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Ah!
Oh, good evening.
I just had a terrible nightmare.
It lasted only a minute,
but it was a shattering experience.
Let me tell you about it before we see tonight’s play.
It was like a motion picture,
and as I watched,
a voice kept shouting at me.
[jazz music playing]
[audience applauding]
[woman] I asked for drums in that last number,
not a native uprising.
Musicians!
They must’ve merged with the steelworkers’ union.
Oh, I thought you sounded lovely, Miss Coe.
"Lovely, Miss Coe." You always think I sound lovely,
-don’t you, Pauline? -Oh, but you do.
Of course I do.
And you like to collect your salary.
-[piano music] -Oh, Miss Coe.
Oh, I’m just tired, Pauline.
You must be tired too.
Why don’t you go on home? I can manage.
Well, if that’s what you want.
That’s what I want.
-Goodnight. -Goodnight, Pauline.
I knew you’d come, Tony.
I couldn’t refuse a personal invitation
from the great Crystal Coe, could I?
Delivered after I received your threatening note.
Threatening?
You must be imagining things.
That was just a fan letter.
You always did have a big imagination.
Remember the story you told me back in Cleveland?
"I can’t take the rap, Tony.
I don’t want our baby born in prison."
I never did get a birth announcement.
A girl could make a mistake.
She sure can.
[sighs] No birth announcement,
no letters.
Seven years is a long time to sit and stir...
without letters.
I didn’t know you could sing, baby.
[piano music continues]
All right, Tony. What do you want?
Seven years.
Seven empty years.
At first, I nearly went crazy
wondering why you didn’t write.
I even thought that stupid gin mill operator
might have realized it was your fingers
in his till, instead of mine.
Then one day,
the days weren’t empty anymore.
Because I saw your picture in a newspaper.
I didn’t recognize you right off,
not with the dark hair,
the fancy clothes,
and that name-- "Crystal Coe."
[mocking laughter]
The paper said you just changed your name
by marrying a band leader.
What happened to him, baby?
Was he the one who shot himself,
or was he the one who turned alcoholic?
No.
No.
I remember now,
that was your second husband.
I read all about it in one of those fan magazines,
"The Tragic Loves of Crystal Coe."
But the story went on to say that you had found happiness
at last,
with an older man, old enough to own a few oil fields.
[laughs]
All right, so we have the story of my life.
Not quite.
I could do a sequel.
"Crystal Coe’s Secret Love."
How do you like that for a title?
-It’ll never sell. -Why not?
Because I can’t swim in oil?
Because you can’t prove anything.
You know better than that, baby.
No matter how many pieces of paper you destroy,
there’s always a piece left somewhere.
Nice.
This must’ve cost Mr. Oil Wells
a neat sum.
Oh, everything is so expensive these days.
How expensive, Tony?
Very nice.
[gasps]
Sometimes, when I was sweating out at that stretch for you,
I’d wake up in the night,
forget where I was.
I’d reach out in the darkness,
and grab an armful of air.
We did have some good times together baby, didn’t we?
You must remember that.
I stopped remembering a long time ago.
But I couldn’t forget.
That’s the crazy thing.
Whatever you did,
I made excuses.
Even when you stole our money,
I blamed myself
because I couldn’t give you all the things you wanted.
Remember how I used to tinker around in the basement,
trying to invent something
that would make us rich?
[sighs]
I guess no invention can improve on nature.
A girl has to live.
She can’t wait around forever. She has to live.
Are you sure of that, Crystal?
I could’ve saved the suckers you married a lot of cash,
if I’d sounded off.
Me, the jailbird
Crystal Coe couldn’t acknowledge,
even to a judge.
But that would spoil everything.
For both of us, Tony.
Yeah.
Now you’re getting the idea.
That’s what I had in mind, all these years.
So Tony kept his mouth shut
and went on tinkering
and remembering.
They have places for that, even in prison, you know?
How much do you want, Tony?
