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1
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:40,374
0h, sing, ulysses.
2
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,337
Sing your travels.
3
00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:56,224
Tell where you have been.
Tell what you have seen.
4
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:05,650
And tell a story of a man
5
00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:11,239
who never wanted to leave his home.
6
00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:16,494
Who was happy
7
00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:21,499
and lived among the people he knew
8
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:24,835
and spoke their language.
9
00:01:27,547 --> 00:01:33,135
Sing, how then he was thrown out
10
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:35,845
into the world.
11
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:17,490
Life goes on.
Father works in a factory.
12
00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:23,287
In the evening the family
gathers together around the table.
13
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,956
Everything is normal.
14
00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:29,168
Everything is very normal.
15
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,963
The only thing is,
16
00:03:33,464 --> 00:03:36,759
you will never know what they think.
17
00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:41,847
You will never know
what a displaced person thinks...
18
00:03:42,515 --> 00:03:47,019
In the evening and in New York.
19
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:04,837
Those were long, lonely evenings,
20
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:08,716
long, lonely nights.
21
00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:14,096
There was a lot of walking,
22
00:09:16,015 --> 00:09:17,433
walking...
23
00:09:19,435 --> 00:09:23,313
Through the nights of Manhattan.
24
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:32,406
I don't think
I have ever been as lonely.
25
00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:31,793
October 3rd, 1950.
26
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,422
I have been trying
to write with a pencil.
27
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:39,551
But my fingers do not
really grasp the pencil properly,
28
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:44,014
not like they used to grasp it
a year ago.
29
00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:48,518
From working in the factory
my fingers became stiff.
30
00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:52,814
They don't bend, they lost
their subtlety of movement.
31
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,360
There are muscles in them
I haven't seen before.
32
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,403
They look fatter.
33
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:01,448
Anyway, I cannot hold the pencil.
34
00:13:01,657 --> 00:13:04,826
So, I go to the typewriter
and I begin to type,
35
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,370
with one finger.
36
00:13:37,109 --> 00:13:40,445
I'll never forget
that Christmas night.
37
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:44,241
We couldn't sit home.
38
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:45,701
It was too lonely.
39
00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:48,954
The streets were empty.
40
00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:53,125
We stopped at ginkus' candy store.
41
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:57,921
Nobody was there.
But ginkus was there.
42
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,091
We drank cold beer,
43
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:06,305
we looked at the street,
at the Christmas wrappings.
44
00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:13,687
The wind was blowing
bits of newspapers along the street.
45
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:20,902
Somewhere, in Brooklyn,
at the end of the world.
46
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,716
I know I am sentimental.
47
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:26,676
You would like...
48
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:32,557
These images to be more abstract.
49
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:37,145
It's o.K., call me sentimental.
50
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:43,568
You sit in your own homes,
51
00:15:45,529 --> 00:15:48,949
but I speak with an accent...
52
00:15:50,826 --> 00:15:54,663
And you don't even know
where I come from.
53
00:15:57,707 --> 00:16:03,588
These are some images and some sounds
54
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:08,885
recorded by someone in exile.
55
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:18,098
Occasionally we used to escape
to stony brook.
56
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:22,394
I can imagine a house,
57
00:18:22,978 --> 00:18:28,858
maybe in Paris or maybe near Paris...
58
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:32,028
Where, in the early 20s,
59
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:36,658
the Russian immigrants used to gather
60
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,119
and exchange their memories...
61
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:45,458
And then, as the years went by,
slowly die.
62
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:52,132
Such a house for me
was the house of lape.
63
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:59,389
We all gathered there;
We all lived on memories there.
64
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:03,643
Poets, politicians,
65
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:11,276
and those
who did not belong anywhere...
66
00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:15,780
We were all accepted
at the house of lape.
67
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:21,161
This was one of the sundays...
68
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:27,584
One of the weekends
when everybody came
69
00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:32,088
and everybody was embraced.
70
00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:53,485
I remember that weekend.
71
00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:56,112
We sat on the porch,
72
00:19:57,489 --> 00:20:01,034
we looked at the green trees...
73
00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:08,750
At the chairs outside, at the people.
74
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:14,255
There were so many guests,
75
00:20:15,006 --> 00:20:18,718
so many guests that weekend.
76
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:24,557
Oh, and bernardas was there...
77
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:26,975
Playing...
78
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:33,858
With little branches and stones...
79
00:20:37,696 --> 00:20:39,614
Maybe bits of memories...
80
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:47,122
We spoke about nothing in particular.
81
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:51,793
I remember we spoke
about Dylan Thomas.
82
00:21:40,049 --> 00:21:43,136
Inside, there was music.
83
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,382
You danced...
84
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,595
Then we all ran out,
our little group.
85
00:23:08,012 --> 00:23:10,431
Vida, and your friend...
86
00:23:10,765 --> 00:23:15,103
I don't remember her name now...
87
00:23:16,187 --> 00:23:20,733
But we all ran to the woods,
and to the beach,
88
00:23:21,776 --> 00:23:23,361
and there we played.
89
00:26:06,149 --> 00:26:09,861
I look at you now from a distance.
90
00:26:11,863 --> 00:26:17,285
Crowds, every Sunday afternoon.
91
00:26:18,494 --> 00:26:20,455
I look at you.
92
00:26:22,331 --> 00:26:27,253
Eh, and you thought
it was all so temporary.
93
00:26:27,670 --> 00:26:30,381
Paulius, paulius, I see you.
94
00:26:32,050 --> 00:26:35,887
Remember, last days, that evening...
95
00:26:37,889 --> 00:26:39,807
That evening we all danced
96
00:26:42,393 --> 00:26:48,566
around a young birch tree
outside of the barracks.
97
00:26:50,568 --> 00:26:55,907
We thought it will be
all so temporary...
98
00:26:56,991 --> 00:27:00,328
We'll be all home soon.
99
00:27:02,747 --> 00:27:06,751
And then we all went
in different directions.
