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1
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,167
[***]
2
00:00:06,167 --> 00:00:09,934
ALL:
* It's time for Animaniacs *
3
00:00:09,934 --> 00:00:12,567
* And we're zany to the max *
4
00:00:12,567 --> 00:00:14,334
* So just sit back and relax *
5
00:00:14,334 --> 00:00:16,000
* You'll laugh
Till you collapse *
6
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,434
* We're Animaniacs *
7
00:00:18,434 --> 00:00:20,234
BOTH:
* Come join
The Warner brothers *
8
00:00:20,234 --> 00:00:21,868
* And the Warner sister, Dot *
9
00:00:21,868 --> 00:00:24,868
ALL:
* Just for fun we run around
The Warner movie lot *
10
00:00:24,868 --> 00:00:27,534
* They lock us in the tower
Whenever we get caught *
11
00:00:27,534 --> 00:00:29,234
* But we break loose
And then vamoose *
12
00:00:29,234 --> 00:00:30,434
* And now you know the plot *
13
00:00:30,434 --> 00:00:32,968
* We're Animaniacs *
14
00:00:32,968 --> 00:00:35,934
* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *
15
00:00:35,934 --> 00:00:37,267
* Wakko packs away the snacks *
16
00:00:37,267 --> 00:00:38,968
* While Bill Clinton
Plays the sax *
17
00:00:38,968 --> 00:00:41,033
* We're Animaniacs *
18
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,367
* Meet Pinky and the Brain *
19
00:00:43,367 --> 00:00:44,868
* Who want to rule
The universe *
20
00:00:44,868 --> 00:00:46,234
* Goodfeathers flock together *
21
00:00:46,234 --> 00:00:47,767
* Slappy whacks 'em
With her purse *
22
00:00:47,767 --> 00:00:49,067
* Buttons chases Mindy *
23
00:00:49,067 --> 00:00:50,601
* While Rita sings a verse *
24
00:00:50,601 --> 00:00:52,367
* The writers flipped
We have no script *
25
00:00:52,367 --> 00:00:53,534
* Why bother to rehearse? *
26
00:00:53,534 --> 00:00:56,300
* We're Animaniacs *
27
00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:59,133
* We have pay-or-play
Contracts *
28
00:00:59,133 --> 00:01:00,567
* We're zany to the max *
29
00:01:00,567 --> 00:01:02,234
* There's bologna
In our slacks *
30
00:01:02,234 --> 00:01:03,801
* We're Animan-y *
31
00:01:03,801 --> 00:01:05,234
* Totally insane-y *
32
00:01:05,234 --> 00:01:06,701
* Citizen Kane-y *
33
00:01:06,701 --> 00:01:08,901
* Animaniacs *
34
00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:10,367
* Those are the facts *
35
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,300
* The crankiest of creatures
In the whole wide world *
36
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:21,100
* Our next cartoon
Features Slappy the squirrel *
37
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:24,634
Enough with the singin' already.
38
00:01:24,634 --> 00:01:26,501
* That's Slappy *
39
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,567
I like
the chocolate ones.
40
00:01:42,567 --> 00:01:44,100
Welcome back to the show.
41
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:48,634
We now review a new laser disc
just released to home video.
42
00:01:48,634 --> 00:01:50,667
It's called
The Best of Looney Tunes,
43
00:01:50,667 --> 00:01:52,968
and it contains such favorites
as Bugs Bunny,
44
00:01:52,968 --> 00:01:54,801
Daffy Duck and Porky Pig.
45
00:01:54,801 --> 00:01:56,100
Let's take a look.
46
00:01:58,734 --> 00:02:00,033
Wabbit twacks.
47
00:02:03,167 --> 00:02:04,734
* Kill the wabbit *
48
00:02:04,734 --> 00:02:06,133
* Kill the wabbit *
49
00:02:06,133 --> 00:02:07,767
* Kill the wabbit *
50
00:02:09,868 --> 00:02:11,868
Kill the wabbit?
51
00:02:12,834 --> 00:02:14,267
That's strange.
52
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:17,767
All of a sudden
I don't quite feel like myself.
53
00:02:17,767 --> 00:02:20,767
Oh, I feel all right.
And yet I-- I, uh--
54
00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:22,200
[SCREAMS]
55
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,701
[STUTTERING]
Are you really
the last of the dodoes?
