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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:50,228 --> 00:00:55,228 Subtitles by explosiveskull Resync by GoldenBeard 2 00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,472 Well, good news. 3 00:01:07,474 --> 00:01:09,674 I found your car keys. 4 00:01:09,676 --> 00:01:12,077 That's where I left them. 5 00:01:12,079 --> 00:01:14,514 You know, you have the prostate of an 18-year-old. 6 00:01:14,516 --> 00:01:16,681 Nice! I'd rather have his dick, 7 00:01:16,683 --> 00:01:18,584 but you get what you get. 8 00:01:18,586 --> 00:01:21,320 Next time, buy me dinner first. 9 00:01:24,092 --> 00:01:26,058 That's a good one. 10 00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:27,192 I like that joke. 11 00:01:27,194 --> 00:01:29,697 I hadn't heard that before. 12 00:01:34,902 --> 00:01:36,903 Come on. Why do I have to go? 13 00:01:36,905 --> 00:01:37,936 Because 14 00:01:37,938 --> 00:01:39,171 it's his weekend and you're not missing 15 00:01:39,173 --> 00:01:40,204 your grandmother's wedding. 16 00:01:40,206 --> 00:01:41,306 It's no fun there. 17 00:01:41,308 --> 00:01:42,674 Last time he made me watch 18 00:01:42,676 --> 00:01:44,943 an entire Super Bowl from 1979. 19 00:01:44,945 --> 00:01:47,079 Who watches a 30-year-old football game? 20 00:01:47,081 --> 00:01:50,749 He's always angry or pissed off... 21 00:01:50,751 --> 00:01:52,451 Don't say that about your father. 22 00:01:52,453 --> 00:01:53,952 It's not my fault he's an asshole. 23 00:01:53,954 --> 00:01:55,221 We're not having this discussion. 24 00:01:55,223 --> 00:01:56,588 Go get your bag. 25 00:02:10,838 --> 00:02:12,271 Pick Enterprise. 26 00:02:12,273 --> 00:02:13,671 We'll pick you up. 27 00:02:13,673 --> 00:02:15,140 In New York City, 28 00:02:15,142 --> 00:02:16,876 the dedicated detectives who investigate 29 00:02:16,878 --> 00:02:19,211 these vicious felonies are members of 30 00:02:19,213 --> 00:02:21,514 an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. 31 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,415 These are their stories. 32 00:02:43,071 --> 00:02:44,469 Hello. 33 00:02:44,471 --> 00:02:46,206 Ah, there you are. 34 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,272 Hello. 35 00:02:47,274 --> 00:02:48,373 - Hey, Peter. - Sweetheart. 36 00:02:48,375 --> 00:02:49,641 Mom, you look radiant. 37 00:02:49,643 --> 00:02:50,877 - Thank you. - Hi, Sheila. 38 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,510 These are for Mom's bunions. 39 00:02:52,512 --> 00:02:54,479 If you want her on her feet in two hours, 40 00:02:54,481 --> 00:02:55,914 you'll make sure she wears those. 41 00:02:55,916 --> 00:02:58,084 Thank you, darling. That was sweet. 42 00:02:58,086 --> 00:02:59,318 You know, Peter, 43 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,888 if ever you start questioning your sexuality, 44 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:05,724 I'd love to introduce you to my son, Jason. 45 00:03:05,726 --> 00:03:08,760 - He's got a tight little butt. - Ooh. 46 00:03:08,762 --> 00:03:10,529 I'll be downstairs if you need me. 47 00:03:10,531 --> 00:03:12,465 - Thank you, Sheila. - Wow. 48 00:03:12,467 --> 00:03:13,934 Good to know. 49 00:03:15,035 --> 00:03:16,569 Good for Jason. 50 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,771 Where's Ethan? 51 00:03:18,773 --> 00:03:21,576 Uh, he's here somewhere. Happy as a clam. 52 00:03:23,376 --> 00:03:25,745 Oh, don't be discouraged. 53 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,182 You're a great dad. 54 00:03:27,948 --> 00:03:29,480 Just love him 55 00:03:29,482 --> 00:03:31,751 and be there for him. 56 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:34,589 And maybe loosen up a little. 57 00:03:35,223 --> 00:03:36,590 I'm loose. 58 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,092 I mean... 59 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:41,961 I'm loose, whatevs. 60 00:03:41,963 --> 00:03:43,829 Have you seen your brother yet? 61 00:03:43,831 --> 00:03:46,365 Hmm? Oh, you invited him? 62 00:03:50,470 --> 00:03:52,638 Life is so crazy, man. 63 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,741 One minute, you're napping in Maui, unemployed, 64 00:03:55,743 --> 00:03:58,377 uneducated, 30 bucks to your name, 65 00:03:58,379 --> 00:04:00,712 the next minute, some guy's walking up to you, 66 00:04:00,714 --> 00:04:02,581 asking if he can put your picture 67 00:04:02,583 --> 00:04:04,682 on a barbeque sauce bottle. 68 00:04:04,684 --> 00:04:06,319 And the next minute 69 00:04:06,321 --> 00:04:09,121 they're giving you three cents for every bottle they sell. 70 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:10,323 And the next minute 71 00:04:10,325 --> 00:04:13,058 they're selling 30 million of these bad boys. 72 00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:14,527 And then the next minute... 73 00:04:14,529 --> 00:04:17,063 You're wearing a white leather jacket 74 00:04:17,065 --> 00:04:20,031 and white high-tops to your mom's wedding. 75 00:04:20,033 --> 00:04:21,199 Pete! 76 00:04:22,802 --> 00:04:24,903 It is so good to see you. 77 00:04:24,905 --> 00:04:27,172 I haven't seen this guy in two years. 78 00:04:27,174 --> 00:04:28,507 Four. Actually. 79 00:04:28,509 --> 00:04:30,076 - Has it been that long? - Mmm-hmm. 80 00:04:30,078 --> 00:04:32,644 Shut the front door. Are you messing with me? 81 00:04:32,646 --> 00:04:33,946 He loves messing with me. 82 00:04:33,948 --> 00:04:36,048 - Are you messing with me? - I'm not. 83 00:04:36,050 --> 00:04:37,382 God, you got to come over to Hawaii. 84 00:04:37,384 --> 00:04:38,550 When are you gonna visit? 85 00:04:38,552 --> 00:04:40,420 - Yeah... - Hey, Kaylani! Come here! 86 00:04:40,422 --> 00:04:42,788 I want you to meet someone really special to me. 87 00:04:42,790 --> 00:04:44,757 Someone I've been sleeping with exclusively 88 00:04:44,759 --> 00:04:46,257 for the past six months. 89 00:04:46,259 --> 00:04:47,726 Wow, six whole months? 90 00:04:47,728 --> 00:04:49,228 That's what I'm saying. 91 00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:51,262 It's really special. 92 00:04:51,264 --> 00:04:53,031 Aloha, Peter. 93 00:04:53,033 --> 00:04:54,235 Hi. 94 00:04:59,641 --> 00:05:01,076 Oh, okay. 95 00:05:09,984 --> 00:05:12,384 I can feel your brother inside you. 96 00:05:12,386 --> 00:05:14,221 I am inside you. 97 00:05:15,122 --> 00:05:16,254 You are? 98 00:05:16,256 --> 00:05:17,656 - Yeah. - Hmm. 99 00:05:17,658 --> 00:05:19,226 We're twins. 100 00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:24,696 That's called a Honi. 101 00:05:24,698 --> 00:05:27,399 That is a sacred Hawaiian greeting 102 00:05:27,401 --> 00:05:29,168 that you just got. 103 00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:30,369 Yeah. 104 00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:31,971 Is that right? 105 00:05:31,973 --> 00:05:33,305 So, 106 00:05:33,307 --> 00:05:36,574 how psyched are you for Mom finding true love again? 107 00:05:36,576 --> 00:05:38,110 It's awesome. 108 00:05:38,112 --> 00:05:41,016 God, I just wish Dad could've been here to see this. 109 00:05:43,684 --> 00:05:45,084 Yo, Uncle Kyle! 110 00:05:45,086 --> 00:05:46,151 Yeah? 111 00:05:46,153 --> 00:05:47,285 You got to see this. 112 00:05:47,287 --> 00:05:48,756 What's your boy's name? 113 00:05:49,657 --> 00:05:51,156 It's Ethan. 114 00:05:51,158 --> 00:05:54,228 You gotta meet Ethan. He is the best kid. Come on! 115 00:06:10,211 --> 00:06:11,744 Do you take this man 116 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,379 to be your lawfully wedded husband? 117 00:06:14,381 --> 00:06:18,153 Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? 118 00:06:19,453 --> 00:06:23,155 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 119 00:06:23,157 --> 00:06:24,156 Beautiful! 120 00:06:24,158 --> 00:06:26,324 You may kiss the bride. 121 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,703 Clink, clink, clink! 122 00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:38,105 It's so nice to be here today. 123 00:06:39,907 --> 00:06:42,740 There's a saying in Hawaii that goes 124 00:06:42,742 --> 00:06:44,713 a little something like this... 125 00:06:51,686 --> 00:06:54,119 That translates very simply as, 126 00:06:54,121 --> 00:06:58,490 "Life is alive once more inside of me 127 00:06:58,492 --> 00:07:00,692 "from my love of you." 128 00:07:00,694 --> 00:07:02,060 And, Gene, 129 00:07:02,062 --> 00:07:06,665 my mother's life is so alive right now 130 00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:08,100 with you inside her. 131 00:07:08,102 --> 00:07:10,869 - So, I want to raise a toast. - Hey now. 132 00:07:10,871 --> 00:07:13,241 To mean Gene 133 00:07:14,943 --> 00:07:17,012 and the greatest mom on Earth. 134 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,480 Cheers! Hey, l'chaim, everybody! 135 00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,281 Thank you, darling. 136 00:07:23,283 --> 00:07:24,885 Cheers! 137 00:07:26,687 --> 00:07:28,021 That went good. 138 00:07:28,023 --> 00:07:29,389 What? 139 00:07:29,391 --> 00:07:30,456 What? 140 00:07:30,458 --> 00:07:31,523 Yes. 141 00:07:31,525 --> 00:07:33,358 - No way! - I'm serious. 142 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,326 Oh, wait, wait, wait. One more thing to say. 143 00:07:35,328 --> 00:07:36,728 Wait, everybody hold on. 144 00:07:36,730 --> 00:07:38,831 Forget about that 70-inch TV we gave you 145 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:42,201 because we've got another wedding gift. 146 00:07:42,203 --> 00:07:44,569 You're finally gonna be a grandmother! 147 00:07:44,571 --> 00:07:45,939 - Oh! - Yeah. 148 00:07:47,107 --> 00:07:48,206 Yes! 149 00:07:48,208 --> 00:07:49,675 I mean, a grandmother again! 150 00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:51,644 I'm sorry, Pete. 151 00:07:59,886 --> 00:08:02,021 My life is so perfect! 152 00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,321 ...an elite squad 153 00:08:03,323 --> 00:08:04,790 known as the Special Victims Unit. 154 00:08:04,792 --> 00:08:06,257 These are their stories. 155 00:08:07,828 --> 00:08:10,761 I told you, Detective, I can press charges. 156 00:08:10,763 --> 00:08:12,096 Out of respect for... 157 00:08:12,098 --> 00:08:15,468 Shh. Let's cut to the chase, Nigel. 158 00:08:15,470 --> 00:08:17,071 May I call you Nigel? 159 00:08:19,372 --> 00:08:21,473 You see, Nigel, 160 00:08:21,475 --> 00:08:23,744 I know that men have needs. 161 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,879 But when a wife can't fill those needs, 162 00:08:27,881 --> 00:08:30,283 men have to look elsewhere. 163 00:08:30,285 --> 00:08:31,386 Yes. 164 00:08:46,499 --> 00:08:48,333 What the fuck? 165 00:08:48,335 --> 00:08:49,635 I need to talk to both of you guys. 166 00:08:49,637 --> 00:08:51,204 - What? - Okay. 167 00:08:51,206 --> 00:08:52,470 Mom, I need to talk to you. 168 00:08:52,472 --> 00:08:54,108 - Oh, okay. - Thanks. 169 00:08:55,276 --> 00:08:57,209 - Boom! - What a beauty. 170 00:08:57,211 --> 00:08:58,510 Boy, she is such a good actress. 171 00:08:58,512 --> 00:08:59,679 Hot. 172 00:08:59,681 --> 00:09:01,850 No, no, not her. 173 00:09:02,316 --> 00:09:03,882 Boom. 174 00:09:03,884 --> 00:09:05,385 - Now! - Mmm-hmm? 175 00:09:07,888 --> 00:09:09,921 Foot fetish. 176 00:09:09,923 --> 00:09:11,857 I like this guy. 177 00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:13,825 No, no, not that. 178 00:09:13,827 --> 00:09:15,295 Don't you see the resemblance? 179 00:09:16,864 --> 00:09:18,598 The resemblance to who? 180 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,266 Our father! 181 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,766 He's alive! 182 00:09:21,768 --> 00:09:23,234 To our father? 183 00:09:23,236 --> 00:09:25,871 Are you on acid right now, Pete? 184 00:09:25,873 --> 00:09:28,640 No, Kyle, look at his birthmark. 185 00:09:28,642 --> 00:09:31,142 Yeah, I'm looking. 186 00:09:31,144 --> 00:09:32,810 Mom, can you tell him this isn't our father. 187 00:09:32,812 --> 00:09:34,380 He isn't your father. 188 00:09:34,382 --> 00:09:36,214 Mom, I've been looking at his picture 189 00:09:36,216 --> 00:09:38,250 every day since I was four years old. 190 00:09:38,252 --> 00:09:40,218 That birth mark is unmistakable! 191 00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:41,619 Honey, is everything okay? 192 00:09:41,621 --> 00:09:43,021 Well, Pete is, uh, 193 00:09:43,023 --> 00:09:44,824 lost touch with reality. 194 00:09:44,826 --> 00:09:47,693 The man in the photos I gave you 195 00:09:47,695 --> 00:09:49,561 wasn't actually your father. 196 00:09:49,563 --> 00:09:50,630 Okay, what? 197 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,833 What? 198 00:09:54,601 --> 00:09:57,603 Okay, he was a friend of mine from college. 199 00:09:57,605 --> 00:09:59,872 He was an English exchange student. 200 00:09:59,874 --> 00:10:01,439 He went back after graduation. 201 00:10:01,441 --> 00:10:03,776 I just thought you'd never see him. 202 00:10:03,778 --> 00:10:04,910 He's not my dad? 203 00:10:04,912 --> 00:10:06,545 He was studying to be a Botanist, 204 00:10:06,547 --> 00:10:07,713 for crying out loud. 205 00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:09,213 He's an orphan, 206 00:10:09,215 --> 00:10:11,050 and then he got colon cancer. 207 00:10:11,052 --> 00:10:12,253 No. 208 00:10:14,555 --> 00:10:17,289 I made up all those stories about your father. 209 00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:20,693 That he was an orphan, that he came from England. 210 00:10:20,695 --> 00:10:22,931 That he died of colon cancer. 211 00:10:23,430 --> 00:10:24,496 Wow. 212 00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:26,131 The truth is, 213 00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:30,736 and I probably should've told you a long time ago... 214 00:10:30,738 --> 00:10:32,340 I think you should have. 215 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:37,278 I wasn't sure who your father was. 216 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,615 How does that work? 217 00:10:42,615 --> 00:10:44,750 Yeah, how does that work? 218 00:10:44,752 --> 00:10:46,352 Well, 219 00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,152 you've got to understand... 220 00:10:48,154 --> 00:10:51,223 It was the '70s. It was the crazy '70s. 221 00:10:51,225 --> 00:10:53,459 It was disco era. 222 00:10:53,461 --> 00:10:55,361 I was a young girl living in New York. 223 00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,529 And if you went partying in places 224 00:10:57,531 --> 00:11:00,065 like Studio 54... 225 00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:03,935 And, you know, everybody was high and fucking 226 00:11:03,937 --> 00:11:06,704 and monogamy wasn't exactly a priority. 227 00:11:06,706 --> 00:11:10,175 I mean, you just go in there and the mood, it would... 228 00:11:10,177 --> 00:11:12,143 ♪ Baby tonight Hot stuff ♪ 229 00:11:12,145 --> 00:11:13,344 Remember that? 230 00:11:13,346 --> 00:11:14,747 And then, you know, you just... 231 00:11:14,749 --> 00:11:16,548 - We get it. - All these great people 232 00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:18,483 in exactly the same situation you were, 233 00:11:18,485 --> 00:11:20,518 feeling exactly the same thing you were in. 234 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:22,420 You would dance with them, you know, 235 00:11:22,422 --> 00:11:24,055 and then you go and you just, 236 00:11:24,057 --> 00:11:26,257 you know, you'd sleep with them. 237 00:11:26,259 --> 00:11:29,527 It's true. The priority was smoking weed and fucking. 238 00:11:29,529 --> 00:11:30,595 Well, sure, yeah. 239 00:11:30,597 --> 00:11:32,131 Studio 54? 240 00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:34,165 - How awesome is that? - Yeah. 241 00:11:34,167 --> 00:11:35,666 Awesome? 242 00:11:35,668 --> 00:11:37,369 You think this is awesome? 243 00:11:37,371 --> 00:11:39,405 Well, it's not not awesome. 244 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:42,473 It helps to explain my zest for love making. 245 00:11:42,475 --> 00:11:44,645 I've always wondered where I got that from. 246 00:11:47,114 --> 00:11:48,713 Now we know. 247 00:11:48,715 --> 00:11:52,084 I spent my whole life trying to honor my father's memory. 248 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,452 And you have. 249 00:11:53,454 --> 00:11:54,853 What memory? 250 00:11:54,855 --> 00:11:57,423 I stare at assholes all day long 251 00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:00,726 because of a fictional man's colon cancer. 252 00:12:00,728 --> 00:12:03,494 Pete, could you pivot into plastic surgery 253 00:12:03,496 --> 00:12:05,864 or something less butt-related. 254 00:12:05,866 --> 00:12:08,366 I mean, you're really smart, I don't see why not. 255 00:12:08,368 --> 00:12:10,868 Kyle, how are you not freaking out right now? 256 00:12:10,870 --> 00:12:12,204 Okay, that's not fair! 257 00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:13,472 You can't tell people how to freak out. 258 00:12:13,474 --> 00:12:15,173 Now I want everybody to calm down, all right? 259 00:12:15,175 --> 00:12:17,108 I am so sorry, you guys, 260 00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,510 but the light is going quickly. 261 00:12:18,512 --> 00:12:20,212 It's the last chance for family photos. 262 00:12:20,214 --> 00:12:21,715 Not a good time, Annie! 263 00:12:22,917 --> 00:12:24,348 It's a perfect time, Annie. 264 00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:25,584 Okay, just get a little bit tighter 265 00:12:25,586 --> 00:12:27,018 and we'll get a nice family shot. 266 00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:29,320 Oh, you guys look so good. Hold on. 267 00:12:29,322 --> 00:12:30,923 This looks perfect. 268 00:12:30,925 --> 00:12:32,226 Oh, so good! 269 00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:35,193 That is going to be a good one. 270 00:12:35,195 --> 00:12:36,328 You can't leave just yet. 271 00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:37,996 We need Mom and her sons. 272 00:12:37,998 --> 00:12:39,698 Oh, good idea. 273 00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:41,502 Okay. Come back up here. 274 00:12:42,702 --> 00:12:45,636 I'm gonna need you guys looking forward, 275 00:12:45,638 --> 00:12:47,138 big smiles. 276 00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,272 Perfect, Kyle. 277 00:12:48,274 --> 00:12:49,974 Oh, my God, Dr. Reynolds... 278 00:12:49,976 --> 00:12:52,776 This means he's out there. 279 00:12:52,778 --> 00:12:54,779 He's out there somewhere. 280 00:12:54,781 --> 00:12:56,314 Not now, Peter. 281 00:12:56,316 --> 00:12:58,516 Dr. Reynolds, if I can get you looking at the camera. 282 00:12:58,518 --> 00:13:01,420 He's been out there this whole time. 283 00:13:01,422 --> 00:13:03,854 That is true. I mean, who do you think it was? 284 00:13:03,856 --> 00:13:05,257 As we got older, surely... 285 00:13:05,259 --> 00:13:06,657 Was there someone that we started to remind you of? 286 00:13:06,659 --> 00:13:08,459 Just stop it. Will you just please stop it. 287 00:13:08,461 --> 00:13:11,796 None of the men I was with would have made a good father. 288 00:13:11,798 --> 00:13:13,431 I was trying to protect you. 289 00:13:13,433 --> 00:13:15,132 Protect yourself more like it. 290 00:13:15,134 --> 00:13:17,301 Hey, wait a minute. 