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1
00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:05,100
Subtitle made by KOBUS!
2
00:00:05,137 --> 00:00:06,336
Hello?
3
00:00:06,404 --> 00:00:08,405
Oh, hi, Mr. Dugan.
4
00:00:08,473 --> 00:00:11,008
Yeah, I have it on my computer.
I'll go pull it up.
5
00:00:11,076 --> 00:00:12,009
Hold on one second.
6
00:00:12,077 --> 00:00:13,945
Uh, honey?
This is my boss.
7
00:00:14,012 --> 00:00:16,299
Can you finish folding the
laundry for me? Thanks.
8
00:01:30,923 --> 00:01:31,939
Oh, my god.
9
00:01:34,592 --> 00:01:37,027
OK, sure.
No problem, Mr. Dugan.
10
00:01:37,095 --> 00:01:39,396
OK, all right.
11
00:01:39,464 --> 00:01:40,698
I'll see you Monday.
12
00:01:40,766 --> 00:01:42,967
OK, bye-bye.
13
00:01:43,034 --> 00:01:43,968
You done already?
14
00:01:44,035 --> 00:01:45,470
Yeah, it's what I do.
15
00:02:22,491 --> 00:02:25,443
Memo to all
Dugan group employees:
16
00:02:25,510 --> 00:02:27,077
As of the first of November,
17
00:02:27,145 --> 00:02:29,447
all leases must be filed
under the tenants--
18
00:02:29,514 --> 00:02:30,547
Darling, I got big news.
19
00:02:30,615 --> 00:02:33,000
Dad, you can't talk
while I'm working.
20
00:02:33,068 --> 00:02:36,537
And yet another one of my basic
human rights bites the dust.
21
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,841
You just can't talk
while I'm doing this.
22
00:02:39,908 --> 00:02:41,926
OK, it's this
new software I got.
23
00:02:41,993 --> 00:02:43,678
It types everything
that you say. Here.
24
00:02:43,745 --> 00:02:45,362
Say something.
25
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:49,333
Testing. 1, 2, 3.
26
00:02:49,401 --> 00:02:51,135
It wrote it.
27
00:02:51,202 --> 00:02:53,905
It wrote, "It wrote it".
28
00:02:53,972 --> 00:02:55,139
Yes, it did.
29
00:02:55,206 --> 00:02:57,174
- It wrote, "Yes, it did".
- OK, easy now.
30
00:02:57,242 --> 00:02:58,275
One more.
31
00:02:58,343 --> 00:03:00,711
- Bosoms.
- OK. End program. Off.
32
00:03:00,779 --> 00:03:04,181
All right, dad. It says
up here on my work memo
33
00:03:04,249 --> 00:03:06,700
that you have some big news.
34
00:03:06,768 --> 00:03:09,153
Yes, we're putting on a theater
night at the senior center,
35
00:03:09,220 --> 00:03:10,721
and I was able
to pull some strings
36
00:03:10,789 --> 00:03:13,957
and get you and Douglas
some seats right up front.
37
00:03:14,025 --> 00:03:17,544
Hmm.
38
00:03:17,612 --> 00:03:22,049
You know, you never went to any
of my plays when I was a kid.
39
00:03:22,117 --> 00:03:24,401
Well, darling, I was a
little busy supporting you.
40
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:27,988
And now I'm a little
busy supporting you.
41
00:03:28,057 --> 00:03:29,290
So, what's the difference?
42
00:03:29,358 --> 00:03:30,875
The difference is I have talent,
43
00:03:30,942 --> 00:03:34,044
and shame on you
for making me say it.
44
00:03:35,647 --> 00:03:36,914
Program on.
45
00:03:36,982 --> 00:03:38,416
All employees--
46
00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:40,334
Hey, Tony threw
in 6 free garlic knots.
47
00:03:41,236 --> 00:03:44,104
I ate 5 in the car.
48
00:03:44,372 --> 00:03:47,441
I am starving.
Wanna get the plates?
49
00:03:47,508 --> 00:03:49,726
Plates?
No, you eat right out of the tin.
50
00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:50,727
It's better.
51
00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:52,315
You know,
and then in the home stretch,
52
00:03:52,383 --> 00:03:54,551
you fold it into a funnel,
and you drink the sauce.
53
00:03:54,618 --> 00:03:56,567
It's good.
54
00:04:00,972 --> 00:04:02,906
Is this all the bags?
55
00:04:02,974 --> 00:04:04,475
Yeah, what's the matter?