56
00:02:26,968 --> 00:02:30,000
Yes, I'm really
the last of the dodoes.
57
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,534
[SINGING SCAT]
58
00:02:39,601 --> 00:02:41,300
[BOTH LAUGHING]
59
00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:44,200
[IMITATING DODO]
60
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,300
[AS DAFFY DUCK]
That's despicable.
61
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,934
* Catch-a the wabbit *
62
00:02:48,934 --> 00:02:50,901
It's so funny.
63
00:02:52,934 --> 00:02:55,367
HISSKILL:
I have to stop laughing.
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00:02:55,367 --> 00:02:56,667
I'm gonna throw up.
65
00:02:56,667 --> 00:02:58,501
[HISSKILL & EGGBERT
CONTINUE LAUGHING]
66
00:02:58,501 --> 00:03:00,901
They love it, Aunt Slappy.
67
00:03:00,901 --> 00:03:03,567
Yeah, yeah.
Enough Bugs Bunny already.
68
00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:06,200
When are they gonna show clips
from my cartoons?
69
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,634
I mean, I'm supposed
to be in this laser beam
70
00:03:08,634 --> 00:03:11,534
doohickey, thingamajig
here somewhere, right?
71
00:03:11,534 --> 00:03:13,701
Yeah, there I am.
72
00:03:13,701 --> 00:03:15,267
Look at my head.
73
00:03:15,267 --> 00:03:20,300
They're just saving the best
for last, Aunt Slappy.
74
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,167
A little heroine worship
never hurt nobody.
75
00:03:24,801 --> 00:03:27,367
Yep, this is perhaps
the best compilation
76
00:03:27,367 --> 00:03:29,200
of Warner cartoons ever.
77
00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:31,834
Unfortunately,
it also includes cartoons
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00:03:31,834 --> 00:03:35,767
featuring the only Warner's
character that we actually hate.
79
00:03:35,767 --> 00:03:38,934
The terribly unfunny
Slappy Squirrel.
80
00:03:38,934 --> 00:03:41,100
[IN UNISON]
What?
81
00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:44,234
Codger, have you ever laughed
at a Slappy Squirrel cartoon?
82
00:03:44,234 --> 00:03:47,534
Never. She repulses me.
83
00:03:47,534 --> 00:03:51,367
I mean,
she's just not funny.
84
00:03:52,968 --> 00:03:55,501
She never made
a funny cartoon in her life.
85
00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:57,667
Oof!
86
00:03:57,667 --> 00:04:00,667
Let's face it, Slappy Squirrel
is without a doubt
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00:04:00,667 --> 00:04:02,834
the unfunniest
cartoon character
88
00:04:02,834 --> 00:04:04,334
in the history of animation.
89
00:04:04,334 --> 00:04:05,567
Oof!
90
00:04:08,601 --> 00:04:11,033
So to the collection
of Warner cartoons,
91
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:13,100
we both give
an enthusiastic
92
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:14,868
"toes up."
93
00:04:14,868 --> 00:04:18,033
But to the cartoons
of Slappy Squirrel
94
00:04:18,033 --> 00:04:22,501
we both give a big,
smelly "toes down."
95
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,334
And that's our show.
96
00:04:29,334 --> 00:04:30,334
I'm Lean Hisskill.
97
00:04:30,334 --> 00:04:32,300
And I'm Codger Eggbert.
98
00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:35,734
Till next time,
the balcony is ours.
99
00:04:39,367 --> 00:04:40,534
[GROANS]
100
00:04:41,367 --> 00:04:42,934
Those mean men.
101
00:04:42,934 --> 00:04:45,200
How could they say
such horrible things?
102
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:48,033
Now, Skippy,
it's a free country.
103
00:04:48,033 --> 00:04:50,701
Everyone's entitled
to his own opinion.
104
00:04:50,701 --> 00:04:51,968
But they're wrong.
105
00:04:51,968 --> 00:04:54,801
You're the funniest
cartoon character ever.
106
00:04:54,801 --> 00:04:56,534
Calm down, Skippy.
107
00:04:56,534 --> 00:04:59,601
We can't let 'em
get away with it, Aunt Slappy.
108
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,634
Let's go get 'em.
109
00:05:02,634 --> 00:05:04,834
Skippy, no.
What are you thinkin'?
110
00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:08,434
Oh, you're right, Aunt Slappy.
111
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,167
We'll need the big bombs.
