Original subtitles

Good evening.

Tonight we have another treat

for those of you who enjoy a peek behind the scenes.

I’m sure most of you imagine

that years of thought and work

go behind the creation

of a television situation comedy series.

You are absolutely correct.

However, modern science has managed

to distill and concentrate all this work

into this small package.

Instant situation comedy.

All you do is to add water,

you don’t even have to stir.

Contains the ingredients for a complete cast

together with recorded laughter

and a large supply of the following--

"Retorts, witty.

Replies, devastating.

Quips, modest.

Reproofs, parental.

Mots, bons.

And takes, double.

All that is necessary,

is to slice the results

into 39 segments."

That is what I would term a population explosion.

I better come in with you, you might need me.

I’ll never forgive myself if anything’s happened to her.

Mrs. Evans, what’s happened?

It’s all right, Lucy. She’s fine.

-Hello, Arthur. -But the doctor’s here.

She insisted that I call him.

It might not have been necessary,

but I thought I’d better humor her.

-Thank goodness you were here. -I just stopped by.

I thought you might’ve like a little company.

Oh, thank you very much.

Oh, what are neighbors for?

[woman] Lucy, is that you?

-[Lucy] Coming, Mama. -I’ll wait down here.

[Lucy] Yes, you better.

[Mama] Don’t look so frightened, dear. I’m all right now.

Are you sure, Mother?

Perfectly sure. Isn’t that right, Dr. Larson?

-Quite right. -You see?

Did you have a nice evening, dear?

It was all right.

-How’s Arthur? -He’s fine.

And his mother?

She hasn’t been to see me for the longest time.

Well, she’s so far out in the country, Mother.

Arthur, he scarcely ever sees her himself.

[chuckles] She’s such an active woman.

Must be wonderful to be able to get around like that.

Can I get you something, Mother?

Well, a cup of tea would be nice.

All right.

I’m sure Dr. Larson would like some coffee.

No, thanks, I must be getting on.

Goodnight, Mrs. Baldwin.

[Mama] Thank you, doctor.

I didn’t do a thing.

-Goodnight, Lucy. -I’ll see you to the door.

I will be right back, Mother.

She is all right, isn’t she, doctor?

You know as well as I, Lucy,

that she didn’t have an attack.

It was staged for your benefit.

Because I was out with Arthur.

Because you were out at all.

Lucy, if you take my advice,

you’ll stop giving into her.

You can’t stay cooped up in this house 24 hours a day.

I’d feel so guilty if anything happened to her, here alone.

Nothing’s going to happen to her.

About time you started thinking about yourself, young lady.

I think about myself all the time.

[Dr. Larson] Then stop thinking and start doing.

It’s all wrong, Lucy, what you’re letting happen.

I know it was a bad day. She was very restless.

Well, I’ll see to it that it’s not a bad night.

Here, put one teaspoon in her tea,

and she’ll sleep right through.

That way, at least, you’ll get some sleep.

Thank you, doctor.

Now, remember-- one teaspoon only. It’s strong stuff.

Goodnight, doctor.

Goodnight.

Well? Satisfied?

[Lucy] Yeah, she’s all right.

In other words, the same old thing again.

-Much ado about nothing. -I’m afraid so.

Well, that settles it, Lucy.

I can see you’re never going to do anything about this,

so I have to.

I’m not going to let you put off our marriage any longer.

Darling, you know I don’t want to.

But you keep on doing it.

Believe me, your mother doesn’t need you.

Arthur, she thinks she does, and that’s the same thing, isn’t it?

No, no, no.

You always worry about what your mother wants.

But what about what you want? Or what we want?

You see?

We’re not children anymore.

You don’t have to tell me that.

[Arthur] All right then.

Look, darling,

I’ve tried to be patient.

I know you have and I’m very grateful.

Grateful? Well, there’s nothing to be grateful about.

I love you and I want to marry you.

But I won’t wait forever.

Arthur, it won’t be forever. Just give me

-a little more time. -No. No, Lucy.

