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(applauds)

♪ I know I'm a winner, I know that I'm hot... ♪

Reporter: This is the Phoenix family.

♪ Straight to the top, gonna make it ♪

- ♪ Gonna make it... ♪ - And with talent like this,

these kids are really gonna make it.

♪ Gonna make it, gonna make it, gonna make it ♪

♪ Gonna make it. ♪

(cheering)

- (woman shouts) - Jay Leno: My first guest...

- Burning up the big screen... - Academy-award nominated actor...

- "Gladiator"... - "Gladiator"...

- ...and "Signs." - All: Here's Joaquin Phoenix.

(cheering)

("I Walk the Line" instrumental playing)

You never played guitar or sang before this?

Interviewer: Had you ever sung before?

(overlapping) It was completely foreign to me.

When I held the guitar the first time I didn't know what to make of it.

Joaquin Phoenix, "Walk the Line."

♪ I keep a close watch on this heart of mine ♪

♪ I keep my eyes wide open all the time ♪

♪ I keep the ends out for the tie that binds ♪

♪ Because you're mine ♪

♪ I walk the line. ♪

Joaquin Phoenix: I'm just fucking, like, stuck in this

ridiculous, like, self-imposed

fucking prison of

characterization, you know?

It happened to me young. It's like the chicken or the egg.

I don't know what came first--

whether they said that I was

emotional and intense and complicated,

or whether I--

or whether I was truly complicated

and intense and then they responded to it.

Then, like, once they responded to it,

then I responded to what they were saying.

And, yeah, I utilized it in some ways.

And there's-- I-- I am embarrassed about that.

And that's what a lot of this is about.

I mean, I guess that's why I agreed to do this documentary

is because I don't wanna--

I don't want to play the character of Joaquin anymore.

Like, I want to be whatever I am.

And my artistic output thus far,

when I am really fucking honest with myself,

has been fucking fraudulent.

And now for the first time I'm doing something

that is-- whether you like it or not,

it really represents me.

And maybe that's fucking stupid, to want to be represented,

to care-- I don't care.

Not that. But I don't want to be--

you know, think what you think about me.

Hate me or like me, just don't misunderstand me.

That's it.

(chirping)

Hello.

Joaquin: I love those rare pure moments in between action and cut,

but everything else was fucking misery to me.

We talk about it being this creative expression,

and really you're just a fucking puppet.

You're this dumb fucking doll

that wears what someone else tells you to wear,

stands where someone else tells you to stand,

says what somebody else tells you to say.

That's not expression. That's not creativity.

And I have more to offer than that.

My purpose on this earth is not to interpret

somebody else's words or to try and capture

a moment for somebody else.

It's to bring what is inside me out.

Everybody in life has at one point said,

"I don't like my job.

I don't like who I am.

I don't like the people that are around me.

I want something better for myself," that "I have a dream."

I think everyone's about that at some point.

(barks)

- My dream, my responsibility... - (growling)

- (barks) - ...is to mess up--

guys, we're shooting.

- Hey, Antony? - Yeah?

My man, can you get the dogs out while we do this interview, please?

Antony: I work for Joaquin essentially as a general assistant.

I've known him for 15 years. He's a friend.

We've made music together. I've cooked for him. I've cleaned.

- (piano playing) - ♪ You see, I've been walking backwards ♪

♪ Up steepest of hills ♪

♪ The tears can't wash away ♪

♪ What money could not buy. ♪

This is where I live at the moment.

It is a sober living,

um, and I am one of the residents here

after having a problem drinking too much.

Not too much-- well, too much.

(chuckles)

Drinking too much and getting into trouble.

Hopefully working on this, if it's cool with, you know,

you, Case, and just to kind of get somebody to assist

and we can throw him some bread now and again and stuff.

I met him when I played a concert.

I used to play in a band

and I played a concert at the Whisky A Go Go here in Los Angeles.

We started to become friends when we both got into motorbikes.

And you got one as well, and we all started riding around on motorbikes in New York.

That was, in a way, where we sort of, like,

hit it off as friends. If you can call it that.

Smile, dude. This is going to be fucking great.

We're going to go to San Francisco. We definitely need you there.

Carey Perloff: We were asked to create

to honor Paul Newman who had just passed away

and to raise a lot of money

for very chronically ill children.

Casey Affleck: When did you find out you were gonna come here?

It seems like this afternoon, but it couldn't have been.

Last night. Yeah, last night about 10:20

I got a text from Joaq.

- I'm playing a hit man? - Yeah.

- Bullshit. - Yeah.

Are you fucking serious?

I'm not being typecast in my fucking theater debut

- when I'm also retiring. - (siren wailing)

That's what fucking stup--

that's fucking stupid.

There he is! How are you?

Joaquin: It's all of us coming together which is exciting.

That's a cool thing, is for-- this is kinda like...

it's kinda like the dream team.

I love you.

(pants)

- Okay, that's all. - This is the world--

that's-- "The World of Nick Adams" is the piece?

- Yeah. - Are you playing Nick, Case?

He has it much worse. He never leaves the stage.

Oh, I see, start there.

(snickers)

I remember I started saying some lines and he kinda stops me,

he whispers at me and he goes,

"Hey, man, I didn't know

we were supposed to do it in an accent."

"What do you want to eat, Al?"

"I don't know--" Why are you doing an accent?

I'm not.

"I don't know. What do you want to eat, Al--" oh no.

So I tried to do the scene and about halfway through it

he's like, "Dude, you're doing it in an accent now." I'm like, "I'm not!"

"I'll have the roast pork tenderloin with applesauce and mashed potatoes."

(whispering) Are you doing an accent?

No, I'm not.

Joaquin: I'm fucking stressed because I just feel the fucking--

just the fucking obligation is not on you.

You don't have the pressure of fucking hundreds of kids

that are getting this funding for this fucking play.

So that if the performance isn't received well

or if I'm not received well, that it comes back-- that it's bigger than me.

All you have to deal with is me.

You don't see me complaining.

It's like fucking Sean said,

we're here for the kids. That's what it's about.

You're not. You're here for me. Just help-- just do that.

Dude, this is the last thing that I'm doing

and you're thinking about yourself as the lead,

instead of thinking about what this really is, which is my last moment.

I wasn't thinking about myself. I never thought-- it never crossed my mind.

You're acting with fucking everybody.

You get to do a scene with fucking Hanks.

You do a scene with fucking-- with Sean.

You do a scene-- you're gonna get to stand there when fucking--

Jack's up there doing his thing.

And, with all due respect,

I'm with fucking Danny De Vito.

Why did you have him put it on the card for?

That's the dinner. You get that at 6:00. See, it's 10 to 6:00?

- That clock says 6:00. - Yeah, it's 10 minutes fast.

- (audience laughs, applauds) - The clock says 6:00.

Jerry Penacoli: Joaquin, how are you, my man?

Nice to see you again. Hey, Casey, how are you?

- What's up? How are you? - Good to see you.

Listen, I want to take this opportunity

also to give you an exclusive and just talk a little bit about the fact

that this will be my last performance as an actor. I'm not doing films anymore.

- Are you serious? - Yeah.

Reporter: Joaquin Phoenix done with acting?

Listen, I want to take this opportunity

also to give you an exclusive and just talk a little bit about the fact

that this will be my last performance as an actor.

I'm not doing films anymore.

That's what he told our Jerry Penacoli. Joaquin, say it ain't so.

The phone has been ringing off the hook. The emails are out of control.

Sue, "Two Lovers" will be my last press stuff that I'll do.

And I'm not acting anymore and I'm doing this hip-hop record.

(Antony singing) ♪ And all the world is green ♪

♪ So pretend that you owe... ♪

It's not hard enough to make a transition and I don't need my fucking brother-in-law

- making it more difficult. - If you wanted this to be handled better

then you should have fucking talked to your publicist.

You should have had a press release, but you don't want to talk to anyone like that

because you don't want to deal with any of that fucking bullshit.

So then don't deal with that bullshit, but what happens

is when you walk down a red carpet,

you have to answer the fucking questions on your own.

I didn't know what you wanted me to say, man.

- (both laughing) - Casey: This is you, dude.

Joaquin: I love it, man.

That's what motherfucking retirement's about.

- Playing by our own rules. - I know, I know.

- Are you ready? - (piano playing)

Fine. But my shit smells, dude.

Lar, out!

Antony: What about if they laugh at you?

Joaquin: I've been laughed at before, man.

I mean, have you seen some of the movies I've done?

Reporter: Joaquin Phoenix announced his retirement today.

Reporter #2: Phoenix announced that he was retiring from acting.

(overlapping newscasts) Phoenix has announced

he is retiring from Hollywood...

He is a former Oscar nominee who walked away...

...may be calling it quits right in the prime of his career.

...leaving Tinseltown...

We're hearing that he's done.

