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1
00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:06,500
Subtitle made by KOBUS!
2
00:00:06,639 --> 00:00:08,405
Carrie, I need you!
3
00:00:08,473 --> 00:00:10,642
I'm working, dad!
4
00:00:10,709 --> 00:00:12,977
My fish sticks are burning.
5
00:00:13,045 --> 00:00:15,479
So take them out of the oven.
6
00:00:15,547 --> 00:00:17,107
You said I wasn't
allowed near the oven.
7
00:00:17,132 --> 00:00:19,183
Make up your mind, mussolini!
8
00:00:19,251 --> 00:00:22,787
It's OK, dad.
9
00:00:22,855 --> 00:00:24,656
Where do you hide
the oven mitts?
10
00:00:24,723 --> 00:00:29,226
I hide them on a hook
over the oven.
11
00:00:29,294 --> 00:00:31,462
All I see are pink puppets.
12
00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:34,565
Those are the oven mitts!
13
00:00:34,633 --> 00:00:36,433
They're both lefties!
14
00:00:40,405 --> 00:00:42,674
Have you been sitting there
this whole time?
15
00:00:42,741 --> 00:00:44,876
Uh, yeah.
16
00:00:44,943 --> 00:00:48,146
Could you go in there and
please take care of this?
17
00:00:57,355 --> 00:00:58,289
Hey!
18
00:00:58,356 --> 00:01:00,158
Hey, hey!
Those are mine!
19
00:01:01,794 --> 00:01:03,527
It's all taken care of.
20
00:01:03,595 --> 00:01:05,196
Thanks, baby.
21
00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:45,369
Hey, Arthur.
22
00:01:45,437 --> 00:01:49,574
Ah, you're just in time to join
me in a bowl of fiber 4,000.
23
00:01:49,641 --> 00:01:53,343
This stuff really shows
your colon who's boss.
24
00:01:53,411 --> 00:01:57,047
Um, not sure
women have colons.
25
00:01:57,115 --> 00:01:59,216
You don't know
what you're missing.
26
00:01:59,284 --> 00:02:00,451
Listen, Arthur,
27
00:02:00,519 --> 00:02:02,553
I need to talk to you
about something,
28
00:02:02,621 --> 00:02:03,988
I'm afraid I'm not
going to be able
29
00:02:04,055 --> 00:02:06,390
- to walk you anymore.
- What?
30
00:02:06,458 --> 00:02:08,826
I met a guy and he wants me
to move to Manhattan.
31
00:02:08,894 --> 00:02:11,696
And so the dollar
dance begins.
32
00:02:11,763 --> 00:02:14,865
Let's skip the fairy tale
and get to the real story.
33
00:02:14,933 --> 00:02:16,500
You want a raise.
34
00:02:16,568 --> 00:02:18,335
No, no, no.
I'm quitting,
35
00:02:18,403 --> 00:02:21,171
and I was kind of hoping
you'd give me your blessing.
36
00:02:21,239 --> 00:02:22,573
- Hi, Carr.
- Oh, hey.
37
00:02:22,641 --> 00:02:26,344
Darling, you're just in time.
Holly has some "big news."
38
00:02:26,411 --> 00:02:31,115
She's "moving" to "Manhattan"
with her "boyfriend."
39
00:02:31,183 --> 00:02:34,719
Needless to say,
I'm "devastated."
40
00:02:36,387 --> 00:02:37,955
Hmm.
41
00:02:38,023 --> 00:02:39,690
What's going on?
42
00:02:39,758 --> 00:02:42,793
Well, I met a guy.
I mean, he's great.
43
00:02:42,861 --> 00:02:45,830
He's sweet and funny and, boy,
44
00:02:45,898 --> 00:02:48,165
when the lights go out,
we just--
45
00:02:48,233 --> 00:02:51,669
whoa, easy there, girl.
46
00:02:51,737 --> 00:02:53,937
So, who is this guy?
How'd you meet him?
47
00:02:54,005 --> 00:02:56,474
Well, um... we met.
48
00:02:56,541 --> 00:02:59,110
We just met!
He's amazing!
49
00:02:59,177 --> 00:03:01,879
Well, that answers that.
