Original subtitles

- I'm not who I say I am.

But then, who is?

We all wear our masks, hide our darkness, our pain.

We all want to be someone we're not.

But where's the harm in that?

- Of course I wish you were here.

Of course I do.

None of it's easy and it's made a shit load harder

by you calling me half cut when I'm with my wife.

Please Heidi, I.

Julia!

- Mom, are you in there?

- Just one sec.

- What happened to you yesterday?

Mum, what is it?

What's wrong?

- Nothing, nothing's wrong.

- What was with the radio silence then?

I called like six times after we spoke.

Kept going to voicemail.

- Just my phone died.

I didn't mean to worry you, darling.

I just had some last-minute stuff to deal with.

- That is what Patrick and I are here for.

Your job is a very simple one, enjoyment.

Now get showering.

- You old fool!

Oh, it's too much.

- I figured if ever there

was a time for sentiment, it's now.

But you have to promise not to laugh.

- No, I won't.

- If I see even the hint of a smirk

then the drawbridge is coming up.

I can't imagine how lonely it's been,

having no one on your side about Benjamin.

But you've just stuck to your guns

in the most brilliant way.

So in the spirit of channeling you,

I've asked Emily to come today as my .

I hope that's okay.

- Of course, Della.

You deserve to be happy.

Just make sure that she's a good one.

- She is.

It's me you have to worry about.

- I do.

Maybe I don't need to anymore.

- Guess we better get this bridal shit on the road.

- This is hard for me to say.

- It's okay.

I know already.

I've known ever since you first told me

that you wouldn't do it.

You couldn't do it.

Marry him.

'Cause it's us, isn't it?

It's always been us.

Despite everything.

We love each other.

- Ted.

- I had my revenge and now you with all this,

younger man, flaunting him in my face,

bringing him back to our house.

You've had yours and now we're even so we can,

we can start again.

You and me.

- Your revenge for what?

- Well, for you leaving me.

- I never left you.

- Maybe not physically but you withdrew.

- So it's my fault?

- No.

All that matters is it's done with

and we can get back to how we were.

What's wrong with you?

- What's the phrase?

The past is a foreign country.

Only for us it's two wildly different countries.

Truth is that, and it's hard to admit,

but I am as guilty as you.

For burying it, for not speaking up, for.

My silence has corroded everything

now I'm being punished.

- What are you talking about?

- How we were, that's what I'm talking about.

What you did to me.

Your violence.

We never talked about it.

- I can't do this.

- And I need to now.

I need to know why.

And that's what I came to say or to ask.

Not...

The moment just before, that's the bit

that I'm really interested in.

When you go from not doing

and holding yourself back to doing.

I need to understand that moment.

- Why?

- Because I have to know if that ever leaves you, that urge,

or if a person can make a mistake and then change.

- So all this, you calling me here

it was never about us?

It always about him.

- There is no us, Ted!

I need this one thing from you.

You owe me this one thing.

- I don't owe you anything.

- You ruined my life and worse than that,

our children's live.

- Don't you bring our children into this.

- I didn't, you did when you hit me

in front of them.

- Once!

They saw only once.

- What, that makes all the other times okay?

- The children are fine.

- The kids are not fine

and that is largely due to you.

Everyone has their regrets,

things that give them sleepless nights.

Mine is that I didn't leave you that night.

That I didn't take those kids

and get them far, far away from you.

- You'd never have left me.

- I was already packed and then you.

You made it so that I couldn't.

God, if I had my time again,

I'd have left you in there.

Looks like you gave me your answer after all.

- Julia?

I'm so glad, I started to worry not hearing anything

and I know we're meant to be abiding

by tradition and everything but I just,

I miss you and.

I can't wait to marry you.

Julia?

- It's over.

- She went off, I told her not to go.

I told her not to go outside.

- It's fine.

Come on darlin'.

- I don't know what's happened.

I don't know what's been said to you.

I can only imagine that it was one of your sons

but whatever it is, we can sort it out.

I know that we can so please, please just call me back

and tell me where you are and I'll.

- I can hear you, you know?

- Julia's here isn't she?

- Hi, what?

- I need to speak to her, I need to speak to her, Julia.

Julia, Julia, it's me!

- What is going on?

- Julia!

I just, I really need to speak to Julia okay.

- Clearly. - I need to speak to her.

- She's not here though.

- Everything okay, mum?

- Just give us a sec.

- Okay.

- Sorry.

- What about Ted?

- What about Ted?

- Is he here?

Will you just tell me if he's here or not please.

- No, no, Edward is not here

and I'm not sure I appreciate the implication.

Now, are you gonna tell me what's going on

or do I have to guess?

- I really don't know.

- Julia is not the type to get cold feet.

- I don't know what I've done.

- Maybe you haven't done anything.

