Original subtitles

Good evening.

You should’ve seen the one that got away.

The only one I’ve ever seen, with gold lamé scales.

I’m sure all of you are interested in the details of this catch.

It’s really a matter of finding the proper bait.

I soon learned that these little creatures

can tell cheap costume jewelry on sight

and won’t come near it.

You must bait your hook with the real article.

And sometimes, they make off with the bait

before you can reel them in.

However, that’s a situation

with which most of you men are already familiar.

Tonight’s fable is entitled,

"The Last Escape."

But first, something from which there is no escape.

[piano music]

[applause]

[whistling]

Are you ready, Mr. Ferlini?

-Ready! -[chattering]

[drum roll]

-[cheering] -[applause]

[chattering]

[man] Bravo!

-[applause] -[chattering]

[wolf whistling]

Here, let me help you.

No, Tommy, not now.

They liked your husband tonight, didn’t they?

It’s that kind of crowd.

-They’ll like you too. -Thanks.

Tommy, I didn’t mean that, huh?

You know what I feel about you.

I mean, about your singing.

Is that all you mean? Just my singing?

Tommy, please.

It’s all right. He’s in his dressing room.

It’s not all right. I told you that is never all right

when he’s around.

Look, when I’m gonna see you alone?

-Please. -Gotta give me an answer.

I’ve got to go.

Hi, honey.

I was great tonight. Just great.

What do you say?

You were the greatest.

I could get out of steel boxes tonight,

that’s how good I felt. [laughs]

Hey, did you get a load of the little guy

that put me in the straitjacket?

He thought he was gonna make it real tough on me.

You see how he was holding on those straps?

[laughs] Those little guys.

They’re the worst.

It’s a pleasure to fool them.

Would you look at that? Look at that, honey.

Would anybody take me for 46 years of age?

What do you say?

You’re a Greek god.

And speaking of Greeks,

we’ve been invited out to a dinner tonight.

Harry’s buying.

Ah, Harry,

he spoils my appetite.

To hear him talk,

you’d think the escape business was dead.

Well, he should’ve been out there tonight.

He’d know different.

Well, he booked you into this joint.

He outta know whether it was dead or not.

And, uh, listen Joe. Tonight,

when we’re with Harry, I don’t wanna hear any more

of that water business, you understand?

I’m sick of hearing about it.

Well, you’re getting old, Wanda. That’s your trouble.

That water trick’s the best idea I’ve ever had.

It’s gonna make me a headliner.

Yeah, don’t you talk to me about age.

You’re no kid yourself, Joe.

Trick like that water trick might prove too much for you.

I’m no kid, huh?

I’ve seen 10 new wrinkles on your face,

in the last week, sugar.

You look at yourself lately?

Go on, take a look.

Here, use a mirror.

Oh, go look at yourself.

Go on, take a look.

-Stop it, Joe. -Who you calling an old man?

-Stop it! -I’m younger than you are,

you understand? Because I keep in shape!

Don’t you go calling me an old man!

-You hear me? -All right, all right.

Not everybody thinks I’m too old, Joe.

[panting]

-Not everybody. -Oh, shut up!

Get dressed.

So we’re supposed to go out to dinner,

let’s go out to dinner!

Besides, I gotta talk to Harry about something.

About the water trick!

[mutters]

Houdini’s dead, don’t forget that.

I know Houdini’s dead.

Only, I’m alive.

Me, Joe Ferlini.

Yeah, that’s one thing about you, Joe,

you never had any trouble with any false modesty.

What could Houdini do that I can’t?

I work with ropes, chains, irons.

I can get out of anything.

Sacks, bags, hampers, trunks.

I can do all the handcuff routines.

And I still do the fastest straitjacket escape

in the business. Besides,

you know? Houdini used to use a lot of trick stuff.

And you don’t?

Sure, sometimes.

I’ve got my skeleton keys, phony bolts, all that junk.

But you know, Harry, I do most of my tricks

-with muscles, right? -Sure.

Sure, Joe, you’re the greatest.

I keep in shape, ask Wanda here.

I work out an hour a day with the vaudevilles.

