Original subtitles

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Someone had the brilliant idea

that I should don this costume in order to dramatize the title

of tonight’s play.

It is called "The Horseplayer."

Just a moment, you forgot something.

I’m sure you want to know who authored this clever charade.

His previous works include the following

one-minute audio collage.

-[priest] ...For the conversion of sinners... -[rain pouring]

...and for the liberty and exaltation

of Holy Mother Church.

St. Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle,

be our protection against the wickedness

and snares of the devil.

May God Rebuke him, we humbly pray,

and do Thou, Prince of the heavenly host,

cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits

who wander through the world seeking the ruin of souls.

-Amen. -Amen.

[priest] The sacred heart of Jesus.

[acolytes] Have mercy on us.

Most sacred heart of Jesus.

Have mercy on us.

[priest] Most sacred heart of Jesus.

Have mercy on us.

I have been asked to announce

that the meeting of the mothers’ committee

has been postponed until next Thursday.

[knocking]

[priest] Come in.

Ah, Mr. Cheever. I was expecting you.

Father Amion, I brought those figures

we were talking about.

I’m afraid it’s not very good news.

You see, Father, it’s not just a matter

of a few broken shingles.

I could plug up one leak, all right,

but another would just break out

-someplace else. -Yes. I understand Mr. Cheever.

You’re gonna have to have a whole new set

of drains, downspouts...

I just can’t see it being managed

for anything less than $1500.

Well, I’m sure you’ve done your best.

Unfortunately, Mr. Cheever, it seems

that the church treasury has as many leaks

as the church roof.

We had so many repairs this year.

But I have placed the facts before the bishop,

and maybe he could work a minor miracle.

Meanwhile, well, we can only hope

for fair weather.

I’m very sorry, Father.

Thank you. Goodbye.

[man] Oh, Father...

would you take a look at this?

What is it?

It’s a $10 bill, Father.

And so it is.

I don’t think I’ve seen a $10 bill

in a mid-week collection since before the war.

Did you see who the kind donor was?

Oh, I couldn’t help noticing him, sir.

Even before he gave me his donation.

He was in the first pew on the left.

I don’t think he’s ever been at service before.

What was so unusual about him?

Well, he was sort of a rough-looking fellow, sir,

uh... sort of sporty clothes.

Oh, you mean the gentleman in the sport shirt?

Oh, yes. I did see him.

I don’t think it’s very charitable

of you, Morton, to criticize his attire.

Oh, I wasn’t criticizing him, sir,

-especially after I saw his donation. -Huh?

Well, I didn’t quite mean it like that, sir.

I understand how you feel.

It does seem a shame that we should be so preoccupied

with our expenses,

but... I’m sure things will improve.

Yes, Father.

The Lord will provide.

[priest praying in Latin]

Amen.

Dominus vobiscum.

[acolytes] Et cum spiritu tuo.

Oremus.

Orate Fratres.

[whispering]

May I speak with you for a moment?

Huh? Oh, sure, Father.

I’ve been wanting to talk to you for the past week.

Oh, really?

By the way, I enjoyed your sermon very much, Father.

Oh, I hope you realized that some of it

was meant for you.

I couldn’t help noticing how generous you’ve been

to our poor church.

Are you new in the parish?

Oh, no. I’ve been around this neighborhood

over 20 years now, only, huh...

you know, I ain’t never been much

for churches.

In fact, the first time I came in here

was about two weeks ago,

on a Tuesday.

Well, I’m certainly glad that you’ve changed your mind.

Seems to me I’ve seen you here several times

during the past two weeks

Well, yeah.

It’s OK, ain’t it, Father?

I mean, you don’t mind, huh?

Mind?

Why should I mind?

Well, I don’t know.

By the way, my name is Sheridan,

and I-- I sure appreciate it, Father.

It’s meant an awful lot to me to come here to the church.

Well, I’m glad.

Yeah, I’m glad too, you see?

