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Downloaded from YTS.MX

[projector whirring]

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[mysterious music]

[stirring music]

[projector whirring]

[Adalynn] When a polar bear gives birth,

she typically has two cubs.

To keep them safe from the dangers of the world,

she'll stay with them, in the den,

until they can survive on their own.

It's a sacrifice she makes.

Because if something were to happen to her,

then her cubs would surely die.

But if something were to happen to her cubs,

what would become of the mother?

Could she live with it?

Ah! I can't! I can't!

- [doctor] Almost there! - [Adalynn] I can't!

- [doctor] I can see the head. - [Adalynn] I can't!

[Bill] I love you, okay? We're a team--

- [screams] - You can do it, baby. Come on!

That's it!

[dramatic chord]

[static buzz]

[sinister music]

[distorted noises

[distant, haunting singing]

[train horn blaring]

[eerie operatic singing]

[haunting singing]

[distorted screaming]

♪

[baby crying]

[music fades]

[Adalynn] Elizabeth Aaron Bolland,

born at 6:36 p.m., two weeks ahead of schedule.

Six pounds, eight ounces.

That doesn't sound like much, but to me, it's everything.

And now you're my whole world.

I would do anything to protect you.

My perfect baby girl.

I'm gonna be the kind of mother for you that I never had.

You're going to have a great childhood.

You have two parents who love you very much.

When I met your father, it was love at first sight.

A year later, we had the perfect wedding,

and found the perfect house,

in the perfect neighborhood, in the perfect town.

And now we have you.

I just didn't know how exhausted I would be.

♪ I can't even sleep

♪ Will I ever see the lighthouse ♪

♪ In this darkness

[Bill] You did it.

Sit down.

I'm gonna get you some water, okay?

Actually, I just...

think I'm gonna go lay down upstairs.

Of course. Whatever you want.

- I'm sorry. - Mm-mm. Don't be.

You go rest. Okay? I'll take care of everything.

You go on. I'll be right up.

- [Adalynn] Mm-hmm. - [Bill] Okay?

- [Adalynn] I love you. - I love you, too.

♪ Ooh, Adalynn, ooh, Adalynn

♪ She was the sun in my ocean ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Silence is too loud

♪ But I can feel her heartbeat ♪

[baby crying]

[Adalynn] All I wanna do is sleep.

Life used to be brunches and selfies on the beach.

I just need to find a new normal.

A new perfect.

Right after I get some sleep.

- [alarm beeping] - [Bill snoring]

[alarm beeping]

[Adalynn sighs]

I don't know how people can do this every two hours.

Bill?

I guess I'm lucky that I don't have to do it alone.

While I spent the last eight and a half months

suffering from mood swings, bizarre cravings,

and constant discomfort,

Bill was nothing but attentive.

I guess he's earned a break.

From what I hear, we won't get another one

until our kid grows up and moves out.

[water running]

I haven't taken my medicine for a year,

so now I can get

a little obsessive about things.

I mean, who doesn't, right?

Who doesn't?

Sometimes it's the little things.

You gotta be shitting me.

[thermostat beeps]

I check the locks.

Sometimes a lot.

And I'm sure to close every single door in the house.

Setting the TV volume to an even number,

or rearranging ornaments and place settings.

God, don't get me started on making sure

all the photos in the house are level.

But sometimes it's a little more than that.

Sometimes I get this irrational fear

that someone is watching me.

Or stalking me.

I know it's an irrational fear, but...

doesn't stop me from checking everything.

I don't know what an extreme case would look like for me,

but God, I hope I never find out.

I haven't taken my medicine.

[quiet, unsettling music]

It's only when I know that everything's perfect

that I can finally be calm.

But when is anything ever perfect?

Doesn't stop me from trying, though.

Everyone told me that having a child

would change my life forever.

I guess I didn't realize

how much Elizabeth would change mine.

[Elizabeth cooing]

[alarm beeping]

[Adalynn yawns]

[alarm beeping]

[Bill snoring]

- [Bill snoring] - [Adalynn sighs]

[ominous music]

[door clicks open]

[distorted music]

[Elizabeth crying distortedly]

- [Elizabeth screams] - [Adalynn gasps]

Oh...

[calm music]

[phone vibrating]

[sighs]

I just woke up

from the worst nightmare I've ever had.

God, it felt so real.

I could hear her crying, but something wasn't right.

I didn't feel connected to her at all.

But I can't think about that now.

Back to real life.

My cub needs her mother.

What?

Nothing. It's just, we did it.

We have a baby.

[Bill] So, uh, did you get some sleep last night?

[yawning] I slept like a baby.

As in up every two hours,

crabby, kinda wanting my mommy.

I feel like I just woke up after a college bender.

