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1
00:00:38,504 --> 00:00:40,071
WHAT IS IT, BABY?
2
00:00:40,139 --> 00:00:41,773
I LOVE BARBECUE
SHRIMP.
3
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,775
I DON'T KNOW WHY I ORDERED
THE STUFFED MUSHROOMS.
4
00:00:43,842 --> 00:00:47,128
UCH, I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA
COME BACK TO HAUNT US.
5
00:00:47,196 --> 00:00:50,748
I SAW THE WORD "STUFFED"
AND I JUST STOPPED BREATHING.
6
00:00:50,816 --> 00:00:53,568
WHAT THE HELL?
7
00:00:55,854 --> 00:00:57,588
THAT GUY OVER THERE
KEEPS STARING AT ME.
8
00:00:57,656 --> 00:00:59,824
SO? YOU LIKE IT
WHEN GUYS STARE AT YOU.
9
00:00:59,891 --> 00:01:01,492
NOT ALL GUYS.
LIKE, LATINO GUYS.
10
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,279
YOU KNOW, YOUNG, SEXY, BEAUTIFUL SMILE.
11
00:01:04,346 --> 00:01:06,497
YOU KNOW, FIT
BUT STILL CUT-
12
00:01:06,565 --> 00:01:08,333
YEAH, NOT ME.
GOT IT.
13
00:01:08,384 --> 00:01:10,101
HE IS STARING
RIGHT AT ME.
14
00:01:10,169 --> 00:01:11,953
GO OVER THERE AND
SAY SOMETHING.
15
00:01:13,355 --> 00:01:15,490
YOU KNOW, HE'S PROBABLY JUST
STARING AT THESE WINE BOTTLES.
16
00:01:15,558 --> 00:01:17,258
LOOK AT HIM, HE LOOKS
LIKE A REAL BOOZER.
17
00:01:17,326 --> 00:01:19,644
CAN YOU JUST GO OVER
THERE AND SAY SOMETHING?
18
00:01:19,711 --> 00:01:21,846
YOU'RE MY HUSBAND! YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO PROTECT ME.
19
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,332
YEAH, I NEVER AGREED TO THAT. JUST GO.
20
00:01:30,740 --> 00:01:32,974
HI. UH, LISTEN,
21
00:01:33,042 --> 00:01:34,859
IF YOU'RE STARING AT THOSE
WINE BOTTLES OVER THERE,
22
00:01:34,927 --> 00:01:36,328
I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, IT'S JUST THAT
23
00:01:36,395 --> 00:01:38,346
THEY'RE RIGHT NEAR MY WIFE'S
HEAD AND SHE GETS CONFUSED,
24
00:01:38,497 --> 00:01:40,198
SHE THINKS YOU'RE
STARING AT HER, SO-
25
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,834
ACTUALLY, I WAS
LOOKING AT YOUR WIFE.
26
00:01:43,719 --> 00:01:45,736
OH.
27
00:01:45,755 --> 00:01:48,489
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN MAKING
A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF MONEY?
28
00:01:52,327 --> 00:01:54,979
I'M LISTENING.
29
00:01:55,047 --> 00:01:56,948
MY NAME'S EDWARD BRILL.
30
00:01:57,016 --> 00:01:58,716
I'M IN THE WIG BUSINESS.
31
00:01:58,734 --> 00:02:02,570
AND WE PAY QUITE HANDSOMELY FOR
QUALITY HAIR LIKE YOUR WIFE'S.
32
00:02:04,941 --> 00:02:07,508
WHAT ARE WE
TALKING HERE?
33
00:02:07,610 --> 00:02:09,811
WELL, DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH
SHE'S WILLING TO CUT...
34
00:02:09,878 --> 00:02:11,646
$2,000 TO $3,000.
35
00:02:11,713 --> 00:02:13,732
WOW.
36
00:02:13,799 --> 00:02:16,000
THINK ABOUT IT.
I WILL.
37
00:02:16,068 --> 00:02:18,019
I SEE YOU GOT THE BARBECUE SHRIMP.
38
00:02:18,087 --> 00:02:20,188
PLEASE!
HELP YOURSELF.
39
00:02:20,256 --> 00:02:23,424
OH. THANK YOU.
40
00:02:28,464 --> 00:02:29,798
HEY, BABE.
41
00:02:29,865 --> 00:02:31,616
HI, HONEY.
44
00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:39,157
YOU GOT IT.
45
00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:40,525
AW. THAT'S REALLY SWEET, BABY.
46
00:02:40,592 --> 00:02:41,893
THANK YOU.
47
00:02:45,881 --> 00:02:47,014
WHAT WAS THAT?
48
00:02:47,082 --> 00:02:48,516
WHAT WAS WHAT?
49
00:02:49,552 --> 00:02:50,752
YOU BARELY BRUSHED
YOUR HAIR.
50
00:02:50,820 --> 00:02:52,053
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO,
LIKE, 100 STROKES A NIGHT.
51
00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:53,287
WHERE'D YOU
HEAR THAT?
