Original subtitles

I shall take the Primrose room on the south side.

Be careful, Biddy, that is my best commode.

Are you moving in, Hesther?

Yes, did Graham not tell thee?

No.

HESTHER: And you did not tell me that...

Ah! Ah! Ah!

I took pity on Hesther in her hovel and bade her live here,

at your suggestion.

Good. It is good.

-[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] -I bid thee welcome.

Nay, madam, 'tis I who bid thee welcome.

I do not think 'tis possible to be bid welcome in my own house.

If indeed it is thine own house...

Uh, come! [CLAPS] Hesther, let me help.

HESTHER: Oh, no. Oh! Oh!

...to thy room.

[HESTHER GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING] See that ye are comfortable.

Graham! [GIGGLING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[LAUGHING] Thank ye, Husband.

Hush-ho, Hesther. What are you doing?

Parading about the place like some hobbling harlequin.

So, ye have not yet told Helene

our good news, though ye did promise?

Nay.

If ye will not tell her, I will.

Ye will not!

[WHIMPERING] Please! Be careful! The baby!

[GASPS]

I will tell her in my own time.

At least let me do that.

If I'm to give up my one true love

and take up a half-life with thee.

Very well. But, Graham,

I would have thee sleep by my side tonight.

[QUIVERING]

[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]

Oh!

Oh! Graham?

What in heavens?

Oh, Helene.

If I could tell thee...

She... She...

She... [STAMMERING] What? Tell me what?

[GLASS BREAKING]

-Give me thy breasts. -Nay.

I need thy teats.

-Stop. Stop! -[BREATHING HEAVILY]

I know thee not!

'Tis as if a beast hath taken possession of thine eyes!

Oh, the beast is not in mine eyes, Helene.

'Tis here!

Oh!

This...purple thug

that seeks to bounce and twizzle thee atop his ruddied head.

[GASPS]

This is the beast that rules and ruins me.

[GASPS]

[BREATHS UNSTEADILY]

Damn thee!

[VOICE QUIVERING] Damn thee to hell.

[DOOR CLOSING]

[HESTHER SINGING]

[SCREECHING]

[SCREECHES]

♪ Cherry ripe, cherry ripe, ripe... ♪

What mean thee heaving yourself into our home?

I have moved in here, thank you.

To be with my husband.

[SCOFFS] Husband?

I am still married to Dr Foggerty, as well ye know.

A man I mistook for my brother because of a wicked, wicked lie.

[STAMMERING]

[SCOFFS] Do not deny it.

I heard your sad confession to Biddy.

[INHALES] And who would believe a cripple's tale?

Master Edmund, for one.

I am sure he would be most relieved by such a revelation.

Nay, Hesther, you will not spill this.

I shall do as I please. For...

Do you understand, I will lose everything if you do?

And, prithee, why should I care?

After all ye have done to me?

[SCOFFS]

And how will you persuade Dr Foggerty to suffer thee,

shuffling about our home like some painted tortoise?

He will ne'er love thee whilst Helene is near.

Then I shall bid her leave.

And fuel his hatred further?

Nay. I have a better notion, sister.

There is a place in the woods, Cold Cottage,

where the wicked sisters do sometimes do their dark work.

'Tis a dreary place that would make

any man seek comfort, e'en in thee.

I suggest ye be gone by morning.

And Helene?

Oh, I will see that she is driven from this place.

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

[PANTING]

[SOBBING] I shall tame thee,

once and for all.

[BREATHING UNSTEADILY]

[YELPING]

Some men do find ecstasy in agony.

Do they?

[YELPING]

The rasp of roup about one's wrist.

The ripe sting of paddle upon one's body bare.

[GASPS] Ooh!

[SIGHS]

[HESTHER SNORING]

[DR FOGGERTY SNORING]

[DR FOGGERTY GROANING]

Good morning, Husband.

[SPLUTTERING]

[HESTHER MOANING]

Is it my morning breath? [EXHALES]

Hesther, what are you doing?

[MOANING]

Arghh!

[BREATHING HEAVILY] Hesther, did ye do this?

I think not!

