Original subtitles

[***]

* It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax *

* You'll laugh Till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Come join The Warner brothers *

* And the Warner sister, Dot *

* Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose And then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

* While Bill Clinton Plays the sax *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain Who want to rule the universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped We have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play Contracts *

* We're zany to the max There's bologna in our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

* Miss Cellany *

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

[***]

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

RUNT: Uh, Rita?

Rita, tell me how it's gonna be.

I already told you 16 times.

I wanna hear it again.

Yeah, de-- Definitely wanna hear it again.

* We can take care Of ourselves *

* We're independent me and you *

That's true.

* We don't need any humans To tell us what to do *

* From now on, we're living *

* Where nobody can get In our way *

And, uh, where are we gonna be living?

* Monterey *

Oh, that's right. Like-- Like the cheese.

* Monterey, Monterey *

* It's the California livin' With the sun and the surf *

* And we'll never have To give in *

* To another Human master again *

* It's Cannery Row For dinner *

* And then We'll sleep on the beach *

* Where the sand is heaped up In piles *

Definitely a lot of sand.

RITA: * A litter box for miles *

* You'll never have to fetch Another slipper again *

* No more having To pretend to be nice *

* We're finally free *

* From now on we'll be With the sun *

* And the sand And the thundering seas *

* On the cliffs of the harbor With the cypress trees *

* And the Fisherman's Wharf It's all there *

* In Monterey *

RITA: We're here. Jump.

That was fun. Let's do it again.

Oh, yeah.

[SPITS] I just love hay up my nose.

Let's see. The beach should be right over that hill.

What you got in your hand?

Only a mouse, George.

I hate cameos.

Men don't play with mice.

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

[SPLATS]

Oh, Rita.

Nice ocean view, eh?

You didn't tell me there'd be bunnies.

Bunnies?

We must've taken a wrong turn at Solvang.

Hello, little bunny-wunnies.

You're making me sick.

MAN: Dinnertime.

* Ba-dabba-dabba-loo-bum *

* Ba-dadda-looda-lee-bum *

* Ba-dee-da-la-ba-doo Da-lee-bum *

* Everybody gather Around now *

* Eat it up and gobble it down *

That's right.

* Eat your food You'll all see *

* Pretty soon you'll all be *

* Nice and fat and furry And round *

* Look at this fur Ain't it purty? *

* So soft and so shiny And sleek *

* We take our time Don't rush it *

* Clean and shine And brush it *

* Every single day of the week *

* Tweedle-dee-dee-ah *

* Tweedle-dee-doo *

* Eat up all them carrots And plants *

* If you want A furry rabbit *

* Then come on down and grab it *

* At Happy Bob's Bunny Ranch *

Well, what have we here?

I could use an extra set of eyes

to keep the troops in line.

Do you wanna watch the rabbits?

[BARKS] Hello, little lady.

You're just what I need for my barn.

You're a lucky cat, all right.

You get to chase the rats.

* This is great This is perfect *

* It's always the same thing With cats *

* There's always Some ignorant human assumin' *

* We like to chase rats *

* I'm getting real sick Of the stereotypical view *

* We can't be controlled * [SNIFFS]

* And we hate to be told What to do *

[SHRIEKS]

* They misunderstand us They can't command us *

* We don't purr if we're not In the mood *

* Humans believe That the animals love them *

* But all we want Is their food *

Pbbt! * I don't need this job *

* I won't work For that slob anyhow *

* I'm telling Runt That it's over *

* We're leaving right now *

[MOOS]

"Moo" yourself, you lower life form.

[GRUNTS]

That's two minutes in the penalty box

for clipping.

That's it.

We're out of here.

[SIGHS]

I guess we can leave tomorrow.

[YAWNS]

Definitely.

[ALL YAWN]

Bedtime. Definitely bedtime.

* It's time to close Your bunny eyes *

* And rest your bunny heads *

* Sleep all night through *

* And I hope that you *

* Won't wet your bunny beds *

Definitely don't wanna wet the bunny beds.

Hey, it's a cartoon.

What'd you expect, Sondheim?

[CROWS]

BOB: Rise and shine.

All right, you bunnies, let's hop to it.

[YAWNING]

Come on. Got a schedule to keep.

Huh?

[SNIFFING]

Mm. Fur.

Nice and soft like the bunny.

[GASPS] Bunnies?

Uh-oh.

Bunny coats. Definitely bunny coats.

Cute little varmint.

You're gonna make a nice, white, furry coat,

ain't you?

[WHIMPERS]

[BARKING, GROWLING]

Gotcha.

BOB: Come back here, you mutt!

[BARKING]

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Great horny toads.

Yeeeow!

[BARKING] Ow!

[GRUNTS]

[***]

RUNT: Uh, Rita?

RITA: I told you to go before we got on the train.

And that goes for the rest of you too.

[***]

[SCRAPING]

[GURGLING]

Puppy bone.

[WHIMPERS]

[GIGGLES]

Mindy.

Oh, there you are, hon.

Everything okay out here?

Hi, lady.

Mom. Call me Mom.

Okay, lady.

[SIGH]

Look what I have for you, hon.

Isn't she pretty?

Dolly doll.

Mm.

A brand-new one for my little girl.

Dolly.

[MUMBLING] Dolly.

Careful. It wets.

Okay. I love you, bye-bye.

[GASPS] Buttons! Mm?

what are you doing?!

[GULPS]

Bad dog. Digging up the yard.

You've been going through

the garbage again, haven't you?

Get to your doghouse this instant, do you hear me?

We won't need this old thing anymore, thank goodness.