Patrick Whitesell: If you're telling me "I cannot act anymore," right,

I think it'd be a shame. But if you're saying

"I just don't-- don't send me any scripts. I just want to be shut off to it,"

I think that's a mistake, because I think it is something--

Yeah, of course, but within reason. Yeah, no. You know.

So there's, um...

what?

The one that's-- ♪ There goes fame like a train ♪

♪ Speeding faster than bullets, everybody's moving back ♪

♪ Arms flying up on some "no sir," backs is breaking ♪

♪ And times were tinkered, we'll all go drinking ♪

♪ Time to go away when the workers streaking-- ♪

Reference to retiring.

♪ Nobody else had the guts to stand up and not give a fuck ♪

♪ And walk out on all that love... ♪

Woman: That one's better than the first one.

♪ It's a drug, this whole fame game ♪

♪ Gonna plug your lame shit on sofas with David Letterman ♪

♪ Worse yet, Jaybird get to singing you to welcome death ♪

♪ But you see, the fucking thing is I'm gonna get up ♪

♪ And dust myself off again ♪

♪ You can do this, Joaquin, with the help of your fans ♪

♪ With the help of your fans. ♪

Joaquin: So I started with this piano...

(piano music playing)

This'll be how the bass...

(music playing)

(silent)

♪ Take it all, kid, don't you wanna get rich? ♪

♪ Your mother got a stage, now get your ass up on there, kid ♪

♪ If you wanna make the crew happier than shit ♪

♪ Then you'll shut her ass up, you little son of a bitch. ♪

Hey, Tom, it's Nic.

Uh, yeah, I'm calling about coming in tonight with J.P.

Yep.

And do you have a mike if he wants to perform?

(muttering lyrics)

Emcee: You got the home boy Joaquin Phoenix

about to kick some rap for you all one time.

- Let's go, brother. - (cheering)

- (rapping) - (crowd chatting)

- I liked it. - Thanks, man.

I thought, "So fuck them," right?

And J.P.-- oh, Joaquin Phoenix

or Johnny Cash, whatever the fuck his name is.

I made it to the point in my career

where I didn't have to, like, impress or show people.

They just knew and I think I grew comfortable in that

and I thought that I could just, like,

jump into this and have the same impact,

but...

Man: They weren't seeing it,

but you have to give people time, you know?

And maybe they were seeing, you know,

the movie actor up there rapping and...

But-- but my--

right, but there's nothing about

the fuck-- the lyrics,

there's truth if they just would have just fucking listened.

♪ Billing be top, kid be rocking the star ♪

♪ Flash cars and bulbs taking over his whole fucking yard ♪

♪ Times is crazy, mothers be packing up their babies ♪

♪ Papa'd be Swayze, lit up on some Johnny Blaze shit ♪

♪ Billy Crudup got the stage shit, I never try to play this ♪

♪ All I ever needed was a band of people screaming ♪

♪ Calling out from their cars and their windows, what they're staring ♪

♪ And peering in to get a creep at this crazy motherfucker ♪

♪ Tearing up the screen and always paparazzi ducking ♪

- ♪ Stepped away from the light, it wasn't right-- ♪ - Yeah yeah.

♪ Took the bull by the horns, I ain't gonna give up the fight ♪

♪ Tonight's my night and any motherfucker that wanna be-- ♪

- No no, I changed it. - That was great.

- That was great. - No, I don't need you.

- No, I mean, but it was-- - I know, but what I'm saying is

if you listen-- that's what I'm saying, your reaction, "It was great,"

you felt it. They didn't,

because they were preconceived.

I feel like this is out of my control now.

Like, who's fucking producing this shit?

I don't know where the-- I need a--

a producer who can fucking explode the fucking eggshell away

and let the album start its life.

So, Dre.

Dre?

I mean, he's like one of the best out there.

Dude, I'm saying if Dre fucking--

- Dre's gonna be into it. - Okay.

But then it's just a Dre album.

I don't know. D'you know what I mean?

What about-- what about, what about, what about Rick Rubin?

So the bad news is Rick Rubin and Dr. Dre are both booked.

- Are you serious? - Yeah.

- Um, all right. - But the good news is

- that it looks like P Diddy might be available. - Oh, no way.

So I've got a call into his people right now,

but I just wanted to touch base before I went any further.

Joaquin: You know, all you can do is do something for yourself,

believe in it, love it

and then fucking put it out in their world

and hope that people like it--

love it.

I just talked to Carline at Bad Boy.

Yep, so he'll meet with him?

Diddy's going to be in New York this weekend,

so we can-- and he wants to meet with you.

Well, I'm just gonna let him know

that we'll know sometime between Friday and Sunday.

It might just be last minute. You might get there

Thursday night and Friday I might get a call

and you might have to see him Friday.

No, I understand. We'll just be there.

Hopefully we can get them two together

and get them to meet up, but I'm not promising anything.

- So I go to fucking New York-- - And we wait for her to give us a call.

It's like--

we'll make it work whenever Diddy's available.

This is fucking ridiculous.

- Good? - (groans)

It's good.

♪ New York, New York, it's the captain speaking ♪

♪ Buckle up, sit tight, we about to kick the streets in ♪

♪ Start from scratch, no, it ain't a thing, man ♪

♪ I come with Diddy and I keep on creeping creeping ♪

♪ Creeping. ♪

So is this true?

You're done? You're just--

you're going straight for the music?

- Yeah. - Wow.

Yeah, I really want it to be like

a hip-hop "Bohemian Rhapsody" kind of thing, you know?

I'm wanting it to be epic.

Epic is good. Epic is--

it's good.

Epic is--

TV: Too big to burn up in our atmosphere,

these pieces of ice and rocks come hurtling down

on an unsuspecting metropolis.

Well, it's Sunday afternoon and I haven't heard nothing.

Can you just call them and find out what's going on?

Do the snow angel, dude. I can beat you.

Do the snow angel. Do the fucking snow angel.

Dude, do the fucking snow angel.

Do the snow angel, Lar. Do the fucking snow angel, dude.

Do the fucking snow angel.

Dude, do it. Look at mine.

Look at mine. Look at mine, dude.

- That's bad. - Huh?

You're fine. Dude, you only have wings!

His angel doesn't have fucking legs. (laughing)

Look, you don't have any leg--

- I don't think you have balls. - That's a funny bit.

You know, the big YouTube video is just a little midget--

a little midget Indian being like-- (gibberish)

(laughs) They think everything is funny.

Have you seen their shows?

And they got-- there's one--

I wish I could remember what the fucking song was.

It's fucking genius.

(sings with Indian accent)

I can't-- it's so funny.

And the thing is they think they're funny

and they don't even hear how they sound.

You know, the accent sounds normal to them.

And the clothes look normal. They still think it's funny.

It's doubly funny for us.

Whoo!

Whoo.

Freeze-frame.

Ahh-- ow ow!

- You faggot! Busted. - Ow ow ow!

- You're a fucking-- - Ow, fuck!

Running around like a fucking idiot, dude.

- You got shit on your face. - Okay-- ow, fuck! Ow!

Nicole: Hey, Diddy can't do it now for a few days, I'm being told.

I don't know, they said maybe we could try for Saturday morning.

I don't know. I don't know if it's going to happen this weekend.

I'm sorry. I wish I had better news for you.

I want to be triumphant, man.

I want to be like--

♪ And I got the blues once again like an old fool ♪

♪ And then I jump down and jump back up ♪

♪ And broke all the rules ♪

♪ I couldn't say yes anymore to their games ♪

♪ I had to say no even if it costs me my sane-ity. ♪

Joaquin: What the fuck is going on? Who the fuck acts like this?

Nicole: I think he thinks you aren't serious now.

- Why? - I haven't read it,

but I know there's something "Entertainment Weekly" just printed

saying you aren't really quitting and it's a hoax.

They said they had an anonymous source-- someone close to you.

Larry: I don't know too much about all the details,

but, man, he got a phone call and that was it.

Casey: It says in quotations, "He said, 'It's a put on.

I'm going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers

and Casey's going to film it,'

says one source who recently worked with Phoenix."

Can you tell me who the sources are for the magazine?

Dude, no.

- You can't tell me? - No.

- Do you know who they are? - Yes.

- You do know? - Yes.

Joaquin: People aren't going to recognize this art

because of their own stupid, you know, preconceptions.

I mean, is it that your dream is unattainable

or is it that you had the wrong dream?

Joaquin: This bitch is getting a storm.

She did not even know a fucking storm was coming.

I'm going to fuck her fucking face.

She has no fucking idea.

Hey, honey, my name's Antony.

I was looking for a little bit of company.

(hisses) Oooh, sit.

I want to smell her butthole.

Dude, if you do nothing else for me, let me smell a girl's butthole,

you fucking asshole. No, you can't call.

You're a fucking idiot, dude.

Why are you hovering over me?

