Original subtitles

[***]

Where I'm going, you can't follow.

What I've got to do, you can't be any part of.

Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble,

but it doesn't take much to see

that the problems of three little people

don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.

[SOBBING] Now, now.

Here's looking at you, kid.

Hello-o, nurse.

Huh?

[KISSING]

MAN: Cut!

[***]

* It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax *

* You'll laugh Till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Come join The Warner brothers *

* And the Warner sister, Dot *

* Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose And then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

* While Bill Clinton Plays the sax *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain Who want to rule the universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped We have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play Contracts *

* We're zany to the max There's bologna in our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

* Dana Delany *

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

[***]

[DINGS]

[BELL DINGS]

[***]

ANNOUNCER: Today, one of our contestants

could win one of these fabulous prizes:

His-and-her beverage caddies.

CROWD: Ooh!

ANNOUNCER: A lifetime supply of automatic-transmission fluid.

CROWD: Aah!

Or today's grand prize:

a fabulous six-month vacation for one to

the Rock of Gibraltar.

CROWD: Ooh.

Here today on:

Quiz Me Quick.

[***] [APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

Now, welcome your host:

Ned Flat.

[APPLAUSE]

Hey, hey, hey, everybody, welcome to the show.

Now, what do you say

we say hello to today's contestants:

The Warner brothers.

[APPLAUSE]

And the Warner sister.

[ CHUCKLES] Before we begin,

what do you say we get to know you a little.

I'm Yakko. I'm Wakko.

And I'm cute, you big lug.

Mwah.

Hey, it says here that you live in a tower.

That's right, Ned.

Heh-heh. Well, tell us a little bit about it.

We live in a tower, Ned.

Okay, fair enough. Let's get to the game, shall we?

Remember, when you're set to answer a question,

just hit the black buzzer in front of you.

Now, here's your first question.

[BUZZER BUZZES]

Isaac Newton.

[ CHUCKLES] Uh, wait for the question.

[BUZZER BUZZES]

Isaac Newton?

Didn't you hear me?

[BUZZES] Yes, I did.

BOTH: Good answer.

All right, way to go. Okay.

Are you going to wait for the question?

[BUZZES] No.

Good answer. [ALL CHEERING]

Good answer, Dot. Yeah.

Heh. Look. Don't buzz in

until you can say the answer.

[BUZZER BUZZES]

"The answer."

WAKKO: Good answer. That was fabu.

Very well. The answer is what?

It is? What was the question?

I don't know. Then don't buzz in.

I didn't buzz in!

Then you can't answer the question.

Do you think this is funny?

[BUZZES] Yes.

That's a good answer. Good going, sister sibling.

YAKKO: Yeah.

[SIGHS]

All right, let's start again. Now--

[BUZZER BUZZES]

Sorry. My hand slipped.

[BUZZES]

Isaac Newton?

You're not buzzing in until I ask the question.

Who first identified the laws of gravity?

Go.

Hm. Boy, that's a tough one.

Shelley Winters? No. DOT: Um...

YAKKO: Red But--? No.

[BUZZES] Yakko?

Uh...

What was the question?

Repeating the question,

who first identified the law of gravity?

Hm, gravity? Was it Don Knotts?

No, wasn't Red Buttons.

[BUZZES]

Wakko?

Isaac--

What was the question?

[GASPS]

Who identified the laws of gravity?

Answer now!

[BUZZES]

Tori Spelling? No.

[BUZZES] David Hasselhoff?

No!

[BUZZES]

Isaac...

Newton! Isaac Newton!

[BUZZERS BUZZING]

ALL: Isaac Newton?

Good answer. Good answer.

Yeah. All right. All right.

[RUMBLING]

Why are you acting like this?

We're not acting. We really are like this.

Aren't we lucky?

Die!

[BELL DINGS]

[SIGHS]

That signals the end of round one.

Time for round two.

[BUZZER BUZZES]

Just stop buzzing those buzzers!

[BUZZER BUZZES]

WAKKO: Sorry. Slipped again.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[CRASHING]

There. How do you like that?

[BUZZES]

We like it very much?

Good answer. Good answer.

All right, yeah. Yeah, that's it.

That's it. We're skipping ahead

and getting this thing over with now!

On to the lightning round!

[APPLAUSE] Oh, goody. We're doing well.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

[***]

Now, one of you can play the lightning round.

Who's it gonna be?

You go first. No, you go.