No, I’d made up my mind even before this happened

that I was going to settle this tonight once and for all.

Now, you’ve gotta make a decision.

You either want to marry me or you don’t.

And I want your answer tomorrow. And I mean it this time.

I won’t ever ask you again.

Goodnight.

[door closes]

You shouldn’t have bothered, dear.

It wasn’t a bother, Mother.

Lucy, are you angry with me?

-Why should I be? -I don’t know,

but you’re certainly not acting very nicely.

I’m sorry you were frightened,

but I certainly couldn’t help having an attack.

Couldn’t you?

[Mama] Well, that’s a funny thing to say. Of course not.

I did so want you to have a nice evening

and not have anything spoil it.

Oh, stop it, mother, just stop it.

What kind of a way is that for you to talk to me?

You did not want me to have a nice evening.

You did not want me to go out at all.

You’re tired, my dear, or you wouldn’t talk such nonsense.

Yes, I am tired.

I’m tired of pretending to believe you

when you lie there saying one thing and meaning another.

Lucy...

I’ve never seen you like this.

Everyone else is running out of patience today, why shouldn’t I?

[Mama] But what have I done?

[thud]

What you always do, Mama.

You were perfectly impossible all day today

because I was foolish enough to tell you

that I was going out this evening.

And then, to finish it off,

you pretend to have a heart attack when I come home

to make me feel guiltier,

if such a thing is possible.

What a dreadful thing to say.

I suppose Arthur has been putting these ideas into your head.

He doesn’t have to. I’m not a fool, I just act like one.

[Mama] I don’t think I care to discuss it any more tonight.

You’re obviously over-wrought, and I’m not well enough.

You’re perfectly well enough.

I think I’m more capable of judging that than you.

[Lucy] And more capable than the doctor, Mama?

He said there was no reason for his being called out here tonight.

Well, that was highly unethical of him.

No, just honest.

Mama...

don’t you see what you are doing to me?

I’m 34 years old,

pretty soon I’ll be 35 and then I’ll be 40.

And I’ll still be right here, I’ll still have nothing.

What did Arthur say to you tonight to bring all this on?

It isn’t what he said, it’s everything.

[Mama] What did he say?

He said that he wanted to marry me,

but that he wasn’t going to wait forever,

that he was asking me for the last time.

My dear,

that would be by far the very best thing

-that could happen. -For whom? You?

No, not for me. I’m thinking of you.

You mustn’t marry this man.

Or any man.

Isn’t that what you mean, Mama?

[Mama] No, it isn’t.

If he were a suitable man

- who was in love with you-- -He’s in love with me.

Oh, my dear.

Don’t make me say things that will hurt you.

I don’t want to.

I’m only trying to protect you.

Mama, I’m going to marry him.

I must say it.

Arthur doesn’t love you.

It’s the money he’s after.

He knows I haven’t any money.

He also knows I have.

I actually believe

that you’d say anything to get your way.

Oh, think what you like of me,

but don’t throw away your life like this.

The money comes to you when I die,

and I’ve very little time.

-Oh, please. -[Mama] It’s true,

whether you believe it or not, I know it.

When that happens, you can do as you please.

But until then, I won’t let you

make this dreadful mistake.

It is not a mistake.

[Mama] Very well then.

If you trust him, tell him.

Tell him you’ll marry him and when you do,

I’ll change my will.

I’ll leave everything I have to charity.

That won’t make any difference.

[Mama] Then there’s no problem.

Tell him. Tell him tomorrow.

Or are you afraid to risk it?

-[Mama] Are you? -Yes, I am afraid.

Look at me.

Why should anybody want to marry me now?

Are you satisfied? Is that what you wanted me to say?

My dear, you’re a lovely woman.

Everyone can’t be a great beauty.

As you have reminded me so often, Mama.

-My dear, Lucy. -Mama,

I don’t care even if what you say is true, I want him.

I have got to have someone.

I’ve been by myself long enough.

