Original subtitles

-ASTRID (VO): Previously on Astrid and Lilly Save the World. [Gasp] -BRUTUS: Memoragatu.

In order to defeat it in the real world,

you first you have to defeat it in your memory.

- You call that playing soccer? You embarrass me.

- This is all your fault. - Mom...

- Maybe we can't be friends.

-Maybe we can't.

Oh, no, it's flipping again.

There is no monster in my memory.

- I don't know what to tell you.

This going to be our greatest battle yet.

- What are you doing down there anyway?

What's the big secret?

- Are you back? - I'm back.

-Oh, thank God.

[Pastoral music]

[Varshidi humming]

[Laughing]

-No.

Yes.

[Dark music] [Animalistic chattering]

[Chuckles]

Ah, yes.

And you come across.

[Hissing]

Early bird gets the jelly roll.

Yeah.

[Sharp sniff]

Feeling good, Varsh.

It's gonna be a sweet day.

[Buoyant music]

Steve!

Yes.

Early bird gets the worm.

That's why you're number one!

-Thanks, Principal V.

Yeah.

I am number one.

Number one.

Fastest runner at Pine, baby!

Next up, Olympics.

Gold medal winner right here.

I'm the fastest man on Earth.

I'm...

[Moaning]

[Groan]

[Explosion] [Squelching]

[Energetic music]

- SINGER: Let's go!

-What's going on?

Think everyone's hyped about Student Appreciation Day?

- Student what day? - Nothing. I dunno.

- I heard somebody say that there was some toxic mold

in the old wing and in the locker rooms.

-That's karmic.

- Ah, fricking stinks like cologne.

- Why are there cops here?

- I heard Mark Truman passed out.

- I heard he threw up.

- Police tape for some vomit?

- Mm. - I don't think so.

[Mischievous music]

-Astrid.

Astrid, it's a crime scene!

[Talking over police radio]

Oh, screw it.

[Door slams shut in distance]

[Nervous breathing]

-Oh, my God!

Oh, I knew it wasn't about some vomit.

[Coughing]

[Lilly sighs]

You want a club soda, or something?

- I wanna not to have seen brains.

Got a surprise for you.

-It's a monster.

- Mm. - B. Figured.

Toxic mold doesn't cause brain splatter like that.

Ugh, I'm sorry.

[Sigh]

I want to go talk to Sparrow before we go.

He's still pissed at me for standing him up.

- Yeah, you do that.

I'm gonna be at my locker.

-Okay.

-Hey, Sparrow.

Uh, I know you're mad.

I didn't mean to stand you up like that.

- So, what, you forgot?

- No, I didn't forget, I just...

Mm, I have a lot of stuff going on in my life right now

and I can't really talk about it.

-I-I don't get you.

First you make excuses to leave dates early

and then you just don't show up?

Do you like spending time with me?

-Oh, I do! I...

- Then why're you playing me so hot and cold?

You got stuff going on? Come on.

[Tender music]

Just call me

when you figure your shit out, okay?

-Shit.

- Well, shouldn't class be cancelled?

Is Mark Truman okay?

- Mark Truman is fine.

I saw him with my own two beautiful eyes.

This is a just a little mold situation.

Mark's a fine kid

but he's a mouth breather.

He just got too close to the infected drywall.

If we all stay clear, we'll be fine!

- I think he has a deviated septum.

- So perceptive, Frank.

- Why is a cop here?

- Officer Drew, Coppers Cove's very best,

is here to ensure that everything is under control.

I don't want anyone to panic.

Go about your days as normal.

Have a donut!

- Look, I'll check out the crime scene,

but I'm no mold expert.

Did you actually talk to Mark Truman because...

-You are so good

at everything, officer.

[Creepy music]

The very best detective I've ever seen.

Even better than all those guys on TV.

-Oh, really?

Even the ones on the cable?

- Shouldn't we call a mold guy, or something?

-No.

I got this.

- Don't think about brains.

- CANDACE: No! Tate!

[Heavy sigh]

Kill me.

- You've never stopped at my locker before.

Is everything okay?

- Tate's a bitch, my mom's a bitch.

And they should all just date each other

and have a bitch fest!

- I think there's a category for that.

- My mom says I can't do the play unless I get an A-plus

on my bio midterm.

You know, she doesn't want me to do anything

except for her stupid youth group.

And Tate's great advice is to just quit.

