Original subtitles

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

It was through this tower that the ancients left us

one important word of wisdom:

When scrubbing floors,

never put all the furniture on one side of the room.

I believe you will rejoice with me

when you hear that the people of Pisa

have resisted the offers

from the head of a chain of American pancake restaurants.

The city fathers were quite willing to paint the building

to resemble a pile of hotcakes,

but the thought of syrup cascading down the sides

was too much for their sensibilities.

Instead, they are having serious negotiations

with a pizza company that submitted a higher bid.

Naturally, here on Alfred Hitchcock Presents,

we never allow commercial considerations

to interfere with art, or vice versa.

Here is a one-minute example of the latter.

Here’s your bourbon.

Look it, bright guy.

I ordered bourbon, didn’t I?

B-O-U-R-B-O-N.

Bourbon.

[speaking Italian]

What did you bring me this stuff for when I ordered bourbon?

[speaking Italian]

[customer speaking Italian]

[speaking Italian]

They don’t have bourbon here, only scotch.

He just didn’t understand you.

Huh. All right, scotch, then.

Hey...

you’re an American.

Yes, I am. Ainsley Crowder.

Mmm... Frankie Fane.

Here.

Have an American cigarette.

Thank you very much.

They’re pretty expensive over here.

Help yourself.

Say, that’s a very nice lighter.

You like it?

Made for me special.

Eighteen karat gold.

Hey, you talked that Italian pretty good.

Oh, not really.

It should be a lot better than it is after three years.

Three? [chuckle]

I’ve been here six weeks.

Haven’t made any headway with the language at all.

I can’t move from this street.

I’ll go nuts if I don’t move.

Why do you stay, then?

Mmm?

What do you wanna know for?

Well... I mean, if you don’t like it,

why don’t you move on? Or at least go back home?

Well, I will.

Yeah, sure. I will.

Just that I-- I can’t right now.

[speaking Italian]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Crowder] How much of Rome have you seen?

Oh, I took some of them bus trips.

You know, with a bunch of tourists yapping.

Ain’t that terrific? Ain’t that wonderful?

I never saw so many churches in all my life.

Have you seen the Colosseum? And the Forum?

Yeah, I saw all that stuff the first week.

What did you think of the Colosseum?

[chuckle]

Be great to have a season pass to the place.

Have you ever thought about visiting places outside the city?

Eh, who needs it?

Why?

What did you have in mind?

Well, Ostia, for example.

-Mmm? -The ancient seaport of Rome.

-Hmm? -[Crowder] You can still see

the old harbor and the old warehouses.

Yeah?

Tarquinia. It’s fascinating.

It’s where the Etruscans used to live

before the Latins came and took over.

Hey, you really go for this antique stuff, don’t you?

Very much.

I had to wait years to get over here.

I’m working for my doctorate in archaeology.

Oh...

OK, I got it worked out.

You and me, we are gonna go to those places,

and you’re gonna tell me about them.

That way I’ll know what I’m looking at.

Oh, no. I can’t get away.

I’m much too busy.

I’ll make it worth your while.

I’m sorry.

I could tell you the places to go.

Eh...

Well, OK, tell me about them.

Or way better, write them down for me, eh?

[Crowder] Oh, here. I’ve got a card.

Now, let’s see, there’s...

-There’s Ostia. -[Frankie] Yeah.

-Palestrina. -[chuckles]

And these are just day trips.

Eh... Tarquinia.

And of course, you’ll need a car.

So, I’ll rent a car.

Now, a place where tourists never go

is Alda Antica.

Alda... Antica.

Alda Antica?

Old Alda, it means.

Oh.

Very few people have even heard of it.

Think of it:

a ruin abandoned by the Romans a hundred years before Christ,

and itself built over the site of an ancient Etruscan city.

It has remained unpopulated ever since.

Oh, what do you know?

But before you get there, you’ll have to pass

through a village down the hill, which is inhabited,

called Alda Nuova.

Nuova? New?

New Alda.

Of course, "new" means tenth century.

Now, mind you, it’s just a short trip,

but there, the clock turns back to something really different.

You look up at Roman and Etruscan ruins,

but you’ll be standing in the Dark Ages.

Might as well go.

I’m in the dark here anyway.

[chuckle]

Buongiorno, signore.

Turista?

Turista?

What do you want?

You turista, no?

Yeah.

American tourist?

What’s it to you?

You come. See Alda Antica.

Very famous.

We show.

Well, you talk English, anyway.

American Army teach me.

Just how far is this...

Alda Antica.

Two kilometers.

We go in the car, signore.

Yeah, OK.

[boy] Turista.

Turista.

Turista.

-Ah, turista. -Turista.

Hey...

what do they want?

I’m going back to Rome.

-[engine starting] -Signore, why you go?

Ever hear of a hunch?

Signore, you have come far.

Alda Antica, it’s very interest. We show.