291 00:13:17,303 --> 00:13:20,572 I need a name. I think you owe me a name. 292 00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:21,640 I think you... 293 00:13:21,642 --> 00:13:23,508 Hey, Reynolds! 294 00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:25,245 Camera! Now! 295 00:13:26,513 --> 00:13:28,713 Perfect. 296 00:13:28,715 --> 00:13:30,848 We got it. 297 00:13:30,850 --> 00:13:32,316 Fucking thank you. 298 00:13:32,318 --> 00:13:34,621 I can't talk about this now, Peter. 299 00:13:35,956 --> 00:13:39,190 Okay, she... Mom has spoken. 300 00:13:39,192 --> 00:13:41,992 Pete, you're spinning out of control literally. 301 00:13:41,994 --> 00:13:43,295 Just calm down. 302 00:13:43,297 --> 00:13:44,662 Stop telling me to calm down! 303 00:13:44,664 --> 00:13:45,896 Okay? 304 00:13:45,898 --> 00:13:48,333 I just need to know this! 305 00:13:48,335 --> 00:13:50,868 Just give me something. 306 00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:52,139 Please. 307 00:13:53,139 --> 00:13:54,641 Terry Bradshaw. 308 00:13:57,778 --> 00:13:59,978 Four-time Super Bowl champion, Terry Bradshaw? 309 00:13:59,980 --> 00:14:01,512 Yeah. 310 00:14:01,514 --> 00:14:03,882 The Enterprise Rent-A-Car spokesman, Terry Bradshaw? 311 00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:06,351 Fox sports TV commentator, Terry Bradshaw? 312 00:14:06,353 --> 00:14:08,119 Yep. Terry Bradshaw. 313 00:14:08,121 --> 00:14:09,720 No, no, no. 314 00:14:09,722 --> 00:14:11,790 That's insane! 315 00:14:11,792 --> 00:14:13,925 We started dating 316 00:14:13,927 --> 00:14:15,292 the fall of '74, 317 00:14:15,294 --> 00:14:16,862 just after he gave up 318 00:14:16,864 --> 00:14:20,401 his starting position to Joe Gilliam. 319 00:14:22,603 --> 00:14:25,170 There's no way she would know who Joe Gilliam was. 320 00:14:25,172 --> 00:14:26,304 Pete! 321 00:14:26,306 --> 00:14:27,638 Wait, Mom, this is... 322 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,440 Do you realize how incredible this is? 323 00:14:29,442 --> 00:14:31,376 This is the guy you loved growing up! 324 00:14:31,378 --> 00:14:33,779 Gene, he had every poster on the wall! 325 00:14:33,781 --> 00:14:36,714 - I know... - Can I get a smile now? 326 00:14:36,716 --> 00:14:38,316 Now, will you relax? 327 00:14:38,318 --> 00:14:40,785 - I love Terry Bradshaw. - I know! 328 00:14:40,787 --> 00:14:42,154 He's the greatest! 329 00:14:42,156 --> 00:14:43,354 - Yeah. - Yup. 330 00:14:43,356 --> 00:14:45,390 Which raises the inevitable question, 331 00:14:45,392 --> 00:14:48,160 why did you not 332 00:14:48,162 --> 00:14:49,994 tell us 333 00:14:49,996 --> 00:14:53,166 that the coolest man on Earth was our father? 334 00:14:54,701 --> 00:14:57,001 Well, he wasn't 335 00:14:57,003 --> 00:14:59,273 the man you saw on TV. 336 00:15:01,841 --> 00:15:03,311 He was violent. 337 00:15:04,345 --> 00:15:05,877 He hit you? 338 00:15:05,879 --> 00:15:07,114 No. 339 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,147 But as a football player 340 00:15:10,149 --> 00:15:13,852 he was frequently violent. 341 00:15:13,854 --> 00:15:15,152 As a football player? 342 00:15:15,154 --> 00:15:16,857 Yeah, on Sundays. 343 00:15:17,758 --> 00:15:19,326 Sometimes Monday nights. 344 00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,393 Oh, on game days 345 00:15:22,395 --> 00:15:23,661 he was violent... I got it. 346 00:15:23,663 --> 00:15:25,463 Yeah, because that was his job. 347 00:15:25,465 --> 00:15:27,299 That's what he did for a living! 348 00:15:29,003 --> 00:15:30,702 Oh, my God! 349 00:15:30,704 --> 00:15:33,472 Do you have any idea what my life might have been like 350 00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,806 with Terry Bradshaw in the picture? 351 00:15:35,808 --> 00:15:38,143 I might even be in the NFL right now! 352 00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:39,544 - Oh, come on! - Well, we don't know! 353 00:15:39,546 --> 00:15:40,912 You didn't even make our middle school team. 354 00:15:40,914 --> 00:15:43,147 That's because I didn't have Terry Bradshaw 355 00:15:43,149 --> 00:15:44,449 teaching me the fundamentals. 356 00:15:44,451 --> 00:15:47,785 Oh, Peter, please, just please... 357 00:15:47,787 --> 00:15:52,123 My life is basically crap right now, 358 00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:54,828 and it's your fault. 359 00:15:55,796 --> 00:15:57,297 That's not fair. 360 00:15:57,864 --> 00:16:00,531 Pete. Hey! 361 00:16:00,533 --> 00:16:02,802 Mom, let me talk to him. 362 00:16:03,936 --> 00:16:06,070 Hey, Pete! 363 00:16:06,072 --> 00:16:07,372 Pete, come here for a second. 364 00:16:07,374 --> 00:16:09,473 Hey, Pete, where are you going? 365 00:16:09,475 --> 00:16:11,776 Come on, you got to apologize. 366 00:16:11,778 --> 00:16:12,877 Apologize for what? 367 00:16:12,879 --> 00:16:15,780 Well, you're being really tough on Mom. 368 00:16:15,782 --> 00:16:18,816 Hey, what are you doing? No! You're not driving. 369 00:16:18,818 --> 00:16:21,954 Look, maybe I blew my stack at Mom. 370 00:16:21,956 --> 00:16:23,555 It's just... 371 00:16:23,557 --> 00:16:25,623 She kept Dad from us. 372 00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:26,858 I know. 373 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,160 What the hell? 374 00:16:28,162 --> 00:16:32,231 You know how many times I just wanted to know him? 375 00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:35,566 I just wanted him there to ask about 376 00:16:35,568 --> 00:16:39,305 Ethan, about Katherine, about... 377 00:16:39,307 --> 00:16:41,973 About everything, you know? 378 00:16:41,975 --> 00:16:43,675 Yeah, I know how much you wanted that. 379 00:16:43,677 --> 00:16:47,581 Yeah, I don't think you do, man. I just... Well... 380 00:16:52,519 --> 00:16:55,152 I can talk to him. 381 00:16:55,154 --> 00:16:56,656 - Yeah. - It's Terry Bradshaw. 382 00:16:59,392 --> 00:17:00,761 I'm gonna go find him. 383 00:17:01,561 --> 00:17:02,928 I'm gonna find Dad. 384 00:17:02,930 --> 00:17:04,429 Great! Let's do it. 385 00:17:04,431 --> 00:17:06,230 - Oh, no. You can't come. - Oh, I'm coming. 386 00:17:06,232 --> 00:17:07,364 You never gave a shit about Dad. 387 00:17:07,366 --> 00:17:09,234 He's my father, too! 388 00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:11,268 I don't take my orders from you. 389 00:17:11,270 --> 00:17:12,703 I take them from the universe. 390 00:17:12,705 --> 00:17:15,407 And the universe wants us to go together. 391 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,775 You're not coming. 392 00:17:16,777 --> 00:17:18,276 Wait, hold on, wait, who was that? 393 00:17:18,278 --> 00:17:20,411 Hello, yes? 394 00:17:20,413 --> 00:17:22,081 It's the universe? 395 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,582 Yeah. 396 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,618 You want me to go with my brother? 397 00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:29,153 Pete doesn't want me to go. 398 00:17:29,155 --> 00:17:31,589 Fuck him? 399 00:17:31,591 --> 00:17:33,524 I know. You said it with a wink. 400 00:17:33,526 --> 00:17:36,227 Okay. I love you, too. 401 00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:38,430 That was the universe. 402 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,634 Now where does he live? 403 00:17:40,401 --> 00:17:41,602 Miami. 404 00:17:42,303 --> 00:17:43,634 Done. Miami. 405 00:17:43,636 --> 00:17:45,969 That's where we meet him. 406 00:17:45,971 --> 00:17:49,141 - We're going to Miami. - God damn it. Yes! 407 00:17:49,143 --> 00:17:50,441 - Come on! - Fine. 408 00:17:50,443 --> 00:17:53,748 You can come, but don't be annoying. 409 00:17:57,584 --> 00:18:00,251 Let me look at you. Kiss. 410 00:18:02,455 --> 00:18:04,689 Okay, what's our plan? 411 00:18:04,691 --> 00:18:07,391 Um, we're still in good shape. 412 00:18:07,393 --> 00:18:09,393 Mr. Bradshaw will be 413 00:18:09,395 --> 00:18:10,996 at the grand opening 414 00:18:10,998 --> 00:18:13,997 of North Miami Beach Bradshaw Motors. 415 00:18:13,999 --> 00:18:15,766 - Yeah. - This afternoon. 416 00:18:15,768 --> 00:18:17,936 Okay, well, that's where we're gonna meet him. 417 00:18:17,938 --> 00:18:19,203 Yup. 418 00:18:19,205 --> 00:18:20,872 By the way, thank you for letting me upgrade us. 419 00:18:20,874 --> 00:18:22,807 I think you're gonna love first class. 420 00:18:22,809 --> 00:18:24,543 I think it's kind of a waste of money. 421 00:18:24,545 --> 00:18:25,843 Not when it's my money. 422 00:18:25,845 --> 00:18:28,447 Look, Pete, money is never wasted 423 00:18:28,449 --> 00:18:30,981 when it's spent on the ones you love. 424 00:18:30,983 --> 00:18:32,516 Like a brother. 425 00:18:32,518 --> 00:18:34,887 Or a jet ski. 426 00:18:34,889 --> 00:18:36,957 Or a party boat. 427 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:40,225 Push play. Can I see that? 428 00:18:40,227 --> 00:18:42,960 I hate to run. But not running is worse. 429 00:18:42,962 --> 00:18:45,497 So, if I've got to run, it's going to be in the most... 430 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,966 Look at that Adonis. 431 00:18:47,968 --> 00:18:49,167 That's our dad. 432 00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:51,236 I can't believe it. 433 00:18:51,238 --> 00:18:52,370 Mr. Reynolds... 434 00:18:52,372 --> 00:18:54,005 Oh, and Mr. Reynolds. 435 00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,740 - Are you guys married? - No. 436 00:18:55,742 --> 00:18:57,543 We're just watching some footage on our father. 437 00:18:57,545 --> 00:18:58,977 We're on our way to meet him 438 00:18:58,979 --> 00:19:00,277 for the very first time. 439 00:19:00,279 --> 00:19:03,515 So, we're a little nervous and a whole lot excited. 440 00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,584 Aren't you just the sweetest thing. 441 00:19:05,586 --> 00:19:07,018 If you think I'm sweet, 442 00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:08,786 let me introduce you to big bro here. 443 00:19:08,788 --> 00:19:10,721 He is like a ripe honeydew melon. 444 00:19:10,723 --> 00:19:12,224 Ooh. A honeydew, huh? 445 00:19:12,226 --> 00:19:13,459 I love honeydews. 446 00:19:13,461 --> 00:19:15,259 Yeah, they're really yummy. 447 00:19:15,261 --> 00:19:16,861 They're delicious. 448 00:19:16,863 --> 00:19:19,430 There is this thing, though, you should know about fruit. 449 00:19:19,432 --> 00:19:21,799 A lot of melons in particular. The skin 450 00:19:21,801 --> 00:19:24,369 is a breeding ground for bacteria, 451 00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:25,670 E.coli and stuff. 452 00:19:25,672 --> 00:19:27,705 It's just something to be aware of, you know. 453 00:19:27,707 --> 00:19:29,774 Something to keep in mind 454 00:19:29,776 --> 00:19:33,010 in your fruit-related endeavors moving forward. 455 00:19:33,012 --> 00:19:34,312 He's a doctor. 456 00:19:34,314 --> 00:19:36,448 Always saving lives. 457 00:19:36,450 --> 00:19:37,748 Oh, a doctor. 458 00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:40,751 Dr. Reynolds. 459 00:19:40,753 --> 00:19:41,853 - I'll be careful. - Yes. 460 00:19:41,855 --> 00:19:44,087 You're welcome. Be careful. 461 00:19:46,058 --> 00:19:47,391 God! 462 00:19:47,393 --> 00:19:48,960 What are you doing? 463 00:19:48,962 --> 00:19:49,827 What? 464 00:19:49,829 --> 00:19:51,328 You guys had some chemistry. 465 00:19:51,330 --> 00:19:53,865 I was trying to facilitate it. 466 00:19:53,867 --> 00:19:56,500 I think it's called being a wingman. 467 00:19:56,502 --> 00:19:59,705 I don't need a wingman. All right? 468 00:19:59,707 --> 00:20:01,905 I'm not on this trip to get laid. 469 00:20:01,907 --> 00:20:03,240 Come on. 470 00:20:03,242 --> 00:20:05,910 There was a little electricity there between you two. 471 00:20:05,912 --> 00:20:06,878 Did you notice 472 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,846 a little chemistry there between them? 473 00:20:08,848 --> 00:20:11,815 I bet she's a real cock tease. 474 00:20:11,817 --> 00:20:13,517 Yeah, right. Stop projecting. 475 00:20:13,519 --> 00:20:15,053 Listen, 476 00:20:15,055 --> 00:20:18,155 how many women have you been with since the divorce? 477 00:20:18,157 --> 00:20:19,159 Ten? 478 00:20:20,027 --> 00:20:21,491 Yup. Ten. 479 00:20:21,493 --> 00:20:23,394 And it's been a year? 480 00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:26,297 - Three. - Ten in three years? 481 00:20:26,299 --> 00:20:27,500 Yeah. 482 00:20:31,371 --> 00:20:34,139 I'm really sorry. I had no idea. 483 00:20:34,141 --> 00:20:36,807 I'm being sarcastic. 484 00:20:36,809 --> 00:20:39,777 I haven't had sex with anyone since Katherine. 485 00:20:39,779 --> 00:20:43,648 I haven't had sex with anyone besides Katherine. 486 00:20:43,650 --> 00:20:45,249 We got married in college. 487 00:20:45,251 --> 00:20:46,351 Remember? 488 00:20:46,353 --> 00:20:47,654 What? 489 00:20:56,962 --> 00:20:59,664 Welcome to Miami International Airport. 490 00:20:59,666 --> 00:21:02,234 Peter, Peter, Peter, is it like a physical thing? 491 00:21:02,236 --> 00:21:04,535 - What? - Is it like a blood flow? 492 00:21:04,537 --> 00:21:06,103 God, no! 493 00:21:06,105 --> 00:21:08,273 No, my penis is fine! 494 00:21:08,275 --> 00:21:09,407 Well, what is the deal? 495 00:21:09,409 --> 00:21:10,641 Ever since the divorce, 496 00:21:10,643 --> 00:21:12,009 I've been a little depressed, okay? 497 00:21:12,011 --> 00:21:14,178 That makes sense. And it just... 498 00:21:14,180 --> 00:21:15,279 Don't patronize me, okay? 499 00:21:15,281 --> 00:21:16,914 You wouldn't know anything about that. 500 00:21:16,916 --> 00:21:18,682 Of course I do. You don't think I know 501 00:21:18,684 --> 00:21:20,052 what it's like to be depressed? 502 00:21:20,054 --> 00:21:22,687 The saddest I've ever seen you is like... 503 00:21:22,689 --> 00:21:25,055 I've never seen you sad! 504 00:21:25,057 --> 00:21:26,356 You can't get into a contest... 505 00:21:26,358 --> 00:21:27,691 That is actually sad. 506 00:21:27,693 --> 00:21:28,526 ...on who's more sad than the other guy. 507 00:21:28,528 --> 00:21:29,628 That's weird! 508 00:21:29,630 --> 00:21:31,930 No. It's weird that you keep... 509 00:21:31,932 --> 00:21:34,032 Dr. Reynolds, good luck meeting your father. 510 00:21:34,034 --> 00:21:36,701 Thanks. Good luck with your uniform. 511 00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:42,439 No, I'm not going to let you do that anymore. 512 00:21:42,441 --> 00:21:43,741 Do what? 513 00:21:43,743 --> 00:21:45,910 Just deliberately self-sabotage. Okay? 514 00:21:45,912 --> 00:21:48,112 The top mission is still bonding with Dad. 515 00:21:48,114 --> 00:21:50,047 Sub-mission is getting you laid. 516 00:21:50,049 --> 00:21:53,118 Mission below that is gonna be having stone crabs. 517 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:55,623 Mission below that, swimming with dolphins. 518 00:22:02,628 --> 00:22:04,128 Hey, when we get to the dealership, 519 00:22:04,130 --> 00:22:05,964 you have to do all the talking. 520 00:22:05,966 --> 00:22:08,599 You cannot be nervous, Peter. He's a regular guy, 521 00:22:08,601 --> 00:22:10,602 just like us. 522 00:22:10,604 --> 00:22:12,202 There you go. 523 00:22:12,204 --> 00:22:13,371 Thank you. 524 00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:15,172 Don't forget to buy a car. 525 00:22:15,174 --> 00:22:16,674 Just kidding. 526 00:22:16,676 --> 00:22:18,276 Hey, fellas, how you doing? 527 00:22:18,278 --> 00:22:19,943 Hi, Terry Bradshaw. 528 00:22:19,945 --> 00:22:21,749 Yeah. 529 00:22:29,690 --> 00:22:31,091 Is he okay? 530 00:22:32,558 --> 00:22:34,825 Aw! Bless his heart. 531 00:22:34,827 --> 00:22:36,661 You're one of my special fans, aren't you? 532 00:22:36,663 --> 00:22:38,063 Hey, bub. 533 00:22:38,065 --> 00:22:39,897 How you doing? God bless you. 534 00:22:39,899 --> 00:22:41,466 Oh, no. He's not special. 535 00:22:41,468 --> 00:22:43,368 No, no. I am special, Pete. 536 00:22:43,370 --> 00:22:45,205 We're both special. 537 00:22:50,343 --> 00:22:51,776 Do I know you? 538 00:22:51,778 --> 00:22:54,078 Oh, I don't think so. I'd remember. 539 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,381 Really? Are you sure? 540 00:22:56,383 --> 00:22:59,016 You really do look familiar. 541 00:22:59,018 --> 00:23:00,518 - Show him. - Yeah. 542 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,152 Well, um... 543 00:23:02,154 --> 00:23:05,390 Do you remember a woman named Helen Baxter? 544 00:23:05,392 --> 00:23:07,227 Helen Baxter? 545 00:23:08,327 --> 00:23:10,295 Helen Baxter... 546 00:23:10,297 --> 00:23:12,132 Oh, my God. 547 00:23:15,035 --> 00:23:16,103 Wow. 548 00:23:16,702 --> 00:23:18,202 God. 549 00:23:18,204 --> 00:23:21,305 Well, talk about a blast from the past. 550 00:23:24,577 --> 00:23:27,144 This woman was something else. 551 00:23:27,146 --> 00:23:29,314 She had the tightest ass you've ever seen. 552 00:23:29,316 --> 00:23:30,681 I mean, awesome. 553 00:23:30,683 --> 00:23:32,920 Yeah, but Helen was much more than that. 554 00:23:33,554 --> 00:23:35,420 She had a mouth. 555 00:23:35,422 --> 00:23:36,688 Oh! 556 00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:39,224 And a tongue. Oh! 557 00:23:39,226 --> 00:23:41,692 And I'm telling you, 558 00:23:41,694 --> 00:23:44,094 it damn near cost us the Super Bowl. 559 00:23:44,096 --> 00:23:48,099 Well, Mom was a Browns fan so... 560 00:23:48,101 --> 00:23:50,168 Did you say that Helen is your mother? 561 00:23:50,170 --> 00:23:51,501 Yeah. 562 00:23:51,503 --> 00:23:54,139 Well, technically, I said it, sir, because we're... 563 00:23:54,141 --> 00:23:56,807 We're both her sons. We're twins. 564 00:23:56,809 --> 00:23:58,678 You're Helen Baxter's son? 565 00:23:59,412 --> 00:24:01,478 We're both her boys, yes. 566 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:02,714 That is... 567 00:24:02,716 --> 00:24:05,316 That is what we are saying. Yes. 568 00:24:05,318 --> 00:24:06,653 How is she? 569 00:24:08,055 --> 00:24:10,255 - Well, she's great. - Yeah. 570 00:24:10,257 --> 00:24:12,422 You know, uh, she just got married. 571 00:24:12,424 --> 00:24:16,228 And she's a lot different than how you remember her. 572 00:24:16,230 --> 00:24:17,327 That's for sure. 573 00:24:17,329 --> 00:24:19,530 Just a little. 574 00:24:19,532 --> 00:24:20,900 Oh, my... 575 00:24:23,336 --> 00:24:24,704 Say it. 576 00:24:25,605 --> 00:24:27,141 Say it. 577 00:24:29,041 --> 00:24:30,910 You're my son, aren't you? 578 00:24:32,578 --> 00:24:34,344 I... I think so. 579 00:24:34,346 --> 00:24:36,247 Well, technically, we both are because, 580 00:24:36,249 --> 00:24:38,349 like I was saying earlier, we're twins. 581 00:24:38,351 --> 00:24:40,384 We're both her sons. 582 00:24:40,386 --> 00:24:42,687 You're my son. 583 00:24:42,689 --> 00:24:43,957 Yes. 584 00:24:49,028 --> 00:24:50,995 Come here. Come here. 585 00:24:50,997 --> 00:24:54,368 Oh, this is just amazing. 586 00:24:55,868 --> 00:24:57,970 Oh, my God. 587 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:03,874 I had no idea that she was even pregnant. 588 00:25:03,876 --> 00:25:05,375 You gotta believe me. Helen never... 589 00:25:05,377 --> 00:25:06,478 She never said a word. 590 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,513 We know. Don't worry about it. 591 00:25:08,515 --> 00:25:10,046 I mean, I can't believe this. 592 00:25:10,048 --> 00:25:12,350 I mean, you guys have been out there the whole time. 593 00:25:12,352 --> 00:25:14,185 - It's really emotional. - I know, yeah. 594 00:25:14,187 --> 00:25:17,388 I already have a son. His name is Trent. 595 00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:19,390 But he's kind of a nob. Do you know what I'm saying? 