Original subtitles

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I’ve just been terribly hurt.

My Ceramics instructor just insulted my pot,

the one I made in his class.

He says it isn’t fit to be put in the kiln

and he’ll probably be throwing it out in a moment.

He’s in there now cleaning out the kiln.

Tonight’s play is "The Contest for Aaron Gold."

And it begins after the usual one-minute pause

for sponsor identification.

Well, it’ll mean lighting it myself and I’ve never done that.

Don’t blame me.

What can you expect from a generation

that was raised on "Hansel and Gretel."

[hammering]

[man] I understand that, Mr. Stern.

[Stern] Angelo, please.

I shouldn’t have to listen to excuses.

Let me remind you that in five days,

five miserable days, no more, no less, we are opening this camp.

The parents are going to be driving their children up here,

and they can’t park their cars in the lake!

I understand that, Mr. Stern, you told me that.

You can’t park the parents in the lake.

And tell that to those zombies that work for you.

I’ll talk to you later, Angelo.

-Bernie! Bernie Samuelson. -Mr. Stern.

Bernie, boy, you’re right on time.

I just finished putting up the sign and who just show up

but Mr. Ceramics himself.

How do you like it?

Fine, it looks real nice. I’m sure I’ll like it fine.

I thought you would. And we’ve got every facility,

and I mean every facility, exactly as stated in the new catalog.

We got kind of a motto here at Lakeside--

"You will never repent what you don’t misrepresent."

Am I right? Or am I right?

Oh, excuse a minute, Bernie.

Lefty! Lefty, up there in the tower!

That’s Lefty James, our head counselor. I told you about him.

Lefty! Say hello to Bernie Samuelson!

Sam-uel-son!

Cer-am-ics!

Watch this.

It beats the Fire Department the way this guy goes into action.

You know, it’s no fluke he was once in a Tarzan picture.

Watch him now.

Knowing your background in sculpture, Bernie,

and I’m not the one to buy a pig in a poke,

knowing your background, I’m confident that you’ll agree with me

that Ceramics has taken a large step forward here at Camp Lakeside.

Like I told you in New York, at our interview,

our motto is top-notch performance for top-notch clientele.

Or, in other words,

let’s have something to show the parents.

This instrument, fellows, as many of you know, is called a potter’s wheel.

Men have been using them for hundreds of years

to make themselves many beautiful and useful things.

[boys laughing]

You know, once upon a time, not so very long ago,

there was no such thing as a neighborhood variety store

or a department store,

or a hardware store where people could buy

the things that they now take for granted.

Men had to make things with their hands.

And that’s how-- Well, that’s how craftsmanship began.

-Uncle Bernie? -Yes?

Why do we call you Uncle, Uncle Bernie?

Oh, well, it’s policy.

Gives the camp more of a family atmosphere.

Last year I went to Camp Whispering Willow, and it was different.

We called the counselors "Cousin" at Whispering Willow.

Like Cousin Leo or Cousin Jerome.

I see. Well, uh, the counselors

were probably younger there, Henry.

That could be why you called them cousin.

Cousin Herman, at Whispering Willow,

he was twice as old as my father.

Bless him. He should live to be a thousand.

Right now, we’re talking about the potter’s wheel, Henry.

The thing that has made it so remarkable through the centuries is the fact--

-[boys yelling] -Uncle Bernie!

He stuck a dog in my ear!

He’s a liar! It wasn’t no dog!

-It was nothing but a mouse! -All right! knock it off!

Now, suppose everybody helps himself to clay.

Not for sticking it in each other’s ears, mind you,

but just to get the feel of what we’re trying to do here.

[Bernie] All right. Come on, come on.

What do you think it is, Uncle Bernie?

I’ll give you a hint.

It wriggles,

and it also crawls on its belly, Uncle Bernie.

You get it yet?

A snake?

You knew it all the time!

That’s because I have certain advantages, Henry.

Three special courses at one of our finest universities.

Otherwise, I might never have known.

Pancake, huh?

Always a great favorite,

something you can depend on.

Pancakes, snakes,

and ashtrays.

It shows great promise.

[whistle blows]

-[boys laughing] -[whistle blows]

All right, you guys, on the double!

Junior porpoises out of the water!