[MOANING]

Shall we have a lazy lover's breakfast?

Nay!

I will not have thee cavorting in front of Helene,

like some crippled strumpet.

That is why I have packed a small bag.

There can be but one mistress of Hunderby,

and I realise that I am not she.

[SIGHS]

Hesther, really?

So...

So, you're leaving?

Oh, thank you, Hesther.

Your mercy knows no bounds! Good luck!

Nay, Graham, I think it best we both leave Hunderby.

To spare Helene's heart.

I'll have a pony and trap brought round.

But, Hesther...

I do not want to leave.

'Tis not a question of want, Graham.

'Tis a question of duty.

Christ is watching.

DR FOGGERTY: My dearest lamb.

When first I spied thee,

I thought I might die of thy perfection.

[SLURPING]

I will wait daily in our courting bar at noon.

If ye come, I know ye can forgive me this awfulness,

and if ye do not, I shall happily die.

For I love only you.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[SING-SONG] Good morrow! [CHUCKLES]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Ooh. Master Edmund, congratulations.

[CHUCKLES]

I have ne'er seen a bonnier clutch of stools.

Yes, my colon feels most supple this morning.

Tsk! Oh, well, ye may not recall all the hours

I tarried at that bedside through thy sickness.

Indeed there were times when ye

pressed me to tarry within thy bed.

Dorothy, I was unconscious, not insane.

Why would I e'er press thee into my bed? Mmm?

BROTHER JOSEPH: Good morrow.

Oh, Brother Joseph.

I was not aware ye had made yourself a permanent guest here.

Well, ye are aware now.

You may take away my bountiful night pot if you seek to please me.

[CHUCKLING]

Ahh! Ahhh!

-[SOBBING] -Oh. Oh. Oh.

For the love of God!

Ahhh!

Why, my God?

[VOCALISING]

You would hum and prance, Hesther?

Whilst my world breaks?

But I feel so beautiful this morn.

Oh, Graham.

'Tis just the fresh start we need.

Oh!

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

Ah! Ah! Ah!

[SOBBING]

Know you the meaning of this mark?

But 'tis Graham's!

The doctor is gone, I have a dread sensation.

[GASPS]

There's a letter, ma'am, under your door.

But is addressed to thee, should I read it?

No! No, give it to me.

[GASPS]

Oh, no.

Oh, 'tis as I foresaw.

The curse of motherhood.

Your sour face and bland company

hath driven up our doctor to take his own life,

rather than wed thee!

What?

"I choose death

"rather than another dreary day with Helene,

"whose crumpeted bottom and empty baboon breasts

"have drained me of the will to live."

Nay! Nay!

Ohh!

Where's Hesther? I must talk to her.

I hate to swipe thee with a double blow,

ma'am, but Hesther has also passed.

What?

Still, at least she died in a nice bed.

Ohh!

But it seems thee are

as an angel of death in this house, ma'am.

[SOBBING]

[SIGHS]

[SOBS] Oh!

[SOBS]

What?

No!

[GASPS AND SCREAMS]

Oh, ma'am! Oh, no!

Oh, ye must not torture yourself.

Why not join Hesther and Foggerty?

If you end it now, before time further

rapes you of your last shreds of youth,

at least you might be remembered more fondly.

[SOBBING]

Tsk!

Oh, is there any more?

[HELENE WAILING]

Come, Shook!

Oh, Pastor John.

What an unexpected pleasure. [CHUCKLES]

Will ye take tea and a nice bunty?

Eh, nay, I have not come here to stomach fancies.

But to bid my final adieu to Brother Edmund

and return Christ's baton.

Well, Master Edmund is at chamber.

I wonder, if after my farewell,

I might tarry a moment with the lady of the house?

[CHUCKLING] Ooh! Well, it would be a joy.

[SIGHS]

We could play hand of canasta or simply gaze into each other's eyes.

I was much pursued in my youth, so,

'tis no surprise to feel thy ears and nose come a-pricking

whene'er I am near.

Oh, Christ, no. I did not mean thee, ma'am.

-Oh. -No.

In truth, I come here seeking Helene's hand.

Stay! Shook.