112
00:05:12,167 --> 00:05:13,834
That's better, kid.
113
00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:15,901
Come on, let's blow 'em
to kingdom come.
114
00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:17,400
Yay!
115
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:25,100
[***]
116
00:05:38,634 --> 00:05:41,267
Now, here's today's lesson,
Skippy.
117
00:05:41,267 --> 00:05:43,234
If you wanna go
on national TV
118
00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:45,868
and shred someone's career
to pieces,
119
00:05:45,868 --> 00:05:46,934
you have the right.
120
00:05:46,934 --> 00:05:48,534
Right.
121
00:05:48,534 --> 00:05:50,701
But when you do that, remember:
122
00:05:50,701 --> 00:05:53,767
Don't go listin' your
home address in the phone book.
123
00:06:17,801 --> 00:06:20,934
A lesson well-learned.
124
00:06:22,067 --> 00:06:23,934
[LAUGHING]
125
00:06:23,934 --> 00:06:26,467
The home
of Hisskill and Eggbert
126
00:06:26,467 --> 00:06:28,934
unexpectedly exploded today.
127
00:06:28,934 --> 00:06:31,367
But happily,
the two famous movie critics
128
00:06:31,367 --> 00:06:34,267
were away on business
having their legs waxed.
129
00:06:34,267 --> 00:06:36,334
It's sad, really.
130
00:06:36,334 --> 00:06:39,501
And tonight, they'll both
be attending the gala premiere
131
00:06:39,501 --> 00:06:42,601
of Steven Spielberg's
new blockbuster movie.
132
00:06:42,601 --> 00:06:45,100
Skippy,
feel like takin' in a flick?
133
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:47,100
Well...
134
00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:49,734
Come on, it'll be fun.
135
00:06:49,734 --> 00:06:51,234
Okay.
136
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,200
[***]
137
00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:06,667
Well, hi.
Mary Hartless here
138
00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:08,701
at the movie event of the year.
139
00:07:08,701 --> 00:07:12,534
An invitation-only affair
for Hollywood's cultural elite.
140
00:07:16,501 --> 00:07:18,934
Tickets, please,
for Hisskill and Eggbert.
141
00:07:20,434 --> 00:07:22,467
Hisskill and Eggbert,
Hisskill and Eggbert.
142
00:07:22,467 --> 00:07:24,734
Uh, nope, not on the list.
143
00:07:24,734 --> 00:07:27,534
We have invitations, miss.
144
00:07:28,434 --> 00:07:29,767
Yeah, who doesn't?
145
00:07:29,767 --> 00:07:32,434
Listen, you're not on the list,
pally boy,
146
00:07:32,434 --> 00:07:34,634
so take a hike, okay? Next!
147
00:07:34,634 --> 00:07:36,267
Do you know who we are?
148
00:07:36,267 --> 00:07:37,701
We're Hisskill and Eggbert,
149
00:07:37,701 --> 00:07:39,400
world-famous movie critics.
150
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,767
Our review could make or break
this film.
151
00:07:41,767 --> 00:07:43,634
We demand to be let in.
152
00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:46,634
Oh, in that case,
a thousand pardons.
153
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:50,200
Let me personally
show you to your seats.
154
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,267
That's better.
155
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:58,601
Your seats
are right here.
156
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,567
Bon voyage-y.
157
00:08:08,601 --> 00:08:10,667
[FIREWORKS CRACKLING]
158
00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:11,767
Well, what do ya know?
159
00:08:11,767 --> 00:08:13,567
Their names were
on the list after all.
160
00:08:13,567 --> 00:08:15,200
Oops.
161
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,200
[LAUGHING]
162
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:23,467
Tickets, please.
Tickets.
163
00:08:24,934 --> 00:08:26,267
Tickets, please.
164
00:08:26,267 --> 00:08:27,734
Hey, look, there's been
an error.
165
00:08:27,734 --> 00:08:30,267
We don't have tickets,
but you have to let us in.
166
00:08:30,267 --> 00:08:32,834
Persistent little buggers,
ain't they?
167
00:08:32,834 --> 00:08:33,934
Sorry, sir.
168
00:08:33,934 --> 00:08:35,434
No ticket, no movie.
169
00:08:35,434 --> 00:08:38,167
Now, listen, you little brat,
we're goin' in there.
170
00:08:38,667 --> 00:08:39,667
Aye-ya!