- Those are horrible options.

- Yeah, he's not so supportive.

Um...

I don't even know why I still expect it anymore.

And why is everyone so up in my shit?

- I can help you with bio.

-Really?

- I mean, I can't guarantee an A-plus,

but you can't quit the play.

We'll figure something out.

- Thanks, Lil. - Yeah.

- Um, I should go fix my face.

I'll talk to you later?

-Sure.

[Tender music]

- What'd she want? - Nothing.

Uh, what happened with Sparrow?

-Nothing.

Brutus?

-Yep.

-Glad you're here.

Big time portal breach this morning.

-We know.

The place stinks like cologne

and Mark Truman's brains were all over the frick...

- Don't. - All over the what?

Hm? If they're all over the floor, that's one thing,

but if there's brains all over the ceiling...

- Ceiling! Ugh. Ceiling... yes.

- So, it's what I thought.

Now I gotta find the entry.

- You need a new organizational method.

- I know where everything is, okay?

Ah!

Well, what you're smelling is the effect of a Kevaculous.

It has a host body and infects the egos

of its victims.

They swell until their heads explode.

-Exploding heads.

It's only Tuesday.

- But how does it infect egos?

- Oh, that's, uh, that's...

That's here somewhere.

Uh, it's, uh, you know, it's-it's a Kevaculous.

It, uh, it infects you.

Uh, uh, it touches you, makes your-your ego grow.

I swear I saw it somewhere!

- Okay, so, it touches you,

then makes you smell like men's body spray

and then your head pops?

-Not immediately.

It depends on the starting size of the ego.

[Scoffs]

My cousin, Brian, came upon a Kevaculous once.

Let's just say he couldn't finish his lunch.

- So, if you don't have a big ego,

then you have nothing to worry about?

But he infiltrated a high school.

Everyone's screwed.

- Yeah, not great.

There might be a way to slow down the infection growth

but I don't know off-hand.

- You sure it's just not in here somewhere?

- Probably. - How do we kill it?

- You don't. You...

exorcise it.

- Like with a bible and a cross?

- With a bible and a cross. Oh, that's cute.

[Chuckles]

Oh, you-you're serious. Um, I'll get you sorted.

- Okay, well, can you hurry?

I really don't want anyone else to pop.

- So, how do we slow him down?

And who is the kevac-

kovecu-

Who is the Kevin possessing?

- Well, that sounds like it's a job

for two professional monster hunters I know.

I'm talking about you guys.

- Yeah, I got it.

[Upbeat music]

- Hey, looking good!

Nice hat!

-This is a nice hat.

- Come on, bro, gimme five. Looking good.

Like the top!

Nice!

Love the hairstyle! Come on, come on!

Hey, hey, hey.

Missed you!

-ASTRID: Ah, this place stinks even more like cologne. Kevin's influence must be growing.

[Anxious music]

-That was weird.

I thought you guys smoothed things over?

- I don't know. Let's just focus on finding Kevin.

If you were a monster, who would you possess?

- Mm, probably someone with access to a lot of victims.

- Mm. Somebody trustworthy! Likeable.

-Yeah.

- How about the cop? - People trust cops.

- Mm-hm. - What about Michelle?

- Likeable, Lilly.

-Hm.

Hm, what about Christine?

Hear me out:

a lot of people like her, for some reason.

And she's always up in everyone's shit.

Where does she get off?

- All right. Preach.

You wanna go see what she's up to after class?

-Mm-hm.

- I'll keep sniffing around here.

Not like I want to. This place is rank!

Yech. See you later.

[Uneasy music]

-Uh, hey, Eggs.

Nice glasses.

- They're new. Did you want a favour?

- Uh... Yeah.

I told Candace that I would help her study bio,

but something came up.

Can you help her study today?

It's just if she doesn't ace the midterm

then she has to drop out of the play.

- Why do you care if she drops out of the play?

Can't anybody play Juliet?

Isn't that what acting is.

-Technically...

- I mean, I didn't even know you were friends with Candace.

[Nervous breath]

- She's your Juliet, Eggs. Uh...

Please?

- She can join me in the library this afternoon.

That's fine.

- VARSHIDI: It's Student Appreciation Day!

Time to appreciate Pine's best and brightest,

starting with

Grant Gibson!

Come on! Get in here!

[Tense music]

[Plastic crinkles]

- I'll show the department.