56
00:04:04,509 --> 00:04:08,112
- Um, my dinner's not in here.
- What?
57
00:04:08,180 --> 00:04:10,448
Yeah. Look, no eggplant
parm, no salad.
58
00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:12,416
You're kidding me.
59
00:04:12,484 --> 00:04:14,785
That blows.
60
00:04:14,853 --> 00:04:19,089
Yeah, I have no dinner,
and that does blow, so...
61
00:04:20,725 --> 00:04:22,659
You want the last garlic knot?
62
00:04:22,727 --> 00:04:25,646
No.
I want you to get my food.
63
00:04:25,713 --> 00:04:27,481
Fine.
64
00:04:27,548 --> 00:04:30,167
Oh, I'm sorry, Doug.
Forgive me for having to eat.
65
00:04:30,235 --> 00:04:32,102
I just said I would go.
66
00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:34,805
No, I know, but this
is so typical of you.
67
00:04:34,873 --> 00:04:36,007
What?
68
00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:37,995
You don't give a crap
about anybody but yourself.
69
00:04:38,059 --> 00:04:39,577
Oh, please.
What about last week?
70
00:04:39,645 --> 00:04:42,380
You forgot my cheesecake
from the cheesecake factory.
71
00:04:42,447 --> 00:04:46,834
OK? So why don't you take a little
bus ride back to shuttytown?
72
00:04:46,902 --> 00:04:50,504
I would, but you
probably ate my ticket.
73
00:04:50,572 --> 00:04:53,273
Ah, that's--
That's funny,
74
00:04:53,341 --> 00:04:54,301
'cause I eat everything.
75
00:04:54,342 --> 00:04:56,610
Well, you know what, right now,
I'm eating my dinner.
76
00:04:56,678 --> 00:05:00,214
Yeah, mmm, and it's so good.
77
00:05:00,282 --> 00:05:02,683
Mmm. Very good.
78
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:04,118
- Oh, yeah?
- I love it.
79
00:05:04,186 --> 00:05:07,571
- How's it now, chunky?
- Hey, hey!
80
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,008
Piney-fresh, mmm.
81
00:05:11,075 --> 00:05:14,595
Mmm, mmm.
82
00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:15,746
Aah!
83
00:05:19,151 --> 00:05:21,753
You can't stop me.
84
00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:30,378
Hey, I want to talk
to you about last night.
85
00:05:30,445 --> 00:05:32,013
Please, not the fruit loops.
86
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,580
No.
87
00:05:33,648 --> 00:05:35,966
I'm not mad anymore.
88
00:05:36,034 --> 00:05:37,968
Look at this.
89
00:05:38,036 --> 00:05:39,703
Oh, what is this?
90
00:05:39,771 --> 00:05:41,806
Well, my computer was on,
91
00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:45,443
and that new program
transcribed our entire fight,
92
00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:46,944
all two hours of it.
93
00:05:47,012 --> 00:05:48,412
- Really?
- Yeah.
94
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,865
When did I say, "bosoms"?
95
00:05:50,932 --> 00:05:52,132
No, no, no.
96
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,652
The fight starts here,
and I gotta tell ya,
97
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,454
there's some pretty
rough stuff here.
98
00:05:56,521 --> 00:05:58,021
Hmm. Where?
99
00:05:58,089 --> 00:06:01,175
Ah, OK, like--
like here,
100
00:06:01,242 --> 00:06:04,478
where I said, "Didn't you
notice the bag was too light?"
101
00:06:04,546 --> 00:06:08,448
And you said,
"You have no friends."
102
00:06:08,516 --> 00:06:10,884
Yeah, but then you said,
103
00:06:10,952 --> 00:06:12,392
"At least I'm not
a massive failure",
104
00:06:12,421 --> 00:06:14,288
so you really answered the bell.
105
00:06:14,356 --> 00:06:16,757
Doug, come on, this isn't funny.
I mean, look.
106
00:06:16,824 --> 00:06:20,777
Here's where we threaten to
run each over with our cars.
107
00:06:20,845 --> 00:06:22,485
And now we're having
fruit loops together.
108
00:06:22,552 --> 00:06:24,152
It's a storybook ending.
Come here, baby.
109
00:06:24,177 --> 00:06:25,316
No, Doug!
Come on!
110
00:06:25,383 --> 00:06:27,384
Come on. You're making a
big deal out of nothing.
111
00:06:27,452 --> 00:06:28,585
It was one bad fight.
