183
Did he really say that?
318
00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:55,709
Stop it, that's all
you're getting out of me.
319
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:59,864
Damn it. Your powers are
strong during the holidays.
320
00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:05,975
- Hey, there she is.
- We need to talk.
321
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,139
Wow, Christy couldn't even last a day.
322
00:14:09,758 --> 00:14:13,527
Don't blame her, she's
weak. How bad is it?
323
00:14:13,595 --> 00:14:15,729
It's not that bad.
324
00:14:16,777 --> 00:14:18,678
It's bad.
325
00:14:19,011 --> 00:14:20,645
So why have you been lying to me?
326
00:14:20,670 --> 00:14:22,938
I wasn't lying, I was
just protecting you.
327
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,733
I mean, you didn't need to know
I'm losing eight grand a month.
328
00:14:25,758 --> 00:14:28,060
Eight grand a month?!
What the... (stammers)
329
00:14:28,085 --> 00:14:30,220
No, no, don't be scary.
330
00:14:34,015 --> 00:14:37,484
You know what?
I don't even care about the money.
331
00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:39,411
I care about you. I care about us.
332
00:14:39,436 --> 00:14:41,055
I mean, what kind of
marriage are we gonna have
333
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,873
if we don't share the good and the bad?
334
00:14:42,898 --> 00:14:45,166
I know. I-It's just...
335
00:14:45,499 --> 00:14:47,500
I'm a guy who rode a
snowboard off a cliff
336
00:14:47,525 --> 00:14:50,627
and this feels like the
stupidest thing I ever did.
337
00:14:51,789 --> 00:14:54,520
Okay, walk me through the
worst-case scenario here.
338
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:57,990
It's 3:00 a.m., you can't
sleep because you're seeing...
339
00:14:58,206 --> 00:15:00,784
- what?
- Well, the bar goes under.
340
00:15:00,809 --> 00:15:02,910
- And?
- I'm completely humiliated.
341
00:15:02,978 --> 00:15:04,678
- And?
- I've lost everything.
342
00:15:04,746 --> 00:15:06,280
Okay, but you haven't lost everything,
343
00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:07,905
because I'm still here with you.
344
00:15:08,059 --> 00:15:09,426
Even if I'm broke?
345
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:10,858
Babe, I do broke better than anyone.
346
00:15:10,883 --> 00:15:13,485
I got through 1991 on $11.
347
00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:16,833
So no more secrets, okay?
348
00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:18,501
You got to bring this stuff to me.
349
00:15:18,526 --> 00:15:22,096
It's called... intimacy, and
I'm told it's very important.
350
00:15:23,842 --> 00:15:25,967
Customers, customers, go, go, go.
351
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:28,078
Welcome to AJ's Barrelworks.
352
00:15:28,103 --> 00:15:31,071
We have a very special
beer today, two for $8,000.
353
00:15:35,342 --> 00:15:37,478
Okay, we have time for one more share.
354
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,705
- Tammy, alcoholic.
- GROUP: Hi, Tammy.
355
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,898
Make that unemployed alcoholic.
356
00:15:42,093 --> 00:15:43,927
What? What happened?
357
00:15:43,952 --> 00:15:45,545
Everything was going pretty good,
358
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:48,946
and then this homeless guy walks
up to the drive-through window.
359
00:15:48,971 --> 00:15:51,748
He's only got a dollar, but
big-hearted Tammy hooks him up
360
00:15:51,773 --> 00:15:54,450
with a Loco Loco Meal and
a 48-ounce Mountain Dew.
361
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:56,115
I mean, it's Christmas Eve.
362
00:15:56,701 --> 00:15:59,892
Leave it to me to get fired for
trying to do something nice.
363
00:16:00,456 --> 00:16:02,998
So now I got to go to my parole officer
364
00:16:03,023 --> 00:16:06,717
with no job and nothing to
keep her from sending me back.
365
00:16:08,642 --> 00:16:10,178
Aw, hell...