100
00:27:08,002 --> 00:27:13,299
I see you, I see... you.
101
00:27:15,343 --> 00:27:18,221
I recognize your faces,
102
00:27:20,807 --> 00:27:24,936
each one is separate in the crowd.
103
00:32:15,768 --> 00:32:18,604
I met prof. Pakstas in Philadelphia.
104
00:32:19,438 --> 00:32:23,651
As a child I used to hear
about prof. Pakstas's theories.
105
00:32:23,859 --> 00:32:26,070
He said, Lithuania
should buy an island
106
00:32:26,278 --> 00:32:28,489
east of Africa, and move there.
107
00:32:28,697 --> 00:32:30,574
There will never be
peace for Lithuania.
108
00:32:30,783 --> 00:32:33,661
It's on the road
between Russia and Germany,
109
00:32:33,869 --> 00:32:35,454
between east and west.
110
00:32:35,788 --> 00:32:39,500
Move out, he said...
They thought he was crazy.
111
00:32:40,334 --> 00:32:42,920
Now, I see his point.
112
00:32:47,341 --> 00:32:52,471
I didn't have much to do with politics
during those years in Brooklyn,
113
00:32:53,055 --> 00:32:57,685
even though the generals
had branded me a communist.
114
00:32:58,352 --> 00:33:02,440
Every poet is a communist
to the generals.
115
00:33:06,402 --> 00:33:09,238
But I was there, with my camera.
116
00:33:10,197 --> 00:33:13,993
I wanted to be the recording eye,
117
00:33:15,202 --> 00:33:21,000
I wanted to be the camera historian
of the exile.
118
00:33:22,251 --> 00:33:25,212
I was there with my camera.
119
00:33:26,672 --> 00:33:27,798
I was there
120
00:33:29,133 --> 00:33:34,555
to record the conflicting passions.
121
00:33:35,848 --> 00:33:37,391
They were there,
122
00:33:38,934 --> 00:33:44,273
Lithuanian communists
and Lithuanian nationalists.
123
00:33:46,942 --> 00:33:48,611
And they didn't know...
124
00:33:49,862 --> 00:33:52,531
That they were Lithuanians first...
125
00:33:52,907 --> 00:33:57,578
And only second nationalists
and communists.
126
00:33:59,622 --> 00:34:03,751
But they didn't see
the truth of each other.
127
00:34:07,630 --> 00:34:12,384
After all, Stalin was still alive.
128
00:34:15,888 --> 00:34:20,601
As I was looking at the overgrown
wall, I remembered another wall,
129
00:34:21,810 --> 00:34:23,979
near my uncle's house.
130
00:34:25,064 --> 00:34:29,985
In the silence of the night
we used to hear screams
131
00:34:30,569 --> 00:34:34,990
coming from behind the wall,
through the night.
132
00:34:35,699 --> 00:34:41,205
Those were headquarters
of Stalin's nkvd.
133
00:34:51,340 --> 00:34:56,720
Let my camera record the desperations
of the small countries.
134
00:34:57,555 --> 00:35:01,850
Oh, how I hate you, the big nations!
135
00:35:03,477 --> 00:35:07,481
Your big rivers,
and your big mountains,
136
00:35:07,690 --> 00:35:10,609
and your big histories,
and your big armies,
137
00:35:10,818 --> 00:35:13,445
and your big wars!
138
00:35:14,655 --> 00:35:18,826
And you always get together,
like at the United Nations
139
00:35:19,577 --> 00:35:24,123
and you proclaim yourselves
the big three, or the big four,
140
00:35:24,498 --> 00:35:28,836
and you always think
that you are the only ones:
141
00:35:29,628 --> 00:35:33,173
The others, the others do not matter.
142
00:35:33,966 --> 00:35:37,803
They should be part of you
or speak your language.
143
00:35:39,722 --> 00:35:41,890
Oh, come, come,
144
00:35:42,099 --> 00:35:45,311
the dictatorship
of the small countries!
145
00:35:53,319 --> 00:35:56,280
Oh, sing, ulysses,
146
00:35:57,072 --> 00:36:00,492
sing the desperation of the exile,
147
00:36:01,744 --> 00:36:06,790
sing the desperation
of the small countries!
148
00:36:08,375 --> 00:36:12,546
I saw you, and I made notes
with my camera,
149
00:36:13,464 --> 00:36:18,010
you, marching there,
150
00:36:19,887 --> 00:36:26,602
through the noise of the big city,
151
00:36:27,019 --> 00:36:31,398
that did not even know you existed.
152
00:36:49,750 --> 00:36:51,794
I remember you,
153
00:36:52,002 --> 00:36:56,799
gathering in dingy, smoky rooms,
154
00:36:57,591 --> 00:37:03,764
remnants of the old government
from the independent days,
155
00:37:05,557 --> 00:37:08,977
and the new political activists,
156
00:37:09,645 --> 00:37:13,982
students, poets, journalists.
157
00:37:16,735 --> 00:37:20,698
I remember you. I was there,
158
00:37:22,366 --> 00:37:25,953
the chronicler, the diarist.
159
00:37:34,294 --> 00:37:37,798
And then there was juozas tysliava,
160
00:37:38,507 --> 00:37:42,928
the poet, the futurist,
and follower of marinetti.
161
00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:46,682
We thought as we watched him,
162
00:37:46,890 --> 00:37:50,394
we thought the whole
calamity of the world
163
00:37:50,602 --> 00:37:52,646
was just a stage for him,
164
00:37:53,105 --> 00:37:55,482
for his futuristic performances.
165
00:37:55,983 --> 00:38:00,779
In New York, at the Webster hall,
with an audience of thousands,
166
00:38:01,238 --> 00:38:04,575
he performed
his last political gesture,
167
00:38:05,117 --> 00:38:07,161
cursing the big nations.
168
00:38:07,578 --> 00:38:10,456
Here was the last and desperate stand
169
00:38:10,914 --> 00:38:13,542
of an individual against masses;
170
00:38:14,042 --> 00:38:17,504
small countries against big countries,
171
00:38:18,046 --> 00:38:22,217
poets against politicians.
