Original subtitles

[***]

ALL: * It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax *

* You'll laugh Till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

BOTH: * Come join The Warner brothers *

* And the Warner sister, Dot *

ALL: * Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose And then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

* While Bill Clinton Plays the sax *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain *

* Who want to rule The universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy *

* While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped We have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play Contracts *

* We're zany to the max *

* There's bologna In our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

* Where's Lon Chaney *

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

[***]

[THUNDER CRASHES]

I know we're not rabbits,

but it's a Warner Bros. tradition.

So this is Pencil-vania.

Disgusting.

Not as disgusting as Willard Scott in a leotard.

But anyway, according to the map, we made it.

Pencil-vania, our homeland.

As cartoon characters, we were drawn.

Ergo, Mom and Dad must be pencils.

So let's get the lead out and find our family tree.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Hope that wasn't it.

On second thought,

let's start the search tomorrow.

I'm tired.

I'm hungry.

I'm cute.

Hey, I can't help it if I'm cute.

Now to find a place to spend the night.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Hey, there's a great place.

[***]

We're not that stupid. We just know the plot.

Come on.

Ooh, it's so scary.

[***]

[***]

Don't wait for me.

Ah, ignorant little travelers.

It's been many years since any have come willingly to me.

Who are you?

BOTH: We're the Warner brothers.

And the Warner sister.

I'm Yakko.

Does Batman know you're wearing his cape so badly?

I'm Wakko.

Mwah!

Did you miss me, huh?

Please.

You're washing off my Old Spice.

And I'm Dot,

but you may call me Princess Angelina

Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bobesca III.

Tee-hee.

[***]

I get this from guys all the time.

Snap out of it!

[CLEARS THROAT]

I am Count Dracula.

Didn't you used to teach math on Sesame Street?

Stop your silly chatter and enter.

The night is long, and I hunger for company.

[GROWLS]

[***]

[BANGING ON DOOR]

DRACULA: Let me in, you little weasels.

That guy sure dresses funny.

This is Pencil-vania, Wakko.

He's probably Amish.

I'll handle him. I saw Witness twice.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Greetings, good Amish farmer. How's it going with thee?

Is there a place hither where we may sleep yon?

Impudent child.

You can't make a fool out of me.

Well, you can't blame a guy for tryin'.

Puny mortals.

Now witness the power of the undead.

[***]

Neat trick.

Hey, look at me. I'm a bat too.

You are not a bat.

Oh, you're right.

But this is.

Oh, I'm not well.

Good farmer, mayest we see-eth our rooms now?

Why, certainly. Walketh this way.

[***]

[***]

[GROWLING]

You boys will be sleeping in the, uh, Mary Poppins suite.

It's very cozy.

[GROWLING]

Sounds like Howard Stern.

Uh, yes, the plumbing is old.

Now, nighty-night.

Whew.

Velcro.

Here is your bedchamber,

filled with the pretty stuff of a young girl's dreams.

[***]

Nice decorating.

Let me guess, Satan?

Anyway, I'd like to stay up and gab,

but I'm feeling just a wee bit sleepy.

[SNORING]

Hey, whatcha doing, mister?

You gonna suck her blood? Empty her tank?

Turn her into one of your legion of zombie vampires

who live to do your evil bidding?

Or are you gonna make out and play kissy face

and hope your dad doesn't butt in and ground you?

Huh? How about it, mister?

[HISSING]

[YAWNS]

[GROWLS]

[GROWLS]

[SQUEAKING]

DOT: Yoo-hoo!

What do you think?

Do they make me look like Sheena Easton?

Foolish little whelp.

Now you will learn the meaning of eternal slumber.

Slumber? As in slumber party?

Let's!

[***]

[GASPS]

Know any dreamy guys?

Tell us.

Oh, please, please.

Let's play with makeup.

[SMACKS]

[SCREAMS]

Get away from me, you little monsters.

DOT: Wait!

We were just about to order pizza

and tell ghost stories.

[***]

[PANTING]

[YAWNS]

Peace, at last.

[SCREAMS]

[COUGHING]

Hast thou any coffin drops?

[GROANS]

[GRUNTS]

Hey, he's locked in.

Oh, no. He'll suffocate.

[SIGHS]

[SAW BUZZING]

Hangeth on, kind farmer.

We shall saveth thee.

Oops.

[GIGGLES]

[ROARS]

[GROWLING]

Your lives here have ended.

True, mister Amish man, for we must check out.

'Tis morning!

[WHIMPERS]

And me without my sun block.

[PLAYS "REVEILLE"]

Wakey wakey!

Rise and shine.

We'd like waffles and a big cheese wheel

for breakfast.

[CROWS]

[GROWLS]

[SCREAMING]

YAKKO: Boy.

Who knew the Amish could have such explosive tempers?

You know, Yakko,

maybe this isn't Pencil-vania after all.

You're right, Dot.

We never should have taken that left turn

at Kennebunkport.

Come on.

[***]

Ahh.

Pencil-vania, at last. Homeland of our ancestors.

[JABBERS]

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

[SCREAMS]

This is Tasmania, not Pencil-vania.

Let's face it. We need a new map.

[***]

[***]

[THUNDER CRASHING]

Sweep on, you foowish wittle villagers.

You'll soon know the power of Dr. Phrankenstein.

Come, Mr. Squeak.

It is time the world met my watest cweation.

[SQUEAKING]

In school, they called me mad and insane.

They also called me Old Hoppy Big Bottom.