596 00:25:19,392 --> 00:25:20,791 So is my son. 597 00:25:20,793 --> 00:25:23,027 Oh, man. Do you have any plans? 598 00:25:23,029 --> 00:25:24,362 You guys got anything to do? 599 00:25:24,364 --> 00:25:25,563 No. 600 00:25:25,565 --> 00:25:27,032 Look, why don't you come over to the house, 601 00:25:27,034 --> 00:25:28,565 and we'll have some food and drinks. 602 00:25:28,567 --> 00:25:30,000 - What do you say? - That would be incredible. 603 00:25:30,002 --> 00:25:31,436 - Great. Yeah. - Okay? 604 00:25:31,438 --> 00:25:32,469 Uh... 605 00:25:32,471 --> 00:25:34,372 Pete, why don't you ride with me. 606 00:25:34,374 --> 00:25:37,342 And, Donald... Donald, you can just follow, okay? 607 00:25:37,344 --> 00:25:38,709 Okay. It's Kyle. 608 00:25:38,711 --> 00:25:39,843 Is this your car? 609 00:25:39,845 --> 00:25:42,447 Yeah. This is a '75 Stingray. 610 00:25:42,449 --> 00:25:43,948 It's my favorite car! Literally! 611 00:25:43,950 --> 00:25:45,683 You like it? Really? 612 00:25:45,685 --> 00:25:47,818 Here. You drive. 613 00:25:47,820 --> 00:25:49,387 Donald, see if you can keep up. 614 00:25:49,389 --> 00:25:51,890 - It's still Kyle. - Come on. Let's go. 615 00:25:51,892 --> 00:25:54,327 You like this, huh? 616 00:26:06,072 --> 00:26:08,672 This is amazing, Mr. Bradshaw! 617 00:26:08,674 --> 00:26:09,806 Please. 618 00:26:09,808 --> 00:26:12,176 Just call me Terry, okay? 619 00:26:12,178 --> 00:26:14,211 All right! Well then Terry it is! 620 00:26:14,213 --> 00:26:15,412 Whoo! 621 00:26:15,414 --> 00:26:17,914 Okay, take it easy, lead foot. 622 00:26:17,916 --> 00:26:20,052 I'm in a Ford Focus here. 623 00:26:20,886 --> 00:26:23,156 Damn it, slow it down! 624 00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:41,305 Hey, hey, I'm home! 625 00:26:41,307 --> 00:26:43,007 Did you pick up the fresh garlic I needed? 626 00:26:43,009 --> 00:26:44,441 The fresh garlic. 627 00:26:44,443 --> 00:26:46,143 No, I didn't get the fresh garlic. 628 00:26:46,145 --> 00:26:47,644 Got something better, though. 629 00:26:47,646 --> 00:26:48,947 Oh, what did you pick up? 630 00:26:48,949 --> 00:26:51,716 I picked up a son. 631 00:26:51,718 --> 00:26:53,351 Pete. Say hi, Pete. 632 00:26:53,353 --> 00:26:54,419 Hi. 633 00:26:54,421 --> 00:26:55,519 How are you? 634 00:26:55,521 --> 00:26:56,923 Pete. 635 00:26:58,924 --> 00:27:00,959 This is a joke. Right? 636 00:27:00,961 --> 00:27:02,626 No, no, this is not a joke. 637 00:27:02,628 --> 00:27:05,596 His mother and I used to have unprotected sex all the time. 638 00:27:05,598 --> 00:27:06,765 Don't worry, Pete. All right? 639 00:27:06,767 --> 00:27:08,932 She knows all about my crazy past. 640 00:27:08,934 --> 00:27:10,868 I'm Peter Reynolds. So glad to meet you. 641 00:27:10,870 --> 00:27:13,370 It's nice to meet you, Peter. 642 00:27:13,372 --> 00:27:16,173 Sweetie, could I have a word with you in the kitchen? 643 00:27:16,175 --> 00:27:18,075 - Me? Okay. - Yeah. 644 00:27:18,077 --> 00:27:20,311 Hey, Pete, make yourself at home. 645 00:27:20,313 --> 00:27:22,846 My home is your home now. 646 00:27:22,848 --> 00:27:24,347 My home is your home now. 647 00:27:24,349 --> 00:27:25,682 - Can you believe I said that? - Yeah, I heard that. 648 00:27:25,684 --> 00:27:27,185 I think we need to, kind of, just talk. 649 00:27:27,187 --> 00:27:29,019 What? What do you wanna talk... 650 00:27:29,021 --> 00:27:31,389 Listen, sweetie, this is insane, okay? 651 00:27:31,391 --> 00:27:34,324 You can't just invite somebody into our home. 652 00:27:34,326 --> 00:27:35,825 I mean, he could be, like, 653 00:27:35,827 --> 00:27:37,428 a con artist looking for money. 654 00:27:37,430 --> 00:27:39,497 - Money? You're serious? - Yes. Did you think about... 655 00:27:39,499 --> 00:27:40,765 - Yes. - No way. 656 00:27:40,767 --> 00:27:42,065 Pete! 657 00:27:42,067 --> 00:27:43,535 Do you need money? 658 00:27:43,537 --> 00:27:45,870 Are you here to rob us? 659 00:27:45,872 --> 00:27:47,705 Oh, no, I'm good. 660 00:27:47,707 --> 00:27:49,209 I'm a physician actually. 661 00:27:50,477 --> 00:27:51,977 Did you hear that? 662 00:27:51,979 --> 00:27:54,645 My boy is a doctor. 663 00:27:54,647 --> 00:27:57,382 You're a doctor, son. Proud of you! 664 00:27:57,384 --> 00:27:58,449 Thanks! 665 00:27:58,451 --> 00:28:00,051 I've got a doctor in my family. 666 00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:02,589 Go deep, Pete! Deep, deep! 667 00:28:06,526 --> 00:28:08,192 Nice grab, Pete! 668 00:28:08,194 --> 00:28:10,394 Atta boy! Great catch, son. 669 00:28:10,396 --> 00:28:12,465 Way to go, babe. 670 00:28:13,999 --> 00:28:16,366 I gotta tell you, Pete. 671 00:28:16,368 --> 00:28:19,570 Had a bit of a colon cancer scare a few years back. 672 00:28:19,572 --> 00:28:20,737 - Really? - Yeah. 673 00:28:20,739 --> 00:28:23,807 Thank God I had a good GI doc. 674 00:28:23,809 --> 00:28:27,344 I know you guys, you know, you catch a lot of guff. 675 00:28:27,346 --> 00:28:30,081 But, man, it's a noble profession. 676 00:28:30,083 --> 00:28:31,685 Noble as heck. 677 00:28:33,385 --> 00:28:35,254 Really appreciate you're saying that. 678 00:28:35,887 --> 00:28:38,189 Really do. 679 00:28:38,191 --> 00:28:39,590 Be cool, man. 680 00:28:39,592 --> 00:28:41,891 You know, when I first came into the league, 681 00:28:41,893 --> 00:28:43,861 I was a bit of a hot head. 682 00:28:43,863 --> 00:28:46,730 I mean, it didn't take so much as a slight breeze, 683 00:28:46,732 --> 00:28:48,833 and God, I'd go off. 684 00:28:48,835 --> 00:28:50,801 Hey, say hello to this guy. 685 00:28:50,803 --> 00:28:53,537 Mr. Powder Keg. Horrible temper. 686 00:28:53,539 --> 00:28:54,671 Shut the fuck up. 687 00:28:54,673 --> 00:28:56,007 Your mother, boy, 688 00:28:56,009 --> 00:28:59,343 she had this amazing patience about her. 689 00:28:59,345 --> 00:29:02,714 She had this way of channeling all my anger 690 00:29:02,716 --> 00:29:04,314 into things that were good. 691 00:29:04,316 --> 00:29:07,153 Not only on the field, but, you know, off the field. 692 00:29:07,820 --> 00:29:09,320 God! 693 00:29:09,322 --> 00:29:12,855 That woman just drove me crazy sometimes. 694 00:29:12,857 --> 00:29:14,959 That sounds like Mom. 695 00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:16,660 I know one thing. 696 00:29:16,662 --> 00:29:19,764 I wouldn't have made it through a single season 697 00:29:19,766 --> 00:29:21,798 had it not been for your mom. 698 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:23,601 That's the truth. 699 00:29:23,603 --> 00:29:25,603 God, I loved that woman. 700 00:29:25,605 --> 00:29:27,138 I really did. 701 00:29:27,140 --> 00:29:28,575 Wow. That's... 702 00:29:30,242 --> 00:29:32,144 That's beautiful. 703 00:29:32,945 --> 00:29:34,312 Hey, Terry. 704 00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:35,912 Hey, you want to see someone who can catch, 705 00:29:35,914 --> 00:29:37,448 hit me on a bomb. 706 00:29:37,450 --> 00:29:39,086 Go, go. 707 00:29:45,258 --> 00:29:46,356 Oh! 708 00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:49,196 God! 709 00:29:51,832 --> 00:29:53,698 Sorry, son. 710 00:29:53,700 --> 00:29:55,799 Old habits die hard. 711 00:29:55,801 --> 00:29:57,868 Rod Hamilton. 712 00:29:57,870 --> 00:29:59,335 Big fan. 713 00:29:59,337 --> 00:30:01,237 I played 10 years with that guy. 714 00:30:01,239 --> 00:30:02,507 He missed me so much, 715 00:30:02,509 --> 00:30:04,307 the bastard moved in next door. 716 00:30:04,309 --> 00:30:07,277 Hey! You still got it, Rod! 717 00:30:07,279 --> 00:30:08,749 He caught the ball. 718 00:30:10,849 --> 00:30:12,016 I love it. 719 00:30:12,018 --> 00:30:14,352 He's still on the juice, baby. 720 00:30:14,354 --> 00:30:17,188 He's still on the juice. 721 00:30:21,193 --> 00:30:22,326 To Rod. 722 00:30:22,328 --> 00:30:24,228 Just demolished you. 723 00:30:24,230 --> 00:30:25,895 You son of a bitch. 724 00:30:25,897 --> 00:30:28,099 You need some Advil. 725 00:30:28,101 --> 00:30:29,299 Hey, Rod. 726 00:30:29,301 --> 00:30:32,135 Does the name Helen Baxter ring a bell? 727 00:30:32,137 --> 00:30:33,336 Ring a bell? 728 00:30:33,338 --> 00:30:35,305 It does more than ring a bell. 729 00:30:35,307 --> 00:30:37,275 I think I just came in my pants. 730 00:30:37,277 --> 00:30:39,109 - No, Rod... - Damn, man. 731 00:30:39,111 --> 00:30:40,411 That woman could fuck. 732 00:30:40,413 --> 00:30:41,978 Oh, Rod, you really might... 733 00:30:41,980 --> 00:30:43,247 Look, the woman 734 00:30:43,249 --> 00:30:45,749 was like a dick whisperer. 735 00:30:45,751 --> 00:30:48,885 Like, she'd get all up inside the head of the dick 736 00:30:48,887 --> 00:30:50,755 and know exactly what it wanted. 737 00:30:50,757 --> 00:30:53,323 Yeah, she'd get all up in that shaft, 738 00:30:53,325 --> 00:30:54,824 and then in them balls 739 00:30:54,826 --> 00:30:56,826 and in the tip. 740 00:30:56,828 --> 00:30:59,797 Ooh. I'm getting hard just thinking about it. 741 00:30:59,799 --> 00:31:02,834 So, what makes you think about Helen Baxter? 742 00:31:02,836 --> 00:31:04,570 - She's our mom. - Yeah. 743 00:31:05,838 --> 00:31:07,337 I don't know no Helen Baxter. 744 00:31:07,339 --> 00:31:08,738 Sounds like you did. 745 00:31:08,740 --> 00:31:10,542 All we did was cuddle. 746 00:31:10,544 --> 00:31:11,875 Word. 747 00:31:11,877 --> 00:31:15,379 It's okay, Rod, you didn't know. 748 00:31:15,381 --> 00:31:18,149 It's a little awkward, but, yeah, she's our mom. 749 00:31:18,151 --> 00:31:21,251 Hey, Rod, turns out, 750 00:31:21,253 --> 00:31:22,553 I'm their father. 751 00:31:22,555 --> 00:31:23,787 - That's right. - How about that? 752 00:31:23,789 --> 00:31:25,590 These are my boys. How about that? 753 00:31:25,592 --> 00:31:27,758 - Whoa! - Yeah! 754 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,192 Congratulations. 755 00:31:29,194 --> 00:31:30,862 Thank you. Cheers. 756 00:31:30,864 --> 00:31:34,363 Evidently, I knocked Helen up sometime after Super Bowl IX. 757 00:31:34,365 --> 00:31:35,632 Yeah, we were reading, 758 00:31:35,634 --> 00:31:37,301 that's when you went off to Australia 759 00:31:37,303 --> 00:31:39,437 to record the country and western album. 760 00:31:39,439 --> 00:31:43,007 Cowboys and Kangaroos, I believe was the name. 761 00:31:43,009 --> 00:31:44,275 That shit was awful, wasn't it? 762 00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:45,543 You realize what that means... 763 00:31:45,545 --> 00:31:46,410 What? 764 00:31:46,412 --> 00:31:48,344 We were conceived in Australia. 765 00:31:48,346 --> 00:31:50,180 - Yeah. - We're Aussies. 766 00:31:50,182 --> 00:31:51,282 Out in the outback. 767 00:31:51,284 --> 00:31:52,752 No, Pete. 768 00:31:53,853 --> 00:31:55,887 You know, now that I think of it, 769 00:31:55,889 --> 00:31:58,322 Helen didn't make that trip. 770 00:31:58,324 --> 00:32:00,224 We got in this big fight 771 00:32:00,226 --> 00:32:02,927 'cause she didn't have a passport. 772 00:32:02,929 --> 00:32:03,995 God, I was such a jerk to her. 773 00:32:03,997 --> 00:32:05,595 Wait, wait. 774 00:32:05,597 --> 00:32:08,632 Isn't that when she started dating the Wall Street guy? 775 00:32:08,634 --> 00:32:10,034 Yeah, that skinny, white dude, 776 00:32:10,036 --> 00:32:11,869 he used to throw around his money and coke. 777 00:32:11,871 --> 00:32:13,237 Roland. 778 00:32:13,239 --> 00:32:15,939 Yeah, yeah, Roland. Roland Hunt, asshole. 779 00:32:15,941 --> 00:32:17,208 - Nobody liked him. - No. 780 00:32:17,210 --> 00:32:18,411 Yeah. 781 00:32:19,912 --> 00:32:21,580 What? No. 782 00:32:22,949 --> 00:32:24,648 Terry. 783 00:32:24,650 --> 00:32:26,049 Come on. 784 00:32:26,051 --> 00:32:27,218 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. 785 00:32:27,220 --> 00:32:28,421 Look at him. 786 00:32:31,057 --> 00:32:33,757 He actually looks like Roland. 787 00:32:33,759 --> 00:32:35,592 No, I don't. 788 00:32:35,594 --> 00:32:38,698 You know, you do. You do, Pete. 789 00:32:40,199 --> 00:32:42,100 The, uh, eyes? 790 00:32:42,102 --> 00:32:43,167 The nose? 791 00:32:43,169 --> 00:32:44,302 The peanut head. 792 00:32:44,304 --> 00:32:45,902 The long, skinny neck. 793 00:32:45,904 --> 00:32:47,071 The mouth? 794 00:32:47,073 --> 00:32:48,738 Yeah. The mouth. 795 00:32:48,740 --> 00:32:50,106 No, he's right. 796 00:32:50,108 --> 00:32:52,442 You just said Roland was an asshole, nobody liked him. 797 00:32:52,444 --> 00:32:54,077 Why would Mom sleep with him? 798 00:32:54,079 --> 00:32:56,346 Charity fuck? I don't know. 799 00:32:56,348 --> 00:32:58,949 No, no. We already figured this out. 800 00:32:58,951 --> 00:33:00,417 Terry is our dad. 801 00:33:00,419 --> 00:33:02,489 You're our dad, right? 802 00:33:08,562 --> 00:33:10,460 Uh... No. 803 00:33:10,462 --> 00:33:11,562 Gosh, fellas. 804 00:33:11,564 --> 00:33:12,830 I don't know what to say. 805 00:33:12,832 --> 00:33:15,298 I'm so sorry I'm not your dad. Really. 806 00:33:15,300 --> 00:33:16,601 - That's all right. - Yeah. 807 00:33:16,603 --> 00:33:18,902 - It's not your fault. - Donald. Thanks. 808 00:33:18,904 --> 00:33:20,103 It's still Kyle. 809 00:33:20,105 --> 00:33:21,972 Was that fun, throwing the ball on the beach? 810 00:33:21,974 --> 00:33:23,039 So fun. 811 00:33:23,041 --> 00:33:24,106 You guys are good, good hands. 812 00:33:24,108 --> 00:33:25,543 I thought it was a blast. 813 00:33:25,545 --> 00:33:27,911 I love you, Terry. 814 00:33:27,913 --> 00:33:29,647 Yeah. Okay. 815 00:33:29,649 --> 00:33:31,081 We'll see you down the road. 816 00:33:31,083 --> 00:33:33,317 All right, man. All right. Y'all be good, hear? 817 00:33:33,319 --> 00:33:34,818 You take care, Mr. Bradshaw. 818 00:33:34,820 --> 00:33:35,952 I will. 819 00:33:35,954 --> 00:33:38,022 Hey, tell your mom I said hi. All right? 820 00:33:38,024 --> 00:33:39,489 Yeah. 821 00:33:39,491 --> 00:33:41,694 All right. See you guys! 822 00:33:52,837 --> 00:33:55,939 Hey, maybe you'll get along even better with Roland. 823 00:33:55,941 --> 00:33:59,376 Aren't you bummed out Terry Bradshaw's not our dad? 824 00:33:59,378 --> 00:34:01,277 How fucking cool would that be? 825 00:34:01,279 --> 00:34:02,513 Listen, 826 00:34:02,515 --> 00:34:05,615 the universe is saying look 'em up. 827 00:34:05,617 --> 00:34:08,052 And the universe has a tendency to point you 828 00:34:08,054 --> 00:34:10,489 in the right direction if you listen to it. 829 00:34:18,832 --> 00:34:20,897 I found a Roland Hunt, 830 00:34:20,899 --> 00:34:24,768 investment banker, in Beacon, New York. 831 00:34:24,770 --> 00:34:26,370 Two hours north of Manhattan. 832 00:34:26,372 --> 00:34:29,408 All right, looks like we're going to New York. 833 00:35:05,076 --> 00:35:06,310 Make it quick! 834 00:35:06,312 --> 00:35:08,212 I'm pulling out in 30 seconds. 835 00:35:08,214 --> 00:35:09,812 Time me. 836 00:35:09,814 --> 00:35:12,315 I want to get to Roland's office by noon. 837 00:35:12,317 --> 00:35:15,421 Twelve. 13. 14. 838 00:35:22,428 --> 00:35:23,694 Alex, stop it. 839 00:35:23,696 --> 00:35:25,830 Stop it, Alex. Get back here right now. 840 00:35:25,832 --> 00:35:27,631 No! It stinks! 841 00:35:29,134 --> 00:35:31,000 You got a jail break there. 842 00:35:31,002 --> 00:35:32,136 Sorry, man. 843 00:35:32,138 --> 00:35:33,471 I'd come out if I could. 844 00:35:33,473 --> 00:35:35,239 Just let me know if he's bothering you. 845 00:35:35,241 --> 00:35:36,540 He's doing good. 846 00:35:36,542 --> 00:35:38,241 I actually got a bun in the oven, too. 847 00:35:39,511 --> 00:35:41,511 Whoa. I got a call. Alex, excuse me. 848 00:35:41,513 --> 00:35:42,747 Kapono, talk to me. 849 00:35:45,317 --> 00:35:47,754 What? No, no, you're breaking up. 850 00:35:49,788 --> 00:35:52,355 They're going another way? 851 00:35:52,357 --> 00:35:54,324 What does that mean? 852 00:35:56,729 --> 00:35:59,129 Hey! Whoa, whoa! Hey! Whoa! 853 00:35:59,131 --> 00:36:00,397 I've got flip-flops on! 854 00:36:00,399 --> 00:36:01,464 Is he peeing on you? 855 00:36:01,466 --> 00:36:02,734 Yeah, has he done this before? 856 00:36:02,736 --> 00:36:04,368 Unfortunately, yes. It's a real problem. 857 00:36:04,370 --> 00:36:05,736 Sir, this is crazy, 858 00:36:05,738 --> 00:36:06,937 but you're going to have to pee on my kid. 859 00:36:06,939 --> 00:36:08,004 You want me to pee on your kid? 860 00:36:08,006 --> 00:36:09,073 Please, dad to dad. 861 00:36:09,075 --> 00:36:10,140 He needs to learn consequences. 862 00:36:10,142 --> 00:36:11,574 I'm not going to... 863 00:36:11,576 --> 00:36:14,078 Do you hear that, Alex? Is that what you want? 864 00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:15,482 Stop! 865 00:36:16,047 --> 00:36:17,417 There! Yeah. 866 00:36:18,317 --> 00:36:19,519 Chaos theory. 867 00:36:21,153 --> 00:36:22,886 He started it. 868 00:36:22,888 --> 00:36:25,858 I swear. This is justified. 869 00:36:29,796 --> 00:36:31,598 Hey. That kid had it coming. 870 00:36:46,145 --> 00:36:47,781 How much did Ethan cost? 871 00:36:48,781 --> 00:36:50,614 Well, we didn't buy him. 872 00:36:50,616 --> 00:36:52,885 To raise him. I know you guys didn't buy him. 873 00:36:53,620 --> 00:36:55,919 Um, well... 874 00:36:55,921 --> 00:36:57,288 Four more years of private school, 875 00:36:57,290 --> 00:37:01,692 four years of college, tutors, summer camp. 876 00:37:01,694 --> 00:37:05,096 Every single Apple product that ever comes out. 877 00:37:05,098 --> 00:37:08,399 Uh, once all said and done, we're probably pushing a mil. 878 00:37:08,401 --> 00:37:11,268 A million dollars? 879 00:37:11,270 --> 00:37:12,703 To raise a kid? 880 00:37:12,705 --> 00:37:14,808 What do you care? You're loaded. 881 00:37:15,207 --> 00:37:16,739 Besides, 882 00:37:16,741 --> 00:37:20,344 "Money's never wasted on the ones you love." Right? 883 00:37:20,346 --> 00:37:26,049 No, I know. I was just worried about you and Ethan. 884 00:37:26,051 --> 00:37:29,185 Good thing Roland's a financial wizard, right? 885 00:37:29,187 --> 00:37:30,920 I thought we were going to his office. 886 00:37:30,922 --> 00:37:32,589 This is all residential. 887 00:37:32,591 --> 00:37:34,058 Maybe he works from home. 888 00:37:34,060 --> 00:37:36,696 Destination is on your right. 889 00:38:00,653 --> 00:38:01,984 Why are you copying me? 890 00:38:01,986 --> 00:38:03,286 - I just did that. - I'm not copying you. 891 00:38:03,288 --> 00:38:04,487 I did all of those things. 892 00:38:04,489 --> 00:38:06,526 You weren't touching this thing. 893 00:38:07,192 --> 00:38:09,125 This is cold. 894 00:38:09,127 --> 00:38:11,062 So? 895 00:38:11,064 --> 00:38:14,533 I don't think anyone's been here for hours. 896 00:38:15,801 --> 00:38:17,201 Door knob tell you that? 897 00:38:17,203 --> 00:38:18,368 These are painted shut. 898 00:38:18,370 --> 00:38:20,737 So, what? Kyle, where are you going? 899 00:38:20,739 --> 00:38:22,538 Come on! Kyle. 900 00:38:22,540 --> 00:38:23,808 This is locked. 901 00:38:23,810 --> 00:38:25,676 Of course it's locked. He's not home. 902 00:38:25,678 --> 00:38:27,310 Come on. What are you doing? 903 00:38:27,312 --> 00:38:28,544 You hear those vibrations? 904 00:38:28,546 --> 00:38:29,747 You're hearing vibrations? 905 00:38:29,749 --> 00:38:31,283 'Cause I'm getting a weird vibe. 906 00:38:33,486 --> 00:38:35,986 Oh. Oh, God. 907 00:38:35,988 --> 00:38:38,656 Looks like you picked the wrong house, motherfuckers. 908 00:38:38,658 --> 00:38:39,924 Pete, don't do anything funny. 909 00:38:39,926 --> 00:38:41,324 Why would you put that in his head? 910 00:38:41,326 --> 00:38:42,460 No karate. 911 00:38:42,462 --> 00:38:44,161 Fucking no karate. 912 00:38:44,163 --> 00:38:46,029 I haven't done karate in 30 years. 913 00:38:46,031 --> 00:38:47,730 He's got a gun. And that beats karate. 