172
00:38:32,519 --> 00:38:38,400
Oh, sing, ulysses, sing.
173
00:38:39,610 --> 00:38:43,071
Tell about the places you have been.
174
00:38:44,156 --> 00:38:48,160
Tell what you have seen.
175
00:38:52,289 --> 00:38:56,084
And I was there,
and I was the camera eye,
176
00:38:56,710 --> 00:38:58,170
I was the witness,
177
00:38:59,254 --> 00:39:01,340
and I recorded it all,
178
00:39:01,799 --> 00:39:05,093
and I don't know, am I singing
179
00:39:05,511 --> 00:39:07,805
or am I crying?
180
00:45:29,186 --> 00:45:34,191
Meanwhile,
our life in Brooklyn went on.
181
00:45:35,525 --> 00:45:40,530
Meserole street, fifth street,
lorimer street,
182
00:45:41,489 --> 00:45:44,576
maspeth, linden street.
183
00:45:45,952 --> 00:45:50,665
We moved from place to place,
from factory to factory.
184
00:45:51,041 --> 00:45:56,046
We spent long days,
long miserable weeks...
185
00:45:56,463 --> 00:45:59,049
In the waiting rooms
186
00:46:00,842 --> 00:46:04,763
of the Warren street
employment agencies,
187
00:46:07,599 --> 00:46:10,602
taking any job, any.
188
00:48:34,037 --> 00:48:37,665
When I looked at them,
like this, gathered,
189
00:48:38,958 --> 00:48:40,668
talking, joking...
190
00:48:41,961 --> 00:48:44,756
There was a feeling around them,
191
00:48:44,964 --> 00:48:48,468
there was a feeling
of a long vacation,
192
00:48:48,927 --> 00:48:51,012
like they were on along vacation.
193
00:48:51,221 --> 00:48:55,016
There was no desperation yet
in their faces.
194
00:48:56,893 --> 00:49:01,022
All that came later...
195
00:49:02,524 --> 00:49:05,944
Here they still felt:
196
00:49:06,694 --> 00:49:10,782
Going home was just around the corner,
197
00:49:12,992 --> 00:49:15,328
$00“, $00“...
198
00:49:16,871 --> 00:49:17,914
Very soon.
199
00:49:19,207 --> 00:49:21,584
This is only temporary,
200
00:49:22,669 --> 00:49:24,921
only temporary...
201
00:49:56,035 --> 00:49:58,329
I was there with my camera,
202
00:49:58,830 --> 00:50:00,165
I recorded it.
203
00:50:02,834 --> 00:50:06,421
This was seventh year,
204
00:50:07,922 --> 00:50:11,968
for some of you eighth year in exile.
205
00:50:13,261 --> 00:50:14,804
There you were.
206
00:50:16,639 --> 00:50:19,476
The only thing that mattered to you
207
00:50:19,726 --> 00:50:23,730
was the independence of your country.
208
00:50:25,648 --> 00:50:29,235
All those meetings, all those talks.
209
00:50:30,069 --> 00:50:33,781
What to do, what will happen,
210
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:38,536
how long, what can we do?
211
00:50:41,122 --> 00:50:45,627
Yes, I was there, and I recorded it...
212
00:50:47,587 --> 00:50:52,383
For others, for the history,
213
00:50:54,302 --> 00:50:59,974
for those who do not know
the pain of the exile.
214
00:52:06,291 --> 00:52:09,043
How beautiful is this music!
215
00:52:10,670 --> 00:52:14,299
But this music was written by chopin
216
00:52:15,258 --> 00:52:17,677
in exile, in Paris.
217
00:55:04,844 --> 00:55:08,681
These were our last times together.
218
00:55:11,601 --> 00:55:14,479
I began to feel, around this time,
219
00:55:14,979 --> 00:55:20,610
I began to feel
that I had been turning
220
00:55:22,695 --> 00:55:24,947
on one spot,
221
00:55:27,700 --> 00:55:29,744
around my memories.
222
00:55:33,498 --> 00:55:35,249
I begin to feel
223
00:55:35,792 --> 00:55:40,755
that if anything can be done
for Lithuania
224
00:55:41,756 --> 00:55:45,885
it can be done only
by the people who live there,
225
00:55:51,265 --> 00:55:55,061
That the only way
I can be useful to Lithuania...
226
00:55:59,106 --> 00:56:01,025
Is by rebuilding myself
227
00:56:01,651 --> 00:56:04,779
from scratch, from the beginning,
228
00:56:05,738 --> 00:56:09,242
and then giving myself back to it,
229
00:56:11,452 --> 00:56:15,331
back to Lithuania, for whatever I am.
230
00:56:17,625 --> 00:56:22,630
How I watched you, that day, singing,
231
00:56:24,173 --> 00:56:26,717
with your faces transfixed,
232
00:56:28,177 --> 00:56:32,640
transported back to Lithuania.
233
00:56:34,559 --> 00:56:38,980
Oh, no, never, never...
234
00:56:49,490 --> 00:56:53,327
From the very cells of your bodies.
235
00:59:12,008 --> 00:59:15,720
This was our last time together.
236
00:59:16,762 --> 00:59:23,978
I felt I was falling into 1,000 pieces.
237
00:59:26,022 --> 00:59:32,403
Next day, I left Brooklyn
and moved to Manhattan.
238
01:01:02,535 --> 01:01:06,914
That spring my brother
came back from the army.
239
01:01:07,665 --> 01:01:10,501
We settled down
on orchard street,
240
01:01:15,506 --> 01:01:21,512
And we started, or rather
we continued, writing.
241
01:01:22,138 --> 01:01:25,349
We wanted to be writers.
242
01:02:31,290 --> 01:02:36,003
We started shooting our first film.
243
01:02:37,588 --> 01:02:40,049
I looked for the footage.