112
00:06:28,653 --> 00:06:29,920
No, actually, it's--
113
00:06:30,071 --> 00:06:32,673
It's like this all the time now.
114
00:06:32,741 --> 00:06:35,092
I tell you what, leave the
computer on. Let it record us.
115
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,728
You'll see that this fight--
It was a fluke.
116
00:06:37,795 --> 00:06:42,233
No, Doug, if the computer's on,
then we'll be on our best behavior.
117
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:44,268
Carrie is an ass!
118
00:06:44,336 --> 00:06:45,986
Oh, yeah? Well, you can
say whatever you want,
119
00:06:46,054 --> 00:06:47,254
because you are still
an inconsiderate--
120
00:06:47,321 --> 00:06:48,422
Yeah, but you're an ass!
121
00:06:48,489 --> 00:06:50,169
- ...selfish...
- You're an ass! Ass, ass, ass!
122
00:06:50,194 --> 00:06:51,661
- Carrie's an ass!
- Stupid, stupid!
123
00:06:54,563 --> 00:06:57,665
OK, all that's missing
is gunfire.
124
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,135
I gotta tell ya, I'm a little
worried about where we're headed,
125
00:07:02,203 --> 00:07:04,083
and if we don't do
something about this, I mean,
126
00:07:04,108 --> 00:07:06,106
maybe we can use some
professional help.
127
00:07:06,174 --> 00:07:08,809
You mean--
You mean like therapy?
128
00:07:08,877 --> 00:07:11,512
Yeah. We are talking about
saving our marriage here.
129
00:07:11,579 --> 00:07:13,047
I know, it's just--
130
00:07:13,115 --> 00:07:18,302
I don't want to throw money
down a rathole.
131
00:07:18,370 --> 00:07:21,472
Hey, you know our
new neighbor Glenn
132
00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:22,820
who just moved
across the street?
133
00:07:22,874 --> 00:07:24,608
He's a marriage counselor.
134
00:07:24,676 --> 00:07:27,244
I'm going to take marriage advice
from a guy who jogs in jeans.
135
00:07:27,312 --> 00:07:28,629
No, that's not Glenn.
136
00:07:28,697 --> 00:07:29,219
I don't get it, man.
137
00:07:29,244 --> 00:07:31,265
I walk up a flight of stairs
in jeans, my legs are all raw.
138
00:07:31,333 --> 00:07:34,067
OK, let's focus,
let's focus, OK?
139
00:07:34,135 --> 00:07:35,886
What do we do?
Do we ask this guy for help?
140
00:07:35,953 --> 00:07:38,322
I mean, then we
gotta pay him then.
141
00:07:38,390 --> 00:07:40,624
No, no. We'll just invite
him over for, like, you know,
142
00:07:40,692 --> 00:07:42,292
"Welcome to the
neighborhood" type thing,
143
00:07:42,293 --> 00:07:45,028
and then we just pick
his brain a little bit.
144
00:07:47,265 --> 00:07:49,233
- OK.
- Yeah?
145
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:51,902
- Thank you, honey.
- Right.
146
00:07:51,969 --> 00:07:53,289
What do you want
to do for dinner?
147
00:07:53,314 --> 00:07:54,838
Um, you wanna get take-out?
148
00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:56,940
Hmm.
That's a powder keg.
149
00:08:00,845 --> 00:08:03,230
We'll be doing
a scene from The Gin Game,
150
00:08:03,298 --> 00:08:05,416
and whoever wins
the part of Fonsia
151
00:08:05,483 --> 00:08:08,419
should be prepared for the most
physically and emotionally grueling
152
00:08:08,486 --> 00:08:10,187
8 days of your life.
153
00:08:12,974 --> 00:08:17,244
Now, Minna, how married
are you to the oxygen tank?
154
00:08:17,312 --> 00:08:20,981
Well, I really
need it to breathe.
155
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:26,120
Looks like we
have ourselves a diva.
156
00:08:26,188 --> 00:08:30,307
Arthur, we've been standing
for an awfully long time.
157
00:08:30,375 --> 00:08:34,177
Is it possible that we could
take a seat for a moment?
158
00:08:34,245 --> 00:08:37,581
Oh, you know
where they have seats?
159
00:08:37,649 --> 00:08:39,383
At the unemployment office.
160
00:08:39,451 --> 00:08:40,584
Hit the bricks!
161
00:08:42,370 --> 00:08:45,439
Arthur, you know,
I played Fonsia
162
00:08:45,506 --> 00:08:48,275
at the Fresh Meadows
community playhouse.