[WHINES]

I suspect Master Edmund will be taking his afternoon snoozie.

[GRUNTING AND GROANING]

Oh, sweet Jehovah!

Oh!

[GRUNTS] Aah!

Ah!

'Tis not as it seems!

I was attempting to massage Satan from Brother Edmund.

Evidence of the illness that the doctor

said was caught in my nether regions.

It is an abomination!

Indeed! It sickened me to do it.

Edmund, Pastor, do you deny he did excite thee to whiteness?

It was but the bottom spray of a passing girl, I am sure.

I see no girl in here!

Oh, they are quick, Pastor, the devil's envoys,

they do spurt their bottom juice and go!

You shall hang for this!

Both men must hang until their necks be broke!

Oh, Pastor, nay, please! Hear me, for Christ is merciful.

Master Edmund, how can he love a man when he loves a woman?

He what? 'Tis no time for such riddle me rees.

Master Edmund is innocent, sir, because...

He loves me.

You?

Aye. [INHALES]

We are engaged to be married.

Are we not, Master Edmund?

-Erm... -See here?

The Hunderby ring, with which he pledged himself to me.

Edmund, is this true?

-Uh... -You will hang

till your neck be snapped to twain if you do deny it, sir.

It is true.

Yes, we are aching to be man and wife.

[BROTHER JOSEPH GROANS]

Oh, sir, please! Sir!

Try as ye might to protect him,

rest assured, Shook and my men shall hunt this Polynesian pervert down!

[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]

♪ Bobby Shafto's gone to sea Silver buckles at his knee

♪ He'll come back and marry me Bonny Bobby Shafto!

♪ Bobby Shafto bright and fair Panning out his yellow hair

♪ He's my love for evermore Bonny Bobby Shafto!

♪ Bobby Shafto's gone to sea Silver buckles at his knee

♪ He'll come back and marry me Bonny Bobby Shafto!

♪ Bobby Shafto bright and fair Panning out his yellow hair

♪ He's my love for evermore Bonny Bobby Shafto!

♪ Bobby Shafto's gone to sea Silver buckles at his knee

♪ He'll come back and marry me Bonny Bobby Shafto! ♪

Mmm.

Well, if you want her truly, sir, I, uh, do know of a way.

Why not stay on here as a guest, that you may be close,

when Cupid's arrow doth strike dear Helene's heart.

-Stay? Here? -Hmm.

Enjoy some luxury in my... [CLEARS THROAT] ...home cooking. [LAUGHS]

Besides, I do not feel safe knowing

the Scotch sorcerer is still at large.

I always knew there was something

unnatural about Brother Joseph.

Bit too brown.

Though, I once peeped his dingly and it was white as snow.

We will catch and slay him, fear ye not, madam.

Hmm. Well,

perhaps he might hang as Edmund and I wed,

we could make a day of it.

Hmm, perhaps.

Talking of which, I, uh...

I thought we could twin our wedding gown

as Master Edmund fancies shimmering apricot a most flattering hue.

I think a shirt and ashes more help.

[GROANS]

You jest! [CHUCKLES]

-You! -[GROANING]

Oh! Oh! Oh!

-[GIGGLES] -[MOANING]

Getting frisky afore our nuptials are in, Holy Pastor John!

I shall be pregnant afore the day is through.

Frisky, you hag! My legs are breaking!

-Gads! -Ooh!

-[THUD] -[EDMUND EXHALES]

A woman of your years, prancing atop me

like some slut on a cock horse!

[LAUGHING] Hark, the lovebirds.

Save it till your wedding night, you're making me blush.

In the view of the incident upstairs, Brother,

I am afraid that I and the elders

of the village will need proof that

ye and Dorothy are able to consummate your marriage.

Really? You mean you must all crowd about to witness the act?

Aye, sir.

Will ye require a number of positions?

Nay, I shall make sure my view is good.

Oh, nay, I meant, might ye wish to witness us

-in a variety of interlockings... -Oh, gosh!

I suspect Master Edmund would enjoy the "two dogs",

or the "angry wheelbarrow", we could even attempt

the "shattered biscuit".