50
00:03:01,947 --> 00:03:04,982
Yeah, and he says we're gonna
stay in a penthouse in Manhattan,
51
00:03:05,050 --> 00:03:07,885
and he can afford it 'cause
he owns his own limo company.
52
00:03:07,952 --> 00:03:09,853
Riiiight.
53
00:03:09,921 --> 00:03:11,355
What is it?
54
00:03:11,423 --> 00:03:13,743
Nothing. It's just not the
first time you've walked in here
55
00:03:13,768 --> 00:03:15,659
all excited about
some amazing guy you met,
56
00:03:15,727 --> 00:03:18,762
and, well, it just hasn't
worked out that way.
57
00:03:18,830 --> 00:03:20,530
What do you mean?
58
00:03:20,598 --> 00:03:23,006
Well, like the time you were
dating that guy who told you
59
00:03:23,035 --> 00:03:25,736
he was lieutenant governor
of New Jersey.
60
00:03:25,803 --> 00:03:27,504
Spike?
61
00:03:27,572 --> 00:03:29,439
Yeah.
62
00:03:29,507 --> 00:03:31,709
Yeah, he was probably lying.
63
00:03:31,777 --> 00:03:34,078
But Carl's different,
I just know it.
64
00:03:34,145 --> 00:03:35,278
And I hope so, you know,
65
00:03:35,346 --> 00:03:36,826
but before you uproot
your whole life,
66
00:03:36,893 --> 00:03:38,333
you know, you might
want to check out
67
00:03:38,358 --> 00:03:40,017
if Carl really is
who he says he is,
68
00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:42,886
you know, and that he's
really serious about you.
69
00:03:42,954 --> 00:03:44,514
You're right. I mean,
what if I find out
70
00:03:44,539 --> 00:03:46,089
he's just another lying creep?
71
00:03:46,157 --> 00:03:47,625
Yep. Well, then
I get a call saying,
72
00:03:47,692 --> 00:03:49,852
"they cut me off at O'Dooley's.
Can you drive me home?"
73
00:03:49,877 --> 00:03:51,361
And we get on with our lives.
74
00:03:51,429 --> 00:03:53,597
I've done that?
75
00:03:53,664 --> 00:03:55,866
Couple of times.
76
00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,437
You know something,
my dog is so upset
77
00:04:00,505 --> 00:04:03,074
that Holly's not gonna
be walking him anymore,
78
00:04:03,141 --> 00:04:05,509
last night, he peed
in my slippers.
79
00:04:05,577 --> 00:04:08,279
Actually, that was me.
80
00:04:08,347 --> 00:04:10,681
Don't leave 'em
next to the toilet.
81
00:04:10,748 --> 00:04:12,482
You know I break right.
82
00:04:13,751 --> 00:04:14,831
At least you're consistent.
83
00:04:14,856 --> 00:04:17,123
Arthur's like
a golf course sprinkler.
84
00:04:23,028 --> 00:04:25,629
Hey, yo.
Check out the menu.
85
00:04:25,697 --> 00:04:27,737
Don't tell me they're
bringing back the tofu fingers
86
00:04:27,762 --> 00:04:29,399
'cause I swear to god,
I will walk.
87
00:04:29,467 --> 00:04:31,568
No, man. They named
a sandwich after me.
88
00:04:31,636 --> 00:04:32,636
What?
89
00:04:32,703 --> 00:04:35,339
"The Deacon."
That is so cool!
90
00:04:35,407 --> 00:04:37,207
Let me see that.
91
00:04:37,275 --> 00:04:38,075
I guess Paddy thought that combo
I came up with the other night
92
00:04:38,210 --> 00:04:40,378
was good enough
to become a menu item.
93
00:04:40,445 --> 00:04:42,205
Yeah, that's great.
There's only one problem.
94
00:04:42,230 --> 00:04:44,481
- It's my sandwich.
- What are you talking about?
95
00:04:44,549 --> 00:04:46,417
I'm the one who came up with the
idea to make a club sandwich
96
00:04:46,484 --> 00:04:49,086
with ham, pastrami,
onion rings and gravy.
97
00:04:49,154 --> 00:04:51,555
But I got rid of the ham
and replaced the gravy
98
00:04:51,622 --> 00:04:53,290
with a dab of horseradish.