366
00:16:10,911 --> 00:16:12,645
maybe that's best.
367
00:16:12,814 --> 00:16:15,053
I mean, if I can't keep
a job at a taco stand,
368
00:16:15,078 --> 00:16:17,375
there's no way I'm staying out of jail.
369
00:16:19,764 --> 00:16:22,178
Anyway, I just wanted
to say thanks to you guys
370
00:16:22,203 --> 00:16:24,792
for being so welcoming to me here
371
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,661
and being such great friends.
372
00:16:28,503 --> 00:16:30,037
I'm gonna miss you.
373
00:16:33,855 --> 00:16:36,257
So you don't currently have a job?
374
00:16:36,282 --> 00:16:37,516
No, ma'am, I do not.
375
00:16:38,178 --> 00:16:40,315
Well, you're not leaving
me much choice here.
376
00:16:40,340 --> 00:16:42,495
You've been out eight weeks,
no proof of employment.
377
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,187
I don't know how I'm gonna be able...
378
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:45,537
Is it too late? May we speak?
379
00:16:45,562 --> 00:16:47,081
What is going on here?
380
00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:49,497
We are character witnesses
for Tammy Diffendorf.
381
00:16:49,522 --> 00:16:50,694
Counselor.
382
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:52,837
Actually, I'm not
really a lawyer yet...
383
00:16:52,862 --> 00:16:53,663
Just talk.
384
00:16:53,688 --> 00:16:55,956
In the short time we have
known Tammy Diffendorf,
385
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,501
she has proven herself to be a reliable
386
00:16:58,526 --> 00:17:00,527
and law-abiding member
of our community.
387
00:17:00,638 --> 00:17:02,906
She has joined a 12-step program
388
00:17:02,931 --> 00:17:04,608
and everyone here is
willing to vouch for her...
389
00:17:04,633 --> 00:17:05,700
EVE: Okay, stop.
390
00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:08,168
Okay? This is not about character,
391
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,944
it's about employment, and
there's nothing I can do.
392
00:17:10,969 --> 00:17:13,504
Well, that is ridiculous. I
want to talk to your manager.
393
00:17:15,948 --> 00:17:17,515
This isn't Neiman's.
394
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:19,947
Oh.
395
00:17:20,295 --> 00:17:23,350
I'm sorry, but if she
does not have a job,
396
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:24,794
she'll goes back to prison.
397
00:17:24,819 --> 00:17:27,187
Okay? That's all there is to it.
398
00:17:27,561 --> 00:17:29,423
She does have a job.
399
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:31,982
I need my porch painted. $300.
400
00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:34,592
And I need my gutters cleaned out. $100.
401
00:17:34,617 --> 00:17:36,964
And I've got a big house.
Come over two times a week
402
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,014
and we'll find something wrong with it.
403
00:17:40,847 --> 00:17:43,686
Now, these have to be real jobs.
404
00:17:43,711 --> 00:17:46,747
I need to see invoices
and copies of checks.
405
00:17:46,772 --> 00:17:49,052
You'll get them. We'll get her licensed,
406
00:17:49,077 --> 00:17:51,378
put together a website,
get her business cards.
407
00:17:51,419 --> 00:17:52,857
Tammy's Handys.
408
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:55,347
We'll work on the name.
409
00:17:58,319 --> 00:18:01,955
I can't believe you guys are
doing this. Thank you so much.
410
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:04,582
So this is good, right? I don't
have to go back to prison?
411
00:18:05,225 --> 00:18:07,036
I'll see you next Monday.
412
00:18:07,061 --> 00:18:08,729
- No, that's New Year's Eve.
- Take the win.
413
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,521
Oh, yeah, Monday, Monday.
414
00:18:19,906 --> 00:18:21,379
Nice!
415
00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:23,706
Okay, Gus, go mingle.
416
00:18:26,181 --> 00:18:27,849
Nice crowd for a Christmas Eve.