I wonder what that meant.

[CRASHES]

Hm, I must speak to the cweaning people.

They've overwaxed the fwoors again.

Up, Scout. Up.

Good dog!

[GROWLS]

Pay attention, Scout.

I order you to attack the village.

Destroy it. Walk all over it.

[BARKS]

[LAUGHS] [SQUEAKS]

Oh.

No, not walkies. I didn't say walkies.

I said walk over the village.

Oh, follow me.

[SQUEAKING]

[GROANS] [GROANS]

See the village?

I order you to wipe it out.

Now go.

[GROWLS]

Soon the world will learn to fear and obey me.

First I'll destroy a small village,

then a large village.

Then a small town, then a large county seat.

Then a midsize suburb, with easy access

to schools and shopping.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, fudgie-poo! A short circuit.

Now I'll have to replace his brain.

I couldn't just go out and buy a monster dog

that was covered by a warranty. No.

I had to be Miss Do-It-Yourself

and build my own.

Argh.

[SQUEAKING]

[CRASHES]

Great.

We're all out of dog brains.

I don't ask for much, just one dog brain.

That's all I want. A solitary, simple dog brain.

[CRASHES]

I hate being wet.

Yep, it's wet.

It's definitely wet out here.

Uh, I'm sorry I got us kicked out

of that count guy's home.

What was with that bat fetish, anyway?

Don't know, but he hates Italian food.

Definitely hates garlic.

If we find another house, just follow my lead.

[***]

* Let's try for two *

* What's the sense In stopping now? *

* Just me and you *

* We're the pros With the know-how *

* To get kicked out Of every place *

* We've ever set a paw *

* We're not through *

* Let's try for two *

* Home, ahoy Told you, boy *

* Follow my lead Watch my ploy, Runt *

* You gotta use your brain And think *

Let's get fed.

* Give it a whirl *

Hurts my head.

* Oh, Runt *

* You gotta use your brain *

* Hot dog Check it out *

* Santa sent me Brains for Scout *

* Come on Stay with Auntie Glory *

* Forever in my laboratory *

* Watch my stuff *

Let's begin.

* Don't you bark or-- *

Track mud in?

* Hey, Runt *

* You just Used your brain *

Uh, def-- Who, me?

*You just used Your brain *

The poor-cat-in-the-rain look.

It never fails.

[MEOWS]

My goodness. A big wet doggie.

Nice following of my lead.

DR. PHRANKENSTEIN: A big wet doggie.

Just what the mad scientist ordered.

I'm going to remove your cerebral cortex

and place it inside a large monster's head.

Doesn't that sound like grand fun?

[BARKS]

I'd better check on Runt.

A cat's work is never done.

[SLURPS]

[SQUEAKS]

[CRASHES]

[***]

What a nice human.

She tied me to a little bed so I won't fall off

when I take my nap.

I sure wish Rita was here.

Definitely. Yeah, I definitely do.

[***]

* Standing in the lab Watching dials twirl *

* You're lying on the slab Let me give it a whirl *

* Let me open a valve *

* I'm a hands-on kind of girl *

* Soon you'll be better And raring to go *

* I'll rule the world From here to Kokomo *

* Call me insane I'm a hands-on kind of dame *

* Your cerebellum's Great for my morale *

* 'Cause I'll be taking over Right from this locale *

* Thanks a bunch, pal I'm a hands-on kind of gal *

* Cha, cha, cha *

[BARKS]

You liked my little song.

[BARKS]

[***]

What a surprise. Runt in trouble.

Having fun?

Oh, hi, Rita.

I've been having a nap with a sheet and everything.

For $50 and a chance for the Festiva,

how many brain cells does a dog have?

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Nine. Definitely nine.

DR. PHRANKENSTEIN: Here I come, puppy.

By the by, are you covered by Blue Cross?

I have to know who to bill.

[CACKLES]

Oh!

[GRUNTING] Oh, a kitty.

I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have a cat brain on file.

Speak for yourself, honey.

Oh!

[SCREAMS]

[SQUEALING]

[THUNDER CRASHES]

[***]

Arise, Scout! Catch them!

Don't let them escape!

[SCREAMS]

RUNT: I was definitely in trouble, wasn't I?

RITA: Good call.

[HISSES]

[SQUEAKING]

[CRASHES]

[***]

That's it, Mr. Squeak. Get them.

At least something around here obeys me.

[***]

[SQUEAKING]

[CRASHES]

Uh, Rita...

What should we do?

Maybe we should stay here and take a nap?

Okay.

Jump!

[GROWLS]

Good doggie.

Uh, I'll get you a nice wrecking ball.

[SCOUT BITING]

[PHRANKENSTEIN WHIMPERING]

PHRANKENSTEIN: Heel. Heel.

[BARKS]

Origami, Mr. Squeak.

From now on, I'll make little,

fluttery paper animals that can't hurt me.

[MOANS]

[SQUEAKS]

[***]

[BURPS]

Can we jump off the castle again?

That was fun.

I don't know what that human wanted with you, Runt,

but it couldn't have been your brain.

Getting bounced from two homes

in one night is a new record for us.

* Let's try for three *

* What's the sense In stoppin' now? *

* Just you and me *

* We're the pros With the know-how *

* To get kicked out Of every place *

* We've ever set a paw *

* Life's rent-free *

*Let's try for three *

Good idea, Rita. Let's try for three.

Dogs. Go fig.

[***]

[***]

I still think they make me look like Sheena Easton.