99
00:04:53,358 --> 00:04:55,359
Yeah, but I invented it.
100
00:04:55,460 --> 00:04:57,794
See, food to you,
it's just fuel.
101
00:04:57,862 --> 00:05:02,132
To me, it's an
unexplored country.
102
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,969
You should come back 'cause
that country's out of bacon.
103
00:05:06,037 --> 00:05:08,272
By the way, I can get your
sandwich at any Bennigan's.
104
00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:10,374
Guys, we're all friends
here, all right?
105
00:05:12,276 --> 00:05:13,877
Tell you what,
let's take a survey.
106
00:05:13,945 --> 00:05:15,846
Spence, whose sandwich
do you think it is?
107
00:05:19,617 --> 00:05:22,119
Please don't put me
in the middle.
108
00:05:22,187 --> 00:05:24,721
This is just like
when my dad left.
109
00:05:24,789 --> 00:05:26,123
Whatever, OK?
110
00:05:26,191 --> 00:05:27,792
A real friend would make
this menu thing right,
111
00:05:27,859 --> 00:05:28,892
and I guess you're
not a real friend.
112
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,194
You know, shame on you.
113
00:05:30,261 --> 00:05:31,861
Why are you being
such a baby about this?
114
00:05:31,929 --> 00:05:33,769
You're a baby 'cause
babies are always grabbing
115
00:05:33,794 --> 00:05:35,566
what's not theirs.
That's classic baby!
116
00:05:35,634 --> 00:05:38,369
So you guys ready to order?
117
00:05:38,436 --> 00:05:41,738
Yeah, yeah, I'll have a "me."
118
00:05:41,806 --> 00:05:42,906
One Deacon.
119
00:05:42,974 --> 00:05:45,042
Make it two.
120
00:05:47,311 --> 00:05:49,780
Make it three.
121
00:05:49,848 --> 00:05:51,916
Watch your back, little man.
122
00:05:53,251 --> 00:05:57,054
Three Deacons.
And for you?
123
00:05:57,122 --> 00:05:58,889
You know what,
124
00:05:58,956 --> 00:06:00,857
I seem to have
lost my appetite.
125
00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:04,061
I'll just have a burger,
OK, with curly fries.
126
00:06:04,129 --> 00:06:05,769
Don't do the steak fries,
last time they--
127
00:06:05,794 --> 00:06:07,764
just bring the curly fries.
128
00:06:07,832 --> 00:06:12,636
Excuse me, did I just hear
you created the Deacon?
129
00:06:12,704 --> 00:06:14,971
Yes.
Yes, I did.
130
00:06:15,039 --> 00:06:17,674
I just had one.
I loved it!
131
00:06:17,742 --> 00:06:19,309
Thanks, man.
132
00:06:19,377 --> 00:06:22,079
Hate to impose,
but would you sign my menu?
133
00:06:22,146 --> 00:06:23,614
Oh, sure.
134
00:06:23,682 --> 00:06:26,684
Could you make it
out to Roger?
135
00:06:26,751 --> 00:06:28,485
Thanks so much.
136
00:06:28,553 --> 00:06:33,757
"To Roger, keep on dreamin'."
137
00:06:33,825 --> 00:06:36,661
That's original.
138
00:06:36,728 --> 00:06:37,894
"Deacon Palmer."
139
00:06:46,304 --> 00:06:48,005
I talked with Carl.
140
00:06:48,072 --> 00:06:50,574
Oh, baby, I'm sorry.
141
00:06:50,641 --> 00:06:52,121
It's better you find out now, though.
142
00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:54,111
We're engaged!
143
00:06:54,179 --> 00:06:55,112
What?!
144
00:06:55,180 --> 00:06:56,313
Well, I did what you said.
145
00:06:56,381 --> 00:06:58,181
I told him I needed to know
if he was serious,
146
00:06:58,206 --> 00:07:00,504
and, boom, right then
and there, he proposed.
147
00:07:00,529 --> 00:07:01,851
And look what he bought me!
148
00:07:01,919 --> 00:07:03,853
Isn't it beautiful?
149
00:07:03,921 --> 00:07:07,657
Holly, Holly...
150
00:07:07,725 --> 00:07:09,659
When do we learn?