When I saw that little sign of yours,

you know the little sign you got outside,

says "Try Prayer"?

I says to myself, "Well, whatta you got to lose?

You ain’t had no luck at nothing else, so...

why not give this prayer thing a chance?"

So I came in and tried it.

And did it help?

Oh, boy. I’ll say it helped.

Well, it makes me very happy to hear you say so,

-Mr. Sheridan. -Yeah.

You won’t believe this, Father,

but that day I had six winners out of eight.

Six out of eight, and one of them was

a 20-1 shot.

I’ve never had a day like that

since I’ve been going to the track.

In fact, I was down to my last two bucks.

Just a moment...

I don’t understand what you mean.

The track, Father, you know, the horses.

Look, I don’t want you to get sore.

I suppose a guy like you, you probably don’t go in

for gambling and stuff like that, huh?

You mean...

my sermon sent you to the race track?

Oh, no. I was gonna go anyhow,

I go to the track all the time. That’s how I make my living.

You see, I used to be in the hardware business,

but I got kind of tired of it,

so, as I say, when I saw that sign of yours,

I says, "Why don’t we give it a whirl, Charlie?

What have we got to lose?"

So I started praying.

Boy, how I prayed.

"Give me a winner, please. Please, God, give me a winner."

So what happened? I got six of ’em.

And I’ve been picking ’em real good ever since.

Mr. Sheridan,

I don’t think you understood my message at all.

I said that prayer could work miracles

but not for such selfish aims.

Well, it sure is a miracle, all right, Father?

And believe me, I owe it all to you.

There’s been a misunderstanding.

You’ve made a mistake, Mr. Sheridan.

Prayer isn’t intended for horse races.

You can’t pray for your purse

and neglect your soul.

Oh.

I thought you’d be sore.

Oh, no. I’m not angry. Just look at it this way.

Now... suppose everyone at the track prayed

for his horse to win.

Now, you know that isn’t impossible, don’t you?

So don’t you realize what a dilemma

would be presented to the Lord?

Is that fair?

Yeah, I never thought of it that way,

I guess you are right.

Then you do see the error of it?

Well, yeah, it would be tough,

that is if everybody prayed for a winner.

Only they don’t, see?

Everybody ain’t wise to this prayer racket, Father.

And that’s their hard luck, ain’t it?

[knocking]

Come in.

Father Amion.

[Amion] Yes, Morton?

That man, he’s back again.

I suppose you mean Mr. Sheridan.

Yes, Father.

As I passed his pew a few minutes ago,

he kept saying something about Satan.

Satan? Oh, I don’t think you heard correctly, Morton.

Oh, yes I did, Father.

He kept saying Satan... or... or devil,

or something like that.

That’s it! Red Devil.

He kept saying it over and over.

I wouldn’t worry about it, Morton.

Red Devil is undoubtedly the name of a horse.

[knocking]

Excuse me, could I see Father Amion for a minute?

Come in, Mr. Sheridan.

[mumbles]

I hate to butt in on you like this, Father.

I know you are a busy man.

That’s quite all right, Mr. Sheridan.

But I just came in to make a little donation.

By the way, you know that roof of yours is leaking?

I just got a shot of water right in the head.

-I’m aware of it. -Well,

anyway, as I was saying,

I came in to donate these 30 bucks.

You see, I was at the track yesterday,

and I had a pretty good sized bet

on a horse named Branding Iron.

You know, one of the horses I was praying for?

So as they lined up at the starting gate,

I says to myself, "If branding Iron wins

this race, I’m giving 30 bucks to the church."

So there you are, Father.

He wins by seven lengths.

There is no need for you to tell me

where your donation comes from,

Mr. Sheridan. I thank you for it,

but I’d rather not discuss the source.

Oh, you’re still mad at me, huh?

I was never mad at you.

I’m praying for you, Mr. Sheridan.

Oh, yeah?

Boy! No I know I can’t miss.

Oh, don’t misunderstand me.

I’m praying for your soul,

not your horses.

