All language subtitles for Gold.Digger.S01E06.Her.Love.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb

- I'm not who I say I am.

But then, who is?

We all wear our masks, hide
our darkness, our pain.

We all want to be
someone we're not.

But where's the harm in that?

- Of course I wish
you were here.

Of course I do.

None of it's easy and it's
made a shit load harder

by you calling me half
cut when I'm with my wife.

Please Heidi, I.

Julia!

- Mom, are you in there?

- Just one sec.

- What happened
to you yesterday?

Mum, what is it?

What's wrong?

- Nothing,
nothing's wrong.

- What was with the
radio silence then?

I called like six
times after we spoke.

Kept going to voicemail.

- Just my phone died.

I didn't mean to
worry you, darling.

I just had some last-minute
stuff to deal with.

- That is what Patrick
and I are here for.

Your job is a very
simple one, enjoyment.

Now get showering.

- You old fool!

Oh, it's too much.

- I figured if ever there

was a time for
sentiment, it's now.

But you have to
promise not to laugh.

- No, I won't.

- If I see even
the hint of a smirk

then the drawbridge
is coming up.

I can't imagine how
lonely it's been,

having no one on your
side about Benjamin.

But you've just
stuck to your guns

in the most brilliant way.

So in the spirit
of channeling you,

I've asked Emily to come
today as my .

I hope that's okay.

- Of course, Della.

You deserve to be happy.

Just make sure that
she's a good one.

- She is.

It's me you have to worry about.

- I do.

Maybe I don't need to anymore.

- Guess we better get this
bridal shit on the road.

- This is hard for me to say.

- It's okay.

I know already.

I've known ever since
you first told me

that you wouldn't do it.

You couldn't do it.

Marry him.

'Cause it's us, isn't it?

It's always been us.

Despite everything.

We love each other.

- Ted.

- I had my revenge and
now you with all this,

younger man, flaunting
him in my face,

bringing him back to our house.

You've had yours and now
we're even so we can,

we can start again.

You and me.

- Your revenge for what?

- Well, for you leaving me.

- I never left you.

- Maybe not physically
but you withdrew.

- So it's my fault?

- No.

All that matters
is it's done with

and we can get back
to how we were.

What's wrong with you?

- What's the phrase?

The past is a foreign country.

Only for us it's two
wildly different countries.

Truth is that, and
it's hard to admit,

but I am as guilty as you.

For burying it, for
not speaking up, for.

My silence has
corroded everything

now I'm being punished.

- What are you talking about?

- How we were, that's
what I'm talking about.

What you did to me.

Your violence.

We never talked about it.

- I can't do this.

- And I need to now.

I need to know why.

And that's what I
came to say or to ask.

Not...

The moment just
before, that's the bit

that I'm really interested in.

When you go from not doing

and holding yourself
back to doing.

I need to understand
that moment.

- Why?

- Because I have to know if
that ever leaves you, that urge,

or if a person can make a
mistake and then change.

- So all this, you
calling me here

it was never about us?

It always about him.

- There is no us, Ted!

I need this one thing from you.

You owe me this one thing.

- I don't owe you anything.

- You ruined my life
and worse than that,

our children's live.

- Don't you bring our
children into this.

- I didn't, you
did when you hit me

in front of them.

- Once!

They saw only once.

- What, that makes all
the other times okay?

- The children are fine.

- The kids are not fine

and that is largely due to you.

Everyone has their regrets,

things that give them
sleepless nights.

Mine is that I didn't
leave you that night.

That I didn't take those kids

and get them far,
far away from you.

- You'd never have left me.

- I was already
packed and then you.

You made it so that I couldn't.

God, if I had my time again,

I'd have left you in there.

Looks like you gave me
your answer after all.

- Julia?

I'm so glad, I started to
worry not hearing anything

and I know we're
meant to be abiding

by tradition and
everything but I just,

I miss you and.

I can't wait to marry you.

Julia?

- It's over.

- She went off, I
told her not to go.

I told her not to go outside.

- It's fine.

Come on darlin'.

- I don't know what's happened.

I don't know what's
been said to you.

I can only imagine that
it was one of your sons

but whatever it is,
we can sort it out.

I know that we can so please,
please just call me back

and tell me where
you are and I'll.

- I can
hear you, you know?

- Julia's
here isn't she?

- Hi, what?

- I need to speak to her, I
need to speak to her, Julia.

Julia, Julia, it's me!

- What is going on?

- Julia!

I just, I really need
to speak to Julia okay.

- Clearly.
- I need to speak to her.

- She's not here though.

- Everything okay, mum?

- Just give us a sec.

- Okay.

- Sorry.

- What about Ted?

- What about Ted?

- Is he here?

Will you just tell me if
he's here or not please.

- No, no, Edward is not here

and I'm not sure I
appreciate the implication.

Now, are you gonna
tell me what's going on

or do I have to guess?

- I
really don't know.

- Julia is not the
type to get cold feet.

- I don't know what I've done.