151
00:07:09,727 --> 00:07:11,929
What's the matter?
152
00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:13,597
It was too easy.
153
00:07:13,664 --> 00:07:15,799
You say one word,
and the guy proposes,
154
00:07:15,901 --> 00:07:16,981
and he just happens to have
155
00:07:17,006 --> 00:07:19,669
a big, diamond ring
to give you?
156
00:07:19,737 --> 00:07:21,505
You don't think it's real?
157
00:07:21,573 --> 00:07:24,874
Baby, it's comically big.
158
00:07:24,942 --> 00:07:27,511
But Carl said--
159
00:07:27,579 --> 00:07:30,047
Carl's gonna say what
you want to hear, Kitty Kat.
160
00:07:30,114 --> 00:07:32,282
You want to know the truth
about your little ring,
161
00:07:32,350 --> 00:07:34,217
you go to a professional.
162
00:07:34,285 --> 00:07:35,919
It's flawless!
163
00:07:35,987 --> 00:07:37,355
Really?
164
00:07:37,422 --> 00:07:38,656
Really?!
165
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:41,191
Simply stunning.
166
00:07:41,259 --> 00:07:43,127
Most diamonds have
a yellow tinge,
167
00:07:43,194 --> 00:07:46,797
small inclusions,
and tiny black spots.
168
00:07:49,801 --> 00:07:51,735
But this?
Superb!
169
00:07:51,803 --> 00:07:54,905
And the cut, see how
it dances in the light?
170
00:07:54,973 --> 00:07:56,540
OK, settle down, you.
171
00:07:56,607 --> 00:07:58,375
Hesh!
Heshy, come look at this!
172
00:07:58,443 --> 00:08:00,003
All right, well, I
guess we can go now.
173
00:08:00,028 --> 00:08:01,563
Heshy hasn't see it yet.
174
00:08:03,415 --> 00:08:05,649
I'm just saying can't
we call this "the Doug"?
175
00:08:05,716 --> 00:08:09,085
It already has a name.
It's a taco.
176
00:08:09,153 --> 00:08:11,789
No, it's taco topped with relish
and crumbled up saltines.
177
00:08:11,857 --> 00:08:12,856
Hmm?
178
00:08:12,924 --> 00:08:14,124
Come on, man, I got customers.
179
00:08:14,192 --> 00:08:15,326
How about this, OK?
180
00:08:15,393 --> 00:08:17,261
You change hot dog
into a "Hot Doug"?
181
00:08:17,329 --> 00:08:19,163
You just grab
the "u" from soup.
182
00:08:19,230 --> 00:08:21,150
No one's ordering that anyway,
I got to tell you.
183
00:08:21,175 --> 00:08:21,675
Who's next?
184
00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:22,766
Do not ignore me, Manny!
185
00:08:22,834 --> 00:08:25,869
I built this roach coach,
and I can take her down.
186
00:08:25,937 --> 00:08:29,039
Hey! Did you put me on the
sign-up sheet to work Saturday?
187
00:08:29,106 --> 00:08:31,186
Well, I know you like to put
your name on everything,
188
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,543
so I did you a favor.
189
00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:34,411
You know it's my kid's
tenth birthday.
190
00:08:34,479 --> 00:08:37,547
Good, then he's old enough to
know his dad's a glory hound.
191
00:08:37,615 --> 00:08:39,282
- You're pathetic.
- I'm pathetic?
192
00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:41,251
Manny's naming an egg salad
sandwich after me.
193
00:08:41,319 --> 00:08:43,987
Play ball with me, damn it.
194
00:08:53,664 --> 00:08:54,965
So what you're
telling me, Peter,
195
00:08:55,032 --> 00:08:57,067
is that you'll walk me
for $1.00 less
196
00:08:57,135 --> 00:08:59,436
than what my previous
walker charged,
197
00:08:59,504 --> 00:09:04,875
plus complimentary sunscreen?
198
00:09:04,943 --> 00:09:05,976
Hey, Arthur.
199
00:09:06,044 --> 00:09:07,510
Ooh, how awkward!
200
00:09:07,578 --> 00:09:13,784
I was just interviewing
your potential replacement.
201
00:09:13,852 --> 00:09:15,185
Oh, great.
Great.