244
01:02:42,593 --> 01:02:44,845
I couldn't find most of it.
245
01:02:47,973 --> 01:02:54,813
We wanted it to be...
About a woman, this woman.
246
01:02:57,191 --> 01:02:59,944
She gets up in the morning.
247
01:03:00,945 --> 01:03:04,323
The sun is streaming
through the window.
248
01:03:11,789 --> 01:03:13,207
She dresses up,
249
01:03:19,213 --> 01:03:21,924
She walks out into the street.
250
01:03:34,436 --> 01:03:39,566
And suddenly, she sees, or imagines.
251
01:03:40,859 --> 01:03:44,780
She sees: She's at home.
252
01:03:48,367 --> 01:03:50,160
Early in the morning.
253
01:03:54,373 --> 01:03:57,918
Her husband is already up.
254
01:04:01,547 --> 01:04:06,010
He's washing his face,
drying his face.
255
01:04:07,511 --> 01:04:09,430
She sees it all,
256
01:04:10,806 --> 01:04:14,768
still half asleep.
257
01:04:17,563 --> 01:04:19,148
She sees it all.
258
01:04:24,528 --> 01:04:28,282
Later: He is in the street.
259
01:04:32,870 --> 01:04:37,207
It's raining, slightly, drizzling.
260
01:05:03,233 --> 01:05:04,735
There is a car.
261
01:05:07,321 --> 01:05:08,781
There is a car...
262
01:05:12,910 --> 01:05:14,036
And that's it...
263
01:05:17,706 --> 01:05:22,211
He is in the puddle.
264
01:05:24,129 --> 01:05:25,506
She sees it,
265
01:05:29,134 --> 01:05:30,469
she sees it all.
266
01:05:44,858 --> 01:05:48,278
She's awakened from her daydream
267
01:05:49,279 --> 01:05:52,533
by a car accident,
268
01:05:57,788 --> 01:06:02,459
Just like she saw it,
just as she saw it.
269
01:06:09,383 --> 01:06:13,554
She's very upset.
270
01:06:15,139 --> 01:06:20,561
She cannot go to work.
She goes to the park, instead.
271
01:06:21,895 --> 01:06:23,856
She has to walk it out.
272
01:06:26,733 --> 01:06:30,362
Of course, it was just
another day in the city,
273
01:06:31,029 --> 01:06:32,573
it happens every day.
274
01:06:33,699 --> 01:06:36,160
But she had to walk it out,
275
01:06:36,827 --> 01:06:40,164
to walk it out in the park.
276
01:06:41,832 --> 01:06:43,375
She walked.
277
01:06:44,084 --> 01:06:45,294
She walked.
278
01:06:46,170 --> 01:06:49,548
She looked at the trees.
It made her feel better,
279
01:06:50,007 --> 01:06:54,761
the trees, the roots,
early spring trees.
280
01:06:55,137 --> 01:06:59,433
Not much life, but still... life.
281
01:07:06,106 --> 01:07:12,821
That's all that remains
from this film.
282
01:08:05,749 --> 01:08:09,336
It was exciting.
283
01:08:10,963 --> 01:08:13,423
Everything was new.
284
01:08:14,758 --> 01:08:16,218
The city,
285
01:08:17,553 --> 01:08:19,221
the people,
286
01:08:23,100 --> 01:08:24,893
everything was new.
287
01:08:27,271 --> 01:08:32,359
We walked through the city,
we submerged in it.
288
01:09:46,099 --> 01:09:51,563
There is very little known
about this period
289
01:09:52,439 --> 01:09:56,276
of our protagonist's life.
290
01:10:03,367 --> 01:10:06,912
It's known that he was very shy
291
01:10:09,122 --> 01:10:13,669
and very lonely during this period.
292
01:10:15,462 --> 01:10:20,550
He used to take long, long walks.
293
01:10:25,430 --> 01:10:29,017
He felt very close
294
01:10:29,726 --> 01:10:34,773
to the park, to the streets,
to the city.
295
01:15:32,696 --> 01:15:38,201
It was the last good Autumn day.
296
01:15:38,910 --> 01:15:40,537
It was one of those
297
01:15:41,496 --> 01:15:46,459
fantastic Indian summer days.
298
01:15:48,128 --> 01:15:50,714
We couldn't sit in the city.
299
01:15:51,840 --> 01:15:55,051
Gideon said, "let's go to New Jersey."
300
01:15:57,303 --> 01:15:58,930
So we went.
301
01:16:00,181 --> 01:16:05,103
Gideon, Suzy, and the two of us.
302
01:16:08,606 --> 01:16:11,401
We had good times.
303
01:16:14,779 --> 01:16:19,534
We always had good times
with Gideon in the country.
304
01:16:22,162 --> 01:16:24,873
We stopped in places,
305
01:16:27,333 --> 01:16:29,377
we walked through the woods.
306
01:16:30,628 --> 01:16:36,968
Then, I don't know, was it Gideon
or was it my brother
307
01:16:38,178 --> 01:16:43,558
who said, "let's go
to the shooting grounds!"
308
01:16:45,435 --> 01:16:49,522
So we went to the shooting grounds.
309
01:18:36,713 --> 01:18:41,718
Winter '59 found us
on east 13th street.
310
01:19:12,624 --> 01:19:15,627
It was a cold winter.
311
01:19:17,545 --> 01:19:22,383
And it was a miserable period.
312
01:19:24,552 --> 01:19:31,184
We lived on miserable
sandwiches and coffee.
313
01:19:35,438 --> 01:19:40,068
We wrote. We did a lot of writing,
314
01:19:41,444 --> 01:19:45,740
with coffee eating our stomachs.
315
01:28:59,710 --> 01:29:04,548
These bits I'm recording here
316
01:29:05,132 --> 01:29:07,218
with my camera...
317
01:29:13,641 --> 01:29:16,477
These images...
318
01:29:19,271 --> 01:29:25,736
These bits that I have recorded
319
01:29:27,988 --> 01:29:33,536
from the places
I have passed through...