171
00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:47,067
No way.
172
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,200
Okay, kid, listen.
173
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,634
We'll pay ya to let us in.
174
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,801
No, that would be bribery.
175
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:58,267
Oh, come on, please?
How much?
176
00:08:59,968 --> 00:09:01,033
We made it!
177
00:09:01,033 --> 00:09:02,701
HISSKILL:
We're inside! Hooray!
178
00:09:03,767 --> 00:09:05,067
Nice work, Skippy.
179
00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:06,868
You just paid
for your college education.
180
00:09:06,868 --> 00:09:08,234
College, nothin'.
181
00:09:08,234 --> 00:09:11,100
I'm goin' to Vegas.
182
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:13,501
Get me Siegfried and Roy's
autograph, would ya?
183
00:09:13,501 --> 00:09:15,100
Hurry up, Codger.
Wait.
184
00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:17,634
I just need to get
a quick snack.
185
00:09:18,634 --> 00:09:19,701
May I help you,
186
00:09:19,701 --> 00:09:21,367
or did the Goodyear blimp
just land?
187
00:09:21,367 --> 00:09:22,667
Ha, ha.
188
00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:25,534
Give me a large tub
of popcorn, and hurry.
189
00:09:26,601 --> 00:09:27,801
There you go, Shamu.
190
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,834
You want artificial butter
flavoring on that?
191
00:09:29,834 --> 00:09:30,834
Sure.
192
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:32,667
All right then.
193
00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:34,067
Does it cost extra?
194
00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,367
Artificial butter?
195
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:36,801
Nah, it's cheap stuff.
196
00:09:36,801 --> 00:09:38,434
Really? What's it made of?
197
00:09:38,434 --> 00:09:40,067
Ah, it's just lard
198
00:09:40,067 --> 00:09:43,033
that I'm liposuctioning
out of your gut.
199
00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:46,267
Ew!
Ick!
200
00:09:46,267 --> 00:09:48,701
Hey, pal, that'll be 7.50.
201
00:09:48,701 --> 00:09:50,734
It's about time.
The movie's starting.
202
00:09:50,734 --> 00:09:52,133
Where's the balcony, kid?
203
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,934
Upstairs, duh.
204
00:09:53,934 --> 00:09:55,434
Come on.
205
00:09:57,701 --> 00:10:00,234
HISSKILL:
I hope we haven't missed
the opening credits.
206
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,501
[IN UNISON]
Aaagh!
207
00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:05,100
[BOTH SCREAMING]
208
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,334
Okay, who's the wise guy
that moved the balcony?
209
00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:14,334
[LAUGHING]
210
00:10:17,067 --> 00:10:18,467
HISSKILL:
There he is.
211
00:10:19,968 --> 00:10:21,667
Why you incorrigible
little brat.
212
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:23,501
There's no balcony up there.
213
00:10:23,501 --> 00:10:25,267
Excuse me, I'm the manager.
214
00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:26,501
Is there a problem?
215
00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:29,334
Yes! We wanna be shown
to our seats.
216
00:10:29,334 --> 00:10:31,100
Immediately!
217
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,934
All right, sir, but I'm afraid
the only remaining seats
218
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:34,934
are in the front row.
219
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,801
Fine. We don't care.
220
00:10:36,801 --> 00:10:38,701
Just take us there. Now!
221
00:10:42,234 --> 00:10:44,000
Right this way.
222
00:10:52,501 --> 00:10:53,501
There ya go.
223
00:10:53,501 --> 00:10:55,167
Enjoy the movie.
224
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,567
[WHISPERING]
Very lifelike.
225
00:11:13,601 --> 00:11:16,601
And the special effects
are astounding.
226
00:11:22,167 --> 00:11:23,667
[SCREAMING]
227
00:11:49,701 --> 00:11:52,534
Ready, aim, fire!
228
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,400
[LAUGHING]
229
00:12:18,367 --> 00:12:20,133
So both Aunt Slappy and I
230
00:12:20,133 --> 00:12:22,267
give Steven Spielberg's
new film
231
00:12:22,267 --> 00:12:25,334
a great big "toes up."
232
00:12:25,334 --> 00:12:27,567
I love a movie
with a happy ending.
233
00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:29,234
[LAUGHING]
234
00:12:29,234 --> 00:12:31,267
[LAUGHTER]
235
00:12:35,367 --> 00:12:38,901
So you see, we were wrong
about Slappy Squirrel.