163
00:08:48,376 --> 00:08:50,394
Oh, Fresh Meadows.
164
00:08:50,462 --> 00:08:53,063
I don't have time to break
you of your bad habits!
165
00:08:53,131 --> 00:08:54,648
Get out!
166
00:08:57,668 --> 00:09:00,437
Now, you do understand,
there may be some tasteful,
167
00:09:00,505 --> 00:09:02,706
but full-frontal nudity.
168
00:09:09,114 --> 00:09:11,831
That's my Fonsia.
169
00:09:18,639 --> 00:09:20,741
So, when we saw your
garbage cans knocked over,
170
00:09:20,809 --> 00:09:22,793
we just knew we had
to do something.
171
00:09:22,861 --> 00:09:24,141
Yeah, so I just
rushed over there
172
00:09:24,162 --> 00:09:24,911
and started cleaning up
the trash,
173
00:09:24,979 --> 00:09:26,419
and what pops out
of one of the cans?
174
00:09:26,444 --> 00:09:27,698
A raccoon.
175
00:09:27,766 --> 00:09:29,566
And this one,
terrified of raccoons.
176
00:09:29,634 --> 00:09:32,102
You know, it's the people hands,
they freak me out.
177
00:09:32,126 --> 00:09:34,126
They really do.
178
00:09:35,022 --> 00:09:36,474
Well, I'm new on the block,
179
00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:38,809
and I really appreciate
you looking out for me.
180
00:09:38,877 --> 00:09:40,197
Oh, that's what
neighbors are for,
181
00:09:40,222 --> 00:09:42,340
to help each other out.
For free.
182
00:09:43,648 --> 00:09:45,649
Besides, we were
up anyway having one
183
00:09:45,717 --> 00:09:47,150
of our vicious marital fights.
184
00:09:47,218 --> 00:09:49,920
Oh, yeah. We've been known to
lace up the heinie-kicking boots.
185
00:09:49,988 --> 00:09:52,255
Heh heh.
186
00:09:52,323 --> 00:09:55,426
Oh, you know, I happen to be a
marriage and family therapist.
187
00:09:55,493 --> 00:09:56,109
Shut up.
188
00:09:56,177 --> 00:09:57,678
No, really.
It's true.
189
00:09:57,746 --> 00:09:59,329
Look, I don't know
what you are,
190
00:09:59,397 --> 00:10:02,449
but you certainly do fill
out a pair of jogging jeans.
191
00:10:02,516 --> 00:10:03,551
It's not him.
192
00:10:04,118 --> 00:10:06,987
Listen, if you ever need a
little informal advice,
193
00:10:07,054 --> 00:10:08,489
I'd be happy to
help you out--
194
00:10:08,556 --> 00:10:09,289
That'd be great.
Just read over this.
195
00:10:09,357 --> 00:10:10,841
Yeah, when you're
done with that,
196
00:10:10,909 --> 00:10:13,109
there's more over there.
We're gonna put some coffee on.
197
00:10:23,487 --> 00:10:25,488
Pretty bad, huh?
198
00:10:25,556 --> 00:10:26,456
Uh-huh.
199
00:10:29,277 --> 00:10:31,011
But you've seen worse, right?
200
00:10:31,078 --> 00:10:33,814
Not much worse, no.
201
00:10:33,881 --> 00:10:34,625
Look, look, look.
202
00:10:34,650 --> 00:10:36,830
The thing is, we don't want
to be like this anymore.
203
00:10:36,855 --> 00:10:37,984
Can you help us?
204
00:10:38,052 --> 00:10:39,302
What you have to understand is
205
00:10:39,370 --> 00:10:41,805
fighting is a part
of any relationship,
206
00:10:41,873 --> 00:10:43,841
but you must do it
in a healthy way.
207
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:46,276
Now, I'm gonna give
you some strategies
208
00:10:46,344 --> 00:10:49,747
so you can contain the conflict,
erect some firewalls--
209
00:10:49,814 --> 00:10:51,515
Erect.
210
00:10:53,117 --> 00:10:54,651
You're right.
He's a--
211
00:10:54,719 --> 00:10:56,653
- OK, shut up, idiot.
- You shut up.
212
00:10:56,721 --> 00:10:57,570
This is good.
213
00:10:57,638 --> 00:10:59,256
Let's work with this.
214
00:10:59,323 --> 00:11:03,226
Doug, how did it make you feel when
Carrie just called you an idiot?
215
00:11:03,294 --> 00:11:04,878
Mad.