The day I was getting married to Clayton,

there was just so much noise,

so many people, all with opinions.

I just took myself off.

Not long enough for anyone to notice

but just long enough to remember why I was doing it.

- Yeah, thank you, thank you.

- Just find her!

- I've been staring at that picture of you.

So young, so serious,

as if, well, as if I'm expecting not to recognize you.

For there to have been some kind of mistake

because the Benjamin I know,

he would never, he could never do this.

I thought you were the person that would make up

for all those wasted years

but everything you are is a lie.

Which I'm now realizing means

everything we've had is the same.

I thought I'd feel better when I wrote this,

that I'd have a moment of peace.

But there is no peace for me now.

- I really thought that you'd.

Your letter.

Don't you ever do that again!

You scared me.

- I scared you .

I thought I could leave this time but I can't.

Can't leave, can't stay so here I am.

- Can you at least look at me?

What happened?

- Can you not touch me?

- Who did that?

- Does it matter?

Ted.

- Ted?

But he.

Why?

- Force of habit.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- I don't tell people.

I made myself a promise after

that I would never be with a violent man again.

- I can fix this, Julia.

If you let me, I can fix it.

What, so it's just?

I don't even get a conversation?

- Well, I can't think what you would possibly say.

- Because you've made your mind up.

- No, the facts made my mind up!

- Facts, facts, facts that you went looking for!

You wanted to find a reason not to marry me.

You think that I've broken your trust.

Well, the truth is, you've broken mine too.

- Don't need it now.

- You can't just give up on me!

- Or you'll what?

Kill me?

Do you know the really sad thing, Benjamin?

The sad thing is that if you had told me,

I might've been able to get past it,

seen it as the actions of a terrified boy

who just didn't know what his punch would mean

and lives that it would ruin.

- I wanted to tell you, I wanted to tell you everything.

You have no idea how much.

- Instead of a real person, I got a construct.

You erased your past, your brother.

Your name.

- Don't you think that I know that?

Don't you think the hat I have been terrified

every single day since we met that you would find me out?

I am so tired.

- Me too.

- I need you to do one thing for me.

I need you to come with me.

I will explain.

I will explain, I promise you.

But I need you to give me one chance.

At making you understand.

My life wasn't, it hasn't been like your kids' lives.

My mum, she was all hard edges.

I used to think it was the drugs bending her outta shape

but in the end I really think

that it was just her makin' wrong decisions,

ones that we had to live with, you know.

No dad for Kieran.

A useless one for me.

And when she died, Kieran tried so hard

to pretend that everything was normal.

Never letting onto anyone that we were alone.

And all of that, it had to be paid for and that became hard

in a way that you could never understand.

He said all we needed was 50 quid.

50 quid and we would be okay for the month.

He asked me to be lookout.

So I stood there.

I stood there 'til I heard,

and this man lying there, blood just.

- Are you saying it was Kieran?

- I'm not saying.

- And why should I believe you?

- You really think that I am capable

of killing another person?

- I didn't.

But now.

Yeah, I do.

- Why do I get the feelin' this is bad news?

Come in.

- I'm really sorry.

I had to, I told her.

And now I need you to tell her too so that she believes me.

Please.

- You told her?

You told her what?

- I did say, I said that you didn't mean to.

Still, a man died.

- I'm sorry.

But you know what you did.

I mean, it was an accident and he didn't mean to do it.

He's a good man, my brother.

- You can't do this.

You can't ruin my life again.

You tell her it was you!

- I wish that I could.

- You fucking tell her, it was you!

He's lying, I promise you, he's lying.

Kieran!

Please, please Kieran, I'm begging you.

You tell her, you tell her what really happened please.

- Don't you think she's been lied to enough, Sean?

Hey, hey, come here, come here, cut it out.

It's okay.

- You have no idea how much I've missed you.

You have no idea how much I've missed my big brother.

- I missed you too.

- Then why are tryin' to make it so it's all for nothing.

- 'Cause you ruined it.

We swore on mom's life.

We swore that we wouldn't talk about it.

- But I can't lose her.

- What about me?

What about me, hey?

I fuckin' love you!

- You don't.

'Cause if you did you would tell the truth.

- I only hit him once.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

- You let him take the blame.

Your own brother.

Benjamin, I wanna go.

- No, don't go please.

Do you wanna know why he's with you, love?

It's because you give him all the things

that he never had.

Money, status, and a mother who loved him.

I know what's comin' for you, brother,

even if you're too blind to see it.

You're gonna be stuck in a world that you don't belong.

With a family who will never accept ya

and a pensioner for a wife.

- I still don't understand.

Why take the blame?

- He was 21, I was 15.

Young offenders didn't sound so bad.

- But it's your whole life.

- You ever had a moment where it's just

a moment so far beyond what you imagined

that you're just,

you're outside of yourself.