Mm...

So, uh, start your meds yet?

Uh, not yet.

I just, um-- I'm not sure, after last time.

Well, the new pills should be okay,

it's the, uh, blue ones.

They're in my purse. I keep forgetting I have 'em.

Those ones are a little different.

They should kick in-- in about ten to 15 minutes.

You know, I, uh--

I can withdraw from this conference.

Bill, no.

This conference is too important.

If I need anything, I'll call Cici.

Okay? We're good here.

So you are going.

You sure?

Yeah.

It's only a week.

We won't even...

notice you're gone.

Plus I, um...

I was thinking about

doing some painting this weekend.

Yeah?

Hmm. You inspired?

- I have some ideas. - Hmm.

You, uh, been checking the locks again.

Sometimes.

Heard you counting, too, Adalynn.

Bill, I'm perfect.

[sighs] Okay, but if you need anything,

anything at all, you call me or Cici.

- Or heaven forbid your mother. - Mm.

- Things will never be that bad. - Thank God. [chuckles]

Um, is that the new crib?

No, it's no-- hasn't arrived yet,

it's on back order.

So I pulled the old one outta storage.

- [tense music] - [Bill] Oh, shit!

Babe, I meant to take that off.

I'm sorry.

[Adalynn breathing shakily]

Babe, I'm sorry about earlier with the crib

and you going into labor, it's...

Just-- just slipped my mind, like an idiot.

It's fine.

You just caused a little freak-out.

But I got through it.

Do you want to talk about it?

- Adalynn? Adalynn? - Huh?

Oh, um...

I'm okay.

Spent a little quality time with the stress ball earlier,

so I'm okay.

Really.

Do you wanna talk about it?

[phone vibrates]

That's my ride.

Okay.

- Love you. - Love you.

Bill.

Don't you wanna give your newborn daughter

- a kiss goodbye? - [Bill] Of course.

Bye.

Hey.

What's wrong?

I don't wanna leave you alone.

I know.

But Elizabeth and I will be okay.

Have a safe trip.

- Bye. - Bye.

[Bill exhales sharply]

[Adalynn] And here come the waterworks.

"Baby blues" is what they call it.

Add that to my list of problems.

I just hope this is the worst of it

and it passes soon.

[phone vibrating]

- Hello? - [static over phone]

[sniffling]

[Elizabeth crying]

[whispering] What do...

[phone vibrating]

- Hello? - [Cici on phone] Hey,

I've been calling you, girl.

I know.

I'm sorry, I'm just still...

- adjusting. - I forgive you.

And I'm so sorry I didn't make it back

in time to be there.

You were supposed to wait 'til I got back.

- Hey, how was it? - Childbirth?

About like I expected.

Only 100 times more painful.

Hey.

You know, my hormones were really outta control, remember?

And I could not have gotten through that without you.

And I'm here for you, too.

- Thank you. - Okay.

Well, sweetie, what are you doing today?

I was thinking that we could get takeout

from Croso's and catch up.

I'm dying to meet the baby.

Oh, um,

we're not really up for visitors just yet.

[Cici sighs]

- You sure you're okay? - Yeah.

I'm fine. Uh, everything's perfect.

Well, i-- if you're not, there's no shame in it.

I mean, nobody's really perfect, you know?

We'll be fine.

As long as we can survive until Bill gets home,

- everything will be perfect. - Survive?

Hey, Adalynn, what do you mean?

I have to go pump now, Cici.

Thank you for calling.

[suspenseful music]

[alarm beeping]

[yawning]

[mockingly] "Nobody's really perfect, you know?"

[mumbling] Who does she think she is?

- [thud] - Ow.

[ominous music]

[high-pitched droning music]

[Adalynn] I am aching for a nap.

That sure would be easier with Bill around.

But his career is riding on this conference.

It's not his fault Elizabeth came early.

[birds chirping]

[door clicks and creaks opens]

Oh, Bill, what did you do?

[Adalynn] Bill told me he'd ordered some things

for the baby,

but he didn't tell me he went overboard.

My sweet husband told me to put all the packages aside

and that he'd deal with them when he gets home.

[Elizabeth crying]

[distorted, ominous music]

I am so tired

and this baby won't shut up!

[groans] God, shut up.

Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!

[Elizabeth crying]

♪

[distorted clanging]

[muffled crying]

I could use something to take the edge off.

A glass of wine, maybe two.

Hell, why not the whole fucking bottle?

But I won't.

I won't contaminate my milk.

No meds and no wine.

[cutlery clattering]

I guess I just need to find other ways to relax

and feel like my old self.

However briefly.

I still have painting, I suppose.