I'm the best detective anybody's ever seen!

Better than Holmes.

Drewlock Holmes.

Mold.

That could be anywhere.

Could be everywhere.

- VARSHIDI: There once was a poet named Holly,

who's poetry skills were quite jolly!

Holly Perkins,

come on down!

[Sighs] [Sniffs]

Oh.

[Sniffs]

[Indistinct conversations in distance]

[Deep sniff]

-Mmm.

Like a freshly sprayed armpit.

Oh, man,

this monster's infecting everyone!

- CHRISTINE: Chop-chop.

Take this copper to the basement.

[Edgy music]

Mustn't keep him waiting.

- Youth group is so weird.

[Tense music]

[Laughing]

-Varshidi would never...

- You have a great smile. You could be a scientist.

Now go!

[Sniff] - VARSHIDI: Oh, yeah.

-Kevin?

[Varshidi laughing]

- CHRISTINE: This wire will work perfectly.

Yeah, straight to the basement.

[Shutter clicks]

[Shutter clicks]

[Phone buzzing]

- Hey, guess what?

Looks like the tattoos are a youth group thing.

So glad we didn't get one!

- ASTRID: You will never believe what I found.

The Kevin!

It's Varshidi. [Edgy music]

He's using Student Appreciation Day

to get kids into his office

so that he can poison them with compliments.

- God! High achievers. They're perfect targets.

- Sparrow got straight A's in English lit.

- If you're so worried about him

why don't you ask him to go home, or something.

- Let's just figure out how to get this monster.

- VARSHIDI: Get out of here.

-Susan Barnes.

Aw, she's so stuck up,

her head's gonna explode in seconds.

- Brutus said there might be a way

to slow down the infection growth, right?

-Yeah.

[Slurping]

Hi, Susan.

- Sorry, I don't talk to uggos.

- Oh, please, you're not that hot.

- Yes, I am.

I'm flawless.

-Hm.

- It worked! Sidebar!

- We gotta insult the shit out of her!

Bust up that ego.

We've gotta bully her back.

- I don't know if I can.

-Might be fun.

- You have a huge zit

on your forehead.

I can see it.

[Gasp]

-All that makeup

isn't going to hide the fact that you have no friends.

- Yes, I do. Everyone loves me.

[Laughing]

- No! Everyone's like,

"Susan Barnes! She's so nice.

Too bad she's a snot!"

- And you sat on a peanut butter sandwich.

[Laughing]

Everyone remembers.

- Susan Peanut Butter-Pants Barnes.

- That was a long time ago!

-Oh! Still lingering.

[Exaggerated coughing]

-Hey, Susan?

I really like your hair today.

-Thank you!

She loves my hair.

- No, she doesn't!

She was lying!

Your hair looks like branches!

Just like your report card!

Your stupid green juice has more personality

than your ears!

When I see you, I want to eat paint!

And perfect student attendance record

my ass!

[Gasps]

[Shocked breaths]

-What the shit?

-Is this really our only option? -Well, you could hit up the lost and found

for somebody's old gym shirt.

-Pirate it is.

So, you, uh,

turned into a real shock jock back there.

-Mm.

Felt kinda great.

I mean, all our lives people have been bullying us

and we're not allowed to fight back?

No, they deserve this!

It's our turn now.

It's fine. I'm chill.

- Okay. I guess so.

So, how are we going to get to Kevin, hm?

He's, like, inside our principal!

[Sigh]

-Hm.

- We should get him unconscious. - We should kill him.

-Lilly, no!

- Right, right. Knock him out.

That's what I meant.

-Right.

I'm sure I can make some kind of sedative.

- I am a chemistry whiz! - Mm-mm.

- And that's not just my ego talking.

- Right. You do that,

I'll keep doing the important stuff.

Nice flood pants, dorkus!

[Sighs; sucks teeth]

[Uneasy music]

[Sighs]

-Hey, Eggs.

Um, there's a table in the back if you wanna move there?

-No.

You worried your friends are going to see you

sitting here with me?

[Sighs] - Uh,

no. [Chuckles]

[Clears throat] - I, uh, I know

you wouldn't be caught dead talking to me, so...

you must be really desperate.

- Oh, please. I-I do what I want.

What? I do!

-Okay.

- Okay, I see your point.

- I'm not making a point.

- Yeah, sometimes I do things I don't want to do

just because people expect it.