Just doing.

I thought that.

I really thought that I was saving him.

That's what kept me going in that place.

I thought that he was out there

making a life for himself

then I got out, found him.

He'd ended up just like my mum.

It had all been for nothing.

I had to leave.

I couldn't be Sean White anymore, Sean White,

the boy who killed the shopkeeper.

I needed a second chance.

You're my second chance.

- I just wanna go home.

- Mum! - Mum, are you okay?

- Where have you been?

- Christ, I was worried, like properly worried.

- How's about we give your mother some oxygen.

- She's been missing on her wedding day.

I think we're entitled to feel concern.

What's going on mum?

- I just need to be on my own.

- I'll see you at the church?

- How much longer would you like to wait?

- However long it takes.

- We only have the church until four.

- She's coming.

Julia.

- I think we can all agree minimum fuss is desirable.

No one wants a scene, least of all mum.

This should get you a taxi out of here.

- Patrick, don't be crass.

- I thought I was being rather generous.

- Could you all, could you just give us a moment alone.

- We should stay, mum, in case things get, well, ugly.

- What is it that you think is happening?

- You're calling off the wedding.

- Finally seeing the light.

- Could you just let me speak with Benjamin.

- Mum, really, we should stay. - I'm not goin' anywhere.

- Do either of you ever listen?

She's asked us to go so we go!

- Marriage isn't something you should go into

with any doubts.

It's for life.

- You are many things.

The one thing I never thought you were is a hypocrite.

- I know probably doesn't hold much weight anymore

but for what it's worth,

I'm so, so sorry.

- I know.

I am too.

- You've got nothing to be sorry for.

- I let you hide.

Because it suited me.

I just swallowed you up into all of my drama.

Everything, everything was about me, my kids, my past.

I didn't leave any room for you.

- So, , that's it.

- Benjamin.

I don't want my old life.

The one without you in it.

I'm thinkin' that maybe we skip the bit

about any objections.

- I know you told my mother.

If you tell Eimear, I swear I will kill you.

- Must be exhausting.

Spending all this time fighting to be something

that you're not.

- You don't know anything about me.

- Good son, good father.

Good husband. - Shut up.

Shut the fuck up.

- I didn't write this.

I didn't know.

But now I do.

- I...

I can't lose my wife.

My children.

- And you won't have to.

So long as you stay out of my way.

The first time that I met Julia,

I wanted to look after her.

I can't really explain that.

It was just instinct

and a pretty inconvenient one at that

and then I realized that she wanted to look after me too.

I felt exposed.

And there never did seem to be an option

to run away which there always had been before.

I know to a lotta people in this room,

we don't make much sense

and when I ask why, it comes down to one thing.

Our age.

This seemingly yawning chasm of years that separates us.

My answer to that,

nothing can make everything else

seem more irrelevant than love.

And as for me, nobody knows who I am,

what I've done.

All the different faces that I have set to the world.

To be 100% known is a rare thing.

I don't think many people ever are.

But I am now.

I find that terrifying.

But it is also the best thing

that has ever happened to me

and that's how I know,

I know that despite everything, me and you,

we're gonna be okay.

- I know it's not tradition for the bride to speak

but come here.

And I'd never have dared before

and I think that's the key word here, before.

Most of you know that this is my second marriage.

My first marriage gave me my children

who have been the very best thing in my life.

And this, this is my after.

And I am not letting it go.

- What are you doing?

- I was invited, if you remember.

- You need to leave right now.

- How rude, and I bought a present and everything.

- Whatever this is, let's just not, shall we?

- I wanna talk to Julia, not you.

- There it is.

- Don't embarrass yourself.

- You mean don't embarrass you, mother.

Don't worry, I don't plan to.

- Please don't do this.

- You need to go, right now.

- I don't want to put a dampener on things

but I thought you ought to know, Julia kissed me.

At Christmas, she kissed me.

- That's what you think happened?

You did what you always do.

You wanted something and took it.

I'd like you to go.

- You heard her.

- You can't take everything.

Them, and you!

- I went years ago.

- Don't you walk away from me again.

Julia!

Julia, you fucking come back here now Julia!

- Will you please just calm down, for God's sake, please.

Please.

- I don't think we'll be needing these, do you?

- I'm not you.

I'll never be you.

- Darling, I.

- Dell.

- Leo, Lion!

- Who are you?

- Time to go, I think.

- What do you want with her?

What do you want with my wife?

- My wife.

And I don't want anything.

Other than to love her, treat her right.

All the things you failed to do.

- You don't know anything about us.

- I know what you did to her.

And if you don't leave right now,

I will make sure that everybody knows

what kind of man you really are.

You okay?

- Yeah.

I am, actually.

- He's gone.

- Good.

Would you like to dance, Mr. Greene?

- Always.