[suspenseful music]

As obsessed as I can be with even numbers,

locked doors, and symmetrical designs,

painting is the only outlet I have

to break all my own rules.

I can be free

and express myself in ways that I can't otherwise.

Not even while journaling.

It's my true therapy.

♪

I can create a world where things can be perfect,

just as they should be.

Perfection may be out of reach in my daily life,

but not for my subjects.

It scares me sometimes

how easily I can get lost in my own fantasy.

I get so lost sometimes

that I fear I'll never find my way back.

Sometimes.

♪

[music stops]

[sighs]

- [banging] - [dogs barking outside]

[tense music]

[sighs]

[mumbling] It's fine, Adalynn. It's just in your head.

It's just you. Nobody's here. Nobody's here.

[sinister laughter]

[intense dramatic music]

[eerie, echoing growl]

♪

[Elizabeth crying]

[Adalynn] God, none of this feels normal.

Why aren't we bonding?

[sighs] What's wrong with you, Adalynn?

She's just a baby.

Come on, you can do it. Just fall asleep, Elizabeth.

I can't take any more crying.

It's been over an hour now.

Please, just go to bed for Mama.

Just go to bed.

I wonder if other new mothers feel like this.

[sighs] I just can't take the screaming anymore.

[Adalynn screams]

Please, please tell me this is gonna end one day.

It can't always be like this.

[Bill] How's my little angel?

[Adalynn on phone] Fussy as hell, so is the baby.

How's the conference?

[Bill] It's a little overwhelming, to be honest.

I never have an issue speaking in front of large crowds.

I mean, even I get, you know, stage fright sometimes.

[Adalynn on phone] [laughs] Apparently so.

[Bill on phone] So, uh, you doing okay?

Yes, Bill, I'm fine.

I'm a tough...

- girl. - I know you are.

Oh, you know, uh-- you won't believe this.

Walter Fishman is

finally retiring.

- [Adalynn] What? Why now? - Yeah.

I mean, he's only 100.

He's probably got what, 50 more good years in him?

[Bill] He's 75, Adalynn. Can you imagine?

Don't you ever let me go that long, you promise?

I promise. 70 tops.

- [doorbell ringing] - Ugh, that's the doorbell.

Probably more of your impulse buys.

[Bill] Probably.

Listen, when the pack and play comes,

just let it-- set it aside.

I'll handle it when I get home. All right?

We'll see, I have a list of other things

for you to do first.

- I love you. - [Adalynn] I love you.

[tense music]

[door creaking]

[sighs]

[dark music]

[toy playing music]

Shh! Shh!

Shh.

Oh, my God.

[groans]

[exhales deeply]

[toy playing incessant melody]

[discordant clashing mixing with toy's melody]

[groans]

[panting]

[sobbing]

[muttering] One, two, three, four, five, six...

[music fades]

[sobbing and sighing]

Sometimes nothing works.

And when the pain doesn't go away,

I feel helpless.

- Like I'm all out of options. - [gunshot echoing distantly]

Meanwhile, it's more than just my brain.

The headaches are back and something else seems off.

This really is a lot for me.

I feel like I'm heading into a downward spiral.

Meanwhile, Bill's probably rubbing elbows with millionaires

over champagne and caviar.

Okay, that's not fair. He did offer to stay.

He really wanted to.

I could see it in his eyes when he left.

His concern. And sadness, perhaps.

Maybe that's why I pushed him to go.

Maybe I needed to prove to him that I could handle this.

Maybe I needed to prove to myself

that I could handle this.

"'Anything could be in there,' said the playful puffin.

'It could be a slippery fish, or a wisecracking walrus,

or even a water-wading whale.'

The happy little harp seal

pulled himself closer to the ice for a better look.

'If I could use a last wish for anything,

anything in the world,' said the pup.

'I know exactly who I would wish to--'"

[ominous music]

[Elizabeth coughing]

Come on.

Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe.

Come on.

[Elizabeth crying]

Breathe. Come on.

[Elizabeth coughing and crying]

[Elizabeth stops choking and cries]

[Dr. Van Doren] Now, try to relax.

[blood pressure machine humming]

A little higher than normal, but nothing too bad.

Is this really necessary?

I-- I only called about the baby.

[Dr. Van Doren] This is true. But the baby's fine.

And true fact, the well-being of a baby

often depends on the well-being of its mother.

Right, but are you sure, though?

About the choking?

Oh, yes. It's very common.

Um, infants are born with a hyper gag reflex.

Um, when it happens, just let it pass.

Um, adjust the baby's position,

maybe your own, and resume feeding.

Yeah, I-- I knew that, I just, um...

I just forgot.

Uh...

It just-- it all happened so fast,

you know, like, in that instant, it all--

it all could've just--

I'm sorry, you probably think I'm crazy.