Oh, Brooke-- Brooke, Brooke.

Oh sad. Look at this.

Oh, Leila, you dirty--

Leila, you dirty fucking little bitch.

Leila, you dirty little fucking bitch.

Oh, Leila, you fucking have no idea.

Yes, I was calling for Tiffany.

So two girls for six?

Okay.

(stomping)

(cackling)

Shut your fucking mouth.

You didn't score it. I scored it and I stashed it.

You fucking idiot. You've done nothing for me.

(vocalizing)

Oh shit, oh shit.

Dude, who was the nigger in charge over here?

- Who was the nigger-- - Just that little bit?

Don't look at it. No, bitch, I got a whole lot.

You know what? I already have to shit.

So why don't you go fucking lay down and assume the position,

since you're going to be the one that's the receptacle of my doo-doo?

You're going to look back in years on this, when you're old and your kids see this

and you're going to be so fucking ashamed of yourself

because of the opportunities that were provided with fun

literally just to fucking hang out, the fun that we have

and you fucked it up because you're-- (sniffs) an idiot.

- (piano playing) - ♪ When I dream ♪

♪ I dream of you ♪

♪ And if I'm wrong, we'll know it's true ♪

♪ It takes more than sacrifice to keep love-- ♪

(Joaquin retches)

♪ It disappears just like the dew... ♪

(off-key) ♪ Dew-www ♪

(whistling)

♪ Well, there's cool water in you ♪

♪ Well, you know that there's ♪

♪ Cool water in you ♪

♪ You know there's ♪

♪ Cool water in you ♪

♪ Well, there's cool water ♪

♪ In you-oo-oo. ♪

You know how many times I've stood at this fucking window,

like, waiting for hookers, just staring?

Imagining what their little buttholes are gonna smell like?

- (blowing nose) - (phone ringing)

- Answer it. - It's the girls.

- Yeah. - Here you go.

Hello? Hello?

Hi hi.

Oh, 11M.

Okay.

Dude, don't film this. Come on, man.

Ant, come here.

Come here, dude. Show us. Please come here.

- Show-- show 'em. - It's a bit shrunken right now.

Girl: Holy-- oh my God.

Is that like, like not even, like, aroused?

- That's not even aroused. - Dude, how do you guys know?

Well, look at it. How do you not know?

- Do you have kids? You should. - But listen--

(rap music playing)

Yeah.

- Like this. (snorting) - Nicole: Hi, J.P. Carline called.

Puff is not even in New York City anymore.

I don't know what to say. I am so so

so so sorry.

But she did say if you wanted to go to Miami right now

she promises he'll have time for you.

Joaquin: Yeah, just tell him we're in. I'm gonna get the fucking CD prepped.

We're getting to the hotel. I gotta take a shower and shit.

And then we'll be there at 7:00. It's like 4:30 now. Don't fucking worry.

Man: We have the nightclub right here, LIV.

- If you guys want we'll get a table. - Joaquin: How's the pussy?

You obviously haven't seen the club. It's the sickest club in the world.

- Is it? - It's right here.

I'm supposed to meet Diddy tonight.

You're kidding me?

(rap music playing)

Fantastic, man! Dude, I'm doing a gig here for sure.

7:00. What time is it?

Antony: Where's the other fucking thing over there?

Joaquin: So I'm gonna go chill at Didd's,

And I don't know what's up.

I don't know if he just wants to chill and have some drinks, listen to music.

I don't know if he's gonna play me some tunes.

I'm gonna just try and be receptive to what goes down.

(inhales)

This is a good night. I'm fucking feeling it.

(laughs) Man, I can't fucking believe it.

Um, shit, this is fucking embarrassing.

I literally don't know what to say. Do I say Diddy?

- Driver: How you doing? - Good day, man. How's it going?

- Guard: Good. - Phoenix--

Joaquin Phoenix to see Diddy.

- To see who? - Diddy.

Mr. Combs. Sean.

This is it. Dude, we're late, all right?

Press that thing.

- Did you press it? - Yeah.

- (beeps) - (gate creaks)

Hey! Oh shit.

- Combs residence. - Hey, this is Joaquin Phoenix.

J.P. And I see a car coming out. We're a little late.

Yeah, he said he waited here for 30 minutes. He couldn't wait any longer.

- He just left actually. - Oh shit, this is him now.

You wanna try him on his cell phone?

- Yeah, I'm gonna-- I'll call him. - (honks)

Okay, back up. Fucking back up.

All right, dude, we're gonna back up. Let-- is this him?

Oh Jesus. This is so fucking embarrassing.

Back up, back up.

Oh shit, oh fuck.

- (sighs) - Joaquin: Hi, Carrin-- Carleena?

Hi, this is Joaquin.

Yeah, I was supposed to meet, um--

uh, come over and meet Diddy just now.

And we were late because the hotel...

I just pulled up and there were cars pulling out.

I'm leaving tomorrow morning. Well, please

tell Mr. Combs I'm very sorry

and I hope to talk to him soon.

(sobs) Oh shit.

I just sent Puff a text.

- What was it? - I just said, "You tell me,

I'll be there wherever you want, sir."

- (rings) - Oh my God.

"I can meet you in room 1416."

I'm not gonna fucking freestyle, dude.

That's why I wanted the iPod.

(whispering) Dude, please, if you can't take this seriously--

just chill.

(knocks)

(whispers) I think you should knock again.

(mutters) Shut up!

Knock again.

Hey, man, it's Joa-- Joaquin.

- All right. - What's up?

What's up, dude? Hey, man.

You were supposed to meet me at my house like an hour ago.

I'm sorry, dude. We got-- this is my friend Larry.

- Combs: Who's good, man? - What's up, man?

- Shit. - What's the name of that movie you just did?

Casey: Uh, "Jesse James."

No, not that one. The hot one.

"Jesse James" was kinda wack. What was the other one?

- "Gone Baby Gone." - That was the shit right there.

What's up? Whatch'all doing?

Joaquin: Obviously you had great success in fucking film and music.

And what I want it is to be something...

whew!

Do you have money though? Do you have money to do this?

Like how much?

I mean, I have a little studio, do you know?

Like in my-- I have a garage. I got Pro Tools set up.

See, that's the motherfucking problem. When people try to do things,

they don't do it the way they do it for their own industries.

When you go make a movie, you don't go-- you got money to make a movie, right?

See, you can't be-- you can't come into this shit disrespectfully.

Because when I want to make a movie, I'm gonna come with some money.

Oh right. No, I don't-- I don't-- that's the thing--

- Do you have money to do this? - I'm coming from a pure--

I'm coming from-- what I want it to be is like a place of true exploration.

Can you do that in acting?

Well, I do. That's the thing, as an actor

you're shielded-- it's a different-- you know--

I mean, you know this. Christ.

No, that's not how they do the thing-- lights, right?

- Lights, motherfucker, lights. - Yes, how much?

- Craft services. - Yeah, that costs a lot.

Trailers.

Makeup, hair, D.P.

- That's a good point. I get it. - Gaffers.

Same thing-- studio, engineer...

- I got it. - ...me.

- Well-- yeah, you. - Me.

- The speakers. - I get it.

Do you have any money?

Um, well, how much you need?

How much you got?

(chuckles)

I'm excited to hear this stuff though.

I want to hear if you're really getting busy or you're playing around.

- You know what I'm saying? - Yeah. I'm ready.

- We're ready. - Pleasure to meet you.

You too. All right, well, look,

I have Carline's numbers, so then

- you'll let me know when you're in L.A.? - Yeah.

- I'll be there in a couple of days. - Okay. Larry, get up.

(cheering, dance music playing)

My album is out. It's called "Intuition."

It's the #3 album in the country right now.

My last name is Foxx, my first name is Jamie.

My middle name is Motherfucking.

When you see me out-- when you see me out, just say,

"There goes Jamie Motherfucking Foxx."

What? Jamie Motherfucking Foxx.

- Say it-- Jamie Motherfucking Foxx. - Jamie Motherfucking Foxx.

- Say it-- - Jamie Motherfucking Foxx.

Here's another one: Joaquin Motherfucking Phoenix.

Joaquin Motherfucking Phoenix.

Joaquin Motherfucking Phoenix.

(crowd cheering)

(dance music playing)

I'm not getting my dick out for these two.

Joaquin: It's Joaquin to talk to Patrick.

I need to talk to him now because Ben Stiller's at my house.

Dude, what the fuck? I mean, I told you that I--

this-- I'm not gonna do the-- dude!

First of all, I retired.

All right, dude, let me clean up the fucking mess.

I'm gonna try not to make us all look like assholes,

especially you for putting me in the situation.

Good to see you, dude.

Why would I want to do this?

Um, just 'cause... you know, I--

I don't know. I just feel like it's-- you know.

I love the relationship in there

- and I just thought the-- - Ours?

- Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. - Or our characters?

What is the character?

- Ivan. You-- Ivan. - Ivan?

So you didn't-- you haven't read it yet?

Well, we-- Larry was telling me about it.

But I-- didn't you say I was Greenberg?

- Who's Greenberg? - I am Greenberg.

- (laughing) - Oh great!

Thanks, Lar.

You're Greenberg. Okay, my bad.

Oh, I see. Oh shit.

And I was complaining about that character.

I was like-- okay.

No, so I'm Ivan-- er, I mean not-- I'm not gonna do--

I don't want it to be-- I don't want this to be weird at all

or anything 'cause, you know.

Ben, I've been with you in fucking meetings before.

- This is not how you talk and you're acting all-- - No.

These guys have seen the worst of me, they've seen the best.

- They've seen the honest me. - I'm not trying to act any way.

- I'm honestly not trying to act any way. - You were doing Ben Stiller.

- No, I'm not! Dude, this is who I am. - You are.

- That's who you are? - Yeah.

I'm-- what do I have to do, put like a shirt on my head

and act weird? I'm not try--

I'm trying to act weird? Dude, all the time--

you're doing a movie where it's like a fucking cat will be in a full-body cast.

That kind of humor. Who gives a shit?

Like how is that fucking funny?

That a fucking cat breaks all of its goddamned bones

and has to be put in a cast? That's funny?

(laughing)

- Do you have a tissue? - It is pretty funny.

- Um, honestly-- - I have a tissue somewhere.

Sorry. Just-- it's a dog.

(coughs) It's the dog?

Yeah. Um...

No no, the dog-- he's talking about "Something About Mary."

Joaquin: I just found out it was-- (slurring)

this-- this house cost more than I have.

That means if I don't make any bread,

six months I lose this joint.

Larry: Puff said he was going to call in a couple of days.

It's been almost three weeks now and they won't return my calls.

It'll sound desperate if I keep calling, so...

we're gonna spin this and make it look

like it was my fault and then they can have another chance.

I'm just stuck in the middle here.

Joaquin: At some point you have to take it from your little nest

and put it in the world, you know?

You gotta make it real. That means going through

whatever fucking door you can open.

I'm actually trying to figure out what realistically

you'd actually do as the next step.

So you do Vegas, then you do like Chicago

- or whatever. - Norm: Do Miami or something.

- And then? - And then Russia.

How fucking dope.

"The Hollywood Reporter" says Joaquin Phoenix's musical career

kicks off with an appearance here in Las Vegas tonight.

Phoenix is trying his hand at being a rapper

with a CD to be produced by Sean "Don't call me Diddy" Combs.

After announcing his retirement, actor Joaquin Phoenix--

former actor that is-- is making a comeback as a rapper.

Keeping you in the loop, Las Vegas, the Oscar nominee

picks Vegas for his big rap debut.

He can spend time up on the back ledge here,

working that entire "T."

Right now we're just waiting for him to come down do the sound check,

make sure that everything's okay on their end and we're good to go.

Sound check? Fuck these bitches.

Piece-of-shit catwalk for a stage?

And then these cocksuckers want a fucking free show

so they can just sit in there and watch sound check? They can suck my dick.

If I forget a lyric or if I hit a bad note

or my rhythm gets off, that's on me.

And that's fair. But why do I have so much pressure

in my fucking life and everyone else seems to be having fun

and on a free fucking ride?

(Joaquin speaking)

Can y'all hear me down there? A.J.!

It's a crazy time and it's real exciting and shit.

I'm nervous, but I'm glad to share it with you.

This is our night. It's not my night, this is our night.

J.P. is all of us.

- Peace! - (cheering)

Emcee: Joaquin Phoenix!

♪ Left up, right up, spin yourself around ♪

♪ Knees down, chest down, fucking on the ground ♪

♪ Get up, tits out, shake 'em all around ♪

♪ Get your ass in the game ♪

♪ Left up, right up, spin yourself around ♪

♪ Knees down, chest down, fucking on the ground ♪

♪ Get up, tits out, shake 'em all around. ♪

- ♪ Can I get a refund? ♪ - ♪ What? ♪

♪ For this life of sin, let me try it again, lemme hit it, man ♪

♪ I want my money back, you know I can do better ♪

♪ If the devil let me off, I swear to God I'm ready. ♪

♪ Pedal to the metal, heading for the bay ♪

♪ Checking my lines and shit, just prepping for this play. ♪

Matt: "400 gawking tourists held 400 camera phones

in the air to document the moment.

Joaquin Phoenix dressed in literal tatters

looked out at this and must have recognized it for what it was: the end.

This is the only explanation for his amateur pratfall offstage.

We mock our own failures,

as firemen burn a ring around a wildfire

to prevent it from getting any closer to the places we live."

(groans) But I-- whatever.

All in all, pretty good. I mean, this one here:

crowd pumping their fists.

"The rumor mills are now buzzing

that Joaquin Phoenix's retirement from acting

and newfound career as a rapper is all part of an elaborate hoax

that is being documented by his brother-in-law Casey Affleck.

That doesn't exactly put the matter to rest.

According to media reports,

Diddy is producing Phoenix's rap album.

At first his rep said she was unaware of his involvement,

but later sent ABC News an email saying,

'I cannot comment on this at this time."'

(Casey speaking)

(Casey speaking)

(Casey speaking)

Oh shit. That's so fucking cool.

Good to see you, man. What's up?

How's it going? Sit down. You want some water or something?

Actually yeah. I wanted to talk to you the last time we were together.

When we were doing the Nick Adams show?

But all of a sudden out of nowhere, I turned

and you're telling this reporter that you're quitting.

This is it. You're not going to do any more acting

and that your performances were over

and that you were going to get into music?

I opened my mouth and the fucking words came out.

You know what I mean? And I didn't expect that.

My music makes people happy.

You know? And it's not about whether somebody else likes it

or this person. I'm not trying to--

you know-- appeal to everyone.

I'm...

You know, it's like...

fuck.

To me...

that's me, that's you.

Drops of water.

And you're on top of the mountain of success.

But one day you start sliding down the mountain

and you think, "Wait a minute. I'm a mountaintop water drop.

I don't belong in this valley, in this river,

this low, dark ocean with all these drops of water."

Yeah?

And you feel confused.

Then one day it gets hot

and you slowly evaporate in the air.

Way up-- higher than any mountaintop,

all the way to the heavens.

Then you understand that it was at your lowest

that you were closest to God.

Because life's a journey that goes around and around

and the end is closest to the beginning.

So it's change you need,

relish the journey. Be a drop of running water.

Obey those invisible pulls on your soul--

gravity, evaporation, love,

creativity.

It's in the darkest moments

is when the cracks

allow the inner light to come out.

But the spotlights-- (mimics gunfire)

don't let you see the inner light.

But they're-- part of what it's about

is that's what it is-- is it's actually about revealing.

Yeah.

Joaquin: I don't really care about things in this world.

You know? That's not how I am.

To me it's all fucking illusion.

It's all fear and lust.

What do you fear? You fear being mediocre.

You know? You wanna be great.

You want to leave a mark.

I want to leave something special on earth.

'Cause that's all that matters-- this earth and what happens on this earth.

"Yes, there are places in the world where dreams are almost dead.

So please, my child, do keep in mind before you go to bed

To dream a dream as big as big could ever dream to be,

Then dream a dream 10 times as big

As that one dream you see.

Then once you've got that dream in mind, please dream a million more.

And not a million quiet dreams, a million dreams that roar,

A million dreams so loud they scream,

So loud they sing and shout!

So super-huge they say, 'Hey, world!

Guess what I'm dreamin' about.'

I'm dreaming about everything that no one thought to wonder,

Dreams so big that they've got dreams

And they got dreams up under.

And if they say that all your dreams are too big to come true,

You tell them that I told you,

'That's what dreams are meant to do!'

They're meant to make you seem as if you don't know

Up from down,

Because dreams are dreams

And that's why dreams are worth having around."

Pretty awesome book.

Joaquin: Wait, so you call her and she says,

"Oh, we're going to the inauguration and having a ball--"

Maybe after the inauguration it'd be better.

Did they say that? Did you ask?

No, because I didn't want to push. I wanted to find out--

What do you mean push it, dude? I'm doing him a fucking favor.

I'm sure after the inauguration we can go in the studio.

What fucking planet do you fucking live on?

What don't you fucking understand?

I mean, this is fucking ridiculous, dude.

No, it's gonna work out.

- As soon-- - I will work it out!

Yes!

What should I tell her?

Just shut the fuck up.

♪ I'm still here through these years ♪

♪ I don't scare-- ♪

I can't believe this. Joaquin's watching TV last night

and he saw like Hanks and Diddy were at the inauguration.

I think he's pretty pissed Diddy hasn't called.

Suddenly we've got to go to Washington.

