Original subtitles

So, here's the deal.

We are in the garden, right?

And everything is great.

And there's this tree, OK?

And the man says, "Ooh, see that tree?"

"You don't eat the fruit of that tree."

"That apple you do not eat."

So, he goes inside, you know, names some animals...

I don't know, maybe takes a dump.

Anyway, what does she do?

What does she do?!

She eats the apple!

I can't believe what I'm seeing!

He says, "Don't eat it!" She eats it!

Unbelievable!

I tell you man, since then,

You know, men, women-- I don't know.

It's all going wrong!

♪ So inviting ♪

♪ So exciting ♪

♪ Whenever you're near ♪

♪ I hear a symphony ♪

♪ A tender melody ♪

♪ Pulling me closer ♪

♪ Closer to your arms ♪

♪ Then suddenly ♪

♪ Your lips are touching mine ♪

♪ I feel him, so divine ♪

♪ Till I leave the past behind ♪

♪ I'm lost in a world ♪

♪ Of make-believe ♪

♪ Whenever you're near ♪

♪ I hear a symphony... ♪

Divorce.

Miserable marriage.

Wedding cancelled.

Remarried.

Divorced again.

Irreconcilable sexual disharmony!

Dysfunctional marriage!

Divorce! Divorce!

Divorce! Divorce! Divorce! Divorce!

Well?

Talk to me.

We had a bad run.

Things have changed down there.

Men and women, they're not like they used to be.

Yeah? Well, things are changing up here as well, OK?

I'm getting pressure from above,

If you know what I mean, for results!

For men and women to be bonded...

...in eternal bliss.

In the meantime, I've been instructed to introduce...

...new incentive schemes for our leading operatives.

Leading operatives, huh?

That's you.

Skip the flattery, Gabriel. Where's the beef?

It's a hard case to crack.

But I have full confidence that you can do it.

If you don't...

...you don't come back.

What?

No way.

That's the new incentive scheme.

Your mission is to unite man and woman...

...blah, blah, blah, blah, OK?

When you're done...

...you come back.

If you fail...

...you stay down there forever.

You are not serious.

Liberatum mani.

It's out of my hands.

♪ No ordinary sin ♪

♪ This perfect working order ♪

♪ I'd rather sink than swim ♪

♪ If I can't walk on water ♪

♪ Let the scandal in ♪

♪ This perfect world disorder ♪

♪ I'd rather drown than swim ♪

♪ I can't walk on water ♪

♪ This taste of dilution ♪

♪ Velvet divorce ♪

♪ I get bored ♪

♪ Velvet divorce ♪

♪ I get bored ♪

♪ Velvet divorce ♪

♪ Velvet divorce ♪

♪ I get bored ♪

She's the secret daughter...

...of Marilyn Monroe and John F. Kennedy, right?

I mean, that's why Marilyn was murdered.

So...

The young girl grows up in an orphanage,

unaware of her incredible parentage.

Years go by.

She's beautiful.

She's smart.

She's successful, OK?

Then what?

Well, then...

Then she gets sent to London as U.S. Ambassador...

Where she discovers who she is...

...and also unravels the secret of the Nazi gold...

...hidden underneath the embassy.

Uh, yeah.

It's kind of obvious, Robert.

Of course it's obvious, guys.

It's a trash novel.

You buy it in the airport, you take it on a holiday.

Oh, Ms. Gesteten.

Nice to see you down here.

I'd love to stay and talk,

but, you know how things...

Nice trick, Celine.

Want to try your luck?

With the gun?

With the fruit.

I don't have time for games.

If you're afraid, Elliot, why don't you just say so?

Celine, last night...

...we discussed a certain proposal.

And I said no because you cheat, Elliot.

OK.

So, I'm flirtatious.

It's in my nature.

But, Celine, I want you to think again.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is...

...for a woman to find...

...a good husband in this town?

Let alone a good dentist.

Celine...

...I'm serious.

Robots?

You're trying to tell us...

...that we're gonna be replaced by robots.

That robots are gonna get down...

...on their little robot hands and knees...

...and clean the dust out of every corner...

...of every office in this building.

I think not, Ms. Gesteten.

Well, at least the robot...

...won't spend its time writing a trash novel.

Not even a very good trash novel...

...as I understand it.

Oh, I see. This is personal.

This has nothing to do with me, Robert.

This comes right from the top.

From Mr. Naville himself.

Well, then, perhaps it's time...

...I spoke to this Mr. Naville guy.

It's too late.

You're fired.

You ready?

Now, if you move...

...the offer's cancelled.

OK.

- Wait, Celine... - Don't speak.

Do you think this is wise?

Puts me off.

Stop!

Mayhew...

...would you call a doctor?

It would be a pleasure, Madam.

What are you doing here this time of day?

Hi, Lily.

Well? Answer me.

Lily, I... I got fired.

They replaced me with a robot.

Yeah, well, I know how they feel.

Look, I've been meaning to tell you this...

...for a while now, and...

...seems like a good a time as any.

Robert...

...I'm leaving you.

You're leaving?

What are you talking about?

His name is Ryan.

He teaches aerobics.

We're in love. We're moving to Miami.

Lily, how can you do this to me...

...at a time like this?

I want a man, not a dreamer.

I don't know what to say. We could talk about this.

I... I'll get another job. We'll sort everything out.

Sorry,

but as of tonight,

you're going home alone.

Lily!

I'm leaving you.

You're fired.

It's kind of obvious, Robert.

He teaches aerobics.

We're in love.

We're moving to Miami.

Lily!

Lily!

Mr. Robert Lewis?

Yeah, that's me.

My name is Jackson.

This is my associate Ms. O'Reilly.

And we're from the firm but fair...

...eviction and collection agency.

Now, I... I have a list of certain items...

...that we're empowered to collect...

...under federal and state law...

...in lieu of unpaid debts.

And furthermore, we are contracted to serve upon you...

...notice of eviction from these here premises forthwith.

I beg your pardon?

We can do this with violence or without.

It's up to you.

The client pays our medical bills...

...but not yours.

Well?

Oh, without, please.

Good choice.

OK, let's go.

All right.

Cannot believe this.

Do you have any idea...

...how difficult it is to find a good husband in this town?

Or a good dentist, come to that?

Playing this sort of game.

You have disgraced yourself once again.