216
00:11:04,946 --> 00:11:07,147
Oh...
217
00:11:07,215 --> 00:11:09,082
And sad.
218
00:11:09,150 --> 00:11:12,152
We call words
like that "escalators",
219
00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:15,021
because they take the
conflict to another level.
220
00:11:15,089 --> 00:11:16,840
Oh, like going on an escalator.
221
00:11:16,908 --> 00:11:18,642
Very good, Doug.
Very good.
222
00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:20,244
Yeah.
223
00:11:20,311 --> 00:11:23,681
Left unchecked, these words
can turn a simple disagreement
224
00:11:23,748 --> 00:11:26,750
into a hurtful, even
a violent encounter,
225
00:11:26,818 --> 00:11:29,720
like you two had
about the ketchup
226
00:11:29,788 --> 00:11:33,223
last Wednesday
and this morning.
227
00:11:33,291 --> 00:11:37,377
She knows I don't
like the upside-down top.
228
00:11:37,445 --> 00:11:39,195
OK.
229
00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:40,943
Upside-down jelly you
have no problem with,
230
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:43,500
but ketchup, you go ballistic.
231
00:11:43,568 --> 00:11:45,168
OK, 'cause the water
collects at the top,
232
00:11:45,236 --> 00:11:49,004
and the fact that you don't know
that just shows how stupid you are.
233
00:11:57,365 --> 00:12:00,383
I had a little money,
but with the hospital bills
234
00:12:00,451 --> 00:12:02,552
and trying to look after myself,
235
00:12:02,620 --> 00:12:05,555
plus I still had that
little house on Ash Street--
236
00:12:05,623 --> 00:12:07,590
Stop! Stop! Stop!
This isn't working.
237
00:12:07,658 --> 00:12:10,928
Oh... what's wrong?
238
00:12:10,995 --> 00:12:13,097
Your performance.
It's all surface.
239
00:12:13,164 --> 00:12:14,631
I don't believe a word of it.
240
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,701
Yeah, well, I'm trying.
241
00:12:17,769 --> 00:12:20,704
I- I-I just don't know
what you want from me.
242
00:12:20,772 --> 00:12:22,439
I want truth!
243
00:12:22,506 --> 00:12:25,843
Fonsia's in pain,
and you've got to show that.
244
00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:26,743
But how?
245
00:12:26,811 --> 00:12:29,179
We need a sense memory.
246
00:12:29,246 --> 00:12:30,414
OK.
247
00:12:30,481 --> 00:12:33,550
Tell me your most painful
childhood experience.
248
00:12:33,618 --> 00:12:35,352
I'd rather not.
249
00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:36,860
If you're not willing
to do the work,
250
00:12:36,888 --> 00:12:40,557
I'll play both parts in a
gender-bending tour de force!
251
00:12:43,561 --> 00:12:49,500
All right, all right.
Um...
252
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:51,902
It was my fifth birthday,
253
00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:56,439
and my mother said she
was having a party for me.
254
00:12:56,508 --> 00:13:01,177
So I brought all my
friends home from school,
255
00:13:01,245 --> 00:13:05,883
but when we walked in the door,
there was mother,
256
00:13:05,950 --> 00:13:11,321
stinking drunk and
passed out on the couch.
257
00:13:11,389 --> 00:13:17,561
There was no party, no cake,
oh, I wanted to die!
258
00:13:17,629 --> 00:13:24,067
And I never, never
celebrated my birthday again.
259
00:13:29,039 --> 00:13:31,207
What else you got?
260
00:13:39,550 --> 00:13:41,234
- Hey.
- Hey.
261
00:13:41,302 --> 00:13:42,652
Did you make your list?
262
00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:43,887
What list?
263
00:13:43,955 --> 00:13:44,938
Of escalator words.
264
00:13:45,005 --> 00:13:46,656
Gotcha!
Got it right here.
265
00:13:46,724 --> 00:13:48,192
All right, let me get mine.
266
00:13:48,259 --> 00:13:49,626
- OK.
- All right.
267
00:13:49,694 --> 00:13:50,860
Let's save us a marriage.
268
00:13:50,928 --> 00:13:52,229
Yeah.
269
00:13:52,297 --> 00:13:55,099
Hey, where's Glenn to see that?
270
00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:56,366
OK, you mind if I start?
271
00:13:56,434 --> 00:13:58,768
- Fire away.
- All right.
272
00:13:58,836 --> 00:14:00,596
Now, I know it's the
heat-of-the-moment thing
273
00:14:00,664 --> 00:14:01,964
and you really don't mean it,
274
00:14:02,032 --> 00:14:04,441
but I'm going to have to
get the ball rolling with...