52
00:02:53,355 --> 00:02:56,190
UH, ONE MISS MARCIA
BRADY. COME HERE. LOOK IT.
53
00:02:56,258 --> 00:02:59,627
1, 2, 3-
54
00:02:59,695 --> 00:03:01,028
ACTUALLY, THAT FEELS
KINDA NICE.
55
00:03:01,096 --> 00:03:05,667
OF COURSE IT DOES.
4, 5, 6-
56
00:03:05,734 --> 00:03:07,552
YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING? HM.
57
00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:08,803
YOU...
58
00:03:08,871 --> 00:03:10,972
WOULD LOOK
REALLY GOOD...
59
00:03:11,039 --> 00:03:12,674
WITH SHORT HAIR.
60
00:03:12,741 --> 00:03:16,410
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? YOU JUST
SAID YOU LOVED MY LONG HAIR.
61
00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:18,346
YEAH, I KNOW, BUT-
62
00:03:18,413 --> 00:03:20,281
IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING,
YOU KNOW THE SAYING,
63
00:03:20,349 --> 00:03:22,517
YOU GOTTA
"SET IT FREE"!
64
00:03:22,585 --> 00:03:24,185
WHAT?
65
00:03:24,252 --> 00:03:26,087
AHEM. YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST
THINKING OUT LOUD HERE-
66
00:03:26,154 --> 00:03:28,690
WHEN WE DO CUT IT, WE SHOULD
PUT IT IN A BAG AND SELL IT.
67
00:03:28,757 --> 00:03:30,892
35, 36.
STOP.
68
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,844
WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
69
00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:35,346
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, THE GUY TONIGHT
AT THE RESTAURANT WAS A WIG MAKER.
70
00:03:35,414 --> 00:03:38,650
ALL RIGHT? HE SAYS YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL
HAIR WE CAN MAKE A TON OF MONEY OFF!
71
00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:40,902
YOU WANT ME TO
SELL MY HAIR?
72
00:03:40,969 --> 00:03:43,721
LOOK. I KNOW IT SOUNDS WEIRD,
BUT HE'S TALKING, LIKE, $3,000.
73
00:03:43,789 --> 00:03:45,239
I REALLY DON'T CARE!
74
00:03:45,307 --> 00:03:46,775
WELL, CARRIE, COU-
75
00:03:46,842 --> 00:03:49,577
JUST THINK ABOUT IT
FOR A MINUTE, OK?
76
00:03:49,645 --> 00:03:51,429
FIRST OF ALL, WE COULD
REALLY USE THAT MONEY,
77
00:03:51,514 --> 00:03:53,647
AND, BONUS, WE COULD
BE HELPING OTHER PEOPLE.
78
00:03:53,715 --> 00:03:55,116
PEOPLE WHO AREN'T
BLESSED WITH YOUR
79
00:03:55,184 --> 00:03:57,151
THICK, BEAUTIFUL
LONG HAIR.
80
00:03:57,219 --> 00:04:00,939
ACTUALLY, IT WOULD BE
NICE TO- TO GIVE BACK.
81
00:04:00,973 --> 00:04:02,590
THERE YOU GO!
82
00:04:02,658 --> 00:04:04,843
SO $3,000, HUH?
YES.
83
00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:06,610
AND THE BEST PART ABOUT
IT IS A YEAR FROM NOW...
84
00:04:06,678 --> 00:04:08,579
YOU'LL HAVE A FULL HEAD
OF HAIR AGAIN, BANG, $3,000
85
00:04:08,647 --> 00:04:09,814
IN THE POCKET AGAIN.
86
00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:12,600
WE COULD DO A LOT
WITH THAT MONEY, RIGHT?
87
00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:14,352
WE CAN GET THAT PIZZA OVEN
I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT.
88
00:04:14,419 --> 00:04:19,324
OR, MORE, WE CAN GO ON THAT
CRUISE WITH DEACON AND KELLY!
89
00:04:19,391 --> 00:04:21,058
BETTER YET, WHEN
THEY COME BACK,
90
00:04:21,126 --> 00:04:22,593
WE THROW 'EM
A PIZZA PARTY!
91
00:04:23,946 --> 00:04:25,146
FINE. NEXT BATCH,
I GOT DIBS ON.
92
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,291
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
93
00:04:38,627 --> 00:04:39,928
WOW.
94
00:04:43,749 --> 00:04:45,149
LOOK AT YOU!
95
00:04:45,217 --> 00:04:46,884
SO IT'S GOOD?
96
00:04:46,952 --> 00:04:48,586
LOOK AT YOU.
97
00:04:48,604 --> 00:04:51,005
I KNOW!
98
00:04:53,008 --> 00:04:55,393
LOOK AT YOU.
MM.
99
00:05:10,141 --> 00:05:13,745
HEY, MON, YOU READY FOR
SOME ISLAND-HOPPING?
100
00:05:13,812 --> 00:05:16,013
I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET
HIM WATCH "COOL RUNNINGS."