Intermediate dolphins in!

I said intermediate dolphins!

That means all you guys in Ceramics!

Drop the mud pies and hit the deck!

[whistle blows]

-Hey, wait-- -Uncle Bernie, you’ll mind my snake.

Yeah, sure I’ll mind it, but I won’t be responsible for it.

A thing like this should be insured.

[water running]

Well, we seem to have missed each other.

What’s your name?

It’s a-- It’s Aaron.

Aaron what?

Uh, Aaron Gold, Uncle Bernie.

I-- I didn’t mean to forget about the swimming.

I promise to play with everybody else the next time.

And I promise I won’t go off by myself either.

You gonna report me?

Take it easy, Aaron.

There’s nothing to worry about.

You mind letting me see what you made?

Oh, it’s nothing. It’s just an old thing. Really, it’s nothing.

Well, I say this for it, Aaron.

It looks like a pretty interesting nothing. Do you mind?

I like this, Aaron. I like it very much.

And you don’t have to worry. I’m not gonna report you. I promise.

Well?

Hey, come on now. It’s not such a big thing.

Besides, you better hurry. You’re gonna be late for swimming.

Come on. Come on, Aaron.

[door closes]

[boy] Thank you, Uncle Lionel!

Hey, that’s all right, fellas!

Ah, smell that mountain air, huh, Bernie?

It’s the kind of tonic you don’t buy in a bottle.

Real nice, Mr. Stern. Real nice.

How’d it go today with Ceramics?

The boys are catching on?

Well, yes and no. It varies with group to group, of course.

No projects yet?

Not yet. Not the first day, Mr. Stern.

Some of these kids come from artistic families, Bernie.

They catch on quick, believe me.

Quick, quick, quick. Like lightning, these boys.

You have a tough time keeping up with them.

Uh, one thing I thought I’d mention.

Lefty was a little annoyed this morning,

the Gold kid coming 15 minutes late for swimming.

I told Lefty I’d mention it to you.

You know, that couldn’t be helped, Mr. Stern.

What happened was the kid was hiding--

Oh, please, Bernie.

I’m not for one moment suggesting that you held the kid back on purpose.

I know how kids are.

I’m just trying to give it to you from Lefty’s point of view.

From Lefty’s point of view, huh?

Another thing.

Lefty says the Gold kid is kind of peculiar.

Teaching him to swim, he says, is like trying to float a rock.

Peculiar? Why?

Well, please, Bernie. Don’t ask me, ask Lefty.

I can tell you one thing, though, from my own experience--

swimming is very important.

If there’s one thing parents like to see

when they come on visiting day,

it’s their kids swimming back and forth,

back and forth like fish in a tub.

I never thought of that before.

Oh, we aim to develop a well-rounded boy here at Camp Lakeside.

And let’s face it, Bernie.

Even Lefty can’t teach a kid to swim if he’s not there.

Hey, fellas! Let Uncle Lionel have the ball.

Aaron, the legs.

The legs are beautiful. How’d you managed that?

Well, I worried, Uncle Bernie.

For almost two whole weeks I worried about the legs.

OK, so you worried. So what else did you do?

Well, last night in bed, I worried some more,

and then I started to feel my own legs...

you know? The way things really are.

So today I started over.

You like the way he’s standing?

I like very much the way he’s standing.

[Aaron] He’s standing brave, isn’t he?

[Bernie] I don’t get that, Aaron.

I mean, I don’t understand exactly what you mean.

[Aaron] It’s not good at all unless he’s really standing brave.

[Bernie] Well, he could be standing brave.

Certainly, no one can say he’s not standing brave.

What kind of a dragon do you think the knight is fighting, Uncle Bernie?

You gonna make a dragon, Aaron?

No.

Well, excuse me, Aaron, but if you’re not gonna make a dragon,

then what difference make what kind?

You mean you don’t understand?

I’m sorry. I guess I don’t.

Well, the more terrible the dragon is, Uncle Bernie,

the braver the knight would have to be for fighting such dragon,

even if we can’t see what it is.

[whistle blows]

[Bernie] OK, fellows, there it goes.

[Lefty] Intermediate dolphins, on the double!

All right, fellows, let’s go. Come on.

[Lefty] You guys in that clay factory, get moving!