275
00:14:04,509 --> 00:14:06,109
Slut.
276
00:14:06,176 --> 00:14:08,078
What? I've never
called you slut.
277
00:14:08,145 --> 00:14:09,713
Oh, no?
OK. Here you go.
278
00:14:09,781 --> 00:14:12,015
I highlighted them for you.
279
00:14:12,083 --> 00:14:16,519
Here, here, here,
here, and here.
280
00:14:16,587 --> 00:14:18,227
Actually, that one's
supposed to be skank,
281
00:14:18,294 --> 00:14:19,734
but you know what?
They're both gone.
282
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:20,874
OK, good.
All right.
283
00:14:20,941 --> 00:14:21,742
All right.
284
00:14:21,809 --> 00:14:24,728
- What do you got?
- OK, here's my first word.
285
00:14:24,796 --> 00:14:26,195
Fat.
286
00:14:27,716 --> 00:14:28,882
Fat.
287
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:32,235
In all its forms.
Fatty, fat guy, fat sajak.
288
00:14:33,471 --> 00:14:36,372
Wow.
289
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:37,558
What's the matter?
290
00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:39,065
Nothing. It's just
that you're really
291
00:14:39,090 --> 00:14:42,679
chopping me off
at the knees here.
292
00:14:42,746 --> 00:14:43,813
You know, keep fat,
that's fine,
293
00:14:43,881 --> 00:14:44,981
'cause I can slip a slut
right back in a holster.
294
00:14:45,049 --> 00:14:46,769
All right, all right, fine, fine.
It's gone.
295
00:14:46,794 --> 00:14:48,352
It's gone.
296
00:14:48,419 --> 00:14:49,553
OK, what else you got?
297
00:14:49,620 --> 00:14:52,573
All right. Dumb-ass,
dumb-as-ass, grandma.
298
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:56,827
Package donkey, elasto pants,
beaver teeth.
299
00:14:56,894 --> 00:15:00,664
She-beast, Dracula,
Hitler junior.
300
00:15:00,732 --> 00:15:03,333
Blob, the blob, blob barker,
301
00:15:03,401 --> 00:15:07,037
blobba the hut,
and rub-a-dub-chub.
302
00:15:07,105 --> 00:15:09,656
Why don't we
just exchange lists?
303
00:15:09,724 --> 00:15:11,841
- Oh, OK.
- OK?
304
00:15:11,909 --> 00:15:13,109
I feel really good about this.
305
00:15:13,134 --> 00:15:14,468
- Me, too.
- Yeah.
306
00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:17,514
Oh, wow, I gotta get going.
307
00:15:17,582 --> 00:15:18,982
What?
Where're you going?
308
00:15:19,050 --> 00:15:20,117
I told the guys I'd
watch the met game
309
00:15:20,184 --> 00:15:21,284
with them down at Cooper's.
310
00:15:21,352 --> 00:15:22,569
I already started dinner.
311
00:15:22,637 --> 00:15:23,920
I left you a message
on your cell phone.
312
00:15:24,155 --> 00:15:26,156
And you know I never check
my cell phone messages.
313
00:15:26,224 --> 00:15:27,340
Well, whose fault is that?
314
00:15:27,408 --> 00:15:29,676
Doug, again.
Already started dinner.
315
00:15:29,744 --> 00:15:31,995
Whoa, are we about to
have a fight here?
316
00:15:33,047 --> 00:15:34,430
Yes, I think so.
317
00:15:34,666 --> 00:15:36,066
OK, now what did
Glenn say if we're--
318
00:15:36,091 --> 00:15:37,617
If we're gonna
have a disagreement,
319
00:15:37,685 --> 00:15:40,053
we're supposed to write
it down on an index card
320
00:15:40,121 --> 00:15:41,521
and then pin it to the board.
321
00:15:41,589 --> 00:15:43,406
That's right,
and then in 24 hours,
322
00:15:43,474 --> 00:15:45,809
if it's still a problem,
we revisit the issue
323
00:15:45,877 --> 00:15:47,377
from a less emotionally
charged place.
324
00:15:47,444 --> 00:15:48,604
There you go.
I got the cards.
325
00:15:48,612 --> 00:15:49,630
I'm gonna get the pin.
326
00:15:49,697 --> 00:15:51,131
OK.
327
00:15:51,198 --> 00:15:56,053
Blowing... off... dinner.