You show somebody else. I’m going back to Rome.

But why? Is the signore afraid?

Eh? [chuckle]

Me? Afraid of a bunch of punks? Are you crazy? Come on.

[Frankie] No, no, no. Only three.

Three. Tre. You, what’s your name?

-Paolo. -[Frankie] Paolo, you in the front seat.

Two in the back seat.

-Two. -[Frankie] Two.

Giulio, Gina.

All right. Come on, let’s go.

[Gina cheering]

[Paolo] Alda Antica.

It’s very old.

[chattering]

Hey.

Who’s that guy?

Cesare.

The brother of the wife of my brother.

Is a good man, Cesare.

He will watch the auto.

[speaking Italian]

[speaking Italian]

What is it?

Is gone.

Where?

Is a tunnel.

Goes through the center of the mountain.

Comes out at the bottom.

There are five.

What are they for? I mean...

What were they for?

Enemies.

[Paolo grunting]

[laughter]

[laughter]

Attenzione, signore.

It’s all right, kid.

Thanks.

Momento, signore.

[speaking Italian]

She say be careful.

Is dangerous.

Mh-hm.

[speaking Italian]

It’s...

[chuckle]

Pretty easy, wouldn’t it?

I not understand.

[Gina] Sigarette.

[Frankie] Hey, watch it! What do you think you’re doing?

Hey, give me that! Give me that!

Make her give it to me!

Come on!

Ah, what difference does it make?

I got a lot more cigarettes in the car.

-Signore, please. -What do you want?

Money.

Oh...

[clamoring]

[Paolo] We are hungry.

I got some in auto!

You can’t leave without us!

We come with you, we go back with you.

[speaking Italian]

Cesare never do harm to nobody.

Look, leave me alone.

What do you want from me? Tell me, I’ll give it to you.

You said you wanted money, eh?

Here. Here.

There’s plenty of money, you see? Look at it.

Go on, pick it up. It’s yours.

Go and pick it up. It’s yours. [chuckling]

Chickenfeed’s not good enough for you.

All right, try this.

Go ahead, all right, take it all. It’s yours!

My lighter.

How about that?

My watch?

You want that?

Help, help!

We found this card in his hotel room.

And these are the places you suggested that he visit?

Yes, that’s right. Why? What happened to him?

Several other people in addition to the police hope

that you will help us find out.

The hotel, which has an unpaid bill,

the company which has rented him the car,

and also your Department of Justice.

Oh, really? Why?

Ostia, Palestrina...

Mr. Crowder, would you be good enough to accompany me

on a small archaeological expedition

to Ostia, Palestrina, Tarquinia, Alda Antica...? Please.

[Crowder] Of course.

[speaking Italian]

[mumbling] Where did I put that...

license number. Ah, yes...

Roma 2374.

[speaking Italian]

Eh, it’s always the same. They saw nothing, they remember nothing.

Is a waste of time.

[speaking Italian]

[Siani] Look, all have brand new shoes.

[speaking Italian]

[chuckles]

His father bought them for him.

His brother gave them to him for a present.

They always have an answer for everything.

Well, should we go back to Rome?

Yeah, we might as well.

Signore, arrivederci.

[speaking Italian]

His grandfather in Naples gave it to him?

That’s what he says.

You don’t believe that, do you?

No, I don’t.

I think we better take a look at Alda Antica.

[man] Ah, signore.

Mi penna.

Oh, scusate, signore. Arrivederci.

[speaking Italian]

[honks horn]

[speaking Italian]

[speaking Italian]

-Signore Siani. -[Siani] Si?

[Paolo speaking Italian]

Momentino, momentino.

There’s a car down there.

Do you-- Do you recognize it, or the license plate?

I never saw it.

He rented it after I left him.

Auto?

Si, auto.

Accidente...

Did you see it go over the cliff?

No. I live in Alda Nuova.

Never come to Alda Antica.

Well, what shall we do?

Go back to Rome.

You’re not gonna let them get away with it?

Oh, I will make a report to the interested parties, but, uh,

I don’t think what can be done about it.

You cannot prosecute the whole village.

[thuds]

What’s that?

It is believed to be an ancient tunnel, signore.

You said before the Department of Justice inquired after him.

Was Frankie Fane a criminal? A murderer?

Oh, that’s-- that’s possible.

But only incidentally.

How’d you mean?

He was the chief of a group who sold narcotics

to a very... special class of buyer.

What class of buyer?

Children.

High school children.

It seems to be catching.

Which reminds me,

the authorities caught up with the youthful pranksters

in Alda Nuova.

By the way, workers, designers, and painters

are about to swarm over the tower

and redo it completely.

In a minute, I shall show you how it will look

after the renovation.

This is the way the tower will look after the work is finished.

I’m sure you agree it will be a vast improvement.

Next week, I shall return with another story.

Why don’t you look in and see if I’m improved.

[rumbling sound]

Until then, goodnight.