I could tell you stories about what lengths

I've seen mothers go to to protect their young.

It happens in nature, you know.

Um, polar bears, for example.

The moms usually have two cubs

and they'd sacrifice anything to keep 'em alive.

So, how are you feeling?

Are-- are you getting enough sleep?

- I mean, does any parent? - [chuckles] Touché.

Are you eating, exercising, meditating?

Uh, I did start writing in my journal again.

It helps.

I think.

Good, good.

And you're staying off the prescriptions?

[somber music]

Uh, yeah. Yes. I-- I haven't taken any.

Um, I don-- I don't want to.

You know, a-- after last time.

Adalynn, that was a completely different situation.

Yeah.

Because I aborted him.

It wasn't your fault. The-- the-- the-- the fetus--

It's Miles. His name was Miles.

Miles had severe cardiac abnormalities.

It was no longer a viable pregnancy.

You know, we-- we took the best option.

It wasn't your fault.

I know. I know.

I'm sorry, I just...

I think about it...

a lot.

Everything was so perfect.

I don't understand.

Why him?

Was it the meds?

Was it me?

Was it something that I did?

There wasn't anything that anyone could have done.

He, uh...

he would've been due six years ago last week.

He would've been six. [chuckles]

I sometimes wonder wha-- what my life would've been like

if he would've lived.

I think about it every day.

You shouldn't do that to yourself.

Besides, if he'd lived,

who knows how it would've affected your life?

You could have missed out on

this beautiful bundle of joy right here.

Sure, but...

it's not all I think about.

I also wonder what my life would've been like...

without either of them.

And then I get to thinking,

"Did I will that to happen?"

No. Ab-- absolutely not.

What if I did?

Stop! You loved your baby.

Miles.

You love both your children.

Uh, you're just having an episode.

It is just so much harder without the pills.

You know, I--

I wish I could just take one.

At least just one, Doctor.

That-- that's not in your best interest right now.

All right?

I know it's hard, but this will pass.

I'm just so afraid that something might happen.

- Like what? - [Adalynn] I don't know.

Sometimes things just happen, you know?

Or-- or what if I do something?

Are you afraid you may harm yourself or your baby?

No. No, no.

[Dr. Van Doren] Have you been seeing things?

You would tell me, right?

Yes, yeah.

Yes, of course, Doctor. I just wondered, is all.

[Dr. Van Doren] Okay.

Well, remember that there's a after-hours number

you can call, uh, if you need to.

And in the meantime, I can assure you

that your baby is in perfect health.

And you have nothing to fear but fear itself.

[microwave humming]

Drink the whole bottle for Mommy

without scaring her half to death, all right?

[yawning] No more scares for Mommy.

[yawning]

[eerie music]

[gasping]

[muttering] Oh, no. Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no. Oh, no.

[fridge door clicks open]

[music intensifies]

[microwave beeps]

[gasps]

- [sighs] - [microwave beeps]

[panting]

[Adalynn] I feel like I'm starting to unravel.

I'm seeing things. The worst things.

I've read about this, it's not uncommon.

God, I wish I had someone to talk to about this.

But if I can just make it a few more days,

Bill will be home

and we can deal with this together.

Just hold on, Adalynn. We can get through this.

Just a little bit longer.

[eerie music]

[metallic clanking music]

[music fades]

[unsettling music]

[panting]

[whispering] One, two, three,

four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

- [toy clangs] - [groans in pain]

Fucking toy!

[toy playing discordant melody]

[sighs]

[dramatic chord]

[suspenseful music]

[shutters rattling]

[glass breaking]

[Bill on phone, yawning] It was probably just a nightmare, babe.

- It wasn't a nightmare, Bill. - [sighs]

I'm just saying it's 3:30 in the morning.

Di-- Somebody was trying to break into our house,

it happened.

Otherwise, how do you explain the broken wine glass?

I didn't dream that.

- I don't know. - I'm calling the police.

Oh, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second.

Let's just take a minute, all right?

Let's think about this.

There has to be--

has to be a logical explanation, right?

You said the doors were unlocked.

Yes. And it was opened.

And no one entered the house, right?

No. I mean, I don't think so.

But I heard--

I-- I thought I heard--

[Adalynn panting]

Adalynn?

I didn't see anyo-- anybody come in, but--

- they could have. - How?

[Adalynn] What?

What difference does that make?

You're checking locks again.

When was the last time you checked before that?

I don't know.

1:00, 1:30, why?

And were they locked?

- And they were locked? - Yes.

Exactly.

[Adalynn sighs]

You're saying

they were locked.

How could they be unlocked?

[Bill] They couldn't be, right?

Adalynn?

Maybe they picked the locks or something.