236
00:12:38,901 --> 00:12:40,367
She's funny.
237
00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:43,601
She's the funniest
cartoon character of all time.
238
00:12:43,601 --> 00:12:46,267
These guys are finally
startin' to talk sense.
239
00:12:46,267 --> 00:12:49,200
Slappy Squirrel, we salute ya.
240
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:52,234
That is, if we had the ability
to move our arms,
241
00:12:52,234 --> 00:12:53,801
we'd salute ya.
242
00:12:53,801 --> 00:12:55,300
And that's our show.
243
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:57,701
So until next time,
the balcony is--
244
00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:03,767
Blown up.
245
00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:06,601
Now, that's comedy.
246
00:13:09,667 --> 00:13:11,667
[***]
247
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:29,100
[***]
248
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,300
NARRATOR:
Paris, France, 1575.
249
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:37,400
A time of great social
and political unrest.
250
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,234
CROWD [CHANTING]:
Down with the king!
251
00:13:39,234 --> 00:13:41,100
Down with the king!
252
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:43,000
Down with the king!
253
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,534
The king's popularity
was waning,
254
00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:48,567
and there had been
numerous threats on his life.
255
00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:52,133
As such,
he was a very nervous monarch.
256
00:13:52,133 --> 00:13:54,000
[YELPS]
257
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,868
So the king sought the wisdom
of his sage, the soothsayer.
258
00:14:00,868 --> 00:14:02,701
You scared me.
259
00:14:02,701 --> 00:14:03,701
[GASPS]
260
00:14:03,701 --> 00:14:04,901
Gadzooks!
261
00:14:04,901 --> 00:14:06,901
Is there going to be
another attempt on my life?
262
00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:08,067
What do you see?
263
00:14:08,067 --> 00:14:09,901
The viper is coming.
264
00:14:09,901 --> 00:14:13,434
The viper is coming tonight
at 11:30.
265
00:14:13,434 --> 00:14:15,367
[GASPS]
Oooh!
266
00:14:15,367 --> 00:14:16,934
[SHRIEKS]
267
00:14:16,934 --> 00:14:18,734
[WHIMPERING]
268
00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:21,868
You scared me again. Stop it.
269
00:14:21,868 --> 00:14:25,200
Who in France is brave enough
to protect me from the viper?
270
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,901
The three musketeers.
271
00:14:34,434 --> 00:14:36,534
* Hail the king's protectors *
272
00:14:36,534 --> 00:14:40,200
* Hail the three musketeers *
273
00:14:42,367 --> 00:14:44,367
* Hail the king's protectors *
274
00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:47,200
* Hail the three musketeers *
275
00:14:49,667 --> 00:14:50,934
Who are you waitin' for?
276
00:14:50,934 --> 00:14:52,267
The musketeers.
277
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:54,534
* Hail the king's protectors *
278
00:14:54,534 --> 00:14:57,033
* Hail the three musketeers *
279
00:14:57,033 --> 00:14:58,567
I think you've been stood up.
280
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,300
Who are they waiting for?
281
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:02,434
The Mouseketeers.
282
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:05,534
Where's Cubby?
He's dreamy.
283
00:15:05,534 --> 00:15:08,901
Good heavens,
you are the three musketeers.
284
00:15:08,901 --> 00:15:11,801
That is correct.
Tell him what he's won, Dottie.
285
00:15:11,801 --> 00:15:14,200
A year's supply
of Squeezie Cheeze.
286
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,601
The not-quite-but-almost
cheese food in a bottle.
287
00:15:16,601 --> 00:15:18,100
If it's almost food
but not quite,
288
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:19,567
it's Squeezie Cheeze.
289
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:22,868
Yes, my not-so-royal highness,
we are the three musketeers.
290
00:15:22,868 --> 00:15:25,067
All for one and one for all.
291
00:15:25,067 --> 00:15:27,901
And one times 10 divided
by two times pi equals--
292
00:15:27,901 --> 00:15:28,901
What's that equal?
293
00:15:28,901 --> 00:15:29,901
Nope.
294
00:15:29,901 --> 00:15:30,968
It's Sweet'N Low.
295
00:15:30,968 --> 00:15:32,100
I must say,
296
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:33,868
you caught me off guard,
musketeers.
