Original subtitles

Gary obviously left this translation

of the lost pages for us to find.

Though he may have found a way to open the rift.

Rift?

We believe it's a mystic passage

between the human sphere and the Dead lands.

Pablo?! Kelly?

Ruby killed me with the dagger.

I'm pretty sure I’m dead.

Well, in Rome they called me

mulier daemonium de igne.

Demon Woman of fire.

Kaya.

I have a vessel.

[ gasps ]

So there’s this dance tonight at school and...

You want to go to a school dance when evil is circling.

[ screeching ] [ screaming ]

There’s a killer in the school.

[ crack ]

Oh my God.

Brandy?

[ gasps ]

What is this place?

[ chittering noise ]

[ screaming ]

♪

[ indistinct police radio chatter ]

WOMAN: Take it out back.

[ sirens ]

[ chatter ]

Expand the search for Ash Williams to state lines.

That son of a bitch is gonna pay for what he did.

Poor kids.

Everything is all messed up, because of Ruby.

Save it, Pablo.

We went mano on Ruby and she took the belt.

I couldn't even save my own daughter,

and now you're telling me that the Kelly we know and love

isn’t even Kelly?

Kel told me herself.

I think her spirit’s stuck in that crazy rift place.

Ruby killed her and now some demon’s taken over her body.

Man, you know it's bad when you don't know who's alive,

who’s dead, or somewhere in between...

MAN: Save my soul! [ screaming ]

Wait a New York minute.

Knowby!

Yeah. Ruby Knowby.

She’s the demon puta that we got to fucking shank.

No! No, no, no.

Professor Knowby.

Thirty years ago, his spirit got stuck

in what the book said was a rift in time and space.

Now if you've talked to dead Kelly,

Brandy’s in there too!

All we have to do is get into that rift,

grab them, walk away Ray.

Yeah, I don’t Jefe.

I want 'em back as bad as you do,

but that sounds crazy risky.

Pablo I lost my daughter on my watch.

I gotta do something.

So you wanna jump into the thing

that turned that Knight into a what the-fuck?

To save those two?

I would submit to a prostate exam.

[ scoffs ]

Shit, Jefe?

You want to put Brandy’s spirit back into her body, right?

I think we’ve got a problem.

Coroner?

Wait a second, those vultures put her on a slab,

she’s gonna be sushi!

Pablo, I gotta get my hands on my little girl's body

before they do.

♪

How did I get here?

[ footsteps running ]

What is this place?

Oh, Dad?

Dad!

Dad!

Dad, if you’re in there, please help me!

[ chittering noises ]

[ gasps ]

GIRL: Hello?

Hello?

[ chittering noise ]

Hello?

Is anybody here?

Where am I?

[ rumbling ]

[ screams ]

[ screaming ]

Help!

Help!

[ screaming ]

Take my hand.

Help!

No!

If it finds you, it’ll take you too.

[ screaming ]

♪

We'll have to put her in the other way.

Great.

-Got it? -Yeah.

Ah, Jefe, hold up.

Brandy’s body’s not the only one back there.

Oh, well,

we’ll bring it back.

Or dump it in some well-ventilated area.

[ engine starts ] Ha ha!

Still got it.

Hey! Hey!

Shit! Step on it Ash.

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Let me in!

[ tires screeching ]

♪ You can smile ♪

♪ Every smile for the man who held your hand ♪

♪ Neath the pale moon light ♪

Just like old times, huh!

♪ But don't forget who's taking you home ♪

♪ And in whose arms you're gonna be ♪

Pablo, take the wheel.

I’ve gotta make sure Brandy’s cinched up tight.

Next stop, my evil cellar.

You got it, Jefe!

[ cars honk ] Oh shit!

Okay!

♪ Laugh and sing ♪

♪ But while we're apart ♪

♪ Don't give your heart to anyone ♪

♪ But don't forget who's taking you home ♪

I’m sorry I let you down, kiddo.

But I promise you this,

if you're still out there somewhere,

I’ll bring you home.

♪ Baby don't you know I love you so ♪

♪ Can't you feel it when we touch ♪

♪ I will never never let you go ♪

[ bones cracking ]

♪

You’re that Knight guy, right?

Kelly’s friend?

Pablo said you -- --were killed?

Went demon?

Yeah, I did.

And then when the evil was finished with me,

I woke up here.

What’s your story?

My high school counselor was a demon.

Ruby?

Yeah, I met her.

That one’s bad news.

Tell me about it.

So is this hell?

I don't know.

I feel like maybe Hell’s the next stop.

[ chittering noise ]

We need to move. Come here.

All right.

Where are we going?

It's hard to explain,

but we think we found a place

that thing doesn’t come around as much.

Wait, "we"?

[ chittering noise ] [ man yells ]

Look, we’re gonna make a run for the theater.

When you hit the door,

go wherever it leads and take cover.

Okay. Ready?

Yeah.

Let’s move, go go go.

♪

That was a sweet ride, Jefe.

Nice drivin’, Pablo, but party time is over.

We gotta get Brandy inside and cheat us some death.

