Original subtitles

Good evening and thank you very much.

Naturally, I’m pleased to have won the race.

But I would like to console the losers

with this bit of philosophy--

It matters not who runs the race.

It’s how you win that counts.

I have a feeling I wasn’t expected to triumph.

The wreath is sized eight and a quarter,

I’ll have to take a tuck in it.

And now, for the next event.

In the preliminaries, this contestant

made the distance in one minute flat.

Let us hope he can improve that time.

[up-tempo music playing]

[man] What’re you doing, Cash?

Looking at the Hudson?

Yeah, it’s a funny thing about that river tonight.

-It’s flowing backwards. -[man] Backwards?

Yeah, I been watching it about an hour.

It’s flowing the wrong way.

Oh! [laugh]

You mean the tide is coming up, huh?

No! The whole river’s flowing backwards,

from New York to Albany.

And time is flowing right along with it.

What have you been drinking?

Hair tonic? [laugh]

Get your hand off me!

What’s the matter?

Look, I’m just sitting here peacefully.

I don’t like anyone coming along

mussing up my hair!

Mussing up your hair, Cash?

I don’t think you’re lucky to have enough to muss at your age.

[music continues]

When does hubby start the race, Louise?

-Where’s Cash? -On the veranda.

[Louise] Cash?

Are you all right?

-Oh, darling, you’re not going-- -Why did you come out here?

-Did Jim tell you something? -Please, darling,

-not tonight! -I’m asking you,

-what did he say? -Darling,

we haven’t paid our dues in a year,

and every Saturday night you mess things up!

What do you mean, "I mess things up"?

Honestly, darling, they won’t even let us

in the club anymore!

I don’t mess things up!

[Jim] Hey, Cash!

Hey, champ! What time’s the race, boy?

There isn’t going to be a race tonight, Jim.

Hey,

no race tonight, fellas.

Boy, I never thought I’d see this sad day come.

The Champion races no more.

Cash, don’t say anything. Just don’t answer them.

Oh, that slob, his wife has to pick him up with the car every night.

He can’t even walk up Shad--

Darling, don’t let them tease you!

What’s the matter, Cash? Have you lost your wind?

Fellows, I’m afraid that age has gotten the better of our Champ.

[everyone] Yay, Champ! Yay, Champ!

-Team, team, team! -[applause]

I know what he needs! He needs another drink!

-[cheering] -This will get you started.

No, thanks, Jim. Not tonight.

What? It’s your favorite drink!

I’m not taking the hurdles tonight.

That’s right, we’re leaving now.

-Aww. -Hey, wait a minute, Champ!

It’s gin and tonic! And when I say tonic,

you know what I mean, Champ? I mean pure hair tonic!

-[crowd laughing] -All right, Jim.

So you make three times the money I do.

So you can pay your bills and I can’t.

But you can’t stand the fact that I was once a champion.

-Oh, Cash, don’t! -That I’m still healthy

and I’m not getting soft like the rest of you!

[Jim] Oh, cut it out, will you?

I just wanted a hurdle race.

I love a hurdle race.

All right, you’ll get a hurdle race!

[cheering]

Attention, everybody!

-Cash is going to jump! -OK, gang!

Let’s get everything organized!

Clear the floor. Time for the hurdle races!

[drum roll]

You wanna race, I’ll give you a race.

All right. And I expect you

to beat your best time tonight.

[man] Best mark, back up, back up.

Get that table out of the way.

Are you ready, champ?

Yeah, get the gun out of the car, will ya, Arthur?

George! Give me a little more space behind that sofa, will ya?

[people chattering]

Phil, move that table back a little.

Better move those girls over a little!

All right, Cash. Any time you’re ready.

I’ll fire when I see the whites of your eyes.

-All right, fellows, anytime. -[drum roll]

On your mark, get set...

-[shot] -Go!

[crowd yelling]

[cheering]

-[crashing glass] -[cheering]

Hey, gentlemen! Hey, Cash!

Cash Bentley, my hat’s off to you!

That was the best hurdling I ever did see!

Hey, here’s your coat, Champ.