- Maybe you haven't
done anything.

The day I was getting
married to Clayton,

there was just so much noise,

so many people,
all with opinions.

I just took myself off.

Not long enough for
anyone to notice

but just long enough to
remember why I was doing it.

- Yeah, thank you, thank you.

- Just find her!

- I've been staring
at that picture of you.

So young, so serious,

as if, well, as if I'm
expecting not to recognize you.

For there to have been
some kind of mistake

because the Benjamin I know,

he would never, he
could never do this.

I thought you were the
person that would make up

for all those wasted years

but everything you are is a lie.

Which I'm now realizing means

everything we've
had is the same.

I thought I'd feel
better when I wrote this,

that I'd have a moment of peace.

But there is no
peace for me now.

- I really thought that you'd.

Your letter.

Don't you ever do that again!

You scared me.

- I scared you .

I thought I could leave
this time but I can't.

Can't leave, can't
stay so here I am.

- Can you at least look at me?

What happened?

- Can you not touch me?

- Who did that?

- Does it matter?

Ted.

- Ted?

But he.

Why?

- Force of habit.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- I don't tell people.

I made myself a promise after

that I would never be
with a violent man again.

- I can fix this, Julia.

If you let me, I can fix it.

What, so it's just?

I don't even get a conversation?

- Well, I can't think what
you would possibly say.

- Because you've
made your mind up.

- No, the facts made my mind up!

- Facts, facts, facts
that you went looking for!

You wanted to find a
reason not to marry me.

You think that I've
broken your trust.

Well, the truth is,
you've broken mine too.

- Don't need it now.

- You can't
just give up on me!

- Or you'll what?

Kill me?

Do you know the really
sad thing, Benjamin?

The sad thing is that
if you had told me,

I might've been
able to get past it,

seen it as the actions
of a terrified boy

who just didn't know
what his punch would mean

and lives that it would ruin.

- I wanted to tell you, I
wanted to tell you everything.

You have no idea how much.

- Instead of a real
person, I got a construct.

You erased your
past, your brother.

Your name.

- Don't you think
that I know that?

Don't you think the hat
I have been terrified

every single day since we met
that you would find me out?

I am so tired.

- Me too.

- I need you to do
one thing for me.

I need you to come with me.

I will explain.

I will explain, I promise you.

But I need you to
give me one chance.

At making you understand.

My life wasn't, it hasn't
been like your kids' lives.

My mum, she was all hard edges.

I used to think it was the
drugs bending her outta shape

but in the end I really think

that it was just her
makin' wrong decisions,

ones that we had to
live with, you know.

No dad for Kieran.

A useless one for me.

And when she died,
Kieran tried so hard

to pretend that
everything was normal.

Never letting onto anyone
that we were alone.

And all of that, it had to be
paid for and that became hard

in a way that you
could never understand.

He said all we
needed was 50 quid.

50 quid and we would
be okay for the month.

He asked me to be lookout.

So I stood there.

I stood there 'til I heard,

and this man lying
there, blood just.

- Are you saying it was Kieran?

- I'm not saying.

- And why should I believe you?

- You really think
that I am capable

of killing another person?

- I didn't.

But now.

Yeah, I do.

- Why do I get the
feelin' this is bad news?

Come in.

- I'm really sorry.

I had to, I told her.

And now I need you to tell her
too so that she believes me.

Please.

- You told her?

You told her what?

- I did say, I said
that you didn't mean to.

Still, a man died.

- I'm sorry.

But you know what you did.

I mean, it was an accident
and he didn't mean to do it.

He's a good man, my brother.

- You can't do this.

You can't ruin my life again.

You tell her it was you!

- I wish that I could.

- You fucking tell
her, it was you!

He's lying, I promise
you, he's lying.

Kieran!

Please, please Kieran,
I'm begging you.

You tell her, you tell her
what really happened please.

- Don't you think she's
been lied to enough, Sean?

Hey, hey, come here,
come here, cut it out.

It's okay.

- You have no idea how
much I've missed you.

You have no idea how much
I've missed my big brother.

- I missed you too.

- Then why are tryin' to make
it so it's all for nothing.

- 'Cause you ruined it.

We swore on mom's life.

We swore that we
wouldn't talk about it.

- But I can't lose her.

- What about me?

What about me, hey?

I fuckin' love you!

- You don't.

'Cause if you did you
would tell the truth.

- I only hit him once.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

- You let him take the blame.

Your own brother.

Benjamin, I wanna go.

- No, don't go please.

Do you wanna know why
he's with you, love?

It's because you give
him all the things

that he never had.

Money, status, and a
mother who loved him.

I know what's comin'
for you, brother,

even if you're too
blind to see it.

You're gonna be stuck in a
world that you don't belong.

With a family who
will never accept ya

and a pensioner for a wife.

- I still
don't understand.

Why take the blame?

- He was 21, I was 15.

Young offenders
didn't sound so bad.

- But it's your whole life.

- You ever had a
moment where it's just

a moment so far beyond
what you imagined

that you're just,

you're outside of yourself.