101
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,216
WHERE'S CARRIE?
102
00:05:19,284 --> 00:05:22,670
UH, SHE'S UPSTAIRS
WORKING HER COMB-OVER.
103
00:05:24,039 --> 00:05:25,472
HAIRCUT NOT SO GOOD?
104
00:05:25,540 --> 00:05:28,309
YOU KNOW MOE, FROM
THE "THREE STOOGES"?
105
00:05:29,377 --> 00:05:30,745
I'D KILL FOR THAT.
106
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:34,315
TA-DA!
107
00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:37,368
SO, WHAT
DO YOU THINK?
108
00:05:37,436 --> 00:05:39,153
IT'S REALLY,
REALLY...
109
00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:40,321
SASSY?
YES!
110
00:05:40,388 --> 00:05:41,589
I KNOW!
111
00:05:41,657 --> 00:05:43,424
THAT'S WHAT THE
STYLIST SAID!
112
00:05:43,492 --> 00:05:45,276
AND YOU KNOW, IT'S SO EASY TO MANAGE.
113
00:05:45,343 --> 00:05:47,712
I MEAN, MY HAIR DRIES
FASTER THAN HIS NOW.
114
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:51,616
THAT'S TRUE,
IT DOES, IT DOES. FASTER.
115
00:05:51,683 --> 00:05:53,050
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA
GO SAY GOOD BYE TO MY DAD.
116
00:05:53,118 --> 00:05:55,320
WHY DON'T YOU GUYS LOAD
UP THE BAGS IN THE CAR, OK?
117
00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:56,470
OH, HONEY.
118
00:05:56,538 --> 00:05:58,990
TELL THEM HOW I GOT
CARDED AT THE LIQUOR STORE.
119
00:05:59,057 --> 00:06:02,093
OH.
YEAH. YEAH.
120
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,329
SHE DID. 'CAUSE "SHE
LOOKS LIKE A WEIRD BOY".
121
00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:12,187
OH, HEY. WE'RE
LEAVING NOW.
122
00:06:12,254 --> 00:06:14,239
WHO THE HELL
ARE YOU?
123
00:06:23,782 --> 00:06:25,817
I GOT
MY HAIR CUT, DAD.
124
00:06:25,884 --> 00:06:30,004
ANYWAY, WE'LL BE BACK ON
SUNDAY. I MADE YOU LASAGNA.
125
00:06:30,072 --> 00:06:32,606
I'M GONNA PUT IT IN THE OVEN
SO YOU CAN HAVE IT FOR LUNCH.
126
00:06:32,674 --> 00:06:35,709
WITH YOUR HAIR CUT SHORT LIKE THAT,
YOU KNOW WHO YOU LOOK EXACTLY LIKE?
127
00:06:36,478 --> 00:06:38,329
HALLE BERRY?
128
00:06:38,396 --> 00:06:41,399
FRANK MEDFORD.
129
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:44,235
OK.
130
00:06:46,238 --> 00:06:48,173
HE RENTED A ROOM FROM
YOUR MOM AND I
131
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,008
WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED. OH, YEAH?
132
00:06:50,075 --> 00:06:52,409
HE WAS ALWAYS
VERY NICE TO YOUR MOTHER.
133
00:06:52,478 --> 00:06:53,544
HE...
134
00:06:53,612 --> 00:06:56,280
LOOKED AFTER HER WHEN
I WAS AWAY ON BUSINESS.
135
00:06:56,348 --> 00:07:01,151
HE MOVED OUT RATHER ABRUPTLY AROUND
THE TIME SHE GOT PREGNANT WITH YOU.
136
00:07:01,219 --> 00:07:04,204
OK, DADDY.
I LOVE YOU.
137
00:07:04,272 --> 00:07:06,324
I'LL CALL YOU
FROM THE BOAT.
138
00:07:09,561 --> 00:07:11,496
OH, DEAR GOD.
139
00:07:37,106 --> 00:07:40,424
HOW GREAT IS THIS? WE'RE HALFWAY
TO BARBADOS WITH OUR BEST FRIENDS,
140
00:07:40,492 --> 00:07:42,793
WE HAVE ROBERT
GOULET SINGING TO US.
141
00:07:42,861 --> 00:07:45,730
I MEAN, WHAT ELSE
CAN YOU ASK FOR?
142
00:07:45,797 --> 00:07:47,231
NOT A THING.
143
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:11,806
WHAT, DEAC? YOU
WANNA CUT IN?
144
00:08:13,175 --> 00:08:16,010
DANCIN' WITH MY WIFE,
BUT HEY, WHAT THE HECK.
145
00:08:16,077 --> 00:08:19,880
LET'S MIX IT UP!
SWAPSIE!
146
00:08:24,669 --> 00:08:26,137
HEY. HEY, ALL RIGHT.
147
00:08:26,205 --> 00:08:28,239
LET'S SEE WHAT
YOU GOT, BIG BOY.
148
00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:29,274
RIGHT.