Well, you caught him through the frontal lobe,

so apparently he'll live.

But he'll never practice orthodontics again, that's for sure.

Mr. Schneider, call extension 487.

Mr. Schneider, 487.

My main fear in all this...

...is that you're going to end up like your mother...

...who long ago found her own natural level in society.

That is to say she scuttles along the bottom.

Her biggest problem was marrying a man like you.

A mistake I have taken great care to avoid.

You...

...are gonna go to work, my girl.

What?

You have spent a quarter of a century...

...watching the tide go in and out...

...but from tomorrow, you are going to work...

...here, under my supervision.

You're gonna learn the essence of business,

about money and how it flows relentlessly back...

...towards he who owns it.

How to generate a profit from a loss,

a loss from a profit. You are gonna work.

This may not strike you as very palatable.

7...

It may make you want to vomit.

8, 9...

But you will, I assure you, get used to the taste.

And pretty soon, you'll be spooning it down...

...and asking for more like all the other kids.

11...

Mr. Naville, I presume.

11...

You think you can replace me with a robot!

11...

Well, get this!

11...

12...

13...

Fuck.

14...

Nobody fucking move!

Everyone on the floor!

Everyone!

Everyone!

4...

5...

6...

7...

Now, I want my job back!

I want what I had before, Mr. Naville!

I'm gonna count to 5...

...and if you don't oblige me,

I'm gonna kill you.

1!

2!

3!

4!

5!

What did you say that for?

5 comes directly after 4.

Yeah, I know that!

Well, I thought maybe you had a problem.

I mean, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Without access to a proper education...

Shut up!

I was just trying to help.

Yeah, well, I don't need any help.

You'll die for this, I swear to god, you will die for this.

Look, I'm sorry. No.

You could shoot him again.

In the head this time. I'll count to 5.

Shut up!

Who are you, anyway?

Nobody!

I'm his daughter.

This kid's got a gun.

Hey, cool it.

Take it easy, pal. Chill out.

Drive!

Will you just drive?!

I can't.

What?

I don't know how.

You don't know how to drive?

No. I never learned.

Well, why not?

Because I didn't need to!

Well, you do now!

This one makes it go faster, that one slower.

This is forwards, that's backwards.

The rest you can pick up as we go along.

Drive!

Where are we going?

Never mind that. Just drive more carefully.

He cut in on me.

Mirror, signal, manoeuvre.

You say nothing, OK?

Afternoon, ma'am. Afternoon, sir.

My name's Walt.

I'm here to help you in any way I can...

...during your visit to us,

be it short or long...

...and whether it is purely for refuelling purposes...

...or for the use of our extensive washroom...

...and retail facilities.

Is this a gas station, Walt?

It sure is, Sir.

Well, then fill it up with gas and cut the crap.

The guy was just doing his job.

You know, he was just trying to be helpful.

You're in a lot of trouble, you know?

My father's gonna have you killed.

Do you realize that?

Tortured first, naturally.

Then he's gonna have you killed.

And what if I let you go?

I don't know. What do you think?

Think he's just gonna forgive you?

Wait a minute.

Why would I ask him to forgive me?

Your father treated me like a piece of shit.

Like I was nobody.

Just because I was a cleaner, like I was disposable.

Well, that's the tank full, sir.

Thank you, Walt.

That's for you, Walt.

You're a man, Walt.

Not a slave, not a machine.

Don't let anyone ever treat you otherwise.

Go on.

It's empty.

Now, let's get this clear.

I'm not gonna hurt you...

...but I am the kidnapper and you are the...

Victim.

And that's just the way it is.

It's OK. I've been through this before.

Kidnapped before?

Yeah. I was 12.

God, that's terrible.

It was a long time ago.

So...

So how am I doing?

In the kidnap?

Yeah.

So far, you're not doing too bad.

Thank you.

Anyway, I'm just tying you up...

...so you can't escape in the night.

I know that.

Because, of course, you would.

Are you gonna try to have sex with me?

No.

Isn't that what you brought me up here for?

No, it's not.

It didn't even cross your mind?

No. Well... no.

Do you have a problem with sex?

No.

Oh, so you're just frightened of it?

No.

Nervous, then?

Look, I'm not nervous.

OK, then calm down.

I'm perfectly calm.

I'm just trying to explain to you...

...that there's no sexual motives for my actions.

I'm glad we got that cleared up.

So, what did they do next?

They put a needle in my arm and took a pint of blood...

...and sent it to my father.

The next week they did the same...

...and the same the next week...

...till he paid up.

He waited 6 weeks.

That's what happens to the victim.

♪ Around our way ♪

♪ The sun shines bright ♪

♪ Around our way ♪

♪ The birds sing for ya ♪

♪ 'Cause they already know ya ♪

Enjoying the book?

No.

What's it about?

It's a romance.

This girl meets this guy.

They fall in love.

It's bullshit.

I'm writing a novel myself.

A lot of people say that but in my case, it's true.

I'm not interested.

In you or your novel...

...Or any other pathetic ambition you have...

...to change your miserable,

mundane existence.

- Do you want some exercise? - No.

You can't say no. It's not part of the arrangement.

I want to read my book.

You just said it was bullshit.

Doesn't mean I'm not enjoying it.

You just said you weren't!

A girl can change her mind, can't she?

"She heard his breathing become shallow..."

"...and a flicker of a smile chased across her lips..."

"...as she meditated on the power she now held over him."

"Are you sure you want to catch that flight?"

"She asked."

Do you think they're in love yet?

No.

If they are in love, we can go home.

I hate it down here.

I hate the air and I hate the food.

I hate the plumbing.

"She pulled him closer, deeper, unable to stop."

I ache... all over.

"This, indeed, was perfect love."

I sweat in the heat and I ache in the cold.

Why can't we stay someplace decent?

Budget doesn't cover that.

Exactly. Why not?

You know those mysterious ways...

...you keep hearing about, Jackson?

Well, this is one of them.

"...Cold, gloating gaze, she let her hand droop down..."

"...Towards the bulge of his passion."

I remember the good old days.

"She heard his breathing become shallow."

All you had to do was introduce a man and a woman.

Nature did the rest.

"She gasped..."

Aah, fuck!

"...with surprise and delight."

Doesn't work like that anymore.

"While her soul,"

"like a light, erupted between her thighs..."

"...as she sensed the firm, exploratory pressure"

"...of his warm flesh."