Nay, nay, the "Missionary" will suffice.

Thank you.

[HELENE MOANING AND SHRIEKING]

[PANTING]

[SOBBING]

[WAILS]

-DOROTHY: What is it? -Babe Ronald is gone, he is gone!

[BOTH GASPING]

There is blood on the bonnet and...

-Tooth marks on the crib. -No!

-Oh! -[GASPS]

Scratches through the blanket!

Do you think it be wolves?

[SOBBING] Oh! My baby!

I must go find him!

[SOBBING]

Hush, hush, hush, we will find he.

We will find baby Ronald, and yet, if he be found,

then you must promise me something, Helene.

-Yes, anything. I'll do anything. -Anything?

Yes, please, go!

Then ye will marry me?

[STAMMERS] Yes, whatever you ask!

This woman is witness to the troth.

I am. She did promise.

Please go!

We will begin the search.

[HELENE SOBS]

[STRUMMING SAD SONG]

[HESTHER GASPING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Oh, Husband! I beg of thee to fumbly me, just a little. Please!

My frizzy purse is eager to swallow anything.

Even a thumb!

Hesther, please, nay!

Please! Please!

Nay!

[MOANING] Yes! Oh!

Oh! Oh, I am as a girl again upon our wedding couch.

-[MOANING] -Hesther.

-What is that lump? -Oh, Graham!

Have you found my lady nubbin at last?

-[MOANS LOUDLY] -What in hell's mouth is this?

[GASPING]

Hesther.

Is this our baby?

Oh, Graham...

-We are still husband and wife... -Oh, woman!

-I only meant to... -Oh, woman!

Wickedness is thy name!

[GASPING]

You have torn from me my own son,

and the only woman I love!

You've crucified me!

And you've flayed me for misdeeds past!

And now you will imprison me for a cushion?

Oh, liar! Liar! Wicked dribble!

Wicked dribble! Wicked dribble!

[GASPS]

Hesther...

Oh, Gad's day. Oh, Hesther.

What have ye made me do?

[GASPS]

Helene!

[BABY GURGLING]

Babby Ronald.

-[CHUCKLES] -Oh! Wait.

[BABY COOING]

Ye are the very devil.

[HORSE NEIGHING]

Where is she? Where is my sweet Helene?

Sweet Helene?

She did not grieve for thee after you left.

Succoured herself to the first man who came along.

Pastor John.

They have been as rabbits in a rut e'er since.

[SOBBING]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[PANTING] Madam? Looky here, whom we have found.

Oh, Ronald! My darling!

Oh, thank you! Oh!

Thank you! Where was he?

Uh, Shook trailed the poor bab to a badger's set in the woods.

They must have come here as a team and carried off the poor tot.

Now rest assured, I butchered the lot of them for their crime,

I did stamp them to death

and watched their eyes pop forth like pips from a grape.

-[BABY CRYING] -Oh!

Thank you.

Thank you. [GASPS]

Mistress,

-you made me a promise. -I did?

Ah.

I have given my life to God.

Lived these three score year a holy virgin.

My manhood untouched.

Sixty years of seed ne'er released.

Oh, Madam, my tongue is as clumsy as it is big.

Only, I would toss Christ aside as a whore's bucker,

if it were the price for a life in thine arms.

For, Helene, I do love thee.

[GASPS]

Since the first day that I spied thee

I knew you would come to love me also.

-But... But I do not. -But you will!

I cannot. I love only one man, the father of my...

What, the doctor that deserted thee?

-Oh, Helene, feel now my holy crosier. -[SHRIEKS]

Oh! Oh, Helene!

[MOANING LOUDLY]

[BOTH MOANING]

[MOANING CONTINUES]

[LOUD GRUNTING]

Sir, stop!

I will not! I cannot!

Oh! Forgive me.

I am o'er boisterous. [CHUCKLES]

It is too soon, um...

But it is a real love, I assure thee.

I feel for thee as I did my own mother,

a pure love.

Oh, but your devil's pillow! [GRUNTING]

Sir... [YELPS]

Sorry. Sorry. I will let thee rest. Ah, but tomorrow...