328
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:57,387
There we go.
329
00:15:57,454 --> 00:15:59,339
Gimme the pin.
330
00:15:59,406 --> 00:16:01,775
- Perfect.
- OK.
331
00:16:01,843 --> 00:16:03,710
There we go.
332
00:16:03,778 --> 00:16:05,479
All right.
Good for us, huh?
333
00:16:05,546 --> 00:16:07,080
- Yeah.
- All right.
334
00:16:07,147 --> 00:16:08,765
I'll see ya.
335
00:16:14,922 --> 00:16:16,323
No, Betty, it's not you.
336
00:16:16,390 --> 00:16:20,944
We need a new play. The Gin Game
is just not clicking.
337
00:16:21,012 --> 00:16:25,315
I was thinking we try
The Elephant Man.
338
00:16:25,382 --> 00:16:28,919
How do you feel about working
with a sack over your head?
339
00:16:30,655 --> 00:16:32,789
See, I don't know what
she's so upset about.
340
00:16:32,857 --> 00:16:35,078
As far as I'm concerned,
your system's working great.
341
00:16:35,092 --> 00:16:36,593
Yeah, it's working
great for you
342
00:16:36,661 --> 00:16:39,228
because you're doing all
the bad stuff, you idiot.
343
00:16:39,296 --> 00:16:42,199
Carrie.
344
00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:45,168
Well, I'm sorry, but it's only been
a week and look at all of these!
345
00:16:45,236 --> 00:16:46,970
Uh, broke Carrie's iPod,
346
00:16:47,038 --> 00:16:49,639
drunk at Carrie's office party,
left Arthur in bathtub.
347
00:16:49,707 --> 00:16:53,143
This one just says "fire".
I don't even know what that means!
348
00:16:53,211 --> 00:16:54,771
Hey, if she's still
mad about something,
349
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:57,063
it's her job to bring it
up the next day, not mine.
350
00:16:57,131 --> 00:16:59,883
Yes, but by then, he's
done 5 more stupid things.
351
00:16:59,950 --> 00:17:01,518
I can't keep up.
352
00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:03,803
Oh, you've done plenty
of stuff yourself.
353
00:17:03,871 --> 00:17:05,071
Let's see what you've got here.
354
00:17:05,096 --> 00:17:05,923
Uh, oh, here we go.
355
00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:07,624
Here's one right here, huh?
356
00:17:07,691 --> 00:17:09,642
"Bought wrong frosting."
357
00:17:09,710 --> 00:17:10,593
Guilty!
358
00:17:10,661 --> 00:17:12,141
Yeah. I got a grown woman on my hands
359
00:17:12,209 --> 00:17:14,129
who doesn't know the
difference between chocolate
360
00:17:14,154 --> 00:17:16,399
and chocolate fudge!
361
00:17:16,467 --> 00:17:18,418
Well, if you hated it so much,
362
00:17:18,485 --> 00:17:22,188
why don't you explain to Glenn how
you cut your tongue on the can?!
363
00:17:22,256 --> 00:17:23,357
Guys, guys!
364
00:17:23,424 --> 00:17:24,624
She's not following the rules.
365
00:17:24,649 --> 00:17:27,594
Oh, stop sucking up to him,
you fudge-eating moron.
366
00:17:27,661 --> 00:17:29,162
Ooh.
367
00:17:29,230 --> 00:17:31,264
Escalator words.
Those are escalator words.
368
00:17:31,332 --> 00:17:32,372
Is that an escalator word?
369
00:17:32,397 --> 00:17:34,885
Oh, really, oh, I'm sorry, fat sajak.
370
00:17:34,952 --> 00:17:37,387
You fat, beaver-toothed,
package donkey!
371
00:17:38,454 --> 00:17:40,957
Oh, yeah, well,
I got 2 words for you:
372
00:17:41,025 --> 00:17:43,627
Bo and tox!
373
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:45,595
2.
374
00:17:52,203 --> 00:17:53,704
Hello.
375
00:17:53,771 --> 00:17:55,539
Hi.
376
00:17:55,606 --> 00:17:58,341
Could you give this transcript
back to Doug and Carrie?
377
00:17:58,409 --> 00:18:01,277
I don't want it
in my house anymore.
378
00:18:10,271 --> 00:18:12,121
Oh, who's there?
379
00:18:12,190 --> 00:18:13,122
Othello.
380
00:18:13,191 --> 00:18:15,141
Aye, Desdemona.
381
00:18:15,209 --> 00:18:18,811
Oh, will you come
to my bed, my lord?