202
00:09:15,253 --> 00:09:16,933
I just stopped by to
invite you to my thing
203
00:09:16,958 --> 00:09:18,455
I'm having tomorrow
night at Cooper's.
204
00:09:18,523 --> 00:09:19,683
Oh, yes, your elaborate ruse.
205
00:09:19,708 --> 00:09:21,825
I mean, your going-away party.
206
00:09:21,893 --> 00:09:23,627
Yes, yes, I'll be there.
207
00:09:23,695 --> 00:09:25,455
Now if you'll excuse me,
Peter wanted to hear
208
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,365
all about my decades-long
pen-pal relationship
209
00:09:28,433 --> 00:09:31,869
with Mr. Neil Sedaka.
210
00:09:31,937 --> 00:09:33,103
Holly, is that you?
211
00:09:33,171 --> 00:09:34,204
Yeah.
212
00:09:34,272 --> 00:09:36,574
I'm in here.
I just googled your boyfriend!
213
00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:40,410
- Can I leave now?
- Not yet!
214
00:09:40,478 --> 00:09:41,978
OK.
215
00:09:42,046 --> 00:09:44,247
See, I put in Carl's
social security number
216
00:09:44,315 --> 00:09:46,183
and his whole life,
right here.
217
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,652
How did you get
his social security number?
218
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,921
Excuse me, who's on
trial here, him or me?
219
00:09:50,988 --> 00:09:54,057
So what did you find out?
220
00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:57,595
Well, take a little look-see.
221
00:09:57,662 --> 00:09:59,597
And it ain't pretty.
222
00:10:03,869 --> 00:10:07,471
All it says here is that he's got a
couple of outstanding parking tickets.
223
00:10:07,539 --> 00:10:09,106
Yeah, exactly, Holly.
224
00:10:09,173 --> 00:10:12,943
The guy thinks he can park
his car anywhere he wants.
225
00:10:13,011 --> 00:10:15,112
What else is he parking
anywhere he wants?
226
00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:16,780
You know what I'm saying?
227
00:10:16,847 --> 00:10:19,216
Well, didn't you tell me
that Doug gets a lot of tickets?
228
00:10:19,283 --> 00:10:22,119
Yes, but he's just an idiot.
229
00:10:22,187 --> 00:10:26,790
OK, well, yeah,
thanks for checking.
230
00:10:26,858 --> 00:10:28,538
Again, just making sure
you don't get hurt.
231
00:10:28,593 --> 00:10:30,627
Yeah, again, thanks.
232
00:10:30,695 --> 00:10:32,415
Oh, do you know Carl's
mother's maiden name?
233
00:10:32,464 --> 00:10:33,396
No.
234
00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:36,266
It's OK, baby.
I'll get it.
235
00:10:46,043 --> 00:10:47,577
Let me ask you a question.
236
00:10:47,645 --> 00:10:48,946
You work for a lawyer, right?
237
00:10:49,013 --> 00:10:50,814
I used to work for a lawyer,
238
00:10:50,881 --> 00:10:52,161
but for the last
year and a half,
239
00:10:52,186 --> 00:10:53,650
I've worked
for a real estate firm.
240
00:10:53,718 --> 00:10:55,385
Close enough.
241
00:10:55,453 --> 00:10:58,388
I want to file a lawsuit
or an injunction.
242
00:10:58,456 --> 00:11:00,524
I'll let you handle
the mumbo-jumbo.
243
00:11:00,591 --> 00:11:04,060
The point is,
I want Deacon behind bars.
244
00:11:04,128 --> 00:11:05,829
What are you talking about?
245
00:11:05,896 --> 00:11:07,976
I invented a sandwich, and
he's taking credit for it.
246
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,202
And where I come from,
that ain't right!
247
00:11:11,202 --> 00:11:12,803
You know what else
ain't right?
248
00:11:12,870 --> 00:11:16,506
This crappy-ass ring
you got me.
249
00:11:17,775 --> 00:11:19,743
Yeah, that's right.
250
00:11:19,810 --> 00:11:22,412
Is it flawless?
Does it dance in the light?
251
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,114
Does it?!
Does it?!
252
00:11:24,182 --> 00:11:25,348
A little.
253
00:11:25,416 --> 00:11:26,936
You move it around
kind of quick there.