I still got great chest expansion.

I can do that water trick, it will be the greatest.

But it’s been done, Joe.

That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.

People don’t get excited

about that kind of stuff anymore.

You drink too much, Harry.

Your brain’s soft.

Sure that trick’s been done,

but that was years ago.

There’s a whole new generation today.

All you gotta do is handle that publicity right,

and I’ll be a sensation.

Harry, what do you say?

[sighs]

OK, how do you wanna work the act?

I expand, they tie me.

I relax, the rope falls off.

I got a skeleton key in the seam of the pants,

soon as I get the handcuffs off, I reach into the pants,

get out a razor blade,

cut myself out of the sack,

get out of the false bottom of the trunk,

and go to the surface of the lake like a cork.

It’s a cinch.

Yeah? How good a swimmer are you?

The greatest. You don’t have to worry about that.

When I was a kid, I was gonna swim the English Channel.

That’s how good I was.

[sighs] Well,

we could put you over in a motor boat,

pick you up the same way, that would lessen the risk.

That would be easy. I knew you’ll see it.

Well, I don’t see it.

Sounds to me like a ticket to the graveyard.

[Ferlini] Well--

Well, you’re wrong, honey.

This is a ticket to the big time. Right, Harry?

Maybe, we’ll have to see.

-Tommy, what are you doing here? -Wanda, I had to see you.

-I thought I told you-- -I know Joe isn’t here.

I saw him swimming in the lake.

What is it with all that swimming about, anyways?

He’s taking it off seriously.

He’s getting in shape.

-He’s going for a long swim. -What?

Tommy, you shouldn’t be here.

You don’t want any trouble. Neither do I.

I didn’t come here for trouble.

What did you come here for?

I didn’t think I had to tell you.

Wanda, you’ve got to leave him.

It’s getting worse all the time.

You don’t know what it’s like.

Every year, every day.

All he thinks about, night and day, is the act.

Escape, escape, escape.

Sometimes I think I’m going crazy, Tommy, I mean it.

When we were in Louisville last year,

I went to a head shrink for a while, did you know that?

Three months it was.

Then he got that job in Vegas.

That was the end of that.

If you ask me, he’s the one that’s crazy,

treating you the way he does.

You know, he thinks about the escape in his sleep sometimes.

No kidding.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night,

he throws off the covers and takes a bow.

[sobbing]

Tommy?

Yeah?

-Would you do me a favor? -Certainly.

Would you put these on?

Please.

Now, try and get loose.

[grunts]

[grunting] I can’t.

Of course you can’t.

Neither could Joe.

If he didn’t have this hidden on in some place.

Now, try it.

The key,

-it won’t turn. -No, of course it won’t.

It’s the wrong key.

This is the right one.

You know that water trick he does where he...

he gets thrown into the lake?

Yes.

Well, he’s gonna do it in a couple of weeks.

That’s what he’s practicing for now.

And you know what I’ve been hoping and praying for

ever since he decided to do it?

You better go now.

In case he comes back.

[carnival music]

You sure everything’s all set?

I don’t want anything to go wrong.

I’m always all set.

You sure you feeling OK, huh?

Never better.

How about a little kiss, honey? For good luck?

Yeah, sure, Joe.

[cheering]

Chief Wallace, I’d like you to meet The Great Ferlini.

Ferlini.

This is Mr. Ralph Crimmins,

president of the Local Chamber of Commerce.

-A pleasure. -Frank Petty of The Tribune.

And you’ve already met our motorboat pilot, Mr. Dave Brooks.

Well, let’s get started, it’s a bit warm,

-and I’m ready for a dip. -[audience cheers]

Chief Wallace, do you have the handcuffs?

Yes, I have them right here.

Now, Chief Wallace, you’ve examined those handcuffs.

Are you sure they’re genuine?

[laughs] Oh, they’re genuine all right.

Then will you place them on, please?

Yeah.

May we have the rope, please?

Now, will you gentlemen tie this rope

around the body of The Great Ferlini?

And make as many knots as you wish.