Wait a minute. I haven’t finished yet.

[Jim] Finished what?

What I started out to do.

[Arthur] Don’t forget your gun, Cash.

Come on, honey, let’s go home.

The babysitter will be sore.

Or does she have that boyfriend tonight?

Sweetheart, I’m just crazy about that face.

[branch crunching]

[Cathy] Mrs. Bentley, is that you?

-Yes, Cathy. -No, Cathy.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Bentley.

Hello, Cathy. I hope we didn’t scare you,

-did we? -Oh, not at all.

I was just making sure--

-Hello, Mr. Bentley. -Hello, Eric.

[Louise] Hello, Eric.

[Louise] Oh, Cathy, were the children all right?

[Cathy] Oh, fine, they went right to sleep.

[Louise] Did you close the window in their bedroom?

[Cathy] Yes, I did. I felt it got chilly in here.

[Louise] Oh, good. I was going to ask you,

do you think you’ll be free next weekend?

[Cathy] Yes, Saturday evening.

[Louise] Oh. I’m not definitely sure about it yet,

but if I call you in the middle of the week, would that be all right?

[Cathy] Fine, I’ll keep it open for you.

[Louise] Oh, good. Thank you, darling.

Are you working for somebody else?

[Cathy] Yes, I am. I’m working for Mrs. Dursley.

You sure got a fine collection of trophies, Mr. Bentley.

-Thanks. -Mr. Bentley,

I ran those films of you winning the Intercollegiates.

Mrs. Bentley gave me permission.

Sure. They’re pretty old.

Eric, Cathy’s waiting.

-Goodnight, Mrs. Bentley. -Goodnight.

-Goodnight, dear. -Goodnight, Mrs. Bentley.

Please?

What would you do without a husband?

[sigh] Oh, shut up.

* I’ll never smile again *

* Until I smile at you *

* I’ll never love again *

[click]

[click]

You know those Russian Ballet dancers that jump so high?

I’ll bet I could’ve been one of those, huh?

[makes whooshing sounds]

What do you think?

Darling, I spoke to the doctor

about straightening Jody’s teeth.

But I don’t think we can do it now. It costs too much.

All right, I know.

Money.

I suppose you wish you were married to Jim.

Then you’d have three times as much money.

You’d have a slob, but you’d have money.

-Did you put the cat out? -No, I didn’t.

Give me time!

What were you doing?

I was dancing.

Since I’m not allowed to hurdle anymore,

I thought I might be allowed a dance step or two before I die.

Why do you want to keep me from hurdling? Hurdling’s my life!

Listen, Cash, if it means so much to you, why don’t you jump

over the dining room table every morning?

You think I can’t?

[thud]

I said, do you think I can’t jump over the dining room table?

Yes, of course you can!

[click]

What about the sofa?

Yes! Of course you can!

-And the hedge? -Yes!

The five-foot hedge in the patio?

Do you think I can jump over that?

Yes, yes, yes!

You mean you really have got faith in your husband?

Well, sit down and watch!

Cash... you can’t be serious.

Cash, you’re drunk!

All right, this is the course--

Over this table...

over this chair,

into the patio, around the pool, over the hedge,

back around the pool, over that chair,

and we’ll end up right here.

Cash?

If you do this, I’ll never talk to you again.

You worried about my heart? You’ll get the insurance.

Cash, I beg you!

-On your mark. -I hate you!

Get set...

[door slam]

[crashing noises]

[groaning]

-[Cash] Oh! -What is it?

Oh, I broke my leg!

[groaning] Oh, how stupid can I be!

[groaning]

-[groaning] -I’ll call the doctor.

[doctor] I never told you it wasn’t a serious brake.

In a sense, all brakes are serious.

And after we get to a certain age,

they tend to become more serious.

Tell me honestly, doc.

Will I walk again?

Of course you’ll walk again.

-[Cash] Will I run again? -Yes, you’ll run again.

-What kind of answer is that? -What do you mean?

Well, the tone in your voice belies the words.

I didn’t say you were going to run from here to San Francisco.