382
00:18:18,879 --> 00:18:21,481
Have you prayed
tonight, Desdemona?
383
00:18:21,549 --> 00:18:22,716
Aye, my lord.
384
00:18:22,783 --> 00:18:24,484
It is too late.
385
00:18:24,552 --> 00:18:25,485
Oh.
386
00:18:27,655 --> 00:18:29,973
Oh, great. We're late.
It's already started.
387
00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:31,641
I told you to take
Queens Boulevard.
388
00:18:31,709 --> 00:18:32,909
I'm a driver, remember?
389
00:18:32,977 --> 00:18:35,478
Yes. I'm reminded every
time I see your paycheck.
390
00:18:44,622 --> 00:18:46,423
A little help.
391
00:18:46,490 --> 00:18:47,758
Oh...
392
00:18:47,825 --> 00:18:49,660
She's all right.
393
00:18:57,601 --> 00:19:02,939
OK, next up, we have Arthur
Spooner and Betty Horowitz
394
00:19:03,007 --> 00:19:06,142
doing a scene entitled
The Lovers...
395
00:19:06,210 --> 00:19:08,979
Question mark?
396
00:19:11,349 --> 00:19:14,334
Tony threw in
6 free garlic knots.
397
00:19:14,402 --> 00:19:17,337
I ate 5 in the car.
398
00:19:17,405 --> 00:19:18,788
Is that all the bags?
399
00:19:18,856 --> 00:19:20,840
Yeah.
What's the matter?
400
00:19:20,908 --> 00:19:22,309
Well, my dinner's not here.
401
00:19:22,376 --> 00:19:23,343
What?!
402
00:19:23,411 --> 00:19:25,912
See? No eggplant parm,
no salad.
403
00:19:25,979 --> 00:19:28,014
Are you kidding me?
That blows!
404
00:19:28,081 --> 00:19:29,982
Yeah.
405
00:19:31,702 --> 00:19:33,787
Did we see this play?
406
00:19:36,090 --> 00:19:37,858
No, stupid, it's not a play.
It's us.
407
00:19:37,925 --> 00:19:39,258
He must have the transcripts.
408
00:19:39,326 --> 00:19:41,477
You know, it'd be nice
409
00:19:41,545 --> 00:19:46,482
if you gave a crap about someone
besides yourself just once!
410
00:19:46,550 --> 00:19:48,718
Oh, please!
How about last week?
411
00:19:48,786 --> 00:19:52,422
You forgot my cheesecake
from the cheesecake factory!
412
00:19:52,489 --> 00:19:56,026
How about you take a little
bus ride back to shuttytown?
413
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:01,865
OK, he's going right from
here to the nursing home.
414
00:20:01,933 --> 00:20:06,036
Done, and we're not even gonna take
him to dairy queen like we promised.
415
00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:09,305
Hey, don't punish me.
416
00:20:10,157 --> 00:20:12,875
Well, how does it
taste now, chunky?
417
00:20:12,943 --> 00:20:16,879
Piney-fresh, just like
Christmas dinner!
418
00:20:20,468 --> 00:20:22,736
I can't believe
you sprayed my food.
419
00:20:22,803 --> 00:20:24,904
I can't believe you ate it.
420
00:20:24,972 --> 00:20:27,190
You liked it?
Well, try this.
421
00:20:27,258 --> 00:20:28,625
Hey! Hey!
422
00:20:28,692 --> 00:20:30,393
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
423
00:20:30,461 --> 00:20:33,613
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Oh, yeah! There!
424
00:20:34,999 --> 00:20:38,735
Look, I'm sorry about
everything, all right?
425
00:20:38,803 --> 00:20:40,069
Me, too.
426
00:20:40,137 --> 00:20:41,805
Oh, yeah?
427
00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:45,025
I wish I had a shovel right
now so I could dig your grave!
428
00:20:45,092 --> 00:20:49,495
Hey, why don't you use the
one you eat ice cream with?
429
00:20:50,330 --> 00:20:52,632
Oh, that's clever.
430
00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:54,417
Here's a thought...
431
00:20:54,485 --> 00:20:55,852
Puhhht!
432
00:21:01,092 --> 00:21:04,695
We have nothing to fear
but fear itself.
433
00:21:07,932 --> 00:21:12,035
It was the best of times.
It was the worst of times.
434
00:21:15,106 --> 00:21:16,406
Bosoms.
435
00:21:18,109 --> 00:21:20,476
Ha!
31092
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