I don't know.

And what about the animals downstairs?

What animals, Adalynn?

The-- the-- the ceramic animals, Bill.

The-- the-- the penguins, the polar bears.

They were all mixed up and facing different ways.

And I thought maybe I imagined it, but--

- [sighs] - Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

Hold on. You imagined it?

[Adalynn] After tonight--

Somebody has been in our house, Bill.

Look, I saw what I saw. Okay?

Why don't you believe me?

Listen, I do believe you.

I believe you heard something, but I don't believe--

[Adalynn] That is not what I meant.

[Bill] Listen, I'm coming home.

All right? I'll come home.

- I'll catch the next flight out. - Bill.

[sighs] No.

[chuckles] Well, then tell me,

what the fuck am I supposed to do, Adalynn?

Please, please. I'm out-- I'm outta answers.

You have to finish.

I'm sorry.

Just haven't gotten any sleep and--

I just-- I guess I'm just preaching to the choir.

Okay, listen.

I'm gonna call security.

I'm gonna have him come by, check on things.

If anything else happens,

you call the police.

[sighs] Yeah.

Okay. Sure.

Okay. Good.

I'm gonna try and get some sleep.

Good. Yeah. Get some rest.

Oh, and please take your pills if you haven't yet.

All right?

- I love you. - I love you, too.

[tense music]

[whimpers]

[glass shards clinking]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

- [Bill on phone] Hey. - Hey.

I just got off the phone with, uh, the security office.

What'd they say?

They didn't find anything.

The manager said there were some new kids in the complex.

They were probably just screwing around.

[scoffs] Screwing around?

They're gonna do extra patrol for a couple of days.

That was the best they can do.

I'm sorry, didn't have any better news.

[Adalynn sighs] Whatever, Bill.

I'll call you later. Love you.

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I'm starting to lose grip on reality.

God, maybe Bill was right.

Maybe this is all in my head

and I should just get back on the meds.

But I can't. Not yet.

If I do I-- I don't know what they'll do to me.

- [doorknob rattling] - [eerie music]

[rattling stops]

♪

[door creaking]

[Elizabeth crying in distance]

[crying continues]

[eerie music intensifies]

[crying continues]

- [glass shattering] - [crying stops]

♪

[breathing heavily]

[whimpering]

[breathing shakily]

[Elizabeth crying]

Please, no...

[crying continues]

[crying continues]

[Bill on phone] Wait, wait, go back.

- [crying stops] - The gun safe was open?

I must have left it unlocked when I opened it the other day.

- Opened for what? - [Adalynn] I just...

wanted to see it.

You know, make sure it was there, in case--

[Bill] Damn it, Adalynn.

Thank God-- thank God you're okay.

But, I mean, did you at least call the police?

[Adalynn] Yeah, they're on their way.

Okay. That's good.

- [Adalynn] You sorry? - What?

Are you sorry that you didn't believe me?

I never said I didn't believe you. [sighs]

I'll see if I can catch a red-eye.

No, Bill, you're almost done.

Everything's perfect.

- [Bill] Are you sure? - Yes, I'm sure.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna call that security office.

I'm gonna rip them a fucking new one.

In the meantime, I want you to call the maid

and-- and see if she can make a special trip.

I gave her the week off.

Her daughter has the flu, remember?

Oh, shit!

That's right. Okay. How about this?

Go ahead and call my mom and she'll stay with you

- 'til I get back, all right? - [Adalynn] No, no, no.

I said I'm fine. Okay?

[Bill] Adalynn...

I'm perfectly capable of handling this by myself.

I know how to take care of my baby.

Our baby.

I'm gonna finish cleaning.

Maybe give the baby a bath.

- I'll see you Sunday. - No, Adalynn.

Adalynn, stay on the phone. Adalynn?

[Bill scoffs]

[eerie music]

[phone vibrating]

Bill, I said I don't wanna talk right--

- [evil laughter on phone] - Hello?

[demonic voice on phone] You're all gonna die.

[demonic voice laughing]

[clears throat] Look, I'll put in the report,

but without a description and no forced entry,

there's not a whole lot we can do right now.

Okay, but what about the phone calls?

- We'll run the number. - So that's it?

I'm sorry. I-- I wish there was more we could do.

Look, if you can think of anything,

give us a call, okay?

[door thudding shut]

[sighs]

[Adalynn] The best thing about picking up the pieces

after completely falling apart

is that it gives you a sense of control again.

You can rebuild things however you want them.

I spent the last few days losing my shit,

but I knew I couldn't stay there.

And look,

this terrible thing that happened,

I survived it, and I will continue to.

I have to keep it together for my family.

So, we're starting over.

Everything can feel like new again.