I deal with a lot of social pressure, okay?

You wouldn't get it.

-Okay.

- Um, maybe you should try doing Romeo

without your glasses.

-I like my glasses.

- But, in the play, Romeo doesn't wear glasses,

so people are gonna expect that.

They might be fine with you wearing them,

but it's just easier to give them what they want.

- No, I'm gonna wear my glasses.

[Edgy music]

-Okay.

[No audible dialogue]

[Liquid sloshing]

- Hey, Astrid! Lose an electron?

Gotta keep an ion it. [Laughs]

Get it? Ion? A little chem humor for ya.

- Yeah, good one.

Um, so, I watched this movie yesterday...

-Oh, what movie?

- Uh, I can't remember. It-it's not important.

So, this guy made a sedative from bleach and some stuff

under the sink, but that's impossible, right?

There's no way you could make a sedative that easily.

-Interesting.

Well, if the bleach was cooled and mixed with acetone

to make chloroform and the stuff under the sink

was potassium hydroxide,

that would have sedative qualities

in small doses.

- Wait, you said potassium hydroxide?

-Yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, definitely wasn't that.

- See, you can't trust everything you see in the movies.

I found that out the hard way.

[Light scoff]

[Mischievous music]

- FRICK: Hey.

[Frick talks to student quietly]

[Dark music]

-GUARDIAN: The lunar eclipse of the Blood Moon

is almost upon us!

On the night when the eclipse strikes,

there's just one final very special ingredient

we'll need to feed the Orb.

And then, do you remember what happens?

- All the portals will open!

- Yes, my pets.

Remember how I told you Orbs run on body parts?

-Uh-huh.

The Master Orb is special.

It needs the souls

and intestines of 87 human bodies

vibrating at 764,000 Glogheuers.

- Anything, but how do we get you that?

-Isn't it obvious?

87 insecure, angsty souls.

We're all going to the high school dance.

- Wicked! Fire!

- Until then, we keep everyone

out of our way.

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

- Wha-what are you doing, Tom?

- Oh, chill out.

This is God's house.

And we're all welcome,

Chrissie.

-Do not

call me that.

-FYI, you...

didn't book the basement for tonight,

so I'll be heading downstairs around six.

- I blocked it off for the entire month.

- Oh-ho, I guess you didn't!

[Inhale] It's such a blessing.

I have a record number of orders this week

for my Holy Glory muffin baskets.

Jesus saves, right?

-Hm.

Screw you, Tom.

- You should try one sometime!

[Squelching]

- Nice shirt, doofus.

Did your mom pick that out for you?

Oh, yeah, I saw her shopping.

I know she picked out your little outfit!

- Stop, Lilly! You're way too into this.

- Well, what about all the times people were jerks to us?

- Bullies aren't exactly role models.

[Sigh]

-You're right.

Oh, God, what am I doing?

I don't know, I guess it just felt nice

to have the upper hand for a second?

- Look, I get it. But we're better than that.

And honestly, you're terrible at it.

[Lilly snorts] - I know.

- Okay, we gotta hustle.

Look what I got!

- Ooh, the sedative. Is it strong enough?

[Exhale] [Thud]

- Yup, it's strong enough.

- Mm? - Okay, go!

[Upbeat music]

- Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Gimme five!

Whoa! Nice stuff.

Mr. Black, you're looking good!

Whoa! Way, yes!

- Okay, what's the plan?

I distract him while you dose him?

- Yeah! Whoa!

Come on.

Hey!

Nice 'fits, ladies!

Give me ten!

-Ho!

- Oh... [Laughs]

I'll get you next time!

- That was way too close!

- He's high-fiving everyone like crazy.

Crap, how are we supposed to insult everyone fast enough?

Without you

getting sucked into the dark side again?

- We need to find someone who's comfortable with being a dick.

[Sigh]

-Ha!

Good one, Tate-meister.

-Gah!

Looks like the Kevin already got him!

-Yeah.

Tate!

-What's up?

-Okay.

Look, I'm only saying this because I have to:

Candace only likes you because you have abs!

- Huh. Oh, yeah!

- What? No! Not a compliment!

Dad bods are in.

- You look stupid! - You are stupid!

- What's your problem? Why are you being so mean to me?

[Sniffing]

-Hm, no cologne.

-Hm.

- I haven't sprayed up yet.

-Ohh...

He's not infected; he's just Tate.