Now to call Mary Beth and gloat about my new apron.

Whee! Yay!

Yeah!

Hello, Mr. Man.

Hi, Mindy.

[GASPS]

Dolly.

[GRUNTING]

[WOOFS] Whee!

[WHIMPERS, SHIVERS]

[GRUNTING]

[SQUEALS]

[GASPS]

[BARKING]

Dolly?

[GRUMBLING]

Dolly?

[BARKS]

Buttons.

[HOWLS]

Ooh. Dolly.

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

[GIGGLING]

[GASPS]

Hi, Buttons.

Wheee!

[GIGGLING]

MINDY: Dolly.

[SQUEALS WITH DELIGHT]

[GASPS]

[WHIMPERS]

[MOANS]

[GROANS]

[WHIMPERING] [CANS CLANKING]

[WHIMPERING]

[GRUNTS]

[WHIMPERS]

MINDY: Dolly.

Where's dolly?

[BARKING]

[WHIMPERING]

[PANTING]

[MINDY GIGGLING]

Dolly.

Well, no, it would never fit you, Mary Beth.

[PHONE CLANKS] Well, I never!

Mary Beth's just jealous of my new apron.

And how's my little darling?

Mindy. Where did you get that?

I thought I threw that away.

Buttons.

Buttons. I thought I told you

not to dig through the trash can.

You'd think there was something important in there,

for heaven's sakes.

Well, it's bath time for you.

[***]

[***]

[***]

ALL: * In the mall, in the mall In the glorious mall *

* We'll find a birthday gift For Dr. Scratchansniff *

Don't you love it when we sing the plot?

* Something nifty Something thrifty *

* For our shrinky Scratchansniffty *

*In themall *

Clothes. Candy.

Babes.

[***]

Hello, 90210s. Hello, 90210s.

Boys. Control yourselves.

Yes. We are on a mission.

MAN [ON TAPE]: Good morning, Mr. Phelps.

Mission implausible.

Your mission, should you decide to accept it,

is to buy a gift for Dr. Scratchansniff.

This tape will self-destruct in six seconds.

Was it food or was it Memorex?

[GULPS, EXPLOSION]

[BELCHES]

More like indigestion.

ALL: Let's shop.

Hey. Mine's not working.

Middle-kid syndrome.

BOTH: Would you like to take a survey?

Okay.

Do you eat beans?

Would you like to see a new movie

starring George Wendt?

Do you eat beans with George Wendt?

Would you like to see George Wendt

eating beans in a movie?

Do you eat beans at George Wendt movies?

Would you see George Wendt

in a bean-eating movie?

How many beans do you eat

at George Wendt bean-eating movies?

How many bean-eating movies have you seen with George Wendt?

Um, it's not that we wouldn't like to take your survey.

Uh...

it's more like we'd rather have dental surgery.

BOTH: Mwah.

If you were a bean, what kind of bean would you be?

Wait. We're not finished.

You'll have to start over now.

WAKKO: That was kind of fun.

YAKKO: Yeah. Like waiting in line at the DMV.

WAKKO: So, what are we gonna get Dr. Scratchy?

DOT: Ooh. How about an outfit

from Oedipus Rex Men's Wear?

YAKKO: Nah. His mom would hate those.

Look. Freudian Slips.

YAKKO: Uh-uh. He makes his own.

I wonder what you get a "p-sychiatrist"

for his birthday?

[***]

Let's get Dr. Scratchansniff

a pretty new dress.

Are you kidding? With his figure?

BOTH: Would you like to take a survey?

No, we wouldn't.

But he would.

Do you eat beans?

Would you see a new movie starring George Wendt?

Do you eat beans with George Wendt?

Would you see George Wendt eating beans in a movie?

Do you eat beans at George Wendt movies?

Would you like to eat George Wendt's beans?

BOTH: Invalid survey.

I know.

How about we get Scratchy a birthday suit?

BOTH: Would you like to take a survey?

No. Would you like to take a hike?

WOMAN 1: Maybe they don't like beans.

[***]

Do you think Scratchy would like some cologne?

We have Obsession, Repression

and Ecstasy.

Do you have anything for beginners?

[SWALLOWS]

Ah.

BOTH: Would you like to take a survey?

Never give up, do you?

We're persistent.

Try using a better deodorant.

WOMAN 2: Maybe they don't like George Wendt.

[***]

[ALL PANTING]

BOTH: Would you like to take a survey?

[ALL SCREAM]

BOTH: Would you like to take a survey?

No.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Elevator go down the hole.

How about this for Scratchy? It plays Bach.

Yeah. But does it play forward?

[DRUM ROLL]

[PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]

BOTH: Would you like to take a survey?

See? It's a running-gag thing.

I think everyone gets the idea now.

[SCREAMS]

I can't take it anymore. I give up.

But what are we gonna get Dr. Scratchansniff?

Ah.

[***]

Oh. A present for me?

Well, well.

What a surprising surprise for me on my natal day.

Just a little something we wrapped up.

[GASPS] Aw.

"For our beloved Dr. Scratchansniff.

"A gift to let you know we're not so bad after all.

X's and O's. Yakko, Wakko and Dot."

I am opening carefully, expecting a bomb,

but acting polite, don't you know.

BOTH: Would you like to take a survey?

[ALL SCREAM]

WOMAN 1: Do you eat beans?

WOMAN 2: Would you see a movie starring George Wendt?

Do you eat beans with George Wendt?

Would you like to see George Wendt eating beans?

They don't know beans about surveys.

Good night, everybody.

Mwah.

[***]

ALL: Wanna take a survey?