297
00:15:33,868 --> 00:15:36,701
I thought for sure you'd make
one of your grand entrances.
298
00:15:36,701 --> 00:15:38,467
You mean, like this:
299
00:15:41,033 --> 00:15:43,868
* We're the musketeers
And we're very proud to say *
300
00:15:43,868 --> 00:15:45,234
* That through the years *
301
00:15:45,234 --> 00:15:47,767
* In the face of danger
We have run away *
302
00:15:47,767 --> 00:15:49,133
* But, hey, that's okay *
303
00:15:49,133 --> 00:15:51,834
* What should you expect
With this take-home pay? *
304
00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:54,501
* We're the musketeers
We drive a Chevrolet *
305
00:15:54,501 --> 00:15:55,934
* Swing on chandeliers *
306
00:15:55,934 --> 00:15:58,334
* And have thrilling
Sword fights many times a day *
307
00:15:58,334 --> 00:15:59,801
* It may sound clich� *
308
00:15:59,801 --> 00:16:02,167
* But it was either this
Or sell Amway *
309
00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:04,834
* Now, unclog those filthy
Dirty ears *
310
00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:07,834
* It's time to meet
The musketeers *
311
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:08,834
* Musketeer roll call *
312
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:10,000
Yakkos
313
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,000
Wakkos
314
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,100
d'Otagnan
315
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:14,467
* Now we'll carve our initials *
316
00:16:14,467 --> 00:16:15,667
* In your rears *
317
00:16:15,667 --> 00:16:18,601
* 'Cause we are
The three musketeers *
318
00:16:18,601 --> 00:16:20,501
Is that the kind
of entrance you meant?
319
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:21,501
Yes.
320
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:22,667
We don't do those anymore.
321
00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:24,501
You three remind me
of a very young
322
00:16:24,501 --> 00:16:26,534
Yippee, Yappee,
and Yahooey.
323
00:16:27,634 --> 00:16:30,133
I have no idea what that meant.
324
00:16:30,133 --> 00:16:32,300
Musketeers, you must help me.
325
00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:34,901
I fear the presence
of a horrifying viper
326
00:16:34,901 --> 00:16:37,300
in my chamber
tonight at 11:30.
327
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,868
You must protect me.
328
00:16:38,868 --> 00:16:39,868
Say no more.
329
00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:42,033
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
330
00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:44,968
No, really, stop talking.
Your breath really smells.
331
00:16:46,734 --> 00:16:48,367
This is my bedroom.
332
00:16:48,367 --> 00:16:50,801
Let us go in first
and make sure it's safe.
333
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:51,968
All right.
334
00:16:51,968 --> 00:16:53,934
You'd let
a poor, defenseless girl
335
00:16:53,934 --> 00:16:55,701
go in that dark room
with who-knows-what
336
00:16:55,701 --> 00:16:56,701
lurking in the shadows?
337
00:16:56,701 --> 00:16:58,567
What kind of man are you?
338
00:16:58,567 --> 00:16:59,567
Well, I--
339
00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:01,367
YAKKO & WAKKO:
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
340
00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:04,167
I'm sorry.
What was I thinking?
341
00:17:04,167 --> 00:17:05,767
You stay here,
little lady,
342
00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:07,801
and I'll make sure
my room is safe.
343
00:17:10,801 --> 00:17:12,801
[***]
344
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:21,300
Is it safe?
345
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:22,300
[YELPS]
346
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:27,167
Well, king, looks like
the coast is clear.
347
00:17:27,167 --> 00:17:28,834
Really?
How can you be sure?
348
00:17:28,834 --> 00:17:30,033
See for yourself.
349
00:17:34,601 --> 00:17:35,901
[COUGHING]
350
00:17:38,167 --> 00:17:39,701
Time for your
bedtime snack.
351
00:17:39,701 --> 00:17:41,701
Oh, goody.
352
00:17:41,701 --> 00:17:42,834
Wait. It could be tainted
353
00:17:42,834 --> 00:17:45,000
with some horrible
disfiguring poison.
354
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,300
I'll test it.
355
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:47,968
Faboo.
356
00:17:52,267 --> 00:17:53,267
[GASPS]
357
00:17:53,267 --> 00:17:55,200
It was poisoned.
358
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:58,200
No, just mayonnaise.
359
00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,601
[BURPS]
360
00:17:59,601 --> 00:18:01,601
BOTH:
Spew.