No, I insist. No, I went.

You'll do better. You go.

No, you. You'll do first. Come on.

Who's it going to be?

Dot. Yakko. Wakko.

Wakko. Dot. Yakko.

ALL: Wakko.

I guess it's me.

Fine.

Wakko, you will have 15 seconds

to solve the lightning-round puzzle.

The correct answer wins the grand prize. Ready?

Ready.

Hmm.

Eye. No, eyes.

[BELL DINGS]

Plus tack.

Minus T... Ack.

Eyes-ack... Isaac.

[BELL DINGING]

[LAUGHS]

Uh, lizard, dragon...

Newt. It's a newt.

[BELL DINGING]

Isaac Newt...

Hmm.

That's a ton. I've got it!

Isaac Newt-weight.

No.

Isaac Newt-heavy.

No.

Isaac Newt-trapezoid?

No! No! No!

Look, you can all try. I don't care.

Whoever says the correct answer wins, all right?

Isaac Newt-anvil?

Isaac Newt-gray thing?

Isaac Newt-Tori Spelling?

No. Newt-ton.

Isaac Newton. [BELL DINGING]

It's Isaac Newton.

Good answer. Good answer.

Good answer, Ned.

ANNOUNCER: Congratulations, Ned Flat.

That's correct. And you're today's grand-prize winner.

Huh?

You're off on a fabulous six-month vacation for one to

the Rock of Gibraltar.

But-- But-- [APPLAUSE]

I don't want to go there. I don't wanna.

Send the fuzzy heads. Stop. No!

[TIRES SCREECH]

I wanted to win.

It's okay, Wakko.

Remember:

it's not whether you win or lose...

It's who you're with at the end of the show.

ALL: Hello, nurse.

ALL: Mwah!

[***]

[SCREAMS]

NARRATOR: Has this ever happened to you?

Can we change the channel

to something without Bob Saget in it?

No.

Well, now there's a fabulous product

that can smooth the edges off life's little annoyances.

Ah, give me the remote control, already.

No!

[CLAPS TWICE]

Oof! Here you go.

You're too kind.

It's the Slapper.

BAND: * Slap on * [CLAPS TWICE]

Slap off *

* Slap on, slap off * [CLAPS TWICE]

[GROGGILY] * The Slapper *

Works for me.

[***]

PINKY: Gee, Brain, what do you wanna do tonight?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world.

ALL: * They're Pinky and the Brain *

* Yes, Pinky and the Brain *

* One is a genius The other's insane *

* They're laboratory mice *

* Their genes Have been spliced *

* They're dinky They're Pinky and the Brain *

* Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain *

[***]

[***]

There. Albert Einstein's latest experiment

will be a powerful success.

Powerful enough to pull five boxcars

and a little caboose.

Finished, Pinky. With this cryonic capsule,

we shall freeze ourselves and reawaken

40 years in the future.

Egad, Brain.

What will we do in the future?

I don't know yet, Pinky.

But it has to be better than what we're doing now.

BOTH: Uncle Albert, Uncle Albert. It's time.

But, kiddies,

Uncle Albert's doing an experiment. And--

Did you say, "It's time"?

Hey, kids. What time is it?

ALL: It's time for Meany!

ALL: Yeah!

Oh, Meany? Where are you today?

Your pal Treacle's come out to play.

Eat smoke, you dirty lamprey.

[CHUCKLES] Aw, cut it out, Meany.

[ALL LAUGH]

I love Meany and Treacle.

I wish Meany and Treacle was president.

Pinky. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Well, I think so, Brain.

But we'll never get a monkey to use dental floss.

No, Pinky.

We shall become characters on that insipid puppet show.

I will endear myself in the hearts of the children.

Then we shall freeze ourselves for 40 years.

And when we thaw out,

those children will be the leaders of the world,

and they will adore me,

making it simple to take over the world.

Egad, Brain. Brilliant.

Oh, oh. Just one little technical question, Brain.

On the show, can I call meself "Big Ears"?

You may call yourself Mary Pickford

for all I care, Pinky.

I shall be known as the Iconoclast,

an unconventional eccentric

who marches to a different drummer.

Oh. I thought maybe

you could be "Noodle Noggin."

Come, Pinky.

Your mind belongs on television.

MAN: I tell you, these Meany and Treacle dolls

are selling like crazy.

But we need more merchandise.

New characters, that's what we need.

I want new puppet characters on the next show.

