Original subtitles

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to Candid Capers.

This is the program which photographs people

in amusing and embarrassing scenes,

and then shows them to the television audience.

Our photographer is returning with a new set of pictures.

Thank you.

Allow me to explain how our program works.

Our photographer goes into night clubs,

hotels, or parked cars

and snaps these candid pictures.

We then show the photographs on television

and everyone has a good laugh.

This first picture

was snapped in a dark corner of the Nouveau Pub Coffee House,

and it shows Mr. Andrew Spear Math

and Miss G-- Oh.

Oh, there’s something on this one, excuse me.

It’s from Mr. Spear Math.

I see.

Candid Capers loves a good laugh,

but we certainly wouldn’t want to cause any misunderstandings.

Apparently, all he could find on which to write his note

was a $100 bill.

While I go through these pictures,

perhaps you’d like to look at the following

more formal photography. Thank you.

How about that, Annie?

How about that, huh?

That fellow Rembrandt, he couldn’t do much better

than that, could he?

No, sir.

There you are.

Now you’ve got the fanciest doghouse in town.

Oh, yeah. I bet those other pooches

are gonna be jealous, huh?

Nothing’s too good for my little Annie.

You know what I’m gonna do next winter?

I’m gonna put a regular little heater in there for you.

I bet you’ll like that, huh?

[dog whimpering]

What’s the matter, old girl?

Where’s that old zip? Don’t you feel so well?

Well, you coming in to dinner or aren’t you?

I’m coming, I’m coming. I just wanted to finish up

the painting.

Looks pretty good. You wanna take a look?

It’s a fine time to be painting.

And you with your good suit on.

[exhales]

Come on, girl.

Look at that jacket.

You think I can afford dry-cleaning every other day?

Why don’t you do that stuff on weekends, like other men do?

Other men don’t have a dog like Annie.

You know?

I don’t think Annie feels so well.

She doesn’t got that old zip.

Well, what do you expect with an old dog?

She’s no puppy anymore.

Yeah, well, she’s been moping around a lot.

Maybe it’s the weather.

You know what I think?

I think she needs exercise.

I ought to take her to the park more.

Why don’t you take her to dinner and a show?

Wouldn’t think of taking me to the park, would you?

That’s different.

You bet your life it’s different.

You don’t think I get sick and tired of it?

Watching you treat that dog like she was a

I don’t know, Queen of Sheba?

You don’t come home from work to see me.

You come home to see Annie.

You starting that again?

Annie eats better than we do.

She goes to the vet more times than I go to the doctor.

And me, that really needs it with my back.

You got any pepper?

It’s "Annie this, Annie that."

I’d hate to have a fire in this house,

I don’t know who you’d rescue first!

Oh, come on, now, Thelma.

You know you like the dog too.

Oh? Like?

Like’s one thing.

It’s more than just like with you.

Here, Annie. Here, Annie.

Take it, girl.

-Well, take it. -[whimpers]

Take it.

She doesn’t want any meat.

She didn’t eat any breakfast this morning either.

Hmm. Maybe she just doesn’t like it.

Maybe it’s my cooking.

Maybe she don’t like that.

I didn’t say that. Now, come on, Thelma,

sit down, there’s something I wanna tell you.

Something happened at the office this morning.

Mr. McGregor called me in.

He wants me to go to the Cleveland branch.

You?

What for?

Well, one of their department heads

out there got sick, and they don’t know

how long he’ll be out.

He was working on a market research project

-for one of our big clients. -So?

So, they want me to go on out there and finish up the job.

I don’t know how long it’ll take,

two or three days, maybe.

What do you think of that?

Well, that’s very nice for you.

Well, it is sort of flattering,

I mean, it’s an important project.

And he thinks I’m the right man to handle the job.

When are you supposed to leave?

I’m to catch a plane at 9 o’clock in the morning.

I’ll have to pack tonight.

Well, don’t forget your pills and stuff.

Well, I guess I’d better get started. Come on, girl.

Thelma! I’m back.

How are you, Ned? How was the trip?

Well, it was just fine. It was OK.

-Oh, let me take that. -No, that’s all right.

I can manage it.

You must be awfully tired, dear.

I made you some coffee.

Good.

Annie must be getting deaf in her old age.

I thought sure she’d be barking when I pulled up in that taxi.

[exhales]

Feels like I’ve been away a year.

Everything all right here?

W-What is it? What’s happened?

-Ned... -Oh, what is it, for Pete’s sake?