320
01:29:35,913 --> 01:29:39,041
It's my nature now to record
321
01:29:39,583 --> 01:29:45,381
everything I'm passing through.
322
01:29:52,429 --> 01:29:53,597
Streets,
323
01:29:57,476 --> 01:29:59,061
faces,
324
01:30:02,940 --> 01:30:03,940
cities.
325
01:30:11,240 --> 01:30:14,577
Oh my childhood,
326
01:30:18,372 --> 01:30:21,000
fading now,
327
01:30:25,462 --> 01:30:30,926
like these images will fade away.
328
01:32:07,231 --> 01:32:11,276
We were driving back to New York
that day, with bellamy.
329
01:32:11,652 --> 01:32:13,612
I was looking at the landscape.
330
01:32:14,029 --> 01:32:16,824
I knew I was in america.
331
01:32:17,157 --> 01:32:20,995
What am I doing here, I asked myself.
332
01:32:21,870 --> 01:32:24,164
There was no answer.
333
01:32:25,499 --> 01:32:29,128
The landscape didn't answer me.
334
01:32:29,878 --> 01:32:32,172
There was no answer.
335
01:35:01,196 --> 01:35:02,906
Here I came,
336
01:35:05,534 --> 01:35:10,164
to this point, to this place.
337
01:35:14,001 --> 01:35:16,920
The winds have brought me here,
338
01:35:18,797 --> 01:35:22,259
and I see you and I record you.
339
01:35:32,352 --> 01:35:35,939
I don't know if I've ever
understood you,
340
01:35:37,191 --> 01:35:41,945
if I ever really understood
341
01:35:43,322 --> 01:35:48,994
what you stood for,
what you went through.
342
01:35:49,786 --> 01:35:51,163
But I was there.
343
01:35:52,331 --> 01:35:55,751
I was just a passer-by,
344
01:35:59,838 --> 01:36:01,632
from somewhere else,
345
01:36:03,342 --> 01:36:06,053
from completely somewhere else,
346
01:36:07,846 --> 01:36:11,141
seeing it all, with my camera,
347
01:36:12,434 --> 01:36:17,189
and I recorded it, I recorded it all.
348
01:36:22,361 --> 01:36:25,405
I don't know... why.
349
01:41:20,784 --> 01:41:22,536
I was with you.
350
01:41:25,121 --> 01:41:26,331
I had to be.
351
01:41:30,835 --> 01:41:36,591
You were... the blood of my city,
352
01:41:38,426 --> 01:41:39,928
the heartbeat.
353
01:41:44,057 --> 01:41:51,356
I wanted to... feel its pulse,
354
01:41:53,692 --> 01:41:56,611
to feel its excitement.
355
01:41:59,864 --> 01:42:00,864
Yes...
356
01:42:06,413 --> 01:42:12,335
This was my city.
357
01:45:51,679 --> 01:45:55,183
I think it was
just before Christmas...
358
01:45:56,810 --> 01:46:02,899
They stood there.
They stood there all day, all night.
359
01:46:03,942 --> 01:46:05,944
It was cold.
360
01:46:06,569 --> 01:46:10,865
It was the coldest day of the year.
361
01:46:11,658 --> 01:46:15,078
They stood there, the women for peace.
362
01:46:18,248 --> 01:46:24,087
I stood on the corner of 42nd street
and I watched them.
363
01:46:30,134 --> 01:46:34,222
There were people
passing by, hurriedly.
364
01:46:37,559 --> 01:46:39,269
Nobody stopped.
365
01:46:40,645 --> 01:46:42,605
They were passing by.
366
01:46:43,398 --> 01:46:46,192
It was just before Christmas...
367
01:47:00,206 --> 01:47:05,837
I have seen you,
the leaflet women, the unknown!
368
01:47:06,421 --> 01:47:10,300
In rain, in snow,
369
01:47:11,342 --> 01:47:15,597
in cold; In hot summer days.
370
01:47:17,432 --> 01:47:19,976
I sing you, the leaflet women!
371
01:48:10,568 --> 01:48:18,242
I have no idea
what winds are driving me and where.
372
01:48:21,079 --> 01:48:24,582
But I chose this way,
373
01:48:26,834 --> 01:48:32,548
this way without directions.
374
01:48:34,592 --> 01:48:37,512
I chose it myself...
375
01:48:44,185 --> 01:48:45,478
And here I am...
376
01:48:54,529 --> 01:48:56,447
So let me continue.
377
01:48:59,242 --> 01:49:02,662
I don't want to look back.
378
01:49:04,998 --> 01:49:06,374
Not yet.
379
01:49:09,127 --> 01:49:11,504
Or not anymore.
380
01:49:17,343 --> 01:49:19,804
Ahead, ahead...
381
01:49:21,848 --> 01:49:22,890
I am pushing.
382
01:53:56,622 --> 01:53:59,041
Becks. Peace.
383
01:53:59,542 --> 01:54:00,668
Anarchy.
384
01:54:01,377 --> 01:54:05,589
I remember,
that early morning, one Sunday,
385
01:54:06,048 --> 01:54:10,261
they were there, in front
of the United Nations building,
386
01:54:11,178 --> 01:54:13,431
their rucksacks full of leaflets.
387
01:54:13,806 --> 01:54:16,642
It was snowing, it was freezing,
388
01:54:17,101 --> 01:54:21,188
and nobody was there,
I don't know where the city was,
389
01:54:21,856 --> 01:54:27,570
I don't know where anybody was...
Sleeping, or in the churches...
390
01:54:28,029 --> 01:54:31,782
But the becks were there,
walking for peace.
391
01:54:32,783 --> 01:54:37,121
It was cold, it was snowing,
it was freezing.
392
01:54:37,830 --> 01:54:41,208
They looked so lonely and lost.
393
01:55:18,954 --> 01:55:23,125
It's my nature now to record,
394
01:55:24,502 --> 01:55:29,215
to try to keep everything
I'm passing through.