Tomorrow, we will meet and plan

how you will fulfil thy promise

to wed and drain me of my aged seed.

[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[BREATHING UNSTEADILY]

Out, out.

Damned lights.

Curse these hateful looking balls!

[GRUNTING]

[EDMUND GROANS]

-[GASPING] -BROTHER JOSEPH: Brother, wake!

'Tis but I, Joseph.

Are you sure?

I'm disguised as a Nubian stevedore.

For you, I brought a cabin boy's attire.

Oh, brother, my life is o'er.

I'm in no mood for costume play!

Let us go. Leave this place to travel to the Americas.

We can start anew!

Leave Hunderby?

No. No, no, I cannot.

You would stay and be wed to that succubus?

Anything must be better than the torture

that awaits thee here, Brother.

Dorothy will force thee nightly to her sloppy clump!

[SIGHS]

[LAUGHS]

[BOTH GASP]

Prithee, whither are you hurrying

at such a sooty hour, Master Edmund?

[MIMICS SCOTTISH ACCENT] Who ye Edmund? I am not Edmund.

I am Captain Jack.

I think I know who ye are, after 50 years, sir.

And you, Brother Joseph? Trying to kidnap my fiance, perhaps?

Well, oh, you wily old parsnip. You found us out.

'Tis but a... A bachelor amusement.

It's just a last hurrah

where the marital leader's naval shot in my feet,

and for Erlin to rest.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Well, perhaps we might invite Pastor John to join your male merriment.

I have but the two costumes.

Pastor John.

-Pastor John! Pastor John! -Run, Brother, run.

Brother...

Brother, no!

[SCREAMS]

Ahhh!

[WAILING]

Help! Make haste! Biddy!

Pastor John! Quickly!

Oh! Oh!

-[SOBBING] -What has happened here?

My poor darling hath taken a tumble.

I were walking below stairs when I...

I saw him just topple from top to bottom

like a bow within a sailor's hat.

Was there an accident or might he have tossed himself off?

But why would he when he had our wedding to look forward to?

[SOFTLY] Unless he were pushed!

[GROANS]

Hush, hush. He speaks a name.

Dorothy...

-Joseph! -[ALL GASP]

He said it was Brother Joseph to push him down the stairs!

What if he's still here?

It must have... [GRUNTS]

Brother Edmund?

He hath passed out.

I hope he hath not passed away.

-DOROTHY: Oh, woe. -[SHOOK WHIMPERING]

That he should be broken so soon after

he were cured of his last disabling.

Oh, please God, he may not have broken anything.

But look at his legs.

All bent the wrong way.

-[BONES CRACK] -[SCREAMS]

Peace, brother! Shook, come, boy.

We will catch this Scotch devil!

[GROANS AND GRUNTS]

Is anybody there?

[EDMUND SCREAMING]

[SHOUTS] Hello?

HELENE: Dorothy! [ECHOES]

Graham? Graham.

[GASPING]

Oh! Oh, nay. Nay!

Oh! Ah, my baby!

My baby!

Oh, Graham!

[GROANING]

[SIGHS]

[GROANING]

Oh! Oh, Master Edmund.

-Oh, fallen out of... -[SCREAMING]

Come on.

[SIGHS]

Trying to get frisky with Dory before the wedding?

-Please, Dorothy. Please. -[GRUNTS] There.

Please, Dorothy.

[DOROTHY SHUSHING]

Ah!

Lovely day out there.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[GRUNTS]

[MOANING]

[SCREAMS]

-Oh! -[GRUNTS]

[WHISPERS] Dorothy, please.

-Please, Dorothy. Please. -Darling...

I do, I love thee too.

Please, Dorothy.

[WHISPERS] I love thee. I love thee.

Graham?

BROTHER JOSEPH: Please, Jesus, no!

Please, Jesus. Jesus.

[BROTHER JOSEPH GRUNTS]

[HORSE SNICKERS]

Arghhh!

'Tis a new cure from abroad, sir,

to help build up your spindly ankles.

I shall... [CLEARS THROAT]

...just do the other side to match.

HESTHER: Nay! Halt!

Are you mad, sister?