I don't know what we're gonna do when we get there

'cause we don't have a car, we don't have a place to stay.

All we got were one-way tickets.

And nobody even asked him to host a party at the inauguration.

Not even a vice president party so he's not happy about that either.

Joaquin: How could we not have a car?

What a goddamned fucking joke this is.

Larry: You know, I got up,

I tried to wake up Joaq to go to the inauguration,

and he wouldn't get up. He just would not wake up.

So we left him there and then came back and he was all pissed off

with the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity

and he missed it.

And now he's freaking out about not having weed.

So things aren't going well on this leg of the adventure.

TV: ...every step of the way.

That's why Weight Watchers created

the brand new Momentum program.

Can we call him please? I beg you.

I mean, it's totally-- it's totally insane that...

Are you crazy? We have to have patience.

...I should be without weed.

TV: We're going to take a look back at this truly remarkable day.

Can you please clip my fucking hairs, dude?

Don't! You don't have to hold it. I'll hold it.

- I have to hold it. - I'll hold it. Don't touch it, just do it.

- Larry: It grows back twice as fast. - So fucking what, dude?

Quit being so goddamned negative.

Why don't you shave it off, dude?

I'm not going to fucking shave it off.

- It's disgusting. - Because we're not getting a full trim.

- You're gonna get stubble. - Larry: We gotta go.

- Why? - Leo's hosting the first ball.

I do fucking "Reservation Road," it sucks, no nominations.

He does fucking "Revolutionary Road," and fucking gets nominated.

- It's bullshit. - He's biting your shit.

He didn't bite my shit. He just fucking

got a better thing. He's luckier.

I won't-- I think we should get rolling.

(Antony speaking)

Well, great. I'd like a fucking joint

and to be anywhere other than Washington-fucking-D.C.

But life is not a Christmas day.

(Joaquin speaking)

'Cause I don't even give a shit if he does the record or not, dude.

I don't fucking care. But he said that he wants to do it.

Now everyone's talking about it in the fucking papers.

That's what everyone expects, now I'm in that position.

Honestly, what have you fucking done?

What have we done thus far? We don't have a fucking flight?

What did fucking EJO say?

What did Edward James Olmos say?

Said we're fucking...

turned into-- 10% of us into water that goes down a stream

and emanates into the fucking ocean

where we're rehydrated into the fucking clouds

and placed back down as snow on the fucking mountain--

on top of the mountain. That's what it's about.

You know what I mean?

And that's how I'm fucking living. That's why this is big for me.

That's why who cares if we're filming?

This is about a personal journey.

How many people actually say,

"You know what? I gotta work on me, so I can think about we,"

and actually fucking do it? You know what I mean?

This isn't some bullshit thing. This is me changing my life before your eyes

to be a fucking positive influence.

We got all this equipment, all the camping gear

and food and everything. And we get way out there,

and suddenly the weather changes. It's snowing.

We're freezing. And we're on the top of this mountain,

and the wind comes up, blows all our shit off into this, like, gully.

We'll never see it again. And we have to figure out a way to get back.

- What the fuck are you talking about? - We gotta get back

without-- we all gotta survive.

Antony: Where are we getting back to?

We're in fucking D.C.

- But I'm talking about get back to-- - You mean it metaphorically.

--the comfortable-- yeah, metaphorically. The comfortable place where we feel good--

- Well, say you're speaking-- say "metaphorically speaking"

or else it's fucking confusing.

"What is he talking about? We're in fucking D.C."

I get where you're going.

- You did not! - No, everything was cool up to a certain--

- I do though. - Anton, you did not fucking get it.

Joaquin: If I'm tired and I'm grumpy, you still fucking wake me up.

You know what I mean? It's like, have the fucking decency

to let me be a decent person.

Because I'm the one that's being looked out there publically

percep-- being perceived.

Do you know what I mean? Anton, you can't--

you fuck up a flight; you can't get a goddamned flight.

Dude, if I travel with you guys,

I can't get on the fucking private jet.

Fucking Ben fucking isn't comfortable--

me and Casey can fucking roll. Okay?

Because we fucking know that world. You guys not only--

you make us look fucking stupid, dude.

Tobey and fucking Leo are on a fucking jet, man.

And we're in this fucking minivan. I'm in a fucking green

rent-a-car minivan. It's a fucking joke.

This is a goddamned fucking joke.

♪ It's time for me to end this game with a brand-new start ♪

♪ Coming to you live, direct, I'll fucking tear out my spleen ♪

♪ It's none other than the one and only Joaquin ♪

♪ Bitch, D.C. ♪

Joaquin: Oh shit!

Fucking smoked. They're in cahoots.

Son of a bitch.

Fucking smoked! Look it-- just two fucking weasels.

Shit, they're probably right there just selling the fucking info.

That's why they just left all smiling and shit.

Them wannabe rock stars-- fuck you. I'll fucking crush you.

I had a private eye follow fucking Anton

because I'm pretty fucking sure he's the one

that was selling information to magazines, saying, like,

that my shit's a hoax or something.

And I just want to fucking crush him.

♪ I heard the call, sirens sounding off ♪

♪ Feeling guilty 'cause my day was spent fucking off ♪

♪ History's perverted me, words don't really comfort me ♪

♪ You've become the epitome of a fucking-- ♪

♪ I made it here despite the efforts of a few ♪

♪ So now it's time to simply say, "Fuck you!" ♪

That's fucking ironic.

Can I come in?

I really don't think you should film this, dude.

I mean--

Ant, dude,

I know it was fucking you, dude.

What was me?

- The press. - The press?!

I have not talked to the press, dude.

I have not had anything at all, on my life, dude,

- I have not talked to the press. - Ant,

don't fucking do this to yourself.

I--

I can't believe that you could come into my home

after all the things I've done for you.

I tried to give you this opportunity

and you fucking betray me, dude--

the one fucking thing.

I did not, Joaq. Honestly, on my life,

I did not betray you. I swear on my life, dude.

I have not talked to the press about anything.

Dude, you think it's a fucking joke.

I do not think it's a joke, dude.

Here, is this a joke? Let me show you this.

This is...

- obviously you. - Yeah.

That is me, but that's not me-- I'm not talking to the press, dude.

- That's me and Norm. - I understand that.

I'm just saying that I am getting information

and I already have information and I'm fucking--

and I have this. I'm not a fucking idiot.

Priority dispatch-- take notice of your healthcare provider.

Um, "amount claimed, 26,000."

What the fuck is that?

- Uh, "to Anton." - Right?

Yeah, but that's for fucking Tucson, dude.

I'm-- I'm-- I'm going to-- I'm paying that.

I'm already talking to them about that.

- How are you paying that? - I'm not paying--

- With the fucking money from the press? - No. I haven't paid it.

I spoke to a lawyer today. I haven't paid any of that.

I am so fucking cool and open and good to people.

Whatever it is, nothing but fucking love, man.

I have such a-- I just want to fucking put out positive vibrations

and then you fucking betray me?

- You betray us? - I have not betrayed you, man.

- Casey-- - You literally just fucked my life.

You fucked my fucking life, dude.

You fucked my life!

You fucked my life, dude. I know that you fucked my life.

- I did not, man. I did not. - You are going to continue--

will you fucking tell him that we know, dude?

Yeah, it seems that you provided information to the press.

Okay, this is what happened, okay? One day everything's down, dude.

The next day you're furious about an anonymous quote

I don't know whether to fucking laugh or what to do, dude.

- I'm afraid-- - I dare you to fucking laugh.

I'm not gonna laugh.

I think that you are a fucking selfish,

arrogant, worthless cunt.

Do you think that I'm just going to forget about this, dude?

I have gone to Casey every fucking day and said to him

"What can I do?" He came to me with a paper to sign.

That fucking firstly it was the confidentiality-- which I know we fell out about

because I thought it was-- I did honestly think--

- Then you weren't gonna sign-- - But I signed that.

The only thing about that was

he's got me walking around with my dick between my legs.

Yeah. Are you gonna look like the idiot

in this fucking doc? Absolutely.

And this is the fucking moment where the fucking good guy wins.

So in some ways, maybe I actually have to fucking credit you, cuntface,

because I wrote a fucking new song

that was fucking inspired by to fucking crush you

so maybe that way-- I mean, that would be the,

you know, the fucking irony of course. This is the fucking...

you know, hit, you know, song.

The worst day of my life ends up being

the day I evaporate and go up or whatever.

(Joaquin coughs)

(singing)

It's nearly ready!

I think if, you know, this is his last film,

that he should be respectful with Ja--

you know, with James and the movie company.

After all, these people did make a movie.

Magazines, newspapers,

TV shows,

you know, abc.com, "Rolling Stone."

- Joaquin: No no. - MTV News.

I'd like to see him just, you know, dress nicely

and do his interviews. But he will.

This is his last premier, his last press junket.