You’re not the only one who likes expensive things.
Seven years of hunger can give a man a real appetite
for expensive things.
I ask you how much.
For what I want,
you won’t need your checkbook.
[opens door]
[slams door]
After all, you never divorced me.
I’m still your husband.
Not like the old days.
You don’t have to remind me.
I bet I don’t.
Real class.
I suppose when the ashtrays are filled,
you trade for a new model.
Not immediately.
I have the chauffeur empty them for the first six months.
[starts car]
[turns on radio]
[soft music playing]
Say, that’s an oldie.
Remember that one?
The old tunes are the best.
The old tunes, the old loves.
Where we going?
You called it, Tony.
What about Mr. Oil Wells?
Mr. Wyncliff is in San Francisco on business.
And the chauffeur?
There is no one at the beach house this time of the year.
No one at all.
This should be cozy.
It’s a long drive. I’d better get some gas.
-Fill her up? -[Crystal] Yes, please.
Where you going?
From now on it’s my business.
This is where we part company.
I don’t understand.
I bet you don’t.
Nobody ever walked out on you, did they, baby?
Nobody ever turned down such an invitation.
That’s what I had in mind when I gave you that spiel
about those 700 years.
I wanted you to learn what it feels like to have
the only thing you can offer thrown back in your face.
Don’t you get it?
I’m the stupid fool that sweated out seven years
in a cell because I loved you.
You’re in my blood.
Even when I knew about all the other men.
I ripped your picture apart.
A thousand times I’ve smashed your face
until it wouldn’t look good to any man.
Seven years
I dreamed of what I’d do when I got out
and find you again--
-Tony... -And last night I did find you.
I went to that club
and I saw the woman I’d gone through so much for.
A fancy saloon tramp.
Is that why you wrote the letter to me?
Just to tell me that?
I didn’t intend to tell you anything.
I wrote the letter so you’d know I was out.
So you could do a little sweating for a change.
I never intended to see you again.
I’ve had it, baby. I’m cured.
I don’t want you anymore in a beach house
or anywhere else.
Wait.
Don’t get out here.
Oh, I get it.
You’re known here.
Yes, I am.
And you wouldn’t want a shabby bum like me
getting out of your car under all these lights
any more than you wanted me to be seen at the club.
The dressing room... after the last show.
Those were the directions.
You’re very understanding, Tony.
Nice try, baby.
But you’re not getting through.
[man] Thank you.
Go on, Tony, take it.
My gun, you’ve kept it.
[sighs] No thanks, baby I don’t want this gift either.
Would you, please, sign this, ma’am?
It’s a terrible pen you’ve got there.
Can you read the signature?
Ah, sure I can, ma’am.
Is the boulevard open all the way up to the beach?
They were working on it yesterday.
Boulevard? Yes, it’s OK now.
Fine, I’ll stay on the boulevard.
It’s good to be able to find a service station
open at this hour.
I usually have the chauffeur fill the tank every morning,
but this morning I forgot.
It’s easy to get careless. Isn’t it, Tony?
Why did you set up this cozy rendezvous
if you thought I was going to kill you?
As you said, Tony.
There’s always a record left somewhere.
-A record? -Proof of our marriage.
Fortunately, you’re the only person on this earth
who’d ever think to look for it.
Look, I told you I didn’t want any part of you.
And I wouldn’t dream of spoiling your set-up
with Wyncliff.
Any man that marries you deserves all the grief he gets.
Even if it isn’t legal.
Let me out at that bus stop.
You can’t get a bus this time of night.
-Then I’ll walk. -You don’t have to walk, Tony.
I’ll take you where you’re going.
What is this?
Is your pride wounded or something?
Do you think you can still stir up the embers
at that beach house?
Maybe that’s it.
And maybe it isn’t.
-[sirens blaring] -What’s that?
-The police. -[tires screech]
[grunts]
You should’ve killed me back in the station, Tony,
but I knew you wouldn’t. You never had that kind of nerve.