149
00:08:43,488 --> 00:08:45,072
HEY, ARTHUR.
150
00:08:45,140 --> 00:08:46,891
YOU'RE LATE!
LATE?
151
00:08:46,959 --> 00:08:50,278
YOU TOLD ME 10 MINUTES AGO AND
TOLD ME TO BE HERE IN 10 MINUTES.
152
00:08:50,346 --> 00:08:53,047
LET'S NOT WASTE MORE TIME
WITH YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSES!
153
00:08:53,114 --> 00:08:54,799
OK. WHAT'S GOING ON?
154
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,084
YOU SEE THAT MAN IN THERE? ... YEAH.
155
00:08:57,152 --> 00:09:01,039
I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE HE
MAY BE CARRIE'S REAL FATHER.
156
00:09:01,106 --> 00:09:03,107
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
157
00:09:03,175 --> 00:09:04,575
IT'S A LONG STORY.
158
00:09:04,643 --> 00:09:06,744
ACTUALLY, IT'S
PRETTY SHORT.
159
00:09:08,113 --> 00:09:11,082
I THINK HE BOINKED
CARRIE'S MOTHER.
160
00:09:13,018 --> 00:09:15,820
IF THERE WAS ONLY SOME WAY
I COULD KNOW FOR SURE.
161
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,538
WELL, YOU COULD DO
A DNA TEST.
162
00:09:17,605 --> 00:09:20,374
YOU SEND IN SOME OF HER
HAIR, SOME OF HIS HAIR,
163
00:09:20,442 --> 00:09:22,176
YOU'D KNOW IN
A COUPLE OF DAYS.
164
00:09:22,244 --> 00:09:23,327
HOW AM I GONNA
GET HIS HAIR?
165
00:09:23,395 --> 00:09:24,995
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO
BE HAIR. IT CAN BE...
166
00:09:25,063 --> 00:09:26,897
SALIVA, OR A
SKIN SAMPLE.
167
00:09:26,965 --> 00:09:27,832
SKIN SAMPLE, HUH?
168
00:09:27,899 --> 00:09:29,450
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
169
00:09:31,736 --> 00:09:33,004
HEY, FRANK!
170
00:09:33,071 --> 00:09:36,240
HOW 'BOUT WE CATCH UP WITH A
GOOD OLD- FASHIONED SCRATCH-FIGHT?
171
00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:38,843
WHAT?
YOU KNOW.
172
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:41,412
A SCRATCH-FIGHT. LIKE WE USED
TO HAVE BACK IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
173
00:09:41,479 --> 00:09:43,014
YOU KNOW, JUST
FOR KICKS.
174
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:47,151
WHAT THE HELL IS
GOING ON HERE, ARTIE?
175
00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:49,253
YOU CALL ME UP
OUT OF THE BLUE,
176
00:09:49,321 --> 00:09:52,340
YOU INVITE ME OVER HERE
FOR CRAB LEGS,
177
00:09:52,407 --> 00:09:54,708
AND INSTEAD,
ALL I GET IS TAP WATER-
178
00:09:54,776 --> 00:09:56,143
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY
RIGHT, FRANK.
179
00:09:56,211 --> 00:10:00,514
ALLOW ME TO APOLOGIZE BY
SWABBING THE INSIDE OF YOUR MOUTH.
180
00:10:01,749 --> 00:10:03,917
OK. I'M OUTTA HERE!
181
00:10:03,985 --> 00:10:05,336
SO SOON? WAIT!
182
00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:08,038
YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN YOUR HAIR. WHAT?
183
00:10:08,106 --> 00:10:09,306
OW!
184
00:10:09,374 --> 00:10:12,142
TURNS OUT IT'S JUST
A CLUMP OF YOUR HAIR.
185
00:10:22,737 --> 00:10:25,206
HOW BEAUTIFUL
IS THIS?
186
00:10:25,274 --> 00:10:27,508
YEAH. IT'S
BEAUTIFUL. JUST...
187
00:10:27,576 --> 00:10:30,478
A LITTLE CHILLY, ISN'T
IT? HERE, LET ME HELP.
188
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:32,463
LET ME HELP YOU WITH
THIS RIGHT THERE.
189
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:35,233
STOP! NO, HONEY.
COME ON.
190
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:38,069
I ACTUALLY LIKE THE WIND
ON MY SCALP, YOU KNOW?
191
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,503
FEELS GOOD.
192
00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:41,555
OK. WHAT'S THE MATTER?
193
00:10:41,623 --> 00:10:43,624
NAH. I OVER-BUFFETED. OH.
194
00:10:45,894 --> 00:10:48,162
OH, LOOK, IT'S ROBERT GOULET! WHERE?
195
00:10:48,229 --> 00:10:49,163
WHERE?
196
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:52,032
I'M SLEEPING
WITH HIS WIFE.
197
00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:54,268
WE LOVED YOUR
SHOW TONIGHT.