254
00:11:26,961 --> 00:11:28,718
It's fine.
What's your problem?
255
00:11:28,786 --> 00:11:30,921
I don't know.
Holly met this great guy
256
00:11:30,989 --> 00:11:33,057
who bought her
this big, diamond ring,
257
00:11:33,124 --> 00:11:35,826
and now they're moving to some
fancy apartment in Manhattan
258
00:11:35,894 --> 00:11:39,029
that overlooks the park,
and, I don't know, it's--
259
00:11:39,097 --> 00:11:41,031
it's everything
I always wanted.
260
00:11:41,099 --> 00:11:43,299
You're mad at me 'cause
I can't give it to you.
261
00:11:43,367 --> 00:11:45,669
No, I made peace with...
262
00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:52,175
All right, cool.
263
00:11:52,243 --> 00:11:54,310
I guess I'm upset
'cause it's like
264
00:11:54,379 --> 00:11:57,581
who is she to be living
my dream, you know?
265
00:11:57,648 --> 00:11:59,528
Exactly. And who's Deacon
to be living my dream?
266
00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:00,750
It's the same thing!
267
00:12:00,818 --> 00:12:05,022
Excuse me, my dream is to
have a decent quality of life,
268
00:12:05,090 --> 00:12:07,357
your dream is
to be a sandwich.
269
00:12:08,893 --> 00:12:10,527
Yeah.
270
00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:12,062
Doug, the point--
you know what,
271
00:12:12,129 --> 00:12:14,130
I don't even have the energy
to argue with you.
272
00:12:14,198 --> 00:12:16,299
Just tell me what you want
to wear to Holly's party.
273
00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:17,567
I'll make sure it's clean.
274
00:12:17,635 --> 00:12:18,835
Oh, I'm not going to any party
275
00:12:18,970 --> 00:12:21,104
where that man is going to be.
276
00:12:21,172 --> 00:12:23,039
Doug, look, let's just agree
277
00:12:23,107 --> 00:12:25,609
we both got a raw deal here,
all right?
278
00:12:25,677 --> 00:12:27,444
But Deacon and Holly,
they're our friends.
279
00:12:27,512 --> 00:12:30,581
We need to go to the party
and be happy for them, OK?
280
00:12:35,887 --> 00:12:41,258
Look at 'em.
"Oh, we're so in love."
281
00:12:41,326 --> 00:12:44,427
I need a bucket.
282
00:12:44,495 --> 00:12:46,415
I thought you wanted to be
happy for our friends.
283
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:46,964
Oh, right.
284
00:12:47,031 --> 00:12:49,432
Like you're happy for Deacon?
285
00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:51,100
The man stole the one
thing in your life
286
00:12:51,125 --> 00:12:54,270
you had going for you.
287
00:12:54,338 --> 00:12:57,073
Oh, hey, Carrie.
Great party, huh?
288
00:12:57,141 --> 00:12:58,742
Yep.
289
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:01,511
You know,
I never told you this,
290
00:13:01,579 --> 00:13:03,313
but I always kind of
had a thing for Holly.
291
00:13:03,381 --> 00:13:05,415
I mean, I'm glad she met Carl.
292
00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:07,617
He seems like
a really great guy and--
293
00:13:07,685 --> 00:13:10,354
Oh, grow some nuggets, will ya?
294
00:13:10,421 --> 00:13:11,555
What?
295
00:13:11,623 --> 00:13:13,557
How many times did
the girl stumble
296
00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:15,159
to your doorstep, blind drunk,
297
00:13:15,226 --> 00:13:16,986
after walking that ugly,
little dog of yours,
298
00:13:17,011 --> 00:13:19,363
and you still couldn't
close the deal?
299
00:13:19,430 --> 00:13:21,198
You make me sick.
300
00:13:23,434 --> 00:13:25,669
Dinner is served, y'all.
301
00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:31,341
What is that?
302
00:13:31,409 --> 00:13:33,143
A 6-foot Deacon.
You want a piece?
303
00:13:33,211 --> 00:13:34,577
Oh, no, thank you.
304
00:13:34,646 --> 00:13:37,914
Maybe if it had like brown gravy
on it instead of horseradish.