Aaron!

Didn’t you hear the whistle?

Aaron, did you or did you not hear the whistle?

-Well, I was working. -That’s fine! That’s great!

You can work some more on Wednesday.

Now, let’s not spoil the nice attendance record

you got for the last two weeks.

Uncle Lefty will be waiting. Come on.

-Please, Uncle Bernie. -Please what?

Please, won’t you let me finish the legs?

Now, while I know what the dragon looks like,

while I have it all in my mind?

Can I, Uncle Bernie?

Please?

All right, go on.

Who side do you think I’m on, anyways, the dragon’s?

Bernie, I’ll go straight to the fundamentals.

You’re lucky it’s me, not Lefty James, who’s calling on you now.

Lefty’s so mad he could chew the oars right out of his rowboat.

-Now, wait a-- -Did I or did I not tell you to get the Gold kid

to swimming instruction on time?

-Did I? -I tried, Mr. Stern.

You tried?

I’m telling you for the last time, Bernie.

Letting a kid play potsy with clay all day long

is not my idea of the well-rounded approach.

A parent who pays a lot of money is not going to be satisfied

with a lousy clay pot.

Mr. Stern!

This is the work of Aaron Gold.

Does it look like a louse clay pot?

It’s promising, I’ll grant you.

Why doesn’t he finish it?

Should a thing that size take a 40-hour a week?

-Why not? -What?

If the boy cares enough, Mr. Stern,

if his heart and soul are wrapped up in what he’s trying to do.

Oh, don’t kid me, Bernie.

Angelo asphalted the whole entrance road and parking lot

in five stinking days. Five days!

This is not a parking lot, Mr. Stern.

Aaron was not working with asphalt!

Asphalt, blas-phalt!

In two weeks’ time, Lefty James has got 111 kids

swimming like they was mackerels

with outboard motors on them.

Every kid in camp, except little Sir Amicks!

-Who? -You heard me.

Little Sir Amicks.

Otherwise known as Aaron Gold.

That’s what Lefty calls him now.

Well, you tell Lefty James for me, Mr. Stern.

You tell that big-mouthed,

-muscle-bound peacock out there that-- -Yes?

What would you like me to tell him for you, Bernie?

Never mind, forget I said it.

We understand each other, don’t we, Bernie?

I guess we do.

Good. Then there’s no hard feelings.

As long as Lefty is not screaming

and this... whatchamacallit of Aaron Gold’s has two arms on it

when his parents come on Sunday.

All right?

I guess it’ll have to be all right.

Aaron, couldn’t you work a little faster, huh?

-Faster? -Yeah.

Well, Uncle Bernie,

how could I go faster when I want it to be right?

Aaron, it’s gonna be great. It’s gonna be fine.

But you only got this period to finish it.

Your parents are coming on Sunday.

Don’t you see what I mean?

Only my father, Uncle Bernie.

Only my father will be coming on Sunday.

See, he isn’t married to my mother anymore.

Your father. What would he think, if after three weeks’ time,

you hadn’t even finished one thing?

He wouldn’t care. Not if it was beautiful.

I’m sorry, Uncle Bernie. I can’t go faster.

Your father wouldn’t be disappointed, huh?

No.

Aaron, think of Mr. Stern.

-Who? -Mr. Stern.

What’s he got to do with it?

But Mr. Stern is the owner of Camp Lakeside.

You know how proud he is of the way they get things done here on time.

The cooking you mean? Making beds?

No!

That is not what I mean.

What I mean is Mr. Stern, he wouldn’t want your father to be disappointed.

-Huh? -Aaron, pay attention!

It’s all right, Uncle Bernie.

My father won’t get mad. Tell Mr. Stern.

My father’s like you.

Like who?

You.

That’s what I thought you said.

You know something, Uncle Bernie?

I doubt it. I doubt very much that I know anything.

My father could lick Uncle Lefty.

You heard what I said?

Yeah, I heard you.

You said your father can lick Uncle Lefty.

I’m sorry I couldn’t go any faster.

I like the snake, Bernie.

Cute as a bug. Look at the smile on its face.

I like it.

The parents will appreciate it tomorrow.

Nice, uh, ashtray?

Nice turtle, Bernie.