You’re acting awful funny, are you sorry I came home or something?

-I’ve got bad news about Annie. -What’s wrong?

What’s the matter with Annie?

What? Is Annie sick?

Is she at the vet’s?

Well, what is it, Thelma?

It happened two days after you left.

She was acting funny.

Well, you saw the way she was acting,

she just quit eating, I had to force the food on her.

And then one night,

Friday it was,

she was lying on the floor, under the dining table,

she was breathing heavy,

and then she began to whimper like she was having a bad dream,

and then she got up...

Well? Go on, Thelma!

She came over to me and

stood in front of me, looking at me,

making that funny little whimpering noise,

like she had to go out or something...

and then she collapsed.

She just fell over and lay there.

I bent over her, but she didn’t move.

She wasn’t even breathing.

I tried to pick her up, but she weighed a ton.

She wasn’t even breathing, Ned.

I touched her,

I didn’t feel anything, no heartbeat

or anything like that.

Did you call Dr. Chaff?

Did you call a vet?

She was gone, Ned!

She was dead!

She just stopped living, that’s all it was.

I-I called Mr. Doyle, next door,

and he said there was nothing I could do about it.

Nothing I could do, but, but bury poor Annie.

He-He said that he wished that he could help me,

but, but he was sick in bed, with a cold.

He said that...

I should just take Annie out in the woods,

and bury her.

Did you call Chaff?

Did you tell him what was happening?

It was 10 o’clock, even later, nobody was open that late.

What did you do?

I did what Mr. Doyle said, I...

I went out into the woods,

not too far,

I dug a hole,

I put Annie in it,

I covered her up and came back to the house.

It was the only thing I could do.

You did that.

It was the only sensible thing, Ned.

I couldn’t just leave her lie there.

You buried her?

Yes.

You buried my dog?

How did you know she was dead?

How did you know for sure?

-Ned? -You know what you did?

You buried Annie alive!

You buried my dog alive!

I didn’t! I didn’t!

She was dead.

She was 13, Ned! She was old!

Dr. Chaff said she was like a 90-year-old woman!

You buried my dog alive!

[grunts]

[sobs]

Annie!

Annie!

Ned?

Yes, Thelma?

Ned, he’s here.

Who’s here?

Dr. Chaff.

I told you he was coming over this afternoon.

Will you see him, please?

Yes, sure. I will, Thelma.

Come in, Doctor.

Mr. Malley.

I understand you’ve been away on a business trip.

Been to Cleveland, I hear.

Nice town, Cleveland.

My daughter married a Cleveland boy.

Won’t you sit down, Doctor?

Oh, thank you, Mrs. Malley.

Uh, Mr. Malley,

it’s really too bad about your dog.

Fine animal.

I always liked Kerry Blues.

Your wife told me about all that happened.

About how upset you were.

I just want to reassure you that,

well, she did absolutely the right thing.

The dog was old, you know? 13 years is very old for a dog.

I’m sure there was no doubt about his being dead.

She was a her.

Annie was a her.

Why, yes, of course, I...

Well, anyway, I just wanted you to know that Mrs. Malley

did the right thing by burying her.

The only sensible thing.

You’re a vet, Dr. Chaff.

You ought to know whether a dog’s dead or alive.

Yes, naturally.

But my wife,

she isn’t a vet, is she?

Well, I really don’t think there’s any question--

But you don’t really know, do you?

Because you weren’t here.

Nobody really knows whether Annie was dead or alive.

Because nobody was here, except my wife.

You see my point?

-Mrs. Malley, I-- -It’s all right, Doctor.

You did your best.

-[door opens] -[Chaff] I’m sorry.

[Thelma] Well, thank you for coming, Doctor.

[door closes]

You can put your shirt on now.

Is something bothering you?

Perhaps a business worry? Something like that?

No, it’s nothing like that, Doctor,

it’s just the sleep.

That’s my problem.

Well, you need your rest, no doubt about that, we all do.

Those, uh, those sleeping pills you gave me

the last time I was here, I’m all out of them.

It might be better if you could try getting along without them.

I gotta get some sleep, Doctor,

if I can just get some sleep, I’m sure I’d feel better.

All right, Mr. Malley, I’ll give you

another prescription.

But use the only when you feel it’s really necessary.

I will, Doctor.

Only when necessary.

Ned.

Yes, Thelma?

There’s something I want to tell you.

Is it about Annie?

In a way.

I spoke to Dr. Chaff again,

-and he says-- -Thelma, don’t.