198
00:10:54,336 --> 00:10:56,804
YEAH, AND I USUALLY HATE
THAT KIND OF CRAP.
199
00:10:56,872 --> 00:10:59,590
ISN'T THAT SWEET?
200
00:10:59,657 --> 00:11:01,892
ACTUALLY, WOULD YOU MIND IF
WE TOOK A PICTURE WITH YOU?
201
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:06,230
NO, AS LONG AS HE LIKES MY
CRAPPY MUSIC, WHY NOT?
202
00:11:06,297 --> 00:11:10,401
I'M JUST GONNA GO GET THE
CAMERA. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, OK?
203
00:11:10,468 --> 00:11:11,903
BOY, THAT IS...
204
00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:15,106
WILD HAIR.
205
00:11:15,173 --> 00:11:16,874
I JUST THOUGHT SHE'D LOOK
CUTE WITH SHORT HAIR, YOU KNOW?
206
00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:18,375
LIKE JAMIE
LEE CURTIS.
207
00:11:18,443 --> 00:11:22,213
OH, JAMIE LEE. I LOVE HER. WE
DID A "MUPPET" SPECIAL TOGETHER.
208
00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:26,650
SHE SANG A HAUNTING DUET
WITH FOZZIE BEAR.
209
00:11:26,718 --> 00:11:29,237
OH, WAIT. I HAVE MY
CAMERA RIGHT HERE.
210
00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:38,029
HEY.
HEY.
211
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:39,430
WHAT WERE YOU DOING?
212
00:11:39,498 --> 00:11:42,099
NOTHING, I'M JUST SITTING HERE
TALKING TO MR. ROBERT GOULET.
213
00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:44,501
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
PINCH ME! NOW! PINCH ME!
214
00:11:44,569 --> 00:11:46,103
THAT'S CRAZY.
215
00:11:46,171 --> 00:11:48,155
WERE YOU TALKING
ABOUT MY HAIR?
216
00:11:48,223 --> 00:11:49,840
NO! NO.
217
00:11:49,908 --> 00:11:51,726
WAS HE MAKING FUN
OF MY HAIR?
218
00:11:51,793 --> 00:11:54,878
LOOK, I'M IN A HURRY. I'VE GOTTA
CALL BINGO IN THE BARRACUDA LOUNGE.
219
00:11:54,946 --> 00:11:56,714
YEAH, YOU'RE NOT GOING
ANYWHERE, SHOW-TUNES.
220
00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:59,617
WAS HE MAKING FUN OF
MY HAIR OR NOT? WAS HE?
221
00:11:59,684 --> 00:12:02,920
HE SAYS YOU LOOK
LIKE PETE ROSE.
222
00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:08,125
PETE ROSE? HE'S THE ALL-TIME...
223
00:12:08,193 --> 00:12:09,827
HITS LEADER!
HE'S-
224
00:12:11,246 --> 00:12:14,298
OH, BUDDY.
I'M SORRY. LOOK.
225
00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:17,268
DRINKS HALF PRICE AT
MY LATE SHOW, OK? SEE YA.
226
00:12:23,625 --> 00:12:25,692
CARRIE,
WHAT'RE YOU DOING?
227
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,344
I'M LEAVING.
228
00:12:27,412 --> 00:12:30,047
YOU DO REALIZE
WE'RE ON A BOAT.
229
00:12:30,115 --> 00:12:33,484
THEN I WILL SWIM. I HAVE
THE PERFECT HAIR FOR IT.
230
00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:37,371
COME ON! I SAW YOU AND
ROBERT GOULET LAUGHING
231
00:12:37,405 --> 00:12:39,573
AT HOW BAD
MY HAIR LOOKS.
232
00:12:39,641 --> 00:12:41,826
WE WEREN'T LAUGHING AT HOW BAD YOUR
HAIR LOOKS. WE WERE LAUGHING WITH...
233
00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:43,694
HOW BAD YOU HAIR LOOKS.
234
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:45,863
I CAN'T BELIEVE I
CONVINCED MYSELF
235
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,031
THAT THIS LOOKED
STYLISH AND SASSY.
236
00:12:48,099 --> 00:12:50,701
I LOOK LIKE
A MENTAL PATIENT!
237
00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:52,269
I KNOW. IT'S HARD. GET OFF ME!
238
00:12:52,337 --> 00:12:54,105
DON'T TOUCH ME!
239
00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:55,940
YOU KNOW HOW
HUMILIATED I AM?
240
00:12:56,008 --> 00:12:58,142
AND YOU TALKED ME
INTO THIS!
241
00:12:58,210 --> 00:12:59,460
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS
GONNA LOOK SO BAD.
242
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,362
HERE'S THE THING. YOUR
HAIR'S GONNA GROW BACK
243
00:13:01,429 --> 00:13:03,497
AND YOU NEVER HAVE
TO DO THIS AGAIN.
244
00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:06,032
ACTUALLY, ONE MORE TIME, 'CAUSE
THE PIZZA OVEN WAS PART OF THE DEAL.