914 00:38:47,732 --> 00:38:49,001 Shut the fuck up. 915 00:38:51,404 --> 00:38:54,805 What the fuck kind of B & E guys are you two assholes? 916 00:38:54,807 --> 00:38:56,440 We're not robbers. 917 00:38:56,442 --> 00:38:58,975 We're just looking for a guy named Roland Hunt. That's it. 918 00:38:58,977 --> 00:39:00,444 What do you want with him? 919 00:39:00,446 --> 00:39:03,580 He dated our mom, Helen Baxter, in the '70s. 920 00:39:03,582 --> 00:39:06,183 Oh, shit! 921 00:39:06,185 --> 00:39:10,187 You guys are Lenny Baxter's kids? 922 00:39:10,189 --> 00:39:11,555 You called her Lenny? 923 00:39:11,557 --> 00:39:13,591 You're Roland Hunt? 924 00:39:13,593 --> 00:39:17,393 I can't believe I almost shot one of Lenny Baxter's kids! 925 00:39:17,395 --> 00:39:18,562 That is hilarious. 926 00:39:18,564 --> 00:39:19,995 And gave this one a heart attack. 927 00:39:19,997 --> 00:39:21,899 Yeah. Almost took you both out. 928 00:39:21,901 --> 00:39:24,768 Two for one. 929 00:39:24,770 --> 00:39:25,969 I mean, I guess you probably don't think 930 00:39:25,971 --> 00:39:27,170 it's that funny, but... 931 00:39:27,172 --> 00:39:29,406 Oh, fuck, yeah, I'm sorry about the gun. 932 00:39:29,408 --> 00:39:30,607 Listen, I only got this 933 00:39:30,609 --> 00:39:31,975 because we got a lot of break-ins 934 00:39:31,977 --> 00:39:33,777 in the neighborhood. Got it for protection. 935 00:39:33,779 --> 00:39:35,245 Better safe than sorry. 936 00:39:35,247 --> 00:39:37,147 Honestly, I don't even like holding the thing. 937 00:39:37,149 --> 00:39:38,281 Here, you take it. 938 00:39:38,283 --> 00:39:40,951 - No, no, no. - Come on in the house, boys. 939 00:39:40,953 --> 00:39:42,852 I thought you were gonna flip him. 940 00:39:42,854 --> 00:39:44,856 You're dangerous. 941 00:39:46,892 --> 00:39:49,328 Mom! We got company! 942 00:39:50,062 --> 00:39:51,598 Mom! 943 00:39:52,966 --> 00:39:54,797 Mom! 944 00:39:54,799 --> 00:39:56,332 Could that be Grandma? 945 00:39:56,334 --> 00:39:57,468 Hello! 946 00:39:57,470 --> 00:39:58,669 Hi! 947 00:39:58,671 --> 00:40:00,603 Roland! They got a fucking gun! 948 00:40:00,605 --> 00:40:02,940 - No. - Don't hold it like that. 949 00:40:02,942 --> 00:40:04,241 Drop the fucking gun, motherfucker. 950 00:40:04,243 --> 00:40:06,442 Fuck! It's just the gun you handed me, 951 00:40:06,444 --> 00:40:07,844 like, a minute ago. 952 00:40:07,846 --> 00:40:10,247 Oh, right. Yes. God damn it. So sorry. Shit! 953 00:40:10,249 --> 00:40:12,582 I don't know what's going on with me. 954 00:40:12,584 --> 00:40:13,649 It's tense with all the break-ins 955 00:40:13,651 --> 00:40:14,718 in the neighborhood. 956 00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:16,419 I'm really sorry. 957 00:40:16,421 --> 00:40:17,721 Putting this down. 958 00:40:17,723 --> 00:40:19,056 You should've seen your faces, though. 959 00:40:19,058 --> 00:40:20,857 You looked like you shit yourselves. 960 00:40:20,859 --> 00:40:22,859 They looked scared as shit. 961 00:40:22,861 --> 00:40:24,794 Right? 962 00:40:24,796 --> 00:40:26,230 Come on and say hi to Mom. 963 00:40:26,232 --> 00:40:28,464 You're holding it in such a threatening way. 964 00:40:28,466 --> 00:40:29,799 You can't do that. 965 00:40:29,801 --> 00:40:31,301 Hey, Mom, it's okay. 966 00:40:31,303 --> 00:40:33,370 These are Lenny Baxter's kids. You remember Lenny? 967 00:40:33,372 --> 00:40:34,374 Oh, Lenny. 968 00:40:35,140 --> 00:40:36,906 What a sweet man! 969 00:40:36,908 --> 00:40:39,310 So, what are you doing here? 970 00:40:39,312 --> 00:40:41,277 Is everything okay with your mom? 971 00:40:41,279 --> 00:40:43,080 Everything's good. We're on a quest. 972 00:40:43,082 --> 00:40:45,716 And I'll just cut right to the chase. 973 00:40:45,718 --> 00:40:48,051 Did you know Lenny 974 00:40:48,053 --> 00:40:51,821 between April and May of 1975? 975 00:40:51,823 --> 00:40:53,757 Know her, like, in a biblical sense. 976 00:40:53,759 --> 00:40:54,824 Sorry. 977 00:40:54,826 --> 00:40:56,326 No, she's heard it all. 978 00:40:56,328 --> 00:40:57,861 Okay. 979 00:40:57,863 --> 00:41:00,397 Yeah. '75, that sounds about right. Yeah. 980 00:41:00,399 --> 00:41:02,000 Why do you ask? 981 00:41:05,002 --> 00:41:07,039 We think we're your sons. 982 00:41:08,272 --> 00:41:09,873 Your boys. 983 00:41:09,875 --> 00:41:11,640 Me and Pete. 984 00:41:11,642 --> 00:41:13,378 You're our dad. 985 00:41:22,187 --> 00:41:23,189 Hi. 986 00:41:51,984 --> 00:41:55,922 Will you just excuse me for a minute? 987 00:42:02,395 --> 00:42:03,692 That was one of the most powerful things 988 00:42:03,694 --> 00:42:04,794 I've ever seen. 989 00:42:04,796 --> 00:42:07,364 He just inhaled us. 990 00:42:07,366 --> 00:42:08,431 Yeah. 991 00:42:08,433 --> 00:42:09,699 Did you smell him? 992 00:42:09,701 --> 00:42:11,000 - You smelled him? - Yes! 993 00:42:11,002 --> 00:42:12,301 What did he smell like? 994 00:42:12,303 --> 00:42:14,437 He smelled like 995 00:42:14,439 --> 00:42:15,672 - home. - Home? 996 00:42:15,674 --> 00:42:17,741 Fuck this! No! 997 00:42:17,743 --> 00:42:19,042 There is no fucking way 998 00:42:19,044 --> 00:42:21,078 those two jackasses are my kids! 999 00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:22,812 They don't even fucking look like me! 1000 00:42:22,814 --> 00:42:24,047 The one with the beard 1001 00:42:24,049 --> 00:42:25,582 has your beautiful eyes. 1002 00:42:25,584 --> 00:42:26,850 Big fucking deal. 1003 00:42:26,852 --> 00:42:28,185 Fuck 'em! They look like 1004 00:42:28,187 --> 00:42:29,453 a couple of total fucking dickheads! 1005 00:42:29,455 --> 00:42:33,390 Oh... We are not descended from that. 1006 00:42:33,392 --> 00:42:34,861 That's not our dad. 1007 00:42:38,363 --> 00:42:41,065 Would you boys like anything to drink? 1008 00:42:41,067 --> 00:42:43,899 I would love a Hinano beer. 1009 00:42:43,901 --> 00:42:45,868 I'll see if we have one. 1010 00:42:45,870 --> 00:42:47,370 It's an awesome Tahitian beer. 1011 00:42:47,372 --> 00:42:49,306 She is so adorable. 1012 00:42:49,308 --> 00:42:50,473 I'm out of here. 1013 00:42:50,475 --> 00:42:52,475 If he is our father, I don't want to know. 1014 00:42:52,477 --> 00:42:53,877 Come on, Pete. 1015 00:42:53,879 --> 00:42:57,614 He's in shock, all right? I'm getting good energy here. 1016 00:42:57,616 --> 00:42:59,049 Based on what? 1017 00:42:59,051 --> 00:43:02,618 We are all out of Mojumbo. 1018 00:43:02,620 --> 00:43:04,120 But 1019 00:43:04,122 --> 00:43:08,226 Roland has something that he'd like to say to you. 1020 00:43:09,127 --> 00:43:10,627 I'm sorry. 1021 00:43:10,629 --> 00:43:13,098 I don't think they heard you. 1022 00:43:14,433 --> 00:43:17,968 I'm sorry! 1023 00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:19,368 Well, three time's the charm. 1024 00:43:19,370 --> 00:43:22,906 Oh, this is just such a blessing. 1025 00:43:22,908 --> 00:43:25,243 I'm finally a grandma. 1026 00:43:26,278 --> 00:43:28,413 Well, I'm gonna go finish up. 1027 00:43:31,116 --> 00:43:33,052 Well, listen. It's a pleasure. Really. 1028 00:43:34,587 --> 00:43:37,323 Something I want to show you guys. Come here. 1029 00:43:38,057 --> 00:43:39,589 Go ahead, guys. 1030 00:43:39,591 --> 00:43:41,093 After you. 1031 00:43:42,026 --> 00:43:44,094 Are you happy? 1032 00:43:44,096 --> 00:43:45,661 He's gonna kill us down here. 1033 00:43:45,663 --> 00:43:46,897 He's not going to kill us. 1034 00:43:46,899 --> 00:43:48,732 Yes, he is. 1035 00:43:48,734 --> 00:43:50,667 Is there a light down here? 1036 00:43:50,669 --> 00:43:51,935 No, that bulb's out. 1037 00:43:51,937 --> 00:43:53,636 You can use your phone, I guess. 1038 00:43:53,638 --> 00:43:54,872 Did you bring the gun? 1039 00:43:54,874 --> 00:43:56,406 No, I did not bring the gun. 1040 00:43:56,408 --> 00:43:58,140 - Damn it. - I left it upstairs. 1041 00:43:58,142 --> 00:43:59,576 Take a left at the bottom of the stairs. 1042 00:43:59,578 --> 00:44:01,109 Oh, my God. 1043 00:44:01,111 --> 00:44:02,612 Why are there mannequins? 1044 00:44:02,614 --> 00:44:04,317 Pete, I'm scared. 1045 00:44:06,051 --> 00:44:08,484 How are the vibes now, Kyle? 1046 00:44:08,486 --> 00:44:09,588 Not good. 1047 00:44:11,924 --> 00:44:13,390 There we go. 1048 00:44:13,392 --> 00:44:14,426 Now... 1049 00:44:15,928 --> 00:44:18,194 I think this is it. 1050 00:44:18,196 --> 00:44:19,966 Pete, you want to do the honors? 1051 00:44:26,171 --> 00:44:27,373 Oh, shit! 1052 00:44:29,508 --> 00:44:32,375 That is the wrong box. 1053 00:44:32,377 --> 00:44:33,379 Sorry. 1054 00:44:33,812 --> 00:44:35,013 Uh... 1055 00:44:35,714 --> 00:44:37,616 Gotta be this one. 1056 00:44:39,017 --> 00:44:40,616 Okay. 1057 00:44:40,618 --> 00:44:42,886 I'll do it for you. 1058 00:44:42,888 --> 00:44:44,422 No rodents. 1059 00:44:45,524 --> 00:44:46,525 Go ahead. 1060 00:44:49,395 --> 00:44:50,596 Is that Mom? 1061 00:44:51,029 --> 00:44:52,297 What? 1062 00:44:53,466 --> 00:44:54,698 Oh, my God. 1063 00:44:54,700 --> 00:44:56,600 Look at you guys. 1064 00:44:56,602 --> 00:44:58,734 You look incredible. 1065 00:44:58,736 --> 00:45:00,469 Yeah, she looks really happy. 1066 00:45:00,471 --> 00:45:02,374 She was 1067 00:45:03,073 --> 00:45:05,278 just an amazing woman. 1068 00:45:05,877 --> 00:45:07,678 Okay. 1069 00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:11,848 You don't have to tell us what an amazing lay she was, 1070 00:45:11,850 --> 00:45:13,283 and how suckable 1071 00:45:13,285 --> 00:45:15,719 her candied nipples are... 1072 00:45:15,721 --> 00:45:17,120 What the hell is the matter... 1073 00:45:17,122 --> 00:45:19,256 This is your mom we're talking about. Jesus. 1074 00:45:19,258 --> 00:45:21,457 Pete! That's not appropriate! 1075 00:45:21,459 --> 00:45:22,593 Sorry, Roland. 1076 00:45:22,595 --> 00:45:24,227 Whatever, anyway. 1077 00:45:24,229 --> 00:45:27,096 My point being, 1078 00:45:27,098 --> 00:45:30,169 she's the only woman I ever truly loved. 1079 00:45:31,435 --> 00:45:33,136 Oh, man. 1080 00:45:33,138 --> 00:45:35,904 I think that's why I got a little kind of 1081 00:45:35,906 --> 00:45:37,674 bent out of shape upstairs there 1082 00:45:37,676 --> 00:45:40,377 when you guys dropped the bombshell on me, 1083 00:45:40,379 --> 00:45:44,047 and, honestly, I was just kind of 1084 00:45:44,049 --> 00:45:46,986 regretting what might have been. 1085 00:45:47,653 --> 00:45:49,152 Hmm. 1086 00:45:49,154 --> 00:45:51,989 I mean, I'm not exactly living the dream here. 1087 00:45:51,991 --> 00:45:53,459 Sometimes, um... 1088 00:45:56,028 --> 00:45:58,328 You just... 1089 00:45:58,330 --> 00:46:00,295 Sometimes you just find yourself 1090 00:46:00,297 --> 00:46:03,035 not where you want to be. 1091 00:46:05,671 --> 00:46:06,937 Yeah. I'm sorry. 1092 00:46:06,939 --> 00:46:08,540 Thanks, Pete. 1093 00:46:11,310 --> 00:46:13,542 Well, I got a work thing, guys. I gotta go. Sorry. 1094 00:46:13,544 --> 00:46:16,379 What, you got like a little Wall Street deal going on? 1095 00:46:16,381 --> 00:46:18,047 No. I'll tell you what I've learned. 1096 00:46:18,049 --> 00:46:20,350 You've got to diversify. 1097 00:46:20,352 --> 00:46:21,917 And I don't care if you're making 1098 00:46:21,919 --> 00:46:23,319 10 grand a year or 10 million. 1099 00:46:23,321 --> 00:46:25,221 You don't want it all coming from one place. 1100 00:46:25,223 --> 00:46:26,922 That's how guys get burned. 1101 00:46:26,924 --> 00:46:28,524 Really? 1102 00:46:28,526 --> 00:46:30,729 Oh, yeah. Don't want all your eggs in one basket. 1103 00:46:32,596 --> 00:46:33,765 Come on. 1104 00:46:35,968 --> 00:46:37,134 Lately, I've been doing 1105 00:46:37,136 --> 00:46:38,435 a lot of work with creditors. 1106 00:46:38,437 --> 00:46:41,337 Helping them to reacquire merchandise 1107 00:46:41,339 --> 00:46:44,373 when the debtor can no longer afford the payments. 1108 00:46:44,375 --> 00:46:45,975 Oh, like a repo man. 1109 00:46:45,977 --> 00:46:47,111 Yeah, exactly. 1110 00:46:47,113 --> 00:46:48,344 Of course now, I gotta call 1111 00:46:48,346 --> 00:46:49,612 a fucking cab just to do this job. 1112 00:46:49,614 --> 00:46:51,814 We can give you a ride, right? 1113 00:46:51,816 --> 00:46:53,783 Oh, no, I couldn't impose on you guys. 1114 00:46:53,785 --> 00:46:55,118 Oh, come on. 1115 00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,087 Besides, it can be dangerous, repo work. 1116 00:46:57,089 --> 00:46:58,321 You know, people don't like 1117 00:46:58,323 --> 00:46:59,957 having their stuff taken from them. 1118 00:46:59,959 --> 00:47:01,790 Hey, people don't like having their anuses probed either, 1119 00:47:01,792 --> 00:47:05,330 but that's how I've made a living the last 12 years. 1120 00:47:06,698 --> 00:47:08,832 As a doctor. 1121 00:47:08,834 --> 00:47:09,931 Oh. 1122 00:47:09,933 --> 00:47:13,171 Come on. Let us help you. 1123 00:47:13,872 --> 00:47:16,138 So, what happens 1124 00:47:16,140 --> 00:47:18,741 if they show up while you're doing this? 1125 00:47:18,743 --> 00:47:20,042 Well... 1126 00:47:20,044 --> 00:47:22,846 Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, you know? 1127 00:47:22,848 --> 00:47:24,346 If he does show up, 1128 00:47:24,348 --> 00:47:27,049 you can expect to hear some top-shelf bullshit. 1129 00:47:27,051 --> 00:47:28,518 Is that right? 1130 00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:31,154 "Repossessed? I've never even missed a payment! 1131 00:47:31,156 --> 00:47:33,422 "Got to be a computer error." 1132 00:47:33,424 --> 00:47:35,424 That is classic bullshit. 1133 00:47:35,426 --> 00:47:38,127 They're late on their child support, 1134 00:47:38,129 --> 00:47:39,930 they'll even deny they have kids. 1135 00:47:39,932 --> 00:47:41,029 What? 1136 00:47:41,031 --> 00:47:43,634 God! Just sick. 1137 00:47:45,504 --> 00:47:48,136 Got to love that sound, huh, Pete? 1138 00:47:48,138 --> 00:47:49,439 - There you go. - Oh, wow! 1139 00:47:49,441 --> 00:47:50,873 Plus, there's only going to be room for 1140 00:47:50,875 --> 00:47:52,107 - two of us, so who draws... - Shotgun! 1141 00:47:52,109 --> 00:47:53,442 Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1142 00:47:53,444 --> 00:47:55,044 No, no. No worries. 1143 00:47:55,046 --> 00:47:57,212 We're within our legal rights here. 1144 00:47:57,214 --> 00:47:59,815 Just doing our jobs. 1145 00:47:59,817 --> 00:48:01,384 What the fuck you doing to my property? 1146 00:48:01,386 --> 00:48:02,585 Your car's being repossessed. 1147 00:48:02,587 --> 00:48:04,420 I'd advise you to just stand back 1148 00:48:04,422 --> 00:48:05,622 and let us do our jobs. 1149 00:48:05,624 --> 00:48:07,524 You're going to repossess my car? 1150 00:48:07,526 --> 00:48:10,460 I've never missed a single payment. 1151 00:48:10,462 --> 00:48:12,027 Guys, this has got to be some kind of computer error. 1152 00:48:12,029 --> 00:48:13,997 Check your little computer things, and you'll find out. 1153 00:48:13,999 --> 00:48:15,263 Two for two. 1154 00:48:15,265 --> 00:48:17,134 My God! 1155 00:48:17,136 --> 00:48:18,902 Word on the street is you even missed 1156 00:48:18,904 --> 00:48:20,270 your child support payments. 1157 00:48:20,272 --> 00:48:21,504 Come on, man. 1158 00:48:21,506 --> 00:48:23,138 Hey, genius, I don't have any kids. 1159 00:48:23,140 --> 00:48:25,140 I'm sorry. Paying your bills, 1160 00:48:25,142 --> 00:48:27,176 very basic adult responsibility. 1161 00:48:27,178 --> 00:48:29,279 - Yup. Well said, Pete. - Thank you. 1162 00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:31,047 This is insanity. I'm calling the police. 1163 00:48:31,049 --> 00:48:32,415 Well, feel free, 1164 00:48:32,417 --> 00:48:33,449 but it is going to be pretty embarrassing 1165 00:48:33,451 --> 00:48:35,752 when I show them the paperwork. 1166 00:48:35,754 --> 00:48:37,219 I left it in the car. 1167 00:48:37,221 --> 00:48:38,422 Kyle, can I have the keys? 1168 00:48:38,424 --> 00:48:39,788 And I'll run down there and get it. 1169 00:48:39,790 --> 00:48:40,890 Give him the keys. 1170 00:48:40,892 --> 00:48:42,391 Thank you. 1171 00:48:42,393 --> 00:48:45,027 And make sure they don't escape in the old Ferrari. 1172 00:48:45,029 --> 00:48:46,294 Make sure I don't steal my own car. 1173 00:48:46,296 --> 00:48:47,663 We got this. We got this. 1174 00:48:47,665 --> 00:48:48,998 - Yeah, Pete's got this. - Deadbeat asshole. 1175 00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:50,667 Are you fucking kidding me? 1176 00:48:50,669 --> 00:48:53,870 Let me tell you something, McEnroe, 1177 00:48:53,872 --> 00:48:55,705 you're not too big to fail. 1178 00:48:55,707 --> 00:48:57,073 That's right. 1179 00:48:57,075 --> 00:48:58,475 You failed today. 1180 00:48:58,477 --> 00:49:01,243 Because we're taking your Ferrari. 1181 00:49:01,245 --> 00:49:03,881 You just double faulted. 1182 00:49:03,883 --> 00:49:07,384 And the bank broke your serve. 1183 00:49:07,386 --> 00:49:08,685 - You know what, buddy? - What? 1184 00:49:08,687 --> 00:49:12,288 Life isn't about just accumulating stuff. 1185 00:49:12,290 --> 00:49:13,924 All right? 1186 00:49:13,926 --> 00:49:17,160 The fast cars and the big house in Hawaii 1187 00:49:17,162 --> 00:49:18,460 and the white clothes 1188 00:49:18,462 --> 00:49:19,596 and the model girlfriend. 1189 00:49:19,598 --> 00:49:21,131 This is freaking New York! 1190 00:49:21,133 --> 00:49:23,131 This is my wife. Hello. 1191 00:49:23,133 --> 00:49:24,699 You think I'm a model? 1192 00:49:24,701 --> 00:49:27,404 Well, he doesn't think you're a model, you're 5'2". 1193 00:49:27,406 --> 00:49:28,638 Yeah, she's got a wedding ring. 1194 00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:30,473 I didn't see the wedding ring. 1195 00:49:30,475 --> 00:49:32,442 Oh, my God. You know what? 1196 00:49:32,444 --> 00:49:35,044 This ain't worth it. Fine, you guys are right. 1197 00:49:35,046 --> 00:49:36,111 I'll just cut you a check. 1198 00:49:36,113 --> 00:49:37,881 Could we just end this, please? 1199 00:49:37,883 --> 00:49:39,649 Do me a favor, go get the check book. 1200 00:49:39,651 --> 00:49:41,250 It's in the closet. My side of the bed, please? 1201 00:49:41,252 --> 00:49:42,453 - Okay. - Thank you. 1202 00:49:43,022 --> 00:49:44,620 All good. 1203 00:49:44,622 --> 00:49:46,055 Yeah, it's me. That Ferrari didn't work out. 1204 00:49:46,057 --> 00:49:49,859 You know anybody who can move a Chevy Malibu? 1205 00:49:49,861 --> 00:49:51,497 All right, call me back. 1206 00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:58,336 You gotta be kidding me. 1207 00:50:04,209 --> 00:50:05,844 Damn it, Lenny. 1208 00:50:06,877 --> 00:50:08,879 Where's Roland? 1209 00:50:08,881 --> 00:50:09,812 He's coming. 1210 00:50:09,814 --> 00:50:11,147 - Honey! - Yeah? 1211 00:50:11,149 --> 00:50:12,348 I've got the check book. 1212 00:50:12,350 --> 00:50:13,752 Great. 1213 00:50:15,053 --> 00:50:16,352 Come on, let's go! 1214 00:50:16,354 --> 00:50:17,553 Give me the gun. Don't point it at me! 1215 00:50:17,555 --> 00:50:18,855 - We're taking the Ferrari! - Pete! 1216 00:50:18,857 --> 00:50:19,989 Do it for Dad! 1217 00:50:19,991 --> 00:50:21,089 Come on! 1218 00:50:21,091 --> 00:50:22,991 Babe, give me the gun! 1219 00:50:22,993 --> 00:50:24,729 - Shit! - Go, go, go! 1220 00:50:25,497 --> 00:50:27,297 Let go of the fucking gun! 1221 00:50:27,299 --> 00:50:28,667 Stop! 1222 00:50:31,102 --> 00:50:32,268 Roland, we got it! 1223 00:50:32,270 --> 00:50:34,837 We got the car! 1224 00:50:36,008 --> 00:50:37,009 Stop! 1225 00:50:38,977 --> 00:50:40,310 Oh, shit. 1226 00:50:40,312 --> 00:50:41,377 God! 1227 00:50:41,379 --> 00:50:42,477 What was that? 1228 00:50:42,479 --> 00:50:44,482 I think it was a person. 1229 00:50:45,350 --> 00:50:46,482 Roland! 