We're sorry.

- We're in a bit of a...

Dealing with a tight situation.

- Don't say there's a monster.

-There's a monster.

It's possessing Varshidi and infecting everyone's egos

until their heads explode.

- No, thanks. I'm out.

-Tate!

We need your help.

Everyone with an ego is in danger of exploding.

You're our best shot at keeping everyone safe.

- Because I'm, like, a protector type?

- Mm, because you're a dick.

That's how you stop the exploding,

you hurt people's egos.

You were the first person we thought of.

- This monster shit's a lot and I've been trying to be nicer.

- Look, we need you.

The school needs you.

Be our asshole in shining armour just one last time

and then never again!

- Okay, I'll do it, to save the school.

-Oh, my God.

- Who, exactly, do I need to be mean to?

-Everyone.

[Energetic music] -Ooh! Flowers are in now, huh?

Nice zit! That's a popper.

Buddy, you ever try deodorant?

Sorry! Gotta say it.

[Varshidi hums happily]

[Mischievous music]

- Go now! Go, go, go, go, go!

[Varshidi continues humming]

[Liquid sloshing]

Ho, you did it! You did it!

[Laughing]

- Oh, my God, oh, my God.

- VARSHIDI: This is...

-Okay.

Now, we just have to wait until...

- VARSHIDI: Your favorite. - FRICK: Cheers.

- Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

[Slurping]

No, no, no.

- FRICK: Wait, not a camom...

[Snoring]

- Her depiction... Sorry.

Her depiction of the Australian outback is offensive!

As is the idea that kangaroos and crocodiles

would interact on any level,

let alone be friends...

It's ridiculous.

- TATE: Hello, Fighting Ferrets!

Just a friendly reminder that you're all mega-dorks

and you suck! Peace!

-Tate.

He's such an ass.

Like, it's so cringe having to apologize for him

all the time.

Like, everyone says

we're meant to be together, but...

it's seriously getting old trying to keep him happy when...

When he doesn't care at all if I'm happy.

Like, would it kill him for once to be supportive?

[Tender music]

Why am I telling you this?

Uh...

H-h-how did you do that?

- I'm not doing anything.

- And I don't have to do anything either, right?

No, I don't have to do anything I don't wanna do.

No, you're right. Let's go.

- Um... [Clears throat]

where are we going?

- Tate Hudson, we need to talk.

- What's up, babe?

- I don't want to make excuses for you anymore.

I don't want to sit at your soccer games.

I don't want to watch you play Zombie Hunters,

or whatever it's called.

You know, I don't even like video games.

- Wait, what?

- You never care about what I'm interested in, okay?

I-I don't even know why we're still doing this, Tate.

We're not a good fit.

I mean, who are we doing this for because

it's obviously not for ourselves?

[Emotional music]

- Are you breaking up with me?

-I'm sorry.

- But we're still on for Saturday, though, right?

-No!

This is for real.

We're over.

[Footsteps receding]

-Just to be clear...

she came to that conclusion on her own.

Just to be clear.

[Footsteps receding]

-Okay.

Well, that didn't go as planned!

-It's okay!

You're a brave, strong rainbow of flowers for trying!

-Hnh.

[Sigh] - Okay.

We need to think.

We need to somehow

trick Varshidi

and get him alone

absolutely nowhere near Frick.

And then...

Bam! Knock his ass out!

-I'm a brave,

strong

rainbow of flowers.

I'm a brave, strong rainbow of flowers.

- VARSHIDI: Drama queen,

Valerie what's-her-name!

Hey!

Can't remember your last name but you know who you are!

- Oh, he's gonna get Val!

-Oh.

- Honestly, I'm surprised it's taken him this long.

[Whoosh]

[Varshidi laughing] - Ah, yeah.

-Oh!

[Unintelligible conversation]

Oh, no, she's done for.

-Wait...

Something's wrong.

- Okay, come back later!

Hey, you in the sweater!

You're looking good, my friend!

High five.

- Psst. Val!

Val.

Come on.

- How are you feeling?

What did Varshidi say to you?

- He said that I'm special.

And a... [Scoffs]

A great actor.

But he's wrong

because I have a boring face and no talent, so...

- So, you feel okay?

- No. No, I'm not okay. Do I look okay, Lilly?

No, I'm in mourning for my acting career.

- Hold on a second! - Okay.

- She's not infected.