Shattering his, his spidered limbs.

Edmund, sir, I shall fetch help forthwith.

Nay, nay, sister, sister, ye are mistaken.

Why would I harm him when we are to be married?

[LAUGHING] Ye? Married?

'Tis a jest, sister!

The whole village speaks of your

amorous hankerings, always has.

How ye do moon and fawn upon Edmund

and he hath no more love for thee than

the stools that nestle in his night pot.

Shut your wicked beak or I will twist thee twice-fold

and render your top off a match for your bottom.

Aye, then do so!

Let the world see how ye must maim and mallet to get thy way!

[THUD]

Cheeky cripple!

What did you do that for?

Well, I thought I'd learn her a lesson.

Well, you've learnt her a lesson too good.

I only tapped her.

With a poker, sister.

[HESTHER GRUNTING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

'Twas for the best. She ne'er had much of a life.

Come, Shook.

Our fresh young bride is waiting.

[SHOOK SNIFFING]

Shook?

If we just tip her in, let the pigs demolish her, Biddy!

BIDDY: She won't go!

-God, she repels even the pigs. -Nay.

[SHOOK BARKING]

Oh, God! Quick! Quick!

Help! Pastor John, help, oh...

[DOROTHY GROANING]

Oh, oh, sweet Christ, Jesus!

Oh, saintly invert!

Oh, Pastor! We did, we did find her in the pen,

perhaps she fell in whilst trying to feed the piglets.

She is such a kindly soul,

with love for all creation.

Oh, heaven have mercy, but,

nay, looky here, she hath been battered.

It is not the work of pigs,

she has scars, 'tis...

'Tis but a twain like a pomegranate.

DOROTHY: Oh, but...

Who would stove in a cretin's head

and leave her be swallowed by swine?

Helene. Dr Foggerty.

Brother Joseph. Edmund. Ronald.

Oh, heinous and twisted child of Christ!

Her hideous beacon snuffed out.

'Tis a day to rent the curtain of heaven for sure.

Come, Biddy, we must lay out poor Hesther's body

and prepare for the angels.

[SIGHS]

[JIG PLAYING]

Bring me ale, whisky and poison.

Oh, someone's had a rough night.

-You be that doctor? -I'm nobody!

Oh, come, he's a handsome brute.

Even with those chubby slits I'd ride ye till morn.

Then you would be riding a crippler, an adulterer and a murderer.

Do what you will, ride me out to hell!

[THUD]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[LAUGHING]

[DRUM ROLL]

[MOB CHEERING]

[MOB CONTINUES CHEERING]

[DRUM ROLL CONTINUES]

[DRUM ROLL CONTINUES]

Old, poor Sister Hesther's cruelly battered body.

Oh, sweet Lord! What monster would choose such

an unhappy life to end? And so viciously.

DR FOGGERTY: 'Tis I.

[ALL GASP]

I am a monster.

Whate'er you say,

I am guilty and more.

Well, then, here he is.

The devil doctor, I might have known it.

[ALL AGREE]

Describe the details of thy grim confession, man,

that we might reel in its noxious barbarity. [SNIFFS]

I killed Hesther.

[ALL GASP]

Aye, but why, sir, and how?

-I smothered her... -Oh!

...with a cushion.

You mean you bludgeoned her.

[HESITANTLY] Yes.

'Tis how she died?

A cushion, you say?

You split her head in two with a cushion?

Oh, well, then,

[STUTTERING] I put something in it!

[ALL GASP]

He bludgeoned the wife he had already lamed,

then fed her to the pigs

like a banana down a throat!

-[ALL GASP] -Please, I could...

Who would do such a thing to Hesther? Oh, poor Hesther!

Did ye or did ye not stove in the chubby

skull of this unhappy child of Christ?

WENCH 1: Beg pardon, Pastor.

But I think he done it.

We was in the tavern supping with he.

Aye, said he were married to a boring,

dumpy cripple. And that he killed her.

-[ALL GASP] -Well, there we are,

the bragging murderer.

He should be hung forthwith.

All those in accord, say "aye".

ALL: Aye!

Aye!

Let the blaggard be hanged!