1230 00:50:46,484 --> 00:50:47,951 Oh, my God, you killed Dad! 1231 00:50:47,953 --> 00:50:49,185 - Roland! - Dad! 1232 00:50:49,187 --> 00:50:50,689 Dial 911! 1233 00:50:54,125 --> 00:50:56,026 So, I guess Dad's a bad guy. 1234 00:50:56,028 --> 00:50:57,495 Oh, yeah. 1235 00:50:59,430 --> 00:51:02,065 I understand how Luke Skywalker felt now. 1236 00:51:02,067 --> 00:51:04,533 Yeah, seriously. 1237 00:51:04,535 --> 00:51:06,738 She's really beautiful. 1238 00:51:07,738 --> 00:51:10,239 She looks great here. 1239 00:51:10,241 --> 00:51:11,507 Glowing. 1240 00:51:11,509 --> 00:51:13,944 Roland even looks good. Who's this? 1241 00:51:13,946 --> 00:51:17,449 Who's this guy with the scratched out face? 1242 00:51:20,218 --> 00:51:21,817 Excuse me, Doc. 1243 00:51:21,819 --> 00:51:24,053 Doc, any word? 1244 00:51:24,055 --> 00:51:27,290 Well, the good news is that he's in stable condition. 1245 00:51:27,292 --> 00:51:28,457 - Great! - Okay. All right. 1246 00:51:28,459 --> 00:51:29,725 The bad news, however, 1247 00:51:29,727 --> 00:51:31,727 is that his blood is AB positive. 1248 00:51:31,729 --> 00:51:33,161 What? That doesn't sound... 1249 00:51:33,163 --> 00:51:34,364 No, no, it's just that 1250 00:51:34,366 --> 00:51:36,533 the blood you gave is O negative. 1251 00:51:36,535 --> 00:51:39,902 Negative? Mine is? 1252 00:51:39,904 --> 00:51:42,404 It means that, uh, 1253 00:51:42,406 --> 00:51:44,473 he can't be our father. 1254 00:51:44,475 --> 00:51:46,241 Genetically. 1255 00:51:46,243 --> 00:51:49,347 You can go in and see him if you like. 1256 00:51:50,180 --> 00:51:51,482 Thank you. 1257 00:51:55,788 --> 00:51:59,587 You're awake. How you doing there, champ? 1258 00:51:59,589 --> 00:52:01,457 Mmm, feeling no pain. 1259 00:52:01,459 --> 00:52:02,660 Yeah. 1260 00:52:03,428 --> 00:52:05,462 Sorry we ran over you. 1261 00:52:05,464 --> 00:52:07,998 And sorry you're going to jail. 1262 00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:09,966 Be good to get off the hamster wheel. 1263 00:52:09,968 --> 00:52:11,067 I hear ya. 1264 00:52:11,069 --> 00:52:12,829 Hey, Roland, let me ask you something. 1265 00:52:14,171 --> 00:52:16,538 When did you know 1266 00:52:16,540 --> 00:52:17,875 that we weren't yours? 1267 00:52:18,944 --> 00:52:20,143 I don't know, 1268 00:52:20,145 --> 00:52:22,178 like, two minutes ago when the doc told me. 1269 00:52:22,180 --> 00:52:23,513 Unbelievable. 1270 00:52:23,515 --> 00:52:24,714 So, as far as you knew, 1271 00:52:24,716 --> 00:52:26,982 you were intentionally duping 1272 00:52:26,984 --> 00:52:30,053 your own sons into committing a felony? 1273 00:52:30,055 --> 00:52:31,388 Yeah. So? Whatever. 1274 00:52:31,390 --> 00:52:33,790 Don't be such a fucking pussy about it. 1275 00:52:33,792 --> 00:52:37,625 My dad was an asshole, too. He ran out, he was a crook. 1276 00:52:37,627 --> 00:52:39,294 Life sucks. Life is hard. 1277 00:52:39,296 --> 00:52:40,430 Get over it. 1278 00:52:40,432 --> 00:52:43,332 Life is hard, Pete. 1279 00:52:43,334 --> 00:52:46,268 Wait a minute. You know what? 1280 00:52:46,270 --> 00:52:50,038 Fuck! I should've known you guys weren't mine. 1281 00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:51,341 '75 you said, right? 1282 00:52:51,343 --> 00:52:52,908 Spring of '75? 1283 00:52:52,910 --> 00:52:54,210 Right. 1284 00:52:54,212 --> 00:52:56,712 I started dating Lenny in '74. 1285 00:52:56,714 --> 00:52:58,214 By the spring of '75, 1286 00:52:58,216 --> 00:53:00,951 I was doing my first stint in the joint. 1287 00:53:00,953 --> 00:53:03,152 I got busted dealing coke in this nightclub 1288 00:53:03,154 --> 00:53:05,555 by some fucking disco-permed, 1289 00:53:05,557 --> 00:53:07,556 roller-skating, motherfucking narc. 1290 00:53:07,558 --> 00:53:08,761 Wait. 1291 00:53:10,729 --> 00:53:11,960 You mean this guy. 1292 00:53:11,962 --> 00:53:13,763 Yeah. That's the guy. 1293 00:53:13,765 --> 00:53:15,832 I don't know what pissed me off more, he put me in jail 1294 00:53:15,834 --> 00:53:17,799 or he started schtupping your mom 1295 00:53:17,801 --> 00:53:19,569 the second I was behind bars. 1296 00:53:19,571 --> 00:53:22,071 This guy was schtupping our mother? 1297 00:53:22,073 --> 00:53:23,776 Hey. 1298 00:53:24,642 --> 00:53:27,377 That guy is your fucking dad. 1299 00:53:27,379 --> 00:53:30,446 I should've known. You look like a couple of junior narcs. 1300 00:53:30,448 --> 00:53:32,681 Well, do you have a name? 1301 00:53:32,683 --> 00:53:34,384 Give me 1,000 bucks and I'll tell you. 1302 00:53:34,386 --> 00:53:36,152 - Fuck you! Come on, Kyle. - Pete... 1303 00:53:36,154 --> 00:53:37,987 Okay, nice meeting you. 1304 00:53:37,989 --> 00:53:39,124 Roland... 1305 00:53:43,328 --> 00:53:45,761 Would you take $400? 1306 00:53:45,763 --> 00:53:47,696 - Sparkly P? - Yup. 1307 00:53:47,698 --> 00:53:52,701 You just paid Roland $1,000 for the name Sparkly P! 1308 00:53:52,703 --> 00:53:54,303 You got conned, Kyle! 1309 00:53:54,305 --> 00:53:57,073 I paid him $680 and I had $1,000. 1310 00:53:57,075 --> 00:53:59,408 I conned him. Yeah! 1311 00:53:59,410 --> 00:54:01,944 And now I think we're ready to make a little inquiry 1312 00:54:01,946 --> 00:54:04,214 into this Sparkly P character. 1313 00:54:04,216 --> 00:54:06,716 Yeah? Where? The white pages? 1314 00:54:06,718 --> 00:54:08,819 Huh? The glitter store? 1315 00:54:08,821 --> 00:54:11,587 Do you realize how insane you sound? 1316 00:54:11,589 --> 00:54:13,690 We're going home! 1317 00:54:13,692 --> 00:54:15,223 You're just gonna give up? 1318 00:54:15,225 --> 00:54:16,859 We almost got killed! 1319 00:54:16,861 --> 00:54:19,828 We? Roland almost got killed. What are you talking about? 1320 00:54:19,830 --> 00:54:22,031 We just had one of the best adventures of our lives. 1321 00:54:22,033 --> 00:54:23,165 No, we didn't. 1322 00:54:23,167 --> 00:54:24,334 What happened to 1323 00:54:24,336 --> 00:54:26,636 Mr. "I won't rest until we find our dad"? 1324 00:54:26,638 --> 00:54:28,837 The universe doesn't like quitters, Pete. 1325 00:54:28,839 --> 00:54:31,339 You know what? Fuck the universe! 1326 00:54:31,341 --> 00:54:33,009 The universe sucks! 1327 00:54:33,011 --> 00:54:34,444 Don't say that. 1328 00:54:34,446 --> 00:54:36,645 You realize this whole time it's been telling us it's time 1329 00:54:36,647 --> 00:54:39,448 to shut down Operation Who's Your Daddy? 1330 00:54:39,450 --> 00:54:41,151 That's a good name for it, Pete. 1331 00:54:41,153 --> 00:54:44,987 That's a good name for the quest. 1332 00:54:44,989 --> 00:54:48,890 But before we close the book on Operation Who's Your Daddy, 1333 00:54:48,892 --> 00:54:50,192 let me say one thing, Pete... 1334 00:54:50,194 --> 00:54:53,263 It's too late. Kyle, book is closed. 1335 00:54:53,265 --> 00:54:54,497 - That's it? - Yup. That's it. 1336 00:54:54,499 --> 00:54:56,366 - You don't want to hear it? - No! 1337 00:54:56,368 --> 00:54:59,301 I got us on the 10:00 p.m. flight out of JFK. 1338 00:54:59,303 --> 00:55:00,772 That is what we're doing. 1339 00:55:01,939 --> 00:55:03,172 Look at this poor guy. 1340 00:55:03,174 --> 00:55:05,573 No one will even give him the time of day. 1341 00:55:05,575 --> 00:55:06,808 Well, we're not stopping. 1342 00:55:06,810 --> 00:55:07,944 We're not picking up a hitchhiker. 1343 00:55:07,946 --> 00:55:09,946 What do you think is gonna happen? 1344 00:55:09,948 --> 00:55:13,549 You think he's gonna just murder you, rob you, rape you? 1345 00:55:13,551 --> 00:55:14,884 Yeah. All three. 1346 00:55:14,886 --> 00:55:17,152 Okay, all of the above. Look at him. 1347 00:55:17,154 --> 00:55:18,922 I am looking at him. 1348 00:55:18,924 --> 00:55:21,024 You know somebody your whole life, 1349 00:55:21,026 --> 00:55:22,959 and then you wake up and you realize 1350 00:55:22,961 --> 00:55:25,060 you've been lying next to a racist. 1351 00:55:25,062 --> 00:55:26,895 What? It's not 'cause he's black. 1352 00:55:26,897 --> 00:55:28,464 It's 'cause he's a stranger 1353 00:55:28,466 --> 00:55:29,899 and a hitchhiker 1354 00:55:29,901 --> 00:55:32,335 and could very easily be a serial killer. 1355 00:55:32,337 --> 00:55:36,038 There are no black serial killers, Pete. 1356 00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:37,207 That's a fact. 1357 00:55:37,209 --> 00:55:38,841 Just don't make eye contact, please? 1358 00:55:38,843 --> 00:55:40,743 Because then I'll have to pull over, 1359 00:55:40,745 --> 00:55:42,312 and it'll be awkward 1360 00:55:42,314 --> 00:55:44,647 and we'll have to give him a ride and all that. Just... 1361 00:55:44,649 --> 00:55:47,149 You're looking in his direction. 1362 00:55:47,151 --> 00:55:48,317 I'm not looking. 1363 00:55:48,319 --> 00:55:49,919 You're totally turning your head. 1364 00:55:49,921 --> 00:55:51,553 - My eyes are wandering. - I'm watching you. 1365 00:55:51,555 --> 00:55:53,055 Look this way. 1366 00:55:53,057 --> 00:55:54,790 - Pete, I'm not looking. - Look out the left. 1367 00:55:54,792 --> 00:55:55,924 You're totally looking right at him. 1368 00:55:55,926 --> 00:55:57,194 My peripheral vision. 1369 00:55:58,229 --> 00:56:00,297 Oh, God damn it! 1370 00:56:00,299 --> 00:56:01,763 What? I didn't look at him! 1371 00:56:01,765 --> 00:56:04,001 - Ah, he got me. - What? 1372 00:56:05,236 --> 00:56:07,902 I blew it. That one's on me. 1373 00:56:07,904 --> 00:56:09,372 - You made eye contact? - Yeah. 1374 00:56:09,374 --> 00:56:10,573 Shit. 1375 00:56:10,575 --> 00:56:11,806 We're still not picking him up, 1376 00:56:11,808 --> 00:56:13,341 so let him down easy. 1377 00:56:13,343 --> 00:56:14,576 Hey, how you doing? 1378 00:56:14,578 --> 00:56:16,578 You stopped. Thank you. 1379 00:56:16,580 --> 00:56:18,214 Thank you. Thank you both. 1380 00:56:18,216 --> 00:56:19,683 - You're welcome. - Thank you so much. 1381 00:56:19,685 --> 00:56:20,817 Even if you don't give me ride, 1382 00:56:20,819 --> 00:56:22,919 thank you just for stopping. 1383 00:56:22,921 --> 00:56:24,219 I was beginning to think 1384 00:56:24,221 --> 00:56:25,721 black was the new invisible out here. 1385 00:56:25,723 --> 00:56:27,623 You know what I mean? The gesture means a lot. 1386 00:56:27,625 --> 00:56:29,024 Where are you headed? 1387 00:56:29,026 --> 00:56:30,794 North. Worcester, Mass. 1388 00:56:30,796 --> 00:56:33,029 Just trying to get to my kid's birthday tomorrow. 1389 00:56:33,031 --> 00:56:35,297 We're really sorry. We're going south. 1390 00:56:35,299 --> 00:56:37,665 We're going to JFK, so... 1391 00:56:37,667 --> 00:56:38,801 How about this? 1392 00:56:38,803 --> 00:56:40,203 There's a train station, 1393 00:56:40,205 --> 00:56:42,337 it's like two miles south. You take me there? 1394 00:56:42,339 --> 00:56:43,471 Now, I don't see why... 1395 00:56:43,473 --> 00:56:44,707 Are you fucking crazy? 1396 00:56:44,709 --> 00:56:46,843 I'm gonna have to ask you... 1397 00:56:46,845 --> 00:56:48,377 We got a Nervous Nelly here. 1398 00:56:48,379 --> 00:56:51,013 So I know this is gonna sound like a funny question, 1399 00:56:51,015 --> 00:56:53,017 but are you a serial killer? 1400 00:56:54,718 --> 00:56:56,085 No. No. 1401 00:56:56,087 --> 00:56:57,987 I get it. There's a lot of nuts out there. 1402 00:56:57,989 --> 00:57:00,355 I am a stranger, I am a hitchhiker... 1403 00:57:00,357 --> 00:57:01,690 Satisfied? 1404 00:57:01,692 --> 00:57:05,727 ...but I swear to you, I am not a serial killer. 1405 00:57:05,729 --> 00:57:07,797 - Hmm... - Well, did you notice how you 1406 00:57:07,799 --> 00:57:08,998 emphasized the word "serial," 1407 00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:11,366 which makes it sound like 1408 00:57:11,368 --> 00:57:15,203 you're a killer, just not a serial one. 1409 00:57:15,205 --> 00:57:16,339 Oh, man, okay. 1410 00:57:16,341 --> 00:57:18,506 Now that was totally unintentional. 1411 00:57:18,508 --> 00:57:19,774 I promise you that. 1412 00:57:19,776 --> 00:57:21,243 Didn't mean that. 1413 00:57:21,245 --> 00:57:23,011 But you're still not saying, "I'm not a killer." 1414 00:57:23,013 --> 00:57:26,684 It seems like that's what a non-killer would say. 1415 00:57:27,384 --> 00:57:29,719 I'm an idiot, man. Idiot! 1416 00:57:29,721 --> 00:57:31,319 I've been a non-killer too long 1417 00:57:31,321 --> 00:57:32,955 to not know the non-killer rules. 1418 00:57:32,957 --> 00:57:34,756 You know what I mean? 1419 00:57:34,758 --> 00:57:36,924 How about this? We'll give you a ride... 1420 00:57:36,926 --> 00:57:38,326 Are you fucking crazy? 1421 00:57:38,328 --> 00:57:39,428 Let me finish, Pete. 1422 00:57:39,430 --> 00:57:41,763 We can give you a ride to the station, 1423 00:57:41,765 --> 00:57:42,998 but, and this is a pretty big but, 1424 00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,701 only if we can tie you up. 1425 00:57:44,703 --> 00:57:46,335 That way you can't rape 1426 00:57:46,337 --> 00:57:49,975 or kill or murder Mr. Paranoia here. 1427 00:57:55,479 --> 00:57:56,682 Uh... 1428 00:57:59,450 --> 00:58:00,683 You okay? 1429 00:58:00,685 --> 00:58:01,817 Those aren't too tight, are they? 1430 00:58:01,819 --> 00:58:03,819 Almost kill you. Can't kill you. 1431 00:58:05,723 --> 00:58:07,223 Don't even joke around 1432 00:58:07,225 --> 00:58:08,390 with our driver. 1433 00:58:08,392 --> 00:58:09,558 Sorry to interrupt. 1434 00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:11,060 I'm still not getting a phone signal here. 1435 00:58:11,062 --> 00:58:13,094 Are you sure there's a train station this way? 1436 00:58:13,096 --> 00:58:15,498 100%. I grew up one town over. 1437 00:58:15,500 --> 00:58:18,100 I used to play ice hockey at the rink across the street. 1438 00:58:18,102 --> 00:58:20,268 Just make a left up there. 1439 00:58:20,270 --> 00:58:22,307 I don't see street signs. 1440 00:58:23,707 --> 00:58:25,475 We are fucked. 1441 00:58:25,477 --> 00:58:26,776 Fucked! 1442 00:58:26,778 --> 00:58:28,143 We're gonna miss our flight. 1443 00:58:28,145 --> 00:58:29,377 - Take it easy, Pete. - Do you realize that? 1444 00:58:29,379 --> 00:58:30,980 Okay, then we'll catch another one. 1445 00:58:30,982 --> 00:58:32,614 Okay? It's not a big deal. 1446 00:58:32,616 --> 00:58:36,752 Classic Kyle! Nothing's ever a big deal. Must be nice. 1447 00:58:36,754 --> 00:58:40,857 Whoa, whoa, whoa, I am sensing a very disturbing vibe here. 1448 00:58:40,859 --> 00:58:43,024 Pete, are you mad at your brother about something? 1449 00:58:43,026 --> 00:58:45,995 Yes! I'm mad! And it's probably obvious. 1450 00:58:45,997 --> 00:58:49,464 There's like a rage pulsing through his entire body. 1451 00:58:49,466 --> 00:58:51,332 Classic Pete right here. 1452 00:58:51,334 --> 00:58:53,868 Luckily, I'm sort of the Pete whisperer. 1453 00:58:53,870 --> 00:58:56,739 I always know how to calm this guy down. 1454 00:58:56,741 --> 00:58:57,873 - Ah... - Good. 1455 00:58:57,875 --> 00:58:59,808 Let me turn on a little music 1456 00:58:59,810 --> 00:59:02,745 and just lullaby you into just relaxing. 1457 00:59:02,747 --> 00:59:04,245 - Wow. - There. 1458 00:59:04,247 --> 00:59:08,451 A, please don't patronize me and B, no music, okay? 1459 00:59:08,453 --> 00:59:09,986 I just need to focus right now. 1460 00:59:09,988 --> 00:59:12,522 Well, I think music will help you guys relax. 1461 00:59:12,524 --> 00:59:14,089 Makes a great point. 1462 00:59:14,091 --> 00:59:15,792 You can't focus if you're too tense, Pete. 1463 00:59:15,794 --> 00:59:17,194 I just need it quiet, okay? 1464 00:59:21,933 --> 00:59:23,565 What are you, 10? 1465 00:59:23,567 --> 00:59:25,100 Can't you just listen to music? 1466 00:59:25,102 --> 00:59:28,236 No! I don't want to listen to music. 1467 00:59:35,312 --> 00:59:37,782 Enough with the fucking radio, Kyle! 1468 00:59:40,817 --> 00:59:42,185 Oh, that was... 1469 00:59:42,187 --> 00:59:44,652 That was brilliant. Go get 'em, you idiot. 1470 00:59:44,654 --> 00:59:45,987 I'm not gonna go get 'em. 1471 00:59:45,989 --> 00:59:47,623 Untie me, I'll go get 'em. 1472 00:59:47,625 --> 00:59:49,125 We're not gonna get the keys 1473 00:59:49,127 --> 00:59:51,594 until you tell me what your problem is with me. 1474 00:59:51,596 --> 00:59:52,828 We're going to be here a while 1475 00:59:52,830 --> 00:59:54,564 because I have a million problems with you. 1476 00:59:54,566 --> 00:59:56,933 - Like what? - Yeah. Elaborate, Pete. 1477 00:59:56,935 --> 01:00:01,670 All you've ever done is rub your amazing life in my face. 1478 01:00:01,672 --> 01:00:04,006 Your trophies and your friends 1479 01:00:04,008 --> 01:00:06,776 and your black Amex and your sunsets. 1480 01:00:06,778 --> 01:00:08,877 Sorry for sending you sunsets. 1481 01:00:08,879 --> 01:00:10,478 I love sunsets. 1482 01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:11,513 Growing up was literally 1483 01:00:11,515 --> 01:00:12,881 like watching The Kyle Reynolds Show 1484 01:00:12,883 --> 01:00:14,516 24 hours a day. 1485 01:00:14,518 --> 01:00:15,718 Girls just liked you more. 1486 01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:17,620 Pete, I thought you liked hearing about my hook-ups 1487 01:00:17,622 --> 01:00:20,589 the same way I liked hearing about your hook-ups. 1488 01:00:20,591 --> 01:00:21,957 What hook-ups? 1489 01:00:21,959 --> 01:00:23,292 The girl you went out with in ninth grade. 1490 01:00:23,294 --> 01:00:25,227 Remember her, with the glasses and the bad skin? 1491 01:00:25,229 --> 01:00:26,529 - Pamela Hartley. - Yes! 1492 01:00:26,531 --> 01:00:28,364 Yeah, she only dated me to get to you. 1493 01:00:28,366 --> 01:00:30,399 And guess what? The second her skin cleared up, 1494 01:00:30,401 --> 01:00:31,399 he banged her. 1495 01:00:31,401 --> 01:00:33,402 Not cool, Kyle. I'm Team Peter. 1496 01:00:33,404 --> 01:00:34,803 You even had the balls to come home 1497 01:00:34,805 --> 01:00:35,837 and brag about how you nailed her 1498 01:00:35,839 --> 01:00:37,071 in the back of a Papa John's. 1499 01:00:37,073 --> 01:00:38,274 That girl that I messed around with 1500 01:00:38,276 --> 01:00:39,942 at Papa John's didn't even wear glasses. 1501 01:00:39,944 --> 01:00:41,676 Mistaken identity. Back on Team Kyle. 1502 01:00:41,678 --> 01:00:42,844 Guess what? 1503 01:00:42,846 --> 01:00:44,480 Junior year, she got contacts 1504 01:00:44,482 --> 01:00:46,248 and her skin cleared up and you banged her 1505 01:00:46,250 --> 01:00:49,218 right after having a sausage lover's pizza, apparently. 1506 01:00:49,220 --> 01:00:50,986 "This chick loves sausage, Pete." 1507 01:00:50,988 --> 01:00:52,254 I don't remember that. 1508 01:00:52,256 --> 01:00:54,156 If I have to hear about your goddamn 1509 01:00:54,158 --> 01:00:56,558 barbeque sauce fortune one more time. 1510 01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:59,594 The picture on the bottles could be literally anybody! 1511 01:00:59,596 --> 01:01:02,564 And you've lucked out your entire life. 1512 01:01:02,566 --> 01:01:03,598 The way you've lived, 1513 01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:05,067 you should be broke and homeless, 1514 01:01:05,069 --> 01:01:07,502 not chillaxing on a beach 1515 01:01:07,504 --> 01:01:10,138 with your perfect girlfriend and your perfect house 1516 01:01:10,140 --> 01:01:11,908 and your soon-to-be perfect family! 1517 01:01:11,910 --> 01:01:13,209 Fuck you! 1518 01:01:13,211 --> 01:01:15,411 Stop blaming me for everything. 1519 01:01:15,413 --> 01:01:18,580 You know, just because you think your life sucks. Okay? 1520 01:01:18,582 --> 01:01:19,915 Take some responsibility 1521 01:01:19,917 --> 01:01:21,449 for some of the decisions you made. 1522 01:01:21,451 --> 01:01:23,218 You decide to go ahead and marry 1523 01:01:23,220 --> 01:01:24,754 the first girl you ever mess around with, 1524 01:01:24,756 --> 01:01:27,323 and then, big shocker, it doesn't work out? 1525 01:01:27,325 --> 01:01:29,859 You decide to look at assholes for a living. 