You know, you could easily recognize it for a turtle.

Another ashtray.

Well, one advantage to an ashtray

is a boy can make a practical gift for his dad.

Oh, incidentally, Bernie, you should hear this.

We were talking about Aaron Gold.

Yes?

His father owns the Daisy Dooly chain of supermarkets, 47 stores.

A live wire merchant. He wouldn’t want a boy who’s half a bump on a log.

-Who? Aaron? -It’s almost hopeless.

He hasn’t got the intermediate dolphin swimming badge

to show his father, in the first place.

He hasn’t got the woodcraft badge.

Doesn’t have a softball stripe.

In fact, he just ain’t got it,

and I say thank goodness for Ceramics.

Where’s that thing he was making?

Uh, it’s over here.

[Stern] Dragon? What dragon?

[Bernie] Well, the dragon is...

Well, we must assume there’s a dragon.

Are you kidding me, Bernie?

The arm is still missing.

Why this thing is as ridiculous as it was five days ago?

Are you trying to cover up for that boy?

Is there something you’re deliberately trying to hide from me?

No, there’s nothing.

I asked you well in advance,

while there was still plenty of time.

I warned you, I begged you.

I said something has to be finished

to show on visiting day.

Did I or didn’t I?

Yes, Mr. Stern, you told me in plenty of time.

Then finish it!

I don’t understand.

I’m telling you to get a lump of clay and put a right arm

on this two-legged jackass and one-armed knight.

The dragon we will not even discuss.

I couldn’t do that, Mr. Stern. I couldn’t.

You couldn’t do what?

I couldn’t do that to Aaron.

This whole thing is his. Every little bit of it,

conception, execution, loving care.

-I’d only spoil it for him. -Spoil it?

That’s what you said?

Well, yes!

Bernie...

Bernie, I pay you 600 dollars for the season.

That’s more than anybody in this whole camp, Lefty James excepted.

I appreciate that, Mr. Stern.

Would you like to call it quits right now?

Third week in July? Pro-rate the season?

I-I couldn’t do that, Mr. Stern.

My shop’s closed up. All my things are in storage.

There’s no business before September or October.

I couldn’t do that.

Then you put an arm and a sword on Don Quixote here.

Do it now.

Or else I’ll help you pack your bag.

[Lefty] Ladies and gentlemen,

allow me to bid you a gay, good welcome to Camp Lakeside.

In your honor, we are giving a diving exhibition.

We hope you’ll like it.

Hey, Jeff, bring your parents right down to the lake.

You too, Mike. Attaboy.

We’ll be right to go in one minute.

[Bernie] Aaron.

Aren’t you supposed to be down at the lake at the welcoming exercises?

Oh, well, I snuck out of there.

Nobody knows it, just you and me.

Uh, do you think that was a nice thing for you to do?

Well, I wanted to wait for my father here.

I wrote him in a letter.

I said, "Meet me at Ceramics."

Come here a second, Aaron.

What?

Look.

It’s got an arm and a sword.

[Bernie] Uh-huh.

He’s got an arm.

-Who put them on? -I did.

Well, you can’t expect a knight to fight without two arms, can’t--

-Aaron! -I hate it!

You ruined it! It’s not mine now!

-Aaron, I was only trying to help-- -It’s not good anymore!

Aaron, listen to me! Aaron, please, listen to me! Aaron!

For crying out loud, Bernie. What’s the matter with the Gold kid?

What’d you do? Put a bomb under him? Today of all days?

That’s right. I put a bomb under him last night, then I added the sword.

Aaron doesn’t have your passion

for getting things done on schedule, Mr. Stern.

You mean the arm? That was only a suggestion.

Yeah? Well, I got a better suggestion.

Now, my suggestion, Mr. Stern, is that you--

Excuse me, my name is Herbert Gold.

I’m looking for Aaron, my son.

Seeing that story almost makes me want

to let my instructor out.

However, he’s not done yet.

Perhaps he will be in another minute.

We shall see.

I wonder if the sponsor could be persuaded

to clean out the kiln sometime.

My vase turned out beautifully, don’t you think?

I’m gonna use it to hold these ashes

I found on the floor in there.

As my dear instructor used to say,

"Art is long, life is brief."

So until next week at this time,

goodnight.