Men and women... it's all gone to shit.

Sure has.

"In the hidden recess of her pelvis..."

"...their bodies fused into one writhing mass..."

"...of torrid, torrid sexual..."

♪ When the night ♪

♪ Meets the morning sun ♪

♪ I'd like to know ♪

♪ That your love ♪

♪ Is a love I can ♪

♪ Be sure of ♪

♪ So tell me now ♪

♪ And I won't ask again ♪

♪ Will you still love me tomorrow? ♪

Aren't you hungry?

I don't eat red meat.

Well, you could eat the vegetables.

They're on the same plate.

So?

I'm not gonna eat this.

Do you eat fish and poultry?

Yes.

But not red meat?

No. Or eggs...

...unless I know they're free-range.

Well, then why didn't you tell me you don't like meat?

Because you didn't ask!

And as a matter of fact, I do like meat.

I just don't eat it.

Moral reasons, if you must know.

And if you had taken the time to inquire...

Why are you such a pain to be with?

Because you tied me to a chair all night!

Because I am the victim...

...and you are the kidnapper, apparently!

Meaning exactly what?

Kidnap for Beginners, Chapter One.

Have you even asked for a ransom yet?

Don't say a word until I tell you.

Hello. Mr. Naville?

It... it's me.

Now, I want my...

Me.

The kidnapper!

Right.

And what I want...

It's not like that.

That's unfair now. I wouldn't...

What are you doing?

No, what are you doing?

I'm negotiating with your father.

Did you get very far?

Well, he kept interrupting.

Right.

Wouldn't let me finish.

Remember what they didn't teach you...

...at Harvard business school, OK?

I didn't go to Harvard business school.

It's a figure of speech, Robert.

Oh.

Sorry.

Negotiation is a weakness.

You are the kidnapper.

You demand and he complies.

You go in hard and you go in fast.

Hard and fast.

Right.

I'm you.

You grasp that?

OK.

Pretend it's ringing. You psych yourself up.

Go to your dark side.

OK. He answers.

All right, you motherfucker,

I've got your daughter here...

...and I'm gonna send her back in pieces...

...if I don't get what I want, you hear me?

I'm gonna pull her fingers out with pliers...

...and then I'm gonna fry them up for breakfast,

do you understand?

And so on and so on like that, OK?

For no longer than 30 seconds.

What?

Hello there. Mr. Naville? Now...

Right, you asshole, I've got your daughter here...

...and I'm gonna cut her up...

...and post her home to you in boxes! Small boxes!

Right, daughter, I've got your asshole here...

...and I'm gonna send...

Right! Right!

No, I can't speak to anyone! I need to speak to him!

Hello?

Hold on.

Yeah, I can hold.

Right, listen, you asshole,

I've got your daughter here...

...and I'm gonna send her back in pieces unless...

Oh, I'm sorry, Madam.

No, I must've dialled the wrong number.

No, I haven't got your daughter here.

I have someone else's.

No, we're not married.

Yes, I've read the same thing.

It's very hard...

...to find suitable young men these days.

Well, I'm sure your daughter's very nice.

In principle,

I've got no objections to meeting her...

What is the problem?

I think you should just send a letter.

Done this kind of work before?

We do everything.

Eviction and debt collection...

...are our daily bread...

...but personal retrieval, bounty hunting...

- You name it, we do it. - How much?

Our fee for the recovery of your daughter is...

...$100,000.

That's a lot of money.

5,000 advance.

The rest is cash on delivery.

No daughter, no dough.

Naturally, we operate a sliding scale,

whereby if we only bring back part of your daughter,

we only get part of the money.

That's enough, Jackson.

No, I mean, if he's cut her ears off...

...and we can't find them,

we'll knock a couple thousand off the tariff.

More for a limb, obviously.

Jackson.

Sorry.

Mr. Naville,

I don't think you need to worry.

My partner is simply envisaging

A worst-case scenario.

What about the kidnapper?

You want him, too?

That's extra.

What if he gets in the way?

We'll deal with that situation if it arises.

What if I want him to get in the way?

Let us speak plainly, Mr. Naville.

You want we should kill him?

Yes.

Sir, I must say...

No one's asking you, Mayhew.

Very good, sir.

I am not gonna kill anyone.

If we don't get this job, someone else will.

$200,000.

Including expenses?

Including all expenses...

...except medical costs...

...for which you accept...

...full and unlimited responsibility.

Only for the duration of the contract.

Naturally.

It's a deal.

Good afternoon.

Hi.

I'm Tod Johnson.

I live up the hill.

That's nice.

I see most things from up there.

Saw you arrive.

Big car,

middle of the night.

Right.

Wondered "who's that?"

Perfectly natural question.

So I asked Felix.

Felix?

Felix is my friend.

He hasn't been the same since the war.

Of course.

I asked him. I said, "Felix, tell me,

are they good or are they evil?"

One bark for good, 2 for evil.

Felix is a dog?

Do you think that I would talk to a dog?

Do you think that I would ask a dog...

...whether or not you're good or evil?

What do you think I am,

some kind of a crazy backwoods lunatic...

...with a barn full of human skulls...

...and a scythe that I sharpen every day...

...in readiness for Armageddon?

No, no. I'm sure you're just a regular kind of guy.

Right! I'm regular! I am a regular man.

I want...

That's not the point!

The point is who are you?!

Who are you?!

Well, I'm...

We're newlyweds.

Are you coming back to bed soon, darling?

This is Mr. Johnson, dear.

Hello.

Pleased to meet you, ma'am.

You can call me Lucille.

My pleasure, Lucille.

You're not from the newspapers, are you?

No. I live up the hill.

Oh, good. But you can't tell the newspapers we're here.

They never leave us alone, on account of Ritchie.

Ritchie?

You recognize Ritchie, don't you?

Ritchie Vanderlow?

6 gold albums,

3 platinum.

14 consecutive top-10 singles.

Largest-selling artist worldwide...

...for the last 12 months?

Ritchie Vanderlow!

You have got to understand, ma'am,

I watch mainly the biblical channels.

It's OK.

We were married in secret...

...in a castle in Scotland.

That's in England.

Near Paris?

Paris.

Right.

It was so romantic.

We stayed there for our honeymoon...

...but it wasn't long enough,

so we came here...

...for the sake of a little privacy.