Good. Great, even.

In a word, well, you know...

perfect.

Except...

it's not perfect, is it?

You can never put things back together like they were.

And it can happen again.

[sighing] I can't keep this up forever.

I know I'm not fooling anybody.

I'm losing it.

♪

[demonic voice] Kill them all!

Do it.

[water burbling]

[Elizabeth screaming and choking]

[Adalynn sobbing]

[continues sobbing]

I'm sorry.

[sniffling]

I have to.

[sniffles]

[sobbing] No!

No.

No! No, no!

No!

[pill bottles clattering]

[demonic voice] Why are you doing this?

[eerie music intensifies]

[unsettling music]

[disembodied growling]

[whimpers]

♪

You can't have us.

[suspenseful music]

♪

[Siri] Cici.

Shit! No!

[whispering] It's okay. It's okay.

[muttering] One, two, three, four, five...

[muttering] One, two, three, four, five...

[Miles' voice echoes] Mommy!

Wake up, Mommy. Wake up.

[racing footsteps]

Who's there?

Huh?

- How'd you get into my house? - [Miles] Silly, Mommy.

Stop playing. Come cuddle with me.

[eerie music]

Miles?

- Hello? - [eerie cacophony booms]

- [eerie disembodied laughter] - [Adalynn breathing heavily]

- [laughing continues] - [Adalynn gasps]

You're not my son.

Miles, he...

[voice cracking] ...he wasn't born.

[Miles, voice echoing] And yet, here I am.

No.

We lost you.

[Miles] You didn't lose me, Mommy.

[Adalynn breathing heavily]

[Miles] I wasn't perfect, so you killed me.

- No! - [Miles] Remember?

No!

[Miles] Just like you killed all your family.

[pills rattle]

♪

[Adalynn] The pills?

These are the new ones.

They were in my purse.

But I-- I moved them, didn't I?

Sorry I couldn't save you.

[Adalynn grunts]

[breathing heavily]

[pills rattling]

[breathing heavily]

[faucet running]

[Bill] They should kick in in about ten to 15 minutes.

[muttering] No, you're not...

You're all right.

You're fine.

[breathing heavily]

[exhales]

It's okay.

[exhales]

[tense music]

Elizabeth.

♪ Hmm

[Elizabeth cooing]

♪ Hmm

♪ Who can hear my cry?

[Adalynn laughs] It worked.

We made it, my love.

[Elizabeth cooing]

Ready to see the world, sunshine?

♪ Who can hear my cry?

♪ Hmm

♪ Hmm

♪ Who can hear my cry?

♪ Tears are falling

♪ Like the waves in the blue ocean ♪

♪ Hmm

♪ Hmm

♪ Tears are falling

♪ Like the waves in the blue ocean ♪

♪ Now I'm sinking deep

♪ Feels like yesterday I held you in my arms ♪

♪ Hmm

♪ Hmm

- [ominous music starts] - [Adalynn breathing heavily]

[keys jingling in door lock]

[lock opening]

Bill!

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, baby.

Put the gun down, babe.

Bill?

Put the gun down. Come here.

What happened here, Adalynn? Adalynn, let go.

- What happened? - What?

Adalynn, what did you do?

No. No, I-- It wa-- it wasn't like this.

- I-- I-- I cleaned. - What the fuck!

- Have you been drinking? - No, no.

It was the break-in, Bill.

- It wa-- - Look at this shit.

Baby powder fucking everywhere.

Where-- What's Elizabeth eating, huh?

Look at me. Look at me.

You're not even taking your pills, are you?

- No. - What?

The-- the doctor told me not to, Bill.

What are you talking about, Adalynn?

The doctor, he came to check on Elizabeth

and he told me not to so that I wouldn't hurt her.

Adalynn, I am your doctor.

You fucking insisted on it.

What the fuck is this shit!

[sighs] It's a fucking mess.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Adalynn, you knew--

you knew having the baby would exacerbate your condition.

You knew this.

Look at me. You're dehydrated.

- When was the last time you ate? - [sobbing] Stop. Stop!

When was the last time you had water besides this--

I don't know. I don't know!

You promised you'd tell me.

You promised me and Elizabeth.

- You promised us. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's okay. I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's okay.

Where's Elizabeth, Ad-- Adalynn?

- What? - Our kid?

- Where's our kid at? - No, no, no, no.

- Bill. Bill, please come here. - Stop it!

- Come here, please. It's fine. - [shouting] Stop it!

- [Adalynn sobs] - [somber music]

[Adalynn sobbing]

[Adalynn, quietly] Don't go in there.

- [Bill's voice cracking] Oh, no! - No!

[Bill] Oh, God, no.

[crying] No, not our baby.