1526 01:01:29,861 --> 01:01:31,393 That's my fault? 1527 01:01:31,395 --> 01:01:34,062 Spent your whole life trying to impress a dead guy. 1528 01:01:34,064 --> 01:01:36,899 It's not my fault. It's your fault. 1529 01:01:36,901 --> 01:01:38,401 In fact, maybe if you tried 1530 01:01:38,403 --> 01:01:40,102 to be like me a little bit more, 1531 01:01:40,104 --> 01:01:42,136 you wouldn't be such a miserable dick! 1532 01:01:42,138 --> 01:01:43,941 And your son wouldn't hate you! 1533 01:01:46,810 --> 01:01:49,310 God damn it. 1534 01:01:49,312 --> 01:01:52,381 God damn it! You broke my glasses. 1535 01:01:52,383 --> 01:01:53,549 Fuck! 1536 01:01:53,551 --> 01:01:54,949 Guys, use your words. 1537 01:01:54,951 --> 01:01:56,518 Fuck you, Kyle! 1538 01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:57,687 I hate conflict. 1539 01:01:57,689 --> 01:01:59,321 Fuck you! 1540 01:01:59,323 --> 01:02:00,556 Asshole! 1541 01:02:00,558 --> 01:02:04,593 Hey, guys, my Negro spider senses is tingling. 1542 01:02:06,163 --> 01:02:09,399 I think we may be on a choo-choo track. 1543 01:02:09,401 --> 01:02:11,533 While you were lying on a beach in Maui, I was home, 1544 01:02:11,535 --> 01:02:12,835 taking care of Mom! 1545 01:02:12,837 --> 01:02:14,536 I don't like this. 1546 01:02:14,538 --> 01:02:16,605 Yup, that is definitely a choo-choo train. 1547 01:02:16,607 --> 01:02:18,341 Mom is an independent vibrant sexual woman! 1548 01:02:18,343 --> 01:02:19,442 Okay. 1549 01:02:19,444 --> 01:02:21,911 Stop taking care of people! 1550 01:02:21,913 --> 01:02:23,745 It's not the soul train, guys. 1551 01:02:23,747 --> 01:02:26,748 You want to stop fighting and look out the window... 1552 01:02:26,750 --> 01:02:29,886 Motherfuckers, we're on the motherfucking railroad tracks! 1553 01:02:29,888 --> 01:02:32,020 There's a train coming! 1554 01:02:32,022 --> 01:02:34,623 There is a train! 1555 01:02:34,625 --> 01:02:36,123 Get me off the tracks! 1556 01:02:36,125 --> 01:02:37,593 Train. Pete, get out! 1557 01:02:37,595 --> 01:02:39,064 Help! Now! 1558 01:02:40,198 --> 01:02:41,700 Get out! 1559 01:02:42,933 --> 01:02:44,134 My seatbelt! 1560 01:02:50,475 --> 01:02:51,710 Kyle! 1561 01:03:00,785 --> 01:03:02,053 Kyle! 1562 01:03:26,044 --> 01:03:27,245 Pete! 1563 01:03:29,546 --> 01:03:30,647 Pete! 1564 01:03:33,852 --> 01:03:35,220 Kyle! 1565 01:03:36,654 --> 01:03:38,156 Pete! 1566 01:03:39,524 --> 01:03:41,857 Kyle! 1567 01:03:41,859 --> 01:03:43,127 Pete! 1568 01:03:44,729 --> 01:03:47,031 Yes! 1569 01:03:55,105 --> 01:03:56,508 Yeah! 1570 01:04:29,874 --> 01:04:31,373 No. They're literally 1571 01:04:31,375 --> 01:04:33,676 replacing me with a monkey or a seal, 1572 01:04:33,678 --> 01:04:34,910 some kind of animal. 1573 01:04:34,912 --> 01:04:37,245 Because apparently animals don't get residuals. 1574 01:04:37,247 --> 01:04:40,184 A monkey can't do your job. 1575 01:04:42,553 --> 01:04:44,752 How much do you have left? 1576 01:04:44,754 --> 01:04:46,823 Not as much as I owe. 1577 01:04:46,825 --> 01:04:49,125 Yeah, I'll probably have a repo man 1578 01:04:49,127 --> 01:04:52,326 showing up at my house in a few weeks. 1579 01:04:52,328 --> 01:04:54,399 Take my Ferraris back. 1580 01:04:55,165 --> 01:04:57,165 Ferraris, plural? 1581 01:04:57,167 --> 01:04:58,470 Three. 1582 01:04:59,803 --> 01:05:03,538 You are incorrigible. 1583 01:05:03,540 --> 01:05:07,241 I'm just an idiot, Pete. You said so yourself. 1584 01:05:07,243 --> 01:05:09,578 You're not an idiot, Kyle. 1585 01:05:09,580 --> 01:05:11,783 You're not, you're just... 1586 01:05:12,216 --> 01:05:13,315 What? 1587 01:05:13,317 --> 01:05:15,350 You're overly optimistic. 1588 01:05:15,352 --> 01:05:16,484 That's all. 1589 01:05:16,486 --> 01:05:19,356 That's a nice way to put it. 1590 01:05:20,156 --> 01:05:21,290 Well, I don't know. 1591 01:05:21,292 --> 01:05:23,560 Who am I kidding? 1592 01:05:24,629 --> 01:05:26,060 I honestly started thinking 1593 01:05:26,062 --> 01:05:27,362 that Kaylani and our kid 1594 01:05:27,364 --> 01:05:29,131 would be better off without me. 1595 01:05:29,133 --> 01:05:31,466 Maybe I ought to just bail now. 1596 01:05:31,468 --> 01:05:34,803 For their sake because then, maybe, Kaylani 1597 01:05:34,805 --> 01:05:37,806 could tell the kid a cool story the way Mom did. 1598 01:05:37,808 --> 01:05:42,944 "Yeah, your dad was base jumping into a volcano 1599 01:05:42,946 --> 01:05:45,214 "and the lava got him." 1600 01:05:45,216 --> 01:05:48,419 Or I was a brilliant doctor, like you. 1601 01:05:49,921 --> 01:05:53,825 You have the kindest heart of anyone I have ever met. 1602 01:05:56,993 --> 01:06:00,395 And a little while ago, I thought I lost you forever, 1603 01:06:00,397 --> 01:06:04,868 and it was the worst feeling I've ever felt. 1604 01:06:06,470 --> 01:06:09,207 No one's better off without you, Kyle. 1605 01:06:10,107 --> 01:06:12,674 You're gonna be a great dad. 1606 01:06:12,676 --> 01:06:16,781 You know how you were always asking Mom about Dad? 1607 01:06:18,281 --> 01:06:21,616 I wasn't that curious. 1608 01:06:21,618 --> 01:06:23,887 I think because I had you. 1609 01:06:24,622 --> 01:06:25,888 What? 1610 01:06:25,890 --> 01:06:29,058 Yeah, I had a lot of friends and girlfriends 1611 01:06:29,060 --> 01:06:30,459 and people that love me 1612 01:06:30,461 --> 01:06:32,227 because I'm, kind of, you know, 1613 01:06:32,229 --> 01:06:34,263 bon vivant, a raconteur, 1614 01:06:34,265 --> 01:06:36,464 or whatever you want to say. 1615 01:06:36,466 --> 01:06:39,334 But you never thought I was any of those things, 1616 01:06:39,336 --> 01:06:41,437 but you were still there. 1617 01:06:41,439 --> 01:06:42,837 Getting on me. 1618 01:06:42,839 --> 01:06:45,373 "Hey! Don't jump off the roof into the pool. 1619 01:06:45,375 --> 01:06:46,841 "You'll break your neck. 1620 01:06:46,843 --> 01:06:49,446 "Here, let me show you how to tie your tie." 1621 01:06:50,379 --> 01:06:52,180 Always kind of thought 1622 01:06:52,182 --> 01:06:54,886 that was the type of stuff our dad would've been saying. 1623 01:06:58,154 --> 01:07:00,256 I'm sorry about your glasses. 1624 01:07:00,258 --> 01:07:01,422 Don't be. 1625 01:07:01,424 --> 01:07:03,324 I don't need them. 1626 01:07:03,326 --> 01:07:04,526 What do you mean? 1627 01:07:04,528 --> 01:07:07,228 I don't need glasses. 1628 01:07:07,230 --> 01:07:09,366 I have 20/20 vision. 1629 01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:11,232 What? 1630 01:07:11,234 --> 01:07:12,600 Yeah, I just had this image 1631 01:07:12,602 --> 01:07:14,368 of who I thought I should be 1632 01:07:14,370 --> 01:07:17,205 and glasses fit the bill. 1633 01:07:17,207 --> 01:07:18,506 There you go. 1634 01:07:18,508 --> 01:07:21,509 That's why you're brilliant. 1635 01:07:21,511 --> 01:07:24,245 Why did I wear glasses for 20 years? 1636 01:07:24,247 --> 01:07:26,381 Because you're an idiot. 1637 01:07:26,383 --> 01:07:28,216 I'm a fucking idiot. 1638 01:07:28,218 --> 01:07:30,953 I'm a big dumb idiot. 1639 01:07:30,955 --> 01:07:33,589 Boom! That's right. 1640 01:07:33,591 --> 01:07:35,558 "Oh, my God! I'm still alive!" 1641 01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:38,125 And that's basically how it all went. 1642 01:07:38,127 --> 01:07:41,230 It's crazy. This is one night we're talking about. 1643 01:07:41,232 --> 01:07:42,230 Yeah. 1644 01:07:42,232 --> 01:07:43,297 Yeah. 1645 01:07:43,299 --> 01:07:44,766 I guess we missed our flight. 1646 01:07:44,768 --> 01:07:47,236 You want to check and see when the next one is? 1647 01:07:47,238 --> 01:07:48,473 Nope. 1648 01:07:50,408 --> 01:07:52,073 I feel 1649 01:07:52,075 --> 01:07:54,375 very confident that the universe 1650 01:07:54,377 --> 01:07:57,645 is telling us to proceed 1651 01:07:57,647 --> 01:07:59,513 with Operation Who's Your Daddy. 1652 01:07:59,515 --> 01:08:01,248 Are you messing with me? 1653 01:08:01,250 --> 01:08:02,685 We started this goddamn mission 1654 01:08:02,687 --> 01:08:03,953 to find our father together, 1655 01:08:03,955 --> 01:08:05,953 and we are gonna finish it together. 1656 01:08:05,955 --> 01:08:07,288 Come hell or high water. 1657 01:08:07,290 --> 01:08:09,559 God damn it, that's the spirit! 1658 01:08:11,395 --> 01:08:13,460 Let's do this! 1659 01:08:13,462 --> 01:08:14,629 We're going in! 1660 01:08:14,631 --> 01:08:15,997 We're going in! 1661 01:08:15,999 --> 01:08:18,599 This is happening! 1662 01:08:18,601 --> 01:08:20,602 Thank you for driving all the way 1663 01:08:20,604 --> 01:08:22,136 out here with the new rental. 1664 01:08:22,138 --> 01:08:23,671 Appreciate it. 1665 01:08:23,673 --> 01:08:25,640 Okay, guys, I think these might be yours? 1666 01:08:25,642 --> 01:08:27,341 Yes, sir. Thank you. 1667 01:08:27,343 --> 01:08:28,810 All right. 1668 01:08:28,812 --> 01:08:30,412 That's gonna be one big fucking insurance mess. 1669 01:08:30,414 --> 01:08:32,580 But we got everything we need, 1670 01:08:32,582 --> 01:08:34,015 so you're free to go. 1671 01:08:34,017 --> 01:08:35,283 Thanks a lot, officers. 1672 01:08:35,285 --> 01:08:36,417 It's no problem. 1673 01:08:36,419 --> 01:08:38,554 Really appreciate it. 1674 01:08:38,556 --> 01:08:41,422 What now? How do we find Sparkly P? 1675 01:08:41,424 --> 01:08:42,891 - Leg work. - Yes. 1676 01:08:42,893 --> 01:08:45,896 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you just say "Sparkly P"? 1677 01:08:46,963 --> 01:08:48,063 Yeah. 1678 01:08:48,065 --> 01:08:49,998 - The police officer... - From the '70s? 1679 01:08:50,000 --> 01:08:51,065 Yeah. 1680 01:08:51,067 --> 01:08:52,166 You've heard of him? 1681 01:08:52,168 --> 01:08:53,501 Are you kidding me? 1682 01:08:53,503 --> 01:08:55,403 There's not a cop in the whole state who hasn't. 1683 01:08:55,405 --> 01:08:56,638 Yeah. 1684 01:08:56,640 --> 01:09:00,041 Patrick O'Callaghan aka Sparkly P. 1685 01:09:00,043 --> 01:09:02,478 Had one of the biggest coke busts in history. 1686 01:09:02,480 --> 01:09:03,679 We spent like two weeks 1687 01:09:03,681 --> 01:09:05,113 studying him back in the academy. 1688 01:09:05,115 --> 01:09:06,415 The guy's a legend. 1689 01:09:06,417 --> 01:09:09,350 Holy shit, Pete. We could be Irish. 1690 01:09:09,352 --> 01:09:10,653 Yes! 1691 01:09:10,655 --> 01:09:13,288 I'm Irish, too, on my sister's side. 1692 01:09:13,290 --> 01:09:14,926 You know where to find him? 1693 01:09:18,061 --> 01:09:21,529 So, I just talked to my buddy in the force 1694 01:09:21,531 --> 01:09:25,501 and apparently Mr. Patrick O'Callaghan 1695 01:09:25,503 --> 01:09:28,837 retired the NYPD back in '86. 1696 01:09:28,839 --> 01:09:31,473 This right here is his last known address. 1697 01:09:31,475 --> 01:09:32,674 If anyone comes asking, 1698 01:09:32,676 --> 01:09:34,477 I didn't tell you shit. 1699 01:09:34,479 --> 01:09:36,614 I'm trusting you with this. 1700 01:09:37,213 --> 01:09:39,514 Don't fuck me. 1701 01:09:39,516 --> 01:09:41,619 Not gonna fuck you. 1702 01:09:48,493 --> 01:09:49,694 What? 1703 01:09:52,195 --> 01:09:53,428 What? 1704 01:09:53,430 --> 01:09:55,363 - Guess where he lives? - Where? 1705 01:09:55,365 --> 01:09:57,166 You're not gonna believe this. 1706 01:09:57,168 --> 01:09:58,936 Worcester, Mass. 1707 01:09:59,971 --> 01:10:01,169 Worcester, Mass! 1708 01:10:01,171 --> 01:10:02,891 You've been leading us there the whole time! 1709 01:10:05,007 --> 01:10:08,510 It's the universe, Pete. The universe is magic! 1710 01:10:08,512 --> 01:10:10,377 I'm magic. I'm a magic man. 1711 01:10:10,379 --> 01:10:14,584 All right. Okay. I guess we're all going home. 1712 01:10:21,926 --> 01:10:23,093 Well, 1713 01:10:24,794 --> 01:10:27,363 thanks for letting me keep a little souvenir. 1714 01:10:27,365 --> 01:10:28,764 Sure. 1715 01:10:28,766 --> 01:10:31,567 This has been magnificent. Thank you, guys. 1716 01:10:31,569 --> 01:10:33,568 I appreciate your assistance. 1717 01:10:33,570 --> 01:10:35,640 Have a good night. 1718 01:10:36,539 --> 01:10:37,774 Hey! 1719 01:10:38,409 --> 01:10:39,541 Yeah? 1720 01:10:39,543 --> 01:10:41,277 We don't even know your name. 1721 01:10:41,279 --> 01:10:42,944 Oh, Kyle, 1722 01:10:42,946 --> 01:10:45,917 you've known it the whole time. 1723 01:10:47,551 --> 01:10:49,550 That's beautiful. 1724 01:10:49,552 --> 01:10:51,118 I think he's messing with us. 1725 01:10:51,120 --> 01:10:52,321 No, he's not. 1726 01:10:52,323 --> 01:10:54,288 - Yeah, yeah. - No. 1727 01:10:54,290 --> 01:10:55,860 He was messing with us. 1728 01:11:14,110 --> 01:11:15,376 Ding! 1729 01:11:15,378 --> 01:11:17,813 May we get a room? 1730 01:11:17,815 --> 01:11:20,882 Your cheapest room, please. 1731 01:11:20,884 --> 01:11:23,887 Well, every room in here is cheap, so... 1732 01:11:26,056 --> 01:11:27,221 Sorry? 1733 01:11:27,223 --> 01:11:29,192 Every room in here is really cheap. 1734 01:11:32,128 --> 01:11:34,097 Okay. Here you go. 1735 01:11:35,266 --> 01:11:37,131 We're gonna nab one from ya. 1736 01:11:37,133 --> 01:11:40,468 So, just the one room? 1737 01:11:40,470 --> 01:11:41,672 Mmm-hmm. 1738 01:11:42,439 --> 01:11:43,938 One night? 1739 01:11:43,940 --> 01:11:45,075 Yeah. 1740 01:11:45,508 --> 01:11:46,711 Two beds. 1741 01:11:49,012 --> 01:11:51,078 Oh. Um... 1742 01:11:51,080 --> 01:11:54,215 Can we still get food and drinks at the bar? 1743 01:11:54,217 --> 01:11:56,451 Right back there behind you. 1744 01:11:56,453 --> 01:11:58,752 Food for about another 1745 01:11:58,754 --> 01:12:02,058 10 minutes, and drinks till 2:00. 1746 01:12:03,026 --> 01:12:04,291 Till, sorry? 1747 01:12:04,293 --> 01:12:06,027 Till 2:00. 1748 01:12:06,029 --> 01:12:08,162 You're going to have to speak up, Biz Markie, 1749 01:12:08,164 --> 01:12:09,764 'cause I can't hear you. 1750 01:12:09,766 --> 01:12:11,232 For 10 more minutes, 1751 01:12:11,234 --> 01:12:12,803 and drinks until 2:00. 1752 01:12:17,975 --> 01:12:19,209 Okay. 1753 01:12:21,912 --> 01:12:24,645 Hey, do you remember 1754 01:12:24,647 --> 01:12:27,215 when Mom tried to teach us about sex? 1755 01:12:27,217 --> 01:12:29,451 Yeah. 1756 01:12:29,453 --> 01:12:30,785 You had already Papa John'd 1757 01:12:30,787 --> 01:12:33,255 half the girls at school at that point. 1758 01:12:33,257 --> 01:12:35,357 Turns out, we probably should have listened to her. 1759 01:12:35,359 --> 01:12:36,657 Amen. 1760 01:12:36,659 --> 01:12:38,794 It's like we passed up basketball tips 1761 01:12:38,796 --> 01:12:40,761 from Michael Jordan, as it turns out. 1762 01:12:40,763 --> 01:12:42,330 We really did. 1763 01:12:44,801 --> 01:12:47,672 I'm gonna hit the head. Excuse me. 1764 01:13:12,061 --> 01:13:14,362 Hi, excuse me. I couldn't help but notice 1765 01:13:14,364 --> 01:13:16,297 that you're 1766 01:13:16,299 --> 01:13:17,465 crying. 1767 01:13:17,467 --> 01:13:20,635 No. I'm fine. 1768 01:13:20,637 --> 01:13:22,104 I often have that effect on women. 1769 01:13:22,106 --> 01:13:24,372 Just not usually this fast. 1770 01:13:24,374 --> 01:13:25,706 Sorry. I'll leave you alone. 1771 01:13:25,708 --> 01:13:28,077 No. You know what, please don't. 1772 01:13:28,079 --> 01:13:29,676 Just sit. 1773 01:13:29,678 --> 01:13:30,881 Buy me a drink. 1774 01:13:33,449 --> 01:13:35,116 All right. 1775 01:13:35,118 --> 01:13:36,518 Another... 1776 01:13:36,520 --> 01:13:37,653 Scotch on the rocks. 1777 01:13:37,655 --> 01:13:38,921 Oh, nice. 1778 01:13:38,923 --> 01:13:40,858 - Make that two. - Right up. 1779 01:13:43,726 --> 01:13:45,328 Thank you. 1780 01:13:48,664 --> 01:13:49,866 So, 1781 01:13:50,833 --> 01:13:52,168 want to talk about it? 1782 01:13:53,971 --> 01:13:54,972 No. 1783 01:13:57,940 --> 01:13:59,676 No sob stories. 1784 01:14:02,245 --> 01:14:03,612 I like that rule. 1785 01:14:03,614 --> 01:14:05,679 Cheers. 1786 01:14:05,681 --> 01:14:06,814 No sob stories. 1787 01:14:06,816 --> 01:14:08,084 All right. 1788 01:14:09,218 --> 01:14:11,319 Do you want to talk about 1789 01:14:11,321 --> 01:14:12,787 that? 1790 01:14:12,789 --> 01:14:14,225 - This? - Mmm-hmm. 1791 01:14:16,192 --> 01:14:17,828 Uh... Well... 1792 01:14:20,530 --> 01:14:22,330 I can't. 1793 01:14:22,332 --> 01:14:23,734 Why? 1794 01:14:25,034 --> 01:14:27,137 Because I'm a secret agent. 1795 01:14:28,570 --> 01:14:31,374 I don't think you were supposed to tell me that part. 1796 01:14:32,476 --> 01:14:33,774 Well... 1797 01:14:33,776 --> 01:14:36,511 Why don't you let me worry about 1798 01:14:36,513 --> 01:14:39,947 how secret agent-ing works, 1799 01:14:39,949 --> 01:14:41,416 seeing as how I am the secret agent. 1800 01:14:41,418 --> 01:14:42,884 You're right. 1801 01:14:42,886 --> 01:14:44,618 You should see the other guy. 1802 01:14:44,620 --> 01:14:45,854 Sorry to interrupt, Peter. 1803 01:14:45,856 --> 01:14:47,022 I just got an urgent call from the client. 1804 01:14:47,024 --> 01:14:48,189 I'm gonna have to go in. 1805 01:14:48,191 --> 01:14:50,457 Apparently old Gary Peterson 1806 01:14:50,459 --> 01:14:53,060 really shat the bed on the LBJ proposal. 1807 01:14:53,062 --> 01:14:55,063 Guy's just useless. 1808 01:14:55,065 --> 01:14:57,765 He's been screwing up since the beginning. 1809 01:14:57,767 --> 01:14:59,067 Anyway, I'm gonna go in the office, 1810 01:14:59,069 --> 01:15:00,300 I'm probably going to spend the night, 1811 01:15:00,302 --> 01:15:01,336 and I will see you tomorrow, okay? 1812 01:15:01,338 --> 01:15:02,470 Are you sure? 1813 01:15:02,472 --> 01:15:03,940 I'm gonna see you tomorrow. 1814 01:15:05,475 --> 01:15:06,977 All right. 1815 01:15:08,544 --> 01:15:10,345 Was that the other guy? 1816 01:15:10,347 --> 01:15:11,947 He looks like shit. 1817 01:15:11,949 --> 01:15:14,081 That guy's actually my partner. 1818 01:15:14,083 --> 01:15:15,884 He's another secret agent. 1819 01:15:15,886 --> 01:15:18,053 See, you keep saying "secret," 1820 01:15:18,055 --> 01:15:20,654 but then you keep telling me about it. 1821 01:15:20,656 --> 01:15:23,425 I am failing at this job. 1822 01:15:23,427 --> 01:15:25,093 I will tell you this... 1823 01:15:25,095 --> 01:15:27,194 I'm also a secret agent. 1824 01:15:27,196 --> 01:15:28,662 No! 1825 01:15:28,664 --> 01:15:30,099 Sent here to kill you. 1826 01:15:30,101 --> 01:15:30,965 What? 1827 01:15:30,967 --> 01:15:33,367 That drink, it's poison. 1828 01:15:33,369 --> 01:15:34,803 Wait, what? 1829 01:15:34,805 --> 01:15:36,171 Sorry. 1830 01:15:36,173 --> 01:15:38,372 You surreptitiously poisoned me? 1831 01:15:38,374 --> 01:15:40,041 Surreptitiously. 1832 01:15:40,043 --> 01:15:43,881 You're so good. I had no idea this is poison. 1833 01:15:45,516 --> 01:15:48,884 Yeah! That's, like, almost all poison. 1834 01:15:48,886 --> 01:15:50,585 No, taste mine. You'll taste the difference. 1835 01:15:50,587 --> 01:15:52,156 - Little bit. - Yeah. 1836 01:15:53,190 --> 01:15:54,288 Mmm. 1837 01:15:54,290 --> 01:15:55,223 Poison. 1838 01:15:55,225 --> 01:15:56,425 There is a little difference, yeah. 1839 01:15:56,427 --> 01:15:57,792 - Yeah. - I do taste that. 1840 01:15:57,794 --> 01:16:02,197 So, I'm sorry to tell you, but two hours left to live. 1841 01:16:02,199 --> 01:16:05,634 Well, guess I'd better make these two hours count. 1842 01:16:05,636 --> 01:16:06,768 Yeah, you better. 1843 01:16:06,770 --> 01:16:08,336 Yeah. 1844 01:16:08,338 --> 01:16:10,071 My name is Sarah. 1845 01:16:10,073 --> 01:16:12,977 Code name Babydoll. 1846 01:16:13,976 --> 01:16:16,310 Well, Sarah, my name's Peter. 1847 01:16:16,312 --> 01:16:18,214 Code name... 1848 01:16:20,583 --> 01:16:22,649 Pinky Pants. 1849 01:16:22,651 --> 01:16:23,785 I've heard about you. 1850 01:16:23,787 --> 01:16:25,420 Yeah, I'm legendary. 1851 01:16:25,422 --> 01:16:26,955 Well, 1852 01:16:26,957 --> 01:16:29,192 here's to your last two hours. 