Just doing.

I thought that.

I really thought that
I was saving him.

That's what kept me
going in that place.

I thought that he was out there

making a life for himself

then I got out, found him.

He'd ended up just like my mum.

It had all been for nothing.

I had to leave.

I couldn't be Sean White
anymore, Sean White,

the boy who killed
the shopkeeper.

I needed a second chance.

You're my second chance.

- I just wanna go home.

- Mum!
- Mum, are you okay?

- Where have you been?

- Christ, I was worried,
like properly worried.

- How's about we give
your mother some oxygen.

- She's been
missing on her wedding day.

I think we're entitled
to feel concern.

What's going on mum?

- I just
need to be on my own.

- I'll see you at the church?

- How much longer
would you like to wait?

- However long it takes.

- We only have the
church until four.

- She's coming.

Julia.

- I think we can all agree
minimum fuss is desirable.

No one wants a scene,
least of all mum.

This should get you
a taxi out of here.

- Patrick, don't be crass.

- I thought I was
being rather generous.

- Could you all, could you
just give us a moment alone.

- We should stay, mum, in
case things get, well, ugly.

- What is it that you
think is happening?

- You're calling
off the wedding.

- Finally seeing the light.

- Could you just let
me speak with Benjamin.

- Mum, really, we should stay.
- I'm not goin' anywhere.

- Do either of you ever listen?

She's asked us to go so we go!

- Marriage isn't something
you should go into

with any doubts.

It's for life.

- You are many things.

The one thing I never thought
you were is a hypocrite.

- I know probably doesn't
hold much weight anymore

but for what it's worth,

I'm so, so sorry.

- I know.

I am too.

- You've got nothing
to be sorry for.

- I let you hide.

Because it suited me.

I just swallowed you up
into all of my drama.

Everything, everything was
about me, my kids, my past.

I didn't leave any room for you.

- So, , that's it.

- Benjamin.

I don't want my old life.

The one without you in it.

I'm thinkin' that
maybe we skip the bit

about any objections.

- I know you told my mother.

If you tell Eimear, I
swear I will kill you.

- Must be exhausting.

Spending all this time
fighting to be something

that you're not.

- You don't know
anything about me.

- Good son, good father.

Good husband.
- Shut up.

Shut the fuck up.

- I didn't write this.

I didn't know.

But now I do.

- I...

I can't lose my wife.

My children.

- And you won't have to.

So long as you
stay out of my way.

The first time that I met Julia,

I wanted to look after her.

I can't really explain that.

It was just instinct

and a pretty
inconvenient one at that

and then I realized that she
wanted to look after me too.

I felt exposed.

And there never did
seem to be an option

to run away which there
always had been before.

I know to a lotta
people in this room,

we don't make much sense

and when I ask why, it
comes down to one thing.

Our age.

This seemingly yawning chasm
of years that separates us.

My answer to that,

nothing can make everything else

seem more irrelevant than love.

And as for me, nobody
knows who I am,

what I've done.

All the different faces that
I have set to the world.

To be 100% known
is a rare thing.

I don't think many
people ever are.

But I am now.

I find that terrifying.

But it is also the best thing

that has ever happened to me

and that's how I know,

I know that despite
everything, me and you,

we're gonna be okay.

- I know it's not tradition
for the bride to speak

but come here.

And I'd never have dared before

and I think that's the
key word here, before.

Most of you know that this
is my second marriage.

My first marriage
gave me my children

who have been the very
best thing in my life.

And this, this is my after.

And I am not letting it go.

- What are you doing?

- I was invited,
if you remember.

- You need to leave right now.

- How rude, and I bought
a present and everything.

- Whatever this is,
let's just not, shall we?

- I wanna talk to
Julia, not you.

- There it is.

- Don't embarrass yourself.

- You mean don't
embarrass you, mother.

Don't worry, I don't plan to.

- Please don't do this.

- You need to go, right now.

- I don't want to put
a dampener on things

but I thought you ought
to know, Julia kissed me.

At Christmas, she kissed me.

- That's what you
think happened?

You did what you always do.

You wanted something
and took it.

I'd like you to go.

- You heard her.

- You can't take everything.

Them, and you!

- I went years ago.

- Don't you walk
away from me again.

Julia!

Julia, you fucking come
back here now Julia!

- Will you please just calm
down, for God's sake, please.

Please.

- I don't think we'll be
needing these, do you?

- I'm not you.

I'll never be you.

- Darling, I.

- Dell.

- Leo, Lion!

- Who are you?

- Time to go, I think.

- What do you want with her?

What do you want with my wife?

- My wife.

And I don't want anything.

Other than to love
her, treat her right.

All the things you failed to do.

- You don't know
anything about us.

- I know what you did to her.

And if you don't
leave right now,

I will make sure
that everybody knows

what kind of man you really are.

You okay?

- Yeah.

I am, actually.

- He's gone.

- Good.

Would you like to
dance, Mr. Greene?

- Always.