[intense music building]

- No. - I'm sorry.

[Bill] No!

[gunshot]

[Adalynn] Another delusion. And the worst one yet.

I went right over the edge.

When thoughts of harming my daughter evolved

to harming myself,

I realized that losing her and Miles would be too much.

I couldn't bear that.

But I think it's over.

I think the pill--

I hope it worked.

I guess I never really dealt with my grief before.

I didn't know how.

It just became easier for me to take pills,

fixate on obsessive behaviors, and let reality fade away.

But I think I can finally just let things be.

"Oh, colored leaves are on the ground."

I see now how unsustainable perfectionis.

I was never perfect.

There's no such thing.

There's just life.

And when living it, shit happens sometimes.

Whether pointless and mundane,

or in a way that's cruel and earth-shattering.

And when you're dealt a hand like that,

I think you're left with a choice.

You can find a way to live with it,

or you can let it destroy you.

Rather, you can destroy yourself and everything about you.

Everything in your life.

It sounds like an easy choice, but sometimes it's not.

I, like many others, couldn't trust my brain

to tell me the truth.

And what's worse...

I couldn't tell anyone what I was going through.

What would people say,

if I told them what I saw and felt?

- They'd say I was crazy. - [shutter clicks]

- They'd call me a monster. - [shutter clicks]

Maybe they'd even try and take Elizabeth.

But I'm not a monster.

I'm a mother, like so many others,

who went through some serious postpartum shit

and can't even talk about it.

We keep our mouths shut to avoid judgment.

So we won't be labeled unfit.

We ignore our own health to keep this deadly secret.

But sometimes people need help, too.

- [phone vibrating] - And, God, do I wish

it was easier to ask for.

Talk about a perfect world.

Hey, girl.

But we have to try.

We have to open up to the people who care about us.

And try and make the best of the world that we live in.

We find ways to cope.

We take it day by day.

And in time, we improve.

We heal, and we live on to fight another day.

We do it for our cubs,

like the great mother polar bear.

So, I'll paint.

I'll leave all my pain and my anger

and my broken heart on the canvas.

And with that, with every cathartic stroke

and every drop of pigment squeezed

out of my very soul, I'm set free.

Does that mean I'm cured?

[chuckles] No. I'm just...

managing.

I'm getting by, maybe even improving a little.

I mean, Bill's prescriptions help, too, obviously.

I read that they don't work for everyone.

But Bill was right.

After 15 minutes,

these little blue pills gave me something

I haven't had for weeks.

Maybe not since we lost Miles.

They gave me hope.

And hope is just what I needed to save my family...

and save my life.

[lock clicking]

Adalynn, I'm home.

Found this on the porch.

I just ordered this.

[Adalynn] Oh.

Hi.

- [Bill sighs] Adalynn. - [Adalynn chuckles]

[Adalynn] And Elizabeth.

- I was so worried, so worried. - [Adalynn chuckles]

I'm so sorry.

- It's okay. - You okay?

I'm per--

I'm good.

[whispering] Hi.

- [Adalynn chuckles] - [Miles] Daddy!

[eerie music]

- This isn't right. - [Miles] Daddy!

No!

This isn't right.

[breathing heavily]

This isn't right. This isn't right.

[eerie creaking]

[Miles] Mommy!

This isn't right. This isn't right.

[demonic voice] What's the matter, Mommy?

[snickering]

[Dr. Van Doren] Adalynn. Adalynn.

[gasping]

You're okay.

You're having another episode.

Focus on my voice and do your counting.

No, this isn't right.

- [Dr. Van Doren] Adalynn. - You're not real.

None of this is real.

Leave us alone.

I'm afraid this is worse than I thought.

Remember, Adalynn. Remember how you got here.

No. No, this isn't real.

This isn't real.

You've had some trouble discerning what's real

from what's imaginary for a while now.

No, no.

You created an elaborate fantasy for yourself

to escape the fact that you--

It wasn't your fault, Adalynn.

Now, please...

give it here.

No.

No, she's my baby.

Go on. Look for yourself.

[sobs] No.

[whimpering in horror]

[sniffles] Where is she?

Where's Elizabeth?

Where's Elizabeth?

Please tell me. [sniffles]

Maybe you should have a seat.

No, doctor, please tell me.

[machine beeping rhythmically]

I'm sorry.

Your baby died, Adalynn.

[machine beeping continuously]

No.

No, no, no, no, no!

- [sobbing] No, no! - [Miles] Daddy!

- [Bill speaking inaudibly] - No, God, no!

Oh, no, no, no, no.

[tape rewinding]

[breathing heavily]

- [evil laughter] - [eerie music booms]

[Adalynn sobbing]

♪

♪

- [Siri] Cici. - [phone ringing]

[ringing continues]

Adalynn, I'm so glad that you picked up your phone.