I see.

Would you like to come in,

Mr. Johnson?

No, I better be on my way.

I have to feed Felix.

OK.

Well...

It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Johnson.

See you around.

I'll catch you later then, Mr. Johnson.

Take care, Ritchie.

Thanks.

This?

The ransom note.

Right. Anonymous.

Yeah.

Robert...

My father knows who you are.

Oh, I never thought of that.

You are the worst kidnapper I've ever met.

Oh, and that's all I am to you, isn't it?

The latest kidnapper!

A lifestyle accessory.

And if it doesn't work, it doesn't matter,

'cause you can always get another one.

Quit being so melodramatic.

Well, I'm trying to do my best here...

...under really difficult circumstances!

It's not made any easier...

...by you criticizing everything I do!

How much you asking for?

Half a million.

- Dollars? - Yes.

- U.S. Dollars? - Is there a problem?

Half a million dollars is not a lot of money...

...for a woman like me!

I didn't mean it...

...as a reflection of you as an individual.

If word got out...

...that I was liberated for half a million dollars,

I could never show my face in polite society again.

Diamonds have no value...

...except that which is placed upon them.

It's a lot more complicated than I thought!

OK, don't worry.

All right?

You're trying hard.

You're keen to learn. That's important.

Let's just not lose sight of the fact...

...that we have the opportunity...

...to make millions of dollars here.

We?

Yes, Robert.

You and me.

Is that not a little irregular?

Yes, it is.

Millions?

Please, dad, just give him the money!

He's gonna kill me, daddy! Please!

Please, just put it in the trunk of the car...

...2 miles south of Palmer, please, daddy!

Daddy!

OK, OK, OK.

OK, OK.

Nice shooting.

Thanks.

Shit.

No problem.

Exactly as you predicted.

"Quick, drive my car."

Here's $40.

If you don't mind me asking,

how did you know he'd react like that?

It's our job to know things like that.

You done this sort of thing before?

Let's go!

You can take the car...

...but remember-- it's stolen.

Look, they weren't trying to kill you.

They were trying to confuse you...

...and scare you.

Yeah, before they killed me.

And I lost the car...

...and I didn't get any money.

You can't expect to get everything right...

...the first time.

Look, you're going to be fine.

You are going to be...

...a success.

Do you think so?

I mean, you didn't get caught, right?

No.

No, I didn't get caught.

I fooled them.

I got away.

Maybe we should go out.

Out where?

For a drink.

What, like on a date?

Yeah, like a date.

I wouldn't call it a bad relationship.

No, Lily and I, we just...

You know, we just grew apart as people.

There was no bitterness on either side.

She left you.

No, no, no, no. No.

Yes, she left me.

The aerobics instructor.

How did you know that?

You have the demeanour of a man...

...whose partner has left him for an aerobics instructor.

I do?

Yeah. But be honest.

It was inevitable.

You two weren't suited for one another.

You dream of something better,

she wants it now.

Hence, the gymnast. Am I right?

Well, yeah.

Yeah. It's a common scenario.

Can I tell you about this dream I keep having?

I think you're in it.

I'm in your dream?

Now I feel violated.

Oh, it's not like that.

I don't want to hear it.

Well, perhaps this is a good opportunity...

...to tell you about my novel.

Look, I'm not interested in your novel.

It's 1962, right?

And Marilyn Monroe...

...is giving birth to a baby girl.

She's on the phone to Jack Kennedy...

...saying, "Jack, it's yours. It's yours, Jack."

So then the orphan grows up...

...and she solves some great mystery, right?

It's kind of obvious, Robert.

Let's play a game.

If I win...

I go free.

Look, you are free.

The kidnap's over.

You're more a kidnapper than I am Ritchie Vanderlow.

Indulge me, Robert.

Well, if it's what you want.

It's all I ever want.

OK.

You're free.

That's right.

Are you gonna leave?

We haven't got our money yet.

♪ Don't take your love to town ♪

♪ Oh, Ruby ♪

♪ For god's sakes, turn around ♪

Big hand! Big hand!

Big hand for local boy Scottie Sherman.

We are privileged to have here tonight...

...a very special guest...

...who is a close personal friend of mine...

...and I'm gonna ask him to come up here...

...and sing a song.

He is the best-selling artist in the world...

...with 12 gold albums,

16 platinum albums...

...and 32 number-one hit singles!

Mr. Ritchie Vanderclaw!

Thank you very much.

My name is Rob-- Ritchie Vanderlow.

I'd like to sing this song...

...for my beautiful wife...

...Lucille.

Oh, and this is a very special song for us.

♪ Somewhere ♪

♪ Beyond the sea ♪

♪ Somewhere ♪

♪ Waiting for me ♪

♪ My lover stands ♪

♪ On golden sands ♪

♪ And watches the ships ♪

♪ That go sailing ♪

♪ Somewhere ♪

♪ Beyond the sea ♪

♪ She's there ♪

♪ Watching for me ♪

♪ And if I could fly ♪

♪ Like birds on high ♪

♪ Then straight to her arms ♪

♪ I'd go ♪

♪ Sailing ♪

♪ It's far ♪

♪ Beyond the stars ♪

♪ It's near ♪

♪ Beyond the moon ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ Beyond a doubt ♪

♪ My heart ♪

♪ Will lead me there ♪

♪ Soon ♪

♪ We'll meet ♪

♪ Beyond the shore ♪

♪ We'll kiss ♪

♪ Just like before ♪

♪ And happy we'll be ♪

♪ Beyond the sea ♪

♪ And never again ♪

♪ I'll go ♪

♪ Sailing ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ Beyond a doubt ♪

♪ My heart ♪

♪ Will lead me there ♪

♪ Soon ♪

♪ We'll meet ♪

Touches my heart to see two young people in love.

♪ Happy we'll be ♪

♪ Beyond the sea ♪

♪ And never again ♪

♪ I'll go sailing ♪

Oh, my god. What happened?

You were great.

I was?

I remember drinking tequila.

Certainly was a feature of the evening.

Then I had an incredible dream.

This dream, I've had it before.

You're definitely in it now.

Oh, I don't want to hear it.

We were on this game show called Perfect Love.

Never heard of it.

Well, it's just a dream.

I don't think the fact that it's a game show...

...has any relevance.

It merely indicates my cultural origins.