♪

[ panting ]

Hey.

Brandy?

Don’t tell me that Ruby got you too!

Kelly?

And you don’t ever disappear like that again.

What?

You miss me?

[ chittering noise ]

Sssh, sssh, sssh.

[ whispers ] Come on, come on.

How come we’re in the bar?

KELLY: I know. It's fucking weird, huh?

Stuff doesn’t work here like it does in the real world.

Yeah, but none of that matters, right?

Because you have a plan to get us out.

I hate to say it Brandy,

but right now "duck and cover" is the best plan we got.

Okay, so where is that Knight chick who was kinda hot.

I thought she was standing guard down here?

Ah, Zoe?

Yeah.

This was the last place I saw her.

Alright, we got some ladies to bring back to life.

So, how do we do this?

This is your plan, I thought you knew!

Oh, come on, man.

I don’t know anything about this rift crap!

You’re the Cuervo Especial--

El Brujo Especial.

Yeah, whatever!

You shake your little rattle, say some juju words,

I jump in the rift.

Oh, yeah and come back demon-ized

like that Knight guy?

That didn’t work with Kelly!

Yeah, but she was... What?

A girl?

No. Jefe. Hot?

Pregnant? Ahhh.

You dog! Did you?

No, Jefe.

I think in order to get to this evil dead place is if--

Is to get really wasted and do some ’shrooms?

I can do that in my sleep.

No.

I think you gotta let the evil kill you.

Okay, stop!

It's one thing to

"read from an evil book and bad shit plagues your life."

I never said anything

about the "D" word in all of my plans.

Alright, well I don't have any other ideas,

so that’s all I got!

Oh, boy.

All right.

I’ll do it for Brandy and Kelly.

So let’s go find some "evil" to finish me off.

Um, okay...

The dagger.

[ eerie whispers ]

What if you use this?

Brandy was killed by it.

What if you just stab yourself?

Really?

Could work?

Well, I guess if it’s the only way...

Okay, no. Forget it.

You... You do it. You do it.

I’m not doing it.

Okay.

Yeah, right here.

Yeah, I don’t know if I can kill you, Jefe.

I mean, what if the rift thing doesn’t work?

What? Now it's not gonna work?!

I mean it could work. It could not work.

I don't know, man. I'm new to this shit.

All right, screw it.

We’ll do it together.

All right?

On the count of three.

Ready?

[ gulps ]

BOTH: One...

two...

two and a half -- Three!

Oh, shit!

Was that... three?

Ohhhh!

Oh!

Oh shit!

Fuck! [ heartbeat ]

Jefe! [ heartbeat slows ]

Ohhhh!

[ heartbeat stops ]

You just gimme a sign and I'll be standing right here,

ready to open this rift as soon as possible!

[ gasp ]

That didn’t work for shit.

Pablo, we gotta kill me again.

And this time we gotta do it right.

That's probably good and bad at the same time.

Maybe I am in that dead place.

Brandy?

Sperm bank?

PABLO: Can’t believe you killed yourself.

Well...

sort of killed yourself.

[ bang ]

Oh!

[ door creaks ]

[ footsteps ]

[ whispers ] Did you hear that?

Fuck!

Don’t go anywhere.

♪

Brandy?

Brandy?

Brandy?

[ whispers ] Fuck.

[ whimpering ]

So you’re saying it’s hopeless?

That everyone that lands here gets taken by that thing?

Most of ’em don’t even fight it.

But me and Dalton, we figured, fuck it,

might as well go down swinging.

[ bang ] [ gasp ]

[ doorknob jiggling ]

This isn’t the outside of the sperm bank.

Ash?!

What the fuck?!

Holy crap, Pablo was right!

Dad! You came back for us!

Hell yeah, I did.

I’m not gonna let evil mess with our little family.

That includes you too, Kel-ster.

Thanks.

The jury’s out on Darwin here.

All for one and one for all.

Oh for god sake, man! Don't- don't do that.

BRANDY: Wait. You- you got your hand back!

Oh yeah, it’s uh, it's kind of weird how often that happens.

You don’t look thrilled, Kelly.

Ash, I'm always happy to see that

indestructible blue shirt come to the rescue,

but dude, if you're here,

doesn’t that mean you're dead too?

Yeah.

Kandarian dagger right in the pump.

Ruby killed you too?

Nah. That was all me.

What?

You killed yourself to get here?

Dude, are you out of your fucking mind?!

Yes, I would be if I didn’t have a plan.

You have a plan.

Well...

an idea of a plan.

[ groans and growls ]

[ panting ]

Brandy?

Brandy?

[ whispers ] Are you up here?

Brandy? [ clanging ]

[ whispers ] Fuck.

[ light flickering ]

[ creaking ]

[ saw buzzes ]

[ saw stops ]

VOICE: Slash prices!

[ screams ]

[ screech ]

Ready to die, asshole?

You’re not Brandy!

Good eye.

Maybe I’ll eat that first!

[ grunting ]

[ screams ]

[ yells ]

[ grunts ]

[ chittering noise ]

Okay, we just gotta get to that cellar in one piece.