1853 01:16:35,598 --> 01:16:39,065 Hi. Hey! Can you see me? 1854 01:16:39,067 --> 01:16:41,403 - Aloha. - Aloha. 1855 01:16:41,405 --> 01:16:43,537 Are you ready for naked Facetime? 1856 01:16:43,539 --> 01:16:44,605 Yeah. 1857 01:16:44,607 --> 01:16:45,974 I'm wearing your favorite bra. 1858 01:16:45,976 --> 01:16:47,309 Oh, my gosh. 1859 01:16:47,311 --> 01:16:49,810 Wait, why aren't you naked? 1860 01:16:49,812 --> 01:16:52,313 - Um... - Where are you? 1861 01:16:52,315 --> 01:16:54,314 I'm actually in the car. I'm just kind of settling in. 1862 01:16:54,316 --> 01:16:56,617 I'm trying to give Pete a little privacy 1863 01:16:56,619 --> 01:16:58,019 because he met a girl. 1864 01:16:58,021 --> 01:16:59,223 Oh. 1865 01:17:01,357 --> 01:17:02,359 Hey. 1866 01:17:03,892 --> 01:17:05,961 Got some room service out here. 1867 01:17:05,963 --> 01:17:07,261 Yeah, bet you don't deliver 1868 01:17:07,263 --> 01:17:08,796 out to the parking lot too much, 1869 01:17:08,798 --> 01:17:11,599 but I'm just trying to give my brother some privacy. 1870 01:17:11,601 --> 01:17:14,736 Here, wave to Kaylani. That's the room service guy. 1871 01:17:14,738 --> 01:17:16,004 Hi, room service dude. 1872 01:17:16,006 --> 01:17:17,240 Okay. Thank you. 1873 01:17:18,475 --> 01:17:20,207 Okay. 1874 01:17:20,209 --> 01:17:22,376 I might get some breakfast later. 1875 01:17:22,378 --> 01:17:23,881 No problem. 1876 01:17:26,216 --> 01:17:27,852 How's your trip been? 1877 01:17:33,022 --> 01:17:34,456 Hey, honey, 1878 01:17:34,458 --> 01:17:36,023 there's something I need to tell you. 1879 01:17:36,025 --> 01:17:37,391 Is everything okay? 1880 01:17:37,393 --> 01:17:39,594 No, everything's going great with the trip. 1881 01:17:40,763 --> 01:17:42,432 It's kind of a recent setback. 1882 01:17:43,933 --> 01:17:45,399 What's up? 1883 01:17:45,401 --> 01:17:48,471 I think it's gonna be good, actually. 1884 01:17:58,781 --> 01:17:59,880 There's so many buttons. 1885 01:17:59,882 --> 01:18:00,947 - Here... - Help. 1886 01:18:00,949 --> 01:18:02,349 I'll help and go from the bottom. 1887 01:18:02,351 --> 01:18:04,051 - Here we go. - Help. 1888 01:18:04,053 --> 01:18:06,390 Oh, God. That's really slowing me down. 1889 01:18:15,766 --> 01:18:17,998 Oh, my God. You have buttons. 1890 01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:20,868 Listen, there's something you should know. 1891 01:18:20,870 --> 01:18:22,871 What? 1892 01:18:22,873 --> 01:18:24,438 I don't manscape. 1893 01:18:24,440 --> 01:18:26,541 Well, what are we working with? 1894 01:18:26,543 --> 01:18:28,376 Well, here you go. 1895 01:18:28,378 --> 01:18:29,513 Oh, no. 1896 01:18:31,882 --> 01:18:33,715 It is what it is. 1897 01:18:33,717 --> 01:18:35,018 Works for me. 1898 01:18:51,567 --> 01:18:53,003 Ahoy! 1899 01:19:00,075 --> 01:19:01,475 Good morning. 1900 01:19:01,477 --> 01:19:02,844 Good morning. 1901 01:19:02,846 --> 01:19:04,612 Yes. Yes. 1902 01:19:04,614 --> 01:19:07,418 Any news to report? 1903 01:19:08,017 --> 01:19:09,218 Um... 1904 01:19:13,756 --> 01:19:15,857 You are incorrigible. 1905 01:19:15,859 --> 01:19:17,358 Where is she? 1906 01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:20,361 I don't know actually. I woke up and she was gone. 1907 01:19:20,363 --> 01:19:24,232 You experienced a pure one-night stand. 1908 01:19:24,234 --> 01:19:25,565 Do you know how rare that is? 1909 01:19:25,567 --> 01:19:27,068 You were visited by an angel last night. 1910 01:19:27,070 --> 01:19:28,437 Plain and simple. 1911 01:19:28,439 --> 01:19:31,475 Well, she did, she did leave a note. 1912 01:19:33,310 --> 01:19:37,013 "Thanks for a really fun night. I needed it." 1913 01:19:38,481 --> 01:19:40,215 "I needed it!" 1914 01:19:40,217 --> 01:19:42,686 Guess who gave it to her? This guy! 1915 01:19:45,222 --> 01:19:48,055 I just like seeing you giddy. 1916 01:19:48,057 --> 01:19:49,957 You're just gleeful. 1917 01:19:49,959 --> 01:19:52,827 This is the Pete I've been trying to get. 1918 01:19:52,829 --> 01:19:54,095 Come on, Worcester! 1919 01:19:54,097 --> 01:19:55,499 Come on. 1920 01:19:58,968 --> 01:20:00,568 Okay. 1921 01:20:00,570 --> 01:20:01,935 You have arrived at your destination. 1922 01:20:01,937 --> 01:20:03,473 This is it. 1923 01:20:06,775 --> 01:20:09,277 Sparkly P likes to party. 1924 01:20:16,753 --> 01:20:18,489 Breathe. 1925 01:20:20,257 --> 01:20:22,255 What is going on? 1926 01:20:22,257 --> 01:20:23,757 Dad gets Clemens to come 1927 01:20:23,759 --> 01:20:26,094 and pitch batting practice for us at the park. 1928 01:20:26,096 --> 01:20:27,394 Fucker beaned me, 1929 01:20:27,396 --> 01:20:29,296 like, twice but still greatest day of my life. 1930 01:20:29,298 --> 01:20:30,998 Hey, fellas. Welcome. 1931 01:20:31,000 --> 01:20:32,132 Thank you. 1932 01:20:32,134 --> 01:20:33,800 There's beer, liquor. 1933 01:20:33,802 --> 01:20:35,403 There's food in the back. 1934 01:20:35,405 --> 01:20:36,804 Make yourselves at home. 1935 01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:41,809 Hey, I am so fuckin' happy you're my brother. 1936 01:20:41,811 --> 01:20:43,478 I love you so much. 1937 01:20:43,480 --> 01:20:45,647 I love you too, bro. You know. 1938 01:20:45,649 --> 01:20:49,483 Okay. Sorry to interrupt. Do you know if Paddy's here? 1939 01:20:49,485 --> 01:20:51,919 Oh, yeah. Dad's inside. 1940 01:20:51,921 --> 01:20:56,159 Come on. He's in the study. I'll take you over. Come on. 1941 01:20:59,029 --> 01:21:01,198 Oh, Dad's over there, guys. 1942 01:21:15,345 --> 01:21:17,578 So, how do you guys know my dad? 1943 01:21:17,580 --> 01:21:20,081 Liam, Sean needs your help changing the keg. 1944 01:21:20,083 --> 01:21:21,849 Oh, for fuck's sakes. 1945 01:21:21,851 --> 01:21:24,452 Sorry, fellas, my brother's a moron. 1946 01:21:24,454 --> 01:21:25,819 Hey. Watch your mouth. 1947 01:21:25,821 --> 01:21:27,522 That's my boyfriend you're talking about. 1948 01:21:27,524 --> 01:21:29,090 My fuckin' 10-year-old cousin can change a keg. 1949 01:21:29,092 --> 01:21:30,393 Are you kidding me? 1950 01:21:35,531 --> 01:21:37,266 Oh, man. 1951 01:21:38,500 --> 01:21:41,469 I'm sorry we're too late. 1952 01:21:41,471 --> 01:21:43,707 I would have really loved to get to know you. 1953 01:21:45,307 --> 01:21:47,974 He seems like a good man. 1954 01:21:47,976 --> 01:21:51,147 Raised a good family. 1955 01:21:53,883 --> 01:21:56,119 Did he just die? 1956 01:21:57,654 --> 01:21:59,653 Presumably, yeah. 1957 01:21:59,655 --> 01:22:03,023 Do you think he died in the line of duty? 1958 01:22:03,025 --> 01:22:05,760 Paddy O'Callaghan 1959 01:22:05,762 --> 01:22:08,796 was many things to many people. 1960 01:22:08,798 --> 01:22:11,765 There was no role he treasured more 1961 01:22:11,767 --> 01:22:13,635 than being a father. 1962 01:22:13,637 --> 01:22:15,169 And I know there's no one 1963 01:22:15,171 --> 01:22:17,238 he would rather hear from right now 1964 01:22:17,240 --> 01:22:20,074 than his dear sweet daughter. 1965 01:22:20,076 --> 01:22:22,711 Are you okay to talk, hon? 1966 01:22:22,713 --> 01:22:24,148 Thank you, Father. 1967 01:22:28,017 --> 01:22:29,449 My father and I 1968 01:22:29,451 --> 01:22:31,685 didn't always get along. 1969 01:22:31,687 --> 01:22:34,554 He was a cop who saw the worst in people. 1970 01:22:34,556 --> 01:22:37,457 That's the girl from last night. 1971 01:22:37,459 --> 01:22:38,859 He practically arrested this... 1972 01:22:38,861 --> 01:22:39,930 No. 1973 01:22:41,330 --> 01:22:42,662 That's Babydoll. 1974 01:22:42,664 --> 01:22:43,831 I saw... 1975 01:22:43,833 --> 01:22:45,666 Oh, my God. 1976 01:22:45,668 --> 01:22:48,336 We've all slept with the wrong woman. 1977 01:22:48,338 --> 01:22:49,903 Yeah, but it's our sister. 1978 01:22:49,905 --> 01:22:53,741 No, I know. But I've slept with some squirrelly women. 1979 01:22:53,743 --> 01:22:55,542 Super squirrelly. 1980 01:22:55,544 --> 01:22:57,845 It doesn't matter how squirrelly they are, 1981 01:22:57,847 --> 01:22:59,281 they're not our sister. 1982 01:22:59,283 --> 01:23:01,482 No, listen to me. It didn't happen, okay? 1983 01:23:01,484 --> 01:23:03,417 It didn't happen. Just erase it. 1984 01:23:03,419 --> 01:23:05,687 It didn't happen! 1985 01:23:05,689 --> 01:23:08,723 Is that why it was so good? 1986 01:23:08,725 --> 01:23:10,692 I'm a monster. 1987 01:23:10,694 --> 01:23:12,661 I love you, Pop. 1988 01:23:12,663 --> 01:23:15,363 I'm gonna miss you so much. 1989 01:23:15,365 --> 01:23:16,964 - We have to go. - No! 1990 01:23:16,966 --> 01:23:19,134 Stop. Peter. Peter, stop. 1991 01:23:19,136 --> 01:23:20,335 Peter! 1992 01:23:20,337 --> 01:23:21,402 Peter! 1993 01:23:21,404 --> 01:23:22,504 The fuck! 1994 01:23:22,506 --> 01:23:24,337 What the fuck! Sean! 1995 01:23:24,339 --> 01:23:26,642 It wasn't fucking me. 1996 01:23:27,744 --> 01:23:28,776 Did he get you? 1997 01:23:28,778 --> 01:23:31,010 Don't touch! Oh, my... Get your... 1998 01:23:31,012 --> 01:23:32,412 Hey, douchebag! 1999 01:23:32,414 --> 01:23:35,148 - Where's the apology? - Whoa. Hey. I'm sorry. 2000 01:23:35,150 --> 01:23:37,218 - Where's the apology? - Jesus! 2001 01:23:37,220 --> 01:23:39,153 What were you talkin' about? 2002 01:23:39,155 --> 01:23:40,287 Just let us go. 2003 01:23:40,289 --> 01:23:41,555 Why are you not apologizing? 2004 01:23:41,557 --> 01:23:44,024 Hey, stop. Come here. Stop it. 2005 01:23:44,026 --> 01:23:45,259 Contact, bro? 2006 01:23:45,261 --> 01:23:47,193 Contact in O'Callaghan's yard? 2007 01:23:47,195 --> 01:23:48,395 Okay, just stop! Hold it! 2008 01:23:48,397 --> 01:23:49,529 In my yard? 2009 01:23:49,531 --> 01:23:50,898 Hey! We just want an apology! 2010 01:23:50,900 --> 01:23:52,666 Come on, just say you're sorry. 2011 01:23:52,668 --> 01:23:54,368 - I'd really rather not. - Peter, come on! 2012 01:23:54,370 --> 01:23:55,803 Summer's over, you ready for the fall? 2013 01:23:55,805 --> 01:23:57,238 Don't be prideful. Come on, just... 2014 01:23:57,240 --> 01:23:58,872 I'm not being prideful. 2015 01:23:58,874 --> 01:24:01,242 It's hard to apologize when I just got shoved off a porch. 2016 01:24:01,244 --> 01:24:02,776 Charged up! 2017 01:24:02,778 --> 01:24:04,879 I saw you spill the drink on the girl. She's soaked. 2018 01:24:04,881 --> 01:24:06,413 That's true, and I am sorry about that. 2019 01:24:06,415 --> 01:24:08,349 Okay, but don't tell me, tell them! Just say it. 2020 01:24:08,351 --> 01:24:09,849 - Fine! - Fuck you guys! 2021 01:24:09,851 --> 01:24:10,921 I'm sorry! 2022 01:24:13,323 --> 01:24:14,721 To who? 2023 01:24:14,723 --> 01:24:17,358 To the douchebag's girlfriend. 2024 01:24:19,829 --> 01:24:21,465 Close enough. 2025 01:24:23,565 --> 01:24:25,366 - It's too late. - What? 2026 01:24:25,368 --> 01:24:27,868 Look, you can't move the goalpost. 2027 01:24:27,870 --> 01:24:28,935 They moved. 2028 01:24:28,937 --> 01:24:30,104 He just apologized. 2029 01:24:30,106 --> 01:24:31,872 That's more than I've ever gotten from him. 2030 01:24:31,874 --> 01:24:34,375 Come on, you're lucky we're not demanding an apology! 2031 01:24:34,377 --> 01:24:35,576 He wants an apology. 2032 01:24:35,578 --> 01:24:37,577 Here's an apology, bro. 2033 01:24:37,579 --> 01:24:39,949 - That's an O'Callaghan sorry. - Whoa! 2034 01:24:45,053 --> 01:24:46,687 I got his ankle, Pete! 2035 01:24:46,689 --> 01:24:48,057 I got him in a foot lock. 2036 01:24:51,061 --> 01:24:52,426 I'm gonna sprain his ankle. 2037 01:24:52,428 --> 01:24:54,495 Hey, hey! What are you boys doing? Get up! 2038 01:24:54,497 --> 01:24:57,034 What the hell's going on, boys? Huh? 2039 01:24:58,267 --> 01:24:59,468 Whoa! 2040 01:25:00,102 --> 01:25:01,769 Paddy! 2041 01:25:01,771 --> 01:25:02,836 He's alive! 2042 01:25:02,838 --> 01:25:04,505 It's not Paddy, you idiot. 2043 01:25:04,507 --> 01:25:05,706 That's our Uncle Kevin. 2044 01:25:05,708 --> 01:25:07,308 He's Paddy's twin brother. 2045 01:25:07,310 --> 01:25:09,475 My brother's lying dead in there. 2046 01:25:09,477 --> 01:25:10,912 Show a little respect. 2047 01:25:10,914 --> 01:25:12,316 - For Christ's sake. - Peter? 2048 01:25:13,016 --> 01:25:14,282 Hey. 2049 01:25:14,284 --> 01:25:16,349 What are you doing here? 2050 01:25:16,351 --> 01:25:18,318 Wait a minute, you know this d-bag? 2051 01:25:18,320 --> 01:25:19,720 Yeah. 2052 01:25:19,722 --> 01:25:21,087 Wait, is this the guy from last night? 2053 01:25:21,089 --> 01:25:22,422 What guy from last night? 2054 01:25:22,424 --> 01:25:23,556 Is he why you didn't come home? 2055 01:25:23,558 --> 01:25:25,225 Did you fuck our sister? 2056 01:25:25,227 --> 01:25:27,028 - Oh, God. - Language. 2057 01:25:27,030 --> 01:25:28,929 Did you eff our sister? 2058 01:25:28,931 --> 01:25:29,997 That's better. 2059 01:25:29,999 --> 01:25:32,632 Stop it, you guys. I'm a grown woman! 2060 01:25:32,634 --> 01:25:34,068 Easy. She's right, boys. Easy. 2061 01:25:34,070 --> 01:25:36,037 Come on. We're acting like animals. 2062 01:25:36,039 --> 01:25:38,206 I'm pretty sure that your sister's had sex before, 2063 01:25:38,208 --> 01:25:41,074 and I can tell you that Peter is a considerate lover. 2064 01:25:41,076 --> 01:25:42,609 - Oh, God! - I'll vouch for that. 2065 01:25:42,611 --> 01:25:44,678 You come to my home. 2066 01:25:44,680 --> 01:25:48,517 To my father's wake the day after fucking my sister? 2067 01:25:49,518 --> 01:25:51,184 I'm going to break your dick. 2068 01:25:51,186 --> 01:25:53,220 Liam, hold off. 2069 01:25:53,222 --> 01:25:55,590 I know I was saying relax a couple of seconds ago. 2070 01:25:55,592 --> 01:25:57,224 But if someone came over to my house 2071 01:25:57,226 --> 01:25:58,591 and effed my grieving sister, 2072 01:25:58,593 --> 01:26:00,461 I'm pretty sure that I'd want to 2073 01:26:00,463 --> 01:26:01,961 just rip him limb to limb, okay? 2074 01:26:01,963 --> 01:26:04,064 I'd want to just mutilate his ass. 2075 01:26:04,066 --> 01:26:05,199 What? 2076 01:26:05,201 --> 01:26:06,500 Deservedly. 2077 01:26:06,502 --> 01:26:07,801 But guess what? 2078 01:26:07,803 --> 01:26:08,935 What? 2079 01:26:08,937 --> 01:26:11,973 Someone did just eff my grieving sister. 2080 01:26:11,975 --> 01:26:13,541 - Yeah. - What? 2081 01:26:13,543 --> 01:26:15,242 Peter, do the honors. Chime in. 2082 01:26:15,244 --> 01:26:16,443 - No! - Chime in. 2083 01:26:16,445 --> 01:26:18,813 I don't think we should do the honors. 2084 01:26:18,815 --> 01:26:23,086 Liam, Sean, darling Sarah... 2085 01:26:24,454 --> 01:26:27,354 Paddy's our father. You're our brothers. 2086 01:26:27,356 --> 01:26:28,857 You're our sister. 2087 01:26:28,859 --> 01:26:29,924 What? 2088 01:26:29,926 --> 01:26:31,625 What the fuck are you talking about? 2089 01:26:31,627 --> 01:26:33,693 What the hell is going on? 2090 01:26:33,695 --> 01:26:35,596 Our mom's name is Helen Baxter. 2091 01:26:35,598 --> 01:26:37,467 Did Paddy ever mention her? 2092 01:26:38,767 --> 01:26:40,904 - You're Helen's boys? - Yes! 2093 01:26:41,436 --> 01:26:42,635 The twins? 2094 01:26:44,607 --> 01:26:46,509 You don't pick your family. 2095 01:26:47,209 --> 01:26:48,442 Oh, God! 2096 01:26:48,444 --> 01:26:49,510 I'm gonna fucking kill you! 2097 01:26:49,512 --> 01:26:50,577 I'm going to fucking kill you! 2098 01:26:50,579 --> 01:26:51,644 Seanie! Seanie! 2099 01:26:51,646 --> 01:26:54,081 Stop it! You two stay right here. 2100 01:26:54,083 --> 01:26:55,449 What is happening? 2101 01:26:55,451 --> 01:26:57,385 All right, everybody whose last name isn't O'Callaghan, 2102 01:26:57,387 --> 01:26:58,719 get in the house. 2103 01:26:58,721 --> 01:27:00,790 - Oh, God. - Come on, move. 2104 01:27:01,923 --> 01:27:03,125 Oh, God! 2105 01:27:03,959 --> 01:27:06,128 Oh, fuck! 2106 01:27:08,397 --> 01:27:10,398 All right, settle in. 2107 01:27:10,400 --> 01:27:11,899 I'll try to clear this up for you. 2108 01:27:11,901 --> 01:27:12,832 Good. 2109 01:27:12,834 --> 01:27:14,868 Paddy could not be their father. 2110 01:27:14,870 --> 01:27:16,703 How do you know that, Kevin? 2111 01:27:16,705 --> 01:27:18,806 Because Paddy and their mother never had sex. 2112 01:27:18,808 --> 01:27:20,574 What? 2113 01:27:20,576 --> 01:27:22,743 I mean, you can't know that for sure. 2114 01:27:22,745 --> 01:27:25,046 Paddy thought he was gonna marry your mother. 2115 01:27:25,048 --> 01:27:27,081 And despite the sexual climate, 2116 01:27:27,083 --> 01:27:30,184 for him, that meant saving it for their wedding night. 2117 01:27:30,186 --> 01:27:32,051 Yeah, like Sarah's saving her muff. 2118 01:27:32,053 --> 01:27:34,388 Shut the fuck up, Liam. You're no angel. 2119 01:27:34,390 --> 01:27:35,755 Shut up, you two. 2120 01:27:35,757 --> 01:27:39,026 My brother Paddy took this very seriously. 2121 01:27:39,028 --> 01:27:41,464 If you don't believe me, ask your mother. 2122 01:27:42,198 --> 01:27:43,330 Not now, 2123 01:27:43,332 --> 01:27:44,532 you moron! 2124 01:27:44,534 --> 01:27:45,966 You said go ask Ma. 2125 01:27:45,968 --> 01:27:46,834 Sit down. 2126 01:27:46,836 --> 01:27:48,771 Jesus Christ! Sit down. 2127 01:27:49,338 --> 01:27:51,337 So what happened? 2128 01:27:51,339 --> 01:27:52,607 Well, what happened was, 2129 01:27:52,609 --> 01:27:54,608 a guy by the name of Walter Tinkler. 2130 01:27:54,610 --> 01:27:56,876 A veterinarian student from down in New York. 2131 01:27:56,878 --> 01:27:58,679 Dr. Tinkler? We know him! 2132 01:27:58,681 --> 01:28:00,648 The guy who killed Chairman Meow. 2133 01:28:00,650 --> 01:28:02,315 He didn't kill Chairman Meow. 2134 01:28:02,317 --> 01:28:05,685 Well, was Chairman Meow alive when we dropped him off? 2135 01:28:05,687 --> 01:28:07,621 Was he dead when we picked him up? 2136 01:28:07,623 --> 01:28:09,357 In my book, that's murder. 2137 01:28:09,359 --> 01:28:10,794 Hey. Hey. 2138 01:28:11,627 --> 01:28:13,627 It was just a fuckin' cat. 2139 01:28:13,629 --> 01:28:17,998 We both loved Chairman Meow. 2140 01:28:18,000 --> 01:28:22,001 I can't believe Tinkler's been in our lives this whole time. 2141 01:28:22,003 --> 01:28:24,203 You see, this Tinkler guy and your mother 2142 01:28:24,205 --> 01:28:26,540 had this on-again off-again relationship 2143 01:28:26,542 --> 01:28:28,375 apparently since high school. 2144 01:28:28,377 --> 01:28:29,843 Paddy was always worried 2145 01:28:29,845 --> 01:28:32,179 that she'd wind up going back to him. 2146 01:28:32,181 --> 01:28:35,014 Ultimately, she did. 2147 01:28:35,016 --> 01:28:36,916 But she did tell my brother she'd always have 2148 01:28:36,918 --> 01:28:39,153 a warm spot in the heart for him. 2149 01:28:39,155 --> 01:28:40,921 She let him down soft. 2150 01:28:40,923 --> 01:28:44,024 But this Tinkler guy was the love of her life, 2151 01:28:44,026 --> 01:28:46,027 and that she was going to marry him. 2152 01:28:46,029 --> 01:28:48,496 Mom got married? 2153 01:28:48,498 --> 01:28:49,696 To Tinkler? 2154 01:28:49,698 --> 01:28:51,197 Last I heard, 2155 01:28:51,199 --> 01:28:53,968 she had twins and moved back to Ohio to raise 'em. 2156 01:28:53,970 --> 01:28:55,202 What? 2157 01:28:55,204 --> 01:28:57,671 So, if their mom hadn't broken our dad's heart, 2158 01:28:57,673 --> 01:28:59,709 then the three of us 2159 01:29:00,342 --> 01:29:01,809 never been born? 2160 01:29:01,811 --> 01:29:04,047 That's one way of looking at it. 2161 01:29:04,680 --> 01:29:06,583 Sorry, fellas, 2162 01:29:07,182 --> 01:29:08,618 you made me. 2163 01:29:10,253 --> 01:29:11,688 You gave me life. 2164 01:29:13,955 --> 01:29:17,192 That's not good logic. 2165 01:29:18,628 --> 01:29:22,595 That's all I got. I'm stuck with this. 2166 01:29:22,597 --> 01:29:23,930 Enjoy your fuckin' life. 2167 01:29:23,932 --> 01:29:25,768 Thanks, Uncle Kevin. 2168 01:29:28,238 --> 01:29:29,804 And you two 2169 01:29:29,806 --> 01:29:32,473 are off the hook. Officially. 