I mean, were I a tribesman in the Kalahari,

for instance,

the location would undoubtedly...

...have been different.

But I think the theme is universal.

We're on this game show called Perfect Love.

My... my life was in danger.

Are you ready?

Am I ready for what?

To write a letter.

Perhaps you'd like to keep this.

We had it analyzed.

It's his handwriting and her blood.

Without our help, Mr. Naville,

that could be the last trace of your daughter you ever see.

He wants to make it a straight switch...

...with no delays.

I want her back.

Don't worry. We'll get her.

And I want him dead.

That's understood, Mr. Naville.

Good.

And when this is over,

I want this back.

Bradley was nice, you know?

Extremely wealthy.

Honourable,

amusing.

And?

Well...

87 years old.

Pity.

Yeah.

Then there was Jake.

He was nice.

Very rich.

Just so conventional.

You see?

Rich guys. Conventional.

It's a problem.

Then there was Angelo.

25 years old,

handsome, healthy,

exciting,

sophisticated.

Considerate.

So?

Well, I think that we just sort of...

...grew apart as people.

The aerobics instructor?

Like I said...

...it's a common scenario.

So who was next?

Well, then I started getting problems...

...with my teeth.

With your teeth?

Yeah, my teeth.

Hey, you want a ride?

Hi, thanks for stopping, guys.

We're not stealing it, we're just borrowing it.

I had that dream again last night.

What dream?

We were on that game show called Perfect Love, right?

Fascinating.

And my life was in danger.

On a game show?

I know. It's difficult to explain.

Strange things were happening.

So it would appear.

But my life was in danger...

...and you saved it.

My heart was beating so fast...

...and then it stopped.

And I was just about to die...

...and you saved it.

You saved my life.

Well, what are we waiting for?

You want to get on with this or not?

Sure!

You send the girl over.

First the money. That was the deal.

Are you OK, Miss Naville?

Yes, I'm OK.

I'm just a little frightened.

Now, don't you worry, Miss.

Everything'll be all right.

Well?

It's here.

OK, send the girl over.

OK, go on.

Oh, damn.

Help!

Get down! Get down!

Yes.

They tied me up!

Don't move a fucking muscle.

What took you?

He shot up the car!

You shot up our car.

Now, what did you do that for?

I was...

...trying to make a getaway.

You were trying to make a getaway?

How is she?

I don't know.

But I don't think it's worked.

They're not... you know?

Jeopardy. Jeopardy, Jackson.

Always works.

OK.

This is far enough.

Are you... are you going to kill me?

Yeah.

Well, then I don't see why I should dig.

If you dig,

I promise you when the time comes,

I'll shoot you through the head.

Now, look, you don't like that?

I can just shoot you through the testicles right now.

You can bleed to death. I'll dig the grave.

It's up to you.

Can you cut me free?

Please?

It's sore.

What's he going to do with him?

Shoot him in the back of the head.

Right.

Would that be a problem for you?

Have you ever felt...

...like you're not in control of events?

Yes.

No, I mean,

Something is...

...destined to happen...

...and it doesn't?

Like, what happens when the forces of destiny...

...are no longer in control?

I don't know.

The truth is,

I don't think even he knows...

...what's going on down here.

The chaos, the...

This hatred, this violence.

Who...

Who are you talking about?

Jeopardy, Jackson.

Always works.

Dig.

What are they doing in there?

Should've shot him myself.

Yeah, well, you can't trust them...

...to do anything.

I take it you're not in a love situation.

What?

I mean you're not in love.

What's it to you?

Nothing.

Just asking.

♪ I like it like that ♪

♪ And I know it ♪

That's OK. You can stop now.

No.

I've waited long enough.

No.

Give me that.

Lie down.

No, no.

No!

Now, give it to me!

Give it to me!

Please!

Please.

♪ Leave it all behind ♪

I commit you to his mercy.

Please.

Please. Please.

No! No!

Get up!

Robert, get off!

Who are they?

Come on!

♪ That's what keeps me ♪

♪ That's what keeps me ♪

♪ That's what keeps me down ♪

Just for a minute there,

I thought we were in trouble.

I told you don't get caught.

Don't get out of the car.

Don't ever go into the woods with a stranger.

I know. You're right.

I'm always right, OK?

You might like to remember that.

Have you got the money?

No! Jesus!

I'm going to get you.

Shit.

Oh, shit.

Where is she?

Oh, shit.

Drive!

Jesus!

- Jump! - What?

Jump!

What?

If the card's no good,

I'm authorized to destroy it.

It's my card, lady. Listen to me.

You don't understand.

Is there a problem?

I'm sorry about this, ma'am.

Don't worry.

I've got some cash, OK?

$30, sir.

Thank you.

How could he do a thing like that?

Stay calm, OK?

My own father.

He cancelled my credit card.

I've never been so humiliated...

...in all my life.

I know exactly how you feel.

You don't begin to know how I feel.

Only the exceptionally rich can know how I feel at a time like this.

- Don't take it personally. - What's he trying to say,

that I'm going to find my own natural level?

Sink to the bottom like her?

Like who?

Who are you talking about?

Pull over.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no.

Live a little.

This is insane.

Stop worrying so much.

It'll be my first time, too.

That's what I'm worrying about.

Trust me. I know what I'm doing.

Next.

Hello.

I'd like to make a withdrawal.

I thought we agreed... no clichés.

Fill the bag.

Oh, my god, she's got a gun!

Leave my daughter alone.

Please, just leave her alone!

Don't be silly.

She's going to kill my daughter!

She's not going to kill your daughter.

- Yes, I am. - What?

Shut up.

Christ, no!

Everybody calm down or this girl's brains...

...are going all over the wall.

- Fill the bag! - Celine!

You shut up most of all.

You can't point a gun at a girl's head!

What?

Oh, no!

You didn't find it so difficult yourself.

- That was different. - Was it?

Because it didn't feel any different to me.

It felt just like this.

Now do you understand how it felt, Robert?

But you, unlike me,

lack the balls to pull the trigger.

Oh, no.

Good-bye, Robert.

OK, kill me but don't touch the girl!

Extremely amusing!

"Kill me but don't touch the girl."

Robert, you should be on television.

Very funny.

What's wrong?

What's wrong, you crazy bitch,

is that I thought you were going to shoot me!

That's what's wrong!

Shoot you? I wouldn't do a thing like that.