Despite what he says,

I think he'd like to say goodbye in a nice way.

Hey, Carline, it's Larry calling for J.P.

He's in the studio right now working on some tracks. It's ready to go.

I need to confirm the place and the time,

so if you could get back to me as soon as possible. Thank you.

I can't talk to Diddy. And so it's his people,

like, I have no idea who I'm talking to

and they don't feel like they have to get back to me.

Hi, you've reached Carline at Bad Boy Records...

- Should I leave a message? - (beeps)

Hey, it's J.P.-- Joaquin.

Uh, I left a few messages, but I haven't heard back.

Just not sure what's going on.

You're dropping the fucking ball with Carline.

She doesn't know what's going on. And I'm stressed.

No longer is it a funny fucking thing about triumph,

but it's like about this dude who's constantly getting squeezed

by everybody around him, trying to fuck him over.

And that's the fucking triumph-- that I rise above this shit.

That's the fucking triumph.

- Larry: Well, he's gonna-- - (door slams)

He's definitely gonna call.

All I can do is fucking walk around.

I can just go-- I can go forward.

And you know what?

(phone ringing)

The fucking cocksucker calls, right? Hello?

I'm good. What's up?

Sue, I'm not going to New York. I'm not fucking doing press.

Because I'm going in the studio to record with Puff.

There's no way I'm going to cancel.

I-- I don't know. It'll probably be...

I don't know, like a week or something.

We're just starting out. I have no fucking idea.

It's just the beginning.

Sue, I'm done.

Oh-- fucking hell. I didn't even see it.

(mumbles) Fucking thing.

You never ever be late. Never ever be late.

(beeps)

- Woman: What session? - Uh, Diddy.

(techno music playing)

♪ As soon as I scream the name ♪

♪ Lost in the-- in the jungles ♪

♪ Offering everything ♪

♪ How much more soul? ♪

- ♪ You burned my heart down... ♪ - What up?

What's up, man? This is great.

- How long you been standing there for? - Oh, just a few seconds.

Sorry, buddy. Good to see you.

- Hi, how you doing? - That sounds awesome.

- Have a seat. - (music continuing)

- (phone rings) - Hello?

(clears throat) Sorry about that.

- No, that's cool. - So what's up, man?

Just...

hanging out, um,

I can't find my fucking tunes.

- What you looking for? - My C-- okay.

Just making sure I have my CD.

I thought I forgot it.

- What's going on? - So what's up, man...

- Nothing. - ...since I saw you in Miami?

You said that, you know, you was working on some music.

Yep. So I got some stuff, man. You want to hear it?

- Yeah yeah. - All right.

I don't know, man. Maybe we should...

start with track 2-- I don't know.

What kind of vibe do you want?

Just play me a hit. I need to hear a hit, baby.

Uh, I don't-- I don't--

(chuckles) Dude. No, try track 2.

I don't-- this is one of my newer ones.

You know how you listen to stuff and you listen to it for a while

so you get bored of it, then you hear the new thing.

So maybe this is worse. I don't know, but...

(rap music playing)

♪ Can I get a refund? What? ♪

♪ For this life of sin, we're not trying again ♪

♪ Let me hit this, man, I want my money back ♪

♪ I know I can do better if the devil let me off ♪

♪ I swear to God I'm ready ♪

♪ We was dealt a hand by the man ♪

♪ Upstairs, the one they say that gots the plan ♪

♪ And we never questioned, assumed that he had blessed us ♪

♪ But every day, studied hard just in case he tests us-- ♪

- (song stops abruptly) - Play me another.

Uh, I don't know. What's the next--

Um...

(tracks skipping)

♪ Bup bup bah-da-dup ♪

♪ Bup bup bah-da-dup ♪

♪ Bup bup bah-da-dup ♪

♪ Bup bup bup bup ♪

♪ I was merely a child when I was discovered ♪

♪ Had jitters, all meek, you know us children ♪

♪ It was only chance that we met, your scent ♪

♪ Electric, overwhelming all my senses ♪

- ♪ 19 years old, we's reacquainted ♪ - ♪ Bup bup bah-da-dup ♪

♪ Up north with Goose who we filmed with ♪

♪ I thought I lost the taste for you-- ♪

(clears throat) Play something else.

Don't play that one.

(organ music playing)

♪ Compli-fucking- ♪

♪ Cation ♪

♪ Compli-fucking- ♪

♪ Cation ♪

♪ Compli-fucking- ♪

♪ Cation ♪

♪ Compli-fucking-cation, compli-motherfucking-cation... ♪

♪ Compli-fucking-cation, compli-motherfucking-cation ♪

♪ Compli-motherfucking-cation, compli-fucking-cated ♪

♪ It's so fucking complicated that my mind can't even say it, check it ♪

♪ If everything was this motherfucking complicated ♪

♪ When Leo took the globe and played with-- ♪

No no no, not for you. That's enough.

That's enough.

So tell me, um-- tell me why you wanted to do this.

I mean why-- why did you want to do hip-hop?

'Cause, uh, um...

You think it's-it's-- it's fucking funny?

You're not like making it, like, you know, like, "Yo, what up?"

You're not-- you don't be doing none of that shit when I'm not around, right?

No... no no. I mean, there's a-- not at all.

Like, that's what this-- just-- gives it a lot of change of fortunes

and I think, like, I got to a place in my career when I just started looking back

on my life and look at the things that had affected me

and like the wrong turns I could have made

and the wrong turns I did make.

And then I wanted this music just to represent

kind of that story and, like, what that is

to say that there's this other part of it.

And for me, I have a connection to hip-hop

the way anyone has a connection to any kind of music.

You know? It's-- I don't--

it's not where you're-- I'm just playing around.

Mm-hmm, all right. I'm just making sure.

You know, hearing the music, I like the first two cuts.

Um, I think it went downhill after that, but, you know,

that happens with everybody. You know what I'm saying?

You know, I think you do have some potential.

It just depends on how far you want to take it, you know what I'm saying?

What you're trying to do and how far you're trying to go with it.

Like-- you know.

You know, if it's something you want to do,

I believe anybody can do anything, you know?

If their heart is really in it.

I liked those two songs, you know?

So what's the next move?

- Just... you got a vocal booth? - What you mean?

How do you want to start it off?

- Start what off? - Just recording.

Oh no, I'm not-- I mean,

you're not ready to record with me.

You know? I mean, you're not at that point yet.

- You know? - I-- 'cause I was--

because I thought that we were gonna make it work here.

(stammers) I thought we had a deal...

(mutters)

Okay.

(sighs)

I gotta get back to work, all right?

- All right. - Love you, man.

Come here. Give me a hug.

All right?

Can I have my CD?

- Yeah, I gave it to you. - Okay.

- Oh no, he'll give it to you over there. - Okay.

Shit.

Okay.

Tell him I'm coming

and I'm just going to finish it out like I said I would.

Sue: Well, let me see if I can get Letterman back.

You'll have to get on a plane tomorrow.

P.A.: Please have your photo identification

out and available for the agent at the counter.

- Is it true you stopped acting, man? - Let's start it off, baby.

♪ Yo, we got Joaquin in J.F.K. ♪

♪ I wanna get my rap career on my way. ♪

Reporter: We spotted Joe Cocker-- wait a minute!

That's Joaquin Phoenix. The former actor

is still claiming to have left the biz of show for good,

choosing to focus more on his music career

and clearly less on his personal hygiene.

How about M.C. Tobias or Flavor Save?

Jofo?

So the question is will Phoenix rise from the ashes of his acting career

and conquer the music industry?

Is the whole thing a hoax? Will he put out a record?

Most of all, do we care?

Sue: He has a junket for his film "Two Lovers,"

three one-on-one interviews,

"USA Today."

He is going to do a print and online roundtable.

- Interviewer: Have you seen "Two Lovers"? - Joaquin: No.

You're not curious about what it's like or what it--

I was there.

But you weren't in all the scenes.

No, it's all right.

I mean, I'm sure they were great.

Okay, just 'cause most actors that I talk to,

they're interested in how the director puts it together and...

No.

Um, did you prepare for this movie?

- In what way? No. - In like-- did you--

The journalists outside who are waiting to talk to you,

they're all wondering if this is a hoax. They're talking to each other,

saying "It's a hoax, it's a hoax." But it's not.

Like, you seem legitimately interested.

It's hard not to get offended when you sit there

with your little smile and say "We think this is a hoax,"

because you're talking about my life as if my life's a fucking joke to you.

No, not-- I'm-- you know, I'm not-- I don't mean to offend you.

You can do the Fox News, go "Some may say..."

- Right. - ...and put it on them.

But it's your question and it's hard not to take it personally

and feel like you're saying my life's a fucking joke.

Do you realize really what you're doing

by taking this step away from movies?

Being in the limelight as a rapper will be any different?