245
00:13:07,402 --> 00:13:10,003
AAAH!
246
00:13:10,071 --> 00:13:12,607
LOOK, WE MADE A MISTAKE,
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
247
00:13:12,674 --> 00:13:14,775
SHAVE YOUR HEAD.
248
00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:16,644
I'M NOT SHAVING
MY HEAD.
249
00:13:16,711 --> 00:13:19,163
WELL, SHAVE
SOMETHING, BABE.
250
00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:20,531
YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT.
251
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,433
HOW ABOUT THAT WEIRD
PATCH ON YOUR BACK?
252
00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:24,151
OH. NO.
I NEED THAT.
253
00:13:27,889 --> 00:13:29,757
WE CAN STILL HAVE A
GOOD TIME, ALL RIGHT?
254
00:13:29,825 --> 00:13:31,993
WHY DON'T YOU
- HERE. THROW THIS SCARF ON,
255
00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:35,429
AND WE'LL GO MEET DEACON AND
KELLY AT THE MIDNIGHT BUFFET.
256
00:13:35,547 --> 00:13:38,216
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL MY HAIR GROWS BACK.
257
00:13:40,285 --> 00:13:42,453
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? WE'RE
GONNA STAY HERE IN THE CABIN
258
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:43,754
FOR THE REST
OF THE CRUISE?
259
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,472
NOT WE.
260
00:13:51,863 --> 00:13:53,898
YOU GUYS GOT
AN EXTRA PILLOW?
261
00:13:56,384 --> 00:13:58,202
JUST ASKIN'.
262
00:14:06,161 --> 00:14:07,828
MMHM.
263
00:14:15,186 --> 00:14:16,637
HEY.
264
00:14:20,509 --> 00:14:23,744
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
265
00:14:23,812 --> 00:14:25,946
I'M SORRY.
IT WAS COLD, ALL RIGHT?
266
00:14:26,014 --> 00:14:28,014
WHERE'S KELLY?
267
00:14:28,082 --> 00:14:30,667
SHE LEFT. SHE GOT PRETTY
FREAKED OUT WHEN I GOT INTO BED.
268
00:14:30,735 --> 00:14:32,436
OH, MAN!
269
00:14:32,504 --> 00:14:34,105
I'VE REALLY BEEN LOOKING
FORWARD TO THIS TRIP.
270
00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:36,908
NOW I'M STUCK IN BED WITH
YOU INSTEAD OF MY WIFE.
271
00:14:36,975 --> 00:14:38,392
WOMEN.
272
00:14:40,562 --> 00:14:44,965
SOMETIMES IT'S LIKE NO MATTER WHAT WE
DO, IT JUST ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM.
273
00:14:45,033 --> 00:14:46,233
DON'T LUMP US
TOGETHER.
274
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:48,869
I SAVED UP MONEY FOR
6 MONTHS FOR THIS TRIP.
275
00:14:48,937 --> 00:14:51,405
YOU SOLD YOUR WIFE
FOR PARTS.
276
00:14:51,472 --> 00:14:53,473
I'M SORRY. WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO?
277
00:14:53,542 --> 00:14:55,843
I DON'T KNOW, BUT I GOT TWO MORE
DAYS ON THIS BOAT WITHOUT MY KIDS
278
00:14:55,911 --> 00:14:59,212
AND I PLAN ON GETTIN'
LUCKY, AND NOT WITH YOU.
279
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,215
WELL, JUST FOR THAT
THE CANDY SHOP IS CLOSED.
280
00:15:04,553 --> 00:15:06,353
QUIT HOGGING
THE BLANKET.
281
00:15:08,757 --> 00:15:11,725
THERE'S GOTTA BE SOME WAY
I CAN MAKE THIS BETTER.
282
00:15:11,793 --> 00:15:13,661
BUY HER A HAT, OR...
283
00:15:13,728 --> 00:15:15,295
A HELMET.
284
00:15:16,365 --> 00:15:17,765
HOW ABOUT A WIG?
285
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:21,101
OK, WHERE AM I GONNA GET
HER A WIG ON A CRUISE SHIP?
286
00:15:21,169 --> 00:15:22,802
WHERE WERE YOU GONNA
GET A HELMET, IDIOT?
287
00:15:24,606 --> 00:15:27,174
WELL, NOW I SEE WHY
KELLY LEFT. I REALLY DO.
288
00:15:33,181 --> 00:15:34,681
Ok. Shhhh. You
gotta be fast.
289
00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:35,783
OK.
290
00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:39,153
LOOK, I REALLY APPRECIATE
THIS, MR. GOULET.
291
00:15:39,221 --> 00:15:40,504
OK. LOCK UP
ON YOUR WAY OUT.
292
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:41,505
OK.
293
00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:42,540
ALL RIGHT.
294
00:15:42,607 --> 00:15:44,141
LET'S DO THIS AND
GET OUT OF HERE.
295
00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:46,477
WHERE'S THE WIGS?
WHERE'S THE WIGS?