[sobbing]

[phone ringing]

-Hello? -[Arthur] Hello, darling.

Oh, hello, Arthur.

Are you all right?

Yes, I’m all right.

You’re not angry.

No, I’m not angry.

And you do understand how I feel?

Arthur, I’m very tired tonight.

I can’t cope with yours or anyone else’s feelings.

I see.

Then I’m to take it your answer’s no.

I didn’t say that, Arthur.

I’m very tired, you’ll have to give me a little more time.

No, Lucy. No more time.

Lucy?

Lucy. Did you hear me?

Yes, Arthur, I heard you.

You’ll have the answer tomorrow.

Goodnight.

[bell tinkling]

I’m sorry, Mama.

I didn’t mean to lose my temper.

That’s all right. We all do one time or another.

It’s better than bottling everything up inside.

[Lucy] Perhaps it is.

We’ll forget all about it.

I know you didn’t mean any of those things you said.

No, I didn’t.

But you did, didn’t you, Mama?

[Mama] If you mean about Arthur, I’m afraid I did.

And I don’t suppose there’s anything that I could say

to make you change your mind.

Not when I know I’m right.

If I was uncertain, do you think I’d have used the threat of that money?

I didn’t enjoy that.

I’m sure you didn’t.

But, you’d do it, wouldn’t you, Mama?

I’d have to. It’s for your own good.

Well, as you say, Mama,

we’d better just forget all about it.

[Mama] Try not to feel too badly.

[Lucy] Oh, I nearly forgot.

Doctor Larson left you some medicine, Mama.

He thinks you need building up.

Two tablespoons.

[Mama] Much as that?

You can take it on your tea, Mama.

That way you won’t taste it.

He thinks he’s humoring me.

Leave the tray, dear.

Goodnight, Lucy.

[Lucy] Goodnight, Mama.

Lucy. Lucy.

-You forgot the sugar. -Oh, thank you, Mrs. Evans.

She gets so annoyed if I forget anything.

[dishes crash]

Lucy. Lucy, what is it?

What--

I’m afraid she’s gone, dear.

She must have been sicker than we thought.

But, Mrs. Evans, she wasn’t sick enough to die.

What are you looking at?

Why is the top doing off this bottle?

I gave her one teaspoonful.

That’s what she was supposed to have and then I closed it.

-I don’t understand. -Why would she take more?

I warned her not to, I told her the doctor said--

Mrs. Evans, why would Mother want to die?

If she did it, she must’ve done it for you.

You were right about your mother, Lucy

and we were all wrong.

You said you’d never leave her

while she was still alive.

And she wanted you to marry Arthur and be happy.

You’ve been so kind, Mr. Simon, everyone has.

Why shouldn’t they be?

Everyone knew how devoted you were to your mother and...

Well, now, What are your plans?

Well, I don’t really know.

Arthur wants to get married right away.

You now? I think you’re lucky.

Having such a dependable man,

standing by you through all this.

There’s still so much things to do.

I haven’t even talked to you about settling the estate.

Oh, you don’t have to think about that.

-What do you mean? -Well, I can handle everything

without bothering you.

See, your mother was very meticulous woman.

She kept all of her bills paid up and...

the insurance will cover the cost of the funeral,

and since the annuity ceases at her death,

there’s really very little to settle.

-Annuity? -Well, yes.

Well, you knew that’s where your mother’s money came from, didn’t you?

Yes, of course.

Frankly, I was against your father’s

investing his money in that fashion, but...

a lawyer can only advise,

and your father wanted it that way,

-and so did your mother. -I’m sure she did.

I beg your pardon?

I’m sure mother wanted it

-if father did. -Oh, yes, of course.

Well, they were both so sure that you’d be married

and well taken care of.

Well, you see? They were right.

-[doorbell] -Yes, weren’t they?

Well, Mr. Simon, you must let me know

if there’s anything I have to do.

[Simon] No, there won’t be a thing.

You just invite me to the wedding.

I will.

-Hello, darling. -Hello, Arthur.