-I don’t want your money. -The nerve to get what you want and keep it.
-But I don’t want your money! -It’s no use, Tony.
The first lesson I ever learned was that you can’t trust a man.
Don’t do--
What happened here, lady?
[sobbing] He tried to kill me.
He tried to kill me!
This man... kill me.
Call... police.
Did you write this statement to the station attendant,
Miss Coe?
-Yes. -May I?
It was the only thing I could think to do.
I was so frightened.
But did you know this man?
No, I’d never seen him before.
He was waiting in the car when I left the club
after the last show.
Mm-hm.
With this gun?
[sobbing] Yes.
I--
I thought he wanted money, I--
I offered him my purse, but he wouldn’t get out.
[sobbing]
I saw the service station up ahead,
and I knew there was a police car behind me.
Then he-- then he heard the siren,
and he made me drive faster, and...
I--
I stopped the car suddenly, and then he
dropped the gun.
We struggled for it
and it went off.
-[Crystal sobs] -Lieutenant,
you heard my wife’s story.
And you have the statement of the station attendant,
also the officer in the police car.
Now, It’s been a very rough night,
and I’d like to take my wife home
as soon as possible.
Well, I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t.
Bum crawled into your car in the parking lot,
got himself shot struggling for the gun.
That’s about the size of it.
Well, thank you very much for your help, Miss Coe,
I won’t need to detain you any further.
Of course you’ll have to appear before the judge.
It’s just a formality,
and then you’ll be free to go.
[lieutenant dialing phone]
[sighs]
It was a jolt getting off the plane to news like that
last night.
Was a jolt to me too.
I can see that.
I blame myself. I could’ve cut the conference short
and taken an earlier plane.
It wouldn’t have made any difference.
But it would have.
I’d have been at the club to pick you up as usual.
You shouldn’t be driving alone at that late hour.
Crystal,
this nonsense has to stop.
When you finish at the club next week,
I’m going to take you away.
I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.
The Bahamas, Mexico,
South America.
Oh, George, that would be wonderful.
Then it’s all settled.
Oh, when I think of last night,
what could’ve happened to you.
[doorbell rings]
Now, who could that be?
Well, if it is those reporters again, I’ll get rid of them.
I’m sorry, my wi--
Lieutenant.
-Oh, come in. -[lieutenant] Thank you.
I brought your wife’s car back.
I thought she might be needing it.
Oh, well, we were just having some coffee.
-Won’t you join us? -No, thank you.
Oh, good morning, Miss Coe.
I’ve been drinking coffee all night.
The lieutenant brought your car back, darling.
-Your keys, Miss Coe. -Thank you, lieutenant.
Or rather I should say,
-Mrs. Wyncliff. -[both men chuckle]
I thought you might be interested to hear
what we learned about our friend of last night.
-Oh, sit down, lieutenant. -Thank you.
You’re a lucky woman, Mrs. Wyncliff.
That was a dangerous man, an ex-convict.
There is no doubt in my mind that the coroner’s jury
will find this to be a clear case of self-defense.
This mess is gonna cause somebody a headache.
I’m glad it’s not in my department.
-Headache? -A big headache.
You see, Mrs. Wyncliff, downtown headquarters
had a full report on this man.
He was paroled in another state with permission to come out here
to close a business deal.
He had invented something while he was in prison,
some kind of electronic equipment.
And, huh,
a few hours before his death, he had signed the contract
that should’ve net him quite the sum on royalties.
It’s going to entail a lot of work to dig up
this man’s past
and to find his beneficiary.
I just learned the nightmare I had was a commercial.
I suppose one can’t expect to get pleasant dreams for nothing.
But I never realized before that they were sponsored.
Now that you know there is no escape in sleep,
perhaps you’ll watch the following electronic nightmare.
Please, do not be frightened.
I should be right here all the time.
That’s it all for tonight.
Now you’re on your own.
So, until next week, at the same time,
pleasant dreams.
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