296
00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:48,045
LOOK AT THIS STUFF.
297
00:15:49,197 --> 00:15:52,232
HEY, MAN. HOW WOULD
I LOOK IF I WORE THIS?
298
00:15:53,818 --> 00:15:55,936
LOOKS LIKE YOU ATE
ELTON JOHN.
299
00:15:58,239 --> 00:15:58,922
COME ON.
300
00:15:58,990 --> 00:16:00,841
HERE WE ARE!
LOOK AT THIS!
301
00:16:00,908 --> 00:16:02,476
ALL RIGHT.
302
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:05,145
WHAT DO YOU
THINK?
303
00:16:05,213 --> 00:16:06,447
THIS ONE
IS NICE.
304
00:16:06,514 --> 00:16:08,415
ALL RIGHT, WELL, PUT IT ON. WHAT?
305
00:16:08,483 --> 00:16:10,050
I'M NOT DOING THAT.
306
00:16:10,118 --> 00:16:12,152
THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT YOU HERE,
SO I COULD SEE IT ON SOMEONE.
307
00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:15,522
TRUST ME, ANY WIG I PUT ON
I'M GONNA LOOK LIKE RICK JAMES.
308
00:16:18,493 --> 00:16:20,594
I GOT AN IDEA.
309
00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:23,163
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
310
00:16:23,231 --> 00:16:24,648
I'M DRAWING HER FACE.
311
00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:28,836
ALL RIGHT.
312
00:16:28,903 --> 00:16:30,504
HOW DOES THAT LOOK?
313
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,525
I DON'T KNOW. IT DOESN'T
LOOK MUCH LIKE CARRIE.
314
00:16:36,344 --> 00:16:37,594
OH.
315
00:16:41,899 --> 00:16:45,068
NOW LOOK.
HOW DOES THAT LOOK?
316
00:16:45,136 --> 00:16:48,238
THERE SHE IS. YEAH.
YEAH.
317
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,227
SO?
318
00:16:54,295 --> 00:16:55,896
WHAT ARE
THE RESULTS?
319
00:16:55,964 --> 00:16:59,483
I DON'T KNOW, SPENCE. I'VE
BEEN TOO NERVOUS TO OPEN IT.
320
00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:00,718
DO YOU WANT ME
TO LOOK?
321
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:02,369
NO, I SHOULD
DO THIS.
322
00:17:11,980 --> 00:17:14,982
ACCORDING TO THIS,
THE FATHER IS...
323
00:17:16,918 --> 00:17:18,451
SPENCE OLCHIN.
324
00:17:18,519 --> 00:17:20,654
WHAT?!
325
00:17:20,722 --> 00:17:22,823
YOU BASTARD!
326
00:17:22,891 --> 00:17:26,093
THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE. YEAH!
327
00:17:26,161 --> 00:17:28,211
THE MISTAKE WAS LETTING
YOU ANYWHERE NEAR MY WIFE!
328
00:17:28,279 --> 00:17:30,714
I'VE NEVER MET
YOUR WIFE
329
00:17:30,782 --> 00:17:32,283
AND I'M ONLY 2 YEARS OLDER THAN CARRIE.
330
00:17:32,350 --> 00:17:35,168
OH, LOOK AT YOU,
YOU'RE 50 IF YOU'RE A DAY!
331
00:17:37,322 --> 00:17:40,924
OK, ARTHUR, THE REASON MY NAME
IS ON THIS IS BECAUSE I'M THE ONE
332
00:17:40,992 --> 00:17:42,293
WHO PAID FOR THE TEST!
333
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:46,664
FOR REASONS I STILL
DON'T UNDERSTAND. Yup.
334
00:17:46,731 --> 00:17:48,432
WELL, YOU WIGGLED OUTTA
THAT ONE PRETTY GOOD.
335
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:50,834
SEE? IT SAYS RIGHT HERE,
336
00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:53,069
"FRANK MEDFORD
NOT A MATCH."
337
00:17:53,137 --> 00:17:55,071
YOU'RE CARRIE'S FATHER.
338
00:17:55,139 --> 00:17:56,757
WELL, THAT'S
PRETTY ANTICLIMACTIC.
339
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:59,243
I'M GONNA GRAB A NAP.
340
00:18:07,602 --> 00:18:10,804
HEY, LOOK WHO FOUND HIMSELF
A HIGH-CLASS HOOKER, HUH?
341
00:18:12,173 --> 00:18:13,640
HEY.
342
00:18:13,708 --> 00:18:16,293
GIRL, YOU LOOK AMAZING. DAMN.
343
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:19,146
DAMN? NOW, DO YOU MEAN THAT? 'CAUSE
YOU SAID YOU LIKED MY SHORT HAIR.
344
00:18:19,214 --> 00:18:21,514
NO, NO, NO. THAT WAS
SCARY. YOU'RE GOOD NOW.
345
00:18:21,582 --> 00:18:25,202
OH, YEAH? 'CAUSE I KINDA FEEL
LIKE A CHARLIE'S ANGEL, YOU KNOW?