Will I-- Will I hurdle again?

No, of course you won’t hurdle again.

It’s an idiotic question because you never should have been hurdling

in the first place.

You’re not a kid anymore!

OK, doc. So I’m not a kid anymore.

I’ll just take your advice

and grow up and die.

Well, it’s something we all have to face.

I told him I’d take the cast off before long.

But he’s got to be very careful.

Thank you, doctor. Goodbye.

[door slam]

[loud jazz plays]

[chattering]

[music continues]

[Cash] Boy, some Saturday night.

Why don’t we go to parties anymore?

You insult everyone that comes into the house.

If they did have a party, I don’t see why they have to invite us.

Judas, you turned into a bitter woman.

[groaning]

What are they gonna do? Dance all night?

[exhaling]

Teenagers, how stupid can you get?

[louder party music]

-Shut up! -[Louise] Cash.

They’re just having a little fun.

Well, that’s more than I am.

[phone ringing]

[loud party music]

[Louise] Cash!

Cash, it’s the Blackwoods.

They want us to go to the club.

What for? We don’t even belong anymore.

Well, they do. They want us to be their guests.

How nice. How Jim dandy.

-I wonder why they’re being so nice. -Cash, what shall I tell her?

Maybe he’s going to tell me I’m fired.

Cash, they’re on the phone, what should I tell them?

Tell them, sure.

Sure, Cash wants to come.

He’s going to do the hurdles for them.

You wanted to go, didn’t you?

[loud party music]

[glass shatters]

Oh, youth...

Oh, beauty.

[orchestra music]

[Cash] Goodnight, sweetheart.

[Jim] On your mark!

Get set!

Bang!

Hey, Cash. Yay, Champ. Yay, team!

Got the books to start him, Arthur?

Sure thing. On your mark! Get set! Go!

[orchestra music]

Question four.

What did Wordsworth mean when he said,

"The thought of death rests easy

on the man who has been born and dies among the mountains"?

[Louise] Please be careful, Cash.

What’s the matter? Don’t you think I can walk?

[sigh] Hello, Cathy.

[Cathy] Good evening, Mrs. Bentley

-[Louise] Hello, Eric? -[Eric] Hello, Mrs. Bentley.

[Louise] Is everything all right?

-[Cathy] Fine. -[Louise] I’m sorry--

-I’ll show you... -[Cathy] Oh, that’s all right.

I’ll show you!

[Cathy] I go to church but not until 11:00.

[Louise] Goodnight, Cathy.

[Cathy] Goodnight, Mrs. Bentley.

-[Louise] Goodnight, Eric. -[Eric] Goodnight, Mrs. Bentley.

Coming now, dear?

You go ahead, I-- I wanna look at something.

[click]

-[dragging sound] -[thud]

Cash, what are you doing?

[Cash] The darn cat goes under the sofa, I can’t catch it.

[dragging sound]

Cash.

Are you moving the furniture?

-[thud] -Cash!

[projector buzzing]

Here.

[Louise] Cash... you’re not going to do it.

Sure, I’m a hurdler.

I’m going to hurdle.

[Cash] Now, you fire.

Cash, I’ve never fired a gun.

I’ll say "on your mark...

get set"...

and you fire.

Cash, I won’t!

-[slap] -You will!

Just pull the trigger.

On your mark,

get set...

[Cash] Come on! I can’t wait all night!

On your mark, get set...

Cash, I don’t know how to do it.

The little lever.

Just press that little lever, then you can pull the trigger.

On your mark... get set!

[Cash] Come on!

On your mark! Get set!

Go!

[gun fires]

[thud]

Cash?

Cash?

[gasp]

[scream]

That is known as domestic skeet shooting,

where live skeet.

I see another commercial is coming up.

It’s amazing what you see when you don’t have a gun.

By the way, tonight’s story

has inspired something new and exciting

in track meets--

spectators are sold pistols

instead of popcorn.

But the bag is limited

to three hurdlers per person.

I’m told it adds a great deal of zest to the sport.

Next week we should continue our study

of the strange byways

of American folklore.

Until then, goodnight.