...that you know your new career is overshadowing the film?

Is Diddy just doing the music or is he working on the lyrics too?

Um, yeah, we're gonna work together.

Photographer: Lovely, excellent,

average, lovely.

(elevator beeping)

(dings)

Are you really filming just driving in a fucking car?

- Oh oh! - All right, you gotta stop.

Photographers: Joaquin Phoenix, whoo! Joaquin!

Joaquin! Joaquin!

(booing)

Seven minutes to the introduction.

All "Late Show" band members backstage.

- (theme music playing) - Coming up, Joaquin Phoenix.

(toilet flushes)

(applause)

Our first guest is a-- how about this?

Two-time Academy Award nominee, Joaquin Phoenix.

- (band playing) - (applause, cheering)

Good to see you.

Thank you very much for being on the program again.

You know, it's been three years since the last time you were on the show.

And I will just say right off the top here,

you look different than I remember.

(audience laughs)

You've got a nice beard going and...

- Oh yeah, thank you. - How is that-- the beard?

- In what way? - Is it comfortable?

Is it itchy? Are you pleased with it?

I'm okay with it, but now you're making me feel weird about it.

I'm sorry, I'm making you feel weird about it?

- Is there something wrong? - I can't be the first one

to make you feel weird about it.

Mmm, no I guess not.

See, that's what I'm talking about. You doing a lot of this?

- That's just a nervous tic, I think. - Oh, just a nervous tic.

Uh, you know, I saw this--

(audience laughs)

I saw this movie the other night-- tremendous.

What a tremendous film. You and who else is in it?

Uh, what's her name? Beautiful lovely...

Mmm.

- Gwyneth Paltrow. - Oh yeah, Gwyneth Paltrow.

- I really enjoyed your work. - Thank you.

Yeah.

(audience laughing)

- Are you-- - (applause)

Um...

what-- what can you tell us about your days with the Unabomber?

(audience laughs)

It's just a little joke.

Letterman: You're not going to act anymore?

- No. - Huh.

Why is that?

Mmm...

- I don't know. - (audience laughs)

- I mean-- - So you have given it some thought.

Yeah, it's not really...

an easy thing to explain.

It's something that's been

a part of my life for a long time, d'you know?

And so it's weird to, like, come out on stage

with a bunch of people and just talk about it.

- Mm-hmm. - D'you know? So.

Now when will we see the new music career?

The new hip-hop career, when will we see that take off?

When can we-- 'cause we want to be there.

Uh, well, I'd love to come on the show and perform...

- Yeah. - ...when it's done.

(applause)

But I'm just-- I'm working on it, you know?

- It's a-- - You know, that seems unlikely.

Can you-- can you set up the clip for us, Joaquin?

- I don't-- - (maniacal laugh)

Are you kidding? Are you serious?

Does the maniacal laughter-- I don't know what the clip is.

You don't know what the clip is?

It's you and-- maybe a scene with you and Gwyneth Paltrow?

All right, you're doing fine.

Thanks. Uh, high praise coming from you.

- (Paul clears throat) - (Dave clears throat)

- Is that really-- that's the-- - We're having fun.

- That's fun? - We're having fun. Just relax, seriously.

I'll come to your house and chew gum.

- Okay, I don't have to chew gum. - No, just relax.

- I won't chew the gum. I won't chew the gum. - Well!

And, Joaquin, I'm sorry you couldn't be here tonight.

Uh, the film is "Two Lovers."

Opens Friday in selected cities.

Thank you very much and good luck in your new career.

I hope that goes well for you.

We'll be right back with model...

(door opens)

(sighs)

Oh my God.

(faintly) I don't know,

I don't know. Oh no.

Oh no.

(dings)

(crowd shouting)

(boos)

Sir, could you just pull over for a sec?

Dude, just pull over for a sec.

I gotta fucking walk around a little.

God-- fucking--

I don't fucking know!

Fucking wall right here. Goddamn fucking wall.

I fucked it.

I just fucking made an announcement.

I said I'll never go back to acting and now I can't.

You know what? I'm miserable. Fucking music sucks.

(sobbing) And I didn't even fucking know it.

- I'm so stupid. - (Larry mutters)

Oh, bullshit, dude. It fucking sucks.

I'm just going to be a goddamn joke forever.

I can't believe it. Why'd I do that? Why'd I do that?

(sniffles) Fuck.

I'm fucked. I'm fucked. I'm fucked.

I fucked my fucking life, man.

I fucked my life.

(crying) Oh shit.

Shit. I can't go to this fucking premier, dude.

How am I gonna go? Fuck 'em.

I gotta go to the fucking premier.

(clamoring)

Mr. Phoenix, over here.

Mr. Phoenix, right in front of you, please, sir.

I'm shooting right now. I'm shooting.

(rattling door)

You fucking son of a bitch.

Are you fucking kidding me?

(door rattles)

Where's Larry? I gotta go.

Where's Larry?

The doors don't fucking open. Can you get the fucking door open?

It doesn't open.

(siren blaring)

(panting)

(applause on TV)

Letterman: It's just a little joke.

I'm the fucking joke? You're the joke!

I'm doing more than what anyone fucking expects!

And then-- and you literally are fucking off.

When people really see what happens, they're gonna laugh at you!

Not at me. 'Cause I saw the fucking history, dude.

I know you watched the "Letterman" thing 'cause you think it's so fucking funny.

You're a broken alkie.

You're a fucking piece of shit. I shit on your face, man.

Honestly, I shit on your fucking face.

I am really sorry that it's gone this way.

I know that things have been getting weird

between us over the past fucking few months.

What's been weird between us?

Things have gotten weird between us, dude, and I am sorry.

I am sorry for my part in it. I am sorry.

But you can't fucking go on treating me like I'm an asshole all the time.

You know what? You are an asshole.

Joaq, you cannot keep talking to me this way...

- You're an asshole. - ...the whole fucking time.

You're an asshole.

- There is some part of you... - I don't know how come you see--

- ...that is enviously jealous. - Oh, dude, please!

- Listen to me! - I am listening to you!

Well, not when you're talking like that!

You don't have to be the fucking exorcist, dude.

Just fucking talk like a normal human being.

Antony: You think you know everything that's happening, but you don't.

Listen, you've got to understand one thing, okay?

That's why you don't see it, dude.

Antony, I'm telling you I'm serious.

- Dude, don't fucking hit me. - I'll knock your fucking--

I'll knock your teeth out and I'll shit on your fucking face.

Fuck you. You want to test it, do it.

You've shit on my fucking life enough times.

What can I do for you?

Not fuck things up! Not fuck up my fucking life.

Not make me look like I'm a fucking joke.

I know that sometimes I fucking get out of fucking place.

I'm an intense guy. I'm a passionate guy.

And that bleeds through into my life, but that's because I do something.

Know what I mean? Whether I was acting or whether I was doing music

or whatever it is, I give myself to something.

What's your bit? What is your bit?

(laughs) I mean, it's almost comical.

Like I literally was angry

and now I almost-- like, I feel sorry for you, dude.

You're a bitless dude. I have fucking bits.

What the fuck do you have? Haven't you seen me?

You've seen the fucking stuff I do, you see how people are affected by it.

You know that I affect people in a fucking positive way.

So what I'm saying is what are you gonna do with your fucking life?

You took too long.

That's what I'm saying, dude. You're not fucking assertive.

I agree.

I don't need to have this conversation. Fuck the peace, fuck the bullshit.

I'm trying to do you a favor. I'm talking to you as a friend

and I'm trying to do other people a favor to see this,

to know what it's like, to understand what I go through.

They don't know what it's like, dude.

Did you have to go on fucking Letterman?

How could I possibly concentrate when I'm dealing with--

- They don't want me on Letterman. - Excuse me!

When I'm fucking dealing with fucking Diddy

and his fullness, his idea of what's right?

They're actually gonna see how fucking hard it is.

I came in here to talk and now, you know what, dude?

Think of a fucking bit worthwhile.

But fuck off anyways, dude. Honestly, Ant, I'm through with you.

Do whatever the fuck you want. And I hope one day

I see a bit that's worthwhile that you were involved in.

Although I find that highly unlikely.

(door closes)

You want a bit? I'll give you a bit.

Oh the fuck are you--?!

Oh fuck, oh!

What the fuck are you fucking doing?

- Oh! - The fuck you doing?

(retching)

Joaquin: Fuck!

Lar! (spits)

- Larry: What the fuck? - What the fuck is that?

Is that human fucking shit, dude?

Did someone just human shit on me?

Let me see.

- Oh man, fuck. - (retching)

- Jesus. - I'm gonna fucking kill him.

I'm gonna fucking murder him. Get the fuck out of here.

Get out of here.

Woman: Please welcome Natalie Portman and Ben Stiller.

(applause)

Cinematographers are the unsung heroes of movies.