Oh, no?

No! I'm having a great time!

Oh, good!

Yeah, certainly is!

What's wrong?

Celine, it's over.

I'm dying, Celine.

I think I'm dying and I don't want to die.

You're not going to die.

I don't want to die.

Are you taking me to a hospital?

Because I don't want to die in a hospital.

I'm not going to take you to a hospital.

What?

What do you mean, you're not taking me to a hospital?

I demand to be taken to a hospital!

Where are you taking me?

Very nice.

Very nice, indeed.

You could have a perfect smile.

For $2,000, you could change your life.

No, thanks.

Do you think a perfect smile just happens?

Is that what you think?

Do you think that Celine's smile is her own?

No, it's not.

It's mine.

I gave it to her,

just like I can give you one.

I'll fix your teeth for $12,000.

I didn't get shot in the teeth.

Well, let me tell you something.

It wouldn't have made too much difference if you had.

I don't want to say anything.

I mean, it's your teeth...

...but if you wait another year,

you're going to have, like, 50 grand worth...

...of major reconstruction going on in there, so...

If you wait another year,

he'll be dead.

Sorry.

Just a little free consultation.

You know, they wanted me to take a break.

Take a break.

Go get counselling, you know?

Fuck them. What do they know?

They wanted me to stay in the hospital.

I discharged myself this afternoon.

Lucky for you that I did, huh?

OK.

Have you done this before?

The principles of surgery are the same...

...above and below the neck.

Aren't you going to anaesthetize me?

I'm sure you'll probably pass out...

...as the pain gets worse.

Give me another one, baby. Give me another one.

Here we go, baby.

Give it to me. Give it to me hot.

You look lovely.

Thank you.

Give me the bambi.

Give me the bambi, baby.

That's it.

God!

OK, turn over. Turn over.

What?

Turn over, darling. Turn over.

Turn...

There you go.

Flash me the tush.

One reel.

Excellent.

Robbie!

Hey, how are you? Come on.

Join the party.

Come on.

Do you want some champagne?

How rude of me. Excuse me, love.

Oh, wait.

Here you go.

Here. Look at that.

So, I understand that you're... here, please.

I understand that you're something of a fugitive.

Don't be shocked.

We go back a long way.

Oh, I see. You're her dentist.

Yeah. That's right.

We met over that particularly fine set of ivories.

In fact,

I gave her her first filling.

Fuck.

Oh, I wish you hadn't done that.

Now I have to hurt you,

which is inconvenient and undignified.

Fucker.

Get up!

Leave him alone, Elliot.

Why don't you stay out of this?

Are you all right?

Do you want to explain to me...

...exactly what you were trying to achieve back there?

How about you do some explaining to me?

I didn't want you to bleed to death...

...and I think I saved your life.

Yeah, well, I would rather have bled to death...

...than have witnessed that.

Witnessed what, exactly?

You and Elliot...

...in an advanced state of foreplay.

He was about to pass out drunk in about 5 minutes...

...if you hadn't come along.

Yeah, sure.

And even if we were about to get physical--

Which we weren't--

What's it got to do with you anyway?

You thought we had something?

- It's possible. - But why?

Why, Robert? Why do we have to have something?

We were getting along just fine.

Having something ruins everything.

What are you going to do now,

ask me to marry you?

Of course I'm not going to ask you to marry me.

But you've thought about it.

Don't be absurd.

It never even occurred to you?

Well, it wouldn't be so bad.

You see what I mean? Just forget it.

Consider it forgotten.

Where do you want to go?

Don't care.

Do you want to get out of the car?

Are you asking me to get out?

No, I'm asking if you want to get out.

It's the same thing.

It's not the same thing.

One is a request, the other is a question.

Fine. If that's what you want,

then I'll get out.

If that's what you want, I won't stop you.

And don't even ask where I'm going!

Don't even imagine that I care.

Exactly the problem!

♪ Where's the love gone to? ♪

♪ Don't leave ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ You got me hurtin' ♪

♪ Don't leave ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ You know it's never been easy ♪

♪ To love someone like me ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Don't leave ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

Fuck.

♪ Where did all the love go? ♪

♪ Where's the love gone to? ♪

Stop hovering over me. I can't concentrate.

Have you written anything yet?

I-- I--

What am I supposed to write?

Love letters, Jackson,

deal mainly with the subject of love.

I need time to think.

We don't have time.

Every day they spend apart,

the more difficult it's going to be.

And if Naville finds our boy...

...he's just meat.

♪ Maybe I didn't treat you ♪

So, think, Jackson...

Have you ever done this before?

Back when I was alive, there was a girl.

You wrote to some girl?

A long time ago.

You never told me about this.

It never came to nothing, O'Reilly.

Her father did not approve our match.

It was just young love.

But I wrote...

...many times...

...with passion...

...and despair.

♪ You were always on my mind ♪

♪ Maybe I didn't hold you ♪

I never knew you had a romantic soul.

♪ Those lonely, lonely nights ♪

I often wonder what became of that girl...

Sweet Eliza.

Eliza...

...Gray.

Her father was a colonel.

Jackson, you're qualified.

You can write this letter.

That's the problem, see?

I-- I wrote to her, sure,

But I didn't write letters.

Well, what, then?

As a matter of fact,

I...

...wrote...

...love poems.

♪ Tell me that your sweet love ♪

♪ Hasn't died ♪

♪ Give me ♪

♪ Give me one more chance ♪

♪ To keep you satisfied ♪

Remember, my dear,

they only want one thing.

Maybe they want it more than once...

...but it's still only one thing.

♪ Little things ♪

♪ I should have said ♪

♪ And done ♪

♪ I just never took the time ♪

♪ You were always on my mind ♪

♪ You were always on my mind ♪

♪ You were always on my mind ♪

I wish you had let me read that poem.

A poem...

...is a very personal document.

Well, I hope it was a good one.

That's all I'm saying.

Because if she don't like it, she won't come.

And if she don't come, we're stuck.

It's her.

I got your poem.

Sorry?

Your poem... the one you wrote me.

Poem?

"Oh, desert me, wretched loneliness...

"...and bring me back my love,

"for she and I have parted...

...and the sky is up above."

It worked.

She loves it.

"Your limbs so svelte and slender"

"Your touch...

...so soft and tender."

"But the bits that I like best...

...are the bits that..."