[Mr. Prentice] I warn you, Mr. Ferlini,

I used to be a boy scout. [laughs]

There, now, Mrs. Ferlini,

may I have the sack, please?

Now, will you gentlemen lift The Great Ferlini

onto the sack, please?

Now, pull the sack up, over his head...

and fasten the top securely.

And now...

we have the trunk.

Now you, gentlemen, have examined this trunk

and tested its locks, is that correct?

The lock is OK,

but why do you have all these holes in the trunk?

A good question. The holes are there

to make the trunk sink faster.

-Satisfied? -OK.

All right, then. Will you, gentlemen,

lift The Great Ferlini into the trunk, please?

Chief Wallace.

Chief Wallace,

will you secure the lock, please?

Well now, are you gentlemen satisfied that The Great Ferlini

is securely locked in this trunk?

-We are. -Sure.

Then we’re ready to put him aboard the motorboat.

-Give us a hand, Dave. -Sure thing.

-Ready? -Up.

I sure hope they know what they’re doing.

-This all right, Mr. Miller? -Yes, this will do fine.

All right, Dave.

Let’s get this trunk overboard.

Yes sir.

There he goes.

He’s not coming up, Mr. Miller.

He’s gotta come up.

He’s got to.

He’s not... coming up.

Dear friends,

we are gathered here today,

to consign the mortal remains

of Joseph Martin Ferlini

to the earth which bore him.

Who can say that Joseph Ferlini,

in his last moment of earthly glory,

was not happy in this choice

which was made for him

by the almighty arbiter

of life and death?

-Is this the Ferlini funeral? -Why, yes, but...

I’m sorry to break this up, reverend,

but I’m from the County Coroner’s Office.

I’m afraid the funeral services can’t continue.

We have orders to attach the body of Joseph Ferlini.

[reverend] But surely, but...

What’s the matter? Something wrong?

Well, I’m sorry, ma’am. Are you Mrs. Ferlini?

-Yes. -Well, we have a court order

to attach your husband’s body.

The coroner wanted me to make a further examination.

I’m afraid I’ll have to open the coffin.

Open the coffin?

Yes, at the caretaker’s cottage.

We’ll make the examination there.

Would you, gentlemen, please pick up the coffin

and, uh, follow me?

Thank you, gentlemen. I’ll call you when I need you.

I’m sorry, you must go too.

Don’t look, Wanda.

[screams]

Well, you gotta understand how it is my business.

Everything is showmanship. Everything.

And that’s why Ferlini made this deal with me.

And just what was this deal, Mr. Miller?

Well, nobody knew about it but him and me.

It was crazy, I told him that.

But he made me promise him

that if anything happened to him,

if he should die,

that I would arrange a last escape.

Something that would make him be remembered

longer even than Houdini.

That’s all it was, a trick.

A trick?

Well, I slipped the undertaker 50 bucks,

and he arranged to have him buried some place secretly.

And he put an empty coffin onto the hearse.

And that guy from the Coroner’s Office,

he was a phony too. Just an actor I hired.

You see what I mean?

Showmanship.

I see.

But I’m afraid that your showmanship

has had quite an effect on Mrs. Ferlini.

That’s the unfortunate part.

Yeah.

Well, I feel pretty rotten about that, doctor.

Could I see her?

I’m sorry, Mr. Miller, but that’s impossible right now.

Yeah, well, I understand.

But remember, doctor, if there’s anything I can do...

Thank you, Mr. Miller. Thank you.

[opens door]

[closes door]

Mrs. Ferlini,

I really would try and rest, if I were you.

You must remember that things are always

much better than they seem.

That this is the best of all possible worlds,

that every cloud has a silver lining,

and that it is darkest just before the dawn.

I tell you this,

not because of what you have just experienced,

but for what you are about to see.

I suppose you’re wondering what became of my catch.

The game warden insisted I throw her back in

because her measurements didn’t meet specifications.

In order to keep them, they must be larger than

36, 22, 15.

And of course it’s quite difficult knowing precisely

where to take that last measurement.

Next week, I shall be back,

so let us hope I have some more luck in the meantime.

Until then, goodnight.