[CROWD CHEERING]

[WHIMPERING]

[GASPS]

Graham?

-Helene? -Graham!

You are alive!

-You have come to watch me hang? -Hang?

-Nay, oh, God! -Helene?

-Why? -Oh, Helene!

-What... Tell me, what has he done? -DR FOGGERTY: Helene!

-Helene! -Graham!

-Helene! -Graham!

Helene!

Graham... [SOBBING]

-Helene! -[DOOR CLOSES]

Please, my nearly bride. Take her to the vestry and prepare her.

Becalm her till our wedding time

and be sure to sluice her devil's split. [SNIFFS]

[GROANS]

No! [WHIMPERS] Graham!

[HELENE SHRIEKS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

-[ALL CHEERING] -[DRUM ROLL]

Might we be married now, Pastor,

only I do not wish my fiance to become overly tired.

He shall have to be unwrapped.

Oh, nay, you know the depth of his feeling for me, Pastor,

and, uh, vibrant consummation will I'm sure be proof enough, though

I will have to do the donkey work.

Uh, well... Still, Brother?

[GRUNTING]

Oh, you see?

He begs us to proceed, Pastor. [CHUCKLES]

Very well. Dearly beloved...

Uh, the faster version, if you will.

I, uh, I'm sure we're all keen to see the hanging.

Do you, um, Edmund,

nay, there is too much thrashing, I cannot suffer it.

He simply cannot wait to wed me, Pastor,

and thrust his frontal tail within my broken mound.

-[GRUNTS] -I beg we proceed.

[MOB JEERING]

[DRUM ROLL]

Do it, man.

End me.

And when my neck doth snap,

my seed will shower you all!

As once it did Helene's sweet and eager face.

[SOBBING] Oh, Helene!

Farewell.

Farewell, child Ronald.

Hush-ho, child.

[SINGING]

-[CHOKING] -[MOB CHEERING]

[GAGGING]

PASTOR JOHN: I now invite you to join hands and read your vows

in the presence of God and his people.

[GRUNTING]

-Do you, Dorothy... -I do.

-[EDMUND GRUNTING] -[KISSING]

God's life!

[EXHALING]

Pastor...

I saw who truly was who did batter

poor Hesther to her untimely death.

[GASPS]

EDMUND: It was not our goodly doctor.

It was Dorothy.

[MOB CLAMOURING OUTSIDE]

She did smash poor Hesther's head to pulp with a mallet!

Nay, Edmund. Master, thee are simply delirious from thy plummet.

[CHUCKLES] Let Dory take thee home.

-Pastor, she pushed me down the stairs. -He's not well, Pastor.

Look what she did!

Please! Please!

Oh, go and cut him down! Cut him down, I say.

Oh! Oh, Christ!

Oh, Christ! Oh, my God!

[CHURCH BELL TOLLING]

[SOBBING]

Oh, Graham.

[SOBBING] Why?

Why, God, why?

-[WHISPERS] Helene... -[GASPS]

Do I dream thy perfect scent?

Graham?

[GASPS]

But...

Where are thine eyes, love?

-Do I look a fright? -Oh!

I did put them out when...

When I saw thee at rut with the withered bastard.

[GASPS] But I did nay!

He did force his holy pipe upon me.

[SNIFFLING] I love only thee, Graham.

Oh!

[CONTINUES SOBBING]

[TEARS DRIPPING]

[HELENE CONTINUES SOBBING]

Oh.

-I can see. -[GASPS]

Oh, to glimpse thy perfect beauty once again.

God hath regifted me a second life.

Let us seize it, lamb, and ne'er let go.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

We shall take child Ronald and flee, my love.

Oh, sweet Helene.

Let me ne'er look upon another sight again.

Graham?

Oh, God!

Oh, God, no!

Helene? Wife?

Ronald and I are waiting.

-Wife? -I'm sorry.

Graham, I'm...

PASTOR JOHN: Tarry not, woman.

Ronald is heavy and I...

-I would not wish to drop him. -[GASPS] Oh!

Helene?

Helene?

-Come. -[SCREAMS] Helene!

[RONALD CRYING]