417
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:31,227
Right? I guess. Oh,
what the hell do I know?
418
00:18:31,546 --> 00:18:34,988
Hey, I thought of a way to
take a little stress off you.
419
00:18:35,937 --> 00:18:38,926
I'd love to, but I'm kind of busy.
420
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,752
Not that, you dumb-ass.
421
00:18:41,124 --> 00:18:43,497
I'm thinking maybe we
kick the wedding bells
422
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:45,389
down the road a notch.
423
00:18:46,187 --> 00:18:47,534
You want to put the wedding off?
424
00:18:47,602 --> 00:18:48,902
Not forever, it's gonna happen,
425
00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:50,678
but all the money we're spending on that
426
00:18:50,703 --> 00:18:52,082
could be put into this.
427
00:18:53,617 --> 00:18:54,708
You sure?
428
00:18:55,392 --> 00:18:58,265
Merry Christmas, I'm not marrying you.
429
00:19:00,999 --> 00:19:03,499
I think my acid reflux just went away.
430
00:19:04,194 --> 00:19:06,896
I love you. (chuckles)
431
00:19:06,921 --> 00:19:08,622
Hey, Bonnie, you're missing all the fun.
432
00:19:08,955 --> 00:19:10,689
- I'll be right back.
- All right.
433
00:19:12,370 --> 00:19:15,367
- Wow, nice jacket.
- Jill gave it to me.
434
00:19:15,392 --> 00:19:18,031
She said it was $25 and I believe her.
435
00:19:20,265 --> 00:19:24,148
I love it Bonnie It's purrrr-fect.
436
00:19:24,726 --> 00:19:26,656
Please stop saying that.
437
00:19:27,437 --> 00:19:30,077
- My turn.
- Get ready.
438
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:33,680
Oh! A nurse cookie jar.
439
00:19:34,249 --> 00:19:35,450
Thank you.
440
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:37,008
Wait, look inside.
441
00:19:38,281 --> 00:19:40,296
And cookies, yum.
442
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:41,865
Not just cookies.
443
00:19:42,164 --> 00:19:44,191
Those are your grandmother's
famous peppermint meringues
444
00:19:44,259 --> 00:19:45,693
she only made at Christmas.
445
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,461
My grandmother never made cookies.
446
00:19:47,529 --> 00:19:49,997
She was a drunk who
shot off her own toe.
447
00:19:51,380 --> 00:19:54,177
Well, your cousin Dominic
in Newark begs to differ.
448
00:19:54,245 --> 00:19:55,745
I don't have a cousin Dominic.
449
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:57,871
What are you talking about?
450
00:19:58,187 --> 00:20:00,750
I found your whole
mobbed-up family on Facebook.
451
00:20:00,817 --> 00:20:02,418
Waste management? Wink, wink.
452
00:20:03,257 --> 00:20:05,341
You got the wrong Wendy Harris,
453
00:20:05,366 --> 00:20:06,666
but thank you.
454
00:20:06,691 --> 00:20:08,625
It was really thoughtful.
455
00:20:09,004 --> 00:20:10,562
Do yourself a favor and never
456
00:20:10,587 --> 00:20:12,822
talk about that side of my family again.
457
00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:17,567
Open mine, open mine.
458
00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:21,132
Ooh, I wonder who it's from.
459
00:20:22,390 --> 00:20:24,992
Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret.
460
00:20:25,017 --> 00:20:27,224
Remember? You would hide
it under your mattress
461
00:20:27,249 --> 00:20:29,240
and we would read it to
each other every night.
462
00:20:29,265 --> 00:20:31,806
Tammy, I loved this book.
463
00:20:31,916 --> 00:20:35,075
- Good job, honey.
- Yeah, you really nailed Secret Santa.
464
00:20:36,156 --> 00:20:38,946
Oh, Jill, they left
the price tag on this.
465
00:20:39,013 --> 00:20:40,547
I know.
34196
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