Oh.

Now, I don’t want you to think that I’m ungrateful.

Frankly, as you know, our church is a poor one,

and we can use any donations.

You’ve been a great help

and I appreciate it.

You’re welcome, Father, and you deserve it.

And if I have again anything special,

you know, a horse that’s real hot

and you’d like to put down a little money...

Really, Mr. Sheridan!

Wait a minute.

I think I got just the horse for you.

Red Devil in the fourth race at Belmont.

Do you mind if I use your phone a second?

[Amion] Mr. Sheridan.

Remember where you are.

I’m sorry, Father, I only thought that--

I have no wish to interfere with your way of life,

and I certainly don’t want to be involved in it.

Our church will survive without race horses.

[Amion] You take care of that cold, Mrs. Spencer.

And tell your husband I’ll stop by

to see him next week.

[loud honking]

Hi, Father, can I give you a lift?

[Amion] No, thank you.

I’m only going a few blocks and I rather enjoy the walk.

Oh. How do you like it?

Brand new, and I don’t really even owe a nickel on it.

It’s a very handsome vehicle.

Yeah, thanks.

Funny how these things work out, huh?

You know, it was less than a month ago

I only had two bucks to my name.

[Amion] Remarkable.

You know something, Father?

You know how many winners I had last week alone?

No.

[Sheridan] Fourteen out of eighteen.

Seems every time I pray real hard

for a horse, it turns out to be practically a sure thing.

Say, Father, I couldn’t help but notice

that roof of yours still needs fixing.

You ain’t had no luck raising the dough, huh?

Not for the moment, no.

Well, look. I know how you feel about the races and all that,

if you’ve got a few bucks to spare,

there’s a horse going this afternoon

named Sally’s Pal--

Mr. Sheridan,

I thought we’d closed that subject.

But just listen to me a minute, Father.

Let me tell you about this horse.

You see, they’ve been training him

in secret, and I got it straight from the owners

that the horse is absolutely ready.

In fact, he busted the track record

by over 2/5 of a second.

Not only once, but a couple of times.

This afternoon he’s starting in his first big race,

and all he’s got against him

is a bunch of broken down fillies, well...

I don’t have to tell you, Father,

you know how colts run away from fillies.

I know nothing of the kind.

Well, take my word for it, Father,

they run like burglars.

And according to the morning-line,

the horse had a pay of about 15-1,

probably even more than that.

So it looks like a pretty good spot for you

to pick up a fast buck.

And if I really start praying--

I’m afraid I have to go, Mr. Sheridan.

I have a church council meeting this morning.

Oh, well, it’s up to you, Father.

All I know is I’m putting my last buck on this horse,

right on the nose,

so if everything goes all right,

I probably won’t be seeing you around no more.

Why is that?

Oh, I guess I forgot to tell you

I’m buying me a place down in Florida,

got a wonderful location, right between

a catholic church and Hialeah.

Well, I wish you the best of luck, Mr. Sheridan.

I really do.

[Sheridan] Thank you, Father.

Uh... Mr. Sheridan, you are really sure

of this horse, aren’t you?

Oh, sure, I’m absolutely positive, Father.

You know, like I told you,

I’ve been praying real hard all week.

Plus, which I know the horse has got the stuff.

If-- If someone bet $500 on this horse,

what might he expect to win?

Well, let me see.

Let’s just say worse comes to worse and the horse only pays ten bucks,

the least a guy could pick up would be about $2500.

$2500.

[Sheridan] Mm-hmm.

Mr. Sheridan, if I were to give you $500,

could you... arrange this...

transaction for me?

You mean it, Father?

[Amion] Would you?

Well, sure, I’d be glad to.

You know, you do unto me, I do unto you.

-Good morning, Father. -Good morning.

Closing out your savings account?

Yes.

-Anything wrong, Father? -Nothing wrong.

Our service has been satisfactory,

hasn’t it?

Very satisfactory.

How would you like the money, Father?