395
01:55:30,883 --> 01:55:34,053
To keep at least bits of it.
396
01:55:36,138 --> 01:55:39,475
I have lost too much.
397
01:55:44,355 --> 01:55:45,398
So now,
398
01:55:47,983 --> 01:55:55,366
I have these bits
that I have passed through.
399
01:58:00,449 --> 01:58:04,954
Later that summer we visited Vermont.
400
01:58:07,957 --> 01:58:09,792
There was so much sun.
401
01:58:11,961 --> 01:58:12,962
We were...
402
01:58:18,175 --> 01:58:21,053
Drunk with the summer,
403
01:58:23,347 --> 01:58:27,226
with the woods and lakes
404
01:58:28,727 --> 01:58:30,062
and friendship.
405
01:59:28,162 --> 01:59:29,913
We fooled around.
406
01:59:34,293 --> 01:59:35,502
It was summer.
407
01:59:38,631 --> 01:59:39,631
The sun.
408
01:59:41,175 --> 01:59:42,301
The trees.
409
01:59:45,095 --> 01:59:46,096
The sun.
410
02:01:27,448 --> 02:01:31,118
The trees the trees the trees.
411
02:01:40,085 --> 02:01:44,256
The road the road the road.
412
02:01:55,768 --> 02:02:00,689
The sunset the sunset the sunset.
413
02:02:05,194 --> 02:02:10,699
Emshwiller emshwiller emshwiller.
414
02:02:26,882 --> 02:02:32,721
The childhood the childhood
the childhood.
415
02:02:58,872 --> 02:03:03,752
The window the window the window.
416
02:03:05,087 --> 02:03:06,338
The frost.
417
02:03:19,893 --> 02:03:24,815
The river the river the river.
418
02:03:34,283 --> 02:03:38,996
The snow the snow the snow.
419
02:03:40,747 --> 02:03:45,794
The childhood the childhood
the childhood.
420
02:04:00,726 --> 02:04:05,063
The field the field the field.
421
02:04:40,432 --> 02:04:41,475
The frost.
422
02:05:40,993 --> 02:05:46,748
The hills the hills the hills.
423
02:06:40,469 --> 02:06:45,140
The clouds the clouds the clouds.
424
02:06:54,608 --> 02:06:59,946
The wind the wind the wind.
425
02:07:14,753 --> 02:07:21,802
The childhood the childhood
the childhood.
426
02:07:26,306 --> 02:07:31,436
The snow the snow the snow.
427
02:07:42,322 --> 02:07:46,451
The river the river the river.
428
02:07:48,745 --> 02:07:50,038
The wind.
429
02:07:58,171 --> 02:08:03,009
The fall the fall the fall.
430
02:08:15,438 --> 02:08:18,275
Do you know the story of a man
431
02:08:18,608 --> 02:08:21,486
who could not live anymore
without the knowledge
432
02:08:22,112 --> 02:08:23,947
of what's at the end of the road...
433
02:08:24,322 --> 02:08:27,701
And what he found there
when he reached it?
434
02:08:30,495 --> 02:08:34,791
He found a pile,
a small pile of rabbit shit...
435
02:08:37,085 --> 02:08:39,087
At the end of the road.
436
02:08:41,631 --> 02:08:43,925
And back home he went.
437
02:08:44,801 --> 02:08:47,470
And when people used to ask him,
438
02:08:48,305 --> 02:08:52,184
"hey, where does the road lead to?"
439
02:08:56,938 --> 02:09:02,235
He used to answer:
"Nowhere, the road leads nowhere...
440
02:09:02,736 --> 02:09:07,240
And there is nothing at the end of
the road but a pile of rabbit shit."
441
02:09:08,992 --> 02:09:12,954
So he told them.
But nobody believed him.
442
02:09:28,637 --> 02:09:33,600
The window the window the window.
443
02:09:49,115 --> 02:09:54,120
The river the river the river.
444
02:10:20,021 --> 02:10:24,484
The summer the summer the summer.
445
02:10:29,572 --> 02:10:35,328
The evening the evening the evening.
446
02:10:39,541 --> 02:10:45,297
The winter the winter the winter.
447
02:11:01,938 --> 02:11:06,735
The friendship the friendship
the friendship.
448
02:11:31,051 --> 02:11:35,972
The house the house the house.
449
02:11:37,849 --> 02:11:43,938
The childhood the childhood
the childhood.
450
02:11:50,195 --> 02:11:55,450
The evening the evening the evening.
451
02:11:59,913 --> 02:12:01,373
The wind.
452
02:12:04,667 --> 02:12:09,672
The clouds the clouds the clouds.
453
02:12:20,975 --> 02:12:25,313
He used to work,
like everybody else...
454
02:12:26,356 --> 02:12:30,527
And then stop and look at the horizon.
455
02:12:33,863 --> 02:12:36,699
And when people used to ask him:
456
02:12:37,700 --> 02:12:39,536
"Hey, what's wrong with you?
457
02:12:39,744 --> 02:12:42,831
Why do you keep looking
into the distance?"
458
02:12:43,748 --> 02:12:45,250
He used to tell them:
459
02:12:46,459 --> 02:12:52,257
"I want to know what's
at the end of that road."
460
02:12:54,676 --> 02:12:55,676
Yes.
461
02:12:59,722 --> 02:13:03,810
He wanted to know
what's at the end of the road.
462
02:13:04,978 --> 02:13:07,397
No, he found nothing.
463
02:13:08,314 --> 02:13:11,109
Nothing at the end of the road
464
02:13:11,484 --> 02:13:15,113
when later, many years later,
465
02:13:16,656 --> 02:13:19,868
after many years of journey
466
02:13:20,827 --> 02:13:23,455
he came to the end of the road,
467
02:13:23,872 --> 02:13:29,878
there was nothing,
nothing but a pile of rabbit shit,
468
02:13:31,546 --> 02:13:35,341
not even the rabbit
was there any longer,
469
02:13:37,760 --> 02:13:40,972
and the road led nowhere.