305
00:13:37,982 --> 00:13:39,650
Wouldn't that make it
kind of soggy?
306
00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:42,352
You're soggy.
307
00:13:42,420 --> 00:13:43,353
What?
308
00:13:43,421 --> 00:13:44,721
Walk away.
309
00:13:47,091 --> 00:13:48,491
Very impressive.
310
00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:49,492
Thanks.
311
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:50,794
Just one note:
312
00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:53,564
Next time you might want to get
a more convincing actor
313
00:13:53,631 --> 00:13:55,832
to play the part
of your fiancé.
314
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:59,936
This guy belongs on a bagel
because he's a lox.
315
00:14:00,004 --> 00:14:02,039
So, I bet
the limousine business
316
00:14:02,106 --> 00:14:04,274
has been very good to you, huh?
317
00:14:04,342 --> 00:14:07,477
Well, it's a lot of work,
but I love it.
318
00:14:07,545 --> 00:14:09,212
I bet you do.
319
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,548
What do you mean?
320
00:14:11,616 --> 00:14:14,817
Come on, it's me.
It's late at night,
321
00:14:14,885 --> 00:14:17,955
you're driving some coked-up
supermodel to the airport,
322
00:14:18,022 --> 00:14:20,102
and all of a sudden she's
in the front seat with you.
323
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:23,159
"Oh, you own the company?
That's so hot."
324
00:14:23,227 --> 00:14:26,869
Um, Carrie, can I talk to you
in private for a second?
325
00:14:26,898 --> 00:14:28,799
Yeah, no problem.
Be right back.
326
00:14:33,838 --> 00:14:35,538
Ohh!
327
00:14:38,242 --> 00:14:40,143
Guy, you OK?
328
00:14:40,211 --> 00:14:45,215
I tell ya, this Deacon
or whatever you call it,
329
00:14:45,282 --> 00:14:48,051
it's so dry,
I can't even swallow it.
330
00:14:52,156 --> 00:14:57,460
I need something to make it
more moist, yet not soggy.
331
00:14:57,628 --> 00:14:58,562
How about some water?
332
00:14:58,629 --> 00:15:00,864
No, that's not gonna
do anything for me.
333
00:15:00,932 --> 00:15:04,434
I need something smooth like
gravy or something like--
334
00:15:07,304 --> 00:15:09,707
Oh, yeah.
335
00:15:10,675 --> 00:15:12,742
Now that's a sandwich.
336
00:15:12,810 --> 00:15:14,977
You know what, I've
had enough of your crap.
337
00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:16,245
Well, I've had
enough of yours.
338
00:15:16,247 --> 00:15:18,074
- You wanna go?
- I would love to go!
339
00:15:18,082 --> 00:15:19,882
- Then let's go!
- I'm going!
340
00:15:19,950 --> 00:15:22,085
Come on!
341
00:15:22,152 --> 00:15:26,556
Yeah, I just really want to know
why you were groping my fiancé?
342
00:15:26,624 --> 00:15:28,825
I was testing him.
343
00:15:28,893 --> 00:15:30,159
And keep up with the attitude,
344
00:15:30,227 --> 00:15:31,895
I'm gonna stop helping you.
345
00:15:31,963 --> 00:15:34,097
Helping me?
You're trying to ruin it.
346
00:15:34,165 --> 00:15:36,700
Ruin it? Why would
I want to ruin it?
347
00:15:36,768 --> 00:15:38,208
I don't know.
Maybe 'cause you're mad
348
00:15:38,233 --> 00:15:40,837
because, you know,
I found a really great guy.
349
00:15:40,904 --> 00:15:43,606
Excuse me, I have
a really great guy, too.
350
00:15:56,020 --> 00:15:59,455
Look, did you ever have a
friend whose life sucked so bad
351
00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:01,992
that it made you feel
better about your own?
352
00:16:02,059 --> 00:16:03,894
What? No.
353
00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:07,263
Well, I did, and it was you.
354
00:16:07,331 --> 00:16:10,067
Oh!
355
00:16:10,134 --> 00:16:13,369
Oh, I'm so sorry things
worked out for me. That's OK.
356
00:16:13,437 --> 00:16:16,105
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
Thank you for understanding.
357
00:16:16,173 --> 00:16:18,375
You're welcome. You're
welcome. Thank you.