[SIGHS]

If I could come up with new stuff,

I wouldn't be a puppeteer.

Mail for you.

BOTH: Greetings.

Oh, my gosh. Talking puppets.

Actually, we are two laboratory mice

who wish to be on your show

as part of an intricate plan to take over the world.

Wow. These are really good.

STATION MANAGER: Meany and Treacle. Two minutes to airtime.

[***]

Hey, kids. What time is it?

ALL: It's time for Meany!

Hold it, Meany.

Everyone must meet our two new friends.

This is Big Ears.

Take a bow, Big Ears.

[***]

ALL: Yah!

And I am the Iconoclast,

an unconventional eccentric

who marches to a different drummer.

[ALL LAUGH]

Oh, But you may call me Noodle Noggin.

ALL: Noodle Noggin! Noodle Noggin!

[ALL LAUGH]

Hey, kids, can you do this?

Wow.

Big Ears is a genius.

Zort! Oh, it's a really yummy,

sunny day today.

Actually, the Earth's atmosphere

causes solar-light molecules to refract,

resulting in a pleasing, albeit illusory, phenomenon--

Which I call a yummy, sunny day.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Narf! Don't you wish this could last forever, Brain?

That depends on your threshold of pain.

Ooh! Hey, Noodle Noggin.

Isn't dancing fun, fun, silly-willy?

Actually, the random gyration of appendages is--

Fun, fun, silly-willy.

[CROWD CHEERING]

ALL: Yeah!

Until tomorrow...

BOTH: love, luck and lollipops.

ALL: Love, luck and lollipops.

[RUMBLING]

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[GIGGLES]

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

BOY: I'd like to buy these, please. Thank you.

Here.

[SIGHS]

JFK: And I know other Americans

join with me in saying:

Ich bein ein Noodle Noggin.

[CROWD CHEERS]

ALL: Big Ears. Noodle Noggin.

Big Ears. Noodle Noggin. Big Ears.

ALL: Yah!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Today, Big Ears and I

have an important announcement to make.

This program has been our last show.

[ALL GASP]

BOTH: Love, luck and lollipops.

[ALL GASP]

Quick, Pinky. Our cryogenic capsule awaits.

But, Brain.

Why are we freezing ourselves

at the height of our popularity?

To stay fresh in their memory, Pinky.

We must, to paraphrase Milton Berle,

leave them wanting more.

See you in the future, Pinky,

when tomorrow's leaders will give us the world.

[***]

[ALARM RINGING]

It's the '90s, Pinky.

Do you realize what this means?

Uh. We missed the disco years?

[***]

Come, Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you.

[MACHINE BEEPING]

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, and wait till you get a load of this lawn ch--

Greetings, everyone. Remember me?

It's your old pal the Iconoclast,

a.k.a. Noodle Noggin.

And, zort, his pal, Big Ears.

Yes. We've come back

to invite all our original fans out there,

now all grown-up,

to come down here

and shower their beloved childhood pals... [GASPING]

...with heartfelt, loving affection

and generous material gifts.

ALL: Them.

BRAIN: At long last we can write our own ticket, Pinky.

No more inglorious suffering.

Narf, Brain, what's that sound? [PEOPLE CHANTING INDISTINCTLY]

CROWD: Big Ears, Noodle Noggin.

Big Ears, Noodle Noggin. Big Ears, Noodle Noggin.

At last, my public has come to shower me with gifts.

Guess again, Noodle Noggin.

Huh?

You abandoned us.

You went away.

ALL THREE: You ruined our lives.

You don't want to give me your devotion and total rule?

No. We wanna give you our therapy bills.

Pay 'em!

BRAIN: Run, Pinky.

[***]

[CROWD SHOUTING ANGRILY]

Come, Pinky. We have work to do.

You mean taking over the world?

No, Pinky. Finding a good hiding place.

[SCREAMS]

[CROWD SHOUTING ANGRILY]

* They're dinky They're Pinky and the Brain *

* Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain *

[***]

[SCREECHING]

It's that time again.

To make a cheese sandwich?

To make the Fox censors cry?

No. It's time to learn the day's lesson.

And to find out what it is,

we turn to the Wheel of Morality.

Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn.

Tell us the lesson that we should learn.

Moral number one.

And the moral of today's story is:

vote early and vote often.

How profound.

Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel.

Wrong wheel.

Oh. Sorry.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

ALL: Yike!

[***]

[***]

[***]

Lather. Rinse.

Repeat.