470
02:13:53,651 --> 02:13:57,280
Those were the heroic days of park...
471
02:13:58,531 --> 02:14:03,286
Of 414 park Avenue south.
472
02:14:05,163 --> 02:14:08,333
Just across
from the bellmore cafeteria.
473
02:14:10,460 --> 02:14:16,257
I was trying to figure out
the taxes for that year...
474
02:14:18,843 --> 02:14:23,181
While p. Adams was making faces.
475
02:18:54,827 --> 02:18:58,664
The leaves, the leaves, the leaves...
476
02:19:25,733 --> 02:19:28,236
Peggy and Barbara,
477
02:19:29,320 --> 02:19:30,320
Peggy.
478
02:19:31,072 --> 02:19:32,072
Barbara.
479
02:19:32,698 --> 02:19:36,285
Yes, singing he went,
480
02:19:37,036 --> 02:19:41,958
singing for all friendships' sake.
481
02:20:00,935 --> 02:20:06,691
She ran and she ran and she ran,
towards the sun.
482
02:20:15,992 --> 02:20:20,997
He knew he was making
a fool of himself.
483
02:20:22,832 --> 02:20:26,294
But it had to be done,
it had to be done.
484
02:20:26,961 --> 02:20:31,007
There was still a lot to go.
485
02:20:43,603 --> 02:20:48,649
The sun, the water, the hair.
486
02:20:52,278 --> 02:20:56,949
He was looking at her face, her hair.
487
02:20:58,326 --> 02:21:00,411
He'd seen that hair before.
488
02:21:01,287 --> 02:21:03,205
He was trying to remember where.
489
02:21:03,414 --> 02:21:07,335
He had seen that hair before...
490
02:21:08,920 --> 02:21:12,173
Those strings of hair.
491
02:21:14,175 --> 02:21:17,845
No, no, he won't look back.
492
02:21:20,181 --> 02:21:22,516
Singing he went...
493
02:21:23,559 --> 02:21:27,647
Into the unpredictable
494
02:21:28,147 --> 02:21:30,524
and unknown.
495
02:23:17,381 --> 02:23:21,886
It was a fall day.
496
02:23:25,473 --> 02:23:30,478
We decided to visit
Barbara's friend in the asylum,
497
02:23:32,271 --> 02:23:33,355
in long island.
498
02:23:33,898 --> 02:23:36,984
On our way we picked up some pumpkins,
499
02:23:42,531 --> 02:23:46,327
Which they presented to their friend.
500
02:23:51,624 --> 02:23:56,087
No, those were not the best minds...
501
02:23:58,798 --> 02:24:01,759
Of my generation,
502
02:24:03,219 --> 02:24:09,350
there, behind those windows, no.
503
02:24:17,525 --> 02:24:18,818
I don't know,
504
02:24:20,986 --> 02:24:25,241
where the best minds
of my generation are.
505
02:24:37,336 --> 02:24:38,629
I am going.
506
02:24:40,840 --> 02:24:43,342
Any direction.
507
02:24:44,552 --> 02:24:48,347
I don't know where I am going,
508
02:24:49,974 --> 02:24:53,310
and I don't trust any mind,
509
02:24:55,146 --> 02:24:56,939
not any longer.
510
02:24:57,898 --> 02:25:01,235
I haven't trusted any mind,
511
02:25:04,029 --> 02:25:09,702
ever since I left my home.
512
02:25:13,664 --> 02:25:17,877
It's the best minds
of my civilization,
513
02:25:20,004 --> 02:25:23,382
that brought me...
514
02:25:24,675 --> 02:25:28,220
On this road,
515
02:25:30,556 --> 02:25:32,224
this road...
516
02:25:34,518 --> 02:25:38,105
That has no end,
517
02:25:42,484 --> 02:25:46,697
this road, this journey...
518
02:25:49,867 --> 02:25:53,913
That has no end.
519
02:28:46,502 --> 02:28:50,130
As the New York night...
520
02:28:50,923 --> 02:28:53,425
Slowly lifted...
521
02:28:54,760 --> 02:28:57,179
There were two figures,
522
02:28:57,721 --> 02:28:59,681
Barbara and Debbie,
523
02:29:01,600 --> 02:29:04,812
waiting by the Coop door,
524
02:29:05,938 --> 02:29:09,191
waiting for the jacobses to come.
525
02:29:10,526 --> 02:29:14,154
The morning was coming...
526
02:29:15,531 --> 02:29:18,409
Through the Coop's window.
527
02:29:23,330 --> 02:29:27,709
It was our big trip to Flaherty...
528
02:29:29,878 --> 02:29:31,547
Film seminar.
529
02:31:22,616 --> 02:31:24,785
While the guests proper,
530
02:31:25,160 --> 02:31:29,331
the respectable documentarists
and cineasts...
531
02:31:29,665 --> 02:31:32,793
Slept in their warm beds,
532
02:31:34,253 --> 02:31:36,880
we watched the morning,
533
02:31:38,465 --> 02:31:42,261
with the cold of night,
534
02:31:43,136 --> 02:31:46,515
still in our bones,
535
02:31:47,140 --> 02:31:49,309
in our flesh.
536
02:31:51,019 --> 02:31:55,482
It was a Flaherty morning.
537
02:31:59,194 --> 02:32:00,445
Slowly,
538
02:32:02,239 --> 02:32:03,574
we woke up.
539
02:32:07,411 --> 02:32:11,123
No, we didn't sleep well.
540
02:32:12,708 --> 02:32:14,543
But it was beautiful.
541
02:32:15,460 --> 02:32:16,920
There was a mist,
542
02:32:18,046 --> 02:32:19,590
there was a mist hanging.
543
02:32:22,968 --> 02:32:29,057
The earth was sweating out the night.
544
02:32:36,106 --> 02:32:40,611
The sun was already there.