Well, Mr. Simon, I guess I’m here

-just in time to say goodbye. -Just about.

Goodbye, Miss Baldwin. Nice to have seen you again, Mr. Clark.

And good luck to both of you.

-Thanks. -Thank you.

Is something wrong?

[Lucy] No.

You were a lot more cheerful when I left you last night.

-Come on, what is it? -I don’t want to talk about it.

-Well, Lucy, look, come on. -Arthur, please.

All right, if you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t.

Well, What should we talk about? Our wedding?

[Lucy] Arthur, I’m still not sure.

Uh-uh, too late. Made all arrangements for Saturday.

-Saturday? -That’s right.

I’ll give you time to shop for the trousseau

and do whatever else you have to do.

My trousseau.

What am I supposed to use for money?

I don’t understand.

Mother’s money came from an annuity.

It stopped at her death. There is nothing left for me.

Just like your mother.

And I’ll bet she didn’t tell you either, did she?

No.

Lucy...

is that what this is all about?

Is that why you’re so upset?

Well, darling, what difference does it make?

I’m not rich, but I’m not starving either.

Wait a minute, did you think it would make a difference?

Not really but I was so frightened.

Oh. [laugh]

You are silly.

Forget about the money.

Let’s talk about something important,

Like... where we’re going on our honeymoon.

Wherever you say.

All right, now, let’s not plan anything.

We’ll get into the car,

we’ll just drive and drive,

wherever we wanna go.

That sounds wonderful.

Just wonderful.

[Mrs. Clark] Is that you, dears?

Yes, Mother, it’s us.

[woman] Oh, you look lovely.

I felt so terrible about missing the wedding.

Is anything the matter, dear?

Why, Mother, I didn’t know you were ill.

You mean, Arthur hasn’t told you?

Of course he hasn’t.

He didn’t want to spoil your wedding day,

did you, dear?

Mother... she’s been through so much lately--

Of course. [sigh]

Well, I had this terrible fall

down the cellar steps and...

here I am.

And at my age, dear,

it’s a serious matter.

[Arthur] Mother, you mustn’t think that way.

[Mrs. Clark] What way can I think?

It’s terrible to look forward to being...

bedridden.

Doctor has no idea when this will heal.

Patience, patience, he says.

Could it be I’ll have to be patient for the rest of my days?

I’m so sorry, Mother.

Well, these things happen.

I certainly am glad you’ve had so much experience

taking care of your own mother.

And Lucy, dear, I want you to know

how sweet you are to give up your honeymoon.

You don’t mind, do you?

Arthur said you wouldn’t.

You see, he couldn’t possibly afford

a private nurse for me.

Yes, I can see that.

[Mrs. Clark] Fortunately,

this house is plenty big enough for all of us.

Now, take off your things and make some tea,

and we’ll have our own little celebration.

Just the tree of us.

Arthur, you show her where to go, dear.

Lucy... Lucy, wait a minute.

I’m sorry about this.

Arthur, when did your mother have her accident?

What difference does that make?

Was it before Mother died?

Well, yes. I suppose it was.

A day or so before.

A day or so before.

[Mrs. Clark] Lucy.

Lucy dear, I’m so uncomfortable.

Could you come and help move me, dear?

She must be in great pain.

We’ll have to ask the doctor for some sleeping medicine for her.

[Mrs. Clark] Lucy, please hurry.

Coming, Mother.

Coming

That may not have been situation comedy for Lucy,

who was caught on her next try,

but perhaps the rest of you found it amusing.

I shall be back after the following,

which is designed to sober you up.

Next week, our situation comedy

takes place in far off Denmark.

Junior overhears a scrap of conversation

and quite naturally jumps to the conclusion

that his uncle murdered his father

in order to marry his mother.

This amusing misunderstanding

leads to a great number of hilarious situations

and to the death of all four principals.

I’m sure you’ll enjoy it,

so tune in next week, when we present,

"Junior Sees A Ghost."

Goodnight.