- I don't think he got to her ego.

I think she's too far gone!

Do you think...?

- Val? - Hm?

I think we might have the perfect role for you.

[Mischievous music]

[Calming breath]

[Clears throat]

[Clears throat loudly]

-Back so soon!

Amazing.

-Yeah!

I was just wondering:

do you think you could take a look at something

that I'm working on?

It's just nobody seems to understand my work

quite like you do, so I was just...

-Of course!

Anything for a future star.

- Oh, stop! Seriously. [Both laugh]

- Just right out here. - Oh, nice.

Let's go.

I'm sure that whatever you're working on

is magical.

You have such a spark.

Ah, thank you.

-Of course.

[Door closes]

- Ha!! - Oh!

- What the hell...? What are you doing?

[Mumbling]

[Energetic music]

- Oh! Ho, hoo...

[Breathy laugh]

- Oh, did I do okay? - Amazing!

- I see awards in your future, Valerie, seriously.

-Really?

Thank you, guys.

You know, you never did tell me what the prank was for and...

- Okay, yeah, bye. [Door slams]

-Okay.

[Groaning] -LILLY: Where's Brutus?

It's not like we can actually start without him!

[Lilly sighs]

Astrid?

Call him already.

I know something's up.

- My apology didn't work.

I don't know! It's hard, okay?

Nobody told me it was going to be this hard!

- Girl, there are a million songs about how this exact thing

is hard.

What are you so afraid of?

You dosed Varshidi's coffee.

You talked sense into me.

You freaking showed up today!

Don't tell me you're afraid of some boy.

- I'm here! I'm here.

Okay.

[Varshidi moans]

You have a cauldron. Careful, that's heavy.

- Mm. What?

- Eye of alien newt. [Varshidi moans]

Dust of norm-norm horn.

I had to pay extra for this.

-Let me see.

- Ears in brine. - Ears in brine?

-Gum.

That's for me.

And this.

Instructions.

Oh!

And this.

Toenail clippers.

[Blows hard]

-Why?

- To clip his toenails, obviously, for the orb.

- You're gonna stay and help us, right?

- Oh, no, no. [Gags] No.

No, I get a little queasy with exorcisms and

rule 41C:

monster shall not exorcise monster,

so I'm crossing a bit of a line here.

- What if we have questions?

- Okay, have fun, bye! [Gags]

Sorry.

- I guess I'll get the orb and...

we'll have our first exorcism.

Oh, hey!

You are at my locker again.

-Hey. Um...

thanks for getting Eggs to study with me.

-Ah, was it helpful?

- Yeah, um. Hm...

I broke up with Tate.

I know, kind of crazy, but, um, I...

I think it was the right thing to do.

You know, we weren't really meant for each other.

I wouldn't have realized that without Eggs

and that's thanks to you.

-Oh.

Oh, um, you're...

You're welcome.

- Yeah, and, um, now I'll actually have a shot

at acing my midterms, so, uh,

screw you, Mom.

-Ah, hey!

I'm really happy that we're friends again.

-Me too.

[Varshidi groans]

- Worse than a doctor's note.

[Groan]

You might want to think about this, girlie...

[Sniffs]

I can smell the fear on you...

Come here, I'll make you not scared anymore.

-I'm not scared.

- Always so afraid, Astrid.

I can see how scared you are,

scared to get hurt,

scared of letting people see you.

-I'm not scared!

[Laughs] - Scaredy cat!

Too afraid to do anything!

Come here!

Or are you scared of me too?

-I'm not scared!

[Moans]

[Phone vibrates]

- Hello? - Uh! Um...

I... I am scared.

I mean, I don't wanna be hot and cold with you,

I wanna be hot with you.

I'm sorry for being shitty.

- I really like you, and... [Varshidi snores]

I like being with you, and seeing you, and...

kissing you.

And...

I wanna do all the other stuff with you, too.

Seriously, all I think about is seeing you naked.

Sorry if that's slutty.

Can you even say slutty anymore?

It's really hard to keep track.

It's Astrid.

-Hi, Astrid.

-Hi.

Sorry. [Sigh]

I really like you.

- Well, I really like the brutal honesty.

And it's not slutty, Astrid, okay?

It's "sex positive."

How about we start with another date?

You wanna come over toni...

- Yes. - Okay, great.

Thank you

for being so honest.

It's hot...

I really like you, too, Astrid.