Don’t talk about it.

I don’t wanna hear another word.

[sobbing] But we can’t go on like this.

You make me feel so--

There’s no sense crying about it.

It’s all over and done with.

Well, I can’t help it.

Annie’s dead, and that’s all there’s to it.

Just won’t ever mention the subject again.

All right?

Do you mean that, Ned?

Of course I mean it!

We’ll forget all about Annie.

Just like she never existed.

How about a nice cup of hot chocolate?

No. No, thank you, Ned.

I think I’ll get some when I go to bed.

Have some now.

I’d like some myself. I’ll even fix it.

You?

Well, all right, Ned. If you want to.

Is it all right?

Yes. Yes, it’s just fine.

Ned, there is something I wanna tell you.

It isn’t too sweet?

No. No. No, it’s fine.

Ned--

You know that clock needs winding?

I’ll bet it hasn’t been wound since I left.

[clicking, ticking]

Uh...

[breathes heavily]

Ned, I...

I feel so tired all of the sudden.

Maybe you ought to lie down a while.

No. No, it’s...

It’s too early to go to bed.

Hmm.

[gasps]

Maybe if I...

Maybe if I got some fresh air.

Ah! I feel so woozy!

No, dear.

You’ve just been knitting too much.

Your eyes are tired.

Ned, I think I’m gonna faint.

No. No.

You’re going to be all right.

[Ned] You just go in and lie down a while.

[Thelma] Yes, I think I’d better.

Ned I, I feel awful.

Ned, I, I feel sick.

No, you’ll be all right.

You just sit down here,

and lie back.

Go to sleep.

Close your eyes.

And go to sleep.

Maybe we’d better call somebody.

A doctor.

No. We don’t need a doctor.

A doctor wouldn’t do you any good now.

It’s too late for that.

What do you mean?

What do you mean "too late"?

Why it’s just too late.

It’ll all be over in a few minutes, Thelma.

What are you talking about?

I gave you something in your hot chocolate, tonight.

That’s why you’re feeling this way.

You gave me something?

I went to see Dr. Prentiss today,

and he gave me a prescription for some sleeping pills.

A whole bottle full of them.

And they were all in your chocolate, Thelma.

Every single one.

Ned!

Don’t try and fight it, Thelma.

It’s too late to do anything about it now.

There isn’t a thing they can do for you now.

Just like they couldn’t do anything

for poor Annie.

You know what might even happen?

You may not be dead

when I finally decide to call somebody.

You may only be sleeping.

And maybe they won’t even hear your heartbeat.

Like you didn’t hear Annie’s.

Maybe they won’t even know you’re still alive.

And they may bury you, too!

Just like you buried Annie out there!

Alive!

That’s what might happen!

[heavy breathing]

Ned...

please.

Help me.

Now, just lie still, Thelma.

Don’t make it any harder for yourself.

It’s gonna be hard enough

when they put that dirt over you.

When they start to cover up that grave and you’re in it

alive.

That’s gonna be hard, Thelma.

Just like it was for Annie.

[grunts]

[barking]

[barking]

[barking continues]

[barking continues]

Annie?

[whimpering]

Annie!

You think she’ll be able to talk now?

[intern] You could try.

Mrs. Malley?

You’re going to be all right now, ma’am.

All you have to do now is just take it easy.

Ned,

my husband?

Well, I’m afraid this is going to be bad news.

Mrs. Malley...

Patrolman Davis found your husband

in the backyard.

He must have fallen.

He struck his head on the concrete and...

well, he’s dead, Mrs. Malley. I’m sorry.

He’s dead?

It was your neighbor, Mr. Doyle, who phoned us,

he heard a racket in your backyard

and thought it must have been a prowler.

It’s lucky for you that he did.

[sobs]

Look, Mrs. Malley,

I know that you don’t feel much like talking now,

but there’s something we have to know.

Now, about that overdose you took,

those sleeping pills.

He’s dead.

[sobs]

He’s dead.

And he never even knew.

Knew what, Mrs. Malley?

He never knew about the dog.

It was Dr. Chaff’s idea.

To get him another Kerry Blue.

Just like the one that died. Just like Annie.

To make him feel better.

I was going to surprise him tonight.

Would you believe it?

We don’t have a single photograph to show you.

I should tell you more of this in just a moment.

That concludes our show for tonight.

As for Candid Capers,

we have added a new feature.

The Telephone-Tapping Hour.

We hope this will be even more entertaining

and profitable.

So, until next week, goodnight.