They live and breathe shadow and light.

Their work is the bedrock of every production.

This is ridiculous. You're chewing gum at the Oscars.

Okay, I'll take it out.

- Portman: What's going on with you? - Nothing.

I just want to retire from being a funny guy, that's all.

You look like you work at a Hasidic meth lab.

- (laughter) - What do you want to do?

- What do you want to do? - I don't know.

Maybe...

cinematography.

Man: The documentaries nominated here today

could not be more different.

- (mumbling) - And yet as we face anxiety

and uncertainty at the dawn of this--

will you shut the fuck up?

It's fucking distracting.

I've given up acting.

You've given up acting?! You've given up shaving.

There's a difference.

I'm gonna do my Joaquin Phoenix for you.

I'm as giddy as Joaquin Phoenix

with a ballpoint pen and a blank prescription pad.

We better call Puff Daddy...

Phoenix has gone completely nuts.

Cooper: Earlier this month You might recall

actor Joaquin Phoenix made a rather odd appearance, to put it mildly.

(overlapping voices)

Man: Everybody, it looks like Joaquin Phoenix is finished.

And if he wasn't such an asshole, this would kinda be a sad day.

He should have stayed Joaquin Phoenix, the tortured actor. This rapping thing?

It's like somebody turning the lights on in a bar at 2:00 a.m.

It just looks fucking horrible.

But before we mourn his 15 minutes, let's remember that prior to J.P.,

he was Joaquin Phoenix, which wasn't even his real name either.

It was like Leaf Jacobs or some shit like that.

He is a product of ambition-- just a hipper vegan Tom Cruise.

You know, all that noise about "I am the guy who doesn't care what you think of me;

I don't watch my movies; I'm so real"

was not only annoying bullshit, but it obscured the fact

that he was just a fucking ham even when he mumbled.

Now maybe we can appreciate the subtle, more refined talents

of a-- dare I say-- Leonardo DiCaprio,

or a Matt Damon?

Is it real? It really doesn't matter.

Hugh Grant got head from that hooker and was forgiven

before his "Leno" appearance went to commercial.

And Britney shaved her head and showed us her pussy

and we still wanted more. But Phoenix is fucked

because even behind that homeless man's beard

and without showing his genitalia,

he has still managed to empty his little bucket of mystery all over the floor.

Leaf, Joaquin, J.P., all three of you are finished.

There's no spectacle to hope for, no fantasy to imagine.

The thrill is gone.

(Larry speaking)

Hey, David. Yeah, it's Larry.

With Joaquin.

Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about getting Joaquin

down there at LIV to perform this week.

Is Wednesday a big night?

I mean, is the place going to be packed or--?

- I just talked to David. - Joaquin: David?

- Yeah, the guy from Miami. - Oh yeah?

- And what did he say? - Wednesday night.

- Wednesday? - Yeah.

Why the fuck Wednesday?

He says it's a good night.

You know, like hip crowd, they'll like your music.

The guy down in Miami had doubts about, you know,

Joaquin's abilities

and I had to reassure him a little bit

that it wasn't going to be another "Letterman" thing.

I don't know. I mean...

I can't question that. If he wants to do something, we do it.

Joaquin: ♪ A charity's being formed for this deformity ♪

♪ 'Cause man can't conform for nobody... ♪

How-- what's that sound like?

♪ What can I say to Antony but "Fuck you"? ♪

No, all right. Do you have reverb on the vocal?

- Mixer: Uh, no. - No, nothing.

Uh-huh. And the track isn't running through the board at all?

There's no-- we can't E.Q. the track?

(instrumental playing)

(Larry speaking)

♪ I'm still real, I won't kneel ♪

♪ Unless it's God, my team will know how I feel ♪

♪ I never sold out, never, my good soul, never ♪

♪ I live forever, I'm the one that God's chosen, bitch. ♪

Lar?

Man on walkie: Go go go go.

Coming in through the deejay booth. Be by the deejay booth.

Side of the stage. Bring him through the stage.

Go go go go! The side of the stage--

bring him off the side of the stage-- go!

(music blasting)

(song changes)

- (music ends) - Deejay: What the fuck is up, Miami?!

(cheering)

And now let's hear it...

for J.P., baby. Let's motherfucking rock!

(cheering)

(music playing)

What?

Fuck you.

♪ I'm still here, I don't scare ♪

♪ I don't fear, don't even fear fucking fear ♪

♪ I never crack, never, I don't give, never ♪

♪ I live forever, I'm the one that God... ♪

♪ I'm still real, I won't kneel ♪

♪ Unless it's God, my team know how I feel ♪

♪ I never sold out, never, my good soul, never ♪

♪ I live forever, I'm the one that God chose ♪

♪ I heard the call, alarms sounding off ♪

♪ Feeling guilty 'cause my night was spent fucking off ♪

♪ History perverted me, words can never harm me ♪

♪ Saying I'm the epitome of a fucking rap self-parody ♪

♪ A charity's being formed for this deformity ♪

♪ This man can't conform for nobody ♪

♪ I made it here despite the efforts of a few ♪

♪ What can I say to a punk but "Fuck you"? ♪

♪ I must confess, I'm preposterous at best ♪

♪ A pretentious mess, can't get himself even dressed ♪

♪ In response I don't get mad, I shake you off ♪

♪ Waving goodbye like I was last year's fad ♪

♪ Trend-setting, on you I won't be betting ♪

♪ I let it go so long as you know that I'm stormy weather ♪

♪ And whether or not you're better or not ♪

♪ Couldn't make a lick of difference from where I'm sitting at the top ♪

♪ Here through these years, I don't scare ♪

♪ Don't even fear fucking fear ♪

♪ I never crack, never, I don't give, never ♪

♪ I'll throw it down, you can bet on that, fella ♪

♪ I'm still real, I won't kneel ♪

♪ Unless it's God, my team know how I feel ♪

♪ I never sold out, never, my good soul, never ♪

♪ Live forever, I'm the one that God's chosen, bitch ♪

♪ Long-winded letters that I've written ♪

♪ Once a snake has bitten, I'll forgive but won't forget it ♪

♪ Not talking revenge, I don't have the time to do to you ♪

♪ All the fucked-up things, fantasies of ruining you ♪

♪ Ain't got a crew, but I'll take on yours ♪

♪ Gotta wrap this shit up with you 'cause I'm so fucking bored ♪

♪ Just this one thing I gotta say ♪

♪ To let you know, to get it off my chest ♪

♪ Before this long rest ♪

♪ I never betrayed you, I never did what you thought I did ♪

♪ Still you came at me swinging, kid ♪

♪ Nevertheless I wish you the best and pray you get to heaven ♪

♪ But more than likely you'll be burning with the devil ♪

♪ Here through these years ♪

♪ I don't fear, don't even fear fucking fear ♪

♪ I never crack, never, I don't give, never ♪

♪ I throw it down, you can bet on that, fella ♪

♪ I'm still real, I won't kneel ♪

♪ Unless it's God, my team know how I feel ♪

♪ I never sold out, never, my good soul, never ♪

♪ I live forever, I'm the one that God's chosen ♪

♪ Bitch. ♪

So, LIV, it's good to see y'all.

Dude, what's your fucking problem?

Shut the fuck up.

You wanna get up here and try and fucking do it, bitch?

Show it, yeah.

Sorry, we got a fucking asshole in the audience.

Fucking shut up, dude.

Does my suit cost more than you fucking make

in a fucking week, dude?

Is that why? Yeah.

Dude, I got a million dollars in a fucking bank account.

What do you got, bitch? You washing dishes?

You standing around washing dishes, you gonna come make fun of me?

All right, taking the next song--

uh... what?

You motherfucking asshole.

(shouting, crashing)

Oh, grab it!

Joaquin: Get off.

(crowd chanting) Joaquin, Joaquin, Joaquin.

Emcee: Is that it?

(emcee speaking)

(retches)

(retches)

(club music playing)

- Security #1: I'll get some towels. - Security #2: And water.

Here you go.

Can I get some water too, please?

(dance music playing)

We'll take the back so they won't get you.

I hope.

You all right?

Larry: Dude, that was a good show.

(lighter clicks)

(piano music playing)

(Larry speaking)

(barks)

(water rushing)

(instrumental music continuing throughout)

- (piano playing) - ♪ When I dream ♪

♪ I dream of you ♪

♪ And if I'm wrong, we'll know it's true ♪

♪ It takes more than sacrifice ♪

- ♪ To keep love-- ♪ - (Joaquin retches)

♪ It disappears just like the dew ♪

(off-key) ♪ Dew-www ♪

(whistling)

♪ Well, there's ♪

♪ Cool water in you ♪

♪ Well, you know that there's ♪

♪ Cool water in you ♪

♪ You know there's ♪

♪ Cool water in you ♪

♪ Well, there's cool water ♪

♪ In you. ♪