- Unh. [Varshidi groans]

-What was that?

- Nothing. A... A dog.

I'll talk to you later!

[Phone beep] [Varshidi groans]

[Relieved sigh]

What are you so happy about?

- That people can change.

- You mean you and Tate?

-Yeah.

What are you so happy about?

Did you finally call Sparrow?

-You were right.

I was being a baby about it.

Oh, he's so hot, and nice.

I'm gonna touch his naked body later.

[Lilly squeals] [Varshidi groans]

Let's finish this guy.

[Varshidi groaning] [Liquid bubbling]

- You don't want to do this!

- Horn of Norm be our protection

from the wicked smears of Kev.

It's either smears or snares, uh...

And with the power of briny ears!

[Gagging] [Coughing]

-Oh, that stinks.

- Okay... - Okay.

- While I put in the eyes,

we need to hit him where it hurts.

- You okay to...? - Yeah, I'm good.

I got it.

You are so lame!

And your stupid nicknames are never gonna stick.

- VARSHIDI: No!

I'm so sorry.

Please,

come here.

I want to tell you something.

Come.

[Tense music]

[Burps] [Laughs maniacally]

- Why isn't it working?

- Maybe we have to insult Kevin!

Try something monster-specific.

-Okay, um...

You picked the worst host.

And-and you smell like the inside of your own butthole!

You infiltrated a high school.

Talk about low-hanging fruit!

[Moaning]

-It's working!

- You are so pathetic, you couldn't even get Val.

And every monster gets Val!

[Moaning] [Breathing heavily]

- You don't want to do anything

to harm your poor principal now, do you?

Why don't you

untie him?

Ahh, shit!

- Yeah, he can't focus, he's-he's losing power!

Okay, um... All we need

is a body part to finish it!

Not it.

-Goddamn it.

[Varshidi moaning]

[Lilly sighs]

-Okay, okay, okay...

[Lilly groans]

[Gags] I can't.

-Oh, my God.

- I can't! - Just do it, just do it!

[Lilly whines]

[Varshidi groans]

[Toenail ripping]

-Where'd it go?

Astrid, where did it go?

-It's in your hair!

- Get it out of my hair!

-Clip another piece!

- This is the worst thing we've ever had to do!

- You think I'm bad?

Just wait...

He's worse than anything you can imagine.

-Who?

-The Guardian!

And he can't be banished once he takes root!

And you two don't even know that he's here!

- What are you talking about?

- Okay, let's just finish this shit!

I got a date to get to!

-Okay, okay...

[Varshidi moans]

[Lilly groans] - Ah.

[Varshidi continues moaning]

Oh, my God.

-Ah!

Ahh!

[Dramatic music]

- ASTRID: Ooh.

Mmm...

That's it, huh?

I'm gonna

put it in the orb. You've done your part.

[Sighs] - Thank you.

[Sighs]

[Cheery music]

-What the hell?

- POLICE CHIEF (OVER RADIO): What's taking so long?

You didn't mess up the crime scene, did you?

-Um...

- Brutus might want those for something weird.

-Mm-hm.

- Good on him for showing up when he did, though.

- What, did you, like, time travel here?

- You're gonna let that slide? - [Sighs]

- Yep, my bullying career is officially over.

Things are back to the way they should be.

Hey, what did you think about what Kevin said

about the guardian something?

- Well, I didn't see it on Brutus' list.

It can't be worse than the crap we've had to deal with.

- As long as there's no more brains.

Or toenails.

[Christine hums Amazing Grace]

[Door opening]

[Malevolent music]

-Tom!

Hi.

Let me help you with those.

Basement is all yours.

-Wow.

Didn't expect a warm welcome.

-Hm.

-Hm.

I hope things can be peaceful from now on.

- Me too, Chrissy.

[Inhales; exhales]

I'm glad you came to your senses.

[Sighs happily]

[Door opens]

[Door creaks and closes]

It's dark. Where's the switch?

- It's at the end of the hall!

[Slow footsteps]

[Door opening]

I told you I would never let you down.

[Tom screaming]

[Screaming stops suddenly]

["You've Created a Monster" by Bohnes plays]

♪♪ You've created the monster ♪♪

♪♪ I just keep getting stronger ♪♪

♪♪ Nightmare, I'm gonna haunt you ♪♪

(whispered) You've created a monster.

[Dramatic chord]