2170 01:29:32,475 --> 01:29:33,806 Yeah. 2171 01:29:33,808 --> 01:29:35,209 You were sweatin' it there for a second. 2172 01:29:35,211 --> 01:29:36,743 - Yeah. - I was, too. I know I said 2173 01:29:36,745 --> 01:29:38,479 it wasn't a big deal effing your sister. 2174 01:29:38,481 --> 01:29:39,813 It's a big deal. 2175 01:29:39,815 --> 01:29:42,015 - It's a big deal. - It's criminal. 2176 01:29:42,017 --> 01:29:43,720 Oh, my God. 2177 01:29:44,520 --> 01:29:45,853 Oh, my God! 2178 01:29:45,855 --> 01:29:48,158 Looks like we're going home. 2179 01:30:08,276 --> 01:30:09,678 What was that? 2180 01:30:10,945 --> 01:30:13,480 You honked. 2181 01:30:13,482 --> 01:30:14,883 You asshole. 2182 01:30:27,430 --> 01:30:29,633 - Hello! - Hello! 2183 01:30:30,565 --> 01:30:32,134 I just did... 2184 01:30:32,701 --> 01:30:33,901 Hello? 2185 01:30:33,903 --> 01:30:35,669 Yup. Heard you the first time. 2186 01:30:35,671 --> 01:30:37,238 Sorry. 2187 01:30:37,240 --> 01:30:38,238 How can I help you? 2188 01:30:38,240 --> 01:30:40,174 We really need to see Dr. Tinkler. 2189 01:30:40,176 --> 01:30:42,242 - Kind of a family emergency. - Yeah. 2190 01:30:42,244 --> 01:30:43,676 Well, I'm sorry. He's with a patient 2191 01:30:43,678 --> 01:30:45,580 and doesn't want to be disturbed. 2192 01:30:45,582 --> 01:30:46,746 Well, I'm sorry. We didn't want to 2193 01:30:46,748 --> 01:30:48,148 grow up without a father. 2194 01:30:48,150 --> 01:30:49,049 Yeah. 2195 01:30:49,051 --> 01:30:50,350 Could you please disturb him? 2196 01:30:50,352 --> 01:30:53,319 Okay, I can't really speak to your experience. 2197 01:30:53,321 --> 01:30:55,723 Although, I did get kicked out of a threesome in college 2198 01:30:55,725 --> 01:30:57,058 and that was very traumatic. 2199 01:30:57,060 --> 01:30:59,027 - No. - Yeah. 2200 01:30:59,029 --> 01:31:00,961 - They just kicked you out? - Yes. 2201 01:31:00,963 --> 01:31:02,263 They went like this... 2202 01:31:03,732 --> 01:31:05,532 In flagrante and then you're gone? 2203 01:31:05,534 --> 01:31:06,600 They said I was underperforming. 2204 01:31:06,602 --> 01:31:07,801 I thought I was doing great. 2205 01:31:07,803 --> 01:31:09,803 Can we just stay focused here? 2206 01:31:09,805 --> 01:31:11,171 This is super important. 2207 01:31:11,173 --> 01:31:14,440 We have to see the doctor stat, 2208 01:31:14,442 --> 01:31:15,742 which is a medical term. 2209 01:31:15,744 --> 01:31:17,845 Okay, he has an opening... 2210 01:31:17,847 --> 01:31:18,979 Ooh! Thursday. 2211 01:31:18,981 --> 01:31:20,480 I'll pencil you in. 2212 01:31:20,482 --> 01:31:21,915 - No! - Now! 2213 01:31:21,917 --> 01:31:24,151 - Pencil us in now! - Right now! This is urgent. 2214 01:31:24,153 --> 01:31:25,219 Please! 2215 01:31:25,221 --> 01:31:27,188 Ali, could you bring me Butterball's 2216 01:31:27,190 --> 01:31:29,157 immunization records, please? 2217 01:31:29,159 --> 01:31:30,224 Hello. 2218 01:31:35,664 --> 01:31:37,066 Peter. 2219 01:31:38,767 --> 01:31:40,203 Kyle. 2220 01:31:41,270 --> 01:31:42,439 Walter. 2221 01:31:43,338 --> 01:31:44,707 Dad. 2222 01:31:48,076 --> 01:31:49,876 - What the... Come on. - Get him. 2223 01:31:49,878 --> 01:31:51,912 You gotta get down here right away. They're here. 2224 01:31:51,914 --> 01:31:53,947 Walter, what are you doing? We're your sons. 2225 01:31:53,949 --> 01:31:55,448 Well, you gotta get down here. 2226 01:31:55,450 --> 01:31:56,684 Walter is your father? 2227 01:31:56,686 --> 01:31:58,417 You said you never wanted children! 2228 01:31:58,419 --> 01:32:00,755 I didn't. I don't. Ali, it's complicated. 2229 01:32:00,757 --> 01:32:02,288 You know what's complicated? 2230 01:32:02,290 --> 01:32:03,523 Dating a man who went to high school with my mother. 2231 01:32:03,525 --> 01:32:04,891 You should just open the door. 2232 01:32:04,893 --> 01:32:06,460 Second door, sucker. 2233 01:32:06,462 --> 01:32:07,760 Pete, I'm in. 2234 01:32:07,762 --> 01:32:08,929 Now you're gonna talk. 2235 01:32:08,931 --> 01:32:10,730 Kyle, please. Guys, calm down. 2236 01:32:10,732 --> 01:32:12,032 Your mother, I think, 2237 01:32:12,034 --> 01:32:13,501 really should have this conversation. 2238 01:32:13,503 --> 01:32:16,269 Well, that hasn't worked for the last 40 years. 2239 01:32:16,271 --> 01:32:18,705 Look. We're not trying to shake you down, 2240 01:32:18,707 --> 01:32:20,176 Dad, we just wanna... 2241 01:32:23,044 --> 01:32:24,912 You sick son of a bitch. 2242 01:32:24,914 --> 01:32:27,147 Is this how you butchered Chairman Meow? 2243 01:32:27,149 --> 01:32:28,948 Nobody butchered Chairman Meow. 2244 01:32:28,950 --> 01:32:30,818 It's called putting him down. 2245 01:32:30,820 --> 01:32:32,420 It's called death. 2246 01:32:32,422 --> 01:32:34,354 Death. Yes. 2247 01:32:34,356 --> 01:32:36,890 It comes to us all. Even the kitties. 2248 01:32:36,892 --> 01:32:38,591 Enough, all right. 2249 01:32:38,593 --> 01:32:42,662 We know you're our father. Why can't you just say it? 2250 01:32:42,664 --> 01:32:44,464 We just want some answers. 2251 01:32:44,466 --> 01:32:45,666 Ooh. Looky here. 2252 01:32:45,668 --> 01:32:46,934 Is this what you do? 2253 01:32:46,936 --> 01:32:48,868 You just shoot the cats in the head? 2254 01:32:48,870 --> 01:32:51,805 It's a tranquilizer gun. Every vet has one. 2255 01:32:51,807 --> 01:32:53,073 Not on my watch. 2256 01:32:53,075 --> 01:32:54,341 You're not going to put him down. 2257 01:32:54,343 --> 01:32:56,477 - This has to stop. - We're just snipping him. 2258 01:32:56,479 --> 01:32:58,047 This cat lives... 2259 01:33:00,716 --> 01:33:02,014 Pete, you gotta see this. 2260 01:33:02,016 --> 01:33:03,718 Kyle, stay focused. 2261 01:33:03,720 --> 01:33:05,488 Oh, my God. Those are huge. 2262 01:33:06,454 --> 01:33:08,455 Those are big balls. 2263 01:33:08,457 --> 01:33:09,489 Unnerving. 2264 01:33:09,491 --> 01:33:11,190 Gotta tip your hat to the little guy. 2265 01:33:11,192 --> 01:33:12,993 You're a doctor, is that normal? 2266 01:33:12,995 --> 01:33:16,395 No. Yeah. But for a gorilla. 2267 01:33:16,397 --> 01:33:18,931 That's beautiful. Well done. 2268 01:33:18,933 --> 01:33:20,666 Wow! That's... 2269 01:33:20,668 --> 01:33:21,870 He's gone! 2270 01:33:22,838 --> 01:33:24,274 We got a runner! 2271 01:33:25,341 --> 01:33:26,974 Run, Walter, run! 2272 01:33:26,976 --> 01:33:29,843 Where are you going? We know where you live. 2273 01:33:32,147 --> 01:33:34,480 Whoa! You shot Dad. 2274 01:33:34,482 --> 01:33:36,820 Because this ends now. 2275 01:33:42,024 --> 01:33:44,058 Walter! 2276 01:33:44,060 --> 01:33:45,626 Is he all right? Pete, you're a doctor, look. 2277 01:33:45,628 --> 01:33:47,728 - I know. I think he's okay. - Sweetheart, come through. 2278 01:33:47,730 --> 01:33:49,062 Give him some water. 2279 01:33:49,064 --> 01:33:50,229 Yeah, it's gonna be okay. Right? 2280 01:33:50,231 --> 01:33:51,698 Give me your eyes. It's me, Kyle. 2281 01:33:51,700 --> 01:33:53,099 Why did you run? 2282 01:33:53,101 --> 01:33:54,702 You see how it feels? It doesn't feel good. 2283 01:33:54,704 --> 01:33:55,970 Hey, come on. 2284 01:33:55,972 --> 01:33:57,837 What the fuck did you do to Walter? 2285 01:33:57,839 --> 01:33:59,038 Mom, what are you doing here? 2286 01:33:59,040 --> 01:34:00,942 Yeah, what are you doing here? 2287 01:34:00,944 --> 01:34:02,641 You just called me! Are you kidding? 2288 01:34:02,643 --> 01:34:04,277 I'm sorry. I got shot 2289 01:34:04,279 --> 01:34:07,715 by a tranquilizer dart and I'm a little woozy. 2290 01:34:07,717 --> 01:34:09,382 It was a whole... 2291 01:34:09,384 --> 01:34:11,618 We shot him because he was trying to escape. 2292 01:34:11,620 --> 01:34:12,987 What the hell, Mom? 2293 01:34:12,989 --> 01:34:14,988 I mean, our Dad was here the whole time, 2294 01:34:14,990 --> 01:34:16,790 you sent us on this wild-goose chase. 2295 01:34:16,792 --> 01:34:18,257 Okay. This family has issues. 2296 01:34:18,259 --> 01:34:20,094 I didn't think you'd go, okay? 2297 01:34:20,096 --> 01:34:22,229 Although, I thought it might be a nice idea 2298 01:34:22,231 --> 01:34:24,130 for you guys to go on a road trip together 2299 01:34:24,132 --> 01:34:25,898 since you can't stay in the same room 2300 01:34:25,900 --> 01:34:27,535 together for two minutes. 2301 01:34:27,537 --> 01:34:29,236 We can and we did. 2302 01:34:29,238 --> 01:34:31,138 Yeah, we drove halfway around the country 2303 01:34:31,140 --> 01:34:33,974 looking for a guy who lives next door to us. 2304 01:34:33,976 --> 01:34:35,742 By the way, kind of a bumpy ride. 2305 01:34:35,744 --> 01:34:37,144 He didn't live next door. 2306 01:34:37,146 --> 01:34:38,379 He actually lived three or four houses down. 2307 01:34:38,381 --> 01:34:39,647 No, it's definitely our street. 2308 01:34:39,649 --> 01:34:40,947 Over. But I know what you mean. 2309 01:34:40,949 --> 01:34:41,782 No, it wasn't. It was the next street. 2310 01:34:41,784 --> 01:34:42,849 It was. 2311 01:34:42,851 --> 01:34:43,983 Stop it! 2312 01:34:43,985 --> 01:34:45,352 Stop it! 2313 01:34:45,354 --> 01:34:48,020 Just take a big deep breath, okay? 2314 01:34:48,022 --> 01:34:50,125 Please. Sit down. 2315 01:34:50,592 --> 01:34:51,961 Sit down. 2316 01:34:53,796 --> 01:34:56,132 There's something I have to say. 2317 01:35:00,369 --> 01:35:02,438 It was, um... 2318 01:35:05,341 --> 01:35:11,010 Okay. It was December 1975, three days before Christmas. 2319 01:35:11,012 --> 01:35:13,313 That's... That's our birthday. 2320 01:35:13,315 --> 01:35:14,482 Yeah. 2321 01:35:14,484 --> 01:35:16,250 I was doing community outreach, 2322 01:35:16,252 --> 01:35:21,421 working with women who were in pretty bad situations. 2323 01:35:21,423 --> 01:35:23,890 What kind of bad situations? 2324 01:35:23,892 --> 01:35:25,091 Really bad, Kyle. 2325 01:35:25,093 --> 01:35:26,460 Drugs, 2326 01:35:26,462 --> 01:35:27,560 abuse, 2327 01:35:27,562 --> 01:35:29,229 destructive May-December relationships 2328 01:35:29,231 --> 01:35:30,730 they can't pry themselves away from? 2329 01:35:30,732 --> 01:35:34,033 Ali, don't bring your own drum to the concert. 2330 01:35:34,035 --> 01:35:35,935 Let Helen talk. 2331 01:35:37,472 --> 01:35:39,973 There was one young girl in particular 2332 01:35:39,975 --> 01:35:41,875 that I got very close to. 2333 01:35:41,877 --> 01:35:46,680 There was something incredibly special about her. 2334 01:35:46,682 --> 01:35:49,282 She was six months pregnant. 2335 01:35:49,284 --> 01:35:52,085 She went into labor early. 2336 01:35:52,087 --> 01:35:54,388 It was dangerously early. 2337 01:35:54,390 --> 01:36:00,760 And she had a very, very long and hard delivery. 2338 01:36:00,762 --> 01:36:03,331 But, at the end, 2339 01:36:03,333 --> 01:36:09,405 she produced two beautiful baby boys. 2340 01:36:15,278 --> 01:36:17,180 Your birth mother. 2341 01:36:24,119 --> 01:36:25,721 Your mother 2342 01:36:27,955 --> 01:36:29,624 didn't survive. 2343 01:36:36,365 --> 01:36:38,998 Oh, my God. This just got really sad. 2344 01:36:39,000 --> 01:36:40,667 So, with no family on record, 2345 01:36:40,669 --> 01:36:43,403 the hospital was required to call social services. 2346 01:36:43,405 --> 01:36:46,372 But Helen didn't want to put you into that system 2347 01:36:46,374 --> 01:36:47,741 and maybe get split up. 2348 01:36:47,743 --> 01:36:51,614 She loved you from the moment she saw you. 2349 01:36:52,948 --> 01:36:56,081 So, I started the process of adoption. 2350 01:36:56,083 --> 01:36:58,117 Despite my objections. 2351 01:36:58,119 --> 01:36:59,987 See, as much as I loved Helen, 2352 01:36:59,989 --> 01:37:01,621 I couldn't imagine sacrificing 2353 01:37:01,623 --> 01:37:04,524 my future for two tiny strangers. You know? 2354 01:37:04,526 --> 01:37:08,528 Kids were never part of my plan. 2355 01:37:08,530 --> 01:37:10,864 I'm better with animals, I guess. 2356 01:37:10,866 --> 01:37:15,602 Helen, on the other hand, could imagine nothing else. 2357 01:37:15,604 --> 01:37:21,043 And I brought you here to Westerville to raise you. 2358 01:37:37,192 --> 01:37:39,593 What was her name? 2359 01:37:39,595 --> 01:37:41,364 Our birth mother. 2360 01:37:42,998 --> 01:37:44,599 Jenny. 2361 01:37:48,236 --> 01:37:49,638 Jenny who? 2362 01:37:50,271 --> 01:37:52,672 I don't know. 2363 01:37:52,674 --> 01:37:55,108 The reason why young girls came to us 2364 01:37:55,110 --> 01:37:58,778 was because we didn't ask questions. 2365 01:37:58,780 --> 01:38:02,748 We weren't certain that that was her real name. 2366 01:38:02,750 --> 01:38:04,619 What about our dad? 2367 01:38:06,288 --> 01:38:08,221 We never knew. 2368 01:38:08,223 --> 01:38:10,956 She wouldn't talk about it. 2369 01:38:10,958 --> 01:38:16,198 She just wanted to start a new life for the three of you. 2370 01:38:38,454 --> 01:38:40,756 I need to get some air. 2371 01:38:46,528 --> 01:38:48,597 - I'll talk to him. - Yeah. 2372 01:38:56,137 --> 01:38:57,372 Hey. 2373 01:38:58,207 --> 01:38:59,508 Talk to me. 2374 01:39:01,208 --> 01:39:03,943 What's going through your head? 2375 01:39:03,945 --> 01:39:06,912 Biological mother dies at childbirth? 2376 01:39:06,914 --> 01:39:09,215 Which I guess is another way of saying we killed her. 2377 01:39:09,217 --> 01:39:10,716 No. 2378 01:39:10,718 --> 01:39:12,185 At a certain point, I just gotta say, you're right. 2379 01:39:12,187 --> 01:39:13,921 The universe is an asshole. 2380 01:39:13,923 --> 01:39:16,255 I think we're a couple of born losers 2381 01:39:16,257 --> 01:39:19,492 fulfilling our born loser identity. 2382 01:39:19,494 --> 01:39:22,562 I mean, you don't think that's an asshole move? 2383 01:39:22,564 --> 01:39:24,901 Fuck the universe! 2384 01:39:25,833 --> 01:39:27,067 What do you call that? 2385 01:39:27,069 --> 01:39:30,136 I'll grant you, the universe is a little wily, 2386 01:39:30,138 --> 01:39:32,672 a little unpredictable. 2387 01:39:32,674 --> 01:39:34,774 But it's pretty fucking amazing 2388 01:39:34,776 --> 01:39:38,381 when you consider it also gave us Mom. 2389 01:39:39,815 --> 01:39:44,553 And Mom gave up everything for us. 2390 01:39:45,721 --> 01:39:48,755 Where would we be right now without Mom? 2391 01:39:48,757 --> 01:39:52,358 And I hate to even contemplate this. 2392 01:39:52,360 --> 01:39:55,665 We might be running around out there, 2393 01:39:57,232 --> 01:40:01,937 not even aware that each other exists. 2394 01:40:06,307 --> 01:40:07,873 We're not losers. 2395 01:40:07,875 --> 01:40:11,077 We're survivors. Okay? 2396 01:40:11,079 --> 01:40:13,749 And that's because of Mom. 2397 01:40:15,383 --> 01:40:16,882 And because of Mom, 2398 01:40:16,884 --> 01:40:19,989 we can survive anything the universe throws at us. 2399 01:40:22,158 --> 01:40:23,625 I like that. 2400 01:40:24,392 --> 01:40:26,660 All right. Good. 2401 01:40:26,662 --> 01:40:28,297 Survivors. 2402 01:40:29,365 --> 01:40:30,730 That's good. 2403 01:40:30,732 --> 01:40:34,902 But the universe is on probation with me, Pete. 2404 01:40:34,904 --> 01:40:36,606 Fair enough. 2405 01:40:45,914 --> 01:40:49,916 I should've told you as soon as you could understand, 2406 01:40:49,918 --> 01:40:52,885 but I didn't, 2407 01:40:52,887 --> 01:40:57,056 and it just got harder and harder. 2408 01:40:57,058 --> 01:40:58,828 I was so afraid. 2409 01:40:59,293 --> 01:41:00,562 Of what? 2410 01:41:01,363 --> 01:41:03,598 Of hurting you. 2411 01:41:05,801 --> 01:41:07,303 Losing you. 2412 01:41:11,006 --> 01:41:13,872 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 2413 01:41:13,874 --> 01:41:14,944 No. 2414 01:41:29,423 --> 01:41:30,692 So... 2415 01:41:32,694 --> 01:41:34,394 I got hit by a train. 2416 01:41:34,396 --> 01:41:37,066 You got hit by a train. 2417 01:41:40,168 --> 01:41:41,600 I'm gonna miss you. 2418 01:41:41,602 --> 01:41:43,605 I'm gonna miss you. 2419 01:41:44,839 --> 01:41:49,576 Well, you get after that fantastic girl of yours 2420 01:41:49,578 --> 01:41:51,345 and give her Honi for me. 2421 01:41:51,347 --> 01:41:53,147 Fuck that! I'm gonna give you a Honi. 2422 01:41:53,149 --> 01:41:54,514 I don't need a Honi. I'm good. 2423 01:41:54,516 --> 01:41:55,448 You do need a Honi. We all need Honis. 2424 01:41:55,450 --> 01:41:57,084 - Hey... - Peter. 2425 01:41:57,086 --> 01:41:59,353 - I'm giving you a Honi. - All right. 2426 01:41:59,355 --> 01:42:01,057 You know what they say, 2427 01:42:01,990 --> 01:42:03,355 a Honi a day... 2428 01:42:30,918 --> 01:42:32,185 Blue, 32! 2429 01:42:32,187 --> 01:42:33,756 Hut! Hut! 2430 01:42:35,024 --> 01:42:36,124 In the end zone. 2431 01:42:37,558 --> 01:42:40,059 Yeah! It's a catch! 2432 01:42:40,061 --> 01:42:41,094 Great throw, Dad. 2433 01:42:41,096 --> 01:42:43,063 Damn, you could've been in the NFL. 2434 01:42:43,065 --> 01:42:44,997 - Eh. Probably. - Hey, you ready for this? 2435 01:42:44,999 --> 01:42:47,369 Probably could've been. Yeah. Hit me. Hit me. 2436 01:42:50,905 --> 01:42:52,572 Oh, shit! 2437 01:42:52,574 --> 01:42:54,474 Boom! You like that? 2438 01:42:54,476 --> 01:42:56,579 Oh, my God. Nice hit. 2439 01:42:57,745 --> 01:42:59,114 Come here, you. 2440 01:43:00,615 --> 01:43:02,215 Oh, gross, guys. 2441 01:43:02,217 --> 01:43:03,718 Come on. Really? 2442 01:43:07,321 --> 01:43:09,422 Life is such a crazy ride. 2443 01:43:09,424 --> 01:43:13,225 One minute you're on this epic quest with your brother. 2444 01:43:13,227 --> 01:43:16,696 The next minute you're getting replaced by a monkey, 2445 01:43:16,698 --> 01:43:17,864 about to lose it all. 2446 01:43:17,866 --> 01:43:19,132 And the next minute, 2447 01:43:19,134 --> 01:43:21,166 you think your brother's been killed 2448 01:43:21,168 --> 01:43:22,736 by a speeding locomotive. 2449 01:43:22,738 --> 01:43:24,537 And the next minute you think 2450 01:43:24,539 --> 01:43:27,107 your brother's having sex with his sister. 2451 01:43:27,109 --> 01:43:29,343 But the next minute you're very happy 2452 01:43:29,345 --> 01:43:31,243 to find out that she can't be your sister 2453 01:43:31,245 --> 01:43:34,581 because her father didn't believe in premarital sex. 2454 01:43:34,583 --> 01:43:35,881 I'm not sure they're quite ready 2455 01:43:35,883 --> 01:43:37,783 to hear about all your adventures. 2456 01:43:37,785 --> 01:43:39,285 You're gonna have to educate those girls 2457 01:43:39,287 --> 01:43:40,653 about premarital sex 2458 01:43:40,655 --> 01:43:42,922 because we come from a long line of people 2459 01:43:42,924 --> 01:43:45,157 with a zest for love making. 2460 01:43:45,159 --> 01:43:47,327 Never hold back on love. 2461 01:43:47,329 --> 01:43:49,129 You hear that? Never. 2462 01:43:49,131 --> 01:43:51,297 But let's not get distracted. Now, where were we? 2463 01:43:51,299 --> 01:43:54,867 Yes, one minute, Dad's getting replaced by a monkey... 2464 01:43:54,869 --> 01:43:56,769 Yeah, but the next minute, 2465 01:43:56,771 --> 01:43:58,871 you're inventing an app with your brother 2466 01:43:58,873 --> 01:44:02,675 that sends people optimistic messages from the universe. 2467 01:44:02,677 --> 01:44:05,245 And then the next minute, you're making $3.99 2468 01:44:05,247 --> 01:44:08,148 - every time it's downloaded. - Every single time. 2469 01:44:08,150 --> 01:44:09,215 And the next minute, 2470 01:44:09,217 --> 01:44:10,750 it's been downloaded a million times. 2471 01:44:10,752 --> 01:44:12,521 A million times. 2472 01:44:14,522 --> 01:44:17,357 Hi, it's me. The Universe. 2473 01:44:17,359 --> 01:44:20,559 Remember, life is not a race. 2474 01:44:20,561 --> 01:44:22,996 It's the journey that counts. 2475 01:44:22,998 --> 01:44:24,098 Okay? 2476 01:44:24,699 --> 01:44:26,034 I love you. 2477 01:44:27,903 --> 01:44:30,606 By the way, the Illuminati is real. 2478 01:44:32,206 --> 01:44:37,206 Subtitles by explosiveskull Resync by GoldenBeard 169542