361
00:18:01,601 --> 00:18:03,067
[YAWNS]
362
00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:05,100
I grow weary.
363
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,701
We grow azaleas.
364
00:18:07,534 --> 00:18:09,801
I believe I shall retire.
365
00:18:09,801 --> 00:18:11,901
For 20 years
of dedicated service
366
00:18:11,901 --> 00:18:15,067
we celebrate your retirement
with this gold watch.
367
00:18:15,067 --> 00:18:16,801
Why, thank you.
368
00:18:16,801 --> 00:18:18,067
I never expected--
369
00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:19,167
YAKKO:
It's been swell.
370
00:18:19,167 --> 00:18:20,167
DOT:
Have a good life.
371
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,667
WAKKO:
Eat plenty of fiber.
372
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,100
* We're in charge *
373
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:24,567
* We're in charge *
374
00:18:24,567 --> 00:18:26,367
* We're in charge *
375
00:18:26,367 --> 00:18:27,734
I am the king.
376
00:18:27,734 --> 00:18:29,467
Oh, wasn't that nice.
377
00:18:29,467 --> 00:18:31,968
I always wanted a gold watch.
378
00:18:31,968 --> 00:18:33,067
Wait a minute.
379
00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:34,901
Enough of this frivolity.
380
00:18:34,901 --> 00:18:36,467
You should be protecting me.
381
00:18:36,467 --> 00:18:37,868
And I should be asleep.
382
00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:39,501
You're just upset
383
00:18:39,501 --> 00:18:42,400
'cause we've got a candy bar
named after us and you don't.
384
00:18:44,501 --> 00:18:46,667
Kingiepoo want a lullaby?
385
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,400
That would be nice.
386
00:18:51,534 --> 00:18:54,534
* Hush, little king
Please don't cry *
387
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,267
* We're gonna sing you
A lullaby *
388
00:18:57,267 --> 00:19:00,334
* A big scary monster man
Is coming for you *
389
00:19:00,334 --> 00:19:03,701
* He'll gobble you up
Like chunky beef stew *
390
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,067
ALL:
Mwah!
391
00:19:06,067 --> 00:19:07,734
Good night.
392
00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:10,434
We'll be right outside,
393
00:19:10,434 --> 00:19:11,934
protecting you
from the evil viper
394
00:19:11,934 --> 00:19:13,667
who looms in the shadows
to do horrible,
395
00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:15,400
unspeakable things to you
396
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,033
while you innocently slumber.
397
00:19:17,033 --> 00:19:18,868
ALL:
Sleep tight.
398
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:24,400
* Up, two, three, four
No one's gettin' in this door *
399
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,834
* Five, six, seven, eight *
400
00:19:25,834 --> 00:19:27,834
* Gonna ask Cindy Crawford
For a date *
401
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,234
[SCREAMS]
402
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:30,834
The king!
403
00:19:32,534 --> 00:19:33,767
The viper!
404
00:19:40,367 --> 00:19:41,467
The viper.
405
00:19:41,467 --> 00:19:42,534
The viper.
406
00:19:42,534 --> 00:19:43,601
[IN UNISON]
The viper.
407
00:19:45,901 --> 00:19:46,901
Ya.
408
00:19:46,901 --> 00:19:48,334
I'm da vindow viper.
409
00:19:48,334 --> 00:19:50,200
I vipe da vindows.
410
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,400
[LAUGHING]
411
00:19:54,901 --> 00:19:56,901
[CROWD LAUGHING, APPLAUSE]
412
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:02,067
YAKKO:
Thank you. Thank you.
That's our show.
413
00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:04,000
Now let's meet today's cast.
414
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,567
Playing the king,
415
00:20:05,567 --> 00:20:07,434
Sheila MacRae.
416
00:20:08,934 --> 00:20:10,767
Playing the soothsayer,
417
00:20:10,767 --> 00:20:12,934
Jane Kean.
418
00:20:12,934 --> 00:20:14,968
And as the window wiper,
419
00:20:14,968 --> 00:20:17,133
Art Carney.
420
00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:20,734
Oh, I gotta tell ya,
421
00:20:20,734 --> 00:20:24,300
Miami Beach audiences
are the greatest in the world.
422
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:26,100
Mwah!
423
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,601
Good night, everybody!
424
00:20:30,868 --> 00:20:32,868
[***]
425
00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:08,901
Spew!
28448
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