358
00:16:18,442 --> 00:16:20,477
The car's here.
We should skedaddle.
359
00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:23,480
OK, I'll be there
in a second, honey.
360
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:26,149
"Skedaddle"?
361
00:16:26,217 --> 00:16:30,854
I got to tell you, my gaydar
just went boop, boop, boop.
362
00:16:34,124 --> 00:16:35,959
Good luck, sweetie.
363
00:16:36,027 --> 00:16:37,327
Thanks.
364
00:16:39,964 --> 00:16:41,264
- Good-bye.
- Bye.
365
00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:46,169
Another gin and tonic.
366
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:52,142
So your life must be
pretty crappy, huh?
367
00:16:58,349 --> 00:17:00,750
All right, you win.
368
00:17:00,818 --> 00:17:02,538
I'll convince Douglas
and Carrie to give you
369
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,354
- $1.00 more an hour.
- Arthur--
370
00:17:04,421 --> 00:17:06,689
I'll expect you to kick a
quarter of that back to me.
371
00:17:06,757 --> 00:17:09,660
Would you stop it? Why can't you
get this through your crazy head?
372
00:17:09,727 --> 00:17:11,795
I'm leaving.
373
00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:13,696
- Really?
- Yes.
374
00:17:13,764 --> 00:17:16,600
And this is how I find out?
375
00:17:16,967 --> 00:17:18,168
Sorry.
376
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:23,473
You were the best dog walker
a man could ever ask for.
377
00:17:23,541 --> 00:17:25,975
Thank you, Arthur.
And of all my clients,
378
00:17:26,043 --> 00:17:28,311
you were definitely
the most interesting
379
00:17:28,379 --> 00:17:31,548
and the least distracted
by squirrels.
380
00:17:31,616 --> 00:17:35,819
You're a terrible liar,
but a marvelous person.
381
00:17:35,886 --> 00:17:39,823
You know, Carl's still inside.
382
00:17:39,890 --> 00:17:41,624
I have time for one more walk.
383
00:17:41,692 --> 00:17:42,792
On the house.
384
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:44,160
I'd like that.
385
00:17:46,530 --> 00:17:48,798
What say I treat you
to a lemon ice at Luigi's?
386
00:17:48,866 --> 00:17:49,866
That'd be great.
387
00:17:49,934 --> 00:17:51,134
By the way,
did I ever tell you
388
00:17:51,159 --> 00:17:53,603
how I inspired
Neil Sedaka's pop classic,
389
00:17:53,670 --> 00:17:55,138
happy birthday, sweet sixteen?
390
00:17:55,206 --> 00:17:57,840
Yes, but I would love
to hear it again.
391
00:17:58,976 --> 00:18:02,279
Come on, gravy boat!
Whatcha got, huh?
392
00:18:02,346 --> 00:18:03,847
Guys, guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys!
393
00:18:03,914 --> 00:18:05,382
Guys, I talked to Paddy,
394
00:18:05,449 --> 00:18:07,284
and he agreed
on a compromise, OK?
395
00:18:07,351 --> 00:18:09,051
He said he would
put back the ham
396
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,154
and he would use
horseradish and gravy,
397
00:18:11,221 --> 00:18:14,524
and he would call it
"the Deacon/Doug."
398
00:18:14,592 --> 00:18:16,225
I don't know, man.
399
00:18:16,293 --> 00:18:18,053
Why is his name first?
Why is his name first?
400
00:18:18,078 --> 00:18:21,998
OK, we'll call it "the double D"
and everybody's happy.
401
00:18:32,877 --> 00:18:35,211
5 minutes, Mr. Sedaka.
402
00:18:35,279 --> 00:18:37,180
Thank you.
403
00:18:37,247 --> 00:18:38,748
"So I lost Holly,
404
00:18:38,816 --> 00:18:42,085
"and Peter's mother has
forbidden me from contact.
405
00:18:42,152 --> 00:18:45,488
"On the plus side,
the fiber 4,000 continues
406
00:18:45,556 --> 00:18:49,292
"to do a Sterling job
on my nether regions.
407
00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:50,927
Thanks for the tip."
408
00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:53,563
Oh, Arthur, you keep me young.
29451
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