I have been trying to get in touch with you

for a few days.

There was a nursery incident, I was gonna stop by.

It was a whole thing. Addy?

Cici?

You okay?

[Adalynn sobbing on phone] It won't stop.

What won't stop?

It won't stop until I do it.

[Cici] Do what?

[sighs]

Adalynn?

Hey, I can't help you unless you tell me what's wrong.

Okay? Hey, talk to me.

[Adalynn] I lost them both.

I can't live with that.

[Cici] Adalynn, I want you to remember

your breathing, okay?

Okay, deep breaths.

Can you put the baby somewhere safe?

[nurse] I gave her two milligrams of Lorazepam.

It's best to just let her rest.

I have to say goodbye.

[Cici] Adalynn!

Adalynn, I want you to stay on the phone with me.

Okay? Adalynn?

Adalynn, I'm coming for you, okay?

[clock ticking]

Hi, um, Dr. Bolland.

[ticking continues]

[Cici] Addy! Addy, stop it!

Whatever you're doing, I want you to sit down.

Addy, can you hear me?

Sweetheart, I'm coming to get you.

Okay? I'm gonna come.

I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get the baby.

Addy!

Addy!

I'm Mary Stewart, the grief counselor

here at St. Patrick's.

How is Adalynn?

She's devastated.

She keeps asking to see the baby.

[Cici] Pick the phone up. Can you say something for me?

Addy, please!

I need to be with her right now.

Okay, Bill, Bill--

- [breathing heavily] - [Cici] [indistinct] here.

- I'm almost here, okay? - [tires screeching]

[Mary] Let's have a seat, please.

[ticking continues]

[Cici] Addy, pick up your phone!

This wasn't supposed to happen, you know?

[voice cracking] We did everything right

this time, everything.

Well, for starters,

she's gonna need comprehensive therapy.

- [keys jingling] - [Cici breathing heavily]

[shower running]

That's gonna fucking break her.

Adalynn!

[ticking continues]

- [breathing heavily] - [music intensifies]

[Elizabeth crying]

[Bill] She insists Elizabeth's still alive.

I know what you're gonna say, but I think

Adalynn could really benefit from a reborn doll.

What the fuck?

I'm dying to meet the baby.

Oh, um...

we're not really up for visitors just yet.

[doll coughing]

[breathing heavily]

It wasn't your fault.

[both] As far as I'm concerned...

It wasn't anybody's fault.

[Adalynn] If something were to happen to mama bear,

then her cubs would surely die.

But if something were to happen to her cubs...

what would become of the mother?

Would she have the strength to survive?

[Cici] Adalynn! Adalynn!

[Bill] Absolutely certain you wanna do this?

[sobbing] Yeah.

- [suspenseful music] - [doll crying]

[ticking stops]

- [Adalynn sobs] - [crying continues]

- [crying fades] - [ticking resumes]

[Adalynn] And in time,

we heal.

And we live on to fight our battles again another day.

Unfortunately, I don't think we'll ever win the war.

But we can still fight.

Protect our families.

Even at great sacrifice to ourselves,

we fight.

We fight to the bitter end.

[ticking stops]

[high-pitched ringing]

[ringing stops]

["Adalynn" by Patri Starlight]

♪ Who can hear my cry?

♪ Tears are falling

♪ Like the waves in the blue ocean ♪

♪ Now I'm sinking deep

♪ Feels like yesterday

♪ I held you in my arms

♪ It's hard to let go

♪ I'm losing control

♪ I'm falling into pieces, don't go! ♪

♪ Living life without you

♪ Is the hardest thing I'll never do ♪

♪ Adalynn, oh, Adalynn

♪ Oh, Adalynn

♪ She was the sun in my ocean ♪

♪ I can't even sleep

♪ Will I ever see the lighthouse in this darkness? ♪

♪ Strong wind surrounds me

♪ But I'm daring to fly

♪ Like a butterfly in the rain

♪ Living life without you

♪ Is the hardest thing I'll never do ♪

♪ Adalynn, oh, Adalynn

♪ Oh, Adalynn

♪ She was the sun in my ocean ♪

♪ Silence is too loud ♪

♪ But I can feel her heartbeat ♪

♪ I'll keep her in the vault ♪

♪ Of my broken heart

♪ 'Cause she's the sun in my world ♪

♪ Living life without you

♪ Is the hardest thing I'll never do ♪

♪ Adalynn, oh, Adalynn

♪ Oh, Adalynn

♪ Oh, Adalynn

♪ My Adalynn

♪ Oh, Adalynn

♪ She was the sun in my ocean ♪

[music fades]