545
02:32:43,947 --> 02:32:46,617
We felt closer to the earth,
546
02:32:47,200 --> 02:32:48,535
to the morning,
547
02:32:50,495 --> 02:32:53,081
than to the people sleeping there,
548
02:32:54,416 --> 02:32:56,460
in those houses.
549
02:33:00,130 --> 02:33:03,091
We felt like part,
550
02:33:06,219 --> 02:33:09,723
of the morning,
551
02:33:15,145 --> 02:33:16,438
Of the earth.
552
02:33:19,650 --> 02:33:24,738
It was very, very quiet,
553
02:33:28,867 --> 02:33:32,162
like in a church,
554
02:33:36,375 --> 02:33:39,503
and we were the monks,
555
02:33:42,005 --> 02:33:46,176
of the order of cinema.
556
02:37:09,754 --> 02:37:13,091
Yes, the morning came,
557
02:37:16,219 --> 02:37:20,807
and Linda and Barbara and Debbie,
558
02:37:23,018 --> 02:37:24,227
we all...
559
02:37:29,232 --> 02:37:32,360
Got up slowly,
560
02:37:33,194 --> 02:37:36,323
woke up slowly,
561
02:37:37,782 --> 02:37:41,161
together with the trees,
562
02:37:43,079 --> 02:37:44,205
with the sun,
563
02:37:45,999 --> 02:37:47,792
with the mist.
564
02:39:29,436 --> 02:39:34,816
Ken and flo decided
to spend a few days in Vermont.
565
02:39:36,568 --> 02:39:37,694
The rest of us,
566
02:39:39,029 --> 02:39:40,655
we hitchhiked
567
02:39:41,489 --> 02:39:43,908
back to New York.
568
02:44:23,062 --> 02:44:27,108
It was one of those clear,
569
02:44:28,901 --> 02:44:30,820
sunny Autumn days.
570
02:44:37,994 --> 02:44:43,291
Barbara and Debbie insisted
on going swimming,
571
02:44:44,876 --> 02:44:47,378
just as they were.
572
02:44:49,714 --> 02:44:53,676
It was... foolish,
573
02:44:55,678 --> 02:45:01,100
but it was their way of doing things.
574
02:45:08,066 --> 02:45:10,068
There were few people,
575
02:45:11,319 --> 02:45:15,406
on the beach that day.
576
02:45:16,991 --> 02:45:18,493
A couple of children,
577
02:45:20,578 --> 02:45:21,578
women.
578
02:45:25,625 --> 02:45:28,628
We, we walked along the shore,
579
02:45:29,962 --> 02:45:32,882
on the beach, along the beach.
580
02:45:37,261 --> 02:45:40,181
We looked at the water,
581
02:45:41,224 --> 02:45:42,266
the pebbles.
582
02:45:43,768 --> 02:45:47,522
We stood, looked into the distance.
583
02:45:51,234 --> 02:45:53,236
It was good,
584
02:45:54,529 --> 02:45:57,031
it was good.
585
02:45:59,867 --> 02:46:04,580
It was like being in a church.
586
02:47:57,902 --> 02:48:03,616
Oh, yes, it was one
of those Autumn days,
587
02:48:04,617 --> 02:48:09,622
it was one of those many trips.
588
02:48:11,707 --> 02:48:12,875
We were happy.
589
02:48:17,755 --> 02:48:19,966
All the troubles,
590
02:48:21,050 --> 02:48:24,011
were washed away,
591
02:48:25,846 --> 02:48:28,224
by the waters.
592
02:48:34,605 --> 02:48:39,652
Whatever wasn't washed away
by the waters,
593
02:48:41,946 --> 02:48:47,034
was washed by the colors of Autumn.
594
02:48:57,878 --> 02:48:59,589
We permitted ourselves,
595
02:49:01,966 --> 02:49:03,009
the little...
596
02:49:09,432 --> 02:49:13,227
We stopped here and there.
597
02:49:17,023 --> 02:49:20,693
We had a good time.
598
02:49:54,852 --> 02:49:58,564
Sometimes he didn't know where he was.
599
02:49:59,982 --> 02:50:02,360
The present and the past,
600
02:50:03,486 --> 02:50:07,782
intermingled, superimposed.
601
02:50:10,159 --> 02:50:14,789
And then,
since no place was really his,
602
02:50:15,790 --> 02:50:18,334
no place was really his home,
603
02:50:20,461 --> 02:50:25,758
he had this habit
of attaching himself immediately...
604
02:50:26,092 --> 02:50:28,469
To any place.
605
02:50:29,220 --> 02:50:30,513
He used to joke:
606
02:50:31,263 --> 02:50:34,684
"Oh, drop me in a desert...
607
02:50:35,434 --> 02:50:39,146
And come back next week,
and you will find me.
608
02:50:40,856 --> 02:50:45,152
I'll have my roots deep and wide."
609
02:51:44,044 --> 02:51:46,380
He remembered another day.
610
02:51:48,007 --> 02:51:49,425
Ten years ago,
611
02:51:50,509 --> 02:51:53,637
he sat on this beach,
612
02:51:55,806 --> 02:51:57,433
ten years ago,
613
02:51:59,602 --> 02:52:01,645
with other friends.
614
02:52:03,230 --> 02:52:04,565
The memories,
615
02:52:06,650 --> 02:52:07,693
the memories,
616
02:52:09,320 --> 02:52:10,321
the memories.
617
02:52:14,158 --> 02:52:17,703
Again I have memories.
618
02:52:19,121 --> 02:52:23,876
I have a memory of this place.
619
02:52:25,544 --> 02:52:27,963
I have been here before.
620
02:52:29,840 --> 02:52:32,718
I have really been here before.
621
02:52:35,471 --> 02:52:40,810
I have seen this water before.
622
02:52:42,978 --> 02:52:46,023
Yes, I have walked,
623
02:52:48,943 --> 02:52:52,822
upon this beach,
624
02:52:54,073 --> 02:52:56,951
these pebbles.
40877
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