Doesn’t matter.

Oh, put it in large bills, please.

[banker] Fifties?

That will do it.

Thank you.

[banker] Thank you, Father.

[Sheridan] OK, Father.

Good luck to us.

I don’t know what came over me, Your Excellency.

I’ve never done such a thing before.

Now, now, Father.

I find it hard to believe you could have done anything

really wrong.

The moment I did it, I regretted it.

If I could have found the man, I would have stopped him,

but I don’t even know where to reach him.

Please, Father.

How can I help you if I don’t know

what it is you’ve done?

Your Excellency...

I bet money on a horse.

I see.

And just how much money did you bet?

All I had.

$500. I went to the bank and closed out

my savings account.

Well...

that is something to be concerned about.

Whatever possessed you, Father?

You were never a gambling man, nor did you ever care much about money.

I don’t care about the savings.

I just hope that I’d make enough money

to pay for the roof repairs we’ve needed for so long.

I see.

I shall never forgive myself for what I did.

I shall never understand why I did it.

The man I gave the money to,

he seemed so sure of himself,

so successful.

Help me to understand what I’ve done.

Help me.

Help me, please, to explain it to myself.

Yes.

I find it hard to believe, Father.

If I didn’t know you better,

if you were a young man,

I might understand such rashness.

But it’s 40 years,

40 years since you took your vows.

And to do such a-- such a--

such a foolhardy thing.

I know, I know. Please, tell me what must I do?

[bishop] You say...

you don’t know how to find this man

to whom you gave the money.

[Amion] No.

So there’s no way of preventing this bet

from being made?

No.

There isn’t.

You see... the race is this afternoon.

Then... there’s only one thing to be done.

Only one way to make restitution.

And that is?

You must pray, Father.

You must pray as you have never prayed before.

And I’ll add my prayers to yours.

You must pray for that horse not to win.

-Not to win? -Yes.

You can’t expect a reward for your error,

no matter what the consequences.

I can see no other expiation,

except to ask the Lord to withhold this victory.

You must pray for this with all your might.

But the money, Your Excellency,

we’re in such need now.

The money does not matter.

You are right, of course.

I’ll do as you say, Your Excellency.

We must pray that the horse...

won’t win.

[Amion praying in Latin]

Soul of Christ be my sanctification.

Body of Christ, be my salvation.

Grant me, oh, Lord, this wish I ask

in sorrow and repentance.

Amen.

Father Amion.

[Amion] Yes, Morton?

Look, he’s back.

It’s all right, my son.

I understand.

You understand what?

About the race this afternoon.

You’ve just returned?

Yeah, I just got back a little while ago.

And, uh... this horse, this...

Sally’s Pal, it didn’t win?

No, it dud.

Well, now, I don’t want you to blame yourself.

You were trying to do good in your own fashion.

Whatever blame there is must fall on my shoulders.

[Sheridan] I just don’t understand it, though,

Father, you know, it was a sure thing

if I ever saw one.

At the head of the stretch he’s leading by four lengths.

Then all of the sudden, he quits on me.

I just don’t understand it.

Sure thing like that, and he quits.

Trouble is I had my last nickel bet on him,

right on the nose, so...

now I’m back just where I started

from what, two buck on my pocket.

I think maybe I ought to go back in the hardware business.

What do you think, Father?

I think it’s a very good idea.

Yeah. I think so too.

Well... anyway, here’s your money.

My money?

[Sheridan] Well, yeah.

You don’t think I was gonna risk your dough

on a win bet, did you?

I took the $500 and I bet him to place,

so he came in second and paid eight dollars

and forty cents, so...

there you are, it’s, uh, $2100 you won.

The sponsor is being unusually difficult

about this matter of the horse costume.

I’ve explained the labor-saving advantages

of employing a real horse to do the work of two men,

but he is so enchanted with this pun of his,

on the word "horseplayer,"

that he insists on having it out with me.

I shall be back shortly.

It will only take a minute to put him in his place.