I'm not going to read that line.

Jackson, Jackson,

what the hell did you write?

Oh, it was a-- a--

Yeah?

A simple...

...poetic reference...

...to...

Celine.

Please.

Last verse.

"Just as the flowers blossom...

"...in the gaze of the shining sun,

"I would be most honoured...

...if you would bear my son."

Robert, no one has ever written me a poem before.

All those guys I dated, they didn't care about me.

They just wanted to own this.

I would never open my heart to any of those guys.

And before I met you,

I never believed that there was any alternative.

I knew it!

But when you stopped that bullet...

...and then you got the wrong idea about Elliot...

I knew it!

...I should've understood.

Celine...

No, please, just let me finish.

This is very difficult for me to say...

...but I feel I can trust you.

I didn't write the poem.

What?

I didn't write it.

I've never written a poem in my life.

How can anybody be that honest?

It's his handwriting.

Tell him it's his handwriting.

But it's your handwriting.

It has this address.

It even has some sort of cheap aftershave...

...impregnated on the paper.

I didn't write the poem, OK?

Oh, my god.

Celine, there's no need to...

Human fucking beings.

What do you have to do?

We did everything for them!

We brought them together. We put them in jeopardy.

We damn near killed them both!

We gave them every opportunity.

All they had to do was fall in love...

...and we could've gone home.

Maybe we failed, Jackson...

...but we don't have to live like this.

Is she gone?

Yeah.

Nice-looking woman.

She isn't my type.

What are you talking about?

Look at yourself.

You're nobody.

You're nothing.

You're wanted in connection...

...with a violent crime.

You're cleaning the floor of a diner.

She...

...is an intelligent, passionate,

beautiful rich woman.

The issue of whether or not she's your type...

...is not one that you are likely...

...to have to resolve in this world.

♪ She's there watching for me ♪

Or indeed the next,

since she will be going to some heaven...

...for glamorous pussy...

...and you will be cleaning the floor of a diner...

...in hell.

I guess so.

So why are you even thinking about it?

I don't know.

Stupid...

Come on.

Finish the floor.

What the fuck?

Shut up!

Where's my beautiful poem?

Your father's not home yet.

I don't expect he'll pay our ransom straight off.

Not till we send a few of your fingers...

...through the mail.

16.

I'm gonna stick right there.

Say, how about you?

You want a hit?

No.

Hit?

No!

Now, Miss Naville,

you've got a 5-card trick, Miss Naville.

You can stick right there...

...and you got $4,000.

But you want another hit. OK.

No, no!

What is that?

Answer it, Jackson.

I can't do that.

I'm playing blackjack. She might cheat...

...while I'm out of the room.

All right.

I'll answer the door.

You play blackjack with the hostage.

Are you sure you want to increase your bet...

...before you take another hit?

OK.

And...

No!

Well...

There.

It's just as well we're not playing for real.

Come on!

All right, now cut her free.

What the hell did you do to her?

I punched her in the face.

Oh, you punched her in the face.

She's half your size and you punch her in the face?

- She had a gun! - Oh, she had a gun?

So that makes everything all right, does it?

No, I'm not saying...

...it makes everything all right.

I'm just trying to explain to you...

...that for all I knew, she could have been...

...a karate expert or something.

With a broken arm?

With a broken arm?!

OK. I'm sorry.

Now just cut her free!

You son of a bitch!

Celine?

What do you want?

I'm just trying to explain.

Despite your crummy poem,

I came to see you...

...and all you could do was humiliate me...

...and turn me away.

I thought you were decent.

I thought you were different but you're not.

You're just a lying, cheating son of a bitch...

...just like all the rest!

Celine, I never meant to hurt you!

I don't know who wrote that poem but I'll tell you,

those are my feelings.

Oh, sure.

Celine, Celine!

When you left the diner last night,

I realized that I'd turned away the woman...

...whom I'd spent the happiest,

most exciting times of my life with,

who I care for more than anyone on the earth!

Listen, listen!

Do you remember that dream I had?

I dreamed that my life was in danger,

that my heart stopped.

But you saved my life...

...when you pierced my heart with an arrow.

An arrow of your love.

And that's the truth.

Celine, what I'm saying is that I love you.

What? What did you say?

What I was trying to say was that I...

Oh, shit.

What?

Who is that?

Don't worry, Miss Celine.

Everything's going to be just fine.

Well, we're not just gonna leave them here, are we?

No, sir.

Come in.

♪ Yes, there is a ♪

♪ Deeper river ♪

♪ That will bring you ♪

♪ Home again ♪

♪ Oh, there is a ♪

♪ Deeper river ♪

♪ Flowing under ♪

I don't think they're coming back.

Isn't there anything you can do?

I don't have the authority to intervene.

♪ Deeper river ♪

I don't have the authority to intervene!

♪ That will bring you ♪

♪ Home again ♪

Let me out of this trunk now.

Robert, he's gonna kill you.

Just run. He doesn't want the money, OK?

He's gonna kill you.

Just run, Robert, run!

It's probably in the canoe, Mr. Naville.

That's probably where it is.

It's not in the canoe, sir.

But I think it's...

...upstairs.

I think it's upstairs.

I would have put it up there.

They probably left it under the bed.

That would be a good place.

I don't think he has it,

Mr. Naville.

No. I...

That's it!

That's where it is!

That's where it was.

I put it under that board.

I'll have your money back to you...

...in a minute, Mr. Naville, sir.

Board up and then we'll get it back to you.

We're just gonna have to face the truth, Robert.

You don't have my money.

Yeah, it's down here all right, Mr. Naville, sir.

This is where I left it.

And frankly, I don't care.

It's just a detail.

You'll have your money back in a second, sir.

As long as you understand...

...that it isn't the money.

It's the principle.

Somebody please just let me out of here!

Mayhew, not with the axe.

This is Gabriel.

Get me god.

Let's go. Come on!

Come on, come on!

Robert, what happened was you shot them and then you...

Did he just move?

No, sir.

In all due respect, sir,

How could anything be beyond your control?

Anyway, you shot them...

...and then you shot...

You sh--

You sure he didn't move?

I'm quite sure, sir.

Yes, sir.

No, sir.

Sir?

Please.

Yeah, quite.

Yeah, right.

Mayhew, she's moved.

She's moved.

I saw it with my own eyes.