346
00:18:25,269 --> 00:18:27,904
FREEZE!
347
00:18:27,972 --> 00:18:29,940
HOW GREAT IS THIS, MAN?
ISN'T IT FUN?
348
00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:31,708
LOOK AT US. WE'RE ALL
HANGING OUT. WE GOT GOOD HAIR.
349
00:18:31,776 --> 00:18:35,145
WE'RE JUST CHILLIN'. IT'S AWESOME,
MAN. DON'T GET BETTER THAN THIS.
350
00:18:36,965 --> 00:18:38,332
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
351
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:42,669
NO, NO. I JUST
- I WANTED TO ASK YOU IF YOU WANTED TO DANCE.
352
00:18:43,488 --> 00:18:44,871
OH.
353
00:18:46,674 --> 00:18:47,808
DO YOU MIND, HONEY?
354
00:18:47,859 --> 00:18:49,092
KIDDIN' ME? YOU'RE
DOIN' ME A SOLID.
355
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,578
I HAVE THE WRONG UNDERWEAR
ON FOR DANCING.
356
00:18:52,897 --> 00:18:54,598
THANK YOU.
357
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:17,488
HEY. THERE
YOU ARE.
358
00:19:17,555 --> 00:19:19,089
THOUGHT WE WERE
GONNA DANCE.
359
00:19:19,156 --> 00:19:21,157
OH, YOU'RE FINALLY
DONE WITH PACO?
360
00:19:21,225 --> 00:19:24,561
UGH. I'M ALL YOURS
NOW, BABY.
361
00:19:24,629 --> 00:19:27,314
GOD, YOU SMELL
LIKE OLD SPICE.
362
00:19:28,783 --> 00:19:31,284
THAT'S SWEET.
YOU'RE JEALOUS!
363
00:19:31,352 --> 00:19:32,970
I'M NOT
JEALOUS.
364
00:19:33,037 --> 00:19:35,239
AW, DOUGIE-WOUGIE,
HE'S JEALOUS! STOP IT!
365
00:19:35,306 --> 00:19:36,573
WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU?
366
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,008
WHEN I LOOKED HORRIBLE
YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT,
367
00:19:38,076 --> 00:19:40,411
NOW I LOOK FANTASTIC
AND YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
368
00:19:40,478 --> 00:19:42,746
I WOULDN'T SAY "FANTASTIC." OH.
369
00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:45,866
REALLY? THAT'S INTERESTING,
BECAUSE THERE'S A WHOLE SHIPLOAD
370
00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:47,467
OF CABIN BOYS THAT THINK
I'M PRETTY SEXY, SO
371
00:19:47,535 --> 00:19:48,668
NIGHTY NIGHT.
YEAH?
372
00:19:48,753 --> 00:19:50,537
WELL TRY IT WITHOUT
YOUR LITTLE FRIEND. YEAH!
373
00:19:50,604 --> 00:19:51,938
DOUG! GIVE THAT TO ME! NO!
374
00:19:52,006 --> 00:19:53,123
NO, THE WIG'S MINE NOW.
375
00:19:53,190 --> 00:19:56,226
YEAH, SO GO HIT
THE DANCE FLOOR, CUE BALL.
376
00:19:57,295 --> 00:19:58,611
COME ON, YOU'RE
BEING A JERK.
377
00:19:58,679 --> 00:20:00,480
NO WAY. NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S MY TURN MAYBE.
378
00:20:00,548 --> 00:20:02,182
'CAUSE IT'S
DIRTY DANCIN' TIME
379
00:20:02,250 --> 00:20:06,020
AND GUESS WHAT?
BABY JUST SHOWED UP.
380
00:20:12,944 --> 00:20:15,962
YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME
IT WAS FOR YOU.
381
00:20:16,030 --> 00:20:17,064
I WOULD'VE UNDERSTOOD.
382
00:20:23,037 --> 00:20:24,470
WHAT THE HELL
ARE WE DOING HERE?
383
00:20:24,538 --> 00:20:26,423
I DON'T KNOW,
HONEY.
384
00:20:26,490 --> 00:20:27,657
LOOK.
385
00:20:28,893 --> 00:20:31,461
I'M SORRY ABOUT
EVERYTHING, ALL RIGHT?
386
00:20:32,596 --> 00:20:35,065
I'M SORRY TOO.
387
00:20:46,394 --> 00:20:49,196
IT'S BEAUTIFUL
TONIGHT, ISN'T IT?
388
00:20:49,264 --> 00:20:50,797
IT IS.
389
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:54,118
Yeah.
390
00:20:59,173 --> 00:21:01,274
COME ON, HONEY!
I'M WAITING!
391
00:21:01,342 --> 00:21:04,177
UGH. I REALLY
DON'T WANNA DO THIS.
392
00:21:04,245 --> 00:21:06,079
YOU PROMISED.
393
00:21:10,768 --> 00:21:12,569
LET'S HEAR IT.
28004
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