Then if Pablo has done his Especial thing right,

we just jump through the rift,

get our bodies out of hock.

Getting past that thing won’t be easy.

You open a door here, you have no idea where you might come out.

It’s cellar or bust, you understand?

Kelly.

Brandy. You ready?

Let’s go home, Dad.

Okay, follow me.

Uh, careful.

The floor might be a little sticky.

Okay, last time this door went right to the cellar,

so get ready for some big time rift action.

Really?

Here?

Well, at least we’re close.

[ rumbling ]

[ gasp ]

No!

Oh no...

those bastards killed the classic too?

I say we rush that soul-sucker piece of shit.

It can’t take us all down.

No.

I’ll create a distraction.

When it comes after me, you three haul ass.

Dad, no!

I’ll do it.

What?

Save Kelly and your daughter, Ash Williams.

And when you send that bitch Ruby to hell,

tell her I’ll be waiting.

Hey, Dalton, you don’t have to...

Dalton?

Dalton wait!

Hey!

Over here!

Hey!

Come on you clicky son of a bitch!

Screw you mother fucker!

Come on!

Come get some!

Alright. Alright.

What the hell are you doing?

This sweet baby has bailed me out of more jams

than a fistful of lube on a Saturday night.

What are you waiting for?!

I'm just gonna shove this thing

right through that soul sucker and into the store.

Ha ha ha! What are you waiting for mother fucker?!

Ash it’s not gonna work.

Nothing works down here.

Right, ’cause we’re dead. I got it.

We’re not so dead that we can’t try.

♪

Oh, that’s not good.

Come on baby, come on baby!

Shit!

Hey! Over here you psychotic son of a bitch.

You want some of this?

Come and get it!

Dalton!

No! Dalton!

Go fuck yourself!

[ yells ]

Dalton!

Fuck! Fuck!

You were assembled in Livonia, Michigan.

You can do this!

[ engine sputtering ]

Come on, baby! Come on!

Oh, great.

I’m gonna be buried in this boner mobile!

At least we’ll die together.

Did you hear what I said?

Evil is not the boss of us!

[ engine starts ]

Whoa! Whoa!

[ engine revs ] Whoa!

Hang on!

[ screams ]

[ distant clanging ]

[ music playing ]

[ rumbling ]

♪ Learn how to dance motherfucker ♪

Yeah!

[ engine revs ]

♪ Yeah ♪

Okay, ladies, buckle up.

♪ And I'm seeing pretty good ♪

♪ And I just thought I could ♪

♪ Go crazy, now baby ♪

♪ 'Cause we all gotta do it ♪

♪ Got me crazy, now baby ♪

♪ ♪

Last stop. Shake a leg!

Well, your Knight buddy sure came through when it mattered.

Yeah, I just hope it was worth it.

Where’s the rift?

Pablo, you had one job!

Uh-hm.

Looking for someone Brujo Boy?

[ growls ]

[ yells ]

[ grunts ]

[ yelling ]

It's Brujo Especial, bitch.

ASH'S VOICE: Please...

Break it... Pablo... One...

You had one job!

Pablo...

Jefe.

Come on, Pablo, do your thing!

I hope this works.

[ rumbling ]

Guru...

[ wind howling ]

That’s my Pablo.

Fuck!

Kelly, what’s the matter?

This is no time to dawdle.

Something’s keeping me from coming through!

What--

Bye Ash.

Jefe?

It didn’t work.

Jefe...

Oh, shit!

Pablo, you look like shit.

Welcome back!

You made it through!

Yeah.

Most of me, anyway.

Where’s Brandy.

Yeah, about that.

You don't actually remember checking in that bag

to see if it was her body you brought down here, do you?

Oh, God!

I didn’t think so.

Little help here??

Get me out of this thing, please!!

We’re coming, we’re coming.

[ gasps ]

Dad?

Oh my God, you did it!

I guess so kiddo.

Come on.

Okay, one problem solved, two to go.

Kelly?

She’s still down there.

Ghostbeaters never leave a man behind.

[ struggling ]

Ruby what are you doing?

We are fucked.

When the Dark Ones arrive,

their vengeance will be merciless.

We betrayed them Ruby.

Left them trapped all this time.

They will destroy us.

What’s that?

One of the Knights.

She was watching the house.

Ash must have told her where to find us.

Fuck you, demon!

Mm, she is a feisty one.

You are a persistent bunch.

Mulier daemonium de igne.

Florence Latin.

Kaya, I know what to do.

Kaya?!

The traitor!

How could you do this to us?

To mankind?

What did she promise--

What are you going to do to me!?

Relax.

You’re gonna help us re-write our destiny.

♪ Dirty deeds ♪

♪ Done dirt cheap ♪

♪ Dirty deeds ♪

♪ Done dirt cheap ♪

♪ Dirty deeds ♪

♪ Done dirt cheap ♪

♪ Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap ♪

♪ Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap ♪

♪ Oh yeah! ♪

♪ You got a lady and you want her gone ♪

♪ But you ain't got the guts ♪♪♪