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

They are both dead, sir.

I shot them myself.

I won't disturb you again.

Yahoo!

Who's that?

Robert?

You shot them...

...and then you shot yourself and then...

...you set fire to this cabin.

Didn't you?

Not yet, he didn't.

Celine.

Why...

Why don't you just put that gun down?

Do not get in my way, father.

Celine...

You're not responsible for your actions.

You're unhinged.

You need the best psychiatric treatment...

...that money can buy,

just like your mother.

So why don't you just...

Why don't you just give me the gun?

Because as he dreamt...

...I shall save his life with an arrow.

An arrow of my love for him.

Kill him, Mayhew.

Ezekiel!

He's alive, Mayhew.

They're all alive.

♪ If I were your woman ♪

♪ And you were my man ♪

♪ You'd have no other woman ♪

♪ You'd be weak as a lamb ♪

♪ If you had the strength ♪

♪ To walk out that door ♪

♪ My love would overrule my sense ♪

♪ And I'd call you back for more ♪

♪ If I were your woman ♪

So you're telling me that successful relationships...

...are made in heaven?

Not founded on the daily practicality of two people...

...being prepared to tolerate...

...the imperfections of one another?

It's not successful relationships, Celine.

It's love.

And it comes from a strange and wonderful place...

...that we don't know about.

So then you also reject the idea...

...that love is merely an emotional adaptation...

...to a physical necessity?

Completely.

Are you serious?

Fate intervenes in people's lives.

In ours, for instance.

Fate brought us together.

It kept us together.

We were destined for one another.

Fate had a pretty strange way...

...of making its point.

But that's part of the beauty of it.

It's inexplicable, unpredictable,

and absolutely beyond control or understanding.

But you nearly got killed.

But I didn't...

...and here we are.

Do you have any substantial evidence...

...to back all of this?

None at all.

And you realize...

...that it's absurd and irrational?

I know that.

Then why do you believe it?

Because, Celine,

I'm a dreamer.

Well, I guess that makes two of us.

Are you ready?

As I'll ever be.

Then let's go.

♪ But I'm too afraid to show it ♪

♪ If I were your woman ♪

♪ If you were my woman ♪

♪ If I were your woman ♪

♪ If you were my woman ♪

♪ If I were your woman ♪

♪ If you were my woman ♪

♪ Never, no, no, no ♪

♪ Stop loving you ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ If I were your woman ♪

♪ So you know what I'd do? ♪

♪ I'd never, never, never stop loving you ♪

♪ If I were your woman ♪

♪ Your sweet loving woman ♪

♪ If you were my woman ♪

♪ If I were your woman ♪

♪ If you were my woman ♪

♪ I'd be your only woman ♪

♪ If you were my woman ♪

♪ If I were your woman ♪

♪ If you were my woman ♪

♪ You'd need no other woman ♪

All clear.

So, how was it?

Believe me, Gabriel.

You don't want to know.

But it worked.

Yeah.

Love...

...worked.

Ameratus pathum laborium.

Are we going home now?

We're going home.

At last.

♪ The paper boy is looking before he goes ♪

♪ Lying to the teacher who knows he knows ♪

♪ He didn't and he should've ♪ brought his lines in yesterday ♪

♪ Ernie bangs the sound as the day begins ♪

♪ The letterbox is open and your cash falls in ♪

♪ I'll meet you at the office ♪ just before the staff clock in ♪

♪ Round our way ♪

♪ The birds are singing ♪

♪ Round our way ♪

♪ The sun shines bright ♪

♪ Round our way ♪

♪ The birds sing for you ♪

♪ 'Cause they already know you ♪

♪ Yeah, they already know you ♪

♪ The game is kicking off in around the park ♪

♪ It's 25 a side and before it's dark ♪

♪ There's gonna be a loser ♪

♪ And you know the next goal wins ♪

♪ Cab it to the front ♪

♪ As it's called a draw ♪

♪ Everybody's knocking at yours once more ♪

♪ Ernie bangs the sound ♪

♪ And no one's spoken since half past four ♪

♪ Round our way the birds are singing ♪

♪ Round our way the sun shines bright ♪

♪ Round our way the birds sing for you ♪

♪ 'Cause they already know you ♪

♪ Yeah, they already know you ♪

♪ on the highway ♪

♪ unpaved ♪

♪ going my way ♪

♪ you're so alone today ♪

♪ like a ghost town ♪

♪ I found there's no relief ♪

♪ no soul to mercy ♪

♪ is it true ♪ what they say? ♪

♪ you can't behave ♪

♪ you gamble your soul away ♪

♪ measuring your dreams ♪

♪ oh, this life seems like ♪

♪ the gristle of loneliness ♪

♪ do do do do ♪

♪ don't let the sun catch you crying ♪

♪ do do do do do ♪

♪ don't let the sun catch you crying ♪

♪ like an ice age ♪

♪ nice days on your way ♪

♪ sipping the golden dregs ♪

♪ on a riptide ♪

♪ freaks ride ♪

♪ sleep inside ♪

♪ a parasite's appetite ♪

♪ oh, say, can't you see ♪

♪ the chemistry? ♪

♪ the parasites, the cleanup fee ♪

♪ death never hails ♪

♪ recycled cans ♪

♪ get well cards to the hostage vans ♪

♪ don't let the sun catch you crying ♪

♪ do do do do do ♪

♪ don't let the sun catch you crying ♪

♪ I got a magical ray ♪

♪ that reads you like a book, yeah ♪

♪ you got a mystic pen ♪ that sends me the message ♪

♪ tests of my strength ♪

♪ are pretty much all I know ♪

♪ for the rest of my life ♪

I will be climbing somewhere ♪

♪ climbing ♪

♪ climbing ♪

♪ somewhere ♪

♪ somewhere ♪

♪ and I have no fear ♪

♪ I have no fear ♪

♪ 'cause love is here ♪

♪ love is here ♪

♪ love is here ♪

♪ love is here ♪

♪ love is here ♪

♪ you know that I'm looking at you now ♪

♪ with a daisy in my hair ♪

♪ roses in my hand ♪

♪ and broken rhythms in disrepair ♪

♪ I hear ♪

♪ a danger in the air ♪

♪ for the rest of my life ♪

♪ I will be climbing somewhere ♪

♪ climbing ♪

♪ climbing ♪

♪ somewhere ♪